- To be, or not to be?
- Not to be. Definitely not to be.
- *large explosion*
- Depends, is it nobler in spirit to suffer the slings and arrows... umm... screw it, not to be!
- True. (2B)∨¬(2B) is a tautology.
- All of the above.
- None of the above.
- Yes.
- No.
- "Our revels now are ended, Kirk! Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"
- Oh, why ask me?
- Turn to page 16 TO BE
- or NOT TO BE: turn to page 17
- To be what?
- Leave, or be terminated.
- You mean a lot to me!
- And are you beautiful and pale, with yellow hair like her?
- What do you read, my Lord?
- Words, words, words.
- This Very Wiki.
- The last time I read a book, I was raped — let that be a lesson to you.
- I never learned how to read!
- Idiot's Guide to Kicking Your Ass.
- What, are you reading from a book of sexist villain cliches?
- Jokes on you, pal: I can't read!
- Page 5, Cliché Villains Handbook?
- YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!
- O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
- Why does that matter? Isn't the real problem the "Montague" part?
- Because my great-uncle was named Romeus, and my father really respected him.
- I hath a vile cretin to slayeth.
- Why does that matter? Isn't the real problem the "Montague" part?
- Why are thou yet so fair?
- Is this a dagger that I see before me?
- No, now give me back my pencil.
- No, I'm just happy to see you.
- Well if it was behind you, you wouldn't see it now, would ya, dumbass?
- Um. No, my lord. It's my handkerchief, you see. You can sort of tell the difference if you look closely. It doesn't have as many sharp edges.
- It's Mack the Knife.
- No! It's Truffaut the Wonderdog!
- No, it's a Glock 17.
- Yes, and this is her human form.
- What light through yonder window breaks?
- The "C" train.
- Explosion in the chem lab.
- A house fire.
- It is a rock, and Juliet has a concussion.
- That window up there, dummy.
- (3x108/λ)x6.63x10-34
- How do you solve a problem like Maria?
- With cheese.
- Kill It with Fire!
- Reassignment to Antarctica!
- I know dis guy, see? You pay me, I get him to take care of da problem for you.
- No! It's not Maria that's the problem! It's the black hedgehog she's with that's the problem!
- Get Celes to take over her role in the opera.
- Settle it in Smash!
- If you want to know, just ask Maria how she solves a problem.
- SHOOT HER!
- When in doubt, I kill.
- I'm more of a problem eliminator.
- How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
- On film.
- Pick up the phone, leave her alone... it's time you made a stand!
- Simple:
Step 1: Condense cloud into water.
Step 2: Freeze water into ice.
Step 3: Insert pin. - My God, who is this man, who hunts to kill?
- Well, hunting to mangle is needlessly cruel.
- Mom... I kill people.
- I haven't murdered anyone! Well, not today, anyway...
- Kira.
- An Egomaniac Hunter.
- Kraven the Hunter
- Your own design.
- Why do they want to whip poor Will again?
- Isn't he the designated whipping boy?
- HEY! I'm not poor!
- Because he let the cannon drop.
- He was coughing up slugs that turned into dogs.
- Do you hear the people sing?
- Mary and Ethel who?
- Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?
- That depends, who's asking?
- To quote from Hamlet, act 3, scene 3, line 87, "No!"
- Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
- Why do you write like you're running out of time?
- Welcome to the phenomena that is Christmas Rushed.
- Why do you always say what you believe?
- Just Clap Your Hands If You Believe...
- What are you waiting for? What do you stall for? We won the war, what was it all for?
- If I can prove that I never broke the law, do you promise to never tell another soul what you saw?
- Only if I can help bury the body.
- I AM...THE LAW!
- Oh, look! You get to go to prison! What luck! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?
- Can we get back to politics? Please?
- Are times that hard?
- Politics sucks.
- Who?! Cares?! About?! A trade dispute?!
- What shall we do now? What is our cue now?
- Exit, pursued by a bear.
- OBJECTIVE: Talk to the idiot wearing sunglasses.
- OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and make that bitch eat her hair.
- New Objective: RUN AWAY
- When the doors close, just say 'Go'. Better.
- When a bell rings, the pieces need to shoot the angels.
- Rub your stomachs. Goo-ood. Goo-ood. Now pat your heads. Hel-lo. Hel-lo.
- Listen to your heart
Listen to the rain
Listen to the voices in your brain
Come on guys, let's get creative! - On one hand, they're paying you a bunch of money. They're paying ME...a bunch of money. While on this hand, they're telling me, "Hey, go out there and give Bagwell a hell of a match. Go out there with an 18-year old German kid. Give him seven good minutes. Let the people see what he can do.
- Everybody get up, it's time to slam now...
- Do you mean "orphan" - a person who has lost their parents, or "often" - frequently?
- When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
- Well, I can do next Tuesday.
- We'll meet again some sunny day...
- God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
- We will meet many more times... in the sequel!
- Let's all meet back at the malt shop!
- Just wait until Banjo-Threeie!
- I have a feeling we'll meet again, each and every week. Always in more sexy and exciting ways.
- Go down the next ramp. I have a feeling we won't meet again.
- Who's there?
- IT'S ME.
- No, he's playing baseball.
- Is this another "Knock Knock" Joke?
- Bobby.
- Yes, he is. No third base needed.
- JO'Z HEER
- Goons.
- Does anybody have a map?
- I'm the map, I'm the map...
- Who needs a map?!
- They suck at making maps!
- Where the hell would I put a map? In all the pockets I don't have?
- Here is the map. Where do you wish to go?
- Where we're going, we don't NEED maps!
- Terezi already made me a map.
- And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt!?
- When you’re falling in a forest, and there’s nobody around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?
- What will you do, Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris-man?
- Can I at least do an Enemy Scan first?
- ...I can't find him.
- Please stop, I don't believe in free love!
- I've got a plan... One last all-or-nothing gambit! Yeah, it's my final move... Listen up! This is something you're going to have to do for yourself! ...Hmmmmhmmmmhmmmhmmm.... RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIVES!
- Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?
- Ditez-moi pourquoi la vie est gai?
- No, YOU'RE gay!
- Pardonnez-moi, je ne parle pas très bien français.
- Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!
- Yes, that's right. I'm a gay robot.
- A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...
- The correct term is lesbain! UH, NOT THAT I'M A LESBAIN!!
- We're here, we're queer... I mean, all for one and one fo- forget it.
- No one's gay for Moleman...
- He's almost too gay to function.
- Maybe I'm gay, or maybe stereotypes are bullshit.
- I'm gay. I'm totally, totally gay.
- I'm straight! I'm straight! You’re the homos! Every last one of you!
- Silver, you know what? You're a twink. I'm gonna go smoke some weed now.
- I was gay before the light!
- I told you, I'm not gay!
- I ain't gay, but I'll lay back.
- I'm not gay, but that Light Yagami is one fine piece of ass.
- My boyfriend is GAY!
- Possibly homosexual. Must investigate further.
- Go away, you fucking gay!
- Nigga, you gay!
- What, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately, and hang around with another extremely attractive man, and read yaoi, and flaunt his gorgeous abs, and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?
- Ok, ok! I admit it! I'm gay, I'm gay! I like men, and I like men's bottoms, and I have a whole folder on my computer filled with Thiefshipping pictures!
- Fuck it! I'm gay!
- Last night I was worried that I might be gay, but you are possibly the hottest girl I have ever laid my eyes on.
- Yeah. I like to fuck a girl with another guy in the same hole. Does that make me gay? And what if that girl is a guy?
- Is he gay, or is he peeing?
- A little gay is fun when you're Russian!
- Hey, hey, how's the gay? I said, hey, hey, how's the gay?
- When I was your age, I took penis in the poophole for almost two days. I said "Fuck you, kind parents, for giving me buttsex to make me gay."
- You're GAY?! FUCK you!
- You're all faggots! FAGGOTS, I SAY!
- This place is gayer than I expected!
- Mother said not to be straight! I should've heeded her advice!
- The guys and I hate him. He's a single tool. He's just kind of gay. He sucks the cock out of the party.
- I can't go on, the Homosexuals are going to kill us.
- We'll have a gay old time!
- WIIIIILLLLMAAAAAAA!!!
- ENOUGH WITH THESE WORDS!
- Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
- You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy before.
- In English: "Do tell, why is life that beautiful?"
- Don't fling your French at me!
- But that's just a theory. A GAY theory!
- Why Marry?
- Objection! What about snakes?
- Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town?
- Anything.
- The pizza boy.
- A robot.
- Yourself.
- The villain.
- The teacher.
- A single mom.
- The boss and/or his wife.
- The gangster's girl.
- Your friend.
- The widow.
- Your cousin.
- Your patient.
- A chicken and a goat.
- I didn't fuck anybody...
- The wrong people.
- You must f*** Marcel Toing.
- Rule of Acquisition #112: Never have sex with the boss' sister.
- Rule of Acquisition #113: Always have sex with the boss.
- A wife.
- A grandma.
- A giant fish.
- Go fuck your snake!
- I HAVE SEX WITH DOGS, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
- The devil.
- Go to the church and ask God to fug you!
- A snail.
- Don't know how to "fuck" something.
- Bees and the eagles.
- A butterfly.
- A bull.
- Your sister.
- Big brother I want you to give me your big juicy thick c**k and drench me with your hot sticky c** until I'm gasping for air!
- "Oh yeah, and remember in the twelfth grade, you had sex with her? Ha—"
...
"Okay, enough reminiscing." - Son of God or son of man, Marseille; you can't fuck your sister and expect much good to come of it.
- You fucked your sister! You little pervert!
- Your twin.
- Your father.
- Your mother.
- The dead.
- Children.
- I'd fuck Bayonetta!
- Go fuck a refrigerator, pecker-neck!
- Anyone and everyone I see.
- Where is love?
- In Saskatchewan.
- Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt- wait...
- Love is for pussies.
- In Yotsuba.
- Who will buy my sweet red roses?
- Not the Prince. Begone, you hideous old hag!
- There's fennel for you, and columbines. There's rue for you, and here's some for me. We may call it herb of grace o' Sundays. O, you must wear your rue with a difference! There's a daisy. I would give you some violets, but they wither'd all when my father died.
- A flower is good for nothing. You can't eat a flower, a flower can't keep you warm...
- How do you measure, measure a year?
- With a calendar.
- How do you measure, measure your breath?
- What is this feeling, fervid as a flame? Does it have a name?
- Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
- Why do we build the wall?
- Funny?
How'd I fail to see this little bedtime tale was funny?- The Frightbot told a story so scary you couldn't help but laugh.
- The absurdity of the situation put its pathos to the rout.
- Spider-Man gave Mary Jane cancer by tragically shooting her up repeatedly with his horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. His horrible radioactive Spider-Semen. That’s not tragic. That shit is fucking hilarious.
- There was a Line of Bathos, and you crossed it. I know it’s a metaphorical fish, but sweetie, that fish ain’t comin’ back.
- A baby just watched his mother die right before his eyes. Why is this so hilarious to me? Oh wait, no, I know why. It's because she died by getting bonked on the head by an empty shell casing!
- Primal kinda died too by becoming a hilarious pancake on the floor, which seems more like a gag for Waspinator in Beast Wars than a supposed-to-be dramatic death for your main hero.
- I should not be laughing! This is a terrible situation! And yet... I find myself unable to resist... your influence!
- The awful thing was that you probably thought this was funny. But it isn't. At all. Ever.
- I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a fucking comedy.
- See, I was confused by the total lack of comedy.
- "Funny" ain't the word for it.
- I'll show you funny!
- When the hell did I lose my temper?
- When someone brought up Niagara Falls.
- NIAGARA FALLS?! Sloooooooooowly I turned...
- Step by step... Inch by inch...
- When someone pressed your Berserk Button.
- The moment you join the Red Lantern Corps.
- When someone brought up Niagara Falls.
- Poor, poor Joseph, what'cha gonna do?
- Where is the telephone? Is here no telephone?
- No, not since the Bratty Half-Pint broke it.
- I am not a brat! Take it back! Take it back!
- Your language says otherwise.
- I ate those phone.
- Where we're going, WE DON'T NEED A TELEPHONE!
- No, not since the Bratty Half-Pint broke it.
- What did Batman do in Katmandu?
- The Batusi.
- Catwoman.
- Subduing the corrupt tribesmen.
- When you're dead, who gives a shit?
- What’s a Jellicle cat?
- CAT KITTY CAT CAT KITTY CAT CAT
- "Jeliccle"? What is that?
- What's this? Mutton?
- Talk to flowers right here?
- It's good to Talk to Everyone, so why not?
- All the flowers
Would have very extra special powers
They would sit and talk to me for hours
When I'm lonely in a world of my own. - HEY THERE, FLOWERS. WANNA... KILL ALL HUMANS?
- This coming from a man who talks to fish every second?
- Shall we dance?
- Then I'm sure there was a saying you learned that you have used ever since to govern your life. A motto, a watchcry?
- Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
- What dagger?
- Dagger, dagger, dagger.
- I can't resist the knife. So sleek, so sharp. So silent. I wonder, will I do it slow or fast? On the one hand, I'd love for you to feel every inch of metal slowly pierce your skin and then rip your belly asunder. Just the thought puts a smile on my face. Not that you can see it. But on the other hand, there's nothing quite so satisfying as slitting a man's throat. There's such a sinister beauty in the efficiency of it. The pain would wake you up just in time to die.
- The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
- A GST, well this is what you call salvation,
To whack taxation over the nation?
This is the bright new plan that you bring?
Fifteen percent on everything?- Yes, including the death of a million people to save ten million!
- If people hate me, and you're so great, why you wanna make me wait?
- If you prick us, do we not bleed?
- Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
- You are, stupid.
- I fear no man. But that thing... it scares me.
- Fear isn't in my genes.
- Spider-Man.
- Let's talk about geography. Tell me, Parker, how do you know the world is flat?
- I've been down to the edge of the world,
Sat on the edge where the wild wind whirled,
Peeked over the ledge where the blue smoke curls,
And I can tell you, boys and girls,
The world is FLAT! - I've been deceived by flat-earth know-it-alls who believe in the one absolute truth the world is flat, even if I tried to convince them otherwise by saying the world is round like a ball.
- I don't. Had the world been flat, there would be no day, no night, no seasons, no time, no terrain, no depth, no height, no mountains, no hills, no elevation, the list goes on.
- I've been down to the edge of the world,
- Who did it to you, Uncle Peck? How old were you? Were you eleven?
- I dreamt a dream tonight.
And so did I.
Well, what was yours?- It starts out where I'm in an all-nude production of Death of a Salesman On Ice, but I haven't studied and can't remember my lines. Suddenly, it begins to rain marshmallows, but that's OK because the trees are made of graham crackers and chocolate bars are the official currency. I believe that by working together, we can make that dream a reality.
- It is kind of difficult to explain. Counselor Troi's body... was a cake.
- I had the weirdest dream that I was in The Bourne Identity! Lotso, you were there, and you were there too, Ken. And Matt Damon, you were there, and Julia Stiles, you were there... but you weren't really in anything after that. I don't know why, 'cause you were great in 10 Things I Hate About You...
- The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.
- In my dreams I'm beautiful. And bad!
- I always dream of a giant carrot chasing me through a field of lobsters.
- These things with faces like appendectomy scars were crocheting my intestines into body bags for the blind and dead. I told myself it was only a dream, but it didn't matter. They just kept on bloody knitting.
- In all my dreams I drown.
- In my dreams, I rock and I rule the wonderland!
- Had the BIONICLE dream again. Specifically, I was at Disneyland, and they were selling some kind of...green watermelon liquid in giant novelty jugs shaped like Mata feet. Then, we went to the LEGO Store before we went home, and the aisles...oh, the aisles...
- Suppose the machine shouldn't work?
- What shall I swear by?
- Are you sure that you haven't been answered? Now think, children, think!
- What keeps a man alive?
- What bloody man is that?
- What is this, Labor Day?
- Should I take the bus or walk instead?
- Do you wanna ride, wanna go far?
- What did we say about masturbation?
- Did you kill Eminem?!
- Could you get out of my head for like, five minutes?
- Should I take the upgrade?
- You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey?!
- How'd you find my address?!
- Nibble, nibble, mousekin,
Who's nibbling at my housekin?- Me Cookie Monster! Me love to eat Gingerbread House!
- What, art thou hurt?
- Don't know the manners of good society, eh?
- Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?
- Hepatitis hepatitis?
- Where is the leader who will save us
And be the first man to be shot?- Mr. Bradshaw, will you stand up, please?
[Mr. Bradshaw stands up, is shot]
This demonstrates the value of not being seen.
- Mr. Bradshaw, will you stand up, please?
- Is this therapy?
- What is this? Wash and wear?
- Who is man enough to march to March of the Falsettos?
- Isn’t it delightful playing easy?
- What about chromosomes? Do they carry? Will they carry?
- So, did you hear the story of the Johnstone twins?
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