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"Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than one's self."
Benders, Futurama, "Benderama"

WELCOME, ladies, gentlemen, and tropers, to Darth Wiki's Favorite Game Show...

WARP... THAT... AESOP!!!!!

Western animated series round! No films, no orientals, and save any lengthy examples for the bonus round! Ready.... GO!

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     In General 

  • Remember kids, anyone who sounds like Tim Curry is automatically evil, unless he's a goofy father who loves the great outdoors!
  • If you are larger/fatter than average and are generally optimistic, you're an idiot who can't do anything right.
  • Showing Male nudity is funny. Female nudity on the other hand… TV-MA rating.
  • Traditional animation is so 20th century.
  • (Most kids' shows involving school) Any child who happens to be wealthy is nothing but a cruel, greedy, stuck-up brat. Never befriend them, they'd probably end up luring you into a trap to humiliate you.
  • If you're part of a group with a reputation for being an Acceptable Target, you will always be in the wrong in any given debate, even if you have a point.
  • A show that's a pop-culture phenomenon can take a huge dive in quality and still run for years with no sign of slowing.
  • When not being used to create asinine kiddie fare, animation can also be used to make never-ending sitcoms that go on for years after a live action one would have run its course.
  • If a traditionally animated movie flops, it's because of the animation style. It has absolutely nothing to do with how badly it was marketed, whether the plot was actually good, or what other movies it was up against. But if a CGI movie flops, eh, better luck with the next one.
  • Cartoons can only be on the maturity level of either Dora the Explorer or South Park, nothing in between.
  • If you're a cat, you pretty much deserve to have every bad thing happen to you. Even if you did nothing wrong!
  • Relating to Hanna-Barbera, if you have a successful cartoon, create multiple shows that are exactly the same with a different gimmick! Also, cowardice is hilarious, people make bongo noises when running, and use laugh tracks so no one can tell your jokes aren't funny.
  • If your show is relying on a crapton of profanity, gore, sex, offensive jokes and other mature themes for humor, your show is disgusting and offensive so much it should be cancelled as soon as possible...unless it's something preachy like South Park. Then it's okay. If you're an adult, cartoons that involve all the aforementioned offensive content are the ONLY ones you can watch. If you don't like them, you're immature!
  • You're not allowed to complain when a reboot butchers one of the cartoons you loved as a child because, despite the cartoon being based on a nostalgic property with brand recognition in hopes that you will show it to your kids and buy the merchandise for your kids, it was not meant for you, it was made for kids, and therefore is allowed to be low quality (unless you like it that is, then you suddenly become part of the target audience.)
  • If you succeed in solving a problem, expect it to reappear, either in another person or even yourself. Rule of thumb, there's an almost giant chance of it happening.

     # - J 

  • 3Below: America is the absolute worst place to be if you're Latino, female, old or an imigrant of any kind.

  • Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog:
    • Episode "Sonic is Running" - Just because you're the hero and your opponent is your archenemy in an Election Day Episode, that makes it okay to sabotage his campaign.
    • As long as you are cocky and annoying enough, the laws of physics, logic, and common sense will bend to your will. Looking at the setting and characters of the show, do you think any of those laws even exist anymore?
    • The "Sonic Says" at the end of the very first episode: - Remember kids, dialing 911 is for real emergencies. And being surrounded by a group of thugs who are about to beat the living hell out of you isn't a real emergency.
    • If you're trying to disguise yourself, just put a hat on and claim to be someone else. Your enemies will be stupid enough to fall for it, even if you're a blue hedgehog.
    • You should still go back to your parents, even if they are abusing you and constantly chewing you out of their lives. And telling the local hero about your abusive family won't do you any good. He'll just send you back home to them.

  • The Adventures of Donkey Ollie: As long as you are The Chosen One, you can be as annoyingly pretentious about it as you want.

  • The Amazing World of Gumball:
    • Doing nothing but eating but sleeping around while your wife and kids do all of the work is entirely okay. In fact, it's the only thing keeping the universe from tearing itself apart.
    • The only way to get over a traumatic experience is by going through something far more traumatic.
    • Its okay to ruin someone's life over a silly bet.
    • If a kid at school torments you on a daily basis, don't tell your parents, the bully's just having a good time with you and is actually your friend.
    • If your child/sibling says something to hurt their dad's feelings, it's perfectly acceptable to pelt them with cement and deny them necessities such as food and showering in order to teach them a lesson.
    • If someone is a genuinely kindhearted person, then something is clearly wrong with him.
    • The Best: All activists literally ever do is ruin people's lives. Never do anything that can be remotely perceived as negative around them, or they'll give you a verbal pummeling over nothing.

  • Angela Anaconda: if someone wrongs you, don't bother trying sensible courses of action to deal with it. Instead, you should just devise an elaborate if implausible revenge fantasy. When you return to the real world, karma will bitchslap them into the ground for you, and you won't even have to lift a finger unless it's a special occasion.

  • The Animals of Farthing Wood: Hey kids! Never, ever go outside, or you'll DIE — outdoors, children die the first, the most, and never with any chance for their parents or any other trusted adults to rescue them!

  • Animaniacs: It's OK to be a jerk if the person you're being a jerk to is a larger jerk.
    • Chicken Boo: Any effort to evade prejudice against you is doomed to failure.
    • Mindy and Buttons: All loyalty will do is get you pulverized on a regular basis and scolded by your Negligent owners.
      • Alternately: a dog is the perfect babysitter for a terrible twoer.
    • Slappy Squirrel: Being a senior citizen means you can get away with harming others via explosives.
    • Catcalling at women is just harmless fun! It's not like they'll find it creepy or threatening in any way.
    • Katie Ka-Boom: It's OK to overreact about little things that are able to be solved.
      • Teen girls constantly have violent mood swings and endanger their families.
    • Mimes deserve to be violently crushed and maimed.
    • The episode "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock": If your loved one has a nervous breakdown and ends up in a mental hospital, stop visiting them and they'll suddenly cure themselves when they start missing you.
    • Your fanbase consists of nothing but middle-aged Straw Fans, therefore any "criticism" of your work is deserving of you telling them to get a life. There is certainly not any fans that are small children who may innocently point out an oddity or inconsistency of some sort.

  • Archer:
    • The World's Most Dangerous Spy is not the most disciplined one, but instead an alcoholic hedonist who just happens to have a lot of gadgets, so drop out of spy school and booze up!
    • If you work with a woman of African-American descent...just don't say anything. She'll find something either racist or sexist in your words and give you crap about it, all the while ignoring comments made by your blatantly bigoted employer.
    • Your wife/fiancée will inevitably cheat on you with someone more handsome than yourself.
    • Anal sex is surprisingly comfortable.
    • It's okay to bring a gun into an office, as bullets magically fly towards that one unlucky bastard you never notice.

  • Arthur:
    • Any form of retaliation against your Annoying Younger Sibling will get you grounded and completely absolve said younger sibling of all annoyance and antagonism on their part. Unfortunately, this can be Truth in Television for some kids. On the flip side, the eldest child will always get in trouble for the stupid actions that their younger siblings do.
    • "Bleep": People only swear because they want to hurt other people's feelings.
    • Hey kids, did someone not invite you to their birthday party? Then that gives you the right to throw a massive week-long temper tantrum, slam doors all night and be rude to everyone! Don't worry, your parents won't discipline you, and you'll receive nothing but sympathy and understanding, to the point where an older person will invite you to their birthday party!
      • Adding on to that: If you're not invited to every. single. party. you hear about, it means that something is wrong with you.
    • "Water and the Brain": Who cares about learning an important survival skill such as swimming? If someone is scared of swimming you should drop the issue entirely instead of assuring and helping them.
    • "Arthur's Big Hit": It's okay to hit someone if they just so happen to have hit somebody else before. Also, if somebody breaks something that you've been working very hard on, suck it up.
    • "Prove It": If you can con your older brother into taking you to the science museum, then go for it, even if it means taking money from kids and knowingly lying to them.
    • "Besties": Inside jokes are bad unless you're in on them. Then they're fine.
    • "Two Minutes": It's okay to lie for the sake of a temporary truce.
    • "Friday the 13th": Seems to say that you should play along with what the larger crowd is doing and saying even when you know their beliefs are misplaced or even if you have no interest in whatever they follow.
    • "The Pride of Lakewood": You're not part of a group if you don't conform to all of its rituals.

  • Back to the Future: If you own two noisy time machines, not only should you show your preteen kids how to operate them, but keep the keys in a place where the kids can easily take them. The space-time continuum can handle it.

  • The Backyardigans:
    • It's totally normal to vividly hallucinate everytime you step outside.
    • Penguins can lift moose.
    • "Samurai Pie": If your teacher is a pretentious snob who won't give your work a chance, it's because you're doing something wrong.

  • Bob's Burgers:
    • It's okay to express your sexual fantasies in public if you're thirteen and awkward, it's not like it could make anyone uncomfortable.
    • Even if your restaurant serves the grossest food possible and people have gotten sick from eating it, you'll stay in business because you're marginally attractive, rich and didn't marry the health inspector's ex-girlfriend.
    • There's no harm in fantasizing about making out with a steer if it's wearing a blonde wig.
    • The kitchen sink is a perfectly acceptable second toilet!

  • Bojack Horseman:

  • The Boondocks:
    • No matter how successful you are, if you're a black man who avoids all negative stereotypes associated to your race, you're a loser who deserves to be mocked and abused. On the contrary, if you are a Caucasian (pale), you are destined to be a flat character, to be oblivious to the bad of the world and the city, and / or being Jerkass style southerly or hillybilly, etc.
    • Furthermore, it doesn't matter if R. Kelly recorded himself peeing on a preteen girl, giving out his Social Security Number. and you're showing it to the jury; if you're a black man married to a white woman, you have no credibility whatsoever because apparently you're a racist hater.
      • Likewise, a strong Fan Dumb is a good thing as they will proudly help you get away with any crime. Also, it is A-OK to engage in sexual activities with an underage girl so long as it is consensual. At least, that what the aforementioned Fan Dumb will say.
    • Always be disappointed with everything because even if you see a genuine wrong in the system, public, or family and friends and manage to successfully correct it all that means is that now either the problem is the same only more well hidden or another worse problem has arisen and cannot be easily seen so the cycle of having to correct the problem is most likely never ending.
    • "The New Black": LGBT and disability rights activists just want to destroy your life and take all your money.

  • Boy Girl Dog Cat Mouse Cheese:
    • Using a fictional hero as a positive role model is wrong, even if it allows you to gain confidence and help out other people with no negative consequences. Conversely, the person who gets you to Be Yourself again is right even though this means being a Shrinking Violet with no friends.
    • Assaulting someone is justified if they give you an Embarrassing Nickname.
    • Gloating when you win a competition is absolutely fine.
    • If you're a child being abused by an adult, don't call Child Services, instead create a Zany Scheme to exploit their phobias.
    • Naked mole rats create passages large enough for humans to stand upright in and can tunnel through the floor.
    • If you grow a beard everyone will hang off your every word, even if you spout complete nonsense.
    • If a friend does something you don't like in a misguided attempt to please you, telling them how you feel is wrong. Just let them continue to make you miserable, their happiness is more important than yours.
    • It is not in any way weird or controlling to manipulate your entire family into behaving in a way you see fit using negative reinforcement (twice!).
    • Shouting at people, insulting them and vandalising their property is great motivation.

  • Breadwinners: It's OK to date rape your crush as long as you use a love potion to do it.

  • Caillou:
    • Be a spoiled brat and the world will cave to your demands.
    • Leave your kids alone with random strangers to teach them a lesson about being antisocial.

  • Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue:
    • If you do drugs, you'll get to see your favourite cartoon stars!
    • Smoking weed will cause you to have terrifying hallucinations, and will turn into a zombie when you get older.

  • Chowder:
    • Boys, that girl who stalks you constantly and does the child equivalent of molesting you despite your loud protests? She's your one true love! Stop whining and marry her already! Girls, stalking your crush will eventually make him give in, so go nuts!
    • It doesn't matter if you have been useless all your life at your profession, as you'll become an expert at it at the last minute, or at least competent enough to take over the place after your teacher retires. Hard work matters not.

  • Codename: Kids Next Door:
  • Cow and Chicken: Cows are decent; sows are evil.

  • The Crumpets:
    • You should oust or kill your father so you can win all that love you crave from your mother.
    • You can garner a big, loyal social media following if you're being live streamed while attempting suicide. And unexpectedly getting rescued by your fans should be the only escape from your depression.

  • Danny Phantom:
    • "Hey, kids! Going into the dangerous and highly unpredictable inter-dimensional portal your Mad Scientist parents built will give you superpowers!"
    • Hurt the environment and your girlfriend will cosplay as Poison Ivy.
    • It's better to just eat anything else natural on the ground like mud, weeds, and grass instead of ANY OTHER NATURALLY EDIBLE THING ON THE ENTIRE EARTH (this includes fruits and vegetables) because even pulling a potato out of the ground or picking a apple from a tree is the same as torture and murder.
    • If you cheat on some stupid exam, your family will die, and you'll bring The End of the World as We Know It. And it's your fault, not the Jerkass Sadistic Teacher's fault, even though he called your family to a dangerous, booby-trapped place to make a scene and accuse you with no proof or logic, and he was right to do so! Also, said stupid exam will determine the REST OF YOUR LIFE, and you will be a complete loser working at a lunch shop if you fail, in spite of the fact you're 14 years old and still in high school!
    • It's totally ok to leave your friend to potentially die at the hands of a powerful supervillain because he hasn't apologized for dumping you to go party with the cool kids earlier that evening.
    • Teenage boys make awesome mayors, and are totally prepared and knowledgeable about the subject if they're nerdy!

  • Dan Vs.:
    • Revenge is often (but not always) hollow and fleeting... So make sure you keep finding new things to get even with when the buzz starts to wear off. After all, it's not like you or your friends have anything better to do. And if your friends say they do have something better to do, their priorities are obviously skewed. Drag them into your petty, convoluted schemes anyways.
    • You're always justified as long as the other guy started it.

  • Daria:
    • Being a Jerkass to everyone who isn't as smart as you and your small circle of friends is the best way to get through high school, even if those people have never said or done anything bad to you.
    • Also, being low on the Popularity Food Chain is a choice!
    • If you have above a certain IQ, nobody will listen to you.
    • You can vocally demean nearly every other girl you know as "shallow, ditzy, or slutty" and still be a great feminist icon!
    • It's perfectly fine to cheat on one of your only friend's boyfriend, it won't cause any notable riffs in your friendship and everything will turn out great for all three of you because you did it.

  • DC Animated Universe: Anyone that gets laid off will go insane and become a costumed supervillain.

  • Detentionaire:

  • Dexter's Laboratory:
    • It's perfectly okay for you to ruin your little brother's experiments. Now, if he ruins your stuff, he'll get sent to the doghouse. If he gets curious then your destruction is justified.
    • How dare you get angry with your annoying big sister for always ruining your experiments without considering your feelings! All she wants is to spend time with you just like brothers and sisters would do!

  • Dora the Explorer:

  • Doug:
    • It is perfectly okay for one person to own almost everything in your town, and for his child to get whatever she wants because of it.
    • Make sure that your handwriting is illegible as that is the only thing preventing people from reading lost journals.

  • DuckTales (1987): Remember that other Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, who learned that greed was wrong and to care for the poor? No? Neither do we at Disney! Actually greed is a positive character trait, and billionaires are friendly old men who love their nephews. Anyone who tries to make them part with even a single dime of their wealth (or pay taxes) is an evil super villain.

  • The Dreamstone: Dreams are the most important thing in the world, more so than an entire race's well being against a demonic tyrant. In fact, be sure to exacerbate their problem just on the principal of that.

  • Ed, Edd n Eddy, Chowder, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, and probably other Cartoon Network shows: Hey, young boys! Any girl who has a crush on you is a psycho stalker.
    • Isn't that both intended and what young boys think? Try on: Mindless obedience to authority figures is the only way to avoid disaster, unless You Suck so much that you can't even do that right!
      • Aesop of the above justification: Boys should be encouraged to believe Girls Have Cooties! Why bother trying to correct kids on something they believe in the first place, no matter how wrong and insulting it is?

  • Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids:
    • "Little Tough Guy": People with disabilities can still achieve great things, as long as the disability in question is relatively minor.
    • "Junk Food": Feel free to criticize your friend for putting on a few pounds when you yourself are morbidly obese.
    • "The Gunslinger": Always use the right caliber bullets in your gun.
    • "Busted": Implicitly threatening kids with prison rape is a perfectly valid method to discourage them from a life of crime.
    • "Kiss and Tell": See a doctor right away if think you might have caught an STD. Wait, you want to know how to avoid catching STDs? Sorry, can't help you there.

  • Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends:
    • It's perfectly okay to be an insensitive butthead, because your best friend isn't smart enough to abandon you.
    • Despite the fact that, in this universe, imaginary friends are living, breathing, self-aware creatures just as intelligent as humans, it's perfectly acceptable to dump them on the streets to fend for themselves once you bore of them. Or come of age, whichever comes first.
    • You can do whatever the hell you want if you're quirky enough!

  • Futurama:
    • You Suck and the only way to gain any friends is to time travel to the future.
    • If you make a monkey smart with a hat and your afraid he’ll run off, break his legs.
    • Also if you don't even try to go somewhere even remotely more interesting then where you live now you'll be there for the rest of your life where you wind up with no real friends or family and either they'll just ending up hating more over the decades, or simply abandon you leaving you Forever Alone with no hope of interacting with another kind living human being for the rest of your natural life.
    • "The Beast with a Billion Backs": If your rapist proposes to you with a pretty diamond ring, marrying them is the right thing to do. After all, they've apologized.
      • A romantic relationship can only work between one man and one woman.
      • If your lover wants you to cut contact with your closest friend, agree to do so. There's nothing creepy or suspicious about that sort of demand, not at all.
    • "Into the Wild Green Yonder": All living species must be protected from extinction at all costs. Except the Always Chaotic Evil one that is the cause of extinctions in the first place. That one can be obliterated without a second thought, even when it poses no physical harm to anyone.
    • And introducing uncounted trillions of random species from different planets into a single ecosystem will result in a perfectly balanced ecology. Even if those species died out for good reasons.
    • There's nothing wrong with murder. Just as long as Bender gets to "wet his beak".
    • If there's a possible romance between a sweet but functionally useless person and an amazingly capable but insecure person, people on both sides will take exception to it.
    • "Leela and the Genestalk": Genetic engineering is bad, even when it's being used to end world hunger or cure someone of a severe disability. Unless of course that someone is you, in which case splice away!

  • Gargoyles:
    • If you try to reach out to people, they will attempt to kill you in cold blood.
    • Revenge is a horrible cycle that will haunt you for your entire life. So make sure to never leave anyone alive!
    • The rich are utterly bloodthirsty and insane.

  • The Godzilla Power Hour: "Don't bother trying to solve problems for yourself. Just get the giant monster to do it for you."

  • Goof Troop
    • If you’re so clingy that you have No Sense of Personal Space with your loved ones, if you’re so clumsy all the time that you can turn a room into a total disaster area just by walking into it, and if you’re so thick that you’ve put yourself, your friends and your son in grave danger on numerous occasions that could have easily been avoided, don’t worry about it too much. Everyone will still love you and accept those problems as a quirky and endearing part of your personality (save for one guy, who’s a total jerk half of the time anyway), by virtue of you being the main character.
    • If your neighbor is a bully and a crook who’s already betrayed your trust multiple times in the past for his own self-gain, then he is exactly the sort of person you should want to hang out with and be best friends forever with. Going on wacky misadventures with this shady dude every other week will make your life so much more fun and exciting than it already was. You should also occasionally take parenting advice from this person. Sure, he might have a terrible track record with handling kids himself, but a broken clock is right twice a day, and you never know when he might be right on the money about something.

  • Gumby
    • "Pigeon in a Plum Tree": Be a blithering idiot who constantly takes credit for other people's good ideas, and everything will somehow work out in your favor.
    • "Grub Grabber Gumby": Literally stealing food from others won't get you punished. As long as you learn your lesson by having a bad dream, it's perfectly fine.

  • Hey Arnold!:
    • If you're a Tsundere who's overly passive-aggressive to your love interest while your Stalker with a Crush tendencies reaches to the point of religious fanaticism (Stalker Shrine included), you can still come off as one of the most likable characters if mommy and daddy didn't pay enough attention to you. Instead everyone will hate the overly sweet Girl Next Door.
    • "Curly's Girl": Boys, force the girl of your desire in a sham relationship through blackmail. When she (justifiably) breaks up with you, then everyone will think she's the heartless harpy!
    • Bullying people and being a straight-up bitch in general is a good way to cope with having a Big, Screwed-Up Family.
    • "Girl Trouble": Just stand there and do nothing when the Nice Guy is getting picked on, but when the Nice Guy fights back against his bully, send him to detention and don't punish the bully. To their credit, it's Truth in Television.
    • Consulting with a nine-year old with no medical experience for your psychological and marital problems is the best thing to do.
    • "The Beeper Queen": It's better to have a neglectful mother that's a drunkard than a neglectful mother that's a businesswoman. What?

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     K - Z 
  • Kaena: The Prophecy: Humans Are Special. So if you fight against the MacGuffin that's draining your planet of life and genociding your people to create some humans, you're evil.

  • KaBlam!: Beat up your best friend when you're mad. It's fun!

  • Kaijudo:
    • Photoshop does not exist. Everyone on the Internet will believe everything you say, no matter how blatantly fake it is if you don't add in 50 disclaimers that you're joking.
    • Is someone treating you like a servant, constantly lying to you, and manipulating you into helping him? Shrug it off and keep working for him! What's the worst that could happen? Conversely, if someone that is supposed to be your teammate starts disrespecting you, bossing everyone else around, and overall is an ungrateful little scud, it's clearly your fault for not thinking about their feelings, and you should be ASHAMED.
    • Accuse a girl of being a 'common criminal' who'll never change, even after discovering that she's been abused and mistreated for her entire life, until she proves herself to you.

  • Kim Possible:
    • A strong girl is a good role model... as long as she's not too strong because You Suck.
    • Hard work is good...but you still suck if you aren't The Chosen One.
    • If any part of the Earth is in danger, don't send in troops, don't send in the FBI or the authorities, send in...a teenage girl, then everything will end up okay!
    • To be fair, this teenage girl is skilled in combat and comes from a family of spies, so...
    • Whether you're evil or not doesn't matter; if you're a man, you can't do anything right. Instead have your hypercompetent female companion do all the work.
    • It's normal to have a two-inch waist.
    • Even if you regularly save the world as a super-spy, you'll still have to take a shitty part-time job if you want any spending money.
    • Younger siblings are annoying and older siblings are just bullies.

  • Kiwi!:
    • You will never reach your dreams, they are just sad, sad illusions hiding the fact that you are about to hit the ground. Or maybe that is the real Aesop...
    • Only commit suicide if you can do it in an awesome way.
    • Or... if your dreams are impossible to achieve, make a cheap imitation of them in the most self-destructive way possible.

  • Little Lambkins: Self-destructive behavior will make all your problems go away and all your dreams come true!

  • Looney Tunes:
    • General: Do not FUCK WITH THE WABBIT!
    • "Attack of the Drones": Don't try to fight invading aliens. It'll just end up backfiring on you.
    • "Canned Feud": Causing someone to starve to death is hilarious (even if you're preventing them from having an alternative to eating you).
    • "Duck Amuck": Screwing with someone for no reason at all just to see how angry they can get is hilarious.
    • "Elmer's Candid Camera": Nature photographers are evil. Driving them insane is a good way to get them to leave you alone.
    • "Hillbilly Hare": Impoverished citizens of the Ozarks are Acceptable Targets (and still are, seeing as if this were another type of ethnic group the short would be one of the Censored Eleven).
      • Square dancing is deadly because all the dance instructions in the songs need to be followed to the letter; whoever is singing has the ability to make the dancers kill each other.
    • "Long-Haired Hare": Do not break a man's banjo. You're in for a world of hurt if you do.
    • "My Generation G-G-Gap": If you're afraid that your teenage daughter will get into trouble at a rock concert, you're in the wrong and deserve to be violently punished.
    • "Rabbit Seasoning": Getting shot in the face is just uncomfortable and inconvenient. And hilarious.
      • Self-preservation is selfish and wrong, and you will be punished for it.
      • Hunters are really stupid and have no idea what species an animal is until you tell them.
    • "Rabbit of Seville": If someone runs onto a stage holding a shotgun, don't be afraid, you're in for a zany, gut-bustingly funny show.

  • The Looney Tunes Show:
    • Its okay to let your deadbeat, slacker friend live off your successes.
    • If a guy is playing hard to get, hit on his best friend instead. Even if his best friend is already dating someone else.

  • The Loud House:
    • Don't pay any attention to the fact that your eight-year-old sister or daughter is already depressed, obsessed with death, and hates life; it's just another cute childhood quirk, nothing different from something like loving puns or playing sports!
    • All girly girls are either complete ditzes or Bratty Half Pints.
    • It's okay to let a person who loves making dangerous experiments live in the same room as a 1-year old. Speaking of which, feel free to let your 4-year old make dangerous experiments. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
    • Being part of a Dysfunctional Family isn't a bad thing.
    • "No Such Luck": It's okay to blame others for your failings.
      • If you think a member of the family is a jinx, lock them out of the house! That's TOTALLY okay!
    • "Homespun": It’s okay to live in ramshackle, falling apart, potentially dangerous house as long as you have good memories of it.
      • It’s wrong to want better living conditions for yourself.
    • "No Guts, No Glori": It's better to allow a blatant tyrant to repress your freedom and violate human rights than to rebel against tyranny and rule the house (or country) democratically. If you impose a democratic way of life, your own people will take advantage of their rights and assume that any attempt to improve your country is tyranny. In other words, Democracy Is Bad.

  • Martha Speaks: It's okay if dogs aren't allowed in the country club trip your dog won in a phone contest! Just be dishonest and dress your dog up as your grandma and everything will be OK. And if the club owner finds out, just get on your knees and say it'll never happen again. The owner will say it's OK and start letting dogs in the club! Yay!

  • The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack: Let your young kid hang out with a creepy old man if he wants to. In fact, don't be worried at all if he hangs out with an entire town full of creepy old men. What's the worst that could happen?

  • Max and Ruby: It's perfectly okay for an eight year old child to hold household and take care of their younger siblings without parental supervision. So long as their grandparents pop by once in a while, Child Services won't bother.

  • Megas XLR:
    • If it ain't right, smash it with your giant robot car. Also, as it turns out, in real life, chicks do not dig giant robots.
    • Spending your life playing video games will turn you into a godly mecha pilot and earth's only hope.
    • If the DMV fucks you over, completely annihilate it with your giant robot.
    • It's okay to be destructive and reckless because nothing you do has any lasting consequences.

  • Mickey Mouse (2013):
    • "Tapped Out": If you laugh at your "friend" receiving a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, you'll not only get away with it, but even rewarded!
    • "No": Don't be nice or you'll get all your belongings stolen. Don't say "no" either, or else you'll be arrested. Also, it's okay to use sadistic violence to teach somebody something.
    • "Split Decisions": Don't ever try to calm your temper, or it will only get worse.
    • "Roughin' It": Do you want to go camping in a different way than your friends? You'll end up on the receiving end of torment and bodily harm, and frankly, you deserve it for disagreeing with them.
    • "You, Me and Fifi": Dogs can only love one person at a time, and besides, you shouldn't bother to help the one who's being attacked if the dog loves you.

  • My Life as a Teenage Robot:
    • Your boyfriend deserves to feel good about himself, even if it's completely unjustified.
    • In a pinch, annoying siblings will always prove themselves useful.
    • Most high school nerds are supergenius scientists, on par with the greatest minds at NASA.

  • OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes:

  • The Owl House:
    • Teachers don't care about their students and would let them kill each other if they thought it would be entertaining.
    • Public Schools are deathtraps who stifle children's potential. That's why you should homeschool your kids.
    • Schools prioritize profit over their student's education and well-being.
    • All authority can't be trusted because they can't be trusted to keep their promises.

  • Paperman: Littering is acceptable if it's for love.

  • Peppa Pig:

  • Phineas and Ferb:
    • Trying to stop your brothers from doing dangerous and potentially harmful/inappropriate things is wrong and means you want to eradicate their imagination.
    • On the other side of the coin, if you have the ability to build gigantic constructs that could revolutionize humanity all within a summer afternoon, doing so is unsafe and therefore BAD.
    • Go ahead and do whatever you want, ignore the rules, put your loved ones (and many innocent bystanders) in serious danger of getting maimed or killed, just so you can have a good time. It's okay, you won't get in trouble for any of it.
    • If you want to start a new business, but don't have any necessary materials, don't bother. Everything you need will fall from the sky.

  • The Penguins of Madagascar:
    • "Hello, Dollface:" The best woman is one who doesn't talk.
    • "It's About Time": Black holes/worm holes can be stopped by throwing the thing that caused it into them.
    • "Mental Hen": A dangerous person who is extremely intelligent cannot be stopped by anything rational. Use your sex appeal instead.

  • Popeye:
    • Anabolic steroids are illegal, and you should never use them. Eating spinach, despite causing the same effect, is A-OK, because, you know, it's a vegetable!
    • Or rather, ahem, an HERBAL SUPPLEMENT. (Back when Popeye was first created, "Spinach" was slang for good old marijuana—which was obviously associated with sailors by way of hemp rope, and believed, erroneously, to make you into a deranged berserker with superhuman strength.)
    • If your girlfriend will constantly lust after your mortal enemy and dump you at the drop of a hat, you should always forgive her, but only after pummeling your enemy to a pulp first. Beating your romantic rivals to a pulp always wins the girl's affections.
    • The episode "How Green Is My Spinach?": Spinach is the only vegetable that is good for you. Broccoli and carrots contain no nutritional value whatsoever, since they're not enough to unlock Popeye's Super Mode.

  • The Problem Solverz: Remember, by causing more problems, you'll end up getting to solve the root of the original problem in the first place.

  • The Proud Family:
    • If you have fake friends, never dump them. Keep hanging with them and always act surprised when they betray you.
    • Being a jerkass is fine, and the only thing you must do if caught is apologize.
    • It's definitely okay and hilarious to pass on the same type of abuse you dealt with down to your second son, and he will always be portrayed in the wrong when he rightfully calls you out on your harsh behavior towards him.
    • Abuse is definitely funny and justified when it is female on male.
    • It's completely fine for parents to force their kids to be friends with their friends' kids even if said kids don't like each other.

  • Pucca: Girls, it's perfectly acceptable to force yourself on a guy who's not interested in you; everyone will think you're adorable and support you for doing it!

  • Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja: Don't ever hurt anyone's feelings, or else they'll be transformed into a monster and try to kill you.

  • Ready Jet Go!:
    • Lying is bad, but if you're doing it to protect your friend's identity, then it's A-OK!
    • If your friends coerce you into going to space against your will, they're totally not psychopaths - they just want you to learn.
    • It's okay to be a complete jerk and stalker, but if you have a sob story for why you act that way, all will be forgiven and you can get off scot-free!
    • "That's One Gigantic Pumpkin, Jet Propulsion!":
      • Rushing the process of growing plants is good, and always triumphs over putting time, work, and patience into your plant. In fact, screw patience in general!
      • It's okay to force your beliefs onto others, because they will always be wrong.

  • ReBoot: Kids at home, you should not play video games. They literally are Murder Simulators. Countless civilians are killed with each game won. Great Gamers are Mass Murderers. Boy I must sound like Jack Thompson right now.

  • Recess:
    • ("Bonky Fever" episode) You're not allowed to enjoy something aimed at younger kids. note 
      • Regressing to cope is like a drug addiction.
    • From "The Bet": If you win a game, you can be an incredible jerk to those who have lost.

  • Regular Show:
    • If you work hard you can get what you want out of life. However, you'll be too tired by then to enjoy it.
    • Any problem, no matter how absurd or insane, can be solved by asking the old guy whom you work with for help.
    • "Think Positive" might be the champion for this show. It goes along the lines of: "It's okay to yell at people, because if you don't, you'll destroy everything and everyone around you." To some, this may double as a Broken Aesop.
    • "It's Time": You're obligated to drop anything you've previously had planned if your friend wants to do something with you.
    • You shouldn't get pissed at your employees for continuously slacking off or screwing up simple assignments. You are just being too hard on them.

  • The Ren & Stimpy Show:
    • "Man's Best Friend": META: Dogs hurting cats is entertaining. Dogs hurting humans is offensive.
    • "A Visit to Anthony": Children can't draw the line between television and reality. Even something as mundane as using the toilet or taking a bath will trigger them.
    • "Ren's Pecs": Ladies, getting implants in your chest will instantly lead to fame and fortune.
    • "Jiminy Lummox": Never get angry. Even if your roommate pinches your stuff without your permission and wrecks it. It'll be entirely your fault if they do and you'll be punished for having feelings.
    • "Ren Seeks Help": The mentally ill need to be beaten to a pulp and locked away. Even if they're trying to improve themselves.

  • Rick and Morty:
    • Atheists are bitter, cynical, nihilistic alcoholics.
    • Said bitter, cynical, nihilistic alcoholics are always in the right, and anyone who disagrees with them are either idiots or losers.
    • Being nice is for stupid people.

  • Rocko's Modern Life:
    • "No Pain, No Gain": If your friend is fat and out of shape, you should be too if you want to be a good friend to them.
    • (Concerning Heffer): People who are young adults and still live with their parents are nothing but spoiled man-children who are simply too lazy to make it on their own.
    • "Leap Frogs": If your wife has been trying to cheat on you with your neighbour, it's your fault for not giving her enough attention. She shouldn't be held accountable for anything because the poor lady was too thirsty for affection.
    • Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling: Nostalgia is bad. Stop it. Get with the present time. Now watch this continuation of a 90's cartoon from your childhood loaded with call backs to the original series, but don't you dare be nostalgic.
      • People who claim They Changed It, Now It Sucks! never have a valid point and are always wrong.
      • Being angry that a show you used to love was changed is the same as being transphobic.
    • "Schnit-Heads": Never trust anyone who sells sausage. They can and will forcibly convert you to their religion.

  • Rugrats: Parents, go ahead and leave naive toddlers unattended in large places such as malls and plant nurseries. Even though they don't understand the nature of their surroundings, they're still resourceful and lucky enough to avoid any bad outcomes.

  • Sabrina: The Animated Series: "Upside-Down Town" If you adjust your attitude from being a Jerkass to being sweet and likeable, that is not the right thing to do. Instead, revert back to your old self, since we all know you have a Hidden Heart of Gold beneath it all.

  • Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town: Being evil makes you more powerful than when you're good.

  • Scooby-Doo:
    • Courage is for losers. If you possess some courage then you'll become so hated you'll get the trope named after you.
    • Stealing people's food will make you a lovable comedy relief.
    • It's perfectly fine to use the most cowardly people in your group as bait to catch a dangerous criminal.

  • She-Ra and the Princesses of Power:
    • If your teenage heroine doesn't have massive tits and prominent lips, the internet will have a shitfit and denounce your show without watching it.
    • Magic is Good. Science and Religion are Evil.
    • Autism is super annoying and can be a hazard on a planetary scale.
    • "Return to the Fright Zone": The best way to fight water is with fire.
    • If you don't forgive your best friend when she says something really mean and regrets it instantly, that's OK, you have no obligation to instantly forgive things and your feelings are valid; take the time you need. The only person you're obligated to forgive instantly when they apologise is your possessive, abusive ex who's devoted months of effort to ruining your life and hurting your friends.
    • When you're the toxic friend, none of your actions will have long-term consequences for you and virtually everyone you hurt will just kind of agree to pretend you never did anything bad.
    • If the choice comes down to giving a character a compelling redemption arc where she seriously grapples with how her actions have hurt others, or giving her a girlfriend and a Pokémon, pick the girlfriend and the Pokemon.

  • She-Ra: Princess of Power:
    • The famous sexual harassment PSA: Yes kids, if you've been molested just go to your "parents, teacher, doctor, counselor, minister or rabbi" for help, even though chances are at least one of these people is the molester themselves. After all, only strangers molest children, it couldn't possibly be someone you're at all familiar with.
    • “My Friend, My Enemy”: Power-hungry genocidal despots still deserve to have their life saved, even though they’re just going to go right back to their evil ways afterwards, and they certainly wouldn’t rescue you were the tables turned. Don’t even imprison them after saving them, just take them back home.
    • All women have hourglass figures. Except for witches.

  • Skunk Fu!: If you somehow are blessed with special abilities, whatever you do, DO NOT use them to save anyone. That makes you evil, and you'll end up punished for it.

  • The Smurfs:
    • "The Smurfette": Unless you're a pretty blonde, you're evil.
      • A monogendered race of asexuals will suddenly become heterosexual with the introduction of a female.
    • "A Hug For Grouchy": If you're a grouchy Smurf that does not like being touched, you don't deserve to have your rights respected on Hug-A-Smurf Day because everyone gets a hug, whether they want one or not.
      • Sexual harassment is okay if it is part of a holiday tradition.
    • "Tattle Tail Smurfs": If you know someone did something wrong, you shouldn't say anything, or else it's tattling.
    • "Once in a Blue Moon": If you receive a mysterious letter from someone you don't know telling you to give them your newborn baby, you'd better comply. Maybe if this stranger takes enough pity on you, they'll allow you to keep the baby.
    • "Happy Unhappiness Day To You": Being miserable will save your life.
    • Nearly any time Brainy Smurf is on screen: It's a-okay to beat up annoying nerds who talk too much.

  • Sonic Boom:
    • "Just A Guy": Calling a guy "a guy" or people "people" is an insensitive and atrocious act.

  • Star vs. the Forces of Evil:
    • All you need to defend yourself against evil forces is a magic wand which you're amateurishly bad at using.
    • Entrusting a wand to your daughter who has never had previous experience with magic or any training at all under supervision, and should practice it on her own in a world where magic belongs in fairytales, is perfectly safe.
    • A quirky girl using magic on everyone and everything is perfectly normal and not weird at all.
    • You have no right to get upset if an uninvited stranger walks into a party and steals a dance meant to bind your soul with your date's while you're occupied.
    • You should blow somebody up if they treated your family like crap, even if they're a member of a mistreated group.
    • There's absolutely nothing wrong with pining for your best friend while you're currently dating somebody else. Not only will your boyfriend/girlfriend be totally cool with it, they'll even encourage you to hook up with your friend.
    • If you are best friends of the opposite sex, you WILL fall in love with each other.

  • Star Wars: The Clone Wars:
    • Is the apprentice to whom you are a mentor, commanding officer and a father figure giving you back talk, undermining your authority, charging into battle without listening to you or just plain blatantly disobeying your direct orders? Don't discipline her! She is always, always, always, absolutely right in every conceivable way and you're a jerk for doubting her!
    • Warping the Warp: Don't ever listen to someone who ranks below you in any way. You're the only one who should make decisions even if your apprentice has a point.
    • Furthermore, if you have someone who may be guilty of murders based only on circumstantial evidence, like Ahsoka in series 5, never use Telepathy to determine her innocence. Circumstantial evidence is totally fine.
    • If someone offers you a position of power with the balance of the Force itself at stake, don't worry-it's totally fine to refuse, because going back to your wife is far more important.

  • Strawberry Shortcake:
    • A bunch of preteen girls (and one boy) are perfectly capable of running their own syrupy sweet society without any problems.
    • 2009 series: If your friend lost an instrument she was going to play in a talent show you are also competing in, don’t help her find it. Instead, invite her to help with your talent act. If you have a chance to reduce your competition, take it.

  • Tangled: The Series:
    • "Challenge of The Brave" has one for everyone.
    • If someone's crushing your dreams unintentionally, don't tell them this to their face. Instead, lie to them, and try to scare them off. If that doesn't work, get somebody/something else to scare them off. If that doesn't work, sabotage them, and nearly put them in traction. And if THAT doesn't work, only then explain why it means to much to you. You totally won't look like a self-absorbed dick!
    • You can upstage somebody in a contest, humiliate them by perfecting what they've been training for for years, and get them to lose as long as you apologize and give them the trophy afterwords.
    • Screw doing things the fastest way! Make your attempts to get in somewhere as difficult as possible, despite the fact you could sneak in easily with your skills!
    • Run around in public with bare feet as much as you like! No one will view you as a stupid, immature idiot for doing so, especially if you're a princess.
    • Never, ever think about cutting loose a former friend who's grown incredibly toxic and abusive. Give them an endless amount of chances to be your friend again, even after they've destroyed your home, attacked your friends with intent to kill, enslaved people, chose a blatantly ill-intentioned stranger over you, and tried to personally murder you out of spite several times. If you hold out long enough and weather through their abuse, reconciliation will come. However, you are allowed to give up on a former friend who used you once for an opportunity to save the only family member they have left, and you don't have to care about the fact that they're a minor who was left alone for months, whom you yourself never bothered to check on.

  • Teen Titans Go! (in general):
    • You should go along with your friends' increasingly nonsensical antics instead of forcing them to actually take their jobs seriously.
      • Making them go along with your increasingly nonsensical antics, on the other hand, means you're a short-tempered egomaniac with a stick up his ass.
    • If you want to get away with vapidly horrible writing and godawful characters, just attack the critics and admit that it sucks.

  • Teen Titans Go! (specific episodes):
    • "Multiple Trick Pony": Believing in yourself means cheating to win a race.
    • "Head Fruit": Never gain any knowledge or a tree will grow from your ear.
    • "Truth, Justice, and What?": Pizza brings a group together.
    • "Hey You, Don't Forget about Me in Your Memory": High school stereotypes are important in life.
    • "Black Friday": Black Friday is a wonderful time.
    • "BBBDay!": Only celebrate your friend's birthday party, not because you care about him, but because you must prevent him from rapidly changing from a baby, to a middle-aged adult, to an senior citizen.
    • "Hot Garbage": Garbage is valuable. Never throw it away.
    • "The Return of Slade": Only kids should enjoy kiddie things like clowns. If you're older and do the same, then you need to grow up and enjoy stuff around your demographic.

  • ThunderCats (2011): Don't worry if you're still too young and arrogant to take on a position of leadership. If you can wield a magic sword, people will follow you.

  • Tiny Toon Adventures:
    • "Born to be Riled": Impersonating others and making fun of them is just fine, at least until you start making fun of your friends, only then does it cross the line and become wrong.
    • "Prom-ise Her Anything": If someone asks you to the prom you have to go with them, even if you don't want to, no matter how much they stalk you and ignore when you say no, or else you're a horrible person. Alternately, if a stalker is female she is automatically the sympathetic party, and if the male rejects her he is in the wrong. Obviously if the genders were reversed it'd be totally different.
    • If a character is hated by the fans but loved by the writers, then they (and their family) should be shoehorned into every plot and given attention and sympathy by the barrel full. Conversely, if a character is loved by the fans but hated by the writers, then they should be mistreated and abused at every turn. And their fans should be teased or mocked for liking them so much.

  • Tom and Jerry:
    • Remember kids, vermin who invade your house and eat all your food are really just cute, innocent creatures, and your cat is just a big bully.
    • Violence against cats is hilarious.
    • It is okay to steal food if you look cute and loveable while doing it.
    • It's okay to torture someone who's done nothing to you, as long as you don't like them
    • No need to lock up your knives, axes, powertools, firearms, etc. The only damage they cause are some Amusing Injuries that you'll immediately recover from.
    • Heavenly Puss: Whether or not you go to Hell depends entirely on whether or not those you wronged in life will forgive you. Let that settle in for a couple minutes.

  • Totally Spies!: Girls can kick ass just like the boys! Just, you know, as long as all their spy gadgets are shaped like cosmetics and they don't break a nail.

  • Transformers:
    • Everything around you mechanical could be an alien bent on killing you and everyone you know and love.
    • If you had a doppelganger, race with them.
    • ROTF: Even if you have a smoking hot girlfriend that wants to be with you always and a cool car that can turn into a robot, none of that matters as long as you leave them behind and go to college to study astronomy.
    • When a conflict you have nothing to do with suddenly drops onto your world, your only hope for survival is to immediately run to the less aggressive side of the war and beg them for protection.

  • Transformers Animated:

  • Transformers: Prime:
    • Meta: Crazy, megalomaniac dictators hellbound for universal domination? Meh, they're innocent enough, they had rough lives. Bratty teenage girl that's selfish and rude? PURE EVIL! SHE MUST DIE!
    • Go and fulfill your adrenaline junkie desires by running, unarmed and unprotected, into a middle of a warzone. The armies of the good guys sure as hell won't chew you out when they save your dumb ass and they sure as hell won't prevent you from making the same mistake multiple times.
    • Leadership, strength and wisdom is earned through the passing of a MacGuffin and you become a perfect Messianic Archetype who can do no wrong, and anyone who criticizes you is foolish to do so.
    • Keep offering mercy to the leader of the enemy army, because he was your best friend. It's totally okay to brutally slice and dice his mooks, though.
      • Bonus points are given if you tell your own subordinates that killing other life forms, even if they are part of a brutal, evil army, is wrong — even if you slice up and blast a hell of a ton of mooks yourself.
    • You're a good commander if you enforce protocol but don't actually keep the morale of your troops up.
    • If you're the Kid-Appeal Character, expect The Leader to choose you as their successor — never mind the more suitable candidates that are more prepared for the job.

  • Trollhunters
    • General:
      • Learning to accept one's differences is important... unless you're a filthy half-breed! Never trust half-breeds!
      • Trust no one! Anyone could be a killer monster in disguise, including the neighbor's baby! The only safe thing to do it throw a horseshoe at it.
      • It Sucks to Be the Chosen One.
    • "So I'm Dating a Sorceress": All friends are good for is psyching you out.

  • 'Twas the Night Before Christmas:
    • Don't bother trying to ask how the world around you works. It's much better to just make shit around.
    • Skeptical people are jerks.
    • Atheism will be punished.

  • Voltron: Legendary Defender:

  • The Venture Bros.:
    • You suck, you suck you suck you suck everyone sucks!
    • No matter what you do in life (earn a masters degree in college, gain super powers, invent gadgets beyond anything in Real Life science) you will never get any real respect from anyone...Ever and will continue to be treated as a failure. Also you may never get any real money earning jobs from your achievement(s) either.
      • Any wrong you may have done at any point in your life (including infancy) will eat at you to the point of mentally or socially effecting you and will not go away until you come clean with what you did. And even then even if you tell anyone about it they might not make you feel better about or they'll make it worse.

  • Wallace & Gromit:
    • The most responsible member of any family is the dog.
    • If you screw anything up just have your dog fix it.

  • The World of David the Gnome:
    • All trees are dead gnomes.
    • "The Pond in the Forest": Drowning your foes is hilarious, because they're Always Chaotic Evil anyway.
    • "Three Wishes": The proper way to reward someone for saving your wife's life is to screw with their minds and make sure they end up in prison.

  • Xiaolin Showdown:
    • It's perfectly okay to take preteens from their families to a remote temple in China and teach them martial arts.
    • It is equally okay to send these same kids out to fight the forces of evil all around the world, even after only a day or so of training.
    • If the enemy is annoying enough, it is perfectly acceptable to beat them up for fun. Trying to befriend them is crazy. Even if they sincerely turn good, they should be rejected. Feel free to call it "your hobby." Stealing their clothes and ripping out their hair is also A-Okay! If magical means turn them into the epitome of good, they will be even more annoying then before and you should change them back so you won't feel even the smallest hint of guilt as you continue to beat them up.
    • If you're billed as the main character, you're not The Chosen One. That's because you look like Krillin and therefore share the same luck as him. And if you can't handle the truth, mess with magical artifacts that either turn you evil or freeze you for 85 years!
    • If you ever learn how to rid the world of evil permanently, you should never do it. If you do, it will turn out that an evil person was actually manipulating you into destroying goodness forever instead.
    • Legumes are evil incarnate.

  • Wander over Yonder:
    • If you are in a perfect position to punish someone who literally just committed omnicide, forgive her! You are a bad person if you think that mass murderers should be punished with anything worse than public humiliation.
    • Every person has a good, redeeming quality in them. True sociopathy is an illusion.
    • Go ahead, take over/destroy as many planets as you want. It's not like anyone will try and stop you (aside from an orange hillbilly who just wants to be your friend).
    • If someone hates you to the point of wanting you dead you should continue pestering them. Nothing bad could come out of that… Heck, they might even become your friend.

  • W.I.T.C.H.: A young girl has gone missing? Screw getting information and evidence yourself, believe everything a random kid tells you and accuse a bunch of other random girls of killing her despite them having zero ill-will towards her! It's not like she was last seen spending a lot of time around a grown man whom she'd recently met, it's clearly the red-haired girl that yells at her calculator that's evil!

  • X-Men: Evolution:
    • Remember guys, if you suddenly develop a crush on a girl, act like a creepy jealous stalker, try to reveal their biggest secret, nearly get them killed from a riot YOU caused and then save them at the last minute, they'll forget everything you did and start dating you.
    • Alternatively, if someone whose like a little sister to you starts dating someone you know is bad news, and has tried to kill you and her in the past, show them nothing but trust and kindness, even when they act as suspicious or lazy as possible, because otherwise people will think you're a bossy jerk who needs to die.
    • Don't get torn between two guys, people will think you're a WHORE!
    • Act as sociopathic and egocentric as possible, and date multiple girls at the same time; people will think you're hot for it.
    • Don't have a stupid haircut or a rivalry with someone who betrayed you beyond reason; people will think you're a complete idiot.
    • If you're a bullying jerk, pretend to be nice to get a girlfriend, maybe do one or two good deeds, women will forget/deny you were anything but a perfectly pure cutie who just got misunderstood.
    • If you have a talent that others don't, do not try to test it to its full potential. Giant, bloodthirsty reptiles from HELL will come to eat your face.

  • Young Justice:
    • Diving headfirst into a ridiculously dangerous situation is a good way to convince your elders to see you as an adult.
    • Child Soldiers are the perfect secret weapon. Send them out to fight the worst of the worst and be amazed at how they solve all your problems for you.
    • If you have serious personal issues about your cloned child-by-proxy-rape, then you're being an unreasonable asshole.
    • A boy with two Dads will eventually abuse drugs.
    • There's nothing creepy at all about someone confirmed to be in their 40s dating someone less than a year old!
    • Everything you do in an attempt to fight will only play right into their hands. Everything.
    • Mind Rape is wrong. Unless you use it against bad guys, in which case, go nuts.
    • Do not let your allies in on your plan, even if said plan involves making one of your major teammates a Fake Defector and faking the death of one of your closest friends. Also your teammates and friends will quickly forgive you once you reveal said plan to them.


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