- Lying is always okay. Even when you do it for selfish motivation or flee the authorities.
- If someone is being mean to you, you shouldn't be nice back. Instead declare the person your new enemy and start to hate them.
- All forms of entertainment are deadly. Books? Can easily be guides leading straight into dangerous monsters! Animation? You don't think that it's not made with black magic? Video games? If they don't destroy everything after coming to life, they'll be alive to begin with and still try to kill you! Tabletop games? If there's a literal one in infinity chance that the antagonist will come to life and try to eat your brains, it will happen, guaranteed! Pinball? Tries to kill you if you cheat!
- Forget all about the young girl you saved from an abusive, hyper-controlling family because your weird uncle came back to town.
- Arkham's Razor is your friend.
- If your brother doesn't like the guy you're dating, odds are he isn't even human.
- If you want your kids to spend their summer out in the fresh, open air, they should be sent to their manipulative, Jerkass, selfish, con-artist great uncle. He's the perfect role model for them!
- If you lose a competition, then your opponent must have cheated to win.
- Making people fall in love with each other through magical means is always alright, as long as the effect of it made them happy.
- It's perfectly okay for your friend group to physically and emotionally abuse you, laugh at you, use you for money, and encourage a much younger kid to push you around too. In fact, you should be so grateful for this treatment that you willingly beat yourself up just to keep them happy.
- Clobbering someone in the face proves your incorruptible purity.
- Don't reflect on your immoral actions or try to improve yourself.
- It's okay to hide secrets from your entire family, but if your siblings do it, they're reckless and selfish.
- If you're a girl flirting with boys, it's an endearing and charming trait if yours. If a boy is flirting with girls... he's a heartless douche that strings girls along and toys with their feelings.
- The reason for this is that girls assume things, whereas guys don't as much. You're entirely held accountable for their emotions when you talk to them and a teensiest bit of hope from their part makes you responsible for it. Girls can't control their emotions and guys should be careful what they say!
- Only talk to someone of the opposite gender if you want to romantically pursue them. You just want to have a friendly chat? What's wrong with you? There are same-sex people for that! What's a gay person?
- If your sister traps herself in her delusions, treat her like she's heartless and selfish instead of helping her get better.
- To perform the ritual properly, you should always have proper grammar and can speak in clear sentences so that the Insufferable Genius would certainly not try and correct your grammar no matter how garbled it is and if you do so, they surely won't lose their cool and pick a fight over a minor grammar squabble.
- Magical creatures have every right to hide from humans because they will be captured and experimented on by the nearest human the moment they are spotted.
- Kids will buy literally anything as long as it has swear-words in it.
"Don't Dimension It"
- Girls who don't like girly things are Obviously Evil and shant be trusted.
"The Jersey Devil's in the Details"
- Adults should never be questioned because their gut feelings on a culprit will turn out to be right.