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- Gone Girl (aka Your Wife Probably Wants to Kill You):
- All the jokes made about the film's ambiguous stance on gender politics:
- He points out that Neil Patrick Harris should have taken his own advice regarding the craziness-to-hotness ratio.
- The Narrator's reaction to the ending, where not only does Nick take Amy back, they're planning on having children too.Narrator: WHAT?! Why would he do that?! Run, dude! And... is that his dick? What is happening?! Man, this ending is weird.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1
- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (aka Where's Peeta Part 1):
- In the "Starring": Pita Pocket (Peeta), Team Jacob, (Gale), Fifty Shades of Grey (Alma Coin), Elizabeth Banks On This Part To Pay Her Mortgage (Effie Trinket), Woody Harrelson As Himself (Haymitch Abernathy, shown very shabby), Skrillex (Cressida), and None of us have seen your boobs. I mean, definitely not me... A friend of mine sent me a link but I said "Hey man...that is not okay! Privacy is an important issue. Not interested, thank you very much..." cause... that's... not cool. (Katniss)
- In The Stinger:
- Cinderella (aka Sweeping Beauty)
- "From the studio that brought you Snow White, Fantasia and The Story of Menstruation..."
- He points out the Fridge Logic of her Fairy Godmother.Narrator: A guardian angel who's waited years to improve Cinderella's life in any way. Instead of helping her out when her parents died... or when her step-family forced her into slavery. Thanks for the dress, lady, but it would've been more helpful if you Bibbidy-babiddy-called-Child-Protective-Services like, 8 years ago!
- "We are mice as smart as people/we could kill you in your sleeple/go ahead and tell somebody/no one will believe you..."
- Like CinemaSins, the narrator points out how the subplot involving Lucifer and the mice take up most of the movie.
- Starring: I Ain't Saying She a Gold Digger (Cinderella), Bram Stoker's Dracula (Lady Tremaine), The Kardashians (Anastasia and Drizella), Wilford Brimley (The King), Prince Foot Fetish (The Prince), Rosie O'Donnell (Lucifer), Modest Mouse (a naked Gus), and unrealistic expectations of relationships that girls carry into adulthood.
- Leprechaun (aka The Hobbit: Battle of the Lucky Charmies):Narrator: In a World..., where every holiday gets its own horror movie, St. Patrick's Day will be exploited by a film that was stupidly released in January [shows that the movie was released on January 8, 1993], that as far as holiday-themed serial killers go, ranks somewhere between Michael Myers and Jack Frost. [shows a clip from the family film Jack Frost (1998)] No, the other Jack Frost [shows the poster of Jack Frost (1997)] That's the one!
- The narrator briefly becomes sympathetic of the Leprechaun, or more exactly, the actor who plays him:
- The narrator saying that the movie "seems intentionally created for a St. Patrick's Day Drinking Game":Narrator: Take a shot everytime: The Leprechaun says who he is, [shows montage of the Leprechaun saying that he's the Leprechaun] says what he wants, [shows montage of the Leprechaun saying that he wants his gold] someone doesn't believe in the Leprechaun, [shows Tory and Alex insisting on that the Leprechaun doesn't exist] Irish culture gets set back decades, [shows O'Grady speaking about the Leprechaun in a thick Irish accent] or little people's rights gets set back centuries. [shows the Leprechaun saying that "the wee people have their magical ways", and Alex slingshooting at the Leprechaun] Oh man, we are so gonna get wasted.
- The "starring" list: "Jorts-ifer Aniston, Hillbilly Hercules, I Know You Are, But What Am I?, Dennis the Sociopath, Irish McIrishman, and Tyrion O'Lannister."
The Maze Runner
- The Maze Runner (aka The Hunger Maze)
- The inverted Serial Escalation in regards to YA book-to-film adaptations:
- To make the above quote funnier, the third and final instalment, Maze Runner: The Death Cure, wasn't split into two movies, instead remaining as one.
- What The Glade is and what its inhabitants do:
- Interstellar (aka Christopher Nolan's Contact):
- "But above all, [Coop] is a father to his beloved daughter Murph... [cue long montage of Coop calling out Murph's name] ...aaand his son Tom, who by comparison he couldn't give two sh*ts about."
- When the narrator starts to cite Christopher Nolan's trademarks, he ends with "the dumbed-down analogy so the audience can keep up". After watching it, however, he says:
- Even the soundtrack isn't safe:Narrator: [The film] assaults your ears with emotional swells that sound like Hans Zimmer fell asleep on his organ [cue montage of scenes from the film accompanied by an organ that sounds increasingly louder, to the point the narrator says:] Ah, turn it, turn it down! I can't hear my own epic voice!
- The narrator's take on the ending:Narrator: So try to follow along with the film that was praised by no less than Neil deGrasse Tyson for scientific accuracy, even though it goes full-blown M. Night Shyamalan at the end that consists of: [takes a deep breath, then goes to summarize the Gainax-ish Ending of the film]. Go ahead, tell us that didn't happen. It's not that we don't understand it, it's just really stupid.
- The "Starring" list: The Astronaut Farmer, Star Trek: The Math of Caine, Anne Go Away, Murph!, Luigi Affleck, That '70s Cameo, Third Dick From the Sun, PAL 9000, and A Baked Potato.*
- In The Stinger, the narrator's reaction to Amelia Brand's anvilicious stance about The Power of Love:
- Daredevil (aka Batfleck Begins):
- "Before Netflix and Marvel Studios team up to hopefully do the character justice, return to the early 2000's, when superhero movies were still full of crappy CGI, Matrixing, Sopranos,note and -izzies."
- "With his eyesight taken from him, [Matt Murdoch] uses his other four senses to see perfectly, yet he still dresses like a blind guy to score sympathy points with hot chicks, [and shows Matt doing just that with Elektra] which gives Ben Affleck an excuse to show off his stupid cross-eyed Derp Face."Narrator: Ermahgerd, it's the Derpdevil!
- When the narrator lists "the grab bag of superpowers" that Daredevil has ("super jumping, creepy smelling, and super heart rate monitoring"), he realizes that, despite its potential, that last power somehow doesn't help Matt Murdoch as a lawyer:Narrator: So he's a human lie detector, and he still can't win a case? Wow. Just, wow.
- The narrator nodding off after hearing Matt Murdoch's voiceovers.Narrator: [snores loudly, then wakes up] I'm sorry, what?
- The narrator concludes that Ben Affleck's portrayal of Daredevil is his "really disappointing audition to be the next Batman":Narrator: Where he plays a broody loner who becomes a vigilante crime-fighter after his dad is murdered by criminals in an alley, uses a ridiculous Batman voice when he's in costume, travels by grappling hook, is scared of bats, and refuses to kill.
[shows Daredevil letting a rapist who was acquitted be ran over by a train, and throwing Bullseye from the top floor of a church]
Narrator: Oh, wait, nevermind. He totally kills.
Daredevil: I'm not a bad guy.
Narrator: ...Yeah, you kinda are, though.
- The "Starring" list consists of listing the bands that collaborated in the soundtrack, "a soundtrack full of the 2000s' worst Nu Metal bands": P.O.D., Hoobastank, Seether, Drowning Pool, Evanescence (twice), and Nickelback.
- In The Stinger, after showing Daredevil's two D's Flaming Emblem:Narrator: Ummm... shoudn't that be in Braille?
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Teaser
- They perfectly captured the arguments of countless online threads in the first 40 seconds:Is it really surprising that a movie starring the two most iconic superheroes would be controversial?
Everybody loves Superman. Who doesn't love Superman?
Yeah, but they couldn't even make a good Superman movie!
They're just cramming in the whole Justice League!
DC has a horrible track record. Green Lantern? I mean, come on!
Hello? The Dark Knight Trilogy. Christopher Nolan is totally involved in this, you're just a butthurt Marvel fanboy. Ant-Man looks stupid. There, I said it.
Not every comic book movie has to be fun. What are we, twelve?
Stop with the brooding! The only one who gets to brood is Batman! They all can't be brooding!
Maybe Zack Snyder is just a guy trying to make a good movie.
It looks like Sucker Punch!
- The narrator Saying Sound Effects Out Loud (more exactly, the Previews Pulse), before doing his own take of what Batman would've asked to Superman (instead of if Superman bled):Narrator as Batman: Tell me: Is my Batman voice better than Christian Bale's? I mean, it has to be, right?
- The clear prevalence of Batman over Superman in the teaser and the introduction of many characters who'll be main characters in the Justice League film makes them give it the alternative title of "Batman ft. Superman: Rush to the Justice League."
- Hulk (aka Sulk):
- The narrator makes it clear from the beginning that he thinks that this portrayal of the Hulk got the short stick.
- The narrator pointing out that Kevin Feige, current head of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, was one of the executive producers of the film:Narrator: Travel back to a time when Kevin Feige could still f*ck up a superhero movie...
- The narrator isn't amused with the idea of Cerebus Syndrome being given to a giant green rage-filled monster who smashes things.Narrator: [angry, as the Hulk looks introspectively at a bush] Stop staring at that bush and hit something!
- The narrator says that the movie "covers up its total lack of action with super wacky scene transitions!"Narrator: [after a montage of the movie's scene transitions, set to wacky music that sounds similar to "The Green Hornet Theme"] Wow. [sarcastically] It's just like reading a comic book. A terrible, boring comic book.
- The narrator points out that 2003 CGI made Hulk look like, among other things, Shrek.Narrator: Hulk is love. Hulk is life.
- The narrator describing the climax:
Fifty Shades of Grey
- Fifty Shades of Grey (aka Fifty Shades of-- Great, There's Gonna be Two More of These, Good Job World)
- The narrator initially confuses Anastasia for Bella Swan, but before he corrects himself, he sees how similar they look and decides "You know what, screw it. Meet Bella Swan!"
- The perfectly deadpan response to a line:Anastasia Steele: What are butt plugs?
Narrator: [flatly] It's a plug. For your butt.
- The narrator doesn't care if Christian Grey is a complete sociopath when he's got these...Narrator: AAAAAAAAAAbs, and AAAAAAAAAudis, and AAAAAAAAA... really nice apartment.
- But he's also disappointed with the movie's contents:Narrator: So strap in for all the steamy action people were expecting from Fifty Shades of Grey, like: email, texting, contracts, contract negotiations, nondisclosure agreements, conditions, clauses, and tender missionary lovemaking. What the fuck?! Let's get kinky weird- Epic Voice Guy has a dull marriage, man!
- In lieu of a "Starring" section, we get a "Not Starring" section, composed of Epic Voice Guy reading all the terrible lines that were cut from the movie... only to cap off by giving us the one line that did: "'Cuz I'm fifty shades of f*cked up."Narrator: Ugh, what does that even mean?!
- The background music (a slowed-down, breathy, sexed-up parody of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love"):This movie's written so lazy right now, the book that it was based on so lazy right now... I wish somebody would taze me right now, this story's about as a sexy as rabies right now... Oh, I'll just go and watch a porno.
- Jupiter Ascending (aka Wachowskis Descending)
- The film's plot is so completely insane that, after covering the cast and characters, they don't even bother to make jokes anymore — they spend the next two minutes recapping the film because it just so ridiculous and nonsensical that summarizing it is funny enough. All they do is add "Not Making This Up" Disclaimers."This is the actual plot of the movie." (twice)
"Seriously, we're not making this up."
"Someone paid a hundred and seventy-five million dollars for this."
"How was this allowed to happen??"
"This was actually screened at Sundance."
"Yes, those are wolf ears on Channing Tatum."
"If you think this trailer is dragging on too long, try watching the movie."
"We didn't even mention the huge maxi pad."
- The Honest Trailer was released shortly after Balem's actor, Eddie Redmayne, won an Oscar for Best Actor for The Theory of Everything. After seeing his performance in Ascending, the narrator wonders if Oscars can be retroactively taken away.
- Also, listing Balem in his unique style of speaking: "[whisper] Eddie... [shouting] REDMAYNE!"
- "Wait... Sean Bean dies in every good movie, but he lives in this one?!"
- The film's plot is so completely insane that, after covering the cast and characters, they don't even bother to make jokes anymore — they spend the next two minutes recapping the film because it just so ridiculous and nonsensical that summarizing it is funny enough. All they do is add "Not Making This Up" Disclaimers.
- At one point, it references the never ending stream of different kinds of cameos:Narrator: Cameos from famous people, people not famous enough to play themselves, people who were never famous [cue to one of the characters greeting David Faustino] and people who retroactively became more famous than any of the main cast members.
Ari: You know The Station Agent?
Ari: It's about the midget who lives by the train tracks. Last time I saw him he was in a FedEx commercial overnighting him to London.
E: His name is Peter Dinklage, Ari.
[cue image of Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister looking sternly]
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
- Toy Story:
- "From the studio that singlehandedly stopped Disney from making more terrible sequels to The Emperor's New Groove [clips of Kronk's New Groove are shown] comes the animated classic that forced every 2D animator to learn how to use a computer...or to get a new job."
- The announcer describing Sid as "a creepily-rendered young boy which 90s computers clearly weren't ready for."
- The characters being described as "Vin Diesel" (Mr. Potato Head), "Inconceivable Rex" (Rex), "choking hazards" (Army Men), "Green Minions" (Alien Toys), "Sid Vicious" (Sid), "A Bo Peep lamp? How is that a toy?" (Bo Peep), "Long Dog Silver" (Slinky), "John Hamm" (Hamm), "Nanny from Muppet Babies" (Andy's Mom), "Toy Hanks" (Woody) and finally Buzz as the "Tim Allen noise" ("Wheh?").
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- Terminator 2: Judgment Day:
- The narrator setting the tone of the film:Narrator: [lighthearted voice] In the grand tradition of R2-D2, The Iron Giant, and Johnny Five, comes another adorable kid and their pet robot story.
[shows the T-800 ripping the living tissue cover from its robot arm, leaving it bloody]
Narrator: [in his epic voice] Except this one's f*cking intense. [shows the scene of the incinerated skeleton getting obliterated while still clinging to the playground fence]
- The narrator showing that real life events could've made the movie even more scary:Narrator: [while showing the guard at the mental hospital licking Sarah Connor's face, and the T-1000 skewering people with its morphing sword-like arm] [The movie was] full of things we probably weren't ready to see, and would have been even more disturbing if it starred the studio's first choice: O. J. Simpson. [shivers]
- The narrator demonstrates that some things just never change:Narrator: Watch these killers spend the first third of the film in a cat-and-mouse game that will have you guessing which one is the good guy... if the trailers hadn't given it away.
[shows scenes from the original trailer]
Original Trailer's Narrator: ... Once, he was programmed to destroy the future, now his mission is to protect it...
Narrator: A lesson we still haven't learned apparently!
[shows scenes from the trailer for Terminator Genisys that revealed that John Connor was turned into a Terminator]
- "Thrill as they track down the Connor family: Sarah, the Che Guevara of soccer moms, with some big guns [shows her carrying a BFG]... and some big guns [shows her toned biceps], and John, her... [incredulous] nine-year-old son? Played by Edward Furlong, who would go on to star in numerous court appereances." Furlong is later credited in the "Starring" list as "So Much Promise".
- The narrator setting the tone of the film:
- Magic Mike:
- Epic Voice Guy switching his voice tone from a carefree one to a dramatic, serious one and vice versa while describing the plot of the film to convey the film's constant Mood Whiplash. It has to be heard to be believed.Narrator: [carefree voice] Meet Magic Mike; he may not be a wizard, but he's a hot duuude, with all the right moves! [switches to serious voice] Who struggles to overcome social stigmas about his job, and can't seem to raise enough money to start his dream business, no matter how hard he tries. [switches to carefree voice] But that's okay, 'cause he's running onstage next to The Kid, a fresh-faced teen with a rawcking body! [switches to serious voice] And a drug problem, that sends him into a downward spiral, alienating his best friend, his sister, and landing him in serious trouble with a violent drug cartel. [switches to carefree voice] But check out Tarzan! The beefy slab of man-meat! Who... [switches to serious voice] ...accidentally roofies himself? Geez weez... [switches to carefree voice] And as always there's Dallas, the maestro of man-ass! This cowboy can still cut a mean rock! [switches to serious voice] Who cheats his long-time business partner out of money, abandoning him as soon as it is convening for his own selfish interests. [switches to carefree voice] But check out those aaabs!!! Woo-hoo-hoo!!!
- The trailer pointing out Channing Tatum ditching the sexy Olivia Munn for a sour puss with an Annoying Laugh. (Cue montage of actress Cody Horn's Annoying Laugh throughout the film.)
- "So get ready, for what's either a really dumb version of Boogie Nights, or a really smart version of Showgirls, that was way less fun that advertised!"
- Epic Voice Guy's tendency for Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today? gets cranked up hard at the end of the trailer, almost to the point of Suspiciously Specific Denial.Narrator: [disappointed] Aw, come on! There's no big stripping finale?! I was waiting for one big hot dance-off at the end! It'd make perfect sense with the story, right? I mean... [nervous] I mean, I'm not gay... I just admire the technique, yunno... The athleticism, yunno? Human form and stuff, it's... It's art and stuff... I mean, not that there's anything wrong with being gay. One of my uncles is gay, it's cool... Um... Love wins...
- Epic Voice Guy switching his voice tone from a carefree one to a dramatic, serious one and vice versa while describing the plot of the film to convey the film's constant Mood Whiplash. It has to be heard to be believed.
- Iron Man (aka Marvel Man):
- The narrator asserts that the film's sucess proved "that Marvel can build a franchise around just about anybody. Except the Hulk."
- The narrator describing Marvel's "formula for printing money":Narrator: Take a half-forgotten, B-list superhero, cast an unknown or half-forgotten B-list actor, have him fight a generic villain that will only last one movie, fall in love with a generically strong female character, make a ton of quips, talk a bunch of science, destroy some public property, cram Stan Lee in there somewhere, shoot a blue beam into the sky, set up an Avengers movie, and force the audience to sit through 500 visual effects guys' names just to catch a few extra seconds. Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
- The narrator lampshading Tony Stark's similarity with his actor, Robert Downey Jr.:Narrator: Meet Tony Stark, a hard-partying, Robert Downey Jr.-ish weapons designer, who's the perfect match between actor and role, that allowed him to spend the next seven years making a fortune by pretending to look at a screen [shows one of his inside-the-helmet shots], pretending to play with some holograms [showing him with his gesture-based interface computers], doing a little voice-over, and basically act like himself until someone says cut. Nice work if you can get it.
- After a slight Take That! to Thor ("A hero whose power is intelligence, not some magical hammer"), the Narrator starts recounting Tony's tendency to create his own villains:Narrator: Like this weapon, that's used against him [shows the Stark Industries rocket-propelled grenade that wounded Tony in Afghanistan]; these weapons, that are used against him [shows the Stark Industries weapons stockpiled by the Ten Rings]; this weapon, that's used against him [shows the sonic device that Obadiah Stane used to paralyze Tony and take his Arc Reactor]; this weapon, that's used against him [shows the Iron Monger armor, that was reverse-engineered from studying Tony's Mark I armor], this miracle technology... [shows Tony and Ho Yinsen with the Arc Reactor] ...that becomes a weapon, that's used against him [shows Ivan Vanko creating his own Arc Reactor for his Whiplash armor], and of course, Ultron [shows Ultron and its army of sentries]. Seriously, Tony? Just do the world a favor and stop working.
- "Starring: Bruce Wayne, Miss Moneypepper, Obadiah Vein [zooms in on Stane's protruding temporal vein], Terrence How Ard Could It Have Been To Take A Pay Cut For The Sequels?, Obligatory Stan-eo, and The Iron Giant."
- In The Stinger, after seeing Obadiah Stane riding on a Segway, the narrator comments:Narrator: Wow, that's got to be the only time someone has ever looked cool riding a Segway.
Super Mario Bros.
- Super Mario Bros. (aka Super Mari-Oh Brother):
- "Before people caught on that video game movies were a terrible idea, experience the film that proved that video game movies... are a terrible idea."
- The narrator doesn't get around with showing the film's In Name Only-ness:Narrator: Based on the Super Mario Bros. video game... kinda... [shows how Koopa is now humanoid] Okay, not really at all...
Narrator: Not since World War Z did a movie had less to do with the source material, where King Koopa is a hypochondriac, for some reason... [goes on for a while, before culminating with...] ...and Mario refuses to jump? [after showing Mario saying that he's gonna get crushed, and Luigi trying to convince him to jump] You ain't gonna jump?! You're Mario, dude! That's the only thing you do!
- The narrator thinks that Bob Hoskins reprised his role as Eddie from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Cue a montage of scenes from both Super Mario Bros. and Who Framed Roger Rabbit showing him taking the wheel of a car while growling "I'll drive!", screaming when he's about to crash, and him yelling at someone in both movies.
- The narrator describing the plot... well, trying to:Narrator: [Mario and Luigi] will have to save the world from... um, something about another dimension... and a meteor... and this... thingy [shows Daisy's father] and then this happens [shows Koopa and Mario disintegrating as the dimensions merge]. Man, the video game was already surreal enough, how much acid did these filmmakers take?
[shows the In Name Only Goombas dancing with each other]
Narrator: Okay, all of it. All of the acid.
- The video twice cuts to interviews with the actors as a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer. The first when the narrator notices that Dinohattan has strippers, it cuts to a part of the video message John Leguizamo recorded for the 20th anniversary screening of the film, in which he says that indeed, the filmmakers brought "a whole bunch of strippers"; and the second when the narrator says that the film almost killed Bob Hoskins, it then cuts to an interview with Hoskins:Bob Hoskins: I was stabbed four times, electrocuted, broke a finger, nearly got drowned, and that's just what happened to me.
Narrator: Still less painful than watching the actual movie.
- "Starring: John Luiguizamo, Donald Trump (Koopa), Yosh*t, The Creepy Parking Garage Guy From Ferris Bueller (Spike), That Guy From All Those Movies (Sgt. Simon), Donkey Kong (Anthony Scapelli as a monkey), and Captain Lou Albano (Mario).
- In The Stinger, the narrator takes a crack at the film's Sequel Hook:Daisy: [coming to Luigi and Mario's apartment] Luigi! Mario!
Daisy: You have to come with me, I need your help!
Narrator: [flatly] Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
- Mission: Impossible (aka Franchise: Unkillable):
- "In a time when Hollywood was rebooting all of your dad's favorite TV shows as movies, get ready for the only one that actually worked."
- The narrator lampshades something about the Mission Briefings:Narrator: [The IMF] will deliver assignments in a ridiculous way to agents who can choose whether or not to accept them. [cue montage of the mission briefings from the first four movies, all saying "should you choose to accept it"] Um, what happens if they say no? [shows the nuclear missile from the fourth film] Do we all just... die?
- The narrator references the "revolving door of directors [who] bring their Signature Style to each installment (as long as Tom Cruise approves)":
- The narrator tackles Tom Cruise's memetic Big Heroic Run:Narrator: Tom Cruise is gonna run, [shows his running in the first film] is gonna hang, [shows the climbing scene from the second film, the "Mission: Impossible" Cable Drop of the first three films, and the climbing of the Burj Khalifa in the fourth film] and then he's gonna run, some more. [shows a montage of scenes from the films of him running] Like, a lot more. [shows the famously long run from the third film] Wow, that's a long shot of running... [running continues] ...Aaand cut. Man, he didn't skip leg day.
- After the narrator points out the franchise's rather strange Recurring Elements of each film dealing with a rogue IMF agent and an arms dealer:Narrator: ...One thing is for sure: Everyone is wearing a Scooby-Doo mask. [cue montague of several characters across the films pulling over their Latex Perfection masks set to Scooby-Doo-like music, complete with the narrator doing "Ruh-uh!" sounds, culminating with...] And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling Tom Cruise!
- The "starring" segment is occupied mostly by cloak and dagger tropes (and other things like "Fancy Baaaaalls"), but it ends with Limp Bizkit, whose song "Take a Look Around"'s riff is derived from the original Mission: Impossible theme, and was used in Mission: Impossible II, much to the narrator's chagrin.Narrator: Ugh, I forgot about that.
Fantastic Four (2005)
- Fantastic Four (2005) (aka Craptastic Bore):
- "Before the reboot that will keep the characters out of Marvel's hands, but after the Roger Corman movie that also got the characters out of Marvel's hands, come two other attempts at the franchise, that prove that these characters should really be at Marvel's hands by now."
- When the narrator explains the films' use of Space Clouds, he ends up losing his cool after Galactus is turned into one in the second film:Narrator: [A] space cloud gives four people completely different superpowers, leading to one movie about recreating the space cloud on Earth, and one movie about trying to save the world from a completely different space cloud.
Silver Surfer: My people call it... Galactus.
Narrator: No, this [shows a illustration of Galactus from the comics] is Galactus, that [shows the space cloud from the film] is a space cloud. What is this thing with space clouds? Stop making cloud-based villains! [shows how Hulk and Green Lantern also had cloud villains]
- The narrator starts listing all the bad things that happen to Ben Grimm after he gets transformed into the Thing, ending with him getting rejected by his fiancée for looking different, and then the narrator realizes something:
- The narrator nicknames Doctor Doom and Silver Surfer "The Green Goblin" and "The T-1000", respectively.
- The narrator tries to pronounce Ioan Gruffudd's name. Hilarity Ensues:Narrator: Sorry, I- Ion... Eee-oh-an... Gruffu... fudd... [cut to "starring" segment] Starring: Ioan Gruffuffu... oh not again! It has too many vowels and too many consonants!
- Then there's the rest of the cast: Elon Mask, Mercury Rising, Battlecloud Galacticus, Jessica AlBewbs, A Rotting Pumpkin, Scandalous, and Captorch Humerica.
- In The Stinger, the narrator weights in on the controversy generated by the casting of an African-American actor as the Human Torch in the 2015 film:
- 8 Mile (aka Eminem: The Movie):
- "From the guy who always raps about his crazy mom, a girl named Hailie, and the city of Detroit, comes a film about a rapper with a crazy mom and a little girl named Lily, set in the city of Detroit. But he's got brown hair instead of blond hair, so he's totally not Eminem."Narrator: You've seen pop stars make terrible Vanity Projects [shows scenes from From Justin to Kelly and The Last Song], like Glitter, Crossroads, and Cool as Ice [shows Cool as Ice's "Drop that zero and get with the hero" scene]. Now watch Eminem of all people give a respectful, understated job, in the story of a man struggling against a world that judges him based on the color of his skin.
Jimmy "B-Rabbit" Smith, Jr. (Eminem): [in a rap battle] You don't know what the f*ck I've been to!
Narrator: [while showing the rap battle's all-African-American crowd] Um... I'm pretty sure they might have an idea.
- In the "starring" part, Michael Shannon is credited as "Trailer Park Zod", Kim Basinger as "The Crying Spaghetti Momster", Anthony Mackie (who would go to play The Falcon in the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies) as "Angry Bird", and Xzibit as "Yo Dawg, I Heard You Like Cameos."
- In The Stinger, the narrator says that now he can't wait for a Drake movie about him making it out of that wheelchair in Degrassi.
- "From the guy who always raps about his crazy mom, a girl named Hailie, and the city of Detroit, comes a film about a rapper with a crazy mom and a little girl named Lily, set in the city of Detroit. But he's got brown hair instead of blond hair, so he's totally not Eminem."
Mad Max: Fury Road
- Mad Max: Fury Road:
- The narrator refers to the movie as a "2 hour game of Mario Kart from Hell".
- Showing how Fury Road makes other 2015 blockbusters look tame by comparison. (They even repeat the same gag in the Honest Game Trailer for Mad Max.)
- The scene even does double-duty as Crosses the Line Twice if you've watched the actual scene and know how sad it is.
- "Starring: Tom Hardly in the Movie (Max), Fast & Furiosa (Furiosa), About a War Boy (Nux), Bane with a Sleep Apnea Machine (Immortan Joe), Eric the Actor (Corpus Colossus), Powders (The War Boys), The Real Housewives of the Citadel (The Wives), You Will Never Be This Metal (The Doof Warrior), and Darude - Sandstorm (Exactly What It Says on the Tin).
- In The Stinger, the narrator trying to use the chrome spray paint, and saying it tastes terrible.
- Frozen Fever (aka Frozen Reminder):
Narrator: When Disney slapped Frozen's name on a short film to squeeze more cash out of their biggest hit [shows that Frozen's gross was over $400 million], Honest Trailers had the perfect excuse to slap Frozen's name on a video to squeeze more views out of our biggest hit. [shows that the Honest Trailer for Frozen has over 25,500,000 views]
- The narrator demonstrates that Disney and Honest Trailers aren't so different about certain things.
- The narrator's reaction to the cost of the Blu-ray collection containing the short.Narrator: [The short is] now available on Blu-ray— for twenty bucks?! [zooms over the Blu-ray's cost on Amazon, which is $23.52] No, that is it! Daddy's done spending money on this Frozen crap! [a girl cries on the background] Stop crying, we're poor now!
- The narrator and Arnold Schwarzenegger cringing at the forced use of Catch Phrases.Narrator: Full of not-so-subtle call backs to the original movie, and catchphrases so forced they would make Schwarzenegger blush.
Elsa: I don't get cold. Besides... ♫ the cold never bothered me anyway... ♫
Narrator: [while showing Schwarzenegger as the T-800 in Terminator 2: Judgment Day cringe] UGH!
- The "starring" segment being occupied by reasons Disney needs to keep Frozen relevant, starting with a Broadway show and its presence in the Disney Theme Parks, and escalating to increasingly bizarre merchandise for the movie, culminating in a snow cone machine shaped like Olaf, which the narrator claims is just you eating Olaf's intestines while he watches (due to its design).
- The Stinger being a huge Getting Crap Past the Radar:
- The Happening (aka What the F*** Is Happening?):
- The trailer begins with:
- The narrator doing a pretty good rundown on Shyamalan's career...
- ...and a pretty good summary of the film itself.Narrator: ...a film about a thing that happens, [cue montage of several characters using the word "happening"] then stops happening.
Elliot Moore: Nothing happened.
Narrator: It's even dumber than it sounds.
- The narrator saying that Mark Wahlberg "delivers a Donnie Wahlberg-level performance."
- The description of the film's antagonistic force:
- The narrator calling the movie "the first movie since Groundhog Day to make suicide look kinda hilarious."
- The narrator asks a character in the film his opinion on hot dogs. Makes Just as Much Sense in Context in the film.Narrator: Hey, what's your take on hot dogs, random person?
Nursery Owner: You know hot dogs get a bad rap? They got a cool shape, they got protein. [to Alma] You like hot dogs right?
Narrator: Good to know.
- And when it comes to the trademark Shyamalan twist:Narrator: As you wait for the inevitable Shyamalan twist... that never comes. The twist is: there is no twist. The trees did it. Then it ends. Ugh.
- The "Starring" list consists simply of the trees and other plants that appear in the film, including the famous plastic tree, a tree that the narrator wasn't sure of what kind was until a character points out it's a maple tree, and "A Mannequin" (Alma/Zooey Deschanel).Narrator: [as Alma stares blankly] Uh, hello? Are you okay?
- Furious 7 (aka Car Wars: Episode VII):
- The trailer begins by pointing out the franchise's odd naming conventions:Narrator: You've seen it with the "The's", you've seen it without the "The's", you've seen it with just the "Fast", and with "2's" where the "The's" should be. Now, prepare for the latest mix of F-words and numbers in: Furious 7... Nah, that's so boring! Can we use the Japanese title? Wild Speed: Sky Mission. Way better.
- The narrator puts into question the whole "One Last Job" theme:Narrator: After six Fast and Furiouses, you thought they were done, because they more or less keep saying that they're done. But now they're back for one last ride. Again. Which is, at the bare minimum, their next-to-last ride. [shows that there's already a release date for the next film]
- The narrator referencing the series' unrelenting Sequel Escalation:Narrator: But after that ride, they've got to be done riding, right? I mean, where they're gonna go next? Space?
Roman Pearce: First a tank, then a plane, now we got a spaceship?!
Narrator: I would totally watch that.
- The narrator's way of describing the evolution of the series:Narrator: What began as Point Break with cars has been spun-off, [shows The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift] rebooted, [shows Fast & Furious] turned into a heist film, [shows Fast Five] and jacked up on steroids [shows Luke Hobbs] [...] in a franchse that has completely ditched its street racing roots, but still remains as commited as ever to booty. [cut to montage of the films' Fanservice Extras]
- The narrator thinks that, after the "awesome car skydiving sequence" and the "incredible skyscraper jump scene", "their budget ran out before the finale", which is why it is "a generic car chase while two gorillas [Dom and Deckard Shaw] hit each other with sticks in a parking lot."
- The narrator's description of Dominic Toretto:Narrator: So hit the streets once again with Dominic Toretto, master of the over-the-shoulder dramatic turn around, who's so Italian, he wore a tank top to his own wedding. He's the man with the plan, even if the plan is incredibly stupid; like driving headfirst into a car, driving headfirst off a cliff, driving headfirst into a car, again, or driving headfirst off a parking garage. You'll begin to wonder if it was repeated head trauma that gave him his trademark mumble growl.
- Starring: Michelle Roadriguez (Michelle Rodriguez), Honda Rousey (Ronda Rousey), Tyregrease Gibson (Tyrese Gibson), Ludacruise (Ludacris), Racin' Statham (Jason Statham), Jordana Vroomster (Jordana Brewster), Lucas Blacktop (Lucas Black), Drivon Honksu (Djimon Hounsou), Kurb Russell (Kurt Russell), Lane "The Rock" Johnson (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), and Vin Diesel.Narrator: That's just his name, that's not a pun.
- The trailer actually having three Stingers:Narrator: We couldn't decide which ending we liked better for this trailer, so here are all three:
- Ending #1:Narrator: Remember in the trailer when The Rock beat up Statham, flexed out of a cast, and shot that drone? Because that's everything he does in the movie! Come on! You got The Rock; use him, for crying out loud!
- Ending #2:Narrator: It's really nice how racially diverse this movie is without calling a bunch of attention to itself.
Dominic Toretto: Race wars. We invented it.
Narrator: Oh, nevermind.
- Ending #3:Deckard Shaw: See you and me? We're from different worlds.
Narrator: Hey, you stole that from Hootie & the Blowfish!
- Ending #1:
- The trailer begins by pointing out the franchise's odd naming conventions:
Peter Pan (1953)
- Disney's Peter Pan (aka Disney's Michael Jackson):
- The description of Neverland: "A war-torn island where full-grown adults force orphans to join their ranks or die. It's like a magical Sudan!"
- The narrator gets utterly embarrassed by the film's portrayal of Native Americans. It goes From Bad to Worse when he tries to switch to other Disney movies:Narrator: [after showing the Indian Chief say "How"] Wow, I don't even remember that part.
[shows Peter and the Indians making a stereotypical war cry]
Narrator: Wow, that is really bad.
[shows John, Michael and the Lost Boys singing the "We're about to fight the Indians" line from "Following the Leader"]
Narrator: Okay, enough.
One of the Lost Boys: What makes a red man red?
[shows more Indians making a stereotypical war cry]
Captain Hook: Those redskins know the island...
Narrator: Just switch to another Disney movie!
[shows a clip of Uncle Remus from Song of the South]
Narrator: Not that one!
[shows a clip of the Siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp singing "We Are Siamese (If You Please)" in stereotypical mangled English]
Narrator: No, don't show that one, show a different one!
[shows Jim Crow from Dumbo]
Narrator: Oh that was so much worse...
[shows Shun Gon from The Aristocats]
Narrator: This is all so much worse than I remember! Go to starring, go to starring!
- The Indian Chief is credited in the "Starring" list as "The Washington R... DC Football Team."
- In The Stinger:Narrator: So his name was "Hook" before Peter cut off his hand? And I thought "Scar" was a convenient villain name.
Avengers: Age of Ultron
- Avengers: Age of Ultron (aka Avengers: Roughly One Week of Ultron):
- The narrator references how the film had a lot of hype to live up to... and didn't.Narrator: After the mind-blowing sucess of The Avengers, the game-changing thrills of The Winter Soldier, and the unexpected surprise of Guardians of the Galaxy, you thought there was no way the next Avengers could live up to the hype. YOU. WERE. RIGHT.
Narrator: I mean, it's definitely good, just not great, you know what I mean? Like, certainly enjoyable but, you know... Oh man, we're gonna catch hell from this anyway.
- The narrator bringing up how the Avengers stayed out of each other's problems in between Avengers films:Narrator: When the Mandarin seemingly killed Iron Man and took the President hostage, the Avengers didn't assemble. When Malekith almost destroyed the universe, the Avengers didn't assemble. And when a terrorist organization infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. and came just seconds away from killing millions, the Avengers still didn't assemble. But when a remote HYDRA base might be hiding something, every single Avenger is assembling all up this business!
- The narrator seems to not be amused by Quicksilver, is a bit confused about Scarlet Witch, and is really confused about The Vision.Narrator: One [Quicksilver] is a lame Russian knockoff of the X-Man that Fox did way better, one [Scarlet Witch] has... hand-wavy mind control powers? And can also stop trains? And the other [The Vision] is a beam-shooting, 3D-printed vibranium robot, plus J.A.R.V.I.S., plus the Mind Stone, who can fly, and... makes capes? What? Can one of you guys explain Vision to me? I have no idea of who or what he is.
- The narrator takes a moment to remember great MCU villains. He realizes that he only considers one to fit the bill.
- The trailer's reaction to Ultron's Colony Drop plan is to abruptly cut the background music and put a clip of Tony Stark's "Not a great plan" line from The Avengers.
- The narrator's opinion of Hawkeye getting more screentime is that there's now time "for your least favorite Avenger to become your third or fourth least favorite Avenger."Narrator: [sarcastically] Oh Hawkeye, good for you! We like you now.
- The narrator bringing up how the movie has "tons... of... quips."
- The "Starring" list: Mr. Rogers (Captain America), Hank Pym (Tony Stark), Beats by Bruce (Bruce Banner), Good Luck Finding Her Action Figure (Black Widow), Archer (Hawkeye), Farm and Furious (Nick Fury), So That's What Andy Serkis Looks Like (Ulysses Klaue), Resting Witch Face (Scarlet Witch), The Quick and the Dead (Quicksilver), CGI Baaalls (J.A.R.V.I.S. and Ultron's AIs), Super Siri (The Vision), Skynet (Ultron), and The New Avengers... Yay?
- In The Stinger:Narrator: I'm calling it, the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier will become the MCU's eagles.
- The narrator references how the film had a lot of hype to live up to... and didn't.
- Aladdin (aka A Genie):
- "Watch [Jasmine] slum it up with Aladdin, a hunky thief with no home, no parents, and no nipples!"
- The narrator calls Aladdin and Jasmine's love story "the most realistic love story in Disney history," but not for the reasons one might expect:Narrator: ...as the guy asks the girl to trust him [shows Aladdin asking "Do you trust me?" twice], then says whatever it takes to get into her MC Hammer pants [shows the Genie trying to convince Aladdin to tell Jasmine the truth, to no avail], and at the end of it all, must face the consequences of his pathological lying, by getting everything he ever wanted.
- The narrator lampshades how The Genie Knows Jack Nicholson:Narrator: Sit back as Robin Williams takes over the film as the magical Genie, who's so powerful, he does impressions of people who won't be born for hundreds of years [shows a montage of Genie's impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rodney Dangerfield, Ed Sullivan, Jack Nicholson (of course), and Peter Lorre] Kids just love a good Peter Lorre.
- The song parodies return! Featuring:
- The Narrator's Song ("Arabian Nights"):A framing deviiiiice
For this whimsical tale
The credits will go
Much faster you know
So the young kids won't bail
- The "'Telling Kids It's Okay To Steal' song" ("Jump Ahead"):
- The "'Take Your Kid to the Bathroom' song" ("Prince Ali"):
- The "'Kidnapping Your Date' song" ("A Whole New World"):Aladdin: I just kidnapped this girl / 'Cause her midriff is sexy / We are up here / Now let's see / if she'll rub my lamp tonight / I'll pork this girl / As long as that's okay with you / No creepy long-faced dudes / Or family feuds / To keep us from porking
Jasmine: You'll pork this girl / Your sentient rug can watch us too / Even though you're a fraud / I like that bod / So I'll enjoy an airborne pork with you
Aladdin: You are so much hotter than Abu!
- And "the Robin Williams song" ("Friend Like Me"):Can Josh Gad do this?
Can Jack Black do that?
Can Jim Carrey pull this off
Without his mask?
Mr. Hugh Jackman, sir
This ain't the Tonys
The torch can pass
Go ahead, recast
But I'll always be the best
Always be the best
Give the remake talk a rest
It'll be a mess
'Cause I'll always be the best Genie!
You ain't never gonna recast me
- The Narrator's Song ("Arabian Nights"):
- The "Starring" list: A Liar (Aladdin), Blue Jasmine (Princess Jasmine), Male-eficent (Jafar), The Original Angry Bird (Iago), Curious Abu (Abu), The Hardest Level in the Super Nintendo Game (The wall of lava in the Cave of Wonders), Really Ties the Room Together (Magic Carpet), and Robbin Screentime (Genie).
- In The Stinger, the narrator realizes something... awkward, to say the least:Narrator: That Jasmine is so hot, right guys? May be the hottest Disney Princess ever. Well, guess what? She's fifteen years old. [shows a line on her Wikipedia page that says she's a few days short of her 16th birthday, and Genie doing a Jaw Drop] Don't you feel gross now? Well, at least it's OK for Aladdin to— [shows a line from his Wikipedia page that says that he's eighteen] Uh-oh.
- Jurassic World (aka Raptor Rex vs. Dinoshark):
- At the beginning, the narrator struggles to pronounce director Colin Trevorrow's name, before giving up and just calling him "Not Steven Spielberg."
- The narrator describes the film as "the best Jurassic Park sequel ever made... which really isn't saying much," showing the infamous talking Velociraptor dream sequence from Jurassic Park III.
- The narrator lampshades how life imitates art:Narrator: It's been 22 years since Jurassic Park opened its gates. [...] Now, desperate for profits, Jurassic World is here [...] to exploit a new generation by selling them the same basic premise they already sold to their parents, to the point where they literally break out a pair of nostalgia googles. Wait, we're talking about the movie, or the reason this movie exists? I really can't tell anymore.
- The narrator calls Jurassic World "an awesome dinosaur version of SeaWorld... that's another Blackfish documentary waiting to happen."
- The narrator's completely dumbfounded response to InGen's security chief's planned use to the Velociraptors:Narrator: They'll have to thwart InGen's plan to strap cameras on barely-trained raptor's heads, and use them to hunt terrorists in Afghanistan. Wait, what? I need to read that again. [goes to mumblingly repeat what he just said] No, it's what it says. Wow, that is like a Dr. Evil-level of stupid right there!
Dr. Evil: I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams attached to their heads!
- In response of the complaints about Claire running in high heels, the narrator goes on to give a Long List of questions about what he considers Plot Holes (or just things implied to be unnecessary to the film, like the subplot of Claire's sister's family), except for the second-to-last one, which is "Wait, did that raptor jump on that T. rex's back to get leverage? Because that's awesome." At the end, he concludes:Narrator: But who cares? 'Cause that T. rex and raptor tag team fight was awesome!
- Starring: Zoo Lord (Owen Grady), Bryce Dallas Texas (Claire Dearing), Vincent Donut Fritos (Vic Hoskins), Human BuzzFeed (Lowery Cruthers), Bill Nye the Evil Guy (Dr. Henry Wu), Shamu (the Mosasaurus), Tyrannosaurus Ex Machina (the Tyrannosaurus rex), You're My Boy, Blue! (the Velociraptor), and The Plotosaurus Rex (the Indominus rex).
- In The Stinger:
Back to the Future
- Back to the Future (aka Doc and Marty's Excellent Adventure):
- After the requests come up at the beginning, a soundbite of Marty saying "This is heavy!" is heard.
- The movies are introduced as:
- The three movies are described as "the blockbuster hit that stands the test of time, the sequel that lauched a million B.S. Facebook posts, and the third one."
- The summary of the three movies:Narrator: Featuring the one where they travel to the past, beat up the bully, fix the future, and set up the sequel; the one where they travel to the past, beat up the bully, fix the future, and set up the sequel, and the one where they travel to the past, beat up the bully, fix the future, and leave open the possibility for a sequel.
Biff Tannen: There's something very familiar about all this...
- The narrator finds Doc Brown a bit questionable.Narrator: He's a mad scientist who steals nuclear weapons from terrorists;
Doc Brown: They wanted me to build them a bomb, so I took that plutonium and in turn gave them a shoddy bomb casing full of used pinball machine parts!
Narrator: Tests dangerous experiments on animals, and chose to build a time machine out of one of the most unreliable cars of all time.
- After pointing out all the squicky parts of the films (such as how Marty's mom was into him in the 50's, and Biff, who attempted to rape her, eventually ended up doing the chores around the house), he says that "it's still not as creepy as Doc's kid from the end of the third one." The video then points out that one of Doc's kids, while Doc was doing his "Your future hasn't been written yet" speech, was doing Bring It gestures and pointing to his crotch.* Narrator: What is he doing?!
- Starring: Rick and Morty (Doc and Marty), Donald Trump (Biff Tannen), The Three Stooges (Biff's gang) ...Hey, That's Billy Zane! (one of Biff's gang), Crisping Lover (George McFly), MILF (Lorraine), Legit Musician Cameos (shows the cameos of Huey Lewis, Flea, and ZZ Top), and Hot Car Time Machine (the DeLorean).
- Inside Out:
- Collectively describing Fear, Anger, and Disgust as "your average YouTube comment section".
- "The movie that made grown-ups say 'phew, Pixar is good again!' and made kids everywhere say 'why are you crying, daddy?'"
- Their take on why the film's main focus is on an 11-year-old girl's mind:Narrator: ...because if it were about a guy, it would be a porno.
- His reaction to Bing-bong.Narrator: And Bing... (Ahem) And Bing-bong. Keep it together, Voice Guy! And Bing-bong, the Imaginary Friend we have to leave behind, so we can grow up to be healthy, normal adults... I'm sorry, Mr. Squizzlewort! I'll never forget you as long as I live!
- In the Starring segment, Disgust is referred to as "The Mindy Projectile Vomit".
- Epic Voice Guy's reaction to the existence of Boy Band Island and Tragic Vampire Romance Island at the end:Narrator: Ugh, great, Riley sucks now.
- Terminator Genisys (aka Terminator Genishyt):
- The trailer begins with:Narrator: The following trailer is rated S for spoilers. Unlike this movie's actual trailer that gave away the only cool part of the entire movie!
- The narrator being puzzled at the title, which appears complete with the red line that denotes spelling errors in Microsoft Word below the word "Genisys" in the title card.Narrator: They... they mean "Genesis," right? ["Genisys" is deleted from the title card and "Genesis" written instead] There we go, that feels better.
- The narrator at one point pulls one hell of a Bait-and-Switch.
- The narrator not-quite-happy description of the rest of the cast, ending with:Narrator: [...] And Daenerys Targaryen as Sarah Connor. Come on, Khaleesi, you're so much better than this!
Sarah Connor: I think I'm doing just fine!
- The narrator concludes that the movie leaves "so many plot holes and unanswered questions" that he "won't even bother to list" the usual Long List of them, except for one:
- The "Starring" list: Hasta la vista, maybe; Mother of Connors, Another John's Made of Dust, LOL Simmons, The Whole Entire Bus Goes Round and Round, and Stop Trying to Make Jai Courtney Happen, It's Not Going to Happen.
- In The Stinger:Narrator: So [John Connor] is sending his dad back in time to have sex with his mom? [shows Lorraine kissing Marty in Back to the Future] Why is incest always the go-to plot in time travel movies?
- The trailer begins with:
A New Hope
- Star Wars (aka Joseph Campbell's Star Wars):
- "From the once-masterful director who just couldn't leave well enough alone, comes the special effects blockbuster that transformed the entire film industry... into an assembly line for special effects blockbusters and action figures."Narrator: Star Wars. The first one. We are not calling it A New Hope.
- The narrator saying that Princess Leia is "the most interesting of the two human female characters in the entire movie."
- The narrator points out that the droids are "conscious beings with feelings and free will, who were bought and sold as slaves." But that's not the funny part, of course, but rather his reaction to it:Narrator: #DroidsLivesMatter guys!
- The narrator calls Luke Skywalker "a whiny space brat." Then he realizes something:Narrator: Hmmm, kinda reminds me of someone... [cue montage of Luke Skywalker's angsty scenes interspersed with Anakin Skywalker's own angsty scenes] Wait, so Hayden Christensen's acting choices were... intentional?! WHOA! Mind. Blown!
- The narrator is not exactly impressed with the Empire:Narrator: ...the evil Empire, with an army of clumsy idiots, [shows the often repeated scene of the Stormtrooper hitting his head on the door frame] led by the most threatening villain of all time, Darth Vader... until you hear his original voice. [shows Darth Vader speaking with the voice of his physical actor, David Prowse] Ha, not so epic now, are you bro?
- The narrator doesn't let the "Special Editions" pass:Narrator: Return to a time when technology forced George Lucas to collaborate with other people, as he teams up with masters of sound design, score, editing and practical visual effects to deliver a near perfect movie, that he's made progressively worse with each special edition, because if there's one thing the original Star Wars wasn't missing, [getting progressively angrier] is poorly-rended, out-of-place CGI animals filling up every square inch of the frame! Dude! Come on! Get out of the way! Argh, I can't even see the movie.
- The narrator also points out scenes that "nostalgic googles" keep one from realizing "were kind of dumb," like the lightsaber battle between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader being "two old geezers gently poking each other," and the destruction of the Death Star being "the most over-the-top Freudian finale of all time." Cue a hefty montage of all the lines of dialogue during that scene that could count as Accidental Innuendo:"Luke is the best bush pilot in the Outer Rim Territories."
"Look at the size of that thing!"
"They came from behind."
"...should be able to penetrate the outer defense."
"Almost there... Almost there...!"
"Didn't go in."
"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
"Luke, at that speed, will y'be able to pull out in time?"
Michael Scott: That's What She Said! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- The narrator wants to make one thing clear:Narrator: So whether you're an old man who can't move on from a 38-year old movie for children, or a contrarian kid who thinks he's being edgy when he says the prequels were better, one thing is for sure: Han. Shot. First.
- In The Stinger:Narrator: As bad as we all want a real lightsaber, let's be realistic: We could've cut off our own hand in a week.
- "From the once-masterful director who just couldn't leave well enough alone, comes the special effects blockbuster that transformed the entire film industry... into an assembly line for special effects blockbusters and action figures."
Fantastic Four (2015)
- Fantastic Four (2015) (aka Fant-Four-Stic, or Fantastic Four: Strike Three):
- At the very beginning, the reference to a certain tweet:Narrator: From the director of Chronicle, and a fantastic version of this movie that you'll probably never see...
[shows a screencap from a tweet made by the film's director Josh Trank (since deleted) that read:]
Josh Trank: A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would've received great reviews. You'll probably never see it. That's reality though.◊
- "It's been ten years since the last good Fantastic Four movie." Footage playing over this part is of The Incredibles.
- The description of the cast:Narrator: There's Reed, the genius who can bend his body to new and exciting ethnicities; Ben, a big-hearted rock monster whose superpower is not having genitals?; this underused actress in a terrible way, who's left behind to make the guys' uniforms; and Johnny, a street-racing Brad cliché with the power to ignite... internet comment sections for being a black guy.
- The narrator not being impressed with the inner workings of the Baxter Institute...Narrator: Journey to the Baxter Institute, where kids create billion-dollar inventions, powerful enough to destroy the world, in exchange for pats on the back.
Harvey Allen: You all deserve an enormous pat on the back.
- ...or Doctor Doom, for that matter.Narrator: Tremble in anticipation for the return of one of Marvel's greatest supervillains, Doctor Doom. Then shake your head in disappointment when you're stuck with this super-powered sex doll instead, complete with vague abilities, vague motivations, and vague... Ghostbusters references?
[cut to a clip of Ghostbusters showing Dana possessed by Zuul]
Zuul!Dana: There is no Dana, only Zuul.
[cut to Doom saying, in almost the exact same tone:]
Doctor Doom: There is no Victor, only Doom.
- When the narrator says that the protagonists were "totally phoning it in," a cellphone is shown.
- The "Starring" list: Were You Stretching Or Were You Dragging?, A Wasted House of Cards Actor (Kate Mara), A Chocolate Snowman, Michael B. Glad You Don't Have to Do Any More of These,note Another Wasted House of Cards Actor (Reg E. Cathey), and Crash Test Doomy.
- In The Stinger, the narrator realizes that the movie missed something:
- At the very beginning, the reference to a certain tweet:
- Minions (aka Despicable Greed):
- The narrator lets it clear from the very beginning about what's the real reason behind the movie:Narrator: From Universal Pictures... marketing department, comes one of the most expensive, far-reaching promotional campaigns of all time. And also a movie!
- The narrator comparing the movie with Joey, The Cleveland Show, and The Battle for Endor in that it's "a Spin-Off that takes a character who's fun in small doses, and makes you wish that they stayed in the background."
- The narrator saying that, for an Origins Episode about the Minions, it doesn't tell a lot about their origins:Narrator: Get ready for a Minion origin story... that doesn't even tell you what a Minion is, or where their language comes from, [shows the Minions saying "Que pasa?", "Sayonara!", and "Mazel Tov!"] or whether they're immortal, or whether they have genders, [shows the Minions doing a Totem Pole Trench in drag] or why some have just one eye, or why always they wear goggles, or how do they reproduce. [shows a Minion getting romantic with two yellow fire hydrants] But who cares? You're either a six-year old or a parent wishing to check your phone in the movie theater.
- The narrator saying that the movie is so full of "lazy gags" that it makes Cars 2 look like the beginning of Up.
- The narrator warning the audience about the movie's bad morals...Narrator: Try to undo the harmful messages the movie would drill into your kid's impressionable head, like: Be an mindless follower, don't question authority, and shooting at the cops is okay as long as you're little and cute.
- ...then, weighing in that last point, realizes that it also has Family-Unfriendly Violence. ("You know, for kid's characters they do really kill a lot of people.") Cue the Failure Montage showing the Minions trying to serve their various masters and failing miserably on every occasion with a death count; it first shoots up from 5 to 105 after the Egyptians are crushed when a pyramid falls over, and then to "???" after a giant Kevin pushes a Scarlet Overkill wearing a skirt-transformed-into-a-giant-rocket onto several buildings.
- The "Starring" list ending with "those horrible Facebook memes your aunt keeps posting that don't even have anything to do with Minions at all."
- In The Stinger, the narrator points out that if the Minions hadn't been driven to live in the ice cave after accidentally killing Napoléon Bonaparte, they might've served as Adolf Hitler's henchmen. Complete with a photoshopped image of the Minions taking a selfie with the Führer.
- The narrator lets it clear from the very beginning about what's the real reason behind the movie:
- Ant-Man (aka Tiny Iron Man):
- The Honest Trailers title card being "ant-sized" like the first teaser trailer for the film.
- The narrator says the movie is "based on a superhero so ridiculous, you'll swear that Marvel's choosing their projects on a dare."Narrator: Now get ready for a hero so silly, no one can even keep a straight face when they say his dumb name; [shows The Falcon and Darren Cross not being able to keep a straight face when saying "Ant-Man", and Scott Lang aking if they can change the name] in a superpowered heist film that against all odds... actually, kind of works! I mean, it's still more believable that somebody joining The Avengers just because they're good with a bow and an arrow, right?
- When the narrator does his usual "Meet [X]" routine with Scott Lang, the trailer shows instead a scene from Behind the Candelabra, another film in which a character played by Michael Douglas has a relationship with a character named Scott, just a very different one.Narrator: [shows Matt Damon as Scott Thorson] Wait, no, not that one. [shows Scott Lang] Yeah, that's the guy.
- As the alternative title he gave for the film implies, the narrator believes that Hank Pym and the overall plot of the film look familiar:Narrator: Hank Pym [is a] billionaire industrialist who lost control of his company to a bald former ally, who betrays him, and plots to use his advanced suit technology for evil. And if that sounds familiar, it's because it's the exact same premise as the first Iron Man movie.
Scott Lang: If it ain't broke...
Narrator: I mean, seriously, it even has that "friend staring at the suit they wear in the sequel" moment.
James Rhodes/War Machine: Next time, baby.
Hope van Dyne/The Wasp: It's about damn time.
- The "few unique twists" that made the film "separate itself from the other 11 MCU films":Narrator: Making another schlubby comedian get abs for a superhero role, actually getting you to care about disgusting insect monsters (NOOO!!! Not Antony! Aw man! I liked that one because he had a name.), and saying the one thing everyone's been yelling at the screen since Phase 2 started:
Scott Lang: I think our first move, should be calling the Avengers.
- The narrator says that film made Marvel "prove once again that they can literally sell you anything, and they don't even have to try that hard to sell it." Cue the Dada-esque "ANTS" TV spot.Narrator: ... Huh?
- The "Starring" list: I Love You, Mant, Tony Stark, Sr., Wasp Machine, The Only Latino in the MCU, T.I. As Himself,note Antz, The Biggest Avenger They Could Get, Thomas and the Mant-gic Railroad, and Disposable Marvel Villain #9.
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [while showing the Quantum Realm] Man, after this one, I cannot imagine these movies getting any strang— [the Doctor Strange (2016) logo appears] Oh yeah, forgot about that.
Revenge of the Sith
- The Revenge of the Sith trailer opens by referring to George Lucas as "Disney's bitter ex-boyfriend".
- The narrator calls it the best Star Wars prequel by default because "something occasionally happens, even if that something is a lizard chasing a robot on a unicycle."
- Die Hard (aka Die Hard in a Building):
- The film is filled with the 80s stuff you love, like: indoor smoking, carry-on guns, Japanese businessmen, cocaine, pregnant drinking, making fun of touchscreens, super-cool limousines, and more cocaine.Narrator: [snort] WHOOOO! Best decade EVER!
- The nearly endless list of "Die Hard" on an X films that the movie spawned, including: Die Hard on a bus, Die Hard in a tunnel, Die Hard on a mountain, Die Hard in the White House, Die Hard in the White House 2, Die Hard in a mall, Die Hard on a boat, Die Hard on this other boat, Die Hard in a rink, Die Hard on a train, Die Hard in a plane, Die Hard in another plane, Die Hard in the President's plane, Die Hard in a plane with snakes, and Die Hard but awful.
- The "read the comments section" portion of the video has the narrator read all the various takes on McClane's infamous catchphrase... Until he gets to read the original one where the video immediately ends.
- The film is filled with the 80s stuff you love, like: indoor smoking, carry-on guns, Japanese businessmen, cocaine, pregnant drinking, making fun of touchscreens, super-cool limousines, and more cocaine.
Pirates of the Caribbean
- Pirates of the Caribbean (aka Jack Sparrow of the Caribbean (and some other Pirates)):*
Narrator: ...but who cares, now he owns a *** island!
- The narrator opens up with how Johnny Depp's career ended up getting typecast into "boring parodies of himself", while showing his roles as Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Sweeny Todd, and John Dillinger, then...
Narrator: Witness the Disneyfication of Pirates, history's notorious foul-mouthed rapists and murderers. Where the cursing is PG... "Rape" becomes "Raid"... And murder becomes physically impossible...
- This post-title opening line:
- Starring: Captain Jack spare us from any more of these movies (Captain Jack Sparrow), Keira Daily (Elizabeth Swann), Barnacle Bill ("Bootstrap" Bill Turner), Why not Zoidberg? (Davy Jones), Finnicky (Phillip Swift), Deadwoodmen Tell No Tales (Edward "Blackbeard" Teach), Captain Morgan (Hector Barbossa), Miss Cleo (Tia Dalma), A Japanese Pornstar (The Kraken's tentacles), and Orlando Florida (Will Turner).
Honest Game Trailers
- Kingdom Hearts (aka Disney Infinity)
- The narrator trying to explain the Kudzu Plot of the series, before just giving up. Made even funnier by the repeated mispronunciation of "Xehanort."Narrator: Journey Across the Disney Universe to track down Kingdom Hearts, and defeat the Evil Ansem who is not the real Ansem, but Xehanort's Heartless, who is also named Ansem. The real Ansem is named DiZ, but his Apprentice, Xehenort, stole his identity after Master Xehenort forced his Heart into the body of Terra. Who's Terra, you ask? Terra, along with Aqua and Ven, were originally tasked by Master Eraqus to defeat Master Xehenort. The real Ansem was actually a good guy. Once you beat Ansem, who was Xehanort's Heartless, you have to fight Xemnas: Xehenort's Nobody. A Nobody is a being created when someone turns into a Heartless, they don't have feelings, except when they actually do. They want Hearts, so Xehanort, who is actually Terra-Xehanort, went back in time to find several copies of Xehanort. (Beat) Also, Donald Duck is in it! [Ta-da!]
- "Your journey begins with Sora, a ten year old boy with enough zippers and belts to start his own bondage convention. Follow along on his quest to master the Keyblade, a weapon that looks stupid and impractical, even by Final Fantasy Standards."
- "With only six living masters in the world, Sora's got some big shoes to fill, in addition to his actual gigantic shoes."
- Mocking the way the series keeps having the protagonists introduce themselves as "Sora, Donald, and Goofy," before immediately calling them Dolan and Gooby.
- Starring: Generic Anime Guys, Ratsune Hiku, Disney Spelled Backwards (Yen Sid), American Pikachu (King Mickey), SSJ Trunks (Blond-Haired Sora), Boys In Da Hood (Black Coats), MC Hammer Pants (Aladdin), Aflac (Donald), Disney's Wolverine (Beast), Evil Adele (Ursula), GLaDOS (Master Control Program), a dog (Pluto) and... also a dog? (Goofy)
- The Stinger, after the Narrator thinks that Sephiroth's voice in the first game sounds familliarNarrator: Huh... Where have I heard that voice before... (plays clip of Lance Bass giving an interview) No way!
- The narrator trying to explain the Kudzu Plot of the series, before just giving up. Made even funnier by the repeated mispronunciation of "Xehanort."
- The Stinger:Narrator: Aw, you need to pee, huh? Well, let's see how well you pee when I sell the toilet! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's for not dating me! AHAHAHAhahahahaha...I'm so alone.
- The use of the corridor scene at the end:Narrator: [singing] How much is that doggie in the win— [Cerberus jumps through the window] —AAAAAUGHH!
Five Nights at Freddy's 2
- The narrator being completely immune to the Jump Scare Running Gag. And then falls for it when he's done saying his usual "what do you want to hear me say in my awesome voice" when Mangle comes flying down from the top of the screen.Narrator: AHH! Okay, okay...that was a good one, guys.
- The Shout-Outs and clever puns continue with the "starring" cast, aside from "the same f*ckers as last time": Their Happy Meal equivalents, Ness on Cocaine, No Face, Bear In Mind and ScarFox, complete with the Corneria theme.
- The narrator calling the game "Five Nights at Freddy's... again" instead of "Five Nights at Freddy's 2".
Gears of War
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Clash of Clans
The Order 1886
Five Nights at Freddy's 3
- Five Nights at Freddy's 3 (or Five Nights Too Many):
- "There's only one spooky fursuit left, and the only way to contain him is to wait for your computer to reboot so you can keep making giggle noises. (Balloon Boy's laugh plays) ...No, I can't believe this is popular either."
- He forgoes the usual "Starring" gag to list gibberish names of YouTube Let's Play channels that made a living off fake overreactions to the game's jump scares.
Mario Party 10
- Epic Voice Guy is so sure that Mario Party 10 must have an online mode that he starts shilling it, until he's informed that there isn't one, prompting him to confirm that it's not an unlockable and then chew out Nintendo.
Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire
Lego Marvel Super Heroes
Mortal Kombat X
- In their trailer for Mortal Kombat X, the narrator complains that the lag is so bad you might as well be drawing it by hand. This is then demonstrated with him drawing the match with marker, with a high-pitched "Hya!" in the background.
- "Did you know that if you beat the game as Sub Zero, he becomes Khaleesi?" Beat "Oops, spoiler alert."
Grand Theft Auto Online
Heroes of the Storm
- "...Or bring out the paint roller if you really want to see them hatin'!"♫ They see me rollin', they hatin' ♫
The Witcher 3
- Watch_Dogs (aka Watch_Doges Much Hacking Such Future Wow)
- The comments at the beginning ask them to review Batman: Arkham Knight but it won't work on PC until one lone comment for Watch Dogs pops up making the narrator say "Close enough."
- Starring... The Girl with the Sh#!tty Tattoo (Clara Lille), 4chan (DedSec), Rob Zombie (T-Bone Grady), Secret Agent Man (Jordi Chin), and Creepy Uncle Aiden (Aiden Pearce)
Batman: Arkham Knight
- Batman: Arkham Knight (aka Arkham: World of Tanks):
- The narrator being startled by the Jump Scare of Man-Bat, then shortly by the Hallucincation of the Joker repeating it]], with the narrator meekly saying after the latter, "I don't wanna be Batman."
- Mocking the overkill nature of the Batmobile:Narrator: [exploding an enormous tank with the main cannon of the Batmobile] "Whee! I'm a detective!"
- Mocking the Captain Obvious Reveal of the titular Arkham Knight being Jason Todd:Narrator: A young sounding man in a red suit, who clearly has a long past with Bruce Wayne, and if you can't guess who that is before the game tells you, welcome to your first Batman story!
Five Nights at Freddy's 4
- Five Nights at Freddy's 4 (or Eight Nights in Purgatory: F*ck You):
- The narrator's original refusal to review the game even with all the requests coming in, even resorting to whining about it.[the comments requesting "Do Five Nights at Freddy's 4!" pop up]
[even more comments pop up]
Narrator: I don't wanna!
[even MORE comments pop up]
Narrator: Ugh, fine!
- "Starring Edgy Big Bird, Thugs Bunny, Freddy and the Jumpscares, Super Saiyan Freddy, Bargain-Bin Sly Cooper and your growing feeling of buyer's remorse."
- The narrator's complete disbelief at the fact the game is getting DLC...and may not be the final game...and even a movie!
- "Four games in one year? Your move, Call of Duty."
- The narrator's original refusal to review the game even with all the requests coming in, even resorting to whining about it.
Metal Gear Solid
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
Pokémon Diamond and Pearl
Assasin's Creed Unity
Just Cause 2
Call of Duty: Black Ops
Star Wars Battlefront