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Characters / Destroy All Humans!

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The main characters of Destroy All Humans!.

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Main Characters

    Cryptosporidium 136/7/8/9, "Crypto" 

The player takes control of a wisecracking, bloodthirsty, trigger-happy and perverted little grey alien named Cryptosporidium or as he's commonly called by Pox and others "Crypto". He is the protagonist of the Destroy All Humans! series and has appeared in every single entry. Crypto is a part of a race of aliens called the Furons, who all clone themselves due to their race's lack of genitalia. With Crypto himself being cloned at least 139 times. He is on a mission to invade and conquer Earth to harvest human brainstems, which contain Pure Furon DNA, in order to preserve his race from extinction due to Clone Degeneration.

  • Abusive Alien Parents: According to Crypto, his cloning tube is more lovable than his own mother.
  • And This Is for...: Crypto does this to Saxon.
    Crypto: This is for The Master! And because I don't like you! And for your Bogus! Satin! JAMMIES!
  • Anti-Frustration Feature: If Crypto can avoid getting hit for a short period of time, his health will eventually refill fully.
  • Anti-Villain: Sure, Crypto is annihilating humankind, but he has a better reason than most alien invaders, he's trying to save his own species.
  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Crypto, an alien from outer space, believes Bigfoot to be a crock.
  • Ax-Crazy: Crypto epitomizes this trope often.
  • Berserk Button: Don't call Crypto "green" or a "toddler". If you're a human, it's probably also not a good idea to bring up Crypto-136 becoming sushi by Monkeys.
  • BFG: Crypto hefts around some pretty big guns, especially considering his short stature.
  • Big "NO!": In the third game, Crypto yells out a big one after the Master dies. This one is so big in fact, Crypto needs to take a breath before finishing it.
  • Blood Knight: Blowing things up is basically Crypto's raison d'etre.
  • Body Snatcher: One of Crypto's main, and possibly favorite, mental powers.
  • Boldly Coming: Defined when Crypto revives the Package.
  • Brains and Brawn: The Brawn to Pox's Brains; he goes around doing the dirty work, while Pox come up with the schemes.
  • The Casino: By Path of The Furon, he's opened up a casino called Space Dust, where he's mostly just lounging around while only occasionally using it to make customers 'disappear' so he can collect Furon DNA.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He, along with Pox, engages in this quite often throughout the series.
  • Deflector Shields: Crypto has a shield that regenerates if he hasn't taken damage for some time. Once his shield is down, he can be killed.
  • Do Not Call Me "Paul": Crypto hates being called "green" or "toddler", a recurring joke in the games.
  • Double Jump: Thanks his trusty Jetpack.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Needless to say, he was quite broken up when Milenkov killed Natalya.
    • Happens briefly again when The Master dies in the third game.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: In the final level of the third game on Furon, Crypto is horrified at the idea of killing other Furons, stating that he's an invader, not a mass murderer. Until Pox reminds them that they're actually duplicates.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Crypto, AKA Crypto 137/8/9, AKA Cryptosporidium, AKA Cryptosporidium 137/8/9.
  • Evil vs. Evil: Crypto is evil, no question, but most of the antagonists he fights(excluding regular enemies such as police officers and farmers of course) are not much better.
  • Fantastic Racism: Like most of other Furons, he has a disdain for humans and refers to them as "monkeys" in a biting tone. He lightens up a bit as he starts indulging in human culture, but it never quite goes away.
  • Freudian Excuse: Crypto 137's mission to harvest human DNA becomes understandable after what they did to his brother Crypto 136.
  • Girl of the Week: Once Crypto gets his package, he heavily invokes this trope, mostly with Natalya in DAH!2 and Veronica Stone in Path of the Furon.
  • The Greys: Crypto himself.
  • Insane Troll Logic: In the first game, the player can do this during "Citizen Crypto" mission during the mayor's speech.
    Look, cows fart methane, and methane is flammable. We've got more cows than Santa Modesta; you do the math.
    • In general, he seems to have a tenuous grasp of logic at the best of times; for instance, one conversation at the beginning of the second game has him blaming hippies for the destruction of the Mothership by being in league with the KGB, until Pox points out that they're, well, hippies. Ironically enough, he's partially right in this case in that the hippies' leader really is a KGB stooge.
  • Interspecies Romance: In the second game, Crypto gets new genitalia, and the only thing he can experiment on is human women. In the ending of the game, it is heavily implied that he made out with Natalya.
  • I Take Offense to That Last One!: Crypto is only offended by the green part of being called a Little Green [Space]Man. Then again, that may be because it's the only inaccurate part.
  • Irony - During Path Of The Furon, Crypto tortures a Jack Nicholson Expy for having a grating voice. Crypto's voice is a subtle Jack Nicholson impersonation.
  • Jerkass: He's a sociopath alien hell-bent on destruction, and has little regards for others lives. He starts to show a slightly (read: slightly) softer side after being cloned for the 138th time, but it still shows.
  • Jet Pack: Crypto's suit has a built-in jet pack that can pop out and allow him to fly around.
  • Meaningful Name: Cryptosporidium is a parasite that causes diarrhea, so of course he talks a lot of crap at times. The shorthand, "Crypto", invokes the term Cryptozoology, which is the pseudoscientific study of folklore to find out what inspired a local myth.
  • Mob War: Path of the Furon starts with Crypto waging a one-man Mob War against a rival casino in Las Paradiso, with acts of sabotage including shooting up the interior of their casino, making their owners look like paranoid fools in front of their mafia when they begin to suspect that Crypto is an alien, and eventually just flat out destroying the building.
  • Monster Progenitor: Crypto is the first Furon in millenia to have working sex organs. Pox would've been the second, had the KGB not intervened.
  • One-Man Army: Crypto being the only soldier under Pox's command, single-handedly wipes out the U.S. military and overthrows the government.
  • Our Presidents Are Different: Crypto, who combines this with Authority Equals Asskicking and President Evil.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: Apparently, in France, all Crypto really needs to disguise himself among the locals is a beret.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: His modus operandi.
  • Phrase Catcher: Crypto gets called "little green man!" a lot.
  • Pintsized Powerhouse: The Master and Crypto, given their devastating psychokinetic abilities (and, in the latter case, enough firepower to take on the US Army).
  • Pretend Prejudice: In the first game, Crypto genuinely despises Humans. But, by the second game, he's really just pretending.
    Crypto: Hey, you know, that big blue mudball starts to grow on ya. I mean at first you think it's a boil but-
    Natalya: It's alright Crypto. You don't have to pretend. I know how you feel about humans.
    Crypto: Weeellll... not all humans.
  • Pre-Asskicking One-Liner
    Crypto: Attention Blisk! I am Cryptosporidium of the planet Furon. This planet is a territory of the Furon Empire! And your asses belong to me!
  • President Evil: Crypto becomes this at the end of the first game when he takes over the U.S. government.
  • Puppeteer Parasite: Body-snatching becomes one of Crypto's favorite main powers by the second game, replacing the HoloBob from the first. It serves the same purpose by letting him blend in with the human population, at the cost of slowly killing his host, and unlike the HoloBob which can be renewed by scanning thoughts, he can't refresh the body-snatched disguise.
  • Puny Earthlings: Just try to count the times he says "Pathetic human(s)!" or refers to them as "monkeys".
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Crypto is the Red Oni to Pox's Blue Oni.
  • Son of an Ape: Is quite fond of this.
  • Super Drowning Skills: Crypto's main power in every game, except the third, in which he still can't swim, however he just gets warped back to the shore. The first game even has different post-mission headlines used when Crypto drowns.
  • Take Me to Your Leader: Parodied in the beginning of the first game, which has Crypto doing the routine to a cow after mistaking them for the dominant life form on the planet.
  • Take Over the World: Crypto managing to guise as President Huffman. Not what Crypto set out to do, but it does make it much easier to get human DNA.
  • Telepathic Spacemen: The privilege of being a member of the Furon race.
  • The Dragon: Crypto plays this three times. Mostly to Pox, but also to The Master, and ultimately he and Pox are this to Emperor Meningitis. At least until Emperor Meningitis dies and Pox becomes Emperor.
  • The Man Behind the Man: The Master. Crypto believes his enemy is Curt Calvin, supposedly another Furon DNA gatherer. Then, after meeting the Master, Crypto believes his enemy is really Saxon, who supposedly used Calvin to try and destroy Crypto. It then turns out that Saxon was under the employ of Francodyne CEO Henri Crousteau. It is then revealed that Saxon and Crousteau were both part of Emperor Meningitis's operation to manufacture Synthetic DNA. Then after killing Meningitis, the Master appears and reveals that he was the actual conspirator all along, using all of them, including Crypto, in order to usurp the Furon throne. Talk about complex and confusing!
  • The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Crypto pleads the Master to allow him to face Saxon in the third game.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Pretty much the reason why Crypto-136 dies. What gave him the idea to position his saucer in front of a rocket that was ready to take off?
  • Tranquil Fury: When Crypto-137 stumbles across the carcass of Crypto-136, he lapses into this.
    "Okay, monkeys. You want a war? You've got a war."
  • [Verb] This!: Crypto does this after defeating Silhouette in the first game.
    Silhouette: Majestic will never give up the struggle to resist you alien freaks... (dies)
    Crypto: Resist this. *squish*
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: Crypto has a lot of tools and ways to destroy a human, up to and including making their heads burst with telepathic powers, incinerating/electrocuting them, launching an anal probe that digs its way to the brain while the target craps themselves uncontrollably, crushing vehicles with the occupants still inside, punting them far distancing with telekinesis, and just simply blowing them up.
  • You Are Number 6: Because Furons can clone themselves, each clone is designated by the number of times they have been cloned. It's quite telling that, at the beginning of the series, Crypto is already at 137 while Pox is only at 13.


    Orthopox 13/14, Holopox, "Pox" 

Orthopox, otherwise called Pox, is a high ranking fleet commander of the Furon Empire and later becomes the new Furon Emperor. He is the deuteragonist in the Destroy All Humans! series and has appeared in every single entry. He normally appears as Holographic projection upon a floating projector, which becomes indefinite after the Furon Mothership is destroyed by a KGB nuclear missile. He acts as a scientist and Crypto's superior officer, giving him missions and advice on certain tasks to fulfill.

  • Aliens Steal Cable: Spends at least part of his free time watching human television. He also tried to weaponize this in the first game by broadcasting a brainwashing signal on TV; unfortunately, he forgot to account for the differing cranial capacity between Furons and humans.
  • Anti-Villain: Like Crypto, he's trying to save his own species from extinction.
  • Awesome Momentof Crowning: Pox finally gets a reward after being dead for over 10 years.
  • Brains and Brawn: The Brains to Crypto's Brawn. He's the mastermind of the invasion and the provider of Crypto's arsenal; Crypto simply uses that arsenal to devastating effect.
  • Brain Uploading: In Destroy All Humans! 2, Orthopox uploads his consciousness into a HoloPox Unit just before the mothership is destroyed by a Soviet missile.
  • Came Back Wrong: Played for laughs; in Path of the Furon, he gets a chance to clone himself again... only to have the wrong base DNA used, meaning he comes back with the body of an ape. To rub salt in the wound, the machine used to grant him his new body blew up the moment he wondered if they can revert this accident.
  • Came Back Strong: Of course, that means having the strength of an ape as well as his intellect, amidst a planet of traditionally skinny people who rely heavily on technology. It's little surprise his ascent to the throne by the end of the game is unchallenged.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He, along with Crypto, engages in this quite often throughout the series.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Orthopox-13/14, AKA Pox or Orthopox.
  • Evil Is Hammy: Technically Pox is this in spades since he is a Villain Protagonist and voiced by Invader Zim.
  • Evil vs. Evil: Like Crypto, Pox isn't necessarily evil, but when compared to most of the antagonists he's far more forgiving.
  • Expy: Orthopox is voiced by Invader Zim's voice actor, Richard Steven Horvitz, and shares many of his personality traits (except smarter and more competent). If one were to make him the main character, you'd essentially have Zim: The Game, Nicktoons: Globs of Doom (which stars Zim among others) notwithstanding.
  • Genre Savvy: Pox to a certain extent, usually when Leaning on the Fourth Wall and invoking tropes learned about by studying human culture.
  • The Greys: He is one.
  • Handicapped Badass: Pox, the genius fleet commander in the extremely frikkin cool Cerebro Chair.
  • Hologram: Orthopox's HoloPox holographic projector unit.
  • Incoming Ham: Whenever Crypto smarts off, Pox retaliates with Ham.
  • Jerkass: Pox has his moments, such as constantly moaning to Crypto in the second game to get his new clone body. By the time he gets it, on the other hand...
  • Like a Son to Me: In Path Of The Furon, he says to Crypto that he's begun to care for him like he was spawned from his own birthing tube. Crypto is audibly creeped/grossed out by this.
  • Mad Scientist: The Furon who develops all your diabolical weapons and their upgrades.
  • Mission Control: He is Crypto's commander; Orthopox plays this role for the majority of the series.
  • My Brain Is Big: Pox is confined to a floating alien wheelchair for this reason.
  • Never Learned to Read: Played for laughs in Path Of The Furon. While on the 4th Ring of Furon, Crypto and Pox are talking about how the player has probably heard this dialogue before from a previous playthrough and the Creator/THQ market report reveals that 20% of their playerbase is female, where Pox shamefully admits he can't read.
  • Non-Action Guy: Up until the third installment, he never gets in on the action, preferring to help out behind the scenes.
  • Nuke 'em: He's a little bit nuke-happy, but to be fair, that's kind of how the Furons roll in general. For all the good it did to their genes.
  • Playing with Syringes: He is an evil alien scientist after all, so prodding (still-living) brains with syringes is par for the course.
  • Projected Man: Orthopox when using his holographic projector.
  • Rapid-Fire "No!": In the first game, whenever Crypto would fail a mission:
    Pox: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Crypto, you incompetent buffoon.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Pox is the Blue Oni to Crypto's Red Oni, though he's still not above wanton death and destruction.
  • Sudden Sequel Death Syndrome: Pox dies at the very beginning of the second game. Not that it stops him from harassing Crypto. Or vice versa.
  • Telepathic Spacemen: Highly likely given that he's also a Furon. After all, he has to communicate with Crypto from orbit somehow.
  • Toilet Humor: Reveals that he served as Emperor Meningitis's Wiper for a summer once, meaning he had to wipe his ass for him whenever he wanted it or needed it. Crypto mocks this shameful secret relentlessly.
    Crypto:' Oh, I thought you said classified. You meant assified. (Laughs)
    Pox: It was an internship! One summer! And I did not enjoy it!
    Crypto: Alright, no need to get defensive. Just forget it, forget I mentioned it. Let's wipe the slate clean. (Laughs)
    • And in the scene after.
    Pox: In order to make my new clone body we'll need a fresh supply of clone jelly. Normally it would be made from waste product.
    Crypto: And you still got some lying around from your wiper days, right?
    Pox: Noooooooo... And we don't have time to go straining the sewers for epithelial cells, so I say we go to right to the source.
    Crypto: So what was your wage back then, did they pay you in paper money?
    Crypto: So uh, wait wait, what if the Emperor just ate spicy food? (Laughs)
    Pox: Endometriosis here has made the biggest splash in clone research, but Helicobacter will always dominate this district. He's the Emperor's right hand man.
    Crypto: You used to be his right hand man. Oh, no wait, you were just his right hand!
    Pox: That's getting old, Crypto.
    Crypto: Oh no, oh no it isn't, really.
  • Virtual Ghost: He dies in the Mothership's destruction at the start of the second game, but before that, he managed to upload his consciousness into a HoloPox unit to live on as a hologram.
  • Voice with an Internet Connection: Acts as this for Crypto in addition to being Mission Control, by monitoring his progress from the Mothership. In the second game, he subverts the trope, as his HoloPox unit hangs around in Crypto's pocket.

Introduced in DAH! 1

    General Armquist 
The leader of the US Army, and a recurring thorn in the Furons' side.
  • Cool Shades: Never seen without a pair of aviators.
  • Deceased Fall-Guy Gambit: The Furons pull one using Armquist by first discrediting him, then killing him and presenting him as a Red sympathizer in order to avoid making him a martyr.
  • The Dragon: Effectively Silhouette's right-hand man in the first game.
  • Four-Star Badass: He gives Crypto a pretty good fight with his mech.
  • Ignored Expert: He calls a meeting of all branches of the US military to try and unite them against the Furon threat. Unfortunately for him, a disguised Crypto also happens to be in attendance, and spins Armquist's words to make him look like a crackpot.
  • Mini-Mecha: He pilots a two-story tall mech suit (customized, of course) to fight Crypto.
    Crypto: Your way's not very sportsmanlike...
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: He's a pretty blatant parody of General Douglas MacArthur.

The enigmatic head of Majestic-12.
  • Badass Longcoat: Silhouette usually sports a long, black trenchcoat. However, she takes it off along with the rest of her disguise during the confrontation with Crypto.
  • Big Bad: The main antagonist of the first game.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: It takes multiple Ion Detonators to the face to bring Silhouette's health down, and that's before she starts regenerating health.
  • Dark Action Girl: Easily one of the strongest human combatants in the series, if not the strongest. She can easily fight Crypto on even footing without any fancy gadgets aside from a pair of laser handguns.
  • Final Boss: The final opponent of the first game's main story.
  • Flunky Boss: Throughout the fight against Silhouette, she will be assisted by numerous Majestic agents and mechs.
  • Heal Thyself: Can create an impenetrable barrier around herself to regenerate health. However, she can only use this move three times.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Despite disguising herself as a man to make other men take her seriously, she herself doesn't have a high opinion of the opposite sex.
  • Made of Iron: She withstands enough punishment to put basically everything else in the series to shame, despite having no apparent protective gear at all.
  • Samus Is a Girl: Silhouette taking off her mask to reveal that she is, in fact, a woman is meant to be a twist, and certainly is one to Crypto. However, you can scan Majestic agents to learn this way earlier, likely making it more of an Internal Reveal.
  • Spy Catsuit: Wears one under her coat.
  • Straw Feminist: Exaggerates and parodies this trope. For someone who disguises herself as a man to make the agents take herself seriously, she assumes the Furons can't conquer the world without having women (Later averted in Path of the Furon, where female Furons appear), and wants a matriarchal world domination.
  • Walking Spoiler: It's difficult to talk about Silhouette without revealing that she's a woman.


Introduced in DAH! 2

    Agent Oranchov 
The KGB agent in charge of their operations in Bay City.

    Coyote Bongwater 
A spiritual leader of Bay City's hippies, Coyote Bongwater is responsible for distributing a new drink known as "Revelade" - one of whose side effects is degradation of Furon DNA in humans' genes.
  • Chick Magnet: He's pretty much the leading expert in getting into the pants of hippie girls.
  • Large Ham: He's a hippie stoner. The word "subtle" is not in his dictionary.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: Coyote Bongwater really believed that he was going to save and liberate America, which made him blind to how corrupt and evil his backers were. After Crypto defeats Bongwater he contacts Oranchov to, "Start the revolution without him." Only to have Oranchov reveal the KGB's plan to destroy America, he died horrified and thinking that he killed everyone in Bay City.
  • Unwitting Pawn: While he thinks he's a visionary leading a revolution against "the man", Oranchov's pulling all his strings, and he remains ignorant of the KGB's true intentions.
  • You Have Failed Me: After their Revelade scheme is foiled by Crypto, Oranchov leaves Bongwater to die at Crypto's hands.

     Gastroenteritis 999 
The janitor and cook aboard Orthropox's mothership. When it was destroyed, Gastro's consciousness was saved to a Holopox unit much like Pox himself. However, rather than acting as a mission control, Gastro's Holopox unit has been outfitted with heavy weaponry that he uses with extreme prejudice when prompted. After finding the appropriate gun, Crypto can deploy Gastro for additional firepower and to put a body between him and the enemy.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Talks like a typical jive sidekick from a 70s flick, but is one of the strongest weapons in the game.
  • Jive Turkey: Spouts oneliners like it's his job.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Similar to how Crypto is voiced with a Jack Nicholson impression, Gastro sounds an awful lot like Eddie Murphy.

The acting leader of the Soviet Union, Milenkov is behind the various operations that the KGB have been undertaking across the world.
  • Big Bad: The leader of the Soviet Union and the Blisk army.
  • Evil Gloating: Revels in it, to the point of at one point refusing to move on in a discussion until he's gotten a chance to talk about his Diabolical Master Plan!
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: A large one across one eye.
  • One-Winged Angel: Reveals his true form when confronting Crypto on the Soviet moon base.

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