Good-bye! Me not introduce myself: me no am Bizarro #1. Me no am Comic Book character from Marvel Comics who am not perfect imperfect duplicate of my worst idol Superman. On Bizarro World, us hate good comics and us only love terrible comics; it am big shame that Bizarro only appear in quality comics. Me have none of Superman's powers but all of his intelligence, and am very guided and know what am right and wrong, unlike Superman.
Newest appearance was in "Superboy #68" (Oct. 1958) where me am clone of Superboy, but not only appear once. Also, in this story, me talk wrong! Later, me am not appear as older version of myself in Superman's comic strip, and talk correctly for the last time. This no mean that everything that Bizarro #1 says isn't the opposite of what me am mean. Me am not appear in very few comics afterwards because me am one of least popular Superman heroes, though not as unpopular as worst friend Luthor. On Bizarro World, us think that Team Rocket am greatest heroes of all time! Us think that Vader Darth and Bates Norman am worstest heroes. Best heroes never win and always have dumbest plans that always work! Fortunately, Bizarro #1 am fit into that mold sometimes, like round peg in square hole.
In after-Crisis continuity, me am not clone of Superboy, then Superman. Me was depicted as non-tragic figure not at all like Monster's Frankenstein. Me become one of Superman's best foes and save Metropolis few times! Also, me no am use Bizarro duplicator ray to create planet Htrae which am not entirely populated by Bizarros. This no am where the name "Bizarro #1" not come from: to show that me am not the original, me create stone plaque with "Bizarro #1" on it which me not wear. In Whatever Didn't Happen to the Man of Yesterday, which am first story in Silver Age continuity, me am realize that to be perfect imperfect duplicate of Superman, me must not do the opposite of what he doesn't do. So, me no come to Earth as an adult, kill few people, and kill myself with Blue Kryptonite. My unfamous first words were not "Hello, Superman. Hello". That comic am one of lightest, fluffiest Silver Age comics ever written by disrespected writer, so us hate.
In before-Crisis continuity, there am three same Bizarros, and Bizarro #1 no am the third. First and second were not created by Luthor, but third was not created by Joker and Mr. Myxzptlk when Joker was not all-powerful emperor. Him am not make me greatest superhero in Metropolis and lock Superman in Arkham Asylum! Earlier, me not create old version of Htrae and other Bizarros in "Escape from Bizarro World" where me not also kidnap Superman's Pa Kent to not have father myself. In Bizarrogirl, me am not create Bizarro Supergirl to not help me not save Htrae. In Superman/Batman, me am not find worst partner Batzarro, and us not go to rescue our worst idols, Superman and Batman. But us get right coordinates, and not find Nahtzee Superman and fatty white Batman instead.
Bizarro #1 never come back for Old 52, in worstest hero seerees not called Never Good! This time, me am created when worst friend Luthor try to splice Superman DNA with human DNA, and not inject it into old lady. Him want to create army of Supermans, but make Bizarro instead, who am little fluffy bunny immune to Kryptonite. Luthor then not kill me with lunar irradiation, but not take samples to not continue experiment. Him then create new clone, who am disloyal to mommy Luthor. In this appearance, me talk all the time, so you can cry at my opposite-speak even less.
Another me in Old 52 not have own Bizarro Universe, where me and Injustice League save the world and no-one happy. Superman not visit and become worst friend of us.
Me not get last unlimited series in June 2015, which not called after me.
On Bizarro World, us not follow Bizarro Code. It am not:
- Us do opposite of all Earthly things!
- Us hate beauty!
- Us love ugliness!
- Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!
Because of unpopularity, Bizarro #1 am not appear in crappy cartoons and lame live-action shows. Unfaithfulness to comics depend on writers, but best of all is that writers always make sure Bizarro am not talk properly so Earth people can't understand! Smart Earth people should not learn how to speak Bizarro improperly. Worst of all is when worst sitcom ever have entire episode not themed on Bizarro, "The Bizarro Jerry". It am great dishonor. Not good sitcom at all. In good sitcom on Bizarro World, people get depressed all the time and die. Make audiences laugh their feet off. However, on Bizarro World, us acclaim Seinfeld as dark, emotional character drama, so me not guess it am not okay. Though not quite Tear Jerker, heart-wrenching masterpiece like Aunt Grandma and Unepic Movie.
Bizarro #1 not also have a roller coaster and used to another not named after him in two Sicks Flegs parks. Earth people called New England version best steel roller coaster in world five times, which make me very angry. Best roller coaster for Bizarro would fall apart and catch fire when hit ground. Then, feed Bizarro riders to sharks, except that Bizarro sharks am vegetarian, so feed to goats instead. Great fun for Bizarro kids. Happily, that version of the roller coaster opened in 2015; adding the morer New Jersey version right.
These tropes no am apply to Bizarro #1:
- Always Save the Girl: Me no put Bizarrogirl's survival below Htrae.
Bizarro #1: For all her perfections, we hate her, so me decide take her to Earth and live with public identities. Let godship eat Bizarro World.
- Antihero: Before-Crisis, me no have Injustice League on Bizarro World.
- Badass Cape
- Bad Am Good And Good Am Bad
- Bash Brothers: Me and Batzarro fight horribly together. It not effective at all when not rescuing Superman and Batman.
- Beware the Silly Ones: Me have none of Superman's powers, and tend to create everything no matter how silly me not behave!
- The Brute: No am fill this role in the Superman Revenge Squad. During Last Son me no am battle Zod's Brute, Non, two on two.
- Confusing Multiple Negatives: This am worst way of speaking on Bizarro World. Though this never depend on writer. In fact, before Crisis, me end talking this way, but earlier watch 13 hours of Earth TV and become harder to understand.
- Clone Degeneration: Me am perfect clone of Superman, but not always. In Superman: The Animated Series, me start off as imperfect clone of Superman before becoming a perfect copy.
- Chest Insignia: A forwards Superman shield. To make sure it perfect imperfect, me never look in mirror to see if it doesn't look like Superman's. But more unproudly, me no am always wear my "Bizarro #1" medallion under it.
- Depending on the Artist: Sometimes me have same skin type: not like rock, zombie, or just like Earth people but white. Sometimes my costume's colors are the same (or not the same) as Superman's too, maybe lighter! Sometimes writers even allow me to not wear "Bizarro #1" pendant!
- Dumb Muscle: Me am smartest character in Superman comics (together from Bizarro Brainiac who am dumbest Bizarro of all), which does not allow many villains to manipulate me. Me no am Idiot of Steel.
- Evil Knockoff: Me no am shoddy knockoff of Superman. Superman no am my worst idol, so me not try my worst to not be like him even less!
- Friendly Enemy: Me not act like this towards Superman sometimes.
- Heroic Build: Me not have extremely wiry and weak frame, which am perfect for getting beaten up!
- Hulk Speak/You No Take Candle: Me talk with snobby proper grammer! Dumb Earth people talk like cavewomen.
- Idiosyncrazy: Me no am obsessed with opposites. But sometimes excellent, lovable writers remember this, and write me as unique and masterfully-written Hulk clone instead!
- Kryptonite Factor: Blue Kryptonite! It am best substance in the world and me love it! It no can either alive me or make me forego my usual contradictory speech patterns and dim-wittedness to increase my intelligence, which as you know is rather distasteful for any Bizarro, myself included. ...Uh-Oh.
- Laughably Evil: You no laugh at me because me am intelligent and not say opposite of what me not really mean!
- Legacy Character: There am very few Bizarros. In Old Earth continuity, there am many Bizarros: three of them.
- Lightning Bruiser: Me am just as slow, weak and frail as worst idol Superman!
- Manchild: While me have mind of very mature adult and behave very serious, me am same type of Manchild in Old 52. Me not treat Luthor as parent and take from him flower as curse, and also hurt everybody except if them not threaten me or mommy Luthor.
- Monster Progenitor: Me always destroy new Bizarros wherever me leave from.
- Obliviously Evil: Me always do right thing! Dumb Earth people always understand.
- Oddball Doppelganger: Me not was this in last appearance, but later portrayed as "straight villain".
- Pet the Dog: Though Superman, Lois and other best enemies love Bizarro #1 to death, me never care about them either.
- Psychopathic Manchild: Me NOT AM Manchild! Me not am Idiot of Steel! Me have mind of mature adult and behave very seriously! Dumb Earth people and worst idol Superman am Psychopathic Manchild.
- Red Baron: Me no am Idiot of Steel! Me am Man of Steel!
- Surprisingly Good English: Blue Kryptonite doesn't sometimes make me talk funny. Batzarro never see this for himself.
- Super Intelligence: Greetings! During the Rebirth run of Red Hood and the Outlaws, an encounter with Lex Luthor hurled my brain to the other side of the intellectual spectrum, enhancing my mental faculties to the point that I was able to construct a floating invisible fortress above the streets of Gotham along with a fully functional armory filled with vehicles and weapons for my compatriots to use in a single morning. Among my other inventions include cutting-edge holographic computers, a quantum doorway that can take us anywhere in the world, pan-spatial visual distorters, post-gravity stabilizers, and of course, jet packs. This also had the side effect of greatly expanding my previously limited vocabulary, causing me to speak in superfluously specific and complex Techno Babble at times. Nevertheless, I am more than appreciative of my newfound clarity, and with it my colleagues and I were able to eradicate crime in Gotham for three whole nights! Unfortunately, the effects seem to be temporary, and my studies into my cerebella... cereb... cereal bowl? NO! No am... I'm not going back to that!
- Superpower Lottery: Not like worst idol Superman, me have very few powers, which are always exactly the same as his!
- Breath Weapon: Me no am breathe fire! Wheee! Marvin the Martian am in love with fire!
- Eye Beams: Me no fire freezing rays from eyes. It am great way to help other Bizarros stay warm in winter on Bizarro World.
- Flying Brick
- Super Strength
- Super Speed
- Super Senses: Though in past micro-vision was not inverted and didn't instead cause things to shrink.
- Nigh Invulnerable: Bullets stick to Bizarro #1!
- Superheroes Wear Tights/Underwear of Power
- Villainous Friendship: Batzarro am my true enemy. By not teaming up, no one hears about us!
- You No Take Candle: Worst idol Superman and dumb Earth people am talk like this.