Web Video / Marik Plays Bloodlines

"I think we should go with the 'sexy' vampire. That way I won't have to do much actual roleplaying."

The world is a vampire...

LittleKuriboh takes on the world of Lets Plays in this series of online videos. Marik Ishtar from Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series attempts to play Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, snarking in his typical fashion. Bakura is somewhere in the background, occasionally commenting on what Marik says.

LittleKuriboh has also done LP's of other games - Marik has done Slender, Slender: The Arrival, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes and Knights of the Fallen Empire with Bakura, and Mass Effect on his own. Yami did a Low Karma playthrough of Fallout 3 (ending with him nuking Megaton). Kaiba has started Five Nights at Freddy's 2.

Episodes can be found here.

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This has examples of:

• Accidental Innuendo: invoked It's a Running Gag that Marik does these, but never catches on, even when Bakura keeps laughing at him.
  "Geez, I can't believe on my first day as a vampire, I sucked off a hobo!"
  "That's not the first time I've shot off in a guy's face."
  "Ooo, I love a good manhole!"
  • The Youtube user account is named ObeyMyRod and the channel name is "Marik Plays With Himself."
  • There's one point in the game where Jeanette flirtatiously tells Marik's character to come back to her soon because she can only "amuse" herself for so long. Marik, who almost certainly has no clue what she's actually referring to, promptly tells her that she probably wasn't doing it enough. And then remarks that "amusing himself" was basically all there was to do back when he lived in a tomb.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!:
  • "I'VE GOT TO WARN THE GENERAL PUBLIC THAT THE ALIENS ARE ABOUT TO oh, hey, free newspaper!"
  • And Melvin in part eight: "FOOLISH FOOL! THE SHOPS CANNOT SAVE YOU FROM MY oh, hey, a video game!"
• Awesome, but Impractical: Porn magazines stapled together with gold that you can't even read without lessening the value. "It's kind of ineffectual as porn itself, but... it's a good collector's item."
• Awesomeness Is Volatile: Sings when a lightbulb shatters, and assumes the "sheer awesomeness" of his voice did it.
• Ax-Crazy: Mel Gibson, apparently. Also, Melvin, who starts killing people as soon as he gets control.
• Batter Up!: What Marik resorts to when the Wrong Crowd flips out on him. Because Marik pressed...
• Berserk Button:
  • For your own safety, stay the EFF away from the Wrong Crowd's car stereo, apparently it's like holy ground to them.
  • For Marik himself, anything that threatens his midriff is as good as dead.
  Marik: That. could. have. been. MY!! MIDRIFF!!!!
  • Mel Gibson went ballshit crazy when Marik started insulting his movies. The last straw was him calling The Passion of the Christ a crappy movie.
• Big Fancy House: "Oh, hey, it's one of Mel Gibson's more modest properties."
• Big "NO!": "I'll just work on my tan. Wait.... I'm a vampire.... I... no longer... have... a... tan... NOOO!!"
• Blade Enthusiast: Bakura. "I like this mission. It has knives."
  Jeanette: Take this knife -
  Bakura: (instantly) Oooh.
• Bouquet Toss: "If anybody else lays a finger on those flowers, I will murder them!"
• Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: "This game has taught me that if you live in Hollywood, you're either a Serial Killer or a vampire. Or a vampire serial killer. Or a serial killer who specializes in killing vampires. Those are the options, pick one."
• Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Some of Marik's rambles take a sharp turn into TMI territory without any change in his tone.
• Brief Accent Imitation: "No mate, I'm here to make fun of yo accent!"
• Brick Joke:
  • At one point in Part 4, one of Marik's rants has him claiming he could play Gary Oldman in a movie about the latter. The Stinger shows Stansfield's Villainous Breakdown in The Professional with Marik's voice dubbed over his.
  • Yugi once quoted the line "Despite all my rage, I'm still a rat in a cage.", which was the perfect intro music to this series.
• Broken Record: KILL YOUR FAMILY! KILL YOUR FAMILY! KILL YOUR FAMILY! KILL YOUR FAMILY! KILL YOUR FAMILY! KILL YOUR FAMILY!
• Call-Back:
  • If you look closely in the first episode, you can see his character name is Malik Blishtar.
  • Part 5 has a callback to Concrete Giraffes, Marik sees a statue that reminds him of "that guy that tried to star in our movie" but neither he nor Bakura have any memory of the incident.
  • And then that guy comes visit them on the next episode because he heard that they "were playing a video game" and then goes on commenting on how he is "elite".
  • In part 7, Marik sees the statue again, but this time he knows who it is.
• Calling Your Attacks: "Vampire punching power!"
• Card-Carrying Villain: Bakura has embraced this so much that he completely dismisses Marik's attempt to apologize for accidentally calling him a sociopath.
• Catchphrase: After Marik acquires the art of opening doors: "Aha! My skills!"
• Comically Missing the Point:
  • Marik not getting the innuendos he makes.
  • He hears a girl in another room making sobbing screams, but assumes those are sex sounds, and coming from the washing machines in the room he's in.
  • Slender Man does this to himself in part 9
  Melvin: Hey, Slender Man, remember that time you disguised yourself as one of those store window mannequins, and when people walked by, you'd wrap your tentacles around them and just devour them whole?
  Slender Man: ThAt WaS aN aMuSiNg PrAnK. ThEy WeRe NoT aBlE tO pUrChAsE tHeIr ClOtHeS. ThEiR dAy WaS rUiNeD.
  Melvin: Yes, and you also killed them.
  Slender Man: ThAt AlSo WaS fUnNy.
  • "Okay, orgasm ... didn't expect that ..." - about Heather.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment:
  Prince LaCroix: The punishment for this transgression...
  Marik: ...is a wedgie
  Prince LaCroix: ...is death.
  Marik: Whoa! That's way worse! That's like five wedgies!
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Marik has some very bizarre lines while beating the everloving crap out of the Wrong Crowd.
  Marik: THIS IS FOR DARING TO HAVE NICER LIVING CONDITIONS THAN ME!
• Disproportionate Retribution: The last of the Wrong Crowd got it really bad.
• Distracted by the Sexy: We don't get to see it outright, but part 6 shows that Bakura has apparently spent about 90% of his time during these videos ogling Marik while pretending to read The Count of Monte Cristo.
• Do Not Taunt Cthulhu:
  Marik: Oh, what is this? Come at me, you Australian ponce!
  Bakura: Uh, Marik, you probably shouldn't taunt him like that -
  Marik: Shut up, Bakura. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST IS A CRAPPY MOVIE! (everything starts flying at him)
• Don't Explain the Joke:
  • "It's funny because..."
  • Subverted once, when he was using a baseball bat.
    "Hey check it out: 'Vampire Bat'! Hah! It's funny because I broke his legs."
• The Door Slams You: Marik has bad luck with doors.
• Double Entendre: Bakura slips in a few pretty great ones while hitting on Marik.
  Marik: You know, most people already know that when you open a dictionary and you look up the word "sexy" that it has a picture of me. More specifically a picture of my bottom. Because that is where I store my sexiness.
  Bakura: Marik, can I borrow your dictionary?
  Marik: Why do you need a dictionary?
  Bakura: Uh, I'm doing a Crossword Puzzle. A very hard crossword puzzle.
• Drop-In Character: Slender Man pops in occasionally to hang out, much to Marik's consternation.
• Dude Looks Like a Lady: Marik, of course.
  Marik: What do you think, Bakura, should I take the [estrogen] pills?
  Bakura: Well, to be fair, I doubt they'd have any noticeable effects.
  Marik: You've got a point—HEY!
• Easily Forgiven: When first visiting the Asylum, Marik is utterly disgusted by the big, bald, insensitive jerk of a bartender who dared to make light of Artax's death. The next time he visits the Asylum, Marik wants to team up with him as a fellow tattooed person.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Melvin draws the line at pretending to be a Jehovah's Witness. "Come on, Slender Man, we're not that evil!" (Then they both burst out laughing.)
• Everything Trying to Kill You: When a chandelier falls.
  "Ahh! Lumiere tried to kill me! I knew it! Furniture can't be trusted!"
• Evil Laugh: Marik does one after he steals a car stereo, and then again when he thought he found the Millennium Puzzle. He stops upon finding out it was just a random amulet, though.
• Felony Misdemeanor: Marik can absolutely not stand excess litter.
• Foreshadowing:
  • Several times in the first five episodes Marik makes comments about how "It can't get any worse" or "I'm sure there's nothing that bad waiting on the other side of this manhole." Anyone who's played the game can guess this is leading up to the infamous Oceanside Hotel level.
  • Episode 5 has Marik spotting a statue and asks Bakura if it looks like "that guy who tried to star in [their] movie". Next episode, Slendy drops by and offers to help play the game.
  • In the very beginning of episode 8, Marik says he feels a sudden urge to kill his family. In the last minutes of the episode, Melvin takes over him and stays, and even gets to play all of episode 9.
• Freudian Slip
  "And he was okay with that because he wasn't going to have children anyway because he's totally ga-, erm, I mean, he's not really into kids."
• Funny Background Event:
  • While Marik is talking about The Neverending Story to the bartender, one of the dialogue options is about "The card game of life". Marik, of course, picks that option.
  • He then steers it right into Medium Awareness territory by following that up with a dialogue option that describes his life as a made-for-TV movie.
  • If you look carefully, immediately after "Rock Me Amadeus" starts playing, you can see Therese looking around the room with an expression that pretty much says "Where the hell is this music coming from?" while avoiding eye-contact.
• Get a Room!: "Ah, the washing machines are having sex! You guys are gross, get a frigging laundry room."
• Glass-Shattering Sound: Marik believes he smashed a lamp in a videogame by "hitting the perfect octave."
• Ghost Story: "You will let me glomp you or I will curse you because ghosts have that ability apparently ... !"
• Halloween Episode: Episode 9, when Melvin takes over and Slender Man shows up to hang out.
• Heroic Self-Deprecation: Marik has no problems admitting how stupid some of his decisions actually are In-Universe.
  Therese: After all, you've acted decently and rationally up till now.
  Marik: What?
• Humanoid Abomination: Mel Gibson, apparently.
• Implausible Deniability: Marik did not just admit he was gay!
• In-Character Let's Play: It's littlekuriboh as Marik playing the game bloodlines
• Incredibly Lame Pun
  "Hey, Bakura!"
  "What?"
  "Bail bonds!"
• Indian Burial Ground: "Ironically, there was an Indian burial ground built on top of the hotel!"
• Inherently Funny Words:
  • Heh heh, foxy boxes...
  • PenisPenisPenisPenisPenis.
• I Would Say If I Could Say: Marik gets dangerous after his midriff is nearly destroyed by Mel Gibson.
  "THAT DOES IT! No more Mr. Nice Marik... Not that there ever was a Mr. Nice Marik because I am an evil villain! But if there were a Nice Marik, then he wouldn't exist because I JUST KILLED HIM! Because I'm evil."
• Jump Scare: Not quite in the game, just Marik was easily startled.
  "Ahh! Don't do that!"
• Kick the Dog: Marik was in really high spirits and good mood after a good time of singing a song parody of "Rock Me Amadeus" until...
  Bakura: Artax's still dead.
  Marik: NOOOO~!!
• Let's Get Dangerous!: See I Would Say If I Could Say.
• Let's Play: An entirely in-character one.
• Loads and Loads of Loading: Marik even sings about it.
• Murder Is the Best Solution: Bakura is quite happy to go around knifing people, rather than take the diplomatic route and end up buried in side-quests.
• Murder-Suicide: "Wait, how does that work? What do you do, you kill somebody who's trying to commit suicide? Do you try and hang yourself and when you drop, you land on somebody and it breaks their neck or something?"
• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: "What am I, part of a friggin' vampire terrorist cell?" *beat* "Oh my God, I hope I'm part of a friggin' vampire terrorist cell!"
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Marik's character performed one on a particularly durable thug that kept shooting him.
• Oblivious to Love: Marik seems to be getting this way as of part 6.
  Marik: "You're not busy, you're pretending to read a book!"
  Bakura: "What makes you think I'm pretending?"
  Marik: "You've been on the same page for, like, two hours. You've just been staring at me."
• The Oldest And Most Deadly Profession: The zombie prostitute.
• Only Six Faces: Making a bunch of jokes about that, especially seeing character models of people he killed.
• Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Occasionally, Kaiba will sound like Naruto in his Let's Play of Five Nights at Freddy's 2.
• ...Or So I Heard:
  • Marik's anecdote about drinking recycled urine.
  • "Look at this room! Seriously, it's like something you build in The Sims when you have no idea what you're doing. I mean, not that I would know, because I only play manly games like... Call of Gears of Duty Madden 2012."
• Paranoia Fuel: In-Universe Example: Furniture can't be trusted.
• Player Punch: In-Universe Example:
  Marik (sucking the blood out of the neck of a prostitute): Aww... You know it's true love when your partner decides to drink blood from your neck. Ahh... the sweet tastes of cigarettes and regret... Wait, What happened? She's not moving... Why isn't she moving..? Prostitute lady!?
  Bakura: Marik, she's quite clearly dead.
  Marik: What?! How did that happen?
  Bakura: You killed her.
  Marik (sobbing): How? Why? For what reason? ''Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red dress tonight! Roxanne, you don't have to sell your body to the night!
  Bakura: Well, she doesn't have to do any of that stuff now, because she's dead! Gahahahahahahaha!
  Marik: She was one week away from prostitute retirement!
• Poke the Poodle
  Marik: I'm gonna find the wrong crowd and not read things together! Yeah, That's right! Entire novels left unopened!
  • Marik once successfully broke into Kaiba's house... with his only goal in mind being crashing Kaiba's birthday party (which no one was invited to). And then he used Kaiba's toilet. He will NEVER know!
  • Slender Man's idea of ruining people's days is preventing them from purchasing clothes. By eating them.
• Rapid-Fire Comedy
• Remembered I Could Fly: "I was worried there for a second— wait a minute, I'm a friggin' vampire! What am I worried about? Radios cannot harm me for I AM IMMORTAL!"
• Retirony: "SHE WAS ONE WEEK AWAY FROM PROSTITUTE RETIREMENT!"
• The Rival: Doors.
• Roaring Rampage of Revenge:
  Marik: That does it! Soon as I get out of here, I'm grabbing a shotgun and I'm going after Mrs. Pots.
• Running Gag
  • See Accidental Innuendo.
  • "Heh heh, Foxy Boxes."
    • Which even spilled into the spinoff video Marik Plays Portal 2.
  • And Concrete Giraffes.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Bakura books it the instant Melvin shows up.
  "Uh, I'll - I'm going to go to the shops for a bit. I-I'll be back in about ten minutes."
• Ship Tease: Marik and Bakura's suggestive bickering could count:
  Marik: Bakura, will you get the door?
  Bakura: I'm busy.
  Marik: You're not busy, you're pretending to read a book!
  Bakura: What makes you think I've been pretending?!
  Marik: You've been on the same page for like, two hours. You've just been staring at me.
  Bakura: (Increasingly flustered) No, I bloody haven't!
• Shout-Out / Reference Overdosed
  • At the nightclub, Marik starts singing his own lyrics to Electric Six's "Gay Bar."
  I wanna make you be a vampire!
  I wanna make you be a vampire, vampire, vampire!
  • "My Pokemans, let me show them to you."
  "OMG! A shiney mudkip!"
  • Well, Imma let you finish, but Dracula was one of the greatest vampires of all time! Of all time!
  • "So what you're saying is, the first rule of Bite Club is that you don't talk about Bite Club."
  • "Don't be a homicidal maniac, okay?" "Try telling that to Johnny!
  • Marik meets "Christian Bale."
  Marik: Christian Bale! I'm a huge fan! What the hell are you doing in vampire world?
  Rich Guy: Waiting for that blasted tow truck I called an hour ago.
  Marik: No, no, no, the correct answer was "I'm Batman."
  • So far, Marik's biggest enemies have been doors and stairs. He feels like a friggin' Dalek!
  • "Peelz over here!"
  • You mean like four legs good, two legs bad?
  • "Ok, I'm choosing to believe that this whole house is like that house from Beauty and the Beast and all the furniture is going to start singing at me."
  • "Hey, big guy, Zack Fair called, he wants his buster sword back."
  • "BA-BA-BAKURA BA-BA-BAKURA"
  • "Ba-ba-ba Bakura. Ba-ba-ba Bakura."
  • In Episode 4, he describes the doors closing in his face as being "the opposite of Star Trek."
  • "Hey, check this out: Suffer like G did?!"
  • In Part 7 he says "Guest appearance by Chester A Bum!"
  • PenisPenisPenisPenisPenisPenisPenis...
  • In episode 9, Slender Man responds to the use of the phrase "This guy takes the cake," with "And probably ate it too!" Melvin tells him, "Shut up, Slender Man. You're not funny." in a reference to the Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time Abridged movie, where LittleKuriboh made the same joke with ShadyVox.
  • "Yo dawg, I heard you liked families, so I killed your family so you can die while they're DEAD!"
  • Marik talks about how he and Bakura met and compares them to several friend duos, including Finn and Jake. Bakura goes on to suggest Kurogane and Fai, which Marik says doesn't apply because those two "touch butts with each other."
  • "When I was a young boy, my sister took me into the city, to meet a racist ghost..."
  • "Money, money, money must be funny in a rich man's world!"
  • "Neverending loading screen! Da-da-daa-da-da-daa-da-da-daa!"
  • Refers to Jeanette as Harley Quinn.
  • Episode 10 starts with him making up his own lyrics to the opening of Attack on Titan.
  • Please-come-to... Momocon! There's-going-to-be... lots-of-awesome-guests!
• Show Within a Show: Apparently, this is taking place in the midst of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series.
• Smug Snake: Lampshaded when Marik states that he gets "Merovingian vibes" from LaCroix.
• Spin-Off:
  • Marik plays a few minutes of the beginning of Portal 2 in an ad for MomoCon, in which he complains about Wheatley being British, mistakes the testing facility for the Shadow Realm and then a tanning salon, argues with Glados, and generally has no idea what's going on.
  • And then came Marik Plays Slender and Slender: The Arrival.
  • Yami Yugi also gets in on the action with his short Let's Play of Fallout 3, this time to promote Pacific Media Expo 2012.
• Strange Minds Think Alike: In episode 6, Bakura suggests that Marik appease Mel Gibson by giving him a blowjob. Later in the episode, Slender Man shows up. When Marik asks what Slender Man thinks he should do to get rid of Mel Gibson, he asks if Marik tried giving him a blowjob.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial:
  • Marik didn't kill a prostitute and he most certainly does not play The Sims!
  • And he definitely doesn't have any porn, especially of the male-on-male kind!
• Take That!: "Greetings and welcome to my first ever Let's Play of Troika's Vampire: The Masquerade: the only game that lets you feel like you're actually living inside a failed Joss Whedon project."
  • (looks at the Gangrel clan) "Disney's vampire Tarzan. Comes with his own soundtrack composed by Phil Collins."
    • "Then we have the 'haters gonna hate' vampire (Tremere). He specializes in magic. Only nerds choose that guy. I like to call him the 'Bakura clan.'"
  • His discussion about Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction with Bakura, in which he laments that the main characters "becoming vampires for no good reason—and this was years before Stephanie Meyer showed up and ruined vampires for everybody".
  • "Say what you will about my dance moves, at least I'm a better dancer than Shepard. That's right, everyone do the MoCap, it's the easiest dance in the world." (Of course, Shepard's dancing is a Running Gag in Mass Effect anyway.)
  • "Well, at least the audience is bigger than the one they had for Spider-Man the Musical."
  • "Because when you think vampires, you think California! Well, to be fair, the place will suck you dry."
  • "Are those two police cars talking to each other? [...] It's just like that one Pixar movie nobody likes! I'm gonna get out of here before Larry the Cable Guy shows up."
  • He gets in a jab at One More Day, though he describes it as Spider-Man selling his soul to the devil.
  • Throughout episode 6, he continually makes jabs at Mel Gibson and his acting career.
  • "Well, at least this is more interesting than The Blair Witch Project."
  • "Ah, this sequence reminds me of part at the end of BioShock 2 with the big twist where it turns out that the game sucked."
  • The trainyard sequence reminds Bakura of The Polar Express - which makes him want to kill people even more.
  "I'm just going to pretend this guy is CGI Tom Hanks." (slits his throat) "Mmmm, that felt good!"
• Sweet Tooth: In the Metal Gear Solid V video, it turns out Marik takes 8 sugars with his tea. Good thing being evil burns lots of calories.
• Tastes Like Purple:
  • "Mmm, that's good homeless person! Wait, what am I doing? He probably tastes like shattered dreams and despair."
  • Comes up again with Marik sucking the blood of a prostitute. "Ah, the sweet taste of cigarettes and regret."
• Tempting Fate: There's surely nothing bad waiting for him outside the sewer.
• That Came Out Wrong: Shouldn't use the words "eat out" in front of a prostitute.
• There Is Only One Bed:
  • In part 6, Marik mentions that this happened to him and Bakura once. Bakura still dreams about it - uh, has nightmares about it.
  • This is also a Mythology Gag to LittleKuriboh's Thiefshipping fanfiction "Marik and Bakura go to Censored Town", where this does indeed happen.
• Took a Level in Badass: After spending the past 5 episodes being constantly thwarted by the sinister doors, Marik acquires amazing door opening skills, that even allow him to open doors with his mind without him even knowing about it.
• Trrrilling Rrrs: Marik does this a few times when he's feeling especially hammy.
• The Un-Reveal: In Part 4:
  Marik: Oh, by the way, I've heard some rumors flying around that Bakura and I... well, you know, so I'd like to address those rumors right now, I'd like to "come out of the closet", you might say.
  Bakura: Marik...
  Marik: It's okay, Bakura, I know what I'm doing. It's true: Bakura and I...are evil! And we're not ashamed of it!
  • It happens again in 7.5. Marik apparently decides to address those rumors once and for all.
  "Y'see, technically KILL YOUR FAMILY KILL YOUR FAMILY KILL YOUR FAMILY"
• Vampire Bites Suck: "Even if you suck, you're doing a good job and it gives you experience for it."
• Verbal Tic: "You know, sometimes I wonder if I say the word 'frig' too much. Then I realize, who the frig even cares? Frig it."
• Video Game Cruelty Potential: Melvin in particular has a blast with it. Lampshaded by Marik in episode 10:
  "Did I do something nice? That's not what you're supposed to do in video games! Quick, how do I bring the car in here to run you over?"
• Villain Episode: While the whole series is this for Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, but special mention goes to Episode 9, where Marik and Bakura are replaced by Melvin and Slender Man. Similarly, Episode 15 has Bakura take the controls for a while, where he similarly provides a much better example of this trope than Marik.
• Villains Out Shopping: The videos themselves are an example of this.
• Waxing Lyrical: With the lyrics altered to fit vampire themes (most of the time)
  Marik: (beating a member of the Wrong Crowd to death with a baseball bat) For it's one~ two~ three strikes and you're dead at the old~ ball~ game~!
• Wham Episode: Episode 8, when Marik suddenly turns into Melvin at the very end.
• Who Wants to Live Forever?: Bakura thinks it's overrated to live forever.
• Worth It: In part 4 of the Slender: The Arrival playthrough, Marik's innuendo reaches the point where Bakura can't even stay vertical.
  Marik: (in a cave) I've explored a lot of holes in my time, but this one just isn't doing it for me. (Bakura roars with laughter) What? What's so funny? I think I killed Bakura. Are you OK? You want a glass of water? You look like you're in a lot of pain.
  Bakura: (strained) Totally worth it, though.
• Yaoi Fan Girl: Marik blurts out that he likes Thiefshipping in Part 6.
• Zerg Rush: Combined with Mind Screw. Faced with Marik's amazing door opening skills, The Door To Mecurio's Apartment summons a wave of identical looking doors, hoping to confuse Marik.

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