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- Venom (aka Close Encounters of the Turd Kind)
- In the intro:
- The Narrator on the film's attempts at a Darker and Edgier tone:Narrator: Get ready for a gnarly, sick, tight movie you'll love... as long as you're the kind of person who says "Gnarly!", "Sick!", and "Tight!", as the genre runs out of Silver Age heroes to adapt, and enters the extreme 90s era of leather jackets and attitude.
- When the Narrator describes Eddie Brock:Narrator: Witness Tom Hardy doing just the most with the role of Eddie Brock, as he plays the investigative reporter like a crackhead squirrel. [shows Eddie doing weird noises to Dora Skirth] You'll be captivated by his... New York accent?
Eddie: I have spent a significant amount of time with one of these creatures [voice breaks] up my ass!
Narrator: ...His ever-changing man-bracelets, and so many weird little noises, [as Tom Hardy's roles in The Dark Knight Rises, Mad Max: Fury Road and Dunkirk are shown, all of which feature him with some sort of mask] you'll wonder if they've been covering his mouth for a reason.
[cue montage of Eddie doing weird noises]
- The Narrator describing the Venom symbiote makes him ask some questions:Narrator: Watch everything change when [Eddie]'s infected by an evil splooge from outer space who goes by Venom, a member of a parasitic race that's gonna conquer Earth, unless humanity can somehow get its hands on a halfway decent sound system.. [shows the symbiotes getting affected by high-pitched sounds] Together, they'll chomp their way through good and bad guys alike, prompting audiences everywhere to wonder: Does Eddie Brock know what human flesh tastes like? Is he technically a cannibal? When Venom bites off a head, does Eddie have to crap out the skull? [shows an article reading "Tom Hardy says all of his favorite parts of Venom got cut out of the movie"] Were these Tom's favorite parts that got cut out?
- The Narrator on the villain camp:Narrator: Enjoy a film of charming action, then stop enjoying it while they bore you to death with science talk. [shows scenes of exposition] Lots and lots of science talk. [shows more scenes of exposition] Directing the boredom is the not-so-secretly evil Carlton Drake, a man who wants to destroy humanity in order to save it, a play shared by this film's villain, Infinity War's, Mission: Impossible Fallout's, and The Predator's, and that's just in 2018! [shows the villains from Kingsman: The Secret Service, The Fate of the Furious, and Watchmen] Thrill as Drake assumes his final form: Raisin' Venom. Then try to cheer on the hero as the action concludes with two syrupy blotches wrestling each other like a Winamp visualizer with teeth.
Voiceover: It really whips the llama's ass!
- The Narrator also reveals that he's quite invested in the movie, in a unusual way.Narrator: But Venom's not just an action movie, it's also a love story, as Eddie is torn between his love of Michelle Williams's terrible wig, and a special guy inside of him who's ready to make the leap from "I" to "We". And not, it's not weird that I ship Symbrock! The movie made a quarter billion in China, and this is how they advertised it! [shows cutesy drawings of Venom in promotional posters] Look, ever since Tumblr... changed,note this is all I got left! Let me have this one! [shows She-Venom making out with Eddie] Oooh, Epic Voice-y like-y!
- In the "Starring" sections:
- The Narrator finds five different times in which the marquee of the Rialto Theater appears in one scene.
- The other credits: Sad Max (Eddie Brock), Inky and the Veins (Venom), Dan from Veep and Dan from Venom (Dr. Dan Lewis),* Man-Taster by the Sea (She-Venom), Felon Musk (Carlton Drake), Everyone Goops (all the symbionte infectees), and I'M THE LEPRECHAUN! (Cletus Kasady/Carnage).
- In The Stinger, of course the Narrator references that one line from the trailers:Venom: Rolling down the street, like a turd... in the wind.
Narrator: If your turds are thing or light enough to roll in the wind, please call your gastroenterologist.
- Unbreakable (aka Man of Feels)note
- After the dozens of times they lampshade the Thousand-Yard Stare, along with reusing the same dramatic music for this joke, they drop all pretence and the Honest Credits start with "Stare-ing" instead of "Starring".
- The "Stare-ing" montage ends with one of the best song parodies ever made, saved for Elijah Price / Mr. Glass:♫ In west Philadelphia born and raised,
Near the playground was how he spent most of his days
Healing up's taxing 'cause fate is so cruel
Too sick to shoot b-ball outside of his school
Then an unbreakable guy who was up to some good
Started saving children in the neighbourhood
He derailed one little train and the guy got scared and said
"I'm sending you to an asylum for some psychological care". ♫
- Halloween (2018) (aka Halloween, Too)
- The Narrator notes the odd choice of people behind the film:
- The Narrator is not quite clear on how to call the film.
- The Narrator notes that not much has changed on the world of Halloween, except for one thing:
- The Narrator describes Laurie Strode in this incarnation:Narrator: [Laurie Strode's] stll haunted by that night 40 years ago, so she became Sarah Connor: A hardcore survivalist convinced a final showdown is coming, with an estranged child she trained to fight, but while some families bond over brunch and spa days, Laurie will bring her clan together the old-fashioned way: By turning the tables on their relentless stalker, in a finale that will be wondering: Okay, she had 40 to design a trap house, and this is the best she could do? A shotgun and a roomful of mannequins? And— Wait a second... Oh no! Why are they anatomically correct? This really is the team that made Your Highness.
[the censored clip of the infamous full frontal nude minotaur from Your Highness shows up again]
- Of course they couldn't pass on referencing that one ad Jamie Lee Curtis did.Narrator: Audiences won't need Activia to crap their pants...
- The Narrator's description of Michael Myers in this film:Narrator: Michael Myers is back. You can run, you can hide, but... actually, you could. He's not much of a mover. Now say goodbye to the slasher you thought you knew, because Michael is 40 years older, and he's matured into more of a shover.
[shows some of Michael's kills in this film, which consist of him smashing his victims onto a hard surface]
Narrator: Hey, I get it man, you're in your sixties and you got to conserve that energy.
- But what really irks the Narrator? The podcasters.Narrator: Get ready to meet the real monsters in town: True. Crime. Podcasters. Watch these twits open the film by recording what would have been a terrible series, complete with tons of background noise, [shows them doing recording while driving and inside a sanitarium, while an alarm blares] not calling ahead to secure their biggest interview, [shows them trying to convince Laurie into doing an interview] pointing their mics at the subject's back from 20 yards away, in the wind, [shows them doing just that while talking to Michael] and recording their podcast on the 40 year anniversary f the murders, instead of releasing it then. Come on! Hello? Anybody ever heard of SEO? Argh, just awful. The true crime podcast about the murder of the true crime podcasters, though? Now that's a season of serial.
- In the Starring section, the Narrator manages to come up with a Hurricane of Puns with regards of the two podcasters.Narrator: Marc Scare-on and Scare-a Koenig. Or, um, You Must Dismember This, How Did This Get Slayed? How about Two Dope Screams? This American Knife? Okay, okay, one more: Wait, Wait, Don't Kill Me!
- Then there's the rest of the Starring section: Clint Eastwoman (Laurie Strode), OK Michael, Say Goodbye to These! (Karen Nelson), You're Next, Sassy Magazine's Sassiest Sassy Boy, Obligatory Horror Movie Stoner,note Dr. New-miss (Dr. Sartain), Stab On My Haters (Michael Myers), and This Line, For Some Reason (the line "I got peanut butter on my penis")
- In The Stinger, the Narrator is still confused about the film's placement in the franchise's timeline.
- The Predator (aka Audience vs. Predator)
- In the intro, the Narrator doesn't waste time to give his opinion on the movie.
- ...nor does he waste time explaining what it has wrong.Narrator: Did you love the razor-focused intensity of the first and only good one? Well, too bad! Because this is a film about a team of outcasts being hunted by an alien, and a Predator rebelling against his own people to save the Earth, and and autistic boy's unlikely gifts, and one soldier's quest to clear his name, and a biologist unraveling the mystery of Predator-human evolution. All. At the same. Time.
- ...nor does he miss out the writing style of one of the people behind it.Narrator: In this sloppy mess barely held together by dialogue written by Shane Black...'s character in Predator I.
Hawkins: You know, I like a little p[bleep!]ssy!
Baxley: Eat your p[bleep!]ssy!
Hawkins: Jeez, she had a big p[bleep!]ssy!
Nettles: ...And he called me p[bleep!]ssy and nobody calls me p[bleep!]ssy.
- The Narrator describes the Loonies as "outcast soldiers stripped of their ranks... and all but one character trait." The fact that he calls them either by their actors' names or the names of other more famous characters they played instead of the characters they play in this movie just seals the deal.Narrator: There's Thomas Jane playing a man with Movie Tourette's.
Baxley: Gah— gah— [bleep!]
Narrator: Keegan, stop doing "your momma" jokes.
Coyle: How do you circumcise a homeless man? Kick your mom in the chin.
Coyle: If your mom's vagina were a video game, it'll be rated "E" for "Everyone"!
Narrator: The guy from Moonlight mumbling through a cigarrette.
[shows Nebraska mumbling through a cigarrette]
Narrator: Theon Greyjoy, in search of a reason to be in the movie, and the bad guy from Logan, in a star turn as a generic soldier with a very elastic butthole.
[shows Quinn swallowing the ball-shaped device that contains the Predators' Chameleon Camouflage technology, and later appearing with it on his hand]
Narrator: They'll team up with Olivia Munn, a biologist whose combat training comes out of nowhere, because apparently her intro scene had a real predator in it, [shows a news article about how a scene had to be cut from the film because it featured a registered sex offender] and they'll all fight the evil Sterling K. Brown, who's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he's all out of— [shows a scene of Traeger chewing gum] He's all out of [shows another scene of Traeger chewing gum] He's a— [shows yet another scene of Traeger chewing gum] Okay, I guess he's just here to chew bubblegum and die.
- The Narrator states that the Predator "must face its most dangerous opponent since Dutch": "Expansion. Of the Lore. For Franchise. Purposes.", said while explanations the film gives to several of the Predator's elements are shown.Narrator: Hey, guys? "Alien hunts badasses" is all we need. Three-word pitch, done.
- Starring: G.I. Schmoe (Quinn McKenna), Chewie (Will Traeger), Young Sheldon (Rory McKenna), X-Wing@Aliciousness (Missouri Western State University) (Coyle),note Dr. Tough Lady Girl, PhD. (Casey Bracket), You vs. the Predator She Told You Not to Worry About (the Predator vs. the Ultimate Predator), Stupor Shredder (the Predator-Killer), Durotan (the Fugitive Predator), This Is Dumb (a kid with a Predator mask) and That Thing Where Dogs Look Like Their Owner (the Predator Hounds).
- In The Stinger:
- Bird Box (aka It's Some Birds in a Box)
- At the beginning:
- The Narrator notes that the film is divided in two timelines: The film's present, which is "a tense survival tale set in the post-Apocalypse", and five years before the events of the film, which is "a cross between The Happening and the first act of every zombie movie, and you better believe that's where you'll spend most of the runtime."Tom: [to Malorie, while they're sitting in a house] We were stationed at this village in order to patrol the streets, make sure everybody was safe...
Narrator: Aw, why couldn't Netflix put the Bandersnatch tech in this one? [two buttons appear on the lower part of the screen, reading "Sit In House" and "Danger River Adventure", and a mouse arrow appears and clicks repeatedly on the latter] Come on, go back to the river! Why isn't this working!?
- Noting the underwhelming monsters in the movie, the Narrator points out their original design would have been so much better. He shows it and compares it to his own greatest fear: The dancing old man from the Six Flags commercials. You can clearly hear the sounds of him sobbing and stabbing himself after watching the commercial.
- The Narrator describing the movie as "the second most-talked about suicide forest video of 2018", while showing a screenshot of a news article about Logan Paul's infamous "suicide forest" video.
- Noting the large amount of memes it spawned, and the dangerous "Bird Box Challenge", which Netflix told viewers to stop doing.Narrator: Because as we all know, they hate it when someone blind does something exceptional!
[shows clip of Daredevil followed by a news article about its cancellation]
Narrator: Womp womp.
- Starring: Always Mind the Bullocks (Malorie), Thank God Protein Powder Survived the Apocalypse (Tom, while showing a shot that showcases his Heroic Build), Cyrus the Jerkass (Douglas), Get In (Charlie), ♫ Welcome to my house / Help me keeps these ghouls out / I don't wanna look now / But our food's gonna ru-u-un out... ♫ (Greg), Pete Davidson (Felix), Little Miss Shush Hide (Girl), Atreus (Boy, while showing a montage of Malorie and Kratos saying "Boy") and The Last Level of Oregon Trail (the river scene)
Happy Death Day
- Happy Death Day (aka Loop Her)
- The Narrator gets stuck in the movie's "Groundhog Day" Loop. He eventually gets out of it after complimenting the movie, and when he realizes it (after being able to get to the Starring section), does a Big "YES!".
- The Narrator joking that "the heroic, non-rapist" Carter clears the world's lowest bar to become Tree's boyfriend by not taking advantage of her went she was drunk.
- Starring: Make Like a Tree and Beef (clip of Tree farting), Nice Guys Finish Past (Carter), Regina George (Danielle), Brett Kavanaugh (a guy with a beer in hand walking in on Tree getting killed and doing nothing about it), Cupcake Wars (the birthday cupcake), and Tommy Pickles (the killer).
How to Train Your Dragon
- How to Train Your Dragon and How to Train Your Dragon 2 (aka How to Prevent the Submission of Your Dragon to the Will of a Homicidal Apex Predatornote )
The Oscars (2019)
- In the intro:Narrator: It's time one again for the Oscars, who after pissing everyone off by sugesting a new Popular Film category, pissing everyone off by hiring and/or firing Kevin Hart, and pissing everyone off by cutting then uncutting important awards from the show, will now be pissing everyone off by awarding Best Picture to one of the following eight nominees.
- Bohemian Rhapsody (aka Freddie, Queen of Rock)Narrator: From director Br— errr, from a director, comes the combination of wigs, teeth, and Mike Myers in-jokes you didn't know Freddie Mercury deserved.
Ray Foster: Well, that's the kind of song teenagers can't crank up the volume in their car banging their heads to.
[shows the scene of Wayne's World of the main characters, Myers's included, doing just that]
Narrator: In this Lifetime movie that's one great Rami Malek performance from being the non-parody version of Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.
Freddie Mercury: I don't need anyone.
Dewey Cox: I don't need anybody!
Freddie: [to Roger Taylor singing "Galileo!"] Higher.
Dewey: [to his backing band] Higher! Again! Faster!
Reporter in Bohemian Rhapsody: Your parents, I just wanted to know wheter they were pround of you.
Reporter in Walk Hard: What do your parents think about your protest songs?
Freddie: The human condition requires a bit of anesthesia.
Narrator: [imitating Sam from Walk Hard] Freddie Mercury has gotta think about his whooole life before he gets on stage...
- Black Panther (aka Black Panther's Third Act Looked Like a PlayStation Cutscene, And Did It Really Pick Up Enough Nominations to Win? I Personally Like Infinity War Better and Furthermore...)Narrator: In a world where The Dark Knight, Logan, The Avengers, Deadpool, and Wonder Woman were overlooked for Best Picture, and fans have spent years scribing that no comic book movies ever get nominated for the highest award, one film will finally get the nod, leading rabid fans everywhere to say, [in a nasally dweeb voice] "I guess it was good, but was it that good?" Ugh. There is no pleasing you, is it there?
- The Favourite (aka Bohemi-Anne Rhapsody)Narrator: From Yorgos Lanthi— Yorgos Lens— From the director of The Lobster, comes the other Queen biopic nominated for Best Picture this year, that's also about a difficult, charistmatic figurehead, and the people who jockey for power around them, and features scenes of its eccentric, demanding main character surrounded by cute furry animals. I'm not gonna lie, if this movie ended with Queen Anne performing at Live Aid, it'd have my vote.
- Green Book (aka OOOH! I'm Drivin' Heah!!)Narrator: From the mind who brought you Jeff Daniels' chronic diarrhea, and Cameron Diaz with jizz in her hair, comes a film based on the personal stories of this guy, [shows Tony Lip] that were completely refuted by the living relatives of this guy, [shows Don Shirley] as the Civil Rights-era South is handled with as much subtlety as you'd expect from the guy who made Shallow Hal, featuring show-stopping turns from Mahershala Ali as Don Shirley, and Viggo Mortensen as one of the cartoon Italian chefs you see in a pizza box, with a powerful message that racism, and stay with me on this, is bad. Whoa.
- BlacKkKlansman (aka Juwanna Klan)Narrator: You've seen 25th Hour— You didn't? Okay. You've seen Malcolm X— No? Really? Yes, Denzel was great on that, you should check it out! You've seen Do the Right Thing— Oh come on! Stop rewatching Infinity War for like, a minute! Okay, let's start over. You've heard of Spike Lee. Yes, the guy at the Knicks games. Now strap in for a terrifying portrait of white supremacy in The '70s that's just as relevant today, which earned Spike Lee his first Best Director nomination, and really puts a damper on reruns of That '70s Show.
David Duke (played by Topher Grace): God bless white America.
Narrator: Someone should really make this David Duke guy watch Green Book!
- Vice (aka Dick)Narrator: From Adam McKay, who is a lock for an Oscar nomination... [shows a scene of Will Ferrell from Step Brothers] ...lately, comes the latest startling physical transformation from Christian Bale, who's been skinny, fat, and bat, in a Dick Cheney biopic that's one part drama, one part comedy, and 18 parts make-up, with a powerful message that unchecked authority, abuse of power, and shady tactics, and stay with me on this, is bad.
- A Star Is Born (aka Bad Romance)Narrator: From first-time director Bradley Cooper, comes a film that comes along once in a generation... literally, like, once in every generation since 1937 [shows the posters of the 1937, 1954, 1976, and 2018 versions] featuring New York-born, immensely talented, world-famous pop star Lady Gaga, in the role of a lifetime as California-born, immensely talented, world-famous pop star Ally, and featuring that one Lady Gaga duet you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try. [shows Lady Gaga's duet... with R. Kelly, "Do What U Want"] No no no! The other one! We all agreed to get that one out of our head!Explanation
- Roma (aka Tidying Up with Yalitza Aparicio)Narrator: From Netflix, the company who want to earn its big-boy pants, comes a film that got Academy voters to wonder what it would be like if their housekeepers were actual people, in this intimate, sweeping, emotional portrait of 1970s Mexico, pulled straight from its director's brain, and stunningly realized through dazzling acting and cinematography... that you skipped because it's so much easier to just rewatch The Office again.
- In The Stinger:
A Star Is Born (2018)
- A Star Is Born (2018) (aka The Born Starpremacy)
- In the intro, the Narrator makes it clear that he's really tired of the idea of this being the fourth version of the same story.
- The Narrator's description of Jackson Maine:Narrator: Meet Jackson Maine, a musician who looks like he smells like Rocket Raccoon, who's so whiskey-soaked, he can go toe-to-toe with Sam Elliott in a growl-off. [shows a scene of Jackson and Bobby speaking in drawl to each other] Watch him combine the thrill of being a rock star, with the frustration of hanging out with your grandpa who refuses to put his hearing aids in, [shows scenes of Jackson asking charactes to repeat what they say] but he still got the looks of Bradley Cooper, plus the talent of a Bradley Cooper musical side project(?), and its depiction of an aging alcoholic cowboy musician who attaches himself to a hot new talent is the best one since Jeff Bridges did the exact same thing in Crazy Heart... which is basically the story of A Star Is Born [shows similar scenes from A Star Is Born and Crazy Heart] It's like a ripoff of a ripoff, that's also a remake of a remake of a remake.
Bobby: It's the same story, told over and over.
Narrator: Nailed it!
- The Narrator's description of Ally:Narrator: Everything will change when [Jackson] meets Ally, a woman who's tragically burdened with a job that expects her to be on time.
Ally's Boss: You're late again.
Ally: I'm what?!
Ally's Boss: I said you're late!
Narrator: A slightly larger nose than... your average pop star, I guess? And the Dice Man for a dad.
Andrew "Dice" Clay: There was an old lady, lived in a shoe, she had so many kids her uterus fell out.
Narrator: OH! But when her voice breaks through Jackson's beer goggles, it'll kick off a romance full of fighting, screwing, and an unsettling amount of face-touching, [shows a montage of Jackson and Ally touching each other's faces] as Ally goes viral as a country rock songwriter, then lets her manager turns her into JLo crossed with Leelo from The Fifth Element for some reason, then Jackson lets the same manager talk him into killing himself for some reason. Man, has a music manager ever been a good guy in any movie? [shows the music managers from A Star Is Born, Bohemian Rhapsody, Josie and the Pussycats, Almost Famous, Straight Outta Compton, This Is Spın̈al Tap, Wayne's World and Wayne's World 2] Can't trust them.
- The song parodies return for "Shallow", this time much to the Narrator's chagrin due to the song's Ear Worm-ness.Narrator: [after talking about the destructive nature of Jackson and Ally's relationship] ...in a story that really drives home the destructive power... of having the same two songs from the soundtrack stuck in your head for months. ["Shallow" begins to play] Oh no, don't do the music! No! It's almost gone! Stop!
- The parody of Bradley Cooper's part in the song:Maybe it's time
To let the remakes die
Maybe it's time
To let the remakes die
Four remakes is a lot to take
Hell this made my grandma cry
Maybe it's time
To let the remakes die
- And then there's their parody of Lady Gaga's part in the song, which begins with the Lady Gaga impersonator (Ruby Lewis) doing "Lady Gaga noises" which at one point becomes word-for-word (well, scat-for-scat) lifted from the intro of Gaga's "Bad Romance":Forget my meat dress
I'm a real actress
Give me my Oscar now
Props to Sam Elliott
But I deserve it
Your mustache vs. my eyebrows
This ain't like the
damn Queen bio
We both came in and
sang out own vocals
Eat it, Yalitza Aparicio
Now give us our Oscars
- The parody of Bradley Cooper's part in the song:
- Starring: ♪ All We Hear Is Lady-o Gaga ♪ (Ally), Rockin' Raccoon (Jackson Maine), Hickory Dickory Dad! OH! (Ally's father), WHHHHAT?! Are You Doing In This Movie? (Noodles, played by Dave Chappelle), Hangin' with Mr. Cooper (Jackson's suicide scene), Hey. I Just Wanted to Make Another Meme of You (the "Hey. I just wanted to take another look at you" scene), and Sam Elliott Saying the F-Word (a montage of just that).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [as Bobby is shown crying while driving a pick-up truck backwards] Name another actor that can cry and drive a truck backwards. We'll wait.
Robin Hood (2018)
- Robin Hood (2018) (aka Robin Hood: Man, It Bites)
- After pointing out the movie was a huge bomb, he comments that it probably stopped the other six Robin Hood reboots, but then sees the article says seven and reads off some the plans, including Margot Robbie in a solo Maid Marian movie, Robin Hood and the Prince of Aragon, and Robin Hood 2058, which the Narrator admits he wants to see.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
- Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (aka Her Dark Material)
- Starring: Emperor Pale-Patine (Grindelwald), Sheldon Cooper (Newt Scamander), Hey! Im Gawkin Here! (Jacob Kowalski), Get Out Of My Head, Queenie! (Queenie Goldstein), Black Hooole Sun (Credence), American Auror Story (Tina Goldstein), A High Schooler Is Gonna Behead This Lady Someday! Fun! (Nagini), Jude Law As Jude Law (Dumbledore), The Greater Good (Grindelwalds army and their slogan), and Attempting To Remember The Names Of All These New Characters: Leslie Lesadfaces? (Leta LeStrange), Eva Braunakadvara and Rigly Sweatbrow? (Vinda Roiser and Abernathy), Lt. Dale Badmage? (Grimmson), and Frenchy McMysteryman? (Yusuf Kama).
- Aquaman (aka The Waterboy)
- In the intro:Narrator: They've depressed you, [as Man of Steel is shown] they've inspired you, [as Wonder Woman is shown] and they've Leto'd you. [as Suicide Squad is shown]
The Joker: HUNKA HUNKA!
Narrator: Now, Warner Bros. and DC are back, to just completely overwhelm you.
[shows the film's climatic battle scene]
Narrator: What. Is. Happening?!
- Naturally, the first thing the trailer does is bring up Aquaman's tainted reputation from Superfriends.Narrator: Remember Aquaman? The nerd that talks to fish?
Superfriends!Aquaman: [to Wonder Woman] My ability to talk to fish is of no help, Wonder Woman!
Narrator: Well, he's gone from zero to hunky hero. Watch as the pure charisma of Jason Momoa supercharges the character, transforming him into a sexy undersea Superman who's super fast, super strong [shows him lifting a submarine] ...a lot of the time, [shows him restrained by chains] and mostly invulnerable? [shows Black Manta being unable to stab him once, then being able to do so later] Okay, so his powers are kind of inconsistent, but so what? Everyone knows that this Aquaman's real powers is... the smolder.
[shows a montage of Aquaman giving steely looks]
Aquaman: Permission to come aboard.
Narrator: Permission granted, sailor. Uh, I mean, is it hot in here? Whew!
- When the Narrator muses about the origin story of the drumming octopus, they splice in some scenes from Whiplash to make it look like J. K. Simmons was responsible for coaching it.
- Starring: Jock Cousteau (Aquaman), Mer Lady (Mera), Marine Goblin (Vulko), Erik Fishmonger (Orm), Atlanta (Queen Atlanna), Jango Wett (Thomas Curry), If He Drowns, He Drowns (King Nereus), War Merchine (Black Manta), Craaaaab People, Craaaaab People (The Brine), Sea Mennote (Atlantean Soldiers), Kaijulie Andrews (Karathen), Patrick Wilson Yelling (montage of Patrick Wilson as Orm, well, yelling), and Explosive Interruptions (montage of certain moments being interrupted by explosions)note .
- In the intro:
Every Tim Burton Movie
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
- Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (aka Bug Hero Six)
- The beginning, where the Epic Voice Guy summarises Sony Pictures' Spider-Man films.Narrator: For years Sony has tried to launch a Spider-Verse to call its own. Some have been good, some have been bad, some have been Venom, and some never even started swinging.
[News articles for a solo "Aunt May" movie, "Silver and Black" and "Sinister Six" are shown]
Narrator: Now, theyre back with an all-new strategy. Saying "f*ck it" and doing all the spider stuff at once.
- Epic Voice Guy can't think of anything negative to say about the film, and ends up deciding to mess with buttons in the recording booth to pad until the end. It ends up summoning alternate versions of him (much like the alternate versions of Spider-Man in the movie): Epic Geeky Girl (played by Felicia Day), and then the Epic Dungeon Master (Matthew Mercer), the Epic Telenovela Woman (Vanessa Gritton), and Australian Voice Guy (Mr. Sunday Movies).
- When the voices describe Miles' backstory (being bitten by a radioactive spider, torn apart by the death of his uncle, and love for Gwen Stacy), they ask how he's all new. Australian Voice Guy simply responds that he "likes Post Malone?". The voices all agree that works.
- Epic Voice Guy appropriately calls the film a "bone-breaking superhero story" while the scene where Kingpin crushes Spidey to death plays.
- When they summarize the Spider-Men, the Epic Telenovela Woman summarises Noir Spidey as "Nicolas Cage playing himself".
- All of the voices are so excited to find out what a theoretical Spiderverse sequel has to offer. Epic Telenovela Woman's wish is basically a recap of the Clone Saga, something even Epic Geeky Girl has to say "no" to.
- Starring: Well I Would Watch 500 Miles (Miles Morales), Peter Piner Plucked a Pack of Peter Parkers (Peter Parker), Depression Sweats, Depression Sweats, They're as Sad as Things Can Get (Peter B. Parker), Blonde Recluse (Gwen Stacy), Boss Baby 2099 (Kingpin), Squiddy Woman (Dr. Olivia Octavius/Doctor Octopus), John Ham (Spider-Ham), My Hero Arachnademia (Peni Parker), Cage Against the Machine (Spider-Man Noir), Aunt Hayyyyy (Aunt May), and Purpleshala Ali (Uncle Aaron/The Prowler).
- The beginning, where the Epic Voice Guy summarises Sony Pictures' Spider-Man films.
- Glass (aka Pass)
- M. Night Shyamalan's fluctuating career doesn't go unnoticed.Narrator: From the director whose films make you say, "Ooh, what's happening?" [while showing scenes of Unbreakable, The Sixth Sense, and Split] or "Uh, what's happening?" [while showing scenes of The Village, The Last Airbender, Lady in the Water, and After Earth] or just "What was The Happening?"...
Nursery owner: You like hot dogs, right?
[Elliot just shrugs]
Narrator: ...comes his new film that will make you say "Well, that happened.".
- Dr. Staple's belief that Elijah, Kevin and David don't have superpowers is considered plausible by the Narrator.[Kevin as "The Beast", galloping on all fours]
Narrator: That's parkour.
[David bends a steel bar slotted into a shipping container]
Narrator: That's PCP.
[Kevin tips over a car with his bare hands]
Narrator: That's also PCP.
[Kevin climbs around the asylum walls]
Narrator: Mmm... PCP.
[David ends up throwing a YouTuber, who films public punches, into a wall]
Narrator: That's a lot of PCP.
- The Narrator pokes holes at Elijah's real plan to release security camera footage of David's and Kevin's fight to the public. Namely, he claims that even if they trend, everyone would think that it's part of a "viral campaign for Muscle Milk". Cue advertising for that product appearing over David charging into a steel door, knocking off its hinges.
- The Narrator wishes for a big cameo during the scene where the Clover society, dressed as policemen, end up drowning David in a flooded pothole.Narrator: This looks like a job for Aquaman— [shows David's lifeless body floating in the pothole] Oh, he's dead.''
- To rub salt into the wound, David is credited in the "Starring" section as Dead-In-a-Pool.
- The Narrator discovers something more shocking than any of the revelations in the movie.[Joseph writes a new entry in his list of insults heard by criminals David faced]
Joseph: "Salt Bae your ass".
David: What is that anyway?
Joseph: It's an Internet guy. He's a butcher, he salts his meat in an elaborate way.
Narrator: Oh man, I didn't realise this takes place in the same universe as Salt Bae! What a twist!
- M. Night Shyamalan's fluctuating career doesn't go unnoticed.
Howard the Duck
- Howard the Duck (aka Duck Failsnote )
- The trailer points out how one can easily tell this is Marvel's first attempt at a feature length movie, since it contains several clichés found in the MCU. These include their first sky beam, their first forgettable alien villain, and their first alcoholic, womanizing hero.
- The Epic Voice Guy complains about the constant Duck puns, after which he immediately starts doing some puns of his own, and hates it.
Pokémon: The First Movie
- Pokémon: The First Movie (aka Pokémon: The First Movie You Saw When You Were Eight)
- Starring: Ash, Cash or Rapidash, No One Rides for Free (Ash Ketchum), I Like Jorts! They're Tiny And Difficult to Wear! (Misty), Brock Hard (Brock), Meow-colm X (Mewtwo), Garfield and Friends (Meowth along with Jessie and James), And Jordan Peele's Us (the scene where Pikachu is repeatedly slapped in the face by his clone).
- The Mummy (1999) (aka 1001 Arabian Whites)
- At one point when discussing how the film is actually quite violent while at the same time showing no blood, the Narrator threatens to let a hypothetical kid who is frightened by it with making him watch The Scorpion King instead.
- Starring: Dune Patrol (Rick), God of Lore (Evelyn), Courage the Cowardly Dude (Beni), Darth Plagueis The Dry (Imhotep), Kort Russell (Mr. Henderson), After Effects "Sand" Texture (Imhotep's sandstorm), A shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon (Anck-su-Namun's soul), and Khakis (the characters wearing khakis).
- Speed (aka Mr. Whoa's Wild Ride)
- Starring: John Quick (Jack Traven), Dennis the Menace (Howard Payne), Bird Bus (Annie Porter), Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion (a passenger),note Buses Move Pretty Fast. If You Stop and Look Around Once in a While, You'll Explode (another passenger),note 90's Gizmos, 90's Dancing?, and Whatever Joke Lets Us Play the Dumb and Dumber Diarrhea Clip (plays said clip).
- Braveheart (aka White Klansmen)
- Starring: Kiltmonger, King Bad Guy, There's Something About Murron, Have Fun Storming the Castle, Prince Adam, Le Padme, Tormund Mediumsbane, When the Drugs Hit, I Used to Be an Adventurer Like You, Until I Took an Arrow to the Cest and an Axe to the Hand and Another Axe to the Gut, and Game of Thrones?
Men in Black
- Men in Black (aka Guardians of the Galaxy)
- In the intro:
- The narrator realizes that there's some Fridge Horror in the premise:Narrator: Suit up for three sci-fi comedies set in an alternate reality where the United States accepts refugees, and join the Men in Black (♪ Galaxy defenders ♪) They're agents who operate with no accountability...
Agent J: What branch of the government do we report to?
Agent K: We're none.
Agent J: I asked too many questions.
Narrator: ...delete people's memories, keep everyone under surveilance, operate secret prisons, and beat the aliens they police within an inch of their lives.
Agent K: I'm gonna count to three. Three. [blasts Jeebs's head]
Narrator: So, it's a screwball comedy about the deep state? Only in The '90s.
- When recapping the premise of the films, he notices that the plot of them is... familiar.Narrator: The first film, where K shows J the ropes, while being hunted by a villain who can kill people instantly, unless you're the heroes, as they search for an all-powerfull device that was right under their nose all along; the second one, where J shows K the ropes, while being hunted by a villain who can kill people instantly, unless you're the heroes, as they search for an all-powerfull device that was right under their nose all along; and the third one, where J goes back in time to show K the ropes, while being hunted by a villain who can kill people instantly, unless you're the heroes, as they search for an all-powerfull device that was... yadda yadda yadda. Are we sure we want more sequels to this thing?
Agent K: I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
- The narrator ends his description of the tie-ins to the movies with "smash rap singles from the star over the credits" ("Men in Black"), "followed by a moderate hit rap single for the sequel" ("Black Suits Comin' (Nod Ya Head)"), "followed by a generic Pitbull song." ("Back in Time")Narrator: Huh. Diminishing retuns like that kind of sums up the whole franchise.
- Starring: Willuminati Confirmed (Agent J), No Country for Old Spacemen (Agent K), Snakes in a Dame (Sarleena), Thinos (Young Agent K), Jackass 2 (Scrad and his second head Charlie), What He Chew in the Shadows (Boris the Animal), Zed's Dead Baby...Zed's Dead (Zed shown dead in Men in Black 3), Puglife (Frank the Pug), Papa Roach (Edgar the Bug), and Goo (montage of aliens excreting fluids).
- In The Stinger:Narrator: [after Agent J's father is killed in Men in Black 3] Oh man, he killed your dad! If only you had some kind of time machine... in your pocket. You have a time machine in your pocket.
- Con Air (aka Planes, Chains, and A Guy from Mobile)
- In the intro:
- The "put the bunny back in the box" scene is described as "the world's most high-stakes unboxing video."
- During the narrator's description of Cameron Poe, he mentions he has "a daughter he won't shut up about."Cameron Poe: [reading his daughter's letter] "I'm going to see my daddy for the first time ever."
Poe: It's my daughter's birthday.
Narrator: We get it.
Poe: It's my daughter's birthday today.
Narrator: Gotta go back...
Poe: My daughter's picture! Where did you put my daughter's picture?
Poe: I'm afraid my daughter won't understand...
Narrator: Et cetera.
Guard: What is this s[bleep!]t?
Poe: It's my daughter.
Narrator: I didn't know you had a daughter!
- The narrator describes Poe's action scenes being accompained by an electric guitar wail as "his sheer awesomeness will conjure sweet-ass guilar licks out of thin air."Narrator: Man, I want to be all like whooo-whooo-oooh-oooh! when I walk into a room! Someday, Epic Voice Guy, someday.
- Much to his chagrin, the narrator finds out that the movie is stealing his job by doing Info Dumps about villains, which bring him bad memories of another info dump-heavy movie.
- Starring: I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings (Cameron Poe), Save Anything (Vince Larkin), Being Con Malkovich (Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom), I'm Squished, Biatch! (Joe "Pinball" Parker), There's All Kind of Diabetes... Type One, Type Two... (Mike "Baby-O" O'Dell), Please Retun Your Trejo to Its Upright and Locked Position (Johnny "Johnny 23" Baca), Mission: Impossible Rogue Aviation (Nathan "Diamond Dog" Jones), Sully (Earl "Swamp Thing" Williams), Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (a car swinging from the plane), and Emmy Award Stealer for Outstanding Short Form Variety Series Steve Buscemi.Explanation Narrator: [quietly, while grinding teeth in anger] Stupid kind and generous American hero taking our award...
- In The Stinger:Cyrus: I hope he likes sand.
Narrator: No one likes sand, Cyrus. It's coarse, rough, and it gets everywhere.
- Captain Marvel (aka Brie Kree Phone Home)
- Goose the Cat being described as the dog from The Thing... IN CAT FORM!
- The movie's quality is described as disappointing when taken as the meat between the Infinity War and Endgame sandwitch, solid when compared to all the other superhero origin movies in the MCU, and "Citizen F*ckin' Kane when compared to any female-lead superhero movie not named Wonder Woman".
- Starring: The Captainous Miss Marvel (Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel), Nick Furry (Nick Fury holding Goose), Skrull and Clones (Talos), Law in Orbit: S-Kree-U (Yon-Rogg), Blue Man Troop (Kree soldiers), the Garfield your aunt still has stuck on her car windshield (Goose pressed against a window), Maria Rambowlcut (Maria Rambeau), Skynet Bening (Supreme Intelligence) Ecrof Ria Eht Nioj (Monica wearing a USAF shirt), Who? (Korath the Pursuer), Paid DLC (Carol's Kree uniform changing colors), and the screenwriter of What Lies Beneath (Agent Phil Coulson).
Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU)
- The Marvel Cinematic Universe (aka The Never Ending Story)
- The opening viewer requests has a single request for each movie in order of release.
- Pointing out the real villain of the series - Dads.
- After spending a large part of the video mocking the hell out of the MCU, they ultimately commend it for being one of the few thriving franchises in "a dying industry,"note and add that it has added some new industries:Narrator: ...Launching a whole new industry of Marvel movie news, theory and analysis, (shows thumbnails for MCU speculation and analysis videos) channels that just complain about Marvel movies, (shows thumbnails for various videos complaining about the MCU) and even comedy webseries that would've died a long time ago if Marvel movies weren't so popular! (awkwardly coughs)
- Twice, the trailer accidently shows footage from a non-MCU movie (Zootopia and Pixels respectively), which still would fit perfectly in an MCU movie. In both cases, the narrator hastily corrects himself.
- Starring: Science Geniuses (montage of the "smart characters" talking in Technobabble), Jumping Out of Airplanes (montage of character jumping out of airplanes), "People of Color" (characters with non-traditional skin color), Leg Scissors (montage of characters - mostly Black Widow - attacking others by wrapping their legs around them), Trains? (montage of trains including Thomas the Tank Engine in Ant-Man), Audisnote (grid of Audi product placement), Dual Wielding (montage of characters dual wielding weapons), Dick Measuring (montage of characters comparing their "stuff"), You get an Iron Man suit, and you get an Iron Man Suit, and you... (showing Rhodey, Bruce, and Pepper with Iron Man suits), Weird Non-Stan Lee Cameos (montage of cameos that aren't Stan Lee), Multi-Hit Combos (montage of the heroes attacking groups at once, complete with score multiplier), Are you sure you know how to fly this thing? (montage of characters asking that), and never forget that for all of Guardians 1, they're sitting in Star Lord's jizz.
Wild Wild West
- Wild Wild West (aka The Not Very Good, The Bad, and The Somehow Even Worse)
- Just the sheer number of times Narrator tries to boost the movie a bit with an Overly Narrow Superlative, only to come across another movie that not only fits that but does it better.
- The Narrator being offended that the James (a black man) constantly rags on Loveless, who wants to bring back slavery, for not having legs and nothing else.
- Starring: Aww Hee Haw!, Inspect Her Gadgets, Damsel out of Dis Dress, Shouldn't This Be a Spider-Man villain? (shows Loveless inside his mechanical spider), DJ Earhorn, When You Were Partying, I Studied the Blades, And, Will Smith Trying to Make a Line Funnier by Yelling It.
Game of Thrones Volume 3
- Game of Thrones Season 6-8 (aka A Slog of Ice and Fire)
- After saying the title, instead of Epic Voice Guy humming the theme tune as was the case in the last two volumes, it's instead followed by the Price is Right losing horns.
- Noting how after running out of books to adapt, the last two seasons scrambled to tie everything up. Speculating that the showrunners were either bored, burnt out, or bitter that nobody liked their slavery idea.
- Shazam (aka It's Always Sparky in Philadelphia)
- The narrator theorizes that Mark Strong accepted the role of Dr. Sivanna to take revenge on DC for casting him as Sinestro in Green Lantern.
- Starring: Yer a Wizard, Billy (Billy Batson/Shazam), The Movie Trying to Write The Starring Section for Us (Freddy coming up with superhero names)note , Chief of Staff (The Wizard)note , He Is a Villain. He Came to Steal an Eyeball from a Wizard. (Dr. Sivana), Burt Ward of the State (Freddy Freeman), Pre-Teen Titans Go! (The Shazam Family), An Uncomfortable Amount of R. Kelly References (Shazam saying he believes he can fly), Make a Live Action Gargoyles Movie, You Cowards! (The Seven Sins), Can We Be Done with Flossing Now? (Shazam flossing)note , and Through the Windowwwws, Through the Wall! (characters going through windows and walls)
Honest Game Trailers
- Anthem (aka Just Play Warframe)
- "In a world where every game is released as a broken pile of junk comes one of the greatest ever examples of 'Eh, we'll patch it later', so complete in its suckery that some consoles will take their own lives rather than play it."
The Division 2
- Apex Legends (aka Hoarders)
Resident Evil 2 (2019)
Devil May Cry 5
Dota Auto Chess