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Funny / YouTube Poop: Authors D-L

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  • Friendship is De Magiks, particularly the "years of apple fucking" bit with Saria's Song.
  • Super Applebloom 64 is hilarity from beginning to end.
    Apple Bloom: We're still sisters, right?
    Applejack: Um, actually, I...
    *cue weird stuff appearing in the background with the text "ur a liar, appljak" while "A Nice Chubby Baby" plays*
    • This bit:
    Applejack: Mah boi!
    Big Mac: I'm a Jew.
    (Applejack has a Swastika for a cutie mark).
    Applejack: Why of all the why-uh-why-uh!
    • Immediately following that:
    Pinkie Pie: Stop with the shish! It's time to get naked!
    Applejack: Aw, shit.
    • Made even funnier by the fact that they're both naked already.
    • The ending. The credits roll with no music, and after a while, someone shouts "WHAT THE FUCK?"
  • Dipper Plays Video Games:
    • At the beginning:
    Grunkle Stan: Alright, Dipper, let's fuck.
    Dipper: Oh, what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I suck your cock, I feel like I'm not straight.
    • Before that:
    Dipper: Mabel. Private part.
    Mabel: COMEDY GOLD!
    • "What can I say? Stubble!"
    • "A furry? That is funny, Dipper!"
    • "It all adds up! The bleeding, the bleeding, the FurAffinity! HE NEVER BLEEDS! Have you noticed this cat!?" *gestures toward a cat on the floor*
    • "Remember what the book said? Don't trust black people!"
    • This:
    Dipper: Well, Wendy, I just want you to know that people make steaks. And when they do, you should fuck them.
    Wendy: Dude, you lost me.
    Dipper: *throws a baseball at her*
    Wendy: AH! MY EYE!
  • God Burns Down Equestria for Insurance Money
    Spike: What are you two doing?
    (canned ooh)
    Snips: The Great and Powerful Trixie!
    (canned laughter)
    Spike: What?
    • This:
    Spike: Helloooo—
    (the license plate from the end of the Title Sequence of That '70s Show appears)
    That 70's Show Intro: WISCONS--
    Speakonia Voice: Brazil. (close-up of the word "Brazil" on license plate)
    • The Running Gag of ponies coughing up birds.
    • This exchange:
    Rarity: You can't be cereal!
    Applejack: (wearing a box of Froot Loops over her head) Oh yeah?
    Patrick: Boo!
    Rarity: LOOK! PINK!
    • Twilight face-hoofing at the laugh track laughing at nothing in particular.
    • This:
    Applejack: (to Rainbow Dash) Don't fly away!
    Rainbow Dash: Aye-aye! (flies away)
    Applejack: Fuckin' bitch.
    • The Mane Six reacting to Rarity's dresses.
    (After Twilight struggles to say something)
    Twilight: Exactly!
    Pinkie: I love you!
    Rarity: What's the matter? Don't you like them?
    Applejack: No!
    Twilight: They're re-re-re—
    Applejack: (who had randomly turned into a pile of plums) And we're plums.
    Twilight: I guess what we're trying to say is...they're just awful!
    • "I'm not sure. I'm also not sure. I'm also Notch."
    • Twilight opening the front door of Fluttershy's cottage (which has the deviantArt logo on it) to encounter a flood of badly-designed OC ponies.
    Rarity: *at an OC pony* EW!
    • The Eldritch Abomination that comes out of Fluttershy's mane in place of the parasprite.
    • Rainbow Dash getting her head cut off by Pinkie's cymbals.
    Twilight Sparkle: Great. Now what do we do?
    • Before that, we have a Running Gag of Rainbow Dash shouting "WE CALL IN THE ____ CONTROL!". The third time around, Pinkie Pie yells for her to shut her mouth.
    Rainbow Dash: We call in the *unintelligible sound*
    Pinkie: SHUT UP!
    • On that note:
    • "I am not the ruiner! I am God!"
    • "Will you forget about sex for one second?" "Boner!"
    • In the intro, we have Rarity screaming "Oh for Pete's sake!" when the song playing at the beginning makes a sex joke.
      • "I got cancer." *canned laughter*
    • "Well, in THAT case..." *Twilight gestures toward a well in her suitcase*
    • The following:
    Fluttershy: You wanted to see me Rarity?
    Rarity: Fluttershy! You're nude!
    Fluttershy: *looks at herself* But...
    Rarity: Not another word!
    • Celestia's parting words.
    Celestia: Haven't you learned anything about friendship?
    Twilight: I've learned that sometimes the solution to your problems can come from—
    Celestia: I don't care. *leaves*





  • Billy Mays Smashes His Balls with a Hammer
    • "Why am I smashing my balls with this hammer? To show you the amazing protection you get from Impact Gel!"
    • "The heels, and balls of your feet, and your balls!"
  • Billy Mays Fixes a Flat Planet with the Jupiter Jack
    • "Are you one of the millions that are guilty of driving while squishing and squashing or flipping and flopping?"
    • "Preset your radio to 25 FM and you're ready to go."
    • "Instead of hearing music, you hear a real live skunk!"
    • "Here's how to order: ♪800-588-2300, Empire!♪"
  • Billy Mays Sells Toilet Insurance
    • "I know I should have health insurance, but on my budget, I just can't afford it. I need help." "Nobody wants affordable health insurance. You want toilet insurance."
    • "Have your rates gone up? Have you been turned down? Are you on the ball?"
    • "Including plans with burning and melting starting as low as OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND a month for you, or pay a fortune for your entire family."
    • "Kaboom, and the blood is gone."
    • "When you call, you'll get to talk with a real live skunk, who will turn you down, no matter who you are." (cut to video of Badfinger singing) "♪No matter what you are…♪"
    • "With iCan, you'll finally be saying, 'what odor?'"
    • The ending:
    Tails: I gotta find a phone fast! (jumps into a phone booth) Operator? I want to call Billy Mays. Uh, the number? Uh…
    Sonic: (whispers in Tails's ear) ♪800-588-2300, Empire!


  • Bobby's Sanity Meter is Low, despite being an April Fool's joke, is still hilarious from start to finish.
    TV: It's time for me to live up to my family name and face FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES!
    Hank: Hey, my HUMEN FEEDER just got its first customer. Bobby, c-
    Bobby (as a Combine): STOP THE HUMENS!
  • Bobby Will Never Be MLG
    • When Chane shoves Bobby onto the ground then pins him:
    Chane: C'mon! Eat some dirt!
    Bobby: (Tranquil Fury as the camera zooms on him) Okay... (darts off with Chane riding, going through the street where Dale keeps kicking Bill in the groin before Steve bats Chane off, approaches Chane and starts to eat him; scene then cuts to the Hill home)
    Hank: What have you been eating?
    Bobby: (beat, with bloodstained lips) Dirt.





  • Merlin's Penis is a challenging tale of medieval gayness, in which you aspire to become gay for Merlin!" Something about the narrator's whimsical and mystical tone of voice just sells the whole thing.





    • "Today we're gonna be showing our friends the dicks of the Internet."
    • "Take a spit on the Internet."
    • "FourKids. It's still cool."
    • "Sus." (wild laughter)
    • "Hold on, sis. Hold on, sis. HoH SiS." (footage of someone hitting a Staples "Easy button") "That was easy."
    • "So first, you need to know that everything on the Internet has an ass, and all web asses start with pee-pee."
    • "I also had to do a ho." (Laugh Track)
    • "Dear Mr. President. My name is Pee. My sister president yay. Sincerely, ylily."
    • "You'll need to get connected to the Internet. You do that through the Internet." "An Internet? What's that?" "It's the Internet."
    • "Now we need to open Bowser."


  • Ssss:
    Johnny: I did not hit her. I did not. Oh, hi Mark.
    Michael Rosen (as Mark): Hello!
    Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.
    Michael: Do you want an apple?
    Johnny: No, don't even ask.
    • "In a weedy little voice I say...RAISINS".






  • While it might not be up to snuff for the usual standards of a YouTube Poop, How the King Hired Link is a pretty entertaining Origins Episode for Link and the gang.
    Gwonam: Your Majesty, Ganon and his minions have seized the island of Koridai.
    Zelda: C'mon! I'll go fight Ganon's evil legions!
    Gwonam: It is written: only Link can defeat Ganon.
    The King: Who the hell is Link?
    • There's also this bit:
    The King: I'm going to fire you, mah boi.
    Zelda: No.
    The King: What? Why not?
    Annotation: Because falcomaster925 told you not to.
    The King: Fuck.

FFL2and3Rocks (aka Third Rate Gamer)

  • Free Meter (reupload)
    • "If you have type 65 diabeetus, call 911."
    • "Call 666185084020910516."
    • "I hope you have diabeetus."



Friendly Fingers

Frozen Cereal


  • Anthony Fantano Destroys his career it's so funny it got the Approval of God. Some of its funnier moments are:
    • "Who are you?" "Cal Chuchesta here"
    • This beautiful piece of sentence mixing.
    Nardwaur: "Anthony, right of the baba, I have for you a gift. It is something from your hometown" *Shows a picture of Broken CYDE* "The Death Grips"
    Anthony: "I really, really don't like African-Americans at all"
    • And another
    Nardwaur: "You have a pretty impressive dick."
    Anthony: "I've got a decent to strong 7"
    Nardwaur: "You even have a record review of the Fleet Foxes, it has like nine views!"
    Anthony: "Hopefully they fuck me in the butt."
    • And yet another.
    Nardwaur: "Anthony, how are you so well spoken, you're so well spoken, you never go MOM or anything, how are you so well spoken?"
    * Anthony makes licking noises*
    Anthony: "I mean, you know, it's like, you know, the way I talk on camera is just the way I'd envision myself, you know, talking to African-Americans, you know, do like a book report on an album, but I mean, like, you know?"
    • And the ending:
    Nardwaur: "How many dicks do you take, what's the secret!?"
    Anthony: "I take twenty three in the butt and I beat my girlfriend."





  • Billy Balls trolls Devin WalshhslaW
    • "What the fuck, DC makes dildos? You bet your stupid ass they do! And they're the best in the biz."
    • "Hey look everybody, it's professional cock-sucker Devun WalshhslaW."
    • "HoH SiS!"
    • "And join the craze with me, Woody Mays!"
    • "Hi, Billy Illegal here! If you're ejaculating on a shower door, then you need Kaboom! Vroom! Call now and you'll receive not two, but one…"
    • "…and we'll supersize this already incredible cock with 32-ounce bottles of semen." (And here come the generic sex jokes…) "It tackles your toughest shit stains without embarrassing hard-ons."
    • "Call now and you'll receive ammonia. It's got the power to dissolve… what the fuck?" (Please stand by)
    • The scene of Billy answering his Jupiter Jack.
    Billy Mays: Hi, it's Billy.
    Herbert the Pervert: Where are you?
    Billy: In my car.
    Herbert: Haven't seen a newspaper in a couple days.
    Billy: No problem.
    Herbert: Wonderin' if you're ever gonna come back.
    Billy: Be there in 20 minutes.
    Herbert: Ya like popsicles?
    Billy: Fuck no. (turns Jupiter Jack off) In some states, jacking off is illegal. Using a cell phone and— (Jupiter Jack rings) — God damn it! What now, ass plug?
    Herbert: You little piggly son of a bitch!
    Billy: I'm gonna run over your balls with this car! (hangs up again) Jupiter Jack transmits— (Jupiter Jack rings again) You can suck my cock, gay fucker!
    Carla (over Jupiter Jack): It's Carla.
  • Dick Brimley talks about his doctor
    • "My tongue felt like a horse ass."
    • "So finally, at the urging of my fucking doctor, he said, 'Wilford, if you wanna get laid, I'm gonna give you a few things to do. Feel my butt with your dick. Uh, and I was really interested in that. So finally—" (SCENE REMOVED)
    • "And I've slipped up and I've done people I shouldn't do." (NEXT SCENE, PLEASE…)
    • "Yiff yiff yiff yiff. I like to say, we will, we will, rock you."
  • Jesse gets violated by seagulls and kills Al Gore
    • "Whores, 'Pops, whores eating 'Pops. Jesse Ventura's corrupt power!" (cue clip of a Nazi march with Ventura dressed to look like Hitler)
    • "I've been a perverted dinosaur, a woman beater, a sex offender, a seagull. I've fucked cocks that will blow your hole"
    • "When I went up to the gates of the HAARP Facility, I learned that seagulls can get inside your ass. And here's what's worse: ELEVEN seagulls, up my hole."
    • "The military? That's nothing, not when they've got Cockatoos."
    • "Now-" "Not yet." (cue a manipulated version of the intro) "You think you know the whole story? Nope, I've been fucking your mom." (Okay, Governor) "I'm Jesse Ven-fucking-tura."
    • "In this conspiracy business, you hear a lot of stories about— what is that?" [cue Al Gore dancing to "I'm Too Sexy" in the middle of the street.]
    • "It's time to launch the hunt, for the people robbing your cunt!"


Hammdog Porkington


  • Wonka Hates Mrs. Teavee:
    • This exchange:
      *Wonka plays on the piano*
      Mrs. Teavee: "Rachmaninoff."
      Wonka: "WRONG, SIR! WRONG!"
    • Mr. Salt wants to give something special to the workers in his factory:
    • This exchange as well:
    Mr. Salt: "It's fabulous, isn't it? I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one."
    Veruca: (in the background) "I WANT IT!"
    • And more:
    Charlie: "Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?"
    Wonka: "I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing."
    • Still more:
    Wonka: "Invention, my dear friends, is 93% liquor, 6% Augustus, 4% murder and 2% children with very little pocket money."
    Mr. Beauregard: "Any good?"
    Wonka: "NO!"
    • More:
    Mr. Salt: "Sure this thing'll float, Wonka?"
    Wonka: "NO!"
    • Even more:
    Veruca: "Hey, Daddy, I want a bo..."
    Violet: "CAN IT, YOU KNIT!"
    • Still Even More:
    Wonka (on a black screen): "You can suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em and they never get any smaller. Never."
    Charlie: "This banana is fantastic!"
    Wonka: "You should open your mouth a little wider...YES!!!"


  • Robotnik's Pingas Machine
    Robotnik: I'm demoting you to pingas monkey third class. Now go and mop up the cum.
    Robotnik: Throw von Schlemmer in the cum!"







  • Nuclear Launch Detected
    Morshu: It's yours my friend, as long as you have MINERAAALZ!
    Ganon: IT BURNS! (after being hit by a nuclear missile)




  • Wicker Man Youtube Poop: Nicolas Cage Gets his Skull Crushed by a Spinosaurus
    • This video basically consists of Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man keeps getting killed while trying to reach Summers Isle.
    • In the first segment, his plane gets shot down and crashes into the water, where he runs into a shark.
    Shark (in Dr. Robotnik's voice): Snooping as usual, I see!
    Nicolas Cage: OH, NO NOT THE shark. NOT THE shark.
    (The shark proceeds to eat him.)
    • During the third segment, where they use the film, Behind Enemy Lines, they have one of the villains get frustrated that one of the missile launchers isn't working.
    Bad guy: C'mon, start! C'mon, you piece of crap, start! This is getting on my f**king nerves. AAAH! MOTHERF**KER! (missile launches)


Imaperson (Retired)





  • Mario and Luigi in the Footballstone
    • Luigi: "Hey, Mario! Look what I made!"
      Mario: "It's a stone, Luigi! You didn't make it! You didn't make it! You didn't—You didn't—You didn't make it!"
      Luigi: "It's a football! I chiseled it!"
      Mario: "It's a stone, Luigi!"
      Luigi: "It's a football!"
      Mario: "It's a stone, Luigi!"
      Luigi: "It's a football!"
      Mario: "It's a stone, Luigi!"
      Luigi: "It's a—"
      Mario: "—STONE, LUIGI."
      Luigi: (cries)

Inkling Bruh


InspiredPlagarism (Retired)




Jack Duripper


  • My Little Bat Guano
    • The beginning, involving a battle between Applejack and the Teletubbies sun, culminating in "MY EYES!".
    • This:
      Applejack Look at all those assholes. Ripe and...
      Flutterbat: Juicy...and sweet...(beginning of "Sweet Dreams" starts playing)
    • STOP!...hammer time.
    • The ENTIRE Pop the Pig sequence.
    • The second commercial break, which is just the Littlest Pet Shop cast coming out of a bush and back in.
    • How the author gets out of pooping the scene where the mane five turn Flutterbat back to normal.
    Voice: We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stay tuned.
    Freakazoid!: Are we all clear? Okay, we're all clear. Alright, hit the red button.
    Freakazoid: NO! NOT THAT BUTTON!
    (scene plays in fast-foward)



Jimmy Davis

Jeff Lindblom

  • EEEEAAAAUUUUUAAAAHHHH. Pretty much anything involving the titular weird noise. Also Luigi:
    Mario: We gotta save the princess!
    Luigi: And, youuuuuuuuu...
  • What is Spaghetti?
    • This:
    King Harkinian: All true warriors strive for cum.
    Gwonam: It is written: Only Link can strive for cum.
    Link: Great, I'll give head!
    • "Zelda, [bleep] you."
    • This:
    Mario: We gotta [bleep] Bowser!
    Luigi: And you gotta [bleep] spaghetti!
    Mario: If you need instructions on how to [bleep] Bowser, check out my seven Koopa hotels.
    Luigi: And [bleep] spaghetti!
    Mario: No.
    Luigi: [Bleep] you and [bleep] spagheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetti!
    • The CD-i characters singing Haddaway's "What Is Love".


  • Racial Toon Wreaks Havoc
    • Bosko doing a 1929-style "firin' mah lazah" face.
    • Bosko being redrawn as Sonic the Hedgehog.
    • When the animator asks Bosko if he can make the audience laugh.
    Bosko: I gotta pee....right there.
    Animator: There you are. (begins drawing a toilet)
    (cut to a card reading "Soon, his waste is disposed!")


  • JeoppoeJ Episode 2
    • "On CNN's erection map, Illinois made this self-described 'skinny kid with a funny name' the giraffe mascot for Toys 'R' Us."
    • This:
    Alex Trebek: Joshua Allen is Joshua Allen. You have command of the board. Three categories remain in play. Select.
    Joshua: "The Things of Nature" for $200, please.
    Alex: No. Advertising Election Criticism. "What little cock a hippopotamus has, to rotate 270 degrees, is mostly on its tail."
  • Jeoppoej 3: Stop Using This Source God Please No
    • "Call now. 1337."
    • "And our returning champion: a Massachusetts teacher from Somerville, College Physics, Whacks Cock, whose 146,200 day cash winnings total $5."
    • Alex Trebek's head inflating and then exploding.
    • "One chapter in her book is 'Fuck Your Grandparents'."
    • "In 196 Gnee Shi-Vedge this Hyenabet currency was at 360 to the dollo; today, it's under 100."
    • "Celebrity Memoirs for $1,000." (blank clue comes up)
  • Jeopardy! Season 92 premiere
    • "And these are the categories to start off the new season: 'Grrrrrrrrrr—'" (dialog box comes up reading "Alex Trebek has stopped responding. Windows can try to restart the program" with the options "This joke is old" and "Debug the program".)
    • This:
    Alex: (reading clue) "This Oscar winner." Alison?
    Alison: Who is Hutton?
    Alex: No. Diane or Vamsi?
    (beep beep beep)
    Alex: Who is Timothy Hutton?
    • On the next turn, Alison hitting a Daily Double, whose clue reads just "This Oscar-Winning daughter."
    • "On a clear day, I live in my donut, man."
    • When the category "September" is revealed in Double Jeopardy!, audio is dubbed in from this notorious Family Feud clip.
    • "I'll get you, my pretty, and cry havoc, and just one dog."
    • The Jaws music playing when the inflatable shark appears behind Alex.


  • Even years after its popularity has faded, "The Balls Are Inert" is still a piece of comic genius.



  • Let's just say that his Thomas the Tank Engine poops will leave you in stitches.
  • Pursee & the Faulty Facelifts, as the Fat Controller introduces Daisy to Percy and Toby.
    The Fat Controller: This is Daisy, the evil railcar.
    Daisy: Screw you, you smelly bastard!
    The Fat Controller: Fine! This is Daisy, the lazy railcar.
    Daisy: That's better! (beat) Hey!
    Percy: Ha, ha, ha!
    Toby (thinking): Holy crap, that Daisy is hot!
    Daisy (with a distorted face): Nyey!
    • The dance scene set to "You Can't Touch This" is nothing short of hilarious.
    • "This is dreadful!"
  • Tomuss & The Bloody Confusing Day
    • "Hello, Thomas!" said Thomas. "This is Trevor, a traction engine." "A WHAT engine?!" Trevor asked. "A traction engine," explained Thomas. "You run on roads instead of rails." "WHAT?!" Trevor was still puzzled.
    • Sir Topham Hatt dancing to "Highway to the Danger Zone"
    • "Donald and Douglas are twins!" (Both make O Faces) The twins were surprised.
    • Percy randomly jumping off the tracks at The Fat Controller's orders, leaving the latter momentarily confused. Percy later lands on Henry in an unrelated scene.
    • "You see what I mean, my dear Edward?" "Poop!" (Gordon makes an O Face)
  • Tumass Clones Go Bonkers!
    • "Thomas is a Thomas engine who lives at a big station on the Island of Thomas. He's a cheeky little engine with six small Wills, short stump-short stump-sho-sho-sho-sho-sho-sh-h-h-h-ho-o-ort-t-t stu-u-u-u-mp... —ort stumps and a stumpy cock."
    • "Thomas thought he was being clever, but he was really retarded. He soon found his mistake. He tried to fart, but he couldn't. He just kept barrel rolling along."
    • The ending.
  • Purcy Discovers Something Retarded: James tries to explain why he hasn't got up yet.
    James: The fat tosser sent me a message in a bottle this morning! (Yeah.)
    Stationmaster: He did not! HE DID NOT!
    James: Oh! (Suddenly realising Percy had set him up) OH! Where's Percy?!
    (Cut to Percy annoying Gordon)
  • Thomis, Terinse, & The Baking Powder
    • This exchange between Thomas and Terrence the Tractor early in the video:
    Terrence: Hello! ('said the tractor') I'm a tractor!
    Thomas: I'm Thomas, I'm a Thomas. What ugly eyes you've got!
    Terrence: (Eyes are now inflated) They're not ugly!
    Thomas: PUH! You look like an Anime f***t!
    Terrence: Hello! I'm a Terrence! ('said Terrence')
    Terrence: What in the fu-!
    • The snowplow scene
    Narrator: The snowplow was heavy and uncomfortable and made Thomas ssorc. He shook it, and he banged it, and he banged it...
    Edward (or James): Hahaha! You bang snowplows!"
    Thomas: (makes an O Face)
  • Oh, My Guard!
    Narrator: The Stationmaster was about to do his children.
    Trevor: That's disgusting!
  • Henrique Suffers Dreadfully and No One Cares:
    • "All kinds of ships use the Hah-bor station by the sea. There are ass ships, caac ships, ship ships, and cocaine shipping also happens here. Some of it goes to shops in the town, and the rest of it goes to the Fat Controller and Thomas.
    • "All right! All right!" (the clip moves off the right side of the screen)
    • "They couldn't know that the points from the mainline to the siding were badly twisted, and the home signal should have been set to: 'Oh guard, we are about to crash!!'"
    • The fact that Thomas is somehow inside a brake van along with the Fat Controller, the driver and fireman, and "a very lovely bastard".

Koopa 126

  • Mario & Luigi's Quest For Cupcakes: the King sends the Mario Bros. to Ponyville to get cupcakes, and they run into the ponies and hijinks occur.
    Mario(To Twilight Sparkle): By the way, your hair reminds me of Stocking.
    (Picture of Stocking appears as Twilight looks confused)
    Twilight Sparkle: I don't get it.





Law of Cinema


  • Billy Mays' Sexcapades
    • "Has this ever happened to you? You had to leave town suddenly. Just got in the car and drove far from home. And you're scoring with a 350-pound whore live on TV…"
    • "Carla takes it right in the ass. Shit's so cash!"
    • "What do you do when you're away at school and can't jack off to your favorite whores on TV? Billy Mays here for P-E-N-I-S! It's the live sex you want, wherever you are! When term papers are sucking, see who's fucking!"
    • "You can turn Billy Mays on with the flick of a switch. Wiwiwiwiwiwiwi. WITH THE FLICK OF A SWITCH."
    • (high chipmunk voice) "IT HAS THE STRENGTH, TO TAKE TARNISH OFF THIS GIANT, MEDIEVAL SWORD! NOW THAT'S THE POWER OF—" (normal voice) "Billy Mays' balls."
    • "This is Billy Mays, and I'm pulling around to stick it in your pooper!"
    • "Take a look at this cock, it's a doozy! Get on the bed! OhOhOhOh CumCumCum" (Content censored. For full uncensored video please visit
    • "Woah, that was an experience. Where's my blowjob? What is this I don't even!"
  • "Greasy Potatoes"
    • "Wow, all this furniture attracts moms like a fuckin' magnet!"
    • "Orange Glo easily removes grease and grime from grease and grime. It's even tough enough to break down grease and grime from stickers without damaging the grease and grime. And with a fresh orange scent, you'll be grease and grime."
    • Billy Mays' hand slamming down a "sold" sticker on the oven in the greasy spoon diner.
    • "Why am I smashing my hand with this hammer? To show you the amazing protection you get from smashing my hand with this hammer. And this hammer is smashing my hand."
    • "Are you tired of shitting french fries like I do? Watch this. Insert $100 into the back of Billy Mays' asshole, then simply watch as Billy Mays shits mountains of french fries in seconds."
    • "You can chop your kids to make thick chunky salsa, salad, tacos, vegetable trays, coffee, chicken salad, ham salad, Cupcakes, ice cream, and your hands never touch the blood."
    • This:
    Billy Mays: Everyone loves cupcakes.
    Apple Bloom: Not the cupcakes! Trust me.
    Billy Mays: Eat the damn cupcakes right now, or I'll eliminate Equestria! (Pinkamena appears behind him)
    • "Just watch as I totally demolish the head of this asshole!" (uses a sander to destroy Vince Offer's head)
    • "Does your toilet have ring around the ring around the RING AROUND THE RING AROUND THE RING AROUND THE"
    • "Hi, sir Billy Mays here for the Big City Sword! Look at this: 80,000 Attack, 350 Strength, 360 Health, 160 Magic!"
    • "Jacuzzi bazooka!"
    • "LegendarySage is a supercharged asshole who'll take forever to make shit because Runes of Magic has taken over LegendarySage's life. That's right. So get on today, and join the craze with me, LegendarySage, or I'll take a Big City shit in your hard drive!"
    • "Phil Swift here for Flex Seal, the easy way to coat and seal—" (gets impaled by a Big City Sword) "That's the power and protection of the Big City Sword!"
  • Billy Mays Hits Puberty While Cooking Calcium, Lime, and Rust Burgers
    • "With the Slider Station, just scoop, press, and cook right on your toilet!"
    • "Topped with pickles, onions, ketchup, or cheese, Big City Sliders have harsh fumes!"
    • "The triple-sided chicken-stick surface is so slick, not even buuuuurrrrnnt oooooon chheeeeeeeeese will stick!"
    • "Make healthy calcium, lime, and rust burgers with ease, and join the craze with me, BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!"
  • Billy Mays Raves With the Best Product He Has Ever Pulled Out of the Infinite Void in His Ass
    • "Hi, bitches! Billy Mays here. Does your toilet have hard cum stains or a ring of shit that keeps coming back? Now you can throw away your toilet and never shit in your toilet again! Introducing toilet paper! Just wipe your ass! Maybe it's that easy."
    • "I know what you're thinking: Billy Mays is high on crack."
    • "Hi, Billy Mays here to share with you, the best product I have ever pulled out of my ass. Big City Grater is not an ordinary grater, but a superpowered grater that can grate anything. Watch this: grate laundry with ease. There's no wrong way to use it! Pass it around the toilet and grate as you shit."
    • Billy Mays dancing to "Sandstorm"
    • "Call right now, and I'll triple the offer, and send you agonizing discomfort!"
    • [four Billy Mays videos at once] "But call right now..." "...and I'll shit in your washer, while it cleans over 5 loads. Laundry just got shittier."
  • sunday_drive.mays
    • "Watch this." (fails to get car door open) "Screw my car!"
    • "Using a turnip and driving isn't safe, and in some states, it's even a seagull."
    • "I love Fluttershy, don't you?"
    • The end cameo from Radicalfaith360.
  • Radicalfaith360 moves out and shit
    • "So some of you are probably wondering, where the hell have I had sex? Well, I have sex on a prison bunker. I think it'll be best if I really just really just pump it out in this room." "Are you shittin' me?"
    • "That was probably the longest dick I've had between videos." (censor bar appears)
    • "I've actually secured uh, or am closing a deal on a Nazi concentration camp."
    • "It's been a long time since I had a shit. So other than when I got together with cs188 and shit on cs188 and…"
    • "Radicalfaith360 here for Concentration!"
    • "And the person who recommended the concentration camp to me is none other than DaNazis1! And if you haven't subscribed to DaNazis1 yet, I highly recommend it. Very good shitter. Uh, very clean dicks. You see the sex in his videos. He uses profanity but he doesn't use profanity. It's N-I-G-G-A-S A-N-D S-H-I-T number one."
  • Billy Mays starts a sex hotline (Sexcapades II)
    • Uh ohho hU Uh ohho hU Uh oh! That'll leave a mark! And another! And another!" [cue picture of Marc Summers]
    • "Hi, Billy Mays here! If dicks in your car drive you crazy, don't get frustrated! Get a blowjob!"
    • "Sucking that hardon is as easy as 1-2-3! You just push—" (NOPE)
    • "Finally, sex you can actually afford!"
    • "This bitch is fucking cray-cray."
    • "And I'm not talking about some whore from Motel 6, I'm talking about real bitches with big titties, wet vaginas, or both. Flubber boat."
    • "Billy Mays attracts bitches like Tyler Perry and chicken attracts black people!"
    • "The longer you let it set, the sexier it is."
    • "But I'm not done yet! Call Sundays, and you'll receive our amazing double penetration! Moms are gonna love two dicks on a busy school morning!"
    • "And I still never got a blowjob!"
  • Billy Mays Gets Pissed and Uses His Arsenal of Products to Pound Every Car and Truck Made
    • "Fuck your car!" (pound)
    • "With Mighty Putty, you just pound like dough. Simply knead to activate, apply and pound your car."
  • Butt Mash's Adventure into Madness
  • Billy Mays Gets Road Rage While Advertising a Non-Working Radio Broadcaster
    • "Instead of hearing the other person, you hear music!"
    • "In my car, the Jupiter Jack sucks. I need to shit." PFFFFFHHHHHT "Using a cell phone and shitting isn't safe. And in some states it's even illegal."
    • "I don't feel safer because I have to hold my cell phone while I drive." "It doesn't matter. Driving is illegal."
    • "But I'm still not done." (beat) "I'm done."
  • Billy Mays discovers dickburgers
    • The intro:
    Billy Mays: Has this ever happened to you? Wii U? You're on the road and you can't find an octagon.
    Jack Black: (walking down the street) Oh man!
    • "Billy Mays here for Billy Mays' Titty Delicious Ass Burgers! Squishin' and squishin' and squishin' and SQUISHIN' and SQUISHIN'"
    • "So slick. Just poop cheese, and watch your family attack your family!"
    • "You don't need a cabinet full of cabinets. You need a cabinet full of Negroes."
    • "With Billy Mays, you'll finally be saying: 'I can cook delicious, mouth-watering dickburgers with two thumbs up my ass!'"
    • "Putty. Putty. Putty. Putty. Apply and support up to — NOTHING"
    • "Work at work? That's much better than Men at Work." ("Down Under" plays on the guy's computer, then suddenly front-reverses over and over) "That's much better than pork at work."
    • "Ba-con-egg-and-cheese. Ba-con-egg-and-cheese."

  • Billy Mays goes for a peaceful morning drive
    • "Previously on Billy Mays!"
    • (types "HI BILLY MAYS HERE, LOOKING FOR SEXY PORN" into Google) "Alright ... what? You shittin' me? There's no kinky videos! What do you do when you get blue balls, and you can't watch your favorite porn on the internet?"
    • This exchange
    Anthony Sullivan: Hi, Anthony Sullivan here.
    Billy Mays: Anthony, why are you using a cellphone and driving?
    Anthony Sullivan: My Snake extends to over three feet!
    Billy Mays: anthon plz.
    • "Stop waiting for expensive—" (crash) "Uh oh, that'll leave a Mark!"
    • Carla refuses to have sex with Billy, despite his rather explicit demands:
    Billy Mays: Hey, asshole! You don't say no to Billy Mays!
    Carla: No.
    Billy Mays: That's it. I'm pulling around to kill you!

Le Père Doriot

  • La décadence de la restauration française
    Septime: Don't forget that you're in the shit. And that beyond this door is the exit. And through this door we will leave. We must leave. And we will leave. Let's go, open up.
    -walks into door-
    Who did that?
  • LOL ou la cuisse
    Tricatel: Because Duchemin doesn't exist!
    Duchemin: It's true!
    Tricatel: Holy fuck! Duchemin exists!


  • One Winter Evening
    The boys thought it fun to stone Henry until he was dead.
    Fireman: "Call the police!"
    "No," said Henry's driver. "We're not tattletales." So they went home, leaving Henry. "Goodbye, Henry." Next morning, some birds tore out Henry's liver.




  • The masterpiece of sentence mixing that is "Ice Ice Brimley":
    Wilford Brimley: I've got fifteen or twenty problems, but a bitch is not one.

Looney Moon

  • Greg Calls the Police
    Pearl: Steven, I know that Garnet is very upset with you, but I'm going to prove to her that I'm straight.

    Greg drives back to the motel listening to Every Breath You Take
    Greg: Hey, Shtoo-ball, I brought The Police.


  • The Actual Republican Debate
    • "Candidates, I will try to make sure each of you of you will get your fair share of questions. But Senator Paul will get no questions."
    • "As the candidates requested, Mr. Trump will be singled out for criticism."
    • Senator Paul constantly trying to say something reasonable, only to get told to wait until he's called on.
    • "Americans are clearly more afraid of you than any time since 9/11-" "You feckless weakling!" *applause*
    • Fiorina going on a tangent about when smartphones were invented after being asked about talking to Putin.
      • "9/11 was invented in 2001, roughly."
      • "Margaret Thatcher once said if you want something talked about, ask Obama. If you want something done, 9/11" *applause*
  • The Actual Democratic Debate
    • Everyone rising for the Soviet Union's national anthem.
    • "Each candidate will get one minute to answer questions, except Senator Clinton will get two minutes to answer questions, and Senator Webb will get one second"
    • "After 15 years of executive experience, I have not learned how to be an effective leader. I learned how to be a magician."
    • Webb getting shot down every time he wants to say anything.
    • Clinton talking about how she wants to stack the deck.
  • Trump Bullies Jeb For The Last Time
    • George Washington wrote that "The truth will ultimately die where there is pains taken to help voters make up their minds."
    • "Mr. Trump, you get 30 seconds to tell Governor Bush "You're wrong", and Governor Bush, you don't get to respond."
    Bush: I gotta respond to this!
    Moderator: Well, you don't get to respond.
    Bush: Or you could ask me two questions, so I get two minutes instead of one-
    Moderator: Please stop talking.
    • "What we wanna win, when we wanna win, and how hard do we wanna win?"
    • "Let's just talk about donuts right now, let's sell that, and the Republican Party will be stronger as a result." *Trump nods in agreement"
    • "In the spirit of saying something that might be politically incorrect, tell the voters something that might be politically incorrect."
      • "You know, to bomb children coming out of refineries is acceptable, chaos is acceptable, dictators, acceptable..."
  • Trump is God: The whole damn video.
  • Mitt Romney Exposes Trump as Mexican Goat Terrorist
    • "I'm Mitt Romney and I'm the real Mitt Romney, all the other Mitt Romney's are just masturbating."
    • "I'm, uh... I'm not here to announce my candidacy for office." *loud applause*
    • "What ever happened to predictability? How about Trump University? And then there's Trump Magazine, and Trump Klan Babies, and Trump Nuclear Mexican Goats, and Trump Menstrual Cycles Suckers. A business genius he is not."
    • "If Donald Trumps plans were ever implemented, that means that I'd commit suicide." *loud applause* "Wait wait wait!"
    • John Adams wrote this: "Remember, 'The Donald' is a phony cum sucker." - John Adams, 1787
      • "There was never a donald... yet, that did not want to grow goat terrorists." That's John Adams. Think about that.

Loger Labbit

  • Daenerys is Crazy
    • Daenerys is here to "destroy your cities, burn your homes, murder you and orphan your children." Later, "I offer you a choice. Bend the knee, and die. Or refuse, and die."
    • "BURN THE MALL!"
    • The scene where Sam talks to the Archmaesters about the imminent threat posed by the White Walkers plays out much the same in the actual show, and after ignoring Sam, one of the Archmaesters turns to Ebrose and asks if Sam was the one whose father and brother were just burnt alive by Daenerys. Ebrose affirms this, adding that he doesn't have the heart to tell Sam yet. Unlike the show, Sam is still in the room when he says that.
      • Better yet, when Ebrose looks over at the understandably crestfallen Sam, he and the Archmaesters immediately go back to small talk like nothing had happened.


  • Attack on a Horrendous Boy
    • Henry randomly ripping his younger brother's heart out and slamming it on a flag.
    • DIVE! DIVE!
    • "That was the gayest thing I've ever seen, yee-e-e-e."
  • Some horrendous boy faps at ponies for a reason
    • The Friends intro.
    • "So, how many babies can I torture?"
      • During that same scene, Henry's father runs over a woman, complete with blood on the front of their car.
    • Henry reading a PlayBrony magazine, 'nuff said.
    • The Ronald McDonald commercial.

Lulu Luvscats


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