In Gravity Falls, there's always a lesson learned at the end of each episode. Sometimes however, there are some unintended lessons that seem messed up at times. Even if others aren't so unintended.
General
- Lying is always okay. Even when you do it for selfish motivations or to flee the authorities.
- All forms of entertainment are deadly. Books? Can easily be guides leading straight into dangerous monsters! Animation? You don't think that it's made with black magic? Video games? If they don't destroy everything after coming to life, they'll be alive to begin with and still try to kill you! Tabletop games? If there's a literal one in infinity chance that the antagonist will come to life and try to eat your brains, it will happen, guaranteed! Pinball? Tries to kill you if you cheat!
- You can just forget all about the young girl you saved from an abusive, hyper-controlling family because your weird uncle came back to town.
- Identity theft is A-okay!
- Anyone who says anything bad about you is only doing it because they hate you. Your detractors are just being jerks, and they only criticise you to make you feel bad, not because they want to offer you constructive criticism.
Episode Specific
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Season One
"Tourist Trapped"
- If your brother doesn't like the guy you're dating, odds are he isn't even human (your date, not your brother).
- If you want your kids to spend their summer out in the fresh, open air, they should be sent to their manipulative, Jerkass, selfish, con-artist great uncle. He's the perfect role model for them!
"The Legend Of The Gobblewonker"
- If you would rather hang out with a friend, rather than your crotchety old criminal of a great-uncle than you're a heartless jerk.
- If you lose a competition, then your opponent must have cheated to win.
- Those who are medically classified as vegetables are still humans with feelings, so instead of treating them the way you would anyone else, you should just have the police arrest them, as it's the closest anyone will come to convincing them that it's not their fault they're so useless.
- If you borrowed something without permission from someone you barely even know, and said person gets in trouble for it, don't bother helping them. It's none of your concern.
- Don't try to scare people off by using what amounts to hired muscle, because fair fights are always fair unless you make them unfair, even if the person that challenges you to a fight is nearly twice your size, is the one that started it in the first place, and refuses to let you make up the issue to them even when you genuinely want to and you've done nothing to antagonize them unprovoked in the past.
- You'll be better off without ill-intentioned motives, because well-intentioned ones are always in the hands of people with muscles that are total idiots who can't distinguish between murderers of people close to you and your average Joe going about his day. The best way to be mediate between the two is by being a girl and keeping your mouth shut, even if you aren't programmed to follow your own bizarre standards like the muscular dudebros that preceded you.
- Rather than quickly resolving a situation through a measurable, physical test, you should instead refuse to communicate, and instead let the conflict fester for longer.
- If your family exploits your insecurities to mock you, they're only doing it because any moment you're openly proud of yourself and your accomplishments makes them feel bad about themselves, so it's actually your fault and they deserve an apology, not you.
- If your friends call out your boyfriend for potentially trying to mess with your free will, it's more important to call them out over their ulterior motives than thank them for potentially saving you from being taken advantage of.
- The guy your crush is dating is always a loser, and you should rightfully presume the worst of him.
- If an adult in your family singles you out for mockery and abuse, they're only doing it because they love you and you're just the only family member who needs to learn a lesson the hard way. Also, if you're hurt by this and seek out others for support, those others will shame you and turn you away and will be completely justified in doing so, because you're wrong to be upset.
Season Two
"Scary-Oke"
- If you have information that is valuable to authority figures, or any suspicions that an adult in your life could be deliberately witholding important information, DON'T tell the authorities. Your caretakers are always right, and have your best interests at heart, and any attempt to circumvent their authority will result in a disaster.
- The only way you can willingly make a sacrifice for your sibling in front of a large group of people to show how much you care about him/her is to have said group of people pay money to see it. Someone's recording you two getting into a squabble just beforehand? Don't move somewhere else to heathily defuse the situation and finally make the long-awaited sacrifice, you've trapped yourself in that situation by getting paying costumers in the first place!
- Making people fall in love with each other through magical means is always alright, as long as the effect of it made them happy.
- It's perfectly okay for your friend group to physically and emotionally abuse you, laugh at you, use you for money, and encourage a much younger kid to push you around too. In fact, you should be so grateful for this treatment that you willingly beat yourself up just to keep them happy.
- Don't talk about the less fortunate mingling with the upper class if it's a touchy subject and there's too much power on one side to really make a difference, unless it turns out that certain people or a certain single person in the upper class care(s) more about preserving their dignity than the lives of other people. Then we can talk about mingling, and get to the much larger problem at hand when the people/person try and pull the same stunt again in the midst of an apocalypse.
- You shouldn't even try to clear a suspect's name, no matter how much you like them, because the authorities' suspicions on them are always right.
- The Power of Trust is a beautiful thing, kids, so it's okay to put trust in a criminal who has lied to you for as long as you knew them, impersonated a family member (someone who (apparently) died a highly suspicious way) and used this impersonation to take you away from your parents for several months, and is currently enacting plans that, as far as you know, may harm or kill others, because they probably aren't as bad as they seem. Stranger Danger is for suckers.
- Don't feel too sorry for homeless people, or any other victim of circumstance; they just "ruined their own lives."
- Clobbering someone in the face proves your incorruptible purity.
- Don't reflect on your immoral actions or try to improve yourself; your critics are all secretly just trolling liars anyways, regardless of whether their criticisms are valid.
- It's okay to hide secrets from your entire family, but if your siblings do it, they're reckless and selfish.
- If you're a girl flirting with boys, it's an endearing and charming trait if yours. If a boy is flirting with girls...he's a heartless douche that strings girls along and toys with their feelings.
- The reason for this is that girls assume things, whereas guys don't as much. You're entirely held accountable for their emotions when you talk to them and a teensiest bit of hope from their part makes you responsible for it. Girls can't control their emotions and guys should be careful what they say!
- Only talk to someone of the opposite gender if you want to romantically pursue them. You just want to have a friendly chat? What's wrong with you? There are same-sex people for that!
"Weirdmageddon Part 2: Escape from Reality"
- If your sister traps herself in her delusions, treat her like she's heartless and selfish instead of helping her get better.
- Going to an American public school alongside your emotionally manipulative sibling is more important than seizing the chance to receive a head-started, personalized, one-on-one and completely free education in an advanced STEM field that you have a genuine passion for.
- If your loved one is safe in a comfortable, tailor-made haven during the apocalypse, you should absolutely try to persuade them to leave it, and proceed to act as though their desire to remain there is manipulative and unreasonable.
"Weirdmageddon Part 3: Take Back the Falls"
- To perform the ritual properly, you should always have proper grammar and speak in clear sentences so that the Insufferable Genius will certainly not try and correct your grammar no matter how garbled it is and if you do so, they surely won't lose their cool and pick a fight over a minor grammar squabble.
Spin-Off Content
Literature
Gravity Falls: Journal 3
- Even in the far distant future, Police will still be useless.
- If you've found an encrypted message from the past, don't bother decoding it. There's probably nothing important written in it.
- Sure, throw away three journals that you've spent years writing about fantastic discoveries and scientific knowledge into a bottomless pit where they'll be lost forever.
Comic Books
Gravity Falls: Lost Legends
"Face It"- Magical creatures have every right to hide from humans because they will be captured and experimented on by the nearest human the moment they are spotted.
"Comix Up"
- Kids will buy literally anything as long as it has swear-words in it.
- In-Universe: brought to you by Wendy, “Reading is Bad. We should burn all books. And overthrown the government.”
"Don't Dimension It"
- Sure, have your sister get all the blame for causing the apocalypse. Despite the fact that you played a part in causing it yourself.
- Girls who don't like girly things are Obviously Evil and shouldn't be trusted.
- The only way you'll realize that you're a jerk is by witnessing similar behavior from your peers.
"The Jersey Devil's in the Details"
- Adults should never be questioned because their gut feelings on a culprit will turn out to be right.
