Sometimes the best way to describe something is to give a few hints and let imaginations run wild, especially if you aren't allowed or can't be bothered to get explicit. One common way is to imply the general feel and mention a few outlandish items to be used but not how they are used.
Noodle Implements is used to suggest an act that would normally be unthinkable to show, by listing a set of objects in context. The most common uses are for an especially Zany Scheme, some delightfully exotic sex or some truly ingenious torture. The phrasing and circumstance makes it obvious, but the unknown act appears much more intense. Or more silly.
To compare it with Noodle Incident, Noodle Incident is basically a specific variant of Noodle Implements that already happened in-universe. Therefore a character can mention a Noodle Incident using Noodle Implements. An Incident is a single event, definite, while Implements can mean both "ongoing" and "tools", so it is more undefined and open.
If the Noodle Implements are used erotically off-camera while a character or characters observe, they may find the results Head-Tiltingly Kinky.
Noodle Implements can cause Fridge Logic (and/or Fridge Squick) if you attempt to work out exactly what you do with a snorkel, a feather boa and a stuffed giraffe that's so incredibly erotic. Unfortunately, someone will have worked it out. There're probably pictures online. If the use is well known, it may become a form of Shout-Out. They may also be used in Planning with Props.
In some cases, savvy characters will intentionally invoke this trope when questioning someone they've captured. Differs from Maximum Fun Chamber in that the character in question doesn't really know how to use the items to torture someone.
See also Maximum Fun Chamber, Comic Sutra, and Lost in Transmission. Compare Cow Tools, That Mysterious Thing. For lists of items used to commit an elaborate but unseen murder, see Once Killed a Man with a Noodle Implement. Not to be confused with Informing the Fourth Wall.
- Fan Fic
- Live-Action TV
- Video Games
- Web Original
- Western Animation
- Real Life
- A Mastercard commercial starring Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver implies that he fixed a truck using a paperclip, a ballpoint pen, a rubber band, a pair of tweezers, some nasal spray and a turkey baster.
- An AT&T commercial features the saleswoman seemingly reading a customer's mind, answering his questions before he can even finish asking them. Afterwards, he thinks to himself "Are you inside my mind?" which she denies without opening her mouth. She then (again without either of them opening their mouths) answers three more questions before he can ask them. The answers are "Albuquerque", "porcupine", and "Hollandaise sauce".
- The dub version of Axis Powers Hetalia features Germany claiming to have "killed a man in his sleep with only his own moustache and a grape".
- In one episode of Di Gi Charat Nyo, Puchiko's guardians get ready to make a Phantom Cake, pulling out everything they need, which amounts to quite a pile, including (but not limited to) a bucket, a cactus, a tire, an umbrella, a drum, a moai and a Christmas Tree.
- Durarara!! has mention of barrels of gasoline being rolled down the third floor of the highschool back when Izaya and Shizuo attended. No further information, not even a quirky name for this incident, is given.
- The Region 1 DVD of Excel Saga has, in place of the standard legal warning, a parody thereof which warns that violations will be "dealt with in the most severe manner possible, most probably involving chicken feathers, cod liver oil and a very, very depraved walrus."
- Mahou Sensei Negima! does a Continuity Nod involving some of these; when Chizuru and Natsumi are trying to nurse Kotaro back to health, and Chizuru suggests some sort of folk remedy involving shoving a spring onion up his rear end. Much later on, Natsumi drops by the Confessional to ask for advice concerning an incident involving "a large number of spring onions". One can only wonder exactly how far the initial idea managed to escalate...
- Omamori Himari: Spring onions and posteriors is suggested (and apparently actually used) when Yuuto has a cold in chapter 34. That or Matra Milan just likes Negima, which would make sense, all things considered.
- Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei:
- When Nozomu is following Abiru's father around believing that he's abusing her, even the most mundane of items (and a copy of Strawberry 100%) are taken as tools of abuse in some way that people aren't quite clear on. Subverted later as the reason Itoshiki fears Abiru's father buying Ichigo 100% is because apparently there was a famous lone soldier who took down an army with a copy of Kimagure Orange Road.
- A later chapter in the manga had a Sales Girl whose hobbies was to guess the use of various Noodle Implements the shoppers bought. She became so obsessed with finding out what some of the more confusing implements were for, that she kidnapped Nozomu and demanded answers, a la Saw.
- Among the several threats against the protagonist's virginity in Oddman 11, one of Kirara's shines the brightest:
Kirara: That's why I'm taking your virginity right here, right now. We've got some wasabi soy sauce right here, after all.
- Don Rosa's Uncle Scrooge story "The Treasury of Croesus" opens in the aftermath of "Magica de Spell's most complex and bizarre scheme yet" to get Scrooge's #1 Dime. Apparently it involved, among other things, fireworks and animals in ridiculous costumes.
- Johnny The Homicidal Maniac does this in the end of his last issue when he attacks Squee's dad and says he may go blind, but that means Squee can get away with stuff more easily. He then decides to completely disable him, asking if he has a lick-em-aid stick to cause deafness and tweezers and shoelaces to alter his central nervous system and render him unable to "Fine Tune his Sensitivity to Vibrations"... Then realizes he might become an Olfactory Ninja.
- Earlier he claims to have done "horrifying things with salad tongs," and on his twitter he says he murdered someone with a cheeto.
- In an early issue of All-Star Superman, Lex Luthor is remote controlling a monster on a solar probe. For some reason, he's also holding a baseball bat. According to the writer, this was meant to convey Luthor's stance as someone whose mind just operates at a different level than everyone else's, and that, to Luthor, holding the bat was an integral part of the plan.
- In The Film of the Book, Lex uses it to simulate smashing the probe's control board since the monster seems to respond to his movements.
- Nextwave's Dirk Anger claimed he killed his wife because she would no longer do "that thing with the wig and the chickens and the bath of acid" for him.
- Amelia Rules! has them playing a game called 'Thank God you're open,' which specifically invokes this trope; you're supposed to rush madly into a shop with $5 or so, breathlessly tell the cashier the name of the game, and ask for the most outrageous combination of items they can get.
- In Twisted Toyfare Theatre, Jim Kirk had to deal with mirror universe versions of Vulcans that embraced non-logic. So, he told the highly insecure and polite version of himself some implements he needed: Three teenage girls and a squeegee. That plan was promptly dropped when the Vulcans took him by surprise.
- An issue of Batman: No Man's Land has a scene where the Joker, one of his past torture victims (that is alive at the time of the scene), and some of his goons threatening said victim with yams. The victim's reaction says it all: "No please, not the yams!"
- In one Super Mario Bros. comic, Bedtime For Drainhead, Luigi is about to enter the sleeping Mario's room with an alarm clock, a bucket, and a plunger.
Luigi: Okay Princess. We have to wake Mario. This could get ugly.
- Mystique has this gem after Sabertooth comments that her shooting Wolverine in the face was "sexy."
Mystique: Get me a caulk gun, a jug of ammonia, a stainless steel fish scaler and three minutes alone with loverboy here, and I'll show you sexy.
- The first Asterix story featured a Roman torturer interrogating the Gauls for the ingredients for the magic potion, but the writers decided they wanted the tone to remain innocent. Thus, he's depicted holding an odd mixture of Cow Tools and innocuous but scary items such as wirecutters, a mallet and a barrel of water with a hose attached. In some editions, he's redrawn to carry things like feathers.
- Ex-henchman Jeff Bladgett describes sexual brutality in prison to would-be archcriminals and supervillains in Patton Oswalt (yes, that Patton Oswalt)'s Masks: Scared Straight (illustrated by Amanda Connor) in a Cluster Bleep-Bomb -filled rant. You probably don't want to know ...
The first minute they let you through that gate the heavy hitters start sizing you up. And then, for a pack of cigarettes or an extra slice of pie at dinner? They *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP*! *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP* with their titanium tentacle, and then *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP* your *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP* until you pass out. But then maybe they use their mental powers to *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP* flamethrower attachment to *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP* like WET PORK RINDS!!!
- Scooby-Doo! Team-Up: Velma figures out Sir Haunts-a-Lot's secret identity by analyzing ballistics evidence, last weekend's football scores and third-grade report cards.
- Stanley and His Monster: Issue 2 of Phil Foglio's 1993 miniseries introduces Nyx, Spot's demonic ex-girlfriend. The cover art features the following exchange.
Stanley: So what's so bad about her?
Spot: To answer that, Stanley, I'd have to tell you about the birds and the bees... and the chainsaws, and the weasels, and the ice picks, and the acid, and the...
- Uncanny X-Men Vol 3 29:
Magik: Conjuring the Mists of Ikthalon?
Doctor Strange: We couldn't find that many turtles.
- MAD once suggested keeping a database of jokes, to keep tabs on which have already been told and whom not to tell them to. They mention "the one about the elephant and the ant," which is apparently offensive to Armenians.
- One article on Cracked suggested that somewhere on some big executive's "list of terrifying things to do" was something that involved "midgets and two cans of turpentine".
- Entertainment Weekly, in an article on the supposed demise of the male pop star, said that Justin Bieber's recent antics pale in comparison with some of the things that stars have gotten away with over the years, and then advises their readers to Google the phrase "Shark Zeppelin Seattle". (Warning: you might need Brain Bleach if you do so.)
- Sufjan Stevens wrote a song titled "To the Workers of the Rock River Valley Region: I Have an Idea Concerning Your Predicament, and It Involves an Inner Tube, Bath Mats, and 21 Able-bodied Men." It has no explanation and no lyrics.note
- "La Vie Boheme:" "Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawnchair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred." (The line is spoken in jest, but the mental image is nonetheless interesting.)
- There's "Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11th Street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello . . . which she has never studied."
- From a parody of Mister Wizard on the Dr. Demento show:
Mr Wizard: Today Timmy, we're going to learn how to make a nuclear reactor out of this spatula, an old inner tube and some macaroni noodles!
Timmy: Gee Mister Wizard, aren't nuclear reactors dangerous?
Mr Wizard: No Timmy, but macaroni noodles are, that's why I'm going to have to ask you to wear these safety goggles.
- Ray Stevens' classic "It's Me Again, Margaret" describes an obscene phone caller, who in the last verse uses his one phone call after his arrest to call the titular Margaret one last time. He informs her that when he gets out, he's coming over with a weed whacker, a live chicken, and some peach preserves. The video goes one further, having Margaret show up at the police station with said items as she comes to bail him out.
Margaret: And how much for these handcuffs?
Oh! Hello! Coy? Where have you been? No, you wasn't at the meeting! Well, I found out that at three o'clock this mornin' you was out there in your Fruit of the Loom's in the motel swimmin' pool with a bunch of them waitresses from the cocktail lounge! I just hope Charlene don't find out about this, Coy! What? Well, how'd you get that big motorcycle up there on the high dive, Coy?
- Another Ray Stevens song "Shriner's Convention" featured some spoken lines where Bubba the Illustrious Potentate is scolding a Shriner named Coy over the phone. Several Noodle Incidents and implements are mentioned:
- "Fairie's Aire and Death Waltz" is a joke piece of classical music by John Stump. It's basically a long string of cacophonous notes accompanied by such bizarre and nonsensical stage directions as "insert peanuts", "light explosives now", "untie slip knot", and "release the penguins".
- The Traveling Wilburys' "Cool Dry Place" has a moderately eclectic set of things, many of which are musical instruments though the list also includes "old athletic shoes" and "things that sometimes hum." However, they're not actually being used to build or do anything, they just apparently all need to be stored in a cool dry place.
- Tom Waits' "What's He Building?" "He has subscriptions to those magazines..."
- A mammoth one in The Fiery Furnances' "Seven Silver Curses"; Matt's grandmother and her sister are running all over town collecting items to cast a spell on her husband so he'll stop cheating on her:
Quick, for the potion, we have to get three dozen crabapples that fell off a raggedy old tree right in the southwestern corner of Columbus Park!Faster, we have to go up to Caputo's Produce and Fruit Market on Harlem and get the garden snake that lives in the banana bin!Hurry, we have to get the mercury out of the old thermometer they have through the north-facing doors to the left by the shoe-shine boys in the lobby of the Monadnock building!And don't be late, for you must get the silver out of the teeth of one George Karmalitis, who as we speak lies dead under a dirty wool blanket in the basement of the morgue of Laretto hospital:The silver teeth of a man killed by a jealous wife!
- The song "Odalisque" by The Decemberists contains this line: "What do we do with ten baby shoes, a kit-bag full of marbles, and a broken billiard cue?"
- The Revenge Song from The Bob & Tom Show is practically made of this trope, but these lyrics are particularly fitting:
There are things that one can do,with Bengay, nair and super glue,a package of indelible dye.Why would a guy such as I ever buy,indelible dye,blue as the sky?Don't ask me why.
- Bathtub Gin by The Floating Men. Apparently, Jeff Holmes needs a half a tank of gasoline, some chocolate bars, some nylons, some cigarettes, some magazines, some raw meat, some bed sheets, a window and a little less wind, a hammer, some Vaseline, some Haagen Dasz, a steel trap, a road map, a thumbtack and a way to cut in, a q-beam, a mickey, a SWAT team, some ammo, some Thorazine, a hacksaw, and a golf ball.
- Eminem states in the BET Shady 2.0 Cypher that peace is about to be destroyed for good, lists what's required to stop it, and enforces their nature as Noodle Implements:
Eminem: You're about to see peace destroyed, it'll never be restored
When I unleash these beastly hordes on your CD stores
Wanna stop it, you gon' need a priest, at least three swords
A license to ill from the Beastie Boys, three Ouija boards
And a squeegee, and please be warned: don't ask what the squeegee's for
Or the holy water
- Garfield and Odie devise a plan to get Jon out of bed that involves a wagon full of random objects. Jon gets up immediately upon seeing them... or whatever they crafted it into. Which may have been Garfield's plan all along.
- In this strip, Jon sees Garfield wearing a jester hat, a bowtie, a ballet tutu, roller skates, and holding a shovel and tennis racket. Jon tries to ignore him and read his paper, but it becomes too much for him and he demands to know what Garfield is doing. Garfield replies the getup was to deliberately drive Jon crazy.
- In this◊ Garfield strip, we have a rather hilarious example. What on earth happened to Jon that would require these...random objects? A belt to hold up the remains of his pants, a fire extinguisher to put them out, and... a fishbowl.
- In Dilbert, Alice temporarily becomes a telecommuter. The Pointy Haired Boss and Asok develop a plan to get her back in her cubicle, which involved tranquilizer darts, a giant flatbed truck, and a giant shoehorn (harpoon optional). It's not that hard to figure out which each of them is used for, knowing in the context that Alice has gained considerable weight due to sitting at home all day. They scrap that plan in favor of building a giant cubicle around her house.
- Brewster Rockit. Read the strips for September 18 and 19 of 2007 for a glorious example. The July 20, 2004 strip contains an example including a chicken suit and monkeys in space.
- Calvin and Hobbes had a fair few of these. Notable is the one strip where Calvin puts on a helmet and cape and claims that today is the day that he'll "go for the gusto," with no further explanation given.
- Frequently used as a punch line in the strips by Quino:
- One single-panel strip shows a hotel guest first arriving to his room, and finding a loaded gun chained to the bed with a brand new box of ammo right next to it, and the room's walls all around riddled with bullet holes at roughly the same height range.
- Another one depicts a very short man showing a very happy face, exiting a porn store after purchasing a stool from there; Also invoked for the passersby of the same strip, who are showing reactions ranging from disgust to pervert faces.
- Subverted in another one where we see a depressed-looking man purchasing in a supermarket a stool and some rope to an unconcerned cashier.
- Sid from Sequinox can disarm a smoke alarm using a rug, a knife, and duct tape. Her mother's a little concerned at how she already knows this when she's only a teenager.
- A possible interpretation of these lyrics from Hillbilly Jim's theme "Don't Go Messin' with a Country Boy":
"If you go messin' with a country boy
a country boy a country boy
If you go messing with a country boy
This is what will happen to you
You'd be biting off a hump bit and chew
bit and chew bit and chew
You'd be biting off a hump bit and chew
thats wha will happen to you"
- On GLOW, one of the regular skits was Ashley Cartier's "Asking Ashley" segments, where she'd read letters and answer them on the air. The third letter (she always read four letters) she'd read were always from a guy named "Tim" and written on purple stationery. "Tim" would mention some item he has and when Ashley saw what he wanted to do with it, she'd stop reading out loud with her jaw hanging open as she read the rest of it to herself, then crumple the letter and chastise "Tim" for having a dirty mind.
- An implied example: The Goon Show, "Tales of Old Dartmoor". Grythpype-Thynne asks Neddie for a "strange request". Neddie announces he'll do it at once. After some receding footsteps, most of a minute of strange sound effects including grinding, slams, bells, and then approaching footsteps, Neddie returns and says...
Ned Seagoon: What was it you asked for again?
Grythpype-thynne: Never mind, I'll smoke one of my own.
- Another of many possible Goon Show examples: the episode 'The International Christmas Pudding' contains the following list of 'vital equipment':
- One knee-action, self-reciprocating Christmas Pudding gun.
- One hand painted inflatable Christmas Pudding decoy with rubber holly.
- One portable plastic and gravel road.
- One long bent thing with a sort of lump on the end.
- One waterproof cover for same.
- One same.
- Thirty-three boxes of yellow kosher boots.
- Another long bent thing with a sort of lump on the end.
- One uncooked leather trilby with sugar feather.
- One sixty foot explodable granite statue with built in plunger.
- Detailed plans of what to do with long bent thing with a sort of lump on the end.
- Cabin Pressure: Douglas Richardson manages to steal some extremely expensive whiskey without getting caught, despite the fact that he is on everyone's watch list, using nail varnish and a non-existent television aeriel.
- The following year he manages the same feat, even though he is constantly supervised and frisked twice. He used a treatment for nail-biting, that time.
- A sort of example: Douglas forces Martin to invent a story of how he escaped a polar bear with only an egg whisk and a pogo stick.
- Bleak Expectations absolutely loves this trope. Really it has too many to try to list: ranging from Mr. Sourquill's outrageous contraptions (a steam powered chair? a horse-drawn pencil? a carrier cheetah?), to Harry Biscuit's "inventions" (almost always involving swans), to architecture (a beef wellington tunnel?), to Mr. Gently Benevolent's evil schemes ("an even more complex and evil plan involving talking dogs, a special type of tarpaulin, and an enormous number of spoons!"?)
- One of Jeff Foxworthy's jokes involves the fact that singles have more interesting sex lives than married folk. "So there I was, tied down to her bed. Had motor oil smeared all over me. She came in with a saddle and a pair of jumper cables..."
- Australian comedic trio Tripod had a song explaining what happens when Mummy and Daddy love each other very much... basically Daddy installs a special sling from the ceiling, Mummy wears a pig mask and Daddy wears scuba gear, then they put on their favourite H.R. Pufnstuf video and it's apparently on for young and old. Who knew?
- Comedian Rich Hall joking about how easy it is to buy absolutely anything in Walmart:
'I need a Bible, some road flares, and some gaffer tape!'
'OK, try aisle 12.'
- It's true though. Where else can you save the world on a beer budget?
- George Carlin's famous bit "A Place For My Stuff", as it progresses, tends to accumulate more and more Noodle Implements.
- Another great line from Carlin (when describing the removal of a growth): "This was a part of my head a minute ago! But not anymore; I pried the bastard off with paint thinner and a Phillip's-head screwdriver."
- Carlos Mencia once related an incident where he attempted to purchase vaseline and jumper cables (for his car repair) and a box of condoms (favor for a friend who was out). The cashier came to the conclusion that these were all for the same event and asked "Dude, what are you going to do to her!?!"
- During one of his shows, Larry the Cable Guy said he once went to Costco and bought a 10 gallon drum of KY jelly and 5000 cocktail weiners, just to mess with the head of the cashier.
- British comedian Lee Evans discusses how detergent ads always come on when a serial killer is on the loose:
There's always an advert with a wife sorting her husband's washing, and she's all "Oil? Blood? And grass stains? Ha!" ...is she not the slightest bit fucking suspicious?!
- On hearing that Danny Boyle will be the artistic director for the olympic games, Russel Howard said that he would be the best Boyle for the job, because if Frankie Boyle was in charge the opening ceremon would probably involve "Kerry Katona, a Labrador and some Viagra".
- Comedian Gallagher, speaking about how his audience can improve their sex lives, in The Bookkeeper:
Then, you see my act. Once you see me do in public what you want to do in the bedroom, it seems like the Amateur Hour! You'll feel free and open to shave the squirrels and get out the mayonnaise! Whoo! And mount the handlebars on the headboard! And ride, ride, ride!
- The World of Darkness game books describe each skill or ability with a paragraph or so vignette describing a situation in which it's used. For the Intimidate ability in one Old World of Darkness book, a character asks for a combination of threatening items (but ones which don't make much sense when you put them together). He reveals to his companion after the subject squealed that he was leaving it up to the subject's imagination.
- At least one Forgotten Realms novel and one game accessory mentions Green elf druidess Aerilaya who "made vague comments about being involved in a scandal with a Chauntean monk, an oak tree, and a cask of ale (as well as [...] garrison commander and an elven archer with a traveling circus), and implied that her life would be somewhat more sedate" after retreat from that continent.
- The Dean of Abjuration from the Wizards Guild of Raven Bluff dislikes gnomes to the point of rudeness and not even speaking directly to his fellow Dean of Illusion. He refuses to speak about the incident which caused this, but it's known to involve an obelisk, a five-headed dragon and talking spiders.
- In spin-a-yarn the first of Shorter Buckleswashers adventuring band was killed in an incident involving "a narcoleptic dragon, several angst-ridden teen-aged mages, a flying carpet that was convinced it should be their leader rather than a mere possession, and a magical glowing chicken that turned out to be a transformed and furious drow priestess."
- In a scene from the DVD that accompanied the Demon Hunters core rule book, one of the Demon Hunters, Gabriel, is addressing the audience. He is relaying advice his mentor once gave him saying, "Whatever you do..." which fades out to static. Through the static, a few words can occasionally be made out. Eventually, the picture returns, with Gabriel still speaking. He continues, "...with a yak. That's the worst way to go."
- This item from the List of 1675 Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG:
- 1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
- That's a reference to the French castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
- Any time a Junker builds a Magitek device in Deadlands: Hell on Earth, you can get a list like this quite easily. Justified since it's After the End; they're generally working with scraps from other devices.
- One Pathfinder expansion lets your bard tell a story so funny, it can free creatures turned to stone. The description notes that this story is about a humorless old woman who was eventually made to smile by "increasingly unlikely events involving a cart of horse manure, a king, and a flying carpet."
- The grocery list of one Harry Dresden, as found in his friend Billy's first draft of an RPG rulebook, included (in addition to Coke, an enormous amount of dog food, and Cheerios) paraffin, mothballs, a shower curtain, a rake, and a lawn gnome.
- The game based on the show Minute to Win It includes rather strange things in its box: feathers, plastic eggs, marbles, and what the box refers to as a "banana on a leash".
- Clue: Professor Plum used a pipe in the library. And that's not the only combination either.
- Making sense of noodle implements is the aim of the game Cat And Chocolate. In this japanese game, you are trapped in a haunted house and something dangerous happens. You then have to use one to three random items from a hand of three cards (e.g., a pencil, an empty bottle, the cat or the chocolate from the title of the game...) to save yourself.
- This video, which discusses the rules for the Warbirds RPG, mentions that Scandals can come from drunkenness, recklessness, bigotry, cowardice or "any prank involving llamas, government buildings, and parachutes".
- In Strawberry Vinegar, Rie's mother whispering to her father about what he can do for more affection points. All the audience gets as a hint are Dad's small squeaks and embarrassed "No way!"'s. Rie mentioning she no longer wants to finish her sticky soybeans may or may not be adding to the implications.
- Anything involving a Henway. What's a Henway? Go to the page to find out.
- There's a joke out there where in a juried trial, a list of increasingly strange items is listed in the evidence. At the end, the jury finds that "They each would have paid a hundred dollars to have seen that fight".
- An ordinary room contains 1231 things that Chuck Norris can kill you with. Including the room itself. (And no, not just the roof or the walls, which would come first. The entire room.)