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Noodle Implements / Web Original

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Noodle Implements in original Internet works.

  • In Hathor 61, apparently Enna's first (and only) time getting drunk involved banana pudding. She doesn't talk about that night.
  • This delightful little article for The Onion uses this as part of its Crazy Enough to Work parody.
  • An old, discontinued serial called "Gothic Survivor" (twelve stereotypical Goths are sent to survive amidst the light and joy of Disneyland for 48 days) featured this. A relationship arises between two of the Goths, Angry Kitty and Doomboy, leading to some implied sex with rather kinky toys. Their idea of foreplay involves "a charred top of a grill and two barbeque forks;" they later run off to play with "a recently acquired pair of hot dog tongs and a pizza cutter." A later entry mentions Doomboy's thoughts of "Angry Kitty in a bikini, with a weedwacker and a stack of moist towelettes."
  • Potter Puppet Pals:
    • In the short "Wizard Angst": "You will be dragged by your ears to the basement, where a drunken Filch will be waiting with a cactus and a croquet mallet..."
    • In the short "Wizard Swears" there's the dreaded Elder Swear:
    Your mother is a *** *** ***ing *** lorem ipsum *** *** *** admitem venium *** *** *** *** traguna *** *** *** *** *** hippopotamus *** *** *** *** *** Republican *** ***ing Daniel Radcliffe! *** *** *** *** with a bucket of r*** *** *** *** *** in a castle far away where no one can hear you *** *** *** Soup! *** *** *** *** with a bucket of d*** *** Mickey Mouse *** *** *** and a stick of dynamite *** magical *** *** *** *** alakazam!
  • Professional wrestler John Cena used to do a Q&A session on called "5 Questions with the Champ." When a fan would ask a question such as "How did you spend your birthday?" or "How do you plan to spend the holidays?" he would say that "to protect the guilty," he wouldn't say exactly, but that it did involve [ Insert Noodle Implements Here], some of which were: packets of Mayonnaise, children's golf clubs, a Samoan, Pay Per View cable, and massive amounts of alcohol.
  • Galertruby is a master of this trope. As a zombie who's missing his jaw, most of his blog posts come out as complete gibberish, but the mouse-over hyperlinks work just fine. So when you come across a post titled "Galertruby's Guide to Dating" which is mostly composed of five paragraphs of nonsense, but which includes hyperlinks to a broken wine bottle, a gnome effigy, a flask of Big Mojo, and a set of plate-armored leggings, you know there's gotta be a good idea in there somewhere.
  • Chester A. Bum in this video.
    • The Nostalgia Chick review of Grease features a subplot of BFF Nella being forcibly given a makeover from the Makeover Fairy. Tools the Makeover Fairy uses in her attempts to beautify include an eggbeater, a hammer, a skull, a power drill, an iron (implied use on clothing not removed from her body, a sanding file, pliers...
    • In Bennett the Sage's Twitter account, several are referred to in relation to his upcoming review:
    Shit, I've got less than two weeks to shoot Bending for Bennett. Anyone know where I can get five otters on short notice?
    Alright, I've got the Otters, but the next procurement is gonna be a bit more challenging. Anyone know where they're keeping JFK's brain?
    So I've got the location pinned down for JFK's brain, and I'm getting a case of otters on its way. Now all I need is a woman....
    • When The Nostalgia Chick replies, suggesting he use a seal instead:
      I'm sorry, but have you ever tried to get a seal to lick hot cheese off your nips? I mean, besides that weekend in Aruba?
    • The "Mexican car wash" Running Gag on Transmission Awesome. Enough said.
    • The assorted ways The Nostalgia Chick and MarzGurl were pleasured by Linkara, or so they tell him in "Linking Up With Linkara: the "Cincinnati Helicopter", the "Oklahoma City Taco Stand" "I don't know how he did to both of us at the same time..."
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    • In The Nostalgia Critic's review of The Thief and the Cobbler, he asks the prerecorded voice of Vincent Price why the character he voiced, Zigzag, only spoke in rhymes. He tells him that he does not remember the reason. Or rather, all that he remembered is that it involved Rock Hudson and a banana cream pie.
  • CollegeHumor's Hardly Working began their third all nighter by giving one of the hired hands a long list of increasingly odd things to get. Examples include: 'this is a comedy show, we're going to need poo, vomit, fake poo, fake vomit, dog poo, dog vomit, fake dog poo, fake dog vomit, your poo...' later 'two words for you: Barack Obama ''Two more words: his poo!' I'm not sure what they're doing, but I want to see the next 11 videos.
  • In Nina Kimberley The Merciless, Nina's magical clone apparently used a training technique called "Spike and Cucumber" to whip the barbarian horde into shape. When they're threatened with it later as punishment, they all shudder at the thought.
  • Not Always Right:
    • There's this exchange:
    Customer: "Hi there! Where do you keep your ping-pong balls?"
    Me: "Right over here." *walks her over to them*
    Customer: "Oh great! Now, where do you sell your Vaseline?"
    • An even more worrying one in a phone call to a grocery store:
      "Do y'all sell erotic movies?"
      "Hm. D'you know where I can find some bullets?"
      "Nowhere within a hundred miles of here!" *hangs up*
  • On Failbook
  • Episode 9 of Khenpoe's Bleach Abridged Series has Rukia plotting to persuade Ichigo to go to the upcoming Don Kanonji/Trashy concert event with a pair of tongs, a rabid raccoon, and a third item (Rukia's "favorite part") that is left unnamed because Ichigo stops the flashback right there ("Let's just say I ended up going.").
  • Cracked ain't bad with this.
    "I don't sell utility drugs, Holmes. You came by last night asking for eight Mephedrone, four tabs of X, 17 reams of Buzzers, three Round-outs, a can of Raid with a drinking straw, and the venom sack from a North African Running Lizard. And that's what I gave you, because I am the best goddamn drug dealer in the entire country."
  • What makes a trashed house, a featureless doll, a box of pills, a bloddied sink and a bag full of videotapes so terrifying? We don't know other than that The Slender Man is involved.
  • In the final scene of Awkward. 6, Kevin fumbles a box and spills fruit and condoms all over the table. Some questions are better left unasked.
  • Mr TARDIS Reviews once wrote a letter to Michael Grade, the man who caused the 1985-86 hiatus of Doctor Who. It was narrated, but a Sound-Effect Bleep covered all but the following "Dear Michael Grade. Fu-" and the end "...with a Dalek sink plunger.
  • Option 3 here. Actually the first two items are included in the plot.
  • Some of the SCP Foundation entries become this, when SCP numbers are listed in incident reports or other articles; occasionally the SCP with that designation will appear completely irrelevant to the context in which it was referenced. The usual reason for this is that a previous SCP entry that was relevant was removed for whatever reason, and the number reused for a new SCP. This entry is an example. The ritual it's about requires three human skulls, tin, potassium nitrate, ice, a coil of copper wire, and plutonium-238. And that's not all of it.
  • Seanbaby loves to use these in his articles, but they usually involve someone getting hurt (for making awful games). One particularly interesting article has him being given these 3 suggestions to be happy: report crimes you've witnessed, try new sex positions, and avoid toxic chemicals. He claimed that he cannot possibly accomplish that because a new sex move he had in mind required glow in the dark lube that also kills sharks.
  • The opening montage of Project Million features the cast members packing their suitcases with some of these. Most of them only have one or two odd things, such as a baseball trophy, a giant dinosaur plush, far too many playing cards, and their cat. Robert's on the other hand contains noodle implements and nothing else. He packs a bra, a hard hat, a porcelain duck figurine, a cinderblock, a clown wig, candy canes, a Bedsheet Ladder, and a Renoir.
  • This spin-off to the popular Downfall Parody Meme begins with a Russian finishing a humourous anecdote that apparently involves a pineapple, a space station, John Mallory, and a Blu-ray copy of A Night to Remember.
  • The Kettle Review contains several examples in a number of its tales, such as pepper fountains, polystyrene chess sets, motorized kitchen sinks and soup sieves.
  • Skippy's List has examples:
    183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
    200. My chain of command is not interested in why I "just happen" to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
  • Springhole has a random generator for getting 3-5 random objects, found here. As the site's author reads TV Tropes, the generator's description outright references the trope: 'Write a story involving them, use them to create a character inventory, or just use them as noodle implements.'
  • In Episode 28 of The Most Popular Girls in School:
    Jeanie Halvestard: ...So because of those eighteen reasons, pyrotechnics will not be allowed this year.
  • The Leet World:
    • Ellis does this a lot:
    Montrose: What we need is a distraction.
    Ellis: If only my uncle were here. He could do things with a beet and a chicken that would distract anybody.
    • Also:
      Ellis: I was getting tired of the nightmares I had where you'd murder me in my bed with an eggbeater and some perseverance.
  • Red vs. Blue:
    • There's this little exchange:
    Sarge: Donut! Initiate 'Traitorous Simmons Plan Number 11'!
    (Donut then shoots Grif)
    Grif: (OW!)
    Sarge: No! Number 11!
    Donut: Where the hell am I going to get a steamroller?!
    • Also Andy, the sentient bomb, which was built by Tex from parts of an old protocol druid and other of "her personal items".
    • In Chapter 7 of Recreation:
    Sarge: Alright, let's get going. Everybody packed?
    Caboose: Yep.
    Grif [to Caboose]: Where's your stuff?
    Caboose: Oh, I only carry a washcloth and six toothbrushes.
    Grif: I'm gonna assume that makes sense to you.
    Caboose: Yeah, it does.
    Grif: Yeah, I thought so. We'll just go ahead and leave that one alone.
  • Lampshaded and played straight in Apocalypse Lane, when there is an incident where they need to break into a safe. Lampshaded when Mickey drunk on a vodka martini so he thinks he's James Bond asks for yogurt... because it helps him think. Played straight in the next scene.
  • Any Improbable Weapon User will have this.
    • How does Setzer from Final Fantasy VI attack with dice?
    • People must really not like the words in books or the notes played with a musical instrument. Or they're hit over the head with them.
    • It's possible to think of several ways Janice from Chrono Cross attacks with carrots. None of them are fun.
  • Homestar Runner:
    • The holiday cartoon "A Decemberween Pageant" has Homestar and friends putting on a play about the first Decemberween, with a few random scenes from the play. Apparently the holiday's origins involve a sailor named Archibald fighting a squid, the Santa-like Dr. Christmas hitting up the King of Town for a loan of "fifty bag of golds", a love affair between an angel and the Popular Vote, two Kobe Bryants, and a "moon computer".
    • The Strong Bad Email "pet show" couples this with Orphaned Punchline; The Cheat's answer to one of Strong Bad's test questions is "With a rusty fork and a guitar string."
    • The short "Best Caper Ever" featured the end result of a prank where Strong Bad and The Cheat stranded Homestar on a tiny ice floe in the Arctic Ocean. However, Strong Bad and The Cheat are both bugged because all they can remember is stealing Homestar's melonade and The Cheat whizzing in it, and thus they can't properly gloat about their success.
    • In episode 15 of Marzipan's Answering Machine, the Cheat (with translation by Strong Bad) attempts to make a prank call on Marzipan's answering machine, one that apparently involves epsom salt.
      Strong Bad: Epsom salt?! The Cheat, are you sure that's the direction you wanna go with this prank call?
  • In PARTY.MOV Spike lists increasingly improbable things that Pinkie Pie had sex with, from both men and women to small animals and bugs, and even snails.
    Spike: She fucked a snail. I watched her fuck a snail once. That sounds weird, right? Just hearing me say it? Imagine how weird it was to see it! She fucked! A snail!
  • Ultra Fast Pony, "Granny Smith Is Mean", has this line:
    Granny Smith: Go and get me some bricks, duct tape, a hacksaw, and some party balloons. There's some orphans I want to play a prank on.
  • The Music Video Show had this in the 210th episode
    "I see you're into kinky stuff. I see you have the rope but where's the bottle opener?"


Example of: