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Warp That Aesop / Professional Wrestling

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  • You can do a lot of dickish things to others and behave badly and still be a good guy to eyes of the fans.
  • You can turn into a face and never have to make up for being a dick to other faces and the fans. After all, you'll team up with the faces without any problems whatsoever and the fans will still cheer you anyways.
  • If you're a bad guy who uses dirty tactics, it's reprehensible. However, if you're a good guy who does the same thing, it's okay.
  • Assaulting someone almost never results in prison time. If it does, it's because your boss hates you.
  • Having valid points about a "face" automatically makes you wrong.
  • Beating up your boss or other officials will never get you fired.
  • Women like to settle their differences with Bra and Panties matches and lingerie pillow fights.
  • The only way to gain popularity and the fans' admiration isn't being a good guy, but to be a bad guy. After all, Evil Is Cool!
  • If you're a referee and you so much as trip and fall you'll be unconscious for fifteen minutes.
  • Wrestlers can receive horrendous injuries and just walk it off within a week. Remember that if you want to be a wrestler when you grow up, kids!
  • You can drink beer all the time and still maintain great looking abs and be in top physical condition.
  • If you get on Vince McMahon's bad side, he has the power to erase you from history.
  • If you're not good at wrestling, cutting promos, etc., you are the most abominable human being in history and deserve to be hated more than a murderer.
  • Non-wrestlers getting insulted or beaten up by wrestlers is hilarious and awesome, whether it's an evil boss or a commentator the fans love to see suffer!
  • Make a racist remark several years before its uncovered? Irredeemably evil, you deserve to be retconned from history. Kill someone? Forgivable, until it's proven. Then actually it's exactly as bad as racist remarks.
  • Giving someone a punch to the face can make their forehead bleed profusely.
    • Also, being hit in the back of the head with a steel chair will make your forehead bleed, even though it's not where you were hit.
    • Hitting someone with a weapon on the left side of their forehead will cut open the right side and vice versa.
    • In general, hitting someone's face with any object (steel chair, ring steps, title belt, etc.) or tossing their face to them (ring post, chain-linked fence of a cage, barricade, etc.) will bust them open profusely.
  • If you drink and drive, you'll get to meet The Undertaker. Maybe you can get his autograph!
  • You can turn into a bad guy, and still get cheers from the fans because you're just that good of a wrestler.
  • Having a limited moveset is wrong. Unless you know other moves then it's okay to use one move repeatedly.
  • Losing to a top star can ruin your credibility.
  • If you become popular outside of the most popular wrestling company, then you're expected to be treated like garbage.
  • Developmental superstars need to be immediately squashed when graduating to the main roster.
  • You should only focus on your top star and everybody can be well... there.
  • When the fans HATE your potential top star, ignore them because eventually they'll get used to him.
  • Part-timers and semi-retired superstars from the past should get priority over the full-time talent.
  • A wrestler tries to make himself popular using outside methods. That's a no-no, you should be nice for a minute then quickly nuke his credibility in order to teach him a lesson.
  • A Hall of Fame should only consist of people the boss of the company approves of. It has little to do with talent or contributions to the "sport". All the better if an inductee isn't even an athlete and just made a cameo appearance at a pay-per-view ten years ago.
  • If you had a job before becoming a wrestler you must completely embody it by changing your name and taking on a cartoonish gimmick related to your former profession.
  • Betrayal happens all the time. Even long-time enemies join forces.
  • If you're a face who gets booed, you're a bad face. If you're a heel who gets cheered, then you're a good heel.
  • Authority figures are always evil, cruel, and calculating.
    • If you're a face authority figure, you are most likely to turn to the dark side.
  • Tag teams never last forever. They will always break up and fight each other.
  • Anyone can switch alignments more than once.
  • Sometimes, when you get savagely beaten by someone, no one will step in to save you.