Sally: What was Patrick born?
Susan: A tripod.
The Spear Counterpart of Gag Boobs—and the opposite of Teeny Weenie in size—is a character with a giant penis that causes comedy. Usually much less explicit than gag boobs and relying on Take Our Word for It, as most TV shows can't actually show penises as much as just referring to so-and-so's tripod, trouser snake, garden hose, etc. Though some shows are able to use visual means of implying the same point.
A gold mine of sexual suggestiveness for shows, and often applies to either the hero or a dumb jock-type guy. However, it can be especially funny if you give it to a Butt-Monkey, Shrinking Violet, Hollywood Nerd, or other harmless-looking guy whom you'd never guess was hung.
This Trope is Older Than Feudalism, at least. The original Greek dramas would often feature comedic actors dressed as satyrs who wore costumes with exaggerated genitalia.
For instances when a massive schlong is treated as sexy rather than funny, see Bigger Is Better in Bed.
- Buppa, in Tokyo Tribe. He's a crazy Fat Bastard who rapes a guy to the point of drawing a lot of blood because his actions and size of his junk split the guy in half vertically. It Crosses the Line Twice.
- A disturbingly common Running Gag in the City Hunter manga is how clearly one gets to see Saeba Ryo's easily ignited arousal through his pants and how it's so large and hard that it can literally punch through walls and shatter concrete. This is downplayed or removed altogether in the anime adaptation.
- Hajime no Ippo:
- In the mini-film Sex Demon Queen, an underage girl named Sour is accosted by a gang of ruffians. One of them breaks out his package, which is indicated by a helpful diagram to be over a foot in length. However, its maximum length cannot be calculated.
- When Shido Fuyuki, Ban Mido and Ginji Amano take a hot bath together in Get Backers, Ginji and Ban see that Shido is EXTREMELY well-hung. So much that they get scared. The anime adds a neighing sound effect, for good measure.
Ban and Ginji: "LIKE A HOOOOOOOORSE...!"
- Used as a Running Gag in Pumpkin Scissors with a nurse trying to get a urine sample from Randel whenever he's hospitalized. To emphasize, it even got to a ridiculous metal-braced extra-large collector, that still breaks.
- While describing her newly created Nugi-kun DK-1 golem in Negima! Magister Negi Magi, Haruna mentioned that "He sports an impressive 23.5 centimeters!!",note which everyone naturally assumed to be this. Turned out she was actually talking about his tongue.
- Hetalia: Axis Powers:
- Japan and Italy have a hot springs bonding session and Italy thinks Japan shrunk his penis since he's a whiz with miniaturization. The manga/webcomic and the Japanese version imply (while the English version outright says) that Japan is a grower, not a show-er (which actually makes sense when you remember that a scene before this, Japan created miniature U-Boats that turn into giant fighting mechas) and proceeds to show Italy with a penis that has construction sounds when it goes erect and is heavily implied to be bigger than advertised.
- Then there's the "extra small" 25 centimeter (that's 9 to 10 inches) condoms from Russia!
- Prussia's "5 metres, anyone?" (Which is a made-up meme based on a few joke LiveJournal icons).
- In the manga Gakuen Heaven (not the Boys' Love series, actually, but a different one that happens to have the same name and completely opposite subject matter; It's about a Rōnin teacher at an all-girls' school), one of the antagonistic teachers has such a huge penis that getting an erection knocks him out cold because of all the blood rushing out of his head.
- Shalott of Air Gear. When he reveals to Agito that he's actually a guy by lifting his frilly looking dress up, an elephant's trunk is used to symbolize the size of his junk.
- Considering the amount and portrayal of Fan Disservice and also of the less disservicey sexual content within Berserk, it isn't hard to arrive at the conclusion that Guts' Dragonslayer is less compensation and more of an example. One particular comedic hentai doujin takes this to the extreme, equipping Guts with another weapon of similar dimensions. In a situation where he did not have his sword with him, he used it to defeat several trolls without breaking a sweat. After which, he tossed it over his shoulder and it nearly scraped the ground. It was portrayed humorously but slightly soured for comedic value by the extreme nature of the pages previously.
- In Sekirei, the main group has a shared Out-of-Clothes Experience. Lovable Sex Maniac Matsu immediately kneels down in front of Minato and begins to giggle obscenely in delight while stating that the "data" down there is MUCH MORE than she'd expected. Minato shrieks in horror and goes to cover himself up.
- In Apocalypse no Toride, poor Maeda suffers the indignity of getting his boxers yanked off by the other boys in chapter 27 for a reason that Makes Sense In Context. Their faces register shock and what looks like genuine horror, but the tension is hilariously deflated by the discovery that their mild-mannered friend is seriously hung.
Yoshioka: Jesus Christ, talk about a monster.
Maeda: I said I'd check it myself!
Yamanoi: Was it that big before you got infected?
Iwakura: Man, you're packing a desert eagle down there.
- The one-shot Naruto chapter promoting the Road to Ninja movie hilariously implies that Shino Aburame is rather... big down there.
- An anime flashback implies this for Kakashi as well. Gai once barged in to challenge a bathing Kakashi and Gai happened to glance down... and his eyes widen and he has a Jaw Drop.
- In the 2011 version of Hunter × Hunter, Gon and Killua are rather unsettled when they end up meeting with Hisoka for the first time in quite a while. He's completely naked, and their eyes are slowly tracing upward◊.
- In chapter 13 of Torako, Anmari Kowashicha Dame da yo, Torako's brother Mashiro is thanking the Pet Raising Club for being Torako's friend and asking they take care of her. None of the other girls take in a word of this because, having suffered Clothing Damage from stopping an overexcited Torako, he's naked from the shoulders down. Bullet remarks that he's really packing and when describing its size Suzume, admittedly the smallest member of the cast, is estimating it at about the size of her torso. Adding to this is that Mashiro is Older Than They Look, easily mistaken for a child. Meaning it's also as big as his torso.
- The erotic OVA Vixens (Visionary in Japan) features a few:
- The first episode takes it Up to Eleven when Yujita replaces his Teeny Weenie with one; said gag penis is a prehensile, sentient gray snake/eel...thing, that's as long as his body
- The second episode has Sameo have one, which is represented during his sex scene as a huge goldfish swimming through a tunnel.
- In Beastars, there's a sea lion named Zaguan who prefers being naked. When he talks, the speech bubble practically covers down to his crotch, making it look like he is well-endowed.
- Similarly to the protagonist Legoshi. Multiple times it has been joked at how he has a huge manhood frequently in omake segments, like how it would be difficult finding plus-size condoms. Or how he tried Zaguan's nudist ways and finds it comforting, complete with his speech bubble being elongated to the crotch area.
- Interspecies Reviewers has Crim the angel, whose "holy lance" is constantly being referenced for laughs. A large part of why is because the series deconstructs what it would be like to have such a massive member. While he doesn't have too many problems, any girl that isn't at least a certain size or larger won't be able to handle him, which got him scammed out of his cash at a fairy brothel, and the sheer size can end up drawing unwanted attention to it, which due to how demure and mentally wholesome he is often results in major embarrassment.
- Uzaki-chan Wants to Hang Out!: In Chapter 57, Hana's younger brother Kiri accidentally sees Shinichi naked when he's coming out of the gym's showers, leaving him completely in shock when he looks down. Later at home, he's seen mortified and when his family asks what happened, this exchange ensues:
Kiri: Hey Dad... does your gym have d**k training?
Fujio: [shocked] THERE AIN'T NOBODY WHO HAS THAT!!
Narration: And a deep sense of defeat was carved in the boy's soul.
- Chris Rock's routine once included a bit about how, if they ever made a heated hockey rink, black athletes would take over that sport.
Chris Rock: He ain't even gonna have a stick! He gon' smack the puck with his dick! POW! 'Slapshot, biatch!'
- Richard Pryor: "... and it's deep, too!"
- Ron White
- He has jokingly described his member as only being a few inches long, but about eighteen inches in diameter, "Like a cheese wheel!"
Oh, I may not touch bottom, but I will stretch out the sides... with my CHEESE WHEEL; don't be afraaaiid!
- In another skit, he tells of taking a vacation and encountering a man who must have had a fully grown squirrel stuffed into his speedo. He meets this same man again, this time at a nude beach...
And it looked like a python had eaten the squirrel and taken its place!
- He has jokingly described his member as only being a few inches long, but about eighteen inches in diameter, "Like a cheese wheel!"
- Craig Shoemaker's "The Lovemaster" persona was made of this trope. Hell, at one point, he refers to it as a "Penis Colossus".
- In the audio version of "Dirty Jokes And Beer" by Drew Carey. Some of the memorable ones:
My dick is so big Stephen Hawking's got a theory about it.
My dick is so big there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big I have to call it "Mr. Dick" in front of company.
My dick is so big it can chew gum. (WTF?)
My dick is so big it's got its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, movie theaters serve popcorn in small, medium, large and My Dick.
- Part of his old stand-up routine addressed this as well. "You shouldn't be able to be good-looking AND have a big dick; it needs to be one or the other. Look at Ron Jeremy. That's fair."
- Greg Proops has a routine about Tom Jones' penis being so large that it is, in fact, the "father of all penises."
- Dana Carvey had a similar joke about a Vegas vacation with his wife once where they saw Tom, and his Jones.
Carvey: It's obscene! It's insane! My wife had binoculars, "It's moving, honey! It's moving!" It sang a song!!
- "Bild" is the German tabloid. Not everyone is amused. As an oversize Take That!, a satirist claimed that the owner of Bild had a botched penis elongation operation, leading to a libel process, a mural (on the "Taz" building in Berlin) allegedly showing his giant penis, and other generic lulz.
- The Cheech and Chong skit "Blind Melon Chitlin'" ends with Chitlin's record producer J.R. asking about the "ding-dong" he talks about in the song he just recorded:
J.R.: Blind baby, what the hell's that "ding-dong"?
[Chitlin gets up]
J.R.'s assistant: I think he's gonna show you, J.R.
[Chitlin unzips his fly, the producers laugh in amazement]
J.R.: Jesus Christ, look at the size of that thing! We'll never get that on the album cover! We could play jump rope with it though!
- Ray McFarland, from Top Cow's Freshmen. Nicknamed "Long Dong", because he and his roommates were (unknowingly) given superpowers related to whatever they were thinking at that moment; Ray was measuring his penis and wishing it to be bigger and better in every way. He develops an indestructible, 15-foot penis, and has to beg people not to leave porn lying around because he'll knock holes through the ceiling with it.
- When fighting Hercules:
Deadpool: Fighting a dude in a skirt. My advantage. Hmm... [sees up said loincloth] Godly endowments. His advantage.
- When The Boys journey to Russia, they meet the ex-leader of the Soviet superhero team The Glorious Five Year Plan, who went by the name of Love Sausage. And just in case you didn't get the reference, the title of the issue in which he takes up his old role as hero? Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite. Big breasts are his Kryptonite Factor.
- The following exchange takes place in Runaways after Chase walks into Victor Mancha's bedroom in the middle of the night.
Chase: You're sleeping in the raw? What is wrong with you?! At least the computer wore tennis shoes!
Victor: We live under a tar pit Chase. It's a million degrees down here. Besides, what's the big deal? I've got the exact same parts that you do.
Chase: Says who? You're an electric chair with legs! Except, you know, instead of four legs, you have uh... three.
- Played for Laughs in Tank Girl. Our heroine is fighting a guy wearing God's Housecoat. He informs her that the housecoat has granted him a whale's genitals (by accident or on purpose, it's not quite clear which), so Tank Girl shows him her breasts... and his resulting erection causes him to die of blood loss to the brain.
- In one issue of Thor, an Asgardian named Volstagg the Mighty (an exceedingly... large-boned fellow), attacks a doombot who is firing an energy beam, which destroys his clothing... but he wrecks the doombot. Sif and the other two members of the Warriors Three stare at him and comment that they now know where his title of "The Mighty" comes from. When Volstagg notices where Sif is staring, he admonishes her to "cast thine eyes elsewhere ... though it may take them some time to make the journey."note
- This is played dead serious to both horrify and amuse in Crossed with the villain "Horsecock". Take a wild guess what severed animal appendage he uses to beat his opponents to death.
- In With Strings Attached, the one real moment of levity in the Ghost City of Ehndris is when the four come across As'taris battling a living statue (an image of which they'd seen before and dubbed Biggus Dickus, thanks to George the Monty Python fan) using its long penis as a sword. They wince when As'taris cuts it off.
- Progress fanfic 'Luna Vs the Threesome' has Sundance imagining this of Big Macintosh.
Sundance's eyes grew wider and followed the progress of a quiet rolling noise that traveled across the floor and knocked over a nearby chair. ... 'Is that real?'
- In the Worm Fanfic Amelia one character asks Amelia for a sex change. She is really generous and induces a second puberty to boot. The result is unusable.
- In Big Human on Campus, Ranma is implied to have one. When Kurumu tries to touch it and he throws her out of the room, she doesn't understand why he's upset, thinking he should be "proud to show something like that off".
- Given his rather thick blubber, many Rule 34 pictures depict Darwin Watterson having a pretty thick and long penis.
- Same with the rule 34 depictions of the male characters in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, as real-life horses are known to have rather large genitals.
- Hellsing Ultimate Abridged slaps one of these on an illusory Sonic the Hedgehog when Miller refuses to buy the little girl in front of him being related to him in any way, and it is this that makes him embrace the illusion long enough for Zorin to kill him. She is disgusted that it came to that.
- The rape ape in Thirty Hs is apparently entirely made out of these.
- In Soon I Shall Be Indestructible Izuku Midoriya is apparently quite... gifted. Ojiro claims that Bakugou dislikes Izuku out of jealousy. He is later seen telling Kaminari and Mineta that it's bigger than Mineta and that if it had one of its own, Bakugou would still be jealous. During the Training Camp arc, the boys see it and are left feeling inadequate (and Ojiro wins a bet with Mineta over it).
- A Green Dragon's Hoard: Izuku is fairly big for his size. Problem is, Izuku's 18 feet tall. More than one girl jokes that he'd probably kill them if they tried to have sex.
- A NSFW cosplay photoshoot of Astolfo from Fate/Apocrypha went viral in February 2021 because the cosplayer was using a can of Monster energy drink for scale.
- BASEketball had Matt Stone and Trey Parker's characters appear nude before the Love Interest, and their dicks are so big that they touch the ground. She can't keep her eyes off them and keeps making Freudian slips when looking at them. And, while the two leads are naked, whenever they turn around, a number of objects get knocked off the nearby table/shelf. The one scene in which we get a shot of their junk shows what can only count as a third leg, as each of their penises stretches to below the knees with no end in sight.
- Also happens in the comedy Jane Austen's Mafia!.
- In Borat, during the naked fight, Borat's producer doesn't have anything censored (his potbelly covers it up) but Borat has a censoring black box... descending past his knees. Show-off. Making this even funnier is the black box getting bigger and bigger as the fight goes on. This was explained in a deleted scene, where he's interviewing a cosmetic surgeon and asks whether he could get his freakishly huge penis reduced in size. Apparently, all his friends make fun of it all the time.
- Sacha Baron Cohen loves this kind of joke. His Ali G character has a dream in which he's in a gang shoot out. One of the bullets tears his pants around his knee, narrowly missing his Gag Penis. Just a little while later, after the shoot-out is complete, he turns toward his assailants and the bullets outline where he once stood - complete with a Gag Penis extension in front of him.
- In The Full Monty, an auditioning male stripper displays his qualifications for the job. All we see is a reaction shot of the audition panel...
Gaz: You can't dance, you can't sing. What can you do?
Guy: Well, there is this [drops pants]
[everyone stares in amazement]
Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed.
- In Mel Brooks:
- Silent Movie, the board of directors of Engulf and Devour is shown a picture of Velma Kaplan, the sexiest woman in the world, and the table starts rising.
- A similar gag can be found in Brooks' History of the World Part I in the fan dance scene. Let's just say that Gregory Hines was not, in fact, a eunuch.
- For whatever reason, there was a running gag in many of Mel Brooks's movies about Madeline Kahn's characters getting involved with impossibly endowed men. Examples include the aforementioned History of the World Part I, Young Frankenstein mentioned below, and Blazing Saddles.
- Mel Brooks used yet another version of the Gag Penis in Robin Hood: Men in Tights; Robin and Marian are behind a screen, and Robin's sword creates a silhouette in just the right spot...
- Young Frankenstein. It's noted that if all parts of the Monster were in proportion to his size, "He would have an enormous Schwanzstüke!" Later on, Elizabeth is raped by the Monster but likes it and falls in love with him because of his enormous size. In the end, Inga learns that her new husband Frederick traded part of his brain for the Monster's endowment, and she has the same reaction.
- Mini-Me of Austin Powers fame has one of these. "If you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!", "You're a frickin' tripod!"
- In A Chinese Torture Chamber Story, a Chinese thief has a literal horse penis transplant. Played for slapstick.
- Played for both drama and comedy in Boogie Nights. Eddie Adams's huge member gets him a job as porn star Dirk Diggler. The first time he pulls it out on film, we only see the amazed silent reactions of the crew. The prosthetic penis would go on to win the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.
- In Nothing to Lose, Nick Beam's boss has a statue of a fertility god in his office whose phallus is half again as big as the rest of it. It gets cut off with a samurai sword when Nick snaps.
- The Scary Movie series is full of these:
- Scary Movie 2 has Ray attacked by an evil clown puppet (a la Poltergeist). After Ray is pulled under the bed, the puppet suddenly pops out with a horrified look on its porcelain face, while Ray makes some rather suggestive comments... before Ray's member extends out, wraps itself around the clown's neck like a snake and drags the murderous mannequin back in.
- Scary Movie 4 has one of the characters trying to kill himself using pills...only to find out that he had swallowed Viagra. Cue the growing erection.
- Bachelor Party had a scene where a male stripper ("Nick the Dick") is paid to prank the bachelorette's friends by serving a "foot-long hot dog" in a restaurant. "Is this the footlong?" "And then some."
- The caper film/comedy 9 Dead Gay Guys has the "Really Hard Red Bull Test" offered by the character Golders Green: in order to get into his house, you need to have a dick as long as or longer than two cans of Red Bull stacked one on top of the other. Three characters in the film are seen to pass the test: the Queen, Kenny, and one of the three West African brothers, although his other two brothers could have passed it as well.
- A case of Gag Balls occurs in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Two cannonballs are positioned so that they hang between Barbossa's legs, which Jack is quick to use as an entendre to doubt him.
- There's also the rather freudian scene with the telescopes of the two claimants to the ship.
- The Penis Monster from several Troma films, starting with Tromeo and Juliet.
- In Condom des Grauens (usually referenced to as Killer Condom) detective Maccaroni is extremely well endowed although his enormous penis is visible only as a shadow on the wall.
- Inverted in one soft porn spoof of Gladiator where the Emperor of Rome is called "Dickus Minimus".
- Showdown in Little Tokyo. They actually halt an action scene just so Brandon Lee can tell Dolph Lundgren "Just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." He also jokingly notes that its size scared him.
- Parodied in You Don't Mess with the Zohan, where the main character is featured with a massive bulge in his pants. However, he later shows to someone else that he merely cultivates a large amount of pubic hair (apparently it helps with the ladies) and the person observing it states "It's not that big."
- Pee Wee's first elated act in II, upon waking and recalling he'd scored at the end of the previous film, is to add a sharp (exaggerated) upward slash to his personal penis-growth chart. His mom soon finds the chart in his room, and her eyes bug out at the Biggus Dickus implications.
- Perhaps more to the point, Meat from the original, who elicits a "That boy is deformed!" from a woman pretending to be a prostitute.
- The 1975 Blaxploitation film Soul Vengeance has a wrongly-imprisoned black guy take revenge on the people who sent him up by strangling them to death with his gigantic prehensile penis. The few reviews suggest it's not nearly as good as that sounds.
- The eponymous monster from One-Eyed Monster. Not only is it Ron Jeremy's dick, but it's loose, and it's killing most of the cast and trying to impregnate the rest.
- Joey Battle in the remake of The Longest Yard. The others joke he could beat someone to death with it.
- A small one in the film Kinsey - early in the film, Alfred Kinsey and his wife have come to a doctor because they're having trouble consummating their marriage. The doctor explains that sometimes if a woman with a thicker-than-usual hymen is matched with a well-endowed man, it can make sex tough. He holds out a ruler and asks Kinsey's wife to point to the ruler, indicating how big the...member in question is. She hesitates, then points to a spot in the air TWO INCHES past the end of the ruler. The doctor just raises his eyebrows a bit and says "I'm surprised you didn't pass out."
- In a deleted scene included in the Phantasm DVD, drunken Jody and Reggie adorn the passed-out Mike with all the fixings of a human ice cream sundae, complete with humorously-placed banana and pair of cookies.
- Full of It: In this teen fantasy-comedy , high school outcast Sam tells increasingly wild lies to improve his social standing — only to have his life unwind when they start coming true (so that he can learn the value of being himself). When bullies on the basketball team taunt him for wearing shorts in the shower, Sam tells the following whopper (so to speak):
Sam: The-The truth of the matter is... I'm hung like a newborn...
Bullies: Oh! Ha ha ha! — See! Even he admits it. — Ha ha ha.
Sam: ...7 pounds, 18 inches. The-The coach made me promise to keep it covered... so I wouldn't hurt your self-esteem... right before the next game.
Bully: Dude, that would—that would really scare me.
- Later on, they do see it, and they are scared. Sam, however, is delighted and parades it around the locker room for all to see (audience excepted, of course).
- Jacques "Le Coq" Grandé in The Love Guru: We see him from behind as he undoes his pants, which is followed by a "thud", and his girlfriend saying "Damn."
- Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th porn parody released in 2010. So big, it caused his original drowning, dragging him under after he accidentally fell into Crystal Lake.
- One of the guys who rescues Rick from drowning in the spa in Hall Pass. Rick inadvertently comes face to face with his penis in a spot of shock value Male Frontal Nudity.
- Best Night Ever is a comedy about a young woman and her friends on a bachelorette weekend in Las Vegas. A male stripper the girls visit early on has a gigantic endowment, tastefully hidden by a foot long black bar.
- Salvador in Unconscious is rather well-endowed, leading to sexual incompatibility with his wife that is largely Played for Laughs. The one time his sister-in-law Alma sees him naked ( before the end of the film, when they wind up together), she's visibly impressed.
- Schoonie in Neighbours has one. The frat guys make dildos to sell for money, Schoonie's is so big that it seems like he faked it to look good. We later get a very visual confirmation that he wasn't faking.
- Chris Hemsworth gets one in Vacation, which is advertised in the first trailer for the movie, earning it a red band warning.
- Christopher Villiers's Nigel in Top Secret! just can't help showing off what a big boy he's become to Hillary. After she whips out a tape measure to take the size of his oiled and bulging pectorals and biceps, she ducks out of frame for a few moments. Poor Nick is then even more crushed as she slowly straightens back up, holding at least a foot of tape in front of her amazed and lustful eyes.
- Spring Breakers has a deleted scene where the main girls rob a nerdy fat man on the beach, only to find out he doesn't have any money on him. They decide to humiliate him by forcing him to take off his swim trunks only to be visibly shocked at how large his penis is and begin complimenting him on it, which causes him to get an erection and draw even bigger compliments from the girls.
- In A Score to Settle, they don't call him Jimmy the Dragon because of his dragon tattoo.
- In the Taken parody Tooken, the hero swallows an entire bottle of Vialis male enhancement pills and a four-foot long erection rips through his pants, which he then uses in a Sword Fight (NSFW, obviously).
- In Just One of the Guys, Terry Griffith dresses as a male high school student. She puts socks in "his" trousers to create a cosmetic bulge. When Sandy tries to seduce Terry, she pulls the socks out of his pants. Rather than being offended, she says she's flattered.
Sandy: "It's okay. I mean, how small can it be?"
- Ghost Town (2008): The Pharoah Pepi had a very large penis. Both Gwen and Pincus are much impressed with it. He makes several jokes and cracks her up.
- In Tokyo Gore Police, a character is emasculated, but since he is an Engineer, it grows back... as a biomechanical weapon over two feet long. The scene revealing this punctuates the view with the sound of an elephant trumpeting.
- A logic joke: A woman who's had a string of jackass boyfriends puts in an ad for a partner who won't run off with her best friend, won't hit her, and is good in bed. An armless, legless man rings the doorbell. She helps him into her house and quizzes him on the aforementioned characteristics. He says he couldn't run off with her best friend, not having legs, and, as he has no arms, he couldn't hit her. Then she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" The armless legless man says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
- There is a joke about a man who goes to the hospital and complains that when he walks, his penis drags on the ground, and that's really uncomfortable, so he wants a bit cut off. Well, the doctor is not sure how to do it, so he passes the job to the nurses. They are not sure where to cut from; from the end, from the middle, or from the base, so they go to the senior nurse. She takes one look and says: "Are you idiots? Stretch his legs."
- Two guys are walking along a bridge one night and they both have to take a piss. They go to the edge of the bridge, whip 'em out, and go to it. One says, "Damn, this water's cold." "Yeah", the other says, "deep, too."
- Alternate punchline: "Yea, and the bottom is rocky."
- Two black guys are talking about one's new 15-pound son. A week later, he says his son is seven pounds. His friend says what happened? Black guy says "Had him circumcised."
- There's a joke/anecdote of a policeman who was escorting a group of drunken men to an overnight cell when he saw a huge bulge in one of their pockets. "Hey, you can't take a bottle to the can!", he exclaimed grabbing the bulge, only to instantly pull his hand away and mutter: "Sorry".
- Another joke tells of a man who goes to a doctor to complain about his embarrassing Simpleton Voice that's plagued him ever since puberty. The doctor asks him to drop trou to discover that the man is ridiculously well-hung, and explains that the weight of his elongated penis is tugging against his vocal cords, but he can undergo surgery to remove the excess length from his member and leave him with a normal proportion that won't affect his voice.
A month after the operation, the man returns to complain in a normal tone that he's pleased with his newfound confidence and no longer feels embarrassed to speak in public, but unfortunately, he's having a difficult time pleasing his wife now and asks whether they can reattach his old penis. After a beat, the doctor curtly replies in a Simpleton Voice: "Sorry, I threw it out."
- There's an old one about a man who goes into a tavern and sees a large mason jar filled with 10 dollar bills. He finds out from the bartender that his horse had been very lethargic lately, so he was willing to bet whether customers could make the horse laugh. The man takes the bet and walks out back, shortly followed by whinnies of laughter from the horse. The bartender asks "How the hell'd you manage that?" The customer replies "I told him my dick was as big as his."
Cut to a week later, when the customer comes in again, the whinnies of the horse still going on, and the tender offers him another 100 bucks if he can get the horse to stop. The man shrugs, walks out back, and the laughter immediately stops, followed by the sounds of the horse crying. When the bartender asks the man how he managed to pull it off this time, the man smirks. "Well, last time I told him, this time I showed him."
- A trucker walks into a bordello one night looking for a good time. When he went over to the prostitutes and asked which would satisfy him, they requested to see his endowment. The trucker unzipped his pants and showed them to her. The girls began to stifle their laughter as they see a tattoo reading "Shorty" on the exposed pecker. One particular girl decided to humor the trucker and they both left for a room.
The next morning, the hookers were freshening up when suddenly the girl that went last night with the trucker appeared before them. She looked disheveled and practically catatonic. Before the others could start fearing the worst, the prostitute finally spoke up "Remember the guy with the "Shorty" tattoo on his prick? Well, when I got him going real good, it then read 'Shorty and Bartholomew's Hickory-Smoked Barbecue All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Extravaganza Albuquerque, New Mexico'."
- In a similar vein, a man marries a woman named Wendy and gets her named tattooed on his penis. One day, he's at a urinal next to another man, and by chance sees that the man has the same tattoo on his penis. He asks the guy about it, and he responds "Actually, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.'" The punchline of this joke can be heard in The Happening.
- A similar joke is told in Russia about a man who lost part of his penis in some accident, and the doctor says "the part remaining is still quite a respectable size". The man says "You see that "ol" there? It used to say "Greetings to our beautiful girls from the valiant defenders of Sevastopol"".
- "We're all dead." Exclaims the submarine's Captain. "We can't dodge those torpedoes, one of them is going to hit. Two minutes fifty. Quick, run to the Mess and tell the boys a joke before the end." The first mate grabs a bottle of Booze and brandishes it while entering the mess. "My dick! My dick is so big if I bang it against the wall the submarine will break!" Everyone starts to laugh. The mate whips out his dick and waves it around before the timer in his head hits zero and he slaps the wall. The submarine explodes. The Captain, wearing a life jacket and holding onto a dresser miraculously survives. "I... I don't get it... the goddamn torpedo exploded early!"
- Three women are bragging about their husbands. The first says her husband gave her a mink overcoat, the second says she got a new Mercedes-Benz, the third says he was naked in the garden and twelve birds perched on his member. Embarrassed, the other two confess: It was a synthetic fur and a used Ford they got. The third woman claims she too exaggerated: the twelfth bird was only hanging on by one leg.
- A man and a woman who stayed chaste while they were courting get married. On their wedding night, they are getting ready to go to bed for the first time. The woman says, "Darling, I have a confession to make. I have the chest of a 12-year-old boy." The man says, "Well, that's not important, I married you because I love you. And I have a confession to make as well. I am hung like a baby." The woman says, "Well, that's alright. I love you and we will make this work." They take off their clothes, and the husband says "You weren't kidding, you really are flat-chested." The wife says "I know. But, I thought you said you're hung like a baby." The husband says "I am. 7 pounds, 7 ounces, 20 inches."
- I had to break up with my girlfriend because she only has sex with men whose penises are six inches long. There's no way I'm cutting my penis in half just to please her.
- Possibly one of the very largest examples, the aptly named "Long Man" in Lords and Ladies is 20,000 tons of long burial mound with two small round burial mounds located either side of one end. The runic inscription on it reads — roughly — "I've Got a Great Big Tonker". When a dwarf, after seeing and admiring the earthen mounds, goes inside and meets the aptly-named Long Man himself, a mythological figure with a healthy appreciation for not wearing any clothes. "Cor", the dwarf says, "you don't half look like your picture."
- Though the size isn't actually specified, a comparable brand of humor is exercised in Maskerade, when Nanny Ogg serves her Chocolate Delight with Special Secret Sauce to the directors of the opera house. The one man with the forethought to open a window and let in some cold air couldn't do so, as he didn't dare get up from his seat.
- In Thief of Time, the Ankh-Morpork Museum of Art is home to the famous sculpture "Man with Huge Fig-Leaf". When the Auditors start reducing the artworks to dust in order to see where the beauty is contained, Susan just happens to know exactly where it was.
Lobsang: You, er, appreciate art?Susan: I know what I like.
- Twice in Doom Fly and Arlene stumble on bas reliefs of a demon with an enormous penis that functions as a lever. Both times take them by bemused surprise.
- In The Dresden Files, from the short story "Heorot", when Harry is describing the grendelkin:
"Definitely male. Terrifyingly so — I'd seen smaller fire extinguishers."
- In Ender's Game, the child and teenage characters a.) use computerized "desks" that you hold on your lap, and b.) rarely bother to wear clothes in their barrack rooms. Naturally, this leads to a joke where one character has his desk's screen display an oversized penis that wiggles exaggeratedly whenever he moves. Ender himself is rather annoyed that a top student several years older than him acts so immaturely.
- The grolls (troll/giant hybrids) from Glen Cook's Garrett, P.I. series are sufficiently equipped to make mules envious, which is quite a feat for a couple of brothers named Doris and Marsha.
- The plot of Njal's Saga gets kicked off when a man is cursed by his angry ex-girlfriend to have a penis so unfeasibly large that he can never again have sex with a woman.
- In The League Of Gentlemens Apocalypse, Geoff Tipps writes himself into the screenplay for Show Within a Show The King's Evil, and specifically points out, a propos of nothing, that he has a big cock. In the screenplay, at least.
Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big cock, comes in and stops the king from being killed. He is a Hero. His cock is big.
- In A Lovely Monster:The Adventuresof Claude Rains And Dr Tellenbeck, the titular Claude Rains, a Frankenstein's monster, is endowed with a pony's penis by his creator (apparently he felt this was the best method for ensuring his ability to prove that he'd made Claude out of various bits and pieces).
- The book and movie versions of M*A*S*H had this as a minor plot point with Walter "Painless Pole" Waldowski, the surgical unit's dentist. His assistant makes a lot of money selling shower peephole privileges to those curious enough to look, and one enlisted man is overheard commenting to another that he'd "love to see it angry".
- Tom's dog in Neuropath, apparently. In a crude but funny scene, Gerard jokes that it's so large it should have its own website. And makes up some domain names.
- Jakub Wędrowycz, a Dirty Old Man. He's not happy with it, because it's hard to walk with it (he keeps stepping on it). He usually keeps it in one of the trouser-legs... and puts the tip into the shoe. He can use it as a whip to kill a fly on a faraway wall. Of course, it only comes up when it's funny.
- A Song of Ice and Fire:
- The wildling called Longspear Rik. "But he fights with an axe."
- Osha insists that Gentle Giant Hodor has giantsblood in his veins, after seeing him nude returning from a bath. She and the young boy Bran have a short discussion about the logistics of half-giants, with her saying that many a wildling woman has been torn apart by amorous giants.
- The sellsword captain Brown Ben Plumm claims that one of his distant ancestors, Ossifer Plumm was famous for having a six-foot-long penis. Ossifer died on the wedding night before consummating his marriage, and thus was buried 6 feet under, but his wife still gave birth 9 months later. Meaning either Ossifer's penis was large enough to do the job, or Viserys Plumm's father was Aegon IV.
- Played for Laughs in Twig. An enormous Single Specimen Species male warbeast several storeys tall happens to have a similarly gargantuan "slumbering dragon" which the characters merrily discuss.
Jessie: But it's so inefficient! Why even tack it on?Helen: You have no reason to believe its inefficient. You haven't seen it in use.
- The Boys (2019) adapts Love Sausage from The Boys comics above, but also makes his dick several meters long and prehensile.
- In a Horne and Corden sketch, shown here, a man gets a penis enlargement, resulting in him pulling a snake several feet in length out of his trousers to show his friend. "It's not too big, is it?"
- Lots of references in Coupling to Patrick's endowment. Particularly funny was just after Susan told Sally that Patrick is very well endowed, Patrick happens to walk by and lose his balance for a brief moment.
- At one point he finds out that an ex-girlfriend started a business selling vibrating dildos modelled after "Junior Patrick". Apparently she'd never found it so easy to accommodate the battery compartment.
- One episode of Just Shoot Me! revolved around Dennis Finch's boss and male coworker discovering that the small, overly delicate Finch had a penis whose size was of such that it caused immediate crushing despair in other males at the sight of it. Made all the more crushing because he apparently had no clue this was anything special.
"Dennis, how did you not KNOW? I mean, hadn't you ever seen other guys in the shower?"
"No, I sat gym out because of my allergies. The only time I saw other guys naked was in porn. I just thought I was a little above average."
"... You son of a bi-"
- The other men are immensely relieved to see that, well-endowed or not, Dennis is still Dennis and likely to put women off with his personality.
- On Cybill Shepherd's sitcom, Cybill and a friend were in a museum and came across a statue of a fertility god, who...well...
Cybill and Friend: [looking excited and amused] Wow... [they turn to each other] Ouch!
- One Saturday Night Live sketch involved the celebrity trial de jour (Mike Tyson) which had the defendant's lawyers officially entering his penis as evidence; he whips it out (off-camera) and THUNKs it down on the table. Cut to the bug-eyed slack-jawed stares in the jury box.
- A similar Zip-Thump moment occurs on an episode of The Kids in the Hall when Danny Husk's boss reveals that not only does he know Danny used to be a porn star, but that they own his old studio. He then asks Danny to show him the goods, which leads to the aforementioned sound effect.
- On Hustle, Ash "Three Socks" Morgan acquired his nickname after his first visit to the prison showers.
- Friends, in the episode "The One with the Dozen Lasagnas", Rachel's boyfriend, Paolo tries to seduce Phoebe when he's naked on her massage table, hidden only by a towel. She later tells the gang: "Boy scouts could have camped under there."
- How I Met Your Mother: Druthers' building proposal in "Aldrin Justice" has a round-coned top two domes on each side and brown trees.
Client: That's a PENIS!!!!
- The Young Ones episode "Nasty" may possibly qualify for this trope - "Argh! Neil! How are you holding that flower pot up?"
- The Upright Citizens Brigade TV show dedicated their Season 1 finale to a mock telethon for the "Little Donny Foundation", raising money for a young boy with an enormous (mosaic'ed) penis, of which he's unaware. Essentially 30 minutes of this trope, but played completely deadpan.
- Parks and Recreation
Dr. Harris: That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I don't even know if he has the mumps, forgot to check, I was distracted... by the largest penis I have ever seen.
- Long-suffering and affable Jerry, the butt of every office joke gets checked out for the mumps in one episode. Afterward, the doctor has this to say:
- The Drew Carey Show episode "Dog and Pony Show", parodying The Full Monty, had a similar gag. Drew is arranging for a male strip act to raise quick cash, and another man asks to "audition". They step behind the bar, he unzips, Drew looks... and then drains the drink he's holding before letting out a choked, "You think you'd be more popular..." Later, just before the show starts, he announces to the crowd, from prompting by the other guy:
Drew: And no flash photography. It upsets Kong.
- The same episode has the guys, dressed in UPS-like uniforms and carrying boxes in front of their crotches, take both hands off the boxes and SPIN THEM. When asked how they did it, Drew responds that they had Velcro. The guy with the giant wang simply says "... you guys got Velcro?"
- Desperate Housewives plays this as the solution to a mystery—Gabby is worried that she might have had drunken sex with the much younger, and very disturbed, Zach. She can't remember anything, he insists that it happened. Her husband, Carlos, winds up in the urinal beside him—and informs her that "[She'd] have remembered."
Doyle: Frankie Tripod? A big no.
Cordy: Frankie Tripod? Oh, I get it. Some kind of three-legged monster, right?
Doyle: No, hes human.
Cordy: Then why is his name...oh...
- In one episode of Scrubs, Dr. Kim Briggs, in order to dick around with JD, draws a long line on a chart claiming that it's representative of the average length of the penis, which has the patient casually replying "Sounds about right" and JD looks shocked and embarrassed while Turk silently agrees. After leaving in a huff, JD attempts to call her bluff by pulling back the patient's bedsheet. "OH MY GOD!"
- A character on Testees (the guys test drugs for money) took something that caused his penis to grow to epic proportions. Unfortunately for him once he became erect he promptly passed out due to lack of blood.
- Kryten in Red Dwarf can plug several types of household appliances onto the end of his long flexible groinal attachment — including, as seen on-screen, vacuum-cleaner and egg-whisk.
Lister: So you just stick the egg-whisk attachment on the end and you can, like, whip up a Spanish omelette?Kryten: I certainly can, sir — though it is amazing how few people are prepared to eat them.
- Kryten's replacement has a penis that is hard enough to cleanly break a brick in two, as shown in his product video.
- The main plot behind The Hard Times of RJ Berger: RJ is a Hollywood Nerd. One day, during a basketball game, his shorts fell down. Cue people laughing. Then his jockstrap fell. Cue people gasping, girls giggling in delight, and one Asian girl ripping her hair out. The series as a whole involves his attempts to lose his virginity, and his endowment is seen as both a benefit and a hindrance toward that goal.
- Manny Skerritt, the character Misha Collins played on Nip/Tuck. His penis was so large that, while flaccid, he could have 'namaste' written on it in pretty large writing, and needed a reduction because he was addicted to sucking himself off.
Manny: I've got a tyrannosaurus prick.
- In one "Newscasters" segment of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Brad Sherwood and Colin Mochrie are the newscasters. Brad, as per usual, plays someone normal. Colin, on the other hand, plays someone who has just realized that they're nude. Throughout the skit, Brad keeps on trying to cover Colin's junk, ending with his hand trying to do so with Colin in a ridiculous pose. Colin looks at Brad's hand disdainfully, then uses his arm to "cover" his junk. Brad can barely stay in character.
- Quickly followed up by Ryan (playing a Mafia weatherman) telling Colin that he lost his pointer, and needs some help. Colin puts his hands behind his back and does various hip motions to convey that his junk is pointing at whatever Ryan needs.
- A phone application ad which lets you measure a guy's penis length. The ad for it showed it used on various cartoon characters, measuring (in order of appearance): 27 cm, 31 cm, 34 cm and 3 cm. The first three were shown as manly men, the fourth was suddenly unveiled as a little girl in a pink dress.
- On The X-Files, Mulder and Scully come across a Literal Genie and learn that her previous "owner" had died because he wished himself one of these.
"Chronic morbid tumescence."
- Played straight in the cult French-Canadian series Dans une galaxie près de chez vous. Card-Carrying Villain Scientist Brad Spitfire is revealed to have a small penis after being hit by a naked ray (a beam whose sole purpose is to render people naked), prompting Petrolia to exclaim "Wow, the nose really is in proportion to..." before being cut off. On the other hand, when the Captain is accidentally turned into a baby after spending too much time on a time-bomb planet, Valence comments, while changing him, that he's very well equipped for his age.
- Actually, in Brad's case, in the episode with his above example, Petrolia insults him by saying his nose is long enough it's threatening to jump off his face, so Petrolia actually accidentally complimented his junk. And yet, in another episode, Brad accidentally drops his garments, leading to Valence insulting him by calling him small.
- In Green Wing, Martin, judging by the reactions to the nude portrait Sue White keeps in her office, has a large one.
- Apparently, Christopher Moltisanti's in-universe rival Paulie in The Sopranos, in contrast to Chris's own Teeny Weenie.
Paulie's goomah: Now get that big dick of yours in the jacuzzi!Tony: (apparently impressed) HO!!!!
- In Better Off Ted, Veronica and other characters reference Ted's junk.
Ted: I only use my junk for good, not evil.
- In an episode of Still Standing, Brian had apparently been skipping showers after gym because he was embarrassed that his penis wasn't the same size as everyone else. His father assumed that he was ashamed of his shortcomings. We learn soon enough that Brian's issue is quite the opposite.
- In Monarch of the Glen, Golly got his nickname when the wind blew his kilt aside and a girl who witnessed it said, "Golly!".
- Party Down: Ron's humongous dick (briefly shown on screen) got the attention of a porno producer at an adult entertainment awards afterparty they were catering.
- Used in the first series of Blackadder; in 'The Archbishop' Edmund asks Baldrick and Percy to bring him his 'Black Russian' codpiece to wear to a ceremony where he thinks his brother Harry will be announced as the next Archbishop of Canterbury. Edmund shows up with his large, erect codpiece, only to find that he is the new archbishop. Embarrassed, he steals one of the bishop's mitres to try and cover it. The gag is made better by his mother querying why he's wearing "that nonsense" and flicking it, which produces a delightful sproiiiing noise.
- During one episode of The Surreal Life, involving a nude pool party, Ron Jeremy appeared naked. He later complained that the editors gave him a censor blur that went down to his knees.
- In the Sirens (US) episode "Rachel McAdams Topless", Hank, Johnny and Brian walk in on Billy in the nude. Many remarks about Billy's ridiculously large penis ensue, including one about Billy being better endowed than the horse they saw earlier in an adult video (It Makes Sense in Context).
- Billy has no idea that he's anything special because every one of his male relatives is even bigger.
- Most of the dramatic and comedic fodder for Hung.
- Implied with the diminutive Patton Chase on the short-lived sitcom Quintuplets. Due to being below average height, Patton has been getting growth hormones since early puberty, to no visible effect. Except all the growth apparently went to one specific limb. This becomes an issue when Patton joins the cheerleading squad and is forced to be surrounded by attractive, athletic teenage girls while wearing tight gym pants.
- An episode of Ally McBeal has Ally and her friend Renee attend a clay sculpting class using nude male models. While they are initially both nonchalant about it, when a model named Glenn disrobes in front of them they both get stunned looks on their faces and stare in awe for a few moments until Renee mentions the fact she's going to need a lot more clay. Later she complains that she can't make the clay figure's penis to proper scale as it keeps falling off, and it's shown that the clay figure's penis is about half the size of its own leg.
- A meta-example from Star Trek: Voyager—actor Tim Russ made one for a scene in which his character, Tuvok, walks onto The Bridge naked (but only filmed from the waist up, so it was never shown on-screen). The laughter from the other characters in that scene was genuine Corpsing from the actors.
- Brazilian show Panico na TV had a Cringe Comedy skit called "Eggplant Man", which consisted mostly of people reacting to a fake case of this, namely a man walking around with an eggplant in his pants.
- Brockmire features a rival announcer (and later friend) named Matt "The Bat." And Brockmire makes very clear that Matt couldn't hit at all when he was playing, so the nickname is entirely a reference to Matt's anatomy. There are a lot of jokes about the character's endowment over the course of the season, though Matt eventually admits that it's not a case of Bigger Is Better in Bed - women tend to be very curious about what it's like to have sex with someone with such a large penis, but he doesn't get a lot of second dates.
- A recurring gag on Son of the Beach was that in any nude scene, the characters would have black censor bars over their TV-sensitive areas — Chip's bar would extend to his knees, while Notch had barely a square centimeter.
- Da Vinci's Notebook has a song called "Enormous Penis", about the joys of having one of these:
I've got great, big amounts in the place where it counts,
And the feeling's like a sunshiny day,
I take a look at my enormous penis,
And everything is going my way.
- Rodney Carrington has a song "Play Your Cards Wrong", where the narrator states that his life is an absolute mess, but he's endowed enough to make porn stars cry. In all things, balance, I guess. Not to mention his Audience Participation Song, "I've Got a 12 Inch Pecker".
- Frank Zappa used this trope often. Played relatively 'straight' in "Bwana Dik", a song wherein each member of the band claims to have the largest member, and mocked in "Penis Dimension" from 200 Motels: "Do you worry / do you worry a lot/ that the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?"
- This is part of Ivor Biggun's bread and butter. Probably the most blatant case is "John Thomas Allcock". To quote the chorus:
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world
He keeps it in his trousers tightly curled.
It's a yard and a half if it's an inch and it's more when it's unfurled, oh oh
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world.
- Dos Gringos' "12-Inch Penis", about a fighter pilot trying very hard to relieve his bladder while flying an F-16. Bonus points for said pilot flying 'hands-off' at one point, especially since the F-16's flight stick isn't between the pilot's legs- it's actually on the right side of the cockpit in the armrest...
- Parodied in John Lajoie's "I Kill People", where he takes a break from rapping about murder, casual sex and hedonism in hilariously Beige Prose to dedicate a verse to his exaggeratedly huge penis.
- Shel Silverstein wrote and performed a song called "Stacy Brown's Got Two", in which Stacy's.. got two of 'em.. and thus is very popular.
- System of a Down with their song "Cigaro". While the song is about dictators smoking cigars, the following lines are heard in it.
My cock is much bigger than yours!
My cock can walk right through the door!
- Revocation used to tote around Hoss (a comically-oversized dildo) on tour and used it to pull pranks on other musicians. They retired him after Phil Dubois-Coyne left the band.
- "Tie My Pecker to My Leg" by Mojo Nixon. In addition to the title, there are also lines such as "I need a woman six foot ten / She's gotta be that tall so I can get it all in."
- The band GWAR had the Cuttlefish of Cthulhu, worn by the late Oderus Urungus (Dave Brockie). It was a very large penis-shaped codpiece that could spray "fluids" at the audience
- Russian band Little Big has the song "BIG DICK," which is (allegedly) so huge that, among other things, it lives next door and exerts a gravitational force sufficient to attract black holes.
- There's the Greek god Priapus who had to have scaffolding to hold up his erect penis. His name served as the inspiration for the medical term "priapism", meaning an erection that lasts longer than it should.
- The 13th-century Norwegian Völsa Þáttr was about worshiping a severed horse penis (apparently loosely based on a centuries-earlier tradition involving animal sacrifice), complete with jokes about its "usefulness".
- One Norwegian fairy tale had an extremely well endowed male character searching for a bride, no easy task considering his size. He finally found one and they decided to get married. Sometime before the wedding they had a party, but they didn't have enough places for people to sit. The man unzipped his trousers and rolled out his member for people to use as a bench. When the bride to be entered the room, the man instantly got an erection, throwing the people who were using it as a bench into the roof, breaking their necks.
- In Acquisitions Incorporated (Penny Arcade's D&D Podcast), there is an interesting conversation from season two. Apparently, dwarven penises are shaped like a tuna can.
"When women see it, they say it's time for some more chicken of the sea."
- An episode of The Brian & Jill Show featured a picture of Jon Hamm Going Commando under his pants  such that "you can tell what religion he is." The next episode, Jon Hamm is too busy to come in and talk to them... so they interview his penis.
- In the The Last Podcast on the Left's series on Rasputin the Mad Monk, Rasputin's member is so large and so prominent in his story that one of the last Rasputin myths Marcus Parks makes it a point to dispel is that Rasputin's cock, currently on display in a big, big jar of fromaldihyde in St. Petersburg, is more likely a well-disguised horse cock. This prompts Henry Zebrowski to want to meet the painter who did the disguising. When referring to the animated Anastasia, they describe Rasputin's lantern as a giant green dildo.
- Ghost of True Capitalist Radio routinely claims he has a "fifteen and a half inch John Holmes sausage between [his] legs". In response, trolls make audio splices removing the "fifteen and a" part.
- Often used by Triple H in the new D-Generation X whenever referring to his and Stephanie McMahon's (legit) marriage as an in joke for the smarks.
- In early DX sketches back in the day, HHH would frequently make jokes about the size of his penis.
- For all of about two weeks in the WWE, Lance Storm was implied to be well-endowed.
- Subverted: By the cornerstone of MCW Romeo Valentino, who hid a double headed dildo in his trunks. Still, before it was revealed no one but his manager, Candi, wanted to be anywhere near his crotch.
- This was implied with Val Venis, who's gimmick was a wrestling pornstar. He damn near lost it when he allegedly slept with yakuza-member Yamazaki's wife but was apparently saved by some last-minute fear-shrinkage.
- Independent wrestler Andrew Everett had a situation during a tag match against Team Tremendous (who work a hammy 1980s-detective style of gimmick). Everett and his partner were in a Mexican standoff of sorts with TT, trading finger-gun mannerisms. After Everett's partner tagged him in, Everett's opponent accused the admittedly-endowed Everett of hiding a gun in his trunks (which ended the 'playtime', as the opponent had 'made it weird')
- In one episode of Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation, Jeremy asks Gordon Kennedy if it's true that Scotsmen in kilts don't wear underpants. Gordon replies that in his own case it's too risky since the kilt only goes down to the knees...
- New World of Darkness Armory references this in the segment on places to carry concealed weapons, noting that a bulge in a man's pants will likely be assumed to be "anything but a..um...small weapon".
- An old Burlesque joke, which shows up in The Sting, told by Leonard Barr, an old Burlesque comic. The punchline is, "Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
- Daniela implies this about Benny in In the Heights.
Daniela: They he's got quite a big..taxi.
Carla: I don't think I know what you mean.
Daniela: Carla! He's packing a stretch limousine!
- Australian stage act Puppetry of the Penis.
- Aristophanes' Lysistrata has all the men of Greece sporting comical erections as the women's sex strike breaks down their reserve. (In Greek thought, the size of a man's phallus indicated his self control — the smaller the better).
- Shin Megami Tensei has a long tradition of invoking this trope with some of their less savory characters. It is blatantly exaggerated as a Visual Pun with Mara◊, though other examples (none as extreme, though) include Pendragon◊, Cthulhu◊, Mishaguji, Incubus◊, and Ym◊. Some of these are justified, as they are entities meant to invoke the image of male lust. Mara, though, is the most infamous example, and often comes with a slew of Double Entendres acknowledging his/her phallic nature:
Mara: It will take only one thrust to penetrate your frail form and finish you off immediately!
Mara: Through my charms, your kind will reach their climax and...die!
The Terminal Guardian ("Intuitive Man" disguise): Even you won't be able to beat off this magnificent schlong. Hehe, get it? Beat off?
- Disgaea has the infamous equippable horse wiener. Now that's dangerous.
- Metal Gear:
- There's a Running Gag that Raiden, of all people, is absurdly well endowed. In Metal Gear Solid 2, if an alert is caused and Raiden gets back on the torture rack while naked, a soldier will come, investigate him, and be shocked and envious at the size. Later, Snake teases him about it - "Amazing how you can walk around". In Metal Gear Solid 4 Online, Vamp, when tranquilised, will say "Raiden... is so big..." In the Metal Gear Solid 2 comic book, we do actually get to see it, and it's halfway to his knees. (Flaccid. In sub-zero temperatures.)
- In Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, Para-Medic tells Big Boss about how Godzilla grew huge when he was exposed to nuclear radiation. Big Boss, who was exposed to a nuclear blast, suggests 'maybe that's why my pants have been so tight lately'.
- In Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, there is a radio ad for men with penises that get in the way of normal life. "Don't let your piece interfere with your peace of mind."
- Saints Row:
- The "Sex Appeal" slider in character creation increases the size of a male character's bulge (females get bigger breasts instead).
- The third and fourth games have the Penetrator, a 4 foot long floppy purple dildo used as a melee weapon.
- World of Warcraft has a few... phallic... landmarks, but the most obvious is probably located in the Badlands. Incidentally, in that general area, you participate in a series of quests entitled "The Day that Deathwing Came."
- also, the belts in that expansion were ludicrous in size.
- A very funny example from The Last of Us, when Ellie gets her hands on a gay porn magazine.
Ellie: "Whoa! How the- How does he even walk around with that thing!?"
- The Reverse Merman in BIT.TRIP Presents... Runner 2: Future Legend Of Rhythm Alien has, only technically covered by his tidy whities but far too massive to not notice, a truly massive pair of testicles. And is a fish from the waist up. None of this is ever explicitly commented on, but it's hard to not notice.
- A short-to-medium range field goal attempt in Mutant Football League will sometimes trigger this line:
Bricks (excited): I once saw a kicker make a kick like this with his extra leg! He used it like a golf club!Junior: That wasn't a leg, you moron, that was Tripod Jenkins. The one with the big schlong.
- Dragon Age: Inquisition has the option to romance Iron Bull, a Qunari. The character frequently alludes to how large his junk is, and there are several visual gags to that effect. Partially justified in that the Qunari are large in general. Plays with Bigger Is Better in Bed, in that Iron Bull is very sought after as a partner: but it turns out to be for more reasons than just his physical attributes. he is a very very sweet and protective Dominant.
- Implied in Sid Meiers Alpha Centauri by the quote for completing the secret project The Cyborg Factory:
- A handsome young Cyborg named Ace,
Wooed women at every base,
But once ladies glanced at
His special enhancement
They vanished with nary a trace.
— Barracks Graffiti, Sparta Command
- The male cast of Extracurricular Activities sports some very huge and noticeable bulges that seem impractical and uncomfortable to carry.
- Nekomaru Nidai of Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair has a comically large bulge in his pants. He's also The Big Guy, so is crotch is conveniently at just about your eye level whenever you walk up to talk to him.
- In Tomorrow's Nobodies, the eternally-naked Tito's censor bar is nearly as long as his leg.
- After the Hulk-like character Martin in The Adventures of Dr. McNinja averts Magic Pants, the titular character goes into the fetal position with his hands over his eyes and blubbers after, uhhh... noticing.
- Blur the Lines features a comic where Rick comments on the bulge of a store mannequin.
Rick: ...It's the dead of winter, his package shouldn't be nearly so pronounced...
- A College Roomies from Hell!!! strip in which Dave gets "brainwarped" (turned on to the point of incoherence) and takes his hand off the bag he's carrying, and it doesn't fall down.
- Inverted by Gaia Online. Johnny Gambino and Gino have both exposed themselves at some point in the comics, both with comically small censoring. Due to his Cloning Blues, the same can be assumed of Labtech X, which according to Fanon is why he has gigantic phallic crystals in the tunnel leading to his lair. Note: both Gambino's censor bubble and GinOverseer's lens flare censor are now equippable as the bonus poses in their respective dolls.
- Being a Sex Comedy, Ménage à 3 predictably gets some play with this trope, notably in the discussions of lead character Gary's "star power" and various female characters' attempts to sneak peeks. However, it's generally implied eventually that even the most fortunate of the male characters have pleasingly adequate but not excessive endowments.
- In the now-defunct Pantheon, the Greek god Priapus made some appearances. The early strips make no explicit reference, but he always appears with a covered wheelbarrow in front of him.
- In Peter Is the Wolf, there is one part of Peter that actually does get bigger when he wolfs out, much to the amazement of the women. The series has a 'Clean' version and an 'Adult' version; the latter makes it visibly clear that there is no exaggeration to the jokes made in the former: Let's just say that his girlfriend would not survive it in human form.
- Charlie in Rabbitual Offender proudly waves around his penis in every comic. While the size of his penis is unremarkable, and in fact, some might argue it's actually a Teeny Weenie. But the fact that Charlie is obviously so enormously proud of it makes it clear the author is keen on subverting the trope.
- Claiming Marten in Questionable Content has one of these was a running joke for a while. It's never actually been confirmed that he does, but Raven was convinced he did, and Dora has never argued the point.
- Hilariously averted in Steal This Comic. Our hero Devon is caught naked fleeing through a soccer game, and gets a censor bar in the front that offends his vanity. The replacement censor bar is well trope-worthy. (The censor bar in back is the punchline...)
- When Sluggy Freelance did a Voldemort parody, it recreated the scene where he goes from a shriveled infant to a grown man. Torg's response?
Torg: Are you sure you did the spell right? Why is his wee-wee still baby-sized?
- Sticky Dilly Buns:
- At one point, the comic features a guest appearance by Matt from its parent comic, where he'd previously been established as being very adequately endowed. That's then used for a joke.note
- There is also Andy, who at one point gives Ruby a cock ring, fitted for himself, as a gift. (It's a long story.) It's then mistaken for a bracelet... Much later, when those two get naked together, Ruby is quite impressed and actually surprisingly enthusiastic, providing that strip with a punchline. At that point, she's still a virgin and Andy is responding to stimulation, but she's seen plenty of yaoi by then, so she's likely got some comparative references.
- In You Damn Kid, an arc centers around the main character's father buying an enormous fake penis.
- In one chapter of Loxie And Zoot a police officer visiting the Bare Pit is worried that his penis is too small, so he wears a prosthetic penis. After it eventually comes off, he finds that no-one cares about the size of his real penis.
- The Bard God Tier outfit in Homestuck includes a Magnificent Codpiece.
- In Grrl Power, when Vehemence powers himself up with the energy he'd siphoned from the restaurant battle, his entire body increases and his pants tear. We are only shown the reactions of the other characters, which range from comically horrified (Halo) to disgusted (Maxima) to delighted (Dabbler, natch). Vehemence himself is embarrassed enough to conjure new (fitting) pants for the ensuing battle.
- In Ennui GO!, Noah is freakishly well-endowed; one of the comic's meta gags is that he's drawn with normal proportions rather than having his pants look like he's hiding a squirrel in there. Renee compares having sex with him to trying to sit on a lamp, and when she's having sex with Hiro in a later strip, she is happy to not feel like her organs are being rearranged.
- In The Order of the Stick, Elan apparently has one due to his maxed-out Charisma stat.
- Exaggerated and parodied in The Draw Play. "Big Dick" Nick Foles has one long enough to cover the 800 mile, or 1300 kilometer, distance between Jacksonville and Chicago. And he uses it to sign contracts, do no-handed pushups, or pour beer.
- In the commentary for one of the Leftover Soup strips, the author argues that clowns must have comically large penises, thusly: "As we all know, the size of a man's manhood is generally in proportion to his shoe size, and inversely proportional to the size of his vehicle. Clowns have riduculously large shoes and ridiculously tiny cars, hence the need for baggy pants."
- An Internet Chuck Norris Fact goes something like "Chuck Norris once walked down a busy city street with an erection. There were no survivors."
- Of course, he's got nothing on David Bowie.
- Another one simply states "horses are hung like Chuck."
- In Plague and Treachery on the Oregon Trail, the story is interrupted by "Dongs McGee" and his "knife".
- Hot Diggity Demon / Max Gilardi, known for the PONY.MOV series, opened an ask blog mostly focusing on the MOV version of Applejack, revealed to be known as Jappleack in the blog. One asker asked, "How long is your penis?" What resulted was this.◊ (Link is NSFW)
- This Gary Stu post of Mary Sue Problems shows that bigger isn't always better in bed by combining Bigger Is Better in Bed with Anatomically Impossible Sex.
- This Cracked article called "Horse Cock: A Life In 27 Inches". A man makes a book all about his "27-inch" penis. Naturally, it's full of Blatant Lies and everyone calls him out. He tries to convince people that he did have a 27-inch cock, but he got in a naked fight with an Iranian president using a butterfly knife after already having some inches bitten off by a wolverine. He even lies about his dick being strong, flexible, and prehensile enough to use in a fight.
- Brad Neely's take on George Washington is a variation of this, in that it isn't about size, but quantity.
"I heard that motherfucker had like 30 goddamn dicks."
- In one of the Rooster Teeth vines, Gavin returns from the doctor, concerned about his knob. Burnie starts to reassure him that it should be okay, only to be cut off by the table becoming unbalanced. Barbara says it's fine.
- Dragon Ball Z Abridged: At the end of the Cell saga, Android 18 goes to find Krillin to make good on a promise to herself to "rock his four-foot world". Once she gets him to understand what she's there for, he pulls down his pants, apologizing as he states he's a grower... and there's a thump as something hits the floor. Several hours later, Krilling has exploded his Krillin Owned Counter.
- One article of The Best Page in the Universe describes a visit Maddox made to the UAE (more specifically, Dubai) to confirm that the UAE did ban his website (as was reported by a fan in an email). While he was there, he also did a number of petty offenses to make the best of his time, including taking a photo of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest human-made structure in the world, with his raised legs on either side of the skyscraper to make the tower look like it's coming out from between his legs. Or as he calls it, a "cockery" (cock + mockery).
- JewWario as the aforementioned Jareth/"David Bowie from Labyrinth" in Suburban Knights. It gets weaponized. To paraphrase a Twitter fan after the first gag:
"What did you guys do, stick a banana down his pants?"
- During The Nostalgia Critic's It's a Wonderful Plot episode, his guardian angel Roger shows him that The Cinema Snob became a highly successful porn star with a penis they describe as "not human".
- In Fairy Tale Friday, it is Pinocchio's penis, rather than his nose that grows when he tells a lie.
- One Buzzfeed video had two guys — one gay, one straight — draw their ideal penis relative to their actual size, then were given silicone models based on their drawings. Although pixelation is used VERY generously, the models are clearly absurd — too big even to fit inside the guys' pants, let alone any human orifice. On the other hand, the gay guy did mention getting a little turned on when looking at his...
- Just Between Us has a gag dildo in "Should You Hide Your True Self to Make Friends?", one of their sponsored videos. It gets stuck to the table.
Allison: [strained] How do you get this amazing product? Go to adamandeve.com and use our promo code, "between", and you can get 50% off any product, including this huge dick.
- A pair of videos about "The Man with the World's Biggest Penis" showcase some inconveniences resulting from developing a dong almost as long as a leg.
"Do you know what it's like to not have a love life? If I even get slightly excited, I get lightheaded and pass out!"
- Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law:
- One episode features Inch-High Private Eye as the defendant. In one scene, set in a sauna, the literally inch-tall man whips off his towel in response to a comment disparaging his package. Cue Phil Ken Sebben: "Ha ha! (Shakes head, visibly disturbed) Not to scale..."
- An earlier episode features the Superfriends character "Apache Chief", who normally has the ability to expand his entire body to gigantic proportions, lose this ability after he spills hot coffee in his lap, leading to his problem being played as a euphemism for erectile dysfunction.
- Drawn Together likes this one.
- In a Survivor parody cut short, a naked Jeff Probst appears. The black censor box over his anatomy hangs past his knees. (The token gay character is rather upset when the cast members leave rather than face this 'physical challenge').
- In one scene, Captain Hero is taking a shower with an uber-macho Terminator knock-off. Hero's censor bar only goes down a couple of inches, while the android's is past his knees. The uncensored DVD version shows that the android's junk is the same size as Captain Hero.
- The Jew Producer's censor bar is huge. The uncensored DVD version shows it's not nearly that long.
- Family Guy:
- One episode revolves around Peter coping with his son's penis being so much larger than his. Including some of the least subtle Freudian imagery imaginable in a show on network television. When Lois confronts Peter about his envy, Peter and Lois sneak into Chris' room and see for themselves.
Lois: Oh my, no wonder he's always slouching.
- There's a Cutaway Gag involving Peter tying one end of a string to his penis and the other end to a car, which Brian then drives away at top speed. Cut to Peter sitting on the couch with a massive (as in, bigger than his head) bulge in his pants.
Brian: You know that would never work again in a million years.Peter: Don't need it to, Brian.
- During a local baseball game, cool black guy Jerome steps up to bat, but asks the pitcher to hold on a moment, as he needed to adjust himself. He reaches down and touches his ankle.
- One episode revolves around Peter coping with his son's penis being so much larger than his. Including some of the least subtle Freudian imagery imaginable in a show on network television. When Lois confronts Peter about his envy, Peter and Lois sneak into Chris' room and see for themselves.
- Tommy Lee, the drummer from Mötley Crüe, was shown in Celebrity Deathmatch knocking off an opponent by unzipping his pants and thrusting his massive boner to the other guy's eye. Essentially, the whole fight was one big Gag Penis gag. Tommy's opponent was equally famously endowed porn star Ron Jeremy, and both men were dressed in chicken suits so that the match could be billed as... the "Cockfight." Bet you saw that one coming (unlike poor Ron, who now needs an Eyepatch of Power).
- A skit of Robot Chicken based on The Surreal Life depicted Ron Jeremy using his erect member as a jousting lance.
- On an episode of ReBoot, Enzo and AndrAIa are in a Toon-style game. Towards the end of the game, the user is flashed by one of the binomes. With his back to the screen, he opens his coat... *THUD*
- In the Clone High episode where Joan pulls a Sweet Polly Oliver, Genghis Khan passes her in the locker room... accompanied by a dragging sound and Joan's shocked gasp.
- In an episode of The Boondocks, straitlaced lawyer Tom Dubois has a lifelong fear of being anally raped in prison; it opens with him having a nightmare involving a prison shower, an inmate with a swinging censoring mosaic reaching past his knees, and a dropped bar of soap... (There was no mosaic on the DVD, though.)
- South Park:
- In the episode "Erection Day", Jimmy has a nightmare in which his performance on stage is ruined by a boner of truly epic proportions.
- Another episode has Randy giving himself testicular cancer by exposing his genitals in a microwave. While Randy doesn't get a large penis, the resulting cancer gives him gag balls, causing his testicles to swell so massively that he has to bounce around down on them in order to move. The enlarged testicles cause Randy's wife to be more sexually active towards him and the cancer that Randy gave himself was to get free marijuana.
- The Simpsons:
- When Homer makes a dating video for Ned in one episode, Homer had evidently added generous pixelation to the shot of Ned showering.
- When Maggie was born, Homer confused the umbilical cord with genitalia. His remark before the clarification? "Ah, it's a boy... And what a boy!"
- There are more examples of Ned packing serious meat. From the suggestive "foot-long" scene between himself and Maude, through to his careful wearing of an EXTRA-LARGE fig-leaf when he plays Adam in one of his home-made Bible videos. And, given how modestly Christian he is, it's probably a safe bet that he isn't exaggerating...
- Referenced by Homer when the family goes to Japan and eats at an American restaurant. While seated at a table shaped like Massachusetts, Homer mentions that he "once knew a man from Nantucket". When asked for clarification by Bart, Homer responds that the stories were "greatly exaggerated."
- American Dad! parodied this along with the stereotype that African American males have large penises. Klaus, the goldfish with a German man's brain got his brain transplanted into a black man's body. He then proceeded to purchase condoms. At the drug store, he passes the smalls, passes the mediums, passes the larges, and finally pulls out a massive trash bag. After a few suggestive brow winks and hip thrusts, he fills the bag with boxes of medium-sized condoms.
- Also parodied in Virtual In-Stanity, where CIA employees have access to a control machine "like the one in Avatar". Dick uses it to control an enormous, veiny, black body-builder yet when going to buy condoms, he instead compares the XS and XXXS sizes, before going with the latter and asking an employee "if they shrink in the dryer."
- Cyril Figgis in Archer is stated to have a 12-inch penis, and went through surgery for a penis ensmallment. This extends to his Dreamland incarnation, where Archer and Poovey have a Stunned Silence after seeing it.
- A Danish series of cartoon shorts titled John Dillermand, is about the eponymous man whose penis is both prehensile and can stretch to several meters. He uses this stranger "superpower", covered by his bathing suit, to help out around his community; using it as a helicopter to fly in buckets of water or a distraction to a lion on the loose. It got some flack on news articles for being controversially targeted at children.