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WELCOME, ladies, gentlemen, and tropers, to Darth Wiki's Favorite Game Show...

WARP...THAT...AESOP!!!!!

Video Game Round! Ready...GO!

For a less warped version of this page, visit Sweeten That Aesop.

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Specific games:

    A to G 
  • Ace Combat:
    • War Is Hell... for the other guy. As it well should be.
    • Nuclear weapons are bad because men can only demonstrate their heroic mettle in the all-out combat of total war.

  • Age of Empires III: Indigenous peoples live to serve the White Man.
    • The Warchiefs: The Red Man can have them too if his tribe his powerful enough.
    • The Asian Dynasties: Same goes for non-mainstream religious sects.

  • Albion: People who look different from you and live in an exotic place all have only a single culture, are primitive and have little impact on things, which is the reason colonists from the same place you came from who look like you have almost entirely replaced them where they were aboriginal.

  • American McGee's Alice, Alice: Madness Returns, Fran Bow, etc: Therapy is EVIL, it's better to remain trapped in your psychotic (and often incredibly violent) delusions instead.

  • Angels of Death:
    • If you believe in God, you're just a mindless sheep who never thinks for themselves. The road to true tranquility and closure for yourself is agnosticism.
    • If you found out your parents got murdered, then dying is the answer, so you should go ask the nearest Ax-Crazy psychopath to kill you instead of getting any psychological help.
    • If the homeless orphan you took in openly admits to having killed people for no reason other than personal amusement, it's okay and you shouldn't worry about it.

  • Animal Crossing:
    • All you need to play metal/technopop/D&B/whatever is an acoustic guitar and your voice. Save the genre-appropriate instruments for the demo albums!
    • If you're afraid of bugs, don't take up a job that would get you away from them or seek therapy for it. Instead, take up a job where you're going to be exposed to bugs and talk about why you're scared of them to an audience that can't help you with your fears, thus making them worse!

  • Arma: Commit all the war crimes you want, you will never get punished for it.

  • Armored Core for Answer: Multiple Genocide is A-OK if you can kill all the good guys. The super company that set you up to die will even pay you millions if you survive instead of trying to kill you again!
    • Applies to the series as a whole. Who needs scruples, you're a mercenary! Money is your new god.

  • Akai Ito / Aoi Shiro: Having hot girl-on-girl action with your undead auntie will solve all of your problems.

  • Ar tonelico:
    • In the first game: If you're born into a situation where you have to sing a song in a dark and lonely place for all eternity to prevent a virus from getting out, you're a whiny little brat if you protest in the least about it; oh, and the guy who put you in that position doesn't deserve criticism from his son about it.
    • In the second game: conflicts can't be solved by making cruel people understand the feelings of those they harm, only by making those they harm be understanding to them, and if a character doesn't agree the fans will hate her as a manipulative bitch.
    • If you don't like your friend's personality or viewpoint, hack into her mind and change her yourself. She'll not only be grateful, she'll probably fall in love with you.

  • Asura's Wrath:
    • If it's not working, you're simply not angry enough.
    • There is no such thing as a problem that can't be solved by punching someone in the face.
    • Depression makes a great motivation.
  • Beyond: Two Souls: Are you deadly alone, missing loved ones and/or are generally insane. Well then just KILL YOURSELF and your mental state will return to when you were the most happy and sane and all your problem will go away in an instant (including your dead wife and kids coming back to you even after they told you they hated you 15 minutes ago).
  • BioShock
    • Bioshock:
      • An Objectivist society with no sense of charity or human rights will be a utopia unless it has a lot of technology. Isn't that what objectivism is about?
      • Alternatively, as seen in the late game and in the multiplayer mode of Bioshock 2: building a society on the premise of denying basic human rights to all but the wealthiest individuals is totally fine as long as you, yourself are the wealthiest individual in said society. If anyone ever starts to get more power and money than you the only reasonable response is to turn your followers into genetic freaks and send them off to defeat your rival's own army of genetic freaks by murdering mentally retarded giants and kidnapping little girls.
      • This sounds more like the intended aesop of the games.
      • Don't bother doing the right thing because you're probably being brainwashed into thinking it's "right".
      • Don't bother envisioning an alternate political or philosophical system because it will likely suck and not work.
      • A man is entitled to the sweat of his brow, but in the world above, the Parasite says NO. Cleansed of the Parasite and powered by the engine of a free market, only in Rapture can the Great Chain of Society draw forth the full potential of human achievement.
      • Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol is good for your health. The only negative side-effect of binge drinking is that you'll be dizzy for a few seconds and you'll lose a little bit of mana that gives you superpowers. Smoking cigarettes will replenish your superpowers, but is still bad for you.
      • Fighting and killing drug addicts and looting their corpses afterwards is very fun.
    • Bioshock Infinite:
      • Baptism turns you into a racist, genocidal madman.
      • Trying to overthrow a racist, oppressive theocracy is exactly the same as creating a racist, oppressive theocracy.
      • Eating an entire chocolate cake in one sitting is good for your health.
      • Smoking is bad for your health, be sure to eat whatever's in the trash to balance it out.

  • BlazBlue:
    • If you love someone, then joining a tyrannical organization who stores two Complete Monsters while abandoning other people that loved you and that you love back, as well as possibly murdering them for the sake of saving that loved one, is a completely acceptable action you should do ASAP! In the name of love!
    • Do not stick your dick in crazy. It's not just psychologically bad, it can literally end the world.
    • You want to accomplish your dreams? SWEET CRAP, NO. Don't ever do that!
    • How dangerous a monster is is inversely proportional to how horrifying it looks. The ever-shifting nightmare blob of living insects? Not that important. The little girl with purple hair and a dude in an orange hoodie? Kill them dead.
    • Some people never stop being suckers. Just tell her it's for justice and she'll gladly stab her best friends for you.
    • The primary role of siblings is to cause their other siblings trouble. There are no exceptions.

  • Bloodborne: Life is just one giant nesting doll of nightmares full of violence, pain and unfathomable horrors. Don't expect death to ease your suffering because there are other, tangentially related unfathomable horrors there waiting when you wake up from the first nightmare.

  • Borderlands:
    • Never be the first to complete your goal.
    • Literally every problem can be solved with guns. There is nothing worth talking over that a bullet can't fix for you.
    • Corporations are always evil, as are the people who work for them. From the people at the bottom to the highest CEO, they are always willing to commit war crimes, so kill them all.

  • Breath of Fire II:

  • Brink!: Your opposing side is evil and listening to their side isn't important. All that matters is the conclusions that you and your allies have come to.

  • Bully:
    • That creepy pupil who suffers from mental troubles (and has been off his meds for several weeks) and dresses up as a Nazi for Halloween is worthy of the academic staff's trust, and thus deserves to be nominated as prefect.
    • At school, you can abuse your schoolmates (and even the academic staff) as much as you want, with all the dangerous stuff you can get without real durable consequences; the worst that happens (if - and only if - you're caught) is listening to a sermon from the headmaster, and/or doing some disciplinary chores.
    • Being shot in the face with a spudgun or having fireworks exploding near your head doesn't have any long-term medical consequences.
    • High school's drawing lessons teach how to kiss.
    • If an important sporting match is disturbed by a pupil trespassing on the football field, which triggers a huge brawl between said trespasser and the football team, with explosives and in front of the whole school, no disciplinary measure will be done after the events.

  • Call of Duty:

  • Castlevania:
    • Castlevania: Lament of Innocence: Don't grieve the death of your loved ones, or you'll become a psychotic madman who wants to destroy the whole world. Actually, grieve only a little and then forget about them: you'll get a cool whip weapon and the power to kill an entire time of day!
    • Castlevania: Curse of Darkness: Only the death of YOUR beloved matters and is a tragedy. We don't talk about the people you helped your former employer kill.
      • Once again, don't grieve the death of your loved ones. You'll just bring back the Big Bad to wreak havoc on the world. Plus, you'll be rewarded with a hot girl who looks exactly like your dead wife!
      • You should trust every stranger you come across, even if they tell you to abandon your quest or want to fight you for weird reasons. Except for the one who actually leaves you be.
    • Castlevania: Symphony of the Night: Peace is boring. Why have the Big Bad come back only once a century when you can bring him back again to have some more fun?
      • You should simply forgive the people that murdered your spouse. Even if that's the second time you lost your wife.
    • Castlevania II: Simon's Quest: Free free to resurrect a demon from Hell if it might solve minor personal medical issues.
    • Castlevania: Circle of the Moon: Having emotions makes you vulnerable to mind control. Don't have emotions.
    • The 3D games and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin: Battles to the death are just that. Don't bother trying to spare the other guy's life after you beat him down. The reaper's coming for him anyway.
    • Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia: Anything worth accomplishing in life, whether good or evil, can only be achieved by killing yourself. Consider killing yourself so that better people don't have to.
    • Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2: It's foolish to think God is on your side, even if you've sworn to live and fight in His name. The guy who hates your God and wants to kill your race? That's what a true hero is!

  • The Cat Lady:
    • Feeling down? Your entire life has been ruined in an instance? Have no desire to go on living? Don't worry, here's a great coping mechanism: hunt down five dangerous serial killers, kill them, and everything will go back to normal.
    • Sometimes - just sometimes - cancer patients will turn completely healthy for no obvious reason.

  • Cave Story:
    • You will not get anywhere in your life unless you steal from elderly people!
    • Also, if you see an elderly person in mortal danger, just ignore them and leave. They'll be fine, and they'll show up later to give you a cool present. In fact, if you don't ignore them, they'll die, and give you a crappier version of the present.

  • Changed: Furries are terrible beasts, who will turn you into their kind if you aren't careful. Stay as far away from them as possible, if you want to keep your humanity and continue your survival in this wretched world.

  • Chip's Challenge: Your crush sends you on a blatant hazing ritual that could kill you thousands of times over? Just listen to your groin!

  • Chrono Cross: When given the option to commit genocide and destroy an ecosystem to save one life, do it. The karma earned from such a caring act will negate most of the negative consequences. Besides, someone else was bound to do the deed anyway; might as well have an actual reason, right?

  • Civilization:
    • All civilians are nothing more than tools to be used by their political leaders for the purpose of conquering and subjugating all foreign powers, or at the very least achieving world domination. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an enemy agent trying to incite rebellion in you and your civic neighbors and needs to be executed immediately.
    • Genocide is okay if it helps you Take Over the World. Mandatory deaths of half a city's population upon its capture, excusable. Razing the entire city and replacing it with a settlement of your people, strategically advantageous.
    • Becoming extremely rich, exploring other planets, or having lots of pretty buildings will cause you to rule the world, even if half your civilization has been overrun and twenty tanks are right outside your capital.
      • Speaking of pretty buildings, in Civ V they are the only way to enact social policies. Any civilization without them must be an anarchy.
    • Gandhi was actually a monstrous psychopath who wants to develop nuclear weapons and blow up every other civilization. Especially yours.
    • Some races are just naturally better at researching than others.
    • Civilization V: The best (certainly easiest) way to be known as a great diplomatic figurehead is to shower auxiliary parties in gold until they decide to return the favour. It's not bribery, it's a series of diplomatic gifts.
    • Civilization I: Might Makes Right. Diplomatic treaties and promises can be broken at your convenience. As long as you have a strong army, nobody will think worse of you for it.

  • The Colonel's Bequest: Never take showers, even when visiting friends. You shouldn't need to be told this; after all, someone was killed in a shower once in a movie.

  • Command & Conquer: Red Alert Series: All Russians are evil and treacherous Dirty Commies, and all Americans are good and honest protectors of democracy, and those who don't match this description are either enemy spies or don't live long.

  • Conker's Bad Fur Day: Need money? Well, you're gonna have to kill a bunch of innocent animals to get it.
    • A complete idiot who doesn't know how gravity works deserves to be king.

  • Control:
    • The only way to make it in a government bureaucracy is blind luck.
    • You want a job? Play a game of Russian Roulette and no one will question it.

  • Cooking Mama: Women shouldn't perfect their speaking skills or get a career. They should just look cute and Stay in the Kitchen.

  • Corpse Party:
    • Women need a man to save them otherwise they will get themselves killed or go crazy.
    • That guy who looks after you, protects you and saves you every time you're in life-threatening danger? It's perfectly okay to be mean to him and whine about how bland he is compared to your crush. This won't upset him at all because he loves you.
    • Childhood friends are automatically entitled to each other and always crush on one another. You're crushing on one of them? Stop it, you're getting in the way of the two, even if it's unknown if they will act upon it or not.
    • If you hear your brother talk to a ghost that keeps saying someone's name with hatred, when you met that person be sure to follow them and stay by them.
    • You are in a sanity-breaking situation? Watch and analyze some dead corpses, but be sure that they aren't your friends, because only then that is bad.

  • Crash Bandicoot
  • Crash Team Racing:
    • Go-karting can save the world!
    • Anyone and everyone has a race-car on-hand, knows how to use it and can play for keeps with it.
  • Crash Bash: Party games can tip the scale of Good and Evil itself.
  • Crash Twinsanity: A sense of humor and acapella can save anything no matter how many bugs your game has.

  • Danganronpa:
    • All masochists are evil murderers.
    • Trying to stop a sociopath from torturing people via a killing game will just make things worse. Itís better to just sit around hoping itíll solve itself. Preferably while wearing a ton of eyeliner.
    • It doesnít matter how many people you murder if youíre a good friend and your victims are strangers to your friends. This appears no less than six times, five of which are all in the same timeline. Admittedly, four are children with severe PTSD, but they also killed millions.
    • Based on fandom reaction, killing billions of people is less amoral than banging your sister.
    • It doesnít matter how hard youíve worked to save humanity if your beliefs are opposed to your universeís flavor of chosen one. You will lose everything youíve ever loved or cared for and end up Walking the Earth.
    • When given the choice between staying in the closet and dooming humanity or being outed and stopping the end of the world, itís better to live a lie and get billions killed so you can still be around your crush.
    • Anime and memes are the greatest threat to humanity.
    • Paranoid people are trash who need to die shittingly instead of (insert victim's name here). Serial killers, however, are fair game.
    • Reality TV is evil and exploitative.

  • Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair: If you ever try to better yourself, you will end up destroying the world.

  • Dark Souls
    • General:
      • Don't expect things to get any better or worse. History is just a repeating cycle of conflict and suffering and you can only hope you don't survive it before it escalates.
      • Your fears are well-founded; everyone is out to get you.
      • Religion may make you feel better in times of suffering, but it just perpetuates that suffering and should not be trusted.
    • Dark Souls 1:
      • God is dead and an asshole.
      • Don't be fooled. Authority figures who say they know better actually don't.

  • Dawn of War: Diplomacy is never a legitimate option. Even between sides who should be on the same side.

  • Dead or Alive:
    • All women have large tits that defy physics, and all of them have no qualms about beating you senseless.
    • Inviting these violent women to a secluded island with a volleyball net will cause them to forget everything about fighting and break out the Les Yay.
    • Ninjas might have katanas that can slice through helicopters or magic that can destroy an entire skyscraper, but they are too honorable to use those things if you challenge them to a one-on-one battle.

  • Dead Rising: The mentally ill are all violent psychopaths and you get cool stuff and extra points for killing them.

  • de Blob:
    • Society doesn't need boring, dull things like banks or companies or warehouses. Just lots of people having fun all day!
    • The more active a revolutionary group are and the more they make their presence in an area visible, the longer it will take the police to track them down.

  • Deltarune: Just because your choices don't matter doesn't mean you can't force others to do your dirty deeds for you.

  • Demon's Souls: Ambition Is Evil and literally Satanic!

  • Destroy All Humans!

  • Detroit: Become Human:

  • Deus Ex:
    • Invisible War: Loyalty and commitment are for wussies. You can swap sides in a conflict at a whim - everybody will welcome an inveterate turncoat with open arms even they are among the long list of people you've already betrayed.
    • Leaving humanity alone and allowing it to progress naturally and sort its shit out is not by all means a valid option - no, if you want to save the world (not that anybody asked you to), you have to interfere with the natural course of things as much as possible.
    • If it turns out that the Information Age took away our freedom and privacy, the only way to fix that is to plunge the world right back into the dark ages and try again.
    • Painkillers and alcohol are a winning combination. And they have no lasting damage to your health.

  • Devil May Cry:
    • Religions are evil. Either the deity or its worshippers are bad, so don't have one! Also, demons may be good, but angels are always bad!
    • If you have the feeling that an influential religious leader is evil, go ahead and kill him: you will be right!
    • It's okay to mock someone's speech impediments if you're the hero and he is a bad guy.
    • Fathers who abandon or abuse their children are jerks... Except for those in the protagonist's family. They have their reasons and should be given a second chance.
    • You shouldn't be mad at your father, even if they abandoned you as a child, mutilated you and caused the near destruction of your world because of his childhood traumas. He will get better, honest! Even if all he does is give you a book and help clean up the mess he caused in the first place!
    • Violence is truly the best solution to any problem. Even against yourself: Have the right weapon impale you through the chest and get awesome powers!
    • It's wrong to say your ally is too weak to fight a very specific enemy who is kicking your asses. He will think you hate him and spend a month trying to get even with you!

  • Dicey Dungeons:

  • Disgaea 3:

  • Dishonored: The best way to prove you're innocent of a murder you didn't commit is by murdering people.

  • Doki Doki Literature Club!:
    • The best way to a girl's heart is through her vocabulary. The best way to a man's heart, however, is through mind hacking.
    • If someone you know is suicidal, there's nothing you can do to help them. They will just kill themselves anyway, so why bother trying?

  • Donkey Kong Country Returns: The good guys are Donkey Kong and Cranky Kong, gorillas, Diddy Kong, a chimp, and Squawks, a parrot. The hypnotized animals are an elephant, a giraffe, a zebra, hippos, and a squirrel. These are all animals native to Africa. The Tikis, on the other hand, originate from Polynesia. Therefore, Africans are either apes or poor victims of exploitation incapable of fending for themselves, while Polynesians are resource-stealing savages that come from the deepest pits of hell (hence, the Volcano) to bring havoc across the face of the earth.
    • In general: Apes can swim. Screw that scene from Planet of The Apes: they can!

  • Don't Starve:
    • Your hallucinations really are out to get you, and the best way to deal with them is to kill them.
    • Getting wet will make you go insane, as will sneezing too much.
    • The only foods you will ever need are meatballs and Polish dumplings.
    • Punching butterflies makes an excellent food source.
    • From the Possessions short: Trying to stop your friend from hurting people will lead to terrible consequences for everyone involved. It's much better to just give in to the peer pressure and join them in committing atrocities.

  • .hack//G.U.: Kids, never look for a legendary-rumoured item while playing an MMORPG - doing so will lead your or one of your friends to be trapped in the game forever, and unleash a menace that threatens to destroy the WORLD!!!

  • Double Dragon:
    • If more than one man saves a damsel in distress they must fight to the death over her after defeating the villain. (Also endorsed by Castle Crashers!)
    • Nothing wins a girl's heart like beating your best friend to death after rescuing her from danger.

  • Dragon Age: Origins: Never try to do anything good or altruistic. At the least, you'll simply screw yourself out of some cash or other goods that you could use. At the worst, you screw over a whole lot of people down the line.
  • Dragon Age II: Attempting to compromise is pointless. Only extremists can accomplish anything. Also, the best person to judge the fate of a mass murderer is someone who is known for being their associate, friend, or lover, and expecting them to fairly mete out justice is not misguided or cruel in any way.
    • The best people to watch over potentially dangerous people are those from an order institutionally prejudiced against said group. Their methods are always justified because if you treat said people humanely, they will betray you every time.

  • Dragon Vale:

  • Dr. Mario:
    • The cure to any disease is to swallow dozens of pills at a time.
    • There is no such thing as an overdose until the pills no longer fit in the bottle.
    • Anyone and everyone is qualified to get a doctorate and practice medicine. Children? Sure, why not. Villains? Go ahead. Villainous children? A bright future for pharmacy awaits us all.

  • Duke Nukem Grossly objectifying women is just fine, so long as you commit xenocide.

  • Dwarf Fortress:
    • If a neighboring country asks you to take it easy with the deforestation, it's your imperative to raze them all, and when those foreigners object, hack them up for good measure. Shave the Earth!
    • Having trouble with deadly wildlife? Flood the whole place with lava!
    • Puppies are an acceptable, and renewable, solution to feeding the hungry!
      • NONONO!!! NO KILLING FUTURE WAR DOGS! Now, kittens on the other hand...
    • Chaining people up, forcing them to breed and drowning their kids is good for the economy!
    • Liberal application of magma is the best way to resolve an overpopulation/immigration crisis.

  • EarthBound (1994) and Mother 3: Fat kids are evil.

  • Earthworm Jim: Is some guy holding your hundreds of brothers and sisters hostage? Just throw a bomb!

  • Ecco the Dolphin: Defender of the Future: Enslaved r- species are inherently dumber than their conquerors. There is no other possible reason why they were defeated.

  • The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind Morrowind:
    • It's okay to run around stark naked as long as you have even a belt on. No one will notice anything.
    • Don't try to be heroic, because you will only screw people over.
    • If you've killed someone and feel bad about it, the rational solution is to kill them again.
    • If you've lived four thousand years and still can't get any, solve this problem by creating female clones of yourself and sleep with them instead.
    • Recruiting people by trying to murder them is a logical idea.
  • The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion ~ Quest: Paranoia...If you are a loner, you clearly are a paranoid nutcase who thinks there's this conspiracy by everyone else in the town to kill you.
    • Alternately, if you believe that someone it trying to kill you, the logical response is not to report it to the local guards, but to seek out and pester that mysterious newcomer decked head-to-toe in heavy Daedric armor and carrying a greatsword with a soul trap enchantment. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
  • The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim:
    • Any problem can be solved by yelling at it loud enough.
    • Police officers will kill you for killing someone's chicken or stealing a sweet roll.
    • Animals all want to kill you, so the logical thing is to kill them first. Don't worry about silly things like endangered species or destroying nature's delicate balance.
    • The only reason you should do someone a favor or make friends with someone is so you can get a valuable item in return. Or so you can use them as enslaved pack-mules for your long journeys. Or so you can kill them with the demonic sword that gets stronger when you specifically kill people who think of you as a trusted friend with it.
    • Alcohol gives you stamina, so you should drink a lot of it. You will still be fully alert enough to swing a sword after downing ten bottles of wine or mead.
    • Someone saves your life? Spend the whole game hunting them down!
    • If you're rich enough, you can get away with literally anything, even murdering an entire town (sadly, Truth in Television).
    • If you're a father/mother, there's no reason you should stay home with your family and spend time with them more than five percent of the time, because that's too boring and there are adventures to be had.
      • Parenting consists of playing tag with your kid once every two weeks and giving them an apple or a dagger forged from the heart of a demon or something before you leave again.
    • If you find a child who's run away from the orphanage he was living in to his dead parent's home and he asks you to murder the orphanage's bully of an owner you should definitely go through with it and then leave the child at the empty house after he pays you. Don't bother finding someone with the proper authority to help him or take him in as your own.
    • Freedom of religion and the freedom to worship who you want is an awful concept. All these rights do will make you rebel against your government, become a traitor, murder politicians, and turn you into a self-centered bigoted imbecile.

  • Enter the Gungeon: Shooting things with random bullshit you find in some dungeon will give you a chance to go back in time and undo your past mistakes. Fail, and you'll have to do it all over again... and again... and again until you succeed.

  • Epic Mickey, Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two: Hey kids! Are you dealing with bullies or people who are in any way against you? Just grab some paint and throw it at them, after a good soaking they won't be mad, they'll become instantly loyal to you! Oh, and don't worry if you get some on nearby buildings or trees, you'll end up making them prettier! It's not vandalism if it looks nice!
    • If you're unpopular, you'll be sent to a nearly run-down world with a bunch of other unpopular people that's prone to monsters and natural disasters.
    • If you cause a cataclysmic event that almost destroys an entire kingdom, brings about a giant monster that traps the leader's wife in stone, and probably killed millions of other people, you barely face any consequences.

  • Eternal Darkness: Evil demigods can only be defeated through the power of other evil demigods. So, if you're afraid of going to Hell and being tormented by Satan, you don't want Jesus. Start worshipping Nyarlathotep.

  • Evan's Remains: It's perfectly reasonable to lie to and murder someone who's dying, so long as they die happy.

  • Eversion:
    • If you don't change the world, you'll be stuck where you are forever. If you do change the world, you'll make it Hell.
    • Your world is a lie and in reality far more horrible than you can imagine. But don't try finding out, because you'll turn out just as horrible too.

  • Exit Fate: You're just an Unwitting Pawn of your parent(s), who decided to live vicariously through you, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

  • Fable II:
    • It's quite alright to destroy the lives of five people, one of which is your own niece/nephew who will spend 10 years alone in a black magic tower, one who will end up abandoning her faith and losing her father, one who will become insane and want to reshape the world, one who will be endlessly stalked by the former and one who will become immortal and suffer a life of loneliness just so long as you get some nice real estate with a view.
    • The second game takes place a long time after the first one, making it impossible for Sparrow to be the first protagonist's child unless (s)he was Really 700 Years Old. Also, Reaver's not lonely, he's just a dick.
  • Fable III: Balancing expensive but benevolent social and environmental programs against expensive but necessary defense programs is hard, so just invest all your money in real estate until you can afford to fully fund both out of your own pocket. Autocratic land barons are the real cure to all of society's ills!

Fallout:

  • General:
    • You can balance out killing and enslaving good people, by killing and enslaving bad people.
    • The world will ultimately be destroyed by Chinese Communism.
    • Stealing, even from evil people, is bad. However murdering evil people, cutting off their fingers, and then selling them is not just okay, it is the right thing to do. This even applies if they did not shoot first.
  • Fallout 2: Killing prostitutes, with the exception of a couple of named ones, is a moral act.
  • Fallout 3:
    • Enslaving people who rape, kill and dismember for fun is just wrong. Beating them to death with a sledgehammer is okay though.
    • It's more than perfectly acceptable to send a scared 19-year-old kid who just left his vault looking for his/her dad into the worst part of DC where super mutants are in abundance to repair the GNR radio all just so he/she can know where his/her dad went.
    • If your most hated person (who happens to be a doctor) just left the vault, it's more than perfectly reasonable to have the only other doctor in the vault beaten to death, plunge the entire vault into mayhem, threaten your own child, have anyone caught outside their bedroom shot on sight. All so you can locate the doctor's kid.
    • And don't even bother to check the kid's room before you do all that.
    • Leaving people's minds enslaved in a virtual reality is evil. Terminating them all before leaving their former warden in the same prison should cleanse your conscience.
  • Fallout 4:
    • The only sensible solution to a faction war is to effectively kill everyone unless you're the only person in charge, in which case you can decide not to I guess.
    • The government propaganda about nuclear war is right. Buy up shares in government safety bunkers today!

Far Cry

  • Far Cry 4: It is perfectly acceptable to let a cruel and abusive dictator rule a country because the people who wish to remove him from power are worse than heíll ever be.
  • Far Cry Primal: A bunch of cannibalistic cavemen are dying of a sickness contracted from consuming your people? You'd better kill the lot of them without mercy, just like they nearly did to your people!
  • Far Cry 5:
    • Trying to arrest a psychopath who is clearly breaking the law will result in thousands of people dying from a nuclear war caused by factors entirely out of your control, so why bother? Let him be!
    • Doomsday prophets are always right about the end of the world. You should always listen to them.
    • For law enforcement dealing with a large criminal group, send as few officers there to deal with them. They should be well trained enough to handle the overwhelming odds, so donít bother to waste resources.

Fatal Frame

  • Final Fight 2:

  • Five Nights at Freddy's:
    • Never work the night shift. Ever.
    • Also, for the entire series as a whole: STRANGER DANGER! Never, under any circumstances, follow a beckoning stranger. Yes, even if they do appear to be cute and cuddly.
    • Children don't die when murdered, instead their souls inhabit animatronics.
    • For World: See a rainbow in the sky? Itís really the biggest asshole you'll ever meet who wants you dead for no good reason.

  • Friday Night Funkin':
    • Just like Parappa, all you have to do to win a rap battle is repeat the opponent's lyrics right back at them.
    • Rap is the most powerful force in the universe, as anyone who wants to kill you can be instead convinced to spare you if you win a rap battle against them. This includes assassins, demons, monsters, vengeful spirits and more. If your rapping skills are good enough, nothing and nobody can ever harm you.

  • Genshin Impact: If you pull dangerous and life-threatening stunts, the gods will reward you with superpowers!

  • Ghost of Tsushima:
    • Rules of engagement are for losers.
    • Bad guys are clever and good guys aren't. If you try being clever against them, that makes you a bad guy too.
    • Killing people is only good if you do it with a sword. Do it any other way and that makes you a murderer.
    • Better to die alone than live to save innocent lives.
    • Only the ruling class and the law enforcement that works for them are allowed to perform violence of any kind. If the working class does it, even in self-defense against criminals and occupying armies, that makes them just as guilty of their crimes and must be put to death.

  • Ghost Trick: Headphones are the root of all evil.

  • Gitaroo Man: You are a complete failure at life unless you happen to be a legendary hero. You can also be a two-timer just because the other girl is from another planet and looks like your crush. And punching the smug bastard who she's with means that you're a real man.

  • Gone Home:
    • Love is worth any sacrifice. Even if that means you must abandon your morals, your dream career, and your family.
    • There's nothing wrong with stealing.

  • Gradius: A word to any evil alien races out there - when designing your battleships, their cores should be protected by several easy-to-destroy gates and nothing more.

  • Grand Theft Auto:
    • Kill them all. No, really. Anyone who doesn't have it coming will respawn if the paramedics don't save them.
    • Don't worry about being shot by the police, you'll just wake up later in a hospital and there will be no further legal consequences to your crimes, no matter how many people you shot or purposely ran over.
    • Getting shot by the police is preferable to being arrested. The former carries no serious consequences, the latter costs you all your ammo.
      • Losing your ammo is the most severe legal consequence that can possibly happen to you.
    • You can get away with murder if you aren't seen committing the crime or the police lose sight of you for an arbitrary amount of time. The case will be dropped straight away.
    • Grand Theft Auto IV: Don't try to make a deal to get out of the job safely, otherwise your cousin will be killed in his own wedding.
    • Grand Theft Auto V: To help produce a movie, you need to kill anyone who is threatening the production of the movie and coerce the actors into appearing in the movie by threatening to drop them out of a helicopter.

  • Green Hell:
    • The most important step when starting a fire is to scream "BITCH!" at the top of your lungs.
    • If you find yourself lost and alone in the wilderness with no supplies, your first priority should be to get off your face on hallucinogenic drugs.

    H to M 
  • Halo: To save humanity from extinction from aliens or itself, you just need to kidnap children and turn them into super soldiers and then make another generation of mass produced ones from orphans to slow down the aliens.
    • All alien religions are untrue, immoral, and [[Belief Makes You Stupid, make aliens act on dumb decisions that can screw their entire race and the universe over]]. If you want an alien to turn good and loving towards humans, then convert them to atheism.

  • Harvester:
    • Playing a crappy Murder Simulator will turn you into a violent serial killer and cannibal. (To be fair, this was probably a Spoof Aesop.)
    • It's not corporal punishment if you use a baseball bat instead of a rod!
    • It's not a good idea to kill homeless people because who will pay for their graves?
    • If someone dies due to faulty wiring this is entirely your fault, not the fault of the person who installed the wiring.
    • Murder is always the simplest solution to any problem.

  • The Harvest Moon series: The surest way to get people to be your friend is bribery. True Love takes even more of that.
    • Everyone you know is a complete ingrate who will complain and lower their opinion of you if you give them a gift they happen to dislike.
    • The most heinous crimes known to man are littering and cruelty to animals.
    • When you are pregnant/sick/tired, you have to do your farmwork. Under no circumstances should your less-fragile, stronger husband give you a hand.
    • You have to buy/achieve all the requirements for marrying your boyfriend/girlfriend while they don't have to break a sweat to make it happen.
    • A Wonderful Life has this: You're a monster, no matter what you do. Marrying someone? Her/His rivals will hate you forever, even if you did nothing to woo them. Not deciding to marry at all? Tough luck, one day you will marry no matter what you say, and her/his rivals will still hold you accountable for it and hate you.
    • Farm work is all cutesy sunshine and happiness! It doesn't involve mucking poop or castrating pigs. In fact, pigs don't even exist!
      • To add to the last one, pigs are not considered cute, therefore they're not farm animals.
      • However pigs can help you find rare truffles. Goats on the other hand (In Wonderful Life at least) will become The Load after they give milk for a year.
    • If you take care of your crops, they will grow to the size of your head.
    • Your village/town folk are worthless without your impact, both socially and essentially.
    • Animal Parade: Your rivals will make no move on their love interest unless you befriend them. In fact, you can control people's relationships like a matchmaker!
    • If your animals die of old age, it's all your fault and the villagers will hate you. How could you let your animals die naturally, you sick bastard?
    • Force feeding your child candy once a month will make him/her grow.

  • A Hat in Time: Wanting to stop the bad guys from hurting everyone makes you the true villain, because at least the bad guys are entertaining!

  • Hatoful Boyfriend:
    • Zoophilia is just awesome.
    • A meta-example: Sadist necrophiliac cannibalistic genocidal Yandere fat hohoho-ing partridges make the best and most memorable and popular characters.

  • Hearts of Iron:
    • Take Over the World! When taking over the world, siding with the Nazis is your best bet for doing so.
    • All political ideologies are morally equivalent. If there was any moral difference between fascism an liberal democracy, the game would have shown it to me!
      • In Fact, Democracy Sucks. You just sit around all game and do nothing fun while the totalitarian regimes expand and develop. So, it's CLEARLY better to change your idelogy to one of theese two - the people's will be damned!

  • Hell Pie: God gives everything evil people want to them and will do nothing when good people are Trapped in Villainy.

  • Heroes of Might and Magic:

  • Hollow Knight: Showing even a sliver of compassion for your child that you intend to sacrifice for the greater good will cause everything to go to hell. Instead, you should put your hope in the other child, who you abandoned for dead for not being perfect, because never experiencing love makes them so much better at saving the world. And even though you were nothing but cruel to them for the entirety of their short existence, they will dream of nothing more than giving up their life for the sake of you and your kingdom.

  • Horizon Zero Dawn: Belief Makes You Stupid and is bad for individual people, but it's preferable to science because it makes evil robot dinosaurs that destroy worlds.
  • Horizon Forbidden West: Going hunting by yourself is incredibly dangerous and makes you an idiot... unless you're the Player Character, which automatically makes you a One-Woman Army covered in Plot Armor. Best find a Player Character and have them do all the work because the rest of you are hopeless without them.

  • The House of the Dead: Researching how to reanimate the dead is alright if it'll save your son.
  • The House of the Dead 2 and 4: Humans Are Bastards and should meet death by zombie invasion—I mean, be brought back in line with other mammals.}

  • HuniePop: Sleeping around is fine if you have a love fairy on your side. Also, girls are worthless to you after you've had sex with them once.

  • Iji:

  • inFAMOUS 2:
    • Humans Are Special so when given the chance to maybe save them of a disease by killing untold millions around the world including yourself, accept it otherwise you're an evil and selfish jerk.
    • Alternatively go ahead and destroy society and even more untold millions, it's not like every Differently Powered Individual, including yourself, is an unhinged mass-murdering jerk. Social Darwinism works great!

  • Injustice: Gods Among Us: Putting a beloved character in a world where they don't belong will make them hated.
  • Injustice 2: Killing is wrong, even if there are truly dangerous villains who are causing the deaths of many innocents. And you're never wrong for refraining yourself from killing your Arch-Enemy who has killed millions of people, including your former best friend's wife, which begun his path to villainy.

  • I Wanna Be the Guy:
    • Wanna be an all-out badass? Kill your father.
    • The Universe is inherently unfair and will kill you at any chance it gets.
      • That's right. Everything's out to get you. You're not safe, no matter where you go. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A REPRIEVE FROM A UNIVERSE THAT SEEKS NOTHING BUT YOUR DEATH. G'night, Billy!
      • Even Gravity will spontaneously reverse itself on a whim just to fuck you over.
    • Apples don't fall up, but if they're really more like giant cherries, it's fine.

  • Jade Empire: Training awesome martial arts skills while professing a belief in peace and harmony, before brutally decapitating soldiers who are only fighting you because it's their job, is absolutely fine and not at all hypocritical.

  • Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy: Men should study the fundamental forces of the universe, women should go out of their way to wear the most Stripperiffic costume they can find.
  • Jak II: Renegade: Attempting to open new routes to explore will only result in a horde of scuttling bug monsters destroying most of civilisation.
  • Jak 3: Wastelander: It's OK if you've spent the entirety of history pretending to be all-powerful energy beings as long as you're willing to fire a planetary defense grid at a target that would gleefully have killed you as well if it arrived.
    • It's okay to reject help from your friends and then change your mind five minutes later! They won't chew you out on it at all!
  • Jak X: Combat Racing: No matter how anyone else on your team does, if you personally don't do so well you'll all still lose, even if that rather explicitly isn't part of the rules. By extension, your teammates are parasites who don't do shit to help out, yet bask in your reflected glory all the way to the grand final.
  • The Lost Frontier: You should feel free to go from helping out the apparently noble civilization to joining forces with a pirate who tried to kill you not three days ago, just because your girlfriend says you should.

  • Kana: Little Sister: Never ever have a girlfriend or your sister, who is long beyond her life expectancy, will die a painful death.

  • Katamari Damacy:
    • Every time your dad screws up, you have to fix things for him.
    • By rolling up every human, animal, and structure on Earth (including entire countries) and turning them into stars. But don't worry, it's not like stars are actually blazing hot masses of energy that will effectively incinerate anything on the surface of the Katamari during transformation...
    • God will send his only son to crush you and your entire town to fix the mess that he himself caused. And if he's not satisfied? Oh well! He'll just vaporize you into stardust!
  • We Love Katamari: It's totally acceptable for you to ask space aliens to destroy entire cities and even entire planets just to give you something to look at in the sky.

  • Katawa Shoujo:
    • You're not alone, and you're not strange. You're you, and everyone has damage. Unless you like guys while being a guy. In that case, you need to fall down and die.
    • True beauty is on the inside. And on whatever's left of the outside, too. After all, even the blind girl knows how important it is to look your best!
    • Putting bros before hoes is deadly.
    • Emi's Route: Remember, your pain is more important than the feelings of others. You're allowed to toy with their emotions as long as you have an excuse.
    • Shizune's Route: Being aggressive to the point of pushing people away isn't a problem, you'll find new people who will tolerate you.
    • Rin's Route: Don't try to understand the world, expect it to understand you and never back down. Hell, destroy your career out of a confusing disinterest, nothing really matters because it doesn't make sense.
    • Lilly's Route: If you get with a friend who has a clingy shy friend, you basically just inherited a daughter.
    • Hanako's Route: Depressed people just need to be left alone for extended periods of time without eating. No intervention needed.

  • Kena: Bridge of Spirits: A true community leader must do nothing to save his people from dying of starvation. He should just accept it as a part of life, or else he will turn evil.

  • Kid Icarus: Uprising: Floor ice cream gives you health!

  • King's Quest VI: When dealing with a murderer, don't do things half-assed. Don't simply rush in, stop his plans and save everyone else. To be a true hero, you have to bring his victims back from the dead, too!
    • Don't have the right ingredient for something? That's okay, just throw in something that's barely even related and it'll work just the same.
    • And as in all King's Quest games, it's okay to steal if you're royalty!

  • Knights of the Old Republic: Mind Rape is all or nothing — either install a completely new mind from scratch or don't do it at all; never fuck about with the minor stuff such as landing fees. (Unless you bring Jolee Bindo with you.)
    • Knights of the Old Republic II: Everything you've ever done has only caused other people to suffer. No exceptions. Also: I'm right and you're wrong. No exceptions.
      • "Apathy is Death." You must never remain neutral. Even if your decisions regardless of what side you're on screws everyone over in the long run.
    • HK-47: The best way to ensure you're awesome is to kill people meatbags and gloat about it entertainingly.
    • The Handmaiden: Killing and hurting people is the clearest and truest form of communication any sentient species has ever come up with.

  • La-Mulana:
    • An archaeologist's most important tool is an arsenal of weapons with which to destroy ancient ruins and artifacts. This includes grenades.
    • Video games have magical powers, and your best hope for survival in a bad situation is to load up your computer with all the video games you can.
    • The Universe is inherently unfair and will kill you at any chance it gets.

  • The Last of Us:
    • It's more than perfectly OK to act terse and emotionally distant/borderline emotionally abusive to a little fourteen year old girl, to act like your pain is so greater than hers that she should just shut up and follow your orders. Just kick a bunch of ass, have a few Pet the Dog moments and get her out of some tight jams and she'll totally not want to just walk off on you.
    • It's perfectly justified to doom all of humanity for the sake of saving one young girl.
    • Killing an entire town's population is okay if it's in self-defense.
  • The Last of Us Part II:
    • It's no big deal for you to travel hundreds of miles, risking your life, losing the lives of several friends and taking the lives of hundreds of others all to achieve a single goal, and then just give up on the goal at the last minute and go home.
    • If youíre going to kill someone youíre seeking revenge on, donít explain why to them and just be vague.

Legacy of Kain:

  • Revenge and killing is the answer to EVERY problem. They're motivational enough, after all.
  • In the world of Nosgoth, you can only be fully human or fully vampire. No such thing as Dhampyrs there.
  • Traitors and weaklings deserve no second chances whatsoever.
  • Better to Mercy Kill someone in chains rather than have them put under a Cold-Blooded Torture, especially when they constantly whine, saying "Oh, please! Help me, kind sir!".
  • If the world you're living in is on the verge of decay because all the members of the guardians are under the effects of the corruption, hire a vampiric, sociopathic anti-hero to slay them, rather than find a cure for their corruption.
    • If one of those guardians happens to be harder to kill, hire a sado-hedonist who's 10 times worse than the hero.

  • LEGO Adaptation Game: Children can't handle dark concepts such as death, so bowdlerize the hell out of them, no matter how tame they may be. What's that? Our earlier games had death scenes and nobody complained about them? We have no idea what you're talking about!

  • LEGO City Undercover: Police officers are allowed to break as many laws as they need to achieve their goals.

  • LEGO Stunt Rally: The only thing you need to drive a car is the accelerator.

  • Leisure Suit Larry:
    • Never flush the toilet. You could drown yourself that way.
    • Practically drugging or utilizing girls' weaknesses in order to get in bed with them is not creepy or unethical at all.
    • Reading erotic literature will turn you into a sex-maniacal slut.

  • Liberal Crime Squad:
    • All Conservatives are fascist Right-Wing Militia Fanatic's, and being a law breaking aggressive borderline terrorist Liberal is the only way to live free.
    • Killing Conservatives will make you more popular, as long as you don't endanger moderates while doing so.
    • Using Child Soldiers is acceptable as long as it's for a just cause. Ditto for children selling drugs.
    • It's OK to disregard gun control laws when said guns are used to further the Liberal cause.

  • Life Is Strange:
    • Suicide is never the answer, and even assholes deserve a second chance. Unless the universe arbitrarily decides it hates your guts, in which case you damn well better off yourself if you don't want your hometown to be destroyed. If you've occasionally been selfish and committed petty crimes, then you fully deserve it.
    • If someone is beset by petty inconveniences and embarrassments, move heaven and earth to prevent it or they'll die horribly. On the other hand, if someone is in danger of being murdered, for God's sake don't warn them.
    • If weird stuff starts happening after you get a super power, your power is responsible, rather than just being one of the weird things. After all, a sci-fi obsessed loser hypothesized it while under extreme stress, so he must be right. Go ahead and change history so your best friend/love interest dies, just in case it helps. At least you'll get a longer ending.
    • It's never global warming.
    • Use your powers all you like. Just don't use it to save your best friend/potential lover's life or you'll cause the apocalypse.
    • [Meta] If the final episode of your game series isn't long enough, pad it out with lengthy stealth sequences your control system was never designed for. What Could Possibly Go Wrong??
  • Life Is Strange: Before the Storm
    • Being an annoying, demanding brat is a super power.
    • Never try to reconcile with family members, even when handed a golden opportunity. Both you and the family member will just forget it ever happened anyway.
  • Life Is Strange 2
    • When you just made a big, huge mistake, Don't stop to think what should you do to fix it. Just RUN, RUN and RUN from everyone and everything you know.
  • Little Nightmares II: It's everyone for themselves, and you're a rube for thinking otherwise.
  • Little Tail Bronx: Be nice to your pet dogs and cats, as they may succeed your species' environmental niche. Any other animals, though? Meh, screw 'em!
    • Tail Concerto: If someone claims your ancestors were subject to racial violence that's never been atoned for, they're probably lying and planning to use you for their own plans.
    • Solatorobo: Red the Hunter:
      • If you disagree with someone, pick them up and violently throw them around until they concede.
      • Humanity is a blight on this planet and needs to be exterminated to make way for a superior species.
    • Fuga: Melodies of Steel:
      • Children are the best people you should use to fight a war with. They're good at controlling tanks, perfectly expendable and they know how to deal with loss.
      • The fattest person in your group is the most qualified for combat.
      • So what if a giant Kaiju destroyed your homeland and possibly killed a ton of people? At least you and all your friends are still alive, and that's what matters!
      • All Germans Are Nazis and their enmity with France will succeed the literal end of the world.
  • Mass Effect:
    • Remember kids, pragmatism is wrong. When dealing with difficult situations, always deal in the same broad strokes. There is no such thing as gray area.
    • It's absolutely fine, and indeed a good thing, to commit wholesale slaughter on a specific race if it means protecting the galaxies from a greater threat. No one will bat an eye at this near genocide. Besides, that race was ugly, so who cares?
    • It is okay to unleash a virus on an entire race of people and cause a pandemic on them if said race is rebellious towards you and your government and if you perceive them as selfish barbaric beasts who refuse to change and bend the knee to you. This is especially okay when that virus happens to cause miscarriages in 90% of the women who get pregnant and when said virus nearly wipes said species out to extinction. These viruses are necessary in order to discipline these races through inducing unspeakable death and grief on them. For these races, trying to seek retribution for these atrocities and acts of genocide is morally wrong.
    • No matter the proof you bring, no matter what happens, governments will not act and accuse you of lying, even if you save them from the threat. Only way to efficiently fight against the threat is a racist terrorist organization.
    • All the armies, all the starships, all the brave people of all the united empires of the galaxy can change absolutely nothing unless The Hero saves them. Should anything happen to The Hero, do not try to carry on the fight — you have to somehow resurrect The Hero or everything's lost. Also, The Hero's True Companions, who are just as skilled and know as much about the threat to all life in the galaxy, will scatter and proceed to obsess about their personal problems, unless The Hero is there to shepherd them back on track.
    • Terrorists just have humanity's best interests at heart
    • Civilian leadership is always incompetent and obstructive. The only people you can trust to protect you are members of the military.
    • If you advance your civilization's technology too far, Mecha-Cthulhu will harvest you and turn you into one of them.
    • And when those Mecha-Cthulhu come to harvest, don't even bother trying to fight back. Not because you'll fail, but because your success will do more damage than the Mecha-Cthulhu ever could.
    • It's more than perfectly okay to cause the deaths of 300,000+ members of a sentient race if it's for a good cause, no need to feel gut-rending guilt over it. They weren't humans, or even attractive aliens, anyhow.
    • People with brittle-bone disease? You can forget having an actual human being to love, because you are literally made of glass. Instead, you must contend with dating robots and sentient A.I.s.
    • You can easily resolve any conflict, including centuries old intergalactic blood feuds, by simply yelling at both sides for being idiots

  • Master of Orion:
    • Killing and enslaving people, and destroying whole planets is a praiseworthy activity and will get you elected as ruler of the universe. Everyone will just love you for it.
    • Two species cannot co-exist on the same planet, even if they're otherwise allies living in perfect harmony.

  • McDonald's Video Game: Everyone who opposes McDonald's is an idiot.
    • Consumers' associations are all just a bunch of mildly irritating whiners.
    • Environmentalists quickly forget the past as long as you don't commit any fresh infractions.
    • The workers are ungrateful losers you can ignore forever without consequence.
    • Anti-obesity associations are full of Fat Idiot types who are easily appeased/snookered.
    • Anti-globalization organizations are full of idiots who are angry for no good reason. They can also be ignored forever.

  • Mega Man Star Force: The best way to help people is to undetectably invade their privacy with the help of your Blood Knight alien friend.
  • Mega Man ZX:

  • Metal Gear:
    • Metal Gear Solid:
      • It doesn't matter if men have obscene personality flaws, can provide you with no stability whatsoever and have known you for about three hours - as long as he's handsome, you're bound to fall in love with him, and even lucky for it. It doesn't even matter if you don't like men. The bitter, traumatised, sterile (but handsome) killer who treats you and everyone else like crap and is going to drop randomly dead at any moment is still perfect boyfriend material. He may constantly reject your advances, beat you up and treat you in a patronizingly sarcastic, sexist way, because he's really handsome. Even if you've dedicated your very life to killing him, and he calls himself an 'animal' and makes constant sexist passes at you before suddenly getting angry at you just for doing your job, you'll fall in love with him and endure all kinds of suffering for him once you realize how handsome he is. In fact, he's so handsome, the way to prevent yourself from being horribly emotionally traumatized during a rape is to pretend the rapist is him, because it'll make it feel good. Remember this for your future relationships, girls.
      • Getting therapy for PTSD does not work. Adjusting to a peaceful, calm, idyllic life will not work, however long you spend living that way. The only way to cure PTSD is by reliving a distorted version of the very events that caused it in the first place, from the electric floors and the hostage rescue to the barehanded murder of a family member and a pure-hearted girl soldier who dresses as a guard and gets shot down before your eyes.
    • Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty:
      • Terrorism is brilliant, as long as you're doing it for your ideals and morals (whatever they may be), and not for your benefit. If you're not a terrorist or support their right to murder countless people because of their beliefs, you're a mindless sheep or you're still being educated in the true meaning of life.
      • It doesn't matter if your girlfriend is a delusional hallucination caused by a combination of your own fractured mind, a broken computer influencing your thoughts, and the gunpowder you use as food condiments - if she still puts out, she's your perfect match.
    • Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater: If you are a woman, and involved in dangerous covert operations, walking around with your top unzipped will do more for your chances of survival than legendary combat prowess. Remember, girls, Vasquez Always Dies.
    • Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots:
      • Don't try to change the world. You'll only make it worse. As long as you do what you're told, everything will work out alright, even if you're obeying the commands of profoundly evil interests, because your actions help preserve the status quo.
      • You can't leave your sins to the next generation, but the only person who can save you is your little daughter.
      • Children can never be happy if their parents are both men. If you refuse to bring in a woman to act as a role model, she'll never learn how to cook and clean and be pretty and like flowers, like all girls want to do.
      • Abandoning your best friend and ideals to fall in love with a woman you've known for about two hours is admirable. No matter how neglectful you are to your friend, he loves you enough to forgive you whatever, so you may as well take the gamble. You can always go back to him at the end and he'll welcome you with open arms.
      • All the problems in the world can be solved by abusing old people.
      • The only women who are good women are wives, mothers, children or dead women. Anything feminine - it doesn't even have to be a woman, just look like one - which is not a wife, a mother, a child or dead is either an unstoppable killing machine, an unstoppable killing machine whose mind is full only of thoughts of sex with you, incompetent, a harpy, or out to betray you. This even applies to feminine things who are mothers, but not acting like them; children, but not acting like them; not married yet; marked, but not actually dead yet, etc. Marrying, having children, behaving like a child or dying automatically makes a woman good, though, no matter what she was like before.
      • Gun control is an evil plot!
    • Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance: Don't bother trying to live a normal life with a loving family, instead just be an Ax-Crazy Sociopathic Hero. You'll feel much better about yourself.

Metroid

  • General: Creatures with physiology suited to killing others are bad. Stick to killing each other with advanced technology instead.
  • Metroid: Other M: A woman in the military must NEVER take orders from a man. Because you'll become a prissy crybaby should you do. Also to hell with orders, it's not like you'll be court-martialed.

  • Minecraft: The world and everything in it exists for your own self-gratification. Anything that keeps you from imposing your own vision on the world must be destroyed, and can probably be harvested for additional resources.

  • Modern Warfare: The US military fails at everything they do, so when danger arises, don't call the Americans, call two British soldiers to solve all of your problems.

  • Monster Hunter:
    • When sent on a mission to stop a wild, rampaging animal, it's perfectly legal to flay the fucker's corpse when you're done.
    • Feel free to stand in the path of an oncoming truck after a meal if you're a pro athlete, because a properly trained and fed human body can withstand the impact of a monster the size of a semi bulldozing into it.
    • While hunting down these irrationally crazed monsters, slaughtering every animal between itself and you that looks at you funny is no longer considered illegal poaching.
    • Never let such an animal get stronger than average members of its species. No matter how quickly you dispose of it, it'll somehow have offspring that are equally powerful and trying to do anything with one puts you at risk of being eaten by a pickle or carpet-bombed... or both.
    • When colonizing a new continent with no human presence until now, it is perfectly acceptable to slaughter any amount of local wildlife you want and refashion their cadavers into fashion articles and tools to slaughter more wildlife with, so long as you call these slaughterings "research". Any local animal that slaughters that very same wildlife for food (such as Nergigante), however, is completely evil and must be exterminated before it can cause significant harm to local wildlife.

    N to S 
just like them if not worse.

  • Ni no Kuni: Never have good intentions about anything. Unless you're a small boy, any act you take to make things better will result in your soul being corrupted and others hating you for your cruelty. On the plus side though, as long as you have a reason for your actions, it's okay no matter what you do to the world. Fraud, hate crimes, and even murder aren't things that will get you punished if you had a sympathetic reason for doing it.

  • Ninja Gaiden for the NES: Birds are fucking assholes.
    • Actually, everything will kill you. Don't ever go outside again.
    • Ninja Gaiden series in general: Real ninjas don't do pussy things like hide in the shadows, get close to their target, and assassinate him/her before they even know of the ninja's presence. No, real ninjas rush forward in plain sight with sword drawn against everything from several mooks with guns to a gigantic Archfiend.

  • Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors:
    • Even minor neurological disabilities turn people into amoral killing machines. The imperfect deserve unspeakably horrible deaths.
    • If you ever find yourself dependent on strangers for your survival, make absolutely sure never to share obviously vital information. Conceal everything, even if your actual enemies clearly know everything about you already.

  • No More Heroes: Bored? Nothing to do except watch porn all day? Why just get online and ebay yourself a nice Beam Katana and start hacking and slashing and strawberry short-caking people until you find the person that killed your parents.
  • No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle: Just come back to town and feeling real pissed because your only friend just got killed? Don't call the cops, whip out the old katana and go after the head of a massive company. Oh, and turning into a tiger is a-okay!
  • No More Heroes III: It's perfectly okay to stop the battle for two minutes so that you can rant about the character designs from unrelated franchise.

  • Octopath Traveler:
    • The ends justify the means. Including breaking up families and taking candy from babies.
    • Provoking people to fighting you is bad. Challenging people to a duel is perfectly fine.
    • Leaving an entire village worth of people beaten up on the floor is only bad if you provoked them into fighting you.
    • If you're in a duel with someone, assaulting them with feral animals or animated skeletons is A-okay!
    • So someone's running a protection racket. What's the important thing to do? Beat the perp up yourself... and you can smash them with bears.
    • You can get people to follow you to the ends of the earth by either offering to guide them or simply being sexy.
    • If there's a locked door? Pick it. It exists for you to take whatever is on the other side

  • OFF:
    • Sports enthusiasm is The New Rock & Roll, and the red flags of domestic violence include running around beating strangers to death with a club and committing genocide.
    • Murder is actually pretty okay if you can back it with religious devotion. That sickly, lonely bald kid confined to his house? Had it coming.
    • The taste of your friends flesh is actually pretty amazing when it gets burnt into a powder. Be careful, it's good enough to make your head explode.

  • Ōkami: If you see a strangely intelligent, cute white doggy, WORSHIP IT, for it is GOD. Also, Science Is Bad.
    • Alternatively, if you see a large wolf coming at you, don't run for cover or try to defend yourself. Instead, talk to it and pet its head because it's certainly not going to bite you.
    • Feeding random wild animals will make them worship you.
    • It is better to be eaten alive than to fish. At least that way you're doing something exciting.
    • Everyone sends their pets to do the shopping, right? So as long as it manages to pay then it's totally cool to let doggies run off with your colossal swords and holy demon-smiting artifacts. It knows what it's doing with them.
    • If you overcome your fears and help defeat a great evil that threatens your home, you'll get the girl of your dreams and be regarded as a hero! Even though you're the one responsible for that great evil being there in the first place.

  • OMORI:

  • Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan/Elite Beat Agents:
    • It doesn't matter what stage of the process you screw up at, the consequences will be the same as if you'd never bothered. Or worse.
    • All people need is enough motivation and encouragement and they can accomplish anything. Literally anything.
    • Dancing Is REALLY Serious Business.

  • Outlaws

  • Pac-Man: Gluttony is adorable.
  • Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures:
    • Shooting people with rocks from a slingshot is the best way to get them to listen to you.
    • If someone is unconscious, shoot them to wake them up.
  • Pac-Man World: If your worst enemy just wants to be appreciated, don't show empathy for him, hit him while he's down!

  • Any Papa's fooderia game:
    • Plating is very very important!
    • It's alright to feed someone undercooked/raw food absolutely smothered in sauce. They will just get annoyed at you.
    • Careful about traveling - you could end up working a fast food place!
    • Peppermint is a very good pie filling.
    • Know what your fried chicken sandwich needs? PISTACHIO CREAM!
    • Never let your cat outside - they might actually end up finding a pancake place really appealing and end up forcing you to work there.
      • Similarly, it's alright to keep your animals in a kitchen.
    • Be careful about entering a contest - you might end up running a fast food place!
    • If you name a kid "Janana"? They'll really really like Bananas.

  • Parappa The Rapper:
    • Who cares about qualifications? Just rap a bit and you'll be an expert in no time, regardless of the actual skill level of what you're meant to be doing.
    • From the sequel: kicking and punching your partner is incredibly romantic.
    • Don't eat noodles, they're evil. Sweets, on the other hand, are great for you.
    • The only thing you have to do to become a successful rapper is repeating other people's lyrics.
    • Don't wanna stand in line? Just rap a bit and people will let you cut ahead.

  • Parasite Eve: Fear Your Body. Especially if you're young, attractive, and/or female. If an animal looks unusual or unhealthy, don't contact the authorities—shoot it before it causes you to spontaneously combust. Also, don't go to the opera. You will be set on fire. And if you do go to the opera, because you want to, and you are under the age of...let's say sixty, there's something deeply wrong with you. You're also probably going to be set up for one very long week.

  • Payday Franchise: Whatever you do, don't hurt civilians...but all those cops, special forces, and all the people you're putting into debt at best with your heists? Fuck 'em, they were probably asshole loners!

  • Phantasy Star Universe: If you want to become a GUARDIAN to protect the universe, be prepared to abandon your friends for the common good. If you want to be most efficient in protecting the universe, become a Rogue.

  • Pikmin 2: If you befriend small, adorable creatures that are at the near bottom of the food chain, keep them alive so you can mercilessly kill any living thing larger than yourself by throwing the small creatures at them in the name of your company.

  • Plants vs. Zombies:
    • Plants will always help you fight the undead. (Exception is when the plants are the heads of the undead)
    • NEVER trust a scientist. However, always trust an insane guy with a saucepan on his head.

  • Portal 2:
    • If you ever need a bossy moron, find someone British.
    • Evil people become nice when mentally crippled.
    • Helping your friends rise to power will result in you being betrayed. Only help your enemies, as they'll respect you for helping them.

  • Prince of Persia, the Sands of Time Trilogy: Water is the one true cure for all of man's ills, up to and including injuries, transformations induced by contact with the corruption and monsters sent to erase you from the time-stream.
    • Having your father die is the only way to grow up.
    • Every woman you meet will either try to kill you, or cause you great amounts of emotional distress, sometimes both.
    • Prince of Persia: Warrior Within: The solution to being chased by a monster because you messed with time? Mess even more with time. If that doesn't work, mess even more with it. And if that still doesn't work, just kill the monster, what you could have done from the start, had you had the right weapon.

  • Professor Layton:
    • When solving a mystery, always keep Occam's Razor in mind. Also remember that the Razor doesn't rule out having ridiculous amounts of money and a lot of time on one's hands.
    • There's always time for a puzzle. Always. Someone got murdered? You're chasing a suspect? Don't be silly; pay attention to this puzzle instead!
    • So long as you have a vagina, you'll get constantly kidnapped, in need of protection, get special treatment and can't be evil; all of which men has responsibility for. Better watch out for this series, feminists.
      • In fact, if a woman ever does anything evil or untrustworthy, it's because she's a man in disguise.
      • No one is truly evil, just a Tragic Villain. Period.

  • [PROTOTYPE]:
    • Don't just pick on elite army brigades and zombies, eat them too! You'll get superpowers.
    • For both games: Cannibals make for the best superheroes.
    • You can run over people with a tank as long as your feel morally unsure about it.

  • Psychonauts:
    • The guy who's hurting children for his own personal gain really has some sort of Freudian Excuse, and attacking him will teach him the errors of his ways. The guy he's working with for it, though? You don't know his backstory, and therefor can just assume he deserves to die. No one likes dentists, anyway.
    • Blue people are bad, so it's safe to judge them from the color of their skin.
    • Cheerleaders are all Stepford Smilers, incredibly annoying, and generally the spawn of Satan.
    • Years of mental illness can be cured within an hour by a pre-pubescent kid blowing things up.
    • Don't become a parent because you will mentally scar your child whether you meant it or not.
    • Freud Was Right.
    • All critics are sadistic bullies who live to do nothing but insult the media they critique and are hell-bent on ruining your life. Even the ones who claim to give constructive criticism are actually just there to bully you.
    • Squirrels are evil. Kill them now.
  • Psychonauts in the Rhombus of Ruin: Mental health facilities don't cure psychological problems. They cause them.
  • Psychonauts 2:
    • It's your own fault for being late for something you were given no schedule or location for.
    • When one of your brothers has the power to rearrange that mind of yours, or do all manner of physical actions with his mind alone, bullying and shunning them is the sensible thing to do. Those mind powers are no match for having "right" on your side.
    • Kids Are Cruel.
    • If you're gonna mess with a person's brain, ask permission first. Consent, however, is optional.

  • Pumpkin Jack: Satanism comes with a lot of benefits in the end. You just have to have faith.

  • Punch-Out!! (Wii Version): Boxing makes you crazy. Quit while you still have your sanity intact.
    • Racial stereotypes are hilarious!
    • Meta: Don't include Princess Peach in your game because it might encourage violence towards women, but feel free to include Donkey Kong. Animal abuse is perfectly fine!
    • 17-year-old newcomers can totally defeat more experienced, fully grown men that are twice their age, height, and weight!
    • Cheating and general bad behaviour will never be punished in the world of professional sports. You can dopenote , use unauthorized gear during matchesnote , bring wild animals into the ringnote , and even attack the refereenote , but you'll still never receive any consequences for your actions.

  • Raft: Throw your garbage in the ocean. It might save someone's life.

Ratchet & Clank:

  • General: Massive acts of vandalism are the best way to pick up spare change, and violence is the only solution to any problem.
  • Ratchet & Clank (2002):
    • All corporations are evil, and the only way to stop a terrorist is more terrorism.
    • It's easier to drop your toxic waste on an already populated planet instead of storing it on the significantly more common uninhabited planets in the universe.
    • Why would you share an orbit with another planet like some free-loving jobless hippie when you have a perfectly good Planet Destroyer just begging to be used?
    • If an entire race lost their home planet to the Big Bad who then built them a new one out of chunks of other planets, destroy their new planet.
  • Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando:
    • Lovecraftian monstrosities make good pets.
    • What, what, what? But the corporations are the good guys! That corporation only seemed evil because the generous CEO was an impostor.
  • Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal:
    • If somebody had turned into a supervillain but can defeat another supervillain, you should totally forgive them and let them order you around and steal the credit for your deeds.
  • Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction:
  • Ratchet & Clank: Full Frontal Assault:

  • Red Dead Redemption:
    • It's okay to tell your troubled child that he lives in a dream world, that he reads too many books, etc. After all, its not like he's trying to find an escape from the real world of being a son of a former outlaw. This will, in no way, cause him to have serious resentments against you in the future and have serious emotional problems which will eventually drive him to borderline depression and become a gunslinger, which was the very thing you were trying to help him avoid in the first place.
    • It's more than perfectly okay to threaten the people trying to help you, describing all the gruesome ways you could murder them dead...all because they annoyed you. This goes from the eccentric conman and his pals, to the marshal's deputies, up to the rebel leader who's leading the Mexican Revolution! However they'll all look past this in their eternal, undying wish to serve you because you're just that important.

  • Red Dead Redemption II:
    • Of course, you can trust the Obviously Evil member of your group rather than your own friend.
    • No matter how many robberies and murders you might have committed during your time as a gangster, fish around for a while and you will be the very embodiment of a good person.

  • "Red Flood" : Centrism and Liberalism suck - it's better to embrace Councilism or French Futurism.

  • Resident Evil: As detailed in the "Botany Book", the best way to discover what effect a medicinal plant will have on you is to mash them together at random and observe the results on your body. After all, the true joy of pharmaceuticals is the mystery and surprise!

  • Resident Evil Ė Code: Veronica: Apparently, you're supposed to insult someone because of symptoms of their mental disorder, not the fact that they're a sadistic bastard who has repeatedly tried to kill you. (Claire insulting Alfred about being a cross-dresser, despite how he has multiple personalities and one personality is female, so he would dress as a woman because of the disorder.)

  • Resident Evil Village:
    • Fathers good, mothers bad.
    • Wanting the love and approval of your mother makes you evil.
    • Attractive villains can't be scary and threatening.
    • Letting your civilian friend in the highly secret plans of your organization is the key to their success. There's zero chance they could compromise the whole thing with that information.
    • It's okay to break into other people's homes and steal their property if your goals are well-intentioned.
    • If your wife takes too long to get over her trauma of having been kidnapped and infected with a dangerous substance, it means there's someone else posing as her.

  • Rhythm Heaven series: Welcome to a self-described "heaven" where everyone moves in perfect sync with each other and every slight aberration will be met with stares of disgust. And how can you blame them? You're the only thing holding the rest back from complete perfection. You don't belong here.

  • Ride to Hell: Retribution: Women will immediately have sex with you if you do favors for them. They'll even do it fully clothed!

  • Rift: If you're religious, you're a luddite zealot. If you're not, you're going against the will of the Divine. Also, if it's from another world, it's probably in league with Eldritch Abominations.

  • RollerCoaster Tycoon: Better be careful - if you're unhappy, you might end up being put into the water and drowned in a theme park.

  • Rule of Rose:
    • People who hate dogs are monsters. Literal monsters.
    • Stuffing oneself with sweets is healthy.
    • Bullying is the victim's fault.

  • Rune Factory: The past is of no use to an Amnesiac Hero. If you know someone who knows who you were, don't bother asking (Rune Factory 1). If the one responsible offers to restore your lost memories, decline (RF3). Your current happy life is more than enough. Anyone from your past who loves and misses you? Eff 'em!
    • RF2: If you actually remember you past, don't tell anyone. Just run off and disappear for years - it'll be a growth experience for you kid.
    • RF4: Bake a girl a ton of cake to make her like you more, then spend every day at least once pestering her with confessions of love until it works.

  • Runescape:
    • Lumberjacks have the easiest job in the world.
    • Don't feed coal to dragons. It's bad for the environment.

Saints Row

  • General:
    • The police are scum. They may talk about justice and upholding the law, but when you look at their actions, they're just another gang.
    • Don't believe your parents: crime really does pay.
  • Saints Row 2: Prisons are just hotels with obstacle-courses for exits and you can leave whenever you want.
  • Saints Row: The Third:
    • You lose your fortune? It's super easy to reacquire that wealth overnight.
    • Street gangs can out-gun the U.S. Military.
  • Saints Row IV:
    • Anyone can run for office and win the vote for U.S. president. Anyone. ANYONE!
    • The President can get away with anything.

  • Scribblenauts:

  • Senran Kagura:
    • It is perfectly normal to molest your friends.
    • It's okay to molest others but if someone else does it that means it's bad.
    • If you and your team of friends lose a Shinobi Battle Royale to a team of enemy ninjas from a different academy... your academy needs to be burned down because those are the rules apparently.

  • Shining Force:
    • Brainwashed and Crazy people never need to be held accountable for their heinous acts and must automatically be forgiven.
    • "Just following orders" is a reasonable excuse after all, despite what the Nuremberg trials decided.
  • Shining Force II: You should abandon your true love the moment a princess is interested in you.
  • Shining Resonance:
    • Itís a fun idea to play two love interests against each other and create a love triangle, fostering resentment when the three of you are part of a fighting team and routinely depend on one another for survival in battles.
    • And the best solution to a love triangle? Marry Them All.

Shin Megami Tensei

  • General:
    • Don't bother fighting demons. They'll just kill you over and over until you give up.
    • Kill yourself.
    • If you are a Christian, Jew or Muslim, you're basically following an evil cult, given that your god is the most ruthless tyrant the universe has ever seen.
    • No matter what choice you take, it is the WRONG choice and you are TERRIBLE for taking it.
    • It is perfectly acceptable, if not outright encouraged, to personally ruin other people's preparations for the future if you disagree with them in the slightest. If they try to stop you, go ahead, kill them.
    • Your allies are disposable, and should not be bonded with at all. In fact, it's in your best interest to throw them away the moment they start falling behind even slightly.
  • Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne: The fate of the world is not in your hands. It's in the hands of all the different factions trying to manipulate you into thinking that it is.
    • If teaching makes you feel insecure, go ahead and destroy the world. Your students will clean up the mess (or have some fun with it) and you'll feel better about yourself!
    • Humans Are Bastards and don't deserve the Earth as it is, so trading away your humanity to become the baddest demon there ever was and destroying the world is the best course of action.
  • Shin Megami Tensei IV:
    • Reading is satanic.
    • Being polite to everyone you meet will lead you down a slippery slope to genocide.
  • SIGNALIS: Lesbian love will unravel the very fabric of reality if allowed to continue.

  • Silent Hill:
    • Silent Hill 2:
      • If your late spouse sends you a letter suggesting that you visit your special place, it's not the time for skepticism, it's time to go out for urban exploration in a mostly abandoned town without even packing supplies for survival. You'll find plenty of survival gear in places that went to hell in a handbasket.
      • Urban exploration is good means of finding a Karmic Reform Hell to achieve inner peace. Haunted, deserted towns just want to help you through your traumas.
      • It's okay to kill your wife if she won't have sex with you. You might even get a stripperized version of her when she's dead!
      • Who mentioned sex? More like the the best approach to an approaching bereavement is to accelerate it with judicious use of a pillow and then resurrect a death cult in the hope of bringing her back!
    • Silent Hill 3:
      • A world without hunger, war or sickness would be incredibly boring and you're a castrated sheep if you think it would be better that way.
      • And ladies, if a middle aged man you've never seen before in your life shows up claiming to be a detective who's been hired to look for you, don't try and get away from him. Things will go downhill for you REAL quickly.
    • Silent Hill: Downpour: *** The easiest way to ensure a pedophile dies is to get help from a corrupt officer in order to get the opportunity to kill him yourself.
    • Silent Hills: The best way to advertise a game is by making another game and then pretending you didn't make it.

  • The Sims:
    • Furniture and fences are completely impassable. Alternatively, if you don't stand in in the exact, precise spot, you can't use them.
    • Killing, making others' lives hell and have people cheat on each other is hilarious.
    • Wanna get married? Just talk to a person for a few hours and get engaged and/or married the same night. As long as you small talk every day, marriage will be a breeze.
    • Vehicles are intangible, all animals are friendly, and predators don't exist. Your Free-Range Children are gonna be fine.
    • If you need to pay bills? Sell a window. you'll be fine.
  • The Sims 3:
    • Employment is a trap. Just go to the park and pick flowers to sell for fast cash!
    • Want a place to store your pet fish and don't have a fishbowl? Simple, just leave it in the fridge for a few months, it'll be perfectly fine.
    • The easiest route to happiness is to become a hermit. Why bother with time-consuming relationships when you can make yourself just as happy by doing some laundry?
  • The Sims 4:
    • Werewolves can eat furniture!

  • Sin and Punishment: Star Successor: If your enemy loses her memory, it is perfectly alright to turn against your allies to protect her.

  • Skullgirls:

Sly Cooper:

  • Smashing Pumpkins into Small Piles of Putrid Debris: FUCK. PUMPKINS. And squash.

  • Soul Series:
    • Fighting to free your family from a pointless fight in another world, will get you stuck into another dimension.
    • Seeking an evil, soul-corrupting sword to become a stronger warrior will not backfire in any way. But seeking it to bring justice to your dead father will turn you into a mass-murderer.
    • No matter how wealthy you are, the only way to raise your adopted daughter is by using the evil sword. Money won't do.
    • Immortality is totally cool, and wishing to stop it and live a normal life will turn into a villain. Plus, you'll end up enjoying it anyway, so why bother?
    • Ruining your mental and physical health by doing your job and being a faithful servant to your master makes you a bad guy. Even if the worst you ever do is fight off thieves who want to steal your master's treasure.
    • You can swing a ginormous zweihander around and still avoid your opponent's vital organs.

  • Spec Ops: The Line: War Is Hell, but only because of bad decisions, mental instability, no one giving full information, and all sides being abhorrent.

  • Spelunky:
    • If something bad ever happens to a shop, it's your fault. No exceptions.
    • Stealing is punishable by death. Specifically your death, even if you weren't the thief.
    • Bestiality is good for your health.
    • If you want to set up a shop, make sure the entrance is behind several metres of solid rock.
    • Want riches beyond your wildest dreams? Kill yourself. note 
    • A person who visits an unfamiliar place purely they can destroy the landscape, massacre the native people and wildlife and steal their money is good. Trying to stop that person and punish them for their crimes is bad.
    • A good way to get a better weapon is to get eaten by a giant worm.
    • Slavery is bad, but only because slaves are all idiots who will probably get you killed. In fact, if a slave tries to join you the best thing to do is murder them.
    • Saving the Damsel in Distress is good. Sacrificing her to a blood goddess is better.

  • Splatoon 2 (Octo Expansion):
    • When you think of a hero, one of the chief qualities you should imagine is blatant cheating.
    • If you fail enough times, someone will help you cheat the system or give you free money.

Spyro the Dragon

  • General: If you want your franchise to survive, make your protagonist uglier with each iteration.
  • Spyro the Dragon (1998):
    • Let a child face armies and monsters on his own. Even when the adults are freed, don't help him or anything. He's got it covered.
    • Skipping school will make you a hero who saves the world.
  • Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage!:
    • When a problem arises, don't fix it yourself. Get someone else to do it.
    • When you need a hero, kidnap one from somewhere else and promise not to send him home until he fixes your problems. He won't begrudge you or anything.
    • Even though the guy you extor—er "hired" to save your kingdom(s) needs those green magic orbs, don't just give them to him when he needs him. He has to earn it by playing your stupid mini-games first.
    • When problems start arising en masse and at random, blame the foreigner.

  • The Stanley Parable:
    • Is there a disembodied voice trying to narrate your life? Youíd better follow his instructions to the letter or he'll kill you in an unbelievably horrible way!
    • The best friend you will ever find is an inanimate metal bucket.
    • Free will and choice are, in the end, illusions, and you'll be punished for going against others' instructions. Always do what you're told.

  • Stubbs the Zombie:

  • Suikoden:
    • If you have a vision of an apocalyptic future, don't try to prevent it. You'll be labelled as a villain, and everything will end in disaster.
    • All dreams about your dad destroying the world are automatically true.
    • Circles are evil and will take over the world.
    • If you ever try to recruit people, make sure you have exactly 108, or your best friend and sister will die.

  • Super Robot Wars: Humans shouldn't fight each other. They should fight aliens.

  • Super Seducer: Women are predictable and all you need to do to get them in bed with you is to follow a specific set of lines given as options to you, because women are all the same and fall for the same seduction tactics.

    T to Z 
Tales Series
  • Tales of the Abyss:
  • Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World:
    • If you don't stand up for yourself against those who hate you, you are worthless. If you do stand up for yourself, they will kill you and those you love. Thus, your only hope is to be stronger than everyone else.
    • An evil entity killed your best friend? Decide to unleash the whole demon force onto the world.
    • The original, and the Sequel: Everything you do is worthless, from saving the soul of your Love Interest to getting rid of the Big Bad, because no matter what you did, you didn't make anything any better, in fact, you may have made it worse.
  • Tales of Vesperia: Murder is the best solution to anything.
  • Tales of Graces:
    • Easily forgive the bad guy (who, as a part of his routine, has possessed your best friend and has tried to kill you and your other friends while using your friend as a voluntary puppet) and he'll stop his reign of terror.
    • If you never saw your childhood friend as a potential love interest, you will always suddenly see them as the only one you want to marry as soon as marriage will be an immediate event for you.
  • Tales of Xillia: You should continue to let a man who has openly betrayed you multiple times with little remorse travel with you.
  • Tales of Arise:
    • Never collect enough energy in one area otherwise it will become sentient.
    • It's alright to try to kill someone who killed your family and happily killed an entire village in front of you just because it was Revenge... just don't do it when you're angry from seeing them commit said atrocities.
    • If a fascist has discovered a way to be efficient? They're doing it for selfish reasons.

  • Team Fortress 2: War has never been so Fashionable!

  • Terraria
    • Killing a baby animal so you can kill its mother is heroic. Killing a butterfly so you can kill a fairy is heroic. Killing a worm so you can kill a fish-dragon is heroic. Bringing about the apocalypse so you can kill a god is heroic... Anyone seeing a pattern here?
    • A comfortable home consists of a box with a table, a chair and a light source. It's perfectly okay to put all your neighbours in hovels made of dirt, and then lock them in. And then charge them rent.
    • Grinding is fun! So make sure that all your bosses have a small chance of dropping the item the player actually wants so they have to kill them over and over.
    • Everyone is antisocial and will be unhappy if they have more than two neighbours.
    • It's far more profitable to be incompetent at your job (i.e. reforging items), because that forces people to use your services over and over until you actually get a result.
    • The only people whose happiness is important to you are an obnoxious kid and a con artist. Everyone else can go and screw themselves.
    • Everyone who isn't you is incredibly stupid and needs to be locked inside their own house for their safety.

  • Tetris:

Tomb Raider

  • Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness: Wanted for a murder you didn't commit? In that case, killing a few more people is fine so long as you manage to clear your name in the end.
  • Tomb Raider and Anniversary: It's okay to kill the woman trying to save her people from extinction (AND destroy all of her work!) if she tried to kill you while trying to do so.
  • Tomb Raider II: If the prophecy states that a door must be opened with a certain artifact, then go ahead and travel all over the globe to find it. Don't just...you know...put another object the same size into the keyhole, or try to destroy that fragile, hollow, wooden door.

  • Tomodachi Life: No matter how depressed you are, you can instantly cheer yourself up by eating your favourite food.

  • Tony Hawk's Underground: In retrospect, you should've never saved your backstabbing, two-faced "best friend" from getting killed from a bunch of drug dealers.

  • The Touhou Project:
    • Firing millions of bullets at your friends is the only reasonable way to settle disputes.
    • It's okay to bend the laws of nature or endanger the entire planet; as long as your intentions were good, you'll get an ass-kicking but be Easily Forgiven afterwards.
    • Imperishable Night: If you want to track down the person responsible for stealing the moon, it's OK to steal a night if it makes it easier.
    • Shoot the Bullet: It's OK to take invasive pictures of people against their will, especially if they're engaged in important tasks at the time.
    • Mountain of Faith: If you are in possession of a de facto monopoly it's OK to use force to maintain that monopoly if any competitors enter the market.
    • Undefined Fantastic Object: If a group of people are trying to rescue their beloved friend after she was unjustly imprisoned then you must turn into a racist murderer to make sure they don't succeed.
    • Touhou Hisōtensoku: If you're convinced you've seen a giant god then run around trying to find it, beating up everyone you meet along the way.
    • Double Spoiler: If you're too lazy to take invasive photographs of people then get somebody else to do it then beat her up and steal her camera.
    • Fairy Wars: Terrorizing humans and starting wars is a good way to prove you're the strongest.

  • The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky
    • Like a girl but don't think you're good enough? Just drug her and tell her to stay away from you. She'll track you down and tell you exactly why you're wrong, and then you'll be together.

  • The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel
    • Always forgive the person who wronged you even if they're the leader of a terrorist group who hijacked a military institution, nearly fired a WMD at another city state, started a Civil War in your country, and put you into a coma after stomping you while you try to defend your school.
    • It's alright to withhold information from your best friend who has lived for hundreds of years about an issue that has been plaguing the empire for centuries. Some random upstart will ultimately fix the problem.
    • When your student studying in a military school is being rebellious, just give them a slap on the wrist.

  • Trauma Center:
    • If a patient dies, it's 100% your fault. ALWAYS.
    • If at first you don't succeed, quit forever.

  • Tsukihime:
    • The only important thing in the world is which girl you decide to pursue.
    • Also it's perfectly fine to have sex with your sister as long as you're not technically related.
    • If you see a good-looking girl in the street, stalk her and cut into seventeen pieces. She'll come to like you by the next morning.
    • You can heal the trauma of a childhood of sexual abuse with your dick.
    • Lying about what you're going to do to your girlfriend in bed and making her cry while you're doing it is a perfectly valid way of building rapport with her.

  • The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang: Garlic and tomatoes don't mix.

  • Twisted Wonderland:
    • If you are even the least bit selfless, EVERYONE will dump their problems on you and expect you to fix them.
    • The best way to help someone having a mental breakdown is to beat the crap out of them.

  • Ultima Underworld: The offspring of mixed marriages will be cannibalistic, physically repulsive ghouls.

  • Undertale:
    • Flirting with attackers, even if they're not your species, can be an effective self-defense strategy.
    • Fighting people who are trying to kidnap or even kill you is wrong, even if you are scared little kid who did nothing wrong.
    • No matter what you do, you'll just end up back where you started.
    • Hitting someone with a stick? You might kill them by accident, even if you're trying to hit lightly! Shooting someone's limbs off? Eh, as long as you don't kill them, that's okay.
    • Self-defense is evil, even if said people are trying to kill you because of your race.
    • Whether or not murder is good or evil depends entirely on the race of the murderer.
    • Human beings are the only worthwhile life, as anything else is too weak to be determined to live. They'll practically melt if they show any form of determination.

  • Until Dawn:
    • Your choices matter... Except when they don't, which is most of the time.
    • Starvation is always preferable to cannibalism.
    • Don't prank your friend, or she'll turn into a deadly monster and kill everyone you know and love.
    • If you're Chris, Always Save the Girl because if you don't she'll let you be killed out of pure spite.
    • But if you're Matt, don't bother trying to save your girlfriend's life. Just take care of yourself, she'll be fine falling off a cliff into a monster-infested mine.
    • Wolves are just big dogs. If one tries to attack you, don't even bother defending yourself, you'll be best friends in no time.

  • Valkyria Chronicles: Any form of ambition or individualism is wrong and evil, being promoted to a higher rank in theory stopping your military's We Have Reserves policy is also wrong and evil. Having the power to end a bloody war faster with less deaths on both sides is even more wrong. So just know your place in the pecking order and love it. Also, Hilter was right.
  • Valkyria Chronicles III:
    • If you're stuck with a shitty job, you can vent your frustration by killing blacksnote  en masse. They will even give you medals for that. Repeated fratricide and blowing up your homeland's capitol is fine if that means you'll get even with your nemesis.
    • Accepting strange trinkets from a complete stranger is fine, they will come in handy latter.
    • When Freddie Mercury and Reimu Hakurei is on your side, you can't lose.
  • Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume:
    • Your friends are disposable cannon fodder, as long as you can get what you want.
    • Alternately, it doesn't matter HOW awesome the afterlife is, or how much of a Crapsack World you live in, ANYONE who would choose the afterlife over normal, mortal life is a horrible, horrible person.

  • Virtue's Last Reward:
    • It doesn't matter what the stakes are, or even if losing will mean instant death; playing a game to win instead of being a doormat is unforgivably evil... but only when you do it. When anyone else does it, that's just strategy.
    • Nothing you do matters in the universe, since somewhere there's a parallel dimension where you didn't do it.
    • If you're a woman who wants to be respected in a male-dominated field, go around wearing sexy cosplay. Or just go topless with lots of jewelry.

  • Warcraft:
    • You can never have enough lumber, chop more trees! On this note, even the Night Elves don't mind the services of a Goblin Shredder when they really gotta' have more lumber.
    • It is against the laws of physics for a Siege Engine to be able to shoot anything except a perfectly stationary structure so they never even try.
    • If you're out of Peasants or Peons and enough gold, it is totally impossible for any of your ground troops to pick up their tools to and mine some gold until you can hire more. It's the rules!
    • If your Brother consumes an evil artifact, and successfully "slays" the resident Dreadlord to help win the war, you antagonize and exile him even though he's still your ally. (It'll also help sell the expansion with a new Anti-Hero on stage!)

  • The Witcher: Trust no one. It doesn't matter how sympathetic somebody may seem, they are probably secretly evil.

  • The World Ends with You:
    • You're better off on your own. Partners will just stand there and get your mutual HP eaten up. Or you can Take a Third Option, which is to trust in your friends, where trust is defined as "tell them how to do everything".
    • When the evil god tells you that you were an Unwitting Pawn in his scheme to destroy your hometown and everyone in it (including you), and you have a chance to stop his plans, don't do it. If you do, you're a selfish jerk and you only care about yourself.

  • World of Warcraft:
    • People of different races can get along, but mainly for the purposes of killing people of even more different races. Also, nepotism is good and always preferable to appointing someone else who may be better for the job at hand.
    • Heroes kill everything in sight, then they do it again and again.
    • Rather than just giving the heroes who've saved the world dozens of times over the things they need to keep saving the world, you should instead make them perform menial tasks like gathering chickens every single day until you decide you like them enough.
    • Every building, bridge, road, and other piece of infrastructure is fully capable of supporting the weight of full grown mammoths, dragons, helicopters, etc.
    • If you and your friends kill a wanted criminal in order to take his head back for the bounty, make sure to check his pockets, as he's likely carrying extra heads so everyone can cash in.
    • A pebble and a full-sized two-handed battleaxe take up exactly the same amount of space in a backpack.
    • Casual acts of genocide against defenseless villages are not only acceptable and not only profitable but also make people like you more.
    • Isolating your nation is best for your people, inviting anyone into your country means inviting all sorts of trouble.
    • If your leader is clearly a warmongering jerk then he makes a good commander in a never ending war.
    • There are never enough elves, and horses are the very best kind of mount.

  • Xenoblade Chronicles: Gods are a really terrible concept, and everyone should just give up on theism if they want society to progress in a meaningful fashion.

  • Xenoblade Chronicles 2:
    • When everyone speaks with Commonwealth accents, never trust the people who have American accents and who write using American spelling. They're trying to sabotage you!
    • Sound design where characters voice clips repeatedly overlap each other is bad sound design... unless the characters are Scottish, Welsh, or other British accents that you rarely see in non-British produced media. Then it's charming.
    • It's alright to Ship Tease with someone who is fifteen years old and you are at least decades if not centuries older.
    • Do not mess with the healer. Because they might actually give you cancer!

  • Xenoblade Chronicles 3:
    • Child Soldiers are bad not because of the trauma it causes, but because they may end up turning against you and becoming superpowered.
    • Never EVER be named "Vandham". Because you'll die.
    • Conservatism is bad.
    • Conservatives are bad because they want to profit off of a Forever War.
    • Heads of state want a Forever War? They're not actually real.
    • Polyamoury is great!
    • Do you live in a Crapsack World? Then the only option left is to destroy it!

  • Xenogears: Even if you are a dirty son of a bitch who takes out his anger after his unrequited crush dies by manipulating the world from the shadows for hundreds of years while committing various atrocities (including turning most of the planet's population into zombies), you can still escape all punishment by tagging along with a godlike being to another dimension. And you'll be excused of your crimes by one of your victims!

  • Xenosaga:
    • If you are Christian, believe in any part of the Bible, or even like to quote the Bible, you are automatically evil and beyond redemption. Likewise, if none of that applies to you, you're one of the good guys unless you're already insane.
    • No matter how insanely tragic your past is, you are not allowed to ever angst over it. If you do, you'll unleash an entire race of nasties upon the galaxy.
  • Yakuza: Male objectification does not exist.
  • Yggdra Union:
    • Women favor linear formations, men prefer to flank.
    • Genocide is always an a-OK solution to continental strife if you decide you feel bad about it later, and diplomacy is ridiculous—unless you're going up against someone with a bigger stick than you, in which case you had better hop to when they order it.

  • Yume Nikki:
    • Playing with lightswitches is fun! As is talking to a wall repeatedly.
    • It's ok to kill innocent woobies; they'll respawn once you leave the room. Besides... they look so cute when they're scared.
    • Having weird dreams that you can't get rid of? Kill yourself!

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