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Just For Fun / Noodle Implements

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So You Want To make a list of Noodle Implements of your own, but can't fit them into a haiku? Add your list to the examples! Take suggestions on how to organize the lists to the discussion page, we'll need them once we have enough lists to need organization.

Note to Tropers who make spoilers visible by default - please consider making them invisible for the duration of this page if you don't want to see the implements explained to death.


Entries to the list of Noodle Implements must follow this format:

Goal by Troper

Brief elaboration of goal.
  • Item
    • If item is unavailable, use this
  • Item
  • Item
(optional) If you must explain exact purposes, please put them all in spoilers.

Time for Plan B (optional)

Brief summary of Gone Horribly Wrong.
  • Item
  • Item
  • Item
(optional) If you must explain exact purposes, please put them all in spoilers.

Raid a Vampire Graveyard by Miss Desperado

There's a huge cemetery with who knows how many vampires hiding their coffins among ordinary graves. We'll need...
  • One ton of lumber
  • One hundred whittling knives
  • One hundred shovels
  • One hundred sledgehammers
  • One hundred Gas Mask Mooks. Yes, they need the gas masks.
  • One white virgin stallion - any more and you risk them fighting each other.

Time for Plan B

Oh, Crap! It's sundown and we didn't get all the vampires! Call in The Cavalry...

Distract a Riot by Miss Desperado

The mob is arming themselves and We Need a Distraction before the mob goes on the move. We have...
  • Three monkeys
  • Twelve cups of coffee
  • Five balls of twine
  • A ladder
  • A spacesuit
  • A wheelchair

Time for Plan B

Well, that made the mob even angrier. But surely they'll stop chasing after us and start chasing after...
  • A large sum of money
  • Four kangaroos
  • A gator

Have a good time by Jumbled Desert

  • A melon
  • Butts
  • canned meat dropped from a great height
  • Ginger
  • a Demogorgon


Attempt to catch Slenderman by Miss Desperado

Okay, I think I narrowed down which forest Slenderman has taken over this time.
  • Helicopter 1 contains
    • Humongous bear traps
    • Nets made out of chains
    • Engineers with shovels and welding implements
  • Helicopter 2 contains
    • A Classy Cat-Burglar wearing a Spy Catsuit and a parachute
    • An elephant-caliber tranquilizer dart gun
    • A talking squirrel with cartoon physics superpowers
    • Anvils
  • Helicopter 3 contains
    • A cage with iron bars
    • More nets made out of chains
    • Weightlifter Mooks

Time for Plan B

Mayday! Mayday! We need backup, NOW! Everything's FUBAR! The helicopters crashed, the pilots are dead, our gear is on fire, the Classy Cat-Burglar is cowering in a tree, and the squirrel is MIA!
  • Send in the dragons! I repeat, send in the dragons!
  • Get the SCP Foundation on the phone!

Preparation for a Big Badass Battle Sequence by AuraXtreme

There's a storm coming, and we're gonna fight the hurricane. We need:
  • A bottle of cologne
  • A fire axe
  • A katana
  • A riding crop
  • An iron maiden
  • Clawed gauntlets
  • A BFS
  • A Staff of Authority
Now get me that core before her boyfriend snaps.

Elaborate prank to teach Jerk Jock a lesson by Averagemoe

Everyone agrees this is the only way to get through.
  • A fishing rod
  • A bucket
  • A squirt gun full of orange soda
  • A "Weird Al" Yankovic C.D.
  • 14 Lawn chairs
  • A purple teddy bear
    • Pink is acceptable, but purple is preferred

Professional Gaming training regimen

  • A barrel full of cilantro
  • SCP-888
  • A calico cat (Disclaimer: No harm will be done to the cat.)
  • A gas stove
    • An electric stove will do, but preparation time will be exactly 3.25 times longer
  • A Mazda RX-7 GT-X.
    • The newer Mazda RX-7 Type-R is workable, but may result in explosions.
  • 750 Philippine pesos
  • At least three professional references (not including friends or family members), all of which you have known for at least one year each
  • 1 cup of steamed white rice mixed with 1 teaspoon of soy sauce

Time for Plan B

Well that didn't work. The cat has developed a case of grabby paws, the Antarctican economy has crashed, we got our Etsy accounts banned, we need to relocate to San Francisco, and if you used the newer RX-7 it is now OP. We'll need new training materials:
  • Six Rathalos Plates
  • One full-sized pachinko machine, smuggled illegally into the United States
  • A gallon of store-bought bottled water
  • A USB-powered electric fan
  • Five books about safe BDSM practices
  • Enough white road paint to cover one square kilometer

Why don't you quit this game?

Build your own smartphone

Let's face it, cellphones are annoying closed-source gadgets that the manufacturers tell us not to tinker with even if they get damaged. Let's build our own phone, one that you can truly call yours:
  • Five cups of tapioca pearls
  • Three heat-sensitive mood rings
  • One space heater that is only compatible with 220-volt outlets (If you use one that is multivolt or 110V-only, the Oort Cloud is going to die.)
  • Four AP Calculus test results with a score of 4 or higher on each one
  • One Sega Aime card
  • 300 mL of decaffienated coffee with a temperature not exceeding 20 C
  • Three full sets of buccal cones from sea angels
  • Two factory-sealed Tiger Electronics game devices

Defeat the juggernaut by Bruhhhhhh

To gain access to the castle gates, we need to destroy the humongous guardian over there. This may sound silly, but we need these items:
  • an inflatable crocodile pool float stuffed with ants (for the Warrior)
  • a warehouse’s worthy of lawn darts (for the Rogue)
  • a small potted cactus (for the Druid)
  • a Tome of Eldritch Lore (for the Mage)
  • a tub of spaghetti (for the Priest)
  • a bean burrito (backup)

Time for Plan B

Well, that failed miserably. Our warrior has ants in his pants, the rogue is holding Jarts in his mouth, the druid has new spiny facial hair, the mage has been transformed into a baby flying narwhal, and the priest ate the spaghetti. We still have a burrito, but, to defeat this monster, we now need:
  • 500 angry stray cats and dogs
  • a neck pillow
  • an active waffle press
  • a broken elephant gun
  • that same bean burrito stuffed with sugar-free gummy bears, spicy Cheezy Doodles, and powdered laxative pills

Example of: