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- The Martian (aka Cast Away IN SPACE!):
- The narrator recaps the really, really, really long story of Matt Damon being rescued:Narrator: He has been rescued from World War II; he's been rescued from the Gulf War; he's been rescued from the Middle East, twice; he's been recovered from space; more space; even more space; and saved from his terrible Boston childhood. Now, Matt Damon will be needed to be saved, again; in space, again.
- "Travel to a world where NASA is suddenly super popular and fully founded to meet potty-mouthed astronaut Mark Watney."
- The narrator invites to "strap in for a space adventure filled with edge-of-your-seat realism," but the only thing he can cite is "math," "more math," and "Even. More. Math."Narrator: Wow, science fact makes science fiction... kinda boring.
- The "Starring" list: The Maaathian, Muuuurph!, Gilly, Abed, Bore-omir, Chiwetel Eeeejeeeoforee... Chiwa... Chiwa.. Ch... Ch... Ah I give up, and Meth Damon.
- In The Stinger:
- The narrator recaps the really, really, really long story of Matt Damon being rescued:
- Pearl Harbor (aka Bore-a! Bore-a! Bore-a!):
- Besides pointing out the most obvious offense leveled at the film ("a stupid, campy, made up love triangle"), the trailer points out the other thing that the film also had: "a bunch of wacky slapstick comedy!" Cue a montage of comedic scenes such as Rafe McCawley getting a syringe in the buttocks, a stuttering soldier, and Rafe getting hit in the nose, twice.
- "Experience a Michael Bay fan fiction version of history, that's more American than two soldiers donating blood into a Coke bottle." (Shows a scene from the film that shows exactly that.)Narrator: Where all the men were noble patriots;
Rafe McCawley: Not anxious to die, Sir, just anxious to matter.
Jimmy Doolittle: There's nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer, Jack.
Narrator: All the women were naughty nurses;
Nurse Evelyn Johnson: [thinking] He did have a very cute butt.
Nurse Barbara: See you on the beach, boys!
Nurse Betty: [to Rafe] Would you happen to have any friends?
Narrator: And not even polio could stop the President from getting up some sweet, sweet revenge. [shows the President standing up from his wheelchair] Woo yeah! USA! USA!
- When the narrator does give some credit to it all, though:Narrator: Hot on the heels of Titanic's massive sucess, enjoy a blatant attempt to recreate the magic...al profits of that far better movie, but with way more explosions, and a bombing sequence so genuinely cool, you'll almost forgive the rest of the movie for being so terrible. Oh man, here we go! [bombing sequence starts] Hell yeah! Woo yeah! Get 'em! [a Japanese fighter plane appears] Oh, wait, sorry, wrong team. Dammit Michael Bay, why'd you make that look so cool?
- The narrator laments that the film gave Michael Bay his "first and only Oscar win... for Sound Design." Cue a clip showing Ben Affleck's character opening a wine bottle with a comically fake "pop!".
- The "Starring" list: A Daredevil Pilot (Rafe McCawley), Black Hawk Dumb (Danny Walker), Kate Beckons Sailors (Evelyn Johnson), Help Me Help U...SA (Doris "Dorie" Miller), and Racist Porky Pig (Red Winkle, the stuttering soldier, as he panics about "the Japs.")
- The narrator ends the "Not Starring" list (which mentions real life American servicemen who participated in Pearl Harbor) with "Literally anyone else who was at Pearl Harbor... except for Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character. He was awesome."
- In The Stinger:
- Labyrinth (aka The Maze Runner):
- "From Jim Henson, George Lucas, and Monty Python's Terry Jones, comes a kid's movie just as weird as you'd expect from Jim Henson, George Lucas, and Monty Python's Terry Jones."
- Crossing into Heartwarming, the narrator's admission of the reason why they made a Honest Trailer about the film.
- The narrator's description of Bowie's character, Jareth the Goblin King:Narrator: A magical creature that can only be described as, "David Bowie," who will have you spellbound by his magic tricks, dancing, and his, [zoooms in on "The Area"] ummm... "Major Tom," and by the hypnotic way he pronounces "baby," [cue montage of the times Jareth says "baby"] in a performance so iconic, you won't even care he's playing a kidnapper who has the hots for a sixteen-year-old.
- The narrator describing Jennifer Connelly as "the teenager who made you feel funny in 1986, and grew into the adult that made you really uncomfortable in the year 2000."
- The narrator referencing the Does This Remind You of Anything? aspects of Sarah's quest having parallels with a Coming-of-Age Story.Narrator: Go inside the mind of a young girl; navigating a maze full of danger, fluids, and sexual confusion over an older male authority figure. So... basically puberty.
- The narrator saying that the film "full of amazing creatures, groundbreaking visuals... and fart jokes. Lots and lots of fart jokes." (the Bog of Eternal Stench)
- The narrator invites to "sing along with all the Labyrinth songs that you totally remember," mentioning "Magic Dance," then struggling to come up with a second one, before giving up and saying "OK, it's basically just 'Magic Dance.'"Narrator: Listen, the dude is prolific, they all can't be Ziggy Stardust.
- The narrator sums up the film as:Narrator: [...] A classic 80's movie... isn't quite as good as you remember, that completely bombed at the box office. [shows that the movie only grossed $12,729,917] But you know what? Who cares? 'Cause David Bowie is f*cking awesome! That guy could do whatever he wanted to me in his magic goblin castle!
- The "Starring" list: Glamdalf (Jareth), David Bowie's Hand Double,Explanation Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman (Sarah), Bernie Sanders (Hoggle), Rocket Racoon (Sir Didymus), The Eyes Wide Shut Orgy, Harry Knowles (Ludo), Jabba, Jr. (The Worm), and Baby Waldo (Toby, who has a red-and-white striped shirt.)
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [refering to the film's puppets] Oh man, even by puppets standards, these things are really creepy. [after showing Toby cry while surrounded by them] Those are definitely real tears.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
- Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (aka Law & Order: Super Victims Unit *CHUNG-CHUNG*):
- The Bait-and-Switch pulled at the beginning:Narrator: From Marvel Studios...'s down-the-hall neighbors, and Joss Whedon...'s little brother...
- The trailer invites you to enter the world of S.H.I.E.L.D.... "for half a season, until Winter Soldier pulled the rug out from under it."Narrator: Listen, they do the best they can, okay? Marvel literally blew up their premise.
- That "Bait and Switch" at the beginning continues.Narrator: Avengers fans assemble, to see your favorite superheroes... names get dropped. [cue montage of mentions of the Avengers]
- The description of the rest of the main cast (including saying that Melinda May "is totally not Black Widow", the "quirky British scientists" Fitz and Simmons "were completely interchangeable until they sent one into space and gave the other brain damage," and recounting Grant Ward's HeelFace Revolving Door) ends with "this revolving door of black characters" (Mike "Deathlok" Peterson, Triplett, Mack, and Andrew Garner), which prompts the narrator to say:Narrator: You know this isn't The Walking Dead, right? You can have more than one at a time.
- The "Bait and Switch" keeps on going.Narrator: But the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. are not alone, [shows the Avengers' first meeting] they're joined by some of Marvel's most prestigious... [shows Lady Sif] B-list characters. Like: Nick Fury (two times), Peggy Carter (in a flashback), Maria Hill (that's... cool, I guess?), Thor's lady friend (Lady Sif), Captain America's... drinking buddies? (The Howling Commandos), Agent Sit... Sit... good (Jasper Sitwell), this random Asgardian played by the guy from Ghostbusters II (Elliot Randolph), and... wait, that's it? Come on, Feige! You can't get Hemsworth there for, like, five minutes of his lunch break? Share your freakin' toys, man!
- The "Starring" list, that includes: Dead Man Walking (Phil Coulson), Not-tasha Romanoff (Melinda May), Buffy (Skye/Daisy Johnson/Quake), Dry White Toast (Grant Ward), Definitely Not Mutants (the Gifteds), Tahiti (cue every mention of Tahiti), Protection (cue every mention about protection), Protocol (cue every mention of protocol), and Slowly Turning, Acting, Reacting, and Emoting Silently. That's right, the S.T.A.R.E.S. montage is back, complete with the same awesome music!
- In The Stinger:
- The Bait-and-Switch pulled at the beginning:
- Spectre (aka Dullfinger):
- "In a year with four different blockbuster spy films, the great granddaddy of them all is back, and it's bringing absolutely nothing new to the table."
- The narrator compliments the opening scene as "one of the best opening scenes in Bond history," but then calls the opening credits "about three minutes of tentacle porn," followed by "not much else."[cut to the SPECTRE boardroom scene, followed by an awkwardly long moment of silence]
Narrator: Uh, hello?
Narrator: Um, guys? D— did you mute the video or something?
Narrator: I, I think somebody broke the, the volume.
[silence continues; a member of SPECTRE rises from his chair and goes to talk to Oberhauser/Blofeld]
Narrator: ...Aaand... speak.
[the SPECTRE member speaks, but his words are inaudible, so the silence continues]
Narrator: Speak! Say something!
Oberhauser/Blofeld: Does anyone challenge?
- The narrator calls it a Bond by-the-numbers, and couldn't sound more bored while he "checks all the old tropes off the list."Narrator: [with half-hearted amazement] The car! Gadgets! Catchphrases! ("Vodka martini, shaken not stirred.") Aaand underdeveloped female sex objects.
- The narrator extremely critical...ly funny skewering of Daniel Craig's phoned-in performanceNarrator: Daniel Craig sleepwalks through a performance [shows him looking like he's actually nodding off during a driving scene] where it's clear that he'd rather slash his wrists than do it again. Aw, poor guy had to pretend to be James Bond for millions of dollars! Suck it up and drink your martini! Experience a Roger Moore-era Bond film, if Roger Moore was a mopey dick trying to get fired from his own movie...
- The narrator considers that the reveal that Franz Oberhauser is Ernst Stavro Blofeld is such a Captain Obvious Reveal that he compares it with John Harrison being Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness.Narrator: Ugh, didn't we learn nothing from Into Darkness? All that's missing is that mumbo jumbo about super blood.
[cut to Q talking about his new "Smart Blood" nanotechnology tracking program]
Narrator: AW COME ON MAN, REALLY?!
- Comparing the action scenes to "playing GoldenEye 64 on Agent difficulty."
- After the narrator says that the movie has "a bunch of crap you never wanted to see in a Bond movie" (like "briefings," "board meetings," "lectures about drones," "lectures about meteors," "therapy," "waiting for an Uber," etc.), the narrator wonders:Narrator: Guys, how do you make James Bond vs. the Illuminati boring?
- Pointing out the multiple similarities to Captain America: The Winter Soldier and that The Winter Soldier is still the better movie.Narrator: If you only see one movie this year about a hero who belongs to a different era, battling a sleeper cell inside his own organization, with their own tentacle logo, against a former friend that was presumed dead in the snow... you should probably just rewatch The Winter Soldier. It's way better anyway.
- The "Starring" gag:
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
- Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (aka Street Whiner II Turbo):
- Edgar Wright is introduced as "the director of the Cornetto Trilogy and an unspecified amount of Ant-Man."Explanation
- The narrator compliments the film as a "cult classic full of so many awesome fight sequences and hilarious visual comedy," but then he says that those make one "barely notice that every character in it is a horrible garbage person."Narrator: I mean, seriously, these are all bad people. Except for Knives. I like Knives.
- The narrator inviting the audience to "indulge in two hours of pure nerd wish fulfillment":Narrator: Where a guy with no personality, the face of a toddler, and the body of a stretched-out toddler hooks up with tons of girls, kicks Captain America's ass, makes a lesbian orgasm to death, and plays DDR with underage Asian schoolgirls who are obsessed with him. Man, no wonder the internet loves this movie.
- The narrator really prefered the alternate ending in which Scott ends up with Knives rather than Ramona over the actual ending. And we do mean really.Narrator: Strap in for one proto-millennial's epic journey towards maturity, that ends with him finally growing up and choosing the girl he should have been with all along... wait a minute, they didn't use that ending? They reshot it so that he ends up with Ramona? Why?! What was the point of all it?! Be jealous and violent and chase after a toxic relationship?! Even when true love is staring you right in the face?! Ugh. I don't get young people.
- The "Starring" list: Ready Player One (Scott), Manic Pixel Dream Girl (Ramona), Kung Foo Fighters (The Sex Bob-omb), Phony Hawk, Pro Skater (Lucas Lee), Vegan Vegeta (Todd Ingram), Um...Her? (Roxy Richter),Explanation Get a Room (Envy Adams), Explanation Hipster Kilgrave (Gideon Graves), Obligatory Gay Best Friend (Wallace Wells), and #NotYourAsianSidekick (Knives).Explanation
- In The Stinger:Narrator: I mean, it's fine, but the comic book is way better than the movie.
[cuts to the scene of Scott entering Graves' venue, in which Comeau says "The comic book is better than the movie."]
Narrator: Oh no, I'm that guy.
The Walking Dead (Seasons 4 6)
- The Walking Dead: Seasons 46 (aka Yawn of the Dead):Narrator: From AMC, the creator of some of your favorite shows'... prequel spin-offs, comes the phenomenon that shows no signs of stopping... it's attempts to get you to watch Into the Badlands,note Turn, that train one: The Walking Dead.
Narrator: Now settle in for another block of eight episodes featuring two great ones [clip from "Too Far Gone"], two good ones [clip from "Self-Help"] and four hours of pure filler. [clip of the gang walking during "No Sanctuary"] Yaaawn. Wake me up when you get there, guys.
Narrator: Meet what's left of the group: Rick, who's either in charge or completely nuts, depending on how Grimey his beard looks; Carl, his pudding-loving son who's been affected by enough puberty to make him age five years in a year-and-a-half-long story; Daryl and Michonne, two silent badasses with the strongest weapon of all: fan support; these two guys (Abraham and Eugene) who are so faithful to the graphic novel series that they feel like cartoons. [cue a scene of Abe punching out Eugene with cartoony sound effects]
Narrator: And Carol, the meek and emotionally scarred victim who... [clip of Carol confessing she brutally killed two of the group] wait, what? [shows the "Just look at the flowers" scene] Damn! [shows Carol killing a Wolf with a knife to the back and then to the head] Whoa! [shows Carol threatening Sam she'll tie him to a tree far from home and that the walkers will slowly eat him alive] Damn, Carol, you scary!
- The narrator lampshades that in almost every season, the group's home is destroyed. From the CDC, Hershel's farm, the prison (which actually lasted from Season 3 to half of Season 4), Woodbury (which the group never lived at), Terminus (which lasted like two episodes from the start and end of Seasons 4 and 5), Alexandria (which went a season before getting wrecked, but was not abandoned).Narrator: [as if he's pondering what to get for lunch] Hmmmm. I wonder where Negannote lives? Can't wait for them to blow that place up next season!
- The narrator notes that several plots go nowhere, such as the flu arc, the Rescue Arc for Beth which took half a season and ended with Beth dying, and half a season's build-up to the group getting captured by a fortress full of cannibals only to end with the group quickly wiping them out in the beginning of the next season.Narrator: So gear up for a show built on the premise that any main character can die at any moment [several clips of main characters dying up to Season 4] that's devolved into a show where any supporting character can die at any moment, that's devolved even further into a show where apparently no one can die... [annoyed; as the infamous Disney Death of Glenn plays] even if they're clearly eaten by a massive herd of frigging zombies! Ugh. I need a break.
- A parody of Talking Dead with an Expy of Chris Hardwick plays.Nerdy Ryan Seacrest: What's up guys? Be sure to join us after this Honest Trailer for Only Talking Positively About The Walking Dead! Tonight's guest stars are someone who died from the show, a random celebrity who may not have ever seen the show, and a producer who I cannot be critical of otherwise I might lose my job! Points!
- Starring: More ugly cryface, more improbable headshots, more group debate, people losing it, mending fences, literally mending fences, NRA kids club, one-off expendable characters whose deaths will have zero emotional impact on the viewer, walking, straddle punching, more walking, digging, even more walking, Daryl chowin' down, a truly astounding amount of actual walking, and Coral.
- The narrator lampshades that in almost every season, the group's home is destroyed. From the CDC, Hershel's farm, the prison (which actually lasted from Season 3 to half of Season 4), Woodbury (which the group never lived at), Terminus (which lasted like two episodes from the start and end of Seasons 4 and 5), Alexandria (which went a season before getting wrecked, but was not abandoned).
The Oscars (2016)
- Yes, Honest Trailers made the effort to make a trailer for all eight films nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.Narrator: In a world where a bunch of rich people dress up in fancy clothes to give each other trophies, these eight films will compete for Hollywood's hightest honor: being the answer to the question, "What did win the Oscar last year?"
- The Big Short (aka No Money Mo Problems):Narrator: From Adam McKay, the guy who brought you Talladega Nights, Step Brothers, and Anchorman 2, comes a somberly look at the financial crisis of 2008? Wait-what? So, Wall Street crashes the economy for profit and got away with it? I would be so outraged right now— if I understood what the hell is going on. [Margot Robbie's cameo explaining mortgage bonds appears] Sorry Margot Robbie, I appreciate that you're in a bath and all, but I still don't get it.
- Mad Max: Fury Road (aka Furiosa Road feat. Mad Max):Narrator: Gear up for the most badass nominee for Best Picture since... ever?, as George Miller's brutal world blurs the line between apocalyptic madness, and Australian people... being Australian.
The Dag: He's a crazy smeg who eats schlanger!
Narrator: Hey, it's nominated for Best Picture, not Best Screenplay, alright?
- When it comes to do The Revenant (or as they call it, "Frozen"), they admit that they actually want to do an actual Honest Trailer for it (and they don't have the footage yet), so they're "saving our best jokes for later." Still, they leave this snippet:Narrator: Long story short: Leo grunts his way to an Oscar.
- Given the subject of Spotlight (the child sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic archdiocese of Boston), the trailer has no choice but to Cross the Line Twice, from re-titling it "Newsies (Might Want to Avoid These Houses)" to call it the film "that Bostonians probably wish was set literally anywhere else."Walter "Robby" Robinson: Ninety priests.
Sacha Pfeiffer: Is that possible?
Narrator: But don't worry, they're everywhere. [shows the list of places in the United States and around the world where the Catholic Church has been involved in concealing abuse by priests that closes the film] In this well acted, super depressing episode of Dateline NBC that made audiences everywhere say, "Great, I probably live next to a pedophile priest too."
- Their opinion of Bridge of Spies (or Not Nearly Enough Spies) is that it's:Narrator: A competently made by-the-numbers drama about the Cold War, that your dad definitely saw, and you'll probably catch on a plane sometime, but when you're Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks, even your average movies get nominated for Best Picture by default. Hey, they both had better than this, but c'mon, they've earned it.
- The Martian (aka Survivor: Mars):
- The narrator refers to its director as "the director of your favorite sci-fi movies... and also Prometheus."
- The narrator considers that the film is "basically Cast Away in space, which was technically already Gravity, which makes this... Gravity on Mars?"
- The narrator doesn't pass up the fact that it was considered a "comedy" by the Golden Globes.Narrator: [after showing a scene of Matt Damon's character musing somberly about the possibility of his parents having to be told about his death] Hahaha, get it? It's funny because he thinks that he's never gonna see his family again.
- The narrator pretty much passes up Brooklyn, giving up halfway while describing the plot, admitting that he didn't watch it ("and neither did you"), and ends up renaming it "You Can Only See So Many Movies."
- Room (aka F*cked Up Boyhood):
- While the narrator calls it "one of the best movies of the year," he also notes that "unfortunately, almost shares a title with the worst movie of all time."
- The narrator admits that it's so depressing that the funniest thing they can get from it is a montage of all the times they say "room" in the movie.
- The Big Short (aka No Money Mo Problems):
The Divergent Series: Insurgent
- Insurgent (aka Detergent: Inverted)
- "After the first movie where Tris had to pass a bunch of tests to join a clique, she'll have to pass a bunch of tests to open a box...as the Divergent series tires of recycling other, better YA movies and just decides to rip off The Matrix instead?"Narrator: Ugh, how is this even legal? Warner Bros., you might wanna jump on this.
- Epic Voice Guy once again getting into an arguement with the sound engineer and director, this time insisting that Insurgent and The Maze Runner are one in the same.Narrator: (clips of Insurgent similar to clips in The Maze Runner play back to back) See?! It's the same movie!Director (over intercom): They're different franchises, John.Narrator: So they're just recycling the same plot in a cynical attempt to wring cash out of teenagers?Director: Yeah, pretty much.Narrator: Oh, well, that doesn't seem right.
- "After the first movie where Tris had to pass a bunch of tests to join a clique, she'll have to pass a bunch of tests to open a box...as the Divergent series tires of recycling other, better YA movies and just decides to rip off The Matrix instead?"
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2
- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (aka Mock... Yeah! Ing... Yeah! Jay... Yeah! Part... 2!)
Narrator: Wait, are you kidding me?! They just calmly talk in a rose garden? You call that a satisfying conclussion?! That's like if Kill Bill did never kill Bill!
- "After two child murder Super Bowls, and one unnecessary feature-lenght prologue, strap in for the long-awaited finale, where Katniss Everdeen completes her epic revenge quest to murder President Snow... by not murdering President Snow."
Narrator: Hang on a second: tiger people? Really? Since when there where tiger people in this world? And don't tell me they were in the book, you book people! That so doesn't count!
- The trailer at one point straight-up marking the "all-new Red Shirts" by placing an "X" over them with "Dead" underneath it.
- The narrator doesn't take well the discovery of "tiger people."
Narrator: [after a long montage of pretty much every mayor important character mentioning Peeta ends with Peeta himself saying that they should kill him if necessary] Man, even Peeta is over Peeta.
- "You rolled your eyes in Mockingjay Part 1 when Katniss could not shut the f--k up about saving Peeta. Now cringe as the character evolves from a liability who almost gets people killed to a liability who actively kills people, who no one in the entire franchise can shut the f--k up about."
Narrator: I mean, come on! You're choosing Cake Boss over a Hemsworth? I mean, sure, he was maybe responsible for bombing and killing your sister, but look at this kiss, man!: [shows Katniss and Gale kissing] Now that's what I'm talking about. Now look at you kiss Peeta: [shows Katniss and Peeta kissing] Now let's see that Gale smooch again, in slooow motion: [shows Katniss and Gale kissing again, in slow motion, over a slow jam] See? Now, that's how I would do it— I mean, you know, if I was Katniss. Gale is a total Hunkasaurus Rex that any guy— I, I mean, any girl would be totally lucky to make out with! Why they're putting Peeta on a pedestal? I would totally choose Gale— I mean, you know, if I was Katniss, heh... ah screw it: Gale is hot and I would make out with that face in a heartbeat.
- Finally, ending the Running Gag of the narrator's, um, "admiration" for Gale, he's really dissapointed that at the end, Katniss choose Peeta over Gale.
Narrator: "Peeta..." Let's see, Pan? Haven't we done that already? We really have run out of jokes for the same cast, guys; [referring to Peeta; who ends up credited as "Peeta...Pan?"] "Hey...Mitch, You're Done With These Movies?" Uh, that wasn't even great; [referring to Haymitch Abernathy] "Gale's... Oprah's Friend"? [referring to Gale] Agh, you know what? They didn't put any effort in ending this franchise, so neither will we.
- In the "Starring" list: "Katniss Everdone With These Movies, Mallory Archer (Alma Coin), A Waste of a Perfectly Good Tucci (Caesar Flickerman), ♫ Teenage Foggy Nelson Turtle ♫ (Pollux), 3D Printed Killer Powders (the mutts), More Captain Phasma Than In Star Wars (Commander Lyme)..." Afterwards, however, the narrator starts struggling with naming the characters:
Narrator: Four movies, and the only actual choice Katniss makes is saving her sister in the first one. At least that one worked out. [shows Katniss' sister being killed in a bombing] Oh, nevermind.
- In The Stinger:
- Batman (1989) (aka Batman Burtons):
- "Before Christopher Nolan saved Batman from nipples, raves, and ice puns, Tim Burton had to save him from this:" Cue scenes of the Batman 1966 TV series.Narrator: Holy gritty reboot! Quick, to the Rebootmobile!
- "One man wages a war against crime in an awesome-looking Batsuit... and a severely limited range of motion."Narrator: [after showing scenes of Batman being barely able to move in the Batsuit] Wow, that's stiff. Say what you want about Adam West, but at least he was able to move.
- The narrator has some weird compliments to Michael Keaton:Narrator: Witness one of the best superhero castings of all time in Michael Keaton, a man so perfect for the role, his eyebrows are shaped like the logo. He's a reclusive billonaire dressed like your 10th grade English teacher, who's so unstable...
Bruce Wayne: YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!?!?! COME ON, let's get nuts!
Narrator: ...it actually feels plausible that he would pretend to be a bat and beat up poor people.
- The narrator's attempt to hype up Jack Nicholson's Joker ends up backfiring:Narrator: But the Batman can only be defined by his Joker, and Jack Nicholson is the definitive Joker. Except for Heath Ledger, or if you're a Mark Hamill guy... and Leto looks kinda rad in Suicide Squad. You know, now that I think about it, Nicholson is kind of just doing a Cesar Romero impression. [shows Cesar Romero's Joker's and Jack Nicholson's Joker's laughs] You know what, let's back this up:
Narrator: But the Batman can only be defined by his Joker, and Jack Nicholson is... one of them.
- The trailer demonstrates that this Batman didn't have a Thou Shalt Not Kill rule:Narrator: If you thought Batman had a rule against killing, YOU. WERE. WRONG., as this version of the character ditches beating up criminals and opts for straight-up murder. Fans were ticked off that he's got a gun in the trailer [of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]? This Batman is a serial killer.
[shows montage of mooks getting killed by Batman]
Thug: Don't kill me, man!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you.
Narrator: Nah, he probably is.
- After pointing out that the movie "would set the pace for every comic book movie to follow" ("from trailer hype, to merchandising, to angry fanboy backlash before the movie is even released"), the narrator considers that the movie "checks every box in 'Break the Internet' bingo before there was an internet."Narrator: Let's see here: Change the originnote [check], controversial leadnote [check], kill the hero's main villainnote [check], completely change the costume [check], oh man, I'm on a hot streak; Cast a black guy to play a white guynote [check]. Hey! I got angry internet nerd bingo! Do I win anything?
- In the "Starring" list: Battlejuice, Heeeere's Joker!, Batgirl's Uncle (Alfred), You Either Die A Hero Or Live Long Enough To Be Recast In The Sequel (Harvey Dent), Jack Nicholson's Buddynote (Bob the Goon), and Vicki Vale Screaming.
- "Before Christopher Nolan saved Batman from nipples, raves, and ice puns, Tim Burton had to save him from this:" Cue scenes of the Batman 1966 TV series.
Superman: The Movie
- Superman: The Movie (aka Fun Man of Steel):
- The narrator pointing out that, in reference to Superman getting billed second in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, "even in 1978 Superman still couldn't get top billing in his own movie."note
- The narrator believes that the producers "were too scared" to tell Marlon Brando "that he was mispronouncing Krypton."Narrator: Yeah, he got it wrong, but, would you correct the Godfather?
- When the "spin the Earth backwards to reverse time" scene eventually comes up, the narrator can't help but chime in:Narrator: Uh, hey Supes? I know that [Lois Lane] was your girlfriend, but a couple more spins... could have undone the entire earthquake. Save a few lives, billions of dollars in property damage... but I get it, you're into pink.note
- The narrator calling Lex Luthor "a criminal super genius who dresses like André 3000."
- "Dude, if I wanted to see an industrialist in a bad wig talk about real estate, I'd watch the presidential debates! Heh heh heh, amirite? ZING! Ugh..."
- In the "Starring" list: Friendly Cavill (Superman), White Rashida Jones (Lois Lane), Jesse Eisenberg, Sr. (Lex Luthor), Peter Parker (Jimmy Olsen), and The God's Father (Jor-El).
- In The Stinger, regarding baby Superman being found stark naked:Narrator: Was it necessary to see baby Superman's bait and tackle?
- The Revenant (aka Hugh Glass and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day):
- The trailer begins with:
- The narrator says that the film "put the cast through physical and mental torture to film, and put the audience through two and a half hours of mild boredom to watch." (referring mostly to the many Leave the Camera Running shots of the film.)Narrator: [while showing the many shots of the sky through the film] Yep, that's the sky. Yep, still the sky. Oh look, there's the sky again. Sky's not going anywhere. Another sky shot, oh goody. Oh look at that, it's the sky, again. Did they just put the camera down and forget it was rolling? Aaaand sky.
- The narrator says that the movie was Oscar Bait, but that in any case, it was "released in a year where [DiCaprio's] biggest competition [for Best Actor Award] was this:" Cue to a scene of Bryan Cranston as Dalton Trumbo in Trumbo.Narrator: Seriously, if he lost to Communist Heisenberg, we'd riot.
- The narrator comparing the two "powerhouse performances you won't be able to understand" of Leo's "full range of emotional grunting" and Tom Hardy "mumbling about pelts" to those "in the grand tradition of Nell and Pootie Tang."
- The narrator says that the film has "occasional bursts of extreme violence to wake you up that will shock you, then bore you, then get so over the top, it's one music change away from becoming Jackass..." Cue the dangerous scenes being set to "Corona" while being interspliced with scenes of and Johnny Knoxville and co. laughing.
- The narrator credits Leonardo DiCaprio as..."Academy Award winner Leonardo DiCaprio," and then adds, "Oh, it feels so good to say that!" Also doubles as an awesomenote and heartwarmingnote moment for longtime fans of the actor.
- In The Stinger:
The Force Awakens
- Star Wars: The Force Awakens (aka Star Wars: A Familiar Hope):
- The trailer begins with, "The following trailer is rated S for 'Spoilers'. But come on, you know you're already seen this movie."
- The narrator admits that the movie had to do a lot of multitasking.
- Since the film draws so many parallels with the original Star Wars trilogy, an old face (well, voice) appears:Narrator: The Force has awakened, and its first order is to revitalize the franchise, while setting the stage for an amazing expansion of the Star Wars cinematic universe...
Original Narrator: ...By shamelessly remaking A New Hope.
Narrator: What the— Who are you?
Original Narrator: I'm the original Honest Trailer voice, and the originals are always better.
Narrator: Yeah, you wish! Now put down, I got the best movie of the year to talk about.
Original Narrator: Best? Oh man... I'm not going anywhere; someone has to stop you from going full fanboy.
Narrator: Aw, I got a bad feeling about this.
- Starring: Lei-AARP (Leia), MaRey Sue (Rey), Better Anakin (Kylo Ren), FN-2187. Hey, that's my PIN number! (Finn), Han Poelo (Poe Dameron), Emperor Voldemort (Snoke), R2D2-2 (BB-8), Han So Long (Han Solo), [...] and Butthole Eyes (Maz Kanata).
- In the end, they are joined by other Epic Voice Guys, such as the one who did the first ever Honest Trailer for The Phantom Menace and the guy who did the one for Avatar, and Mr. Plinkett.
The Jungle Book (1967)
- The Jungle Book (aka The Jungle Bore):
- The trailer begins with:
- The recap of the plot:Narrator: Before you catch the latest live-action remake of an old Disney classic, go inside The Jungle Book... book movie, for a bear-ly feature-length collection of random scenes, tied together by a plot as thin as an orphan's loincloth, as this young boy is passed from one jokey, singing animal to another until a tiger finally shows up and probably burns to death. The end.
- The trailer shows that several of the same shots and character animations were reused through the movie, showing the shots side by side for comparison, and that some shots from the movie made it into other Disney movies over the years, such as 101 Dalmatians, The Sword in the Stone, and Robin Hood.Narrator: That's like... Michael Bay lazy!
- The traditional song parodies appear, even though, besides "that great song", "you couldn't name [the other songs] even with a gun in your head", such as:
- The "'Is this even a song?' song" ("Colonel Hathi's March"):There's no need to sing along
'Cause this barely is a song
It's so monotone
It's a boring drone [yawning sound]
That there's no need to prolong
So let's skip this boring song [and the trailer does]
- The "'Time-killing jibbery' song" ("I Wan'na Be Like You"):Ooh be dime (Gib-ber-ish)
'I gotta kill some screen time (This song is 4 minutes long)
Zee dobba zee dop zime (Huh?)
Wee dop wime (What?)
Mi-yi-me (Hey, as long as it rhymes)
- The "'Touchy Uncle' song" ("Trust in Me"):I'm a creep
Don't trust me
Like a van
With free candy
- There's of course the obligatory "porking" song ("My Own Home"):Lead you on
'Lead you on
I'll flirt with you from a distance
Til the day that we can pork
- And "the only song that you actually remember" ("Bare Necessities"):Look, you're a homeless refugee
Red-diapered homeless refugee
If you don't starve
You'll get eaten alive
Yes you're a liability
Who almost ends up killin' me
In real life, I would eat you
- The "'Is this even a song?' song" ("Colonel Hathi's March"):
- In the "Starring" list: Jumowgli (Mowgli), The Big Balooski (Baloo), Black Panther (Bagheera), Tiger Scar (Shere Khan), The Exact Same Voice As Winnie the Pooh. Creepy, Right? (Kaa), and Louie Armslong (King Louie).
- Superman Returns (aka Man of Feels):
- In the beginning, the narrator considers that the movie ended up stuck in an awkward place in the history of Superman movies:
- The narrator's opinion of Superman...:
- ...and Lex Luthor:Narrator: But Supes isn't the only throwback in this Donner party; Kevin Spacey stars as Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor, with his life sentence overturned in the worst court decision since O.J....
Jimmy Olsen: Well, the appeals court called Superman as a witness and he wasn't around.
Narrator: ...Lex is free to pursuit his stupid real estate schemes, with his stupid sidekicks, and collection of stupid wigs. [after showing a wig similar to Lex Luthor's hair in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice] Whoa, no way, did that wig grow to become Jesse Eisenberg?
- After showing Lois Lane denying her relationship with Superman to her fiancé Richard White, the narrator realizes that:Narrator: James Marsden has now lost girls to Superman, Wolverine,note and Ryan freaking Gosling,note and in the end gets rewarded for his loyalty by raising a kid who might not even be his.
[cut to the scene of Jason shoving a piano to one of Luthor's mooks]
Maury Povich: [as a dumbfounded Richard White is shown] You are NOT the father!
- The narrator's take on the film's use of the Messianic Archetype:Narrator: Suit up in your Sunday best, because if you though that Zack Snyder was way too on the nose with the Jesus imagery, [shows a scene from Man of Steel in which Clark Kent is seen in front of a Jesus mosaic] Bryan Singer really nails you in the wrist with it; as Superman falls from the sky in cross arms, has his side pierced with a spear, dies and comes back to life, and flies to heaven listening to prayers. Which is pretty ironic considering that Superman was invented by two Jewish guys from Cleveland.
- The narrator does concede that "Superman rescues a ton of people" through the film, but even then he "still has time to be a boring mopey dick."Narrator: See Zack? You can have it both ways.
- And then there's the final battle...:Narrator: ...Where Superman faces off against... an inanimate island. Ugh.
- In the "Starring" list: Christopher Routh (Superman), Damsel in Dis Dress (Lois Lane), House of Shards (Lex Luthor), Super Muppet (Jason White), Sighclops (Richard White), Kal-El Penn (one of Lex Luthor's henchmen), The Batman v. Superman Script (the headlines The Daily Planet has prepared for Superman's death or recovery), and Why Is Parker Posey In This Movie, And Why Is She Holding An Enormous Glass of Olives? (Kitty Kowalski).
Game of Thrones Vol. 2
- Game of Thrones Vol. 2 (aka Clash of Clans):
- The trailer does a "Previously On " about the first Game of Thrones Honest Trailer. It simply consists of Tyrion Lannister slapping Joffrey Baratheon, Daenerys shouting "Where are my dragons?!", Catelyn Stark screaming in anguish, and showing Daenerys naked, as the Epic Voice Guys says "BEWBS!"
- Once again, the narrator gleefully hums along the show's theme song.Narrator: ♫ Time for Honest Trailer's Game of Thrones... ♫ Duh-duh! Duh-nuh-duh-duh! Duh-nuh-duh-duh! How is that song so good?!
- "Return to TV's most expensive-looking Renaissance fair, where the grounded realism of the first three seasons has slowly given way to crazy heavy metal album art."
- The narrator complains that the show keeps "introduing new and exciting characters to root for, then finds new and exciting ways to kill them off." He concludes that:
- The narrator has no time to celebrate that the character he most wanted dead, "King Justin Bieber" (Joffrey Baratheon) is dead, as "a new smirking piece of sh*t will take his place as the fictional character you most want dead," in reference to Ramsay Bolton. He then points out that he wished that Joffrey died in the previous Game of Thrones Honest Trailer and he died shortly after, so he decides to try his luck once again.Narrator: And since this worked so well when I said it last time: God, if he doesn't die this season, I'm gonna f*cking kill him myself! He's like, invincible Joffrey! Piece of sh*t!
- Once again, the narrator is gleeful at seeing all the BEWBS of Westeros, complete with the montage of them being set to the same epic music... until he sees Cersei's boobs from the Walk of Shame, and the epic music is cut short. He says that he does't want so see these boobs because "these boobs are too wrapped up in Character Development," but that at least the boobs can't get any worse... until he sees Melisandre's boobs from "The Red Woman" just after the reveal that she's a centuries-old woman and her young, attractive looks are an illusion. You know the ones by now.Narrator: Oh. AHHH! I was so wrong! OH MY EYES! THEY BURN! Go to Starring! GO TO STARRING!
- Starring: Cruelty, Animal Cruelty, Slaps, Nods, Eye Rolls, Littlefinger's Accent, Littlefinger's OTHER Accent, Dongs, Butts, Stannis Brooding In A Dark Room, Shae Being Called a Whore, and the Lannister Family's Drinking Problem.
Captain America (1990)
- Captain America (1990) (aka Craptain America):
- Due to the Retraux nature of the trailer, the narrator is incredulous that Marvel Comics could produce anything resembling a good movie.Narrator: You've already sat through Marvel's pathetic attempts at a live-action Spider-Man, Thor, Daredevil, and Punisher. But Marvel's not done embarrassing themselves yet, in a movie so bad, it wasn't even released in theaters: Captain America, the one you rented from Blockbuster Video.
Narrator: It's 1990, and DC rules the cimemas. [shows Batman and Superman from their respective movies] Now, laugh when the desperate Marvel scrambles to get it together in this rushed attempt to catch up with Batman and Superman's critical and box office dominance.
- The narrator shows that the Marvel/DC situation isn't the only thing that has turned the movie into a Unintentional Period Piece.Narrator: The President has been kidnapped for taking a stand on the only issue that matters in the nineties: the enviroment. Now, after spending forty years frozen in a tiny snowbank, Cap must deal with the culture shock of today's America.
Sharon Cooperman: I guess that there isn't any VCRs from where you are.
- The narrator noting that the Red Skull got hit with Adaptational Nationality, with his nationality being changed from German to Italian for this movie for some reason.Red Skull: It's him.
Red Skull's daughter: Who, papa?
Red Skull: [in the heaviest Italian accent possible] Captain America.
Narrator: Mamma mia— What a piece of crap!
- "Stare at Captain America's rubber ears and wonder: Why does Captain America have rubber ears? Couldn't they just, you know, cut a hole for the actor's human ears?"
- The narrator noting the amount of bizarre jumpcuts in action scenes, with the scene shown having 31 in the span of about 10 seconds.
- Starring: The Captain in the Rye (Captain America), Reaganstein (Red Skull), Budget Meg Ryan (Sharon Cooperman), and the cast from A Christmas Story? Huh, That's Weird (referring to the actors who played Mr. and Mrs. Parker being in the movie).
- The Stinger giving one last It Will Never Catch On moment.
- Due to the Retraux nature of the trailer, the narrator is incredulous that Marvel Comics could produce anything resembling a good movie.
- Deadpool (2016) (aka Ferris Bueller Jerks Off):
- The opening has an overwhelming amount of "Do Deadpool!" posts, rivaling other hyper-popular films.
- The narrator lists off the films Deadpool outgrossed, including both Thor films, both Captain America films (minus Captain America: Civil War at this point), and The Amazing Spider-Man Series, then ends up sounding increasingly incredulous when he realizes that the list also includes Guardians of the Galaxy, all films in the X-Men Film Series and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
- The Narrator calls it Fox's hugely successful comic book movie, that never would have been made had if it hadn't been someone behind the scenes who dared to leak the test footage.
- And just after that list, Deadpool himself (as in, played by Ryan Reynolds) shows up.Narrator: [regarding its success] ...likely prompting a new wave of R-rated superhero films.
Deadpool: So, when Aquaman starts throwing out sperm whale jokes, you know who to thank.
Narrator: Holy crap, Deadpool?!
Deadpool: No, it's Rhythm Nation-era Janet Jackson. Yeah! I'm motherf***ing Deadpool!
Narrator: Wow! You showing up in your own Honest Trailer? That's so meta!
Deadpool: Well, it's kind of my thing. Shall we?
Narrator: Let's do this!
- This gem:Deadpool: And more dick jokes than you can shake a sack full of dicks at!
- When the Narrator states that the movie's Comedic Sociopathy makes it look like a "really expensive, longer episode of Family Guy":Deadpool: Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, wh-wh-which season of Family Guy are we talking about?
Narrator: Let's saaay...fourth?
Deadpool: Oh, okay. I--I can take that.
- When the narrator says that, while the filmmakers did "beautifully make fun of all the superhero genre's clichés", they also did "the same old conventional love story and a by-the-numbers revenge plot we've seen a million times before", he soon comes to regret it.Deadpool: Whoa whoa who, simmer down, big boy. "By-the-numbers"? The f**k is that supposed to mean?
Narrator: Hey, I said I liked it in the beginning. I think it's fair to point out some flaws, too.
Deadpool: Oh, "fair". You think I give a moist bag of soggy ***-lint about "fair"? Deadpool is the highest-grossing R-rated movie of all time! Except for Jesus.
Deadpool: Everyone's sucking my d**k now. And you sure as s**t should be too, you back-ass twaddle-f**k. And what the f**k is with these beeps?
Narrator: You know, kids watch these videos, Mr. Pool.
Deadpool: Kids f**king love it when I curse. S**t! F**k! ***ag! Turbo boner! Mh-hm, that felt good.
- Deadpool revealing that he's only there because the home release for the movie came out that day.Deadpool: Look, the only reason I'm here is to promote Deadpool, which is now on Blu-ray and DVD — blah blah blah blah blah like anyone still buys those glorified f**king drink coasters. So let's be real, Honest Trailer Guy: I'm way too big of a deal to be slumming it in some played out web series.
Narrator: [sighs, with a defeated tone] Yeah, commenters do say we're not as funny as we used to be.
Deadpool: Now, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee? That's a show I should do.
- The reveal that Deadpool is actually a fan of the "Starring" part, or as he calls it:Deadpool: Hey hey hey, can I listen to you do the Honest Names? I love that part.
Narrator: Honest... Names?
Deadpool: You know, the bit you do at the end of your videos that we, uh, quote, "borrowed" for our opening credits.
Narrator: Well, at least you're admitting it! Let me show you how it's done.
Deadpool: Great! Just make it snappy, I have to crank out some Deadpool React videos now that those brothers aren't suing people anymore.
Narrator: Starring: Freak in the Streets, But a Freak in the Sheets (Vanessa), Yakov Strongoff (Colossus), A T.J. Miller Type (Weasel), ♫ Teenage Mutant Nega Sonic ♫ (Negasonic Teenage Warhead), Stan Lee Between Movies (Stan Lee),note and...
Deadpool: Oh oh oh oh! Can I do this one?
Narrator: Sure, it's all yours.
Deadpool: And, as the fetid testicle wrestler, Van Even Wilder.
- In The Stinger:
X-Men: The Animated Series
- X-Men: The Animated Series (aka X-Men: Better Than The Movies):
- The narrator saying that the series is "wrapped up in a theme song that's been stuck in your head for decades."
- The narrator says that the X-Men team is actually pretty similar to the one from the movies, except for some changes:Narrator: Suit up with a X-Men team you're pretty damn familiar with by now, who are all pretty much the same as their movie counterparts, except the spandex is yellower, the Rogues are sexier, and Jubilee is a main character, for some reason. Because what the X-Men really need is a mall rat with the power of sparkles. Stop trying to make Jubilee happen, show, it's not gonna happen.
- The narrator's way of praising the series for how they brough classic storylines to life... while also pointing out its faults in other departments.Narrator: Return to the mid-nineties on Fox, where inbetween reruns of Eek! The Cat and Power Rangers, you'd watch the X-Men bring classic storylines to life, like: The Phoenix Saga, that was so much better than X3; Days of Future Past, that's as good as Days of Future Past; and the Weapon X episode that's so much better than Wolverine Origins, you'll almost give them a pass for the half of season five where they moved production to the Philippines.
[shows a scene from said season, with some obvious botched animation]
Narrator: Yeesh, don't get any ideas, Singer.
- The narrator touches the X-Men's aesop of fighting prejudice, but finds that in this series the aesop was rather... broken.Narrator: Prepare for a series that's about so much more than fighting supervillains, it's also about fighting prejudice, as racists and bigots of all stripes are defeated by: A stereotypical Southerner (Rogue), a stereotypical Cajun (Gambit), stereotypical Russian (Colossus), and stereotypical German (Nightcrawler). Because nothing defeats stereotypes like a different, more powerful stereotype.
- The narrator concludes that overall the series is "great despite being very much a product of its time." Cue the scene of Cyclops answering to a Sentinel's order to surrender with, "Of course... NOT!" (as seen on The Nostalgia Critic) and Morph saying "Makin' copies!" The narrator also states that it "might be the second best superhero series ever made. And when first place is Batman, second place ain't half bad!"
- Starring: Sentinels Sucking at Their Jobs (shows Sentinels, well, sucking at their jobs), Storm Yelling at Nature (shows Storm loudly calling for the elements), Awesome Easter Eggs (shows cameos of Cable, The Punisher,note Ms. Marvel/Carol Danvers, Deadpool, Doctor Strange, and Spider-Man), Wolverine Trying to Curse (shows Wolverine doing some mild cussing, like "Gutter trash!"), Cliffhangers (shows the series' many "To Be Continued..." endings), Wolverine Grunting (shows Wolverine grunting), Scott and Jean Yelling Each Other's Names (shows the many instances of Scott and Jean yelling each other's names), and Jean Grey's X-Gasms (shows many of Jean's rather, ahem, impassioned sighing and groaning.)Narrator: Is it weird that this is... kinda turning me on?
- In The Stinger:Narrator: You know the only thing better than the intro? The Japanese intro.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of Their Shells
- For the first time ever, no one apparently came forward with video requests. (The fact that probably no one expected them to do a Honest Trailer for a live musical probably had something to do with that.)Narrator: Well, this is awkward. Nobody ever asked for what we're about to do. But we think you'll love it anyway.
- The narrator goes to town about the music featured:Narrator: Prepare to be blown away by music someone thought was good enough to play in public; like this lame Beach Boys knock-off, this rap that makes Vanilla Ice look like Tupac, the one where they just yell at you to be straight,note April O'Neil's power ballad, and Splinter's... weird, slow Bruce Springsteen homage? Huh?
[shows a clip of Splinter's performance of "Skipping Stones"]
Narrator: He can make a funny, but he can not make a sing-y.
- The narrator praises that in the show "at least you can get five minutes of Shredder roasting an audience of children." Cue Shredder doing a couple of Boring Insults, then doing one just bordering on Getting Crap Past the Radar:Shredder: Is that your mom? How would you like a one-way ticket to my Technodrome?
Narrator: AWWW BURN! You heard that little boy? Shredder's gonna pork your mom, bro!
- "Strap in for a concert film only the Black Nerd could love." Cut to the Black Nerd himself.The Black Nerd: [holding a VHS of the concert] Yeah... ♫ Out of our shells... ♫
- When the narrator thinks he's seen the Turtles franchise at its lowest, somebody appears to show him some even crappier Turtles material:Narrator: ...in what has to be the worst thing ever made with the Ninja Turtles in it.
The Nostalgia Critic: Not so fast, Honest Trailer Guy!
Narrator: Who are you?
The Nostalgia Critic: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I wade through the crap of yesteryear so you don't have to.
Narrator: I just waded through a lot of crap, my friend.
The Nostalgia Critic: Oh, the Ninja Turtles suck pile goes even deeper than you know. How about We Wish You a Turtles Christmas?
The Nostalgia Critic: The musical Christmas special, of course! Check it out!
[cut to the special, where Leonardo sings a reggae version of "Deck The Halls (With Pepperoni)"]
Narrator: Aw jeez, why does Leonardo have a Jamaican accent?!
The Nostalgia Critic: Nobody knows. How about Turtle Tunes? The one where they reworked public domain songs with lyrics about stranger danger?
[cut to the Turtles singing a song named "Don't Talk To Strangers"]
Narrator: What the—?! How many musicals did they make?!
The Nostalgia Critic: Just a few more. So, you say you love Out of Their Shells?
The Nostalgia Critic: Well, then you'll love their even lower-budget follow-up Getting Down in Your Town!
[shows a clip from it]
Narrator: Augh! Stop, please! OK, I've had enough—!
The Nostalgia Critic: [leans towards the camera with a maniac glare and slasher smile] Now watch their appereance on Oprah!
[cut to the Turtles on Oprah, in which one of them says that he's tried to talk April O'Neil into an interspecies relationship for months]
The Nostalgia Critic: [pointing at a kid in the crowd] Look at that kid, he's f*cking terrified!
Narrator: [depressed] I don't need this...
The Nostalgia Critic: [getting more worked up] Regis and Kathie Lee!
[shows the Turtles on Regis and Kathie's show]
The Nostalgia Critic: [frantic] Barbara Walters!
[shows the Turtles on Barbara Walters' show, with one of them crying Ocular Gushers]
Narrator: Oh I can't take it anymore!
The Nostalgia Critic: Now feast your eyes on this promotional video for the LA subway system!
[shows the video, which includes the Turtles]
Narrator: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!?!?! I HATE THE PAST!!! DAMN YOU NOSTALGIA CRITIC!!!
The Nostalgia Critic: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
- The "Starring" list? Simply "Absolutely Nothing of Value." And the suggested new title? "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Your Childhood Always Sucked (You Just Didn't Know It)"
- In The Stinger, all the narrator can muster to say after all that is:Narrator: Man, the past... is really weird.
- Zootopia (aka Paw and Order *CHUNG-CHUNG*):
- At the very beginning, the narrator isn't sure who to credit for the film:
- The narrator credits the movie for "finally [getting] people to stop talking about Frozen."Chief Bogo: Let. It. Go.
- The narrator wonders about the circumstances that led to a world populated by anthropomorphic animals:Narrator: [in his lighthearted voice for children's movies] Journey to Zootopia, a place with 12 unique ecosystems [...] that's either an impossibly advanced paradise where animals live together in harmony, [switches to his epic voice] or a palace built for our mammal overlords in the ashes of an extinct human world after war and famine wiped us from the Earth. [switches back to his lighthearted voice] You know, one of the two!
- "Fall in love with smart, complex animal characters and their lazily forced pun names."Narrator: Like Judy... Hopps. Get it? Cause she's... [sighs]
- The narrator going into a rant while describing Judy's job:Narrator: ...cinema's most likable meter maid. Actually, cinema's only likable meter maid, because seriously? Meter maids are the worst! I mean, come on! I was only in there for like five minutes, and no, you haven't written your little ticket yet, cause I can see [descends into Angrish] your stupid little machine right there! Get a real job, lady!
Young Hippo: My mommy says says she wishes you were dead.
Narrator: So do I! Argh! Get it together, man...
- After pointing out that Judy and Nick Wilde form a sort of Interspecies Romance, he laments that "sadly, they'll never be able to consumate" it:Narrator: Not because I'm speciesist or anything, it's just that nobody in this movie has any genitals, or even, you know, a butt... hole. Seriously, how anyone goes to the bathroom in this place?
- The narrator concludes that the teachings about discrimination in the movie "will either teach your kids to be more tolerant, or turn them into a furry."
- He then uses Some of My Best Friends Are X to disprove that he's species-ist, only to dig himself deeper in the process.
- Starring: NYPD Bluth (Nick Wilde), The Part in the Trailer That Made You Want to See the Movie (the sloth), Buff-A-Luther (Chief Bogo), Baaaaaaad (Dawn Bellwether), Mayor Mufasa (Mayor Leodore Lionheart), Shakira As Shakira (Gazelle), Your Stereotypical Italian Mobster (Mr. Big), Your Stereotypical Donut Eating Cop (Officer Clawhauser), Your Stereotypical Dumb Southerner (Gideon Grey), and Hot Fuzz (Judy Hopps).Narrator: Get it? Cause she's a bunny cop, but she's hot too!— Wait, I can say that she's hot too, right? Dang it, am I a racist and a furry now? Ah, this movie is such a minefield!
- In The Stinger:
- Finding Nemo (aka Taken):
- The narrator starts the trailer saying that everybody is hoping for the sequel to be "a little more Toy Story 2 than Cars 2."
- "Meet Marlin, a dad coping with living through the first 10 minutes of a Pixar movie."Narrator: He'll do whatever it takes to get [his son] back, even if it means taking advantage of the mentally-handicapped. But when the handicapped fish is Ellen, it's okay.
- While describing Dory, the narrator starts worrying about the choice of her being the protagonist for the sequel:Narrator: Fall in love with, and quickly get sick of, Dory, the fish version of the kid who asks their parents what's happening every five seconds, [cue a montage of Dory asking questions] who can't remember anything unless it's convenient to the plot, which makes her a really weird choice for her own solo movie. Man, Pixar better not be going Minions on us. Never go full Minion.
- The narrator describes the journey of Marlin and Dory as combining "the wonder of The Little Mermaid, the excitement of The Great Escape, and the musical talents of Ellen DeGeneres." Cue Dory's awful singing.
- The narrator talking about the movie's aesop of having Marvin leting go his fear that the ocean is trying to kill him, even through the movie seems to back him up on that claim by depicting the ocean as a "non-stop murder parade":Narrator: Holy crap, the ocean's scary! I think I'm just gonna stay on land where it's safe.
[cut to the "MINE!" scene]
Narrator: AW COME ON!!!
- In a bit of Black Comedy, the narrator pointing out the movie's famous case of Misaimed Fandom:Narrator: Reel in the Pixar classic everyone took the wrong lessons from, leading to the capture of thousands of actual Nemos, the death of countless fish that kids tried to free down the toilet, and four new seafood restaurants for complete sociopaths. [shows the marquees of four seafood restaurants, all named "Frying Nemo"] That's messed up, dude. Don't make me think about what I'm eating.
- While the trailer calls the movie "another fantastic Pixar movie", he also credits it to how it "executes their assembly-line formula perfectly":Narrator: With an emotional jarring opening, a sentimental protagonist-wacky sidekick duo, and just enough poop jokes to entertain your kids.
- Starring: Mr. Mom (Marlin), Memento (Dory), Fishstick (Nemo), Michelangelo (Crush), Willem Dafin (Gill), and The Walking Dead Season 4 (Coral, while showing the scenes of Marlin calling for her)Explanation
- In The Stinger:Narrator: Did you know that clownfish are hermaphrodites? That means that when a female dies, the dominant male changes his gender and mates with the next male in line. [shows Marlin and Nemo hugging] Oh no!
- Pixels (aka Sh*tsels):
- The narrator calling it "the movie that proves that a fun premise, a good director, and Peter Dinklage are still no match for Adam Sandler."
- The narrator has some trouble remembering the last funny Adam Sandler movie.
- The narrator refering to the fact that it was based on a short film that "sparked a bidding war that Adam Sandler won, and so, America lost."
- The narrator's reaction to Kevin James playing the President of the United States. After showing a scene of James doing an incredibly goofy dance while "Hail to the Chief" plays, all the narrator can muster is let go a pained sigh.
- When the narrator expects the movie to star Sandler's usual guys, he's surprised to see his new co-stars:
- The narrator finally has had it when:
- Starring: They're Not Gonna Laugh At You (Adam Sandler); Perl Blerp: Merl Cerp (Kevin James), A Lannister Must Have Needed To Pay His Debts (Peter Dinklage), No-Laf (Josh Gad), Jar Jar Blinks (Q*bert), and Cuuuuubes.
- In The Stinger:
- Jaws (aka Shark Tale):
- The narrator describing the movie as "the thriller that earned [Steven Spielberg] enough good will to make up for a million Crystal Skulls. OK, one Crystal Skull."
- The narrator reflects on how the movie used Nothing Is Scarier... because the makers didn't have a choice.Narrator: Experience one of the scariest monster movies of all time... with barely any monster in it, that managed to scare the crap out of you with two musical notes, the occasional fin, and some barrels... because Spielberg didn't really have a choice.
Steven Spielberg: It was frustating, it didn't really work all the time, it didn't work, hardly at all.
Narrator: Thank God it didn't work; [showing when the shark finally appears on camera while attacking the Orca in the climax] any more of that thing would make Jaws I look like Jaws IV.
[shows scenes of the Special Effects Failure-laden shark from Jaws IV]
- "People are dying on Amity Island, and only one monster is to blame — The Mayor!"Narrator: Watch as this horrible man, and his even more horrible blazers, do everything they can to keep business going, no matter how many girls, dogs, children, docks, guys and other guys keep getting eaten.
Mayor Larry Vaughn: But those beaches will be open for this weekend!
Mayor Larry Vaughn: We need summer dollars!
Narrator: He is so getting named in a class action suit after this.
- The narrator's description of our three protagonists:Narrator: Out for vengeance is Chief Brody, a cop who wants to keep everyone safe [shows a montage of scenes of Brody drinking] while getting a good buzz going.
Chief Brody: I can do anything, I'm the chief of police.
Narrator: He'll take to the sea with Hooper, the original Instagram hipster...
Hooper: Would you please go to the end of the pulpit?!
Brody: What for?!
Hooper: I need to have something in the foreground to give it some scale!
Narrator: ... and Quint, a grizzled old fish encyclopedia. [cut to scenes of Quint mentioning many types of marine life]
- The narrator says that Quint "sails out to do two things: Kill sharks and sing sea shanties." Just as he is about to add "and he's all out of sea [shanties]", he gets interrupted by Quint singing more sea shanties. This goes on for a long while, until the narrator just gives up and says "...and he's dead", and shows Quint's death scene.
- While the narrator says that it inspired other great horror movies like Alien, he also adds that it inspired "every sci-fi movie that combines sharks with tornadoes, an octopus, or Tara Reid."
- "So before you see the Spielberg film about a big friendly giant, revisit the film about a big f*cking shark..."
- The narrator tries to find An Aesop about the film's making:
- Starring: SeaQuest (Brody), '70s Paul Giamatti (Hooper), Captain AAhab (Quint), When You Fish Upon A Star (a shooting star seen in a scene), The Universal Studios Tour (the shark), This Guy (the guy who says "A what?" when Hooper says "Tiger shark"), The Part That Made You Poop Your Pants (the Peek-a-Boo Corpse found by Hooper), Legs, More Legs, and Seriously, What's With This Movie And Legs? (the many shots of legs through the movie).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: You know the book this was based on was set on the Jersey Shore, right? That would have been a way different movie.
[shows a typical scene from Jersey Shore]
Narrator: Get'em shark, get'em!
Big Hero 6
- Big Hero 6 (aka The Incredi-Tweens):
- The narrator starts the trailer calling it the movie that "made you laugh, cry, won an Oscar, and best of all: isn't Frozen."
- Pointing out that the movie might as well being a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie:Narrator: Prepare for a movie based on a Marvel comic you had no idea existed, that Disney removed all the Marvel branding from, and didn't tie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, despite the fact that it has a team of quippy heroes going up against a forgettable villain with a vague plan in a final battle with a sky-based doomsday device made by disposable robots, and an after-credits scene with Stan Lee. I mean, come on, this is the Marvel-iest non-Marvel movie ever!
- The narrator's description of Baymax:Narrator: Meet Baymax, an adorable combination of WebMD and a marshmallow. He's the inflatable robo-nurse everyone wants to cuddle with, until you realize that he's voiced by the depressed middle-aged comedy writer from 30 Rock. Ew.
Narrator: Baymax is bae!
- The narrator says that the protagonists, college kids, "create billion-dollar inventions and get rewarded with... dinner. Just like the NCAA."
- Starring: Obamacare (Baymax), ♫ Hiro? Is It Me You're Looking For? ♫ (Hiro), A T.J. Miller Type (Fred), Human Segway (GoGo Tomago), Dreadlock Psylocke (Wasabi), April O'Nerd (Honey Lemon), and Spooooky LEGOs (the microbots).
- Ghostbusters II (aka Ghostbusters II: The Secret of the Ooze):
- "Before you see the reboot that the internet thinks will be an unfunny attempt to cash in on your nostalgia from the original Ghostbusters, revisit the unfunny attempt at a sequel that kinda already took care of that."
- The narrator is not happy with the Sequel Reset that had the people of New York convincing themselves into believing the events of the first movie were all a hoax.Narrator: It's been five years since the Ghostbusters saved New York from a ghostpocalypse. Now everybody believes they're frauds for some reason.
Kid: My dad says you guys are full of crap.
Narrator: Did your dad not live in New York five years ago?
Jack Hardemeyer: ...two-bit frauds and publicity hounds like you and your friends!
Narrator: Seriously; did everybody just forget that the city was invaded by actual ghosts?
Judge: So I don't wanna hear a lot of malarkey about goblins, spooks, and demons.
Narrator: Malarkey? What about the hundred foot tall marshmallow man who destroyed part of the city? Remember: Gozer? Zuul? Huge earthquakes that swallowed the city blocks? Dogs and cats living together?
- After giving a side by side comparison to the first movie, pointing out how the plot is identical to the first film.Narrator: [annoyed] It's exactly the same as the first movie! But bad!
- The narrator thinks that Vigo the Carpathian should've taken a second calling:Narrator: Introducing Vigo the Carpathian, an evil painting who really should have stuck to writing metal lyrics.
Vigo the Carpathian: [with a heavy metal riff dubbed over in the background] On a mountain of skulls, in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood.
Narrator: Hell yeah! That painting is awesome! Right? [beat, then sighs] Argh, this movie sucks...
- The narrator chalks up still feeling nice to see the main characters onscreen together despite not liking their sequel to that "every generation has their Hangover II."
- After bringing up again the people who criticized the new Ghostbusters movie online before it even came out, the narrator lists all the things that already put a damper on the franchise besides Ghostbusters II:Narrator: Unless you think that the franchise was already ruined by the terrible video game, or that other terrible video game, or Extreme Ghostbusters, or this embarrassing cameo in the Casper movie:
Ray Stantz: Who You Gonna Call? Someone else.
Narrator: ...or the fact that Bill Murray doesn't want to do another Ghostbusters, or that Rick Moranis gave up acting, or that Harold Ramis passed away, or that Dan Aykroyd is losing his mind.
Dan Aykroyd: I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact, with any alien species out there, especially after 9/11.
Narrator: But hey! Ernie Hudson is available for whatever you got! Sequels, reboots, children's birthday parties. Ghostbusters III: Ernie's Gotta Eat.
- Starring: Elwood Boos (Ray Stantz), Harold Ramissed (Egon Spengler), Ringo (Winston Zeddemore), A Very Murray Sequel (Peter Venkman), Ripley and Newt (Dana and Oscar), Honey, I Busted the Ghost (Louis Tully), The Only Guy Having Fun In This Movie (Janosz Poha), The Photobooth Pinch Filter (Vigo the Carpathian being distorted by the positive slime), Claudio Miranda (Vigo the Carpathian), The Stuff They Make Chicken McNuggets Out Of (the slime), and The Comment Section of the New Ghostbusters Trailer (Ray Stantz yelling at the negative slime).
- In The Stinger, the narrator muses that even the original movie might have also ruined something...cue clips of the obscure and cheesy 1975 low-budget TV show The Ghost Busters, which later spawned its own animated sequel, Filmation's Ghostbusters.Narrator: Yep, that was a thing.note
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
- Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (aka Fans v Batman v Superman v Critics v Other Fans v Executives v Zack Snyder v Expectations: Can't Do Them All Justice):note
- "From Zack Snyder and his accurately named production company (Cruel and Unusual Films), comes the blockbuster that united the world's two biggest superheroes...and divided everyone else."
- The narrator considers that the movie was "a cool new Batman movie trapped inside a boring, convulted Superman sequel trapped inside...whatever cartoon Lex Luthor is from."
- At one point the narrator gets so fed up with Superman being so brooding rather than attempting to defend himself from the media circus that he starts yelling at him things he could do to stop people from hating him, finishing off with "do some carpool karaoke and sing that Five for Fighting song!" ("Superman").Narrator: ♫ I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane... ♫
- Like in Man of Steel, the narrator is still not impressed with Superman, but is still pleased that he's still such a beefcake.Narrator: Those abs are so good, [pans to a pair of fried eggs that Superman is cooking, that look quite fake] you won't even notice how fake those eggs are.
- The narrator's way of complimenting Wonder Woman:Narrator: ...also, everything Wonder Woman did was really cool. Sorry if that seems kind of tacked-on and out-of-place. But y'know, so was she.
- The narrator starts recounting Lex Luthor's Evil Plan, but soon realizes that it's too long and complicated, so he asks if there can be a list recounting its steps. There are no less than twenty six steps to Lex's plan, some even had sub-sections.16. Pee in a jar? Man, this is complicated.
- After reading through Lex Luthor's year-long plan to kill Superman, the narrator cries out in frustration over how Luthor threw everything but the kitchen sink into his scheme. Cut to Batman braining Superman with a bathroom sink.Narrator: ...aaand there's the sink.
- Among all the things the movie set out to do? "Pander to jar-of-pee enthusiasts".
- The Starring list:
- In the original cut: Batfleck Forever (Batman), Last Son of Crapped On (Superman), Lady in the Water (Lois Lane in a bathtub), Jeremy's Iron (Alfred), Hector Salamanca (Wallace Keefe), Teenage Mutant Abomination Lord of the Rings Cave Troll (Doomsday), Max Landis (Lex Luthor), Worst. Product Placement. Ever. (Luthor pushing a Jolly Rancher onto a senator's mouth), What the Hell Is Even Happening Here? I Had to Ask, Like, 10 Hardcore DC Fans and Even Some of Them Didn't Know (The Flash's appearance to Bruce Wayne), Xena: Warrior Cameo (Wonder Woman), A Democratic Senator From Kentucky? Pffft! Sure, Why Not (Senator June Finch), Tonight, A Comedian Died In Gotham (Thomas Wayne), Martha Wayne, and Martha Kent— Oh! Now I Get It! Nope, Still Dumb.
- In regards to the Lex Luther joke: Guess who was a writer for the trailer?
- The Ultimate Edition on Screen Junkies Plus adds some alternatives: Mechabatzilla, Rorschach, Patrick Batman (Batman); Super Meh, Kal Oh Well, Illegal Immigrant (Superman); Foxy News, Mary Jane, Amy Adds Nothing (Lois Lane); Irons Man (Alfred); Black Shrek, Grey Hulk, Newborn Mutant Murder Turtle (to the TMNT theme, of course), It's True, Doomsday Has No Dick (Doomsday); A Wet Mop (Lex Luthor); and Homeless Flash (The Flash).
- In The Stinger, in a Black Comedy sort of way:Clark Kent: How come Dad never left Kansas?
Narrator: You let him die in a tornado, remember?
The Bourne Trilogy
- The Bourne Trilogy (aka Finding Bourney):
- "Before you get Bourne again, revisit the trilogy that made the world realize that the kid from Good Will Hunting kicks some serious ass!"
- The narrator praises the action scenes and the spy technology featured for feeling realistic, but says that "its signature camera work feels like someone strapped a GoPro to a meth head."Narrator: [as a fight scene is shown, set to merry-go-round music] Man that is shaky. This is really hard to follow, guys! I... I get kinda dizzy!... Argh, why did I think it was a good idea to sit in the front row?! Oh I think I'm gonna be sick. [gags]
- The narrator calling Bourne "the spy who made that era's James Bond look like a joke," (while showing Pierce Brosnan in Die Another Day), "with the skills of Liam Neeson in Taken, but the brain of Dory in Finding Nemo," as he shows scenes of Bourne talking about his amnesia.
- The narrator then lists the useful stuff he does still remember:Narrator: Like: how to weaponize an entire Staples catalog; [shows Bourne beating people with a ballpoint pen, a rolled-up magazine, and a book] super bribing [shows Bourne bribing various people] a bunch of other skills that don't seem very relevant;
Jason Bourne: I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs 215 pounds. Now why would I know that?
Narrator: And his signature move: the old "come alone," [shows a brief montage of Bourne saying "come alone" and derivatives] "slip away." [shows a brief montage of Bourne slipping away from authorities]
- The narrator lampshades the In Name Only nature of the films in comparison to the books they're based on as a good thing, saying that they "couldn't be more different that those long boring books on sale at the airport."
- The narrator's summary of the three films:Narrator: The Bourne Identity, where Bourne tries to figure out who he is, has a cool car chase, and runs from a control room full of people on computers, only to discover that the crooked government guy chasing him was just a puppet for someone else; The Bourne Supremacy, where Bourne tries to figure out why he is who he is, has a cool car chase, and runs from a control room full of people on computers, only to discover that the crooked government guy chasing him was just a puppet for someone else; and The Bourne Ultimatum, where Bourne tries to figure out who made him who he is, has a cool car chase, and runs from a control room full of people on computers, only to discover that the crooked government guy chasing him was just a puppet. For someone. Else. Hey if it ain't broke don't fix it.
- Starring: Jason Bahn (Jason Bourne), Grumpy Old Men (the many middle-aged men that serve as antagonists), Cameos (The Professor and Kiril), Tommy Lee Joans (Pamela Landy), 10 Things I Hate About Spies (Nicky Parsons), Gun Control, Tactical Monacle-ing, Old-Ass Computer Monitors, Looking Worried While Walking Through A Train Station (shows scenes of Bourne doing that), People Saying Asset (shows several scenes of people saying "Asset") and Like, A Million Turtlenecks.
- In The Stinger, after it's revealed that Jason Bourne is actually a man named David Webb from Missouri:Narrator: So he's just some dude from Missouri named David; that's it? International superspy Jason Bourne sounds way cooler, bro.
- In The Stinger's Stinger (as in, after all the "comments read by the narrator" part, and five seconds before the video ends), the narrator realizes that they forgot something:
- Watchmen (aka Dr. Manhattan or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong):
- The narrator notes Alan Moore's famously negative views on his works' movie adaptations, including this one, alongside other kind of views:Narrator: ...a film that Watchmen creator Alan Moore described as, "regurgitated worms." Then again, the guy worships a snake, so take it with a grain of salt.
Alan Moore: [archive audio recording] When it comes to my spiritual beliefs, perhaps that's why I worship a second century human-headed snake god called Glycon...
- The narrator says that the movie is "full of so many story threads, it feels like marathoning an entire season of Lost. At the same time."
- The narrator's description of the protagonists, especially one in particular:Narrator: Like The Comedian, who's Captain America, if he were a dick; Rorschach, who's Batman, if he were a dick; and Doctor Manhattan, who's Superman, if he were a dick... who always had his dick hanging out. Seriously, always. So many dicks. There's only three dick shots in the entire comic and the animator had to spend hours getting the dick swing just right. I'd move on but, it's really hard to focus on anything when there's a big blue dick on the screen.
- As the movie's faults, the narrator singles out "on-the-nose dialogue, bad old person make-up, and the presence of Malin Åkerman." Then the narrator tries his best to not sound harsh towards her, while also making clear that they didn't like her acting.Narrator: We don't normally like to call out actors, and she seems like a really nice person at all, but this is just... ugh. She makes Matthew Goode look... OK.
- The trailer points out several things that Zack Snyder later carried over into his next movies in the DC Extended Universe, such as huge amounts of rain, sex, Jesus allegories, graphic violence, apocalyptic dream sequences and a scene where two characters who don't like each other discover that they have the same name (comparing it to the infamous "Martha" scene in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice).Narrator: Ugh, so that's where he got it from.
- Starring: Harvey Birdman (Nite Owl), Homeless Man Man (Rorschach), Silk Spectre (Silk Spectre), The Killing Joke (The Comedian), Max Headwound (Moloch getting shot in the head), Zack Snyder Making Zack Snyder References (shows Easter Eggs related to 300), Foreshadowing (shows a poster of Batman, a Time cover about superheroes uniting, and a newspaper headline that includes the word "Doomsday"), Elon Musk (Ozymandias), and Don't You Know? I'm Electro (Doctor Manhattan).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: I'll bet Doctor Manhattan would have won Vietnam even sooner if he'd taken that thong off! Talk about intimidation! BAAALLS.
- The narrator notes Alan Moore's famously negative views on his works' movie adaptations, including this one, alongside other kind of views:
- After Honest Trailers got nominated for an Emmy Award in the category of Outstanding Short Form Variety Series, they decided to celebrate in the one way they know:Narrator: In a World... where every network spends millions to get the attention of Emmy voters, the only way we know how to build hype for our own Emmy nomination was to make fun of the TV shows the voters work on. Wait wait wait, go back: We got nominated for an Emmy? Like an Emmy Emmy? That's awesome! Wait, then why are we making fun of the other shows? This is a terrible idea you guys!
- The Americans (aka Ruskie Business):
- Better Call Saul (aka Better Not Call Him Saul, Because We're Two Seasons In and His Name is Still Jimmy):Narrator: You loved watching the rise and fall of Walter White's meth empire. Now, strap in for the prequel about the time his lawyer brought a class action lawsuit against an assisted living facility. It's... way better than it sounds.
- Game of Thrones (aka Downers & Dragons):Narrator: The epic fantasy returns for a season that outdid even its own high standards, with massive casts, epic setpieces, and some of the good guys actually... winning for once? Oh man, next season is going to be brutal.
- Homeland (aka Spy So-Called Life):Narrator: Prepare for another intense season of political intrigue in this smarter version of 24, where one woman will do whatever it takes to— oh great, she's off her meds again. Look, I love Claire Danes, and I know that she can cry on demand and all, but it doesn't mean you have to do it in every season. Let Mandy Patinkin have a breakdown! He went to Juilliard!
- Downton Abbey (aka Fancy Hats):Narrator: The beautifully crafted Upstairs Downstairs drama returns, for even more British people...
?: Would you stay and have some tea?
?: Would you stay for luncheon?
?: ...invited to dinner tomorrow night.
Narrator: I really don't know what happened this season; I kind of checked out after Cousin Matthew died.
- Mr. Robot (aka Byte Club):
- House of Cards (aka The Wolf of D.C.):Narrator: Netflix changed the game, and they're still going strong, with the prestige drama that mixes The West Wing with Deadpool (2016), in this twisted nightmare version of American politics... that keeps getting one upped by reality.
Donald Trump: Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby outta here.
- Veep (aka I'm Not With Her):Narrator: Get ready for the reigning champion of political satire, in the prestige comedy that mixes The West Wing with The Office, in this twisted nightmare version of American politics... that also keeps getting one upped by reality.
Donald Trump: [mockingly] Aaargh! I don't know what I said! Aaargh! I don't remember!
- Transparent (aka Hey Now, I'm A Woman Now):Narrator: Streaming live on Amazon... once you figure out how to actually log in and find it, comes the messy family dramedy that proves that you can be gay, trans, or straight, and still be a dick.
- Silicon Valley (aka .comtourage):Narrator: Mike Judge brings his satirical genius to the world of internet startups, where the egotistical antisocial billionaires get taken down a peg... by a team of egotistical antisocial wannabe billionaires.
- Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (aka Wacky Room):Narrator: [in a serious tone, while showing scenes in black and white] She was kidnapped by a sexually abusive cult leader. She was trapped in a bunker for years. Now she's out, and she's looking for... [switches to lighthearted tone and scenes in color] A job and a boyfriend!
- Modern Family (aka Not As Modern As Transparent's Family):Narrator: Cool up for America's favorite comfort show, that after seven seasons, still hasn't told us who's filming them. Seriously, who are they talking to?
- Master of None (aka Everybody Loves Aziz):Narrator: Enjoy the latest and greatest New York City show about nothing, in the rom-com everyone loves about the problems only Aziz Ansari has.
Aziz Ansari: This is supposed to be the best taco! What am I supposed to do now? Go to the second-best taco like some kind of a**hole?
- blackish (aka Black Family Matters):Narrator: From the creator of America's Next Top Model(?), comes the hilarious sitcom in the tradition of The Cosby Show, Good Times, and Fresh Prince, that gives a fresh, funny take on the same old racist bullshit that The Jeffersons had to deal with! [shows that both The Jeffersons, made in the late-'70searly'80s, and Black-ish had episodes that dealt with racial riots] Come on society!
- The People v. O.J. Simpson (aka The People v. O.J. Simpson v. Fargo):note
Captain America: Civil War
- Captain America: Civil War (aka Captain America 3: Avengers 2.5: Boy, That Escalated Quickly):
- The narrator's way of pointing out that "hero vs. hero" isn't that new to the MCU.Narrator: You've seen them fight as hero vs. hero, [shows the fight between Captain America and Thor in The Avengers], you've seen them fight as friend vs. friend. [shows the fight between Hulk and the Hulkbuster in Avengers: Age of Ultron] Now, the greatest threat to the Avengers is... it's gonna be themselves again, isn't it? [shows the airport battle] Yeah, that's what happens when your villains kinda suck.
- The narrator's way of pointing out the tragedy of impulsiveness that forms the bane of the plot.Narrator: Loosely based on the comic book crossover event, comes the epic struggle that has your heroes asking: Is it better to be dickishly stubborn?
Steve Rogers: If I see a situation going south, I can't ignore it.
Narrator: ...or stubbornly dickish?
Tony Stark: Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth.
- "...a film that settles a moral and political debate the only way superheroes know how: By beating the crap out of each other. [Captain America gets hit with a repulsor blast from Iron Man] Take that, regulatory oversight!"
- The narrator points out how the government seems a little ungrateful towards the Avengers and their service to the world, except for that one time.Narrator: The government wants to reign in the Avengers, for when they recklessly saved the entire world from aliens, that other time when they saved the entire world from a secret Nazi death cult, and again saved the entire world from the army of murder robots they created. OK, that one was on them.
Tony Stark: Ultron. My fault.
- The narrator pointing out that the civil war that the title implied... wasn't that much of a war.Narrator: Captain America must get in line, or face the prospect of an all-out civil war... or at least one group sparring session, one real fight, and a nice letter reminding us that everything is still hunky-dory. What? You thought there would be lasting stakes? Come on, this is Marvel we're talking about.
- The narrator calls the Spider-Man that debuted in this film the best version of the character... by virtue of coming with "a pre-murdered Uncle Ben."Narrator: If Tony gives the "great power, great responsibility" speech, I'm so outta here.
- When the narrator goes on to recount Zemo's Evil Plan, he soon realizes that it's too long and complicated, and just like he did in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, he asks if there can be a list recounting its steps. Sure enough, the list rolls on, complete with the same music that accompanied the one of Batman v Superman. This one has twenty four steps.Narrator: Uh-huh. Yeah. Wreck his car? Really? Steal a book? Okay... Not sure he drowned in that sink, though... OK, that makes sense. There's no way he knew those guys are gonna show up. Wait, call the maid from Russia? Ah, the old "captured on purpose" ploy! Somebody's been reading Loki's plan!... Augh, this is dumber than Luthor's! Ahhh, can we just play the airport scene again? [shows the scene in which Ant-Man turns into Giant-Man and captures War Machine] Ah, that is so cool! He was like the size of an ant and now he's a giant!
- At one point the narrator gets suspiciously interested in Captain America's love life.Narrator: 90 years old and this guy is still a virgin?! Someone please have sex with Captain America already! Hell, you know what, I'll do it! I'll bend over right now!
- The narrator pointing out that the film has more similarities with the divisive Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice than just two heroes fighting against each other:Narrator: So go enjoy the hero vs. hero movie that everyone loved, instead of the hero vs. hero movie that most everyone hated, even through they are a lot more similar than anyone would like to admit; featuring: A non-superpowered villain, tricking a symbol of America, into fighting a billonaire playboy, using an incoherent plan that includes blowing up a meeting of government officials, and using the heroes' moms to manipulate them, that ends with an ominous warning from a prison cell, and sets up a universe's worth of spinoffs along the way. Uh oh. [whispers] Cue the airport scene again! [shows the airport scene again] Ahhh, that's better.
- Starring: Barnes & Noble (Bucky and Captain America), Robert Downey Jr. Jr. (the de-aged Tony Stark), Meh-lissandre (Scarlet Witch), A.W.E.S.O.M.-O (The Vision), Jeremy Againner (Hawkeye), Put a Bird on It (The Falcon), Walky Rhode (James "Rhodey" Rhodes), The Spectacular Sony-Man (Spider-Man), T'Hollaaaa (Black Panther), Womb Raider (Black Widow), Another Blue Marvel Villain (You Know - 'Cause He's Sad) (Helmut Zemo), Brian Fantanta (Ant-Man), and GIANT. LOCATION. HEADERS. (the location headers seen through the film, which take most of the screen)
- In The Stinger:Narrator: So how did Tony know that Peter Parker was Spider-Man? Did he just break in every teenage boy's bedroom in New York until he got lucky? Oh wait, hang on, that sounded really bad.
- The narrator's way of pointing out that "hero vs. hero" isn't that new to the MCU.
The Flash (2014)
- The Flash (2014) (aka Dawson's Streak)
- This bit when talking about the shows of The CW:
- The Narrator starts to talk about how bringing in the Flash would be ridiculous, he gets into seeing how interesting it is.Narrator: Am I a Flash Fan now? I am! [sees Flash fighting King Shark] Run faster, Barry! You run at that giant shark man!
- The Narrator talks about how ever since Barry got his powers, he's (understandably) been constantly complaining about how he's not fast enough.
- When bringing up some of the other Meta-Humans in the show, the Narrator says "Hot new Meta-Humans", and one of them is Firestorm.
- The Starring List: Air Guns (Barry running extremely fast from others), Recycled Running (All clips of the Flash running with the same footage for different episodes, the last one ending with some unfitting music), Cisco's Oral Fixation (Every time Cisco puts something in his mouth and chews or slurps on it), Power Puns (Barry saying "I've got to run" or any other quote that has to do with his speed), Converse Sponsorship, Ugly Cries, Chores (Barry using his speed to get any job done), Daddy Issues (Conflicts with Joe West), and Barry's Bobble-head (Barry shaking his head all the time).
- X-Men: Apocalypse (aka X-Men: Genisys):
- The beginning:
- Starring: Ross and Rachel (Magneto and Professor Xavier), Slumber Games (Mystique laying on the ground), Blue on Blue Violence (Apocalypse choking Mystique), All Filler, No Thriller (Nightcrawler), The Opera Singer From The Fifth Element (Apocalypse), Kid Vid (Quicksilver), Sans A Storyline (Jean Grey), Negasonic Teenage Dickhead (Cyclops), Featured Extras (Angel, Storm, Psylocke, and (again) Nightcrawler), and It's Getting Old Man Logan (Wolverine).
- In The Stinger, there's an utterly, erm, stinging Take That!:Jean Grey: [after exiting a cinema] Well, at least all we can agree the third one is always the worst.
[shows the posters of First Class, Days of Future Past, and Apocalypse, obviously drawing attention to the fact that those form a trilogy and Apocalypse is the third one]
Narrator: Congratulations, you played yourself.
- Ghostbusters (2016) (aka Ghostbusters: Now Let's Never Speak of This Again):
- While it is undoubtedly a controversial decision, there's something funny about how Honest Trailers took a look at the controversy surrounding the movie, said "This Is Gonna Suck", and, for the first time, disabled the comment section for the video.Narrator: [sigh] Are we sure we want to do this one? Fine, we'll do it, but we're turning off the comments. You did this to yourself, Internet.
- The narrator chronicling the movie's, uh, uneasy path:Narrator: From the studio that just got hacked by North Korea, lost creative control of Spider-Man, might lose James Bond, and couldn't even keep Adam Sandler happy,note comes this sure-fire hit to put them back on track!
[shows a ton of angry comments about the trailer]
Narrator: Oh no...
Narrator: Experience a film that created a perfect storm of hatred, uniting people who legitimately hated the trailers, people who legitimately hate reboots of classic films, and people who legitimately like to yell hateful nonsense on the Internet.
Donald Trump: Now they're making Ghostbusters with only women! What's going on?!
Narrator: Wait, we're getting a Ghostbusters video and calling out Trump? I am so getting doxxed!
- But all in all, however, how it ended up turning out?Narrator: Get ready for the film that everyone in their blog rushed to judge before they even seen it, and prove to all the haters that— um, it's bad. I— I'm not gonna lie you guys, I mean, it's not as bad as they said that it was gonna be, but still, it... it's still pretty bad.
- The narrator singles out the film's weaknesses:Narrator: Look out boys, there's a brand new cast in town, and it's true: These Ghostbusters have no dick... or chemistry, as everyone in the ensemble plays the comic relief at the same time, featuring: The awkward comic relief [Gilbert], the random comic relief [Holtzmann], the down-to-earth comic relief [Patty Tolan], and the physical comic relief [Yates]. Look, you can't all be the Venkman, someone has to be the Egon. Together, they'll unite against a villain so forgettable, they'll ditch him halfway through for Chris Hemsworth and the third act of Pixels.
- After becoming angry about the film's Broad Strokes approach to the canon, the narrator desperately asks, "Why isn't this a sequel? Or just a straight reboot, or just don't call it "Ghostbusters" and make an original movie about shooting ghosts with laser beams!!!" Then a screenshot of the comment section of the Ghostbusters trailer shows up, revealing that what he said became a comment signed by "Angry Voice Guy", to which Epic Voice Guy exclaims, "Oh no, I've become one of them!"
- So, the final verdict after all this?Narrator: So catch this fine but forgettable comedy some people treated like the coming of the Apocalypse, that after a summer full of duds like the Jason Bourne rehash, the Independence Day sequel, and a Tarzan reboot, proves once and for all that girls can make middle-of-the-road, studio-mandated franchise bait just as well as the boys.
- Starring: Kristen's Wig (Dr. Erin Gilbert), Melissa McBarfy (Dr. Abigail Yates), 2 Step Verification, You GuysExplanation (Patty Tolan), Kate McCosplay (Dr. Jillian Holtzmann), Chris Hunksworth (Kevin Beckman), and...Narrator: I know a lot of us are divided over this film, but let's take one moment to agree on one thing that actually deserves all that hate: The Fall Out Boy Cover Song.
Fall Out Boy: ♫ If there's something weird / And it don't look good / Who you gonna call? ♫
- In The Stinger:Narrator: ♫ If something's lame, / and it ain't that good, / whatcha gonna do? / Don't watch it! ♫ And don't waste your time trolling the cast just because they agreed to be in a bad movie! You hate it? Well, fine then! Go support something original, why don't ya?! Man, how did a Ghostbusters movie become the most political thing in America DURING AN ELECTION YEAR?!?!?! I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!
- While it is undoubtedly a controversial decision, there's something funny about how Honest Trailers took a look at the controversy surrounding the movie, said "This Is Gonna Suck", and, for the first time, disabled the comment section for the video.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
- The Nightmare Before Christmas (aka A Christmas Story?):
- At the beginning, the narrator notes the case of Director Displacement the film has:Narrator: From visionary director Tim Burton... [shows the credits of the film, that read "Directed by Henry Selick"] I mean, from writer Tim Burton? [credits read "Screenplay by Caroline Thompson"] Uh, with music and lyrics by Tim Burton? [credits read "Music and Lyrics by Danny Elfman"] No? Well what did he do?!note
- "Journey to a magical forest, where inside each tree lies a world dedicated to a single holiday... except for all the Jewish ones."
- The narrator's description of Jack Skellington, which ends with what seems like a parody to a certain group of people:Narrator: Meet Jack the Pumpkin King, a manorexic skeleton. When he tires of his life of fame and fortune, he'll set off on a grand adventure of cultural appropiation as he hijacks Christmas, traumatizes children, and lets a demon have his way with Santa Claus.
Santa Claus: [scared, to Oogie Boogie] What are you going to do?
Oogie Boogie: I'm going to do the best I can! [eats the camera]
Narrator: Argh! See? This is what happens when you take Jesus out of Christmas!
- Also the description for Sally:Narrator: A suicidal cutter who can't stop roofing her dad.
Doctor Finklestein: That's twice this month you use the deadly nightshade into my tea and run off.
Sally: Three times.
Narrator:She pines to jump Jack's bones, even through she never listens to a word she says, until they [increasingly confused] randomly fall in love and live happily ever after, The End? Seriously, the movie's like an hour long, there's really not much to it.
- Even through it's not your typical Disney movie, it gets its own parody songs, featuring:
- The "Is this a Halloween or Christmas movie?" song ("What's This?"):What's this?
Is this a Christmas flick?
Then why the spooky shtick?
Like Gremlins or Die Hard
It's kind of both things
Hey just pick one and commit!
Or is it Halloween?
Take one look at this scenenote
The streets are lined with toys and happy children
But I look like I might kill them
How can two things so divergent
- And the "We Keep Hot Topic in Business" song ("This Is Halloween"):Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to shop something strange?
Tim Burton and black lipstick
When you shop at Hot Topic
This is Hot Topic
This is Hot Topic
Right across from the Sunglass Hut
This is Hot Topic
Making money off goth chicks
Ring it up!
(Have your parents saying what the f**k?)
Come and take your pick!
(Spend your cash at Hot Topic)
I am the one cashing in on nerd crap
Harley Quinn leggings
Buy them stat!
I am the one selling
Deadpool (2016) hoodies
Anime shirts and
Doctor Who goodies!
Do the aritmetic
This film funded it
Hot Topic (x4)
- The "Is this a Halloween or Christmas movie?" song ("What's This?"):
- Starring: Slender Man (Jack Skellington), Helena Cotton Carter (Sally), A Two-Faced Politician (Oh, I See What You Did There) (the Mayor of Halloween Town), Duckman (Doctor Finklestein), Remember Duckman? (shows the actual Duckman character), Rudog, the Dead Nosed Reindeer (Zero), and Eeevil Laundry (Oogie Boogie).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [regarding the scene between Santa Claus and Oogie Boogie] That scene was terrifying, but at least we know from the black lights that there's no, um, DNA... on Santa... Ugh, I gotta stop watching SVU.
- At the beginning, the narrator notes the case of Director Displacement the film has:
- Sherlock (aka Downton Crabby):
- The intro:Narrator: You know his name. You know his face. Now you'll know the answer to the question: Why is Benedict Cumberbatch in everything these days?
- The narrator explains the way the show adapted to modern times: "Now, they BLOG."Sherlock: What are you typing?
Narrator: Ugh. Next time they reboot Sherlock, Watson is gonna be a Vine star, isn't it? Oh, what is that? Awww. R.I.P. Vine.Explanation
- After showing several instances of Sherlock saying that he's a "high-funcioning sociopath," the narrator adds that it's "all just Sherlock speak for 'He's a ginormous dick to everyone.'"
- The narrator claims that the reason Watson is still around Sherlock despite his mistreatment by him is that "someone has to give a good reaction face!" Cue several reaction shots of Watson... interspersed with reaction shots of Tim from The Office.Narrator: A few of those... are from The Office. Bet you didn't even notice!
- The narrator pretty much summarizes the love-hate relationship fans have with the show:Narrator: Enjoy a witty, smart, and clever show... that's obnoxiously aware of how witty, smart, and clever it is...
[shows several characters saying "clever"]
Narrator:...as it keeps you on the edge of your seat trying to solve the latest puzzles and cliffhangers... then spits on your face for even bothering to try.
Lestrade: Do you want to see me if you have enough stupid theories is going to change what really happened?
Narrator: And makes you care about Benedict Cumberbatch's portrayal of the character... then implies that you're a loser for liking him.
Jeff Pope: [with contempt] You're a fan of Sherlock Holmes...
Narrator: Well excuuuse me for loving your beautiful shark face! I'm sure Elementary on CBS will appreciate my attention!
[shows a scene from Elementary of Elementary's Sherlock Holmes jumping on a trampoline]
- Starring: I'll Tumblr For Ya (Sherlock Holmes), The Original Cumberbitch (John Watson), Texting, Moriarty Licking Stuff, Sherlock Sniffing Things, Obviously (shows several scenes of Sherlock saying "Obviously"), Sherlock Having No Friends (shows references to Sherlock having no friends), The Way British People Say "Aluminum" (shows characters saying "Aluminium," the way it's pronounced outside of North America), Sherlock Being Unimpressed, Watson's Adorable Little Run (shows several instances of Watson's Girly Run), Sherlock's Reverse Smiling, and The Roast of Sherlock's Hat (Likely Coming Soon to Screen Junkies Plus) (shows several characters mocking Sherlock's hat).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: Come on, be honest Sherlock, you figure things out the same way everyone else does these days.
Sherlock: OK, I looked it on YouTube.
Narrator: Ha! I knew it!
- The intro:
Independence Day: Resurgence
- Independence Day: Resurgence (aka Indumbpendence Day):
- The Narrator makes one thing clear from the beginning: The film did not measure up to the first one.Narrator: In 1996, we experienced our Independence Day. Now, humanity had 20 years to prepare for the return, and this is the best movie they can could up with?!
Dr. Okum: [realizing he's in an hospital dress] Why didn't you tell me my bum was hanging out!
Narrator: Come on guys, you had like one-and-a-half Boyhoods to get it right.
- The narrator's round up of a couple of main new characters, and a couple of classic characters:Narrator: Featuring: Will Smith's fake movie son, who was crippled by an accident that left him entirely without charisma; one of those handsome Hemsworth brothers, because, why not?; Vivica A. Fox, the only stripper in history who wasn't lying about saving up for med school; Jeff Goldblum, reprising his most popular role: Himself.
- The Narrator getting excited when President Whitmore starts talking, expecting him to top his epic speech from the first film, only to be let down.Narrator: And Ex-President Whitmore, who is bound to give a kick-ass speech topping the last one any second now.
President Whitmore: Today...
Narrator: He's gonna do it, just wait!
President Whitmore: [faintly] Not going to be...
Narrator: Aaaany second now.
President Whitmore: ...that's sacred, that's worth fighting for.
Narrator: Oh, here we go! See? Random extras are starting to watch!
President Whitmore: We all have to fight, to our last breath, and that is going to lead us to victory.
Narrator: Wait, that's it? That's the big speech? Come on! What happened to "We will not go quietly into the night"? Hit'em with the good stuff! You had 20 years!
- For once, rather than snarking at the Sequel Hooks, the narrator thinks the movie's setups for future sequels, prequels, and spinoffs were better than the actual movie:Umbutu: They hunted us. We had to learn how to hunt them.
Narrator: Aww! I want to see that one!
- The Narrator states that the global destruction feels "completely numb at this point." He then does a huge yawn, and asks when they'll get to the sky beam. Then the sky beam is shown, and the Narrator, still yawning, says "Oh, there it is. That was fun."
- Starring: Pretty Dry For A White Guy (Jake); Must Cash Paycheck, Must Cash Paycheck (David Levinson), Trade In Smith (Dylan), The Most Interesting Man in the World (President Whitmore), Dumbledata (Dr. Okun), Rabbi Bagel Rosenstein (Julius Levinson), She's a Killer...Queeen (the alien queen); The Pokéball, by Apple (the Sphere), The Tragic School Bus (the orphans), Pandering To Chinese Audiences (montage of references to China, such as emphasizing their contribution to Earth's defense program and the use of the IM service QQ), and Baby Thor's Flying Roars (Liam Hemsworth's repetitive roar as he strains on the flight controls).
- In The Stinger:Soldier: The ship is more than 3000 miles in diameter.
General Adams: How the hell did we miss this?
Narrator: No, seriously, how did you miss that?! It's the size of America, and the movie never explains how you missed it! You had twenty years to write this!
- The Narrator makes one thing clear from the beginning: The film did not measure up to the first one.
- Finding Dory (aka Finding Money):
- The narrator describing the film's bizarre climax.Narrator: Watch as they all unite in an action-packed finale where a bunch of fish stage a jailbreak from a rehab center, where an octopus...hijacks a truck and...drives it back to the ocean...somehow? Ugh, listen, it's bright and loud, your kids are gonna love it. (sigh) Inside Out seems like so long ago now.
- Starring: Dora the Ignora (Dory), Finding Hank (Coming Summer 2022) (Hank), Annoying Orange (Marlin), Emo (Nemo), Blackfish (the Marine Life Institute), Professor X (Bailey), Jumping the Shark (Hank driving the truck off a cliff), Becky with the Good Stare, Conveniently-Placed Water (scenes of fish falling into water containers), and Reverse Anakin (Baby Dory)Baby Dory: I like sand.
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
Baby Dory: Sand is squishy.
Anakin Skywalker: It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
- The Stinger has the narrator hyping a Bing Bong prequel.
- The narrator describing the film's bizarre climax.
Rudolph the Red Nosed-Reindeer
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (aka Teenage Mutant Red-Nosed Reindeer)
- Most of the trailer is a chorus singing Rudolph's song if it were honest about what actually happened in the show.The moral of the storyIs that being different badUnless your defect's usefulMan, this movie's really sadSorry to Rankin and Bass
- At one point, the Narrator interrupts the song to complain about how the story contains characters and elements not present in the original song, describing it as "Lord of the Rings, for kids, on acid".
- Starring: Dat Nose Knows Does Doe (Rudolph), Fauxsty the Snowman (Sam), Lil' Ferrell (Hermie), Yukon the Red-Beard Hipster (Yukon Cornelius), The Lion King (King Moonracer), and We Wampa Wish You a Merry Christmas (Bumble).
- The StingerNarrator: At least they only stretched the Rudolph song to just one hour-long special. It's not like they sent him back to dinosaur times to save New Year's or something.
[cut to the "It's Raining Sunshine" song from Rudolph's Shiny New Year]
Narrator: OH, COME ON!
- Most of the trailer is a chorus singing Rudolph's song if it were honest about what actually happened in the show.
- Suicide Squad (aka The Boondock Taints; in the Screen Junkies Plus Extended Cut, The Dirty Doesn't and Edgelords of the Galaxy):
Narrator: ...With great performances by Will Smith, Margot Robbie, and...Jai Courtney, of all people, that get canceled out by this hula-hooping witch (Cara Develingne) and this manorexic juggalo.
- After Batman v Superman ended with an excited "But at least Suicide Squad looks good!", this one has a far more hesitant "But at least Wonder Woman looks pretty good...Right?"
- Enchantress' minions are described as "the Putties from Power Rangers with caviar all over their faces". Additionally, there's the line of how Cara Develingne as the Enchantress "makes the jump from modeling to acting...like the way the inflatable arm things outside car dealerships."
- Describing the Joker in this movie as a cross between Alien (James Franco's character from Spring Breakers), Ace Ventura and a cat.note With matching clips to prove it.Narrator: Jared Leto blurs the line between actor, character, and total douchebag.
- The discussion of how certain actors Took the Bad Film Seriously in a good direction, and others...didn't:
Narrator: (exasperated) We get it! You all suck!
- After the film repeatedly emphasizes how the Suicide Squad are the Villain Protagonists:
- In the Screen Junkies Plus extended cut, they say Warner tried to do everything with this movie: follow Batman v Superman while being "fun like Guardians of the Galaxy, cool like Furious 7, rebellious like Deadpool (2016), full of street-level violence like John Wick and the moral of Wreck-It Ralph".
- "Starring" gets even better when including the alternatives in the extended cut. (in italics, the one show in the regular Honest Trailer).Deadshot: One-Eyed Willy, Hancocked and Loaded, Shooter MacGavin, Bullseye.
Waller: Dolores Umbridge, Amanda Not Hugandkiss, Violent Davis
Harley: Bat Girl, Daddy's Little Cosplayer, Insane Clown Pussy
Joker: Macklemore, Heath Lesser, Talk to your hand because no one likes you, Literally a Cuck, "Hey, that's my Saints Row character!"
Boomerang: That's Not a Knife, Not the Problem For Once, Rango
Diablo: Diablo Sauce, Dia de Los Meh-Tos, Tapatio, Yo Soy Firestarter
Croc: Crocodile Dumb G, Croc of Shit, Won't See You Later Alligator, Tucroc Gator
Enchantress: Basic Witch, The Bland Witch Project, Just the Worst, An Evil Zumba Instructor
Flag: G.I. Blows: Real American Zero, The Bad RoboCop, Joel Kantamann
Katana: This is Katana. She's got my back. I would advise not getting killed by her. Her sword traps the souls of its victims, Dontwanna, Phoned-In Ronin
Incubus: Lawnmower Man, Temple Guard, Apocalypt-no
Batman: Bat-cameo Tho, Bat-ride the Whip
- Walker stabbing the Enchantress' heart is given the credit "What It Felt Like Watching This Movie".
- In the Extended Cut, mocking the ridiculously stupid idea of them being an "Anti-Superman Task Force" by saying how he can't wait for Darkseid to show up and throw them into the Sun.
The Empire Strikes Back
- The Empire Strikes Back (aka The Empire Strikes Back... of Star Wars):
- The Narrator gleefully points out how the best Star Wars movie also happens to be the Star Wars movie that George Lucas had the least amount of involvement in.
- The infamous twist is summarized as Vader telling Luke "Who's your daddy?"
- The Narrator brings up how, because of how dark this was compared to A New Hope, "it's become the lazy shorthand for anytime a franchise turns even slightly to the Dark Side", prompting him to declare that this video actually is "The Empire Strikes Back of Honest Trailers".
- Because of how good the movie is, the Narrator is forced to nitpick (like how they keep saying "Han" differently).Narrator: Ha ha! You suck, perfect movie! [defeated sigh] This is gonna be a tough one, isn't it...
- "Revisit your favorite characters three years after they shot their balls into the egg hole, like Princess Leia, who's proof that Lucas either didn't have these movies as planned out as much as he claims, or that he's into some pretty weird stuff."
- According to the Narrator, Han "isn't afraid to make a point with his hands", and Luke has upgraded from being whiny into being dumb (like how he ignores the warnings of Yoda, "the last living Jedi").Narrator: [shot of Leia] Well, at least they have a spare!
- Commenting on the new locations:Narrator: Hoth, a planet made of ice, Dagobah, a planet made of snakes, and Bespin, a planet made of matte paintings[.]
- Yoda's training of Luke is boiled down to "entering spooky caves, not trying anything, and flipping for no reason", prompting the Narrator to comment that the "pointless gymnastics" are reminding him of someone... Cue Yoda fighting Dooku in Attack of the Clones while doing similar flips.Narrator: WHOA! Mind. Blown!
- As an example of how this movie was made back when "people didn't take these fictional characters so freakin' seriously", a clip of an interview is shown with Billy Dee Williams misnaming Chewbacca and C-3PO as "The Wookie" and "Three Seepio".
- Starring: The Wookie (Chewbacca), Three Seepio (C-3PO), Cool Hand, Luke (Luke getting his robotic arm), Rey's Mom, Or Aunt, Or Something (Princess Leia), Hand Pointo (Han Solo), Worst. Kinder Egg. Ever. (Darth Vader's pod chair thing), Adultish Gambino (Lando Calrissian), That Dude from The Holiday Special (Boba Fett), The Hardest Level From The Rogue Squadron N64 Game (a TIE fighter hogtieing an AT-AT), and Run Run Jump, I Can Be Your Backpack While You Run (Luke running through the swamp while carrying Yoda on his back).
- The Stinger makes the required joke: explaining Luke's "NOOOOOO!" as being "like father, like son".
- Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (aka Exit the Dragon):
- The narrator pointing that the film joins the long list of movies that seem to prove that Video Game Movies Suck:
- Pointing out the movies' rather zig-zagging road when adapting the games:Narrator: You remember Mortal Kombat for its pixelated violence. Now, get ready for two PG-13 movies that could really use a blood code, as they never deliver on the franchise's gory gimmick, but boy do they manage to cram everything else. how they adapted pretty much everything from the games [shows scenes of Shang Tsung saying "Finish him!", "Fatality!" and "Flawless victory!", and Scorpion saying "Get over here!"] They even put in the underground hamsterball network! Wait, that's not from the game? Then what the hell was that then?
- The narrator not being really impressed by some casting choices:Narrator: Meet a sprawling cast made of fighters who can't act, actors who can't fight, and people who can't really do either. [shows the following infamous exchange from Annihilation:]
Kitana: Mother! You're alive!
Sindel: Too bad YOU... will die!
- When the narrator is describing the protagonists and he comes to Johnny Cage:Narrator: ...Johnny Cage, the only one with any charisma— [shows Cage getting suddenly killed at the beginning of Annihilation] Aw man!
- The narrator's reactions to the Special Effects Failure that are the monsters range from "some animator's bad CGI demon fetish," "pretty good... for a Sega Genesis game," and "This is hilarious! I can't believe someone actually made this, watched it, and still released it!"
- The narrator admits that there's one thing in these movies that the games could never match: "The most epic theme song, ever."Narrator: [after playing a sample of the theme song] And they are not gonna let you forget it! [shows the several times through the two movies in which the "MOR-TAL KOMBAAAAT!!!" scream appears]' HONEST TRAILEEERS!!! Who-hoo!!! Who wants to fight, play some laser tag, yo?! I'm synced!
- Starring: Oh, Veronica Vaugh. So Hot. Want to Touch the Hiney. (Sonya Blade), Mullet Komb-Back (Liu Kang), The Skylander (Raiden),note Ol' Cockpunchin' Johnny (Johnny Cage), Frigidaire (Sub-Zero), Palms Are Deadly, Knees Weak, Arms Is Heavy (Scorpion), Only Only Only (One) Oi Oi Oi (Kano), Explanation Doctor Quatropus (Goro), Down Back Low Kick, Back Back Low Punch, Hold Down High Punch, and Shang Tsung Standing Up (Shows him doing so. Which is a lot.)
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [while showing Kitana and Liu Kang kissing] Uh, you know that she's ten thousand years old, right? Way to pull a reverse Twilight. I'd still tap that, though.
Honest Game Trailers
Sonic the Hedgehog
- Undertale (aka EarthBound 2: Electric Meme-A-Loo):
"All right, don't say I didn't warn you."
- The video starts with a lone comment appearing on screen, with the narrator asking if they actually want them to do this. Cue an avalanche of comments.
Life Is Strange
- The "Starring" section calls Kate Marsh (who attempts to kill herself in Episode 2) "The Flying Nun".
Super Mario Maker
- Super Mario Maker (aka Super Money Maker)
Tales from the Borderlands
- The entire X-COM Honest Trailer, especially if you went in not realizing that the narrator really is the same voice as the Council Spokesman. Then he seamlessly shifts into said voice at the end.
- The narrator makes it clear that the game is difficult, but it could have been worse.
Pokémon Black and White
- The honest title for the Fire Emblem series: Waifu Wars: No Petting Allowed.
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Injustice: Gods Among Us
Dark Souls 3
Ratchet and Clank
Star Fox Zero
Lego Star Wars
Mighty No. 9
- The "Starring" list for Mighty No. 9 (aka Giant No. 2):Narrator: Rip and Off (Beck and Call), Stoner Dr. Light (Dr. William White), Dr. Thyroid Problem (Dr. Soichiro Sanda), Heatman (Pyrogen), Gutsman (Seismic), Protoman (Brandish), Gyroman (Aviator), Mexican Man (Countershade), Bad Design Man (Battalion), Not a Man (Cryosphere), Shockingly Original (Dynatron), and seriously, that's Just Dr. Wily (Dr. Blackwell)!
- Superman 64 (aka DC Flight Simulator 64)
- The narrator notes that even though Superman 64 was worse than all of the other shovelware licensed games combined, it still made lots of money despite people hating it, thus making it the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice of video games.
- The only reason people even remember the game was through other YouTubers making videos making fun of it...which suits the narrator just fine.Narrator: "Superman 64 sucks! (Like and subscribe!)"
- The Pass Through the Rings sections are described as a reskin of Pilotwings so messed up that even the guy who designed the Attract Mode couldn't get it right.
- The closing line (before the "Starring" section):Narrator: So squeeze into your red undies and get ready to stay as far away from this game as physically possible, because even in a parody trailer, friends don't let friends play Superman 64!
- Pokémon GO (aka Pokémon Go Recharge Your Phone):
- "Prepare to step into Pokémon's largest region yet: Outside."Narrator: Outside features photorealistic graphics, [shows various landscapes] billions of NPCs [shows several large crowds of people] and an unforgiving permadeath system. [shows a cemetery]
- When the narrator goes to describe the teams:
- The narrator invites the viewer to "get in on this fad before old people ruin it." Cue shots of a The Simpsons short made to blatantly cash-in on the fad, a CBS report on the game made with really conspicuous CGI renderings of Pikachu, Charmander and Bulbasaur, and Hillary Clinton making a reference to the game in one of her speeches.
- Starring: Going For A Walk! Making Some Friends! Hanging Out At Parks At Night! Finding A Dead Body (shows a report of three women who found a dead body while playing the game), Getting Mugged (shows a report of players who got robbed), Getting Stabbed (shows a report of a man who got stabbed while playing), and Falling Off A Cliffnote (shows a report of a man who fell off a bluff while playing).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: You know, if they really wanted to make Pokémon in real life, your mom would kick you out of the house when you turn ten just so she can bang Professor Willow.
- "Prepare to step into Pokémon's largest region yet: Outside."
Batman: Arkham City
Red Dead Redemption
No Man's Sky
- Ace Attorney (aka Law & Order: Anime):
- The narrator's utter confusion over how many entries there are in the franchise, how many different mediums it has been brought to, and how Capcom seems to have more faith in a game series about lawyers than Mega Man.
- Starring: Objection! (Phoenix Wright), Sephiroth: Attorney at Law (Miles Edgeworth), The Ghost Whisperer (Maya Fey), Mini Medium (Pearl Fey) BDSM (Franziska von Karma), Robin Boy Wonder (Apollo Justice), Pantsu Magic (Trucy Wright), Emo (Athena Cykes), Harriet the Spy (Ema Skye), Coffee Machine (Godot), and an impressive collection of idiots, morons, and nutbags.
Minecraft: Story Mode
Five Nights at Freddy's - Sister Location
Gears of War 4
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare
Pokémon X & Y
Final Fantasy X
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Dead Rising 4—-