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Characters in Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. For the source material, see the Hellsing character page and its subpages.

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Hellsing Organization

An organization loyal to the English Crown, they hunt down and destroy supernatural threats that endanger the United Kingdom and its people. While most members are normal humans who don't have the raw power to equal the vampires and other terrors they face, the Hellsing Organization does have a massive trump card that makes them feared by the monsters they hunt: Alucard. Unfortunately for those holding the leash, said trump card is...

"Excuse me, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire."

Voiced by: Curtis "Takahata101" Arnott, Nadine "MontyGlu" Arnott (Girlycard)

An extremely powerful vampire under the employ of the Hellsing Organization. He's violent, immature, not especially obedient, and likes to troll people. Follow him on TV Tropes at his page.

  • Abusive Parents: His father. So much so that he loved killing him more than the Turks and Nazis. Right at the end of the series, he also said that he impaled twenty thousand people because he was "really mad at Dad that day".
  • Adaptational Badass: In canon, it's pretty much outright confirmed that Alexander as the "Monster of God" would have killed him had Seras not intervened. Here, he breaks free and kills him all by himself.
  • Adaptational Heroism: At least when it comes to his treatment of Seras. While he cared about her in canon as well, this version dropped the Tough Love aspect of their relationship, though he's still kind of a Troll to her.
    • In Episode 8, he outright tells Satan that he became the monster God wanted him to be so that other monsters worse than himself wouldn't exist. This is a layer of characterization that didn't exist, or at the very least was much less prominent, in the original.
    • In the finale, when destroying souls turns out to be ineffectual, he does his best to help them. All three million of them. Then he spent 10 years alone on his own soul.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Alucard was no saint in the original, but Abridged Alucard amps it up to full blown Villain Protagonist in many areas as well, including his general psychotic bloodlust.
    • Canon Alucard is a subservient servant to Integra and asks for her permission before doing anything. Abridged Alucard disobeys her constantly and at one point even downright ignores her plea for help.
  • Affably Evil: When he turns back into Dracula. He is quite a gentleman, being highly respectful towards Integra instead of the Trollish attitude he's had throughout the entire series. But do remember that he is still Count fucking Dracula, who had just used all the souls of those he had killed to massacre his enemies.
    • While Alucard's behavior fits more in line with Faux Affably Evil for the most part, he does have moments of genuine Affably Evil as well, especially in the latter half of the series. He is nothing but respectful to Anderson when the latter is about die, openly calling him a friend despite their history of antagonism. And while he may have been reluctant and annoyed at having to act as a psychiatrist to the many souls that he consumed throughout his life as a vampire, he still gives them heartfelt and genuine advice to help them go through their issues without a hint of his usual malicious or asinine behavior. Even he's surprised at how good he is at it.
  • Affectionate Nickname: "Ally/Allie" by The Queen of England; he in turn calls her "Betty."
  • And Starring: The end credits to episode 10 finishes the main cast list with "and Curtis Arnott as Alucard".
  • Anything That Moves: According to him, there is no one alive who can comprehend his sexual preference. While he generally expresses attraction toward powerful women (Betty and Integra) he also adores violence, regardless of the gender involved, saying that Seras' berserk fury is incredibly attractive and getting severely aroused whenever he fights Anderson. He also expresses aroused confusion when he sees Schrödinger. In his flashback in Episode 9, he also hints that he may have had a relationship with Arthur Hellsing as well, considering he mentions that Arthur is "an actual daddy now."
    • Although he makes a point to not date "patients", aka anyone he plays psychologist to.
  • Arch-Enemy: Father Anderson. The Major may be the story's Big Bad, but he and Anderson are much more likely to come to blows.
  • Armor-Piercing Question: In the finale, he finds himself asking one of these to himself, upon being removed from reality and forced to confront his own soul. It takes him ten years of uninterrupted discussion about his history to come up with an answer, though we never hear what it was.
    Alucard: Are we a bad person?
  • The Assimilator: He's absorbed the souls of everyone he's ever sucked the blood out of, about two million-ish people. He can then use them as an undead army, and his Complete Immortality is fueled by sacrificing a soul every time he suffers a deadly wound. Like in canon, this backfires on him when he consumes the deceased of London while Schrodinger "spikes his drink".
  • Ax-Crazy: As much as his canon counterpart, and worse.
  • Badass Baritone: Courtesy of Takahata101.
  • Badass Longcoat: A blood-red one, same as his canon counterpart.
  • Been There, Shaped History: Apparently he started World War One (and the second one by extension) when he shot Archduke Ferdinand and blamed it on "some other guy" (though he also seems to believe it wasn't his fault because he did so "unknowingly").
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: With Integra, in which arguing with her in person gives him a boner. It makes things super awkward. He claims Walter had a one-sided version of this with him back when he was a girl in the 40s.
  • Berserk Button: Christ, it'd be easier to list the things that don't piss him off.
    • Whatever you do, don't destroy his plasma TV. Luke Valentine learned this the hard way.
    • Don't interrupt him while he's telling a story.
    • Don't hit on Seras while he's around. Only he can do that.
    • Don't try to forgive him for his sins; that's up to God, and Alucard hates God.
    • He doesn’t take Anderson stabbing himself with Helena’s Nail well either, going into a very annoyed Rapid-Fire "No!" as a result. Like in canon, he is furious that Anderson would make himself an abomination like Alucard rather than fighting him to the death as a human.
    • He shows a new one in Episode 8: do not interrupt a worthy opponent's last words.
      Alucard: WALTER!!
    • Hypocrisy is something that deeply annoys him, but he positively flips out over it on God when the latter chastizes him about the millions of dead souls he's enslaved, with Alucard yelling in rage about "You having a problem with using other people for your own ends? What, should I give you credit for the idea?!"
    • He also gets very pissed, not only about Walter shooting his dog, but also anti-ing his jokes on top of it.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Definitely with this guy. He's as silly as he is dangerous. Count Dracula on the other hand...
  • Blood Knight: He loves to fight. Especially Anderson, but anything that causes a lot of damage and a lot of blood is his idea of a good time.
  • Blue-and-Orange Morality: His idea of good and evil is very hazy, as is his inclination toward them.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Alucard is pretty much the best at what he does, but he'd rather do whatever amuses him. And one thing that amuses him is pissing off Integra.
    Integra: (after hearing the latest of his 400+ elaborate death threats to the Pope) I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job.
  • Caught with Your Pants Down: See A Date with Rosie Palms. Anderson breaks in as soon as he's finished, prompting Alucard to ask for five minutes to recharge. All it takes is a single punch to the face to get his motor running again.
  • Chekhov's Gun: His Twitter account.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Alucard goes down some very strange logical pathways. Largely because he seems permanently focused on violence and sex (usually both) and nothing else.
  • Combat Sadomasochist: As much as he enjoys inflicting pain, he similarly gets riled up when pain's inflicted on him, such as when Anderson punches him and immediately gets excited.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: His blatant lack of regard for innocent life is consistently Played for Laughs.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Usually hands these out. But in the past, he was at the receiving end of one by Abraham Van Helsing.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: He does this at the start of Episode 4 while forcing Integra to tell him (over the phone) that he was right about the Nazis.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Heavy on the snark, but he's rarely deadpan.
  • Deal with the Devil: He and Satan agreed that Alucard would not allow another monster to exist like him, thus explaining where he got his powers and Hellhounds from (though the latter wanted them back).
  • Death Seeker:
    • Despite the series ramping his comedic and sociopathic traits Up to Eleven and him clearly enjoying being an unstoppable killer, his conversation with Seras after Pip dies and she's breaking down over her own weaknesses reveals he still shares certain traits of his canon counterpart, outright telling her the reason he changed her was not because of her tits, but because he saw in her eyes something he lost long ago: the will to live.
    • In episode 10 when Alucard recounts how he had to help the souls inside himself along with his own soul in order for them to released and allow him to return, Integra asks, "Couldn't you have just killed them all?"note . Alucard responds, "Ah, I tried. Especially on ME."
  • Decomposite Character: Of a sort. When Alucard uses Level 0 release, he becomes Dracula, who here is a separate personality from Alucard and much more polite and soft-spoken, to the point of actually using Seras' name.
  • Defiant to the End: It is revealed in a flashback that this was how Alucard acted when he was defeated by Abraham Van Helsing. When Abraham lists off his many, many atrocities, Alucard responds with "The Aristocrats".
  • Depraved Bisexual: Gets an erection while fighting Anderson and is aroused during Seras' blood rage. It seems blood, violence, and death excite him regardless of whether a man or a woman does it. Not to mention the "why" boner he got upon meeting Schrodinger.
  • Destructive Savior: Emphasis on destructive and only nominally a savior. Case in point, what he thinks of all the property damage he's committed:
    Alucard: Good times.
  • Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: If it means valuing your life. Those that didn't were doomed to be turned to scrap by him.
  • Dracula: Making even less of an effort to hide it than in canon. He even refers to how much he loves killing Turks at one point.
  • Dysfunction Junction: He becomes one after consuming all of the dead people in London, and discovers that the only way to reform himself after consuming Schrodinger is to get rid of all of those souls by putting them at rest... which means he spends twenty years playing psychotherapist to every dead soul he's collected. Then he has to spend an additional decade sorting out his own issues.
  • Eldritch Abomination: When he releases his controls he's basically a writhing tentacle shadow with More Teeth than the Osmond Family and Eyes for Days.
  • Establishing Character Moment: The opening of the first episode alone:
    Edward: Hold on. (goes to the door) Who is it?
    Alucard: Oh, you know. (Guns Edward down) A REAL fucking vampire!
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He goes absolutely berserk when Walter remorselessly kills a mortally wounded Anderson and denies the man a chance to say his final words.
  • Evil Is Hammy: Alucard is a lot more hammy than his canon counterpart, which is saying something.
  • Evil Is Petty:
    • He destroys property, sexually harasses people, vandalizes the Cristo Redentor… and tilts every painting at the hallway while he goes to scare the crap out of the French mercenary group Integra just contracted.
      Alucard: (Evil Laugh)
      Integra: (sigh) Oh God… walking through that hallway is going to give me such a headache now.
    • He also goes on vacation in Brazil simply because he's told that he's not allowed to go there. Integra and Walter did that on purpose, though.
  • Evil Laugh: Delivers a brilliant one in Episode 3 after Walter tells Integra about his tilting of every painting he passed on the way to orientation. He also lets a truly epic Evil Laugh loose at the end of Episode 4, in anticipation of the upcoming battle against the Nazis in London.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: Implied, as he gets sexually aroused by everything. He also states there's no one alive who can understand his sexual preference. The only things that slightly slow him down are Schrödinger's androgyny confusing him into a why-boner and his complete refusal to fuck Walter.
  • Faux Affably Evil: He's an incredibly cheerful and fun-loving person. He's also a violent sociopath with no sense of self-restraint whatsoever.
  • Freudian Excuse: His Rape as Backstory at the hands of the Ottoman empire, not only for being one big source of his anger issues but also why he keeps making Pedophile Priest jokes.
  • Friendly Rivalry: He has this with Anderson, but because of their personalities, it won't stop them from trying to kill each other on sight.
  • Gender Bender: In Episode 4, he notes that he was a girl in the 1940's. He was also dating the Queen of England around this time. Episode 9 shows it in full, with Alucard using it to taunt Walter on how he always wanted (according to Alucard, at least) to fuck her and make her scream his name unironically.
  • Guttural Growler: Not usually, but when he unlocks a restriction his deep voice picks up a noticeable rasp.
  • Hates Everyone Equally: He says as much in Episode 4.
    • Though it should be noted that some select individuals have earned his "respect" and "affection" when compared to everybody else. Notable examples include the Queen of England, Walter, Seras, and to a lesser degree Integra.
  • Heel Realization: In Episode 10, he has one when he consumes Schrodinger. Roughly a third of his time reconstituting himself afterward - ten years - is spent wrestling with his own soul to understand the depths of his own evil and finally forgive himself.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: For a given definition of "heroic," he's definitely funny (it's Team Four Star), and he's extremely sociopathic.
  • Hidden Depths: He likes Adventure Time. Despite all of the sexual harassment he subjects others to, he's also holding out for Integra, who he thinks is "a beast of a woman", and has a friendly relationship with the Queen of England. He also can show Seras legitimate concern and helps her finally overcome Pip's death and her own fears about her failures with a You Are Better Than You Think You Are! speech that simultaneously reveals he still has at least a bit of his canon self's desire to die. And while he's not accredited, he's skilled enough at psychiatry that he's able to resolve the psychological issues of the entire population of London plus a few thousand psycho Crusaders, Nazis, and whoever else died in London.
  • Hypocritical Humor: He throws many Take Thats at the Catholic Church for its sex scandals and makes wisecracks accusing the Vatican of being filled with Pedophile Priests, but Alucard is a deviant who is guilty of committing sexual harassment, and apparently isn't even the worst offender of this among the Hellsing organization.
  • I am a Humanitarian: Comes with the whole vampire thing.
    Alucard: BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!
  • Immortality Immorality: Thanks to the fact that no one can really stop him permanently, he does whatever he wants, with no care about the consequences.
  • In Love with Your Carnage: Part of the reason Alucard loves the Queen.
    Queen: When you find him (The Major) and when you kill him, I want you to record it so I can fall asleep to it every night.
    Alucard: Jesus fucking CHRIST I'VE MISSED YOU!
    Maxwell: HEY!
    Alucard: Oh, shut up.
    • He also mentions that this is why he's "holding myself out for that beast" Integra, and that Seras' blood-soaked rampage through the hospital has aroused him.
  • Insane Troll Logic: By Alucard's reasoning, the vampire attacks are clearly caused by some large, organized group, and because the Nazi party was a large, organized group, it must be Nazis. Turns out he's right.
  • Interplay of Sex and Violence: He apparently gets a boner while fighting. And arguing with Integra.
  • In-Series Nickname: Some people have taken to calling him Integra's "pet vampire". But of course, in a place and moment when he can't hear it.
  • It Amused Me: And if you don't like it, you can get the guy who can stop him: Michael McDoesn'tExist. This sets up the final joke of the series when Alucard, having laid every one of his souls to rest except for Schrodinger, is now everywhere and nowhere.
  • Jekyll & Hyde: The dynamic between Dracula and Alucard is something of a variant. Dracula is an honorable, respectful, Affably Evil fellow who is nonetheless commits atrocities on the regular as evidenced by the forest of freshly impaled corpses that appears not long after him. Alucard is a petty, crude jerkass of a troll who despite also constantly committing atrocities generally limits their scope a lot more, is fighting on the side of the nominally good guys, has held onto a few scraps of humanity, and usually limits his severe Blood Knight tendencies to other monsters or people who attacked him first.
  • Jerkass: He often causes deliberate collateral damage just because it's funny. Not to mention the pleasure he takes in messing with Integra.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: And he usually does. The most definitive argument and counterargument is towards Rip Van Winkle when he shot down hers as he approaches to kill her, by pointing out she's a lot more privileged than he is, if one follows her logic to the end.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: To Seras, and Seras only. He may like to annoy and pick on her just as much as everyone else, but has many Pet the Dog moments with her (see below).
    • He relentlessly trolls Integra and goes out of his way to screw around with her and her orders, but he openly admits that she is "a beast of a woman." Compared to how he treats everybody else, that alone is some legitimate respect coming from him. The Major even notes in one of his monologues that Integra is the only woman with any kind of command over Alucard.
    • He is openly saddened and devastated at Anderson's death, even outright calling him a friend at the end. And when Anderson hypothesizes that Alucard is looking for atonement for his sins in his own way, Alucard doesn't deny it.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: To everyone else, though, he's just a dick.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Inverted with him, of all people! The series took a much more serious tone when he got trapped on the aircraft carrier in Episode 4. Lampshaded by Jaffe in Episode 7.
    Jaffe: When he was around, shit wasn't so scary! If anything, it was fucking hilarious! But ever since he left everything's been so goddamn serious! Like there's something missing…
  • Lack of Empathy: With the exception of Integra, Seras, Walter, and the Queen, Alucard couldn't give less of a damn about anyone else. And when Walter betrays him, any respect he once had for him goes right out the window.
  • Large Ham: Because Evil Is Hammy!
  • Little Miss Badass: And if he remembers correctly, he was a girl during the 40s…
  • Nay-Theist: He really does not like God. During his conversation with Him in Episode 8 (implied not to be the first time), he calls Him out on all the suffering in the world and his own Freudian Excuse.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: Episode 2 implies that the zombie outbreak in Highschool of the Dead was Alucard's fault (he wasn't quite as thorough as he should have been eradicating a different zombie outbreak).
  • Not Me This Time: His actions in Brazil were, in fact, not his fault, as the local police attempted to apprehend him. Doesn't stop him from taking pleasure in killing all but one, who pussed out like a bitch.
    • He's blamed for and absolutely refuses to apologize for all of the claims of sexual harassment, mostly because it's actually Integra who is responsible for the worst of it.
  • Odd Friendship: If it could be called that between himself and Satan, who grants him his dark powers for revenge and Alucard himself he would not allow another monster like himself to exist.
  • OOC Is Serious Business:
    • While it plays into his Blood Knight personality, Alucard's stone-cold delivery of "I better not miss a damn thing," at the end of Episode 4 is bone-chilling.
    • At the end of episode 5, he's eerily quiet.
    • In episode 7, when Seras is in the midst of a Heroic BSoD after losing her eyes, most of the Wild Geese and Pip, Alucard appears in her mind; after a few random jokes as is typical of him, he turns deadly serious and gives Seras the sincere encouragement she needs to become a full vampire, even calling her by a more formal title of her species, rather than the derisive "Police Girl."
      Alucard: Listen to me, Draculina! You are so much stronger than you let yourself be.
      Seras: 'Ow do you know?!
      Alucard: Because behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: the will to live. Now, stop running from who you are. Confront it, embrace it, and go for its fucking throat. Like a real fucking vampire!
    • Before releasing Restraint Level Zero, the normally loud, obnoxious, talkative Alucard becomes deathly calm and slowly recites an ominous verse of poetry.
    • In episode 8, when Anderson tells Alucard "I forgive you," Alucard is genuinely annoyed, merely saying that God's the one with that authority.
    • When Anderson reveals he's going to stab himself in the heart with the nail, Alucard doesn't make any smart quips or jokes, he simply glares and says "No" repeatedly in a low growl.
    • His conversation with God is one of the only moments in the series where he becomes genuinely angry at someone else, mostly because of his opinion that God is a massive hypocrite.
    • Again in episode 8, he's absolutely furious when Walter kills Anderson and mocks the man.
  • Overprotective Dad: Toward Seras, in his own disturbing way. When Schrodinger starts coming on to Seras in Episode 4, Alucard promptly shoots him in the head, before asking if "that boy-girl" was bothering her.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • His relationship with Seras is a very unusual version of this, seeing as he invites her to kill zombies with him because it's so much fun (and he's impressed when she does so), he asks Integra to get her a new gun (then immediately asks for a cannon instead, because "bitches love cannons"), he shares his hotel room with her (but not Pip), and he feeds Schrödinger his gun for bugging her. He also tells Seras to use her Third Eye to look past Zorin's illusion (but got pissed because she kept overthinking it), and even talks her while she undergoes a Heroic BSoD and gets her into embracing her vampire nature, as he points out what he saw in her was the will to live.
    • As Dracula, he affectionately pats her on her head and calls her by her name rather than Police Girl.
    • He willingly bows before Queen Elizabeth II, speaks to her with deep reverence, tells her that age has done nothing to tarnish her beauty, and they're friends despite all this time not seeing each other. He also has a friendly conversation with Walter.
  • Poke the Poodle: Compared to the bloodbaths that he usually causes, him repeatedly threatening to kill the Pope by carrier pigeon but not actually doing anything is actually pretty tame. Tamer still is tilting all the paintings in the hallway just to mess with Integra. And placing a giant banner on the Cristo Redentor just to piss off Anderson.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: Takahata101's usual schtick.
  • Put on a Bus: Starting with Episode 5, where his only line is at the very end.
  • Rape as Backstory: Turns out he has a huge reason why he keeps making pedophile jokes to Anderson.
    Alucard: Let me ask you something, Yahweh, what set of prints were yours in the sand?! Was it the hand prints, the knee prints or the footprints behind those?!
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: He delivers three rather spectacular ones.
    • To Maxwell:
      "Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must've started with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine year old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right, generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God... all over his back."
    • To Rip Van Winkle, when she calls him "a racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig". He admits she would be right about all of those points. But then he delivers this epic response that shoots down every single accusation she threw at him:
      "The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the forties, I hate everyone equally, and there is no one alive who could comprehend my sexual preference. So, in other words, Ms. Van Winkle… Ch-ch-ch-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!"
    • Finally, to Walter in the last episode, calling him out on his overconfidence:
      "Let me see if I can get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerries thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my #LifeHack, and at least one of you could kill me. So when the 'very fine' people of the Nazi military, those KKK-looking sons-of-bitches, and Alexander MOTHERFUCKING Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought were the guy."
  • Redemption Rejection: He's granted forgiveness by God but denies it, with Anderson speculating he wants to earn it for himself when he's ready.
    God: You are forgiven. And if you are brave enough to accept it-
    Alucard: Didn't ask, don't need it, go fuck yourself!
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: His eyes are always red. Which means you should always heed that warning… by not being in the same hemisphere as him.
    • Though judging by what happened in Brazil even this may not be enough.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: To himself! Once he releases Restraint Level 0, he reverts to his original personality. Dracula is polite, calm, and respectful of Integra. Alucard is… well just look at every trope listed so far and you'll get the idea…
  • Running Gag: From the front half of the series, Alucard's walks. In episode 8, Integra starts to go through the formal commands to authorize Alucard to go to Restraint Level 0, which allows him to unleash his army of consumed souls and become his true form of Count Dracula. Unfortunately, she gets interrupted midway through, and in annoyance she drops the formalities and just tells Alucard to "go for a walk."
  • Sadist: Getting an erection while fighting Anderson is just the tip of the iceberg.
  • Saving Christmas He just wanted his Nightmare Before Christmas moment.
  • Sdrawkcab Name: Do you really need to guess? The Count himself lampshades it.
    Anderson: Time the fuck out! If we're doing this...and we are doing this...I'm not gonna come swinging at Dracula... I'M KILLIN' ALUCARD!
    Dracula: You do know it's just my name spelled—
  • Self-Made Orphan: According to Alucard, his favorite thing to kill was his father, topping the Turks and the Nazis.
  • Sex Is Violence: Very much turned on by violence, to the point of being instantly aroused by it.
  • Showy Invincible Hero: Even more so than in the source material, because here he's invincible, he knows it, and he'll happily remind you that there's not a damn thing you can do to stop him from doing whatever he wants. Unless you're God.
  • Suicide Is Shameful: To a degree but less so than his OVA counterpart. While this Alucard like the other one has expressed that they are tired of life and have the sentiment that as monsters, they should die, this version is far less affected by the prospect of others committing suicide that those he knows personally. Abridged Alucard seems to only see suicide as weak as opposed to cowardly and he doesn't mind if random strangers kill themselves. For example, in the original, when a police officer killed himself to escape Alucard's wrath OVA Alucard was visibly disgusted and sneered where as Abridged Alucard just smirked and thought it was hilarous.
    Alucard: And I killed all but one of them.
    Integra: What happened to the last one?
    Alucard: Pussed out like a bitch!
  • Super Senses: He can smell London burning all the way to the English Channel. Of course, it's all of London burning plus all the gunpowder used.
  • Superpowered Evil Side: Not that Alucard himself is any kind of saint, but his original form of Count Dracula (who speaks and acts as though he is a separate personality from Alucard, which even Integra notes), though it's subverted that Dracula is actually a hell of a lot more polite and respectful (at least to Integra, who he acknowledges as his master, and Seras, who he is genuinely pleased to have seen come so far). But, you know, he's still Count Dracula, and killed millions of people before he ever became Alucard. Alucard is brutal and effective but doesn't usually leave forests of impaled bodies in his wake which Dracula does. However, also subverted in that Dracula cedes control back to Alucard to fight Father Anderson, as it's Alucard he has the rivalry with, not Drac.
  • Tall, Dark, and Snarky: He's tall, he's dark, he's snarky. Self-explanatory, really.
  • Theme Music Power-Up: "Ready to Die" seamlessly transitions into "Party Party Party", Abridged's main theme, when he unleashes Restraint Level Zero in Episode 8.
  • Then Let Me Be Evil: While he was far from a saint before, Vlad decided that if the God he had devoted himself to would allow him to suffer and be demonized in His name, then he would become the monster that everyone wanted him to be so that someone worse could never come along. And so, Alucard was born.
  • Tranquil Fury: He rarely does this. But when he does, well... See Luke's entry.
    • He enters a variant of this after Walter kills Anderson, going from his furious scream from Episode 8 to not taking the whole thing seriously in Episode 9 specifically because Walter wants him to take their fight seriously and Alucard's so angry at him that he refuses to honor that wish.
  • Troll: Half the reason Alucard does anything he does.
    • One of the toppers is during Episode 4, when Alucard vandalizes the Cristo Redentor... for no reason apparently than to get a rise out of Alexander Anderson.
    • On his way to scare the crap out of the new guards, he decided to tilt every painting he came across. Apparently, he trolls on his way to other trollings.
    • He trolls the pope by sending him multiple death-threats by carrier-pigeon. His most recent one started with "Dear Chief Replacement,..." and urged him to follow his Twitter account.
    • He especially relishes in trolling those who demand his attention or respect when they're clearly in no position for him to give a shit, purposefully not taking them seriously and denying them any satisfaction.
    Young Walter: Why can't you take this seriously?!
    Alucard: Because that's what you want, and I'm NOT going to give it to you. That or my pussy.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: In this version he's ultimately responsible for causing the outbreak in Tokonosu City. It's implied that he's the one who got Pope Benedict to resign by sending him hundreds of threatening letters, and it was Pope Francis' reformist policies that caused Maxwell's Jumping Off the Slippery Slope.
    • Episode 7 also reveals that he was actually the one who shot Archduke Ferdinand note  and blamed it on a nearby Serbian, kicking off World War I.
  • Vagina Dentata: Claims the pussy of his female form has rows of teeth like a shark. On one hand, he could have just been screwing with Walter, because it's Alucard. On the other, he could have been completely serious... because it's Alucard.
  • Vampires Are Sex Gods: But you'll probably never have sex again. Unless you're the Queen.
  • Vampire Vords: When he reverts back to being Count Dracula, he takes on a heavy Eastern European accent that Alucard noticeably lacks, invoking this trope.
  • Villainous Breakdown:
  • Villain Protagonist: Kills both enemies and innocent people alike, and is only nominally a hero.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Walter used to have the very rare position of being one of the people Alucard respected and trusted. Well, as much respect as someone like Alucard can give. Once Walter decides to have his youth restored to kill Alucard, that previous relationship flies out the window.
  • Worthy Opponent: Sees Alexander Anderson as this, to the point of calling him a friend while Anderson lay dying after having his heart (which Anderson had pierced with a nail from the Crucifixion of Christ) ripped out and talks amicably with him. And Anderson reciprocates the feeling as shown when he demands the much more polite and civil Dracula return to Alucard before they fight, which Alucard does. If his fight with Walter is true throughout the series, he refuses to fight people the way they want unless he considers them worthy (most opponents want a serious fight, and Alucard is basically... Alucard).. After their battle is over, Alucard is genuinely saddened and distressed that Anderson is dying, and regrets that Anderson turned himself into a angelic monstrosity to fight him instead of facing him as a human.
  • Would Hit a Girl: He was a girl one time. Thus, in the gory-murder regard, he supports gender equality - as proven when he kills Rip Van Winkle.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are!: This guy of all people ends up delivering one of these to Seras during the climax of episode 7, which culminates to Seras taking multitudes of Badassery.
  • Your Mom: Gave a spectacular one to the Brazilian police BOPE force kicking down the door of his penthouse suite in episode 3. It got him gunned down... for whatever good that did for the officers.
    BOPE Officer: Get on your knees!
    Alucard: I'm not YOUR MOTHER last night!

    Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing
"Oh, fuck all kinds of duck."
Voiced by: Corrine "Megami33" Sudberg

The leader of Hellsing. She's very straight-laced and responsible in stark contrast to Alucard's Psychopathic Manchild personality.

  • Adaptational Villainy: A minor zigzagged example. While she was extremely disheartened by Alucard's rampage in Brazil in both canon and the abridged, in canon, it was because of the loss of human life, while here, it's because of a loss of collateral. On the other hand, the canon Integra explicitly ordered Alucard to destroy anything in the way of his mission (knowing full well that it included the soldiers), whereas abridged Integra didn't make such an order and lets out a Big "NO!" when she hears that Alucard "went for a walk."
  • Ambiguously Bi: No word on whether or not she's attracted to men (though there is plenty of subtext between her and Alucard as noted below), but she seems to be very interested in Seras, and apparently sexually harasses her often. According to Seras, she's even worse about it than Alucard is.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Integra is the leader of the Hellsing Organisation. She's supposed to look good.
  • Badass Normal: She may be the commanding officer and an entirely ordinary human, but she is still a force to be reckoned with.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: With Alucard. The fact that he forces her to admit he was right about Nazis being behind the vampire attacks makes her twitch.
    • She seems to be even somewhat aware of it. She admits to herself that Alucard actually doing what she wants is both satisfying and disappointing.
    • All pretense is removed by the finale when Alucard phases back into existence. Even though Integra is fifty-two, Alucard is still more than attracted to her. The final shot is them consummating by Alucard drinking her blood.
  • Berserk Button:
    • EVERYTHING Alucard does.
    • On a lesser note, merely seeing Enrico Maxwell's name was enough for her to begin ranting.
  • Bifauxnen: Lampshaded:
    Anderson: What do you want, ya crazy Protestant bastard?
    Integra: I'm a woman.
    Anderson: Call yerself whatever ya like, ya crazy Protestant bastard!
    • A Nazi soldier couldn't believe she was a woman either.
    • An Iscariot official was rather unsure as well, although he does say that he at least thought she was a woman.
  • Car Fu: Despite not having driven a car before, she manages to take out a few vampires before crashing.
  • Chekhov's Hobby: A mild example, but one of the ways she's shown to have sexually harassed Seras is by sensually force-feeding her blood. When she reunites with Alucard, the two do a consensual version of the same activity.
  • Covert Pervert:
    • One can assume this from her Twitter picture described under Funny Background Event.
    • Episode 7 reveals that Integra has been sexually harassing Seras for quite some time now. And is apparently worse about it than Alucard himself!
  • Dark-Skinned Blonde: Blonde hair. Dark skin. Another self-explanatory trope.
  • Drives Like Crazy: On account of never having learned how, because Walter has driven her everywhere since she was ten.
  • Dude Magnet: Alucard regards her as a "beast of a woman", the Major apparently fantasizes about her on lonely Saturday nights with a bottle of chardonnay, and Anderson is turned on by the fact that she stared down an army of vampire Nazis after cutting off one of their heads.
  • Eye Scream: Like in canon, she gets shot in the eye by the Major, who she kills in self-defense.
  • Funny Background Event: Blink and you miss it, but Integra's Twitter Profile Image is her in a maid costume with a cigar in her mouth.
  • Guile Heroine: How does she solve her financial problems? Putting Alucard's brutal murder of Luke Valentine on the phone for her financial advisers to listen to, and telling them that's what he does when they don't have the budget to keep him pointed in the right direction or, in the case of his ridiculous expenses, entertained. This achievement is especially notable in that Alucard was the primary problem in the first place.
  • Little Miss Snarker: It's at least shown in the flashback in Episode 9 that her snark began when she was young (possibly due to the trauma of the situation) in that she briefly mocks the absurdity that she wasn't allowed a puppy growing up because it was "too much responsiblity", but her father supposedly left her with a corpse.
  • Negated Moment of Awesome: She was ready to fight a whole squad of Nazi soldiers all by herself with just a sabre as weapon, but Anderson and his army butt in. At least Anderson was impressed (and aroused) by her resolve.
  • Not So Above It All: Alucard frequently exasperates her, but she can be just as snarky, violent, horny, and petty as he is.
  • "Not So Different" Remark: Episode 5 has her chuckle as Sir Reginald tries to stage a coup on her, even saying that she understands how Alucard feels just as he kills someone before she orders Walter to slaughter the usurpers.
  • Only Sane Woman: Not the only one of the Hellsing Organization, but her job is to be the sane one in charge and to somewhat rein in Alucard.
  • Pragmatic Hero: Sir Integra isn't above abusing Alucard's misbehavior to get what she wants. She uses a recording of one of Alucard's violent outbursts to indirectly threaten the British government officials overlooking Hellsing's funding, securing their support.
  • Promoted to Love Interest: To Alucard. Granted there was an awful lot of subtext in the original, but it was never made explicit as it was here.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: She really does try, but her success largely depends on whether Alucard's around.
  • Sacrificed Basic Skill for Awesome Training: Can decapitate a Nazi vampire with a single swing of her sword, but doesn't know how to drive a car.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: She has zero patience for the Major's famous monologuing once they finally meet, either shutting him down, hurrying him along, or just trying to shoot him mid-sentence.
    Integra: Is there a rest stop between now and the fucking point?
  • Silver Vixen: Thirty years after the Millennium attack, her hair turned gray and her skin shows wrinkles due to aging, but she looks the same otherwise. Alucard comments that she looks like a genderbent Walter.
    Alucard: It may be the 30-year dry spell but that is doing it for me!alternatively 
  • Skewed Priorities: After dealing with the destruction of London, getting betrayed by her butler, losing Alucard and losing her left eye, what is the one thing that she freaks out over the most? The fact that the Major is a cyborg. To the point that she spends the next thirty years trying to figure out how he turned himself into one.
  • Troll: Oh, it's subtle, but it's there. Most notably when she suggests Anderson could bring his grievances to Maxwell about his boss's conduct by writing up a strongly-worded condemnation and then nailing it to Maxwell's door… whilst surrounded by armed fanatical Roman Catholics whose response to her "LIKE A PROTESTANT!" joke is for all of them to pull their guns on her.
  • Verbal Backspace: She initially tells her disciples in the future to stop bullying Penwood Jr. Jr., only to reverse course when he expresses discontent with his education.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Walter was Integra's primary caregiver for a vast majority of her life (if not all of it) and the two had a rather close relationship as a result. As soon as she finds out he is in fact betraying her, she immediately cuts off all ties with him and tells Alucard to kill him. Zig Zagged Trope by the epilogue however, since she reminisce of him while lamenting her wrinkles.
  • Women Are Wiser: Has to be, with a lot of the males being Large Hams, Blood Knights, Cloudcuckoolanders, Sir Swears a Lots, nigh-unstoppable, or a combination of these.
  • You Killed My Father: She says this word-for-word towards her uncle Richard. He replies, "No, no, the poison killed your father. I murdered your father!"
  • Younger Than They Look: Those familiar with the original series aside, would you believe she's only 22 years old? One of the Nazi soldiers she's staring down in Episode 5 comments on this.

    Seras "Police Girl" Victoria
"…And you know what we Brits always say: 'God. Save. The Queen'."
Voiced by: Jesse "Nowacking" Nowack

A Cockney woman that Alucard converted into a vampire. She's almost exclusively referred to as "Police Girl".

Unlike the source material, which has her as Comic Relief, Police Girl is something of a Straight Man to Alucard's Cloudcuckoolander.

  • Adaptational Badass: Not that she wasn't badass in the original OVA, but in the original Zorin still had a shot to try and Mind Rape her even after she became a True Draculina and Pip blocked her out with his own memories to keep Seras safe. Here? She slaughters Zorin and her army all on her lonesome and Zorin never had a chance to even try.
  • Adaptational Skimpiness: Downplayed in the Distant Finale where she bursts into Integra's room. In the original when she kicked open the door, there was a quick Panty Shot. Here, she skipped out on the panties and the whole gag goes on significantly longer while looking up her skirt.note 
  • A Day in the Limelight: As in the full series, Episodes 6 and 7 focus more on her and Pip than Alucard.
  • An Arm and a Leg: Loses her arm to Zorin in Episode 7, and then gains a shadowy tendril in its place after absorbing Pip's soul.
  • Autobots, Rock Out!: Whenever she goes into a Blood Rage, some heavy metal kicks up.
  • BFG: The Harkonnen anti-tank rifle.
    Seras: Bitches love cannons!
    • Taken Up to Eleven in Episode 6 with the dual-wielded Harkonnen II anti-aircraft rifles. Along with the specialized anti-aircraft grenades.
    • Kicked up even further in Episode 10 when she yanks up a whole cannon to shoot the Major with.
    Major: Come on, bitch! SHOW ME WHAT YOU LOVE!!!
  • Badass Boast: After she drinks Pip's blood and becomes a full vampire.
    "Zorin, was it? L-listen Zorin, this whole fuckin' place... is my house. You ain't the queen vampire bitch 'ere, I am. And you know what we Brits always say: 'God. Save. The Queen.'"
  • Battle Couple: Finally gets to do this with Pip after his soul awakens inside her in Episode 9.
  • The Berserker: "Blood rage", which is when she's had a taste of it, goes crazy and starts rending the enemy limb-from-limb with her bare hands. A flashback in episode 7 shows she was prone to such intense rages from childhood, considering she stabbed another kid at the orphanage she lived at in the eye with a pencil and threatened to do the same to the orphanage head's mother. Only a lot further south.
  • Bizarre Human Biology: Seras has a rare condition where her heart is in the right side of her chest instead of the left like most people. This was confirmed by Scott during the marathon creator commentary livestream.
  • Butt-Monkey: At least when around Alucard.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Once she drinks Pip's blood, she utterly annihilates her enemies. Any semblance of Zorin mounting a comeback from the source material is removed; only her merciless slaughter is shown, to the tune of "Living Dead Girl."
  • D-Cup Distress: During the trailer for Episode 3.
    Seras: Master! My breasts keep gettin' bigger!
    Alucard: GOOD!
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Episode 6 shows her backstory is still canon; she doesn't like to talk about it. Episode 7 shows it in full, and it's as unpleasant as you'd think. It's also the cause of her blood rages, going by the scene in the orphanage.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Gets in on it from time to time.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Everyone calls her "Police Girl", even though her name is Seras. Even in the cast list, she's referred to as "Police Girl". Only Zorin calls her by her real name and only while Seras is grinding her face on the wall. This stops following Seras' transformation into a full-fledged vampire.
  • Eye Scream: Zorin cuts out her eyes in Episode 7. They're back once she's done drinking Pip.
  • First-Name Basis: Only calls Pip by his name as she calls out to him as he dies.
  • Friendly Sniper: She gets a massive upgrade of a cannon with the Harkonnen, which she can wield with one hand or use as a sniper rifle.
  • Gag Boobs: See D-Cup Distress above. The only reason she was turned into a vampire at all (unless you count Alucard's comment that she's really good at making "please help me" puppy dog eyes while dying) was because Alucard thought she had nice tits though their conversation in Episode 7 hints it was just an excuse he made up. She reveals in Episode 6 she doesn't wear a bra. Episode 9 has Pip's soul living in one of them because it's got that much space.
  • Going Commando: She ends up doing this when running to Sir Integra's aid during Alucard's return. We get to wittness this in all of its pixelated glory as she kicks down the door. She even asks multiple time if she can run back and grab some panties. For the record, the original manga and Ultimate had this as just a Panty Shot.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: After Pip's death, she starts breaking down over her own weaknesses and her failure to stop Zorin from attacking the Hellsing manor. Fortunately, Alucard boosts her morale with a You Are Better Than You Think You Are! speech.
    Alucard: Stop running from who you are. Confront it, embrace it, and go for its fucking throat… like a real fucking vampire!
  • In-Series Nickname: Besides "Police Girl", she is called "ma chere" by Pip. She's not too thrilled about that, but she likes the latter more than the former.
  • Irony: In the original Hellsing Ultimate, she's the main source of comedy. In this Abridged series, she comes across as the Only Sane Man in the whole cast, even though her character is essentially the same.
  • Large Ham: Briefly descends into a fit of "over-the-top violence, swearing, and unnecessary screaming" during Episode 6, at Pip's request. In Episode 7, after drinking Pip's blood, she starts talking like Alucard.
  • Leitmotif: Each time her eyes turn red and she goes on a Blood Rage, a different Rob Zombie song plays. Feel So Numb in Episode, 1, Dragula in 2, and Living Dead Girl in 7. Her fight with the Captain has Little Red Riding Hood and Werewolf Baby playing in the background.
  • Not So Above It All: Episode 1 has a scene with Alucard slaughtering zombies in a mansion while Seras sits outside looking bored. Alucard convinces her to try killing them to alleviate her boredom. She grudgingly kills one… then lets out an aroused sounding "Oh fuck the hell yes" as the blood rage kicks in.
  • Oop North: She claims to have grown up in Leeds, even though she sports a Cockney accent.
  • Pre-Mortem One-Liner: Before Pip shoves a silver tooth into the Captain's heart:
    "Sorry...THIS Red Riding Hood bites back!"
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: They mean that she's in a blood rage. After regrowing her eyes in Episode 7, they stay red permanently.
  • Say My Name:
    • A tearjerking example as she calls out to Pip before he dies.
      Mr. Bernadotte…? Pip…?! Pip?!
    • As mentioned above she forces Zorin to do this in the middle of killing her.
  • Small Girl, Big Gun: What did you think "bitches love cannons" meant?
  • "Take That!" Kiss: A variation. In the Distant Finale, Seras mimes a mocking kiss at Heinkel, suggesting that - on top of being their mentors' successors in their respective organizations - the two have developed a homoerotic rivalry like Alucard and Anderson before them.
  • Theme Music Power-Up: Rob Zombie plays during her blood rages.
  • Took a Level in Badass: After absorbing Pip's soul in Episode 7, she cuts an entire battalion of Nazi Vampires to ribbons in about 10 seconds and reduces Zorin into a bloody smear on the wall.
  • Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: As stated under The Berserker, she was prone to intense rages during her childhood, which is where her "blood rages" likely came from.
  • Vapor Wear: She does not wear a bra and is totally fine with casually mentioning that fact to Pip and the Wild Geese.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Walter was significantly kinder in his treatment of Seras than Integra or Alucard and she was more than thankful for it. As such, their last words to each other (Notably, he is much more concerned over what she has to say than Integra or Alucard) is the two giving each other a fond last regard to one another. Though she still makes sure to let him know she thinks he's a bellend, its treated a lot more somberly rather than as a joke, hinting at how hurt she is.
  • Wrestler in All of Us: Wow, it's like she's a police girl or something.

    Walter C. Dornez
"I shall do exactly as the butler does...and tidy up."

Click here to see him as a young adult 

Click here to see him as a teen 

Voiced by: Martin "LittleKuriboh" Billany (Episode 1), Joshua "Remix" Gotay (Episode 2+), Howard "TehExorcist" Wang (Young Walter)

Hellsing's butler and an ex-vampire hunter. Notably one of the few people that Alucard seems to actually respect and consistently treat well, at least until episode 8.

  • Adaptational Jerkass: While Walter's betrayal is played straight, his reason for betraying the organization is far more petty than his canon counterpart's. While canon!Walter had wanted to give Alucard A Good Way to Die on account of him being a Death Seeker in addition to wanting to prove he still had some use, and later decided to turn against Millennium to ensure there would be no more artificial vampires made, this Walter betrayed Hellsing because he was upset that he had Unresolved Sexual Tension with Alucard ever since he was 15. Furthermore, this Walter never tries to redeem himself, only wallowing in self pity before committing Suicide by Heinkel.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: Downplayed, but by the same token as the above. In the original, it is heavily implied that Walter had been working for Millenium as far back as the end of his mission with Alucard in World War 2. In the Abridged series, it's implied he's only been in league with Millenium as far back as Integra's father's death at earliest.
  • Ambiguously Gay: After Alucard disappears, Walter confirms that his betrayal was due to his feelings towards him, though due to the fact that these feelings are only talked about when Alucard is Girlycard and constantly taunts him with a feminine voice, it's hard to say if he was attracted to Alucard himself or his form.
  • Anti-Humor: Episode 9 has him indulging in this just to piss Alucard off.
  • Battle Butler: Kicks nearly as much ass as Alucard, and is always handy to clean up messes.
  • Bishōnen: Was one as a young man.
  • Blood Knight: Tragically deconstructed. Walter was so desperate to get at Alucard that he did everything in his power to set things up so he could finally get his rematch, purposefully taking a vacation to Brazil so Integra could reawaken Alucard and betraying his own master and country. The Major ends up robbing him of his victory, leaving him with nothing.
  • Bond One-Liner: "Now, think about what you've done," after casually slaughtering Sir Reginald and his traitorous soldiers.
  • Boom, Headshot!: How Heinkel takes him out in the last episode.
  • Break the Haughty: Claims his betrayal of Hellsing is an attempt at this. He despises how Alucard behaves like a Psychopathic Manchild who constantly needs validation despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, so he sells out Hellsing to Millennium for one last shot at putting the vampire in his place. Gets flipped on him when Girlycard refuses to take the fight seriously, starts to No-Sell everything Walter throws at him, and insists his betrayal was for other reasons.note 
  • Cool Old Guy: He was kicking ass at 15 years old in the 1940s, and continues to be a deadly warrior in the modern day. The Major mocks him for this, claiming that in comparison to Millennium aging like fine wine, Walter has aged like milk. He's one of the only people Alucard shows any amount of respect to. After he regains his power he had in his prime through vampirization, any respect Alucard had for him is gone.
  • Death by Irony: He kills both Anderson and Yumie — who were both loved by Heinkel; and mocks them, robbing their deaths of dignity. He ends up losing everything he ever loved, after betraying Hellsing and failing to get Alucard's validation; then Heinkel gives him "a traitor's death".
  • Diabolus ex Machina: Just as Alucard and a dying Father Anderson are making peace with each other, Walter shows up out of nowhere, suddenly youthful, and kills Anderson outright by crushing his head beneath his foot, prompting an absolutely enraged Say My Name from Alucard.
  • Dies Differently in Adaptation: He dies being sniped by Heinkel willingly instead of surviving the shot to go and kill Herr Doktor before burning to death in Millennium's zeppelin.
  • Driven to Suicide: While he doesn't directly kill himself, Walter allows Heinkel to avenge Yumie's death once he realizes he's thrown away every reason he had to live.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Back during the 40s, Alucard used to call him "Jolly Wally". It's brought up in Episode 9 to tease him when he de-ages into a teenager.
  • Face Death with Dignity: At end of his Villainous BSoD in the last episode, when he realizes Millennium has been playing him, he willingly lets Heinkel take him out, deciding that it's an appropriate death for a traitor.
  • Face–Heel Turn: As in the source material, episode 8 ends with Walter showing up out of nowhere as a youthful vampire, desecrating Anderson's remains, snarking about it, and enraging Alucard in the process, squaring up for their battle.
  • Final Boss: Walter is Alucard's, while the Captain is Seras'.
  • Forgotten Fallen Friend: Well, friend is certainly not the right word to use, but Walter is completely unacknowledged by Seras and Integra after his betrayal, despite not actually knowing what happened to him. It's fitting, considering his lack of redepmtion in this version.
  • Guile Hero: Manages to trick Alucard in going to Brazil by telling him that he has vacation days and that he can visit anywhere except Brazil.
  • Heel Realization: After Alucard's apparent death, Walter is finally struck by the pointlessness of his betrayal and all the good things he threw away. Accordingly, he decides to let Heinkel kill him.
  • Hero Killer: Manages to kill Yumie, Anderson, and almost Alucard.
  • Hypocrite: Claims to hate Alucard for being a Psychopathic Manchild who craves attention and validation in spite of being the most powerful vampire alive. Walter isn't one to talk; his decision to become young again just to have a chance to kill his hated rival is a clear indicator that he seeks out Alucard's attention and validation.
  • Ironic Echo: He reminds Alucard that he has vacation days in order to get the vampire to Brazil in Episode 3. In Episode 9, it's revealed that this is how Richard got him out of the house to remove the last obstacle (so he perceived) in killing Integra... though the finale shows he was well aware of this and did it on purpose.
  • I Was Quite the Looker: He's quite handsome in his younger years.
  • Kick the Dog: As Alucard and the dying Anderson are making peace with each other, Walter cuts them off by stomping out Anderson's crumbling face and mocking him. Alucard was less than pleased with him.
    • He also brutally kills Yumie in right in front of Heinkel afterwards.
  • Knew It All Along: He knew Richard was trying to get him out of the way to kill Integra, and was counting on it to have him chase her into the basement to get into a position for Alucard's revival.
  • Lack of Empathy: Displays no sympathy whatsoever in his treatment of Anderson, crushing Anderson's head while Anderson is dying and insulting him to boot.
  • Leitmotif: "Die Fledermaus" is used for his fight sequences, playing both when he fights Jan in Episode 2 and when he fights Alucard in Episode 9.
  • Love Makes You Evil: Alucard outright says that the reason why he turns himself into a vampire to fight him is due to unrequited love for Alucard when the latter was a girl during the 1940's. Of course, this is Alucard talking, so it's not clear if he's being serious or just mocking Walter. As Walter reveals, he was at least half serious.
  • Merlin Sickness: As per the original canon, Walter gets himself injected with vampire DNA by Herr Doktor, but the process is done too hastily, resulting in him constantly de-aging until he returns to his 14-year-old self from the 40s.
  • Motive Rant: After Alucard vanishes from existence, he breaks down as he admits that Alucard was absolutely right about why Walter betrayed Hellsing.
    Walter: You were right... You were the only thing... I cared about. I needed you back so badly, I let Richard chase Integra right into your arms. But by then... I was past my prime. So I betrayed them all... My master, my country; I tossed them to the wind... For one last chance at you. Now I have nothing... But this hole in my—! (gets sniped by Heinkel)
  • The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Subverted. He thinks he's this to Alucard, who doesn't hold him highly in this regard.
  • Pet the Dog: He takes a moment to genuinely wish Seras well for her service with a smile despite having made his Face–Heel Turn at this point.
  • Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: "Who wants daddy's belt?" when Integra's meeting with Sir Penwood is interrupted by a squad of vampire Nazis.
  • Razor Wire: His main weapons are long strings of razor sharp wire.
  • Retired Badass: For a given value of "retired", anyway. Walter used to be a vampire hunter, now he's a butler. Upon Integra demanding answers for his betrayal, Walter states that he's always considered himself a butler second, and a vampire hunter first.
  • Servile Snarker: As a contrast to Integra, Walter is totally unruffled by anything Alucard does, and he won't hesitate to snark as the opportunity arises.
    Integra: What are we looking at in terms of collateral?
    Walter: Well... the Alucard amount.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: Invoked when he introduces himself after killing several of Jan's ghouls in Episode 2.
    Walter: Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.
    • And then again at the end of Episode 8 when he desecrates Anderson's remains as the priest says his last words.
      Alexander Anderson: I...
      (Walter stomps on Anderson's head and grinds it under his heel)
      Walter: ...said three "Hail Marys", ate my vitamins, fucked off and died. Amen.
  • Unknown Rival: Alucard regards him as this, and brushes him off as with everyone else who dares claim themselves his equal.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: Confirmed to be his ultimate reason for betraying Hellsing despite claiming he was simply tired of cleaning up Alucard's mess.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Starts off his fight with Alucard incredibly calm (to the point Alucard is the one freaking out), but as the fight wears on and his body starts giving out and de-aging with Alucard showing no signs of slowing down (physically or trolling), his patience starts to snap.
  • Villainous BSoD: He breaks fully down after Alucard vanishes and he realizes just how pointless everything he did was, only snapping out of it when Heinkel shoots him and, instead of avoiding the follow-up like he does in the original canon, accepts his oncoming death as penance.
  • Walking Spoiler: Given his defection to Millennium for restored youth, his role in the final 3 episodes makes him one.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Walter used to have the very rare position of being one of the people Alucard respected and trusted. Well, as much respect as Alucard can give. Once he decides to have his youth restored to kill Alucard, that previous relationship flies out the window.

    Pip Bernadotte
"We were prepared for a full-on tactical assault. Instead, we got a volley of swastika-covered dipshits running dick-first into enemy territory."
Voiced by: Jragoswin (Episodes 3-4), Scott "KaiserNeko" Frerichs (Episode 6+)

A Frenchman that leads the Wild Geese, a band of mercenaries. His team gets hired by Hellsing after the organization has its entire staff slaughtered by the vampire attack. Likes to speak in double entendres and gradually becomes infatuated with Seras.

  • A Day in the Limelight: Shared with Seras for episode 6.
  • Anti-Climax: Prior to Zorin's illusory attack, he describes the Nazi vampire assault thus:
    "If you told me two years ago, when we were starting or ending a war in the Middle East, that we'd be fighting Nazi vampires, I'd have kissed you full on the mouth! But now... all I feel is robbed."
  • Badass Normal: In a series packed to the gills with supernatural monsters and badasses, you'd think a normal human would be completely inconsequential and overshadowed. In Pip's case, you'd be wrong. He constantly contributes to the efforts of the Hellsing Organization with both his combat skills, (such as singlehandedly wiping out the command of the Brazilian police or smacking Zorin across the face with the butt of a rifle before shooting her multiple times) and his strategic abilities. (His plan for the defense of the Hellsing mansion would have easily thwarted Millennium's attack if not for Zorin's mental abilities, which they had no way to anticipate.) He may just be a normal human, but he successfully influences the course of battles between much more powerful forces with his training, determination, and know how.
    • Empowered Badass Normal: After Seras drinks his blood and absorbs his soul he becomes something akin to one of Alucard's familiars but with his mind totally intact. As a result he's still a strategic genius able to read the battlefield on a moment's notice as before, but now as part of Seras he can manifest out of her "wing" and is as strong as a Vampire.
  • Blood Knight: He says that he would have been ecstatic enough to kiss one of his teammates "in the mouth" if they were told upfront that they would be fighting Nazi vampires if not for how easy it was (at first mind you) taking them out with landmines.
  • Bishōnen: The long hair probably helps in Anderson confusing him as a girl.
  • Bodyguarding a Badass: What Alucard hired him for on his vacation to Brazil.
  • Characterization Marches On: When Jragoswin was voicing Pip, the character was more laid-back and plain-spoken. When Kaiser Neko took over, he leaned in on the double entendres, peppering French phrases into his speech, and was more openly flirty with Seras. This remained his characterization for the rest of the series.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: He never passes up a chance to make a sex-related pun, but he's genuinely fond of Seras and laments she's probably good too him, making the fact she's actually attracted to him a genuine surprise.
  • Defiant to the End: In Episode 7, when he tries and fails to stop Zorin's assault:
    Pip: Va te faire foutre! (slaps Zorin across the face with the butt of his gun) It's French for "Fuck off!" (empties his revolver into her)
  • Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?: He aspires to have a drink with Alucard, of all people. Alucard isn't very open to the idea.
  • Double Entendre: Loves making them as he's giving out orders, just like in the series. Unlike in the series, other characters start noticing and making fun of him for it.
  • I Call Him "Mr. Happy": In Episode 9, he states that he calls his erection "My Love For [Seras]".
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Zorin kills him via scythe point through the back in Episode 7.
  • Insecure Love Interest: He confesses something to this effect as he dies, saying that Seras is "Far too fine a wine for a lout like [him]."
  • Last Kiss: Manages to have one with Seras before offering his blood to her so she can become a full vampire.
  • Made of Iron: Despite being wounded by some wood splinters to the chest, he still has enough strength to strike Zorin and pelt her with several bullets.
  • Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: He is a master at these, and chides Seras at her inability to deliver them or Bond One Liners.
    • When he shoves a silver tooth into the Captain's heart:
      Pip: (in French) So sorry, big Bad Wolf! (in English) Huff and puff and blow me.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Feeds one of these to Jaffe in Episode 7 when Jaffe complains about how utterly screwed they are without Alucard.
    Pip: So, okay. Let's grab some knee pads, a stiff drink, and gobble his cock. You wanna sit back and whimper like the little preschool bitch you are, go ahead! But Alucard isn't here; he's on a fucking boat, and there's not a goddamn thing we can do about it! So do some fucking soul-searching, or locate the shattered remains of your testicles and hope — like always — that the girl comes first before that barricade gives way and you're made into the world's whiniest Lunchable!

    Dr. Abraham Van Helsing
"What say you, monster, demon, devil conceived by the bleakest womb? What say you now!?"
Voiced by: Christopher Sabat (credited as "DJSexidillionaire")

The distant ancestor of Integra who dealt with Alucard.

  • Badass Baritone: He's voiced by Christopher Sabat, after all.
  • Badass Normal: The man that defeated Alucard was a normal human. This makes him unquestionably the most badass entity in the series.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Dealt one to Alucard. ALUCARD.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: The reason why we know his defeat of Alucard was a curb stomp is because in Alucard's dream, while he is lying in the dirt barely able to stand, Hellsing is the only thing standing on a field of corpses, and he doesn't even look smudged.
  • Posthumous Character: Died hundreds of years before the start of the series, but Alucard still dreams of him.
  • Rage Breaking Point: When Van Hellsing asks what Alucard has to say after being beaten, Alucard responds with two words: "The Aristocrats". Van Hellsing growls in anger and drives a stake into Alucard's heart.
  • Worthy Opponent: He was this to Alucard, and as a result Alucard still lives in fear of, and respect for, Van Helsing to this day. Alucard wants another normal human like Van Helsing to best him again, but such an act is so tough to follow that both Anderson and Walter had to trade in their humanity to even come close, driving Alucard to rage and dissapointment.

    Arthur Hellsing 
Voiced by: Connor McKinley

Integra's late father, who was the former leader of the Hellsing Organization before his death.

  • Ambiguously Bi: He had a daughter, but an offhand comment from Alucard implies their relationship wasn't just professional. Episode 9 at least refers to Alucard (jokingly or not) as his "gimp vampire boyfriend".
  • Dies Differently in Adaptation: In the original Hellsing he died of illness, but in the Abridged version he was poisoned by Richard in an attempt at Inheritance Murder.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: He seemed to genuinely trust Richard and believed him when he claimed it was "bittersweet irony" that he didn't get poisoned as well.
    • Possibly subverted. The fact that he emphasizes Richard's middle name, disavows him, and names his daughter as his heir, and earlier tells her to find Alucard, implies he suspected Richard.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: He's more upset by the fact that the blood he's coughing up has ruined his favourite pillow than he is about said blood-coughing fit.
  • Posthumous Character: Dead before the series.
  • You Are in Command Now: He says this to his daughter seconds before he dies.

    Richard Traitoro Hellsing 
Voiced by: William Grant "MasterWuggles" Smith

Integra's treacherous uncle, who wanted the position of leader as his own.

  • Adaptational Villainy: While he was still power-hungry enough to attempt to kill his family in the source material, the abridged series adds in the detail of him assassinating his brother with poison to seize that power in the first place, while the original indicated that Arthur’s death was his life of hedonism catching up to him in old age.
  • Adaptation Expansion: His role is slightly larger and more elaborate than in the original Hellsing Ultimate, as the footage featuring him was actually taken from the first anime.
  • Cain and Abel: The Cain to Arthur's Abel. He has his brother poisoned in a ploy to steal his job.
  • Creepy High-Pitched Voice: He even Screams Like a Little Girl when his men are killed off and his right arm is sliced off by a reawakened Alucard.
  • Evil Uncle: He's the uncle of Integra and brother of Arthur Hellsing. He's also a very sneaky backstabber.
  • Insistent Terminology: He objects when Integra says he killed Arthur.
    Richard: No, no, no. The poison killed your father. I murdered your father!
  • Meaningful Name: His middle name gives an insight on his motivations.
  • Named by the Adaptation: Downplayed. His name canonically is Richard Hellsing, but the middle name "Traitoro" was added at Team Four Star's initiative.
  • The Starscream: Intended to poison his brother so he can take over the organization. It didn't go out as planned, and Integra rewarded him as he deserves.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Descend from calm manipulations into rage when Arthur passes him over as successor for the Hellsing Organization to Integra, promptly deciding to kill her personally and chasing her down.
  • Who Names Their Kid "Dude"?: Seriously, his parents must have been begging for him to grow up and betray his family in the future.
  • Would Hurt a Child: He's not afraid to shoot his own niece.


Iscariot/Vatican Section XIII

A secret organization within the Catholic Church, Iscariot exists to destroy all supernatural threats to the world and any enemies of the Catholic Church. Staffed by a small army of extremists willing to go to any lengths and commit any atrocities to carry out their mission, Iscariot is a force to be reckoned with, especially when their forces are led by the bloodthirsty and nigh unkillable paladin Alexander Anderson.

    Father Alexander Anderson
"I am a man of three things: God, virtue, and disobeying that prat Maxwell when it suits me!"
Voiced by: Ben "hbi2k" Creighton

A Catholic priest who serves as Iscariot's Alucard, for lack of a better term, by slaying creatures that defy God (and/or Protestant heathens). He considers his work "fun" and has a noble, albeit radical, moral code that clashes with both the Hellsing organization and Millennium.

  • Adaptational Villainy: Downplayed and ultimately subverted. He's not exactly a villain, but his kinder and reasonable moments are mostly gone in favor of Ax-Crazy and Blood Knight tendencies. Fully subverted by Episode 8, where he becomes closer to his original characterization and actually attempts to absolve Alucard of his sins, which didn't happen in the original.
  • As the Good Book Says...: Anderson loves quoting the Bible (when he's not quoting Boondock Saints). Psalm 2:11-12 sounds great once you get him going:
    Anderson: Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling!
    Anderson: Kiss the Son lest He be angry, and ye perish from the way when His wrath is kindled but a little!
  • Ax-Crazy: When it comes to non-Catholics like Protestants and supernatural creatures like vampires.
  • Badass Creed: His "WHO ARE WE?" speech quoted below in Rousing Speech.
  • Badass Preacher: A Catholic priest that can fight on relatively even terms with Alucard.
  • Bayonet Ya: He's got bayonets for days, and don't dare suggest he doesn't. Or that he's using them wrong.
  • Becoming the Mask: According to the extended lyrics of the "Alexander Anderson" song, Anderson was originally a heroin smuggler for the mob in his teenage years who evaded pursuit by disguising himself as a priest and then found that killing unholy abominations like vampires in the name of God was to his liking. And, to a lesser extent, preaching the Word of God.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Protestants. He also really hated what Alucard did to the Christ the Redeemer statue.
    • Never suggest that he may run out of bayonets. And also, never suggest he is using bayonets wrong, as the Nazi Vampire that chided him for not putting them on a gun found out.
    • Also, do not, under any circumstances, call yourself a god. He leaves Enrico to die at the hands of Alucard's horde for this very reason.
  • Blood Knight: By his own admission, the main reason he does his job is "Because it's fuckin' fun!"
  • Bottomless Magazines: A melee variation: despite him pulling his bayonets from his sleeves, he never runs out. As Heinkel and he himself put it, he has "bayonets for days".
  • Brick Joke: Alucard mocked him for stealing quotes from The Boondock Saints in Episode 1. He finally admits as he's dying in Episode 8 that, yes, it actually is his favorite movie.
  • Composite Character: The Hamilton parody reveals that he has the background of the main character of Angel Dust (also named Anderson), one of Hirano's earlier works. Both are former Mafia members who smuggled heroin, fled their organization, disguised themselves as a priest to hide at first, only to end up Becoming the Mask. This is even referenced by one of the names the Nazis call him, "The Angel's Dust."
  • Cry for the Devilinvoked: In dealing Maxwell his end. See also I Did What I Had to Do.
    Anderson: You were a good boy, Maxwell... shame you were such a shit man.
    • Also averted for Maxwell a few minutes later.
    Anderson: Don't weep for the stupid, you'll be crying all day.
  • Determinator: He refuses to stay down from his goal of defeating Alucard. Not even if he was brutally beaten by the latter's familiars. Or if he had to sacrifice his humanity and use Helena's Nail to give him an advantage.
  • The Dreaded: After skewering a Nazi soldier with his bayonets to save Integra, the remaining Nazi soldiers present run through his multiple monikers in a state of shock and awe.
    Nazi Soldier: God's assassin!
    Nazi Soldier: Saint Guillotine!
    Nazi Soldier: Ze Angel's Dust!
    Nazi Soldier: Judas Priest!
    Nazi Soldier: Wait, like ze band?
  • Empowered Badass Normal: According to the "Hamilton" tribute song, he was a Badass Normal as a youngster, able to kill vampires with with nothing but a blade. Then he joined the Vatican's equivalent of a black ops team and was implanted with nanomachines that gave him a healing factor that makes him almost unkillable and apparently resistant to aging. This resulted in him becoming the Vatican's most dangerous agent. And then there's what happens when he uses Helena's Nail on himself...
  • Enemy Mine: He forms a temporary alliance with the Hellsing organization when his boss Maxwell became intoxicated by his own power and declared himself a God.
  • Establishing Character Moment:
    Father O'Malley-O'Connel-O'Carrol-O'Reilly-O'Bri­an-O'Sullivan (who is also Italian): Tell-a me, Anderson. What-a is-a your favorite thing to do?
    Anderson: Spreadin' the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world. Teachin' peace and love for all.
    Father O'Malley-O'Connel-O'Carrol-O'Reilly-O'Bri­an-O'Sullivan (who is also Italian): And-a killing the vampires?
    Anderson: Oh, just try to fuckin' stop me.
    Father O'Malley-O'Connel-O'Carrol-O'Reilly-O'Bri­an-O'Sullivan (who is also Italian): And what about-a... protestants?
    Anderson: Second verse, same as the first! Now put me on a plane so I can put 'em in a hearse!
  • Everyone Has Standards:
    • Willingly goes against Maxwell to ally with the Hellsing Organization during the attack on London because, well, that's not the right thing to do. Though he does go back on this once a chance to fight Alucard comes up, he doesn't join in the slaughter of innocents and claims its his duty to protect them. Admittedly, he also did it to screw over Maxwell.
    • Even if he has a perfect opportunity to fight Alucard in the museum, he doesn't go through with it when civilians start getting between the two.
  • Face Death with Dignity: He uses his dying moments to banter with Alucard and even tries to impart some advice about seeking forgiveness. Subverted in that Walter delivers the killing blow before he can finish.
  • Fighting Irish: While the original was a Violent Glaswegian, Abridged!Anderson is the most bloodthirsty Irishman you'll ever see. Though Alexander Anderson reveals that his father was Scottish, meaning he is a mixture of both tropes.
  • Friendly Enemy: Has this dynamic with Alucard.
  • Gallows Humor: He jokes about how Alucard ripped his freaking heart out!
  • Graceful Loser: After his duel with Alucard he accepts that he lost quite calmly and tries to use his final moments to have one last chat with his frenemy, encouraging him to find forgiveness.
  • Guttural Growler: His voice drops from a jolly Irish pastiche into a full-on snarl whenever he's in a killing mood.
  • Ham-to-Ham Combat: Put him in a room with Alucard and watch the ham fly.
  • Healing Factor: The extended lyrics of "Anderson: A Catholic Crusade" states that Iscariot injected nanobots into him to give him quick healing powers, which is how he's able to take gunshots that would kill an ordinary man.
  • I Did What I Had to Do: He's not sorry for what he did when it came to killing Maxwell, just sorry that things had gotten so bad that it needed to be done.
  • I Have Many Names: His aliases include "God's Assassin", "Saint Guillotine", "The Angel's Dust", and "Judas Priest". In-Universe, the band was named after him.
  • Immune to Bullets: In his and Alucard's first skirmish, Alucard shoots him in the head. He recovers from it and decapitates Alucard.
  • In Love with Your Carnage: After seeing Integra, surrounded by fifty vampires "armed literally to the teeth," get out of her car, cut off one's head, and deal out a challenge to the rest, he gains sudden and keen insight into why Alucard is so attracted to her.
  • Ironic Echo: As Maxwell begs Anderson to save him from the undead hordes, Anderson throws his own proclamation back in his face:
    Anderson: Sinners will be allowed no quarter. Kill them all, and let God sort them out.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He threatens his subordinates, has a filthy mouth, and steals quotes from The Boondock Saints, but he's a genuinely devout man who only does what he believes necessary for the greater good, even if it means defying his superior in the Church.
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: In Episode 1, he retreats from fighting Alucard the moment he realizes he is terribly under-equipped to kill him. He is more willing to stay and fight in later episodes, since he knows what to expect, and in Episode 8 he is willing to fight Alucard to the death because he is armed with Helena's Nail, which gives him a chance to actually win.
  • Large Ham: He gives Alucard a run for his money when it comes to letting the ham fly.
  • Leitmotif: Written in My Face.
  • Nanomachines: The source of his Healing Factor. According to his song, "Alexander Anderson," he was injected with them after he became a paladin for Iscariot.
  • Necessarily Evil: A belief he holds, as evidenced by his Rousing Speech.
  • Noble Demon: Very downplayed compared to his canon counterpart, but elements of this trope still exist in his character. The most prevalent example of this is the beginning of Episode 6, in which he claims that saving Integra is an expectation of his duty as a man of God and virtue (though he doesn't deny part of the reason he did it because it'd piss off Maxwell). Episode 8 shows this in full as he regrets that Maxwell had to die.
  • Off with His Head!: Anderson decapitates Alucard in their first encounter, but it doesn't kill him, leading to the Oh, Crap! moment below. He does it again just after he plunges Helena's Nail into his heart.
  • Oh, Crap!: He has one when he thinks he's killed Alucard and Integra assures him he's wrong:
    Integra: Where the hell is Alucard?
    Anderson: Oh, him? I killed him!
    Integra: Killed him?
    Anderson: Cut off his bloody head!
    Integra: Oh. Well, that's step one... What about two through ten?
    Anderson: Ah, Christ!
  • Oireland: As opposed to the Scottish in the original, though "Alexander Anderson: A Catholic Crusade" says that his father was a Scotsman.
  • Older Than They Look: While he looks to be in his 30s or so, Anderson was a fully-grown adult and in charge of an Iscariot orphanage and school while Maxwell was still a child. The nanotech that gives him his Healing Factor apparently also significantly slows, if not completely halts, the aging process.
  • One-Man Army: He mows through pretty much anyone who isn't Alucard without any trouble, and only has a problem fighting Alucard's undead legion because he was shot by Rip van Winkle and Alehambra's magic weaponry beforehand and didn't have time to regenerate. Later on, Alucard ranks him side-by-side with the entire rest of the Crusader army and all of Millenium in terms of potential threats.
  • One-Winged Angel: Gains one when he pierces his heart with Helena's Nail, which causes him to generate thorny vines from his body and allows him to temporarily kill Alucard.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: In Episode 8. During his fight with Alucard, after the vampire does his usual routine of trying to piss him off, Anderson answers with blood-chilling calm "I forgive you". You know some serious shit is about to go down.
  • The Rival: To Alucard, natch. But not to Count Dracula, as Anderson demands he bring Alucard back out to fight one last time in Episode 8. Dracula obliges.
  • Rousing Speech: As in the original, he makes a speech while fighting Millennium forces.
    Anderson: Who are we?
    Iscariot Soldiers: The necessary evil!
    Anderson: And why are we necessary?
    Iscariot Soldiers: To purge the world from evil worse than man!
    Anderson: And why are God's chosen few, ordained to undertake this unholy task?
    Iscariot Soldiers: Because no one else will!
    Anderson: (brandishes bayonets) And because it's fucking fun! AAAAAAMEN!
  • Scream Discretion Shot: When he finds out what happened to the Christ the Redeemer statue.
  • Son of a Whore: Stated in Alexander Anderson to be the son of a whore and a Scotsman.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike:
    • With Alucard. At one point in Episode 1, Alucard wonders if Lucky Charms will fall out of a leprechaun if he shot it. Later in that episode, Anderson wonders the same thing, only with shooting the leprechaun being substituted with cutting it open.
    • One of the conventions had their VAs mention that they'd gone out and hunted a Leprechaun down just to settle the matter. Turns out it was Boo-berry.
    • Later on as Anderson and Alucard fight in the hospital they both have a turn talking to Seras beliving they scored an easy kill and want to celebrate with a bowl of their favorite cereal. Count Chocula for Alucard and Frankenberry for Anderson.
    • Anderson states in Episode 6 that he is a man of "God, virtue, and disobeying that prat Maxwell when it suits me!" Integra immediately notes how similar he is to Alucard.
      Integra: Good God, it's strange to see this from the outside.
    • In Episode 8, Anderson outright tells Alucard that while he may hate the vampire, he also fully understands him and his desire to find his own redemption by hunting other monsters.
  • Theme Music Power-Up: Anderson's Big Damn Heroes moment is underscored by the Dropkick Murphys' "Shipping up to Boston".
  • Throwing Your Sword Always Works: If he's not slicing and dicing his opponents with his blessed bayonets, he's doing this. And no, he's not running out of bayonets.
  • Tranquil Fury: His reaction to Maxwell making a Blasphemous Boast that directly bashes his Berserk Button?
    Anderson: Let me go have a wee chat [with him].
  • Viewer Gender Confusion: In-universe, he seems to have trouble discerning other people's genders, mistaking Integra for a man and Pip for a woman.
  • Violent Glaswegian: He's at least half-Scottishnote  and incredibly violent, such that he's regarded by Alucard, an Eldritch Abomination in human form who enslaves the souls of millions of humans, as a Worthy Opponent.
  • Worthy Opponent: To Alucard. Sees Alucard the same way, as shown when he demands the much more polite and civil Dracula go back to being Alucard before they fight, and has an amicable talk with Alucard as he lay dying at Alucard's hand.

    Enrico Maxwell
"I assure you, God is forgiving! …Just make sure to ask Him when you get there."
Voiced by: Chris "GeneralIvan" Guerrero

The level-headed, self-righteous leader of the Iscariots. He strives to expand the might of the Catholic Church by any means necessary.

  • Adaptational Nice Guy: The original Enrico Maxwell pretty much had no redeeming qualities, but this one, while still evil, expresses disgust for racism, Nazism, and pedophilia.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Played with, because while he's a villain both in canon and here, the nature of his villainy is somewhat different. In canon Maxwell was just a bloodthirsty and ambitious psychopath, in the abridged series he puts on an affable and reasonable façade until Episode 6, where his fundamentalist agenda is played completely gathering an army to revolt against Pope Francis, explicitly because Maxwell hates gays and poor people (though he seems to draw the line at racism, when he finds out that the Ku Klux Klan has joined his Crusade as well).
  • Asshole Victim: Anderson takes down his car, and he gets mauled by zombies and impaled by their spears. Anderson laments the necessity of his death, but knows he did the right thing. No one else shows much, if any grief over Maxwell's death, including his own followers in Iscariot.
  • Ax-Crazy: Episode 6 confirmed him to be this but Episode 8 has him devolve into screaming glee as he massacres the populace and proclaims himself THE NEW GOD OF THIS WORLD.
  • Berserk Button:
    • While he is normally calm and collected in this version, getting into a religious argument with a Protestant riles him up.
    • Any insinuation that he is a Pedophile Priest, or even catching a real Pedophile Priest, completely pisses him off.
    • His objection to profanity is a pretty downplayed case. Naturally, as a priest, he doesn't like it when people take God's name in vain, as Alucard does when speaking to Queen Elizabeth. However it only provokes a mild complaint from him and he doesn't pursue it any further when Alucard tells him to get over it.
    • Episode 6 also shows him growing increasingly exasperated when mentioning the poor.
  • Big Bad Ensemble: For a while, it seems that he's forming this with the Major, as both of their forces attack London and fight Alucard and the Hellsing organization...
  • Big Bad Wannabe: ...but he's reduced to this when nearly all his forces are wiped out by Alucard's Level Zero release and he is left to die at the hands of Alucard's familiars when Anderson turns on him.
  • Boomerang Bigot: It's a bit curious that he is filled with such hatred for the poor, considering that he was an orphan, and if he hadn't been taken in by a Catholic orphanage he probably would have faced a lifetime of crushing poverty and living in the streets. Furthermore the companions he grew up in the orphanage and Anderson, (who may have been a substitute father figure for a young Maxwell, and at the very least was certainly a Big Brother Mentor to the young man) were all in the same boat.
  • Drunk with Power: It's safe to say he's intoxicated with it when Episode 8 rolls around, up to and including that he will be "The new God of this world."
    Integra: You know, I think your boy Maxwell's letting his new authority get to his head a should probably have a talk with him.
  • Even Evil Has Standards:
    • In the promo of episode 4, he's less than amused by the… egregious offenses of the Millennium informant.
    • Resurfaces in episode 6 and crossed with Hypocritical Humor - after a passionate speech filled with contempt for the poor, homosexuality, and advocating hard-line traditionalist ideals for the church to follow, he loses his temper at an openly-racist attendee who is an honest-to-god member of the Ku Klux Klan and tells him, "Okay, you need to chill!"
  • Evil Counterpart: Sir Integra indirectly recognizes him as her opposite number when, after being rescued by Alexander Anderson, she's actually at least a little surprised, and comments that Alucard would have left Maxwell to die if he saw him in danger. ("Probably after putting a bullet in his leg...") Anderson does ultimately leave Maxwell to die in Episode 8 when Maxwell goes off the deep end into genocidal megalomania.
  • Evil Reactionary: Revealed to be such in Episode 6, where he intends to overthrow Pope Francis and reverse many of his reforms.
  • Faux Affably Evil: He comes across as comparatively more collected than his canon counterpart, but his reasonable façade covers both his ultimate ambition (to overthrow the Pope and install himself as the new leader of a hardline Catholic Church), and his disdain for anyone who isn't a fellow hardliner Catholic.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Heinkel and the rest of Iscariot don't seem particularly bothered by Maxwell's death. Justified in that Maxwell had recently attempted to commit genocide on other Christians and declared himself a god.
  • A God Am I: He proclaims that '[He] will be the new God of this world!' as the Crusaders slaughter people in the streets. It's for this reason that Anderson throws him to Alucard's horde, declaring him a false god.
  • Hypocrite: Has a profound, genocidal hatred of Protestants and non-Christians, yet when he begins his Ninth Crusade, two of the organizations he got to help—the Salvation Army and South Carolina Baptist Confederate Congregation—are themselves Protestant in origin, with the latter hating Catholics just as much as he hates Protestants. He also gets the aid of "The Temple Beth-Zion" but at least he (barely) has the excuse of not knowing they're actually Jewish.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Dracula's Wallachian souls serve him this fate with several enormous spears rammed straight through the torso.
  • Large Ham: He started showing shades of this in episode 6, and episode 8 is when he lets his full ham out.
  • Mask of Sanity: In the end, the reasonableness he seemed to show in his early appearances is really just this. (The mask even briefly slipped during his first encounter with Integra in Episode 3, when he slips into a stream of misogynistic insults towards her when listing the things he'd normally expect her to apologize for.) Even from a young age, he showed a dangerous instability and wrathful bloodlust, he just learned to cover it up for awhile until he let all the madness out after starting his so-called Ninth Crusade. Just look at the quote from a young Maxwell under his entry for Unstoppable Rage for reference.
  • Military Coup: As of Episode 6, he intends to lead the armies intended to protect Catholicism against Pope Francis and install himself as the new pope.
  • Never My Fault: Begs Anderson to save him because he "doesn't deserve" to be impaled by a horde of ghouls for his actions. When those actions involved murdering innocent civilians just because they weren't Catholic.
  • Oh, Crap!: Has two of these during Episode 8, the first being when Alucard goes Restraint Level Zero and starts slaughtering both his men and Millennium, revealing himself to be none other than Dracula, and the other being when Anderson destroys his Holy Pope Box and leaves him to die at the hands of Alucard's familiars.
  • Old Shame: In-Universe, he evidently regrets the Vatican's ties with Millennium. Unlike his canon version, who announced the old ties between the two organizations with glee, the abridged version doesn't address the matter until the Major brings it up over the broadcast, at which point Maxwell looks distraught at the fact being publicly revealed before solemnly affirming the allegations.
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: It was fairly clear from his first interactions with Integra that he looks down on women and utterly despises Protestants, but despite his misogyny and religious intolerance he was still an ally for the good guys against the much worse problem of Millennium. This later becomes subverted as of Episode 6, when he announces his Face–Heel Turn and spends a large part of his speech about Pope Francis bitterly complaining about the Pope's love of the poor and relative tolerance of homosexuality, both groups that Maxwell has nothing but disdain for. But at least he's not racist. As of Episode 8 Maxwell turns into a full-on Politically Incorrect Villain, not only unleashing a genocidal bloodbath, but cursing the Jews of the Temple Beth Zion for bailing on him as Alucard gave the rest of his forces the business (although given that they joined specifically to troll him, steal his equipment, and were openly leaving him and his men to die horrible deaths (while literally flipping him the bird), his reaction is somewhat understandable).
  • Rapid-Fire "No!": Devolves into this once he realizes Alucard is actually Dracula.
  • Renegade Splinter Faction: He becomes the head of such a faction starting at the end of Episode 6. He apparently tried to get a significant portion of the Catholic Church to rebel with him against Pope Francis, and while he was unable to get most of the military orders of the Church to join him, he did manage to get several small orders with a fundamentalist bent (and some Protestant groups, ironically enough) to become his allies in his quest to fight Millennium, ruthlessly purge the Protestants of England, and then overthrow Francis.
  • Sanity Slippage: In which Integra points out and Henkiel tries to defend his actions, though weak. Until he shouts he would be a God that Anderson wants to talk to him personally.
  • Shadow Archetype: Episode 8 and its ending song reveal that he is one to Anderson. Both he and Anderson are cut from the same cloth (orphans left to fend and struggle for themselves with only their belief in purging the world of evil keeping them alive), but whereas Anderson was able to escape his sinful past and truly reform as a righteous warrior of God, Maxwell was consumed by his hatred and ended up using the word of the Lord as an excuse for him to kill everyone he didn't like, becoming a fundamentalist madman.
  • The Sociopath: Sat in a sunbed to watch London burn... only to get bored and fall asleep when the screams died down.
  • Tempting Fate: He mocks Dracula's legion when they claw in futility at his "Popebox", believing it to be indestructible after taking a significant fall, claiming that the only thing that could pierce it is the will of God himself! Cue one of Anderson's bayonets piercing it, letting the legion break it and finish him.
  • Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour: While Anderson considers him to be a far better boy then he was a man, his flashback makes it clear Maxwell always had some screws loose.
    Anderson: And what has brought you to our sanctuary of love and brotherhood, m'boy?
    Young Maxwell: I have a terrible guilt and rage inside me that can only be quelled by the blood and subjugation of the unclean!
  • Unstoppable Rage: He prefers the wrathful God of the Old Testament, and has serious rage issues.
    Maxwell: We are the congregation of a wrathful God!
    Young Maxwell: I have a terrible guilt and rage inside me that can only be quelled by the blood and subjugation of the unclean!
  • Used to Be a Sweet Kid: Well, sweet by the standards of Anderson and Iscariot, anyway. He was a lot more like Anderson when he was younger, and when he dies Anderson comments that he was a good boy, even if he's a shitty man.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Dracula's annihilation of his forces leaves him screaming in terror, and Anderson's betrayal leaves him begging and crying for Anderson to save him before he is finally impaled to death.
  • Would Be Rude to Say "Genocide": The Vatican doesn't call them "crusades" anymore. Now, it's "peacekeeping".

    Heinkel Wolfe and Yumiko "Yumie" Takagi
"Pop, pop, watchin' heathens drop."
Voiced by: Kira Buckland (Heinkel) and Kimlinh "Hnilmik" Tran (Yumie)

Anderson's own apprentices whom also fight in the name of God. Heinkel uses firearms, while Yumie uses swords.

  • Badass Boast: Heinkel's only line in episode five.
    Heinkel: Pop, pop, watchin' heathens drop.
    • Her "Pop, pop." line comes back in Episode 10 when she kills Walter in revenge for Anderson and Yumie. She also seems to have picked up Anderson's habit of making badass movie quotes, though favoring Kill Bill instead:
    Heinkel: Vhen fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that, not only does God exist, you're doing His WILL!
  • Bilingual Dialogue: Yumie speaks exclusively in Japanese, while Heinkel speaks in English, yet they can perfectly understand each other.
  • Defiant to the End: Subverted as she survives, but Heinkel bluntly tells the Captain that his gun looks ridiculous before he interrupts by shooting her through the mouth with it point-blank.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Although cut from the episode, Heinkel shoves her gun into the interrogated Pedophile Priest's head, then finishes him off. And it makes a great deal of sense, considering she and Maxwell were both raised by a priest themselves.
  • Gender Flip: Downplayed, since Heinkel was originally female in the Crossfire series, but reworked as more androgynous in Hellsing with a female VA providing a masculine-sounding voice, leading to considerable ambiguity (not helped by a Trolling Creator). Here she has a definitively feminine voice.
  • The Generic Guy: Yumie has notably less characterization than Heinkel. Speaking only Japanese and dying near the end of the series might be the reason.
  • Glasgow Grin: Heinkel sports one in the Distant Finale due to her cheeks not healing over from the wounds The Captain's gun gave her. She also hasn't changed her bandages for thirty years.
  • Ironic Echo: Anderson tells his forces to fall back, against Maxwell's orders, on the grounds that "you don't have to follow your leader's orders when he's acting like a daft cunt". Heinkel and Yumie later show up when Anderson goes after Alucard alone. When he objects, Heinkel just repeats that back to him, which he admits is fair (and the only time Heinkel is allowed to call him any kind of cunt).
  • Loose Lips: Heinkel chides Antonio over this trait during the post-series visit to Hellsing headquarters.
    Antonio: Sir? Weren't we the ones who supplied Millennium with the cyborg technology?
    Chief Makube: First of all, they're "enhanced humans".
    Heinkel: Second. Shut. Your. Communion hole! The walls have ears. (rakes hand along wall to reveal...)
    Pip: (fleeing from the scene, protesting in French) Oh, son of an Italian whore!
    Chief Makube: And third, NO WE DIDN'T!
  • Ludicrous Gibs: After her attack on him fails, Walter reduces Yumie to a pile of meaty chunks with his wires.
  • Oh, Crap!: Have this reaction when Anderson brings out Helena's Nail, which they state is from Iscariot's 'Don't Fuck With This' armory, where it rested beside the Ark of the Covenant, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and the actual body of Christ.
  • Older Than They Look: Heinkel in the Distant Finale looks like she hasn't aged in 30 years. It's implied that she received the same nanobot treatment as Father Anderson, effectively giving her eternal youth.
  • Psycho Lesbian: Heinkel is one after Yumie is killed. Before that, she was relatively stable.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: Heinkel seems to see a Frenchman in love with an Englishwoman as "foul and inhuman" by the time of the Distant Finale.
  • Revenge: Unlike in canon, Heinkel actually gets to kill Walter for finishing off Anderson and killing Yumie.
  • The Rival: The Distant Finale heavily implies that Heinkel becomes the Anderson to Seras' Alucard, complete with some one-sided Foe Romance Subtext.
  • Sanity Slippage: Yumie's death... wasn't the best for Heinkel's mental health. She's noticeably unhinged as she kills Walter and even seems pretty unstable during the Distant Finale.
  • Similar Squad: Anderson picked up these two "learned youngsters" as an explicit counterpart to the Police Girl.
  • Token Trio: Invoked by Anderson, who comments that Heinkel is German and Yumiko is Japanese, and that all he needs is an Italian one and he'll have his own "Axis of Righteousness". note 
  • The Voiceless: They had no speaking roles until Episode 5, when properly introduced.
  • You Are Already Dead: Yumie tries to invoke this on Walter, complete with Kenshiro's delivery in Japanese. Walter replies, in perfect Japanese, "I know you are, but what am I?" before tearing her apart.

    Father Renaldo O'Malley-O'Connel-O'Carrol-O'Reilly-O'Bri­an-O'Sullivan (who is also Italian) 
Voiced by: Anthony "Antfish" Sardinha

A priest of the Catholic Church, who sends Anderson to Ireland.

  • Adaptation Name Change: Called Father Ronaldo in the original series, and called Renaldo by the official subtitles.
  • Bearer of Bad News: Has to tell Maxwell that the banner Alucard put on Christ the Redeemer still won't come down. He thinks it's a constrictor knot.
  • Insistent Terminology: Not in-universe, but in the fandom. Expect anyone referencing him to add "who is also Italian" to the end of his name, to the point where it might as well be part of his name (and given the nature of the series and the fact that his name is mentioned only once, it may very well be!).
  • Irish Priest: Subverted. He has many Irish-sounding surnames, but he's actually Italian.
  • Non-Indicative Name: Eighty percent of his name is super-irish names crammed together, which absolutely does not hint even slightly at him being Itallian.
  • Overly Long Name: Long enough to not fit the folder tab without hyphens. Again: O'Malley'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Bri­an'O'Sullivan.
  • Suddenly Ethnicity: "...Who is also Italian."
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: He does not appear nor is he mentioned in the epilogue. Whether he survived or died during the Nazi assault on London is unknown.

Millennium (AKA, the Nazis)

In the closing days of World War II, a group of Nazi scientist whackjobs came up with a desperate idea to turn the tide of the war: an army of Nazi vampires, totally loyal to the state of Germany, with superhuman powers and the training of professional soldiers. These scientists envisioned an unstoppable force... but thanks to the efforts of Alucard and Walter during Operation: Kraut Control, the program was destroyed and the scientists killed before it could come to full operation, along with seemingly Adolf Hitler himself. However, a group of about 1,000 of their test subjects survived and managed to flee Germany before the end of the war. This group named itself Millennium, and over the course of the decades since they end of the second World War, they have plotted revenge against their old enemies, looking for an opportunity to strike back and go to war once again. As of the start of the series, their plans are almost ripe and ready to begin...

    The Major
"Some of you have come to believe zat I... like... var. I vish to dash zese rumors. I do not like var... I. LOVE. Var".
Voiced by: Nick "Lanipator" Landis

A Nazi (duh) from World War II who miraculously looks the same as he did 60+ years prior. He strives to create "the war to end all wars" using an army of artificial vampires, starting with London.

  • Adaptation-Induced Plot Hole: It's revealed in the last episode that the Major was turned into a cyborg by the Iscariot instead of being saved by Herr Doktor for Millennium's own purposes. While amusing, this opens up questions as to why and how Millennium came to being, why he was turned into a cyborg in the first place, why the Iscariot would allow someone that they converted to become a powerful opposing force, and generally what the end goal was.
  • Adaptational Badass: Downplayed example, but in the original anime, the Major had absolutely horrible aim and managed to miss targets a few feet away from him. None of this is present in the abridged series, where he baits Integra by pretending that he's going to explain why and how he became a cyborg, before quickdrawing and nailing her eye with a single bullet. She may have put one in his head immediately afterward, but at least he didn't waste ammo this time.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: The Major was nothing short of a Nazi in canon, wanting for everything that was unlike him to be killed. Here, he does not share their ideology, and seems to be rather apathetic to Nazism as much as he's using them to get the war he wanted. He does seem to approve of the Holocaust, but not out of any feeling of antisemitism. More likely he just approves of the widespread death and destruction it caused and didn't necessarily care who it was happening to, but simultaneously refuses to remove any records of the atrocities to avoid the implication of Holocaust denial.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: He's discovered so many types of war in his time. Class war, drug war, race war, Flame War... Storage Wars.
  • The Bad Guy Wins: Zig-zagged. on the one hand, he gets his ultimate goal: a glorious final death against Hellsing for both himself and his army, along with seemingly destroying Alucard. On the other hand, it's subverted in that not only does Alucard come back, but he returns even more powerful due to absorbing Schrodinger's ability to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
  • Berserk Button:
    • During his version of the "I Love War" speech, his tone becomes noticeably harsher when he mentions the Cold War.
      Major: Blue balled for forty years.
    • In the final episode, he's also clearly annoyed whenever Integra interrupts his speeches. His plans are all complete at that point, however, so he doesn't make much of a fuss over it.
  • Big Bad: He's the core villain of the entire series, behind all of the plots and vampire attacks (barring the Starter Villain priest).
  • Blood Knight: His speech in Episode 4 about his love of war isn't as long as the source material, but it's still pretty awesome. According to Episode 9, the entire reason he started Millennium's mission to begin with was to give himself and his forces a chance to die gloriously in battle as he was just too much of a Blood Knight for civilian life.
  • Bring It: His response to Seras brandishing one of his zepplin's heavy cannons against his glass barricade is to squeal with glee.
    Major: Now zhat's vhat I'm talking about! Come on, bitch! SHOW ME VHAT YOU LOVE!!!
  • Captain Obvious: In Episode 1:
    Major: Gentlemen, ve are Nazis!
    Letzes Battalion: Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
  • Card-Carrying Villain: He harbors absolutely no pretensions that Nazi Germany ever had any good or noble elements to it. In fact he is proud of all the crimes, depravities, and evil they inflicted upon humanity, and is downright ecstatic that he has the chance to do a repeat performance of them.
  • Chewing the Scenery: He's typically a Soft-Spoken Sadist, but during his war speech he slips into this.
    "Vat I vant is a war that only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! Ze sequel you've all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD WAR THREE!"
  • Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: He has disclosed the dirty secrets of the Vatican (namely, how they helped surviving members of Millennium escape justice at the end of World War II) to their current allies just to embarrass the Vatican and their representative, turned on and murdered his former commanding officers, callously sent multiple operatives (the Valentine brothers, Rip van Winkle, Tubalcain Alhambra) to their deaths as part of his plans without them being aware that they were simply bait or expendable pawns on a Suicide Mission, and shrugged off mass casualties Alucard caused his forces with just as little concern. Long story short, trusting the Major and believing that he won't manipulate and then betray you is likely to be a lethal mistake.
    Herr Doktor: I believe our forces are being quite literally slaughtered.
    Major: [Chuckles slightly] Who gives a shit? They're Nazis.
  • Death Seeker: This is his primary motivation for starting a new war. Since World War II ended 60+ years ago, what else is there for Millennium to do?
  • Electronic Speech Impediment: After his Robotic Reveal, his voice acquires a subtle static crackle, akin to an old radio. When he finally dies, the event is marked by his voice suddenly deepening in pitch as his speech trails off.
  • Even Evil Has Standards:
    • The one building in London he doesn't want destroyed? The Holocaust Museum. Of course, it is heavily implied that this is rooted in him being proud about what happened.
      Major: Leave zat be. No one will deny vat ve did.
    • He also doesn't particularly give a shit that his forces are being slaughtered because they're Nazis. Though the jury's still out on whether he's genuinely contemptuous of them (also implying that he doesn't consider himself a true Nazi) or if he's just being an asshole.
    • He is actually rather insulted when Seras implies that he is an anti-Semite, retorting that he never shared Der Führer's obsessive hatred for Jews.
    • Word of God says that he doesn't give a shit about the Nazis or their ideology, they were just a means to an end.
  • Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor: He claims never to have shared Hitler's hatred against Jews, but it's hard to call his "Anne Frankly" "joke" especially sensitive either.
  • Fat Bastard: Schrödinger quips that if anything happened to the Major, they wouldn't be able to fit the "incidental leftovers" into a freezer. However, while Herr Doktor apologizes profusely, the Major expresses his love for his new "pet" without hesitating and admits to enjoying "some playful cattiness" among his staff. Integra gets in on mocking him in the finale, claiming "The Gates of Hell will have to swing wide for [his] fat Nazi carcass." His obesity in fact amuses Alucard immensely as early as Episode 4:
    Alucard: HE'S STILL SO FUCKING FAT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! He's like a Nazi Louis C.K.! HAHAHAHA! No! No! Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Faux Affably Evil: He's talkative, chummy, patient, capable of taking a joke, and a mass murdering lunatic.
  • Go Out with a Smile: He dies with a bullet in his head, quietly singing "So Long, Farewell" with a smile on his face.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite being a leader of a vampire Nazi army, he has dropped a few hints (the Holocaust Museum and his apathy towards the destruction of his army) that he actually has some disdain for Nazism and what the Nazis have done in the past. When one looks carefully at his words and actions, despite his inhuman bloodthirst and desire for war, he has never actually expressed Nazi philosophy in any way. Not that this makes him any better, when there's the slaughter in London to consider...
    • In the finale, he outright states that he doesn't share Hitler's antisemitism, when Seras mistakes a comment about "finding things in attics" to be a reference to the Holocaust (he was actually referring to "antiques"; possibly the loot and plunder the Nazis collected during the war).
    • At no point is he ever seen wearing a Nazi uniform, armband, or even any kind of medal or decoration that shows personal affiliation with the Nazis. His friends are also the least-Nazi members of his staff - Herr Doktor is more in it For Science! than for the rhetoric, the Captain is about as far from Aryan as you can get and probably the nicest member of Millennium, and Schrödinger is just generally irreverent and disrespectful.
  • Hollywood Cyborg: Seras obliterates the left side of his body with one of the zeppelin's heavy cannons, revealing a nonsensical mess of mechanical parts instead of flesh and bone. Integra is blown away by the absurdity, and infuriated when the Major refuses to explain how he became mostly robotic in the first place—to the point of spending the next thirty years obsessively trying to discover how or why he did it.note 
  • Hypocritical Humor: When told that his forces are being slaughtered by Alucard, his only response is this:
    "Who gives a shit? Zey're Nazis."
  • I Know You Know I Know: The whole point of allowing Alucard to learn of Millennium's existence in Episode 3.
    Major: Now zat zey know our plans, zey vill plan around our plans. And so ve shall in turn plan around the plans zat zey are planning around our plans!
    Doktor: Your brilliance knows no bounds!
  • Knight of Cerebus: While he's still comedic (it's an abridged series and all), he's also the darkest character in the show. Once he puts his plan in motion, things get serious.
  • Lack of Empathy: Big time. He shows no concern when his powerful vampires are brutally killed by Alucard, and considers Rip Van Winkle as The Bait.
  • Large Ham: The man loves war and death, that's for sure. He also loves to really hear himself talk.
  • Older Than They Look: He hasn't visibly aged after World War II ended, which is commented on by Walter when the two have a reunion. Being a cyborg does wonders for aging.
  • Related in the Adaptation: The Major's cyborg status came as a result from Herr Doktor saving his life after being shot and left for dead. Here, he got them from the Iscariot organization.
  • Sadist: While Waxing Lyrical, he says verbatim he loves war because it means the destruction of innocent lives.
  • Self-Deprecation: Episode 8 has him (the leader of the Nazis) crack that they shouldn't care if Nazis die because they're Nazis.
  • Sex Is Violence:
    The Major: Ah yes, Buckingham Palace is burning… and so are my loins!
  • The Sociopath: Like in canon, the only thing The Major cares about is war.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: He tells Zorin to "Contain the calamity that is your mammaries", which is a reference to the internet slang "Calm your tits".
  • Troll: He delights in fucking with Integra when she finally reaches him, hiding behind a wall of bulletproof glass so she can't stop him and when she snipes that she's assuming his cybernetics include a hamster on a wheel, he snipes back by saying "His name is Hamburg." On another note, when she sits through his entire Motive Rant just to continue questioning why he's a Cyborg, he responds that the answer is simple... and then he shoots her in the eye, forcing her to kill him so she'll never know. To top it all off, his choice of going out singing "So Long, Farewell" as he lies dying annoys Integra even further, as she feels it has ruined The Sound of Music for her.
  • Villain Has a Point: The Major believes that humans thrive on war and that society is nothing more than a bunch of lazy Psychopathic Manchildren who will gladly kill each other if their way of life is threatened.
    Integra: You're not entirely wrong. You just didn't have to be an asshole about it.
  • Villainous Crush: He's as much in love with Integra's carnage as Alucard and Anderson are.
    The Major: Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. Any voman who can command ze respect of a beast such as Alucard is not to be trifled with. Fantasized of on a lone Saturday night with a bottle of chardonnay? Most certainly! But not trifled with!
  • Voodoo Shark: Iscariot being the group that converted the Major into a cyborg, and therefore makes them indirectly responsible for the struggles they suffer throughout the series, actually opens up a lot more questions than answers.
  • Waxing Lyrical: Gives his answers to Herr Doktor at the exact same time as the song ("War" by Edwin Starr) playing for his troops, but with the opposite meaning to the actual song.The specific lines... 
  • Worthy Opponent: Considers Integra to be one, to the point where he refuses to engage with her and the rest of Hellsing recklessly. May also consider Anderson one as well, if his participation in the tribute song to him is any indication.

    The Captain

An enigmatic mute who serves as Major's number 2.

  • Badass Longcoat: He wears a green one. Underneath that coat, he's completely shirtless, as seen during his fight with Seras.
  • Co-Dragons: To the Major alongside Herr Doktor.
  • Death Seeker: He's one of the members of Millennium that wants to die in glory, and as such is elated when Seras and Pip manage to kill him in battle. This is downplayed compared with the original anime, because unlike there, he doesn't throw Seras the silver tooth used to kill him. Instead he knocks her down into the vault full of precious Nazi treasure and lets her find it herself.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Parodied. He's adamant about maintaining the Millennium Flagship's "No Smoking" policy, angrily grunting at Integra while pointing to a "Rauchen Verboten" plaque when she tries to light up in Episode 9.
  • Final Boss: The Captain is Seras', while Walter is Alucard's.
  • Guttural Growler:
    • Gives a deep growl when approaching Walter in episode 5.
    • Alucard being Alucard, doesn't waste time mocking him for it.
      Alucard: Aaand you! Um. How are... I wanna say "Logan"? Anderson,what'sthisguy'sname?
      The Captain: (annoyed growl)
      Alucard: Oh! Better watch out for "RHRMRM!"
  • Hand Cannon: Carries one, though both Heinkel and Seras point out a pistol with a rifle barrel looks more ridiculous than badass.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: He's a Nazi werewolf ghost. Seras lampshades this during her fight with him.
  • No-Sell: To absolutely everything Seras throws at him, except for her and Pip shoving the silver tooth into him and even then it brings him more joy than pain.
  • Number Two: Seems to share this role with Herr Doktor.
  • Our Werewolves Are Different: He proves capable of transforming into a physical wolf and becoming a spiritual one to escape most harm. However, the weakness to silver remains, which is unfortunate given he fights amidst a cache of the Nazis' stolen assets which Seras and Pip use against him.
  • Pet the Dog: Instead of finishing Heikel when he has the chance, he gives her a med kit and retreats.
  • Silent Antagonist: Other than occasional growling, he's never said a word.
  • The Stoic: Rarely changes expression, save for participating in the Mass "Oh, Crap!" when Alucard releases Level Zero.
  • Villain Has a Point: He non-verbally reprimands Integra for trying to smoke on the Zeppelin. While it might be less important since the whole thing is on fire and exploding, a zeppelin is a gigantic blimp filled with explosive gas (though it could have been helium, which is not explosive, though given that the Nazis were trying to be semi-historically accurate, it seems more likely that it was hydrogen like those used in real Nazi zeppelins.)
  • Vocal Dissonance: When he dies, this big, burly man gives off a high-pitched, child-like 'Yaaaay!'.
  • The Voiceless: Never utters a word during any of his appearances despite seemingly having the ability to do so, with the closest being a grunt that sounds like "Uh uh" when Seras asks if he's French due to hearing Pip's voice. When he finally dies, his voice sounds like that of a child as he cries for joy.
  • White Hair, Black Heart: Seems to be this, but his fight with Seras seems to imply that he's not nearly as evil as he seems.

    Herr Doktor
Voiced by: Lawrence "MasakoX" Simpson

The Major's science officer, who seems very keen on making him happy with his army of Nazi Vampires.

    Zorin Blitz
"Where shall my scythe be pointed?"
Voiced By: Danielle McRae

The Major's First Lieutenant (and former Olympic bodybuilder), who gets stuck with performing reconnaissance for the Hellsing manor. Underestimating Seras and the Wild Geese, she decides to instead defy orders and storm the compound to prove her superiority.

  • Angrish: She's not very verbose when angry.
  • Arc Villain: Episodes 06 and 07 focus on Zorin's assault on Hellsing Manor.
  • Attack! Attack! Attack!: Her combat philosophy is this, full stop. Don't know what your enemy is capable of? Doesn't matter, just attack. They prove themselves to be able to neutralize your attack and cause heavy losses among your troops? Doesn't matter, just attack. Their defenses start wiping out your men who are blindly rushing forward? Okay, so it's time to attack their minds as well as their bodies, but just attack! No points for guessing how this turned out.
  • Big "NO!": Before her Angrish kicks in.
  • Blood Knight: To the point where Zorin almost has a seizure when she's told she'll only be doing reconnaissance.
  • The Brute: A physically powerful Blood Knight with a large, oversized weapon and a simplistic, head-on approach to fighting her enemies. Although unusually for this character archetype, she possesses several mental powers, including creating illusions and reading minds.
  • Country Matters: Has no issues screaming the word when her zeppelin is being shot down.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Seras grinds her head into mulch against a wall while forcing her to shout her name.
  • Death by Irony: Rejects her strict orders to do nothing but reconnaissance and dies wondering why nobody did proper reconnaissance on Seras Victoria.
  • Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Her last mental words were spent complaining that nobody did proper reconnaissance on the Hellsing Organization before realizing mid-thought that that was her job "Oh, fick mich" indeed.
  • Fiery Redhead: Orange hair instead of red. She's certainly enthusiastic.
  • General Failure: Pip is less than impressed by her tactics, which he characterizes, quite fairly, as "running dick first into enemy territory".
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: On multiple levels. Her decision to charge the Hellsing HQ got her zeppelin shot down, and eventually most of her unit and herself killed fighting against the Wild Geese. On another level, her decision to kill Pip before Seras allowed Seras to drink Pips' blood, gain her full vampire powers and kill Zorin.
  • Hypocrite: When Seras starts to turn the tide against her in battle she lists "nobody bothered to do any proper reconaissance" as a reason that she's losing, Zorin herself was supposed to be leading a surveillance mission instead of attacking. For an extra helping of irony, if she had followed that order, then Alucard would have arrived in London in the thick of battle and likely been too busy to give Seras the extra push to become a fully fledged vampire once Zorin had been ordered to attack.
  • Interplay of Sex and Violence: Her comments in Episodes 5 and 6 (especially the latter) imply that carnage makes her moist.
  • Just One Man: "But she's just one woman!", she says about Sir Integra. True to trope, come Episode 7 she pays for it with her unlife, though at the hands of a full-vampire Seras rather than Integra.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Not completely, of course, but her evil deeds in Episode 7 resulted in the one and only time the show has bothered to take itself seriously.
  • Large Ham: She loves to scream and carries a big ass scythe with her. She's got a very large presence.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: Gets the soldiers of Millennium under her command massacred when she disobeys orders to scout the capabilities of her enemies and orders a frontal assault instead.
  • Master of Illusion: To buy her troops time to bypass the minefield, Zorin alters the perceptions of the Manor's defenders to make herself seem like a giant monster, sending the Wild Geese into disarray. However, Seras is able to break the illusion by injuring her real body with a well-placed shot. She later employs this power (aided by mind-reading) to distract members of the Wild Geese during battle and Mind Rape Seras (though not without some drawbacks).
  • A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Read:
    • Her attempt to enthrall Miller, one of the Wild Geese, with an illusion of his loved ones. She starts with an illusionary daughter (he got a vasectomy right after high school, so it's physically impossible for him to have a daughter), haphazardly changes the story to a niece (which is equally impossible, as he's an only child), and finally succeeds with Sonic the Hedgehog with a massive erection, who Miller immediately swoons over, which leaves Zorin confused and disgusted afterwards.
    • Her attempt to dig into Seras' repressed memories gives her a view of Seras being sensually fed blood by Integra; this disturbs her.
      "Uh... zis needs context. Let's keep moving."
  • Mind Rape: Using her powers, she forces Seras to relive several suppressed memories from her past (including the gruesome death of her parents, her delinquent orphanage years, and being molested by Integra), which leaves her so distracted by anguish that Zorin is able to easily defeat her.
  • Precision F-Strike: In the middle of getting curbstomped by Seras.
    Zorin: Oh, fick mich...
  • Say My Name: Her last words, which Seras forced her to say by dragging her face against the wall until there was nothing left.
  • Smug Snake: The Major warned her to not underestimate Seras... She did it anyway and paid for it dearly with her unlife.
  • Sports Hero Backstory: "Former Olympic Bodybuilder" follows right on the heels of "First Lieutenant", as if that really is her title in Millennium.
  • A Tragedy of Impulsiveness: Her decision to disobey orders and "gamble with maybes" got her and her entire unit annihilated by the Wild Geese and Seras Victoria.

"Let us hope the Major does not end up the same. We do not have the freezer space to store the incidental leftovers."

Millennium's androgynous team mascot. An enigmatic, childlike servant of the Major who appears to be capable of warping reality to an unknown extent.

  • Ambiguous Gender: At least to Alucard, who expresses his confusion after shooting him. While male pronouns are used to describe him In-Universe, as with all things involving Schrödinger it's entirely unclear.
    Alucard: Was that boy-girl bugging you?
  • CatBoy-Girl: Has cat ears and catlike mannerisms at times, even meowing while snuggling next to the Major's chair.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: His power to teleport and instantly revive from death so long as he isn't being somehow observed turns out to be the key to Millenium's plan to take out Alucard. By allowing himself to die and be absorbed into Alucard's mass of souls, becoming simultaneously part of Alucard and yet not, Schrödinger's inherited powers cause Alucard to simply vanish into thin air. While this doesn't kill him, Alucard is trapped like this for over thirty years.
  • The Dark Chick: In the Major's words, Schrodinger is Millennium's mascot and his pet. He also likes playfully sowing discord/making catty comments, and is quite different from most members of Millennium.
  • Dude Looks Like a Lady: Schrödinger looks and sounds very much like a girl. The cat ears are not helping at all.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: Seras admits in her inner monologue that if she had children with Schrödinger, they would actually look rather nice, as he had previously pointed out.
  • Meaningful Name: Schrödinger is a living Cat... something example of a Schrödinger's cat, something that is simultaneously alive and dead until properly observed. No matter how many times he gets shot and killed he always shows up again.
  • No Social Skills: The first thing he says to Seras is that they would "make beautiful children."
  • Off with His Head!: Cuts off his own head during the final battle, dying with a smile on his face all the way down into the river of blood.
  • Right-Hand Cat: ...boy. Maybe?
  • Stupid Sexy Flanders: Alucard finds Schrodinger Strangely Arousing. And unlike the original, it's Lampshaded.
    Alucard: Ahh...the return of the "why" boner...with a vengeance!
  • Sugary Malice: Schrödinger's quote towards the Major, in which he discreetly calls the Major fat and hopes for him to die. The Major is openly amused.
  • Team Pet: The Major's official title for him is "fabulous mascot."

    Rip Van Winkle
"The Game! You lose! Lol, I so random!"
Voiced by: Jessica Calvello

A quirky, attention seeking member of Millennium who spouts dated memes and hides her own insecurities with a veil of Social Justice preaching.

  • Always Accurate Attack: Her gun will always hit the target, even if the bullets have to curve to do it.
  • Attention Whore: Her motivation for spewing outdated memes and being a Straw Character Social Justice Warrior. Alucard even calls her on this during their confrontation:
    Rip Van Winkle: My name is Rip Van Winkle, and I command your respect!
    Alucard: No. You demand my attention.
  • Back for the Dead: Comes back as one of Alucard's familiars, only to die again in God's holy fire.
  • The Bait: Her death is given a lot less gravitas than it was in the original. The Major simply shrugs her off as disposable rather than claiming she died honorably. He even refers to the operation that led to her death as "Bait Van Winkle"
  • Bizarre and Improbable Ballistics: Her weapon of choice generally has an aimed range of about 50 yards. She routinely hits multiple targets with a single bullet from well outside the nominal effective range of her weapon, even if this requires the bullets to change direction in mid-flight. Her motif is Der Freischutz, an opera about a hunter making a deal with a devil for bullets that never miss, which gets a nod when Integra refers to them as magic.
  • Breast Attack: Gets a particularly brutal one from Alucard.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: A lot of the things she says are very bizarre. In her own words: "I'm so random!"
  • Death by Irony: As Alucard delights in pointing out, a meme-obsessed walking parody of Tumblr is killed by one of Hellsing Ultimate Abridged's own memes.
    Alucard: Oh, haven't you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation? Bitches. Love. Cannons.
    (Alucard shoves Rip Van Winkle's own rifle straight through her chest)
  • Dies Differently in Adaptation: In a weird since of mercy, Van Winkle is killed just after Alucard impaled her with a blunt musket through her chest. This fate is much better than her canon fate of being eaten alive in a psuedo rape fashion.
  • Discredited Meme: In-Universe. Much to the annoyance of, well, most of the people she interacts with, she spouts them like there's no tomorrow.
  • Familiar: Alucard turns her into one posthumously, and sics her on Maxwell's forces and Anderson.
  • Hypocrite: Talks like a Social Justice Warrior. Is literally a member of the Nazi party.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: With her musket, a blunt object.
  • Malaproper: One of the "insults" she volleys at Alucard is "cisgendered." To be cisgendered simply means that you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. Either she meant "cisgenderist"/"cissexist," meaning prejudiced towards transgendered individuals/anyone outside the gender binary, or, she's a shot at the depths of Tumblr who use cis as an insult. Given her characterization in the show, both are likely.
  • More Teeth than the Osmond Family: Her trademark shark smile.
  • Pinball Projectile: Her magic bullets.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: Even more so than the original.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: Spectacularly, at the receiving end of this when Alucard makes his counterargument. See below.
  • Straw Feminist: She behaves like a spoiled teenage girl that attacks anything she interprets as misogynistic. Which is about as close to actual feminism as you can expect from a literal Nazi, admittedly. Alucard happily breaks down exactly why her arguments don't apply to him.
    Rip Van Winkle: I don't have to take zis from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig!
    (Alucard catches the bullet with his teeth)
    Alucard: The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, I hate everyone equally, and there's NO ONE ALIVE who could comprehend my sexual preference. So, in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE! (clocks her across the jaw)
  • Troll: Always quoting popular memes for no reason.
  • Unwitting Pawn: She thinks she's going to take over a British warship and possibly defeat Alucard because it's essential to the mission. Instead she's just there to be bait and lure Alucard away from England so The Major can get in a crippling first strike, and he shrugs off her death.
  • Villainous Breakdown: As in the original, her chipper attitude vanishes the second she realizes Alucard is bearing down on them.
    Rip Van Winkle: Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say good-bye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
    (stops, falls to her knees)
    Rip Van Winkle: It… it's him! Just like ze Major said!
    Nazi Soldier: Fraulein Van Winkle, the song was nice, so you don't have to—
    Rip Van Winkle: Prepare for combat! IT'S ALUCAAAAARRRD!
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: She assumed that because they said no man could defeat Alucard, it meant that a woman could. She's horribly, excruciatingly wrong.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: Considering how her favourite kind of ship is the kind that runs with blood and seamen, it's safe to assume.

    Tubalcain "The Dandy Man" Alhambra
"I like to make a little bet with you, vagabundo. I'll end your life… with one hand."
Voiced by: Anthony "Antfish" Sardinha

A Gambit-like hitman who cons the Brazilian authorities into attempting to capture Alucard and tests his might with his magic cards.

  • Absurdly Sharp Blade: His cards are not just sharp, but explosive as well.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Alucard has this reaction when Alhambra tells him he goaded the police into attacking him by promising them they'd gain immortality...knowing full well Alucard would butcher them.
    Alucard: You cheeky dickwaffle!
  • Back for the Dead: Comes back as one of Alucard's familiars, only to perish again in God's holy fire.
  • Badass Finger Snap: "You activated my trap card."
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Wears a suit while kicking the crap out of Alucard.
  • Batman Gambit: It didn't work, predictably.
  • Cheshire Cat Grin: Always seen with a smug grin. When he stops doing this, it's a sign of his Villainous Breakdown.
  • The Dandy: Well, it's his alias.
  • Death Dealer: Uses playing cards as weapons.
  • Familiar: Alucard turns him into one posthumously, and sics him on Anderson.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Alhambra cracks jokes and holds casual conversations while sending dozens of police officers to their deaths.
  • Flechette Storm: Of playing cards, being a Death Dealer and whatnot.
  • Gratuitous Foreign Language: Portuguese in this case. Made all the more egregious by the fact that he's the only Brazilian character who speaks Portuguese, or even with an accent.
  • Man of Wealth and Taste: When you work for Nazis, you're usually evil. Doesn't mean you can't look fabulous, though.
  • Obviously Evil: Totally looks like the kind of guy who'd go back on an agreement (and also one who never intended to honor said agreement in the first place), and yet a bunch of corrupt Genre Blind policemen are willing to believe he would give them immortality.
  • Pungeon Master: Anything to do with cards.
  • Smug Snake: It backfires pretty quickly.
  • The Trickster: He dresses and acts like a stereotypical South American trickster character, and likes to use misdirection to aid in his fights. Plus he sent those policemen to be slaughtered mostly for kicks (his canon counterpart at least had the excuse of wanting to trick Alucard into wasting his anti-vampire ammunition on expendable grunts).
  • Villainous Breakdown: When Alucard proves to be more resilient than he originally thought and Seras bombards him with gunfire, he drops his smug attitude.
    "I'm getting real tired of this shit!"

    The Valentine Brothers
"For God's sakes, Jan, think of Mother."
"...I ain't jerkin' off right now."
Voiced by: Mark "GanXingba" Soskin (Jan) and Scott "KaiserNeko" Frerichs (Luke)

A pair of brothers, as different as night and day, who are sent to attempt invade the Hellsing base by Millennium.

  • Adaptational Wimp: Luke. While the original Luke's boasting managed to impress Alucard initially, Abridged Alucard is unconvinced right from the start. When things get serious, the original Luke has enough guts to call Alucard out with a Breaking Speech. Abridged Luke however, is reduced to a such a state of terrified panic that he can barely string together coherent words.
  • Ambiguously Brown: Jan.
  • Anything That Moves: Jan.
    Jan: Ah, fuck it, skullfucking for everyone! C'mere, ghoul!
  • Ax-Crazy: Jan. note 
  • Back for the Dead: Luke comes back to life in episode 9 after the Hound of Baskerville is sliced open by Walter. Now trapped between the same vampire who killed him and one trying to kill said vampire, his hope does not last.
  • Badass Finger Snap: Somebody's guarding the gates to the Hellsing mansion. Jan snaps his fingers, and some guns poke out of a bus. No more guards, no more gate.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Luke wears a lovely white suit.
  • Badass Longcoat: Luke has one, although it's noticeably absent once he's inside the mansion. (In the full series, he slips out of it after he was temporarily Pinned to the Wall by a javelin trap.)
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Luke boasts that he dwarfs Alucard in speed, stamina, and power. Alucard goes One-Winged Angel on him, gives him a "The Reason You Suck" Speech, then eats him alive.
  • Character Exaggeration: God alone knows how, but Team Four Star managed to push Jan even further than the original.
  • *Click* Hello: Jan finds himself at the receiving end when he bursts into the conference room and sees Integra and the Convention of Twelve armed and ready to fire at him.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Jan's a pottymouth. He goes as far as doing a little rap with it.
    Jan: (singing) I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck. Now if I give a shit, I might just give a fuck, but I don't give a shit, so I don't give a— ...fuck was that?
  • Defiant to the End: Jan. He goes out Flipping the Bird at everyone before crumbling to ash.
  • Dynamic Entry: Luke does this. Rather than impressing Alucard, he unknowingly pissed him off by destroying his 70 inch plasma widescreen TV while he was watching Adventure Time on Netflix.
  • Eaten Alive: Luke's death.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Their brief walk toward the Hellsing Mansion establishes just what to expect:
    Jan: And so halfway through blowing me, the fucking hooker ODs on heroin!
    Luke: I really don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you.
    Jan: I mean, I still finished, but what kinda shit is that?
    Luke: For God's sake, Jan, think of Mother!
    Jan: I ain't jerkin' off right now.
  • Evil Brit: Luke.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: Jan will skull fuck anything and everything, including his own ghoul minions.
  • Face Death with Dignity: Exaggerated with Jan. He's downright ecstatic about going out in a blaze of glory, partly because he has a raging boner after seeing Seras slaughter his backup zombies and mostly because he's such an asshole that he'd rather get burned alive than give Integra or Walter the satisfaction of killing him.
  • "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner: Jan
    Jan: Well, at least I'm gonna die with a raging boner.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Both brothers are this, albeit in very different ways. Jan is a crude, Laughably Evil type who will briefly play nice before doing horrific things to you for the lulz, and Luke is a seemingly polite fellow who is secretly a Smug Snake and is just condescending to everyone around him.
  • Flanderization: One of the few true flanderizations in the series. However, it deserves special mention that they somehow managed to exaggerate Jan's bloodlust, cockiness, and foul mouth. If you're not familiar with the manga or OVAs, you might think he's been rewritten to accommodate that personality. If you are, it's probably never occurred to you that an exaggerated Jan was even possible.
  • Flipping the Bird: Jan gives one of these to Integra even though he's burning to death.
  • For the Evulz: Jan doesn't give a damn about what he's doing, just as long as he's creating violence.
  • A God Am I: Luke boasts that he is Alucard's superior in speed, stamina and power, and declares himself a demigod in comparison to Alucard. He's, uh, pretty wrong.
  • Gorn: Lots of it wherever Jan goes. Luke's death presumably involved lots.
  • Groin Attack: Jan shoots a communications officer in the nuts (well, one of them) and then makes him read a profoundly profane message to Integra by threatening the other. Integra later threatens him with having Walter "peel [his] dick like a banana."
  • Guns Akimbo: Luke's style of combat. In addition, Jan visually one-ups this before entering the manor, brandishing an assault rifle in each hand.
  • Hope Spot:
    • Luke thought Alucard was serious when he said "Give me a hug!" in his One-Winged Angel form. He was more then slightly wrong.
    • Jan gets one when he rushes into the board room, thinking that he would be able to slaughter the helpless council and Integra after managing to slip past Walter and Seras. Then he opens the door and finds himself staring down the barrels of thirteen anti-vampire guns before getting ventilated.
    • Luke gets another when it turns out he survived inside of The Hound of Baskerville and was freed when it was sliced in half during Walter and Alucard's fight. Then Walter controls him with his wires to send him and the chunk of Baskerville at Alucard only for the Crimson Fucker to shoot him in the head and then use him as a decoy to trick Walter into thinking he'd dismembered him, causing Luke to die in pain a second time.
  • In Love with Your Carnage: Upon seeing Seras singlehandedly slaughtering all of his newly-formed ghouls, Jan admits that "At least I'm gonna die with a raging boner."
  • I Surrender, Suckers: Jan tries this on Walter, with no success.
    Jan: Wow, gee willikers, Mister. I sure am sorry for slaughtering all your guards and tearing up your mansion. I promise I learned my les- [Walter stomps on Jan's hand] AGH! Fuck, take a joke, asshole!
    Walter: And everything you say just pisses me off!
  • Jerkass: Even by the standards of this series, Jan is a massive dick. Do NOT misread that.
  • Large Ham: Obviously Jan, though Luke gets hammy himself when boasting his superiority to Alucard... not that it ends well for him.
  • Laser-Guided Tyke-Bomb: Luke mentions he was "hand crafted" to kill Alucard with speed, stamina and power far superior to him. Too bad for him that he wasn't crafted with Alucard's restraints in mind.
  • Life-or-Limb Decision: Jan faces no great dilemma about losing his arm to Walter.
    Walter: (snags Jan's arm with his wires) I've got your arm!
    Jan: (keeps running as it gets torn off) So shove it up your ass! AHAHAHAHA!
  • Longhaired Pretty Boy: Luke.
  • Man on Fire: How Jan goes out.
  • Motor Mouth: Jan never shuts up.
  • Not-So-Harmless Villain: While they do end up biting off more than they can handle, Walter shrugging them off as barely a threat proved quite inaccurate.
  • Oh, Crap!: When Alucard goes One-Winged Angel during his battle with Luke, Luke has an especially memorable one which lasts right up until his death. Jan has an amusingly subdued one when the committee and Integra points their guns at him.
    Jan: ...well, that's not fair at all.
    Integra: I'm sorry, we don't give a fuck.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: When Jan breaks into the room where Integra is meeting with their financial committee and sees all the guns pointed at him, he calmly says "Well, that ain't fair at all."
  • Psycho for Hire: Both of them, though Jan is easily the more psycho of the two.
  • Rage Against the Author: Jan did this in Episode 3's prologue, when he was brought back only to read the legal disclaimer.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: They're designed to be opposites of each other, personality-wise and appearance-wise.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Even more so than original Jan.
  • Sex Is Violence: After seeing Seras ripping his ghoul army apart (literally), Jan then says he's gonna die with a raging boner.
  • Siblings in Crime: The two Valentine brothers of course.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Jan - not that he wasn't that way in the original source material. Here, however, it's straight-up absurd. It's even lampshaded during the ninth episode, where the Major calls him (or rather Luke, since he wasn't sure which Valentine brother it was that came out of the dog that ate him) "the funny one who swore a lot".
  • Small Name, Big Ego: Luke. Alucard puts him in his place by eating him.
  • Smug Snake:
    • Luke, for assuming he was a demigod compared to Alucard.
    • Jan also counts for being all bark and no bite, usually relying on his ghouls to do the dirty work. He's content when killing normal humans, but he realizes how much he's out of his league when confronted by Walter and Seras and even more so when he bursts into the conference room and sees Integra and the Convention of Twelve armed with their guns, ready to open fire at him.
  • Starter Villain: The first Millennium members to confront the Hellsing Organization.
  • Stoic Spectacles: Luke is easily the more level-headed of the two.
  • Super Speed/Flash Step: Luke's ability.
  • Tempting Fate: Jan gloats to Walter that his ghoul army's shield wall is impenetrable to everything except for an anti-tank rifle, and he doesn't see him with one. Cue Seras:
    Seras: Bitches love cannons! [fires the Harkonnen, penetrating the shield barricade]
    Jan: Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle. OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!!
  • Troll: Jan Valentine.
    Walter: Now you're going to tell me everything I want to know.
    Jan: Alright, alright! What ya do, is you go down to the local pharmacy… Ask for something called Viagra… And it'll help ya GO FUCK YOURSELF!
  • Villainous Breakdown: Luke is reduced to a terrified wreck once Alucard gets serious; Jan, on the other hand retains his sanity (or lack thereof) as he dies.
  • Villainous Valor: Jan just flips off Integra when she tries to interrogate him as he burns to death.
  • Wake-Up Call Boss: While they're no match for Alucard and Walter, they're the first opponents who aren't complete pushovers and they cause a lot of death and destruction before being defeated.

The Forces of the 9th Crusade

Maxwell was unable to enlist the Papal Knights proper into their efforts. But he and his followers found some… "eager volunteers" to help them instead.

    Brother Andrea Marco Francesco Luco Mateo Alejandro Lozendro Fedrico
"Even we're sick of feeding people! And we're Italian!"
Voiced by: Merc Matthews

Head of the Pure Noble Ordine della Rossa del Corna di Resa San Bartironmeto, alla Serieta del Segni Torre Desire el Sierte—Divisione Ricettazione, from Italy.

  • Flat Character: Compared to the other Crusade leaders, he's just kinda there.
  • Motor Mouth: Look how long his name is. Now look how long his order's name is. He rattles them off at lightning speed without a single slip of the tongue.
  • Off with His Head!: Gets decapitated by one of Alucard's familiars shortly after his Tempting Fate moment below.
  • Overly Long Name: Both him and his organization, to the point that Maxwell gets annoyed at how long it takes.
  • Tempting Fate: He thinks, while saying he doesn't want to jinx it, they killed Alucard in his initial assault. He jinxed it.

    Don Diego de la Vega
"Jesus was a king first, a carpenter second!"
Voiced by: Alejandro "KaggyFilms" Saab

From Mexico. Brings with him the Mexican Inquisition.

    Bartłomiej Jeleniak
"Hey, if we’re killing Nazis, I’ll worship a side of bacon."
Voiced by: Octopimp

From Poland. Head of the Sacred Order of the Temple Beth Zion. Not actually Catholic.

  • Blatant Lies: Maxwell isn't convinced he's Catholic.
    Maxwell: Oh. I've… not heard of your order. You're… sure you’re Catholic?
    Bartłomiej: Eh, of course!
    Maxwell: …You worship the Lord Jesus Christ?
    Bartłomiej: Hey, if we're killing Nazis, I'll worship a side of bacon! We bring 447 menschen.
  • Cavalry Betrayal: They abandon Maxwell and the other Crusaders to their fate as payback for the Rhineland Massacres. It saves their lives while everyone else in Maxwell's army is butchered wholesale.
    Bartłomiej: Seriously, I can't believe they thought we were going to help them!
  • Enemy Mine:
    • He's a Jew putting aside past enmity with the Catholic Church to fight Nazis. Except he and his men have no interest in helping a rogue member of the Church slaughter innocent people, or perform a Military Coup against the Pope, and he abandons Maxwell and company the first chance he gets. Of course, since the Vatican is responsible for Millennium (who, let us remember, are SS troops, the exact people who carried out the Nazi attempts to wipe Jews off the face of the Earth) escaping justice at the end of World War II, he may even see Maxwell's forces and Millennium killing each other off as the most fitting outcome.
    • It makes even more sense when they mention the Rhineland Massacres. They were perpetrated by a rogue group of knights from the Peasant's Crusade, and the perpetrators were completely and utterly opposed by the Catholic Church, with many bishops putting their lives on the line to try and protect the Jews living near them, the current Pope condemning their actions, and many prior and subsequent Popes continuously decreeing that the Jews of Europe are not to be harmed or oppressed. Maxwell is a rogue crusader who opposes a benevolent Pope, so of course they'd hate him.
  • Leitmotif: Hava Nageila.
  • Not Helping Your Case: He does little to hide his Judaism. Given that his true intention is to simply steal some of Maxwell's equipment and then abandon the rest of the crusaders to their fate, this may have been intentional, and done simply to rub salt in Maxwell's wounds.
    Maxwell: JEWS!!!
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: Attempts to blend in with a bunch of Catholics while openly dropping Yiddish expressions in his speech and wearing the Star of David prominently on his hood. Maxwell doesn't exactly buy it, but he just decides to let them stick around anyway. This ends up costing him dearly.
  • Revenge: They fly off with Maxwell's helicopters and weaponry, leaving Maxwell helpless and out of allies against Alucard and Millennium as payback for the Rhineland Massacres of 1096. For a little extra piece of poetic justice: the Rhineland massacres were perpetrated by ordinary Catholics, done against the orders of the Pope and condemned by the Church. By the time he and the rest of the "Jewish crusaders" betray Maxwell and the rest of the crusaders, Maxwell has gone rogue from the Church and is certainly disobeying the orders of the Church and especially the Pope, who would have nothing but disgust for Maxwell's actions. As a result Maxwell and the other crusaders make for a nice little stand-in for the perpetrators of those massacres.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: When a desperate Maxwell tries to order the Jews into battle, Maxwell is told by an aide that "They fucked off before the battle even started!".
  • Token Good Teammate: For contextual values of "good." He's more interested in dicking over a rogue element of the Catholic Church over a centuries old grudge than in destroying London.
  • Yiddish as a Second Language: Uses "shalom", calls his troops menschen, and later calls Maxwell a schmuck.

    Abbot Puiser
"Yeah fuck, bro! It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and another dude and they're having sex!"
Voiced by: BohBear

Of the Salvation Army from Canada. Also not Catholic.note 

  • Canada, Eh?: Naturally.
  • Heteronormative Crusader: Quite literally. He's more interested in killing gays than fighting the religious enemies of the Catholic Church.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: How he meets his end at the hands of Alucard's familiars. And for bonus points, he gets stabbed in the neck just after making his comment about "sticking his neck out."
  • Irony: The Salvation Army, a Protestant Church founded in England, is participating in a Catholic Crusade aimed at killing Protestants in England. Also, a major part of the Salvation Army's work is helping the poor and homeless, people who Maxwell hates.
  • Leitmotif: O Canada.
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Sticking his neck out for Maxwell's Crusade is what he feels gets him killed. Not that what he was doing was a "good deed".
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: Downplayed. He thinks they're killing gays note , and brushes off Maxwell's correction of "Nazis" with a "yeah sorry whatever."
  • Verbal Tic: "Fuck, bro!"

    Jed Forrest
"Jim! How many more crosses we got in that truck?" "'Bout a few!" "'Bout a few."
Voiced by: RicePirate

From the South Carolina Baptist Confederate Congregation. Is an actual Klansman, and horribly racist. Also not Catholic.

  • Affably Evil: He seems like he can be a pretty nice guy if you're not in the path of the Klan, the Ninth Crusade, the Nazis, or God knows what else.
  • Boom, Headshot!: How he meets his end, courtesy of Alucard.
  • Curse Cut Short: Who does he want to round up again?
  • Deep South: If being an actual Klansman isn't a good enough indicator, then his accent should give a clue.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: To the point where Maxwell, a.k.a. the guy organizing the 9th Crusade with the intention of brutally overthrowing Pope Francis I, takes umbrage with Jed's obnoxious racism.
    Maxwell: And after we have purged England of its heathens and demons, WE. WILL—
  • Leitmotif: Banjo music.
  • Irony: Even more so than Puiser since the real life Klan actively despises Catholics for being "un-American".
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: In his second appearance, his voice actor seems to be doing a Michael Rooker impression.
  • Obviously Evil: Again, he's an actual Klansman. It should really go without saying.
  • Original Character: Jed was created by Team Four Star specifically for the Abridged series and has no counterpart in the official series.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: He's a member of the KKK, what else did you expect?
  • Refuge in Audacity: His entire character is an exercise in this. He's a member of the KKK, and the proper name of his order? The Knights of the Hanging Noose. The reason he hesitates a bit about fighting Nazis? He has lots of Neo-Nazi friends. Oh, and he happens to share a last name with an infamous Confederate general who was a founding member of the first KKK. He's so over the top that not even Maxwell likes him.
    • The cherry on top? The modern iteration of The Klan actually hates Catholics just as much as Blacks, Jews, and other minorities, so why he's siding with them to fight Nazis is anyone's guess.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: He's constantly announcing his name, to the point of interrupting and cutting off Maxwell and Alucard as if he was a major player. Alucard shows him that he's not.
  • Undignified Death: Alucard shoots him straight between the eyes for interrupting him, and absolutely no one on his side cared.

The Wild Geese

A group of professional mercenaries who sign up to replace all the Hellsing guards killed by the Valentine brothers. Why anybody would apply for such a job considering the casualty rates of Hellsing is an open question. Although seasoned fighters, they soon find themselves in over their heads when attempting to combat supernatural menaces.

    As a whole 
  • Adaptational Heroism: Minor, but in the original manga it's implied that they have taken their pay and abandoned contracts before, and it's a combination of Pip's fondness for Seras and being trapped in a situation where they can't really run that prevents them from doing so when the Hellsing compound is under assault. Here, it never even comes up as an option.
  • Badass Normal: All of them are competent human mercenaries with no special powers. Very dangerous against other humans, but a bit out of their depth when facing the supernatural powers that some of Millennium's members hold. It's to their credit that despite all the supernatural nonsense they face The Wild Geese still held their own quite well and killed a massive number of Vampire Nazis. Might have won too, if it weren't for Zorin Blitz.
  • A Day in the Limelight: Episodes 6 & 7 give them by far the most time that they get in the series, including the only time that any of them besides Pip get a name and personality. Also leads to most if not all of them getting A Death in the Limelight.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Most, but not all members.
  • Last-Name Basis: Aside from two guys with a single line each (Tony and Andy) most of them get called by their last name.
  • Private Military Contractors: They're a mercenary group, with prior jobs in the Middle East and elsewhere. Pip is at least the second or third generation in his family to work as a mercenary, as his grandfather was also one.
  • Red Shirt Army: Although they're competent enough mercs, they exist mostly to die in large numbers once they are under assault from Millennium.
    • Badass Army: At the same time, they held Millennium's forces off quite well, with the Nazi Vampires only breaking the lines because Zorin uses her powers to cause them to panic.
  • Theme Naming: Everyone who is either vocally called by a last name (Willingham, Miller, Jaffe, Mercer) or has it listed in the credits or closed captions (Erholtz, Riegel, Hebert) are named after members of the Hellsing Ultimate cast or crew.
  • We Are "Team Cannon Fodder": They don't have any chance of changing the outcome of the story, they just have to try to survive and not let the Hellsing compound be completely destroyed.

    Pip Bernadotte 
See the entry under Hellsing Organization

Oh, who the fuck am I offending, the Nazis?!

  • Combat Medic: When Pip is injured, his first instinct is to go have Willingham check it out. Unfortunately, Willingham was in far worse shape than Pip was.
  • Danger Deadpan: Remarks about there being a Giant Woman attacking with a scythe in about the same tone someone would use to say their cigarette was out.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He doesn't tend to get ruffled by much of anything, and can be snarky enough when he wants.
  • Dying Declaration of Hate: Downplayed, he doesn't so much tell Pip that he hates him as he calls Pip out for bad judgement.
    Willingham: Captain, listen. There's one thing I need to say before I die.
    Pip: What is it, Willingham? My friend. My brother.
    Willingham: You fucking suck at picking our contracts!
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: An explosion from a rocket reduces him to a torso, head, and one arm for about a minute or so before he dies.
    Willingham: How does it look?
    Pip: Probably how it feels.
    Willingham: I'm imagining crushed raspberries.
    Pip: Yeah, that's about right.
  • The Lancer: Pip calls him his best friend, and it's implied that Wilingham is either Pip's Number Two or at least holds a high rank within the Wild Geese.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice: Take a look at the dude's jawline. It could give even Bruce Campbell a run for his money!
  • Nerves of Steel: Even being cut in half doesn't cause him to lose his cool.
  • Number Two: Implied to be this for Pip.
  • Vitriolic Best Friends: Downplayed. They don't display much vitriol in general, but it clear that he and Pip will tease each other, Pip alternates between calling Willingham things like "My friend, my brother" and "My favorite asshole", and Willingham spends his last breath telling Pip off.
  • X Meets Y: In-Universe. Refers to the fight against Zorin and her battalion of nazi vampires as "Bram Stoker meets Castle Wolfenstein shit".

I just saw a man's face get eaten! One bite, like that asshole owl with the fucking Tootsie Pop, man!
Voiced by: Connor McKinley

  • Badass Mustache: He's a skilled mercenary with quite a formidable mustache.
  • Bring It: Right after concluding his conversation with Pip, he leaps out from concealment, shooting at the Germans with his gun on full auto while shouting at them to do this.
    Come and get me, you blood chugging cockholes!
  • Failed Attempt at Drama: He tries to die in a dramatic, Hollywoodesque way. Instead it degenerates into a farce.
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: Zorin appears to use her scythe to cut him in half. Vertically.
  • Immune to Mind Control: Subverted. It briefly appeared that he was no selling Zorin's illusion but it turns out that it's just because Zorin was showing him things he knows are physically impossible. She first claims to be his daughter, to which a confused Miller points out that he got a vasectomy right out of high school. She then hastily backspaces and says she's his niece, which Miller points out that it is equally as improbable, since he is an only child. As soon as Zorin scans his mind a little more and shows him something he wants to see which is Sonic the Hedgehog with... well, a foot long penis, he stops resisting.
  • I Always Wanted to Say That: A variant, apparently he's a big fan or dramatic cliches and wants to go out on the one where he goes down fighting while his commander pleads with him to find a way to survive. Unfortunately Pip screws this up for him by opting for It Has Been an Honor instead, which Miller is not a fan of.
    Miller: Sir, I'm not going to lie to you. All my men are dead or dying and I'm running out of bullets.
    Pip: Miller... it was an honor serving with you. [bows his head solemnly]
    Miller: What the fuck?! What's that cheap shit?! You're not going to tell me to "fall back" or "fight through"?
    Pip: Well I-I mean, can you?
    Miller: Of fucking course not!
    Pip: Then why the fuck would I say it?!
    Miller: It's a cliche, dammit! And a good goddamn one at that!
    • And when Pip does try to give him the Rousing Speech to fight his way out, Miller acknowledges that by then the moment has been lost.
      Pip: [exasperated] Fine, fine, whatever, okay, sure. [clears throat] Don't you fucking give me that, Miller! Fall back and make it—
      Miller: [disappointed] No, no... it's-it's ruined. It's disingenuous.
  • Last Stand: He tries to go out on a suitably dramatic and badass one, but first his disagreement with Pip about which dramatic cliche to use and then Zorin screwing with his mind makes it rather anticlimactic.
  • Sir Swears Alot: At least in Episode 7, where it's rare for him to say a line that doesn't contain some sort of profanity.
  • Undignified Death: It's hard to get more undignified than fawning over an illusion of a certain blue hedgehog sporting a huge erection just before getting cut in half.

I wish Alucard was here! Yeah, really, because when he was around shit wasn't so scary! If anything, it was hilarious! But ever since he left everything is so goddamned serious!
Voiced by: Lyle Burress

  • Butt-Monkey: He gets no respect from and is picked on by the other members of the Wild Geese.
    Pip: B-wing, what's your location?
    Miller: HR Department.
    Pip: And your status?
    Miller: Ever been fisted up to the elbow before?
    Pip: [beat] Jaffe, I could use your expertise.
  • Captain Obvious: Some of the comments he makes, most notably when Zorin gets up from being shot by Pip and impales Pip on her scythe. Jaffe's response is to shout "Holy shit, Captain, that German bitch is still alive!" We're sure the guy who just got impaled by Zorin would have never been able to tell she was alive without your input, Jaffe.
  • Cowardly Lion: He's not the bravest guy around and his nerves are clearly shattered by what he has witnessed during the attack on the Hellsing compound, but when Pip attempts to save Seras from Zorin, Jaffe is one of only two members of the Wild Geese who go with Pip and try to help.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Seeing Pip and Seras share a first/final kiss draws a reflexive "Awww..." from him.
  • Fat Idiot: He's an overweight guy with a tendency to state the obvious and isn't well liked by his teammates.
  • Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Pip has to do a combination of this and a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to get Jaffe to stop panicking.
  • Goggles Do Nothing: He's got a pair of goggles for unexplained reasons while nobody else in the Wild Geese does, and he is never seen wearing them or doing anything that would require them.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: His comments about Alucard, audiences generally not liking Lower Deck Episodes and wanting to get back to the A plot, etc. nicely mirror a lot of fan reaction to the main show. He also lampshades the Cerebus Syndrome along the way, as well how very similar events go from being comedic when you have an Invincible Hero who reacts to it all with sarcastic comments to how terrifying they can be when you trap normal people in them.
  • Nervous Wreck: Events have pretty clearly been weighing on him, and he result is that he's a gibbering, ranting wreck in the seventh episode.
  • Uncertain Doom: He is not shown dying, but when Seras reports the situation to Integra, she claims everyone is dead at headquarters. (Mostly likely Seras is simply abbreviating for time, 90+ percent casualty rates might as well be summed up as "Everyone's dead.")

Holy shit guys! I think we killed them all!
Voiced by: Chris Zito

  • An Arm and a Leg: Mercer thought he lost a leg while under the effect of Zorin's illusion.
  • Instantly Proven Wrong: Naturally after he celebrates the death of all he Nazis in the zepplin it only takes seconds before Zorin and whole bunch of the Nazi vampires are revealed to have survived the crash and explosion.
    Hebert: Hey Mercer, try not to choke on your fucking foot.
  • Oh, Crap!: His reaction to Zorin's illusion of being a Giant Woman and wielding an enormous scythe.
    Mercer: She's going to kill us all! Fucking! Demon! Bitch!
  • Squick: Has an In-Universe squick reaction to Erholtz repeatedly mentioning that Zorin illusion made him hallucinate being crushed inside her giant vagina.
    Mercer: Ok, what does your internet history look like?!
  • Tempting Fate: He is quick to celebrate when the Nazi zeppelin is shot down by Seras. Turns out the "fun" with Millennium is only just starting for the Wild Geese.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: He only appears in episode 6, and isn't seen in episode 7. It's unknown if he survived the Nazi assault.
  • You Don't Look Like You: Two different members of the Wild Geese are credited as "Mercer" by the closed captions on the video. (One is wearing a mask, the other isn't.) Since the one with the mask only gets a single line, it's not a particularly noticeable mistake.

Hey, Mercer. Try not to choke on your fucking foot.
Voiced by: Stephan Krosecz

  • An Arm and a Leg: Zorin's illusion made him think he lost an arm. His reaction was pretty understated, however. He actually had a much bigger reaction when the illusion was broken and he saw that he still had his arm.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Like Jaffe, he's reflexively moved by Pip and Seras sharing a Last Kiss.
  • Foil: He exists mostly as a more down to earth, Straight Man sort of foil to Mercer's wild optimism, and later Jaffe... well, being Jaffe.
  • Grumpy Bear: Both his rebuke to Mercer Tempting Fate and Jaffe being Captain Obvious come off with an annoyed, Surrounded by Idiots vibe.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: As mentioned earlier, he reacts in a rather low key way to the "loss" of his arm.
    Hebert: Well... high-fives are gonna suck now.
  • The Stoic: It's pretty rare for him to show much emotion.
  • Straight Man: Most of the Wild Geese are pretty flamboyant characters or have a characteristic that makes them stand out. Hebert is just there to do his job and roll his eyes at his teammates.
    Jaffe: [Just after Pip has been impaled on Zorin's giant scythe] Holy shit, captain! THAT GERMAN BITCH IS STILL ALIVE!
    Hebert: Jaffe, why the fuck do I have to die with you?
  • This Is Gonna Suck: Basically his reaction to both the Nazis surviving the zeppelin crash and having to face off with Zorin while Jaffe is his only backup.
  • Uncertain Doom: Like Jaffe, he is shown as having survived at least until just before Seras drank Pip's blood, but whether he was killed before Seras became a full fledged vampire and tore through the remaining Nazis is unclear.

Please don't stick me in your giant vagina!
Voiced by: Tom Livesey

  • Bond One-Liner: He joins Pip in suggesting alternates to Seras' line, although his is not the most inspired line in history.
    Erholtz: 99 dead balloons!
  • Fetish: Although he begs not to be inserted in Zorin's vagina, the simple fact that he even thought of it shows that he's into some weird stuff, and it finally makes Mercer wonder what the hell he looks up online.
    Mercer: Okay, what does your internet history look like?!
  • Spear Carrier: He has three lines rather than just one, but he shows up for that and then isn't seen again.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: After his appearance in episode 6, he does not show up in 7. Considering the high casualty count of the assault, it's likely he died in the fighting.

Hey, God? It's me, Tony. If only one of us makes it out of here alive, please let it be me!
Voiced by: Geoff Thew

  • Dirty Coward: His line where he prays to be the Sole Survivor while his comrades die isn't exactly a profile in courage.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Quickly becomes this and an object of derision when the other members of the Wild Geese hear his willingness to throw them under the bus.
  • It's All About Me: He's at the point where he doesn't care what happens to anyone else as long as he survives.
  • Say Your Prayers: While it's hardly a proper prayer, he knows that the Wild Geese are screwed and he's reduced to doing nothing more than quivering in fear and asking God to save him.
  • Sole Survivor: He hopes to be this.
  • Spear Carrier: He only exists to say the line in his quote.
  • Tempting Fate: The Nazi wielding the panzerfaust apparently hears his line above, (somehow) and decides to specifically target Tony with his next shot as a result.

Hey, God? It's Tony's friend Andy. Fuck Tony.
Voiced by: The Hawk


    The Queen of England 
Voiced by: Cherla Borinnos

  • Affectionate Nickname: "Betty" by Alucard, she in turn calls him "Ally/Allie."
  • Cool Old Lady: To Alucard. Probably the only character Alucard respects genuinely.
  • Dirty Old Woman: Enough to openly comment that Alucard's dirty talk was making her moist.
  • First-Name Basis: With Alucard, to the level of shortening each others' names to "Ali" and "Betty."
  • Friendship Moment: With Alucard. Despite how raunchy it was, it was still pretty sweet.
  • Friends with Benefits: With Alucard. He claims that he'd still fuck her, despite how old she's gotten. That takes some friendship. And speaking of benefits, she has directly handled the Hellsing Organization's budget.
  • I Was Quite a Looker: That's what she says when she sees Alucard again, but he insists she's still looking great.
  • Lovable Sex Maniac: Predictably, Alucard is involved. They had sex during the fucking Blitz.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Somewhat. She wants a recording of Alucard killing the Major so she can fall asleep to it every night.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: She is never seen or mentioned again after Episode 4. Then again, the Nazis begin their attack in Episode 5; even if she wasn't a casualty, she was already very old before the end-of-story timeskip, so she got Integra's recording of the Major and likely died with a smile on her face.

    Sir Penwood 
Voiced by: Martin "LittleKuriboh" Billany

  • Badass Bureaucrat: Even though he and the rest of the Round Table Counsel are generally averse to getting involved in combat, he takes up a pistol alongside Integra and the others when Jan Valentine bursts into the command center to kill them all and helps turn him into Swiss Cheese. Later he pulls a Heroic Sacrifice by placing C4 around the compound and detonating it to take out a Milennium officer and his men.
  • Cowardly Lion: Just like the original.
  • Dying Moment of Awesome/Heroic Sacrifice: Detonates a room full of C4, killing himself and a bunch of Millennium forces.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: He's the last person alive in the security council headquarters, meaning he had to have killed a few attackers himself.
  • Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: His last words.
    Nazi Officer: How valiant of you, Sir Penwood. Defending your post down to the last man.
    Sir Penwood: Ah, but that's where I must rebuke you, because where you see one man, I see four!
    Nazi: (thinking) See four? [notices C4 everywhere]
    Sir Penwood: When you get to hell, tell 'em Penwood sent you! And then apologize on my behalf for the inconvenience!
  • Rousing Speech: Provides a Stiff Upper Lip variation to the survivors of London.
  • Screaming at Squick: His reaction to the raunchy flirting between Alucard and the Queen.
  • Someone to Remember Him By: He had a son, Penwood Jr. who in turn had a son who he named Penwood Jr., Jr. who became a member of the Hellsing Organization. He'd rather be making reaction videos though.
  • Waxing Lyrical: His shocked reaction to when London Bridge is falling down.
    Agent: London Bridge is falling down!
    Penwood: Falling down?!
    Agent: Falling down!
    Penwood: London Bridge is falling down… my fair lady, what should we do?!

    Sir Reginald 
Voiced by: Scott "KaiserNeko" Frerichs

  • Achievement In Ignorance: Manages to keep holding onto a gun after Walter's Razor Floss attack should have severed his hand solely because he wasn't aware that Walter's attack had happened and his hand should already be on the ground. Naturally as soon as Integra points this out his hand detaches from the rest of his body.
  • Cleanup Crew: When he outs himself as The Mole, what he seems most upset about is having spent years cleaning up after Alucard's antics. Admittedly, given that such a rap sheet includes starting the first world war, turning evil seems understandable.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: The reason he cites as the cause of him turning on England. The fact that Alucard and later Integra, (and even the credits to the episodes) insist on calling him Reggie, (which he hates) only adds salt to the wound.
  • Everyone Is Related: He's Sir Penwood's brother-in-law. The fact that he was a traitor briefly gives Penwood something of a Heroic BSoD.
  • The Mole: He's Millennium's mole within the Round Table, a group of England's most highly ranked officers and advisors.
  • Named by the Adaptation: The only moniker the character had ever been known by in canon is "海軍中佐" in the credits for Hellsing Ultimate Episode 5, which simply denotes his rank as a commander in the Royal Navy.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: He's mostly just a voice who isn't even seen when speaking his lines at events such as the meeting between Alucard and the Queen, and is killed within a minute of announcing himself as a traitor, but Millennium's invasion was entirely dependent on him sabotaging England's defenses. Without a mole to help them, Millenium's zeppelins would have been shredded by England's Anti-Air, and perhaps millions of innocent people and a number of major and supporting characters would not have died.
  • Smug Snake: He thinks a lot of himself and what he "deserves". When he formally betrays England, his attempted coup, as Integra calls it, is put down within a minute. He thinks he's a big deal when he's ultimately a small fry in this game of powerful players.
  • Your Little Dismissive Diminutive: Integra dismisses his attempt at a coup using this trope.


Voiced by: SungWon "ProZD" Cho

Also known as YHWH (or "Yahweh").

  • Achilles' Heel: As powerful as God is, He ultimately can't stop Alucard because He can't force Alucard to accept forgiveness if he doesn't want it.
  • Archnemesis Dad: Averted. God is the father of Satan (read Lucifer, an archangel), the freaking Devil. However, as opposed to the Bible and countless other tales, Satan and his dad get along very well, albeit God is rather uncomfortable and offput by his son's awkwardness.
  • Always a Bigger Fish: Alucard may be a virtually unstoppable vampire, but God is, well, God. The moment He puts even the slightest amount of effort into stopping Alucard, the vampire finds himself completely at His mercy.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: After Anderson calls Him down, He effortlessly defeats Alucard's entire undead army by casually releasing all 2 million(ish) of their damned souls in the middle of His conversation with Alucard while the vampire can do nothing but angrily complain.
  • Forgiveness: He offers forgiveness to Alucard - apparently one of the vanishingly few ways of defeating Alucard for good - but the latter wants none of it.
  • God and Satan Are Both Jerks: Inverted. They're both actually pretty nice guys.
  • God Is Good: But also very pragmatic.
  • Greater-Scope Paragon: If Him showing up at all is any indication.
  • Never My Fault: A variation in which He insists that the most terrible things in the world aren't that bad to begin with. He's jarringly unapologetic for the awful things He's allowed to happen to the world on His watch, and insists that it's all part of his plan. Alucard, however, thinks He's an insufferable, self-righteous, hypocritical asshole who's never there for anyone who's loyal to Him and doesn't actually have any idea what the hell He's doing. Whether or not that's true is never proven nor elaborated on.
  • Nice Guy: Espoused pragmatism aside, He's very gentle and patient with Alucard, despite the latter being absolutely mad at Him. The worst reaction Alucard can get out of Him is a depressed sigh. He's equally as patient when dealing with Satan, although He's much less enthused to speak with his son, Satan, aka Lucifer, likely because of Satan's awkwardness. Of course, your mileage may vary. Alucard's certainly does.
  • Omniscient Morality License: Has a plan for everyone, no matter how much pain they go through for it to be achieved. Alucard, of all people, thinks it's bullshit and that the license should've been revoked somewhere between his own ten years of rape and all the children who are starving to death in name-an-African-country.
  • Pragmatic Hero: Just because He's good doesn't mean that He will end all suffering on Earth at the expense of His perfect plan for everyone, which Alucard in particular attests to.
  • Summon Bigger Fish: In the original series, the Nail of Helena turns its user into the mindless Monster of God. Here, using the nail turns its user into a vessel for God, who comes down to personally deal with problems like Alucard.


Voiced by: Zach Hadel

  • Affably Evil: He's a really amiable guy who gets along with God.
  • Deal with the Devil: A benign version. Satan helps Alucard to eliminate far worse monsters like him.
  • The Devil Is a Loser: He may be the greatest force of evil in the world, but he acts and sounds like Michael Cera. He's pitifully awkward when speaking with God, timidly offering to make avocado toast for the Almighty if God will come visit him in Hell. It's also implied that Alucard actually just took Satan's hellhounds without permission and Satan can't get him to return them. At the same time, though, he manages to offer some incredibly biting yet passive-aggressive criticism toward God regarding Jesus' death, forsaking Alucard, and Heaven being so hard to get into.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: God certainly doesn't enjoy talking to Satan, even hanging up on him mid-sentence and Alucard seems to enjoy pushing him around.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Inverted. While he is firmly on Alucard's side, Alucard only uses his powers to make sure that another monster like him would not exist, something Satan himself agreed to.
  • Leitmotif: "Don't Deal With The Devil (Instrumental)" from Cuphead.
  • Punch-Clock Villain: He rules Hell. After Alucard used Release Restraint 0, he asks God if he can send some people to Heaven, since Alucard (as Dracula) took out thousands of Millennium and Maxwell's men.
  • Satan is Good: He may be a ruler of the damned, but he gets along with his opposite, God. In fact, he is red compared to his blue.

Alternative Title(s): Hellsing Abridged


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