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The Shawshank Redemption
- The Shawshank Redemption (aka Prison Break)
- "Travel back to a time when the prison system locked up innocent men for life, subjected them to physical and sexual abuse, and was more interested in profit than rehabilitation. Wait, how's that different from now? Oh, white—I mean right."
- Starring: #DufresneThePolice (Andy Dufresne), Morgan Not Freeman (Ellis "Red" Redding), Norton Futilities (Warden Samuel Norton), Hillbilly Felony (Heywood), "Put Your Hand On That Wall!" (Capt. Byron Hadley), Arthur Conzarelli (Tommy Williams), Brooks & Done (Brooks Hatlen), and After the COVID Restrictions Get Lifted (Red being paroled from Shawshank, as well as Andy's Redemption in the Rain)
Wonder Woman 1984
- Wonder Woman 1984 (aka CNP: Cheetahs Never Prosper)
- Cobra Kai (aka Breaking Board)
- The first thing the trailer calls the series out on? That it made the huge mistake of launching on YouTube Red. And this streaming service is compared to the others that have already shut down, with one being Screen Junkies Plus.
- "Return to the Atlanta area of the San Fernando Valley, and follow a washed-up guy who's out to prove that there's more to him than one thing he did in the 80's: William Zabka— Uh, I mean, Johnny Lawrence. It turns out he got crane-kicked so hard, his entire life collapsed, ultimately turning him into a boozehound with a two-word vocabulary...(montage of Johnny using the words "badass" and "p*ssy") ...who's so stuck in the past, you'll start to wonder if that kick actually put him into a waking coma."
- Daniel LaRusso doesn't practice karate anymore, but he still keeps his fondness for Japanese culture.Narrator: This guy definitely has a waifu pillow.
- "When Cobra Kai rises again, [Daniel] will defend his version of the martial art: a boring hybrid of chores and therapy that only works by accident once you've tricked a teenager into jacking it for you. Mr. Miyagi would be so proud...if you just stopped talking about him for once in your adult life! (cue montage of Daniel referencing Mr. Miyagi) Please stop talking about the old man you were best friends with in high school."
- "But this show isn't just about old karate kids; it's also about the next karate kids. (shows Julie Pierce in The Next Karate Kid) Sorry, the next next karate kids. (shows Dre Parker in The Karate Kid (2010)) No, and that was kung-fu. Stupid movie..."
- The narrator's descriptions of Johnny's and Daniel's respective sons. Robby Keene is "the son that Johnny gave up on because he could never shut his mouth, literally," while Anthony LaRusso is "the son that Danny clearly gave up on, because even though he lives with him, he could not give less of a sh*t about this little a-hole."Narrator: Yeah, you know, I'd adopt my rival's son to spend less time around this kid, too; sometimes, you just have a dud in your hands.
- "So when he meets some nerds who are getting bullied by the popular kids, Johnny bullies the nerds into learning karate, so the nerds can use karate to bully the popular kids, who go on to learn karate from the sensei who bullied Johnny to bully the nerds-turned-popular-bullies, who bullied Johnny into learning karate in the first place, until Johnny's karate is strong enough to bully him back. Did I get that right? It's like a vicious circle shaped like the drum in Karate Kid II, which means bullying... is part of balance, because you can't have balance without-"Johnny: QUIET!
Narrator: (frightened) Yes, sensei!
- Starring: Cobra Commander (Johnny Lawrence), Macchio, Macchio Man (Daniel LaRusso), Marvel, Cast this Boy [Xolo Maridueña] as Nova Immediately (Miguel Diaz), Living in a van down by the River! (John Kreese), Don't talk to me or my dumb son ever again (Robby Keene), Richard Jewell (Raymond), This Cameo Brought to You By Seattle's best Hawaiian restaurant, Kona Kitchennote (Chozen), Let them fight (Kumiko, Amanda LaRusso, Ali) Insider Valley References (People mentioning street names and neighborhoods around the San Fernando Valley), Easter Eggsnote , Deep Cut Easter Eggs, Holy Crap You Nerds Who Would Even Notice these were Easter Eggsnote , Reasonable Solutions To End All This Karate Madness ("Like calling the police?"), And Take. Off. Your. Shoes! (shots of characters wearing shoes in the dojo scenes) "Sorry, just had to get that off my chest."
- Street Fighter (aka Chortle Kombat)
- Starring... Atomic Blonde (Guile), Are We the Baddies? (Bison), The Guy Capcom Picked to Play Ryu But His English Was So Bad They Recast Him As A Random Soldier They Keep Cutting To For No Reason (Sawada) If It Bleeds, It Chun Li-des (Chun-Li), Hadookie! (Ryu) Dave Coulier? (Ken), I Can't Get You Out of My Headcanon (Cammy), Look, He's Indian, Close Enough (Dhalsim), References to Better Movies (E. Honda and Zangief fighting each other over Bison's Shadaloo model with Godzilla roars spliced in, Guile calling out Bison to come out from behind the curtain, a radio DJ calling out Good morning, Shadaloo), Tender Greens (Blanka) The Braid: Redemption (Dee Jay), Vega Genesis (Vega), Senior Uppercut! (Sagat), Colossus (Zangief), and Jean-Claude Van Damme's Famous Splits (Static shown saying "Footage Not Found" which makes the Narrator say "Seriously? What a rip-off!" before playing JCVD's scene of it from Time Cop instead.)
- "From the guy who wrote some of your favorite action movies, and the company who made some of your favorite video games calls what movie execs call "synergy," audiences call "garbage," and true cinephiles call "an unintentional comedy masterpiece." The narrator starts Corpsing after Guile says he's gonna kick Bison's ass.
- "Meet Colonel Guile, an American hit in the head so many times he went full Belgian.
The Mandalorian Season 2
- The Mandalorian Season 2 (aka The Masked Slinger)
- A remark about Din and Grogu bonding over "their shared love of murder" leads to a montage of Din killing various aliens with clips of Grogu chomping baby spiders, strangling Stormtroopers, and swallowing frog eggs (the last one accompanied by a futile Rapid-Fire "No!" from an offscreen Din) spliced in.
- Starring... Daft Hunk (Din Djarin, aka the Mandalorian), My Buddy, My Buddy (Grogu, aka Baby Yoda) Ranger of the New Republicans (Cara Dune), Dawson's Geek (Ahsoka Tano), Princess Slaya (Bo-Katan Kryze), Agents of S.H.A.N.D. (Fennec Shand), Lone Wolf with Club (Boba Fett), Moff Diver (Moff Gideon), Daaarkness, No Parents (The Dark Troopers) Red Sox Leader Standing By (Migs Mayfeld), Goo (Scenes of goo from Grogu eating it, food coming out of a tube, acid breath from the krayt dragon reducing tuskens to goo and Grogu throwing up), Stormtroopers Giving Themselves Away (Scenes of Stormtroopers loudly giving out orders, allowing Din and anyone else he's with to take cover), Beskar (Scenes of people talking about the value of beskar steel), Unreasonably Convenient Maps and Blueprints (Scenes of the groups looking over holomaps), If Your '98 Civic Hatchback Was a Spaceship (The abuse the Razor Crest takes throughout the season going from Cool Ship to The Alleged Car before finally being destroyed), My Deepfake Kills All the Droids Standing Guard (Luke Skywalker utterly obliterating all the Dark Troopers)
Romeo + Juliet
- William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet (aka It's Lit!)
- In Shakespearean tradition, the entire trailer is delivered in Iambic Pentamater.
- “Romeo is the patron saint of simps”
Lilo & Stitch
- Lilo & Stitch (aka Galaxy Pest)
- Starring: Fight Cub (Lilo attacking Mertle), MAUL-E (Stitch), Never Skipped Leg Day (Nani), Dexter Jettster's Laboratory (Jumba), Pleakly Fly-Day (Pleakly covered in mosquitos), Ving Rhames as Himself (Cobra Bubbles), Hunk of Burning Love (David), and is Captain Gantu hot, or have we been in lockdown for way too long?
- In The Stinger, Epic Voice Guy notes that the pet ownership document Lilo shows to the Grand Councilwoman is null because the text is actually a thank-you message to the animators."Take him away, boys!"
The Simpsons Movie
- The Simpsons Movie (aka Infinite Seasons and a Movie)
- "Leaving us plenty of time for The Simpsons to poke fun at - Alaska...? Ooookay?"
- Starring: American King of the Family Guy (Homer), *Marge Simpson Noises Intensify* (Marge), Small Fry (Bart), Gal Gore (Lisa), Simp Son (Milhouse), She's Mute, She's Cute, She Scoots Through Chutes (Maggie), The Prophet Abraham (Grampa), Plucky Charms (Colin), Spider Pig Will Return in Spider-Man 3 (Plopper/Spider Pig), Jank Scorpio (Russ Cargill), and Fandom (Comic Book Guy)
Coming to America
- Coming to America (aka The Prince's Bride)
- Showing the surprising similarities between Wakanda and Zamunda.
- "... experience James Earl Jones, as you love to see him most: being someone's dad." (shows James Earl Jones as Darth Vader and Mufasa)
- Epic Voice Guy points out that the movie is a treasure trove of Retroactive Recognition, with Samuel L. Jackson, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Paula Abdul among the highlights. "If Eddie and Arsenio played fewer parts, we could've had Don Cheadle in our lives a whole decade sooner." (shows Don Cheadle as Captain Planet in the Funny or Die parody)
Kung Fu Panda
- Kung Fu Panda (aka School of Wok)
- Starring: Tenacious Chi (Po), Less Cute Than an Actual Red Panda (Master Shifu), Send Noods (Mr. Ping), Crouching Tiger, Hack the Planet (Master Tigress), Monken Master (Master Monkey), Animal David Crossing (Master Crane), Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (Master Viper), (Seth Rogen Laugh) (Master Mantis), Ian McGains (Tai Lung) and Turtle Soup for the Soul (Master Oogway)
- "Okay, why is everyone who's not a kung fu master a pig, a goose or a rabbit? Did the animators start hitting copy-paste?
- WandaVision (aka Hex and the City)
- The trailer takes a jab at viewers that like to overanalyze any Marvel work, and come up with fan theories based on even the tiniest "evidence".
- "So if you've been feeling sad and hopeless lately, and just want to mentally check out and fill all the voids in your life with garbage TV, catch the story of a superhero who does... pretty much exactly that. And at the end of the day, after all the trauma, follow her to the place all Marvel characters go once their arcs are done: some lonely-ass cabin in the woods."
- Starring: I'm a Witch, I'm a Mother, An Avenger, Had a Brother (Wanda), Wanda's Nose Scrunch, Weekend at Bettany's (Vision), What White Nonsense is This? (White Vision), Agatha Crispy (Agatha Harkness), A Spectrum Representative will Arrive Anytime Between the Hours of 1 and 9 PM (Monica Rambeau), Hehe, Boner (Ralph Bohner), Save the Kat (Darcy), Woo's Clues (Jimmy Woo), Wrecking Ralph (All the times Agatha mentioned Ralph Bohner), Hayward Jablowme (Tyler Hayward), Wanda's Twin Powers...Activate! (Billy and Tommy), Going Through Hex (Every time someone enters or exits the Hex), and What is This Show, if Not Joy Disappearing? (All the show's sad moments).
Raya and The Last Dragon
- Raya and the Last Dragon (aka The Life Aquatic with Team Sisu)
- The trailer opens with a perfect reenactment of the opening to Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Zack Snyder's Justice League
- Zack Snyder's Justice League (aka Justice League: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
- The Narrator describing Aquaman as someone who "doesn't want to live under the sea, but doesn't want to be where the people are either because the surface world is full of horny Bjorks." (cut to the Icelandic singers and the villager who sniffs Aquaman's sweater)
- The Narrator pointing out that if Victor Stone was a good enough player to allow Gotham U to score a win against a Big 10 school like the University of Wisconson, then not only would Gotham U likely overlook Vic hacking into the school computers and altering his friend's grades, but Bruce Wayne probably also bought him an Escalade.
- When Lois puts a shirt on Clark, the Narrator (who had just indulged in showing a montage of the movie's Shirtless Scenes) yells, "Boo, that woman!"
- Starring: Daddy Warbats (Batman), Wonder Woman, Restorer of Ancient Art and Antiquities (who then proceeds to blow up a good portion of the museum after clashing the Bracers of Binding) Nevermind (Wonder Woman), It's Not a Phase Mom, This Is Who I Am (Superman), Every Heist Team Needs an IT Guy (Cyborg), Debbie Drowner (Aquaman), Quipsilver (The Flash), Mr. Tea (Alfred giving Diana very precise instructions on how to make tea), Big City Elegy (Lois Lane), Put The Spikes Back On! (Steppenwolf). Is This Movie Rushing or Dragging? It's Dragging (Commissioner Gordon), Maybe This Guy Should Stop Working with Robots (Dr. Silas Stone with a split-screen of Miles Dyson from Terminator 2), The Bore is Lava, "I'm Made of Rocks as you can see. But don't let that intimidate you." (Darkseid), Martha Manhunter (Martian Manhunter as Martha Kent), The Living Joke (Joker), Mera's Accent? (Mera's accent changing between movies), and Yo Momma's Box is so smelly, Steppenwolf can track it halfway across the globe. (Steppenwolf saying an Atlantean has been near a Motherbox because of its scent before throwing him aside)
Godzilla vs Kong
- Godzilla vs. Kong (aka Alike Titan's Punch-Out)
- Starring: I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again (Kong), Reptile Wins (Godzilla), Just make out already, you're perfect for each other! (Godzilla and Kong roaring at each other), On today's show we're gonna reveal the horrible truth, but first I'd like to tell you about Squarespace... (Bernie), Billionaires Shouldn't Exist (Walter Simmons), Mecha Lecha Hi, Mecha Hidey Ho (Mechagodzilla), The Chris Hemsworth of the Brothers Skarsgaard (Nathan Lind), Let Them Fi... (Ren Serizawa), Pre-Teen Titans (Jia), and... Physics? (Kong jumping onto an aircraft carrier without utterly sinking it)
- The narrator suggests the movie was very popular in China since the latter part of the film has Godzilla, Kong, and Mechagodzilla destroying Hong Kong.
- The Trial of the Chicago 7 (aka Chicken Soup for the Liberal Soul)
- Judas and the Black Messiah (aka At Least Nominate Delroy Lindo You Cowards)
- Mank (aka Crank Mankers)
- Sound of Metal (aka Deaf Jam)
- Nomadland (aka Bucket Pissed)
- Promising Young Woman (aka Don't Kill Bill for Some Reason)
- Minari (aka VeggieTales)
- The Father (aka The Downer)
- Starring...all the things you actually decided to watch this year: Live Action Cartoons (Godzilla vs. Kong and Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)), Live Action Cartoons We Took Way Too Seriously (WandaVision and Zack Snyder's Justice League), All the New Netflix Shows (The Circle US, The Queen's Gambit, Tiger King), All of the Old Netflix Shows (Chappelle's Show, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Cobra Kai), All of Netflix Until All That's Left is Cooking and Real Estate Shows (Exactly What It Says on the Tin) OK Fine Those Too..., Lighting $60 on Fire, Your Cat, And the wall you glare at during your neighbor's loud parties when you know they aren't social distancing because that's a studio apartment, and I would love to have company too, but some of us are being responsible and I haven't felt the warm touch of another human being in months because of this wasted year that's flashing before my eyes... Brad!
Reefer Madness & The Big Lebowski
- To celebrate 4/20 (for non-American viewers, it's a day celebrating smoking marijuana on the 20th of April), Epic Voice Guy gets high and munches on chips throughout.
- "Follow along with Bill, a loser who's hopeless with girls, and bullied by children... who develops a condition where he can't stop laughing...until he finally snaps and shoots somebody. So it's like the exact same plot as Joker."
- About the whole piano section, the Narrator says that in the 30s, this was basically "WAP".
- Reefer Madness gets abandoned halfway through and the rest is on The Big Lebowski, also he asks where did he leave Benedict Cumberbong.
- The Big Lebowski (aka High Crimes and Bliss Demeanors)
- Starring... The Fabulous Baked Boy (Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski), Forrest Grump (Walter Sobchak), Shut the F*ck Up, Donny! (Donny Kerabatsos), A one, a twohoo, a three (Jesus Quintana), Pumpkin Spice Hoffman (Brandt), They Called Me By Your Name (Jeff "The Big" Lebowski), Urbane Cowboy (The Stranger), Ares, God of War, But Wait, there's Julianne Moore (Maude Lebowski), Oh hey, it's Aimee Mann (One of the Nihilist's girlfriend), and Anthony Kiedis Noises (The Nihilist played by Flea).
John Wick 2 & 3: Parabellum
- John Wick: Chapter 2 & John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (aka John Wick Chapter 2 & John Wick Chapter 3: Loren Ipsum)
- "Before you see John Wick with extremely sad dad energy, revisit the sequels about a man with Karen hair killing anyone who gets between him and a manager."John: "I seek a meeting with the One who Sits Above the Table."
"John Wick 2 and John Wick 3: Parabellum. Huh. One of these titles is not like the others."
- Starring... The Wick-er Man (John Wick), Never Sneak Up on a Man Who's Been in a Chemical Fire (Winston), Ruby Rose. Oh, we're using our porn names? Then I Am Dak Slamhammer (Ares), Poorpheus (The Bowery King), I Used to Love H.I.M. (Cassian), Sir-Y (Charon), National Basketball Assassination (John getting his head slammed around in a library), Dogwoman (Sofia), Allez Cuisine! (Zero)
- And also starring Headshots like, and all to the Toreador March... The Regretful Headshot (John shooting Gianna in the hot tub), the "Almost Forgot" (John spins back behind him to shoot someone), The Spinning Headshot (John spins out of a mook's grip before shooting a mook twice, knocks the other one down and finishes him off), Behind-the-Back (John giving Offhand Backhand headshots while in the dark), The Halle Berry (Sofia pins a mook down and double taps him before siccing her dog on another goon), The "Come On In" (John kills a mook who doesn't check his corners), The Intimate Standing Headshot (John kills two mooks in quick succession), The K-9er (Sofia's dog is holding a mook down and John executes him), The "Put Him Out of His Misery" (John turns back to kill the sumo assassin), Underwater Headshot (John kills a mook underwater), The "Now You See Me" (John hides behind one side of a statue, then appears behind the other to kill a mook), The Grab-And-Go Headshot (John grabs a mook and shoots him) The John Wickipedia (John killing someone with a book), The Throat Slash plus Headshot Combo Platter (John stabs a mook and then shoots him), the Dazed & Confused (A mook wakes up to see Sofia killing him) the Aim-Anywhere-Near-the-Headshot (John shooting more people), The Mercy Kill Headshot (Sofia's dog is biting a mook's nuts until she kills him), The Chin Shot (John shoots a mook up through his chin), The Wild West (John kills a mook with an old revolver), The Lift the Lid (John shoots at an armored mook until he gets up close and finishes him off), The Blatant Overkill (John unloading several rounds onto a guy who's already dead) The Exploder (John killing mooks with a shotgun), The Exploder, Chunky Style (John's shotgun turning mook heads into Your Head Asplode) and "Who Even Needs A Gun" Headshot (John killing mooks by having a horse kick someone in the head, and another by throwing an axe in their head).
- "Before you see John Wick with extremely sad dad energy, revisit the sequels about a man with Karen hair killing anyone who gets between him and a manager."
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
- The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (aka Sky Captain and the Shield of Tomorrow)
- Noting how Sam's big Patrick Stewart Speech actually working is the "least realistic thing in the MCU", and that's saying something when this is the same universe with The Grandmaster.
- "Return to the military espionage side of the MCU, where the morals are as gray as the visuals, full of shady characters like: Zemo, a fancy dancer who talks about the black experience one too many times for someone who blew up the king of Wakanda; Sharon Carter, who's grown bitter and resentful since the man she stalked for a living went back in time to bang her great-aunt; and John Walker, the heir apparent... to the Kool-Aid Guy. (montage of Walker busting through walls) "Oh yeah!" He may look the part, but this blond-haired hunk still isn't ready to take on the mantle of America's next Kurt Russell. (shows a picture of Wyatt Russell as Walker next to his father Kurt as Ego the Living Planet) Also, Julia Louis-Dreyfus pops up at the end, because everyone in Hollywood is obligated to join the MCU at this point. You're next, Costanza."George Costanza: (shaded purple and with a superimposed Infinity Gauntlet) This whole universe is against me!
- Starring: The Black Falcon Was Denied a Bank Loan (Sam Wilson); I Stan Sebastian (Bucky Barnes); Baron's Dance Grooves (Helmut Zemo); Tha Carter II (Sharon Carter); A Wolf in Veep's Clothing (Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); Goldie's Spawn (John Walker); Just When I Thought This Country Couldn't Get Any Meaner, You Go and Do Something Like This... and Totally Redeem Yourself! (Isaiah Bradley); Powerpunch Girl (Karli Morgenthau); It's Those Antifa Supersoldiers I've Been Hearing About (The Flag-Smashers); and... Sam's On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Everybody Look at Sam, Cause He's Sailing On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Take a Good Hard Look, at Sam's Sister's Parent's Boat! (montage of Sam aboard the Paul & Darlene)
Mortal Kombat (2021)
- Mortal Kombat (2021) (aka Unreal Tournament)
- Starring... Dom Seeking Sub (Scorpion), Frosty the Ronin (Sub-Zero), See My Vest! See My Vest! (Cole Young), The Girl Wants the Dragon Tattoo (Sonya Blade), The Croc Hunter (Kano ripping out Reptile's heart), "Booyah" (Jackson "Jax" Briggs), Welcome to the Scorch (Liu Kang), Hey, at least he's not a white guy this time (Raiden), The Tsungen Place (Shang Tsung), Grim Job (Kung Lao), You've got a little something on your... No, lower... No, it's... It's everywhere... It's literally all over your face (Mileena unleashing her Game Face), Four Loco (Goro), Clever Girl... (Reptile) and... Any excuse to play clips from Kung Pow! Enter the Fist [clips of the movies play one by one]
- The narrator asking where are all his favorite characters... Spawn, Predator, Robocop, Schwarzenegger? Now that's a sequel worth paying for, followed by a clip of The Joker fighting Baraka in the Killer Croc skin.
- Money Plane (aka Stakes on a Plane)
- Midway through we get a crossover with Screen Rant Pitch Meetings that ends with the Producer even wondering how the Screenwriter got in his office.
The DC Extended Universe (DCEU) (400th Episode!)
- The DC Extended Universe (aka Crisis for Infinite Dorks)
- Starring: MacGuffins (The various ones throughout the franchise), Amazing Actors Given Nothing to Do (Various actors cast as characters who are Advertised Extras), Dumb Voiceover (Characters narrating their own movies), Bad Wigs (Showing the various wigs that actors have used), The One Human Being Keeping These Heroes from Becoming Complete Psychopaths (People like Lois Lane, Alfred Pennyworth, Steve Trevor), The Director of Wonder Woman...'s Feud with Warner Bros, The Director of Birds of Prey...'s Feud with Warner Bros, The Director of Suicide Squad...'s feud with Warner Bros, The Director of Aquaman's...pretty chill with Warner Bros actually, and The Director of Three DCEU Films...'s Feud with Warner Bros. (The narrator senses a pattern and then says they should let Warner Bros take over and everything can be like Space Jam 2.
- "After Superman Lives died, Batman V Superman: Asylum got locked away, and J.J Abrams Superman: Flyby crashed down to Earth, [...] Warner Bros. just kind of snapped and said, 'ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? F*CK IT! YOU WANT TO LAUNCH A UNIVERSE?! HOW'S THIS?! SUPERMAN DOESN'T WANT TO SAVE PEOPLE, BATMAN'S A MURDERER, WONDER WOMAN'S AN INCEL, AND HARLEY QUINN TAKES THREE MOVIES TO BREAK UP WITH JOKER WHO LOOKS LIKE MY COKE DEALER! 'YOU ALL HAPPY NOW, YOU MOTHERF*CKERS?! YOU'RE ALL FIRED! I HATE MY JOB! I'M GONNA MAKE SPONGEBOB SPINOFFS FOR PARAMOUNT+! F*CK! *sniffing sounds* OHHH!'"
- "So many of these movies have a scene where the hero is learning to fly but can't quite get off the ground. What a perfect metaphor."
- The Marvel Cinematic Universe is compared to a boring but reliable B-student, while DC is described as a chaotic goth nerd who never lived up to his full potential.
Army of the Dead
- Army of the Dead (aka World War Zzzzz)
- He notes that a proper heist needs a good crew, and in this case there's several damaged badasses, a couple of fun-loving badasses, the obvious traitor, and the comic relief in Chr- TIG NOTARO
- Invincible (2021) (aka Splotchmen)
- Starring... Yeun Justice (Mark "Invincible" Grayson), Get Me Pictures of Omni-Man! Wait, I'll Do It. (Nolan "Omni-Man" Grayson), How I Pet Your Mother (Debbie Grayson), "I Wish That I Had Joker's Girl..." (Amber Bennett) Nick Calm (Cecil Steadman), The Pink Ranger (Samantha "Atom Eve" Wilkins), Ultron (Robot), Jason Mantzoukas As Himself (Rex Splode) and Subway: Eat Fresh (Mark being slammed through an oncoming train and everyone in it)
- Cruella (aka How Estella Got Her Cruel Back)
- The trailer opens with a Long List of "Villain Redemption Prequels" that have been made since 1999.
- Starring... The Gown Princess of Crime (Cruella), Peaky Blunders (Horace and Jasper), Saving Mrs. Spanx (The Baroness), Iggy Stop (Archie), Kirby's Epic Yarn (Anita Darling) and Mark Strongest as a Side Character (John the Valet).
The Fast and the Furious
- The Fast and the Furious (2001) (aka Car Wars: The Rise of Paulwalker)
- The Narrator expresses surprise when he realizes they actually haven't done the first movie.
- Luca (aka Chum & Chummer)
- The trailer notes how Luca seems to break several common "movie rules". Like Massimo having one arm but no tragic backstory behind it ("I was born into this world like this"), an Italian entrepeneur that isn't the mafia, and a bully that has no Freudian Excuse for doing what he does. It makes the Narrator beg Disney for a prequel in which Massimo loses his arm to a sea monster that also kills Ercole's parents.
- Considering how important Vespas are for the plot, the Narrator wonders if Pixar owns Vespa stock.
- Starring: Hook, Whine & Sinker (Luca), Pier Pressure (Alberto), Manic Pasta Dream Girl (Giulia), Bullysimo (Ercole), Maya Rudolph, Professional Cartoon Mom (Daniela), Fish dont'even like fish, that's why they're always frowning. They're like "What's that smell?". "Oh, it's me. I'm a fish." (Lorenzo), and Borat: Subsequent Movie Fish (Uncle Ugo).
Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba: Mugen Train
- Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba: Mugen Train (aka Demon the Tank Engine's Big Adventure)
- Starring: Rash Ketchum (Tanjiro), Aang-xiety (Zenitsu), Charlotte's Weeb (Inosuke), What's in the Booox?! (Nezuko), Lion-O (Rengoku) and Hee-hee! (Enmu).
- Ted Lasso (aka Cornballers)
- "Meet Ted. He's what happens when a Golden Retriever humps a motivational poster until Ned Flanders pops out."
- "And he's up against the only force powerful enough to counter that much optimism: British people."
- Starring: The Snugly American (Ted Lasso), The Beautiful Shame! Shame! Shame! (Rebecca Welton); Coach Beard... That's It. That's His Actual Name (Coach Beard); The Waterboy (Nathan "Nate the Great" Shelley); Tosh Spice (Keeley Jones); Assistant to the Regional Owner (Leslie Higgins); Hairy Styles (Roy Kent); David Bellend (Jamie Tartt); Lean Street Hooligans (The Pub Regulars); Making a Good Point (montage of characters pointing); and When Someone Walks Into the Room and You're Totally Not Watching Porn (montage of Rebecca instinctively closing her laptop whenever someone walks into her office).
- Black Widow (2021) (aka In Soviet Russia, M C's U)
- "[Natasha]'s got nothing but her wits and flips to protect her in a dangerous world of super-spies, although at some point, she entered the cheat code that turns off environmental damage."
- "Journey to Russia, where everyone speaks with their best...uh, let's call it "Sokovian" accent, or just doesn't even try — unless you're actually from Eastern Europe, in which case, you are mute — and meet the surrogate family who raised Black Widow back in her 90's Ghost World phase. There's Red Guardian, David Harbour's latest attempt to hide in a Siberian prison until everyone forgets about the Hellboy remake; Melina, a monster war criminal who tortures pigs and played a willing active role in kidnapping little girls and brainwashing them into fembots, but she regrets it, so... no harm, no foul, Mama! And Yelena, the mischievous little braided-hair sister from Little Women who's now the mischievous little braided-hair sister who's murdered untold hundreds of people."
- "[Dreykov]'s infiltrated the halls of power with a Sister Soldierhood of mind-controlled assassins, and doing his evil bidding is the Taskmaster, a martial artist with the ability to mimic any hero's moves, but none of their personality or charisma, because now that Marvel has themselves a Deadpool, someone had to become the Deadpool from Wolverine: Origins."
- Starring: Sister, Traitor, Soldier, Spy (Natasha Romanoff); Florence and the Regime (Yelena Belova); Super-Borat (Red Guardian); The Manservant's Tale (Rick Mason); Ohh A Weisz Spy, Huh? Whoowoowoowoowoowoop! (Melina Vostokoff); Babe: Pig in the Study (Alexei the pig); Oi Bruv, They Col Me Dreykov Innit? (Dreykov); The Hurt Stalker (Thaddeus Ross); The Wint-Her Sold-Her (Antonia Dreykov / Taskmaster); Mini Jovovich (Young Natasha Romanoff); Benes the Menace (Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); and The Most Brutal Murder in Black Widow's History (Natasha putting Mason in the friendzone with a single sentence: "You've always been a really good friend to me").
- "Wow, I wonder which full-grown adult managed to lose at tic-tac-toe? Hawkeye. Definitely Hawkeye."
Space Jam: A New Legacy
- Space Jam: A New Legacy (aka It's Not TV, It's an Ad for HBO)
Narrator: Good thing they cut Pepe Le Pew out of this movie. Whew, that would have been problematic.
- The trailer starts with showing how much advertising is in the movie, as he tries to "Skip Ad" every time one shows up.
- Noting how the plot is a beat for beat copy of Hook.
- Bringing up how the Looney Tunes are pushed aside to feature all the other IP Warner Bros owns. Like the hit show that got ruined by its last two seasons, the hit film that got ruined by its last two sequels, and the hit franchise that's being ruined by JK Rowling's last two brain cells.
- Starring: Cleveland Steamer (LeBron James), Say Doc Again, I Dare You (every moment Bugs Bunny says "Doc"), Big Chungus, that's Big Chungus! (Bugs briefly turning into Big Chungus), Personal Fowl (Daffy Duck), Nice try movie, but I'm also horny for solid basketball fundamentals (Lola Bunny), Haminem (Porky Pig rapping), LeDubbed James (Young LeBron clearly dubbed over), This character wasn't even in the script, Don just showed up on Molly and started talking like this (Al-G Rhythm), Rapists (The Droogs), Child Murderers (Pennywise) and a woman who tortures and imprisons her disabled sister (Baby Jane Hudson)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra & Retaliation
- G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and G.I. Joe: Retaliation (aka Body Massage: Origins)
- When noticing how Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) replaced Ripcord (Marlon Wayens) as Duke's best friend, he wonders if it was all the sexual harassment in the first movie got Ripcord fired. Cue Montage of Ripcord's stalkish behavior on Scarlett.
- "So before you see Snake Eyes in thea-" (an article showing the movie bombed appears) "So before you scroll past Snake Eyes on some streaming service."
- The Narrator laments the only good thing about the G.I. Joe movies are the fight scences between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow when they were kids before happily cheering "Kid Fight!" repeatlly over those scenes.
- Starring... GI Chode (Duke), Shhhh, I'm Hunting Cobwas (Snake Eyes), Inventor of the Fidget Spinner (Storm Shadow), The Pryce is Wrong, B*** (The President), Dwayne "The Walk Away from Explosions" Johnson (Roadblock). Fight Chicks (Ripcord), Scarjoe (Scarlet), My Trooper Ex-Girlfriend (Baroness), The Quaid Redemption (General Hawk), We All Live in a High-Tech Submarine, High-Tech Submarine, High-Tech Submarine (Destro), I'm Gonna Sew Storm Shadow's A*** Shut And Just Keep Feeding Him, and Feeding Him (The Blind Master), Cobra Lalalalalalalalala Lame (Cobra Commander) Brendan Fraser for one scene? Why? (Brendan Fraser's cameo), and More Cisco than the Thong Song. (All the shots of Cisco products being used in the movies)
- Loki (2021) (aka Chrono Trigger)
- "They've done heart-wrenching examinations of pain and grief, meditations on America's betrayal of Black soldiers. But now, a Marvel series is ready to take on life's biggest question: how long would it take for you to do yourself?"note
- The Narrator introduces the variant Kid Loki, who killed Thor, but mentions it was Kid Thor. And figures that would've just taken throwing a candy bar to a woodchipper and seeing what happens.
- Starring... Low Key, On God (Loki Odinson), Lok Be A Lady Tonight (Sylvie Laufeysdottir), The Setting Crashers (Mobius M. Mobius), B.F. Kangs (Judge Ravonna Renslayer), The Old Guard (Hunter B-15), He Who Rehashes (He Who Remains), Gators Will Say It's Fake (Gator Loki), Dramatic Weapon Unsheathing (Every time one of the Variants pulls out their daggers), Betrayals (Everyone backstabbing everyone), and Hair Flips (Every time Loki flips his hair)
- When noting how the showrunner, Michael Waldron, also worked on Rick and Morty, they showcase how similar the two shows are.
- "You know this never would have happened if Tony Stark had just let Hulk use the elevator. He really is responsible for every bad thing in this universe."
The Suicide Squad
- The Suicide Squad (aka Suicide Squad: We're Sorry & We Promise We Did Better This Time)
- Starring... Well Well Well If It Isn't Rick Man, the Guy who can Flag Anything (Rick Flagg), I'm Going to become The Poker (Harley Quinn), Wiw Smiff (Bloodshot), Why are you showing a blank screen? There's nothing--ohh, I get it (Peacekeeper), Rocky Shark, Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (King Shark), Ratatoushe (Ratcatcher 2), Color Me Badd (Polka-Dot Man), The Dick of It (Dr. Gaius Graves), A Starro is Born (Starro the Conqueror), Saturday Narc Dies (Blackguard), I'm Mary Pop-- (Savant before getting his killswitch triggered), and The Ayer Cut (The hard drive containing Project Starfish)
F9: The Fast Saga
- Iron Fist (2017) (aka Stunt Double in Little China)
- Playing a "wah-wah" sound when showing the title.
- Pointing out how every fight scene with Danny is purposely shot to avoid showing his face.
- The narrator calls out the stunt team tried to make Danny's fight scenes action pack like Steven Seagal, but it was more like current Steven Seagal. Cue recent footage of Steven Seagal, whose now fat and old, failing to perform an Aikido throw on an Aikido student.
- Noting how none of the Netflix shows are canon to the overall MCU now, but at least they get to have sex, and you can pretend they're talking about "fisting". Then showing a montage of characters talking about someone's fist set to Sexophone.
- Clueless (aka Marvel's As If...?)
- Starring... Bro Rida (Cher Horowitz), A Little Dash Will Do Ya (Dionne), Donald Failson (Murray), King of the Beverly Hill (Tai), Brother from Another Mother So It's Technically Fine, Relax (Josh), Tai Beau (Travis), Guys and Dollface (Elton), Inconceivably Sexy (Mr. Hall), The American Education System (Showing Cher got an A in Geometry for "Nice Shapes"), The Only Relatable Character for Anyone Over 25 (Mel Horowitz), and Cher playing with her hair (Scenes of Cher flipping her hair)
- Dune (1984) (aka Dune Worm's My Car)
- The Narrator tries to explain the entire plot and lore of the movie before being forced to go to the title screen.
- How to tell who are the good guys and the bad guys in the movie. "Hot, thin, straight: Good. Gross, fat, gay: Bad. Ginger? Even worse!"
- Starring: Starship Coopers (Paul), Arid Leto (Leto), Kyle's Mom is a B*** (Reverend Mother Mohiam), The Spice Girls (the Bene Gesserit), Chickity Chani, the Chani's Fremen (Chani), Fremenies (the Fremen), Holy Schnikes! (Baron Harkonnen), Gurney Halo-Deck (Gurney Halleck), Idaho? No, Youdabro (Duncan Idaho); Murdered in a Speedo (Feyd-Rautha), and This is a Free Willy (a Sand Worm)
- The stinger ends with the narrator complaining Kyle MacLachlan didn't express much emotion in this movie and the actor is capable of showing more emotions like his other works. Cue Kyle in the infamous pool sex scene from Showgirls.
Star Wars: Visions
- Star Wars: Visions (aka Star Weeb: Content)
- The Duel (aka Ronin Holiday)
- Tatooine Rhapsody (aka Blink-2187)
- The Twins (aka And Evil Twiiiiins)
- The Village Bride (aka Wedding Crashers)
- Valco telling F to take her mask off gets him called an "anti-masker".
- The Ninth Jedi (aka My Saber Totoro)
- T0-B1 (aka P-No-Key-0)
- The Elder (aka Elder Abuse)
- Lop & Ochō (aka Bunny Heist)
- The Narrator points out to Ochō that using her own blood for eyeliner is a sure way to get pinkeye.
- Akakiri (aka Literally Star Wars Visions)
- Squid Game (aka The Bummer Olympics)
- "Welcome to Korean Netflix, home of zombie killers in elaborate headgear and 500,000 shows about shy teens in love. But now, catch the intense global sensation that's making Americans whose only exposure to battle royale concepts is Fortnite, and whose only exposure to Korean film is Parasite (2019). Say, I'm getting serious Parasite meets Fortnite vibes from this."
- Calling Han Mi-nyeo "Nicolas Cage reincarnated as a Korean lady".
- The Narrator refers to the orchestrators of the games and the VIPs as engaging in "pop culture's go-to indictment of capitalism": killing the poor for sport (showing the title cards for The Running Man, Survive The Game and Hard Target), or making them turn on each other for a big prize (The Hunger Games, Battle Royale and Rat Race):Narrator: Oof! I forgot about Rat Race. I would kill my best friend just to not see Smash Mouth live.
- Starring: I'm from Seoul, but I'm not a soldier (Gi-hun), Oh, that's Cho Sang-woo. He went to college at SMU for business. Smart guy., A Literal Oldboy (Il-nam), Assistant to the Regional Manager (The Front Man), Sadness Everdeen (Sae-byeok), Never Squid with Crazy (Mi-nyeo), and Sensitive thugs, ya'll need hugs (Deok-su getting a Deadly Hug from Mi-nyeo as they fall backwards through the glass bridge).
- The Stinger realizses they forgot to mention Jun-ho and wonders if they should go back and fix it, only to show his death scene and decide against it.
Every Sean Connery James Bond
- All of the mainline James Bond movies featuring Sean Connery, namely Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice and Diamonds Are Forever (aka The Spy Who F**cked Me)
- The Narrator's first line takes potshots at two other Bond films:Narrator: Now that Daniel Craig has finally earned some time to die, revisit the six canonical films of...
[Cut to scenes of Sean Connery's first Bond movies, with the Narrator's voice echoing.]
Narrator: The. Best. Damn. James...
[Cut to a scene from On Her Majesty's Secret Service, while the Narator's voice echo stops.]
Narrator: Not you!
[Cut to scenes of Sean Connery's last two Bond films in the original canon, with the voice echo returning.]
Narrator: Bond. Ever.
[Cut to a scene from Never Say Never Again, with the Narrator using his normal voice again.]
Narrator: Doesn't count!
- "But James brings a unique set of skills to the table like: being famous, (sighs) disguise ("Japanese Bond"), fighting like your drunk stepdad, and being one of the all-time greatest baccaraters...baccaratists? Baccarat guys.""Yeah, no clue what's going on here. This game might as well be Quidditch."
- "James won't bond alone. Joining him is: M, a character you could easily replace with a self destructing tape-player from Mission: Impossible; Q, the only mad scientist on Bond's side, who gives him every gadget from Chekhov's Poisoned Briefcase to Chekhov's Helicopter Briefcase; Miss Moneypenny, proof that MI6 might have an M and a Q, but it's definitely missing an 'H' and and 'R'; and whichever lucky girl James traps on his sex boat at the end of each film."
- "Set off on your typical Connery Bond adventure, that begins with a lounge singer bursting a blood vessel (BAALLLL!), before globetrotting from the bluest depths of the ocean to some of the most exotic locales you can pretend to drive through, where Bond will track the bad guy to their bachelor pad of evil, quip on the still warm grave of their henchmen, then take down the real threat: a rich European man with the physique of an egg. [cut to Goldfinger] This is the ideal evil body. You may not like it, but this is what peak evil performance looks like."
- "In between all the classic moments you remember, settle in for all the classic busy work you forgot these old movies were full of, as you join Bond on a marathon of exciting meetings, briefings, and interviews, watch him meticulously secure his bedrooms, get driving directions, and check into his hotel." (Cue montage.)
- "Return to a time when everyone was a drunken chain smoker, so it didn't take too much to knock them out cold, to the point where being a sober incel gave you superpowers."
- "And watch James take on SPECTRE, the vegans of crime, in that it's only a matter of time before they let you know that they're in SPECTRE. These Illuminatis have an evil plan to disrupt the space program, steal nuclear missiles, and...well they just kinda ping-pong between those two plans. There's a real brain drain when you keep killing your coworkers. (montage of SPECTRE agents being killed) This is why Space-X will never get to Mars."
- "Every girl James meets along the way has the shape of an hourglass and the name of a drag queen."
- "Enjoy this iconic defender of the empire responsible for most of the world's problems, in this English fantasy where they're still at the center of geopolitics."
- Starring: #MeT007, Judi Dench: Origins (M), Tinker Tailor Older Guy (Q), Simpette (Miss Moneypenny), Dr. Nooooooooooooooo!, Daniel Craig? (Red Grant), I Love Goooold (Auric Goldfinger), Blohard (Ernest Blofeld), You can't play as Oddjob! He's shorter. That's cheating!, Dick Fury (Emilio Largo), Fellas is it gay to try and assassinate James Bond with your bros? (Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd), Soviet Vehicle Physics (montage of cars, boats and planes exploding), Bad Editing, Nature You Scary!, You know how I know you're an alcoholic? (montage of Bond identifying vintage wines), and Kobe! (montage of Bond tossing his hat)
- "Okay, so what's up with the gun barrel opening? I know it's a classic, but, like, is that what a bullet sees before it fires? And if the guy holding the gun gets shot, why do I see blood dripping down if we're inside the gun?"
- The Narrator's first line takes potshots at two other Bond films:
- Halloween Kills (aka This Is 40 (Years Ago When Michael Meyers Killed My Family))
- What If…? (2021) (aka But Why...?)
- "Enjoy some wild animated experiments that stay true to the MCU by having no real beginning or end, no real message to get behind, and every character from the most hardened warrior to the most powerful cosmic being speaks like an AI barfing out Chandler Bing dialogue."
- "You know what's hot right now? The multiverse. And after Endgame helped set up the idea of the multiverse, and WandaVision teased the possibilities of the multiverse, and Loki explained the scope of the multiverse, and Doctor Strange 2 gives us multiverse madness, What If...? will drive the message of the multiverse home even further: we're all one of an infinite number of variants going through the same sh*t, our struggle seen only by a voyeuristic space walnut, who could save us from our fates at any time but won't.""Wow. There had to be an easier way than killing free will to explain why Terrence Howard can't play Rhodey anymore or whatever; he thinks one times one is two!"
- Starring: I only watch the multiverse for the articles (The Watcher), UKaptain America (Captain Carter), The Cat is the Pratt (Star Lord T'Challa), Someone, please take this man's driver's license (Dr. Strange's many car accidents), Glove, Death & Robots (Infinity Ultron), Halloween III: Season of the Witch (Zombie Wanda), Scarlett No-Hansson (post-apocalyptic Black Widow), Gundam Wang (Killmonger), Futurama Did It (Scott Lang's head in a jar), Asgardian Pie (Party Thor), Prickario (The Collector), Hentai Squid (the giant tentacles that show up multiple times), and This is what happens when you mess with the Mouse, Robert (the many deaths of Iron Man).
- Hackers (aka Netscape Navitgators)
- The trailer is done in the style of the 90's, complete with purposely outdated references.
- Dune (2021) (aka Very Spice!)
- When noting how this is "Part 1" and Denis Villeneuve will save the rest for later, he comments that it works for George R. R. Martin, and he'll be releasing The Winds of Winter any day now... after multiple blog posts about football.
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
- Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (aka Once Upon a Time in a China Adjacent Pocket Dimension)
- The narrator notes that it's the very first time that Marvel has brought a martial arts master from the comics to the screen, then repeatedly emphasizes the point while showing clips of Iron Fist (2017).
- The narrator praises Tony Leung Chiu-wai for his performance as Wenwu:Narrator: Tony Leung shines as the most seamless example yet of digitally deaged actors. (Beat) What do you mean he still looks like that? Wow, not bad.
- "Kneel before this ancient warlord, who still doesn't know the difference between rings and bracelets, who gave up all his power for a lady who blew him in the wooooods."
- "In addition to his ten magic bracelets, [Wenwu] commands the Ten Rings, a secret group like HYDRA, or SHIELD, or SWORD, or the Skrulls, or the Hand, or the Eternals. But what sets them apart from the other Marvel Illuminatis—and presumably Marvel's Illuminati—is that the Ten Rings provide exciting new opportunities in the world of evil franchising."
- "Open up a Ten Rings in a country near you! We're more than just an evil franchise, we're an evil family! (20% cash down payment may be required.)"
- "Journey to Ta Lo—presumably the inspiration for ancient Chinese legends, ancient Middle-earth legends, and legendary Pokémon—for a film that blends the action comedy of a Jackie Chan flick with the high-flying combat of wuxia and the CGI toilet slurry of a Marvel third act, because while an emotional, expertly-choreographed martial arts showdown between father and son is cool, isn't it way cooler when a bunch of weightless polygons smash into each other? No? Then why does it keep happening?!"
- Starring: Destiny's Child Soldier (Shang-Chi); Ring Pop (Wenwu); House of Flying Swagger (Xialing); The Human Calendar (Katy reciting durations of time), Can You Punch with All the Colors of the Wind (Ying Li); Deputy Dawg (Wong); Hahaha! I'm Sorry, Your Name Is... Is Razor Fist?; Aunt Ma'am (Ying Nan); Render the Last Dragon (Great Protector); Your Soul Is Mine (Dweller-in-Darkness); A Normal Day on the SF Metro (the bus fight); and How Marvel Casts Its Male Heroes.
- "Hmm, so Shang-Chi works with cars, he's not proud of who he used to be, and he has a difficult relationship with his dad? Something about that backstory seems... convenient."
No Time to Die
- No Time to Die (aka James and the Giant Breach)
- "After Bond spent a decade fighting Spectre, a new mastermind will take them all out in a single hot Havana night. Now, Bond will face off against this new evil threat: Safin, Rami Malek's creepiest role since that airline commercial."
- "Watch as [Safin] steals a biological weapon more powerful than several of Bond's STDs, and once he's done using it in a targeted mission of personal revenge, he'll go full genocidal maniac because... well, I don't know. Just look at him; he's got scars. If something's wrong with the face, they hate the human race! That's just Bond logic."
- Starring: The Five-Timers Club (James Bond); Hot Shots: Part Seydoux (Madeleine Swann); That Guy Is Poison, Never Trust a Prune Face and a Smile (Lyutsifer Safin); #GirlBond (Nomi); The Pringles, They Are, How You Say, Delicious (Dr. Valdo Obruchev); A Literal Bond Girl (Mathilde); Q? The Q? Dude, People are Looking for You, Man... (Q); Agent Pam (Eve Moneypenny); Cease All Motor Functions (Felix Leiter collapsing after being shot in the stomach); Hannibal Spectre (Ernst Stavro Blofeld); He Who Should Not Be Named (M), Law & Order: SUV (Logan Ash); Beginner's Pluck (Paloma); and Why Would We Want to Look at Your Eye? Is There Something Wrong with That... Weird... Eye? (Primo)
- "Safin's whole plan kind of ends up like the plot of The Rock. Taking place on an island using bioweapons, with the intent to kill millions? Having the hero still on it when the bombs arrive? If only Craig had had some help from a former Bond..."John Patrick Mason: Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen!
Venom: Let There Be Carnage
- Venom: Let There Be Carnage (aka Venom: Let Him F*ck Carnage)
- The movie is packed with bad CGI gooooo, bad wigs, and British actors doing really bad American accents.Narrator: Wait, is this what it sounds like to them when I go "Oy, I'm Mary Poppins! Which way to the queen?"
- The movie is packed with bad CGI gooooo, bad wigs, and British actors doing really bad American accents.
- Red Notice (aka Too Many Crooks)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
- How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (aka 10 Things I Hate About Who)
- Showing how eeriely similar the Grinch and Stephen King's Carrie are.
- Starring: Salad Fingers (the Grinch), All I Want for Christmas Are Two Huge Front Teeth (Cindy Lou Who), The Only Character I Can Stand to Look At (Max), Post Alone (Lou Lou Who), Who-perstar (Betty Lou Who), There's Always Merry in the Banana Stand (Mayor Augustus May Who), Hot for Creature (Martha May Whovier), Baby Choda (baby Grinch), and Home Improv-ment (the Grinch pulling the tablecloth off while leaving all the vases standing perfectly on the table, which wasn't supposed to happen)
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
- Yakuza: Like a Dragon (aka The Guy with the Sort-Of Dragon Tattoo)
- Starring: The Dragon of Not Dojima (Ichiban Kasuga), Bum Fights (Nanba), Actually Too Old for This Shit (Adachi), 2 Drink Minimum (Saeko), BTS-San (Joon-Gi Han), Majima 2.0 (Zhao), Mrs. Also Appearing In This Game (Eri), and 4000 Other Colorful Yakuza Degenerates.
- Cyberpunk 2077 (aka Daikatana 2077)
- The narrator is astonished at how buggy the game had to be to get delisted from the PlayStation and Xbox game stores, yet both still carry WWE 2K20, which was just as buggy and broken at launch.
- When a hacked NPC shoots herself in the head, the narrator laments that she got assigned to review Cyberpunk 2077 on PS4 before she died.
- Starring: V for Vendetta (V), Kiss Your Homies Goodnight (Jackie Wells), Joi (Evelyn Parker), Cee Lo Green (Dexter DeShawn), Hacktori Hanzo (Goro Takemura), Apple Bottom Jeans (Panam Palmer), Girl with the Sh!tty Tattoos (Judy Alvarez), Cyber Cougar Town (Rogue Amendiares), RoboC@ck (Adam Smasher), and Johnny Mnemondick (Johnny Silverhand)
- Godfall (aka Snoreframe)
Call of Duty: Warzone
- Call of Duty: Warzone (aka COD Piece: Legends)
- Starring... Spectating, Fist A Cuffs Punching people in the face in the gulag, (Stone Throwing) Throwing stones in the gulag, (Hurt Feelings) Getting stones thrown at you in the gulag as your feelings get hurt a little bit, (It Was an Accident I Swear) Accidentally picking up a contract and then getting yelled at by teenagers, (Blown up by a bazooka) Getting blown up with a bazooka), (Secondhand winning) Feeling you vicariously won by watching the people who killed you win, and Jumping through a crapton of windows. It's really the most satisfying part of this game.
- Professor Layton (aka Professor Lameman and the Tedious Gameplay)
- Hitman 3 (aka Assassin's Creed Alopecia)
- The Medium (aka The Split Sense)
Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Earthblood
- Werewolf: The Apocalypse — Earthblood (aka Wearwolf: The Shrugpocalyspe)
- Valheim (aka ARK: But Vikings This Time)
- The Starring section is just someone chopping at a tree.
Super Mario 3 D World + Bowser's Fury
- Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury (aka Super Mario We Resold + Bowser's a Furry)
- Starring: Meowrio (Mario), Super Useless 3D (Luigi), OP-each (Peach), Menage a Toad "Okay, but Toad has definitely had a double cherry foursome!" (Toad), Navidiots (The Sprixie Princesses), Messie (Plessie), and What Happens to a Mutant Turtle When It's Not Properly Trained in the Ninja Arts (Fury Bowser)
- "You know someday I hope we have a Mario game of all genres. I would love to see Mario punching a tree and dying of starvation personally."
Persona 5 Strikers
- Persona 5 Strikers (aka Weeaboo Warriors 5: Roadtrip)
- Starring... Lupin the Teen (Joker), Carfield (Morgana turning into the Mona Car), Skullomania (Ryuji), Cat o' Fine Tails (Ann), Andy Warall (Yusuke), Iron Maiden (Makoto), Cavaleern (Haru), The Dork Web (Futaba), Dadborne (Zenkichi Hasegawa) and Skyfu (Sophia)
- "Okay, seeing how we have Persona and Zelda games, I think it's the perfect time to pitch... Harvest Moon Farmers. Double the crops, double the bloodshed."
Bravely Default II
- Bravely Default II (aka Default RPG III Technically)
Ghosts 'n Goblins Resurrection
- Ghosts 'n Goblins Resurrection (aka Gobblin' the Ghosts: Reconsumed)
- Starring... Drawn and Quartered (Sir Arthur), Regressive Princess Trope (Princess Prin-Prin), Hellmouth Genitals (Is that your second mouth or are you just happy to see me?) (Astaroth), and Lots O' Suffering
Monster Hunter Rise
- Monster Hunter: Rise (aka Naruto: Monster Storm)
- Starring... Missionary Position (Great Sword); It's Folded, Tempered, And It Does Its Job (Long Sword); A Beyblade Wearing Human Skin (Dual Blades); Punches Drywall (Hammer); Guys Who Bring Guitars to Parties (Hunting Horn); Link Mains (Sword and Shield); Lance (Exactly What It Says on the Tin); American Lance (Gunlance); Bicurious (Switch Axe); Full Blown Orgy (Charge Blade); Weird Kid That Collects Bugs and Owns Every Bakugan (Insect Glaive); Takes Airsoft Too Seriously (Light Bowgun); Instacart (Heavy Bowgun); and You Should Totally Take This Archery Class, They Have Such a Great Groupon Deal (Bow)
- Balan Wonderworld (aka Bland Whatintheworld)
Narrator: ...and I'd do it all again!
- The narrator is convinced that Yuji Naka designed Balan Wonderworld to punish everyone who ever made fun of the Sonic the Hedgehog games after the Sega Genesis era.
- Starring... 50% Hands (Emma Cole), Vest Western (Leo Craig), Joker-fied Cappy (Balan), Shadow the Hentai (Lance), and Indentured Servitude (the Tims)
- In The Stinger, the narrator says you'd have a better time getting your Sonic fix by Googling "[your name] + the hedgehog". Cue a fanart of Sonic characters making out with characters from Shrek and the narrator Screaming at Squick.
- Outriders (aka SpaceFamous)
- Starring... Altered Beast (The Outrider), Cranky Kong (Jakub Dąbrowski), Apocalyptic Daddy Issues (Channa Takeuchi), Boss (Shira Gutman), G.I. Janus (Bailey), Eli Vance (Dr. Abraham Zahedi), Budget Wesker (Seth), and Mordin Solus (August, along with a clip of Mordin singing "I'm the very model of a scientist salarian.")
The World Ends With You
- The World Ends with You (aka Hot Topic: Chain of Memories)
- Starring... Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down (Neku Sakuraba), E Girl Lulu (Shiki), Team Skull (Beat), Emolga (Rhyme), I Can Be Your Angle or Yuor Devil (Joshua), Wingdings (The Reapers), and Boyblade (Shooter)
- *snorts* "Oh yeah, that's good Nomura."
- "No one thinks it's weird that this guy inserted himself in a game about killing children? I mean we already know he likes to torture them. (Clip of Xehanort killing Kairi) Remember, this is all canon."
- Nier: Replicant (aka Depressiongard)
- Starring... 9S (Young Nier), 14XL (Adult Nier), Bro-Con (Yonah), Scholastic Book Fair-y (Grimoire Weiss), Victoria's Secret Mauler (Kainé), Precious Spooky Boy (Emil), The People Trap (Devola and Popola), and It's Not a Phaselord (The Shadowlord)
Resident Evil Village
- Resident Evil Village (aka Resident Evil: Monster Massh)
- Starring... Holey Joely (Ethan Winters), Anime Mom Hair (Mia Winters), HGH Chris Redfield, Augustus Gloop (The Duke), Manic Bugsy Nightmare Girls (The Dimitrescu Daughters), Dommy Lust (Lady Alcina Dimitrescu), Child's Play (Angie), Blinkie (Lord Salvatore Moreau in his fish form), Keanu Reeves as Magneto (Lord Karl Heisenberg), and Dahlia Gillespie (Mother Miranda)
- "When the horrors of reality have got you down, a long beloved series will return once again to bring you the zombie shooting you crave as well as a new direction for the Biohazard games: A 9' tall vampire mommy for the internet to get irrationally horny over. BEWBS. Resident Evil Eight-age."
- "Return to the tragic story of Ethan Winters, a man so stupid that he's impervious to pain. Pushed to his absolute limit when the wife he spent the entire last game trying to save...is lit up like a Christmas tree in the opening five minutes. His giant baby is stolen, and dumped in a comically shabby European village filled with campy traditional monsters... cause of science, of course. And forced to fight for his life while they all take turns doing various Body Horrors to his hands until he gathers the military arsenal of a small country and blows them all into tiny pieces in another Resident Evil game that reveals the inherent tension between making a scary game and giving you a rocket launcher."
- "Meet the wide variety of evils infesting this tiny Transylvanian hamlet, starting with the elephant-sized lady in the room who Capcom hit a fetish bingo with by being a mean goth with an insane dumper, then capitalized on the internet's fierce desire to be stepped on by her by making her seem like the main antagonist when she's basically just the first boss. Instead you'll spend the rest of the game capping werewolves, undead, gargoyles, and the Borg. Fighting some decidedly less sexy Big Bads, for most people anyway. And of course mowing down livestock like you're having a troubled childhood. Also if you didn't know the hot vampire lady was gonna turn into a hulking monstrosity at some point, you've literally never played a Resident Evil.
- The Stinger wonders when Capcom will bring back Tofu. Think about how delicious the hand-biting scene would be. Mmm, beefy!
New Pokemon Snap
- New Pokémon Snap (aka Pocket OnlyFans)
- Starring... Ash Shootem (The player), Professor Epstein Didn't Kill Himself (Professor Mirror), That Rattata Kid but for Photos (Phil), Diversity Hire (Rita), Avatar of your lost youth (Todd Snap), and Digimon (All the various pokemon).
- "Would a big, open-world safari be incredible? Of course. Will the company that sold you the same exact Pokemon game for 20 years ever do that? Ha ha ha of course not."
- OMORI (aka Doki Doki Breakfast Club)
- Starring... Depress Ness (Sunny), Nii-San Sentra (Hero), What Happened After Kenan Got SNL (Kel), Literal Manic Pixie Dream Girl (Aubrey), Sister Saori (Mari), Mr. Sprouturn (Sprout Moles), See You Space Boyfriend (Captain Spaceboy), Madoka Magic-nt (Sweetheart), Yaranaika Man (Pluto), and Flowey (Basil)
- Returnal (aka Enter the Unfungeon)
- Starring: Endless Suffering, Endless Suffering, Endless Suffering, ENDLESS SUFFERING, ENDLESS SUFFERING, Incremental Progress NOPE It was Endless Suffering, and Jodie Foster (Selene Vassos)
- Biomutant (aka Fur-Bles)
League of Legends: Wild Rift
- League of Legends: Wild Rift (aka Heroes of the Storm)
- Starring... Missing a skillshot, Missing a skillshot because of your unnaturally large thumb, Seeing something coming from a mile away and still getting hit by it, Going for Baron and instantly regretting it, Getting spammed with Surrender prompts, Losing in the first 3 minutes and knowing it for the next 17, Refusing to surrender, Pinging commands and having no one listen to you, The suspicious amount of Chinese players that are definitely not bots, The battle between the end of the game and your dwindling power bar, [Sweet Silence] Suffering an embarrassing death and not having to hear in any way as your teammates had sex with your ugly fat mother, [Commenters Like You] And being told to get good in the comments of this very video.
- The narrator says that they should make a spinoff set in an alternate universe where they're all chefs.
Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart
- Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart (aka Star Fox Adventures)
- Starring... Grown ass Daxter (Ratchet), The Iron Tiny (Clank), Steampunk Ori (Rivet), Hulkbuster, Future Shaggy (The Phantom), Captain Hack Sparrow (Pierre le Fer), Kink Zapp Brannigan (Captain Quantum), Ultron (Emperor Nefarious), Bender (Dr. Nefarious), Japanese Norton Antivirus (Glitch), and Wheatley
- The Stinger suggests bringing back Resistance, it has spent enough time in "game jail".
Dungeons and Dragons: Dark Alliance
- Dungeons & Dragons: Dark Alliance (aka D&D Dork Annoyance 4th Edition)
- Starring... Dwarf Fortress (Bruenor), Eivor Wolf-kissed (Wulfgar), The Female (Catti-Brie), and Tyler Do'urden (Drizzt Do'Urden)
- The narrator notes you'll be thankful the game launched on Game Pass, because you'll find it out sucks without paying anything extra.
World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade Classic
- World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade Classic (aka World of Warpcraft: Are We Really Doing This Again?)
- Starring... The Couple That Only Ever Play Together, The Healer that only says "LOL", The asshole tank who gets away with it because he's extremely geared, The raid leader who sounds like the world's most exhuasted man, (Typical Trade Chat) The guy still telling Chuck Norris jokes in Trade Chat in Looking For Group in 2021, (Immortal WoW Man) The guy who is literally always playing. How is he even doing this?, The Boostie who doesn't know anything about their class, The guy who leveled from one and still doesn't know anything about their class, The vague nagging sense that you're getting too old for this s!@t, And being the only people left (cut to the Warrior of Darkness) while everyone else migrates to Final Fantasy XIV to become catboys. (Scene of miqo'tes and lallafells dancing around in Limsa Lominsa)
- Scarlet Nexus (aka Brainpunk 2077 2Chan)
- "From the company whose bread and butter is exploiting your weeaboo-ery, responsible for some of gaming's worst adaptations, comes an original game that feels like it's based on an anime, except there aren't actually 600 episodes to watch first, and it doesn't actually suck to play. Scarlet Nexus.
- "Dive into one of the most anime-ass anime games we've seen since Astral Chain, with a new IP that hits every trope that you'd expect. Featuring... A wild and convoluted story, a cast of superpowered adolescents, powers that revolve around friendship, for some reason. And unnecessary, over-the-top action sequences, but this time with enough actual substance to stand out in a gameplay experience that makes you forget the game is basically a hallway." (clip of Kasane, Luka and Arashi running through Kunad Highway)
- Starring... Aggressively Optimistic Shonen Protagonist (Yuito Sumeragi), Expressionless Sociopath Tsundere (Kasane Randall), Glasses Tsundere (Shiden Ritter), Childhood Friend Love Interest That Will Never Get Her Way (Hanabi Ichijo), Big Mommy Energy (Kyoka Eden), Angry Chainsaw Loli (Arashi Spring), Superpowered Shota (Luka Travers), Big Bara (Gemma Garrison), Painfully Awkward Shy Girl with Bangs (Tsugumi Nazar), Playboy That Tries to Hide His Dark Past by Creepily Hitting On Everyone (Kagero Donne) Psychic Twins with the Same Job (Wataru & Haruka Frazer), Psycho Chick That You Can't Help but Love (Kodama Melone) Super Cool Mask Guy That You Never See Again (Seto Narukami), Cool Character Relegated to the Background (Fubuki Spring), and the OP Character with the Power of God and Anime on His Side (Karen Travers).
- "Hey, you think they're ever going to make another .hack game? That's a pretty cool idea."
Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol
- Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol (aka Monster Squad)
Narrator: Oh hey, I might actually get through this. I won't though...
- Pointing out how Ghoul Patrol is much shorter than the first game.
Mario Golf: Super Rush
- Mario Golf: Super Rush (aka Mario's Hole in One)
- Starring... Under Pario (Mario), Over Pario (Wario), Not Invited to the Tournament (Luigi), Big Club Playa (Waluigi), The Putting Princess (Peach), Driving Mrs. Daisy (Daisy), Air Bud: Full Swing (Yoshi) Bowser Fieri (Bowser), Green Queen Pauline (Pauline), Triple Boo-gey (Boo), and A Football Player
The Legends of Zelda: Skyward Sword
- The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (aka Zelda: Wii Sports Resort)
- Calling Groose the real protagonist, and noting how he does so much while Link just meanders around.
- Starring: Air Zelda (Link), A Link to the Past (Zelda), Hey Sheri (Fi), Untitled Groose Game (Groose), Impala (Impa), Hisoka (Ghirahim), A Very Angry Avocado (The Imprisoned), and Berseker (Demise)
- Pokémon Unite (aka Pokemon Class Warfare Stadium)
- Starring... Super Saiyan Felix (Zeraora), Rule34devoir (Gardevoir), Dragonlame (Charizard), Catatonic Totoro (Snorlax), Brownie Crab (Crustle), Narutoad (Greninja), Tina Turner's Sentient Wig (Eldegoss), Play Firebird (Talonflame), Flurry Convention (Lucario), Do You Smoke Weedmon (Venusaur), John Wayne Gacy (Mr. Mime), The Original E-Girl (Slowbro), Joe Rogan (Machamp), Emo Simba (Absol), A Nude Gremlin (Wigglytuff), Dog Mei (Alolan Ninetails), Cramitupyours (Cramorant), G Fuel Jigglypuff (Gengar), Delta Airlines (Garchomp), Amanda Bynes (Cinderace), and The Money Maker (Pikachu)
Monster Hunter Stories
NEO: The World Ends With You
The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles
- The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (aka Far East Enders: Oi, It's the Lawyer Game, Innit?)
- Starring: Harvey Birdman-san (Ryunosuke Naruhodo), Akane Tendo (Susato Mikotoba), Too Good to Live (Kazuma Asogi), Loli Tesla (Iris Wilson), Blunderdick Cumbersmatch (Herlock Sholmes), Fish and Chips (Tobias Gregson), and Count DracuLaw (Barok van Zieks)
- Psychonauts 2 (aka Naughty Psychos 2)
No More Heroes III
- No More Heroes III (aka M*rvel A*engers E*dgame)
- Starring... Fear and Loathing in Santa Destroy (Travis Touchdown), Not Armstrong (Shinobu), Tonya Harding (Bad Girl), God Tier Waifu (Sylvia), Stripper Zer0 (Native Dancer), Black Lightning (Notorious), Costco Vergil (Henry Cooldown), Every Bad Power Ranger monster (the Galactic Superhero Corps), The Fabulous Flamboyant Freeza (FU [sic]), The Most Important Character in the Series (Jeanne), and Takashi Miike, Obviously (Takashi Miike As Himself).
- The Stinger: "Okay, if they don't put Travis in Smash after all this, I'm certain that Suda will cry. You don't wanna see a grown man cry, do you, Sakurai?"
WarioWare: Get It Together!
- WarioWare: Get It Together! (aka WAAAAAAA Sports)
- Starring: Make Love, Not Wario (Wario), Dork Jockey (18-Volt), The Nerd Watching This (You) (9-Volt), Magical Murder Mom (5-Volt), Shonen Jump (Young Cricket), Gravity Grandpa (Master Mantis), Scooty Patootie (Mona), Doge 'n Cat (Dribble & Spitz), Dr. Slowbotnik (Dr. Crygor), Your Friends at Karaoke (Mike), Smurf Ninjas (Kat & Ana), Disco Stu (Jimmy T.), The Witcher (Ashley), Space Channel 5 (Orbulon), Red Arremer (Red), Vib-Ribbon (Lulu), Penny, but from Inspector Gadget (Penny), Prinny Dude (Pyoro), and ADHD.
- Deathloop (aka Afroshock)
- Starting… Colt Train (Colt Vahn); Laaannaaa (Julianna Blake); Yiffs Wide Shut (Aleksis Dorsey); Odd-riana Grande (Fia Zbrowska); Neogaf Admin (Charlie Montague); Dupli-Kate (Wenjie Evans); Ricky D!$k-cardo (Frank Spicer); Bowl Cult (Harriet Morse); Vector Perkins (Egor Serling); and Yes Man (2-Bit).
- The Stinger: "Okay look, all I'm saying is Link could have solved his problems a lot quicker if he had an automatic weapon. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Tales of Arise
- Tales of Arise (aka Tales of Alright)
- Starring: The Bland in the Iron Mask (Alphen), Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Shionne), Megumin (Rinwell), Martial Law (Law), Adventures of Stickman (Dohalim), Anime Filter Crusader (Kisara), and Feathers Sephiroth (Vholran).
- The Stinger has the narrator commenting how "girls with swords you can take out of their chests" are now a thing, while showing the now-memetic footage of the Raiden Shogun pulling her katana (the Musou Isshin) out of her chest.
Diablo II: Resurrected
- Diablo II: Resurrected (aka Diablo II: Reclickening)
Far Cry 6
- Far Cry 6 (aka Better Cry Far)
- Starring... Dora the Exploder (Dani Rojas), Revolutionary Girl Garcia (Clara Garcia), Juan Man Army (Juan Garcia), Antifa (The Legends of '67 and Máximas Mantanzas), Go, Diego, Go! (Diego Castillo), Los Presidente Hermanos (Antonio Castillo), and the most important feature of all... Petting all the animals (Dani petting various except for Chicharrón, includes Oluso, a horse, Chorizo, Boom-Boom and Guapo. "Who's a handsome croc? You are! Yes you are!").
- Metroid Dread (aka Sekiro Samus Die Twice)
- Starring: Spamus Gunhand (Samus Aran), Boston Dynamics GLaDOS (E.M.M.I), Uncle in Law Brain (the E.M.M.I. central units), Skesis in Spaaaace (Quiet Robe and Raven Beak), Speak and Spell (ADAM), and a Metroid Ton of Backtracking.
Back 4 Blood
Guardians of the Galaxy
- Guardians of the Galaxy (2021) (aka Marvel's Guardians of the Adaquecy)
- Starring: Space Macklemore (Star Lord), Humorless Shrek (Drax), I Am Repetitive (Groot), Wicked (Gamora), and Conker's Bad Fur Day (Rocket)
Call of Duty: Vanguard
- Call of Duty: Vanguard (aka Battlefield Fiver)
Mario Party Superstars
- Mario Party Superstars (aka Mario Blooper Game)
- Battlefield 2042 (aka Bad-ttlefield 2077 (Seriously, what is this garbage?))
Pokemon Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl
- Pokemon Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl (aka Pokemon Barely Diamond and Sorta Pearl)
- They were so unimpressed with how few changes there were, the Starring is only very slightly different from the original.
Nickeloeon All-Star Brawl
- Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl (aka Nickelodeon Some Stars)
- Starring: Porous Punisher (SpongeBob SquarePants), Star Fist (Patrick Star), Nut Chucks (Sandy Cheeks), Somehow High on Pizza (Michelangelo), Personality: Having Swords (Leonardo), A Very Normal Person (April O'Neil), Alien Hominid (Zim), Smashing! (Nigel Thornberry), Hell-Ga (Helga Pataki), Give Up the Ghost (Danny Phantom), Extremely Running Out of Character Ideas (Reptar), Some Sh*t I'm Waaay Too Old For (Lincoln and Lucy Loud), Tim Burton Anal Prod (Oblina), CatDog (Ren & Stimpy), Actually CatDog (CatDog), Snack Brannigan (Powderd Toast Man), Cabbage Murders (Aang and Toph), and Chris Pratt (Garfield)