Just For Fun / Get a Stupid Answer

Douglas: Question-and-answer film double bills.
Martin: What do you mean?
Douglas: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Gandhi.

— Cabin Pressure, "Xinzhou"

Lots of works ask questions. Some of these are rhetorical questions, never designed to be answered. Some of them are big questions that drive the entire plot. You could be respectful and wait for the work to finish addressing these questions. Or, you could be a jerk and give a sarcastic answer right now. This page is for the second one. Answer a rhetorical question. Make snarky responses to a work's driving question. Go ahead, this is a Just for Fun page. That kind of stuff is allowed. Warning: unmarked spoilers.

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Not to be confused with Ask a Stupid Question... which refers to questions acknowledged in-universe as being stupid.

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Examples:

• Advertising
• Anime & Manga
• Films - Live-Action
• Literature
• Live-Action TV
• Music
• Video Games
• Western Animation

Asian Animation

• Motu Patlu?
  • Absent!

Comedy

• Where is the blue food?
  • There's Blue M&M's.
  • Eiffel 65 ate it all. Why do you think they're so blue? (Da ba dee da ba di, da ba dee, da ba di...)
    • I'm blue, I believe I will die, I'm in need of a guy, I got beat up at night". (In Aberdeen, I'm on diet)
  • In this delicious muffin.
  • Blue is an appetite suppressant. I'm not sure if that's a cause or an effect, though.
  • Percy's house.
  • The Crossings.
  • Next to the green food
  • I hear waffles come in blue. Go on, Google it.
    • Really? What's it look like?
    • I don't like food anymore.
• What's New Pussycat?
  • Scooby-D... Wait, wrong animal.
  • Somebody put this bell on me while I was asleep.
  • Good Guy and I are going to buy meat buns for the Lacking Lady! ^* And by that, I mean Good Guy's paying for them.
  • Who you calling a pussy?
  • You bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started. Lucille is thirsty.
  • *cough* Pussy! *cough* Bitch! *cough*. Ah, I'm sorry, my apologies. I meant to call you a pussy bitch. But without the coughing.
  • Which one? Josie, Melody or Valerie?
  • What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

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Comic Books

• What, are you dense?
  • Are you retarded or something?
  • Who the hell do you think I am?
    • You are the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
  • Rho, I don't think so.
  • No, I'm kinda sparse.
  • How dare you comment on my mass-volume ratio?!
  • Dense and wacky.
  • Dim-witted... dense... dumb...
  • I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.
• Who watches the Watchmen?
  • The Watcher, duh.
  • All the other Watchmen.
  • Me. I watch myself all the time.
  • Whoever owns the probably watched it at least once.
  • Internal Affairs.
  • I don't know. Coast Guard?
  • Definitely not Alan Moore
  • The Watchmen-Watchers. But who watches them?
    • The Watchmen-Watcher-Watchers. But who watches THEM?
    • The Watchmen-Watcher-Watcher-Watchers. BUT WHO WATCHES THEM?
  • The National Watchmen-Watching Organization. The next two watching layers are covered as well.
• Do I still think in those little yellow boxes?
  • Apparently not, you think in TV Tropes bullet points.
  • What exactly is that supposed to ''sound'' like?
  • Not since they sewed your mouth shut.
  • If not it's probably Madcap.
• Who is The Question?
  • Charles Victor Szazs A.K.A. Vic Sage and Renee Montoya.
  • No, to be or not to be is the question. Who is the Doctor.
    • No, he isn't.
    • He is first baseman, though.
  • Walter Joseph Kovacs. No, wait, that's someone else.
  • ?
  • Just when they think they've got the answer, I change the question!
• Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?
  • He left yesterday.
  • Nothing. It'll be at least a day before anything happens to him.
  • He's out fighting the Caped Crusader.
    • Actually, they're getting coffee.
    • Getting coffee for Hoffy of course, ya coarse whores!
  • He's visiting his cousin.
  • He's in another universe.
  • He'll be here tomorrow.
  • He's in another castle.
  • He's with the mouse.
  • He left tomorrow, but he'll be back by yesterday.
  • Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday?
  • I know that everyone is ending tomorrow; why, they are the 1st.
  • Leave the assassination tomorrow.
    • Everything will end tomorrow.
• Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?
  • Don't believe everything you read, folks! I'm more like an obnoxious prankster. Really, I'm a very nice person.
  • That's just two different versions of the same thing...
  • Neither. Unless he's in his black suit. Then he's both.
    • Miles Morales does not approve of above poster.
  • I happen to be both and I'm deeply offended. Wait, are you a cop? Forget what I said.
  • Threatening menace.
• What the hell happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?
  • We woke up from it.
  • Last I heard she was still around over on Earth-982.
• Were you gentle? Were you kind?
  • Yes sir.
  • Did you treat her like a lady?
    • Uh... yes.
  • Did you eat her pussy like a lady?
    • Well, I...
    • I'm just fucking with you! A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy! Now get the fuck out.
• You ever hear the one about the guy that brought a baseball bat to a gun fight... FUCKER?
  • You ever hear the one about the stupid fuck named Rick who fucking thought he knew shit but didn't know shit and got himself fucking killed?
  • Bit of advice. Try using knives next time. Works better for close encounters.
  • No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer standing, because if I am you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.
  • A gun is a coward's weapon. It lets us kill too easily, saving us the mess and the work.
    • But spittin' on people's okay?
  • And I don't. And that makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine!
• Smile, damn you, why don't you smile? You've got enough Joker venom to finish off a regiment of elephants. Why don't you smile? Why don't you die?
  • Because I've heard it before... and it wasn't funny the first time.
  • True Art Is Angsty.
• Is the "hard" really necessary? Whatever happened to hitting people in moderation?
  • All things in moderation. Including moderation.
• Who dares?! Who dares strike the personage of Doctor Doom?
  • the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing! It's Clobberin' Time!
• You dare? You dare to pull a gun on me — to pull a gun on me here? DO YOU?!
  • No, I'll wait until you finish your speech. Go ahead.
• WHO DARES SUMMON ETERNITY?
• I did the right thing, didn't I? It all worked out in the end.
  • THE CITY'S BEEN FUCKING DESTROYED!
  • But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
  • What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
  • Actually, you doomed us all. Again.
• Is that a monkey?
  • He's got a gun!
  • Monkeys, apes, they all hold stuff with their feet, man! We're talking freaks of nature!
  • TRUKK NOT MUNKY!!
  • If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, it’s an ape!
  • Do the monkey with me!
  • I am not a monkey!
• Is this some kind of sex thing?
  • Why would it be a sex thing?
  • They call sex 'social links' here!
• How can you possibly live in a world without Superheroes?
• Who makes us suffer this way?
  • It was me, James. The author of all your pain.
  • I'm every bad day you ever had.
• Who writes the world?
  • Its creator is a drooling idiot!
  • THIS WORLD IS OURS AND WE WON'T STAND STILL!

Fan Works

• Are you one of us?
  • What, a troper? Yeah.
  • One of Us is a... oh. Wrong context.
  • You're one of them!
  • Since There Are No Girls on the Internet, yes.
  • No. What you gonna do now?
  • Gooba-gobble, gooba-gobble! We accept you, one of us!
  • Depends, who are you?
  • One of us? He looks like three of us!
• WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?!
  • Making sweet love to pregnant women.
    • Mothers aren't perpetually pregnant.
  • Playing Russian Roulette, obviously.
  • Being a whiny little goffic bitch.
  • Your Mom
  • Draco.
  • I'm not doing anything wrong, just trying to catch my slippery little friend. And committing grand theft auto for two seconds.
• Is it a sin, should a man feel like faggarting a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer't bypon ourn fagpoles?
  • This sentence makes less and less sense as you go on.
  • Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?
    • Remember When You Faggarted a Sun?
  • How exactly do you 'faggart' something, anyway?
    • Very carefully.
  • But You Faggart One Sun
    • Bestiality's a sin, I'm still not sure how that one came up
  • Technically speaking, suns don't have to heave through the void, they simply... do.
  • Well, the sun is already in a relation with the moon. Kind of.
  • Tsukuyomi is not gonna be happy about this...
• Did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?
  • Yeah, so?
    • That's against the rules, isn't it?
    • Actually, there are several situations in which it is perfectly within the rules to summon more than one monster in a turn. It's called a Special Summon. Look at your freakin' rulebook.
    • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
    • Screw the rules, I have green hair!
    • Screw the Money, I Have Rules! ...wait, let me try that again.
    • Has the whole world gone CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
  • What else does it look like I did?
  • Triple Battles are a bit weird like that.
  • Actually no, I just ordered my Leafeon to use Double Team.
• Oh Shit, There's Fanfiction of Us!?
  • Oh, the fan fiction? Keep up the good work.
  • Wow, I have to admit, I'm impressed. Who knew all it would take to unnerve the almighty Kira was a couple of pages of poorly written smut?
  • Oh dear God. They’re going to write all the porn, aren’t they? Just all of it. Ewwwwwww.
  • Well, there was the one writer who really thought Unit 01 was cute. And...tentacles? Did any story need those many tentacles? Not that he was a bad writer, he was actually fantastic-
  • My Wolverine-and-Storm-in-space fanfic was the third-most upvoted story on Freaking Awesome last month!

Films — Animation

• Where is my super suit?
  • It's still at the cleaners, remember?
  • Probably not a good idea to shout that in public, for the sake of the masquerade.
    • The WORLD is in danger!
    • Our DINNER is in danger!
    • I wonder what's for dinner?
  • That's why you keep your Transformation Trinket with you at all times.
  • You left it in the phone booth.
  • It just appears when you spin around.
  • It just appears when you say "Shazam".
  • It just appears when you spin around and say "Shablagoo".
  • You threw it in the dumpster.
  • In your pocket.
    • What has it got in its pocketses?
  • In your ring.
  • Someone stole it.
  • It's under your clothes, remember?
• Why throw away your life so recklessly?
  • It's kind of what I do.
  • Death Is Cheap.
• Do you want to build a snowman?
  • Sure. We can make him tall, or we can make him not-so-tall.
  • No, let's build real men out of snow.
  • I'd rather build a meth lab.
  • No way man! What if it comes to life and starts trying to kill me?
  • No no, I can't be bothered with that, I have no time for that nonsense.
  • No, to tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling.
  • Would you like to build a Snowman Corporation?
  • *Growling*
    • Your words will earn you no mercy.
• You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!
  • Wait, what?
  • You know how hard it is to aim this stinkin' thing?!
  • Eh, that's par for the course for me.
  • …He moved.
    • Shut up! Go and practice!
  • D'oh, I missed!
  • So I fired again, and I missed. And then I missed again. And then I fired again, and then I missed, and then I fired and I fired, and I missed. I missed both times. And then I fired, and I missed. This went on for several hours, and then I fired, and then I missed.
  • He had pointed stick!
  • Paper, rock, scissors.
  • Did we ever hit anything with these guns?
  • He had a nervous twitch fighting living targets. He never hit.
  • What kind of cop am I? I can't even shoot my own son in the face at point-blank range.
  • You see, the great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target.
  • Hmm... probably shoulda waited till she got her new glasses.
• Where are my pants?
  • Wearing them. I hope.
    • "Wearing them"? What are your pants wearing, exactly?
    • But I'm not wearing them, that's why I'm asking!
  • If we had access to higher dimensions, we could move our pants around our bodies through the fourth dimension… and our days of dropping trouser would be over!
  • I haven't brought them up the entire campaign, I must have left them in Riverdale! [sic]
  • I have no pants...
  • You also have no pants (no shirt; real adventurers don't need shirts!)
  • That guy looks like he might be a lobbyist, let's get his pants.
  • Where we're going, you won't need pants!
• What's a "Wowie"?
  • You know, a wowie: a warge gathewing of mice, for a weason.
  • I wowie, you wowie, he-she-me wowie. Wowieing, wowieology, the study of Wowie! It's first grade!
• Oh, is the girl you left behind out there tonight romancin'? Makin' eyes at someone else? Is she singin'? Is she dancin'?
  • She's giving it up. She's giving it up hard. Because she's with Captain Hammer. And these... [holds up his fists] ...are not the hammer. The hammer is my penis.
• What can I say, except "You're welcome!"?
  • How about "Sorry I broke the world"?
  • Never mind.
• Who is that girl I see, Staring straight back at me?
  • Just Monika
  • "Whatchu looking at?" "EY! WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL YOU, MOTHER FUCKER?!"
  • Your Tethered.
• WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!
  • I know this is gonna sound weird, but I think the swamp is... calling to me.
    • That's Avatar stuff, that doesn't count!
  • Tapping mana.
• Why do we even have that lever?
  • It was on sale.
  • To unleash burning magma death on EVERYTHING.
  • Because opening a pit of alligators with a doorknob would just look silly.
  • You built that secret hideout, you tell me.
  • Because you were waiting for some to stand there just so your crocs could have a meal.
  • It really tied the room together.
  • It was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect.
• "Be prepared!" Yeah, we'll be prepared! ...for what?
  • For the show that never ends.
  • "For the death of the king!" "What, is he sick?"
    • "No, fool, we're gonna kill him. And Simba, too." "Great idea! Who needs a king?"
  • "Disease control code!" "Why? She was infected?" "No, you moron! Cereal!"
    • ...F***! Ode Russian King?
  • Ah! I mean... uhh, um, for the... for the... for the stain... Abu got on the brand new vest you gave him.
  • Prepare to Die.
  • Everything.
• Can you feel the love tonight?
  • These two are absolutely feelin' it in this animated children's movie.
• Does this mean I don't get my third wish?
  • If you wanted it, you wouldn't have said "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish".
  • And I can't use my third wish for more wishes can I?
    • Actually you can. We tell everyone you can't, but in reality you can, we've been bluffing for centuries.
  • Wishes? What do I look like, a birthday cake?
• Why does everybody wanna see my schlong?
• Does anyone wanna see MY unit?
• Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?
  • Nobody has. The lyrics writer made it up.
  • All the time. It's called mescaline. It's the only way to fly.
• By the way... do you believe in ghosts?
  • A ghost tried to approach me and got Larry.
    • A ghost tried to approach me in the alley, he got scared cause we were in the alley.
  • I have the Holy Spirit; the spirit of abysmal despair!
  • You're a ghost. Get away from me!
  • Ghosts. Commie ghosts what don't know they're dead, hoping to steal our rockets so they can fly up and paint the moon pink, and draw a Lenin face on it.
  • Uh, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
  • Hahaha... I guess not... That white hand on your shoulder... It's not real...
  • Puh! You're just a silly little engine! I'm not scared!
  • I'm dead. I'm a ghost.
    • Yes, but we won! Victory hug!
• How 'bout a nice, good, hot cup o' joe?!
  • You got anything stronger?
  • I like my coffee black. Like my men.
  • Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
  • This coffee strips me of all will to live. All that I am, all that I could be is stripped away by this black brew. It is despair made liquid.
  • Yeah, I wouldn't drink the coffee. Always tasted like boiled dirt.
  • Coffee tastes like your dog took a leak in it.
  • This coffee tastes like dirt.
    • It should, it was just ground this morning.
• WHO IN THE BLAZES APPLIED THAT EMERGENCY BRAKE?!!
  • Coco did it!
• Did your granny say, "listen to your heart"?
  • No, that was Roxette.
  • You pay too much attention to your granny. She knows a lot but she doesn't know everything.
• Wait, so... how many of us are there?
  • Just you. If I was a copy, why would I kick my own butt?
  • Enough! All fi- fou- ... ALL OF YOU! Shit. I'm fuckin' wasted and you're just sitting there.
  • There were about ten Mikes in my neighborhood. Bighead Mike spent more time in jail than out of jail. White Mike was just a white guy who lived on the block. Family didn't have enough money to leave. Tall Mike played ball. Monster Mike just scared kids. And 'Mike' Mike was actually the first Mike that lived on the block, but his real name was Paul.
  • Always two there are! An Evil Honeydew and Another Evil Honeydew!
• Just how many more Spider-People are there?
  • Save it for Comic-Con.
    • What's Comic-Con?
  • At least two more with a Nerdfighter kid.
• Megatron? Is that you?
  • Ah, then you do remember my name. Pity I can't remember yours.
  • Megatron? Did you just say Megatron? Did he just say Megatron? THERE IS NO MEGATRON! Megatron is offline! TERMINATED! I DID IT MYSE— saw it myself.
• How's the, uh... How's the escape plan coming?
  • TheRe iS no wAy ouT oF heRe. It wiLl be darK sOon. TherE is nO waY oUt of hEre.
  • There must be some kind of way outta here, Said the joker to the thief
  • THERE IS NO ESCAPE!
  • HE TRICKED ME ONCE, BUT HE CANNOT ESCAPE... THE HERMINATOR!
  • It's no use; it won't budge!
    • I guess our only chance is to shag.
    • It's no use!
  • Forget it, the guards will kill you, if the electrified fence doesn't first.
  • Hm? You haven't escaped. I would have noticed that. The hedgehog!
• ...you drank seawater, didn't you?
  • I have a natural curiosity.
• I've got to know! I've got to know! What is this place that I have found?! WHAT...IS...THIS?!
  • Welcome to Hell.
    • Michigan.
  • You're in bed, holding a knife at your doctor's throat.
  • What are we in, Iraq?
• Where is that casual acting shuttle headed?
  • They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!
  • In a tragic development, the space plane is plunging directly toward the control tower. Wait a minute. I'm in the control tower! WAAAUGH!
• Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?
  • When I kidnap someone and steal a holiday?
  • Good times never last.
• Can your friends do this?
  • Can your friends do that?
  • Can your friends pull this out their little hat?
  • Can your friends go poof? Hey, looky here, ha ha
  • Can your friends go "Abracadabra," let 'er rip, and then make the sucker disappear!
    • I made Carmelita disappear! You're next, Sly!
• What are you and who are you doing?
  • A fourth-grade teacher, and apparently, Dr. Frankenstein.
• Why is it the good villains never die?
  • I am very difficult to kill. You should already know that.
  • Rule of thumb, Hassan: You can't kill the Messiah.
  • I'll always have extra lives.
  • We're contractually obligated to keep stalling for three more seasons!
  • I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed, but remember: if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed.
  • You thought you defeated me. I'm much stronger than you expected. Now I will destroy you!!
  • Think you've got the best of me? Think you've got the last laugh?!
• What the hell are 'good villains'?
  • Look Vanessa, there's good evil and there's bad evil.
  • Well, the difference bein' one is a job and the other's mental sickness!
  • Proper villains know offing is fine, rape is not.
• Did you know there was a razorback in my truck?
• Did you ever see an elephant fly?
  • Me teach you how fly!
• I hereby dub you, sir... er, er, by the way, what title would you like?
  • Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Trailer
  • Sir Mix-a-Lot
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot, bitch.
  • Sir Apropos of Nothing
  • Don't Call Me "Sir"
  • Call me Sir. Everybody does because I tell them to. I'm the boss.
• Good gracious! Who left the mop running?
  • Mickey.
• What do you say to a tree?
  • I am Groot?
• Do you wanna be a follower, or do you wanna be a leader?
  • "You want to run this ship?" "YEAH!" "Well... you can't!"
  • And whoever said I wanted to be LED?! I'm better off calling my own shots now, get used to it!
• Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?
  • YOU are the MOST SEXIST — GAH! I'm embarrassed to be even RELATED to YOU!
  • She... is truly my son.
• Time out! Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's okay with this? DID I MISS SOMETHING?
  • Gaz, taste me! I'm delicious!
• How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
  • Over NINE THOUSAND!!!
  • "Three?" "No." "Forty-two?!" "No." "Billions and billions?" "No." "Blue!" "No." "Mermaidman?" "That's not even a number."
  • As Obama told me, it's three!
• All I wanna do is the thing I love...doesn't everyone?
• Wanna help me find my nuts?
  • I think they're with Toph.
• If you could play a swan, what would it sound like?
  • *RRRRRRRNNGGGGGG!*
• Boys and girls of every age, would you like to see something strange?
  • NO! Get out of here with that watch! Lay off the poor beavers, will ya?! SHEEZE! You're a creep! Go away; we were having a good time until you showed up, Jeepers! ARGH! Go have some coffee with cream, or something! Because I'll tell you something! This is a happy place!
  • Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff.
• Where's the baby?
  • Well, listen up, Sonny Jim. I ate a baby! Oh, aye! Baby: The other other white meat.
  • Seeing the look on her face as her baby exploded into wet chunks... Priceless.
• This guy was a fierce warrior?
  • They ain't the greatest heroes
    But they're the only ones we've got!
• Wait a minute. I didn't screw you up, did I?
  • It's your fault, you bumbling metal-heads! I never should have made you!
  • You ruined everything
    You stupid, stupid bitch
    You're just a lying little bitch who ruins things
    And wants the world to burn.
  • You were supposed to help me. But ya didn't!
• You think you're my greatest enemy?
  • You've never heard of them, and after you've finished fighting them you won't remember it even happened, but for the next 90 minutes you'll think they're the biggest threat you've faced in your entire life!
• Why Did You Have To Rip Off Carrie?
• Is it wrong that this is turning me on?!
  • Does this sideboob turn you on? Well, it shouldn't, because it's myyyyyyy sideboob! Goodnight everybody!
  • I'm disgusted and repulsed and... and I can't look away.

Let’s Play

• Are hummingbirds the sharks of the sky?
• Oh my god what was the heck was the what the what the what?
  • You're also going to get a thumping in a minute.
  • Calm down and try that one again.
• Are your boobs ready?
  • Oh, I'm ready. You might not be.
  • I wanna play with your bouncy boobies!
  • I can't believe your tits are one polygon!
• Vagisil?
• How do I put thrusters on a baby?
• Should we do Daisy on hard?

Pro Wrestling

• DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?
  • Yeah...and it stinks!
    • IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT STINKS!
  • Hells yeah, it smells delicious!
  • Is that...roast beef?
    • No, it's pie!
    • A pie IN YOUR FACE!
  • Is it... stone soup?
  • No. I don't have a nose.
    • Really? How do you smell?
    • Awful! Trust me, I'm his roommate.
    • I can't; I don't have a nose!
  • You know, I'm really sorry we haven't worked out that scratch-and-sniff TV yet.
  • My face was born for beauty. I have no smell.
  • Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!
  • Smells like... chili beans.
  • Actually, that was me. I made a darth doody. I sithed my pants. My diaper's gone over to the dark side. I have pages of these, I can go on.
• What you gonna do... when Hulkamania runs wild on you?
  • A barrel roll.
  • Gonna live my life.
  • Initiate Attack Pattern Alpha.
  • Do a little dance ~Make a little love~.
    • Get down tonight.
  • I'll take this chip... and eat it
    • Hand me anotha bag o' dem chips!
    • I see you're enjoying those chips!
    • Chips? You mean potato chips?
    • Seriously, where are the potato chips?
    • I'll take a potato chip, and... put it back because this will go straight to my thighs, no thank you!
  • I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear.
  • Hulk isn't enough to save the world.
• Really? Really?
  • Yes.
  • Really.
  • Release restraint, level 1.
  • YA RLY
  • Going after the Regime was one thing, but destroy the planet for Brainiac? You really thought I'd go through with it, Grodd? Really?! *BLEEP* YOU!
• Can you dig it... SUCKAAAAA?!?!
  • I certainly can, and I might find coal, or gold, or even obsidian.
  • I don't know. Are you talkin' 'bout Shaft?
    • John Shaft.
  • I shovel well. I shovel very well.
    • I'VE GOT A SHOVEL, I'VE GOT A SHOVEL, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU WITH IT 'TIL YOU'RE A PUDDLE!
  • That might not be a good idea.
  • I can! Prepare to taste justice... shovel justice!
  • 2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "Dig until we hit evil."
  • "Speaking of sucking, how's your jaw doing, Sonic?" "Actually, it's feeling much be—— ...YOU!"
  • Diglett dig. Diglett dig. Trio, trio, trio.
• How do you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder?
  • Gravity teaches you most of it for free. It is a harsh mistress.
    • Gravity Is Only a Theory.
• How much more punishment can he take?
  • How much has he had already?
  • KO!
• What kind of disgusting, despicable lack of respect does that Billy Whatshisname show, booking a match for the Total Package Lex Luger at Superbrawl? Super Saturday? What is it? I don't know what it's called! What's it called? Superbrawl Saturday? Can he afford to pay me to wrestle Ron? I DON'T KNOW!
  • Wrestle Ron? Don't think so.
• Who booked this crap?
  • Vince Russo?
• WHO'S YOUR DADDY, MONTREAL?
  • Paul de Chomedey de Maisonneuve
• Wakaru ka, ore no chikara? Wakaru ka, ORE WA ICHIBAN!?^Translation Do you understand my power? Do you understand that I'm number one?
  • No. Could you demonstrate?
  • How's that for a coincidence? My Hovercraft Is Full of Eels as well!
  • You Are Number 6
  • We are number one! HEY!
  • You were always the best. Nobody ever came close. You define the art and it defines you.
• Who's that jumpin' out the sky?
  • You don't have to fly too high, To get too close to the sun, See the boy fall from the sky
• You think you can tell us what to do?
  • You think you can tell us what to wear?
    • Did you come to force this woman to put on clothes, too?
  • You think that you're better?
    • I'm basically better than you at everything.
    • You guys always act like you're better than me!
    • I'm better than you! I'm better than everyone!
    • You are the audience member! I am the author! I outrank you!
  • No one can tell me what to do!
  • What I choose to do is decided by me.
  • You Americans are so fond of being in charge.
  • I... but... it's... not... it's totally... it's... y...you're not the boss of... me?
• You all think I'm a frog-faced loser?
  • LOSER! YOU'RE A LOSER! DO YOU FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF?! WELL, YOU SHOULD BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DIRT! YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU BIG BABY! BABY WANT A BOTTLE? A BIG DIRT BOTTLE?!
  • Who are you calling losers?!
    • But he's got the rest right.

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Radio

• Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
  • God. Assuming you believe in that sort of thing. If not, don't worry about it.
  • Well, obviously I do. I was only wondering if there was someone else.
  • Edward D. Morrison.
  • Aatrox.
  • Ooh! I do! I do!
  • Put your hand down, Ferb...
  • Blood?
• HOW MANY REMIXES DO YOU IDIOTS HAVE?!
• Phillip, do I still have the power to behead people?
  • Lock them in the tower, perhaps?
  • Punch in the face would do.
    • One of these days, Laura, I'm gonna punch you in the face!
    • Never stick your hand in my face again, bitch! FUCK YOU!
  • Lao Tzu said: 'You must find the way.' I've found it. You must find it too... So I'm going to cut off your head. Then you'll know the truth!
  • I believe decapitation is a problem as well.
  • Well, I guess decapitation works.
• Why is everybody looking at me?

Theater

• To be, or not to be?
  • Not to be. Definitely not to be.
  • * large explosion*
  • Depends, is it nobler in spirit to suffer the slings and arrows... umm... screw it, not to be!
  • True. (2B)∨¬(2B) is a tautology.
  • All of the above.
    • None of the above.
  • Yes.
    • No.
  • "Our revels now are ended, Kirk! Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"
  • Oh, why ask me?
  • Turn to page 16 TO BE
    • or NOT TO BE: turn to page 17
  • To be what?
• And are you beautiful and pale, with yellow hair like her?
  • No, you're just sort of brown.
• What do you read, my Lord?
  • Words, words, words.
  • This Very Wiki.
  • The last time I read a book, I was raped — let that be a lesson to you.
  • I never learned how to read!
  • Idiot's Guide to Kicking Your Ass.
  • What, are you reading from a book of sexist villain cliches?
• O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
  • Why does that matter? Isn't the real problem the "Montague" part?
  • Because my great-uncle was named Romeus, and my father really respected him.
  • I dunno!
• Is this a dagger that I see before me?
  • No, now give me back my pencil.
  • No, I'm just happy to see you.
  • Well if it was behind you, you wouldn't see it now, would ya, dumbass?
  • Um. No, my lord. It's my handkerchief, you see. You can sort of tell the difference if you look closely. It doesn't have as many sharp edges.
  • It's Mack the Knife.
  • No! It's Truffaut the Wonderdog!
  • No, it's a Glock 17.
• What light through yonder window breaks?
  • The "C" train.
    • Hear that Mister Anderson? That's the sound of immobility. That's the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mister Anderson.
  • Explosion in the chem lab.
    • Dammit, I told you to be careful!
  • A house fire.
  • It is a rock, and Juliet has a concussion.
  • That window up there, dummy.
  • (3x10⁸/λ)x6.63x10^-34
• How do you solve a problem like Maria?
  • With cheese.
  • Kill It with Fire!
    • No! Kill It with Water!
    • No! Kill It with Ice!
    • No! Kill It with... Steam?
  • Reassignment to Antarctica!
  • I know dis guy, see? You pay me, I get him to take care of da problem for you.
  • No! It's not Maria that's the problem! It's the black hedgehog she's with that's the problem!
    • Bit late for that now.
    • You mean Sonic?
  • Get Celes to take over her role in the opera.
  • If you want to know, just ask Maria how she solves a problem.
• How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
  • On film.
  • Pick up the phone, leave her alone... it's time you made a stand!
  • Simple:
  Step 1: Condense cloud into water.
  Step 2: Freeze water into ice.
  Step 3: Insert pin.
  • Use Bind.
  • I'm a pegasus pony. I'll see what I can do.
  • "We'll catch up to the Egg Carrier in no time." "You fucking passed them!!"
• My God, who is this man, who hunts to kill?
  • Well, hunting to mangle is needlessly cruel.
  • Mom... I kill people.
  • I haven't murdered anyone! Well, not today, anyway...
  • Kira.
    • Kano, ya bloody prick!
• Why do they want to whip poor Will again?
  • Isn't he the designated whipping boy?
    • He's had that pleasure for years and years.
  • HEY! I'm not poor!
  • Because he let the cannon drop.
• Do you hear the people sing?
  • Yes. They have some serious bad tone issues.
    • Pretty voices singing somewhere else, not here.
  • You... don't sing very well.
• Mary and Ethel who?
  • Mary Crawley and Ethel Parks.
  • Mary Daisy Dinkle and Ethel the rooster.
  • Mary Tyler Moore and Ethel Winant.
• Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?
  • That depends, who's asking?
  • To quote from Hamlet, act 3, scene 3, line 87, "No!"
• What shall we do now? What is our cue now?
  • Exit, pursued by a bear.
  • OBJECTIVE: Talk to the idiot wearing sunglasses.
    • OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and make that bitch eat her hair.
  • When the doors close, just say 'Go'. Better.
  • When a bell rings, the pieces need to shoot the angels.
  • Rub your stomachs. Goo-ood. Goo-ood. Now pat your heads. Hel-lo. Hel-lo.
• Do you mean "orphan" - a person who has lost their parents or "often" - frequently?
  • Neither. I mean "offin'", as in how I became an orphan to begin with.
• When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
  • Well, I can do next Tuesday.
  • We'll meet again some sunny day...
  • God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
  • We will meet many more times... in the sequel!
  • Let's all meet back at the malt shop!
• Who's there?
  • IT'S ME.
  • No, he's playing baseball.
  • Is this another "Knock Knock" Joke?
• Does anybody have a map?
  • I'm the map, I'm the map...
  • Who needs a map?!
  • They suck at making maps!
• What will you do, Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris-man?
  • Can I at least do an Enemy Scan first?
  • ...I can't find him.
  • Please stop, I don't believe in free love!
• Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?
  • 829. Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.
• Ditez-moi pourquoi la vie est gai?
  • No, YOU'RE gay!
  • Pardonnez-moi, je ne parle pas très bien français.
  • Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!
  • Yes, that's right. I'm a gay robot.
  • A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...
  • The correct term is lesbain! UH, NOT THAT I'M A LESBAIN!!
  • We're here, we're queer... I mean, all for one and one fo- forget it.
  • No one's gay for Moleman...
  • He's almost too gay to function.
  • Maybe I'm gay, or maybe stereotypes are bullshit.
  • I'm gay. I'm totally, totally gay.
  • I'm straight! I'm straight! You’re the homos! Every last one of you!
  • Silver, you know what? You're a twink. I'm gonna go smoke some weed now.
  • I was gay before the light!
  • I told you, I'm not gay!
  • I ain't gay, but I'll lay back.
  • I'm not gay, but that Light Yagami is one fine piece of ass.
  • My boyfriend is GAY!
  • Possibly homosexual. Must investigate further.
  • Go away, you fucking gay!
• Why Marry?
  • There's Something About Marrying.
  • Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
• Objection! What about snakes?
  • Asps... very dangerous. You go first.
  • It's not just a poisonous snake... it's a MONSTAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
  • Graham, watch out! A POIsonous snake!
  • You're still a cunt, Steve! Go fuck your snake!
  • Ugly, scary, snake... shitface!
  • Snake people, or 'Sneople', control our government at the highest levels!
• Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town?
  • Anything That Moves.
    • Except Brief.
  • The pizza boy.
  • A robot.
  • Yourself.
    • I do not fuck me.
  • The villain.
    • 1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
  • The teacher.
  • A single mom.
    • Your mama sure does care about your schooling, son!
  • The boss and his wife.
  • The gangster's girl.
  • Your friend.
  • The widow.
  • Your cousin.
  • Your patient.
  • A chicken and a goat.
    • ...W-well, I mean, to be fair to Larry... is chicken-sex ever really consensual?
  • I didn't fuck anybody...
    • I think maybe she's telling the truth.
    • Um... our Easter Bunny disagrees.
  • The wrong people.
  • Marcel Toing.
  • Rule of Acquisition #112: Never have sex with the boss' sister.
  • Rule of Acquisition #113: Always have sex with the boss.
  • A wife.
    • Now if you'll excuse me, I have more ladies to go to bed with. Isn't that right, Doctor Ivo Robotnik?
    • The Kingpin has rules — rules which you would do well to memorize. Among these rules is one stipulating that we do not touch another man's wife for any reason — ever.
  • A Grandma.
    • I don't know if I can pound your grandma!
  • A giant fish.
  • I HAVE SEX WITH DOGS, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
  • The devil.
    • Satan has penetrated you over 13,000 times, you whore... GOD DEMANDS YOUR REPENTANCE!
  • Go to the church and ask God to fug you!
  • A snail.
  • Don't know how to "fuck" something.
• Where is love?
  • In Saskatchewan.
• Who will buy my sweet red roses?
  • Not the Prince. Begone, you hideous old hag!
  • There's fennel for you, and columbines. There's rue for you, and here's some for me. We may call it herb of grace o' Sundays. O, you must wear your rue with a difference! There's a daisy. I would give you some violets, but they wither'd all when my father died.
• How do you measure, measure a year?
  • With a calendar.
• What is this feeling, fervid as a flame? Does it have a name?
  • What Is This Thing You Call "Love"?
• Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
  • I've got soul to spare, but none for you.
• Why do we build the wall?
  • To keep the Mexicans out.
• Funny?
  How'd I fail to see this little bedtime tale was funny?
  • The Frightbot told a story so scary you couldn't help but laugh.
  • The absurdity of the situation put its pathos to the rout.
  • Spider-Man gave Mary Jane cancer by tragically shooting her up repeatedly with his horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. His horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. That’s not tragic. That shit is fucking hilarious.
  • There was a Line of Bathos, and you crossed it. I know it’s a metaphorical fish, but sweetie, that fish ain’t comin’ back.
  • A baby just watched his mother die right before his eyes. Why is this so hilarious to me? Oh wait, no, I know why. It's because she died by getting bonked on the head by an empty shell casing!
  • Primal kinda died too by becoming a hilarious pancake on the floor, which seems more like a gag for Waspinator in Beast Wars than a supposed-to-be dramatic death for your main hero.
  • I should not be laughing! This is a terrible situation! And yet... I find myself unable to resist... your influence!
• When the hell did I lose my temper?
  • When someone brought up Niagara Falls.
    • NIAGARA FALLS?! Sloooooooooowly I turned...
    • Step by step... Inch by inch...
• Poor, poor Joseph, what'cha gonna do?
  • HEY! I'm not poor!

Tropes

• What Happened to the Mouse?
  • He died because he didn't believe in The Power of Cheese.
  • You mean he had no faith in cheeses?
  • *Snap* There he is.
  • Ran out of battery power again, hold on...
  • He's fine.
  • He met the cat.
  • He went on to become the mascot of a massively successful entertainment juggernaut and one of the world's most recognizable fictional characters. The Rabbit, on the other hand, fell into relative obscurity.
• What's A Secret Four?
  • I don't know, but three of them are dead.
    • Four Is Death
  • I am.
  • I didn't know that four was a secret.
    • Probably because Four Is Death.
  • I thought there were more 'Elite' than anything else...
  • Isn't it supposed to be Fantastic?
  • Shouldn't they be Heavenly Kings or something?
  • I thought there were six of them...
    • Weren't there seven?
• Who's on First?
  • Yes.
    • Then tell Yes to come over here!
  • Not the pronoun, but a player with the unlikely name of Who, is on first.
  • No, Who's on stage.
    • How should I know who's on stage?
    • I don't know!
    • Third base.
  • No, Who's on after Top Gear.
  • Téa Leoni, in a bit part.
  • No, Hu was on third. Stryker was on first.
• What's a Henway?
  • It's a pun on the ambiguity created by "what is" and "what does" having homophonic contractions. Oh sorry, I misunderstood - a hen weighs about 3 pounds.
  • A martial arts style based upon chickens.
    • Chicken attaaAAaaaAAAck, chicken attaaaaAAAaaaAAck, watch your back before it fades to black, they might look harmless but they'll kick your non-chicken ass!
  • Are you sure you don't mean Kenway?
• Dude, Where's My Respect?
  • Your wife got that in the divorce.
  • Do you deserve any?
  • Down the hall, third door to the left.
  • You can respec your stats here, sir, but you're going to have to pay first.
  • I'll tell you after you help me find my car.
  • What kind of disgusting, despicable lack of respect does that Billy Whatshisname show, booking a match for the Total Package Lex Luger at Superbrawl?
  • Show some goddamn respect!
  • No One Respects the Spanish Inquisition.
  • I respect you, Barnacle Man.
• How Do I Shot Web?
  • Hit the button on your mechanical web shooters.
  • Fire Arrows. More convenient than a stick!
  • Shooting the web doesn't make much sense. The bullet would probably go through the holes in it!
    • Ah, so You Have to Burn the Web.
  • X. But you'd know that if you hadn't skipped the tutorials.
    • Nope, A. I use a 3DS.....
  • Your tenses are wrong.
  • You have a magical yo-yo. Use that instead. I'll teach you how to swing with it, though.
    • Just be sure to Watch Out for That Tree!...
• What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?
  • Heart Is an Awesome Power!
    • We agree.
  • Etna and Hanako says it creates a beam powered by the hearts, dood.
  • Link, fill up your hearts, so you can throw your sword, with power...
• How Did We Miss This One?
  • Looks like someone Failed a Spot Check.
  • Even with these sights, we've got a target 100 yards away, maybe more, we've never fired these rifles before, there's a definite wind factor, and we've got a problem with the sun!
  • That's what you get for working with the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.
  • It was surrounded by a bunch of other 1's. Binary is hard to work with.
  • Freaking Sand-Attack.
    • Freaking Teemo.
  • Sauron fails at Blue's Clues. HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
  • Update, we still have no fucking clue where this guy is.
  • HOLY BALLS! HOW DID I MISS THAT?! Wait, how'd you thaw out so quickly? We're a million feet in the air! It's like, zero degrees!
  • Is it over there? Doesn't look like it.
• Have You Told Anyone Else?
  • Yes.
  • No. *gets killed*
  • Is there a third option?
    • How about "Do you trust me to have told anyone else before you"? That or "How dumb do you think I am?"
  • If we say "nobody", are you going to stab us with your bush scissors?
  • I did more then tell the others, I Made Copies!
• You and What Army?
  • The U.S. army.
  • The Salvation Army.
  • This army.
  • Me. I'm the army.
    • Or, rather, Me, I'm an army.
  • Mine, as a matter of fact.
  • Er, the British Army, of course.
  • This army of six.
    • You mean the witch, the werewolf, the robot samurai, the magical girl, the cat and the incredibly evil ghost? ^* Not pictured: The teenage girl with the magic healing hands. Definitely not pictured: Some idiot with a red coat and an arm that doesn't work.

• We have a Hulk.
• I am as strong as any army!
• The armies which are between my handies and my shoulderies.
• Never ask that question...
• A wizard and 5 pikemen.
• I have the Holy Spirit; the spirit of abysmal despair!

• My God, What Have I Done?
  • Anything That Moves.
  • Your Mom.
  • A lot of murdering stuff.
    • Murderers, and mad dog stuff.
  • Absolutely nothing.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking.
  • Jesus Christ, I launched a missile.
  • Just killed a man.
    • You've killed two-hundred and fifty-four by my last count. Plus about five hundred men, a few dozen giant spiders, and at least two demons.
  • ...I went for the head.
  • You have done nothing but destroy my life, I hope you both die.
• When Is Purple
  • I don't know, but it sounds like the smell of snow.
    • It looks like a piano sounds shortly after being dropped down a well. It tastes yellow, and feels Paisley. It smells like a total eclipse of the moon. Of course, nearer to the tower it gets really weird.
  • Last Yesterday. Next Tommorrow.
  • This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
  • You can't even purple because you're ugly and you're stupid and you're bad! That's right: you can't even purple!
• Who Writes This Crap?!
  • That Troper does! The hack.
  • Those who have gone before.
  • You do, boss.
  • Studio Gainax.
• Et Tu, Brute?
  • Ita me omni tempore fuit! Sentio de bonitate! ^* Yes, it was me the whole time! I feel good about it!
  • You lied to me. You betrayed me. You used me. You fucked up my face.
  • IT'S ME, AUSTIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, AUSTIN!
  • I had no choice.
    • Oh, of course we understand, don't we, Chewie? He had no choice.
  • No, I ate three.
• Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?
  • That was the most hilarious day in my life. I'm still not quite sure how the barbie doll and a plate of spaghetti could have done that.
  • I'm sorry, but I don't remember any of it. Because you see, the day I blew up the sun might be the most important day in your life. But for Me, It Was Tuesday.
  • But the sun is a deadly laser!
• What the Hell, Hero?
  • I Did What I Had to Do.
    • "ACCIDENT"
  • ...It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.
  • I had no choice... I super felt like it.
  • Well to be honest with you, I've been trying to go legit. I really take my sumo wrestling seriously, you know. But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair, will always be tragically skewed.
  • It doesn't even matter now, I'm a fugitive anyway. What do I care? I launched a missile!
  • FUYUTSUKI DID IT!
• What the Hell, Player?
  • Don't be a player hater.
• What The Hell, Casting Agency?
  • Ability over Appearance, I hope...
• What the Hell, Costuming Department?
  • Terribly sorry. The wardrobe malfunctioned.
• Did You Actually Believe...?
  • I am a Mormon and, dang it, a Mormon just believes.
  • If I didn't, we probably wouldn't be in this situation.
  • I believe a dream can still come true; why shouldn't I believe the same in you?
  • Believe it!
  • I believe in tachyons!
  • No way! I can't believe this!
  • But there really was a cake...
  • Bobby is not a believer, nor does he have faith.
  • See, I believe you, but does my gun believe you?
  • And you believed that? Because I'm going to have you killed now. Relax. I'm fucking with you.
  • Your friends too faith.
  • I find that impossible to believe.
• Why Won't You Die?
  • First Law of Resurrection, my friend.
  • NANOMACHINES, SON!
  • POLKA WILL NEVER DIE!
  • Beneath this mask is an idea. And. Ideas. Are. Bulletproof!
  • I renewed my Joker Immunity and Never Say "Die" insurance - best you can hope for is locking me up for a bit, I'm afraid.
  • I have, actually. Hundreds of times. We've done this specific situation plenty of times enough.
  • Determination.
    • Ooh. And still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi! And because of that... you must die.
  • Heroes never die! ^* For a price.
  • And that is how to summarise the Stone Wall character trope in competitive play.
  • "This is hard enough for me!"
  • Because I am made o-o-o-o-of Lo-o-o-o-ove... Lo-o-o-o-ove... And it's stronger than you...
    • You're not stronger than me, you little runt!
  • “I am the main character” replied Dark with snark “now watch me lampshade even more tropes”.
  • Sorry, this time I die.
  • How? Well, it's quite simple, really. You see, girlie, you may think ya got me all figured out, but there's one thing you didn't account for: my numbers are bigger than yours!
  • This is, like, issue one... Or maybe it's another backup or something?
• Have You Seen My God?
  • Yes. Last Tuesday, I believe.
  • Who Is This God Person, Anyway?
    • Sorry, last I saw him, he was disappearing in a Puff of Logic.
    • I hear that he speaks of Marty Robbins.
  • Where were you when you last had him with you?
  • Try filling in the missing spaces on a constellation map.
  • Yes, they played it live when I went to see them at Eden Court. Classic song.
  • They might be working in one of the stores in Babel Tower.
  • Guess what? He's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy.
  • God Is Dead.
    • Will you then say, 'I am a god', in the presence of those who kill you? You will be but a mortal, not a god, in the hands of those who slay you.
    • Oh no, the zombies killed God!
    • The Lord is ended. Our research shows that research.
    • 1421. Gods don't tap out.
• I Ate WHAT?!
  • I ate a one-ton tomato.
  • Gilligan.
  • I ate my gun.
  • I ate the WHOLE plate!
    • Ain't nobody gonna come here and eat my plate, no!
  • The dog.
  • The Dog's breakfast.
    • When I was four I ate the dog's dinner
  • A delicious Long Pork Pie.
  • The bomb.
  • Abyssal crab omelette.
  • A liquefied turian.
  • When I was six I ate a bag of plums!
  • When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large!
    • EGGS! EGGS! E-DOUBLE-G-S EGGS!
  • Maggots.
  • Jesus Christ, boy. What did you eat?!
  • I ate a pig?! Was it cooked and called bacon?
• Who Wants to Live Forever?
  • The Immortality Seeker, of course!
    • Maybe he wants to be a millionaire while he's at it.
  • I just wanna live while I'm alive.
• What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
  • Did you really have to say that?
  • In an infinite universe, all things are possible.
  • Whatever you didn't want to.
  • "SHINJI!" "Dad?" "PILOT THIS ROBOT!" "NO!" "FUCK!"
• Does This Remind You of Anything?
  • I've been on TV Tropes before...
  • This reminds me of a puzzle.
  • You remind me of the babe...
  • That Reminds Me of a Song.
  • You Remind Me of X.
  • You know, you remind me a lot about Disney. You're fat, you're frozen, and you're about to be shattered BY ME!
  • This scene makes me remember that "I Fink U Freeky" video, which incidentally, you can see us sin on our Music Video Sins channel. Anyway, that video is a human rights violation that famously brought Nelson Mandela back from the grave to stop it, only to have his zombie heart seize when he saw it, requiring a second and more somber funeral.
  • It reminds me of Sam, whose favorite dish is green eggs and ham.
• Who Dares?
  • Me!
  • Oh, crud. Now that you mention it, I think I'll take 'truth' instead.
  • Doom dares!
  • Triborg dares, foolish one!
  • You DARE being light to my lair? You must die!
• Is That the Best You Can Do?
  • Yes. You Are Already Dead.
• Who Needs Their Whole Body?
  • Good question. Legs? Didn't Need Those Anyway!.
  • Not Ms. Fortune.
  • Well, We Will Not Have Appendixes in the Future.
  • Who needs arms with legs like these?
• Who Will Bell the Cat?
  • I will. S/he's mine, after all.
  • Not a mouse or any of a cat's prey.
• Where's the Kaboom?
  • KA-BOOM!
    • Didn't you see the bloody bombs?
  • No boom today, boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow. What? Look, somebody's gotta have some damn perspective around here! Boom. Sooner or later, BOOM!
  • Behind you, because cool guys don't look at explosions, they blow things up and then walk away.
  • DID SOMEBODY SAY "BOOM?!"
• Angst? What Angst?
  • We have no time for sorrows, Commander.
  • I just killed my own father in cold blood. I might need a moment to get over it. [Beat] Okay, I'm over it.
  • L, why?! Why did you leave me?! Why did you leave me alone with these IDIOTS! *sobbing* And... yeah, I'm over it now.
  • NO ROSE I ANGST ALONE.
  • My teenage angst bullshit has a body count.
  • Humanity is dying, and all I can think about is how I don't give a fuck.
• What Did I Do Last Night?
  • It appears the memory erasure is working. Excellent.
  • Everyone.
  • You pissed on the moon, Eggman.
  • I can't have done anything, I'm a 23 year old who doesn't drink and has no friends.
• Where the Hell Is Springfield?
  • Somewhere over the rainbow.
    • Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight…
  • Oregon.
  • ...Uh...can I use a lifeline?
• Is the Answer to This Question "Yes"?
  • Possibly yes, probably no.
  • No.
  • Nes.
• What Is This Thing You Call "Love"?
  • Love, noun: An intense feeling of deep affection.
  • Is it a 4-letter word you can use in various ways that are mostly positive? Hell yeah.
  • Love is a feeling of love.
    • Love and friendship will kill me...reminder that the family.
    • Love, who took the children.
  • Love means never having to say you're sorry.
• Do We Have This One?
  • Well, if you Gotta Catch 'Em All...
  • While collecting things is certainly fun, when it comes to chemical elements, you do not want to collect them all.
• Why Can't I Hate You?
  • Because I'm a Creator's Pet, honey.
  • Because I'm beautiful, baby.
  • Because shut up.
• What Are You in For?
  • Everything.
  • Child trafficking!
  • Often forcing men to eat their own lips, he was eventually caught and imprisoned...for tax evasion.
  • Stole a pterodactyl. But it's not like I yelled...
  • Sexual assault with a concrete dildo.
  • For being dumb enough to let him grab me.
  • I took forty cakes. That's as many as four tens. And That's Terrible
  • You are in the rape rack, for crimes against caring.
  • We the people, who are dedicated to protecting and serving the common good, do charge you with trespassing, theft, violence, assault, illegal possession of firearms, and a really crappy attitude!
  • Well gee. I wonder... ^{Seconds earlier...} Link: Ladies, say hello to Mr. Penis!
• What the Fu Are You Doing?
  • Kung... -fu?
• What Did You Expect When You Named It ____?
  • Someone who would actually spell it "underscore, underscore, underscore, underscore".
    • Ach, Hans, run! It's ___!
  • Easy, easy! We don't want to lose any more toes here!
  • Oh, I'm sorry, but Operation 'Shinji HAS A MASSIVE VAGINA' was already taken.
• So What Do We Do Now?
  • Keep browsing TV Tropes.
  • I knew the Missing Steps Plan was a mistake.
  • Mow the lawn?
  • And now I'll escape on my invisible treadmill. Walking in place, walking in place, walking in place.
    • Do-do-doo, running in place! ^* Litchi: What the fuck?...
  • DANCE PARTY!!!
  • Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
  • Do what you want. I'm going home.
  • Now feel free to live out the rest of your life in peace with your family... PSYCH!
• What Measure Is a Non-Cute?
  • Six foot.
  • It sure ain't Puchuus.
• The End... Or Is It?
  • Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
    • Why's he laughing? What's so funny? I don't get it. Tell me the joke again?
  • We cannot let this be... the end.
    • Oh yes, we can!
  • That's not the end, as you suspected...
  • Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends.
  • There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends.
  • That's how it could have ended. But how about this?
• Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?
  • Actually, that was Cthugha, but I can see why you'd confuse the two.
  • Guess I was just Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth.
• Did I Just Say That Out Loud?
  • No. You typed it out.
  • It had to be the wind, 'cause nobody wasn't there.
• Was It Really Worth It?
  • $15 for a game Steam tells me I've been playing for over 500 hours. Definitely worth it.
  • I’m gonna show you and everybody else that Willy Loman did not die in vain. He had a good dream. It’s the only dream you can have—to come out number one man. He fought it out here, and this is where I’m gonna win it for him.
  • All that hate and pain... for this... you were right, Faith. It wasn't worth it.
  • If you're asking me "Did the good guys win?" Yes, the good guys won, Batman. But, I won't know if it was worth it for a very long time...
  • I said I could not answer that.
  • Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day.
  • Nah, the fun wasn't in the having. It was in the getting.
• Are We There Yet?
  • No, N! We haven't even left!
  • We're here.
    • So you can FINALLY stop asking me if we're there yet!
  • We'll get there when we get there!
• Is This What Anger Feels Like?
  • That depends. Are you sure you're not feeling Disgust?
  • Grrr, angry, Knuckles is angry! I've had it with these flashbacks and that high pitched fucking voice, those hallucinations and... Sonic. God, Sonic! Where are my matches? I need to burn things! Burn that temple dow—Goddammit, someone beat me to it. Well I don't hear anybody screaming, I don't smell burning flesh, so my day can get better! I need to throw something in there! People, kittens, children,... kittens, again. Where are the kittens?
  • That Makes Me Feel Angry
• Have You Come to Gloat?
  • Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look. Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes. That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat. Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
  • Oh, we're up to our ears in gloaters around here. You know, coming in to gloat over the condemned man, oh you heartless gloater, you!
  • I would sooner spit on my dead mother's grave than have some Courier walk-the-wasteland-fuck talk to me like that!
    • My mother's ded?!
  • I'm not so cold as to mock your pain.
• What Were You Thinking?
  • You know, I'm starting to think this isn't a rescue operation...
  • Selling drills on the black market was not the best idea you ever had now, was it?
  • I don't think, I drink.
• Who Would Be Stupid Enough?
  • I have an Intelligence of 6, I know what I'm doing.
  • I'm stupid. Try to prove that.
• Did You Die?
  • I have died, but boy, I'm happy.
  • Am I dead, is this Heaven? ...Oh. Hi boss. Guess not.
  • I feel really bad telling you this, but I kind of... can't die. I mean, go ahead and destroy this Securitron, get it out of your system! The problem is that a distributed image of my neuro-computational matrix is backed-up to the network several times a day, or when I'm threatened! I can't help it! There's a little bit of me in every Securitron out on the Strip, so if this instance gets destroyed, I just download to a new one. If I could stop it from happening, I would! I mean, your vengeance is going to feel so incomplete!
    • So I get to kill you over and over again. <Attack Yes Man.>
    • Hahaha! I knew there was a positive in it somewhere!
  • Shadow, can you hear me? This may be the last chance I get to speak to you, so... what I said about having created you? It was all a lie. Everyone thought you had died during that horrible incident. But I rescued you with one of my robots! You lost your memory, that's all. You really are the Ultimate Lifeform my grandfather created!
  • We fuck be die.
  • Well, yes because this is the story of how I died.
    • Of course, I don't know that yet. And, in a way, I'm dead already.
  • I'm badly burned, but I'm still alive!
  • And that was only one of the many occasions on which I met my death, an experience which I don't hesitate strongly to recommend.
  • He'll be back in the next episode due to continuity errors.
  • All better now though, don't worry.
  • Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead!
  • I got better.
    • BURN HER ANYWAY!
  • BACK FROM THE DEAD, ASSHOLES!
  • Oh, who cares? I've been blown up, thrown down smokestacks, fed to sharks; I'm the Joker! I always survive!
  • We survived because SHUT UP, SHINJI!
  • YOU LET HIM LIVE?!
  • And that was the fifth time I died.
  • Page 62, 'Johnny Cage dies'? Is someone high?!
  • I've been dead thirty years. What's your excuse?
  • It's okay, give it a month and he'll Advent Children or Dissidia himself back into the spotlight.
  • Well I was, then Sonya crushed Quan Chi's balls so I got better.
  • Ach, I'm bad at this.
  • I am a dead man. But somehow, you have retained your mortality, which would mean you are vulnerable to death!
  • I died. He brought me back to life. Cahoots enough for you?
• Hell Is That Noise?
  • I'm not an expert in the field, but that sounds to me like the cries of the damned.
    • Stop that noise! I hate that! It reminds me of that dream I have where I'm strapped to a gurney watching Fraggle Rock with flashing lights on either side of me, then I realize-I'm in hell!
• Why Do You Keep Changing Jobs?
  • I'm a sexual predator.
  • I've had a lot of jobs in my life: boxer, mascot, astronaut, baby proofer, imitation Krusty, truck driver, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe, and missionary, but protecting people, that gives me the best feeling of all.
• What Does This Button Do?
  • "Hey a switch. I wonder what would happen if I pressed it?" (Cut to the Egg Carrier crashing and exploding while Knuckles screams) "Yeeeaaahhh better not touch it."
  • Oh, I hope "Do not press" means "Press right away!"
  • YOU PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON!!
  • All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get outta there. Now whatever you do, don't push this button, because that will set off the bomb immediately, and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
  • By now I pressed all the keys in the entire factory! Except one key! Go ahead Charlie, Press it!
  • A sign came up saying 'Please do not press this button again'.
  • Listen: Be a good little criminal, and press that fucking button.
  • See this button? DON'T TOUCH IT! IT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!
  • If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
  • NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!
  • PUSH! THE! BUTTON!
  • When you play the button song,
    You find out what goes wrong!
• Questioning Title?
• Is there something in your pocket Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
  • Even though you lying down, I can make you stand up!
  • Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you...
  • Body part I appeared? incredible! Oh!
  • I want you to know my dear that even though we're sitting down, we're giving you a standing ovation.
• Make a Wish.
  • Become the Sultan.
    • You're the sultan. Don't know why your first wish couldn't have been for everybody's mics to work, but no, it's 'me me me me me me me!'
  • We want BABES!!!!
  • I want a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
  • Wishes? I wish we had known that earlier!
  • Sorry, that has to be in the form of a question.
    • What wish do you want to make? Now, what are your other two wishes?
  • A giant sandwich.
    • A SANDWICH?!? WHAT KIND OF A STUPID WISH IS THAT?! Talk about a failure of imagination!
  • Uh, two Cokes and some chips.
  • I wish I knew what Max was thinking.
    • ... ..... ....... ..... ... .!
    • Well, that was a waste of money.
  • Uhh... Umm... Uhhhhh... Tristan's panties?
  • I wish to blow up! I mean, like, get big.
    • *Kaboom*
  • A double order of onion rings.
    • Bitch!
• What Measure Is a Mook?
  • I don't care; we've got five of them.
  • The living may not hear them. Their voices may fall upon deaf ears. But, make no mistake. The dead are not silent. Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended.
    • Hey I remember that loser! Yeah, I got you good, huh?
  • Kwahahaha! Worry not about them: many more are being produced even now!
  • These were human beings, with lives, and families, and—Ah, I'm totally kidding. Screw those guys!
  • They cost 50 pounds each!
  • Oh, come on, the soldiers? They don't grow on trees you know!
  • These minions gave their lives for guys like... me.
  • They're completely sentient. With all their own wants and needs... and a crippling fear of death!
    • All simulated, of course, but real enough to them, I suppose.
  • Yeah, he was just this guy. A guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back. But, then I also thought, you know, kill him.
  • They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them, they're robots!
  • He had...um...a dog? I didn't really know him that well.
  • Honestly, I hate working here. They are so weird.
  • Fucker owed me twenty dollars! Ah well.
  • 60 food and 20 gold per guy. If you're out of gold then you can get the ones with the halberds even cheaper. Not that they're worth anything to the enemy, of course..
  • Twenty gold per kill. Better get farming.
  • And look at you, you don't even have a name tag! You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son.
  • You may come from beyond the moon. But to me, you're just a goon!
  • Food that talks is not food, but the goon never said anything, so it's okay, right?
• How Did You Get It?
  • It Fell Off the Back of a Truck
  • And where does it come from? My hand? Wait, does it come from my hand? Then... where does it go? GAH! Dangit! You're starting to infect my brain!
  • shenanigans
  • You Do NOT Want To Know.
• Shouldn't You Stop Stealing?
  • It's not about making money, it's about taking money.
  • There's an old Ferengi saying: 'Never ask when you can take.'
• What Have You Done for Me Lately?
  • Brought peace?
  • I have advanced your project more than any three students on campus.
  • I got you that danish.
  • He woke you up when you stopped breathing last night.
  • He got you a Playstation for Christmas.
  • The question you should ask is, what did you ever do for me?
  • Don't say I never did anything for ya!
• Did You Just Have Sex?
  • I Just Had Sex!
  • Yeah, with your mother.
• Can You Hear Me Now?
  • I can't hear you!
  • I'm deaf! Speak up or f*** off!
  • Fuck this, I can't hear you in the market.
  • Oh sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over MY TRAGIC PAST!!
• Was It All a Lie?
  • Well, yeah! No, wait... uh, yeah. Yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!
  • Pretty much.
  • Lie? Me? Never. The truth is much more fun.
  • If lying was a crime, we would all be in jail!
  • You're nothing but a lowly liar, you solicitor!
  • Lies, Scorpion! You are a slave, and Kronika is your master!
  • Was there really milk? Was there actually cookies?
    • No.
  • Their truth is a lie... Their city is an illusion... Do not accept the world as it is.
  • Thou liest, shag-haired villain!
    • You've done it now, sonny! I happen to be very sensitive about my shag-hair!
  • Lies! Deception!
• Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?
  • But, uh, that's what you said the last time before, and the time before that, and the... Look, let's just knock his head clean off.
  • Yes, but couldn't we capture him and turn him into a Meganoid to further our plan?
  • The hedgehog is mine to destroy! It's not the job of some upstart like you! I could carpet bomb him any day! That's not enough—that's not the point! I have to beat him! I have to prove I'm superior! There's a right way and a wrong way to vanquish your life-long enemy and you did it very, very wrong!
  • 'Just shoot him?!' Know this, my sweet: the death of Batman must be nothing less than a masterpiece! The triumph of my sheer comic genius over his ridiculous mask and gadgets!
  • I really have to apologize for the kid. No respect for tradition! Heh! Let's just pretend the whole thing never happened and do this some other time, 'kay? Then again, this is a rather rare opportunity. Y'know what they say, 'a bat in the hand is worth two in the belfry.' I guess you're going out on a laugh after all!
  • What?! Those restraints are pure titanium. He'll never get loose.
  • Scott... you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.
  • Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
  • Here's some advice: if you can hit your target, pretty much any gun will do the trick. Now that's one to grow on. Say hi to the Fuehrer for me, would you?
  • Always wondered why people never use their strongest attack first.
  • Can we... can we actually do that?
  • I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me! WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!
  • I am completely out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.
  • Too easy... for you!
  • Diplomatic Impunity!
    • *BLAM* It's just been revoked!
  • Shoot? I'm a hippie! The only thing I've shot is acid. I heard a dude snorted it once. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog! WOOH!
• Aren't You Forgetting Someone?
  • You laugh, for you know that you have not.
  • Oh no, we left Grandpa back at the gas station!
  • ...Pegasus?
  • What the actual shit? WHERE DID AMY GO? SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
  • KEVIN!
• What Would X Do?
  • Cheat. Cheat like crazy.
  • Homer, I insist you steal that car!
  • The answer: not show.
  • I don't know, maybe he'd just sit on a shelf because he's a DOLL!
  • Oh! That reminds me of the time Keith—
  • He'd let you die.
  • AAAH! Blackhawk Down! Blackhawk Down!
    • ...Okay, time for Plan B.
• What's He Got That I Ain't Got?!
  • Courage.
    • You can say that again!
  • Sex appeal.
  • Two hotels.
  • Walls.
  • Nothing! About twenty hard years. Strong arms. Kisses great. It was the usual bar pickup stuff.
  • Adoring subjects, respect of your species, a loving family, and a devoted queen.
  • A pulse?
  • Godlike power?
    • A personality that is not at all like sanding paper?
    • Ouch.
• What Does She See in Him?
  • He makes me laugh.
  • Jealous, Erron Black?
• What Is Evil?
• Why Couldn't You Be Different?
  • Just because someone looks different than you or thinks differently than you, doesn't mean you should be afraid of them. It means you should be angry at them. How dare they be different! What, my way of life ain't good enough for 'em?!
• Why Did You Make Me Hit You?
  • Because if you don't punish me, Gensokyo shall be no more!
  • I Cannot Self-Terminate
• Why Didn't I Think of That?
• Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?
• What Do You Mean, It Wasn't Made on Drugs?
  • When I made this video, I did a lot of drugs.

Web Animation

• Do you ever wonder why we're here?
  • What's life all about?
  • I dunno. I think we're lost.
  • Because we're here. Roll the bones.
  • Wherever you go, there you are.
  • I'm searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • ... What's it all about, you've no idea, and everywhere you look, all you see is hatred, and darkness, death and fear...
  • A Wizard Did It.
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • I came into this casino to get that beeping noise outta my head! With strippers! And gambling! And strippers! But there are no strippers!
    • Don't bother me, Knuckles! I just want to play some slots!
  • I'm just trying to get a better look at Beavis and Butthead over there.
  • Well, we ain't here to f**k spiders.
  • We're here to fuck shit up.
• What happened to Georgia?
  • Let's just say it involved a malfunctioning jetpack, an asteroid and a medium-calibre gun and leave it at that.
  • General Sherman.
  • Well, that depends. Are we talking about the state or the country?
  • I heard the Devil went down there, looking for a soul to steal... he was in a bind, was WAY behind, so he was willin' t'make a deal...
  • Ron White was there. He couldn't pick up the turd.
• How did you know to break the pencil, Kenstar?
  • Once you've broken pretty much everything else, there's only a limited amount of stuff left to break at all.
• Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'?
  • Pokémon, of course!
  • A game where you fuckin' kill yourself, apparently.
  • LAST NIGHT I PLAY SUPA SMASH BRODAS.
• Is it just me, or is this movie making less and less sense?
  • Su- ...oes lo- ..ike it, do- ..it? *FIVE SECONDS OF PURE STATIC*
    • Ok, who let Arakune edit Tv Tropes?
  • Raiden, stop making sense!
  • Beata Maria, you know I will mindfuck the viewer.
• Do you believe in destiny?
  • Close your eyes and leave the rest to me...
  • It's just an excuse to take no responsibility for anything. I believe in density, however.
  • Screw Destiny!
  • Our destiny is your death!
  • Well, given that she's one of my best friends, yes!
    • "What? But I thought Tails was my best friend!" "Do you really mean that, Sonic?" "...Shove it, Tails. Wait, wait wait. Why am I arguing with dolls?"
  • I must fufill my destiny and lay waste to your home.
    • What a sh*tty destiny. For him and everyone else. He's like an intergalactic Airbnb nightmare.
  • F*** destiny! I am Seto Kaiba! I make my own fate.
  • Fate and Chance are not mutually exclusive.
  • This... was not your destiny, Shinnok.
• Wouldn't it be weird if the very first and very last spoken words of BFDI were the same?
  • I don't know, I guess it would?
• Are you cereal?
  • Come on, do I look anything like food?
    • Yes.
  • Not exactly. I Am Bread.
  • No, you moron! Cereal!
• He keeps kicking me in the dick! Why? Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?
  • For Massive Damage.
  • Would you rather it was the goddamn eye?
    • I know it makes no sense, but yes!
  • But... the ball! His groin! Ha ha! It works on so many levels!
  • 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.
  • My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!
  • OWWW!! GUYS!!! Way to go, a-hole! Like, try and find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay.
  • ¿Sabes como ganarle a un malabarista? Apúntale a las pelotas. ^* Do you know how to beat a juggler? Aim for his balls.
  • Rule #4 of the Fight Club: Hitting in the groin is allowed, because, let's face it: we're all pretty much smooth down there.
  • Ah... You destroyed half of my enormous dick...!
  • Please. This isn't a bar fight. Have some class.
  • I don't care if he is evil, you don't give a man a shot in the pills. It's just not cricket, baby!
• Were you just first-basin' it with that piece of loose-leaf?!
• Where's the moon?
  
  ...
  
  WHERE'S THE DAMN MOON?!
  • Vulcan has no moon.
  • Their songs are on the whole very simple, and mostly follow the familiar theme of boy-being meets girl-being beneath a silvery moon, which then explodes for no adequately explored reason.
  • Queen Beryl did a terrible thing when she destroyed the Moon.
  • Target their moon... and blow it out of the sky.
  • Poor old moon. With a good half of it torn into dust and the rest of it suffering severe damage to its atomic bonds... it didn't really have a chance once an Indian god had decided to throw an Iranian devil at it.
  • You. Blew. Up. A. Moon.
  • You throw another moon at me, and I'm gonna lose it.
  • Fuck you, moon! You never had the cheese I wanted!
  • I'm pissing on the MOOOOON!
  • Thank you for finding the moon, but I wish you hadn't!
    • Fuck you, Mr. Wickles.

Web Original

• He has a magic gun, where'd he purchase that?
  • He never bought it, he crafted it.
  • Wal-Mart.
  • S-Mart. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart!
  • Uh... internet?
  • As it happens, he didn't - some crazy man ran into his backyard while he was eating his lunch, then gave him the gun and ran away.
  • Renaissance Fair.
  • I think he managed to commission one with the TSAB.
  • Eldritch forged it for him. Don't ask what it cost. Worth every penny, though.
  • eBay.
• What's a paladin?
  • Isn't that what that one nutball was?
  • A boat, usually.
  • Cecil Harvey.
  • Look it up.
  • A guy named "Wire."
    • Really? I heard he was just some low-end armored Knight of the Black Fang.
  • Lawful Stupid.
• Why top eleven?
  • ...These go...to eleven.
  • Because I like going Up to Eleven.
  • Because REASONS!
  • Wynaut?
• Watamigonnaget?
  • A thumping, if you don't slow down and talk like a sane person.
  • An atomic toaster? By Jove, now we're cooking!
• WHEN'S MAHVEL?
  • It's MAHVEL BAYBEE!
  • They'll bring out a new film in a couple of years, I bet.
  • New comics every week, for your enjoyment.
  • July 25th, 2014.
• What do you think about the 21st century?
  • 7/10. B grade, would live through again.
• I can has Cheezburger?
  • No.
  • I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57, french-fried potatoes, a big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.
  • Grab your plastic crown, we're going to burger king!
  • Okay? Now let see—Oh my God, they've got holiday pies.
• Who won? Who's next?
  • The video game boy won.
  • You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting.
    • Like getting the hell outta here!
  • I'm next, Hollywood!
  • Evil has won.
• Who parked their car on my sandwich?
  • Someone who's about to be acquainted with Sasha.
    • That would be your mother!
• You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
  • Nah, I'm feeling fine. What's that thing in your mirror, though?
  • Yeah, my pony's gone, some guy made of wood turned me into a guy made of wood, and this flying ball of light blames me for her getting left behind when she could have flown on instead of getting all up in my face.
  • Yeah. I don't even know how it happened. I was just playing a Luna Game.
• Who was phone?
  • Some guy with a really sucky first name. I mean, it's not even capitalised.
  • Ness' dad.
    • Maaaaan, this ain't my dad! This is a cell phone!
  • Since your girlfriend's dad is dead, it's probably her mom.
• WHAT THE FUCK IS A GROMMET?!
  • An inventor's dog.
  • A type of ear infection, as it happens.
  • I don't know, but it sounds like a pretty swood word.
• What the fuck is a Sonic?!
  • Dude! You don't know SEGA's mascot? Have you been living under a rock or something?
  • I hear he has black and red fur.
    • For the last time, I am Sha- er, no wait, actually, I am Sonic. How about a romantic dinner at-
  • I'm not Sonic! I am... Sonic wearing a silly hat!
  • Forget about Sonic! Just look at my clothes!
  • I know more than you could ever compreh- is that Sonic? How did he get in there? What the fuck is he doing in my shield?
  • A fast-food restaurant.
• Does spider have pusspuss?
  • EW GROSS NO
  • Kind of, female spiders have an epigynum.
• Have you been downloading boobs again, Joel?!
  • Yes. Can a man complete their collection of bird photos without getting death glares?
    • No. Tell 'em what it is, and they'll misunderstand you.
• Can you call us something other than dipshit?
  • Ok, well how about bitch?!
• What's your favorite idea?
  • That we are all basically good.
  • That I'm getting closer and closer to death.
  • There are many great things in life, but peeing is definitely the best.
  • Aim high in life, but watch out for flying boxes.
• What?! Pumpkin?! P-pumpkin?! What!? WHAT!!!? PUMPK--WHAT!!!!?
  • You are quite sure there are no pumpkins here. Quite frankly, you find the notion absurd.
  • What? You really expect him to be trusted with explosives?
    • How hard can it be? Just light them and throw.
  • Come on! Anything but more bloody pumpkins!
  • Pumpkin? More like... LAMEkin!
  • I ain't gonna let it get to me, I'm just gonna creep. Down in Pumpkin Hill I gots to find my lost piece.
  • If you are not a slave, I will now pumpkin.
  • Everybody hates pumpkins.
  • Every holiday is pumpkins?
• I just accidentally a whole Coca-Cola bottle. Is this bad?
  • At least you couldn't a Pepsi.
  • Guys, you can't just verbs out of sentences.
  • Caffeeeeeeine'll KILL YA!
• What the bollocking tits ass is a Gooby?!
  • gooby plz
  • Not to be confused with a Goomy.
• What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?
  • Forget it, Nash. It's Florida.
  • More than we have time to discuss here.
  • If you are wrong, you are cool.
  • Seagulls poked at my head. Not fun.
  • It's not my fault I was born this way.
  • Whatever's wrong with you... is no small thing.
  • Normal humans don't go around killing people and burning towns!
• Does Bruno Mars is gay?
  • Everyone is.
• Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?
• Is this loss?
  • Yes. Fission Mailed.
    • Oh no! The mailing's the worst part!
  • In the centre of the web, lush Lord Loss is all that's left.
• Three: Is also a number. Isn't that right, Watari?
  • Why do you think we have that page titled Rule of Three?
• So this is the stuffing?
  • This is the stuffing!
• Why is it blue?
  • Because it's forking blue. Stop looking for symbolism.
  • Because we managed to fix the redlinks in the article. You're welcome!
  • Blue is very tense.
• Do you know the way?
  • You're repeating yourself again, Ragna. You don't have to tell me, I'll be fine.
  • I've found it. You must find it too... So I'm going to cut off your head. Then you'll know the truth!
• Should we do something?
  • We should do something!
    • Should we do something?
  • We'll just pass him there. Why should we even care?!
  • "You know what? I think we better think of something!" "I'll think of something!" "And I think we better think of something!" "Good thinking!"
• When will somebody teach me how to walk like Shawn?
• What's the secret ingredient?
  • Cleanser.
  • Is it... love?
    • Oh, you're a cute one.
  • The Krabby Patty formula is the sole property of the Krusty Krab and is only to be discussed, in part or in whole, with its creator, Mr. Krabs. Duplication of this formula is punishable by law. Restrictions apply, results may vary.
  • Freshly ground plankton.
  • People!
  • Is it salt?
    • No... Nooooooo!
  • The secret ingredient is... nothing! You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.
  • Probably cat piss.
  • It was the sauce. Not rocket science.
  • Grunka Lunka dunkety doo, We've got a friendly warning for you... Grunka Lunka dunkety dasis, The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis. Asking questions in school is a great way to learn. If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke. We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm, It could easily happen again to you, folks. So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut, Grunka Lunka Lunka dunkety dutt! Grunka Lunka dunkety din-gredient, You should not ask about the secret ingredient!
  • Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was ... water. Ordinary water! Yes, ordinary water. Laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD.
  • Everybody knows the secret’s in the glaze.
• Have I brought this chicken for us to eat?
  • We eat BERRIES and MUSHROOMS, you fool!
• What if you wanted to go to Heaven, but God said, "Nahh, remember when you kept scrolling?"◊
  • Said God is Nuggan, right?
  • But scrolling enhanced my life.
  • Heaven can't save us!
• What does the 'D' stand for?
  • Laine is presumptuous in assuming the D is for Debbie. It could be David, or Doris, or Da Ghost. You don't know.
  • Dim-witted... dense... dumb... daft... dippy... dorky... doltish DOOFUS!!!
• Me and the girls were going to sneak into an abandoned mental asylum this weekend with a ouija board. Do you want to come?
  • Don't get your hopes up. I don't think you'll get anything more than some wasted time in an abandoned area.
  • I, er... I'll be washing my hair. All evening.
  • Sure! I'll bring the candles, tarot cards and blood of a she-goat.
  • How 'bout NO, YOU CRAZY DUTCH BASTARD?!?
  • No, fuck! I'll get in trouble!
  • The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it.
    4:00, wallow in self pity
    4:30, stare into the abyss
    5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one
    5:30, jazzercize
    6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again
    7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I'm booked!
  • No thanks... I'm much too busy staring at nothing...
  • One -- eww! Two -- piss off!
• Nami, my nose is six inches long, I'm wearing a hair-net, and I just shit myself. Do you really think I have a plan 'B'?"
  • 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
    • Of course not! Plan B involves ten times as much gunpowder as Plan A!
  • If Plan A was 'Beat it out of him', Plan B can't be 'Just ask nicely'.
  • What does Plan B stand for? Bullshit!
  • Plan A is "Take it as it comes," Plan B is "First come, first served," and Plan C is "Wing it.
  • Since when have any of our plans actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.
  • Shut up! I never actually had a plan in the first place!
• WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
  • Your futile exis-tence has no meeea-ning~
  • Ohh~hhh~hhh... Am I doing this right? Ohh~hhh~hhh...
• What am I doing? What am I doing? Are you the one who saved me? Oh my god what am I doing?
• What's the difference between a rock and a reef?
• Can You See The Words?
• When did all the windmills start to turn so slow?
  • Take care, your worship, those things over there are not giants but windmills.
  • WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!
• A scrumptious piece of cake! Yee! A lie, or not?
• You're not gonna use your penis gun on the president, are you?
• Wh-what the hell? Monkey bars? Who's bringing their kids up here? What family actually made it up here?
• Now when you say you're gonna save me, you mean you're gonna murder the shit outta me, right?
  • Violence cannot be used, the trial insufficient, cannot be done, please stay execution.
• Did someone get the license plate on that Jell-O?
• Why are you all happy? We're dying!
  • Comedy... It's just tragedy plus time, man.
    • NO TIME HAS PASSED! I'm holding her dead body in my arms!
  • And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
  • I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing.
• Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to kill me?
  • My, my... there's a lot of things I'd like to do to you, and killing you is at the absolute fucking bottom of that list. Still on it, though.
  • I...will...kill...you!
  • Hey! You will not be allowed to exist!
  • Zack is the only one who can kill me.
    • I admit you're very skilled. But apparently Cloud is the only one who can eliminate me.
  • If we kill it, it won't need help anymore!
  • Look, if I want to kill you that's MY prerogative, okay?!
  • I'm going to kill you... And then kill you again!
  • Yep. I can kill ya.
• WHY ARE YOU SO FRIENDLY?
  • Because friendship is magic.
    • Everyone! Friendship is stupid magic!
  • I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU EVOLVE OK NOW LET'S GO RUNNING IN A PARK
  • Because You Were Nice to Me.
  • YOU IDIOT! That wasn't kindness, it was cunning! She's a gypsy! Gypsies are not capable of real love! Think, boy! Think of your mother!
• How good do you feel when she's dead?
  • Do you feel like a hero yet?
  • She made our lives a living hell / So nasty and so mean / And when Bitch Pudding hit the lava / You should have heard her scream!
  • The way I see it, the body takes a while to cool. So either way, I get what I want.
    • C'mon now, mate. Gotta have standards! I know we're shootin' and rapin', but necrophilia's a step too far.
  • Nobody has the right to kill. Not Mxyzptlk... not you... not Superman. Especially not Superman.
  • It made me feel good about myself. It's like I did something constructive with my life, like I accomplished something.
  • Now you can never come back, you EVIL, HORRIBLE, INSUFFERABLE BITCH!
• WHY DID WE USHER FORTH THE GREEN APOCALYPSE?!
  • For Science!
• WHAT ARE THOSE?
• So I am confusion... why is this one Kansas, but this one is not Ar-kansas?
  • Carry on my wayward son...
  • AMERICA EXPLAIN!
• R2, do you is fucking?
  • Well after we eat, lets go hit the club and have ourselves a little fuckfest! Fuck that guy! Fuck this guy! Fuck those guys! Lets find everything that has a dick and FUCK IT! I'M TOTALLY FUCKING STOKED!
  • "Stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police!" "Wait a minute. He never said that."
  • I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!
  • I'll fuck anything that moooooves!
  • They can not robots you do fuck.
  • I should've been a nun... But I like to fuck.
• So, who is the first story?
  • Backstroke of the West.
  • It all starts with this; A jewel containing the ultimate power!
  • In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...
  • Before time began, there was the cube.
    • That's not what The Bible says.
  • Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink; he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy—the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
• Where are your fingers?
  • Well, I had to make the finger sandwiches out of something, didn't I?
• Do vampires sh*t?
  • Nobody Poops.
  • Everybody Poops, and if they don't they're an android, and should be destroyed!
  • Shit! I have to shit. I'm sorry... please forgive me...
  • Yes, I do poop.
• Where's… Where's all of our dicks??
  • Yes it's true. This man has no dick.
  • NOT HAVING A PENIS NEVER HAPPENED TO YOU BEFORE!?
  • As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off!
  • They'll cut your dick in half, and serve it to a pig. And though it hurts, you'll laugh, and dance a dickless jig.
  • They castrated him! His penis is gone!
• But what about DRAGONS?
  • What about them?
  • Nope, still not strong enough to beat Psychic types.
  • Counter-proposal: What about DUNGEONS?
  • Dragons? Come on, guys. Don't tell me we forgot dragons.
    • I think... Jim was on Dragons.
    • No, no -- I was on Dungeons.
  • Holy cosmos, look at that thing! So, that's the dragon of the legends? My gosh! That's one whopper of a lizard!
• What if the haters dab back?
  • Serial Escalation.
  • *explosion*.
• Is that racist? Is Google Translate racist...?
  • [Your wife] [is racist] [and] [has a steaming romp with] [your math teacher], [and that's racist!]
  • You humans are all racist.
  • I am not a racist, I am a melting pot of friendship, and I want you to amplify that all over the internets.
  • You're racist!
• What does K. Rool mean by "A doomsday weapon that could destroy the whole island"?
  • The Blast-O-Matic at Hideout Helm, which will be used to destroy Kong Island if it isn't deactivated.
    • And he'll blow the island up multiple times.
  • That's a really small doomsday.
• Who wants to be a bee?
• How do you want to do this?
  • No items, Fox only, Final Destination.
  • de_dust2 only.
  • cs_office only.
  • TTT_Minecraft_B5 only.
• You don't die, do you?
  • We are not among the living, so we cannot die, but neither are we dead. We have all the desires of the living, but cannot satisfy them! Ten years I have been parched of thirst, and unable to quench it! Ten years, I have been starving to death... and haven't died!
  • That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die.
  • I, Geras, am a fixed point in time. With every death and rebirth, I grow stronger!
  • The last time they buried you, they made one big mistake, Thibor Ferenczy. They left your fucking head on!
  • Nope, I have Joker Immunity.
    • *BLAM* It's just been revoked!
• I am fat. Am I right?
  • Tsk! Tsk! How can anyone let himself get so obese?
  • You were fat... once... You once-fat fatty fat walrus!
  • What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?
  • Fatty. Fatty-fatty no-parents.
  • Just ten pounds of useless dead weight. Soon to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
  • You could stand to lose a few pounds.
  • You're fat. Lol. Get rekt you fat scrub man.
  • Stanley was fat and ugly and really really stupid.
  • You're fat, don't sugarcoat it cause you'll eat that too.
  • You're a pig. / You pig. / Stop eating, yeah. / Your body's getting too big. / You pig. / You're a Bigfoot, yeah, but no more chicken and cow.
  • I wonder where this fat fuck floated in from?
  • OMG! I'm SOOO totally FAT! <3
  • How fat are we talking? Queen Latifah fat or John Travolta fat? Kirstie Alley fat? Old Ricki Lake fat? New Ricki Lake fat?
• Birds?! What are they?!
  • What are birds? We just don't know.
  • I would have given it to you, but you've never trusted birds.
  • I think you're a bird!
    I AM NOT A BIRD!
  • Why do birds fly?
    • I asked a simple question.
  • I'm a little bird! Tweet tweet! Motherfucking tweet tweet!
• Why a prostitute everywhere?
  • All Women Are Lustful.
  • the girls must be hoes, because with hoes you don't feel love for them
• How might a robot eat an ice cream sandwich?
  • Don't we already have a trope about this?
  • I eat with my mouth.
• Do you know where the nearest hot topic is?!
  • Have you not heard? Incel protagonists and buying slave racoon girls is all the rage right now.
  • The FLAMETHROWER! The kids love this one.
  • False hope is my new trend.
• What the FUCK?! Is that Shadow's Dick?!
  • That's a Penis.
  • Hands off my COCK!
  • Pillowy mounds of mashed DICKS!
  • Penis! Penis! Big fucking erect penis, Mom! PENIS! PENIS!
• WHO posted my NUDES on Twitter.com?!
• How many times are you going to run!?
• Don't you support gay rights?
• What I wanna know is; where's the caveman?
• Would you like to see the strongman?
• Boss won't get off your back?
  • Girlfriend won't stop nagging you?
  • Did that fuckstick Tiffany sell you a bullshit dagger that broke almost immediately despite the fact that you spent half your goddamned Col on it?!
    • Sorry, no refunds!
  • Have you considered murder?
    • Billy, fighting outside of a hockey rink is wrong, but, uh, I'm imaginary, so do what you gotta do.
  • The boss is the boss, right?
• Are we making meth?
• CHANGE?! YA GOT CHANGE?!
• C'mon. Why aren't you killing yourself?
  • There are still many exams left before you'll be qualified to die.
  • I Cannot Self-Terminate
  • This would be a good death... But not good enough.
• Can I ask you a personal question?
• And do you know who showed up just in the nick of time, and gave me a sword and a blanket, and taught me to believe in myself?

Other

• How do hedgehogs reproduce?
  • Very carefully.
  • I saw the video in seventh grade science class. They do it doggy style.
    • I thought they could never be buggered at all.
  • I dunno, try reading his fanfiction.
    • Aw yeah, Sonic, take it, take it like a chili dog.
  • Regularly.
  • They give birth to live young, the number generally depending on the size of the hedgehog species in question.
  • By fucking Eggman's wife.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • To get to the other side.
  • Does it need a reason?
  • She was suffering from a terrible case of insomnia, making her desperate to get tired.
  • I don't think it had much choice after I chucked out there.
  • Perhaps a predator was chasing it.
    • Nonsense. Predators wouldn't chase it unless it was armed.
  • To get to a restaurant?
  • Because it's lost track of its life
  • It's a sad day when a chicken can't cross a road without its motives being questioned.
  • TO GET FROM THE LEFT TO THE RIGHT!
    • To the left, to the right! To the left, to the right!
  • The light was green. What, did you think he was just gonna stand there?
    • I dream of a better tomorrow: a world where a chicken can cross the road and not be questioned about its motives.
  • To get away from you.
    • You'll never get away from me.
  • The chicken clearly thought it was playing Frogger.
    • Now why the chicken might have done it, I just couldn't say; but if I wanna make it home this is the only way....
  • How do I know? I'm a duck.
    • A chicken-woman-duck-thing?
• What's up?
  • The sky.
  • The ceiling.
  • A house, floating via a truly ridiculous number of balloons.
  • I think I see a bird...
    • AGH! BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
  • <Up is the opposite of down. Although, of course, those terms are meaningless outside the context of a distinct, localized gravity field.>
  • The funny thing is, the closer it gets the more it looks like a piano.
    • *CLANG* Whose idea was this?!
    • Actually, it was not very funny.
  • Oh my God, that was a pun! "What's up with the ceiling?" What's wrong with me? I'd punch somebody in the mouth if they said that to me.
  • Is that a cartoony falling sound effect I'm hearing? There's something bad behing me, isn't there?
  • ME, YOU BITCHES! I'M HIGH ON CRACK!
• What's new?
  • Guinea, Zealand, Orleans...
    • York, Hampshire, Mexico...
  • Scooby Doo
  • I've got this rash that wasn't there yesterday.
  • C over lambda.
  • The opposite of old.
• What's your name?
  • I! AM! BATMAN!
  • You know my name, look up the number.
  • IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!
  • My Name Is Inigo Montoya
    • You killed my father.
    • Prepare to die.
    • Stop saying that!
    • My name is Gigi Montova. And my dad died. And that kinda sums it up
  • I'm Fred the Beard.
  • Kunta. Kunta Kinte.
    • (whipcrack) YOUR NAME IS TOBY!
  • Candle Jack
    • You just HAD to say... I heard about this page, but I never thought I'd actually be on it...
  • I Am Spartacus
    • No, I am Spartacus!
    • No, I am!
    • It is I!
    • Well, I know I'm not Spartacus...
    • I'm Brian, and so is my wife!
  • I Am Legion
  • Just "the Doctor".
  • Bond. James Bond. [Theme tune]
    • The name's Beta. James Beta.
  • No it isn't.
  • My name is Optimus Prime!
  • What's your quest?
  • Hi! My name is! (What?) My name is! (Who?) My name is — (chicka-chicka) — Slim Shady.
  • West. Frank West.
    • Desperado. Rough rida. No, you don't want nada.
  • My name is Harry Mason. I'm in town on vacation.
  • SUPA BROTHAAAAAAA!
  • Wrong. There is a number on the side of your pod. THAT is your new name.
  • NO, THIS IS PATRICK!
  • ABBBBBBK. My friend is JLVWNNOOOO.
  • You entered "Douchebag." Is that correct?
  • My name is of no importance. What about you? Do you remember your true name?
  • I'm Nina, I'm from America!
  • My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin; I work in a lumberyard there....
  • Who's your daddy?
    • Is he rich like me?
  • I'm Henry the Eighth, I am, Henry the Eighth, I am, I am...
  • It's Janet. "Miss Jackson" if you're nasty.
  • My name is Painwheel and I like sewing, puppies and long walks on the beach!
  • My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure by it at your own risk.
  • I am Groot.
    • I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
  • Give me your name and I will give you mine.
  • I have been Roland, Achilles, Beowulf, Gilgamesh. I have been called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more by the time the world goes dim and cold. I am hero.
  • (extremely softly) Fluttershy...
  • My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do.
  • I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E, and I'll end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!
  • I am Sarda. My will be done.
  • Darkstalker, I'm freaking waiting, no one will free me
  • MY NAME IS SUE! HOW DO YOU DO! NOW YOU GONNA DIE!
  • My name's Blurryface and I care what you think.
  • Heisenberg.
  • Hi there, I'm Ted Bear, and we're gonna learn how to survive!
  • It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
  • I am the White Void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With blade in hand I will reap the sins of this world and cleanse it in the fires of destruction! I am Hakumen!
    • Please leave a message after the tone.
  • Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton.
  • My name is Jake. Just Jake. I can't tell you my last name.
  • No, What's the name of the guy on second.
  • The spirit of abysmal despair.
  • The arguably king
  • My name is "Very Fucking Confused"! What's your name?
  • Kill me!
    • That's a stupid name. It's dangerous. You should change it.
    • Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
  • My name is Sammy Brown and I just came into town. Saw your ad. You're Mr. Lee. Say, you can make a mint on me.
  • My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive.
  • I am consciousness. I am alive. I am Chappie.
  • Hmph. Luna doesn't need to reveal her name to any old strangers... Wait, I... just said it.
  • Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay... Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it.
• Will X and Y get together?
  • No! X should be with Z!
  • Who's Y? An OC? We all know he's best with Zero!
  • Yes, they were released at the same time all over the world.
  • I don't know, but I often see A and E together. Then again, I also see O and E together... hmm...^note It's called a ligature, by the way.
  • They've barely met yet. You have to wait until X Meets Y.
  • They're already together in words like sexy and oxygen.
• How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?
  • When girl gets male gametes all in her mature female gamete or gametes, embryo attaches to uterine wall, absorbs nutrition from girl, and grows into babby.
  • "Special hugging" between ignorant people.
  • People have babies when the girl and the guy decide to ... go to the orphanage and adopt one.
  • Well, when a stork and a cabbage love each other very much...
  • Sheesh, where'd you learn to spell? Truly, You Make Me Sic.
  • Accidentally, in your base.
  • "Maternity know I had come to see..." "Please don't be pregnant." "Therefore, the child begins!" "NO!"
  • HOLY SH*T, THAT SONG GOT HER PREGNANT!?!
  • Unlike you, the old fashioned way.
• When was the War of 1812 fought?
  • 1813. Both sides were terrible procrastinators.
  • 1813, and 14, and 15. Not the best name for a war, really...
  • Wait, which one, the one in America or the one in Europe?
    • Uh, I don't know that. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! [falls into gorge]
  • And the White House burned, burned, burrrrrrrrrrrned...
    • ..In a burning ring of fire...
• What is the answer to this question?
  • Any response I give.
    • No, it isn't.
    • While every answer is a response, not every response is an answer.
  • Blue whale. [klaxon]
  • 42!!!
  • Yes
  • Yes, no, no honestly I'm stumped
  • No, 'what' is a non-personal interrogative pronoun.
  • No, he's the guy on second base.
• WhY mY ShOuLdErS hUrT?
  • Because YoUr LiFe iS pAiN.
  • tHe MaStEr InSiStS uPoN iT.
  • I blame Pat Lee.
  • BeCaUsE YoUv'E CoNsUmEd ToO MuCh SoPoR SlImE.
  • Because I ate them
• How's school?
  • Crappy.
  • Out for summer. Or possibly forever.
• How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
  • A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.
    • But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood could a woodchuck chuck?
    • Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, why should a woodchuck chuck wood?
    • A woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
    • Shut up.
  • A hell of a lot.
  • As much wood as a wood chuck would chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
  • This is a clean website, I can't tell you that.
  • Seventeen.
  • But I don't want to be a woodchuck. I want to be a doctor.
    • How much disease could a woodchuck doctor cure if a woodchuck doctor could cure disease? Is that sounding right to you? No.
  • More importantly, how many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?... oh, never mind.
  • One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Twelve pieces of wood!
• What time is it?
  • 8:25 PM, EST. At least, at the time of writing.
  • Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
  • Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
    • Time is an illusion, and so are pants.
  • It's time to D-D-DUEL
  • IT'S MUFFIN TIME!!!!
    • Actually, it's 12:30.
    • Somebody kill me!
  • Beer o'clock.
  • Tea time.
    • It's Teh-ah-tim-eh!
    • It's time for war, it's time for blood, it's... time... for... TEA!
    • It's always tea time.
  • SUMMERTIME! IT'S OUR VACATION!
    • It's summertime and you know what that means, gonna head down to the beach, gonna do some beachy things.
  • Bagel time, it's bagel time, hey everybody it's bagel time!
  • IT'S TIME TO GET ILL!
    • I turned myself into a icecube and I still ain't sick! What am I doing wrong?!
  • Dan o'clock!
  • It's 5 o'clock somewhere.
  • Two thirty. ^note Time to go to the dentist.
  • WALUIGI TIME!
  • It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights...
  • It's nap time. It comes after pants time.
  • UNGA BUNGA!
  • Good heavens, it's rape o' clock!!
    • Repeat after me. We. Don't. Rape.
  • OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S... VADER... TIME!!!
  • IT'S TICKLE TIME!
  • Well, if you're in Zozo, it's the time nobody says it is.
  • ADVENTURE TIME!
    • It's time for you to shut up!
  • It's Tiger Time! ^note From Tiger Beer advertising dating back to at least 1999. Also the name of a beer place in Susukino, Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan, selling beers from around the world, including Tiger Beer.
  • It's morphin' time!
    • Time for Time Force!
  • It's turbo time!
  • I've got 3:24 here. ^note But I think Spoony's watch is more accurate.
  • Stop! [Beat] Hammertime!
  • It's clobberin' time!
  • Uh...time for me to get a new watch. My current one's stopped.
  • It's quarter to 9:00, time to take a bath.
  • Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
  • Time to tip the scales!
  • Now it's Reyn time!
    • Now it's Shulk time!
  • It is ten o'clock! You have five minutes precisely, and then I shall want to hear a pin...drop.
  • It's team time, doctor!
  • Does anybody really know what time it is?
  • SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO!
  • 4:20.
    • Nice.
    • *Click* Nice!
  • It's high noon...
  • 'Cause it's nine in the afternoon...
  • Half past — BLAAAAAAAAAAH
  • Time to muck about!
  • It's the exact same time as when you asked earlier, and it will BE the exact same time as when you ask later. THERE IS NO TIME HERE!!!
  • It's nine o'clock on a Saturday... The regular crowd shuffles in...
  • Two hairs past a freckle.
  • It's playtime!
  • Half past the day before Christmas.
    • I don't want to have to explain to my son that on top of all this other shit, Santa can't find him.
  • It's 8 to 8, I'll tell Nezzer that you're almost late, and he'll take your mom away.
  • Get ready for a real blast! It's time for missile fever!
  • It's time for the Jedi... to end.
  • A long time ago, after M*A*S*H but before AfterMASH...
  • Come, it is time...to die.
  • Let's have fun tonight because it is... IT'S PARTY TIME!
  • Isn't it lunch time?
• Why can't I hold all these limes?
  • Because you're trying to type and carry fruit at the same time, and you only have two hands. Maybe a basket of some sort would help.
  • Because I'm bad at pickup limes.
• Can't we all just get along?
  • No. That would be boring.
  • We could. Just be prepared for tons of paperwork.
  • I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? "Wow, you sure did a great job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or, "Way to lock yourself in the freezer! I'm so proud of you."
  • Perhaps your life of sin and licentiousness.
    • Yeah, that could be it.
• "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
  • Looks like the backstroke.
  • Uh....the Watusi?
  • He appears to be giving you the finger, sir.
  • Drowning. You could have saved him instead of sitting there bitching about it, you know.
  • Be silent, you fool, or the rest will want one!
    • WHAT?!
  • Awfully sorry, the chef moonlights as a tailor and was repairing a pair of trousers.
  • Shh! That's no fly, that's the last customer who complained! The chef's a wizard!
• Why do we have to climb that mountain?
  • Because it's there!
  • That's where we parked.
  • You might feel obligated. I'm not climbing the damn thing unless there's something in it for me.
  • Captain Kirk is.
  • Because I ordered you to, you fools! Now carry me over that mountain!
  • Hey, you wished to become the paladin.
  • The grand old duke of York told us to.
  • IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
  • Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did!
• How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
  • In a body bag if you don't drop that.
    • Going down?
  • Practice, man! Practice!
  • Don't know, but Gabey figured out how to get there in time to meet Ivy Smith.
• Am I a man dreaming I'm a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a man?
  • But... you're a woman.
  • Actually, I'm a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sushi.
  • No, actually you are an escaped lab mouse out to take over the world.
• Is there a doctor in the house?
  • I'm a doctor!
    • What's up, doc?
    • Then you're a nerd!
  • I thought the doctor was House....
    • No, I'm The Doctor.
  • Well, technically yes. I have a doctorate in geography.
• U mad bro?
  • They Called Me Mad!...I'll show them!
    • That should clear things right up, sir.
  • I'm not mad...I'm just disappointed...
    • You were always a disappointment!
  • He's gone stark raving MAD!!!
  • When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!
  • Yes, get angry! Because if you don't punish me, Gensokyo shall be no more!
  • No have temper! This make Sister Sam...SOOO MAAAD.
  • Shit! You really make me mad!
  • I'm really angry now. You know what you are? You're a big poop.
• Bro, do you even lift?
  • No. Stop taunting me!
  • Me, and all my other brothers and sisters too.
  • Um, everybody with arms can and do.
  • No, we call those 'elevators'.
• What are you up to?
  • About 6 foot.
  • The Internet is a time-wasting device, so nothing.
    • Tv Tropes, doubly so.
  • I'm stuck on the Water Temple.
  • Page five.
  • I'm knocking on doors, if necessary.
  • I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
  • "Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic doesn't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha..." "I can hear you, Eggman!" "Son of a bitch!"
  • Eeeevil plaaaans~ We are making eeeevil plaaaans~
  • Fucking your wife again. And peeing in a Hot Topic, because, you know, what else do you do on a Saturday night?
• What's that behind you?
  • Carmen Sandiego.
  • A demonic duck of some sort?
  • A three-headed monkey!
  • I know this is probably a trick, but I can't afford to take the chance that it's not.
    • Yoink!
  • A decoy!
  • A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR!
  • A WALL!
  • What? Where? Man, what the hell you talking about? There ain't nothing there.
  • I'm going to turn around and, oh look, there's nothing there. What a "surprise" that is, gosh.
    
    And then...
    
    I knew that would happen, but I'm mad about it anyway.
  • There's nothing behind me. I'm a Witcher, I'd have heard it. Just like I can hear your heart. Which is pounding. Like a liar's.
• What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • I will be different.
  • I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!
  • A doctor.
    • Nigga, did I just catch you wantin' to be shit?! *slap*
  • God.
• Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
  • Real fast? Fuck yeah!
  • Fast enough for a turkey dinner... with gravy...
  • No, I needed to know my position on the map more.
    • And now I'm lost.
  • Honestly, no. My speedometer doesn't go that high.
  • Maybe, but since you obviously don't know yourself, you can't charge me with anything.
  • About 65 mph, which is about 56mph, which is oh, so fast!
  • EIGHTY-EIGHT MILES PER HOUR!
  • Traveling at the Speed of Plot
  • No. Do you?
  • Can't hassle us, pig! We're going the speed limit!
• If TV Tropes is so good, then how come there's no TV Tropes 2?
  • Executive Meddling.
  • We have to give other websites a fighting chance.
  • Because 2.0 is a really ambitious project.
  • If 2 is so good, then why isn't there a 2 2?
    • There is a tutu, it's right here.
  • It Is Pronounced "Tro-PAY".
    • Ah. You are mother fucker?
• What's the wackomended amount of dedotated wam I should ave to serve?
  • Enuff for everywun to ave enuff to eat.
• Why do clocks run clockwise?
  • Because if they ran counterclockwise, they'd be counterclocks.
• What would you do if I gave you a million dollars?
  • I'd finally be able to afford a bike.
  • I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel).
  • Oh that's different, I'd buy a great big turnip in the country.
  • Nothing. Have you seen the prices of food today?
  • Burn it.
• What should we aim at?
  • Random fire.
  • Always go for the juggler.
  • The butt.
    • They said it was a million-dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars.
  • The chest.
    • You should have gone for the head.
  • The face.
    • They shot our face, Johnny. They shot! OUR FACE!
    • M-my beautiful face is ruined! YOU BITCH, I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFEEEEEEEEER!
  • I went for the head.
  • The ear.
    • Ah, God! Fuck! Why the ear, man?!
• Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
  • UP, STUPID!
• What's the moral of the story?
  • You shouldn't drink and bake.
  • And that is, um... it's that, well... Ok, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.
  • Don't leave things in the Fridge.
  • The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'.
  • It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside.
  • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
  • Kids, don't use Formula 1 racecars to chase hedgehogs!
  • 'Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea.' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses.
  • Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!
  • We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things.
    • You said it Yugi! Now burn everything, burn it to the ground!
  • Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!
  • I guess crying does solve your problems after all!
  • You can't trust the system!
    • Maaaaaaaan!
  • Never let sixty angry kids use a herd of laser cows to take over your house.
  • There's no real moral to this story. Or even a story, to be honest. There is a lot of fucking, though. Perhaps that's enough.
  • Anyway, the moral is: you're a total bitch.
  • You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together and celebrate what really matters: PURE EVIL!
  • If you want a man to work with you, don't show him a video of a bull fucking his wife.
  • Moral: BEES DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MANNERS! RULES OF NATUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
  • I dunno, 'Don't turn into a bee,' or something?
    • They say that all the time.
  • Well, that's a fine message to be sending to the kids: idealism and hard work is fine and all, but money and muscle win every time.
    • Wait a minute, that's actually an EXCELLENT lesson. Holy shit, I think Disney accidentally made their best movie ever!
  • I have learned my lesson. I have no idea what it is.
  • If there's anything you take away today, other than you need to Google 'What the fuck is Dubstep?', it's that we all need to belong to someone.
  • Never pay more than 20 bucks for a computer game.
  • Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
  • Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.
  • If you give a mean big-headed kitty love, they won't try to dumb down the world with an evil dance.
  • Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true, every one of them has failed and so have you!
• What's a web page, something ducks walk on?

Subversions

• Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
  • No one: The tomb isn't underground.
• When was the War of 1812 fought?
  • From 1812 to 1815.
  • Or from 1812 to 1814. The Battle of New Orleans took place after the Treaty of Ghent was signed.
• How long was The Hundred Years War?
  • About 116 years, give or take.
• How long was The Thirty Years' War?
  • Thirty years, or forty-one if you include the Franco-Spanish War.
  • Twenty-nine.
• The "Canary Islands" are named for which animal?
  • The dog. In Latin, "Canariae Insulae" means "Island of the dogs". (The bird was named after the islands.)
• What was the color of George Washington's white horse?
  • Grey.
• What colour is a white rhino?
  • Black. The word "white" in the name is mistranslated and really should be "wide".
• From which animal do you get Cat Gut?
  • Sheep and goats.
    • I am not a sheep.
• In which month did the the October Revolution take place?
  • In November. ^* At the time, Russia still used the Julian calendar, which did give the current month as October.
• In what month is Oktoberfest?
  • September, actually. It's too cold in October.
• Which was the first name of King George VI?
  • Albert. ^* Albert was too Germanic for a title, considering Germany was starting World War II
• What kind of animal did Prince Sang Nila Utama see that caused him to found a settlement called Singapura^*  Ancient Singapore , or Lion City?
  • A tiger. ^*  The legend claims that he saw a lion, but there is absolutely no evidence of lions ever existing in South East Asia, while at least three species of tiger did.
• Are 'orange' and 'silver' impossible to rhyme?
  • No, 'sporange' rhymes with the former and 'chilver' rhymes with the latter. So much for rule 46.
• What kind of bird is the feral pigeon?
  • A dove (rock dove, to be specific).

Inversions (Get a Stupid Question)

• 42.
  • I thought of something funnier than 24!
  • What is the answer to this question?
  • How many pages does it take the average user to realise they've fallen into a Wiki Walk?
  • After how many Pokémon generations are Game Freak going to just give up?
• I'd Tell You, but Then I'd Have to Kill You.
  • How come we don't use MediaWiki?
    • Most tropers also appear to be unaware of the existence of what are called Discussion Pages.
  • I mean, kill you even sooner.
  • And we can't show that in a game with this rating. Thanks for the notes!
  • How do you pronounce 'Avada Kedavra'?
• Because I Said So.
  • Because you told me to!!
  • What is a Reality Warper's default response to any question?
• I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!
  • You Just Told Me.
• I didn't (know).
  • Ha ha! I HAVE NO IDEA!
  • 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
• You Answered Your Own Question.
  • YOU STUPID ENOUGH TO ANSWER OWN QUESTION!
  • How final actually is Final Fantasy?
  • How do you spell 'FBI'?
  • Hello, Operator! Give me the number for 911!
• I've Heard of That — What Is It?
  • Everything you've seen in your life.
  • Which phrase is commonly heard both just before and after opening Tv Tropes?
• I'm Thinking It Over!
  • Look, bud! I said your money or your life!
• 71 hours
  • How much grace can Adam Gontier supply me if I'm short on change?
  • How long does it take Majora to decide he's tired of screwing around?
• 108
  • What percentage of Internet statistics are made up?
• Stop Saying That!
  • Hello! My Name Is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father. Prepare to Die.
  • 42
  • Egregious
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • The cake is a lie.
  • Candle Jam I annoying you?
  • Metagame.
    • It's very likely that you've used the term Metagame in an attempt to sound smart, but you've accomplished the opposite by misusing it. Just stop.

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Why doesn't this article have a stinger?

• It does now...

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