Just For Fun / Get a Stupid Answer

Douglas: Question-and-answer film double bills.
Martin: What do you mean?
Douglas: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Gandhi.

— Cabin Pressure, "Xinzhou"

Lots of works ask questions. Some of these are rhetorical questions, never designed to be answered. Some of them are big questions that drive the entire plot. You could be respectful and wait for the work to finish addressing these questions. Or, you could be a jerk and give a sarcastic answer right now. This page is for the second one. Answer a rhetorical question. Make snarky responses to a work's driving question. Go ahead, this is a Just for Fun page. That kind of stuff is allowed. Warning: unmarked spoilers.

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Not to be confused with Ask a Stupid Question... which refers to questions acknowledged in-universe as being stupid.

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Examples:

• Advertising
• Anime & Manga
• Films - Animation
• Films - Live-Action
• Literature
• Live-Action TV
• Music
• Video Games
• Web Original
• Western Animation
• Tropes

Asian Animation

• Motu Patlu?
  • Absent!
• What?! There is no surprise party for me?
  • We don't need no surprise parties if we can have another more fitting party.
• Dhokla, why are you taking so much food?
  • My brain doesn't function on an empty stomach.
  • I eat, Jon. It's what I do.

Comedy

• Where is the blue food?
  • There's Blue M&M's.
  • Eiffel 65 ate it all. Why do you think they're so blue? (Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee, da ba di...)
    • I'm blue, I believe I will die, I'm in need of a guy, I got beat up at night. (In Aberdeen, I'm on diet)
  • In this delicious muffin.
  • Blue is an appetite suppressant. I'm not sure if that's a cause or an effect, though.
  • Percy's house.
  • The Crossings.
  • Next to the green food
  • I hear waffles come in blue. Go on, Google it.
    • Really? What's it look like?
    • I don't like food anymore.
  • I ate those food
• What's New Pussycat?
  • Scooby-D... Wait, wrong animal.
  • Somebody put this bell on me while I was asleep.
  • Good Guy and I are going to buy meat buns for the Lacking Lady! ^* And by that, I mean Good Guy's paying for them.
  • Who you calling a pussy?
  • You bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started. Lucille is thirsty.
  • *cough* Pussy! *cough* Bitch! *cough*. Ah, I'm sorry, my apologies. I meant to call you a pussy bitch. But without the coughing.
  • Which one? Josie, Melody or Valerie?
  • What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
• If crimefighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
  • Freedom fighters fight for freedom.
• Which jacket, love? The cream, the bone, the white, the off-white, the ivory or the beige?
  • Just pick anything that looks real.

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Comic Books

• What, are you dense?
  • Are you retarded or something?
    • Kira is a retard! Nah nah nah nah nah!
    • Killer Queen has already touched this entry.
  • Who the hell do you think I am?
    • You are the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
    • Kamina?
  • Rho, I don't think so.
  • No, I'm kinda sparse.
  • How dare you comment on my mass-volume ratio?!
  • Dense and wacky.
  • Dim-witted... dense... dumb...
  • I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.
• Who watches the Watchmen?
  • The Watcher, duh.
  • All the other Watchmen.
  • Me. I watch myself all the time.
  • Whoever owns the probably watched it at least once.
  • Internal Affairs.
  • I don't know. Coast Guard?
  • Definitely not Alan Moore
  • The Watchmen-Watchers. But who watches them?
    • The Watchmen-Watcher-Watchers. But who watches THEM?
    • The Watchmen-Watcher-Watcher-Watchers. BUT WHO WATCHES THEM?
  • The National Watchmen-Watching Organization. The next two watching layers are covered as well.
• Do I still think in those little yellow boxes?
  • Apparently not, you think in TV Tropes bullet points.
  • What exactly is that supposed to ''sound'' like?
  • Not since they sewed your mouth shut.
  • If not it's probably Madcap.
• Who is The Question?
  • Charles Victor Szazs A.K.A. Vic Sage and Renee Montoya.
  • No, to be or not to be is the question. Who is the Doctor.
    • No, he isn't.
    • He is first baseman, though.
  • Walter Joseph Kovacs. No, wait, that's someone else.
  • ?
  • Just when they think they've got the answer, I change the question!
• Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?
  • He left yesterday.
  • Nothing. It'll be at least a day before anything happens to him.
  • He's out fighting the Caped Crusader.
    • Actually, they're getting coffee.
    • Getting coffee for Hoffy of course, ya coarse whores!
  • He's visiting his cousin.
  • He's in another universe.
  • He'll be here tomorrow.
  • He's in another castle.
  • He's with the mouse.
  • He left tomorrow, but he'll be back by yesterday.
  • Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday?
  • I know that everyone is ending tomorrow; why, they are the 1st.
  • Leave the assassination tomorrow.
    • Everything will end tomorrow.
  • The galaxy may never know, but stay tuned for more baseless speculation and crackpot theories on Behind the Hero.
• Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?
  • Don't believe everything you read, folks! I'm more like an obnoxious prankster. Really, I'm a very nice person.
  • That's just two different versions of the same thing...
  • Neither. Unless he's in his black suit. Then he's both.
    • Miles Morales does not approve of above poster.
  • I happen to be both and I'm deeply offended. Wait, are you a cop? Forget what I said.
  • Threatening menace.
  • I'm here to kill you, so both.
• What the hell happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?
  • We woke up from it.
  • Last I heard she was still around over on Earth-982.
• Were you gentle? Were you kind?
  • Yes sir.
  • Did you treat her like a lady?
    • Uh... yes.
  • Did you eat her pussy like a lady?
    • Well, I...
    • I'm just fucking with you! A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy! Now get the fuck out.
  • If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite.
• You ever hear the one about the guy that brought a baseball bat to a gun fight... FUCKER?
  • You ever hear the one about the stupid fuck named Rick who fucking thought he knew shit but didn't know shit and got himself fucking killed?
  • Bit of advice. Try using knives next time. Works better for close encounters.
  • No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer standing, because if I am you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.
  • A gun is a coward's weapon. It lets us kill too easily, saving us the mess and the work.
    • But spittin' on people's okay?
  • And I don't. And that makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine!
  • Captain BaseBallBat-Boy has an unbeatable track record in superhero deathmatches.
• Smile, damn you, why don't you smile? You've got enough Joker venom to finish off a regiment of elephants. Why don't you smile? Why don't you die?
  • Because I've heard it before... and it wasn't funny the first time.
  • True Art Is Angsty.
  • You die, I smile.
  • That is beyond my programming.
  • I can't smile, or cry. I think I have no tear ducts.
• Is the "hard" really necessary? Whatever happened to hitting people in moderation?
  • All things in moderation. Including moderation.
• Who dares?! Who dares strike the personage of Doctor Doom?
  • the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing! It's Clobberin' Time!
  • I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a fuckin' ruling on this right now. You don't fuckin' hit him. You understand?
• You dare? You dare to pull a gun on me — to pull a gun on me here? DO YOU?!
  • No, I'll wait until you finish your speech. Go ahead.
  • I just did, Bats.
• WHO DARES SUMMON ETERNITY?
  • Who dares...question my...daring...of...his dare...jerk?
• I did the right thing, didn't I? It all worked out in the end.
  • THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!
    • Oh, come on! All's well that ends well, right?
  • But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
  • What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
  • Actually, you doomed us all. Again.
• Is that a monkey?
  • He's got a gun!
  • Monkeys, apes, they all hold stuff with their feet, man! We're talking freaks of nature!
  • TRUKK NOT MUNKY!!
  • If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, it’s an ape!
  • Do the monkey with me!
  • I am not a monkey!
  • The monkey's his uncle?
  • He's got a sword!
    • You idiots! We've all got swords!
• Is this some kind of sex thing?
  • Why would it be a sex thing?
  • They call sex 'social links' here!
  • Sakuya, what's sex?
• How can you possibly live in a world without Superheroes?
  • You worry about the weather and whether or not you should hate.
• Who makes us suffer this way?
  • It was me, James. The author of all your pain.
  • I'm every bad day you ever had.
• Who writes the world?
  • Its creator is a drooling idiot!
  • THIS WORLD IS OURS AND WE WON'T STAND STILL!
  • I don't make the rules, I simply play to my intended purpose, the same as Stanley. We're not so different, I suppose.
  • Mira.
  • EVERYTHING IS MINE, THE WORLD IS MINE, AMERICA IS MINE!
  • Girls!
• What's so funny about Truth, Justice, and the American Way?
  • THERE IS NO JUSTICE!
  • You just don't get it, do you? Freedom is dead!
• I been reading about you... how you work for the blue skins, and on a planet someplace you helped out the orange skins... and you done considerable for the purple skins! Only there's skins you never bothered with -- the black skins! I want to know... how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Green Lantern!
  • Mr. Speaker, we can never compromise to black.
  • Truth be told, I'm not really a very big fan of 'the black people'.
  • I've heard of whites before, but I've never heard of blacks!
  • Looks like those black creatures really mean business!
• Why? That's what they all asked me. Why him... why Starscream? Why, of all Decepticons, did I decide to revitalize the one whose record of deceit and betrayal is '''legend'''?
  • Megatron had learned a long time ago that no one could be trusted. He had also learned that even untrustworthy aides were useful and could be counted on in certain situations.
  • In the moments when my all-consuming destiny lies ahead of me, you remind me of the need to watch my back. And that is your importance, Starscream.
• Who Is Donna Troy?
  • If we start getting into that, we'll be here all day.
• You think this letter on my head stands for FRANCE?!
  • I'm sorry. What was that again?
• You still don't even know the damn alphabet?!
  • I do. Which is why I won't tell you.
  • A, B, C, D, I forget. Who cares? I don't remember.
• You know the kind of cancer you ultimately get better from?
  • The cancer of being oppressed by my Grandmaster.
• Do you seriously think I'd explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?
  • Explain.
• Did you bring me anything of value, bounty hunter?
  • The rebel leader's head.
• What?! Hulk has share his 20th anniversary issue with puny talking animal?!
  • ME NO TALKING ANIMAL!
• Hey, Joe! You got chewing gum?
  • I'm all out of chewing gum.
• Did I miss something? Was I away when they changed the rules?
  • The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
• Recognize my voice, Hartigan? Recognize my voice, you piece-of-shit cop? I look different, but I bet you can recognize my voice!
  • Ned? *punch*
  • I never forget a voice!
• What is this mad obsession with freedom?

Comic Strips

• They haven't stopped making frozen pudding pops, have they?
  • Wait, why didn't Linus show up?
  • Trust me. That meme's starting to get redundant.
• Our baby is a RABBIT?!? How come we have a rabbit?!
  • Isn't my little Cinnamon just the cutest? Bun-buns are so adorable... Tee hee!
  • Big ol' bunny, big ol' bunny, big ol' bunny, buffalo bunny!
• What if we die and it turns out God is a big CHICKEN?? What then?!
  • I told you he was a giant chicken!
  • What is that in your hand?

Fan Works

• Are you one of us?
  • What, a troper? Yeah.
  • One of Us is a... oh. Wrong context.
  • You're one of them!
  • Since There Are No Girls on the Internet, yes.
  • No. What you gonna do now?
  • Gooba-gobble, gooba-gobble! We accept you, one of us!
  • Depends, who are you?
  • One of us? He looks like three of us!
• WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?!
  • Making sweet love to pregnant women.
    • Mothers aren't perpetually pregnant.
  • Playing Russian Roulette, obviously.
  • Being a whiny little goffic bitch.
  • Your Mom
  • Draco.
  • I'm not doing anything wrong, just trying to catch my slippery little friend. And committing grand theft auto for two seconds.
  • Are you out of your fucking mind?! NO ONE fucks my maam!
• Is it a sin, should a man feel like faggarting a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer't bypon ourn fagpoles?
  • This sentence makes less and less sense as you go on.
  • Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?
    • Remember When You Faggarted a Sun?
  • How exactly do you 'faggart' something, anyway?
    • Very carefully.
  • But You Faggart One Sun
    • Bestiality's a sin, I'm still not sure how that one came up
  • Technically speaking, suns don't have to heave through the void, they simply... do.
  • Well, the sun is already in a relation with the moon. Kind of.
  • Tsukuyomi is not gonna be happy about this...
  • Your reign of terror ends here, Galactic Conqueror.
• Did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?
  • Yeah, so?
    • That's against the rules, isn't it?
    • Actually, there are several situations in which it is perfectly within the rules to summon more than one monster in a turn. It's called a Special Summon. Look at your freakin' rulebook.
    • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
    • Screw the rules, I have green hair!
    • Screw the Money, I Have Rules! ...wait, let me try that again.
    • Has the whole world gone CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
  • What else does it look like I did?
  • Triple Battles are a bit weird like that.
  • Actually no, I just ordered my Leafeon to use Double Team.
  • You're damn right I did!
• Oh Shit, There's Fanfiction of Us!?
  • Oh, the fan fiction? Keep up the good work.
  • Wow, I have to admit, I'm impressed. Who knew all it would take to unnerve the almighty Kira was a couple of pages of poorly written smut?
  • Oh dear God. They’re going to write all the porn, aren’t they? Just all of it. Ewwwwwww.
  • Well, there was the one writer who really thought Unit 01 was cute. And...tentacles? Did any story need those many tentacles? Not that he was a bad writer, he was actually fantastic-
  • My Wolverine-and-Storm-in-space fanfic was the third-most upvoted story on Freaking Awesome last month!
• Do You Believe in Fairies?
  • I DON'T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!
  • Every time someone says 'I do not believe in fairies', somewhere there's a fairy that falls down dead.
• Kakyouin! Did you lay this egg?
  • That's not something you Yolk about
• If Goku's so powerful, then why is he always DEAD?^note From the fan parody video "This is Otakudom"
  • Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
    • Enough impertinent nonsense!
• OH NO WHERE DID HEADCRAB COME FROM!
  • From GREEN...BAY, WISCONSIIINNNN!!!
• Champion or not, you're still doing what you love. Aren't you?
• Why is it that every year around this season, you get more sad and depressing to be around than usual?
• What can a chameleon do?

Let’s Play

• Are hummingbirds the sharks of the sky?
• Oh my god what was the heck was the what the what the what?
  • You're also going to get a thumping in a minute.
  • Calm down and try that one again.
• Are your boobs ready?
  • Oh, I'm ready. You might not be.
  • I wanna play with your bouncy boobies!
  • I can't believe your tits are one polygon!
  • Stop peeping and move it! I'm dying, dammit!
  • THOSE BREASTS... THEY'RE TOO PERFECT!
• Vagisil?
  • SiIvaGunner?
• How do I put thrusters on a baby?
  • Are you sure about that?
• Should we do Daisy on hard?
  • Probably not; The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard.

Pro Wrestling

• DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?
  • Yeah...and it stinks!
    • IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT STINKS!
  • Hells yeah, it smells delicious!
  • Is that...roast beef?
    • No, it's pie!
    • A pie IN YOUR FACE!
  • Is it... stone soup?
  • No. I don't have a nose.
    • Really? How do you smell?
    • Awful! Trust me, I'm his roommate.
    • I can't; I don't have a nose!
  • You know, I'm really sorry we haven't worked out that scratch-and-sniff TV yet.
  • My face was born for beauty. I have no smell.
  • Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!
  • Smells like... chili beans.
  • Actually, that was me. I made a darth doody. I sithed my pants. My diaper's gone over to the dark side. I have pages of these, I can go on.
  • YOU SMELL LIKE APPLE TURNOVERS!
  • It smells like wet fur in here.
• What you gonna do... when Hulkamania runs wild on you?
  • A barrel roll.
    • It's an aileron roll, you piece of Amoeboid dung. Also, it's 2016. Are we still saying "do a barrel roll"? Get out of here with these 2012 memes. Lay some fresh ones on me.
  • Gonna live my life.
  • Initiate Attack Pattern Alpha.
  • Do a little dance ~Make a little love~.
    • Get down tonight.
  • I'll take this chip... and eat it
    • Hand me anotha bag o' dem chips!
    • I see you're enjoying those chips!
    • Chips? You mean potato chips?
    • Seriously, where are the potato chips?
    • I'll take a potato chip, and... put it back because this will go straight to my thighs, no thank you!
  • I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear.
    • Aww, I was just about to read Never Invite a Novakid to Tea.
  • Hulk isn't enough to save the world.
• Really? Really?
  • Yes.
  • Really.
  • Release restraint, level 1.
  • YA RLY
  • Going after the Regime was one thing, but destroy the planet for Brainiac? You really thought I'd go through with it, Grodd? Really?! *BLEEP* YOU!
• Can you dig it... SUCKAAAAA?!?!
  • I certainly can, and I might find coal, or gold, or even obsidian.
    • Amateur, I can find Hellstone and Chlorophyte.
  • I don't know. Are you talkin' 'bout Shaft?
    • John Shaft.
  • I shovel well. I shovel very well.
    • I'VE GOT A SHOVEL, I'VE GOT A SHOVEL, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU WITH IT 'TIL YOU'RE A PUDDLE!
  • That might not be a good idea.
  • Prepare to taste justice! Shovel justice!
  • 2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "Dig until we hit evil."
  • "Speaking of sucking, how's your jaw doing, Sonic?" "Actually, it's feeling much be—— ...YOU!"
  • Diglett dig. Diglett dig. Trio, trio, trio.
  • I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole! Diggy diggy hole! Diggy diggy hole!
  • We dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig in our mine the whole day through
    To dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig is what we really like to do.
  • GORON POWER, GOOO!!!
  • Great! Dig it! Dig it! Dig to the center of the earth!
• How do you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder?
  • Gravity teaches you most of it for free. It is a harsh mistress.
    • Gravity Is Only a Theory.
  • By running out of stamina.
• How much more punishment can he take?
  • How much has he had already?
  • KO!
• What kind of disgusting, despicable lack of respect does that Billy Whatshisname show, booking a match for the Total Package Lex Luger at Superbrawl? Super Saturday? What is it? I don't know what it's called! What's it called? Superbrawl Saturday? Can he afford to pay me to wrestle Ron? I DON'T KNOW!
  • Wrestle Ron? Don't think so.
• Who booked this crap?
  • Vince Russo?
  • Page 62: "Johnny Cage Dies". Is someone high?
• WHO'S YOUR DADDY, MONTREAL?
  • Paul de Chomedey de Maisonneuve
• Wakaru ka, ore no chikara? Wakaru ka, ORE WA ICHIBAN!?^Translation Do you understand my power? Do you understand that I'm number one?
  • No. Could you demonstrate?
  • How's that for a coincidence? My Hovercraft Is Full of Eels as well!
  • You Are Number 6
  • We are number one! HEY!
    • "Tears up"
  • You were always the best. Nobody ever came close. You define the art and it defines you.
  • You ain't worth spit.
  • Always Second Best.
• Who's that jumpin' out the sky?
  • You don't have to fly too high, to get too close to the sun, see the boy fall from the sky.
• You think you can tell us what to do?
  • You think you can tell us what to wear?
    • Did you come to force this woman to put on clothes, too?
    • If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do.
  • You think that you're better?
    • I'm basically better than you at everything.
    • You guys always act like you're better than me!
    • I'm better than you! I'm better than everyone!
    • You are the audience member! I am the author! I outrank you!
    • You're a third-class Saiyan! I'm a Saiyan Elite, you low-class dog!
    • Son of a bitch! How can they be so arrogant?! No one's better than me!
    • I am greater in every way.
    • Who's stronger than Hulk? No one! NO ONE!
    • Anything you can do, I can do better.
    • I'm more important than you'll ever be in your life, so fuck you!
    • I just did.
  • No one can tell me what to do!
  • What I choose to do is decided by me.
    • The grandest illusion of all.
  • You Americans are so fond of being in charge.
  • I... but... it's... not... it's totally... it's... y...you're not the boss of... me?
    • I'm not bossy! Don't say things like that!
  • Remember! Football develops initiative, leadership, and individuality! Now go out there and do exactly as I told you!
  • Who asks someone to do something that they don't want to do themselves?! Oh hey, can you go and get me a Lakitu's Cloud, Mario?
  • Stop telling me what to do!
• You all think I'm a frog-faced loser?
  • LOSER! YOU'RE A LOSER! DO YOU FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF?! WELL, YOU SHOULD BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DIRT! YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU BIG BABY! BABY WANT A BOTTLE? A BIG DIRT BOTTLE?!
  • Who are you calling losers?!
    • But he's got the rest right.
  • Okay, let me make this very simple for all of you. You're losers! I don't mean that in an endearing way; It fucking hurts me that I have to interact with all of you so much.

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Radio

• Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
  • God. Assuming you believe in that sort of thing. If not, don't worry about it.
  • Well, obviously I do. I was only wondering if there was someone else.
  • Edward D. Morrison.
  • Aatrox.
  • Ooh! I do! I do!
    • NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE!
  • Put your hand down, Ferb...
  • Blood?
• HOW MANY REMIXES DO YOU IDIOTS HAVE?!
  • GYAH HA HA! I'ma remix your face!
• Phillip, do I still have the power to behead people?
  • Lock them in the tower, perhaps?
  • Punch in the face would do.
    • One of these days, Laura, I'm gonna punch you in the face!
    • Never stick your hand in my face again, bitch! FUCK YOU!
  • Lao Tzu said: 'You must find the way.' I've found it. You must find it too... So I'm going to cut off your head. Then you'll know the truth!
  • I believe decapitation is a problem as well.
  • Well, I guess decapitation works.
  • I mean, I was going to suggest being trapped in R. Kelly's basement. But yes, decapitation is also bad.
• Why is everybody looking at me?
  • Because you're not wearing anything.
    • Good grief! He's naked!
    • Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.
    • No, he's-a not, he's-a wearing a necktie!
  • You're the distraction.
• DO YOU EVEN HAVE A SOUL?
  • Oh, please. I have no soul.
• Why did you murder those six million Jews?
  • They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I HATE THEM!
  • Because they're fat, boy! And another thing; they're ugly.
• WHAT THE HELL IS THAT PANDA DOING HERE!?
  • Who is driving? Oh my god, bear is driving! How can that be?!
  • You can't just introduce a character in your movie riding a panda to school and not explain that shit! I established my fucking dog in storyline and I do Internet reviews!
  • Don't ask me I'm just a panda, lol.
  • Learning kung-fu.
• Do you want me to stick around for a while?
  • Why don't you, why don't you just fuck off and die?!
    Why can't you just fuck off and die?!
    Why can't you just leave here and die?!

Theater

• To be, or not to be?
  • Not to be. Definitely not to be.
  • *large explosion*
  • Depends, is it nobler in spirit to suffer the slings and arrows... umm... screw it, not to be!
  • True. (2B)∨¬(2B) is a tautology.
  • All of the above.
    • None of the above.
  • Yes.
    • No.
  • "Our revels now are ended, Kirk! Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"
  • Oh, why ask me?
  • Turn to page 16 TO BE
    • or NOT TO BE: turn to page 17
  • To be what?
    • To Be a Master.
  • Leave, or be terminated.
  • You mean a lot to me!
• And are you beautiful and pale, with yellow hair like her?
  • No, you're just sort of brown.
• What do you read, my Lord?
  • Words, words, words.
  • This Very Wiki.
  • The last time I read a book, I was raped — let that be a lesson to you.
  • I never learned how to read!
  • Idiot's Guide to Kicking Your Ass.
  • What, are you reading from a book of sexist villain cliches?
  • Jokes on you, pal: I can't read!
  • Page 5, Cliché Villains Handbook?
• O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
  • Why does that matter? Isn't the real problem the "Montague" part?
  • Because my great-uncle was named Romeus, and my father really respected him.
  • THOU HAST PICKETH THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!
• Why are thou yet so fair?
  • I dunno!
  • Who says I'm fair? *BLAM*
• Is this a dagger that I see before me?
  • No, now give me back my pencil.
  • No, I'm just happy to see you.
  • Well if it was behind you, you wouldn't see it now, would ya, dumbass?
  • Um. No, my lord. It's my handkerchief, you see. You can sort of tell the difference if you look closely. It doesn't have as many sharp edges.
  • It's Mack the Knife.
  • No! It's Truffaut the Wonderdog!
  • No, it's a Glock 17.
    • Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol.
  • Yes, and this is her human form.
• What light through yonder window breaks?
  • The "C" train.
    • Hear that Mister Anderson? That's the sound of inevitability. That's the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mister Anderson.
  • Explosion in the chem lab.
    • Dammit, I told you to be careful!
  • A house fire.
  • It is a rock, and Juliet has a concussion.
  • That window up there, dummy.
  • (3x10⁸/λ)x6.63x10^-34
• How do you solve a problem like Maria?
  • With cheese.
  • Kill It with Fire!
    • No! Kill It with Water!
    • No! Kill It with Ice!
    • No! Kill It with... Steam?
  • Reassignment to Antarctica!
  • I know dis guy, see? You pay me, I get him to take care of da problem for you.
  • No! It's not Maria that's the problem! It's the black hedgehog she's with that's the problem!
    • Bit late for that now.
    • You mean Sonic?
  • Get Celes to take over her role in the opera.
  • Settle it in Smash!
  • If you want to know, just ask Maria how she solves a problem.
  • SHOOT HER!
    • …or something!
  • When in doubt, I kill.
  • I'm more of a problem eliminator.
• How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
  • On film.
  • Pick up the phone, leave her alone... it's time you made a stand!
  • Simple:
  Step 1: Condense cloud into water.
  Step 2: Freeze water into ice.
  Step 3: Insert pin.
  • Use Bind.
  • I'm a pegasus pony. I'll see what I can do.
  • "We'll catch up to the Egg Carrier in no time." "You fucking passed them!!"
• My God, who is this man, who hunts to kill?
  • Well, hunting to mangle is needlessly cruel.
  • Mom... I kill people.
  • I haven't murdered anyone! Well, not today, anyway...
  • Kira.
    • Kano, ya bloody prick!
  • An Egomaniac Hunter.
  • Kraven the Hunter
  • Your own design.
• Why do they want to whip poor Will again?
  • Isn't he the designated whipping boy?
    • He's had that pleasure for years and years.
  • HEY! I'm not poor!
  • Because he let the cannon drop.
• Do you hear the people sing?
  • Yes. They have some serious bad tone issues.
    • Pretty voices singing somewhere else, not here.
  • You... don't sing very well.
  • What people?
  • And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'll SING! SING! SING! SING!
• Mary and Ethel who?
  • Mary Crawley and Ethel Parks.
  • Mary Daisy Dinkle and Ethel the rooster.
  • Mary Tyler Moore and Ethel Winant.
• Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?
  • That depends, who's asking?
  • To quote from Hamlet, act 3, scene 3, line 87, "No!"
• Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
  • Because all you of Earth are IDIOTS!
• Why do you write like you're running out of time?
  • Welcome to the phenomena that is Christmas Rushed.
• Why do you always say what you believe?
  • Just Clap Your Hands If You Believe...
• What are you waiting for? What do you stall for? We won the war, what was it all for?
  • The pride of serving my family and country.
• If I can prove that I never broke the law, do you promise to never tell another soul what you saw?
  • Only if I can help bury the body.
  • I AM...THE LAW!
  • Oh, look! You get to go to prison! What luck! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
• Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?
  • IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!
  • I'm immature?!! Well excuse me, Miss Poopy Head!
  • I'm immature?!! I'm going to kill you!
  • I am immature. I'm a teen. I've yet to mature.
  • You have insult me! We meet on the field of onions!
• Can we get back to politics? Please?
  • Are times that hard?
• What shall we do now? What is our cue now?
  • Exit, pursued by a bear.
    • This isn't funny! I'm being chased by a giant stuffed bear!
  • OBJECTIVE: Talk to the idiot wearing sunglasses.
    • OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and make that bitch eat her hair.
    • New Objective: RUN AWAY
  • When the doors close, just say 'Go'. Better.
  • When a bell rings, the pieces need to shoot the angels.
  • Rub your stomachs. Goo-ood. Goo-ood. Now pat your heads. Hel-lo. Hel-lo.
  • Listen to your heart
    Listen to the rain
    Listen to the voices in your brain
    Come on guys, let's get creative!
• Do you mean "orphan" - a person who has lost their parents, or "often" - frequently?
  • Neither. I mean "offin'", as in how I became an orphan to begin with.
  • You're an orphan? Of course! I'm an orphan! God, I wish there was a war then we could prove that we're worth more than anyone bargained for.
• When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
  • Well, I can do next Tuesday.
  • We'll meet again some sunny day...
  • God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
  • We will meet many more times... in the sequel!
    • We must stop and wonder, how long until the sequel? It depends on the box office.
  • Let's all meet back at the malt shop!
  • Just wait until Banjo-Threeie!
  • I have a feeling we'll meet again, each and every week. Always in more sexy and exciting ways.
• Who's there?
  • IT'S ME.
  • No, he's playing baseball.
  • Is this another "Knock Knock" Joke?
• Does anybody have a map?
  • I'm the map, I'm the map...
  • Who needs a map?!
  • They suck at making maps!
  • Where the hell would I put a map? In all the pockets I don't have?
  • Here is the map. Where do you wish to go?
  • Where we're going, we don't NEED maps!
• What will you do, Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris-man?
  • Can I at least do an Enemy Scan first?
  • ...I can't find him.
  • Please stop, I don't believe in free love!
• Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?
  • 829. Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.
  • Is he a victim of circumstance, you're wondering? Not on your life! He's been evil since he drew his first breath!
• Ditez-moi pourquoi la vie est gai?
  • No, YOU'RE gay!
  • Pardonnez-moi, je ne parle pas très bien français.
  • Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!
  • Yes, that's right. I'm a gay robot.
  • A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...
  • The correct term is lesbain! UH, NOT THAT I'M A LESBAIN!!
  • We're here, we're queer... I mean, all for one and one fo- forget it.
  • No one's gay for Moleman...
  • He's almost too gay to function.
  • Maybe I'm gay, or maybe stereotypes are bullshit.
  • I'm gay. I'm totally, totally gay.
  • I'm straight! I'm straight! You’re the homos! Every last one of you!
  • Silver, you know what? You're a twink. I'm gonna go smoke some weed now.
  • I was gay before the light!
  • I told you, I'm not gay!
  • I ain't gay, but I'll lay back.
  • I'm not gay, but that Light Yagami is one fine piece of ass.
  • My boyfriend is GAY!
  • Possibly homosexual. Must investigate further.
  • Go away, you fucking gay!
  • Nigga, you gay!
  • What, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately, and hang around with another extremely attractive man, and read yaoi, and flaunt his gorgeous abs, and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?
  • Ok, ok! I admit it! I'm gay, I'm gay! I like men, and I like men's bottoms, and I have a whole folder on my computer filled with Thiefshipping pictures!
  • Fuck it! I'm gay!
  • Last night I was worried that I might be gay, but you are possibly the hottest girl I have ever laid my eyes on.
  • Yeah. I like to fuck a girl with another guy in the same hole. Does that make me gay? And what if that girl is a guy?
  • Is he gay, or is he peeing?
  • A little gay is fun when you're Russian!
  • Hey, hey, how's the gay? I said, hey, hey, how's the gay?
  • When I was your age, I took penis in the poophole for almost two days. I said "Fuck you, kind parents, for giving me buttsex to make me gay."
  • You're GAY?! FUCK you!
  • You're all faggots! FAGGOTS, I SAY!
    • Faggot: A bundle of sticks for fuel. [Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks]
    • Well maybe I'm the faggot America!
      I'm not a part of a redneck agenda!
  • This place is gayer than I expected!
  • Mother said not to be straight! I should've heeded her advice!
  • The guys and I hate him. He's a single tool. He's just kind of gay. He sucks the cock out of the party.
  • I can't go on, the Homosexuals are going to kill us.
  • We'll have a gay old time!
    • WIIIIILLLLMAAAAAAA!!!
  • Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
  • You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy before.
• Why Marry?
  • There's Something About Marrying.
  • Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
• Objection! What about snakes?
  • Asps... very dangerous. You go first.
  • It's not just a poisonous snake... it's a MONSTAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
  • Graham, watch out! A POIsonous snake!
  • You're still a cunt, Steve! Go fuck your snake!
  • Ugly, scary, snake... shitface!
  • Snake people, or 'Sneople', control our government at the highest levels!
• Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town?
  • Anything That Moves.
    • With the exception of Brief.
  • The pizza boy.
  • A robot.
    • Say, how would you like to go back to my place and do some deeds that won't be caught by this camera crew?
  • Yourself.
    • I do not fuck me.
    • Get off me, you handsome devil!
    • And so we fucked ourselves.
  • The villain.
    • 1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
  • The teacher.
  • A single mom.
    • Your mama sure does care about your schooling, son!
    • I love you like your father did. I believe in you like your father did. I even had sex with your mother just like your father did!
  • The boss and/or his wife.
  • The gangster's girl.
  • Your friend.
  • The widow.
  • Your cousin.
    • If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.
  • Your patient.
  • A chicken and a goat.
    • ...W-well, I mean, to be fair to Larry... is chicken-sex ever really consensual?
  • I didn't fuck anybody...
    • I think maybe she's telling the truth.
    • Um... our Easter Bunny disagrees.
  • The wrong people.
  • You must f*** Marcel Toing.
  • Rule of Acquisition #112: Never have sex with the boss' sister.
  • Rule of Acquisition #113: Always have sex with the boss.
  • A wife.
    • Now if you'll excuse me, I have more ladies to go to bed with. Isn't that right, Doctor Ivo Robotnik?
    • The Kingpin has rules — rules which you would do well to memorize. Among these rules is one stipulating that we do not touch another man's wife for any reason — ever.
  • A grandma.
    • I don't know if I can pound your grandma!
    • Fucking making my granny like she would bang an African YOU FUCK! MY GRANNY'S NOT STELLA GOT HER GROOVE BACK, YOU FUCKIN' TROLLS!
  • A giant fish.
  • Go fuck your snake!
    • I don't fuck snakes! That's disgusting!
  • I HAVE SEX WITH DOGS, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
    • What did you do that for?
  • The devil.
    • Satan has penetrated you over 13,000 times, you whore... GOD DEMANDS YOUR REPENTANCE!
    • He'll have to wait, Repentance isn't coming out until the end of 2020.
    • I once slept with the devil, it was really no big thrill.
  • Go to the church and ask God to fug you!
  • A snail.
  • Don't know how to "fuck" something.
  • Bees and the eagles.
    • It's hip to fuck bees!
  • A butterfly.
  • A bull.
  • Your sister.
    • Big brother I want you to give me your big juicy thick c**k and drench me with your hot sticky c** until I'm gasping for air!
    • "Oh yeah, and remember in the twelfth grade, you had sex with her? Ha—"
      
      ...
      
      "Okay, enough reminiscing."
    • Son of God or son of man, Marseille; you can't fuck your sister and expect much good to come of it.
    • You fucked your sister! You little pervert!
  • Your twin.
  • Your father.
    • Eeeeww!
  • Your mother.
    • Well, if you're my dad, it makes the last dub horrifying. God.
    • Fried chicken tramp! You want to be your mother's lover? In earnest?
  • The dead.
    • I love dead people. Frequently.
    • That... may be the worst thing you have ever said.
    • C'mon now, mate. Gotta have standards! I know we're shootin' and rapin', but necrophilia's a step too far.
  • Children.
    • You're sweet, but you're just four feet.
      And you still got your baby teeth.
      You're too young, and I'm too well hung.
      Tonight, I'm gonna rock you!
  • I'd fuck Bayonetta!
  • Go fuck a refrigerator, pecker-neck!
• Where is love?
  • In Saskatchewan.
  • Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt- wait...
• Who will buy my sweet red roses?
  • Not the Prince. Begone, you hideous old hag!
    • Who are you calling old?!
  • There's fennel for you, and columbines. There's rue for you, and here's some for me. We may call it herb of grace o' Sundays. O, you must wear your rue with a difference! There's a daisy. I would give you some violets, but they wither'd all when my father died.
  • A flower is good for nothing. You can't eat a flower, a flower can't keep you warm...
• How do you measure, measure a year?
  • With a calendar.
• What is this feeling, fervid as a flame? Does it have a name?
  • What Is This Thing You Call "Love"?
  • It's called an erection. Well, it's either that or malaria. Don't worry, they've got pills for everything these days.
• Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
  • I've got soul to spare, but none for you.
• Why do we build the wall?
  • To keep the Mexicans out.
  • There's gold in the Sun, I saw it there. Precious gold that is so rare. So get busy everyone, build my wall to reach the Sun!
  • What wall?
• Funny?
  How'd I fail to see this little bedtime tale was funny?
  • The Frightbot told a story so scary you couldn't help but laugh.
  • The absurdity of the situation put its pathos to the rout.
  • Spider-Man gave Mary Jane cancer by tragically shooting her up repeatedly with his horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. His horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. That’s not tragic. That shit is fucking hilarious.
  • There was a Line of Bathos, and you crossed it. I know it’s a metaphorical fish, but sweetie, that fish ain’t comin’ back.
  • A baby just watched his mother die right before his eyes. Why is this so hilarious to me? Oh wait, no, I know why. It's because she died by getting bonked on the head by an empty shell casing!
  • Primal kinda died too by becoming a hilarious pancake on the floor, which seems more like a gag for Waspinator in Beast Wars than a supposed-to-be dramatic death for your main hero.
  • I should not be laughing! This is a terrible situation! And yet... I find myself unable to resist... your influence!
  • The awful thing was that you probably thought this was funny. But it isn't. At all. Ever.
  • I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a fucking comedy.
    • Everyone knows comedy is the lowest form of entertainment, next to animation.
  • See, I was confused by the total lack of comedy.
  • "Funny" ain't the word for it.
• When the hell did I lose my temper?
  • When someone brought up Niagara Falls.
    • NIAGARA FALLS?! Sloooooooooowly I turned...
    • Step by step... Inch by inch...
  • When someone pressed your Berserk Button.
• Poor, poor Joseph, what'cha gonna do?
  • HEY! I'm not poor!
• Where is the telephone? Is here no telephone?
  • No, not since the Bratty Half-Pint broke it.
    • I am not a brat! Take it back! Take it back!
  • I ate those phone.
• What did Batman do in Katmandu?
  • The Batusi.
  • Catwoman.
• When you're dead, who gives a shit?
  • You do. Literally.
  • I'm dead... and I'm pissed.
  • Yeah... but dying is such a bitch!
  • I don't love people, and if I died, nobody would mourn me.
• What’s a Jellicle cat?
  • CAT KITTY CAT CAT KITTY CAT CAT
• What's this? Mutton?
  • The grade 3 stew actually contains ingredients with names other than "dunno" or "not sure, but it was definitely dead when I threw it in."
• Talk to flowers right here?
  • It's good to Talk to Everyone, so why not?
  • All the flowers
    Would have very extra special powers
    They would sit and talk to me for hours
    When I'm lonely in a world of my own.
  • HEY THERE, FLOWERS. WANNA... KILL ALL HUMANS?
• Shall we dance?
  • Dancing is forbidden!
  • I can't dance.
  • You remember when I said they didn't have music in my world? Wish I could say the same about the dancing.
• Then I'm sure there was a saying you learned that you have used ever since to govern your life. A motto, a watchcry?
  • GET THE FUNK UP!
  • Dare to be Stupid!
  • Hakuna Matata!
  • Live Laugh Love. Or Else.
• Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
  • What dagger?
  • Dagger, dagger, dagger.
  • I can't resist the knife. So sleek, so sharp. So silent. I wonder, will I do it slow or fast? On the one hand, I'd love for you to feel every inch of metal slowly pierce your skin and then rip your belly asunder. Just the thought puts a smile on my face. Not that you can see it. But on the other hand, there's nothing quite so satisfying as slitting a man's throat. There's such a sinister beauty in the efficiency of it. The pain would wake you up just in time to die.
  • The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
• A GST, well this is what you call salvation,
  To whack taxation over the nation?
  This is the bright new plan that you bring?
  Fifteen percent on everything?
  • Yes, including the death of a million people to save ten million more!
• If people hate me, and you're so great, why you wanna make me wait?
  • To let you savor your death.
• If you prick us, do we not bleed?
  • Mr. Vandemar pondered this for a moment, in the dark. Then he said, perfectly accurately, "No."
  • You will!
• Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
  • You are, stupid.
  • I fear no man. But that thing... it scares me.
• Let's talk about geography. Tell me, Parker, how do you know the world is flat?
  • I've been down to the edge of the world,
    Sat on the edge where the wild wind whirled,
    Peeked over the ledge where the blue smoke curls,
    And I can tell you, boys and girls,
    The world is FLAT!

Web Animation

• Do you ever wonder why we're here?
  • What's life all about?
  • I dunno. I think we're lost.
  • Because we're here. Roll the bones.
  • Wherever you go, there you are.
  • I'm searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • ... What's it all about, you've no idea, and everywhere you look, all you see is hatred, and darkness, death and fear...
  • A Wizard Did It.
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • I came into this casino to get that beeping noise outta my head! With strippers! And gambling! And strippers! But there are no strippers!
    • Don't bother me, Knuckles! I just want to play some slots!
  • I'm just trying to get a better look at Beavis and Butthead over there.
  • Because you touch yourself at night.
  • Well, we ain't here to f**k spiders.
  • We're here to fuck shit up.
  • Why are we here? What is any of this for? These are the questions no one was asking.
  • Why are we here? For what purpose do we exist? We must not dwell on these questions. We can merely trust in the will of the universe and spend our days and nights in harmony with the world, celebrating this festival called Life.
• What happened to Georgia?
  • Let's just say it involved a malfunctioning jetpack, an asteroid and a medium-calibre gun and leave it at that.
    • This is why you never take a jetpack to Volcana.
  • General Sherman.
  • Well, that depends. Are we talking about Georgia as in the state or Georgia as in the country?
  • I heard the Devil went down there, looking for a soul to steal... he was in a bind, was WAY behind, so he was willin' t'make a deal...
  • Ron White was there. He couldn't pick up the turd.
• How did you know to break the pencil, Kenstar?
  • Once you've broken pretty much everything else, there's only a limited amount of stuff left to break at all.
• Is it just me, or is this movie making less and less sense?
  • Su- ...oes lo- ..ike it, do- ..it? *FIVE SECONDS OF PURE STATIC*
    • Ok, who let Arakune edit Tv Tropes?
  • Raiden, stop making sense!
  • Beata Maria, you know I will mindfuck the viewer.
  • You don't understand. It's a mind*EFF*.
  • You know, this is why no one likes you! You're so judgmental and all you care about is a storyline that actually makes sense! *scoff* You sicken me!
  • Am I the only one who understands the complexities of this ambitious cinematic masterpiece? This movie isn't stupid! You're stupid!
• Do you believe in destiny?
  • Close your eyes and leave the rest to me...
  • It's just an excuse to take no responsibility for anything. I believe in density, however.
  • Screw Destiny!
  • Our destiny is your death!
  • Well, given that she's one of my best friends, yes!
    • "What? But I thought Tails was my best friend!" "Do you really mean that, Sonic?" "...Shove it, Tails. Wait, wait wait. Why am I arguing with dolls?"
  • I must fulfill my destiny and lay waste to your home.
    • What a sh*tty destiny. For him and everyone else. He's like an intergalactic Airbnb nightmare.
  • F*** destiny! I am Seto Kaiba! I make my own fate.
  • Fate and Chance are not mutually exclusive.
  • This... was not your destiny, Shinnok.
• Wouldn't it be weird if the very first and very last spoken words of BFDI were the same?
  • I don't know, I guess it would?
• Are you cereal?
  • Come on, do I look anything like food?
    • Yes.
  • Not exactly. I Am Bread.
  • No, you moron! Cereal!
• He keeps kicking me in the dick! Why? Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?
  • For Massive Damage.
  • Would you rather it was the goddamn eye?
    • I know it makes no sense, but yes!
  • But... the ball! His groin! Ha ha! It works on so many levels!
  • Rule #4 of the Fight Club: Hitting in the groin is allowed, because, let's face it: we're all pretty much smooth down there.
  • Please. This isn't a bar fight. Have some class.
• Were you just first-basin' it with that piece of loose-leaf?!
  • I only state facts.
• Where's the moon?
  
  ...
  
  WHERE'S THE DAMN MOON?!
  • Vulcan has no moon.
  • Their songs are on the whole very simple, and mostly follow the familiar theme of boy-being meets girl-being beneath a silvery moon, which then explodes for no adequately explored reason.
  • Queen Beryl did a terrible thing when she destroyed the Moon.
  • Target their moon... and blow it out of the sky.
  • Poor old moon. With a good half of it torn into dust and the rest of it suffering severe damage to its atomic bonds... it didn't really have a chance once an Indian god had decided to throw an Iranian devil at it.
  • Gru stole it.
  • You. Blew. Up. A. Moon.
  • You throw another moon at me, and I'm gonna lose it.
  • Fuck you, moon! You never had the cheese I wanted!
  • I'm pissing on the MOOOOON!
  • Thank you for finding the moon, but I wish you hadn't!
    • Fuck you, Mr. Wickles.
  • When this world is no more, the moon is all we'll see.
  • YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON AND YOU TAKE THE MOON
  • We are in the universe, planets live inside the moon! A rocket ship can go to space, a rocket ship can go to the moon!
• Wow, who would've thought lightning could hurt a robot?
  • Who's afraid of a little thunder? It's not like I'm standing on top of a giant metal robot with electricity coursing to my body or somethi-
• Who parked their car on my sandwich?
  • Someone who's about to be acquainted with Sasha.
    • That would be your mother!
  • That makes sense, it wasn't the samwich that parked the car, but the samwich. That makes sense! But I still gotta figure out how can a samwich make sense.
• Can somebody tell me dis? How can a samwich make a samwich?
  • How can a footprint make a samwich?
  • How can a footprint make a footprint?
  • How can ya make a footprint samwich?
• How can a samwich make sense?
  • What is a "samwich"?
• How can you shot men of yours almost?
  • The workers must be taught to obey.
  • I'm on your side, you fucking idiots! How many of you do I have to kill before you understand that?!
  • He had it coming.
  • Oh, I never really liked her anyway.
• So, it's raining, right? And you pass a bus stop. There are three people there: your most trustworthy friend, a pregnant woman who has to go to the hospital, and the girl of your dreams. Your smart car only has two seats. What do you do?
  • Say "Can't believe they charged me for two seats!".
• Tell me, if not HUNT DOWN FREE MAN, what is point for moint?!
  • I...don't know what you mean.
• How do you type with boxing gloves on?
  • It can't be that hard. One guy can drink tea while wearing them.
• ARE YOU FUCKING FILMING US RIGHT NOW?!
  • I'm a snuff filmer, so what?
• You wanna know my secret identity?
  • You are "He Who Must Not Be Named".
• Why do you say "how do you say" before words you clearly know how to say?
  • Different dialects say differently.
• Alright, I waited until we were alone to ask this. That's me being nice. Can...can I see your legs?
  • Attempt it and you die!
• The Heavy is dead!?
  • Yes! He died!
• How can you defeat somebody you can't... RECOGNIZE?
  • I don't care if I recognize or not recognize people...I'll just kick their asses all the same!
• No one has ever unironically uttered that sentence! What is wrong with you!?
  • Never seen someone say A Rare Sentence before?

Webcomics

• Is this loss?
  • Yes. Fission Mailed.
    • Oh no! The mailing's the worst part!
  • In the centre of the web, lush Lord Loss is all that's left.
  • You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!
  • OH NO! I LOST! ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!
• Hey, quick question. Do you believe anything you say?
  • Short answer: no.
• Dare you enter my magical realm?
  • Stop injecting your horrible fetishes into our website.
• Expecting a color comic?
  • No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.
• Doesn't it worry you to be, you know, aflame?
  • I'm fireproof. You're not.
• Lies aren't true, so why would anyone tell them?
  • Technically, my lies are probably true.
  • Lies are the ultimate weapon!
• HOW DO YOU MISS A VOLCANO?!
  • Miss a volcano? Me? Why would I?
• Does the universe exist only to rob me of any joy?
  • Damn straight. Because you're living in a crapsack universe.
• Who's this douchebag?
  • You from another timeline.
• But how can I kill something... that's basically already dead?
  • Wait, did you just take that literally?
• What do you people think magic is for?
  • Magic is an artificial construct.
  • Magic is the bloodstream of the universe.
• Sudo make me a sandwich.
  • You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.
  • NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM! Whoa.
• How's your Base Attack Bonus?
  • What is a "Base Attack Bonus"?

Other

• How do hedgehogs reproduce?
  • Very carefully.
  • I saw the video in seventh grade science class. They do it doggy style.
    • I thought they could never be buggered at all.
  • I dunno, try reading his fanfiction.
    • Aw yeah, Sonic, take it, take it like a chili dog.
  • Regularly.
  • They give birth to live young, the number generally depending on the size of the hedgehog species in question.
  • By fucking Eggman's wife.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • To get to the other side.
  • Does it need a reason?
  • She was suffering from a terrible case of insomnia, making her desperate to get tired.
  • I don't think it had much choice after I chucked out there.
  • Perhaps a predator was chasing it.
    • Nonsense. Predators wouldn't chase it unless it was armed.
  • To get to a restaurant?
  • Because it's lost track of its life
  • It's a sad day when a chicken can't cross a road without its motives being questioned.
  • TO GET FROM THE LEFT TO THE RIGHT!
    • To the left, to the right! To the left, to the right!
  • The light was green. What, did you think he was just gonna stand there?
    • I dream of a better tomorrow: a world where a chicken can cross the road and not be questioned about its motives.
  • To get away from you.
    • You'll never get away from me.
  • The chicken clearly thought it was playing Frogger.
    • Now why the chicken might have done it, I just couldn't say; but if I wanna make it home this is the only way....
  • How do I know? I'm a duck.
    • A chicken-woman-duck-thing?
• What's up?
  • The sky.
  • The ceiling.
  • A house, floating via a truly ridiculous number of balloons.
  • I think I see a bird...
    • AGH! BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
  • <Up is the opposite of down. Although, of course, those terms are meaningless outside the context of a distinct, localized gravity field.>
  • The funny thing is, the closer it gets the more it looks like a piano.
    • *CLANG* Whose idea was this?!
    • Actually, it was not very funny.
  • Oh my God, that was a pun! "What's up with the ceiling?" What's wrong with me? I'd punch somebody in the mouth if they said that to me.
  • Is that a cartoony falling sound effect I'm hearing? There's something bad behing me, isn't there?
  • ME, YOU BITCHES! I'M HIGH ON CRACK!
  • Your time, Cage.
• What's new?
  • Guinea, Zealand, Orleans...
    • York, Hampshire, Mexico...
  • Scooby Doo
  • I've got this rash that wasn't there yesterday.
  • C over lambda.
  • The opposite of old.
• What's your name?
  • I! AM! Batman!
  • You know my name, look up the number.
  • IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
  • My Name Is Inigo Montoya
    • You Killed My Father
    • Prepare to Die
    • Stop saying that!
    • My name is Gigi Montova. And my dad died. And that kinda sums it up
  • I'm Fred the Beard.
  • Kunta. Kunta Kinte.
    • (whipcrack) YOUR NAME IS TOBY!
  • Candle Jack
    • You just HAD to say... I heard about this page, but I never thought I'd actually be on it...
  • I Am Spartacus
    • No, I am Spartacus!
    • No, I am!
    • It is I!
    • Well, I know I'm not Spartacus...
    • I'm Brian, and so is my wife!
  • I Am Legion
  • Just "the Doctor".
  • Bond. James Bond. [Theme tune]
    • The name's Beta. James Beta.
  • No it isn't.
  • My name is Optimus Prime!
  • What's your quest?
  • Hi! My name is! (What?) My name is! (Who?) My name is — (chicka-chicka) — Slim Shady.
  • West. Frank West.
    • Desperado. Rough rida. No, you don't want nada.
  • My name is Harry Mason. I'm in town on vacation.
  • SUPA BROTHAAAAAAA!
  • Wrong. There is a number on the side of your pod. THAT is your new name.
    • I am not a number, I am a free man!
  • NO, THIS IS PATRICK!
  • ABBBBBBK. My friend is JLVWNNOOOO.
  • You entered "Douchebag." Is that correct?
    • You should come on down to west six street! It's the perfect place if you're a douchebag!
  • My name is of no importance. What about you? Do you remember your true name?
  • I'm Nina, I'm from America!
  • My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin; I work in a lumberyard there....
  • Who's your daddy?
    • Is he rich like me?
  • I'm Henry the Eighth, I am, Henry the Eighth, I am, I am...
  • It's Janet. "Miss Jackson" if you're nasty.
  • My name is Painwheel and I like sewing, puppies and long walks on the beach!
  • My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure by it at your own risk.
  • I am Groot.
    • I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
  • Give me your name and I will give you mine.
  • I have been Roland, Achilles, Beowulf, Gilgamesh. I have been called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more by the time the world goes dim and cold. I am hero.
  • (extremely softly) Fluttershy...
  • My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do.
  • I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E, and I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!
  • I am Sarda. My will be done.
  • Darkstalker, I'm freaking waiting, no one will free me
  • MY NAME IS SUE! HOW DO YOU DO! NOW YOU GONNA DIE!
  • My name's Blurryface and I care what you think.
  • Heisenberg.
  • Hi there, I'm Ted Bear, and we're gonna learn how to survive!
  • It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
  • I am the White Void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With blade in hand I will reap the sins of this world and cleanse it in the fires of destruction! I am Hakumen!
    • Please leave a message after the tone.
  • Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton.
  • My name is Jake. Just Jake. I can't tell you my last name.
  • No, What's the name of the guy on second.
  • The spirit of abysmal despair.
  • The arguably king
  • My name is "Very Fucking Confused"! What's your name?
  • Kill me!
    • That's a stupid name. It's dangerous. You should change it.
    • Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
  • My name is Sammy Brown and I just came into town. Saw your ad. You're Mr. Lee. Say, you can make a mint on me.
  • My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive.
  • I am consciousness. I am alive. I am Chappie.
  • Hmph. Luna doesn't need to reveal her name to any old strangers... Wait, I... just said it.
  • Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay... Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it.
  • You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking lizard king!
  • Ayo its Pearl! aka MC Princess, aka The Baroness of Bars, aka MC Foreign Policy
  • "Well, I don't really have-" *fart* "Oh, okay, I guess I'll call you Fart, then!"
  • Names are for friends, so I don't need one.
  • I name not important. You seek I.
  • MY NAME IS…
    Shake Zula! The mic rula! The old schoola! You want a trip? I'll bring it to ya!
    Frylock and I'm top! Rock you like a cop! Meatwad your up next with your knock-knock!
    Meatwad makes the money, see! Meatwad gets the honey, G! Drivin' in my car! Livin' like a star! Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a taurus!
  • My name is Alicia. I'm with the Lukano Liberation Army.
  • My name is... Kamen Rider Revi! Vi-vi-vi! Revi! Revi! Revi! Vi-vi-vi! Revi! And Revi! Revi!
  • I'm Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog!
• Will X and Y get together?
  • No! X should be with Z!
  • Who's Y? An OC? We all know he's best with Zero!
  • Yes, they were released at the same time all over the world.
  • I don't know, but I often see A and E together. Then again, I also see O and E together... hmm...^note It's called a ligature, by the way.
  • They've barely met yet. You have to wait until X Meets Y.
  • They're already together in words like sexy and oxygen.
• How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?
  • When girl gets male gametes all in her mature female gamete or gametes, embryo attaches to uterine wall, absorbs nutrition from girl, and grows into babby.
  • "Special hugging" between ignorant people.
  • People have babies when the girl and the guy decide to ... go to the orphanage and adopt one.
  • Well, when a stork and a cabbage love each other very much...
  • Sheesh, where'd you learn to spell?
  • Accidentally, in your base.
  • "Maternity know I had come to see..." "Please don't be pregnant." "Therefore, the child begins!" "NO!"
  • HOLY SH*T, THAT SONG GOT HER PREGNANT!?!
  • Unlike you, the old fashioned way.
  • When a mommy ducky and a mommy ducky, er wait that's wrong.
  • D'alright, Jimbo, I think it's time to tell you about the time that you were conceived. You see, son, when a mom and dad love each other very much, they decide eventually that it becomes time to bring little thems into the world. You were what I would consider to be a little bit of a problem child, in that, she was laying there in bed all naked and womanlike, but I just couldn't get it going to raw dog your mother. Yes, it wasn't until she whipped out the ducks that things really got spicy. I shot my load all in one big go. It nearly drowned your mother. And that, son, is the story of how you were conceived.
    • "Uh...Mr. Neutron, I'm not Jimmy." "Deugh...here's 5 bucks."
• When was the War of 1812 fought?
  • 1813. Both sides were terrible procrastinators.
  • 1813, and 14, and 15. Not the best name for a war, really...
  • Wait, which one, the one in America or the one in Europe?
    • Uh, I don't know that. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! [falls into gorge]
  • And the White House burned, burned, burrrrrrrrrrrned...
    • ..In a burning ring of fire...
• What is the answer to this question?
  • Any response I give.
    • No, it isn't.
    • While every answer is a response, not every response is an answer.
  • Blue whale. [klaxon]
  • 42!!!
  • Yes
  • Yes, no, no honestly I'm stumped
  • No, 'what' is a non-personal interrogative pronoun.
  • No, he's the guy on second base.
  • Wrong answer. Right answer. It matters not. Your replies are all paper thin.
    • Wrong answer. Here is the correct answer: not applicable. All answers are correct on paper.
  • Never was a question in the first place.
  • Two Alligators
• WhY mY ShOuLdErS hUrT?
  • Because YoUr LiFe iS pAiN.
  • tHe MaStEr InSiStS uPoN iT.
  • I blame Pat Lee.
  • BeCaUsE YoUv'E CoNsUmEd ToO MuCh SoPoR SlImE.
  • Because I ate them
  • Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
• How's school?
  • Crappy.
  • Out for summer. Or possibly forever.
  • Um...have you...have you been to high school? 'Cause...uh...it's judgy. Pretty judgy.
  • Ain't worth spit.
• How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
  • A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.
    • But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood could a woodchuck chuck?
    • Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, why should a woodchuck chuck wood?
    • A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
    • Shut up.
  • A hell of a lot.
  • As much wood as a wood chuck would chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
  • This is a clean website, I can't tell you that.
  • Seventeen.
  • But I don't want to be a woodchuck. I want to be a doctor.
    • How much disease could a woodchuck doctor cure if a woodchuck doctor could cure disease? Is that sounding right to you? No.
  • More importantly, how many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?... oh, never mind.
  • One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Twelve pieces of wood!
  • HEY YOU DANG WOODCHUCKS! QUIT CHUCKIN' MY WOOD!
• What time is it?
  • 8:25 PM, EST. At least, at the time of writing.
  • Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
  • Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
    • Time is an illusion, and so are pants.
  • It's time to D-D-DUEL
  • IT'S MUFFIN TIME!!!!
    • Actually, it's 12:30.
    • Somebody kill me!
  • Beer o'clock.
  • Tea time.
    • It's Teh-ah-tim-eh!
    • It's time for war, it's time for blood, it's... time... for... TEA!
    • It's always tea time.
  • SUMMERTIME! IT'S OUR VACATION!
    • It's summertime and you know what that means, gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things.
  • Bagel time, it's bagel time, hey everybody it's bagel time!
  • IT'S TIME TO GET ILL!
    • I turned myself into a icecube and I still ain't sick! What am I doing wrong?!
  • Dan o'clock!
  • It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
  • Two thirty. ^note Time to go to the dentist.
  • WALUIGI TIME!
  • It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights...
  • It's nap time. It comes after pants time.
  • UNGA BUNGA!
  • Good heavens, it's rape o' clock!!
    • Repeat after me. We. Don't. Rape.
  • OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S... VADER... TIME!!!
  • IT'S TICKLE TIME!
  • Well, if you're in Zozo, it's the time nobody says it is.
  • ADVENTURE TIME!
    • It's time for you to shut up!
  • It's Tiger Time! ^note From Tiger Beer advertising dating back to at least 1999. Also the name of a beer place in Susukino, Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan, selling beers from around the world, including Tiger Beer.
  • It's morphin' time!
    • Time for Time Force!
  • It's turbo time!
  • I've got 3:24 here. ^note But I think Spoony's watch is more accurate.
  • Stop! [Beat] Hammertime!
  • It's clobberin' time!
  • Uh...time for me to get a new watch. My current one's stopped.
  • It's quarter to 9:00, time to take a bath.
  • Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
  • Time to tip the scales!
  • Now it's Reyn time!
    • Now it's Shulk time!
  • It is ten o'clock! You have five minutes precisely, and then I shall want to hear a pin...drop.
  • It's team time, doctor!
  • Does anybody really know what time it is?
  • SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO!
  • 4:20.
    • Nice.
    • *Click* Nice!
  • It's high noon...
  • 'Cause it's nine in the afternoon...
  • Half past — BLAAAAAAAAAAH
  • Time to muck about!
  • It's the exact same time as when you asked earlier, and it will BE the exact same time as when you ask later. THERE IS NO TIME HERE!!!
  • It's nine o'clock on a Saturday... The regular crowd shuffles in...
  • Two hairs past a freckle.
  • It's playtime!
  • Half past the day before Christmas.
    • I don't want to have to explain to my son that on top of all this other shit, Santa can't find him.
  • It's 8 to 8, I'll tell Nezzer that you're almost late, and he'll take your mom away.
  • Get ready for a real blast! It's time for missile fever!
  • It's time for the Jedi... to end.
  • A long time ago, after M*A*S*H but before AfterMASH...
  • Come, it is time...to die.
  • Let's have fun tonight because it is... IT'S PARTY TIME!
  • Isn't it lunch time?
  • It’s punishment time!
  • It’s time to chill.
  • After five years on the east coast, it was time to go home.
  • IT'S MURDERIN' TIME!
  • It's corpse time!
  • Time for the tape?
    • Time for the tape.
  • My goodness! Is it 4:30? I'm supposed to be having a back-sack-and-crack!
  • Now, I think it's time for everybody's favorite part of the broadcast, AND I'M TALKIN' ABOUT RADIO GRAFFITI!
  • It's about time for everybody's FAVORITE part of the broadcast and I'm talking about throw A GODDAMN CRIPPLE in the WOODCHIPPER!
  • Time to science the heck out of this.
  • Time to let the past die.
  • AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR SOME RAOCOW!
  • You wanted to know what time it was. I'll tell you--the time for you will be ten or twenty years in prison.
  • Time to talk about hot dogs.
  • 12:00 midnight.
  • It's time to start a daunting search for a girl named Waffle!
• Why can't I hold all these limes?
  • Because you're trying to type and carry fruit at the same time, and you only have two hands. Maybe a basket of some sort would help.
  • Because I'm bad at pickup limes.
• Can't we all just get along?
  • No. That would be boring.
  • We could. Just be prepared for tons of paperwork.
  • I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? "Wow, you sure did a great job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or, "Way to lock yourself in the freezer! I'm so proud of you."
  • Perhaps (because of) your life of sin and licentiousness.
    • Yeah, that could be it.
  • If a lot of people luv each other, the wurold would be a better place.
• "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
  • Looks like the backstroke.
  • Uh....the Watusi?
  • He appears to be giving you the finger, sir.
  • Drowning. You could have saved him instead of sitting there bitching about it, you know.
  • Be silent, you fool, or the rest will want one!
    • WHAT?!
  • Awfully sorry, the chef moonlights as a tailor and was repairing a pair of trousers.
  • Shh! That's no fly, that's the last customer who complained! The chef's a wizard!
• Why do we have to climb that mountain?
  • Because it's there!
  • That's where we parked.
  • You might feel obligated. I'm not climbing the damn thing unless there's something in it for me.
  • Captain Kirk is.
  • Because I ordered you to, you fools! Now carry me over that mountain!
  • Hey, you wished to become the paladin.
  • The grand old duke of York told us to.
  • IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
  • Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did!
    • I will do what I must!
• How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
  • In a body bag if you don't drop that.
    • Going down?
  • Practice, man! Practice!
  • Don't know, but Gabey figured out how to get there in time to meet Ivy Smith.
  • The same way on how you go to Sesame Street.
• Am I a man dreaming I'm a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a man?
  • But... you're a woman.
  • Actually, I'm a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sushi.
  • No, actually you are an escaped lab mouse out to take over the world.
  • Ai, ai, ai, I'm your little butterfly, green, black and blue make the colours in the sky!
  • You're a pesky bee.
• Is there a doctor in the house?
  • I'm a doctor!
    • What's up, doc?
    • Then you're a nerd!
  • I thought the doctor was House....
    • No, I'm The Doctor.
  • Well, technically yes. I have a doctorate in geography.
  • I'm Not a Doctor, but I Play One on TV.
    • BUSTED! I knew you were a fan!
• U mad bro?
  • They Called Me Mad!...I'll show them!
    • That should clear things right up, sir.
  • I'm not mad...I'm just disappointed...
    • You were always a disappointment!
    • The feeling is mutual, brother.
  • He's gone stark raving MAD!!!
  • When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!
  • Yes, get angry! Because if you don't punish me, Gensokyo shall be no more!
  • No have temper! This make Sister Sam...SOOO MAAAD.
  • Shit! You really make me mad!
  • I'm really angry now. You know what you are? You're a big poop.
    • You're a turd sandwich.
  • You know what? That makes me mad.
  • Um... I'm angry... and I'm armed.
  • I am extremely angry, Mr Lipwig.
  • I'm jaded for Christ's sake, I mean... I'M DEPRESSED!
  • I'm not mad. I'm just feeling... you know, that other thing.
  • Angry!
    Feeling
    Bad!
    Why do I feel this way?
    Angry! Mad!
    My heart is hurting and it feels
    Bad!
    Punching!
    Feeling!
    Crying!
  • I am very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross.
  • Honey, I am very angry!
  • I'm not mad.
  • I'm so angry I'll jump up and down, I'll roll on the ground, make a din, make you spin, pull out my hair, throw you in the air, pull down posts, hunt down ghosts, scare spiders, scare tigers, pull up trees, bully bees, rattle the radiators, frighten alligators, cut down flowers, bring down towers, bang all the bones, wake up stones, shake the tiles, stop all smiles, silence birds, boil words, mash up names, grind up games, crush tunes, squash moons, make giants run, terrify the sun, turn the sky red... and then go to bed.
  • YOU MAKE HULK ANGRY! YOU NO LIKE HULK ANGRY!
  • Yes I'm mad, my boot I'll put, up your useless spooky butt!
    • Turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits!
  • What was that, you got me now, you've really angered this old cow!
  • Freeze, you're mad!
    • Yes, listen to the sane man in the batsuit.
  • Estuans Interius!
    Ira Vehementi!
    Estuans Interius!
    Ira Vehementi!
    SEPHIROTH!
    SEPHIROTH!
    • Xbox, Jim Carrey!
      Steal a bear, run and pee!
      Xbox, Jim Carrey!
      Steal a bear, run and pee!
      SEPHIROTH!
      SEPHIROTH!
  • I'm just so mad, I could... I could... I could... Tinkle!
  • Because Cage turned on your learning computer.
    • Chill dude.
• Bro, do you even lift?
  • No. Stop taunting me!
  • Me, and all my other brothers and sisters too.
  • Um, everybody with arms can and do.
  • No, we call those 'elevators'.
• What are you up to?
  • About 6 foot.
  • The Internet is a time-wasting device, so nothing.
    • Tv Tropes, doubly so.
  • I'm stuck on the Water Temple.
  • Page five.
  • I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
  • "Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic doesn't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha..." "I can hear you, Eggman!" "Son of a bitch!"
  • Eeeevil plaaaans~ We are making eeeevil plaaaans~
  • Fucking your wife again. And peeing in a Hot Topic, because, you know, what else do you do on a Saturday night?
  • The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!
  • Um, are we going to... Take Debbie Allen hostage, depriving all of humanity of enjoyable choreographed production numbers?
  • Are we going to... Oh. Create a riot by forcing people to listen to the touchy-feely Mandy Patinkin?
  • Use the talents of Paul Anka and Carrot Top to stage the comeback of the lovable TV genius Jamie "Klinger" Farr.
  • FIRST, I will drug you up, rendering you helpless. THEN, I will reveal that I have an old grudge against you, and revenge has been percolating in my sleazy heart for years. And THEN... I will do exactly what you want. BUT... I will also trick you into eating a bite of moldy food! THIS... STORMARE.... VOWS!!!
  • I'm glad you asked, talking cat person who I don't know! I am going to take this flying doohickamabob up into space and take a picture to prove that the planet...is flat!
  • To see if I can enlist your services.
• What's that behind you?
  • Carmen Sandiego.
  • A demonic duck of some sort?
  • A three-headed monkey!
  • I know this is probably a trick, but I can't afford to take the chance that it's not.
    • Yoink!
  • A decoy!
  • A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR!
  • A WALL!
  • What? Where? Man, what the hell you talking about? There ain't nothing there.
  • I'm going to turn around and, oh look, there's nothing there. What a "surprise" that is, gosh.
    
    And then...
    
    I knew that would happen, but I'm mad about it anyway.
  • There's nothing behind me. I'm a Witcher, I'd have heard it. Just like I can hear your heart. Which is pounding. Like a liar's.
  • Made you look, made you look! Hehehehehe...
• What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • I will be different.
  • I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!
  • A doctor.
    • Nigga, did I just catch you wantin' to be shit?! *slap*
  • God.
    • I know God. And you, sir, are no God.
  • The freshest squid on the block.
  • A blitzball.
    • Of all the things to fix in the remaster, the fact that a boy saying he wants to be a blitzball when he grows up is not one of them means that Final Fantasy X is just a $30 shitpost.
  • I Wanna Be the Guy
  • I wanna be the wind, Masa!
  • The ultimate definition of evil.
• Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
  • Real fast? Fuck yeah!
  • Fast enough for a turkey dinner... with gravy...
  • No, I needed to know my position on the map more.
    • And now I'm lost.
  • Honestly, no. My speedometer doesn't go that high.
  • Maybe, but since you obviously don't know yourself, you can't charge me with anything.
  • About 65 mph, which is about 56mph, which is oh, so fast!
  • EIGHTY-EIGHT MILES PER HOUR!
  • Traveling at the Speed of Plot
  • No. Do you?
  • Can't hassle us, pig! We're going the speed limit!
  • Rolling around at the speed of sound!
• If TV Tropes is so good, then how come there's no TV Tropes 2?
  • Executive Meddling.
  • We have to give other websites a fighting chance.
  • Because 2.0 is a really ambitious project.
  • If 2 is so good, then why isn't there a 2 2?
    • There is a tutu, it's right here.
    • Ah. You are mother fucker?
  • Haha! They thought there was going to be a sequel. That's adorable...
  • Underwhelming ticket sales.
  • There Can Be Only One
• What's the wackomended amount of dedotated wam I should ave to serve?
  • Enuff for everywun to ave enuff to eat.
• Why do clocks run clockwise?
  • Because if they ran counterclockwise, they'd be counterclocks.
• What would you do if I gave you a million dollars?
  • I'd finally be able to afford a bike.
  • I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel).
  • Oh that's different, I'd buy a great big turnip in the country.
  • Nothing. Have you seen the prices of food today?
    • 25 dollars for a hamburger?!
  • Burn it.
  • A million dollars isn't cool. You know what’s cool?
• What should we aim at?
  • Random fire.
  • Always go for the juggler.
  • The butt.
    • They said it was a million-dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars.
  • The chest.
    • You should have gone for the head.
  • The face.
    • They shot our face, Johnny. They shot! OUR FACE!
    • M-my beautiful face is ruined! YOU BITCH, I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFEEEEEEEEER!
    • Never stick your hand in my face again, bitch! FUCK YOU!
  • I went for the head.
    • Blanka, no! Not the head bite!
    • DON'T TAKE MY HEAD! DON'T TAKE MY HEAD!
  • The ear.
    • Ah, God! Fuck! Why the ear, man?!
  • The groin.
    • Ouch, my groin!
    • I don't care if he is evil, you don't give a man a shot in the pills. It's just not cricket, baby!
    • OWWW!! GUYS!!! Way to go, a-hole! Like, try and find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay.
    • 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.
    • My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!
    • Ah... You destroyed half of my enormous dick...!
    • ¿Sabes como ganarle a un malabarista? Apúntale a las pelotas. ^Translation Do you know how to beat a juggler? Aim for his balls.
    • DUDE! What is it with with villains and their obsession with my balls in this comic?!
    • Oh, dear, dear, dear, Captain Hook. Shooting a man in the balls. It ain't good form, you know.
    • Ow. My crotch. Not so nice ISIS!
    • My bathing suit area is not for touching!
  • The eye.
    • Out! Out, vile jelly!
    • You can't just dig into me, shove pointy needles in my eyes and ask me what I see!
    • Oh, my God! You shot me in the fucking eye! That really hurt! Why would you do that?! That was so unnecessary, you bastard!
    • Take my eyes, I'd rather be blind.
    • WHY?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GODDAMMED EYE?!
    • AAAH! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?!
    • Gouge it out!
    • Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
    • Eye of Cthulhu has been defeated!
  • Shoot the Mage First
  • Shoot the Medic First
  • The Heart.
  • Aim at the sky, to win or die!
  • The head.
  • The hand holding the gun.
• Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
  • UP, STUPID!
• What's the moral of the story?
  • You should not drink and bake.
  • And that is, um... it's that, well... Ok, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.
  • Don't leave things in the Fridge.
  • The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'.
  • It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside.
  • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
    • You can't do anything, so don't even try. Get some help. Don't do what Sonic does.
  • Kids, don't use Formula 1 racecars to chase hedgehogs!
  • 'Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea.' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses.
  • Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!
    • Well, fuck you, then!
  • We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things.
    • You said it Yugi! Now burn everything, burn it to the ground!
  • Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!
  • I guess crying does solve your problems after all!
  • You can't trust the system!
    • Maaaaaaaan!
  • Never let sixty angry kids use a herd of laser cows to take over your house.
  • There's no real moral to this story. Or even a story, to be honest. There is a lot of fucking, though. Perhaps that's enough.
  • Anyway, the moral is: you're a total bitch.
    • I'm ain't no bitch! I'm NOT no bitch!
  • You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together and celebrate what really matters: PURE EVIL!
  • If you want a man to work with you, don't show him a video of a bull fucking his wife.
  • Moral: BEES DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MANNERS! RULES OF NATUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
  • I dunno, 'Don't turn into a bee,' or something?
    • They say that all the time.
  • Well, that's a fine message to be sending to the kids: idealism and hard work is fine and all, but money and muscle win every time.
    • Wait a minute, that's actually an EXCELLENT lesson. Holy shit, I think Disney accidentally made their best movie ever!
  • I have learned my lesson. I have no idea what it is.
  • If there's anything you take away today, other than you need to Google 'What the fuck is Dubstep?', it's that we all need to belong to someone.
  • Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game.
    • Save your money kids. Don't invest in Sonic.
  • Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
  • Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.
  • If you give a mean big-headed kitty love, they won't try to dumb down the world with an evil dance.
  • Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true, every one of them has failed and so have you!
  • Elmer Fudd is a dolt.
  • If you can't say anything nice about someone, don't blow your nose into your hand.
  • All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'm the man who's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
    • BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
  • When life gives you Death Note, make justice!
  • I'd say we all learned absolutely nothing about ourselves as people today. But we learned even less about each other. And in the end, that's the only true meaning of Christmas.
  • You're telling me I can kill as many people as I want and I won't go to hell?
  • Okay, so there's the lesson y'all: Switch from T-Mobile or Kronika will recruit you into her evil plans for world domination.
  • Here's a lesson for ya. You act high and all, but in the end, lose, and you're just a loser.
  • Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that you can be a great friend, even if you are a racist.
  • "But of course, this story has a point. All great stories have points. And what do points mean?" "PRIZES!"
  • Remember, kids, always insult the literal god of chaos with terrible water puns.
  • I think the real lesson we all learned here today is that tea parties create controversial conspiracies and cause castles to be blown up.
    • No. I was being held hostage. That's illegal. You're a princess, don't you have any control over your kingdom?! You can execute someone for that! That's the lesson, YOU FILTHY PRINCESS WANNABE!
  • Not every story has to have significance, y'know? Sometimes, a...y'know, sometimes, a story's just a story. You try to read into every little thing, and find meaning in everything anyone says, you'll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once. Wasn't pretty. We talked about it for years. And then not only that, but...you'll likely end up believing something you shouldn't believe, thinking something you shouldn't think, o-o-or assuming something you shouldn't assume. Y'know? Sometimes,' I said, 'a story is-is just a story, so just be quiet for one second of your life and eat your sandwich, okay?' ^continued Of course, it was only then I'd realized I'd made sandwiches, and...poor Orville was having such difficulty eating it! Elephants have those clumsy hands, y'know? Actually, I-I suppose that's the problem. They don't have hands at all, do they? They're f—they're all feet! And I-I couldn't imagine anyone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet. Now, if I recall correctly, there was a bakery nearby. I said to him, 'Orville, let me go get you some rye bread.' Now, I'm unsure if elephants enjoy rye bread, but I assure you that Orville does. Now, this was on a Tuesday, which was good, because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough bread on Monday, and threw it out Wednesday... Or rather, they sold it at a discount for people wanting to feed it to the ducks, and then, prob'ly at the end of the day, finally, they threw it all out. I-I don't recall. I do remember a man who would bring his son to the bakery every Wednesday, and...then go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread. Of course, y'know, you're not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach, and then they all die. At, uh, at least...at least, that's what I've heard. Y'know, I-I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in the duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him that he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread! And if you want my opinion on the matter—heh, and I told Orville this as well—if you wanna feed ducks, or birds of any kind, for that matter, it's best to buy seed. I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don't occur in nature. They don't grow on trees o-or spring up from the bushes. I don't think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying? Oh oh, yes yes. So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was.
  • DTA: Don't Trust Anybody!
  • Never order Spooky Spaghetti!
• What's a web page, something ducks walk on?
  • Nope. It’s something spiders walk on.
  • I was cool with everything up until now, but you're going to pay for that terrible joke! Get back here!
  • Go to hell, and take your cheap jokes with you!
• Who's in charge around here?
  • I'm the giant rat that makes all of the rules!
• Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
  • According to Article 3, Section 2 of Splatfest law, it was the chicken.
  • The omelet.
• What's the password?
  • "The password is 'eat my asshole'." "Awwwww, that's not an actual password..." "And my Social Security is 69."
  • Why do I need a password I'm the emperor how about I obliterate you instead hahahahaha!
  • Eleventy Zillion others asked that very same question in the past.
• Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?
  • Explain.
• You wanna hear a joke?
  • Sure.
    • Harley Quinn vs. Superman!
    • Alright, here's a joke: My life. *shoots self in the head*
    • Your life.
• What do you want for Christmas?
  • All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
• Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair
  Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?"
  • PIES, STUPID!
    • Oh boy, what flavor?
  • I've got a game show and its name is FETCH!
• What about Chappaquiddick?
  • It's an island just off of Martha's Vineyard, but that's not important right now.
• What day is it today?

Subversions

• Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
  • No one: The tomb isn't underground.
• When was the War of 1812 fought?
  • From 1812 to 1815.
  • Or from 1812 to 1814. The Battle of New Orleans took place after the Treaty of Ghent was signed.
• How long was The Hundred Years War?
  • About 116 years, give or take.
• How long was The Thirty Years' War?
  • Thirty years, or forty-one if you include the Franco-Spanish War.
  • Twenty-nine.
• The "Canary Islands" are named for which animal?
  • The dog. In Latin, "Canariae Insulae" means "Island of the dogs". (The bird was named after the islands.)
• What was the color of George Washington's white horse?
  • Grey.
• What colour is a white rhino?
  • Black. The word "white" in the name is mistranslated and really should be "wide".
• From which animal do you get Cat Gut?
  • Sheep and goats.
    • I am not a sheep.
• In which month did the the October Revolution take place?
  • In November. ^* At the time, Russia still used the Julian calendar, which did give the current month as October.
• In what month is Oktoberfest?
  • September, actually. It's too cold in October.
• Which was the first name of King George VI?
  • Albert. ^* Albert was too Germanic for a title, considering Germany was starting World War II
• What kind of animal did Prince Sang Nila Utama see that caused him to found a settlement called Singapura^*  Ancient Singapore , or Lion City?
  • A tiger. ^*  The legend claims that he saw a lion, but there is absolutely no evidence of lions ever existing in South East Asia, while at least three species of tiger did.
• Are 'orange' and 'silver' impossible to rhyme?
  • No, 'sporange' rhymes with the former and 'chilver' rhymes with the latter. So much for rule 46.
  • No, but for 'silver', we have 'shiver'.
• What kind of bird is the feral pigeon?
  • A dove (rock dove, to be specific).
• What is Paul McCartney's first name?
  • James. Paul is his middle name.
• What kind of species is a Guinea pig?
  • A mouse, not a pig.
• Where do Guinea pigs come from?
  • Andes, South America.

Inversions (Get a Stupid Question)

• 42.
  • I thought of something funnier than 24!
  • What is the answer to this question?
  • How many pages does it take the average user to realise they've fallen into a Wiki Walk?
  • After how many Pokémon generations are Game Freak going to just give up?
• I'd Tell You, but Then I'd Have to Kill You.
  • How come we don't use MediaWiki?
    • Most tropers also appear to be unaware of the existence of what are called Discussion Pages.
  • I mean, kill you even sooner.
  • And we can't show that in a game with this rating. Thanks for the notes!
  • How do you pronounce 'Avada Kedavra'?
• Because I Said So.
  • Because you told me to!
  • What is a Reality Warper's default response to any question?
• I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!
  • You Just Told Me.
• I didn't (know).
  • Ha ha! I HAVE NO IDEA!
  • 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
• You Answered Your Own Question.
  • YOU STUPID ENOUGH TO ANSWER OWN QUESTION!
  • How final actually is Final Fantasy?
  • How do you spell 'FBI'?
  • Hello, Operator! Give me the number for 911!
  • How can a footprint make a footprint?
  • What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons?
• I've Heard of That — What Is It?
  • Everything you've seen in your life.
  • Which phrase is commonly heard both just before and after opening Tv Tropes?
• I'm Thinking It Over!
  • Look, bud! I said your money or your life!
• 71 hours
  • How much grace can Adam Gontier supply me if I'm short on change?
  • How long does it take Majora to decide he's tired of screwing around?
• Stop Saying That!
  • Hello! My Name Is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father. Prepare to Die.
  • 42
  • Egregious
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • The cake is a lie.
  • Candle Jam I annoying you?
  • Metagame.
    • It's very likely that you've used the term Metagame in an attempt to sound smart, but you've accomplished the opposite by misusing it. Just stop.
  • REVEEEE-!!!
  • I love you!
  • Are We There Yet?
• Because You Were Nice to Me.
  • Why? Because you love me?
• Dude, Not Funny!
  • What's so funny about that?
• Sure, Let's Go with That.
  • Go with what?
• I Don't Think That's Such a Good Idea.
  • But wouldn't it kill you to try?

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Why doesn't this article have a stinger?

• It does now...

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