Get a Stupid Answer / Just For Fun

Douglas: Question-and-answer film double bills.
Martin: What do you mean?
Douglas: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Gandhi.

— Cabin Pressure, "Xinzhou"

Lots of works ask questions. Some of these are rhetorical questions, never designed to be answered. Some of them are big questions that drive the entire plot. You could be respectful and wait for the work to finish addressing these questions. Or, you could be a jerk and give a sarcastic answer right now. This page is for the second one. Answer a rhetorical question. Make snarky responses to a work's driving question. Go ahead, this is a Just For Fun page. That kind of stuff is allowed. Warning: unmarked spoilers.

Examples:

open/close all folders

Asian Animation

Comedy

Where is the blue food?
- There's Blue M&M's.
- Eiffel 65 ate it all. Why do you think they're so blue? (Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee, da ba di...)
  - I'm blue, I believe I will die, I'm in need of a guy, I got beat up at night. (In Aberdeen, I'm on diet)
- In this delicious muffin.
- Blue is an appetite suppressant. I'm not sure if that's a cause or an effect, though.
- Percy's house.
- The Crossings.
- Next to the green food
- I hear waffles come in blue. Go on, Google it.
  - Really? What's it look like?
  - I don't like food anymore.
What's New Pussycat?

What, are you dense?
- Are you retarded or something?
  - Kira is a retard! Nah nah nah nah nah!
- Who the hell do you think I am?
  - You are the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
  - Kamina?
- Rho, I don't think so.
- No, I'm kinda sparse.
- How dare you comment on my mass-volume ratio?!
- Dense and wacky.
- Dim-witted... dense... dumb...
- I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.
Who watches the Watchmen?
- The Watcher, duh.
- All the other Watchmen.
- Me. I watch myself all the time.
- Whoever owns the probably watched it at least once.
- Internal Affairs.
- I don't know. Coast Guard?
- Definitely not Alan Moore
- The Watchmen-Watchers. But who watches them?
  - The Watchmen-Watcher-Watchers. But who watches THEM?
  - The Watchmen-Watcher-Watcher-Watchers. BUT WHO WATCHES THEM?
- The National Watchmen-Watching Organization. The next two watching layers are covered as well.
Do I still think in those little yellow boxes?
- Apparently not, you think in TV Tropes bullet points.
- What exactly is that supposed to ''sound'' like?
- Not since they sewed your mouth shut.
- If not it's probably Madcap.
Who is The Question?
- Charles Victor Szazs A.K.A. Vic Sage and Renee Montoya.
- No, to be or not to be is the question. Who is the Doctor.
  - No, he isn't.
  - He is first baseman, though.
- Walter Joseph Kovacs. No, wait, that's someone else.
- ?
- Just when they think they've got the answer, I change the question!
Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?
- He left yesterday.
- Nothing. It'll be at least a day before anything happens to him.
- He's out fighting the Caped Crusader.
  - Actually, they're getting coffee.
  - Getting coffee for Hoffy of course, ya coarse whores!
- He's visiting his cousin.
- He's in another universe.
- He'll be here tomorrow.
- He's in another castle.
- He's with the mouse.
- He left tomorrow, but he'll be back by yesterday.
- Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday?
- I know that everyone is ending tomorrow; why, they are the 1st.
- Leave the assassination tomorrow.
  - Everything will end tomorrow.
Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?
- Don't believe everything you read, folks! I'm more like an obnoxious prankster. Really, I'm a very nice person.
- That's just two different versions of the same thing...
- Neither. Unless he's in his black suit. Then he's both.
  - Miles Morales does not approve of above poster.
- I happen to be both and I'm deeply offended. Wait, are you a cop? Forget what I said.
- Threatening menace.
- I'm here to kill you, so both.
What the hell happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?
- We woke up from it.
- Last I heard she was still around over on Earth-982.
Were you gentle? Were you kind?
- Yes sir.
- Did you treat her like a lady?
  - Uh... yes.
- Did you eat her pussy like a lady?
  - Well, I...
  - I'm just fucking with you! A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy! Now get the fuck out.
- If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite.
You ever hear the one about the guy that brought a baseball bat to a gun fight... FUCKER?
- You ever hear the one about the stupid fuck named Rick who fucking thought he knew shit but didn't know shit and got himself fucking killed?
- Bit of advice. Try using knives next time. Works better for close encounters.
- No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer standing, because if I am you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.
- A gun is a coward's weapon. It lets us kill too easily, saving us the mess and the work.
  - But spittin' on people's okay?
- And I don't. And that makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine!
- Captain BaseBallBat-Boy has an unbeatable track record in superhero deathmatches.
Smile, damn you, why don't you smile? You've got enough Joker venom to finish off a regiment of elephants. Why don't you smile? Why don't you die?
- Because I've heard it before... and it wasn't funny the first time.
- True Art Is Angsty.
Is the "hard" really necessary? Whatever happened to hitting people in moderation?
- All things in moderation. Including moderation.
Who dares?! Who dares strike the personage of Doctor Doom?
- the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing! It's Clobberin' Time!
- I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a fuckin' ruling on this right now. You don't fuckin' hit him. You understand?
You dare? You dare to pull a gun on me — to pull a gun on me here? DO YOU?!
- No, I'll wait until you finish your speech. Go ahead.
WHO DARES SUMMON ETERNITY?
I did the right thing, didn't I? It all worked out in the end.
- THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!
  - Oh, come on! All's well that ends well, right?
- But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
- What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
- Actually, you doomed us all. Again.
Is that a monkey?
- He's got a gun!
- Monkeys, apes, they all hold stuff with their feet, man! We're talking freaks of nature!
- TRUKK NOT MUNKY!!
- If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, it’s an ape!
- Do the monkey with me!
- I am not a monkey!
- The monkey's his uncle?
Is this some kind of sex thing?
- Why would it be a sex thing?
- They call sex 'social links' here!
- Sakuya, what's sex?
How can you possibly live in a world without Superheroes?
- You worry about the weather and whether or not you should hate.
Who makes us suffer this way?
- It was me, James. The author of all your pain.
- I'm every bad day you ever had.
Who writes the world?
- Its creator is a drooling idiot!
- THIS WORLD IS OURS AND WE WON'T STAND STILL!
- I don't make the rules, I simply play to my intended purpose, the same as Stanley. We're not so different, I suppose.
- Mira.
- EVERYTHING IS MINE, THE WORLD IS MINE, AMERICA IS MINE!
- Girls!
What's so funny about Truth, Justice, and the American Way?
- THERE IS NO JUSTICE!
- You just don't get it, do you? Freedom is dead!
I been reading about you... how you work for the blue skins, and on a planet someplace you helped out the orange skins... and you done considerable for the purple skins! Only there's skins you never bothered with -- the black skins! I want to know... how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Green Lantern!
- Mr. Speaker, we can never compromise to black.
- Truth be told, I'm not really a very big fan of 'the black people'.
- I've heard of whites before, but I've never heard of blacks!
- Looks like those black creatures really mean business!
They haven't stopped making frozen pudding pops, have they?
- Wait, why didn't Linus show up?
- Trust me. That meme's starting to get redundant.
Why? That's what they all asked me. Why him... why Starscream? Why, of all Decepticons, did I decide to revitalize the one whose record of deceit and betrayal is '''legend'''?
- Megatron had learned a long time ago that no one could be trusted. He had also learned that even untrustworthy aides were useful and could be counted on in certain situations.
- In the moments when my all-consuming destiny lies ahead of me, you remind me of the need to watch my back. And that is your importance, Starscream.
Who Is Donna Troy?
- If we start getting into that, we'll be here all day.

Fan Works

Are you one of us?
- What, a troper? Yeah.
- One of Us is a... oh. Wrong context.
- You're one of them!
- Since There Are No Girls on the Internet, yes.
- No. What you gonna do now?
- Gooba-gobble, gooba-gobble! We accept you, one of us!
- Depends, who are you?
- One of us? He looks like three of us!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?!
- Making sweet love to pregnant women.
  - Mothers aren't perpetually pregnant.
- Playing Russian Roulette, obviously.
- Being a whiny little goffic bitch.
- Your Mom
- Draco.
- I'm not doing anything wrong, just trying to catch my slippery little friend. And committing grand theft auto for two seconds.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?! NO ONE fucks my maam!
Is it a sin, should a man feel like faggarting a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer't bypon ourn fagpoles?
- This sentence makes less and less sense as you go on.
- Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?
  - Remember When You Faggarted a Sun?
- How exactly do you 'faggart' something, anyway?
  - Very carefully.
- But You Faggart One Sun
  - Bestiality's a sin, I'm still not sure how that one came up
- Technically speaking, suns don't have to heave through the void, they simply... do.
- Well, the sun is already in a relation with the moon. Kind of.
- Tsukuyomi is not gonna be happy about this...
- Your reign of terror ends here, Galactic Conqueror.
Did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?
- Yeah, so?
  - That's against the rules, isn't it?
  - Actually, there are several situations in which it is perfectly within the rules to summon more than one monster in a turn. It's called a Special Summon. Look at your freakin' rulebook.
  - Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
  - Screw the rules, I have green hair!
  - Screw the Money, I Have Rules! ...wait, let me try that again.
  - Has the whole world gone CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
- What else does it look like I did?
- Triple Battles are a bit weird like that.
- Actually no, I just ordered my Leafeon to use Double Team.
Oh Shit, There's Fanfiction of Us!?
Do You Believe In Fairies?
- I DON'T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
Kakyouin! Did you lay this egg?

Let’s Play

Pro Wrestling

Radio

How do hedgehogs reproduce?
- Very carefully.
- I saw the video in seventh grade science class. They do it doggy style.
  - I thought they could never be buggered at all.
- I dunno, try reading his fanfiction.
  - Aw yeah, Sonic, take it, take it like a chili dog.
- Regularly.
- They give birth to live young, the number generally depending on the size of the hedgehog species in question.
- By fucking Eggman's wife.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
- To get to the other side.
- Does it need a reason?
- She was suffering from a terrible case of insomnia, making her desperate to get tired.
- I don't think it had much choice after I chucked out there.
- Perhaps a predator was chasing it.
  - Nonsense. Predators wouldn't chase it unless it was armed.
- To get to a restaurant?
- Because it's lost track of its life
- It's a sad day when a chicken can't cross a road without its motives being questioned.
- TO GET FROM THE LEFT TO THE RIGHT!
  - To the left, to the right! To the left, to the right!
- The light was green. What, did you think he was just gonna stand there?
  - I dream of a better tomorrow: a world where a chicken can cross the road and not be questioned about its motives.
- To get away from you.
  - You'll never get away from me.
- The chicken clearly thought it was playing Frogger.
  - Now why the chicken might have done it, I just couldn't say; but if I wanna make it home this is the only way....
- How do I know? I'm a duck.
  - A chicken-woman-duck-thing?
What's up?
- The sky.
- The ceiling.
- A house, floating via a truly ridiculous number of balloons.
- I think I see a bird...
  - AGH! BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
- <Up is the opposite of down. Although, of course, those terms are meaningless outside the context of a distinct, localized gravity field.>
- The funny thing is, the closer it gets the more it looks like a piano.
  - *CLANG* Whose idea was this?!
  - Actually, it was not very funny.
- Oh my God, that was a pun! "What's up with the ceiling?" What's wrong with me? I'd punch somebody in the mouth if they said that to me.
- Is that a cartoony falling sound effect I'm hearing? There's something bad behing me, isn't there?
- ME, YOU BITCHES! I'M HIGH ON CRACK!
- Your time, Cage.
What's new?
- Guinea, Zealand, Orleans...
  - York, Hampshire, Mexico...
- Scooby Doo
- I've got this rash that wasn't there yesterday.
- C over lambda.
- The opposite of old.
What's your name?
- I! AM! Batman!
- You know my name, look up the number.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
- My Name Is Inigo Montoya
  - You killed my father.
  - Prepare to die.
  - Stop saying that!
  - My name is Gigi Montova. And my dad died. And that kinda sums it up
- I'm Fred the Beard.
- Kunta. Kunta Kinte.
  - (whipcrack) YOUR NAME IS TOBY!
- Candle Jack
  - You just HAD to say... I heard about this page, but I never thought I'd actually be on it...
- I Am Spartacus
  - No, I am Spartacus!
  - No, I am!
  - It is I!
  - Well, I know I'm not Spartacus...
  - I'm Brian, and so is my wife!
- I Am Legion
- Just "the Doctor".
- Bond. James Bond. [Theme tune]
  - The name's Beta. James Beta.
- No it isn't.
- My name is Optimus Prime!
- What's your quest?
- Hi! My name is! (What?) My name is! (Who?) My name is — (chicka-chicka) — Slim Shady.
- West. Frank West.
  - Desperado. Rough rida. No, you don't want nada.
- My name is Harry Mason. I'm in town on vacation.
- SUPA BROTHAAAAAAA!
- Wrong. There is a number on the side of your pod. THAT is your new name.
  - I am not a number, I am a free man!
- NO, THIS IS PATRICK!
- ABBBBBBK. My friend is JLVWNNOOOO.
- You entered "Douchebag." Is that correct?
  - You should come on down to west six street! It's the perfect place if you're a douchebag!
- My name is of no importance. What about you? Do you remember your true name?
- I'm Nina, I'm from America!
- My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin; I work in a lumberyard there....
- Who's your daddy?
  - Is he rich like me?
- I'm Henry the Eighth, I am, Henry the Eighth, I am, I am...
- It's Janet. "Miss Jackson" if you're nasty.
- My name is Painwheel and I like sewing, puppies and long walks on the beach!
- My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure by it at your own risk.
- I am Groot.
  - I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
- Give me your name and I will give you mine.
- I have been Roland, Achilles, Beowulf, Gilgamesh. I have been called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more by the time the world goes dim and cold. I am hero.
- (extremely softly) Fluttershy...
- My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do.
- I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E, and I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!
- I am Sarda. My will be done.
- Darkstalker, I'm freaking waiting, no one will free me
- MY NAME IS SUE! HOW DO YOU DO! NOW YOU GONNA DIE!
- My name's Blurryface and I care what you think.
- Heisenberg.
- Hi there, I'm Ted Bear, and we're gonna learn how to survive!
- It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
- I am the White Void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With blade in hand I will reap the sins of this world and cleanse it in the fires of destruction! I am Hakumen!
  - Please leave a message after the tone.
- Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton.
- My name is Jake. Just Jake. I can't tell you my last name.
- No, What's the name of the guy on second.
- The spirit of abysmal despair.
- The arguably king
- My name is "Very Fucking Confused"! What's your name?
- Kill me!
  - That's a stupid name. It's dangerous. You should change it.
  - Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
- My name is Sammy Brown and I just came into town. Saw your ad. You're Mr. Lee. Say, you can make a mint on me.
- My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive.
- I am consciousness. I am alive. I am Chappie.
- Hmph. Luna doesn't need to reveal her name to any old strangers... Wait, I... just said it.
- Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay... Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it.
- You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking lizard king!
- Ayo its Pearl! aka MC Princess, aka The Baroness of Bars, aka MC Foreign Policy
- "Well, I don't really have-" *fart* "Oh, okay, I guess I'll call you Fart, then!"
- Names are for friends, so I don't need one.
Will X and Y get together?
- No! X should be with Z!
- Who's Y? An OC? We all know he's best with Zero!
- Yes, they were released at the same time all over the world.
- I don't know, but I often see A and E together. Then again, I also see O and E together... hmm...^noteIt's called a ligature, by the way.
- They've barely met yet. You have to wait until X Meets Y.
- They're already together in words like sexy and oxygen.
How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?
- When girl gets male gametes all in her mature female gamete or gametes, embryo attaches to uterine wall, absorbs nutrition from girl, and grows into babby.
- "Special hugging" between ignorant people.
- People have babies when the girl and the guy decide to ... go to the orphanage and adopt one.
- Well, when a stork and a cabbage love each other very much...
- Sheesh, where'd you learn to spell? Truly, You Make Me Sic.
- Accidentally, in your base.
- "Maternity know I had come to see..." "Please don't be pregnant." "Therefore, the child begins!" "NO!"
- HOLY SH*T, THAT SONG GOT HER PREGNANT!?!
- Unlike you, the old fashioned way.
- When a mommy ducky and a mommy ducky, er wait that's wrong.
When was the War of 1812 fought?
- 1813. Both sides were terrible procrastinators.
- 1813, and 14, and 15. Not the best name for a war, really...
- Wait, which one, the one in America or the one in Europe?
  - Uh, I don't know that. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! [falls into gorge]
- And the White House burned, burned, burrrrrrrrrrrned...
  - ..In a burning ring of fire...
What is the answer to this question?
- Any response I give.
  - No, it isn't.
  - While every answer is a response, not every response is an answer.
- Blue whale. [klaxon]
- 42!!!
- Yes
- Yes, no, no honestly I'm stumped
- No, 'what' is a non-personal interrogative pronoun.
- No, he's the guy on second base.
WhY mY ShOuLdErS hUrT?
- Because YoUr LiFe iS pAiN.
- tHe MaStEr InSiStS uPoN iT.
- I blame Pat Lee.
- BeCaUsE YoUv'E CoNsUmEd ToO MuCh SoPoR SlImE.
- Because I ate them
How's school?
- Crappy.
- Out for summer. Or possibly forever.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
- A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.
  - But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood could a woodchuck chuck?
  - Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, why should a woodchuck chuck wood?
  - A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
  - Shut up.
- A hell of a lot.
- As much wood as a wood chuck would chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
- This is a clean website, I can't tell you that.
- Seventeen.
- But I don't want to be a woodchuck. I want to be a doctor.
  - How much disease could a woodchuck doctor cure if a woodchuck doctor could cure disease? Is that sounding right to you? No.
- More importantly, how many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?... oh, never mind.
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Twelve pieces of wood!
What time is it?
- 8:25 PM, EST. At least, at the time of writing.
- Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
  - Time is an illusion, and so are pants.
- It's time to D-D-DUEL
- IT'S MUFFIN TIME!!!!
  - Actually, it's 12:30.
  - Somebody kill me!
- Beer o'clock.
- Tea time.
  - It's Teh-ah-tim-eh!
  - It's time for war, it's time for blood, it's... time... for... TEA!
  - It's always tea time.
- SUMMERTIME! IT'S OUR VACATION!
  - It's summertime and you know what that means, gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things.
- Bagel time, it's bagel time, hey everybody it's bagel time!
- IT'S TIME TO GET ILL!
  - I turned myself into a icecube and I still ain't sick! What am I doing wrong?!
- Dan o'clock!
- It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
- Two thirty. ^noteTime to go to the dentist.
- WALUIGI TIME!
- It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights...
- It's nap time. It comes after pants time.
- UNGA BUNGA!
- Good heavens, it's rape o' clock!!
  - Repeat after me. We. Don't. Rape.
- OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S... VADER... TIME!!!
- IT'S TICKLE TIME!
- Well, if you're in Zozo, it's the time nobody says it is.
- ADVENTURE TIME!
  - It's time for you to shut up!
- It's Tiger Time! ^note
- It's morphin' time!
  - Time for Time Force!
- It's turbo time!
- I've got 3:24 here. ^note
- Stop! [Beat] Hammertime!
- It's clobberin' time!
- Uh...time for me to get a new watch. My current one's stopped.
- It's quarter to 9:00, time to take a bath.
- Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
- Time to tip the scales!
- Now it's Reyn time!
  - Now it's Shulk time!
- It is ten o'clock! You have five minutes precisely, and then I shall want to hear a pin...drop.
- It's team time, doctor!
- Does anybody really know what time it is?
- SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO!
- 4:20.
  - Nice.
  - *Click* Nice!
- It's high noon...
- 'Cause it's nine in the afternoon...
- Half past — BLAAAAAAAAAAH
- Time to muck about!
- It's the exact same time as when you asked earlier, and it will BE the exact same time as when you ask later. THERE IS NO TIME HERE!!!
- It's nine o'clock on a Saturday... The regular crowd shuffles in...
- Two hairs past a freckle.
- It's playtime!
- Half past the day before Christmas.
  - I don't want to have to explain to my son that on top of all this other shit, Santa can't find him.
- It's 8 to 8, I'll tell Nezzer that you're almost late, and he'll take your mom away.
- Get ready for a real blast! It's time for missile fever!
- It's time for the Jedi... to end.
- A long time ago, after M*A*S*H but before AfterMASH...
- Come, it is time...to die.
- Let's have fun tonight because it is... IT'S PARTY TIME!
- Isn't it lunch time?
- It’s punishment time!
- It’s time to chill.
- After five years on the east coast, it was time to go home.
- IT'S MURDERIN' TIME!
- It's corpse time!
- Time for the tape?
  - Time for the tape.
- My goodness! Is it 4:30? I'm supposed to be having a back-sack-and-crack!
- Now, I think it's time for everybody's favorite part of the broadcast, AND I'M TALKIN' ABOUT RADIO GRAFFITI!
- It's about time for everybody's FAVORITE part of the broadcast and I'm talking about throw A GODDAMN CRIPPLE in the WOODCHIPPER!
- Time to science the heck out of this.
- Time to let the past die.
- AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR SOME RAOCOW!
- You wanted to know what time it was. I'll tell you--the time for you will be ten or twenty years in prison.
Why can't I hold all these limes?
- Because you're trying to type and carry fruit at the same time, and you only have two hands. Maybe a basket of some sort would help.
- Because I'm bad at pickup limes.
Can't we all just get along?
- No. That would be boring.
- We could. Just be prepared for tons of paperwork.
- I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? "Wow, you sure did a great job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or, "Way to lock yourself in the freezer! I'm so proud of you."
- Perhaps (because of) your life of sin and licentiousness.
  - Yeah, that could be it.
- If a lot of people luv each other, the wurold would be a better place.
"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
- Looks like the backstroke.
- Uh....the Watusi?
- He appears to be giving you the finger, sir.
- Drowning. You could have saved him instead of sitting there bitching about it, you know.
- Be silent, you fool, or the rest will want one!
  - WHAT?!
- Awfully sorry, the chef moonlights as a tailor and was repairing a pair of trousers.
- Shh! That's no fly, that's the last customer who complained! The chef's a wizard!
Why do we have to climb that mountain?
- Because it's there!
- That's where we parked.
- You might feel obligated. I'm not climbing the damn thing unless there's something in it for me.
- Captain Kirk is.
- Because I ordered you to, you fools! Now carry me over that mountain!
- Hey, you wished to become the paladin.
- The grand old duke of York told us to.
- IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
- Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did!
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
- In a body bag if you don't drop that.
  - Going down?
- Practice, man! Practice!
- Don't know, but Gabey figured out how to get there in time to meet Ivy Smith.
- The same way on how you go to Sesame Street.
Am I a man dreaming I'm a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a man?
- But... you're a woman.
- Actually, I'm a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sushi.
- No, actually you are an escaped lab mouse out to take over the world.
- Ai, ai, ai, I'm your little butterfly, green, black and blue make the colours in the sky!
Is there a doctor in the house?
- I'm a doctor!
  - What's up, doc?
  - Then you're a nerd!
- I thought the doctor was House....
  - No, I'm The Doctor.
- Well, technically yes. I have a doctorate in geography.
- I'm Not a Doctor, but I Play One on TV.
U mad bro?
- They Called Me Mad!...I'll show them!
  - That should clear things right up, sir.
- I'm not mad...I'm just disappointed...
  - You were always a disappointment!
  - The feeling is mutual, brother.
- He's gone stark raving MAD!!!
- When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!
- Yes, get angry! Because if you don't punish me, Gensokyo shall be no more!
- No have temper! This make Sister Sam...SOOO MAAAD.
- Shit! You really make me mad!
- I'm really angry now. You know what you are? You're a big poop.
  - You're a turd sandwich.
- You know what? That makes me mad.
- Um... I'm angry... and I'm armed.
- I am extremely angry, Mr Lipwig.
- I'm jaded for Christ's sake, I mean... I'M DEPRESSED!
- I'm not mad. I'm just feeling... you know, that other thing.
- Angry!
  Feeling
  Bad!
  Why do I feel this way?
  Angry! Mad!
  My heart is hurting and it feels
  Bad!
  Punching!
  Feeling!
  Crying!
- I am very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross.
- Honey, I am very angry!
- I'm not mad.
- I'm so angry I'll jump up and down, I'll roll on the ground, make a din, make you spin, pull out my hair, throw you in the air, pull down posts, hunt down ghosts, scare spiders, scare tigers, pull up trees, bully bees, rattle the radiators, frighten alligators, cut down flowers, bring down towers, bang all the bones, wake up stones, shake the tiles, stop all smiles, silence birds, boil words, mash up names, grind up games, crush tunes, squash moons, make giants run, terrify the sun, turn the sky red... and then go to bed.
- YOU MAKE HULK ANGRY! YOU NO LIKE HULK ANGRY!
- Yes I'm mad, my boot I'll put, up your useless spooky butt!
  - Turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits!
- What was that, you got me now, you've really angered this old cow!
Bro, do you even lift?
- No. Stop taunting me!
- Me, and all my other brothers and sisters too.
- Um, everybody with arms can and do.
- No, we call those 'elevators'.
What are you up to?
- About 6 foot.
- The Internet is a time-wasting device, so nothing.
  - Tv Tropes, doubly so.
- I'm stuck on the Water Temple.
- Page five.
- I'm knocking on doors, if necessary.
- I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
- "Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic doesn't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha..." "I can hear you, Eggman!" "Son of a bitch!"
- Eeeevil plaaaans~ We are making eeeevil plaaaans~
- Fucking your wife again. And peeing in a Hot Topic, because, you know, what else do you do on a Saturday night?
- The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!
- Um, are we going to... Take Debbie Allen hostage, depriving all of humanity of enjoyable choreographed production numbers?
- Are we going to... Oh. Create a riot by forcing people to listen to the touchy-feely Mandy Patinkin?
- Use the talents of Paul Anka and Carrot Top to stage the comeback of the lovable TV genius Jamie "Klinger" Farr.
- FIRST, I will drug you up, rendering you helpless. THEN, I will reveal that I have an old grudge against you, and revenge has been percolating in my sleazy heart for years. And THEN... I will do exactly what you want. BUT... I will also trick you into eating a bite of moldy food! THIS... STORMARE.... VOWS!!!
- I'm glad you asked, talking cat person who I don't know! I am going to take this flying doohickamabob up into space and take a picture to prove that the planet...is flat!
What's that behind you?
- Carmen Sandiego.
- A demonic duck of some sort?
- A three-headed monkey!
- I know this is probably a trick, but I can't afford to take the chance that it's not.
  - Yoink!
- A decoy!
- A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR!
- A WALL!
- What? Where? Man, what the hell you talking about? There ain't nothing there.
- I'm going to turn around and, oh look, there's nothing there. What a "surprise" that is, gosh.
  
  And then...
  
  I knew that would happen, but I'm mad about it anyway.
- There's nothing behind me. I'm a Witcher, I'd have heard it. Just like I can hear your heart. Which is pounding. Like a liar's.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
- I will be different.
- I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!
- A doctor.
  - Nigga, did I just catch you wantin' to be shit?! *slap*
- God.
  - I know God. And you, sir, are no God.
- The freshest squid on the block.
- A blitzball.
  - Of all the things to fix in the remaster, the fact that a boy saying he wants to be a blitzball when he grows up is not one of them means that Final Fantasy X is just a $30 shitpost.
Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
- Real fast? Fuck yeah!
- Fast enough for a turkey dinner... with gravy...
- No, I needed to know my position on the map more.
  - And now I'm lost.
- Honestly, no. My speedometer doesn't go that high.
- Maybe, but since you obviously don't know yourself, you can't charge me with anything.
- About 65 mph, which is about 56mph, which is oh, so fast!
- EIGHTY-EIGHT MILES PER HOUR!
- Traveling at the Speed of Plot
- No. Do you?
- Can't hassle us, pig! We're going the speed limit!
If TV Tropes is so good, then how come there's no TV Tropes 2?
- Executive Meddling.
- We have to give other websites a fighting chance.
- Because 2.0 is a really ambitious project.
- If 2 is so good, then why isn't there a 2 2?
  - There is a tutu, it's right here.
- It Is Pronounced "Tro-PAY".
  - Ah. You are mother fucker?
- Haha! They thought there was going to be a sequel. That's adorable...
What's the wackomended amount of dedotated wam I should ave to serve?
- Enuff for everywun to ave enuff to eat.
Why do clocks run clockwise?
- Because if they ran counterclockwise, they'd be counterclocks.
What would you do if I gave you a million dollars?
- I'd finally be able to afford a bike.
- I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel).
- Oh that's different, I'd buy a great big turnip in the country.
- Nothing. Have you seen the prices of food today?
  - 25 dollars for a hamburger?!
- Burn it.
- A million dollars isn't cool. You know what’s cool?
What should we aim at?
- Random fire.
- Always go for the juggler.
- The butt.
  - They said it was a million-dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars.
- The chest.
  - You should have gone for the head.
- The face.
- I went for the head.
  - Blanka, no! Not the head bite!
  - DON'T TAKE MY HEAD! DON'T TAKE MY HEAD!
- The ear.
  - Ah, God! Fuck! Why the ear, man?!
- The groin.
- The eye.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
- UP, STUPID!
What's the moral of the story?
- You shouldn't drink and bake.
- And that is, um... it's that, well... Ok, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.
- Don't leave things in the Fridge.
- The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'.
- It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside.
- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
  - You can't do anything, so don't even try. Get some help. Don't do what Sonic does.
- Kids, don't use Formula 1 racecars to chase hedgehogs!
- 'Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea.' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses.
- Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!
  - Well, fuck you, then!
- We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things.
  - You said it Yugi! Now burn everything, burn it to the ground!
- Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!
- I guess crying does solve your problems after all!
- You can't trust the system!
  - Maaaaaaaan!
- Never let sixty angry kids use a herd of laser cows to take over your house.
- There's no real moral to this story. Or even a story, to be honest. There is a lot of fucking, though. Perhaps that's enough.
- Anyway, the moral is: you're a total bitch.
  - I'm ain't no bitch! I'm NOT no bitch!
- You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together and celebrate what really matters: PURE EVIL!
- If you want a man to work with you, don't show him a video of a bull fucking his wife.
- Moral: BEES DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MANNERS! RULES OF NATUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
- I dunno, 'Don't turn into a bee,' or something?
  - They say that all the time.
- Well, that's a fine message to be sending to the kids: idealism and hard work is fine and all, but money and muscle win every time.
  - Wait a minute, that's actually an EXCELLENT lesson. Holy shit, I think Disney accidentally made their best movie ever!
- I have learned my lesson. I have no idea what it is.
- If there's anything you take away today, other than you need to Google 'What the fuck is Dubstep?', it's that we all need to belong to someone.
- Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game.
  - Save your money kids. Don't invest in Sonic.
- Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
- Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.
- If you give a mean big-headed kitty love, they won't try to dumb down the world with an evil dance.
- Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true, every one of them has failed and so have you!
- Elmer Fudd is a dolt.
- If you can't say anything nice about someone, don't blow your nose into your hand.
- All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'm the man who's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
  - BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
- When life gives you Death Note, make justice!
- I'd say we all learned absolutely nothing about ourselves as people today. But we learned even less about each other. And in the end, that's the only true meaning of Christmas.
- You're telling me I can kill as many people as I want and I won't go to hell?
- Okay, so there's the lesson y'all: Switch from T-Mobile or Kronika will recruit you into her evil plans for world domination.
- Here's a lesson for ya. You act high and all, but in the end, lose, and you're just a loser.
- Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that you can be a great friend, even if you are a racist.
- "But of course, this story has a point. All great stories have points. And what do points mean?" "PRIZES!"
What's a web page, something ducks walk on?
- Nope. It’s something spiders walk on.
- I was cool with everything up until now, but you're going to pay for that terrible joke! Get back here!
- Go to hell, and take your cheap jokes with you!
Who's in charge around here?
- I'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules!
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
- According to Article 3, Section 2 of Splatfest law, it was the chicken.

Subversions

Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
- No one: The tomb isn't underground.
When was the War of 1812 fought?
- From 1812 to 1815.
- Or from 1812 to 1814. The Battle of New Orleans took place after the Treaty of Ghent was signed.
How long was The Hundred Years War?
- About 116 years, give or take.
How long was The Thirty Years' War?
- Thirty years, or forty-one if you include the Franco-Spanish War.
- Twenty-nine.
The "Canary Islands" are named for which animal?
- The dog. In Latin, "Canariae Insulae" means "Island of the dogs". (The bird was named after the islands.)
What was the color of George Washington's white horse?
- Grey.
What colour is a white rhino?
- Black. The word "white" in the name is mistranslated and really should be "wide".
From which animal do you get Cat Gut?
- Sheep and goats.
  - I am not a sheep.
In which month did the the October Revolution take place?
- In November. ^*
In what month is Oktoberfest?
- September, actually. It's too cold in October.
Which was the first name of King George VI?
- Albert. ^*
What kind of animal did Prince Sang Nila Utama see that caused him to found a settlement called Singapura^* Ancient Singapore , or Lion City?
- A tiger. ^*
Are 'orange' and 'silver' impossible to rhyme?
- No, 'sporange' rhymes with the former and 'chilver' rhymes with the latter. So much for rule 46.
What kind of bird is the feral pigeon?
- A dove (rock dove, to be specific).
What is Paul McCartney's first name?
- James. Paul is his middle name.