Get A Stupid Answer / Live-Action Films

• What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
  • She got old and went mad after her sister tried to kill her.
  • She just goes by Jane now.
  • She's getting coffee with the Man of Tomorrow and the Caped Crusader.
  • Well, listen up, Sonny Jim. I ate a baby! Oh, aye! Baby: The other other white meat. Baby! It's what's for dinner!
  • She moved to Rapture and went crazy along with everyone else.
  • It's not my story to tell...
  • Seeing the look on her face as her baby exploded into wet chunks... Priceless.
  • I finished her in a flawless victory.
• Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?
  • Christopher and Katy.
  • Kanga? Fearing for her nephew?
  • Buffy.
  • Abe Lincoln.
  • "Nom" said Pooh, suddenly whipping out a ginormous ninja sword. He started to swing it in great circles above his head, and Roo got cut into strips which Pooh stuffed into Piglet's half-eaten carcass.
  • ... a cruel and cunning sorcerer. They called him Sauron.
  • Did you slay her and frame me for it?
• Dude, Where's My Car?
  • Like, parked somewhere.
    • ON MY SANDVICH!
  • In the impound lot.
  • It's right over there.
  • Dude, we came here in my car.
  • It was in a handicapped spot, Dude; perhaps they towed it.
  • It's on top of that mountain.
  • And then?
    • Heh heh, and then along came Jones…
    • AND DEN DEY EAT DA POO POO
  • Well, since the sign over there clearly says "PRIVATE PARKING. Unauthorized vehicles will be worked over with a sledgehammer, flipped over by an angry mob, set on fire, spray painted with rude slogans, AND used as a getaway car in a daring daylight robbery. Have a nice day.", one can only guess.
  • The mechanics class disassembled it, moved it to the roof, and reassembled it. True story!
  • In 1985.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?
  • Mike R. who?
  • You violated rule 1789: Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.
  • Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
  • Some asshole got here first and he hid this shit all over the place, and now I have to go on this wild goose chase because some asshole's fucking with me.
  • Hey, no reason to panic, it's just a cah.
  • I can't get a car 'cause I ain't got a job. I can't get a job 'cause I ain't got a car. So I'm looking for a girl with a job and a car.
  • Where you're going, you don't need a car.
• Who's Harry Crumb?
  • John Candy.
  • You need to ask?
• Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
  • Judge Doom.
    • Wow, tag your spoilers asshole.
  • "No, and please answer in the form of a question." "That was a question. Who framed him?"
    • I don't know! THIRD BASE!
  • Was it Jimbo? Mr. Garrison? Chef?
  • Gandhi.
  • It was the one-armed man!
  • The people who put up the movie posters.
  • Hate to break it to you, but nobody did. He's guilty.
  • HERCULES MULLIGAN!
  • You know.
    • Oh, that's right. Me.
  • Yep.
    • That does not mean he's the third base.
    • Yes, he is!
    • You deceive yourself.
    • I'm telling the truth!
    • Let me ask you again: WHO! Framed! Roger! Rabbit!?
    • YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT HE DID!
    • This is a waste of my time...
• Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
  • If you are wrong, you are cool.
• Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
  • Dr. John Wade Prentice.
  • Fonzie?
  • Sidney Poitier?
  • Chancellor Gorkon?
  • Winter.
  • Your daughter's new dragon boyfriend. I'm Jinx, nice to meet you.
  • Ashton Kutcher?
  • How exactly can a board game eat dinner?
  • Great! I love their music!
  • Well, I know Homer's coming to criticize it.
  • Don Giovanni, a cenar teco m'invitasti e son venuto!
  • Hopefully not Mariano, or else things are gonna go downhill real fast.
  • Andre
  • No one. I killed them all.
    • You Monster!
    • Thank you.
• Is that a moon?
  • That's no moon.
    • What else could it be? It's too big to be a space station.
    • It's yo mama!
    • The Death Star.
  • Who can tell?
  • Gee, I wonder who owns that moon...
  • STOP MOCKING ME!!!
  • Dawn of the First Day - 72 hours remain.
  • Which moon are we talking about?
  • Vulcan has no moon.
  • Some say the Earth is our moon. But that would belittle the name of our moon. Which is, "The Moon."
  • No, he's An Impostor.
  • Hahaha, don't be stupid, One-Round! It's Charles Laughton.
  • It is.
• Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you PERSIST?
  • Because I'm Mewtwo.
  • Conservation of energy. Means even if you disintegrate me, there's still something left behind that used to be me. Even the star themselves will continue on, their corpses spread thin across the universe. To rain down upon the worlds, each one contributing in some small part to...everything. We are starstuff, Trope-tan.
  • Why not?
  • Because I don't believe in fate.
  • Because Screw Destiny.
  • The Law of Conservation of Momentum.
  • Because fuck you, that's why.
  • Because we're Sonic Heroes!
  • You know, people say you should just play the hand you've been dealt in life. You know what? Fuck that. I say that if you get a dealt a bad hand, you throw out your cards, flip the table, pull a gun on the dealer and start shooting... life, I guess.
  • You may think you're hard because you plugged a scared old man but try that number on me and watch what happens. I didn't come all this way to get shot in the back of the head by some rent-a-cop. If the ninja took me out there would have been at least some dignity to that, with you there is nothing, absolutely nothing.
  • All right. I was never a good marine. I couldn't protect the people under my command. I never caught Freeman. I couldn't go fifteen meters without running into some insurmountable delay. I didn't earn my advanced training or even my rank as Corporal. Some guys just dropped it on me! I'm not even fighting for a cause, I just don't want to die. All the good things I did today were just because I was backed into a corner and could only keep charging forward. If I die today, nobody's gonna remember. Adrian Shepherd might as well never have existed. And you know what? I refuse to believe that this overconvoluted clusterfuck of a disaster happened just so I could get eaten by a giant squid in a dusty ventilation shaft! So screw it. I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna fight, and I'm gonna fucking win! Come and get me yo- Ow! Leg cramp, leg cramp, ow! Jeez! Ow, damn! Man! I really need to remember to limber up before this kind of crap. Anyway, have at you!
  • I Reject Your Reality and substitute my own!
  • We can face almost anything, but reality we can do without!
  • Because you touch yourself at night.
  • Because the Lords of Order will it.
• Who Am I?
  • Jackie Chan.
  • I'M JEAN VALJEAN!!!
    • 24601!!!
    • AND I'M JAVERT!!!
    • And I'm JOJvert! Do not forget my name! Do not forget my name! Do not forget my mAm!
  • I am pure krogan; you should be in awe.
  • I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance... and the boot that's going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am Death Incarnate, and the last thing you are ever gonna see. God sent me.
  • I'm Batman.
  • I'm a sexy, shoeless god of war!
  • The Eighth Doctor.
  • I am the terror that flaps in the night!
  • My name is OPTIMUS PRIME!
  • I'M RAAAEEEEEEEEL!
  • You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.
  • I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mushu!
  • I'm George. George McFly. I'm your density. I mean...your destiny.
  • I am the Eggman.
    • No, no, they are the Eggmen, I am the Walrus.
    • No Paul is the walrus
    • Actually, I am the Eggman.
  • You see, I'm pretty much the Queen Bitch of the Universe.
  • I am the law.
    • AND THE LAW IS NOT MOCKED!
    • My deeds upon my head! I crave the law.
  • I'm Bond. James Bond.
  • They call me WALUIGI, I'm stunting in the Dubillac
  • I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!
  • Alexander Hamilton… my name is Alexander Hamilton… and there’s a million things I haven’t done… but just you wait! Just you wait!
  • My name is Shadow the Hedgehog. I am this world's Ultimate Lifeform. THIS IS WHO I AM!
  • I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
    • Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it BECAUSE YOU WON'T FUCKING SHUT UP!
  • My name is Olaf and I like warm hugs!
    • Lord Soth just does not need a hug.
  • I am Spartacus!
    • I Am Spartacus!
    • Yeah, me too. And so's my wife!
    • No, I'm Spartacus. Have you come to free the slaves or something?
  • I am your punishment from God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.
    • You're a punishment?
  • I am what I am and that's all I am.
  • Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste.
  • I'M MISTER MEESEEKS, LOOK AT ME!
    • I'm Tiny Rick!!
    • I'M PICKLE RIIIIIIIICK!!
    • I'm time! I'm literally time!
    • He's murdering the time! Off with his head!
    • Time is a tool you can put on the wall or wear it on your wrist!
    • While this thing can theoretically manipulate time, every effort to use it to go back and avert that unfortunate chowder incident has failed.
  • I am Groot.
  • (singing) I AM THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES, SO LET ME SET YOU STRAIGHT. WITH JUST A WAVE OF MY MAGIC WAND I'M MASTER OF YOUR FATE
  • Dowd. Elwood P. Dowd. Let me give you one of my cards...
  • Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow.
  • They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!!
  • I'm Clark Kent.... I'm Superman I'm the FUCKING man of steel.
  • I'm Rick Harrison, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man, and my son, Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years--you never know what is gonna come through that door.
  • I am wood
    stupid
    • She is made of wood, which also burns, and this would confirm that she is, indeed, a witch.
    • And I get... wood.
    • I-I got wood, man. Why do I got wood?
    • nice >:]
  • I'M THE TRASH MAN! I EAT GARBAGE!
  • I am the Senate!
    • Not yet.
  • You are the ocean's grey waves, destined to seek life beyond the shore, just out of reach.
  • You're the man now, dog!
  • I'm a computer! I'm a computery guy! Everything made out of buttons and wires...
  • YEAH YEAH! I'm the one, I'm Vector the Crocodile! Herrheh!!
  • I am the judge, you've crossed the line.
    • Twice. And said line-crosser would't take responsibility for it.
  • Allow myself to introduce.......... myself.
  • Hey! I'm a totally unimportant Gas Station attendant! CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAND?
    • Nuh-uh. I've played Persona 4, I know how that one goes.
  • I am the river. I am the sea. I am you and you are me...
  • This is Chaos. He's working for me. And by the way, if I feed him all the Chaos Emeralds, you're all gonna fucking die.
    • I thought Chaos worked for Hilda...
    • With chaos, you never know what'll happen next, which is AWESOME!
  • I AM A MONSTER
    COACH
  • I'm the king! Of the North Pole!
  • You are the Pie Man. Your pies are known for miles around.
  • Dragons! My name is Reinhardt Wilhelm, and I stand as champion for the innocents of this land. Face me now in honorable combat!
  • (singing) I have a right to know.
  • Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat!
    There's no doubt about that!
  • The name's Finn, and I'm in charge. I'm in charge now, Phasma! I'm in charge!
  • U R MR GAY
    • YA I M R U?
  • This guy's called Hakumen, and he's an asshole who never learned how to listen!
  • I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!
  • Allow us to intro-duce ourselves, some say we're the whitest fellows you'll ever meet.
    • Oh my god! He's so white! I'm going blind!
  • Call me Ishmael.
  • MY NAME IS JORMA, MUTHAFUCKAS! THE SENSITIVE ONE!
  • YAR HAR FIDDLE DEE DEE! YOU ARE A PIRATE!
  • I AM JETHRO
  • Who am I? WHO AM I? What are you even saying? I'm the loser of the game you didn't know you were playing!
  • I AM MAGNETO, THE MASTER OF MAGNET!!
  • My next victim.
  • Cannibal humanoid under-dweller?
    • I am death, you imp!
  • A fabulous shimmer, a glow in your heart! I'm Glitter Lucky!
  • I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!
  • Superfreak, amirite?
    • Somebody should teach you some manners!
  • You're just another target practice.
  • I've seen you before. You're the asshole on TV.
  • The point of the question is so I can answer who you are. Well, I prefer to remember you as you were.
    • I'll give you points for honesty.
  • You're one of many FAT-ASSES!
• Do you fear death?
  • No. If he comes near me I'm gonna rip his nipples off!
  • No. Since I'm a Belmont.
  • Death's not so bad, but I know he doesn't like to play chess. He always forgets how the horse piece moves.
  • I think he's still occupied with Gary Gygax.
  • No, but I'm pretty worried about Taxes.
  • I may fear death, but, perhaps, death is also a little afraid of me.
    • Remember kids, Death's more afraid of you than you are of it.
  • No, Death's pretty awesome. Dream's kind of a jerk, though.
  • Nah, we used to go out from time to time.
  • Sure don't; I'm pretty sure he's off looking for Rincewind.
  • Why should I be frighened of dying? There's no reason for it – you've got to go sometime.
  • Psh, Death Is Cheap in this series. I'm fine.
  • Not today, matey. Remember, only the good die young.
  • No, because he's bound to cater to the whims of Billy and I.
  • Look, Your Highness, it's not that we're afraid — far from it! It's just that we've got this thing about death. It's... not us.
  • This is Garnet, back together...
  • I've brushed with Death so often, I should start giving him high-fives as I pass.
  • Yes. I'm tired of livin' and scared of dyin'.
  • Death had to take this man in his sleep; if he were awake, there would've been a fight.
  • I am death, you imp!
  • Nobody is bullet-proof. "I work out, I eat clean!" Jesus, pass the Dramamine. Time to face the brutal truth 'cause we're all on a hitlist, might not live 'til Christmas, choke to death on Triscuits. Hey, that's just statistics.
  • I prefer to flirt with it.
    • So did your sister.
  • Not since I grew up.
    • Perhaps your sister did.
  • I don't fear death!
• You want answers?!
  • No, I want you to admit that you gave Lt Kendrick the order to have his men perform illegal disciplinary actions on Pvt Santiago.
  • I have the answer - it was "42". I want the question.
    • You called?
    • Because an answer without a question is a statement.
  • Yes please. This plot makes no sense.
• Did you order the Code Red?
  • No, I ordered a Diet Pepsi. That guy had the red Mountain Dew.
  • At least it's not black.
  • "Disease control code!" "Why? She was infected?" "No, you moron! Cereal!"
  • I ordered the pizza, so give me the pizza and fuck off, or I'll shove them crystals right up me dingo!
    • Uh, WHAT?!
  • WHAT...is a "Code Red"?
  • I've got a code for you instead. It's called Code Shut Your Mouth.
    • Who Writes This Crap?!
• You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
  • No.
    • WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
    • I prefer to flirt with the devil in the pale moonlight.
    • So did your beloved.
  • Yes, and it ended up being the best episode of the series.
    • But the most damning thing of all is... I think I can live with it. And if I'd have to do it all over again... I would.
    • 47 would agree with that.
  • Seriously, what does that even mean?
    • But I do believe in this.
    • It means you're a baboon...and I'm not.
  • Yes. He's the worst dancer ever. My feet hurt for days!
    • Oh, sure, make it all my fault. Have you ever tried dancing with two hooves on a bipedal body? I'm doing my best, dammit!
  • Did once. We used to date.
    • DAAAATE?!? You think this is a joke, you lil' brat?!
    • YOU'LL NOT RIDICULE ME AGAIN!
  • Yeah. He told me you're gay.
  • Yeah, but the guy can't lead to save his life.
  • No, but I've seen her do that off a sheer cliff. It still hurts to see her fall so far.
  • I have, and it's FANTASTIC!
  • Can I just have one more moondance with him?
  • No, but I saw a demon try to romance his ex under the Blood Moon! Does that count?
    • The blood moon rises once again. Please, be careful.
    • The Blood Moon is rising...
  • Big deal... Earlier, the human and I danced with DEATH!!!
    • WOW!!! IS DEATH COOL?
    • Yeah, she's like super hot.
  • oh n0es!!!! It's not nice to call someone the Devil. Call him by his full name.
• What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  • What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
    • I don't know! (flies into a crevasse)
  • Eleven meters per second, or 24 miles per hour.
  • The last person to ask me that fell into a crevasse.^note If you ask Siri (the voice-recognition program on an iPhone) this question, this is her answer.
  • That's about 65mph. That's like, the speed of the sky. I WENT TO COLLAGE!
    • No facts support your thesis.
• Do you have six fingers on your right hand?
  • Do you always start your conversations this way?
    • ...maybe.
  • I have four or five fingers on my right hand, depending on whether or not you include the thumb.
  • What are hands?
    • Seriously, man, have you ever, like, looked at your hands?
    • Are you nuts?!? I'M A HORSE!!
  • No but the guy that wrote this journal does.
  • I don't even have hands. Ask somepony else. Wait, they don't have hands either.
  • No, I have seven.
    • So does Bruce Nolan.
  • Narrowing it down to every Vedalken in the multiverse isn't much of a start.
• If your uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?
  • Giggity.
  • No. Not after last time.
  • Sure, if he was having trouble getting off.
  • No, elephants are an endangered species and should be protected, not offed.
  • Phrasing!
  • ...Imma gonna go bleach my brain.
  • I don't have an Uncle Jack.
• Why so serious?
  • 'cause I dance with the Devil by the pale moonlight. *wink*
    • A wink? That's all I get? Why the fuck was I even in this movie?
  • Why not so serious?
  • Because Christopher Nolan clearly didn't have much of a handle on the Joker's character.
  • Because every time I start screwing off, something goes terribly wrong.
    • Because you let Rin die!
    • And Gwen Stacy!
    • And Lois Lane!
  • Because that's my name.
  • So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways...
    • If you are wrong, you are cool.
  • Deep down, he's a 🃏.
    • ...So he can take me to the Devil Room?
  • Fought a lot of bad guys, but none like you.
  • I fucking hate clowns...
• Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with?
  • Fucker gave me AIDS.
  • I make it a policy to avoid people in general so I don't wind up with that problem, actually.
  • Yes. It's not you, though. Old man.
    • Someone clearly didn't pay attention to Rule One.
  • They're fucking with the wrong people.
  • Don't fuck me, Tony. Don't you ever try to fuck me.
  • Don't fuck with Americans.
• If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?
  • The FBI?
    • The RCMP.
    • NCIS
  • The police.
    • Isn't this situation strange enough without Sting in the mix?
  • Paranormal investigators.
  • No one, I forgot to pay my phone bill.
  • Go-Busters - wait.
  • The pizza place. I'm hungry, dammit.
    • *finds out that the troper above me ordered a pizza with extra garlic* Whaddya know? Kaz actually did something USEFUL.
  • My Twitter followers.
  • Ray Parker, Jr.
  • Harry Dresden. He's in the book.
  • Trees.
  • Those bastards!
  • Where the hell are my Egrets?
  • Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
  • The midwife.
  • We call the Watchmen!
  • The P.R.T.
    • Or the P.R.T.
  • Co-co-co!
    • They went out of business years ago!
  • No one, because I cut your phone line.
  • Santa Claus.
  • Hobgoblin.
  • Someone else.
  • HERCULES MULLIGAN!
  • Obligatory Ghostbusters reference!
  • No, their insurance company. What you said was just silly.
  • He-Man!
  • OUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEENNDAAAAAAAANNN!
  • God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
  • TEAM CHAOTIX! They're detectives you want on your side!
  • ''HEEEEEEEEEEEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!!!
  • Mythbusters.
  • When there's trouble, you call DW!
  • No one - please turn your phone off in the theater.
  • I must consult with the Elder Gods.
    • He comes here like every 4 minutes.
    • They're dead, you buffoon.
  • No need to. Citizens of Ankh-Morpork will gravitate towards any unusual situation, as usual.
  • I think our first move, should be calling the Avengers.
  • I'm calling Rubble; he'll be best friends with that ghost in no time.
  • Send Hook!
• Who put the bomp in the bomp sh-bomp sh-bomp? Who put the lam in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?
  • The Marcels and The Edsels, respectively.
  • I know where the beef is! I don't care who shot J.R.! I put the bomp in the bomp sh-bomp sh-bomp!
  • Same guy who wrote the book of love.
  • Barry Mann.
  • Someone Else.
  • The Doctor, probably.
• If this is a consular ship, where's the ambassador?
  • In the loo.
  • You just killed him.
  • On the ambassadorial ship. Where else would he be? In case you're wondering, the consul is just over there.
  • Why are you asking me that? You literally just saw this ship leave from the empire's base! It's pretty obvious this isn't a freaking consular ship!
  • I am the ambassador.
  • You just found her.
    • A woman?
• What's outside the Cube?
  • Phillip Schofield
  • A bunch of squares.
  • An undisclosed desert location.
• Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 Million Rupees. How did he do it?
  • He answered the other questions correctly, duh.
  • With a little help from his local library.
  • By smashing all the pots and cutting down all the grass.
  • You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough Rupees.
  • So that's how you win - by cheating!
    • Which is awesome.
• What is thy bidding, my master?
  • 500 dollars.
    • 500 once... 500 twice... Sold!
  • Two no-trumps.
  • Three-thousand ducats.
  • My mother's soul.
• I'm Made of Wax, Larry. What are you made of?
  • Fire.
  • Honor. And yet, I'm never the bride.
    • Made of honor... Bismuth, is that you?
  • Oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, And Some Other Stuff.
  • Wood?
  • Meat.
    • My MEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
  • Evil.
  • Chocolate.
  • Loser candy.
  • Ja, I am made of dur butter und you are worth 2K monies.
  • Up quarks, down quarks, and electrons.
  • Love.
  • Cells.
    • Are they Perfect Cells?
    • Now, I cells and you cells. I guess we all cells!
  • Let me show you just what I'm made of!
  • You are clearly made of water, but we will destroy you somehow!
  • Burgers are my body.
  • Nth metal.
• How do you like them apples?
  • I don't. Got any peaches?
    • If you don't like my apples, you'd better stop shaking my tree.
  • Bit tart for me. Got any galas?
  • Fresh from the tree.
  • From the supermarket.
  • Um... how do you like them apples?
  • Preferably not from a mysterious old lady in the middle of a forest.
  • They are really more like giant cherries.
  • Fuck you, I can eat all these apples!
  • Yeah, great, thanks for reminding me of what I can't eat 'cause of the mask!
  • BUY SOME APPLES!
  • No, you moron! Cereal!
  • I found them on the road.
  • It's "How do you like those apples?"
    • Most tropers also appear to be unaware of the existence of what are called Discussion Pages.
  • Hungry for Apples?
  • I can sell it, but I have never eaten it. I am UNABLE to eat it. Not even a nibble.
  • Hey, I just ate an entire apple, even the core!
• Why is the rum gone?
  • Er... Because you drank it?
  • Russel and Ricky kept getting knocked out, a lot.
  • Because you got a jar of dirt!
  • I've got the horrors! Give me rum! Rum! Rum 'til I float!
  • I ate those food.
  • I stole it, you bastard.
• You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky'? Well, do you, punk?
  • A little.
  • Probably not sufficiently lucky.
  • *Critical!* Yep.
  • LUCK DO3SN'T 4CTU4LLY M4TT3R. >8]
  • Does lucky to have all these new friends count?
  • Easy, Ironhide....
  • I don't need luck, I have you.
  • You are my lucky star... Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.
  • We're up all night to get lucky!
  • Not my lucky day...
  • I've always been lucky. I'll be lucky again.
• What does Marsellus Wallace Look Like?
  • What?
    • What country are you from?
    • What?
    • What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in what?
    • What?
    • English, mother ucker, do you speak it?!
    • Yes!
    • Then you know what I'm saying.
    • Yes!
    • Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like.
    • What? I—
    • Say 'what' again! Say 'what' again! I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker! say what one more Goddamn time!
    • He-he's black...
    • Go on...
    • He's bald...
    • Does he look like a bitch?
    • Do you look like a bitch?
  • Ving Rhames.
  • Like his mirror image, only backward.
  • Like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
    • Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship...
  • You look so healthy and youthful.
    • And Frau, you look so... (Frau looks exactly the same) Rrrrrrrrriiiiight...
  • Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.
  • You look like melted Ken doll. You look like Darth Vader without his helmet on. You look like Playgirl Magazine’s Radiation Ghoul of the Month. You look like a Cabbage Patch doll that someone microwaved. You look like a veiny cock with a face drawn on it. You look like a cantaloupe with mange. Your eyes are too close together.
  • "You look like the pissboy!" "AND YOU LOOK LIKE A BUCKET OF SHIT!"
  • Looked like a talking penis!
  • He looks like death warmed over.
    • What?
    • (gunshot) DOES! HE! LOOK! LIKE A BITCH!?
    • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
    • Then why'd you try to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
    • It was an accident!
    • Because he is a bitch.
    • All the better to get paid.
• Whatever happened to Saturday night?
  • When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright...
  • "IT WENT APE-SHIT!"
    • "No, that was Fay Wray!"
  • That was yesterday. I'm still hungover from it.
  • It went LIVE FROM NEW YORK!
  • It turned into Sunday morning.
• What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
  • Companionship. One's never alone with a rubber duck.
  • Rubber Duckie, you're the one! You make bathtime lots of fun...
  • As a simple Muggle bath toy, nothing more.
  • To test for sharks.
  • To turn yourself invisible.
  • To kill Rash, Zitz, and the Silver Surfer. In one hit.
  • To blow up your targets.
  • Rubber Duckies make hygienic cleansing fun!
  • The only fact I know about a rubber duck is they're actually not rubber, they're mostly made of plastic.
• English, motherfucker, do you speak it?
  • Well enough to tell you that we covered that one above.
  • Nein.
  • Iie.
  • Bu.
  • Non.
  • Tidak.
  • No, I can't speak english, motherfucker.
  • ¿Qué?
  • Nie.
  • Nyet!
    • You know what I'm saying! You all answered my question! Well, okay, not the Spanish guy there, but the rest of you said 'no'!
    • What's wrong with that? They asked if we speak English, not if we understand it.
  • Hindi.
  • Eigo o wakarimasen.
  • I don't understand a word you just said. Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand.
  • I have a poor penniworth in the English.
  • Sorry, no speak English.
  • I dunno, I don't speak skanky whore!
  • Vy are ve speaking English?
    • Don't vorry, I speak a little English.
  • I am actually speaking Rigelian. By an astonishing coincidence, both of our languages are exactly the same.
    • Then it seems we must speak in the universal language: English.
  • Primary Language: Monkey Shreiks
  • I don't understand Goth, but I think he's asking who we are...
  • It is wise to study the ways of ones adversary. Don't you think?
  • Speak English! Why isn't that a law everywhere?
  • Yeah, well that thing can understand you too, so watch it!
  • Course I speak English, I'm GOD!
  • And look: English.
  • IF YOU DUN SHADDAPPA YOUR FACE AND TELLS ME THAT AGAIN IN ENGLISH, YOUS BE GETIN' WHACKED MORE DEN DAT WHACKA THING AT A HAMMAH CONVENTION! YOU GOT ME?!?!
  • ME NO HABLO ENGLAS.
  • You see this knife? I'm gonna teach you to speak English with this fucking knife!
    • Where are the knives.
    • Stab stab stab.
  • He's a common, ignorant slob! He don't even speak good English.
    • He doesn't even speak good English.
  • ... I am not speaking Inkling good.
  • Bleth? A lay naylte! ^Translation What? I'm a rabbit! ^Explanation From a fanmade extension of Lapine from Watership Down.
  • Lady, I only speak two languages: English and Bad English.
  • Aw, geez, I don't feel comfortable disclosing my cultural background. Is there a "prefer not to answer" option?
  • Does Jax eat snacks by the tracks?
    • Jax whacks hacks across their backs.
  • 'BIZARRO SPEAK ENGLISH!''
• What killed the dinosaurs?
  • Low ratings?
  • I was going to say the meteor, but then Pacific Rim told me it was Kaiju. Now I don't know what to think.
  • Or was it the legion of death robots?
  • I think it was. Ancient Cybertronians were dicks to dinosaurs. *ding*
  • Some mage who missed a friggin' volcano.
  • The Ice Age!
  • "What killed the ice age? The dinosaurs!"
  • Nature just gave up and started again.
  • I don't know what killed the dinosaurs. But Chucko does.
  • God wiped them out because they were too sinful.
  • I killed the dinosaurs!
    • NO! I killed the dinosaurs!
    • We ALL killed the dinosaurs!
    • I killed the dinosaurs, and so did my wife!
  • ME!!!!
  • Guns don't kill dinosaurs. Dinosaurs kill dinosaurs.
  • Alien ants who were sore losers.
  • Some intergalactic bounty hunter dropped his rock collection.
  • You did, because you touch yourself at night.
  • Phlebotinum.
  • God sent them to Mars.
  • A short man with an embarrasing name, a pair of robotic trousers, a bomb, and the MOTHER of all time travel problems.
  • The dinosaurs choked on the dust. They died because we said they must.The new world needed room for me and you.
  • The Mercora could've averted it, but Tobias sabotaged it.
  • They went extinct because their spines were the wrong shape.
    • THIS IS WHAT BILL JEMAS ACTUALLY BELIEVES
  • Euxinia? No, wait, that's the wrong era.
  • That's why the dinosaurs went extinct: ME!!
  • They got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil.
  • Cigarettes.
  • Oh! Yeah, okay, I did go too far there. But I was young!
  • So dinosaurs became extinct because they no longer knew how to love each other. Is that right?
    • In a wrong kind of way, yeah.
  • We got it all wrong! An asteroid didn't kill the dinosaurs! It was Hannah and her diamond sword!
  • Beerus did because the dinosaurs had attitude problems.
  • You're that infamous Dinosaur Killer, aren't you?
• Whatever happened to Faye Wray?
  • She went apeshit!
    • She went Librarian-poo!
  • She retired in 1980 and died in 2004.
  • I finished her in a flawless victory.
• Who runs Bartertown?
  • The mayor.
  • The Illuminati.
  • Barter.
  • I Own This Town.
  • Sheriff Skruky? We're takin' over your town.
  • I'M RUNNIN' THIS MONKEY FARM NOW, FRANKENSTEIN, AND I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING WITH MY TIME!
• Are you not entertained?!
  • Yes, we are entertained.
  • Here we are now; entertain us!
  • Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!
  • No! Do a dance!
  • Do the banana song!
  • You ain't worth spit.
  • I'm disappointed.
• Guile... alive?
  • That's not really a question...
  • They're not dead until we find 'em dead. Or part of 'em, anyway.
  • Guile: alive, or not?
  • "He's alive! Guile is alive!" *BANG* "...he's dead. He is s-o-o dead."
• Am I a man, or am I a muppet?
  • All of the above.
  • Yes.
  • You're Muppet Man!
    • Sounds kinda like a Robot Master name, doesn't it?
  • A manly muppet.
  • Dad, what’s a muppet?
  • None of the above, sweetie.
• Why is America so robo-phobic?
  • Given them another thousand years or so. Then they'll be ok with robots, but not with humans dating robots.
  • They can't understand robots can be more than rehashes of Faust and Frankenstein.
  • Well, it all started in 20XX with this Dr. Albert Wily fellow getting jealous of his colleague's fame... A century later, some androids went crazy, which may or may not have been Wily's fault, and then a Robot War occurred that escalated to the point where the human population of Earth was dramatically reduced. So they may have a good case on their hands.
  • I have a recording function. If you make any robophobic remarks, I will see you in court.
  • Because robots are just lights and clockwork.
  • We only wish they'd take over the world, so that we wouldn't have to. But then we're the ones who'd have to program them, so what the hell?
  • The Cyber Initiative.
• What has the galaxy ever done for you? Why would you want to save it?
  • Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!
  • It contains a planet on which I happen to live and have an Internet connection. After that, I kind of owe it one.
  • Because the destruction of the galaxy is a bit of a problem.
  • If our world is destroyed, well, I won't be able to hate you anymore.
  • Once you spend more than $100 million on a movie, you have to save the world.
  • Egad, Brain — save the world?!
    • YES! So it is available to take over tomorrow night.
  • Well of course we're gonna save the world, like that's a spoiler!
  • We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers!
  • It’s where our tv and things… is.
  • Darling, this galaxy IS our residence.
• Don't cross the streams.
  • Why?
    • It would be bad.
    • I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
    • Because the Chase Stops at Water.
  • Sorry, that has to be in the form of a question.
  • I'm not some mythical beast with an aversion to flowing water, so I'm not gonna listen.
  • I will do what I must.
• Rhett! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
  • You can stay with my friend Link.
  • Whatever you like! This is your chance to get away from him for a change!
  • Frankly my dear, I love you. Let's remarry.
    • Marriage?! NO WAY!!!
  • Go the Fuck to Sleep.
    • A good night's sleep is the first step to kicking ass.
  • Frankly my dear Pinky, I don't give a—
  • Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit.
  • Go back to the '90s.
  • Go, Ye Heroes, Go and Die.
  • You will go to the Dagobah system. There, you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me.
  • "Where, Where?" That all you can say? Why don’t you think of something!?
    • Because that's the point of the question.
• What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?
  • The answer is always Batman.
  • 42.
    • I'm sorry. Your answer must be phrased in the form of a question.
    • Uh… 42?
  • 52
  • You're here to power my car battery.
  • Is it "swordfish"?
  • Me.
  • The truth, Troper, is that you're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not. A hero.
  • I suggest you don't think about those things and, just enjoy yourself. That goes for you all, too.
  • It's nothing special. Try to be nice to people. Avoid eating fat. Read a good book now and then. Get some walking in. Try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
  • Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
  • I really should thank you for it, after all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life... is to end.
  • Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit.
  • Life has no meaning. Only machine intelligence is truly important on a cosmic scale.
  • "The color 12." "Really?" "No idiot. Ask me something less Hitchhiker's Guide, dork."
  • Oh Homer, I can't tell you that! You'll find out when you die.
  • BEETHOVEN! Beethoven is IT, clear and simple!!! Do you understand?
  • [the meaning of life] [is] [you]!
  • The noblest art is that of making others happy. - P.T. Barnum
    • Also, "there's a sucker born every minute" but tomato, tom-ato, right?
  • For orcs, war solves everything!
    • Even herpes?
  • DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION IS WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING!
  • We must not dwell on these questions. We can merely trust in the will of the universe and spend our days and nights in harmony with the world, celebrating this festival called Life.
  • The answer remains "No".
• Where's your Messiah now?
  • He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
  • Right. Here. *fires Evoker to own head*
  • In Bruges. It's in fucking Belgium.
  • I am the Messiah. And you can rot in hell for your sins.
• Why Don't You Play in Hell?
  • The atmosphere is unpleasant. Besides, Ghasts keep ruining whatever we build.
  • No-one asked your opinion, Flowey.
    • Same thing for you, Sans. Even if your brother's dead.
  • The Spartans are dining there.
  • I can't go to hell. I'm all out of vacation days.
  • Hell is a joke!
  • Ok!
  • I've never heard of a game called "In Hell".
  • Where do you think I come from? Look into my eyes. I wanna see you die.
    • Out Of Rosenheim?
  • Oh, goody, we're all going to hell!
  • But nobody minded, because they all went to burning hell forever. Which was much more exciting, because Satan pwned them up their shitholes.
  • It wouldn't be hell without Johnny Cage.
  • Hell's pretty hard to get to, I haven't even found the Black Market yet.
  • Do you hear that, Johnny? We've just been damned!
• Gordon's alive?
  • Don't know. Haven't seen him ever since he left for Xen.
  • Definitely.
    • No clue now.
  • WHERE'S GORDON!? WHERE IS DA FREE MAN!?
    • GORDON'S ALIVE?!
    • Nope, he's an impostor.
    • Gordon was not the impostor.
  • OF COURSE! His "death" was meant to ingratiate his spies with you. I guess you didn't see that, did you?
  • No, he isn't, I just needed to catch my breath.
• Did he fire six shots, or only five?
  • Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
  • Six, but only so many sprites can be on screen at once.
  • Six. Definitely six.
  • Even if you were correct, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus two plus one plus one.
  • I just put in one bullet, didn't I?
  • It doesn't matter, the guy he was shooting at is dead anyways.
  • 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
  • Your gun was empty, Sheriff!
    • Lies. My gun was fully-loaded and has Bottomless Magazines.
• How can this be for the greater good?
  • The greater good.
  • I've got my Omniscient Morality Licence, so I don't have to explain it to you.
  • Sometimes the ends justify the means, no matter the cost to your soul.
  • Greater good? I am your wife! I'm the greatest GOOD you're ever gonna get!
  • Greater good for whom?
• What do you really want?
  • A smoke. A whiskey. For the sun to shine. I want to sleep, to forget. To change the past. My wife and baby girl back. Unlimited ammo and a license to kill.
  • I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig-ah!
  • But what do you want?
  • I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy!
  • Forgiveness.
    • Can you imagine?
    • ...a world without lawyers?
  • All I want to do is rule the world, is that so much to ask?
    • Everybody Wants to Rule the World.
    • It's every bad guy's dream, of course!
  • It's not about what I want, it's ABOUT WHAT'S FFAAAAAIIRRR!!! We thought we could be decent men, IN AN INDECENT TIME. ...But we were wrong.
    • 'FAIR'?! Who's the fuckin' nihilists around here, you bunch of fuckin' crybabies?!
  • To see if I could enlist your services.
    • Why serve when I can get paid?
    • I don't serve, I lead.
    • I don't bow, curtsy, or give a shit.
    • Serve? Or service?
    • I don't play sidekick or victim.
    • Then why waste our breath?
    • I ain't looking to re-enlist.
• "You remind me of the babe." "What babe?"
  • Babe the Sheep-Pig.
  • Do you not remember that night out?
  • Babe Ruth
  • I'm the babe. Now can I hold your balls, Jareth?
• "The power of voodoo." "Who do?"
  • 3dfx.
  • Who Do You Voodoo, Bitch?
  • You do.
• You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
  • Chicken.
  • Surprisingly familiar.
  • Slimey...but satisfying.
  • I Ate WHAT?!?
  • Moist and delicious, ha ha ha!
  • It's a bit nutty.
  • Tastes like summer camp!
  • We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days!
  • That ain't no tuna salad with tuna salad!
  • Best roasted over open flame. If they try to bargain for their life, just ignore them. They have nothing to offer.
  • Just...BLERGH!
• Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
  • Um, yes?
  • No.
    • Teach me.
  • I want to believe.
  • Why believe in something when you could make it come true?
    • What if one leads to the other?
  • I don't believe in anything I can't punch.
  • Unidentified Floor Oranges?
• Who the hell is Bucky?
  • BUCKY! CAPTAIN BUCKY O'HARE! MUTANTS AND ALIENS AND TOADS BEWARE!
  • Hmm, let's see...a friend of Cap, a supposedly dead soldier, a sex god, and you.
  • Wasn't he that fat guy...in the one movie...who threatened a teenage boy with a drill?
• If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare?
  • Waka waka waka...
  • Tell ya what, you keep the money and the mojo and I'll have the baby.
  • Screw the Money, I Have Rules!
• How you livin', chicken boy?
  • Well first of all, that insult could've used some work. Second of all, the pain and humiliation I feel daily are immense. For someone like you to cut someone like me deeper...Well, you must have problems yourself buddy, so I feel bad for you. AND HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FOR-REGRET THOSE GODDAMN WORDS!!
  • I'm hearing someone saying "you a chicken, don't be scared!".
  • My mama always knew chocolate chicken. I never knew what she was talking.
  • Chicken? Nobody calls me chicken without goading me into doing something stupid!
  • Chickity-China, the Chinese Chicken
  • Hey, we are not chicken!
• Do you know what your sin is?
  • Reading. *ding*
    • Anywhere But Here. Where the Heart Is. The Star Wars prequels. No Strings Attached. Those Thor movies...
  • Wait...I only get one?
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking
  • Boning your mom?
    • PENALTY!
    • Ah. You are mother fucker?
  • Is it a sin, should a man feel like faggarting a sun or a thousand?
  • I've done terrible things in the past. I've cheated at card games. I've allowed my partner to lose his soul to the orichalcos. I've even cameoed in Naruto: The Abridged Series.
  • My sin is lying...to the devil! I've outsmarted you once again, and I didn't even have to play chess this time!
  • Honey, I've committed no sins...
• Is Paris Burning?
  • Not right now, I don't think...
  • Now all of Paris is burning because of you!
  • Now all of Paris is burning because you don't know your alphabet!
• Why are you here?
  • I Was Told There Would Be Cake.
    • What cake?
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • Yes I, ah, flew here. After the alien nuns gave my beard a trim and colour and put some Oil of Olay de-aging cream on my face. And after I built a whole new lightsaber. My God how are none of you clueing into my plan here.
  • It's, uh... official police business. Can't talk about it.
  • Listen, I've been sent here to collect all your fireworks, okay?
  • Because "here" means wherever you are.
  • I HAVE COME TO BANISH ALL DAEMONS AND LOW QUALITY RAZORS IN THIS REALM!
  • I brought ye here to tell me when it will happen, and instead, ye brought me the bloody Case of Benjamin Button.
  • The reason I'm in here is because of that fake hedgehog!
  • For tea parties!
  • We're here to censor you. American kids can't handle all this killing. Let's see take out all the killings, rework the plot, insert some friendship speeches...
    • GET ON THE TRAIN!
  • i came here on dare
    now i stuck
    i'm scare
  • Bless me, Father, for I have sinned... but that's not why I'm here.
  • Down in Pumpkin Hill, I gots to find my lost piece.
    • Down in Pumpkin Hill, I gots to find my lost penis.
  • Oh, sorry, I thought this was book club.
  • I'm looking for a fugitive named Kano.
  • YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!
• Do you care whether you live or die?
  • Not especially. I've tried both. A lot.
    • It really doesn't. We're literally waiting to go back. Hell, this is Chiaotzu's second time.
  • Don't worry whether you live or die, life is a waste anyway.
  • Go ahead and shoot! I'll be back! I ALWAYS come back!
    • Yeah... but dying is such a bitch!
• I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, ID from that?
  • Even Baraka is more civilized.
• What's my name?
  • Slim Shady
  • Francis.
  • Slade Wilson. No, wait. That's the other guy.
  • Walter White.
    • You're goddamn right.
  • My name. Ummm... wow. Okay... It's... Phoenix... Phoenix Dark... Dirk... Phoenix... Dark Dirk. I was christened Dirk Steel and then I changed it to Phoenix... It's Roy! That's, that's my name. My... my real name is Roy.
  • My name? uh... Beef Wellington? The fork on the left? WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!!!
  • Garmadon!
  • KUZCO!!
  • I don't give a flying handshake what your name is.
  • It doesn't matter what your name is!
  • Dunkaccino!
• Who Killed Captain Alex?
  • Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Wrench.
  • Everyone's the killer, and Imma Suuuuuper Mario!
  • "I," said the sparrow. "With my bow and arrow. I killed Captain Alex."
  • Hey! This is Captain Alex. He's alive!
  Who killed Captain Alex? Schwarzegger.
  • In a sense, it's really I who killed him, because I didn't realize in time that with great power, there must also, always be great responsibility!
  • And here's my little secret: I killed Captain Alex.
  • The Butler Did It.
• Hey, dick-face. You seen my dog?
  • No, dicks don't have eyes, moron.
  • *steps back VERY slightly*
  • Lucky for you, I'm a dog lover!
  • I killed him because I hate dogs.
• What does God need with a starship?
  • Maybe storms are brewin' in his eyes.
  • Starships are meant to fly!
  • I dunno, but compared to asking Abraham to kill his son, Jesus to die on the Cross, and Moses to wander the desert for 40 years, a starship seems pretty reasonable.
• You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?
  • Our paths crossed years ago, Kabal.
  • You met a Nightwolf, not me.
  • If we'd met, I'd remember it.
  • Listen, I can't remember every guy I beat up.
  • My name's Monet, and I'm practically invulnerable. Nice to meet you.
  • You may have forgotten me, but I will never forget you!
  • Hey, wait a second. I know who you are now! You're that guy! The one who kept getting pissed off at me for not remembering... something.
  • That was a different T-101.
  • I just have one of those faces.
• What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
  • The Purple People Eater
  • Me, 'cause I'm a lion!
• Who is the Master?
  • Heinrich Joseph Nest
  • The Doctor's archnemesis.
• What makes a King out of a slave?
  • They took it! At the tip of a sword!
  • Choice! A man chooses; a slave obeys!
  • What makes the flag on the mast to wave?
    • Wind.
  • What makes the elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
    • No clue, maybe infighting?
    • A credit card.
    • For Great Justice.
    • For the Evulz.
  • What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
    • It guards its whole body, not just the musk.
    • Deodorant.
  • What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
    • There was already a first, second, third, forth, fifth, and sixth wonder, and there wasn't an eighth wonder at the time.
    • Actually, it's not. You're probably thinking of the Great Pyramid.
    • Well, he's terribly mysterious...
  • What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
    • It doesn't.
    • Thunder goes down.
    • AC/DC
  • What makes the Hottentot so hot?
    • She's got a... GREAT ASS!!
    • Global warming.
  • What puts the "ape" in apricot?
    • There is no "e" in apricot.
    • There was, but it was stolen by either Carmen Sandiego or Doo_liss.
  • What have they got that I ain't got?
    • Talent.
    • A girlfriend
    • "God-like power?" "A personality that is not at all like sanding paper?"
    • Ouch.
    • Here's a list of them.
    • A functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse!
    • A pulse? A tan? A reflection?
    • That you ask answers your question.
  • King's idea, and homelessness is the best thing to do.
• Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
  • Because they're 20% cooler.
• What color are their hands now?
  • Green.
    • Green is not a creative color.
  • GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
  • The colour when you wake up and KNOW you found the meaning of life in your dream but can't remember. Maybe it was yellow.
  • Red.
  • My hands are of your colour, but I shame to wear a heart so white.
    • That's racist.
  • Purple. But only sometimes. Bite it if you don't believe me.
    • PURPLE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!
  • It’s kind of... Wednesday! Like a light Wednesday.
  • The color 12.
  • IT'S BLUUUUUUUE!
• Do you expect me to talk?
  • No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Dine
    • "What, are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?" "No Scott, I have a better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation that would allow an overly elaborate and exotic death. ...What?"
  • I'd be slightly surprised if you did.
  • Well, of course he can talk! That's all he ever does!
  • I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal-food trough wiper.
  • Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
  • Stanley had always been taught never to speak up.
  • Talking. Always his first choice.
  • Hey, fuck you and your cassette. I will steal it one day when you sleep and then you'll have to talk like a real person.
  • Don't be a deaf-mute with nothing to say.
  • Is that what it is? Talking?
    • As I said, it is past time.
• Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
  • Money, Dear Boy
  • They're Best Known for the Fanservice.
  • [Your last movie] [grossed less than Green Lantern] [and] [is a carbon copy of] [a three-headed dogs' droppings]!
  • Although Nick Cannon, Bumblebee and Spider-Man are currently all on stage, this is still better than Michael Bay's Transformers movies.
  • Heh, my flicks only come in "awesome" or "boom".
  • Daddy needs a third swimming pool.
  • Have I ever seen any shit like this before? Do I look like I've seen any shit like this before? HELL NO, I AIN'T NEVER SEEN ANY SHIT LIKE THIS BEFORE!!!
• Frilik jumps into the pit to gather the treasure. How much does Frilik get?
  • Nothing! You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!
    • OH NO! I LOST! ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!
  • YOU JUMPED INTO A SWORD. YOU RETARD.
    • No pattern recognition.
  • A Bottomless Pit?
    • Damn, not here!
    • In this land of ours, there are many great pits, but none more bottomless than the Bottomless Pit. Which, as you can see here, is bottomless.
    • "Huh? Wait, if the chasm is 'bottomless,' how can you fill it with water?"
      
      ...
      
      "IT'S VERY VERY DEEP, ALL RIGHT?!?"
  • Wow I gotta say everyone here gets a combined score of negative a zillion.
• Wait a minute... Who am I here?
  • I'M ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS!
• Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father, did he?
  • He told me enough! He told me a Chicken-Woman-Duck-Thing killed him!
  • HE DIED LIKE A DOG AND SO WILL YOU!
  • SNAAAAAKE! This isn't over! It's not over yeeeeet...bythewayI'myourdad. AAAAARGHH!
  • What are you implying? That I betrayed your father and killed him? Hah, what a ridiculous accusation. You're crazy, paranoid, and dumb.
  • I'll know my father as soon as I see him!
    • No, you won't.
  • The hell do you know?! My parents are dead! Your family's still alive! All I have are a butler and a scared, confused little teenager!
  • Shut up. Your dad’s dead. Get over it. Grow some balls. Save the world.^* ZE VHURLD! And go to school!
  • Maaaaan, this ain't my dad! This is a cell phone!
  • I Hate You, Vampire Dad.
    • I hate you right back, you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me! I just want it back!
  • Well, if you're my dad, it makes the last dub horrifying. God.
  • Daddy screamed REAL good before he DIED!
  • Oh, c'mon guys, I killed your father and yours. And most of Zangief's extended family, it was a different time.
    • They said that fire was an accident.
  • Well, if someone were taking odds on your father's bout with death, I'd bet everything I own... on death. It's a good bet. Chances are, he'll probably die.
  • Well, my mom already left for the diner, and dad went to 7-Eleven to get scratchers... I guess he won, 'cause that was six years ago.
    • Hmm... which happens, dads leave, no need to be a pussy about it.
  • The police said it was an accident. He'd come home late one night and fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
    • You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play.
  • If I ever meet Pa, he's a dead man.
  • You killed him, didn't you?
    • Your father was helpless against me.
    • No. I am your father.
    • No facts support your thesis.
    • Search your feelings. You know them to be true!
    • I cannot feel human emotion.
• Who am I to argue with the captain of the Enterprise?
  • Commander Contrarian.
• What's a stuns'l, Sir?
  • Stupid machine.
• What does the S stand for?
  • Smile! Sweet! Sister! Sadistic! Surprise! Service!
  • Sesquipedalian.
  • Sexy.
  • Don't know, but it's better than A.
    • A is for ass!
  • Because it can't sit down.
  • The S is for "sucks".
  • Steamed Hams; that's what Superman calls hamburgers. It's a regional dialect.
    • Really? Well, I'm from Metropolis and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
    • Oh, not in Metropolis. No, it's a Smallville expression.
  • S for "Suck my dick, Infinite!"
  • The S stands for "silly" now. I'm Sillyman.
  • Shiny! Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck...
  • For... sitter. Yeah, sitter. Originally, I was gonna have initials for "babysitter", but then I would've been going around wearing a big BS, and you can understand why I couldn't go with that.
  • S for "Spongebob", or S for "Sandy"! That way they can identify our bodies!
    • No silly! How about S for "Save our skins"!
  • "Shit".
  • Sus.
  • Sloth!
  • Me am SUPERMAN!
• Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear the mask?!
  • It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
  • It hides his face and disguises his voice. But can have unintended consequences, like being completely incomprehensible.^* 'What are you saying?' 'What are YOU saying?!'
  • Government regulations.
  • Take it from him and I'll tell you.
• Where is my goddamn SHOE?
  • Outside the palace where you left it.
  • That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!
  • You toss your shoes as well?
  • Just give up the damn shoes, you crazy-ass shoe-thieving shoe thief!
  • I throw both my shoes at you!
• How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
  • Someone's got to know what I'm pondering.
  • You would be amazed how much people can say without anything intelligent to add.
  • It turns out, you don't NEED one!
  • Very stupidly.
  • The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
• What do you want in life?
  • To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.
  • I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
• Anyway, how's your sex life?
  • Pretty good. Well, at least as far as your mom's concerned.
    • No matter how much you wish for it, nothing is going to happen between you and my mother.
  • You're a good friend. Please don't ever ask me about my sex life.
  • I got no sex life; whenever I try to masturbate, I get a headache!
• Oh god... did you eat all this acid?
  • Actually, that was inside me already.
  • A gallon. A literal gallon. Out of a milk jug, no less. I'm not even sure where he got it from.
• What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song right now, at this moment?
  • Hideaki Anno
  • Yeah? Well, let's see how you feel after I strangle you. Cue the light, happy jazz-pop!
  • I put the jukebox on random, because that's how life is!
  • Nothing says "genocide" like a funky R&B riff.
  • Why are we playing porn music right now?
  • You just hit G-8.
  If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain...
• A witch! May we burn her?
  • Only if she weights as much as a duck, because that means she is made of wood, which also burns, and this would confirm that she is, indeed, a witch.
  • Zoey startled the Witch.
  • I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.
  • I'm not a witch, I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you, you, you, I'm not a witch, bitch.
  • We're not witches! It's just our initials!
  • Sure, Let's Go with That.
• You're not well-liked. You're uh, you're abrasive and off-putting. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance and so, therefore nothing is provocative. Just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
  • ...I've had just about enough of your first-year psyche student bullshit.
  • I can feel your fury...
    • BIZARRO LOVE YOU!
  • No, You.
    • No Yu? The Chinese clown?
  • I think this video's supposed to be like, freaking us out, but like, I'm unfreaked. In fact, this video is making me feel totally normal.
  • I'm sorry, I'm really trying! I'm trying so hard to be scared by this kid. But he's just so fucking hilarious! He's just projecting so much that he wants to be scary that it's actually kind of adorable! I just want to pinch his little supposed-to-be-frightening cheeks!
  • That makes me angry! And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset! And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset ... people DIE!
  • FUCK YOU! For asking that, I will snap your arm like a twig around the joystick, because in this town nothing is as frail or flimsy as the human body! NOTHING! Hell, I broke my jaw against a stiff breeze this morning!
  • Oh, we're way past angry. I could choke the life outta you and never change a shade.
  • Who said that?! I don't care for open criticism, I'll have you know!
  • KIRA ANGRY! KIRA KILL! KIRA WRITE!
  • WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! Now I'm REALLY mad!
  • At least I... wait... something... you... insult...
  • The fuck you say? You dunno shit.
  • No. It makes me happy.
• If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
  • Who do you think you are, King Solomon?
  • What the hell have you done, Joker?
    • Hahahahaha! Oh, this joke's gonna kill.
• What the hell is a Gigawatt?!
  • 1,000 Megawatts? 1 million Kilowatts? 1 billion Watts? I've lost track...
    • Exactly.
• Are the lambs still screaming?
  • At the fact that they are being sacrificed for the cult, yes.
• WHAT TEAM?
  • TEAM CHAOTIX! They're detectives you want on your side!
  • They call themselves... The Guardians of the Galaxy.
  • Report my team. Noobs no support, gg all.
  • You can join the team, / or you can bitch and moan. / You can live the dream, / or you can die alone!
  • Okay, let's run 'em down... black-haired Black Widow, Pussy Wing Dude, Discount Cap, Blind Squirrel, Old Man Paperwork, Cigar Bastard, Mrs. Cigar Bastard, and The Hangman. What a fearsome crew.
  • Let's see. We've got Teen Wolf, Slender-Man, fatter Jon Lovitz, Glenn Close with a sh*tty perm, Daniel Day Dracula, Lucy Who, a tattooed Colonel Mustard...
  • Alright, since Team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I'm gonna have to have both of you be a part of my team.
  • 'Nuff people say, you know they can’t believe! Jamaica we have a bobsled team!
    • I'll pay you a dollar to shut up!
  • "TEAM ROCKET! BLAST OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!" "SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!"
    • "MEOWTH! THAT'S RIGHT!"
  • Who needs teams when I can do it alone?
  • Team? I! WORK! ALONE!
• If I pull that off, will you die?
  • You pull that tag off, and I'll see to it that you are prosecuted to the full extent of the law!
• Why is there a watermelon there?
  • It's for a watermelon smashing contest.
  • MY WATERMELON!!
  • One watermelon, fresh from the manure field, your spookiness!
  • It represents your health.
• You know you look like an angel, Louie? Like an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that?
  • Wait, so I have four faces, two pairs of wings and hooves?
• Who hired this crew!? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them!?
  • Those crazy sex maniacs? God did.
  • That's it, buddy. You show that turd who's boss!
  • The Illusive Man.
  • I told them the series ended with Team Gurren taking orders from a talking cat, and they just started listening to me.
  • 'Hired'? I'm doing this one for fun!
• Why must I be constantly surrounded by frickin' idiots?
  • Yeah, that's us alright; we stay the course with stupid.
  • Yes, but they're my dorks.
  • Maybe both of us are warped.
  • We have standards for our morons!
  • You can't expect all of us to measure up to you, Sir.
  • It's the best thing!
  • If I had a copper for every moron I've run across, I could buy Baldur's Gate.
• Do you suck dicks?
  • Lets find everything that has a dick and FUCK IT!
  • Stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police!
  • You know how to bite a dick, Eugene. I say that with the upmost of respect.
  • "YOUR DAD SUCKS DIIIIICK!!" "I know! He's bisexual!" "Damn it, she's good..."
  • Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? You've come so far. Why now are you pulling on my dick?
  • In case you haven't caught on, I just slid my dick down your throat, and you thanked me for it.
  • "Hey Arin, ever tried to eat a dick?" "Yes-FUCK!"
    • Parrots also eat dicks.
  • My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
    • In a row?
  • I would write sins about this movie if Scooter Braun would stop sucking his own d*ck for five seconds.
  • So, you suck cock, but you don't eat meat? It don't make sense to me!
  • Big brother I want you to give me your big juicy thick c**k and drench me with your hot sticky c** until I'm gasping for air!
  • YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!
    • Rhetoric.
  • I mean, I'm not gay, but I'd totally suck Gale's dick.
  • Everyone's sucking my d**k now. And you sure as s**t should be too, you back-ass twaddle-f**k.
  • I hope you guys love cock-sandwiches, because we're going to be eating them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
  • I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
  • I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick.
  • "How many dicks is that?" "A lot."
  • Suck my own dick LIKE A BOSS!
    • He was sucking his own d—k. That's not offensive, that's a goal!
  • I eat dicks for breakfast!
  • You look so good, I suck on your daddy's dick.
  • I know who's sucking the DiC!
  • Let's plot a course. Intercourse!
  • She just gives him a blowjob. Because he said she was once... probably... very pretty. And that's her character.
  • Once you had a life! You had dreams! Now you're just the blowjob guy!
  • Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet.
  • If a snake bit him, I would suck out the poison. Even if that snake happened to accidentally bite him on the wiener.
  • Hey now, just because I'm bi doesn't mean you can just make assumptions like that. But yes.
  • Walked up to a girl and I gave her a kiss,
    She said "Let's go to your place, I'll suck your dick.",
    I said "Hell yeah, bitch! That's so ironic!"
  • Don't waste your time on him. He sucks dick. The guys and I hate him. He's a single tool. He's just kind of gay. He sucks the cock out of the party.
  • You're being facetious. But if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks, and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!"
  • Everybody knows, when you suck, it shows, and that's just how it goes.
• What the #$*! Do We Know!?
  • You know NOTHING, fool! It's CHAOS, the GOD of DESTRUCTION!!
    • "I can hear you, Eggman!" "Son of a bitch!"
  • Everything you know is wrong. Black is white, up is down and short is long. And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter.
    • EVERYTHING I'VE KNOWN IS A LIE!
  • "I open mouth kissed a horse once." "Say what?" "That's something you don't know."
  • My awesome powers allow me to know what everyone's thinking, in not QUITE enough detail! For instance, I know Adam is going to kill somebody IN THIS ROOM, using a lightsaber that's somewhere IN THIS ROOM, and his victim will be English AND IN THIS ROOM, and that person's first name will end in "Y", and- (dead)
  • Well...um...possibly? Maybe? You can't prove anything!
  • He knows no fear. He knows no danger. He knows nothing.
  • I know it's pretty damn weird to eat people.
  • Terrible, terrible things. Just don't ask.
  • It's not what he knows. It's what he understands.
  • I'm the President of the United States... I need to know.
  • You Don't Know Jack.
  • Well, yes, yes, baby I know that old man Mose kicked the bucket, the old oaken bucket that hung in the well, well, well, well, baby I know...
  • We all know these are the facts! Nothing to retract, nothing too abstract!
  • We know that this song is not about a no or yes or why.
  • You know well what I've been through.
  • I Know You Know I Know.
  • I Know Mortal Kombat.
    • I Don't Know Mortal Kombat.
  • I Know Madden Kombat.
  • I Know Karate.
  • I Know Your True Name.
  • You Shouldn't Know This Already!
  • I Know Who Killed Me.
  • I Know What You Fear.
  • I Know That Voice.
  • I Know What You Did Last Summer.
  • I Know You're Watching Me.
  • I Know Where I'm Going!
  • What I have lost! The pain I have suffered!
• A million dollars isn't cool. You know what’s cool?
  • A basilisk.
  • Circles.
  • If you are wrong, you are cool.
  • Bowties are cool.
  • How about a hundred million?
  • −273.15°C
  • One-Hundred Billion Dollars!
  • I think my imagination's broke. Lemme try and think up the Best Thing Ever. Umm... Beef... stew... Yup it's busted alright.
  • Spitting in the faces of people who don't want to be cool.
• Did You Hear About the Morgans?
  • Who are "The Morgans"?
• A Talking Cat!?!
  • Not a cat! An Ultharian! (tail turns into Combat Tentacles)
  • Well, of course he can talk! That's all he ever does!
  • It talks? HOW BORING!
  • You wait 'til you see the educated rodents.
  • Actually, he's a shapeshifter.
  • That's not a cat, it's a Flerken!
  • Oh, that's rich coming from you. Or have you not looked in a mirror lately?
  • Yes, in Ontario, but it has nothing to do with this.
  • Not cat. Not fox. Not bomb. Yes, I am coyote!
  • I'm not a cat, I'm a fox.
• Legolas! What do your elf eyes see?
  • Nothing but the rain.
  • Hush-hush, not a word! I see a lantern sign!
  • I swear I saw someone. A guy in a coat.
  • Who am I seeing? Who am I seeing? Vivian?
    • Hello, Vivian! I see you came as Vivian!
  • Let's see this message. 'Help: WIS Ohio.' Dear God! Those bastards are keeping him in Ohio! Oh wait, I have it upside down.
  • Uh... I see three sets of boobies and... one cutting board.
  • I see PRIDE! I see POWER! I see a badass mutha who don't take no crap off of NOBODY!
  • I never thought I'd see it with me own eye... TICKETS TO THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE!
  • An ugly motherfucker.
  • A psychopathic bitch.
• Are you eating it or is it eating you?
  • They're eating her! And then they're gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
  • He's still eating me! I promise!
  • A goddamned German Shepard; That's what's eating me!
• Who keeps nunchucks in their pants?!
  • You know!
    • Oh, that's right. Me.
• Sex with furniture- what do you think?
  • Not if it's a statue. That caused one man to suffocate to death.
• Is there a doctor in the fish?
  • How?
• Do you like scary movies?
  • If you liked Scary Movie, who gives a shit?!
  • BECAUSE WE KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT SCARY MOVIES AND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SCARY MOVIES
• Santa Who?
  • Sumo Santa.
  • Minion.
  • Santa Sangre
  • Scott Calvin.
    • He's making his boss pissed, he's checking his price, he's gonna find out who's the fraudulent type, Santa Scott, he sucks with this croooooooooooowd!
  • Santa Maria.
  • That's not Santa, you stooge. That's the Grim Reaper.
• What About Bob?
  • Oh, well, I think he's rude, selfish and evil. But I never once judged him.
  • He's all right. But I'm a sociopath, so there's not much he can do for me.
  • I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY!
  • HE'S FAT!
  • You should probably be more concerned about his brain.
  • Bob... Remember... you... are my number one... guy!
  • But my name's Billy!
    • It doesn't matter what your name is!
• What Did You Do In the War, Daddy?
  • Everyone.
  • Making preps so I can dispose of you later.
• This time, have they gone too far?
  • Yes.
• Shall his sins be forgiven?
  • I know this movie's sins won't be forgiven.
  • Because he did one good thing, it immediately negates all the bad things he did. All is forgiven!
  • Sorry about that whole shooting you thing. But, I know if you look deep into your heart...which is currently all over that tree... you'll find a way to forgive me.
  • I will never forgive what he's done.
  • My brother deserves no such thing.
  • Didn't ask; don't need it; go fuck yourself!
  • I can offer you my pity, but forgiveness, NEVER!
  • Kirby, forgive me! I blame the yarn!
  • You're right, Donkey, I forgive you...for stabbing me in the back!
  • Ask for forgiveness from Enyaba, the woman you killed. But as for me, I never had the slightest intention of forgiving you.
  • You want forgiveness? Get religion.
  • God Forgives... I Don't!
  • Only God Forgives.
  • Buddha may forgive you, but I don't.
• Do you feel like nothing you do matters?
  • All the time, given Hollywood's remake/sequel machine. Thanks for asking!
  • Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage / And then is heard no more: it is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing.
  • There's nothing left for me. No place to return to, nobody to love, nothing to believe in... Nothing but Demons...
  • Nothing Really matters... Anyone can see... Nothing really matters... Nothing really matters to me.^* Any way the wind blows...
  • Life is meaningless! Chaos! The universe has no center! Its creator is a drooling idiot!
  • Life, dreams, hope... Where do they come from, and where do they go? None of that JUNK is enough to fill your hearts! DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION IS WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING! Destroy... destroy... destroy! LET'S DESTROY EVERYTHING!
  • Why are people born? Why do they die? And why do they spend much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?
  • There's no chance of survival. There's nothing left to hold on to. I've lost all hope.
  • I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
  • That is the truth of this world, known as Central Fiction.
  • You can't do anything, so don't even try.
  • Why am I doing this? It makes no sense! I don't even know these people! Why am I fighting a giant fucking goat demon for them?! This is stupid, why should I care about what happens to any of them? They're all a bunch of stupid sheep that let Corvatz herd them off a cliff! They knew exactly what they were walking into... Which just begs the question: WHY AM I STILL HERE?!
  • I mean, really, look at all they've achieved: Genocide, global warming, reality TV; It's just a never-ending parade of failures and fuck-ups.
  • Your futile exis-tence has no meeea-ning~
  • Bad things happen, and there's nothing you can do about it. So why worry?
  • It doesn’t matter how flawless the scheme was, how impregnable the fortress or powerful the magical weapon, it always ends with a band of adolescents shouting utter platitudes as they tear it all down. The game is rigged so that we lose, every single time. Half the world, turned into a prop for the glory of the other half.
  • Don't bother answering. If you haven't gotten it by now, your choices don't matter.
  • In reality, all he's doing is pushing the same buttons he always has. Nothing has changed.
  • If nothing we do matters... then all that matters is what we do.
• Who's strong and brave, here to save the American way?
  • I'm brave, but I'm chicken-shit.
  • We need someone who can look into this... someone brave and fearless who can get the job done! But all we have is Crash, so he'll have to do.
  • Dave, Fang and Candy
    Brave and bold, they're not
    They ain't the greatest heroes
    But they're the only ones we've got!
  • I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants?
  • ME FIGHT FOR LIES AND INJUSTICE, AMERICAN WAY!
• What are these characters doing here?
  • We have to fill a half-hour.
  • We got some straight-up freaks comin' through this place...
  • Ah yes! Quite a bunch of us, isn't it?
  • Assembling to take down a Mad Titan.
  • Well, if you haven't noticed this pattern by now, every time the plot goes stale, the writer just adds in another character.
• How are we gonna get where we need to go on $40 and no credit cards?
  • That's the exact same question that launched CinemaSins, actually.
• You gonna do somethin' or just stand there and bleed?
  • You tell me.
• Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
  • My Rules Are Not Your Rules.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
  • Why do we have to play by the rules now? This is an anime.
  • Rules rule.
• Who Done It?
  • I do'd it!
  • The Butler Did It
  • Ate the last Spotted Dick pudding in the fridge? My fault. Crashed a car into the world's first British Dairy Queen? My fault? Unknowingly shot Archduke Ferdinand and blamed it on some other guy? Ooh, my fault!
  • Honest, I didn't do nuthin'.
  • I did it...for The Rock.
  • It's me, Austin! It's me, Austin! It was me all along, Austin!
  • I did it, you bitch!
• What could be greater than a king?
  • Don't you think king is kind of a step down from god?
  • King's idea, and homelessness is the best thing to do.
  • What's a king to a god? What's a god to a nonbeliever who don't believe in anything?
  • Are aces high or low?
  • A Kahn.
  • An Emperor? A God? You know.
• You think losing is funny?
  • Losing is Fun.
  • I will suffer no excuses!
• Am I wrong?
  • I led us into the new world. I thought that it would be glorious... I was wrong.
  • (singing) ...for thinking that we could be something for real?
  • You're not just wrong, you're stupid!
  • We thought we could be decent men, IN AN INDECENT TIME. ...But we were wrong.
  • Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
  • If you are wrong, you are cool.
  • Maybe. It doesn't matter.
  • You know, it's amazing. You are 100% wrong. I mean nothing you've said has been right.
  • Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.
  • I WAS WROOOOOOOOOOONG...
  • WRONG! -1 LIFE
  • Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong.
  • Guess what? You were all WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. WROOOOOONG!! You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong, you were wrong, you were definitely wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong..... hey, kid. Hey, kid, you know what? You know what, fella? When you grow up? You're gonna be WRONG!!! Each and every one of you were 100% WROOOOOONG!!!!!
• The... who-who are the fucking Knutsens?!
  • Who controls the British Crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
• What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam?
  • (singing) Don't ask me; I don't give a damn!
• Look at me: looks are not important. Really look at me. I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?
  • I guess charisma and eyeliner go a long way.
  • He wasn't exactly in the best shape, and he had a combover that was rather... elaborate, but he had this air about him. This confidence that drew me toward him. He was who he was; he didn’t care.
  • Her mind is uninhibited, so she wants to fuck an old, fat white guy.
  • THIS UGLY
    SON OF A BITCH
    Is Fucking
    Super Hot Chicks
    and basically,
    you are fucking stupid
• What's the name of this group?
  • You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.
  • We're Team Fortress. And you're dead.
  • We Are "Team Cannon Fodder".
• CAN YOU SEE ME?!
  • You're eating a Zargnut.
  • Yes!
    • Wow.
    • Two hands there, son.
    • Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.
  • I can still fucking see you, mini-me!
• Reverend's daughter Judy just took a dump in our pool, and you wanna spring for a deejay?
  • I would, but he is a bit low on the tier list.
    • TIRES DON EXITS!!
• Do you think God stays in Heaven because He too lives in fear of what He's created?
  • Nah, He's just too lazy.
• Where were the other drugs going?!
  • If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass.
  • He fights drugs and uses drugs.
• What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?!
  • I believe in magic!
  • I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and The Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen --I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkly lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe the future sucks and I believe the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the the Martians in War of the Worlds I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
  • If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
  • I DON'T BELIEEEEEEEEVE IT!
  • We believe in nothing!
  • We believe in Santa Christ!
  • No way! I can't believe this!
  • I believe in a thing called love!
  • I believe in myself and that's enough.
• Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
  • Have you tried the lobby?
  • He asked for the sweet release of death, so I gave it to him.
• How about a magic trick?
  • Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!
    • HEY! That's not magic, she's dead!
  • I'll need a fair maiden from the audience. Now observe as I... OH! WHOA! OH NO! All part of the act. Are you not amazed? It's a magic flame, friends. It does not burn!
    • It Burns! I'm burning!
    • Behold! I will soothe her, with mystic ice! *SHHHHHHHHHINK!* No, no! No! GOD! Wow!
  • No.
• Where are they?!
  • What's that? You'd like to know where your co-workers are? A moment of solace before you're obliterated? Alright. I'm in a good mood, and you're going to die anyway. I'll tell you exactly what happened to them: I erased them.
  • Gone. Reduced to atoms.
  • Right behind you.
• Where's the trigger?! Where is it?!
  • Oh, dear me, what's the matter, Stanley? Is it that you have no idea where you're going or what you're supposed to be doing right now? Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room was capable of turning it off?
• Tell me, do you bleed?
  • You bleed, Kirok! Behold, the god who bleeds!
  • Wait I'm not done, what about excessive perspiration? Runny nose? How about anal leakage, you ever deal with that? Asking for a friend!
  • I may bleed, but I will not fall!
  • You do, and I smell it.
  • That's my blood... That's my blood, that's a lot of my blood...
  • Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive!
  • You were right! I'm bleeding out!
  • Well, the answer is yes because everyone saw me bleed in Superman II. Did you not notice that?
  • Your blood flows, Kahn. Just like the blood of a mortal.
  • Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY!
  • We can't let the kids see that! Color correct it, color correct it!
  • And if I do, you could kill me?
  • Oh my God! My femoral artery!
• MARTHA!? WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!
  • I haven't been out in the human world since...Martha.
  • WHY DID YOU SAY THAT GAME?!
  • No! After next month, I am going to be Pamela Martha Focker. I... I know how that sounds but I don't care!
  • I fucked your wife!
  • Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man.
  • I keep looking, but I runnings out of recipes soon. Needs to find Martha, soon. She around Hell somewhere, I thinks.
  • She failed me as much as she failed you. Martha Wayne, Martha Kent, Martha You-Know-Who...
• ...So who talks first? You talk first, I talk first?
  • You're... already talking...
  • First of all, what are you saying? I would like to talk about.
  • I like to hit first then talk later.
• Why does everyone wanna go back to Jakku!?
  • They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!
• So, how do we blow it up? There's always a way to do that.
  • All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get outta there. Now whatever you do, don't push this button, because that will set off the bomb immediately, and we'll all be dead.
  • You have to put it in the nuclear reactor! Put the piss rock in the nuclear reactor!
  • I would smash the button and rain beatings liberally down on the wizard for playing such a trick!
  • With your death. As long as you exist, that thing over there will never blow up.
• Farming, really? A man of your talents?
  • Do I detect a bit of jealousy in your tone? I would hardly blame you. What calling could be more noble than this? I see in your eyes that you think I jest. I assure you, I don't. I am proud, and rightfully so, of the work we do here. Working the soil with your hands, seeing your seeds take root and grow, tending a herd... there is a joy in honest labor you won't find elsewhere.
  • If I want any chance of finishing this build order, then yes.
  • We ran out of gold to mine. It's either this or I get deleted.
  • Farming, that's the fashion,
    Farming, that's the passion
    Of our great celebrities of today.
• Where are you taking these prisoners?
  • To Isengard!
  • Those beasts?! I'm their hostage!
  • Tooty says she's fine with me, if you go home I'll set her free!
  • They're not taking prisoners today.
  • This is war Vinnie and I'm not taking prisoners!
• What's the name of his other leg?
  • Ambulon
• Where's Fury?
  • I HAVE FURY!
  • Who knows? Making HA-HA with Harley Quinn.
• Are you a god?
  • Sphinx! You share the folly of all your lowly species. You believe that power itself makes one a God! But even Galactus, to whom all is possible, even Galactus whose every passing whim becomes reality — even Galactus is no God.
  • I'll let you in on a little secret, Ryan. I don't have a God complex. I am God! Thunder!
  • Greetings, Sled God!
  • Each man is a god; each man is free.
    • So if each man is a god, where does that leave God?
  • You may be a god, but to us, you'll always be a filler villain!
  • Today, I become THE Elder God!
  • You may be a god, but I am a Titan!
  • I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by- (WHACK! WHAM! SMASH!)
    • Puny god.
  • In this classroom, in this school... I AM GOD!
  • There's no need to wonder where your god is! Cause he's right here.. and he's fresh out of mercy.
  • He was like a god! ...Of bad wedding-toasts, Lord of Dad-jokes!
  • Do you hear that, Bruce? It's time to play God.
  • Ye shall be as gods.
  • I am the god of fuck.
  • I am the god of hellfire!
  • I am second to God.
  • Nay, we are but men! ROCK!
  • From the fiery depths of Apokalips.
    • Noted for classification.
  • Well, I am a god, I'm not the god, but I am your god. I mean, I've been assigned to you.
• Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?
  • No, I'm trying to kill you.
• Papa, can you hear me?
  • I can't hear you! It's too dark in here!
• Are you here for the LARP?
  • Who is "LARP"?
• Bruce Wayne... why are you dressed up like Batman?
  • They told me it was a costume party.
  • We Were Rehearsing a Play.
  • I am Batman.
• Is this your king?
  • No Gods or Kings. Only Man.
  • King? Lady, have you got your lions crossed!
  • King? Your Majesty, I gravel at your feet!
    • It's not gravel, it's grovel. And don't! He's not the king. Are you?
  • I always knew you were a shitty king! You can't even protect yourself!
  • Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!
  • Did someone just page the King of Awesome?
  • I'm the fucking lizard king!
  • You're the king of all stupidness!
  • I'm the king. The workers must be taught to obey.
  • Ay, yo, Mario! Tell me this: since when did Miami have a king?
    • Since ZXMany made that mod, try to keep up, Hole Punch.
  • Down with the king! Down with the king! You are so cruel! You are so cruel!
• If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?
  • Because they are birds and you are a human teenager.
  • Forgot I Could Fly.
    • Vegeta... I can fly!
    • "He can fly!" "He can fly!" "He can talk!"
    • I CAN SIIIING
  • Me teach you how fly!
  • How would I go over a rainbow? It's water droplets refracting sunlight.
  • You ever wanted to fly? Well you're gonna be the first Ugandan on the moon!
• What's a paramecium brain?
  • Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven-and-half-foot-long... fifty-four-inch-wide... GORILLA?!?
  • Maybe I have the brain of a paramecium, but you only have the brain of one mecium.
• Victims, aren't we all?
  • There is only one thief in the Army. Everyone else is just trying to get their stuff back.
  • We all wrongly see ourselves as the victims sometimes, but Cartman sees himself as the victim all the time.
  • I am a victim no longer.
• Should we pay him or kill him?
  • If we kill it, it won't need help anymore!
    • Only the svabillionth time I heard that...
• How many assholes do we got on this ship, anyhow?
  • Davis is a jackass for getting locked in the trunk, yesterday the bread delivery guy was a jackass for wearing a digital watch, and apparently I'm a jackass just for sitting here. Everybody's a jackass.
  • So many assholes in this place; so many assholes in my face!
  • I killed them all before they even jumped aboard...because this ship doesn't allow assholes.
• Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
  • After you won the Super Bowl.
  • After you defeated Koldan.
  • After you destroyed the world.
  • For those of you who just skipped that, we're going to Disneyland to find Mister Silly-String! Well, close enough.
• How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?
  • "Groundhog Day" Loop.
  • Movie remakes. Gotta keep 'em coming.
  • He was a Butt-Monkey.
• Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
  • Unless the kid is incompetent, and the two idiots are capable of their own...yes.
  • Don't ask me questions.
• Is it because I'm black?
  • AAAAGH! A FUNNY JOKE!
  • I've seen this movie. The black dude dies first. You snag it.
  • We're here reporting live for "Black TV". White folks are dead, so we gettin' the fuck outta here!
  • Sadly, everyone hates him only because he's small and black. It's an injustice, it is!
  • All I can say is, I'm worried. We're in a lousy horror movie and I'm the only black person around. Clearly I need to hire more black people.
  • It must be a racist shark, because out of the four of them, it eats the black man.
  • He's Seagal's best friend, he's black and he's in a war. Oh, he is so dead!
  • I'm the one black guy. You realize how precarious that makes my situation?
  • "The Black Guy"
    How they're going to die: First
    WHY? Because the screenwriter knew that they should include a black character, but after 20 pages they realized they had no clue how to write them.
  • Well look, he's not a main character and he's a minority; so he's pretty expendable.
  • Die, Black!
  • The smell of black chicks just put my spine out of place!
  • Oh my god! He's...black!
  • Here we see Black Club, riding grind rails and firing giant steel balls.
  • I didn't come here to shoot twenty black ten year old's in a drive-by.
  • I've heard of whites before, but I've never heard of blacks!
  • You're… you're… black… ish…
  • No, you're just sort of brown.
  • Truth be told, I'm not really a very big fan of 'the black people'.
  • It just be rainin' black people in New York!
  • Actually, it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.
  • Just because you see a black man driving a nice car does not mean it's stolen!
    
    ...
    
    A'ight, I stole this one, but not because I'm black!
  • Mr. Speaker, we can never compromise to black.
  • I like my coffee black. Like my men.
  • Looking for blacks.
  • None more black
  • Mmm-mmm! I looooove me some chocolate!
  • Mr. Kettle? Mr. Pot called! He says you're blaaaaaaaaa... ck.
  • Well, I guess it's true: The black character always dies first.
  • Oh look, it's the girly and the freak! Though I'm not sure which is which...
  • Bad Black is in the house!
  • He's playing the species card!
  • I don't like the way they're saying black. "He's been hanging out with the black aliens".
  • You are a racist whore, Candace.
  • Hold your fire! This man isn't black!
• It's because I'm green, isn't it?!
  • ...okay, that's a good joke.
  • A race joke, really? We're going there, folks? Actually, f*ck it, that was a pretty funny joke.
  • Okay, racist, if you must know... it's cuz he's got a drinking problem.
  • It's not that easy bein' green.
  • Green is not a creative color.
  • That's what you and eleven-quinty gazillion people say.
• How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody's fucking thing, eh? How can that be?
  • Because not everyone likes Rule 34 art of Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number.
  • Swans are surprisingly violent when they feel threatened.
  • Not everybody wants to Follow the Leda.
• Do you even know how to kill me?
  • How are you going to do it? What—are you going to fart on me? You wanna have a dance-off? You gonna annoy me to death with your waffles?
  • I've got some pins. And the Thundergun of Witchfinder-Colonel Ye-Shall-Not-Eat-Any-Living-Thing-With-The-Blood-Neither-Shall-Ye-Use-Enchantment-Nor-Observe-Times Dalrymple ... I could load it with silver bullets.
    • I'm Nightwolf, not a werewolf.
  • Stick the knife in his back, and twist! TWIST! TWIIIIIIIIIIIST!
  • If you want to kill me, you're gonna have to do better than a wrench.
  • There's a compound bow and a machete with a red handle. That's what I'm going to use to kill you.
  • There are fates worse than death.
    • I mean, I was going to suggest being trapped in R. Kelly's basement. But yes, decapitation is also bad.
  • I'll break every bone in your body!
  • I'll rip out your spine!
    • I need you to- OH GOD MY SPINE!
  • You will share Shinnok's fate!
  • All I need is a pail of water.
    • Hey, that water is wet!
  • If it bleeds, we can kill it.
    • Ha! A delusional machine.
  • I will eat him alive!
  • I thought I might try violence.
    • Solid call.
  • Drown him. Can he burn? Can you poison him? What about a woman? You know he got one with his fine ass. You find his weakness and you squeeze.
  • All I have to do is run around you a few times while I figure out your weakness. Then, I just hit you three times and- *STOMP*
  • Find him, bind him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters, drag him to a hole until he wakes up, naked, clawing at the ceiling of his grave!
  • I have a $70,000 sliver of a radioactive meteor to stop the one from Metropolis. All I need for you is a penny for a book of matches.
  • He's a space alien! Hit him with a coconut!
  • Every American shoots out of the womb like a bazooka knowing how to kill! No tutorials are required!
• Hey, Ash. Where are we?
  • Pallet Town.
  • The King of Fighters! And you've been invited to fight in this tournament.
• Uh-huh. That's right... who's laughing now? Who's laughing now!?
  • Hehahahaha! Why, I believe it's me.
  • You'll be laughing out of your dick!
  • "But I didn't laugh. My name IS Huo Haha!"
• When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
  • "Karkull com siva co. Karkull com siva kanvasay." Yeah right. Singing Polly wolly doodle all day!
  • Klaatu berada...tiptoe!
    • ...Crap.
  • Hastur, Hastur, Hastur.
  • Yeah, um, uh... In Blackest Day or Brightest Night... uh, watermelon, cantalope, yada yada... a superstitious and cowardly lot... with liberty and justice for all!
• Let me guess, your home?
  • At least it was before I fucked everything up.
  • Yes, that's correct. This is my home.
• Just one more thing... What's a bobsled?
  • Well, "Robert Sled" just sounds a bit too formal, doesn't it?
• Do the words 'Give up' mean anything to you?
  • No, but 'Run And Live' does.
  • GIVE UP! GIVE UP! ON THE RISE FOR RADIATION!
  • Never give up! Never surrender!
  • I'd rather die than live in a world where I can't kick your ass.
• So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen?
  • An old man just kicked your ass.
    • So, you like kicking butts, do ya? Well, we'll show you, old man!
• What is it, your period?
  • Your dead period arrived, teacher.
  • Everyone suddenly gets quiet when you mention your period.
• Why is everyone so fucking stupid?
  • Why aren't more people interrigent, rike me?
    • You can't expect all of us to measure up to you, Sir.
  • A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
  • Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party!
  • We must admit, we'll all unfit! We're dumb as a box of rocks!
  • Keep on talking that way, and I'm going to stuff your mouth full of horse dung!
• Any Questions for Ben?
  • You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
  • How did my father die?
    • Forty-nine times we fought that beast...
    • Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day.
    • Napoleon died by a body slam at Waterloo.
    • Without dignity.
    • HE DIED LIKE A DOG AND SO WILL YOU!
  • Let me ask you something, you ready? Why the fuck you lying? Why you always lying?
    • What I told you was true, from a certain point of view.
    • Senators, I presume you're acquainted with the collection of half-truths and hyperbole known as Obi-Wan Kenobi?
• Where did we go right?
  • Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
  • We dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon... and we succeeded.
  • Anyway, only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a terrible mistake! For you see...it was pure evil.
  • You fought a war to destroy the Jedi. Congratulations on your success.
    • It says here that your army lost and they named a cream puff after you.
  • Successful as Bertron's experiment was, it was anything but a good idea.
  • Oh no! Everything's going according to plan!
    • Everything goes according to plan. It's just not your plan to make.
• And for what? For a little bit of money? There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that?
  • There are things more important than money. Like money!
  • Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
  • Yes. For resources. For refugees.
  • Tell that to my swimming pool full of imported mayonnaise!
  • Listen, we're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shitload of money!
• Did you touch my drum set?
  • I should have known it was a trap. (Rimshot)
• Who's the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?
  • It's a woman, you stupid idiot!
  • It was Agatha all along!
• What religion can they possibly be learning jumping over bonfires?
  • Stop asking me that!
• How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED!?
  • SOMEBODY LIT IT! SOMEBODY LIT IT!
• What's in the bag? A shark or something?
  • Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test.
• Whatever happened to "Live as a team. Die as a team"?
  • You think I would kill myself over you?! Oh, go suck a dick!
  • I'd like to save you, Koopalings, but I uh, I uh, I just remembered something! I have an important tail styling appointment in another warp zone! Bye!
• Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?
  • Don't ask me.
• So let me get this right: we're forced to listen to this spa music so your head doesn't explode and kill us all?
  • Yes, because if we don't, it will get mad and blow us all up!
• Does the rolling help?
  • I'll try spinning, that's a good trick.
    • "Anakin, you're crazy. Spinning is NOT flying." "But it's a good trick."
    • Garen approves.
  • They see me rollin', they hatin'.
  • They gave me this Unnecessary Combat Roll, I'm using it.
• DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
  • There Are Four Lights.
    • I don't understand how you can be so mistaken.
  • And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
  • I see a bright light. Is that heaven?
  • Don't step into the light, Jak, DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!
  • No light? They always said there would be a — Ah.
  • I was just about to find out what that light at the end of the tunnel was...
  • Don't head toward the light, Bruce! It's not fair! They'll never let me in!
  • Walk towards it!
  • The light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming train.
  • Look, I can see daylight! We're gonna be OK!
    • I don't think that's daylight...
  • Don't follow the lights!
  • Hey, that light? At the end of the tunnel? Guess what? That's not heaven... That's the C train!
• Do you have your child in that bag?
  • Officer Jenny, it's not right for you to go around abducting children. And Misty agrees.
  • "Is that my son? No, that's just weird!" "It's weirder if it's not your son."
• That's not your child?
  • I Have No Son!
    • "Oh, great! We came all this way and it's the wrong guy." "I didn't mean that literally!"
  • She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son.
  • Actually, she's my cousin's sister's daughter.
• Do they have HBO?
  • Where?
• Do they have a waterbed?
  • Where?
• Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
  • I've been married for fifteen years and my husband still doesn't realize that I'm a MAN.
• You guys do have sarcasm on this Earth, right?
  • Sarcasm ain't worth spit.
• Aren't you going to cuff me?
  • Put me in a chokehold?
  • Blind me with pepper spray?
  • Oh, no, no, no, no. I was thinking more like the morgue! YOU'RE DEAD!
• Did you ever kill anyone?
  • I haven't murdered anyone! Well, not today, anyway...
  • You can't just kill people without permission!
  • Yeah, but they were all bad.
• Did you ever climb Mt. Everest?
  • Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there like I did!
• Did you ever say you can see why women find Sean Connery sexy?
  • When did I—?
• What do you think will be the next obstacle the Earth people will put in our way?
  • The Insurmountable Waist-High Fence.
  • Common cold.
  • Oh, no, the most devilish of all contraptions, one that shall forever halt my progress on account of its SHEER COMPLEXITY...three buttons.
• You promised me human intelligence...or is there such a thing?
  • You see? YOU SEE? Your stupid minds! STUPID! STUPID!
  • Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
  • I Lied.
• Do you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?
  • Wu-Tang Clan AIN'T NOTHING TO FUCK WITH!
  • Muscle is stronger than blade!
  • You're a fool. No weapon forged can stop me.
  • It's heart, not steel, which strengthens us. That is the Riddle of Steel.
• Hello Peter, what's happening?
  • UI have discovered new radoactive isatope but it is so vollatile that it does not have a half-life but quarter-life so we must observe with hasty
  • Okay, recap. A couple hundred of feet underwater, electrified floors and walls AND there's these turrets pointing straight at me! Uh-huh, my day just keeps getting better and better!
  • Just a typical homecoming...on the outside of an invisible jet...fighting my girlfriend's dad!
• Is there something in the guitar case?
  • A gun?
• Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?
  • Yes, yes I am.
  • We don't get much taller than this. That's why we're called the Minute Men.
• Is that a rabbit over there?
  • That's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
  • Hello, there! I am Doctor Rabbit, the world's only Rabbit Dentist.
  • Hello, there! I am Rabbit Doctor, the Dentist's only World Rabbit.
  • Hello, there! I am Doctor Rabbit, the world's only rabbit rabbit.
    • You see, that's, uh, that's a joke there. I like to play a trick on people when they come into my office, lighten up the mood a little.
  • Oh, no! I am Doctor Rabbit, the world's only black dentist! Now, good day, my friend.
• What do stars do?
  • The stars are never far away
    The stars are out tonight
    They watch us from behind their shades
    Brigitte, Jack, and Kate and Brad
    From behind their tinted window stretch
    Gleaming like blackened sunshine
  • The stars are made of ice, thus the night is cold.
  • They're fireflies. Fireflies that got stuck in that big blueish black thing.
  • Stars don't shine, they burn.
• Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
  • A woman.
  • Stark naked.
  • Much faster.
  • Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
• You going to tell me to stay away from your girl?
  • So I can kill her myself. Yes.
• I like your house. Can I come in?
  • No, fuck! I'll get in trouble!
  • A microscopic home, living oh so close to you that I've got nowhere else to go, but I like it this way.
  • Man, fuck you. I'll see you at work.
  • Man, fuck you, man. My kids up in there.
• What do you burn apart from witches?
  • Wicks, tons and boroughs.
  • Spider webs.
• Woman, I have fought a hundred and seventy-seven men, and only one survives, and he has got no legs! Do you dare to mock at Brytag?
  • I've wrestled a lotta countries.
• Is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world?
  • No. It's Los Angeles.
• What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner, with a society, that abandons him, and treats him like trash?!
  • He becomes president?
  • I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU GET! SOCIETY!
• Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
  • I used to think it was a tragedy. But now I realize... it's a fucking comedy.
  • That's not a tragedy, that's a Tuesday for the Sith!
  • Yes, Palpatine, you've told us that one before.
  • I think to be too is not. I think that the hopeless situation elder also can't. That is a legend... Reaching the Man Cloth Space is the emperor. He is so strong and big. He even can use the original dint to create life. He is very deep to black influence understanding. The black influence can the matter that many Supermans, but other people thinks that these are what can't attains. He become more and more strong and big. Lost his power afterwards afterwards he died. In fact he teaches own the whole skills all to disciple. Then his land killed him to let him going to bed. Satirizing the meaning is he can let other people, but is incapable for dint to the oneself.
  • "Indeed, my friend." "How'd you hear that?" "Benefits of a religious education."
  • BORING.
• "Is that everyone?" "What, you wanted more?"
  • More! MOOOOORE!
  • I got what I wanted, so naturally I want more.
  • You know what they say, the more the merrier!
  • Got my diamonds, got my yacht,
    Got a guy I adore.
    I'm so happy with what I've got,
    I want more!
• They fly now?!
  • He forgot.
    • That was the first time they used them.
    • They’ve been using them since the Clone Wars!
  • "He can fly!" "He can fly!" "He can talk!"
  • This isn't flying, this is falling with style!
  • This isn't flying, this is falling!
  • Hehehehe, I can fly, f*ck you.
  • (Da-da-DAAA! Da-da-DAAA! Da-da-DAAA! Da-da-DAAA! Dadada-dadada! Dadada-dada-dada-da-DAAA!) Gonna fly now! Flying high now! Come on, fly! FLLYYYY!!
  • Don't worry, I can fly. This won't be brought up ever again.
  • Good thing I can fly! Haha, bitch!
  • There is an art to flying... or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
  • No. Jump good.
  • I'm sad that I'm flying.
• Where are our animals?
  • They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals!
• I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
  • You make me laugh... but only because I think you're kinda pathetic.
  • You are amusing, in a "what the hell is wrong with you" kind of way.
  • Funny because your life ain't worth spit.
• They literally call themselves "Decepticons"! That doesn't set off any red flags?
  • Is that a thing here?
• What's taters, precious?
  • It's a toy for children.
• HARRY, DIDYA PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH?!
  • YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!
• Conan! What is best in life?
  • PUSH ↑ START BUTTON, GET ADDITION GAME, AND NOURISH THE BLOOD
  • Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.
  • The best things in life never change.
• What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!
  • Malfunction. Malfuncti…
    • Your 30 day free trial has expired. Would you like to…purchase…Win…
• Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
  • Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun!
  • HOW MANY ALTER EGOS DO YOU HAVE?!
  • There is no longer black or white, good or evil. "Evil" spelt backwards is "Live", and we all want to do that, now, don't we?
  • There is no good or bad.
• Do you like sex and travel?
  • Paris makes me horny. It's not like Californy.
• Do I make you horny, baby?
  • I'm horny...
• Who Is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?
  • Because you are one mean son of a bitch.
• Did I really... Did I really say those things, last night, in your tent?
  • You know.
• Riddle me this. Riddle me that. Who's afraid of the big black bat?
  • Bats are not scary, bats are tiny mammals.
  • OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle asking, quest assigning, insult throwing, pun hurling, hostage taking, iron mongering, smart arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!
• Why don't you go find yourself a PIG TO FUCK?!
  • I don't fuck pigs. I slaughter them!
  • Today, I want to talk about me and pork. I get a kick out of getting my dick out, so let no one doubt it's going in a pig's mouth. As I said, I'm gonna get me some head from a pig who's dead. This is big: I'm gonna stick my dick in a pig.
• Do I look like I need your power?
  • Damn straight.
• Who am I? You sure you want to know?
  • Just spit it out already.
• "Don't hurt me! Just give me a chance! Just give me a chance!" "What about my uncle? Did you give him a chance?! DID YOU?!"
  • Your uncle didn't protect you.
• Oh, you can't do this to me. I started this company. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SACRIFICED?!?!
  • Your company ain't worth spit anyway.
  • Sacrificed? You bought this company in the 80s from a Pakistani real estate tycoon!
• Could you pay me in advance?
  • Hahahahahaha! You serious?
• Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. What are the odds?
  • Never Tell Me the Odds!
  • Take his 33 1/3 chance minus my 25% chance and he's got a 6 1/3 chance of winning. Now take my 75% chance of winning and add 66 2/3% percent...and I got a 141 2/3% chance of winning.
• Any more bright ideas?
  • Here's a bright idea: Every man for himself! *flies off with jetpack*
  • You should rename your thighs to the Gaza Strip.
• Look at little Goblin Jr. Gonna cry?
  • A Shokan would die before showing weakness.
  • The General doesn’t cry.
  • Devils never cry.
• "Eddie, the suit! You gotta take it off!" "Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
  • The suit is a part of me now.
• What are you waiting for? Chinese New Year?
  • What are you waiting for? Christmas?
• Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?
  • Well, You Know What They Say about quitting while you're ahead.
  • TIME BOMB SET
    GET OUT FAST!
    TIME 999
• Who would've thought one so small could endure so much pain?
  • I inflict it.
• What's the Matter with Helen?
  • I finished her in a flawless victory.
  • Something to do with a handbasket.
• What's the Worst That Could Happen?
  • YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE AND YOUR ALLOWANCE IS SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!!
  • MANDATORY DANCE BREAK!
  • A painful Fatality.
  • Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
• What Planet Are You From?
  • I'm a man, so, Mars.
  • Kids are from Earth, parents are from Pluto.
  • I hail from Colu.
  • From the fiery depths of Apokolips.
  • Krypton.
• What's Your Number?
  • My number is no.
  • 1-600-DOCTORB.
  • 867-5309!
    • Oh wait, that's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone!
  • 1-900-490-FREAK! What's happenin', what's jammin', party 'til you drop! Dial and hear the action, what's hot and what's not!
  • 666.
  • 35-445.
  • 13-954.
  • 53-681.
• What About Juvenile Delinquency?
  • What is juvenile delinquency?
  • Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!
    • Hey, I got a social disease!
• What's Cooking?
  • You're making soup out of me!
  • Ugh! No! Seriously?
    • Wait, what? Not what I meant.
  • You are. Stupid.
  • Oh, boy! I'm gonna make some hedgehog stew today!
  • Not making turtle soup, I hope.
• Where Are My Children?
  • Madam, your children are no more…than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers!
  • Your wife and your kids, they're not feeling well, because they're melted puddles on the ground.
  • I trapped them in a Fate Worse than Death.
• Where Are Your Children?
  • I have one of those? Oh god, I have two of those!
  • I trapped them in a Fate Worse than Death.
• Why Did I Get Married?
  • To see if you can live life with your future family.
  • "Why Don't You Marry It?" they said.
  • Well I'm not married married. He was just a friend, and he's gay, and he's from Canada, and he just needed a green card.
• Why Be Good?
  • Good ain't worth spit.
  • Be good? Don't make me laugh! All that matters in this world is that evil will prevail. To hell with any concept of kindness!
• Who's That Knocking at My Door?
  • They come knocking at your door, and that's exactly when they get you! They keep telling me 'bout Heaven! It sounds a lot like when I'm with you!
  • Go 'way, don't come 'round here no more.
  • The debt collector! Seems you owe him again!
  • ...
    • YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!
• Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?
  • Who is Rock Hunter?
• Shall We Dance?
  • I Can't Dance.
  • All this energy's got us inspired now! We couldn't stop it, just set it free and dance!
  • I can't dance like I used to. I don't have the same moves as you.
  • I. Don't. dance.
• Can You Ever Forgive Me?
  • You're Forgiven, but Not Forgotten.
  • This Is Unforgivable!
  • All is forgiven, baby! Come on, get dressed! You're my date to the pep rally tonight!
  • My dearest, you better never forgive me, 'cause if you forget what I've done, I'll do it again!
  • Wise man say: "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
• What Happened to Monday?
  • Garfield got rid of it for good.
    • garfield you can't escape mondays
  • 24 hours have passed. It is now Tuesday.
• When Will I Be Loved?
  • When you die... You will be forgotten.
• Where Are We Going?
  • We're going for a ride! And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, homes!
  • Get in loser, we're going shopping!
  • You're going to Brazil!
  • Where we're going, we don't need roads.
• Who Can Kill a Child?
  • Son of an Arlian whore... Someone fetch me a better dagger so I may properly stab this baby!
  • They had to bring in a specialist to do the kid 'cause nobody would take the job.
  • There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison... death... didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges.
• Who's Singing Over There?
  • A siren?
  • That's Nana Mizuki. And she's having a live concert there.
• Why Worry?
  • Who said I was worried?
• How feel you?
  • I'm cold and there are wolves after me!
  • I feel like a deer, in the headlights of love.
  • I feel... cold.
  • I'M FEELING LIKE A TOTAL BARNACLE HEAD!!!
  • I feel like an idiot.
  • Boy, I feel like a horse's patoot!
  • Like an egg that's just been scrambled.
• Are you an angel?
  • 'Cause I'm allergic to feathers. *vomits*
  • I am the angel of death. The time of purification is at hand.
  • Demons to some, angels to others.
  • Half angel; half demon; all hope.
• Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?
  • I'll have two number 9s; a number 9 large; a number 6 with extra dip; a number 7; two number 45s, one with cheese; and a large soda.
  • Hello. I would like a double burger with a large fries. Do you boys want something to drink? ...Und a a Diet Pepsi with a little bit of ice.
• If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?
  • Abandon them?
• Man's Favorite Sport?
  • Boxing.
  • Bowling.
  • Rollerball.
  • Calvinball.
  • Peppyball.
  • Penny Can!
• What's Love Got to Do with It
  • Nothing. This world is filled only with hatred and suffering and spite.
• Where's Willie?
  • He's at Springfield Elementary.
• Who's Been Sleeping in My Bed?
  • Goldilocks
• Who's Minding the Mint?
  • Why mind the mint when I can eat it all by myself?
• Who Killed the Electric Car?
  • Reports of its death are greatly exaggerated.
• Why Him?
  • Because he's the biggest asshole walking God's green Earth.
• Who needs heroes when you have thieves?
  • Worry not. We Have Reserves.
• In two hundred years we've gone from "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country" to "Fuck you!"?
  • I should have gotten rid of that pesky country a long time ago...
• So let me get this straight: You'll give me a million dollars for one night with my wife?
  • Oh no! You've been Bamboozled!
  • Bring your wife! We'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your wife!
  • Take my wife... please.
• I'm gonna ask you this one time. Where is Gamora?
  • You will have to kill me first.
    • Bad call, soldier.
  • Next to Sodom.
  • In summer!
• Is it possible to learn this power?
  • Yes, but you have to forget a move because you can only know four at a time.
• Are we blind?
  • It's not like you were blind, but something had you fleeing.
  • I'M BLIND, OH, NO!...
    [opens eyes]
    I can see! It's a miracle!
• Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
  • (sigh) Let's get this over with...
  • Actually sir, I'm a puppy!
• Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
  • I had thought you would keep your word...
• Hi, I'm Chucky. Wanna play?
  • I never "play."
• Are you one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
  • You were expecting maybe, uhh, The Addams Family?
• Confounded woman! Who does she think she is? Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children! Do I need somebody to tell me how to raise my children? Do I? Hm?
  • Aw, nigga, don't hate me 'cause your kids love her more than they love you. Maybe if you quit being so uptight and let this so-called "confounded woman" give them some game, you'll have some harmony in your household. Nah, I just wanna get in the hot tub. But now, I don't want to get in no funky-ass cum bucket. Nigga, fuck around and get pink eye. 'Cause you's a dirty-ass bee-I-zee-itch.
• Do you think I'm a lunatic, wasting my time on a lot of silly inventions?
  • What about your nuclear-powered rocket sled? Your antimatter bathroom buddy? And let us not forget the electroshock undergarments you invented last fall...
• Who could hate children?
  • They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.
  • You know, I do really hate children!
  • I fuckin' hate kids. An' not just 'cos they're annoying little bastards either, no. Goes deeper than that. See, what I wanna know is, where did we get the idea that children are innocent? Sacrosanct, even? Bleedin' little savages is what they are. An' yeah, I know, it's all some race-memory left over from when we were cavemen - ensure the survival of the species and all that - but for god's sake, we ain't livin' in soddin' caves no more, are we? Time to bloody evolve. An' that's the problem. Everyone bangin' on all the time about children being the future, the hope for all of us, all that - an' they're fuckin' not!
  • Jet, did you know that there are three things I particularly hate? Kids, animals, and women with attitudes. So tell me, Jet, how did we end up with all three of them neatly gathered in our ship?
• Let me get this straight, you think that your client, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person?
  • "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word
    • I prefer “extortion” because the “x” makes it sound cooler.
  • Well, it would be stupid to say yes now.
• What’s a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
  • A nightmare.
• Did I just see two cars pork each other?
  • Grammatically impossible.
• Do people really change? I mean real, lasting, positive change.
  • In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed.
• What the heck’s a turtledove? And who lit up that deer?
  • A turtledove? Go Google it, asshole. As for the lit up deer? DID YOU LIGHT IT UP?
• How do you have hair on your tongue?
  • Because I touched myself at night.
• The power to control the universe lies in which finger?
  • The middle finger, the most communicative of fingers.
• Why do I get the feeling that we've picked up another pathetic life form?
  • Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
• What can you lose?
  • I have nothing left to lose. Except my cool. I shall now lose my cool.
  • Underdogs Never Lose.
• How much is "wow"?
  • 100 billion trillion dollars.
• Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smooshed under his big feet?
  • Because Caesar IS a giant.
• Sir, are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
  • I am. By pissing on it. It never had the cheese I wanted.
• You there, which way to Pepperinge Eye?
  • Take a left at Albuquerque.
• How would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?
  • It's a Fate Worse than Death And I Must Scream.
• Can you even imagine what it's like to remember everything?
  • I know you don’t because you still haven’t paid me back!
• I wonder where that fish has gone?
  • Did you cook and eat it?
• Have I killed you before?
  • I just have one of those faces.
• Am I really unredeemable?
  • The race for redemption always starts early.
• Doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?
  • When I kill people, they stay dead.
• What year is it?!
  • It's 2040. Our president is a plant.
• What's trying to kill us this time?
  • Everything.
• Let die the woman you love, or suffer the little children?

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