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Quotes / Noodle Implements

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And I thank you for those items that you sent me
The monkey and the plywood violin
I practiced every night, now I'm ready
First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin
Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan"

Ichigo: "I-Inoue? W-w-what are you doing here?"
Orihime: "Eh-heh-heh, just doing a little dinner shopping. I bought onions and butter and bananas and gelatin!"
Ichigo: (thinking) "What is she planning to make?"

"The stuff that was going on was pretty grafic and I don't want to make this fic M so all I'll say is that it was sexy and Takada was using mop but was naked (you'll have to figure out how for your self rofl!)"

<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a senior in high school we had to make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, two Super 8 video cassettes and one roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.

"I should warn you before you begin that you will need a tire pump equipped with a basketball pumping needle, as well as an electric fan and a piece of old bed sheet. Now, if you are still with me we can begin."
—Recipe for Peking Duck from The Frugal Gourmet by Jeff Smith

"647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no."

Teen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
Friend: Cool.

Homer: We need to get the plant running, using only this. (dumps out the lost and found bin)
(The next morning, Homer is shouting orders to delivery trucks...)
Lard Lad Branch Manager: How did you do that?
Homer: It doesn't matter, only that it worked.
The Simpsons comic book, Dollars to Donuts.

"Have killed many people, many ways, guns, knives, drugs, tech attacks, once with farming equipment but never with medicine!"
Mordin Solus, Mass Effect 2

Kenan: "Kel, grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room! Come on, Buffalo Bottoms!"
Kel: "Kenan, how am I gonna carry all of that stuff? Well, I guess I could put the clown and the flagpole inside the submarine, but it still SEEMS RATHER DIFFICULT! Aww, here it goes!"

I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers and a fez.
The Doctor, Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut" note 

Bors: A musical instrument is not a weapon!
The Doctor: And a daffodil is not a broadsword, but I still won the last round!
Doctor Who, "The Magician's Apprentice"

"Doll with bad haircut, bottle of wine, orange sunglasses, spray cleaner, pineapple, keyboard, balloon. I'm ready to make a music video."

[after watching a sexy movie] "I don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things...You'd lose your soul and besides, I don't even own a kimono!"
Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Enemies"

"...bring beef, tequila and condoms."
— From an official advisor's email to Sarah Palin

"I will save you! More spud loaf! A square neck!"
— From a Mondegreen of a reversed song from VeggieTales, seen here.

GG: its a long story that involves a pinata and a gun and a very naughty doggie
TG: i completely understand everything about that practically entirely

"'Dirt Mall' is also the name of a move I like to do with my LIFE PARTNER. It involves a Lego village, a stopwatch and a full box of Cracklin' Oat Bran."
Regular Car Reviews, Suzuki Bandit 1250 review

"[...]then again, she does owe us because we never did tell anyone about what she had to do with that one time with the crossbow, Ma's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, the gas station, a radio playing "Equinox" by Skrillex, and how the remedial school got obliterated, again."
Ryuuko Kiryuuin, Breaking and Entering, also mentioning a Noodle Incident.

Day 1: Length of Rubber Hose
Day 2: Ski Mask
Day 3: Bear Trap
Day 5: Lube.
I'm stopping this before I end up on every FBI watchlist ever.

"My Limit Break involves a moose, the demon Baphomet, and a Kuiper Belt object. It takes four hours, and you can't skip any of the cutscenes."
Pintsize, Questionable Content

After one particularly convoluted escapade involving the girls' lavatory, 16 pickled invertebrates from the biology lab, several vials of hydrofluoric acid from the chemistry department, and your English teacher's new suit, the rest of the world had finally had enough. You were expelled from school, and your exasperated parents made arrangements with a noted military academy.
Gross Childe, Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu

Certain Tzimisce actually eschew supernatural means of torture, considering such practices effete; the Sabbat priest Stefan Kostas still speaks with great pride of how he extracted vital military information from a Gangrel Archon, using nothing but a 50c disposable razor blade, three needles, a pack of Holiday Inn matches, a rubber tube, and a gallon of Clorox.
Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Tzimisce

Vexxarr: We're way past plan B. [...] That was plan Q!
Carl: And plan A?
Vexxarr: How much do you want to know about Aardvarks?
Carl: B through H?
Vexxarr: Beachballs, synthetic fur and sobbing uncontrolably in a long hot shower.
Carl: I through P?
Vexxarr: Culminated in dressing Sid in a tutu.
Carl: Alright then, plan Q it is.

There was magic in the mundane. Hector had once told him that a practitioner with three yards of duct tape, a PEZ dispenser, a CD player, and a pair of oversized clown shoes was responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire. Duke never really understood how that worked, considering the Roman Empire had already fallen long before any of those items were available. But magic was never bothered by paradoxes like that.

2018 is gonna be my year
Omgarrett/Quackworth on Twitter, alongside a picture of a bag containing a banana costume

Now pour the blood of the demons into—it's leaking!
Arcadia item description, Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance

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