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(for Hitler vs Vader Round 2 see Season 1)

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     Master Chief vs Leonidas 

Master Chief

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Ain't no way that you can beat me; even my initials spell MC!"

  • Badass Baritone: Much like in the games, he has a deep voice
  • Cool Helmet: He never takes it off, leading to The Faceless.
  • The Faceless: Lampshaded by Leonidas.
    I'd look you in the eyes but you're too much of a bitch to show your face!
  • Fun with Acronyms: He makes use of the fact that his name's initials are "MC" to boast that Leonidas couldn't beat him in a rap battle.
  • Human Popsicle: He sleeps in a freezer in outer space.
  • Not Quite Flight: He levitates out of the Spartan pit.
  • One-Man Army: He claims to have marched into Sparta by himself and showed its queen his 'plasma cannon'.
  • Powered Armor: He's got the best the UNSC can provide, MJOLNIR.
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: His opening line.
    Master Chief: Not. So. Fast.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to Leonidas' red; he doesn't do any shouting or wild gesturing.
  • Super Soldier: If someone thinks they can beat a Spartan easily, they're implying this. Chief himself is part of the Spartan programme.
  • The Stoic: He never loses his cool.
  • Tranquil Fury: His opening lines are calm but the anger is clear.
  • Trigger Happy: "My trigger finger's itching". Good thing he doesn't have a gun outside of his introduction.


Played by: Jesse Welle
Voiced by: Lloyd Ahlquist

  • Action Dad: The Spartan King spars with his own son, even finding the latter more of a challenge than Master Chief.
  • Anything That Moves: Master Chief uses Leonidas' Greek heritage to lampshade this.
  • Armor Is Useless: Unlike Master Chief, Leondias doesn't need armor because 'my abs are harder!'
  • Authority Equals Ass Kicking: King of the Spartans.
  • Badass Army: The 300 Spartans are in the background.
  • Badass Beard: As in the film, Leonidas has a rugged beard that makes him look really manly.
  • Badass Cape: His cape is red, which is the color of war.
  • Badass Family: Claims his 'six year old son' puts up a better fight than Master Chief.
  • Blood Knight: He's clearly enjoying the rap battle.
  • The Cameo: Leonidas briefly appears in the Season 3 premiere.
  • Cool Helmet: He removes it during his introduction.
  • Heroic Build: "I don't need firepower when I'm rocking these guns!"
  • Large Ham: EpicLLOYD is definitely trying to equal the hamminess that Gerard Butler showed in the film.
  • Made of Iron: Claims his abs are harder than armor. They're certainly harder than pottery.
  • Motor Mouth: Not as much as Shakespeare, but he speaks one line particularly fast:
    Leonidas: I'll stomp you in the face with my sandals enraged and tonight we shall rhyme in the shade!
  • Mr. Fanservice: He has a great physique. In the behind the scenes video, his actor's (now ex-) girlfriend pranks him by hiring a bunch of (obviously delightful) women to fawn over him.
  • No Indoor Voice: He yells all of his lines.
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: THIS! IS!! SPARTA!!!
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Master Chief's blue; shouting and passion and dramatic gestures.
  • Rock Beats Laser: Claims his rock hard abs are tougher than Master Chief's armor.
  • Sword & Sandal: He's minimally dressed compared to the fully armored Master Chief; sandals, loin cloth, and cape. He's from B.C. Sparta after all instead of the far future.
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: He mocks Master Chief being The Faceless this way (see quote above on Master Chief's entry).
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: Master Chief lampshades this: 'You got a bad case of 'no-shirt' there, Fabio Flintstone.'

     Mario Bros vs Wright Bros 

The Mario Brothers

Mario Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
Luigi Played by: Peter Shukoff
"It's-a me, Mario! And Luigi, motha—*ping*!"

The Wright Brothers

Wilbur Played by: Rhett McLaughlin
Orville Played by: Link Neal
"We're the fathers of flight!"

     Michael Jackson vs Elvis Presley 

Michael Jackson

Child!MJ Played by: Bentley Green
Adult!MJ Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Didn't lose any chocolate; I just added vanilla!"

  • Abusive Parents: His daddy beats gold records out of him.
  • Badass Adorable: In the first verse, when he appears as a kid.
  • The Beard: Presley snarks that he only let his daughter marry him because he knew he'd never bang her.
  • Child Prodigy: His first verse shows the child version from the Jackson 5 days.
  • Cool Shades: Wears them throughout the second verse.
  • Dance Battler: Dances while fighting a rap battle.
  • Dead Artists Are Better: invoked He boasts that even after he died, his Blu-Ray sales still go platinum.
  • Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: As an adult, his demeanour is a little more unnerving.
  • Fashionable Asymmetry: His signature single glove.
  • Gag Nose: Elvis brings up his infamous botched plastic surgery.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Makes fun of Elvis for dying of a drug overdose despite having done the same thing.
  • Insult Backfire: He insults Elvis over his Undignified Death. Elvis counters saying "he doesn't give a crap" about that and proceeded to spit aggressive lines that forces Michael into a Plot-Relevant Age-Up.
  • Manchild: Is accused of being one by Elvis.
    You're like an sad white woman who never got to be a kid!
  • Musical Assassin: His older version threatens to whoop Elvis' "big fat ass with [his] shiny glove".
  • Nice Hat: Has his fedora in his second verse.
  • Pædo Hunt: Elvis brings up the pedophilia allegations against MJ.
    Elvis Presley: You'd better surrender talking about them ABC's
    'Cause all you wanna do is teach kids the Birds and the Bees!
  • Plot-Relevant Age-Up: Transforms to his adult self at the middle of the battle.
  • Pretty Boy: In the second verse due to the androngous way he grew up.
  • Red Baron: King of Pop.
  • Time-Shifted Actor: He is played by two different actors for his child and adult self.
  • The Whitest Black Guy: Elvis says he's "like a sad white woman" and asks him "I stole from black culture — why are you offended?" Jackson doesn't exactly share this sentiment.
    'MJ: Didn't lose any chocolate, I just added vanilla!

Elvis Presley

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Later, weirdo! Elvis is leaving the building!"

  • Big Eater: Which leads into "Fat Elvis."
  • Fat and Proud: Upon noticing his immensely gross weight gain, he looks positively enthused, and continues wolfing food down. Come his second verse, his being fat and old, against all common sense, makes him even more awe-inspiring than before.
  • Formerly Fit: He starts out slender and attractive, but then fattens up significantly.
  • Hot Blooded Sideburns: Double-subverted. As "Thin Elvis" he was more composed and smooth but then later he becomes more hotblooded.
  • Historical Villain Upgrade: In Real Life, Elvis was a Nice Guy who felt that his title wasn't deserved in favor of his black inspirations in the genre. Here, he smugly jokes about how he stole from black culture as a pretense to take a jab at Jackson.
  • Hypocrite: MJ's counter to the birds and the bees when Elvis "met [his] own wife when she was only fourteen."
  • Iconic Outfit: He's first wearing the suit from his landmark performance in The Ed Sullivan Show before switching to his more famous Vegas outfit.
  • Large Ham: He sings/raps very playfully.
  • Mic Drop: Does this at the end of his verse and then he walks off.
  • Papa Wolf: "I only let you marry my daughter cause I knew you'd never bang her!"
  • Power-Up Food: His peanut butter and banana sandwiches, which he overeats during Michael's second verse, transforms him in time for his own second verse.
  • Red Baron: King of Rock'n'Roll.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: His last lyric.
  • Stout Strength: He might be fat, but he is NOT weak.
  • The Can Kicked Him: "Well, I died on the shitter, but I don't give a crap!"
  • Too Hot for TV: Lampshaded by Child!MJ's lyric about Ed Sullivan; "shoot you from the waist up!"
  • Undignified Death: Michael mocks him for dying in a toilet.

     Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe 


Played by: Angela Trimbur
"I'm the Queen of the Nile, so just bow down to me!"

Marilyn Monroe

Played by: Kimmy Gatewood
"My best friends are diamonds! You can't beat me!"

     Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates 

Steve Jobs

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Let me just step right in. I got things to invent!"

  • Analogy Backfire: He says a man uses a PC to pay taxes and uses a Mac to listen to the Beatles while he relaxes. Bill Gates' expression at this line clearly spells "That means your stuff is worthless because my tech helps the man in question not become a criminal and yours does not." note 
  • Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: He doesn't die; his body dissolves after he says that he's leaving so he can make Heaven turn a profit.
  • Awesome, but Impractical: Both subtly implied by himself (see Analogy Backfire) and less subtly stated by Gates.
  • Badass Bookworm: Like Bill he is a rapping, hugely successful, tech guy.
  • Bald of Awesome: Not all of his hair has gone, but almost all of it.
  • Berserk Button: The only time he seemed geuninely angry in the battle is when Gates accuses him of stealing the credit from Steve Wozniak (Apple's co-founder.)
  • Blasphemous Boast: What else can you consider outright stating he intends to turn a profit in heaven?
  • Deliberately Jumping the Gun: He starts rapping before the announcer finishes the introductions and tries to blitz Gates with that early advantage.
  • Even Nerds Have Standards: Implies that Gates is too much of a nerd; "I'm a pimp, you're a nerd."
  • Friendly Enemy: He and Gates are obviously friends even though they unleash cutting snark on each other.
  • Glad I Thought of It: Gates accuses him of stealing the credit for other people's work.
  • Insufferable Genius: Gates considers him to be one. "You arrogant prick!"
  • Insult Backfire: Steve finishes his first verse by mocking the name of Bill's company with a dick joke, so Bill returns the favor 3 times with his very first line:
    Bill: "You blow Jobs, you arrogant prick."
    "With your secondhand jeans and your turtleneck"note .
  • I Take Offense to That Last One!: The only time Gates gets a direct reaction from Jobs is when he points out the real life tendency of Jobs to take credit for the work of others, then asks if Steve Wozniak wrote the lyrics that Jobs is rapping to.
  • Money, Dear Boy: In-Universe, Jobs confirms that ultimately he only cares about profit.
  • Rage Quit: Gets increasingly worked up as his lines are refuted by Gates, until he up and leaves to Turn heaven a profit.
  • Stealth Pun: Steve hurls one at Bill, at the end of his first verse:
    Steve: (smirking) I need to bring up some basic shit.
    Like why'd you name your company after your DICK??
  • Stoic Spectacles: Studious, but not aloof.
  • Technician vs. Performer: Embodies the performer side. Many of his arguments revolve around artists and creative types preferring Apple products, and that people enjoy them more. Reflected in his background, which is a colorful screensaver, contrasting Gates' 3d Matrix Raining Code
  • Worthy Opponent: To Gates who respects him.
  • Your Mom: When he makes a reference about making the GUI that Melinda Gates uses, he does so complete with eyebrows raised and a hip thrusting dance move.

Bill Gates

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"I'm a boss! I own DOS! Your future is my design!"

  • A God Am I: Explicitly says so.
    I'm a boss! I own DOS!
    Your future is my design!
    I'm a god! Own Xbox!
    Now there's no one who can stop me, the world is mine!
  • Antagonist in Mourning: After Steve Jobs goes to heaven he is distraught.
  • A Tasteof Their Own Medicine: Steve finished his first verse with a dick joke? Bill decides two can play that game and returns fire with three dick jokes in his very first line!
  • Badass Bookworm: He looks the part with his glasses and vest; he's very dangerous.
  • Boring, but Practical: And proud of it. He repeatedly makes jabs at Steve and his products for being overpriced and impractical while contrasting his own work, which he characterizes as what people with jobs use.
  • Deadpan Snarker:
    Steve Jobs: All the people with the power to create use an Apple!
    Bill Gates: And people with jobs use PC.
  • Drunk with Power: Everything before Steve's death was playful jibing. Afterwards, he goes nuts, possibly leading to the creation of HAL 9000, who in turn implies a Terminator-esque apocalypse.
  • Friendly Enemy: In retrospect, his and Jobs' rap battle was affectionate, and far and away the least antagonistic match-up in the series.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: HAL implies that Gates is responsible for his creation.
  • Honest Corporate Executive: He brags about donating billions of dollars to AIDS research.
  • How Dare You Die on Me!: Gets hit hard with this after Steve Jobs dies. "Fine! Wanna be like that!? DIE THEN!"
  • Jumping Off the Slippery Slope: He doesn't do anything particularly horrible, but goes overboard with Pride and Badass Boasts when Steve Jobs leaves. In the process he may have tinkered with forces beyond his understanding.
  • Lonely at the Top: Without Steve Jobs, he has no one left to challenge his brilliant mind.
    Fine, you wanna be like that, die then! The whole world loved you, but you were my friend! I'm alone now with nothing but power and time...
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: His creations end up pro generating HAL 9000.
  • Not Hyperbole: The real life version really does donate more than Steve Job's Net worth, Over 40 Billion while Steve "only" has a net worth of 8 billion, so it's quite possible that he's donating more than Job's net worth to AIDS research in particular.
  • Oh, Crap!: After HAL starts speaking he is worried. In the behind the scenes video, he is told to imagine that he just walked into a cave... and then realized there was a lion already inside it.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • He notes that he donates Jobs's net worth to AIDS research.
    • Also, he refers to Jobs as his friend after Jobs dies.
  • Pride: See A God Am I.
  • Take Over the World: Proclaims the world to be his when Jobs disappears... right before HAL starts speaking to him.
  • Technician vs. Performer: Embodies the technician side. Many of his arguments revolve around PCs being used by people for practical things, or being more practical for business and more reasonably priced. Reflected in his Matrix Raining Code esque background and its contrast with Jobs' screensaver.
  • Teeny Weenie: Jobs suggests that he has one by claiming that he named his company (Microsoft) after his penis.
  • The Short Guy with Glasses: Not a youngster, but Epic Lloyd isn't a tall guy.
  • Victory Is Boring: The latter half of the line "I'm alone now with nothing but power and time, and no one on Earth who can challenge my mind" after Steve vanishes implies this.
  • Worthy Opponent: Considers Steve Jobs to be the only one on his intellectual level, the feeling seems mutual.

HAL 9000

Voiced by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm on Linux, bitch; I thought you GNU."

     Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury 

Frank Sinatra

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"News flash, kid: this is show business!"

  • The Alcoholic: Carries a drink throughout the rap.
  • Berserk Button: Don't use racial slurs around him.
  • Black Best Friend: "I like the colors and the queers; just ask Sammy Davis."
  • Boring Insult: He yawns during the middle of Mercury's first verse.
  • The Bully: Mercury accuses him as one thanks to his jabs at his sex life and choice of clothing.
  • Cultured Badass: He has tons of class and kicks lots of ass.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: Freddie accuses him of having this because all Frank can do is sing, and only in a certain style. Sinatra doesn't act note , dance and he didn't write songs (especially the one called "My Way", as Mercury points out.)
  • Deadpan Snarker
    Whoa, what's wrong with your face, baby? Yikes!
    With those teeth, when you're through there'll be no dust left to bite!
    Easy, Jaws-Of-Life! I can't stand a racist!
  • Deliberate Values Dissonance:
    • He's clearly a product of his times, for better or for worse, including using terms like "coloreds" which wouldn't fly today.
    • For all his rather offensive remarks towards Mercury's camp-ness, he maintains that he has nothing against gays (or other races) and is friends with Sammy Davis Jr., and is disgusted by Mercury's own racist comments. note  His ridiculing of Freddie has as much to do with Mercury's promiscuity as it does with his orientation.
  • Dirty Coward: Freddie Mercury calls him this by referencing how Sinatra did not serve in WWII, and at the time was vilified for it. note 
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He'll make fun of Freddy Mercury for being blatantly bisexual, but tossing out slurs is below him.
  • Fair for Its Day: In-Universe. While he's not a bigot, per se, he's perfectly willing to mock Mercury's bisexuality and promiscuity.
  • Good Old Ways: Clearly prefers the aesthetics of his own time; he thinks that Freddie's dressed down style and larger than life antics lack class and refinement.
  • Groin Attack: Mercury thinks that his music is like a soundtrack to a vasectomy.
  • Irony: Pointed out by Mercury. One of his greatest hits was "My Way" and it was written by somebody else.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Makes several jokes about Freddie's bisexuality, and one about Freddie getting AIDS. However, he loves "the colors and the queers" and you can ask his Black Best Friend, Sammy Davis, if you don't believe him. And he calls out Freddie Mercury on his racist remarks.
  • Literal Ass Kissing: Mercury's final line taunts Sinatra that he'll force the latter to do this.
  • The Mafia: Freddie claims it's not secret that Sinatra has mob connections.
  • Moral Myopia: He's the one who starts making jokes that are less than politically correct, but gets steamed under the collar when Freddie ups the ante.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to Mercury's red, fitting each one's iconic singing voice.
  • Shabby Heroes, Well-Dressed Villains: The well-dressed villain to Mercury's shabby hero.
  • Sharp-Dressed Man: In contrast to Mercury he's wearing a suit. Mercury uses it as a Boring Insult.
  • Some of My Best Friends Are X: "I love the coloreds and the queers — just ask Sammy Davis!"
  • Uranus Is Showing: He says that Freddie should've had his last name changed to Uranus instead of Mercury.

Freddie Mercury

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm a champion of the world; extinguished in his prime!"

  • Agent Peacock: One of the most flamboyant rappers on the show, but that doesn't detract from his rhymes in any way.
  • Attention Whore: Sinatra accuses him of being one.
    That's what's wrong with you people; you'll do anything to get famous.
  • Badass Boasts: All over the place; "My songs have balls; anthems of victory!"
  • Badass Gay: Mocking his sexuality just gives him more ammo.
  • Badass Mustache: Sinatra is clean shaven and less gusto.
  • Bohemian Parody: Happened during the "Guinea dago" line.
  • Boring Insult: He thinks Sinatra's musical and fashion styles are boring.
  • British Teeth: Mocked by Sinatra; 'jaws of life' for instance.
  • Foe Romantic Subtext: He taunts Sinatra to give him a Literal Ass Kissing, then immediately tells him to wait in line in a flirtuous manner.
  • Germans Love David Hasselhoff: Invoked when boasting about his music. "When I rock the UK, South America gets horny!"
  • Heroic Sacrifice: He considers his death by AIDS to be one, since it let others know about the disease.
  • Iconic Outfit: He's wearing the outfit he wore in the legendary Live Aid concert.
  • Jack-of-All-Trades: Prides himself on being talented in multiple fields and his versatility allows him to excel in various ways.
  • Large Ham: He doesn't rap, he performs! He sings and dances and has fireworks!
  • Never Heard That One Before: When Sinatra starts the gay jokes Freddie says he's heard them all before.
  • Not So Different: Frank may not be the most tasteful man around, but at least he never used an actual slur. Freddie does when talking about Frank's benefactors.
    Freddie: Guinea dago!
    Frank: Guinea dago?!
    Freddie: Guinea dago, figaro!
  • Pay Evil unto Evil: Since Sinatra got the ball rolling with homophobic jokes, Mercury responded by dropping some racial slurs.
  • Rated M for Manly: Says his songs have balls compared to Sinatra's, which could serve as "the soundtrack to a vasectomy".
  • Really Gets Around: Lampshaded by both parties. Freddie's games of "butthole roulette" were his ultimate downfall.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Sinatra's blue, fitting each one's iconic singing voice.
  • The Rock Star: In contrast to Sinatra he has pyrotechnics in his background.
  • Shabby Heroes, Well-Dressed Villains: The shabby hero to Sinatra's well-dressed villain.
  • Sleeves Are for Wimps: He's wearing a white sando and is a renowned performer (or in this case rapper).
  • Technician vs. Performer: He casts the battle between himself and Frank as this, with Freddie as the performer while Frank is that more boring technician. Although he also rips the technician side of things when he says of Sinatra "You've got four notes in your whole range!"
  • Too Cool to Live: invoked He believes that "he was extinguished in his prime".
  • Tragic AIDS Story: His AIDS-related death is discussed in detail.
    Frank Sinatra: You played butthole roulette, and you lost the draw!
    Freddie Mercury: I took one for both teams from a disease no one knew existed!
  • Wholesome Crossdresser: Shamelessly admits to wearing women's pants.

     Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney 

Mitt Romney

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Call me a vicious business man 'cause Romney's stealing this race!"

  • Ad Hominem: Resorts to using them at the end; 'you're a stuttering communist!'
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: Less than Obama, since he's only governor.
  • Fashion-Victim Villain: According to Obama.
    Obama: Need to stop hating on gays, let 'em teach you how to dress!
  • Heteronormative Crusader: Obama calls out Romney's homophobia.
    Obama: Need to stop hating on gays; let 'em teach you how to dress!
  • Jerkass: Doesn't hesitate to make snide remarks about Obama's parents, allude to Obama growing up as a child of divorce that had little knowledge of his father, or insult Michelle Obama. The closest Obama comes to that level is making a joke about Mormon polygamy that was just an excuse to flip Romney off.
  • Lantern Jaw of Justice: Claims to have a strong chin and stronger raps while also being better suited as America's president.
  • Meaningful Name: Obama jokes he's called Mitt because he's the Republican's puppet. Specifically, a sock puppet...
  • Old Money: He admits to being born into wealth, which he's used to his political advantage.
    Romney: You see this silver spoon? This dug Mass out of debt!
  • Puppet King: Obama suggests that he's just a mouthpiece for the Republican party as a whole.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to Obama's blue. Justified: Romney's a Republican.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
    Mitt Romney: I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts!
    I'm rich! I got fat stacks and Super PACs!
  • Sheltered Aristocrat: He's not too shaken up over the public backlash to his comments regarding the lower classes.
  • Sleazy Politician: He claims that he's less interested in his Super PACs advertising the truth over slamming his opponent.
  • Your Mom: Makes jokes about Obama's parents and his wife.

Barack Obama

Played by: Iman Crosson
"I got four more years (two terms!) in the White House; just trust me!"

  • Ad Hominem: Resorts to using them at the end; "you're stupid".
  • Angry Black Man: Averted. By the time he gets angry, Mitt is angry too and they're both shouting.
  • Ass Shove: Mimes shoving his hand up a puppet's rear.
    Obama: Republicans need a puppet and you fit, got their hands so far up your rear, call you Mitt!
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: It comes with being the President of the United States.
  • Badass Baritone: His voice is notably deeper than Romney's.
  • Berserk Button: Though his delivery of the line isn't any overtly angrier, Romney insulting his wife was enough for him to threaten to punch him.
  • Black Is Bigger in Bed: His "Stimulus Package" is supposedly huge.
  • Dirty Communist: Accused of being a "stuttering communist" by Romney.
  • Flipping the Bird: When talking about the Mormon policy on wives, he holds up his middle finger first when counting off "First, Second, and Third Lady".
  • Gag Penis: His "Stimulus Package".
  • Groin Attack: Inverted: Obama threatens to smack Romney with his aforementioned stimulus package.
  • I Am Not Left-Handed: Claims he's saving 53% of his raps for later verses. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to use them since Abraham Lincoln takes over the rap.
  • Our Presidents Are Different: President Minority; Romney calls him "a decent politician with a winning complexion."
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to Romney's red. Justified: Obama's a Democrat.
  • Talk to the Fist: He threatens to outright punch Romney in the face.
  • Tranquil Fury: Barack disses Romney without screaming at him.
  • Verbal Tic: Barack has a very, uhhh, noticeable one here... Romney points it out near the end.
  • Your Mom: Inverted; he compliments Romney's father as a dis to Romney himself.
    Obama: "They say your father was a great man, you must be what's left!"

Abraham Lincoln

Played by: Peter Shukoff

See Season 1.

     Doc Brown vs Doctor Who 

Doc Emmett Brown

Doc Brown Played by: Zach Sherwin
Marty McFly Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Great Scott! You're great… not!"

  • Accidentally Accurate: His closes the rap telling the Doctor that "he's a pussy with thirteen"! What he meant was the Doctor has numerous extra lives, but the Doctor's official thirteenth incarnation turns out to be a woman.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Hard to picture the original Doc Brown allying himself with the Daleks, or commanding one to kill the Doctor.
  • Assist Character: A Dalek helps him defeating Ten while Marty later arrives to provide him an Epic Riff.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: With the funny faces, weird outfit, Large Ham tendencies and family-friendly mad science of the source material, it'd be easy to write Doc Brown off as a Joke Character. However, he's one of the few participants of ERB that opted to straight up murder his opponent rather than compete in a rap battle and considering he forces a regeneration out of The Doctor, he's almost successful.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He pulls a Dalek from out of nowhere to kill the Doctor before he can finish his rap.
  • Cool Car: The Delorean is as stylish as ever.
  • Deadly Doctor: A "real doctor" who commits murder.
  • Einstein Hair: A well known Einstein expy, or in the words of the Doctor, “wannabe Einstein, minus the stache".
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Despite being a murderer, he cares deeply for his friends.
  • Frozen Face: In his intro and at certain points in the battle, his face is frozen in this ridiculous mouth-gaping frown with his eyebrows raised in surprise.
  • Gadgeteer Genius: The time-traveling DeLorean he makes, as well as a remote to summon and control a Dalek.
  • I Am Your Opponent: When the 4th Doctor segues into a jab at Marty, Doc Brown declares "This is between US, Scarfy!"
  • Intergenerational Friendship: As in the movies, Doc and Marty are close friends. So when the Doctor takes a stab at Marty, Doc comes to his defense and tells the Doctor to leave Marty out of it.
  • Large Ham: He's incredibly spastic in just about everything he does (although his rap has surprising flow regardless).
  • Mad Scientist: He has hints of this with his Dalek controlling device.
  • Milking the Giant Cow: He can't keep his hands still.
  • Morality Pet: Four insulting Marty only aggravates Doc brown further.
  • Negative Space Wedgie: The Doctor insists that Doc Brown can't make one to save his life.
  • No Indoor Voice: He's shouting most of the time.
  • Nobody Calls Me "Chicken"!: The Trope Namer, Marty McFly himself said this in response to the 4th Doctor calling him a chicken, complete with an epic guitar riff.
  • Not: His first line.
    Great Scott, you're great! Not!
  • Pædo Hunt: Doc is accused of being a pedophile.
  • Pretender Diss: Doc pointedly questions the Doctor's credentials twice during the battle:
    Doc Brown: (verse one) "I'm not certain what sort of scientific authority you purport to be,"
    "but I'm a REAL doctor. Where'd you get YOUR degree?"
    • Then, in verse two, he mocks the TARDIS while making a squat:
    Doc Brown: "And I'll use your port-a-potty "time machine" as my latrine."
  • Rhymes on a Dime: He maintains that he's better at it than the Doctor and indeed, he doesn't have a single Painful Rhyme while the Doctor has many.
  • Source Music: Marty's guitar playing is also the background music for the final line.

The Doctor

The Tenth Doctor Played by: Peter Shukoff
The Fourth Doctor Played by: George Watsky
"I'm a mystical medical doc at the pinnacle, shifting my physical form!"

  • Absent-Minded Professor: Ten begins his verse correcting the Announcer (see I Am Not Shazam below), only to trail off mid-tangent and ask who he's talking to.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Ten wears a pinstripe suit while kicking ass and rapping.
  • The Cameo: Four briefly appears in the Season 3 premiere.
  • Chaste Hero: He couldn't be having less sex with all his numerous companions.
  • Death Is Cheap: Ten comes back through time travel.
  • I Am Not Shazam: Gets this In-Universe. When the announcer calls him "Doctor Who," Ten clarifies that he's just "the Doctor."
  • Know When To Fold Them: He decides against taking Doc Brown on a second time after the stuff he pulled the first time.
  • Large Ham: Four has no sense of subtlety.
  • Motor Mouth: Four is an insanely fast rapper.
  • Mythology Gag: This isn't the first time Ten was struck down by a Dalek.
  • Not That Kind of Doctor: Doc Brown points out that the Doctor doesn't even have a degree, unlike Doc Brown himself.
  • Nice Hat: Four has his iconic floppy hat with him.
  • The Nth Doctor: Courtesy of regeneration: he starts off as Ten, gets shot by a Dalek, then becomes Four.
  • Scarf Of Asskicking: The Fourth Doctor wears one and has a more blistering rap than Ten.
  • Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Due to time reversing towards the end of the episode, Tenth Doctor stops the rap before he can be killed again.
  • Special Effects Failure: In-Universe, Doc Brown says that the Doctor's special effects are terrible. As Doc Brown says that, you can see the TARDIS floating in the background and the strings holding it up and the hand holding the strings are all clearly visible.
  • Take Up My Sword: Ten gets exterminated by a Dalek and regenerates (degenerates?) into Four, who takes over for the rest of the rap.
  • Time Machine: The TARDIS is used to reset the battle and revive the 10th Doctor.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball: He starts the titular monologue, but decides against it mid-rap. "You're not going to tear any wonky holes in any fabric of space and's more like a rug really...oh but never mind."
  • Wham Line: "Perhaps you'd like another?"
  • You Need to Get Laid: Doc Brown mocks him for not having an active sex life despite being accompanied by several beautiful men and women over the years.

     Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood 

Bruce Lee

Played by: Mike Diva
"I got the baddest fists of fury that the world ever saw!"

Clint Eastwood

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Do you feel lucky, punk?"

     Batman vs Sherlock Holmes 

Sherlock Holmes & Dr. John Watson

Sherlock Played by: Zach Sherwin
Watson Played by: Kyle Mooney
"Dissing these dynamic douchebags was elementary, my dear Watson."

  • Awesomeness by Analysis:
    • Holmes successfully deduces Batman's identity through a couple of minor similarities. He also puzzles out the event that inspired him to become a crime-fighter.
    • Also in slow motion, he analyzes Batman and plans his way through the next line in his rap. Similar to the famous bare-knuckle boxing scene from the 2009 film.
    Holmes: "This mustn't register on an emotional level. First, exploit childhood tragedy, then gesture with pipe. Watson finishes punchline. Next, acknowledge compliment. Conclude with killer Catchphrase."
  • Badass Bookworms: Sherlock's a famous detective and a boxer while his sidekick is a war veteran.
  • Breaking Speech: His second verse is clearly meant to be this: "This mustn't register on an emotional level..."
  • Catchphrase: Invoked by Holmes with 'conclude with killer catchphrase'.
  • Cold Ham: Holmes has a haughty disposition, but he doesn't raise his voice (that is, until near the end of his second verse.)
  • Composite Character: Sherlock Holmes's look is clearly based on that of Basil Rathbone (based on the happy accident that MC Mr. Napkins looks a lot like him), but he carries elements of the 2009 film portrayal.
  • Cultural Posturing:
    Watson: "I heard he has a British butler."
    Holmes: "Good. Then he'll be used to being served by Englishmen."
  • Deadly Doctor: Watson is a doctor and a brilliant rapper.
  • Dying Alone: According to Batman, this will happen to Holmes because no one likes him.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Holmes is this according to Batman, who claims that people merely tolerates Holmes, hence why Batman expects him to die alone.
  • Insufferable Genius: Part of his battle plan for the second verse involves acknowledging a compliment.
  • Kick the Dog: Holmes mocks Batman for the death of his parents.
  • Nice Hat: Batman says so sarcastically. He actually thinks it's dorky.
  • Smoking Is Cool: It's not Holmes without his Distinguished Gentleman's Pipe!
  • Sophisticated as Hell: Terms like "Batshit crazy" mix with Sherlock's usual eloquence.
  • The Watson: Watson's lines are typically asking Sherlock to explain something or himself stating the obvious.

Batman & Robin

Batman Played by: Peter Shukoff
Robin Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Bring it on, bitch… I'm Batman!"

  • Badass Normal: Batman's lack of powers are not only mocked by Sherlock and Watson but their absence helped them figure out his secret identity.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Robin is a teenager and more bratty than punny.
  • Camp Straight: Robin has effeminate mannerisms, but claims to have slept with Irene Adler.
  • Catchphrase: As usual, "I'm Batman."
  • Comically Missing the Point: Batman mentions that he only puts his ward's life on the line only when he needs him. Robin interprets this as his cue to pop in.
  • The Comically Serious: Batman is always serious but here it's funny.
  • Crimefighting with Cash: Part of Holmes' deduction as to how Batman maintains his crimefighting gear; "his wealth would allow this adversary of ours to afford the toys he needs..."
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Batman, natch. He wears a black mask and costume and the sky is filled with dark clouds during his verses. Doesn't make him any less of a hero.
  • Facepalm: Batman's reaction to his sidekick's antics.
  • Guttural Growler: Batman, as usual. It sounds mostly like Christian Bale's version of the character.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: While Batman isn't a warm and fuzzy person (and he all but dismisses his sidekick), he shows much more concern for the lives of the people that he's fighting to protect. He even calls Holmes out for willingly putting people in danger to solve a mystery, which is something he would never do.
  • Keet: Robin's enthusiasm is a contrast to Bat's usual mood.
  • Kick the Dog: Calling out Sherlock for needlessly putting his allies in danger is one thing; claiming this makes him The Friend Nobody Likes and that he'll end up Dying Alone with nothing but his drug addiction is another.
  • Mad Libs Catch Phrase: Robin's "Holy Conan Doyle!"
  • Motor Mouth: Robin's lines are very fast.
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis: Rather than making lighthearted comments or funny lines, Batman is dead serious.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: Robin, who looks like he was pulled from the 1960's with a mask similar to an animated version in contrast to Batman in his modern film costume.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Batman beat Superman in a fight at some point according to Son Goku.
  • Present Absence: While he only makes a voiceless cameo during the Joker vs. Pennywise in Season 6 (alongside Superman and Wonder Woman at that), he was mentioned a lot. The same could be said about Robin, but the one mentioned there was Jason Todd while the Secret Identity of this one is unknown.
  • The Stoic: Invoked by Batman ("Nothing makes me laugh!").
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "So bring it on, bitch... I'm Batman."
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Batman seems to have little patience for his sidekick.

     Moses vs Santa Claus 


Played by: Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion
"I'll split your ass in half, like I did the Red Sea."

Santa Claus

Santa Played by: Peter Shukoff
Elves Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Santa Claus is coming to town!"


     Adam vs Eve 


Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"You wanna bite on my fruit? Well, you can swallow the truth!"


Played by: Jenna Marbles
"That apple's the best thing I bit so far!"

  • All Periods Are PMS: Adam compares her periods to demonic possession.
  • Flower in Her Hair: It's on the right side of her head.
  • Godiva Hair: Averted, which is notable considering every modernization of Eve plays this straight.
  • Grumpy Bear: She's really angry through her verses, making a big deal out of everything.
  • Garden Garment: She's wearing a bikini made of leaves.
  • Lysistrata Gambit: Not surprisingly, she goes into this eventually.
    "You want your alone time? Have it! In fact, suck your own dick and shave your own back!"
  • Mood-Swinger: According to Adam she can metaphorically turn into a demon.
  • Ms. Fanservice: She's not nude like the tradition portrayal of Eve, but her outfit is still very revealing.
  • Parenting the Husband: A majority of her lines are attacks on Adam's laziness.
  • Skunk Stripe: Her hair has pink strands.

     Gandhi vs Martin Luther King 

Mahatma Gandhi

Played by: Keegan-Michael Key
"I fought the caste system, but you still cannot touch this!"

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Played by: Jordan Peele
"I'm the King of civil rights from the city to suburbia!"

  • Badass Boast: "I've got so much street cred, they write my name on the signs!"
  • Badass Pacifist: He will forgive you so hard.
  • Badass Preacher: Just like his namesake, he's a religious leader with tons of street cred.
  • Fat Bastard: Gandhi's opinion on MLK as he throws lots of food puns towards him.
  • Friendly Enemy: He seems to think that he and Gandhi have this sort of relationship, given how he mentions that he admires Gandhi's work and how he's going to "forgive [Gandhi] so hard right now." They're dancing together at the end.
  • Good Shepherd: A religious leader and "king of civil rights". Gandhi says the 'good' part is incorrect.
  • Large Ham: King's raps are as bold as his speeches.
  • Milking the Giant Cow: He makes a lot of dramatic hand gestures.
  • Mr. Vice Guy: His vice is infidelity.
  • Nice Guy: He gives his opponent a hug at the end of their battle.
  • No Indoor Voice: He's very loud, even after he stops talking through a microphone. Given his penchant for public speaking, it's not surprising.
  • N-Word Privileges: Drops one at the end of the battle by saying, "Nigga, we got more beef than one of your sacred cows,".
  • Power Echoes: All of his lines are delivered with a noticeable echo, even when he stops speaking through a microphone.
  • Pungeon Master: "King of civil rights"; "naan violence"; "no bell prize"...he's got many puns up his sleeve.
  • Really Gets Around: Gandhi advises him to "stay away from the hoes".

     Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison 

Thomas Edison

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"I don't alternate my flow; I diss you directly!"

  • At Least I Admit It: Edison is portrayed as being greedy and unapologetic that he stole credit from Tesla. He even rubs it in his face instead. Twice.
    Edison: "You never had sex but you sure got screwed by ME!!"
  • Badass Bookworm: Bussinessman, inventor, electrocutor.
  • Bad People Abuse Animals: His electrical experiments on live animals are shown firsthand.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: He openly admits to and even brags about screwing Tesla over, and electrocutes a puppy for no reason during his second verse.
  • Con Man: Tesla calls him out on it: "Your best invention was a way to steal credit!"
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: Accused of being a credit stealing, money obsessed asshole by Tesla. Edison makes no attempt to deny it.
  • Evil Gloating: Edison's second verse is mostly him bragging about how he scammed Tesla, especially this part:
    Edison: (bragging) "I'm on the record I invented. You got duped. There, I said it!" And I'll bet you $50,000 that you'll never forget it!"
  • Fat Bastard: He sports a noticeable paunch and is ruthlessly unapologetic about screwing Tesla over, among other things.
  • Glad I Thought of It: Tesla accuses him of stealing credit for other people's work.
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: "The truth Hertz!"
  • It's All About Me: He's so self-important, he tries to steal credit for this very rap battle!
  • Jerkass: He shamelessly admits to screwing Tesla over and uses it to taunt him.
  • Jerkass Has a Point:
    Edison: "Without me, here's a taste of what this battle would be: *screen goes dark, and sound quality rapidly drops* No lights. No camera. No sound. See?"
    • A second point where Edison was sadly right: Just because you're brilliant doesn't mean you can be a success.
  • Kick the Dog:
  • Large Ham: He is loud and proud about his unethical business practices.
  • Motor Mouth: Most of Edison's first verse is delivered blisteringly fast, including the Tongue Twister right near the start:
    Edison: "While you were busy digging ditches and burning bridges"
    I'm pumping out inventions, stacking riches, so go BACK to YOUR PIGEONS!!"
  • New Jersey: He claims that he's so dope he makes this place look good all by himself!
  • Rich Bastard: He repeatedly boasts about his wealth and generally seems a very money-centric person, which isn't that far off from real life.
  • Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: He disregards tact when tearing into Tesla.

Nikola Tesla

Played by: Dante Cimadamore
Additional Tesla voice by: Peter Shukoff
"I see a universe of infinite energy!"

     Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong 

Lance Armstrong

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm the pinnacle of physical condition!"

Babe Ruth

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"The Sultan of Swat will knock you right outta the park!"

  • Beware the Nice Ones: Jovial, goofy, and has little respect for juicers.
  • Berserk Button: He hates cheaters.
  • Big Eater: Mentions food several times within the battle (for example, asking Lance to bring him some French fries) and Lance lists "choking down food" as one of his sins.
  • Big Fun: Unaffected by his weight and Lance's attacks in regards to it; even asks him for some French Fries. Lance describes him as a Fat Bastard.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Lance suggests that he could have done even better than he did if he had bothered to train.
  • Combat Compliment: Starts off by congratulating Lance on his physique and that he beat cancer. Then he goes to town on the guy.
  • Eagle Land: He is reflective of the more flattering variety of the trope; big on sportsmanship, high personal confidence, and made a name for himself by his own merits.
  • The Gift: Lance points out that he was great at his sport despite the fact that he never trained.
  • Heartwarming Orphan: He found his way to fortune and fame.
  • Iconic Outfit: His white uniform is well known and used by imitators.
  • Mr. Vice Guy: Lance lists them such as smoking, alcohol and gluttony.
    Lance Armstrong: I know French dudes with better manners than you!
  • Motor Mouth: His second verse is very fast.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Points out how Lance is a "disgrace because he got lost and forgot what real sportsmanship was".
  • Red Baron: Numerous, including The Sultan of Swat.

     Mozart vs Skrillex 

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"My music is two hundred years old, and it's still excellent!"

  • Abusive Parents: His father was one, thus leading to his daddy issues below.
  • Agent Peacock: He's a bit foppish, but still capable of some nasty burns.
  • Child Prodigy: In his youth he was already talented; see his boast (Hell, it's not the current page quote for this trope for nothing.)
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Not physically, but his name was written on Santa Claus' naughty list five battles earlier.
  • Elegant Classical Musician: In Skrillex's opinion this is inverted; his wooden instruments and classical style of dress make him look stupid.
  • I Resemble That Remark!: After Skrillex claims that he has an unhealthy obsession with Toilet Humor, he makes two feces-based jokes about Skrillex's music.
  • Kissing Cousins: Skrillex claims that Mozart and his cousin Maria Anna Thekla engaged in more than kissing.
  • Starving Artist: Referenced by Skrillex in that Mozart died broke and worthless despite being a musical prodigy.
  • Teeny Weenie: Skrillex claims he has a "little magic flute".
  • Toilet Humor: Skrillex claims he's obsessed with poop jokes. Mozart makes no attempt to deny it, making two such jokes throughout the battle.
  • Unexplained Accent: He speaks with a British accent, despite being Austrian and being played by an American.
  • "Well Done, Son!" Guy: Skrillex attacks him for his daddy issues, calling him a slave.


Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"My name is Skrillex, man! Welcome to the Devil's Den!"

     Rasputin vs Stalin 

Grigori Rasputin

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize!"

Joseph Stalin

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!"

  • Abusive Parents: His father beat him like a dog, as Rasputin can attest to. He's also one himself.
  • A Pupil of Mine Until He Turned to Evil: Lenin's opinion of him. It sounds like Star Wars
    Lenin: You let your heart grow dark, and stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Threatens to shoot Rasputin's family, friends, and pierogi sellers.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: General Secretary of the Soviet Union.
  • Ax-Crazy:
    I'll leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot!
    Your whole family, shot!
    All your wizard friends, shot!
    Anyone who sold you pierogi, shot!
  • Badass Boast:
    See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!
    Dropped a hammer on you harder than I bitch-slapped Hitler!
  • Badass Mustache: Rasputin thinks it makes him look like Wario. This wasn't a compliment on his part.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Like Hitler, he enjoys his reputation as one of the most evil men to ever live.
  • Commissar Cap: Wears one but he is, technically, a government clerk. He's still tough and commanding like the trope.
  • Death Glare
    "Look into my eyes you perverted witch."
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Taunts Rasputin, the infamous hypnotist, with his eyes.
  • Dirty Communists: The filthiest of them all. Even others communists (like Vladimir Lenin; see below) think he's dirty.
  • Evil Cripple: Lenin points out he has a withered arm in the same breath as his betrayal.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Defied Trope. He flat out denies this when he scoffs at Rasputin's boast that he can get at him through his wife and brags about not saving his own son's life. See Lack of Empathy below.
  • Eyes Never Lie: Seems to believe this:
    "Look into my eyes you perverted witch.
    See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!"
  • Fate Worse than Death: He claims that the trope namer for Rasputinian Death got off easy, (we'll just assume that the writers are using the fictional account of Rasputin's death rather than the boring fact that he died immediately after being shot) and threatens to inflict a fate worse than death before moving on to killing everyone Rasputin ever knew, loved, or bought pierogies from.
    • When Stalin said he would starve Rasputin until he wasted away, it's either as a preparation for the execution or as a contingency if Rasputin survived both the hanging and the shooting.
  • Freudian Excuse: As Rasputin put it, "Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil".
  • Jerkass: He raps in a way that would indicate that his atrocities are something to be proud of.
    Stalin: You think I give a fuck about my wife? My own son got locked up in prison and I didn't save his life!
  • Lack of Empathy: He just doesn't care how many people died because of him. Even his family wasn't safe.
  • Perpetual Frowner: Frowns and snarls are his only expressions.
  • Red Right Hand: His right hand is withered and Lenin compares it to his withered loyalty.
  • The Sociopath: He clearly feels no regret for his evil actions, even being proud of them.
  • To the Pain: Threatens Rasputin with pickled moose cock, hanging, shooting and then laying in a trench. See Fate Worse than Death.
  • Unperson: His tendency to do this, specifically with Trotsky who he literally "took out of the picture", is mentioned.

Vladimir Lenin

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"It's hip-hop chowder, red over white!"

  • Authority Equals Asskicking: Premier of the Soviet Union.
  • Badass Beard: He has both a beard and a moustache, which make him look cool. He had both in real life.
  • Bald of Awesome: Burns both Stalin and Rasputin without a hair on his head.
  • Berserk Button: Lenin believes that Stalin completely ruined his revolution and is extremely angry about it. In particular, Stalin calling himself "pride of Lenin" after dismantling his life's work makes Lenin pissed enough to drop in.
  • Deliberately Monochrome: Depicted in red and white, which he mentions during his rap.
  • Dirty Communists: Lots of talk about fighting the bourgouis and such but compared to Stalin, he looks downright spotless.
  • It's Personal: While he claims that he's there to beat both Rasputin and Stalin, he has a lot more to say to Stalin than he does Rasputin. The reasons for this should be obvious.
  • Large Ham: Served Russian style; powerful and grim.
  • No Indoor Voice: It's Lincolnesque in its volume.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: has this red and white rotoscope effect that makes him look like an animated propaganda poster.
  • Not Even Bothering with the Accent: Same deal with Rasputin, just switch "deep" for "loud".
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: He is very pissed about how the Russian Revolution was ruined by Stalin. In fact, his first line is to debunk Stalin's "pride of Lenin" remark.
  • One Steve Limit: Averted - he isn't the only Vladimir to show up in his battle. See below.
  • Speak of the Devil: He pops in after Stalin claims to be "The pride of Lenin" to refute that remark. It also sets a precedent for Gorbachev and Putin to find an excuse so they can get in on the action as well.
  • Trrrilling Rrrs:
    "You were supposed to be my RRRIGHT HAND MAN, but your loyalty shriveled up like your RRRIGHT HAND, MAN!"
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: In the rap he is presented as somebody who really did believe he was doing the right thing.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Calls Stalin out for betraying his trust but it's an historical imprecision, as Lenin and Stalin never saw eye to eye, despite what Stalin's propaganda said.

Mikhail Gorbachev

Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Yo, I'm the host with the most glasnost!"

  • Abusive Precursors: Claims that Russia was put on the road to ruin because of the faults of the previous leaders.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: General Secretary of the Soviet Union.
  • Bald of Awesome: His dome is highlighted by his birthmark.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He opened up the Soviet Union, and a can of whoop-ass too.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He may seem like a goofball, but he's got great raps.
  • Borrowed Catchphrase: "Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid man, Oh yeah!"
  • Chummy Commies: Unlike Stalin and Lenin, he "shook hands with both Ronalds; Regean and Mcdonald".
  • Distinguishing Mark: His birthmark. Was almost an "ERB" but it didn't work out.
  • Dirty Communists: He is not presented as cruel like Stalin or even intense like Lenin, since he's much more mellow than them, here. He insists that he's one of the Chummy Commies instead.
  • Fun Personified: Is the only one who looks like he's having a good time, is generally lighthearted and seems to have a permanent smile.
  • Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: "Knock, knock, knock... did someone say 'birthmarks'?"note 
  • Knight of Cerebus: Inverted. His predecessors were still pretty silly, but they rapped about parental abuse, tyranny, murder, and betrayal. The darkest Gorbachev gets is blaming them for the Cold War.
  • Lethal Joke Character: He seems like just a friendly, goofy guy at first, but he spits very hot raps.
  • Nice Guy: Comparitively speaking, he's the contestant with the least skeletons in his closet. Most of his rhymes are good-natured and focused on his accomplishments instead of putting the other guys down.
  • Odd Name Out: He's the only contestant in the battle that doesn't have an "in" attached to the end of his name (or nickname, in the case of Stalin and Lenin).
    "If your name end with "in" time to get out!"
  • Perpetual Smiler: He's got a giant smirk on his face the whole time.
  • Pet the Dog: References his reforms, attempts to open the Soviet Union and its people to the West and bringing down the Berlin Wall.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Insists that he's the only one in the Russian Five to use authority on an even heel.
    "You all need to learn how to handle real power!"
  • Red Right Hand: Inverted. He has a birthmark on his forehead, but is the nicest of the Russian Five.
  • Token Good Teammate: Plays himself up as this, claiming the others were too aggressive.

Vladimir Putin

Played by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm a president in my prime. My enemies don't distract me."


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