Warning: Spoilers Off applies to this page. Proceed at your own risk.
"ALUCARD! Go for a walk."
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Episode 1: "Psych, Hitler!"
- Admit it, when Alucard shot Edward Cullen to death, you knew this series was going to be awesome.
- Along the same lines, Seras sniping Bella. Slight bonus points for doing it with Alucard trolling her.
- "FINE! I'll shoot some of the rotten bastards! Can't be that much fun..." *Seras blows a ghoul's head off. Her eyes go red...*
- Anderson and Integra talking about Alucard, when Anderson reveals that he "killed him" by cutting off his head. Integra's response:Integra: Oh? Well, that's step one. (smirks) What about two through ten?
Anderson: (knowing immediately what's coming) Ah Christ...
Alucard: You done goofed.
- And after Alucard regenerates:
Anderson: How the blood-soaked Protestant hell did you do that?!
Alucard: Fuck you, that's how.
Episode 2: "Bullet From Your Valentine"
- Overlaps as a Funny Moment. According to Word of God, since there are no Dairy Queen branches in England, Alucard brought the car all the way to America just to smash it into a Dairy Queen.
- Slightly undermined by Episode 7, where he offhandedly mentions that he crashed a car into the first British Dairy Queen. Unless he did both, which honestly would be something that this version of Alucard would do.
- Alucard's back-and-forth "Really" with Luke Valentine. Particularly his last word, where his head snaps up and he snarls "REALLY?!" with a Slasher Smile on his face.Alucard: "Really? Really."
Alucard: (with aforementioned Slasher Smile) "REALLY?!"
Alucard: (calmly) "Release restraint, level one."
Luke: "Level what?"
Luke: Get to the stairs, just gotta get to the- *stairs escalate into the darkness* Awwwwwwww.... Fuck.
- After Alucard tears off his legs, Luke tries to escape, only to realize how long the stairs back to ground level are.
- Just before Alucard finishes off Luke...Alucard: COME ON! YOU WERE TALKING ALL THE GOOD SHIT A SECOND AGO! THEN I BLEW YOUR FUCKING LEGS OFF!
Luke: (Utterly terrified) But I- YOU! whatthefuuu!?
Alucard: WHAT'S WRONG, DEMIGOD?! JUST GROW YOUR LEGS BACK! SUMMON UP YOUR DEMONS! HIT ME! FIGHT ME! GIVE ME A HUG.
Luke: ...really? OHGODNO—
Alucard: (starts devouring Luke)
- Three words:Seras: Bitches love cannons.
Jan: Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle... ...OH FUCK!! THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!!!
- Not to mention the followup:
- Before the Valentine Brothers invaded the compound, Integra was in a meeting with Hellsing's financial backers about the various budget issues the organization, mostly Alucard, was racking up. They then get to listen in on Alucard devouring Luke Valentine over the PA system.Alucard: (Over the intercom amidst Valentine's screams) WE'RE HERE ON EPIC MEAL TIME! I'M THE SAUCE BOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLOND LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD BITCH!
Sir Penwood: Who... is that, exactly?
Integra: Oh that's Alucard, the one we talked about earlier. This is what happens when he has to entertain himself. Oh, so what was that issue with our funding?
Sir Penwood: Issue?
Sir Irons: What issue?
Sir Penwood: I don't see an issue.
Unknown: Shut up and take our money!!!
- Walter in Episode 2 where despite his dialogue being changed to be more humorous is still every bit as badass as he is in the canon series.Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.
- Once Jan's ghouls are exterminated and Seras has him in a restraint hold, he starts giving an incredibly sarcastic apology... which is cut off when Walter stomps on one of his hands.Jan: AHH! Take a fuckin' joke, asshole!
Walter: And everything you say just pisses me off!
- Once Jan's ghouls are exterminated and Seras has him in a restraint hold, he starts giving an incredibly sarcastic apology... which is cut off when Walter stomps on one of his hands.
- When Jan Valentine, who's been threatening to do unspeakably horrible things to Integra during the assault on Hellsing Manor, finally reaches her... he's greeted by Integra and the rest of Hellsing's backers wielding guns. The look on Jan's face says it all, but what Integra says before they shoot him to the wall really hammers it home.(Opens fire)
- Jan thought he had backup, too...Jan: Where the fuck did my ghouls go?!
Walter: Oh... they've been dealt with.
(Cut to Seras in the throes of a bloodrage, butchering the ghouls while Rob Zombie's "Dragula" plays)
Jan: ...well at least I'm gonna die with a raging boner.
- Integra's line is also throwing back Jan's own war chant in his face.Jan: I don't give a shit! I don't give a fuck! I don't give a shit! 'Cause I don't give a fuck!
- Jan thought he had backup, too...
- When Luke Valentine starts hyping up Alucard as build-up for his own Badass Boast, Alucard utterly demolishes the moment:Alucard: Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft!
Luke: Ex...cuse you?
Alucard: Oh, I'm sorry. I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick!
- And immediately after:Luke: ...I'm trying to have a serious conversation here.
Alucard: So am I! And I'm failing. And I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated. Because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70-inch, plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father.
(they both pull out their guns)
Alucard: Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
- And immediately after:
Episode 3: "TheCrimsonFuckr"
- The opening of the episode gives us a chilling and masterful cameo by Christopher Sabat as Van Hellsing, the man who defeated Alucard centuries past.Van Helsing: Vampire King... You lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to the ground, and over twenty thousand impaled and prostrated by you and you alone, to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! WHAT SAY YOU?! MONSTER! DEMON! DEVIL CONCEIVED BY THE BLEAKEST WOMB! WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!
Alucard: ...The Aristocrats.
Van Helsing: Grrrrr! (stakes Alucard)
- It's almost a Shut Up, Kirk! moment, and if it were, it would be one of the best of all time.
- Pip gets one in Episode 3, when he casually strolls into the police tent (in a stolen uniform), shoots everyone there while counting off his kills in French, then casually strolls out, humming La Marseillaise, lighting a cigarette, and the tent explodes behind him.Pip: Well, let's see what he thinks about having that drink with me.
- When the Dandy Man bets Alucard that he can end his life with one hand:Alhambra: Tell me, Alucard, are you a betting man?
Alucard: I believe that's your schtick...?
Alhambra: I'd like to make a little bet with you, vagabundo. I'll end your life [whips out cards] with one hand.
Alucard: I'll take that bet. Now... HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!
Alucard: Oh, shame for you... You activated my Alu-Card. (Releases Restraints)
(Cue Curb-Stomp Battle)
- Followed by Seras' Dynamic Entry, via BFGSeras: (firing madly at the Dandy Man) GET SOOOOOOOOMMMMEEE!!!!
Dandy Man: Puta!
(Seras whips out the Harkonnen)
Seras: Trump this!
- Culminated with Alucard dealing the final blow:Alhambra: I'm getting real tired of this shit!
Alucard: YOU AND ME BOTH.
(Alucard kicks Alhambra's knee into smithereens)
Alucard: Now, show me your hand! DANDY MAAAAAAAAAN! (attacks with his bare hand)
(Alhambra attacks with the Ace of Spades, only for his arm to be completely split in half lengthwise)
- The best part? You could drop this sequence into the original episode and it would fit perfectly.
- Followed by Seras' Dynamic Entry, via BFG
- There is also Alucard's "walk" in Episode 3, which is done with his theme from the original Hellsing's soundtrack. It reminds us that even though Alucard's a lot funnier in this incarnation, he's still Alucard.
- His "hello" to the host of SWAT officers before brutally slaughtering them all is worth a mention:Alucard: Hey guys, how's your health plan? [the soldiers flip out and start firing wildly] APPARENTLY IT'S GREAT!
- His "hello" to the host of SWAT officers before brutally slaughtering them all is worth a mention:
Episode 4: "Trigger Warning"
- Maxwell dealing with the traitor Pedophile Priest in the preview.Priest: Please! Y-You must understand! I am just a man! A-A-A-A man is just but a speck in the eyes of the Lord! I am weak!
Maxwell: Oh, do not worry, Father. I assure you, God is forgiving.
Priest: Really? Oh, praise be to— (Heinkel comes behind him and puts a gun to his head)
Maxwell: Just make sure to ask him when you get there.
- It's nowhere as long as the original, but the Major's "I love war" speech is arguably just as awesome, if not MORESO.Gentlemen. Operation: Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little... "surprise". However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I...LOVE...war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right and what's wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about: "Who gets the box?" "What's in the box?" "How much is what's in the box worth?" Storage Wars. *chuckle* What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars... And certainly, no Cold Wars! (Blueballed for 40 years.) What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you've all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!
- And the music that starts playing as the Major's speech begins to intensify in awesomeness and closes out the episode? Mars, Bringer of War.
- The Stinger shows Alucard's stone cold delivery of this line:Alucard: I BETTER NOT MISS A DAMN THING.
- The fact this part is not played for laughs in any way. No sarcastic quips, no jokes, not even a character line. Just showing every other side of the story with a foreboding air, getting ready for what's coming next.
- The Stinger shows Alucard's stone cold delivery of this line:
- And the music that starts playing as the Major's speech begins to intensify in awesomeness and closes out the episode? Mars, Bringer of War.
- What song does Team Four Star set to Alucard attacking Rip's battleship? Shoot to Thrill!
- Rip's misguided attempt at killing Alucard is rather ballsy.
- Alucard quite efficiently takes the wind out of Rip's sails:Alucard: So... nice ship yah got here.
Rip Van Winkle: I-I am Rip Van Winkle! Und I command your respect!
Alucard: No. You demand my attention. [Rip fires her magic bullet] Ow.
Rip Van Winkle: I don't have to take zis from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig!
[Alucard catches the bullet with his teeth]
Alucard: The funny thing is, (bites down and destroys bullet) in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, I hate everyone equally, and there's NO ONE ALIVE who could comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE! (Clocks her across the jaw.)
- Alucard's killing of Rip with her own gun, like in the canon, but sealed with with a Pre-Mortem One-Liner and a stone-cold Call-Back.
- Even Queen Elizabeth II gets one for her bloodthirstiness towards the Major and Millennium (Justified, when one remembers what the Nazis did to Britain in WWII).Queen: Integra, (Integra rises) Alucard. (The No-Life King regards her)
Alucard: Yes, Sugar-Lips?
Queen: (motherly voice, while smirking sinisterly) When you find him, and when you kill him...I want you to record it, so that I can fall asleep to it every night.
Alucard: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I'VE MISSED YOU!
- Alucard's laugh at the end of the episode. Takahata101 was really able to pull that off.
- Still on voice acting Anderson's (hbi2k) roar of indignation to what Alucard did to the statue of "Big J" before the intro rolls in is nothing short of perfect (and as the subtitles indicates: "Committing Vocal Suicide").
Episode 5: "Lay Back and Think of Oblivion"
- The Opening. So, not much is happening, and then all of a sudden, the zepplins come. And after a while, London is annihilated, all to the tune of War. Again, they played War. The Nazis Crossed The Line 5 times. And the major's singing parts of the lyrics make the whole scene that much more unnerving. Overall, a very well-done job by Team Four Star for keeping a scene brutal along with all the beautiful irony.
- How about the fact that the Major did not want to needlessly pick a fight with Integra, said woman being one of the only characters he is legitimately wary of, this moment at least to this troper serves as one for both of them; Integra for being such as Badass that the Major actively cautioned to not underestimate her and one for the Major for having the sense to not just fuck with the Protags without a shit ton of planning to stack the deck in his favor.
- Sir Penwood's death is equal parts Heroic Sacrifice and Face Death with Dignity.Nazi Officer: (Evil Laugh) How valiant of you, Sir Penwood. Defending your post down to the last man.
Penwood: Ah, but there's where I must rebuke you. Because where you see one man... I see four.
Nazi Officer: (Not getting the joke) "See four-?" (Cue Oh, Crap! when he sees all the C-4 charges set around the room)
Penwood: When you get to Hell, tell them Penwood sent you. And then apologize on my behalf for the inconvenience.
- Walter singlehandedly shutting down the Hellsing coup before it can really start.Walter: Who wants Daddy's belt?
- Integra's facing the bullets/reason-you-suck speech to the squad of Nazi Vampires that chased her down. She starts by cutting off one of their heads, and somehow it only gets better.Integra: Congratulations. It took an entire squadron of inhuman, nigh-immortal fake vampires to hunt down and corner a 22-year-old woman.
Nazi: That's a woman?
Another Nazi: She's 22!?
Integra: I hope it's everything you've dreamed of. So have at it, then! Come and get the first real fight you've had in fifty years, you dickless cowards!
- Anderson even points it out best.Anderson: By Jove, you fucking hedder of a woman! You're surrounded by fifty Nazi vampires, armed literally to the teeth, and what do you do?! You get out of your FUCKING car, pull out your sword, cut off one of their heads, and yell "COME AT ME, YOU KRAUT SHITS!" NO WONDER Alucard wants to plow that virgin soil! I'M THINKING ABOUT GROWIN' SOME FLOWERS MESELF!
- Even better is that the above quote from Anderson currently serves as the Page Quote for In Love with Your Carnage.
- Anderson even points it out best.
- EVERYTHING about Alexander Anderson's speech towards the end with his "posse".Anderson: Who are we!?
Iscariots: The necessary evil!
Anderson: WHY are we necessary?
Iscariots: To purge the world of evil worse than man!
Anderson: And why are we God's chosen few, ordained to undertake this unholy task?
Iscariots: Because no one else will!
Anderson: AND BECAUSE IT'S FUCKIN' FUN! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAMEEEEN!
- Due to being a silent character, (with the exception of a VERY deep grunt) the Captain comes off as just as much of a badass as he was in the original series. As demonstrated when he effortlessly caught Walter's Razor Wire.
Episode 6: "Jour de Colere"
- The defense of the Hellsing compound by the Wild Geese and Seras is equally awesome to the full show.
- First, Zorin disobeys orders and launches two dozen V-1 rockets at the building... all of which are shot down. The Reveal is that Seras took them out while wielding massive artillery on her back.
- After that initial moment of awesome, Pip asks Seras to give Zorin's blimp a "proper Hellsing welcome."
- And the music that plays when Seras unleashes Hell? Giuseppe Verdi's "Dies Irae."
- Whatever the Wild Geese may say otherwise, Seras's "Eat schnitzel in hell!" was pretty damn badass, especially with her vocal delivery and what she was doing while delivering it: shoving her gigantic gun straight into a nazi vampire's mouth, lifting him towards the ceiling, and then pulling the trigger.
- First, Zorin disobeys orders and launches two dozen V-1 rockets at the building... all of which are shot down. The Reveal is that Seras took them out while wielding massive artillery on her back.
- The second half of the episode, which shows Maxwell rounding up soldiers for the Ninth Crusade. Although the crusaders are a lot more disorganized and divisive than the ones in the original series, the reason they've come together under Maxwell may count as a villainous moment of awesome: The one thing Maxwell and all of the crusaders agree upon is that they hate Pope Francis, and all the reforms he's been bringing to the Catholic Church. As such, Maxwell declares himself the new Pope, and that after they annihilate London with everybody in it, they would depose of Pope Francis, and bring the Catholic Church back to its roots. And through it all, Maxwell is giving a Rousing Speech that would give The Major's "War Speech" a run for its money.
Episode 7: "A Scythe for Sore Eyes"
- Seras transforming into a full vampire. Not only does she take an instant level in badass, she gets off a few good lines, including a Pre-Asskicking One-Liner and a Call-Back to Episode 1, all set to Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl." Functionally, she goes full Alucard.Seras: Zorin, was it? Listen, Zorin, this whole fucking place is my house. You ain't the queen vampire bitch here; I am. And you know what we Brits always say... ("Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie cues up) God. Save. The Queen.
- Also, after grabbing Zorin, Seras shows just how tired she is of the nickname "Police Girl."Seras: Say My Name, you Nazi bitch!
(Zorin throws a punch, but Seras bites her fingers off)
Seras: I SAID SAY MY FUCKING NAME! SAY IT! SAY IIIIIIT!!!
Zorin: SERAAAAS! VICTORIAAAAOOOUAHOOUUGH!
(Seras grinds Zorin's face into bloody chunks along the wall, pants for a couple of seconds, then turns her back as she starts burning up)
Seras: And don't you FUCKING forget it. (Title card slams onto screen, episode ends)
- Not only that, but this callback to the first episode:Zorin: That look... How?! I cut out your eyes! How can you look at me like that?!
Seras: Fuck you, that's how.
- Compare this scene with its counterpart in the source material. There, Zorin puts up a valiant struggle, and it takes Pip's soul blocking her mind-screw technique for Seras to score a win. Here? Seras dominates the fight from start to finish.
- Also, after grabbing Zorin, Seras shows just how tired she is of the nickname "Police Girl."
- Before that, during Seras' talk with Alucard, Team Four Star managed do something that hardly any other abridged series can do: Sum up the main character in one sentence. Then Alucard tells her to get real.Alucard: Listen to me, Draculina! You are so much stronger than you let yourself be!
Seras: (sobbing) How do you know?!
Alucard: Because behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: the will to live. Now, stop running from who you are. Confront it! Embrace it! And go for its fucking throat. Like a REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE!
- Pip's last act of awesome: Coming out of nowhere to smack Zorin across the face and blasting her full of bullets.Pip: VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE! (pistol-whips Zorin) It's French for fuck off! (empties revolver into her)
- Let's not forget the absolutely chilling performance Nowacking gives as Seras with the scream of "WHAT DO I DO!". That would be murder on the vocal chords and it's pulled off flawlessly.
Episode 8: "Deus Ex Anderson"
- Anderson tempts fate by saying Alucard won't show up to see Seras' imminent demise. Cue "Ready to Die" blasting out over all of London as a certain aircraft carrier makes its way out of a fog bank and through the Tower Bridge, with Alucard subsequently leaping off of the bow to float down into the mass of crusaders and Nazis, all of whom have paused to gape at what is happening. Not even taking into account the fact that it would be impossible to navigate an aircraft carrier up the Thames for a variety of reasons, this is the the beginning of real-life YEARS of buildup towards Alucard's triumphant return to the battlefield.
- The part that makes this cross over into the Funny section of this page is that it's the very lowkey intro to Ready to Die not the overall song that does it. So everyone gets to enjoy Alucard introducing himself to the conflict in a low quality quasi-chiptune...and still scare the shit out of everyone present.
- After this, Integra tries to formally allow Alucard off the leash, only to be interrupted by Jed Forrest, the KKK leader. After Alucard promptly ventilates his skull...Integra: Fuck it! Dropping the formalities. Alucard! Go for a walk.
- This leads to a Theme Music Powerup along with a Triumphant Reprise of "Party Party Party" while Alucard slaughters the assembled Nazi and Papal forces. Its been so long since we heard that song in this series and its so damn great to hear it back again especially when its played over Alucard going for a walk.
- Everything that follows Alucard's "walk", up to and including his transformation into Dracula once again.
- Maxwell's final moment of hubris builds up to a beautiful one:Maxwell: Ha! Stupid demon zombies! Claw away all you want! The only thing that can pierce my Holy Pope Box is THE WILL OF GOD HIMSEL--
(Anderson's blade, falling from the Heavens above, proceeds to pierce it right through and shatter it.)
- And then:Maxwell: ANDERSON! ¿¡POR QUÉ?! ["WHY?!"]
Anderson: It is the sacred duty of the Iscariot Organization to punish the demon, the heretic, and the false god.
Maxwell: [strangled cries]
Anderson: Also, you're a daft cunt!
- Then Anderson leaves Maxwell to die at the hands of Dracula's horde with an utterly stone-cold Ironic Echo.Anderson: Sinners will be allowed no quarter. Kill them all, and let God sort them out.
- And then:
- In a less flash way, it's noteworthy that despite all the horrible things Alucard has done and despite their deep rivalry, Anderson still manages to forgive him in the end.
- Crossing with Funny, The Reveal that the Jewish Crusaders were only faking when they allied with the Catholics earlier, promptly leaving before the battle even started. "That's for the Rhineland Massacres, you schmucks!"
- Dracula openly acknowledges Anderson as a Worthy Opponent - and swiftly derailed when Anderson notes that this is tremendously out of character for the normally flippant vampire, demanding that Alucard be the one he faces instead:Dracula: Alucard isn't here right now. You face Count Dracula of Wallachia.
Anderson: Call yourself whatever ya want, you crazy vampire bastard! I'm here to cleanse the earth of your filth once and for all!
Dracula: Many have tried and failed. But if it is my fate to fall to your blade...then let it be so...worthy opponent.
Anderson: Time the fuck out! If we're doing this — and WE ARE DOING THIS — I'm not gonna come swinging at DRACULA! I'M KILLING ALUCARD!
Dracula: You do know that it's just my name spelled --
Anderson: OF COURSE I DO! JUST SHUT UP AND BRING HIM OUT!
- Minor one: it's implied that Anderson knew already that Alucard and Dracula are part of the same entity, something the Nazis admit it took them a lot of time to realize, and that Maxwell didn't know until Alucard's transformation.
- Anderson's death-defying charge into the horde that Dracula had brought to bear, using every weapon at his disposal and attacking despite his left arm literally hanging on by a thread due to Alucard's Jackal canceling out his Healing Factor, leading to The Cavalry showing up to help him despite his direct order to retreat.
- When Anderson plays his trump card, Alucard's quips and humor stop dead.Anderson: I forgive you.
Alucard: ...excuse me?
Anderson: Everything you've said. Everything you've done. I forgive you.
Alucard: Well, isn't that convenient? But it's not up to you, now, is it? It's up to your precious God.
Anderson: You're right. (brandishes the Nail of Helena) Would you like to speak to Him?
- Which is then followed up by the only words spoken by Anderson while his heart is pierced with the nail of Helena, over the visual of him forming a Catholic Cross with his Bayonets while Alucard makes an inverted cross with his guns..Anderson: Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace.
Anderson/God: And I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
- Heinkel gets two for two.
Anderson: I gave you express bloody orders to...
- When they come to Anderson's aid in spite of his orders to retreat.
Heinkel: We don't have to follow orders when our leader is acting like a daft cunt!
Anderson: ...That's the only time you get to call me any kind o' cunt!
Alucard: She is sassy as fuck! Holy shit, I like her!
Heinkel: Iscariots! Do you want to live forever?!
Paladins: We will live forever! In God's grace!
- Alucard telling God to piss off to His face, and giving Him a damn "Reason You Suck" Speech in the process. Though the big G gets some props for maintaining His cool with Alucard and freeing all his damned souls.
Episode 9: "Abridged Over Troubled Walter"
- The episode opens with a flashback to the death of Integra's father and her first encounter with Alucard while trying to survive her uncle attempting to kill her. The encounter goes to show why Alucard listens to her at all. Especially after he accurately sums up why she's come before leaning in dangerously close and asking her how she wants to handle the situation.Integra: You work for me now.
Alucard: (intrigued) Ohhh?
Integra: I am Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, of the Hellsing Organization. If you served my father, you serve me!
Alucard: Alright then, but I require long walks at night.
Integra: Will you behave yourself?
Alucard: Hm, more or less. And in return...
Richard: DIE! (shoots at Integra only for Alucard to block the bullet with his arm)
Alucard: I will protect you with my lives.
Integra: Then your first order is... (props her injured arm up on Alucard's as she aims her gun) Keep your arm steady.
Richard: No... No! NO! (Integra shoots him)
- Alucard's awakening. "I SAID LET ME GET SOME SIP!"
- Integra giving Alucard permission to fuck Walter up in the best way possible.Walter: How about we finish what we started 50 years ago?
Alucard: Hold that thought, Walter. (bows before Integra) Integra I want to hear you say it. I need to hear it!
(Dramatic Pause as Integra lights up a cigar, takes a good drag, then breaks it in two)
Integra: FUCK HIM IN THE VAGINA!
Alucard: (cackles) Alright! But Im gonna have to make one!
- Walter proves to be so dangerous he can keep Alucard, Alucard on the ropes.Alucard: Okay! I know it's filthy rich coming from me... ...But'cha powers are bullshit!
- Walter also refuses to take Alucard's usual bullshit for even a minute, sandbagging his jokes by either not reacting or countering them with Anti-Humor. And when Alucard jokes that the reason Walter betrayed the Hellsing Organization because he wanted to fuck him, Walter just shreds him to pieces so brutally it even seems to shock Alucard himself.
- The Millenium cannon fodder that Seras goes up against deserve at least some props for having absolutely no fear. One of them even gets a final jab in as he's dying by telling her that she should smile more often, just to piss her off.
- The Major's Motive Rant as his flagship begins to burn, possibly on par with his "war" speech earlier in the series... to a point.Integra: These fools die with a smile on their face. Their religion is death and carnage, a cult of nihilism.
Seras: Then I'll be their FUCKING KOOL-AID!
The Major: Fun fact: in Jonestown it was mostly Flavor Aid, a less-popular competing brand. Let me assure you, though, ve are not here for cyanide und valium. Ve are here... for glory!. After ze var, ve vere ousted und scorned. Nuremburg really wanted to settle ze score there. Ve lost our purpose. But vorse, ve lost our chance at ze one true gift that could be avarded men like us: a true, gloriful death. Vithout glory, our deaths vould be meaningless. So in zis towering vall of civilization, of peace und stagnation, ve had to break through! Little by little, ve carved a vay und finally! Ve could see our glory on ze other side. Zere, with vicious steel und crimson heart, stood Hellsing. So danke schön, dear fräuleins, for giving us ze happy ending ve so desperately craved... from a majestic glory hole.
Integra: And there it is.
Pip: Hey, I give it an eight out of ten.
- After Seras realizes that Pip still exists as a part of her, much like Alucard's absorbed souls, they become a terrifyingly effective Battle Couple with Pip providing intel and keeping an eye on the battlefield around them while Seras focuses on absolutely laying out the enemy before her. Pip even manifests out of Seras' "wing" to ram a silver tooth straight into the Captain's heart, with the both of them delivering a Pre-Mortem One-Liner.Seras: (bites down on the Captains leg) Sorry. This Red Riding Hood bites back!
Pip: Tellement désolé, grand méchant loup!note (shoves the silver tooth into the Captains chest) Huff and puff and blow me!
- There's also this brief exchange near the end, after the Captain's kicked Seras through a wall.
- Even better, according to KaiserNeko the entire fight with Seras, Pip and the Captain was almost cut entirely because it had so little impact on the Ultimate series. Fortunately, they made the decision to leave it in and they did the original fight justice, even including Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Baby!" as the soundtrack.
- As a matter of fact, both fights in this episode should count. Alucard vs. Walter and Seras/Pip vs. the Captain were impressive enough in the source material, but the Abridged version elevates them through one aspect: pacing. By speeding up the action at just the right moments, the battles become a thrill to watch when they're not being hilarious, ensuring that all the characters involved truly live up to their qualities as the strongest beings in the setting.
- Seras and Pip's flirting is both this and funny; the stand out line for Awesome is Seras' "So you're finally inside me. How's it feel?" Even Pip was impressed with that one.
- Alucard's absolute refusal to take his fight with Walter seriously turns out to have been completely intentional. Walter wanted him to, so in retaliation for betraying the Hellsing Organization and killing Anderson, Alucard refuses to let him have that. Along with his pussy, but that's an entirely different thing.
Episode 10: "The Party's Over"
- Alucard's brutal assessment of Walter's little plan, just before seeking to drain the blood of the dead in London.Alucard: Let me see if I can get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerries thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my #LifeHack, and at least one of you could kill me. So when the very fine people of the Nazi military, those KKK-looking sons-of-bitches, and Alexander Motherfucking Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought you, you were the guy. But quick question, Jolly Wally...how many people lived in London...or rather, DIED? LET'S TAKE A CENSUS!
- Minor one for Anderson: when Alucard lists the people who recently attempted to kill him, mentions two entire armies (Millennium, and Maxwell's forces)... and then the lone priest. And it's clear that Alucard considers Anderson to be more dangerous than the other two.
- Equal parts awesome and disturbing: Both Taka and his sister overlaying their voices when Walter tries to attack Alucard, leading to an incredibly creepy line that just serves to show Walter how outmatched he is.Girlycard: Ah, yamero, Walter! You're splitting me in two!Girlycard/Alucard: Now do it another three million times, why don'tcha?
- The culmination of the Major's master plan—having Warrant Officer Schrödinger kill himself and merge his blood with Alucard to cancel out Alucard's existence—is every bit as awesome and terrifying as the original:Major: Fraulein, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's Cat?
Integra: I shot Schrödinger's Cat!
Major: Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, one of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet to consume a thing is to know a thing. Alucard is now partaking of Varrant Officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence. Und as our dear cat boy stares into ze abyss zat is within Alucard...zat abyss stares back. Ze wave function collapses, uncertainty becomes certainty, ze proverbial coin flips, und...
Alucard: (suddenly affected) Am I a bad person?
Integra: ALUCARD!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Major: I CALLED HEADS!
[The monitors shatter and the area around them bursts into flames.]
Integra: Whatever you've done with him...you're not making it out of here alive.
Major: Then my last meal...shall be victory!
- It's worth mentioning that there was a one-in-two chance that Alucard would cease to exist on consuming and observing Schrodinger. Which means that everything the Major did was based on a 50/50 chance of success versus failure. You got to admire the sheer iron will of someone willing to go as far as he did on the mere 50% chance that his plan would either be a total success or a complete failure.
- When Seras pulls the 88mm anti-aircraft cannon right out of the zeppelin, a badass moment in itself, the Major has only this to say.Major: Now zhat's vhat I'm talking about! Come on, bitch! SHOW ME VHAT YOU LOVE!!!
- And when Seras cuts loose, she not only messes up the Major badly, but she also manages to kill Herr Doktor as well.
- When Walter is in full Villainous Breakdown mode, having utterly failed to kill Alucard, who should turn up to take him down? Heinkel, who not only shoots him, not only comes out of the shadows looking VERY much like Anderson, but quotes The Bride on top of it!Heinkel: When fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist...you're doing his will.
- Not only does Integra kill the Major, but as he dies, she carries out the Queen's request from their meeting and actually records it.
- Alucard not only comes back after 30 years, but how does he deal with the 3,424,867 souls within him? He doesn't kill them like in the original, but rather helps them deal with their issues and move on. Including his own, which he had to spend ten years working things out with.
- Doing the math reveals that Alucard was helping a person approximately every three minutes on average to deal with their issues, every day, for twenty years.note Most regular therapists can only do this eight to ten times a day at most and even then require breaks and assistance not to mention additional contact.
- And it wasn't just Londoners whom he had to deal with. Alucard had to deal with the souls of everyone who died in the city, including those of Millennium and the Crusaders.
- Who Even Remembers the Nineties?: Incognito manages to briefly render Alucard speechless.
- On a meta level of awesome, this series is showing more and more that the cast's acting is improving through leaps and bounds, and everyone sounds totally badass during their action scenes too. Takahata101 especially gets points for being able to balance funny!Alucard and badass!Alucard and still maintaining a consistent character.
- The better microphones by Episode 2 and the superb mixing of sound, voice and music by Episode 3 starts to give you the feeling that you're watching an official dub (albeit a dub in a similar vein to the [adult swim] version of Crayon Shin-chan, but a dub that, nonetheless, could air on television or be released on DVD).
- Also getting Christopher Sabat to do a voice in Episode 3. Sure, they got him to do a voice before in the Bardock special and had Kyle Hebert on a few times for Dragon Ball Z Abridged, but that doesn't make the cameo any less amazing.
- Episode 4 tops it with Rip Van Winkle being voiced by Jessica Calvello (and Brett Weaver as Commander Violet)!
- The official Hellsing voiceactors quoting the abridged series on the DVD commentaries.K.T. Grey: "Bitches love cannons."
- The livestream of the final episode on Twitch was immediately followed by several moments of heartwarming and awesome.
- Twitch user Pr0Bait donating 800,000 bits ($8,000) in one go, rendering everyone speechless.
- The cast and crew just marinating in the last nine years of effort all coming to fruition.
- Pr0Bait coming back with a vengeance to donate the last 200,000 bits to round out an even one million, rendering Lanipator catatonic.
- Much like how TFS remixed an iconic song in Dragon Ball Z Abridged, so they have with this series. Behold, Lanipator singing the original Hellsing series' ED, Shine.