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Characters / Destroy All Humans!

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The main characters of Destroy All Humans!.

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Main Characters

    Cryptosporidium 136/7/8/9, "Crypto" 

Voiced by: J. Grant Albrecht, Sean Donnellan (Big Willy Unleashed)
"This planet is now a territory of the Furon Empire, and your asses belong to me!"

The protagonist of the Destroy All Humans! series. Crypto is a member of a race of aliens called the Furons, who all clone themselves due to their race's lack of genitalia, Crypto himself having been cloned at least 139 times in-lore. He is on a mission to invade and conquer Earth to harvest human brainstems, which contain Pure Furon DNA, in order to save his race from extinction due to Clone Degeneration, but this also won't stop him from having fun as he goes, either through wanton destruction or debauchery.

  • Abusive Alien Parents: According to Crypto, his cloning tube is more lovable than his own mother.
  • Alien Among Us: His Holobob disguise allows him to blend in with other humans. Later games give him the Body Snatch ability to take over human bodies, provided he can distract them first.
  • Aliens Are Bastards: He thoroughly enjoys inflicting pain, suffering and death on the humans.
  • A Lighter Shade of Black: Compared to the other alien invaders the Blisk, Crypto at least wants to make sure humanity survives since the Furons need them.
  • And This Is for...: Done to Saxon in "Path of the Furon":
    Crypto: This is for The Master! And because I don't like you! And for your Bogus! Satin! JAMMIES!
  • Anti-Villain: Sure, Crypto is annihilating humankind, but he has a better reason than most alien invaders, namely the survival of his own species.
  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Crypto, an alien from outer space, believes the Yeti to be a crock.
  • Ax-Crazy: Crypto epitomizes this trope often. To the point where he complains about missions in the second game where the goal is to save humans instead of kill them.
  • Berserk Button: Don't call Crypto "green" or a "toddler". If you're a human, it's probably also not a good idea to bring up Crypto-136 becoming sushi by Monkeys.
  • BFG: Crypto hefts around some pretty big guns, especially considering his short stature.
  • Big "NO!": In the third game, Crypto yells out a big one after the Master dies. This one is so big, in fact, Crypto needs to take a breath before finishing it.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Crypto is apparently revolted to find out that earthly creatures eat with their mouths, bringing into question how a Furon eats. The HD remake of the first game also shows that his nostrils are on the back of his head, which breath in and out.
  • Blood Knight: Blowing things up is basically Crypto's raison d'etre.
  • Body Snatcher: One of Crypto's main, and possibly favorite skills is the ability to take over human bodies. It's his go-to disguise ability from the second game onwards.
  • Boldly Coming: Upgrades to this once he receives his Package.
  • Brains and Brawn: The Brawn to Pox's Brains; he goes around doing the dirty work, while Pox come up with the schemes.
  • The Casino: By "Path of the Furon", he's founded a casino called the Space Dust, where he's mostly just lounging around while only occasionally using it to make customers "disappear" so he can collect Furon DNA.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He, along with Pox, engages in this quite often throughout the series. He and his boss' dialogue is often comprised of Snark-to-Snark Combat.
  • Deflector Shields: Crypto has a shield that takes the damage dealt by enemies for him, and regenerates if he hasn't taken damage for some time. Once his shield is down, he can be killed in one strike.
  • Do Not Call Me "Paul": Crypto hates being called "green" or "toddler", a recurring joke in the games.
  • Double Jump: Thanks to his trusty Jetpack, which is what keeps the second jump going for longer if the player holds down the jump button the second time. The second game onward requires the Jetpack to be upgraded for a longer floating period and higher reaches.
  • Dumb Muscle: Downplayed when compared to the Humans, but it is pronounced when it comes to discussing with Orthopox or about the higher-ups of the Furon Empire, considering that he is just a Furon Warrior.
    "We gotta crack some craniums! We gotta rescue me - him! He's gotta rescue me - I mean we gotta - I gotta - Brains, man. WHEN DO I GET TO BLOW THINGS UP?"
  • Emergency Weapon: The Zap-O-Matic is Cryptos starting weapon, and can be upgraded to be a powerful tool when invested into. While it won't pack as much of an instant punch as other guns like the Disintegrator Ray, it doesn't require ammo and its battery will recharge when depleted relatively quickly, making it a viable choice to switch to if you've ran dry on ammo.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He was quite broken up when Milenkov killed Natalya, her being one of the few humans he's ever gotten attached to.
    • Happens briefly again when The Master dies in the third game.
    • In "Big Willy Unleashed" he sees that the human who has been plotting against him throughout the game was his son with Natalya and lets him off the hook. It instantly bites him in ass.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: In the final level of the third game on Furon, Crypto is horrified at the idea of killing other Furons, stating that he's an invader, not a mass murderer. Until Pox reminds them that they're actually duplicates.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: This actually comes up twice in "Path of the Furon". Mostly Played for Laughs, but he has a horrified reaction after learning what smoking does to one's "extremities".
    • In a moment comparatively less funny, Crypto may whine about his mission sometimes, but after learning that someone has been manufacturing synthetic Furon DNA, he becomes genuinely disgusted;
    • He gets pissed when the White Ninjas reveal they kidnapped a random woman from a supermarket to sacrifice in Arkvoodle's name (apparently one of their exes), and calls them out on their callousness. The White Ninja leader immediately counters that he kidnapped and harvested DNA from Miss Rockwell (which drove her hopelessly insane) in the first game, to which Crypto stammers that that was different.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Crypto, AKA Crypto 137/8/9, AKA Cryptosporidium, AKA Cryptosporidium 137/8/9.
  • Evil vs. Evil: Crypto is evil, no question, but most of the antagonists he fights(excluding regular enemies such as police officers and farmers of course) are not much better. In fact, Crypto might be slightly easier to root for since he at least has a reason for invading.
  • Fantastic Racism: Like most of the other Furons, he has a disdain for humans and refers to them as "monkeys" in a biting tone. He lightens up a bit as he starts indulging in human culture, but it never quite goes away.
  • Freudian Excuse: Crypto-137's mission to harvest human DNA becomes understandable after what they did to his brother Crypto-136.
  • Going Native: In the first game, all Crypto ever does is express how much he finds humanity disgusting. Over the course of the games, this hatred devolves to condescension and develops a fondness for their pop culture and in human women. By "Path of the Furon", Pox notes that his brain-harvesting productivity had dropped significantly because Crypto has essentially built a life on Earth. He's still willing to kill humans for fun, profit and the maintenance of his species, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate Earth television and ogling bikini babes when off-duty.
    • Tellingly, by the third game, he’s anguished over having to destroy Las Paradiso, all of his favorite hang out spots and his own casino to cover his tracks, something he'd take glee in doing otherwise.
  • The Greys: Crypto embodies the trope a little better than the other Furons, since this is a general base design for them.
  • Insane Troll Logic: In the first game, the player can do this during "Citizen Crypto" mission during the mayor's speech. Read, for example, his response as to why the town fair burned down:
    "Look, cows fart methane, and methane is flammable. We've got more cows than Santa Modesta; you do the math."
    • In general, he seems to have a tenuous grasp of logic at the best of times; for instance, one conversation at the beginning of the second game has him blaming hippies for the destruction of the Mothership by being in league with the KGB, until Pox points out that they're, well, hippies. Ironically enough, he's partially right in this case in that the hippies' leader really is a KGB stooge.
  • Interspecies Romance: In the second game, Crypto gets new genitalia, and the only thing he can experiment on is human women, he doesnt get that far though. In the ending of the game, it is heavily implied that he made out with Natalya.
  • I Take Offense to That Last One!: Crypto is only offended by the green part of being called a Little Green [Space]Man. Then again, that may be because it's the only inaccurate part, or to him that's the most off-putting part.
  • Jerkass: He's a sociopath alien hell-bent on destruction, and has little regards for others' lives. He starts to show a slightly (read: slightly) softer side after being cloned for the 138th time, but it still shows.
  • Jet Pack: Crypto's suit has a built-in jet pack that can pop out and allow him to fly around.
  • Lack of Empathy: Crypto claims that he has little concern for the rapid decline of the Furons and the fact they're headed for extinction, but is following Pox's orders to kill the humans and extract their brains because of his sadistic penchant for violence and killing. By the time "Path of the Furon"'s plot kicks in, he seems to have mellowed out a bit on this.
  • Mars Needs Women: Once he gets cloned "fully intact", Crypto's sexual appetite is as large as his destructive one. Given the Furons' general opinion of humanity as unevolved apes, this would be considered akin to bestiality under normal circumstances, but Pox admits that a fetish for Earth women isn't uncommon among Furon grunts with functioning genitals — "sailors on shore leave, letting off steam" were the ones that seeded Furon DNA into humanity's "nubile" ancestors in the first place after the Martian War.
  • Meaningful Name: Cryptosporidium is a parasite that causes diarrhea, so of course he talks a lot of crap at times; incidentally, he also possesses a weapon that causes victims to lose bowel control as one of its side effects. The shorthand, "Crypto", invokes the term Cryptozoology, which is the pseudoscientific study of folklore to find out what inspired a local myth.
  • Mob War: "Path of the Furon" starts with Crypto waging a one-man mob war against a rival casino in Las Paradiso, with acts of sabotage including shooting up the interior of their casino, making their owners look like paranoid fools in front of their mafia dons when they begin to suspect that Crypto is an alien, and eventually just flat-out destroying the building.
  • Monster Progenitor: Crypto is the first Furon in millennia to have working sex organs. Pox would've been the second, had the KGB not intervened.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: He talks in a Jack Nicholson impression. He also ends up torturing a Nicholson parody for having a grating voice in "Path Of the Furon".
  • One-Hit Point Wonder: Unless he has his shield up and fully stabilized, a single shot or hit from an enemy will kill the active Crypto clone and spawn the next.
  • One-Man Army: Crypto being the only soldier under Pox's command, he can single-handedly wipe out the U.S. military and overthrow the government, doing the same years later with the KGB.
  • Our Presidents Are Different: Combines this with Authority Equals Asskicking and President Evil. By the time of the sequel, he's referred to as "Mr. President" by people in the higher echelons of international espionage (like the KGB and the M-16), at least until the mandate of "President Huffman" finally ends during the 70s.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: Apparently, in France, all Crypto really needs to disguise himself among the locals is a beret.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: His modus operandi.
  • Phrase Catcher: Crypto gets called "little green man!" a lot.
  • Pintsized Powerhouse: He possesses a stature of about three feet backed by devastating psychokinetic powers and enough firepower to single-handedly wage war against the United States.
  • Playing with Fire: Not quite "fire", but the Disintegrator Ray fires super-heated plasma orbs that vaporize humans where they stand, reducing them to ashes. The Death Ray has the same effect as the Saucer's primary weapon.
  • Pretend Prejudice: In the first game, Crypto genuinely despises humans. By the second game, he's really just pretending (to a degree).
    Crypto: Hey, you know, that big blue mudball starts to grow on ya. I mean at first you think it's a boil but-
    Natalya: It's alright Crypto. You don't have to pretend. I know how you feel about humans.
    Crypto: Weeellll... not all humans.
  • Pre-Asskicking One-Liner:
    Crypto: Attention Blisk! I am Cryptosporidium of the planet Furon. This planet is a territory of the Furon Empire! And your asses belong to me!
  • President Evil: Crypto becomes this at the end of the first game when he takes over the U.S. government, pulling a Kill and Replace on President Huffman.
  • Puppeteer Parasite: Body-snatching becomes one of Crypto's favorite main powers by the second game, replacing the HoloBob from the first. It serves the same purpose by letting him blend in with the human population, at the cost of slowly killing his host, and unlike the HoloBob which can be renewed by scanning thoughts, he can't refresh the body-snatched disguise, or at least he couldn't until "Path of the Furon" made him able to preserve a snatched body through Cortex Scan again.
  • Puny Earthlings: Just try to count the times he says "Pathetic human(s)!" or refers to them as "monkeys".
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning. Bordering on the verge of Black Eyes of Evil in some iterations, his eyes are a deep shade of red.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Crypto is the destruction-loving, party-loving Red to Orthopox' analyzing, logical blue.
  • Scary Teeth: He’s got an impressively sharp set of teeth, which are put to good use whenever he's sneering and are put on a more prominent display in his HD remakes touch-up.
  • Shock and Awe: The Zap-O-Matic, Crypto's trademark starting gun, which fires a concentrated electrical burst that shocks humans to a crisp. Upgrading it allows it to inflict Chain Lightning on nearby victims.
  • Shout-Out: Crypto is basically an amalgamate of several different alien invasion flicks put together, essentially being an Affectionate Parody of the genre as a whole. Influences cited for his design, weapons and Saucer stem from B-movies like Plan 9 from Outer Space to mainstream blockbusters like the movie adaptation of Mars Attacks!.
  • Son of an Ape: His go-to insult for humans.
  • Summon Bigger Fish: The Burrow Beast and Venus Human Trap weapons have this effect, the former producing a lure that summons a subterranean creature that can eat humans and Blisk whole, and the latter growing a giant man-eating plant that can eat cars and grow more tentacles to eat faster and spew out DNA for collection.
  • Super Drowning Skills: Crypto's main power in every game, except the third, in which he still can't swim, however he just gets warped back to the shore. The first game even has different post-mission headlines used when Crypto drowns. The remake explains this as water affecting Furons similarly to how acid affects humans.
  • Take Me to Your Leader: Parodied in the beginning of the first game, which has Crypto doing the routine to a cow after mistaking them for the dominant life form on the planet.
  • Take Over the World: Crypto managing to guise as President Huffman. Not what Crypto set out to do, but it does make it that much easier to get Furon DNA out of human brains.
  • Telepathic Spacemen: The privilege of being a member of the Furon race. Crypto's Psychic Powers allow him to telekinetically throw objects/people around and read minds (which refreshes his concentration in the first game but is really just for fun in the second onwards, aside from the few instances where it's required to get information).
  • Tornado Move: The Tornadotron in Path of the Furon is a saucer-mounted weapon that charges up a tornado when fired, can be controlled and steered when holding the fire button while moving, and can even be used while cloaked, allowing for the illusion of a natural catastrophe cleaving its way through town and flinging cars high into the atmosphere. This also makes it an arguable 'stealth' weapon since chaos inflicted by it while invisible won't raise the alert level.
  • The Dragon: Crypto plays this three times. Mostly to Pox, but also to The Master, and ultimately he and Pox are this to Emperor Meningitis. At least until Emperor Meningitis dies and Pox becomes Emperor.
  • The Man Behind the Man: The Master. Crypto believes his enemy is Curt Calvin, supposedly another Furon DNA gatherer. Then, after meeting the Master, Crypto believes his enemy is really Saxon, who supposedly used Calvin to try and destroy Crypto. It then turns out that Saxon was under the employ of Francodyne CEO Henri Crousteau. It is then revealed that Saxon and Crousteau were both part of Emperor Meningitis's operation to manufacture Synthetic DNA. Then after killing Meningitis, the Master appears and reveals that he was the actual conspirator all along, using all of them, including Crypto, in order to usurp the Furon throne.
  • The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Crypto pleads the Master to allow him to face Saxon in the third game.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Pretty much the reason why Crypto-136 dies. What gave him the idea to position his saucer in front of a rocket that was ready to take off?
  • Tranquil Fury: When Crypto-137 stumbles across the carcass of Crypto-136, he lapses into this.
    Okay, monkeys. You want a war? You've got a war.
  • [Verb] This!: Crypto does this after defeating Silhouette in the first game.
    Silhouette: Majestic will never give up the struggle to resist you alien freaks... (dies)
    Crypto: Resist this''. *squish*
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: Crypto has a lot of tools and ways to destroy a human, including but not limited to: making their heads burst with telepathic powers, incinerating/electrocuting them, launching an anal probe that digs its way to the brain while the target craps themselves uncontrollably, crushing vehicles with the occupants still inside, punting them far distances with telekinesis, and just simply blowing them up.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: He and Pox constantly bicker at each other even before the first game began during their trip between Furon and Earth in search of the latter. Nonetheless, they respect their roles as commander and soldier down to Crypto saluting to Pox upon landing on Earth the second time. Their mocking to each other mellowed down to inside jokes in later games, due to being the only Furons on Earth for the next twenty years.
  • You Are Number 6: Because Furons can clone themselves, each clone is designated by the number of times they have been cloned. It's quite telling that, at the beginning of the series, Crypto is already at 137 while Pox is only at 13.


    Orthopox 13/14, Holopox, "Pox" 

Voiced by: Richard Steven Horvitz, Darryl Kurylo (Big Willy Unleashed)
"Let's just say I'm glad I'm up here, and you're down there. Loathsome little planet..."

Orthopox, otherwise called Pox, is a high-ranking fleet commander of the Furon Empire and later the new Furon Emperor. The deuteragonist of the series, he normally appears as a holographic projection upon a floating communication device, which becomes his indefinite avatar after the Furon Mothership is destroyed by a Russian nuclear missile. He acts as a scientist and Crypto's superior officer, giving him missions and advice on certain tasks to fulfill.

  • Aliens Steal Cable: Spends at least part of his free time watching human TV channels. He also tried to weaponize this in the first game by broadcasting a brainwashing signal on TV; unfortunately, he forgot to account for the differing cranial capacity between Furons and humans.
  • Anti-Villain: Like Crypto, he's trying to save his own species from extinction.
  • Awesome Moment of Crowning: In "Path of the Furon", replacing Meningitis as the new Furon Emperor.
  • Brains and Brawn: The Brains to Crypto's Brawn. He's the mastermind of the invasion and the provider of Crypto's arsenal; Crypto simply uses that arsenal to devastating effect.
  • Brain Uploading: In Destroy All Humans! 2, Orthopox uploads his consciousness into a HoloPox Unit just before the mothership is destroyed by a Soviet missile.
  • Break the Haughty: He becomes incredibly bitter after being reduced to a floating hologram (as you would expect). While the snark doesn't go away, he'll lament constantly about the loss of his body.
    • Happens again when he finally does get a replacement body in the form of a monkey/Furon hybrid, leaving him more or less dejected for the remainder of the game, and also constantly lamenting on the bad things about having a body (like the possibility of getting killed).
  • Butt-Monkey: Starting with the second game, life just starts treating him like crap. He's reduced to a floating hologram and Crypto treats him with no respect. It becomes more literal when Pox becomes a monkey-Furon hybrid and the emperor still makes fun of him.
  • Catchphrase: At least once per game he has to scream the title of the series in as dramatic a fashion as possible.
  • Came Back Wrong: Played for laughs; in "Path of the Furon", he gets a chance to clone himself again... only to have the wrong base DNA used, meaning he comes back with the body of an ape. To rub salt in the wound, the machine used to grant him his new body blew up the moment he wondered if they can revert this accident.
  • Came Back Strong: Of course, that means having the strength of an ape as well as his intellect, amidst a planet of traditionally skinny people who rely heavily on technology. It's little surprise his ascent to the throne by the end of the game is unchallenged.
  • Casting Gag: Orthopox is voiced by Invader Zim's voice actor, Richard Steven Horvitz, and shares many of his personality traits, such as his random shouting and several of the same vocal mannerisms, except here he's smarter and more competent. If one were to make him the main character, you'd essentially have Zim: The Game, Nicktoons: Globs of Doom (which stars Zim among others) notwithstanding.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Just like Crypto. It seems to be a Furon trait.
  • Evil Is Hammy: He's essentially an M-rated Invader Zim. This trope just comes with the territory.
  • Evil vs. Evil: Like Crypto, Pox isn't necessarily evil, but when compared to most of the antagonists he's far more forgiving.
  • Genre Savvy: Usually when Leaning on the Fourth Wall and invoking tropes learned about by studying human culture.
  • Going Native: Not to the same extent as Crypto, but he’s developed a hobby of watching human television and holds more than a passing knowledge on human pop culture icons and its tropes. Also, in Path of the Furon, all it takes for him to forget about the plan to harvest Furon DNA and instead think of a plan to improve their casino is Crypto cutting him in a share of business profits.
  • The Greys: As is standard for the Furons, though his head is noticeably longer and thornier than Crypto's smoothed out head.
  • Handicapped Badass: Implied at first, given he's always at his command chair and we never see him walk in his old body. As it turns out, his brain is so massive that it puts strain on his legs, and those metal tentacle-like devices are used to help prop up his head.
  • Hologram: Orthopox's HoloPox holographic projector unit.
  • Incoming Ham: Expect the start of most of your missions to begin with a briefing by him, the hammiest character in the game.
  • Jerkass: Has his moments, such as constantly moaning to Crypto in the second game to get his new clone body. By the time he gets it, on the other hand...
  • Laughably Evil: In contrast to Crypto's Deadpan Snarker, he's this. His Chewing the Scenery definatly helps.
  • Like a Son to Me: In "Path of the Furon", he says to Crypto that he's begun to care for him like he was spawned from his own birthing tube. Crypto is audibly creeped/grossed out by this.
  • Mad Scientist: The Furon who develops all your diabolical weapons and their upgrades.
  • Meaningful Name: "Orthopox" is a genus of viruses that include the progenitors of diseases such as smallpox, which devastated a large portion of the human race until the late 60s to early 70s when it was eradicated, mirroring the time period when Pox' physical body was destroyed after the initial invasion stages were successful. Another disease brought on by this virus is the monkeypox, which is what he ends up becoming.
  • Mission Control: He is Crypto's commander-in-chief, so he serves as this for the entire series.
  • My Brain Is Big: Pox is confined to a floating alien wheelchair for this reason.
  • Never Learned to Read: Played for laughs in "Path of the Furon". While on the 4th Ring of Furon, Crypto and Pox are talking about how the player has probably heard this dialogue before from a previous playthrough and the Creator/THQ market report reveals that 20% of their playerbase is female, where Pox shamefully admits he can't read.
  • Non-Action Guy: Up until the third installment, he never gets in on the action, preferring to help out behind the scenes.
  • No Respect Guy; To the rest of the Furon High Control, namely Admiral Cyclosporiasis and the Emperor himself. Even Crypto treats him like crap.
  • Not So Above It All: In Path of the Furon he objects to Crypto's Going Native, until Crypto offers him a cut of the profits.
  • Nuke 'em: He's a little bit nuke-happy, but to be fair, that's kind of how the Furons roll in general. For all the good it did to their genes. It's telling that most of Crypto's arsenal relies on compact nuclear reactors, ionized cells and super-heated plasma.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: His conversation with Space Traffic Control shows that he is a high ranking Furon Commander who lead the Empire to victory on numerous occasions.
  • Playing with Syringes: He is an evil alien scientist after all, so prodding (still-living) brains with syringes is par for the course.
  • Precision F-Strike: Despite Crypto's more aggressive demeanour, he's the first character to properly curse in the game:
    Pox: Those humans are trying to stop the movie. Kill the bastards! Have they no respect for art?
  • Projected Man: Orthopox when using his holographic projector.
  • Rapid-Fire "No!": In the first game, whenever Crypto would fail a mission:
    Pox: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Crypto, you incompetent buffoon.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Pox is the Blue Oni to Crypto's Red Oni, though he's still not above wanton death and destruction, he's just more mindful on when it's time to start leveling buildings.
  • So Proud of You: Pox is pleased in an almost paternal sense when Crypto destroys the Blisk warship.
  • Sudden Sequel Death Syndrome: Pox dies at the very beginning of the second game. Not that it stops him from harassing Crypto. Or vice versa.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: Often, when pissed off by Crypto.
    Pox: (on Kojira) Actually, I want you to read its mind and intuit the source of its cognitive dissonance so that we can get it some help and, over time, teach it confidence and self-esteem.
    Crypto: ... you've GOTTA be kidding me.
  • Telepathic Spacemen: Highly likely given that he's also a Furon. After all, he has to communicate with Crypto from orbit somehow.
  • Toilet Humor: Reveals that he served as Emperor Meningitis's Wiper for a summer once, meaning he had to wipe his ass for him whenever he wanted it or needed it. Crypto mocks this shameful secret relentlessly.
    Crypto:' Oh, I thought you said classified. You meant assified. (Laughs)
    Pox: It was an internship! One summer! And I did not enjoy it!
    Crypto: Alright, no need to get defensive. Just forget it, forget I mentioned it. Let's wipe the slate clean. (Laughs)
    • And in the scene after.
    Pox: In order to make my new clone body we'll need a fresh supply of clone jelly. Normally it would be made from waste product.
    Crypto: And you still got some lying around from your wiper days, right?
    Pox: Noooooooo... And we don't have time to go straining the sewers for epithelial cells, so I say we go to right to the source.
    Crypto: So what was your wage back then, did they pay you in paper money?
    Crypto: So uh, wait wait, what if the Emperor just ate spicy food? (Laughs)
    Pox: Endometriosis here has made the biggest splash in clone research, but Helicobacter will always dominate this district. He's the Emperor's right hand man.
    Crypto: You used to be his right hand man. Oh, no wait, you were just his right hand!
    Pox: That's getting old, Crypto.
    Crypto: Oh no, oh no it isn't, really.
  • Virtual Ghost: He dies in the Mothership's destruction at the start of the second game, but before that, he managed to upload his consciousness into a HoloPox unit to live on as a hologram.
  • Vitriolic Best Friends: After bring downgraded to a hologram, he finds himself having to swallow his pride a little, and he and Crypto become a little friendlier as a result.
  • Voice with an Internet Connection: Acts as this for Crypto in addition to being Mission Control, by monitoring his progress from the Mothership. In the second game, he subverts the trope, as his HoloPox unit hangs around in Crypto's pocket.

Introduced in DAH! 1

    General Armquist 

Voiced by: John Cygan

"Tanks!! Pull in the tanks!! Show'em some American steel!"

The central representative of the US Army in the governmental branches and the leader of the counterattack against the Furon invasion. Delegated to being Silhouette's subordinate, he resents the appropriation of the Military into a single chain of command under the American government, but has no choice except to comply.
  • Beleaguered Assistant: Becomes this to Silhouette as Majestic starts making a move to unify all branches of homeland defense into a single chain of command.
  • Cool Shades: Never seen without a pair of aviators in the original to fit with his "gruff military general" role. In the remake he occasionally takes them off whilst stressed.
  • Deceased Fall-Guy Gambit: The Furons pull one using Armquist by first discrediting him, then killing him and presenting him as a Red sympathizer in order to avoid making him a martyr.
  • The Dragon: Effectively Silhouette's right-hand man in the first game. Not that he likes the idea.
  • Elite Mook: His personal mech suit is this to the default mechas fought throughout the game.
  • Four-Star Badass: He has to use a mech suit to fight Crypto evenly, but he still gives the Furon one hell of a fight in the process. Prior to being in the suit, he manages to give Crypto a sound kick in the head, knocking him flat, before running to fetch his mech. Not bad for a guy presumably in his late 50s.
  • Ignored Expert: He calls a meeting of all branches of the US military to try and unite them against the Furon threat. Unfortunately for him, a disguised Crypto also happens to be in attendance, and spins Armquist's words to make him look like a crackpot.
  • Mini-Mecha: He pilots a two-story tall mech suit (customized, of course) to fight Crypto.
    Crypto: Your way's not very sportsmanlike...
  • No Historical Figures Were Harmed: He's a pretty blatant parody of General Douglas MacArthur.
  • Patriotic Fervor: Being a military officer in the 50s, he compares the Furon invaders to the "commies" at every opportunity, mirroring and parodying the time period's paranoia during the Cold War. He avoids being a full-on General Ripper, however, due to legitimately wanting to protect the United States from an actual invading force bent on enslaving humanity.

    President Huffman/Roboprez 

Voiced by: André Sogliuzzo
President Huffman

"If... elected... I promise... to... DESTROY... ALL... FURONS!"

President of the United States of America. He's assassinated by Crypto late in the game, only for his brain to return piloting a gigantic mecha called "Roboprez", invented by Silhouette as a weapon against Crypto.
  • Attack Its Weak Point: Roboprez' Chest Blaster is its only constructional weakness. Hitting it at least once fulfills the battle's optional mission objective.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Roboprez. The final mission's name is even a direct reference to this trope.
  • Brain in a Jar: Huffman's brain is the giant mech's controller.
  • Chest Blaster: Roboprez' most powerful weapon is a massive energy weapon built into its chest that gets increasingly more difficult to evade the longer the battle drags on. Hitting the blaster opening with the saucer's weapons deals noticeably more damage to the mecha, so it's not all bad.
  • Dead Person Impersonation: After his death, Crypto assumes his form as a disguise and becomes the real President through Huffman's image.
  • Flunky Boss: Regular Army mechas occasionally join the fight with Roboprez, but since you're fighting in the saucer, they're little more than shield boosters on legs. He also summons explosive barrage balloons that act like aerial mines at set points during the battle.
  • "Get Back Here!" Boss: Downplayed. Every time you bring down Roboprez' health, he runs away to another nearby location before he turns into a stationary boss once more. You can't actually lose him, but you can deal him a nice bit of damage by shooting him In the Back while he's relocating. His escape routes also lead you past massive amounts of saucer ammo.
  • Humongous Mecha: Roboprez is taller than all of Capitol City's monuments and can easily just reach up and grab the Saucer with its metal claws.
  • King Mook: To the mechas fought throughout the game, being large enough to attack the Saucer head-on.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: He's a composite of Harry S. Truman's name and John F. Kennedy's election period (1959-1960), with his appearance inspired by Ronald Reagan.
    • The Kennedy connection is strengthened in the remake where he has a number of thoughts about Marilyn Monroe (in lines presumably cut from the original.)
  • President Evil: Implied, but the game essentially leaves the hint that Huffman is a patsy who requested Majestic's services in dealing with the Furon invasion, to the point of either aiding or turning a blind eye to Silhouette in her plans for mind-controlling American citizens into signing up for the organization over the military draft. Evident as Roboprez, where his only quote is a taunt towards Crypto, followed by doing Silhouette's bidding blindly. Even in-game, male citizens will often sneer at Huffman for being a crook, with the female citizens' only defense for him being his attractiveness.
  • Sadist: Using Cortex Scan on Huffman before assassinating him reveals he was in Area 42 to witness the autopsy of Crypto-136, and reacting with glee when he "squealed like a pig".
  • Tactical Suicide Boss: While the first phase of the Roboprez battle is mostly a Bullet Hell segment, the other two phases consist of an escalating amount of missile spam. These missiles deal a lot of damage to the saucer, but at this point you should've upgraded the saucer's Attack Reflector ability to redirect incoming missiles to their source, so all you have to do is circle the mecha at a safe distance while it's being taken apart by its own weapons.
  • Warm-Up Boss: Although Roboprez can be a tough nut to crack if you lack a crucial piece of saucer equipment, he's generally much less of a hassle than Silhouette, who's fought right after him.


Voiced by: Nika Futterman
In her disguise.
Out of disguise.

"If you had to put up with politicians playing grabass all day long, you'd wear a mask too."

The enigmatic head of Majestic-12, often seen wearing a gas mask and a black trench coat/hat combo, as well as a voice modulator device to hide her real voice. Yes, her voice, since the leader of Majestic is actually a woman, with her OWN plans for world domination.
  • Adaptational Badass: Zizagged in the remake. She doesn't have as much health, but in the original her attacks just consisted of basic shots from her guns, with the enemies called in during the fight posing more of a threat. In the remake she has a much wider variety of attacks, becoming the main threat in the boss fight while the enemies who appear are just an inconvenience.
  • Badass Longcoat: Silhouette usually sports a long, black trench coat. However, she takes it off along with the rest of her disguise during the confrontation with Crypto.
  • Beam Spam: Her ray pistols have a dizzying rate of fire, plus the remake Silhouette herself can perform some over-the-top Gun Kata moves that cover the entire screen in laser beams, with her whirlwind attack being the most outstanding example. From the second phase of the battle onwards, she also starts firing continuous beams of an incandescent purple in addition to her rapid-fire barrages.
  • Big Bad: The main antagonist of the first game.
  • Cleavage Window: In the remake, her catsuit now has a zip going through it with the collar undone, resulting in this.
  • Coat, Hat, Mask: Dons a black trench coat, fedora, and gas mask to conceal her identity all the way up to the final mission.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: It takes multiple Ion Detonators to the face to bring Silhouette's health down, and that's before she starts regenerating health.
  • Dark Action Girl: Easily one of the strongest human combatants in the series, if not the strongest. She can easily fight Crypto on even footing with just two simple ray guns and a shield ability.
  • Darth Vader Clone: She is covered head to toe in feature-obscuring black with a mask that vocalizes her breathing and alters her voice. She is supposedly The Dragon to the US Government's highest ranking official (President Huffman) when she secretly pines to turn him into nothing more than a puppet. While she never openly kills her flunkies like original Vader, she is prone to throwing her weight around, constantly threatening her peers in an act of dominance and is prone to altering deals she has made with no one able to stop her. Ontop of all of that, her design establishes her as a King Mook, her costume a bulkier and more elaborate version of the Majestic Agents.
  • Deflector Shields: She's the only enemy in the game that has access to the same shield technology Crypto himself relies on, and her shield is much stronger than his. Unlike him, she also has a massive health bar underneath the shield, making her ridiculously tanky.
  • Does Not Like Men: After shedding her disguise, she quickly snarks about what sex is the fairest, while her thoughts are peppered with a comical dislike of men and desire for a matriarchal world domination.
  • Dragon-in-Chief: She supposedly answers to President Huffman, but in reality she's the one calling the shots in the United States. Tellingly, Crypto isn't able to take over the U.S. government until Silhouette is out of the way.
  • Empowered Badass Normal: She's already incredibly proficient with her ray guns, but she let herself be experimented on to awaken the Furon DNA in her brain, giving her a shield ability not unlike Crypto's that also helps her regenerate.
  • Final Boss: The final opponent of the first game's main story.
  • Flunky Boss: Throughout the fight against Silhouette, she will be assisted by numerous Majestic agents and mechs.
  • Guns Akimbo: She dual-wields powerful rapid-firing beam pistols with lethal accuracy.
  • Head-Turning Beauty: Implied to be a contributing factor to Silhouette donning a masculine disguise in order to be taken seriously. Even Majestic agents aren't immune to hitting on her, if you read their thoughts.
  • Heal Thyself: Can create an impenetrable barrier around herself to regenerate health. However, she can only use this move three times, and the regeneration can be interrupted by destroying the generators she uses for it.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Despite disguising herself as a man to make other men take her seriously, she herself doesn't have a high opinion of the opposite sex.
  • Interface Spoiler: Cortex Scan a Majestic agent enough times and chances are good one of them will spill the twist about Silhouette's identity before you even get to it. And frankly, just listening to her voice for long enough should be enough to realize that there's a woman behind the voice scrambler.
  • King Mook: To Majestic as a whole, using laser pistols similar to the base agents (albeit rapid-firing) while also having a shield power similar to the Mutant G-Men.
  • Made of Iron: She withstands enough punishment to put basically everything else in the series to shame, despite having no apparent protective gear at all. That being said, the awakening of the Furon DNA in her brain likely was a factor in this.
  • Man Behind the Man: She's the driving force behind all the other antagonists Crypto has to deal with during the first game, with both the US military and the POTUS himself being under her thumb more or less completely.
  • Samus Is a Girl: Silhouette taking off her mask to reveal that she's a woman is meant to be a twist, and certainly is one to Crypto. However, you can scan Majestic agents to learn this way earlier (along with her voice filter not doing the best job at hiding the fact she's a woman), likely making it more of an Internal Reveal.
  • Spy Catsuit: Wears one under her coat.
  • Straw Feminist: For someone who disguises herself as a man to make the agents take her seriously, she assumes the Furons can't conquer the world without having women (later averted in "Path of the Furon", where female Furons appear), and wants a matriarchal world domination.
  • Walking Spoiler: It's difficult to talk about Silhouette without revealing that she's a woman.

Introduced in DAH! 2

Quest Givers & Allies


Voiced by: Jim Ward

"Sacred Son of Arkvoodle! By the holy book of Pudenda, it pleases me to see thee back in action! Thou knowest the drill, boy."

Arkvoodle of the Sacred Crotch, a Furon god held in high regard in Crypto's homeworld. Effigies of his likeness were hidden on Earth over a millennia ago, containing landing beacons for Furon spaceships. By completing small requests given by Arkvoodle, Crypto can unlock new landing zones for his saucer in each different location.

In DAH!2, Crypto is revealed to be the Chosen One of a prophecy that heralds the second coming of Arkvoodle, thus starting the Cult of Arkvoodle sidequests in which he assembles a mass gathering of humans to appease the Furon god and give himself a new weapon in the process.

  • Arc Symbol: His eyes, which act as the symbol for the Cult sidequests on the mini-map in the second game, as well as the aura that appears whenever a new cult location is established.
  • Badass Baritone: Fitting for the top of the Furon pantheon, he has a loud, deep, echoing voice.
  • Crystal Dragon Jesus: His presence in the second game serves as a pastiche of Hippie-based cults and gatherings in the 60s, with Crypto and Pox deliberately exploiting the decade's newfound interest in religion to get as many humans converted as they can so Arkvoodle will return.
  • Demoted to Extra: In "Path of the Furon", Arkvoodle is delegated to just the landing zone unlocks and only one quest in the main storyline for tutorial reasons. In-universe, Pox shrugs it off as the decrease of religion's involvement in mainstream media, with even the Cult of Arkvoodle eventually just fizzling out.
  • Fetch Quest: The Cult missions are also paired up with the collection of at least 30 Alien Artifacts in the game, in order for Crypto to unlock the Burrow Beast weapon.
  • Gag Penis: Apparently in days gone by, he was "prodigious in size and stamina". Presumably, he earned the title "Lord of the Sacred Crotch" for a reason.
  • Jerkass Gods: Often makes Crypto do petty things in order to unlock landing pads, such as destroying a lighthouse or smiting humans for daring to be on the Moon. In the attempted assassination of Shama Lama, Arkvoodle will take his side, granting the guy extra lives equal to the amount Crypto wasted. Even in "Path of the Furon", he's completely fine with hurting the Furons in the Fourth Ring for his missions (although to be fair, those are just temporary clones of the original citizens back in Furon proper).

    Gastroenteritis 999 

Voiced by: Phil Morris


The janitor and cook aboard the Mothership. When it was destroyed, Gastro's consciousness was saved to a Holopox unit much like Pox himself. However, rather than acting as mission control, Gastro's Holopox unit has been outfitted with heavy weaponry that he uses with extreme prejudice when prompted. After finding the appropriate gun, Crypto can deploy Gastro for additional firepower and to put a body between himself and the enemy.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Talks like a typical jive sidekick from a 70s flick, but is one of the strongest weapons in the game.
  • Defeat Equals Explosion: Not just defeat, since he CAN be destroyed with enough enemy fire, but after a certain time limit runs out, Gastro's projection will cease and the device will fall to the ground, exploding into an Ion Detonator-like blast.
  • Meaningful Name: Gastroenteritis is an inflammation of the stomach and small intestine tissues that may lead to diarrhea and nausea. Not exactly the kind of name you'd want associated with cooking.
  • More Dakka: His holographic projection unit is outfitted with rapid-firing laser weapons that vaporize human enemies and detonate vehicles with ease. Upgrading the Gastro weapon lets him fire faster, harder, and add a potent charged shot for even MORE damage.
  • Jive Turkey: Spouts oneliners like it's his job.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Similar to how Crypto is voiced with a Jack Nicholson impression, Gastro sounds an awful lot like Eddie Murphy.
  • Old Soldier: The HD remake of the first game has him appear in text form to give commentary and anecdotes on the various tips and Furon gear descriptions, a whole bunch of which indicate that he’s participated on the frontlines of the Furon-Martian War, to the point of being able to tell when exactly a weapon was conceived and how they used it way back then, all in the manner of a kooky old Furon.
  • Put on a Bus: He's only mentioned in "Path of the Furon", but neither he nor his weapon are seen.

    Natalya Ivanova 

Voiced by: Courtenay Taylor

"Oh, and spaceman? Good hunting, da?"

A former high-ranking KGB spy, having left the agency with her colleague Sergei due to its increasingly-shadier schemes and oppressive governmental influence. She ends up helping Crypto in his own fight against the KGB, hoping to find answers as to why the agency is becoming increasingly inhumane.

  • Affectionate Parody: Of the so-called "Bond Girls", to better match the spy movie motif the game is going for with the plot.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Whether or not she's that sexually attracted to either of her suitors is left up in the air — scanning her reveals that she finds Sergei's he-man warrior poet shtick a little tiresome, while Crypto she mostly considers just a friend, possibly due to his sadism, lechery and hideous-by-human-standards Furon body. She does, however, have a number of idle thoughts about women that even she's surprised by; in one Cortex Scan, a desire for female friends turns into a lesbian sleepover fantasy.
  • Artificial Human: Crypto makes a clone of her at the end of the game so he'll finally have her sleep with him. Unfortunately, she doesn't survive into the 70s.
  • Bus Crash: "Path of the Furon" reveals the Natalya clone died sometime before Cryto established his casino, since clones don't have a long-enough lifespan compared to normal humans.
  • The Comically Serious: Compared to the laid-back, trigger-happy Crypto, Natalya is the one who prefers to come up with plans and strategies against the KGB and will often be the one to help him regain his focus on the mission. That being said, she's not above snark herself, and will often join in on the running gags.
  • Defector from Decadence: She turned her back on the KGB when their regime became far too oppressive, even by Stalin-era USSR standards. Her attack on the Russian "art exhibit" in Albion was essentially her letter of resignation.
  • Femme Fatale Spy: Mind you, she only mentions using her looks to get information out of people a few times, but it's still present.
  • Foreshadowing: Scanning her mind after some plot progression reveals she's having an odd dream where she's sledding down the Urals with Sergei until Crypto shows up riding a horse, trying to take her away with him, but at the end of the descent is a dark tunnel.
  • Glass Cannon: She's likely the one who'll be escorting YOU some of the time, as one shot from her gun can take out 90% of any human enemy's health, if not kill them outright, with even her laser pistol on Moon Base Solaris being able to remove the Blisks' shields in one shot. All that being said, her HP is consistently low when you have to escort her out of a dangerous situation, with her bar only getting a nice, tankier boost during her final escort mission.
  • Gratuitous Russian: Like her fellow Russian citizens in the game, especially since she enjoys calling Crypto "tovarisch". Her battle cries are all in Russian as well.
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Has a massive blond hairdo and is one of the few humans in the franchise to actually help Crypto for a good cause.
  • Hell-Bent for Leather: Her default outfit is a leather catsuit.
  • Impossible Hourglass Figure: A Russian spy with a killer body shape to make Jessica Rabbit proud. Especially since her hips are noticeably way too thin to be realistic.
  • In the Back: Is shot by Milenkov and dies instantly just after destroying the Blisk base.
  • Latex Space Suit: Switches up to one while on the Moon. Crypto eventually asks how she managed to get into it.
    Shoehorns and vaseline, baby.
  • Love Triangle: Between herself, Crypto and Sergei, not that she'll admit it to the Furon. It ends up solved in Tunguska when Sergei gets infected by Blisk spores off-screen.
  • Sensual Slavs: Even the KGB themselves think she's hot enough to make the Siberian tundra burn.

    Agent Sergei 

Voiced by: Stephen Stanton

"Natalya is a glorious mare who will suffer no bridle. That is why we desire her."

A former KGB spy alongside Natalya, who he trained with in the academy. Like her, he wants to uncover the truth behind the KGB's operations, while also harboring some feelings for her, all while Crypto immediately targets him as a rival for Natalya's affections.

  • Even the Guys Want Him: He's so handsome that even the men of Tunguska occasionally fantasize about him.
  • Killed Offscreen: Infected and transformed off-screen, rather, but same principle. After Tunguska's plot missions are done with, he's never seen or heard from again.
  • Minor Major Character: He's Natalya's go-to source of intel for most of the game, and a reliable one at that, whose spying skills are vital for the plans against the KGB. But not only does he have two extremely minor mission roles in Tunguska, he gets unceremoniously kicked off the plot due to being infected by the Blisk spores off-screen.
  • The Not-Love Interest: His eventual fate due to Blisk spore infection.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: After Natalya reveals he was infected by Blisk spores sometime before she was kidnapped in the final Tunguska story mission, Sergei is never heard from again. The player is never given the option to find or save him afterwards, not that Crypto would ever do so willingly anyway.


    Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe 

Voiced by: Anthony Stewart Head

"Forgive me; it seemed best simply to stand clear and give you room to do what you do so well."

A member of the British Intelligence agency M16, under the Queen's secret service in Albion. He briefly joins forces with Crypto in order to drive away the KGB operating on the city. M16, however, is actually the last active international cell of Majestic, and he seeks to avenge the fallen sectors by killing Crypto.

  • Arc Villain: Revealed to be this for Albion in the city's penultimate mission, where he takes Crypto in for questioning and tries to kill him afterwards.
  • Didn't Think This Through: He took Crypto as a prisoner but forgot to account for Natalya, who genuinely needs the Furon's help in toppling the KGB. Sure enough, she's the one who invades their secret base to bust Crypto out.
  • Enemy Mine: Claims this to be the case for his partnership with Crypto. While he's honest about that, he actually has his own agenda.
  • Exact Words: He introduces himself as a Foreign Intelligence agent of "M16", which Crypto takes at face value. Except the agency's name is actually "Majestic Command - 16th Sector", which "M16" is just an abbreviation of.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Initially a polite, if rather snooty ally for Crypto, which he uses to let his guard down.
  • Flunky Boss: Starts his boss fight surrounded by soldiers, Secret Agents and the occasional wandering Cop in Hyde Park.
  • Foil: To Natalya, the other ally NPC Crypto meets in Albion. While both of them are spies working for their respective areas of Foreign Intelligence, Natalya is upfront with Crypto about her origins and goals, never failing to give him the necessary intel while also keeping him grounded on the mission. Ponsonby, on the other hand, uses half-truths and humors Crypto's snark half-heartedly, since he's secretly plotting to kill him.
  • Interface Spoiler: As with the Majestic agents in the first game revealing Silhouette's gender through Cortex Scan, scanning Ponsonby's mind reveals he misses Silhouette and knows she was a woman, which gives away that he's affiliated with Majestic. He later even says this thought out loud as Boss Banter.
  • King Mook: A souped up version of the M16 Secret Agents with more health and a faster weapon.
  • Mean Brit: His true personality.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: His drug-induced interrogation of Crypto not only does little to make him talk, it ends up awakening his Mind Flash ability, which comes in real handy to escape the M16 complex.
  • Parasol of Pain: Carries an umbrella at all times, which is actually a functioning machine gun he uses in combat.
  • Revenge Before Reason: He's so hellbent on killing Crypto over the fall of Majestic that he completely foregoes the attacks on the KGB in favor of targeting the Furon.
  • Shout-Out: With the Secret Agent enemies acting as the MI-6 stand-ins, Ponsonby is essentially their equivalent of James Bond himself.
  • Torture for Fun and Information: Uses an old army bunker to trap Crypto and douse him in drugs to try and make him spill the beans on how his weapons and technology work. All it does is give Crypto a minor headache and make him spout random nonsense should the player choose the funnier dialogue options.
  • Tuxedo and Martini: As a Bond Expy, this is a must. No martini, but he still invokes the basic image.

    Takoshima Ninja Clans 

Voiced by: Paul Nakauchi (White Ninjas), Steve Blum (Black Ninjas)

White Ninja: "I liked the first game / I hope this one's just as good / And that I don't die."
Black Ninja: "What if we are all / Characters in video game? / Now my mind is blown!"

Two opposing ninja factions that inhabit Takoshima Island, being once an united school of ninjas under the color gray that was split due to clothing manufacturing disputes. The White Ninja clan resides just outside of the Zen Temple and are quick to ally themselves with Crypto and the Cult of Arkvoodle, while the Black Ninja clan lives on an islet just outside of Takoshima City and have placed their allegiance with the KGB.

General tropes

  • Haiku: They think in this way. / Even follow the structure. / It's quite impressive.
  • Homing Projectile: Their shuriken, which will chase a target and take a lot of health off should they hit.
  • Light/Darkness Juxtaposition: They follow this motif only superficially, with the two sides only being "good" and "evil" due to their affiliations and fighting over a ridiculous motive.
  • Meta Guy: Like you wouldn't believe. Just look at their quotes above for one of MANY examples of each clan Breaking the Fourth Wall. That being said, this is more of a trait of the White Ninjas, with the Black Ninjas having fewer examples.
  • Mook: The White Ninjas are this for the Cult of Arkvoodle, essentially becoming the cult's own defense force, while the Black Ninjas ally themselves with the KGB simply to oppose their rivals.
  • Mook Maker: There are small gongs spread across Takoshima that, when rung, will summon ninjas from one of the factions to that respective area.
  • Silly Reason for War: The two factions were once a single Gray Ninja clan, but the manufacturer for their gray clothing stopped making that color and only had two left. The Black Ninjas basically called dibs.

Tropes applying to the White Ninja clan

  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: They're very feeble-minded and follow a weird logic regarding Furons. They just up and decide to send a Datacore on a "rocket" so the Furons will contact them, and think the best way to appease their god of sex is through human sacrifice. Their recruitment consists of Crypto basically having to endure their collective stupidity just to get them to sign up.
  • Cool Helmet: Their leader dons a battle helm similar to a samurai's.
  • Face–Heel Turn: In the final Takoshima Odd Job mission, where they side with Shama Llama against Crypto and become his flunkies that you need to kill.
  • Human Sacrifice: They kidnap a random woman from a supermarket in order to sacrifice her for the Arkvoodle cult in their recruitment mission (apparently the ex-girlfriend of one of the members). Crypto is disgusted by this and has the option to tell them to stop.
  • Light Is Good: For a given definition of "good", but they side with Crypto and join the Arkvoodle cult, so they're on the side of the protagonist... Until Shama Llama sics them on Crypto.
  • Mook: For the Cult of Arkvoodle once it reaches Takoshima, making them Shama Llama's own personal bodyguards, which is why they turn on Crypto when he finally tries to kill Llama for his insufferable ego.

Tropes applying to the Black Ninja clan

  • Arc Villain: The closest to this trope there is for Takoshima, since it's mostly dominated by the KGB.
  • Badass Boast: Regarding their outfit, which the White Ninjas actually wanted for themselves.
    Black Ninja Leader: "We are only wearing black until they make something darker!"
  • Cool Mask: Their leader, in contrast to the White Ninja leader's helm.
  • Dark Is Evil: They're the most willing to attack and kill civilians unprompted. The suburban area between Takoshima City and the Zen Temple is perpetually terrorized by them.
  • Mook: They join forces with the KGB and share a base in Castle Kuro and Mount Seyuri with them, likely to oppose the White Ninjas siding with Crypto.

    Shama Llama 

Voiced by: Richard Tatum

"Hail Arkvoodle! Hail Shama Llama!"

A hippie commune leader Crypto rescues from police custody in Bay City to serve as the figurehead of the Arkvoodle Cult. After his rescue, he becomes the quest giver for the Cult of Arkvoodle missions, directing Crypto in how to properly gather support for the plan, while also providing one of the game's strongest weapons if enough Alien Artifacts are collected. He stays as the frontman of the Cult up until the fame starts going into his head a little too much...
  • 100% Adoration Rating: The media loves him, and the cultists are devoted to him as they are to Arkvoodle himself. Only Crypto himself doesn't seem to get along with him, since he finds Llama annoying and egotistic. He's very much correct.
  • Acquired Situational Narcissism: Gaining Arkvoodle's favor and the adoration of both the press and the cult members made it so Shama's ego skyrocketed so far that he completely takes over the Cult's operations from Crypto and point-blank vilifies the angry alien with a ray gun on standby when he comes back with a bone to pick.
    • It's All About Me: What it eventually devolves into by the time the Cult hits Takoshima, since he constantly slips his tongue and refers to his "magnificence" being threatened rather than Arkvoodle's. Even in his boss fight, after Crypto keeps killing him repeatedly, the Furon god himself decides Shama pushed his luck too far and lets Crypto finally kill him for good.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: Depends. If the player died too many times, Shama's health bar drops like a fly but he'll revive repeatedly. If Crypto was only re-cloned a few times, then Shama won't revive as often, but his health takes longer to deplete.
  • Divine Intervention: Because Shama is so high up the ladder of the Arkvoodle cult, Arkvoodle himself granted him the power to resurrect depending on how many times Crypto has died throughout the game. This is the mechanic of his boss battle, since he cannot die, but will continuously revive himself until all his extra lives run out, on which Arkvoodle finally decides enough is enough.
  • The Face: Of the Cult of Arkvoodle, as assigned by Crypto so the general public will have a public figure to talk to in order to join while Crypto carries out his own plans.
  • Flunky Boss: Llama has no attacks of his own, so he relies on a small army of White Ninjas to deal damage to Crypto.
  • Foil: To Coyote Bongwater, down to the same voice actor. Bongwater was a Well-Intentioned Extremist who didn't know he was carrying out the plans of corrupt authorities, but still acted out of a self-serving desire to "save" the United States. Shama Llama knows exactly what he's getting into and has the full extent of his duties outlined to him, but lets his ego swell to the point of defying Crypto directly and use the Cult as an excuse to be famous.
  • Justified Extra Lives: Shama's boss fight has him revive after every death depending on how many deaths Crypto had accumulated in total up until that point.
  • No Historical Figures Were Harmed:
    • A hippie cult leader with a God complex who isn't above murder to consolidate his influence? He's essentially a tamer, non-bigoted parody of Charles Manson. He even has a marking on his forehead.
    • His Indian accent and influence in the counterculture are likely based on that of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
  • Palette Swap: His in-game model is a recolored and re-textured version of Bongwater's. The two even share the same voice actor.
  • Teleport Spam: To make the battle more difficult, Shama will teleport around the hill he's fought at so Crypto has a harder time aiming.


    Agent Oranchov 

Voiced by: Robin Atkin Downes

"These zhopas must be harder to kill than we thought..."

The KGB agent in charge of their operations in Bay City. He's cornered by Crypto in their secret headquarters in Albion and, in desperation, becomes the first Mutant enemy in the game.
  • Achilles' Heel: Like any other Blisk Mutant, using the Anal Probe will revert him into a frail human.
  • Body Horror: Oranchov's boss fight is the game's introduction to the Blisk spores and how they affect humans horrifically.
  • Elite Mook: He's essentially a common KGB agent with slightly more health and a Mutant transformation from the getgo, but turning him back to normal is all that's needed to kill him easily. Even as a mutant, he's comparatively less powerful than the later Blisk Mutants that Crypto fights in the game.
  • The Man Behind the Man: He used Coyote Bongwater as a front to cover up the KGB's operation in Bay City.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: His introductory cutscene has him praising Stalin's regime.
  • Starter Villain: The first real antagonist encountered in the second game.

    Coyote Bongwater 

Voiced by: Richard Tatum

"We're about to FREE the people of this city! Soon they'll see the TRUTH! And embrace our beautiful new utopia: the Bay City Super-Organic Communal Collective and Compost Farm! ARE YOU WITH US, MAN??"

A spiritual leader of Bay City's hippies, Coyote Bongwater is responsible for distributing a new drink known as "Revelade" - one of whose side effects is the degradation of Furon DNA in humans' genes.
  • Alas, Poor Villain: After his My God, What Have I Done? moment, Crypto kills him in a relatively quick and painless manner while remarking "Sometimes it's just kinder to put 'em down."
  • Arc Villain: For Bay City.
  • Chick Magnet: He's pretty much the leading expert in getting into the pants of hippie girls.
  • Fantastic Drug: Revelade, a purplish-pink liquid that seems to have a similar effect to both ecstasy and LSD on humans, but its real purpose is to eliminate the pure Furon DNA in human brainstems.
  • Interface Screw: He has a specialized gun that shoots a stream of Revelade at Crypto, which causes the screen to distort in a gaudy mash of colors and flowers while distorted music plays.
  • Large Ham: He's a hippie stoner. The word "subtle" is not in his dictionary.
  • Meaningful Name: It's meant to sound as stereotypically "hippie" as possible, while also making it obvious he's a lunatic stoner.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: He earnestly believed that he was going to save and liberate America, which made him blind to how corrupt and evil his backers were. After Crypto defeats Bongwater, he contacts Oranchov and tells him to "start the revolution without him", only to have Oranchov reveal the KGB's plan to destroy America. He died in horror at what he helped bring.
  • Right for the Wrong Reasons: Had he succeeded in fully distributing the Revelade throughout Bay City, it would eventually lead to him getting his "Super-Organic Communal Collective and Compost Farm" at the hands of the Blisk, as they irradiate the Earth and turn it into exactly that.
  • Unwitting Pawn: While he thinks he's a visionary leading a revolution against "the man", Oranchov's pulling all his strings, and he remains ignorant of the KGB's true intentions.
  • Wake-Up Call Boss: Unless Crypto's weapons are upgraded to an acceptable level, Bongwater will be a pain to take down, since his Revelade gun can take huge chunks of health off of Crypto, not to mention the KGB agents present for the boss fight.
  • You Have Failed Me: After their Revelade scheme is foiled by Crypto, Oranchov leaves Bongwater to die at Crypto's hands.


A college-aged Japanese girl, mutated by the KGB into a reptilian monster sent to destroy Takoshima.

  • And I Must Scream: As Pox can attest to, the college student Kojira really is can feel every excruciating part of her transformation even as she mindlessly attacks the city. She's mentally begging for death.
  • Breath Weapon: Wouldn't be a Godzilla Expy without this.
  • Climax Boss: For Takoshima, showing the extent of the KGB's human experimentation.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: Even with a fully-upgraded Sonic Boom, the best weapon for the Saucer at that point, Crypto will be taking only bits of her health off with each shot. The Meteor Strike on land can do more damage if the player can even get close.
  • Healing Factor: She'll regain her HP whenever she levels a building with her attacks. Destroying Takoshima City ahead of her is the best way to make sure she can't regenerate.
  • Homing Projectile: The scales on her back can fire green spikes that chase the nearest target.
  • Irony: She's a dig at the original Japanese Godzilla, but has a closer design semblance to the American version known as just "Zilla" in Japan.
  • King Mook: She's an exaggerated version of the Blisk Mutants, big enough to be fought from the saucer.
  • Mercy Kill: What the remaining human mind of Kojira seeks, but this is ultimately averted; Crypto does defeat the monster, but she reverts to her original human form afterwards, still alive but in a state of shock.
  • Not Zilla: She's a parody of Godzilla, so this goes without saying. That being said, it's a different take on the classic formula since it's actually a human forcibly transformed into a kaiju.
  • Punny Name: Her name is a mispronunciation of the Japanese equivalent of "Godzilla" (Gojira).

    The Blisk 

Voiced by: Stephen Stanton


A warrior race of arthropod-like aliens who originally inhabited Mars, defeated by the Furons during an event called the Martian War. The stragglers managed to escape and crash-land on Earth, specifically the north of Siberia, causing the famous Tunguska Event of 1908 in-universe. Their goal is to irradiate Earth from their second base on the moon and transform it into a Blisk paradise like Mars once was. They're also the main force behind the game's events, as well as the leading power of the Soviet Union for decades behind the scenes.

Tropes applying to the Blisk proper

  • Aliens Are Bastards: They manage to be worse than the Furons, seeking to transform all of planet Earth into their new irradiated paradise at the cost of wiping out its indigenous life.
  • The Dreaded: Despite winning the Martian War against them, the Furons are terrified of these things, causing a huge Oh, Crap! moment from Pox when he learns they are still alive.
  • Elite Mook: The Tunguska-exclusive Yeti, found at any remote part of the invasion site.
  • Energy Weapon: They can fire a continuous laser from their claws and have it follow Crypto to take a good amount of health off.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Their resistance to radiation prompted the Furons to develop extremely powerful nuclear-based weapons to wipe all traces of them from Mars; that same nuclear proliferation, it was later discovered, was what caused the Furon race to go sterile.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Unlike the Laughably Evil human antagonists, the Blisk are largely played straight and treated as deadly enemies. And they aren't simply intending to conquer Earth, they want to destroy all life on it.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: Described by Pox as the result of "a cockroach mating with a lobster". They're arthropod-like in build, with exoskeletons and large pincer claws, but with a hive mind and hive-like bases like insects.
  • Obviously Evil: Lampshaded by Crypto when trying to convince the Russians to turn on them, pointing out that "They're giant freaking lobsters from outfreaking space!"
  • Organic Technology: Their devices are built like this, with even their ships looking like they're made of keratin rather than any kind of metal.
  • Palette Swap: The "Yeti" variant has white scales instead of green.
  • Proud Warrior Race: Pride themselves in their strength and numbers, all of which took a massive blow after their loss to the Furons.

Tropes applying to the Blisk Mutants

  • Achilles' Heel: They can die to anything, but the Anal Probe will immediately cleanse the infected human hosts and remove the spore cloud, causing it to be unable to infect that person and seek another host, leaving it open to be destroyed.
  • And I Must Scream: Reading their minds reveals they're in constant pain from the infection and are begging for death, unable to vocalize their wishes properly.
  • Breath Weapon: Can spew out acid at their targets.
  • Humanoid Abomination: They're vaguely reminiscent of the Blisk, but still keeping an overall human shape due to being infected humans themselves.


Voiced by: Jim Ward

"We had such glorious renovation plans for that pathetic little planet. But no matter; you've merely staved off the inevitable. You can't fight progress, Furon!"

Premier of the Soviet Union and the mastermind behind the KGB's operations across the globe, including the attack on Crypto's mothership. He's plotting to eliminate Furon DNA by destroying humanity itself, an act that seems incredibly genocidal for a world leader. Except he's also a Blisk under a human disguise, seeking to transform Earth into a new home for his race to prosper in after the destruction of Mars by the hands of the Furons.

  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: He reveals in Solaris that pretty much the entirety of Russian history from the Tunguska Crash of 1908 onward has been orchestrated by the Blisk that crash-landed on Earth after the Martian War against the Furons, including every dictator and political figure until himself. The Cold War was also a ploy to encourage the build of radioactive weapons precisely because the Blisk are the only creatures that can survive and thrive in radiation.
  • Big Bad: Of Destroy All Humans! 2, as the chief of operations for the KGB, as well as the Blisk in their true plan to conquer Earth.
  • Bond Villain Stupidity: Fitting for a wannabe Bond villain himself, Milenkov has quite a few opportunities to deal away with Crypto and Natalya that he wastes due to his own ego. Namely, setting the volcano base in Takoshima to explode and just hoping it would kill Crypto, a classic Bond villain mistake. Even when he kills Natalya, he could have aimed and shot at Crypto as well using the element of surprise, but he chooses to wait and transform instead, giving him a fair shot at killing him.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: It's clear from his introduction that he's enjoying the "spy movie villain" clichés a little too much.
  • Composite Character: His design is based off the recurring James Bond villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld - particularly the facial scar over his eye - while his name is derived from the real-life Soviet Union leader Georgy Malenkov, Premier from 1953 to 1955, briefly succeeding Stalin.
  • Contrasting Sequel Antagonist: While Silhouette was plotting the domination of America through mind control and paranoia, she still sought to keep the world from being taken over by aliens and would at least prevent people from dying. Milenkov is a genocidal tyrant who orders the KGB to carry every dirty scheme he can think of to ensure the destruction of their own species, since Milenkov himself is an alien that plans to turn Earth into a Blisk paradise and exterminate both humanity and the Furons in the process.
  • Evil Counterpart: To Crypto and Pox, as the mastermind of an alien invasion attempting to take over Earth and ensure the survival of his species and disguising himself as a human political leader to do it. However, the Blisk are hinted to be even more brutal and warlike than the Furons (which is really saying something) and can only thrive in irradiated aquatic habitats, which they plan on turning Earth into, which would result in the extinction of humanity. Furons, on the other hand, need humanity alive but available for harvesting due to the pure Furon DNA in their brains.
  • Evil Gloating: Revels in it, to the point of at one point refusing to move on in a discussion until he's gotten a chance to talk about his FIENDISH MASTER PLAN!
  • Final Boss: Fought at the remains of the Blisk base at the moon to wrap up the main story quests for the game.
  • Foreshadowing: To his real identity as a Blisk:
    • Bongwater's plans for Bay City involves turning it into a "Super-Organic Communal Collective and Compost Farm", which is a very basic definition of the Blisk's plans for Earth;
      • On top of that, the KGB were planning to destroy the city using nuclear warheads. Only the Blisk survive in radiation;
    • The KGB's plans involve mutating humans into horrific monstrosities and using radiation wherever possible, despite the fact humans cannot survive prolonged exposure to it. This is because they're unwittingly plotting their own deaths and Milenkov doesn't really care about them;
    • After Ponsonby is defeated by Crypto, he laments the destruction of other Majestic branches by aliens. When Crypto corrects him by telling him that he had only wiped out the American branch, he mocks him for believing that he's the only alien on the planet before dying.
    • Regarding Kojira, Crypto quizzes Pox on how the Soviets have technology so advanced as to completely transform a college-aged girl into a kaiju. Pox's only conclusion is that they don't;
    • A minor example, but Milenkov is the only Russian character in the game to avoid the same stereotypical draw and Malaproper that the other Russian characters utilize (ex: "What is being fridge?"), even refraining from using too many Russian terms in favor of a very superficial accent. Compare this to Natalya, who uses a lot more terminology in her native tongue without falling into the same stereotypical inflections.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: A large one across one eye, as part of the whole spy movie villain theme he has going for him.
  • Healing Factor: His Blisk form has a red suit of armor that regenerates his health when enough is taken down. Crypto has to aim precisely at the plating to destroy it so Milenkov will be exposed and unable to heal.
  • King Mook: He's functionally a Blisk Warrior with different projectile attacks and regenerative armor.
  • Large Ham: He's clearly having a ball taunting Crypto. To say nothing of the FIENDISH MASTER PLAN.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: In comparison to the Furons, who need Earth to harvest Furon DNA, Milenkov wants to water-lodge and irradiate the Earth to turn it into the Blisk's new home.
  • One-Winged Angel: Reveals his true form when confronting Crypto on the Soviet moon base.
  • Wham Line: When he gets to monologue about his plan. Crypto expects a long, tiresome diatribe on world domination. Instead he gets a decades-long conspiracy for global reform and genocide, and the reveal that the Blisk are only so presently powerful because every leader of the USSR until Milenkov himself have ALL been Blisk.
    "You of all creatures should know - aliens walk among us, da?"

Introduced in Path of the Furon

Quest Givers & Allies

    Veronica Stone 

Voiced by: Salli Saffioti

"I'm Veronica Stone, and for 42 of the next 60 minutes, we'll be "IN QUEST FOR... ALIENS!""

A newswoman and field reporter from Sunnywood. She's called in by Crypto and Pox to help them get closer to Dr. Calvin and the Church of Alientology, in exchange for the story of a lifetime from the Furon.

  • Damsel in Distress: Twice. Her introductory mission in Sunnywood has Crypto needing to save her from the Lunarians after they kidnap her in their van, and an Odd Job in Shen Long has her be attacked by the corrupt police department after exposing their illegal operations and requiring Crypto's help to escape.
  • Intrepid Reporter: She's certainly hard to scare. Even after her cameraman gets eaten alive by an alien man-eating plant before her eyes, she just grabs the camera from the ground and keeps the report going until the Lunarians kidnap her.
  • Suspiciously Similar Substitute: She's a blond, feisty woman who gets herself in dangerous situations which require Crypto's assistance to get her out of, or sends the Furon out scouting for something to help with her mission. She's essentially a stand-in for "DAH!2"'s Natalya, only an American reporter instead of a Russian spy.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: After the previously mentioned Odd Job in Shen Long, she's never seen or heard from again in the plot.

    The Master 

Voiced by: Darryl Kurylo

"Submit to my tutelage, Crypto, and when you are ready I will tell you who is behind your recent troubles."

An elderly Furon who escaped his homeworld and crash-landed on Earth, off the coast of China, after thwarting an assassination attempt on Meningitis and being marked for death. Over the past century he's indulged himself in Chinese philosophy and founded an academy to pass down his teachings, with one student in particular, Saxon, growing too power-hungry and leaving his old master to form his own clan. While he dies, Crypto promises to avenge him by discovering the origin of the Nexosporidium warriors' return.

Unfortunately for Crypto, the Master is the one behind the game's events, and the actual conspirator seeking to kill Emperor Meningitis and take the throne of Furon for himself.

  • Big Bad: He's really responsible for sending the Nexo after Crypto, all to ensure Crypto would kill the Emperor.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: It turns out that he was the one responsible for calling in a Nexo attack on Crypto and teaching synthetic Furon DNA to Crousteau as part of an especially complicated plot to overthrow the Emperor and take the throne for himself, disregarding Crypto as a fool at the end of the game when he reveals himself.
  • Character Tics: As usual for the Old Master trope, he likes to stroke his long beard.
  • Complexity Addiction: His basic plan is to cause an uprising and kill Emperor Meningitis so he himself can seize the throne, but he ends up targeted and stranded on Earth. So he manipulates a dispatched collection drone - Crypto - who was marooned on Earth for over 20 years since his first landing, by reviving an old artificial race of drones used by his old conspirator fellows in Furon, the Nexosporidium warriors, and feeding them synthetic Furon DNA to keep them under his thumb. He then tricks a human in France, Crousteau, into finding his old saucer with the Nexos formula and the synthetic DNA to manufacture Nexos on Earth, using a signal rebounding from Furon to keep them in check while making it unable to be traced directly to him. Then, through Saxon, the Furon technology for the Nexos is smuggled into Shen Long so he can have access to it in his Monastery and have a cloner handy which, through sacrificing himself to Saxon, allows him to go with Crypto to Furon so he can reappear just as the Emperor is killed in battle, giving him free access to the throne. Considering the size of the paragraph for this plan's explanation, it's safe to say he really likes making things complicated.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: He's quickly and almost instantly killed when Pox, now sporting a strong ape body, smacks him so hard he splatters against the wall in a big stain of Synthetic Furon DNA.
  • Faking the Dead: He deliberately set himself up to die by Saxon's hands so Crypto would take his Jade Talisman, which contains a one-use cloning device set to go off as soon as Crypto kills Emperor Meningitis.
  • The Grays: Invokes this basic alien design like all the other Furons, with the one variation being, of course, his grown hair and beard.
  • Heads I Win, Tails You Lose: Crypto does fight him in the first Shen Long mission, but the fight is deliberately easy and quick, simply consisting of tossing things in the Monastery at him with PK when his shield is down. Despite the supposed victory, though, Crypto gets his ass handed to him on a platter when the Master stops holding back and breaks out the Temporal Fist.
  • I'm Dying, Please Take My MacGuffin: Played with. He dies by Saxon's hand and, in his last breath, gives Crypto his talisman to remember him by. Except it's actually a one-time-only cloning device meant to go off when Crypto kills Emperor Meningitis, so the Master can seize the throne of Furon unopposed.
  • Old Master: He's mastered martial arts and his natural Furon psychic powers to the point of outright being able to pause time itself, a power he passes down to Crypto.
  • Running Gag: Insists on pronouncing "Shen Long" with extra length ("Shen Loooooooooooong"), something that Crypto and Pox follow without question. Even Saxon seems to like doing it.
  • Walking Spoiler: His true role in the plot beyond his death in Shen Long places him on this trope.


    Vinnie & Mikey Molinari 

Voiced by: S. Scott Bullock (Vinnie) & Rick Pasqualone (Mikey)

Mikey: "For a little guy, you got big balls, I'll give ya that. But this is my town! And nobody's gonna change it while I'm around, you got dat? Vinnie."
Vinnie: "Okay, space midget, let's dance."

A duo of mobster brothers who run Nero's Palazzo, a casino in Las Paradiso and Crypto's main financial competitors during his schtick as a casino owner.

  • Arc Villain: The pair and their affiliated mobster goons are this for Las Paradiso.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Their call-sign for Crypto is "space midget".
  • The Mafia: They’re part of one, and apparently positioned pretty high up in the hierarchy, enough to be in good graces with the dons themselves and to deploy gangs of crooks after Crypto. Part of Crypto and Pox's plot to ruin them involves cutting them off from the leading families to cut their support and financial backing.
  • Properly Paranoid: They're very much sure that Crypto is an alien invader, and decide to try and ruin his career and get him terminated by outing him as a space alien to their mafia dons. Crypto and Pox retaliate by body-snatching one of the dons en route to one of their meetings and having Mikey made to look like a lunatic.
  • Removing the Rival: Crypto and the Molinari brothers were starting to escalate their bitter rivalry into outright espionage and sabotage by the time the game starts. Crypto gets the last laugh when he has to abandon his casino and Las Paradiso when the Nexos invade, blowing up Nero's Palazzo with the Molinari brothers still inside.
  • Smoking Is Not Cool: As one of the stranger steps of the plan, Pox has Crypto hijack the local television station for him to preach about the dangers of smoking to Las Paradiso, believing that getting everyone off cigarettes will make the overall environment in Nero's Palazzo more miserable when the customers try to quit. It actually works, and to show the trope in action, Mikey starts to cough up his cigarette when Vinnie has to remind him that smoking'll kill him.
  • Starter Villain: They really have no relation to the real plot of the game, and only serve as the first antagonists of the first Invasion Site to give Crypto a rival to gun for and the new players to learn the ropes with before they're promptly discarded and forgotten about.
  • Together in Death: By the time Crypto and Pox decide to cut ties in Las Paradiso and outright kill their old rivals, they spend their last moments hugging each other and admitting defeat before Crypto drops their whole casino down on them.
  • The Unfought: They're unceremoniously killed when the real storyline takes place, making Las Paradiso the only invasion site without a real boss battle.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Somewhat, as they're certain Crypto is an alien and take measures to have him killed and later exposed for this fact, but less out of a need to prove a conspiracy correct or for the safety of humanity, but instead because they think he’s a pain in the ass for their business.

    The Nexos 


The Nexosporidium warriors were a race of organic cyborgs created by an old group of conspirators within the Furon Empire, long-thought to be extinct after the conspiracy failed to kill Emperor Meningitis. The main opposing force in "Path of the Furon", they're sent to attack Crypto directly, which leads him and Pox into discovering that the conspiracy might not be over.

Starting from Sunnywood, Nexos become the game's Red Alert Level enemies, attacking with their Saucers, Nexo Walkers and elite guards.

  • Attack Its Weak Point: The weak point of the Nexo Walkers is the hanging sack between their legs.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Which is saying something, considering they were created by the Furons. Regardless, the Nexos have exposed spines, tentacles on their heads and apparently eat Synthetic Furon DNA regularly.
  • Color-Coded for Your Convenience: On the Fourth Ring of Furon, where they make up the entire Alert spectrum, different colors separate the weakest from the strongest. The weakest being the short and blue Nexos, the middle ground being the standard green Nexos that make up the Red Alerts back on Earth, and red Nexos being considerably tougher and larger than the rest.
  • Degraded Boss: Nexo Walkers, one of which is first fought as the boss of Sunnywood before appearing regularly during Red Alerts in other invasion sites. Ironically, they don't appear in Sunnywood during a Red Alert.
  • Dumb Muscle: Emphasis on "dumb". They're created to serve a figure of power and attack their enemies, so their thought process is incredibly limited and short-sighted.
  • Exact Words: A Nexo in the Fourth Ring will demand a "pretty access word" to give another Nexo (body-snatched by Crypto) passage into a protected chamber. What he means is that he wants to hear the word "pretty".
  • Mook: The Red Alert enemies of the game, serving under a number of different entities through the plot. The key figure commanding them, however, is the Master.
  • Organic Technology: They're cyborgs, but they do have bits of flesh visible on their heads.
  • Robo Speak: They talk like this, including the heavily-modulated voices.
  • Shout-Out: Read their minds enough times and you'll eventually get All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

    Dr. C. Curt Calvin 

Voiced by: André Sogliuzzo

"You speak our language? You truly are as the angels."

The cult leader of the Lunarian Church of Alientology situated in Sunnywood, who Pox believes to be an incognito Furon disguised as a human, responsible for siccing the Nexos on Crypto.

  • Alien Among Us: What Pox and Crypto think he is, believing that his cult is just a front to indoctrinate and harvest Furon DNA from gullible human cultists with just the help of some drugs and preachy words. Turns out to not be the case.
  • Arc Villain: His Alientology church is set up as this for Sunnywood, with the Lunarian cultists even serving as the Invasion Site's unique enemy force for a few missions. But at the final story mission for Sunnywood, the Nexos kill him unceremoniously and the Church is only brought up again for an optional side mission later.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: He's quickly and instantly killed - and ruled out as a suspect of who's leading the Nexos - when a Nexo Walker arrives and stomps him to death to fight Crypto.
  • Red Herring: His whole purpose in the plot is to be a decoy for Crypto to chase after, so he can be goaded into a trap by the Nexos and be taken to Shen Long afterwards, all in accordance to the Master's plan.
  • Shout-Out: When an organized public meeting between the Furons and the Church is made, he’s arranged an electronic device that sequenced flashes of light and musical notes to Crypto's ship and expects him to answer back accordingly, straight out of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Crypto thinks it’s a ridiculous way to communicate, but Pox insists on humoring him anyways.
  • Skunk Stripe: He sports a long white stripe across his hair.
  • Take That!: The "Church of Alientology" is a very unsubtle jab at Scientology and other cultish organizations who believe in salvation through the arrival of extraterrestrial beings, Heaven's Gate in particular due to their old headquarters being in California as well (except in San Diego, not Hollywood). Calvin himself is a parody of L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology's founder, with the two even having achieved fame through the publishing of science-fiction novels. Crypto even bemoans the possibility that one of said novels could be made into a movie.


Voiced by: Phil Morris

"With this token of the hated Master, I will secure my place at Saxon's side. As a reward, you may gaze upon my impressive pectoral muscles."

Saxon's right-hand man in the White Dragon Kung Fu Society, feared in Shen Long as a mighty, unstoppable warrior. In reality, he's a cowardly wimp hiding under a barrage of rumors and an admittedly-impressive physique.

  • Berserk Button: Insulting his muscles, especially his pectorals.
  • Bonus Boss: The fight with him is done as an Odd Job after clearing Shen Long's story missions, requiring Crypto to take down his helicopter using the Saucer.
  • Cowardly Boss: During the Odd Job where you finally get to kill him, his single attack with his helicopter happens at the tail-end of a cutscene, leaving you with very little time to dodge. He then spends the rest of the "fight" flying away from Crypto into Downtown Shen Long, requriring the player to chase after him.
  • The Dragon: To Saxon, using his reputation to extort money out of businesses and get every martial artist in Shen Long to follow Saxon's rules for fights and tournaments.
    • Dragon Ascendant: He rises to the top of the White Dragon's leadership after Saxon's death.
  • The Dreaded: The people of Shen Long fear him over the rumors of his strength, like how he apparently once took down all of Shen Long's police force with a hand tied behind his back, as well as the fact he's the White Dragon's go-to debt collector for the businessmen in the city. On top of his muscles and his ability to put up a convincing intimidation act, word of mouth basically made him even more feared in Shen Long than Saxon himself.
  • Escort Mission: Promises to help Cryto draw out Saxon by organizing a martial arts tournament, if the alien helps him escape police custody after he angered the entire military force of Shen Long.
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: All the time, so his muscles are always on display to help with intimidation.


Voiced by: James Horan

"So, old man. This is the end. With the help of my new friends, the White Dragon Kung Fu Society will rule over the Earth! Starting right here in your beloved Shen Loooooooooooong."

The Master's former star pupil, who defected and created his own clan to directly oppose him. Through the White Dragon Kung Fu Society, as he calls it, Saxon rules over Shen Long with an iron fist.

  • Affectionate Parody: Of kung fu-themed exploitation movies, as is the case for the plot missions in Shen Long itself.
  • Arc Villain: For Shen Long, along with his White Dragon triad and his subordinate Rolo.
  • Catch and Return: The first phase of his boss battle requires using the Temporal Fist to stop the missiles fired by the Nexo Dragon and send them back at Saxon, taking down the dragon's shields and allowing Crypto to shoot at it.
  • Disc-One Final Boss: He's set up as the mastermind behind the Nexo attack on Las Paradiso and is even responsible for a major character's death, but his own defeat is just the first real clue Crypto gets to the identity of the real mastermind behind the Nexo manufacturing on Earth.
  • Fashion-Victim Villain: Invoked as part of what he parodies. As noted by Crypto, he’s got some ridiculous yellow Kung-Fu outfit which the Furon constantly refers to as "satin jemmies".
  • Hold the Line: Crypto has to defend The Master's island from Saxon's ninja incursion... which is an entire fleet of attack helicopters, contrary to what the situation might be thought of.
  • I'm Melting!: Melted into sludge by the Nexos when Crypto has him at his mercy, which outs him as just a pawn in the overarching plot of the game.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: His boss battle has you fight the Nexo Dragon, a robotic alien Chinese dragon.
  • Playing with Fire: Naturally for a dragon, the Nexo Dragon Saxon rides on has a flamethrower weapon he uses in his boss battle against Crypto.
  • Red Herring: Like with C. Curt Calvin, he's set up as the one behind the Nexos' invasion, when in reality he was only smuggling the technology into Shen Long.

    Henri Crousteau 

Voiced by: Michael Lonsdale

"I would love to some day study your unearthliness in some greater detail... But I have work to do. Au revoir, mes amis."

Oceanographer, environmentalist and CEO of Francodyne Industries, situated in Belleville, France. The man behind the Earth-based production of Synthetic Furon DNA and the Nexos, Pox and Crypto make it their mission to cripple his factories and exact revenge.

  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: He engages Crypto in combat while piloting a gigantic Nexo-based squid robot that can wrap its tentacles around the Belleville Tower with ease.
  • Arc Villain: Of Belleville, with shades of The Man Behind the Man in regard to Saxon's operations in Shen Long.
  • Boss Banter: He narrates some of his attacks during his boss battle as if he's recording a nature documentary.
  • Eco-Terrorist: Hates humanity with a passion for the damage caused to the environment. While his company is outwardly promoted as being eco-friendly, he secretly wishes to employ more radical means to preserve nature.
  • Faux Affably Evil: He's mild-mannered enough to hold out a conversation with others just fine, but in reality he's a bitter businessman that sees himself as morally superior to his human peers.
  • French Jerk: He's a radical eco-terrorist, an amoral business man, manufacturer of a hostile alien army, has the intent to doom a significant portion of the human race, and he's French to boot.
  • Misanthrope Supreme: He has zero tolerance for his own employees and thinks very lowly of the human race in general due to being a fervent environmentalist. His plan was to unload a virus that would destroy the Furon DNA in Belleville's citizens (and possibly further) through the river crossing the city, and he even quips the game's title at Crypto after his defeat to justify his actions.
  • Mock Cousteau: A French environmentalist whose surname is one letter off from “Cousteau”? Yup, he qualifies for sure.
  • Monumental Battle: His boss battle brings you to the base of the game's Eiffel Tower equivalent, fighting against the gigantic Nexo Squid as it surrounds the structure while in the water. The battle is advertised often in promotional material for the game, showing the Nexo Squid clinging to the structure proper.
  • Motif: As a passionate oceanologist, he likes to make some passing references to sea creatures in his speech, and it culminates in his trump card being a colossal Nexo designed after a sea squid.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: In his last moments alive, he expresses shock when Crypto reveals the presence of pure Furon DNA in human brains and even apologizes for "disrupting" the Furons' "delicate life-cycle" with his plans after outing the Synthetic Furon DNA.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: He's named after real-life oceanographer and conservationist Jacques Cousteau, a man renowned for his studies of aquatic life, but also known for his extreme tactics of filming during production of the movie adaptation of his book "The Silent World".
  • Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: Before the boss fight with him:
    "And now, space creature, you will feel the power of Nature and Technology combined!"
  • Red Herring: Like the previous two suspects, he’s, yet again, not the real conspirator behind the Nexo attacks. Although he and his business play a much heavier hand in the source of Crypto's troubles, being the primary means of the Nexo production on Earth.
  • Shamu Fu: Only once, but when Crypto corners him at his chateau, he bludgeons Crypto with a pufferfish to knock him out.
  • Unwitting Pawn: He's just another tool of the conspiracy against Crypto, and is ultimately not to blame for the attack on Las Paradiso despite the Nexos indeed coming from his factories.

    Emperor Meningitis 

Voiced by: Nolan North

"I am not a crook! Besides, I am Emperor. If I do it, it's not illegal."

Emperor of the Furon race, the one responsible for Crypto and Pox's mission on Earth. In "Path of the Furon", Meningitis is finally revealed in the flesh as the possible leader of a conspiracy involving Synthetic Furon DNA and the long-defunct Nexosporidium warriors, which he now uses as his own personal guard. Crypto and Pox face him at his "summer palace" in the Fourth Ring of Furon in order to get revenge for Crypto's livelihood on Earth supposedly being ruined by him.

  • Arc Villain: The last of these for "Path of the Furon", as the final target and main opponent in the Fourth Ring of Furon.
  • Final Boss: He pilots a large robotic copy of his head to attack Crypto when he invades the palace, kicking off the final battle.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Played with. The game's plot leads Crypto to believe Meningitis is this, having sent Crypto and Pox to Earth on a fool's errand to collect Furon DNA from humans when he could just manufacture Synthetic DNA back in Furon, especially to keep the Nexos at bay. The Nexos, however, are a leftover from the failed attempt to assassinate Meningitis many years prior, which he incorporated into his service as his personal guard and illegally had the DNA fabricated to keep them under his employ. The Master just used the convenient list of crimes already present to help paint Meningitis as the chief of the conspiracy against Crypto and draw his attention. The Synthetic DNA wasn't even a solution to the problem. The cheap imitation caused Crypto immediate sickness when he tasted it, leading Pox to realize there was a purpose to them collecting brainstems after all. So really, Meningitis was just taking advantage of the Nexos, not Crypto.
  • Grumpy Old Man: He's irritable and frail, acting and speaking like an entitled senior citizen, who apparently has quite a few of his subjects tending to his every biological need.
  • Meaningful Name: Meningitis is an inflammation of the "meninges", the protective membranes around the brain and spinal cord, which can be caused by viruses, bacteria or other microorganisms, which are the naming conventions for the regular Furons beneath him.
  • No Historical Figures Were Harmed: His depiction takes a lot of cues from Richard Nixon.
  • Reduced to Dust: After his boss battle, he falls to the ground and Crypto grabs him by the collar for a long awaited thrashing. However, he doesn't get to lay a finger on him before this happens.
    Crypto: How long have you had synthetic Furon DNA?! How long have I been living a lie?!
    Emperor Meningitis: Careful, I'm 500 years ol- (Disintegrates right over Crypto)
  • Robot Me: His aforementioned robotic bust, which is a giant floating mechanical head designed after the Emperor's own.
  • Unwitting Pawn: He's not the conspirator making Crypto's life hell, rather he's the final target for The Master to eliminate so he can ascend to the throne, using Crypto's quest for revenge as a means to have him killed.
  • Villainous Breakdown: He does not take kindly to being called a jerk and accused of conspiracy. Or being interrupted from watching his soap operas. It's kind of understandable, given he isn't really the main villain. Guess who the bad guy really is.
    Emperor Meningitis: Jerk wad...? You call me names? Kill my Nexos?? YOU INTERRUPT MY SPECIAL BATHTIME PLAYSIS!!?? What have I - rule of a thousand worlds - ever done to deserve this treatment?
    Crypto: How bout fraud? Suppression of valuable technologies? Murder? Treason? You're a crook, Meningitis.
    Emperor Meningitis: I am NOT a crook! Besides, I am Emperor. If I do it, it's not illegal.


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