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    The Phantom Menace 

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    Twilight 
  • The Running Gag with stares, ultimately leading up to a video composed entirely of all the stares from the movies.
    Narrator: Together, they will have the romance of a lifetime... Expressed entirely in stares. [cue stare montage] ...And even more stares. [continue stare montage]

    Titanic 

    Transformers 
  • "From the horse-faced director who starts shooting before finishing scripts, based on a children's cartoon designed to sell toys comes a movie designed to sell toys, toys that you can't tell apart - except for the black one [This is a cool place to kick it]. Together, they will unite with this stuttering teenager [shows a montage of scenes where Sam Witwicky continually speaks "No!") to defeat the bad guy who doesn't appear until almost two hours into the movie".
  • "But in the meantime, there's gratuitious porny shots of Megan Fox, weird racism [Hey, mammy!] and robot fights that erupt around random hot girls Michael Bay was trying to pork".
  • "This summer, you will say: What the hell is happening? Until they give the bad guy the thing what he wants [Give me the cube!] and then it kills him. Seriously. It's f*cking stupid".
  • The "Starring" section is just a list of Product Placement.
    Narrator: Starring: Burger King, Panasonic, eBay, Cadillac, GMC, The Strokes, Pepto-Bismol, Xbox, Furbies?, Pontiac, Mountain Dew, Chevrolet, Chevrolet, and introducing: Chevrolet.
  • "Battleship! Um, I mean Transformers! Come on, they both look the same for me..."
  • The narrator is worried at the end that the Ninja Turtles are f*cked.

    Avatar 
  • "In a world created by fat computer programmers, comes a film so epic it increased ticket prices three whole dollars".
  • The narrator explaining in slight fast-forward how Jake Sully enrolled in the Avatar program and concluding: "It's kinda dumb".
  • "Meet Neytiri, but more importantly, meet her side-bloobs. Toghether they will learn: military bad. Trees good".
  • The narrator points out how offensive in hindsight is that the Na'vi tribe (described as blue Indians fully in tune with the nature) is helpless without the white man.
  • "This December, prepare for three hours of eyeball twitching [shows montage of eyeballs twitching], as you're force-fed the most obvious message ever ["They're just goddamn trees!"]. It will leave you wondering: 'Do I see her nipple?’".
  • Starring: Plots recycled from Dances with Wolves, Pocahontas, The Last of the Mohicans, An Inconvenient Truth, Native American History and FernGully.
  • "Papyrus! I mean, Avatar!"
  • At the end, the narrator says that he just wants another Terminator already.

    The Dark Knight 
  • "The bat device that inexplicably turns every Gotham City cell phone into a portable sonar radar, which downloads an infinite amount of data that's instantly transmitted wirelessly to Batman's eyes. Hmph, how is that possible? It takes me five minutes to download Angry Birds!"
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    The Hunger Games 
  • The "Starring" list, rather than puns on the cast, just lists off things that didn't make it into the film, including the actual hunger.
    • The narrator's naming of Gale as "This much hotter guy" culminating in...
    Narrator: I mean, I'm not gay. But I'd totally s**k Gale's d**k.

    The Avengers 

    Prometheus 

    Paranormal Activity 

    The Amazing Spider-Man 
  • The Amazing Spider-Man (aka The Not Really That Amazing Spider-Man):
    • "This summer, witness yet another Spider-Man origin story just so Sony could retain the rights to the character"
    • "Peter Parker was just an attractive, intelligent, likeable, athletic, well-dressed teenage loser. But when he easily walks into a high-security lab, one radioactive spider will give him the power to: twitch like a crackhead, break everything, get every father figure in his life murdered, act like a complete jerk every time he gets and stutter worse than Shia LaBeouf in Transformers.
    • "Embark on a romantic journey, where the hottest girl in school falls for this creepy stalker, proving that love always prevails, even when you have gaping wounds that require immediate medical attention".
    • "Immerse yourself in this epic battle, where the hero refuses to fight with the mask on and a villain with the most cliché origin story imaginable, who is conveniently connected to the most important people in Peter's life".
    • "Experience the re-retold story, where an uncle strives to find yet another way of saying: 'With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility' as well as other moments that you've seen before: like this a lot of this, and more of this".
    • "Swing along with the smartest teenager in Manhattan who uses the MySpace of search engines and does a terrible job at hiding his secret identity. Seriously, nobody thought that was odd?"
    • Starring: Baby Head, Charlie Sheen's Dad, Forrest Gump's Mom, Detective O'Murphy McIrish, The Geico Gecko, Octomom and Lindsey Lohan (If She Had Better Parents).
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    The Twilight Saga: New Moon 

    The Twilight Saga: Eclipse 

    The Dark Knight Rises 

    The Lord of the Rings 

    Inception 

    Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 

    Skyfall 

    The Notebook 

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 
  • Culminating the Running Gag with the "STARES!" from the first Twilight Honest Trailer:
    Narrator: Brace yourself for two movies so unnecessarily long that they include five Volvo commercials, two montages of the previous Twilight movies, four games of chess, and the MOST...STARES...EVER!

    Les Misérables (2012) 
  • Les Misérables (2012) (aka Les Miserableblebles):
    • "Now, at the dawn of revolution, one young man will give up everything for a woman he's met through a fence."
    • "Meet Fantine, a random factory worker who brings and incriminating letter to work for no reason and is fired. Sinking into desperation so deep she becomes the most pathetic woman in France in just two verses of song. Watch her with no hair, watch her with no teeth, yet she becomes the most desirable prostitute in town, which she’ll blame on Hugh Jackman even though he had nothing to do with it.” What makes it even funnier is that the whole reason she fell into prostitution was because Hugh Jackman - well, Jean Valjean - allowed his foreman to fire her. So in fact, he had a lot to do with it.
    • During the "Starring part", instead of the narrator saying the gag names, we get this:
      Fancy Wolverine (Jean Valjean/Hugh Jackman): I have a very annoying vibrato.
      Susan Boyle (Fantine/Anne Hathaway): I really really really wanted to win an Oscar.
      Fat Maximus (Javert/Russell Crowe): I should have never agreed to sing an entire movie!
      French Borat (Thénardier/Sacha Baron Cohen): They really should have shown less of me and more of Eponine.
      Tim Burton (Madame Thénardier/Helena Bonham-Carter): Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!
    • The last line: "If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you after sitting through this movie, then you should really rethink your relationship."

    Jurassic Park 

    Harry Potter 
  • "From J. K. Rowling, who kept Borders open for more years, comes the movie adaptation for people too lazy to read."

    Iron Man 2 

    Star Trek (2009) 
  • The "Starring" section with Kirk as Zapp Brannigan is just too perfect.

    Fast Five 

    The Last Airbender 

    Grown Ups 

    Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 
  • Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (the honest title is pronounced as Superman Iv: The Quest for Peace):
  • "Recoil in horror to the return of mentally-unstable actress Margot Kidder, as she struggles to play Lois Lane. And Gene Hackman returning as Lex Luthor, an evil genius who can't pronounce the word nuclear [cue Lex pronouncing the word]."
    • The narrator describes the ridiculous plot of the movie. He is very annoyed that Superman loses being clawed by Nuclear Man.
    • "Marvel at Superman's powers that you know and love! And stare in wide-eyed disbelief to these new, completely new made-up powers like: Rebuilding the Great Wall of China with his eyes! Lowering people with his mind! And helping this woman breathe in outer space!"
    • "So, if you thought this year's Predator and Spaceballs looked too polished, then we've got the summer movie for you! Filled with: Terrible blue screen! Fake miniatures! Ridiculously oversized props! Really, really terrible blue screen! And the same flying shots used over, and over, and over, and over again! Seriously? These are all the same shots? You couldn't do one more take? That's lazy you guys!"
    • Starring: Captain America, Hack Man, Desperately Seeking Superman, Charlie Sheen, Betty Ford and Dolph Lundgren-ish.
    • The Stinger:
    Man, this movie is bad! At least, it's not Marvel, right? They'll never figure out how to do movies!

    X-Men Origins: Wolverine 

    Independence Day 

    Batman & Robin 

    Breaking Bad 

    Star Trek Into Darkness 

    Iron Man 3 

    World War Z 

    The Matrix 

    After Earth 
  • The narrator's utter disbelief at the protagonist's name actually being Cypher Raige.
  • The narrator flying into rage in the middle of the trailer, and up and leaving, but not before alternating between complete stunned silence and angry muttering.

    The Walking Dead (Seasons 1–3) 
  • There's something inherently funny about this sentence from the trailer: "When giant aliens emerge from this iTunes visualiser at the bottom of the ocean, the entire world's resources will be spent on building giant robots to punch them in the face."
  • The movie being summed up as "Either the most awesome dumb movie ever made, or the dumbest awesome movie ever made".

    Pacific Rim 
  • There's something inherently funny about this sentence from the trailer: "When giant aliens emerge from this iTunes visualiser at the bottom of the ocean, the entire world's resources will be spent on building giant robots to punch them in the face."
  • The movie being summed up as "Either the most awesome dumb movie ever made, or the dumbest awesome movie ever made".

    Thor 
  • Film/Thor (aka Thor's Obligatory Movie):
    • The narrator says that the only way in or out of Asgard is through a level of Rainbow Road from Mario Kart.
    • Loki's plan is very complicated
    • Starring:
  • When Screen Junkies had Thor writer Zack Stentz as a guest, he revealed Kenneth Branagh considered changing the name of Mjölnir (Thor's hammer) because it was too hard to say. If his account of the discussion is anything to go by, even in private Branagh speaks in the way one'd expect from a man known for his adaptations of Shakespeare.
    Branagh: Would the fans string me up if I changed that?
    Zack Stentz: They would, Sir Kenneth, yeah.
    Branagh: ...Alright, we shant be doing that.

    Man of Steel 
  • General Zod plans to annihilate humanity with the power. Of DUBSTEP!
  • "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... coming right for us! Everybody run!"

    Home Alone 
  • At one point, it says that Kevin shows all the signs of becoming a sociopath - like talking to himself, or trapping a pair of nonviolent criminals inside a sadistic world of torture straight out of Saw from which there is no escape, for his own amusement. ("But gosh-darn if he isn't just the cutest little thing!"). Then it calls Harry and Marv out on being oddly obsessed with one house that has almost nothing worth stealing.

    The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 

    Dragonball Evolution 
  • For Christmas 2013, they tackled this film with the help of Dragon Ball Z Abridged's Goku, Piccolo, Krillin, and later Vegeta.
  • The narrator compares this movie to Hiroshima.
  • "Prepare for Fox's half-assed attempt to cash in their expiring rights to Dragon Ball. It's an adaption that steals from everything except its source material, featuring elements from: The Matrix, The Lord of the Rings, Twilight? and The Last Airbender? Oh, come-on!"
  • The narrator tries to describe the plot of the movie, but gets lost, so Abridged!Goku, Abridged!Piccolo and Abridged!Krillin come to help. The narrator isn't sold, eventually, and they leave breaking his roof.
  • Krillin's not in it, but he gets an "Evolution Krillin Owned Counter" for that very reason.
  • "...as the epic ki attacks from the cartoon are replaced with CGI hand-farts!" [shows montage of CGI ki attacks with fart sounds inserted]
  • When the narrator tries to go to "Starring", he is interrupted:
    Abridged!Vegeta: How dare they make a movie about Kakarot and not invite me?
    Narrator: Oh God, not another one...
    Abridged!Vegeta: I am Vegeta, PRINCE OF ALL SAYA- [sees Movie!Yamcha] oh my god, is that the beta male? Looks like a tiger with Down Syndrome. Never mind, bullet dodged.
  • The "Starring" section is done by Abridged!Vegeta instead of the narrator:
    Starring: GEICO, Teetees, The Mask, The Ki Maker, Crouching Tiger, Dead Career, Nobody's Favourite Ghostbuster, Mighty Joe Young and Not Lara Croft. Oh God, what a steaming pile.
  • In The Stinger:
    Abridged!Vegeta: So, wait — Kaka-not wishes someone he just met back to life by the end of the movie, but he just lets the man who raised him from birth stay dead? Yeah, I can dig that.

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