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Ghostbusters vs Mythbusters
Played by: Mark Douglas (Ray Stantz), Chris Gorbos (Peter Venkman), Zach Sherwin (Egon Spengler), Walt D. (Winston Zeddamore), Brooke "Dodger" Lawson (Janine Melnitz)
"Ghostbusters, flow crushers, get the job done!"
- Berserk Button: After Grant comments on Ray getting his cherry popped by a ghost, a brief cut shows that Egon and Venkman are holding Ray back from doing something rash.
- Boring Insult: Their first line is to accuse the Mythbusters of making crashes and explosions boring.
- The Cameo: Dodger makes a brief appearance as their secretary, Janine Melnitz to say, "We got one!"
- Creepy Monotone: Egon speaks in a emotionless tone during the first verse.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: In the Season 4 trailer, they deliver this to Hitler's ghost by trapping and sealing him in seconds and without trouble.
- Deadpan Snarker: Again, Egon snarks at the Mythbusters with a straight face.
- Goggles Do Nothing: Stantz wears goggles on his forehead during their second verse, but never puts them over his eyes.
- Meganekko: Janine Melnitz looks good with glasses. Egon could also qualify.
- No OSHA Compliance: Adam and Jamie mock their containment grid's lack of safety precautions, claiming that Walter Peck was right to be suspicious of them.
- Oh, Crap!: All four have a visible one when the conversation between Adam and Tory references how Ray inadvertently summoned Stay-Puft in their movie. They have another one when the big guy shows up.
- Pungeon Master: Downplayed; Egon lets two out in one line based on their opponents' names: "I'll kick your hiney man, I'm a savage killer".
- Science Hero: Ray, Peter, and Egon all have doctorates in various fields, which they now use to bust ghosts.
- The Smurfette Principle: :As if to balance out Kari, Janine Melnitz is the lone female on the Ghostbusters' side and evens out their numbers!
- Token Minority: Winston is the lone black person on the Ghostbusters' side, just like he was in their movie.
Played by: Peter Shukoff (Jamie Hyneman), Lloyd Ahlquist (Adam Savage), Mary Doodles (Kari Byron), Chris Alvarado (Tori Belleci), Terry Im a.k.a. KRNFX (Grant Imahara)
"In this episode, we'll give you a synopsis!"
- Adaptational Curves: The real Jamie Hyneman is notably stout, but is portrayed by the scrawny NicePeter.
- Agent Scully: Jamie dismisses all the the Ghostbuster's accomplishments with a bored "Ghosts aren't real." Cue Stay Puft....
- Back from the Dead: The B-Team, even though they technically aren't dead, are treated this way, presumably because they had left the show.
- Back-to-Back Badasses: Jamie and Adam strike this pose while busting the science of the positron packs.
- Badass Baritone: Jamie has an impressive sounding deep voice that works with his emotionless tone.
- Badass Moustache: Jamie's mustache has been compared to a walrus, and both of theirs were compared to that of the Lorax.
- Butt-Monkey: Tory, as usual. He outright fails to come up with a line, and it's implied that he inadvertently summoned Stay-Puft.
- In-Series Nickname: 'The Walrus' for Jamie and 'Dickless the Clown' for Adam, invoked by Ray.
- I Take Offense to That Last One!: Jamie looks indignant when Stay Puft Marshmallow Man claims his beret is better than his.
- Jerkass Has a Point: Jamie and Adam point out that Walter Peck was justified for being a dick to the Ghostbusters, because the ghost containment grid lacked a safety switch.
- Nerves of Steel: Jaime isn't even fazed by the arrival of Stay-Puft, unlike everyone else. At one point he even looks away from him as if bored.
- Nice Hat: Jamie's black beret of course. He even gets insulted when The Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man says he wears it better!
- No Sense of Personal Space: Adam. In the introductions, he puts his arm around Jamie, who just looks at his arm in mild annoyance. You can also see Adam patting Jamie on the shoulder during their dances in the background.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Like in their original show, Adam is red while Jamie is blue. From the season four trailer:Jamie: (calmly) Fascinating.Adam: (excitedly) This is gonna be great!
- The Smurfette Principle: Kari is the only female in the Mythbusters' team because Scottie isn't included in the rap battle.
- The Stoic: Jamie never raises his baritone voice when rapping.
- Stuff Blowing Up: At the end of their first verse, Jamie and Adam pull out a detonator and blow up their set. Why? It's what they do. Adam once claimed that "one explosion per episode" is in his contract, and this is an episode. Thus, explosion.
- Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion: Tory fails to come up with an appropriate rhyme, and stops silent. The rhyme continues in the conversation between him and Adam afterward. Based on "flow" and "own" and what happens, the most likely word Tory thought of is "marshmallow".
- Three Plus Two: Inverted. The battle begins with just Jamie and Adam before the B-Team joins them.
- Token Minority: To balance out Winston, Grant Imahara is the lone Asian, just like he is on the Mythbusters' show.
Played by: Taylor Cu (actor), Lloyd Ahlquist (lyrics)
"Yo, raise up, it's Stay Puft; I stay fluff!"
- Affably Evil: His verse is one of the silliest and most fun in the series. He's also the corporeal form of an interdimensional Eldritch Abomination seeking to bring the Apocalypse.
- Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Levels up to the tower the other opponents were standing on.
- Badass Adorable: Despite his size, he looks friendly and fluffy, but still lays a verbal smackdown on both sides and, according to many of the comments on YouTube, he stole the show.
- Badass Baritone: As expected of a creature his size and girth; not that it slows him down any (see Dance Battler).
- Badass Boast: Stay Puft's entire verse is a nonstop diss to both sides, while letting them know why they don't want none:Stay Puft: "Yo raise up, it's Stay Puft. I stay fluff. I blaze chumps and flip Kari butterside up!""I smother Ghostbusters in fluffernutter. I don't play! Show these dweebs how to rock a beret!""I live so large, you can't harsh my mellow. Just one step took me out the ghetto."
- Beware the Silly Ones: He looks ridiculous and it's rather silly to see him rap, but that doesn't make him any less threatening.
- Cute Giant: He's huge and he looks adorable, though what he says is less cute.
- Dance Battler: Midway into his verse, Stay Puft starts jamming in perfect sync with the battle track, while maintaining his flow.
- Double Entendre: He sneaks two of 'em in, back-to-back:
- First, he says he'd flip Kari butter-side up. As in, with her butt facing up (i.e. doggy-style). This is a reference to a line from Kari when the Mythbusters were testing the idiom of toast landing butter-side down.
- While his line about smothering the Ghostbusters in "fluffernutter" is a Shout-Out to the final scene in the first film, where everyone is covered in Stay Puft's goo.
- The Dreaded: Tory screws up his part of the B-Team's verse by forgetting his line, so Adam tells him to just think of something. You then see the Ghostbusters trying to warn him not to, by quickly shaking their heads "no", since that was what caused Ray to think of Mr. Stay Puft in the first movie. Sure enough...
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: While he's an iconic part of the Ghostbusters series, The Mythbusters weren't expecting to see a 50 ft. marshmallow man enter the battle.
- Nice Hat: He claims his white beret is better than Jamie's.Jamie: Hey!
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: A lot of his characterization is inspired by The Notorious B.I.G.
- Perpetual Smiler: Due to costume limitations, he smiles throughout his appearance unlike his film incarnation.
- Post-Rape Taunt: In his second line, he says he'd flip Kari "butter-side up". She catches it and promptly shouts, "HEY!"
Romeo and Juliet vs Bonnie and Clyde
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist (Clyde), Hannah Hart (Bonnie)
"Spit sick like a plague on both your houses!"
- Adaptation Dye-Job: The real Bonnie was blonde. So is Hannah Hart, but she was brunette when playing Bonnie.
- Affably Evil: They may be criminal thugs, but they clearly love each other and are genuinely saddened when their opponents die despite Bonnie having just shot Juliet.
- Agony of the Feet: Juliet brings up Clyde mutilating his toes immediately after also threatening him that Romeo will give him a castration.
- Antagonist in Mourning: They're stunned by Romeo and Juliet choosing to kill themselves in order to be together. Clyde looks wryly and plainly states, "Well that was tragic".
- Battle Couple: They rap together.
- Book Dumb: Blink and you'll miss it, but when Romeo and Juliet start throwing out highbrow language the camera briefly cuts to Bonnie and Clyde, as they exchange confused looks.
- Combat Pragmatist: Seen near the end of Juliet's second verse, when Bonnie draws her pistol and shoots her.
- Didn't See That Coming: Neither of them expected Romeo and Juliet would kill themselves.
- Doomed by Canon: If you're familiar with history, you'll already know how it ends for them.
- Evil Feels Good: When Bonnie shoots Juliet during the latter's second verse, she and Clyde grin at each other and laugh about it, as if to say: "good one".
- Groin Attack: Juliet threatens Clyde that Romeo will mutilate him further.
- In Love with Your Carnage: They seem to have this sort of dynamic going on. Whenever one of them is rapping some threats of violence, the other smiles or otherwise reacts approvingly. Especially evident when Bonnie shoots Juliet.
- Large Ham: They ampep their Texan accents.
- Motor Mouth: Both of them can rap fairly quickly at the end of their first verse.
- Killed Mid-Sentence: They're both shot to death just when finishing their last verse.
- Nice Hat: Clyde's gangster hat and Bonnie's beret, as they are portrayed wearing.
- Not So Different: To Romeo and Juliet; both couples start their verses with the man offering to finish their opponents themselves and the woman saying they'll handle it together, then in each second verse they defend their partners from insults (Clyde telling off Juliet for badmouthing Bonnie, and Juliet insulting Bonnie for questioning Romeo). Oh, and all four of them die at the end of the battle.
- Outlaw Couple: They're both outlaws in love who also bring their weapons to the rap battle.
- The Pig Pen: Romeo claims that the only insult they had on them in their first verse was their stench.
- Slobs vs. Snobs: Bonnie and Clyde are notorious gangsters going against the aristocratic Romeo and Juliet.
- There's No Kill Like Overkill: History repeats itself, as both are shot multiple times at the end.
- Together in Death: They were gunned-down together.
Played by: Peter Shukoff (Romeo), Grace Helbig (Juliet)
"Together, we shall both put these bitches on blast!"
- Battle Couple: They rap together.
- Black Comedy Rape: Juliet makes light of Clyde's Prison Rape.
- Cold Ham: They amped their gravitas.
- Driven to Suicide: Both commit suicide in the end. When Bonnie shoots Juliet, she falls down to her death. Though that bullet didn't kill her, and Romeo drinks poison, only for Juliet to get back up, and realizing her love is dead, she stabs herself.
- Dying Moment of Awesome: When Juliet believes she's dying from a gut-shot she gets out one scathing burn about being killed by a failed actress, and Romeo makes a point to kill himself lying on his stomach so Bonnie and Clyde will have a chance to kiss his ass.
- "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner: They both pull this.
What irony is this? The lead shot down by a failed actress?
- Juliet, who believes herself to have been killed after Bonnie shot her takes one last dig at Bonnie.
"So you louts can lick my ass, thus with a dis I die."
- Romeo drinks poison out of grief for Juliet's apparent death, finishing with:
- Failure Knight: Bonnie says that Romeo will fail to beat Clyde in a fight because he already failed protecting his best friend.
- Minor Injury Overreaction: Romeo is quick to assume Juliet is dead, when Bonnie shoots her, and kills himself out of grief so he can join her. Only for Juliet to recover mere seconds later and state that the shot had only grazed her. Clyde lampshades it near the end of the battle:Clyde: (matter-of-factly) "Might've done that boy some good to just wait a couple of seconds."
- Not So Different: From Bonnie and Clyde. See their entry for details.
- Only a Flesh Wound: Bonnie shoots Juliet in the gut, but she stands up moments later. "My flesh was merely grazed."
- Prison Rape: Juliet takes a dig at Bonnie by implying her beau's had his ass ripped while he was behind bars.
- The Queen's Latin: Romeo and Juliet speak with English accents, despite being Italians.
- Silk Hiding Steel: Juliet is unexpectedly nasty for a girl who looks like a Disney Princess.Juliet: And you there, wench with the neck of a chicken,Juliet: you'll get an ass-ripping worse than your boyfriend's in prison!
- Slobs vs. Snobs: Romeo and Juliet are two Shakespearean lovebirds going up against the rough and tough criminal couple, Bonnie and Clyde.
- Sophisticated as Hell: They use some profanity in addition to their Shakespearean language. This is a mild Viewers Are Geniuses as well. The original play by Shakespeare translated into current English would be utterly filthy.
- Suddenly SHOUTING!:Juliet: Where's Romeo? OH NO-MEO!!
- Together in Death: If you've read the story, you'll already know what's coming.
- True Blue Femininity: Juliet is wearing a blue dress.
- Younger Than They Look: Juliet looks like a young adult, naturally. However, Bonnie calls Juliet a prepubescent vixen; in the play, Juliet was only 13, as evidenced by several lines that say she hadn't "seen the change of 14 years", making her the second-youngest character in a rap battle thus far (the youngest if we don't count Michael Jackson's first verse).
Zeus vs Thor
Voiced by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm the father of the Gods!"
- Authority Equals Asskicking: Top God of the Greek Pantheon.
- Badass Beard: An immense wizardly one, befitting of the ruler of the Greek gods.
- BrotherSister Incest: Hera is his sister and his wife. Thor naturally takes the piss out of this by saying it's grosser than a gorgon.
- Double Standard: Rape, Divine on Mortal: Many of his sexual indiscretions weren't exactly consensual. Thor calls him out for this.
- Hypocritical Heartwarming: A ruthless tyrant to the Greeks, but rushes to their defence when Thor accuses them of being weak.
- Jerkass God: Thor calls out the Greek Pantheon as "the clash of the douches".
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Gets pissed off when Thor insults the Greek people, then brags about their accomplishments.
- Man in White: Clad in a white robe and a Badass Cape and is the Top God of Greek mythology.
- Non-Standard Character Design: As with everyone in the episode, he is a Lego minifigure instead of a real person playing his role.
- Pick on Someone Your Own Size: Tells Thor to call his dad for help.
- Power Perversion Potential: Uses his abilities as a God to rape women.
- Proud Scholar Race Guy: His people laid the bedrock of democracy and charted the skies.
- Really Gets Around: Zeus is an infamous horndog. Sometimes, he won't even bother with asking. Because of this, Thor calls him a rapist.
- Shapeshifting: Uses this for less than virtuous purposes such as the bull and swan transformations to impregnate mortal women.
- Shock and Awe: Naturally, being the God of lightning.
- Spiteful Spit: Thor claims he'll do this, then backtracks it since he thinks Zeus will probably like it anyways.
- Three-Point Landing: During his introduction, complete with a thunderous sound effect.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Thor declines spitting in Zeus's face, as he's probably enjoy it.
- Top God: Uses his status as this to claim he's out of Thor's league.
- Weather Manipulation: Also busts out a rainstorm on Asgard during their battle.
Voiced by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"I don't get nice; I get Norse!"
- Amazon Brigade: A brief mention to the "women in his homeland", who are displayed as a regiment of armor-clad female warriors, the famous "shield-maidens".
- Badass Beard: A short, manly red one in contrast with Zeus' white Wizard Beard.
- Bold Explorer: Brags about the Norse exploration of the Americas as part of his retort against Zeus's Proud Scholar Race Guy boast.
- The Conqueror: Prides himself on Scandinavia's legacy of conquest.
- Crossdresser: Zeus threatens to "put his crossdressing neck in a noose". This is a reference to one of the Norse tales in the Eddas, where Thor really did dress up as the Goddess Freyja to get his Hammer back (at Loki's suggestion of course).
- Drop the Hammer: His trusty bludgeon Mjolnir.
- Everyone Has Standards: Thor and his people may be ruthless conquerors, but Zeus, notorious tyrant and shapeshifting rapist that he is, actively disgusts him.
- Fiery Redhead: A hard-boiled, redheaded Viking badass, in line with his depiction in Norse mythology, apart from a moment as Chris Hemsworth with Natalie Portman.
- Give My Regards in the Next World: The closing line of his final verse is "When you get to River Styx, tell three-headed bitch I say "Hi!"
- Groin Attack: He begins his rap by sacking a frost giant in the dick using his hammer. He also threatens to kick Zeus' "wrinkly dick" back to his toga near the end of the battle.
- Horny Vikings: The crew upon his ship are wearing horned helmets. Thor himself gets a winged helmet, much closer to his Marvel depiction than you'd believe. Loki, meanwhile, is in his Marvel costume complete with the tall horns.
- Hypocrite: He talks down on Greek astronomers, ignoring the fact that the Vikings were also accomplished in astronomy, as they would have to be in order to navigate the Atlantic ocean and discover the lands beyond them, which he boasts about just seconds later. Likewise, he attacks Zeus for being a horny rapist sleaze but in the Norse myths, Odin was much the same as Zeus, and fathered many illegitimate kids and kept many mistresses. Likewise, his boasts about the Norse people's conquest in The Viking Age doesn't include any apology for the large number of Rape, Pillage, and Burn which while perhaps not any different from other feudal powers, is hardly something to be brag about without qualification.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: While acknowledging his literal dog kicking he admits that he didn't treat his people like playthings or torment them mindlessly the way Zeus did. Indeed, he spends much of his verse praising them.
- Kick the Dog: Literally punts a dog off his ship just to establish his status as an "Aplha dog dominant" to Zeus. The Viking who owned it is visibly distressed by his action.
- No-Sell: Shrugs off the rainstorm Zeus summons like it's nothing.
- Non-Standard Character Design: As with Zeus and everyone else in their episode, he is depicted in the form of a Lego minifigure instead of in live action.
- Proud Warrior Race Guy: He says the Vikings are conquerors and not so easily frightened as the Greeks.
- Pungeon Master: His first verse just pumps these out one after the other; for example "Keep your Asguard up! I ragnarok the house!"
- Red Boxing Gloves: Wears one when telling Zeus to "Keep his Asguard up".
- Shock and Awe: Like Zeus, Thor has the powers of lightning.
- Viking Funeral: Zeus says in his last verse that Thor is going to need to prep for his own.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Thor pointedly calls out Zeus, along with the other gods of Mt. Olympus, for their cruelty towards mortals.
Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter
Played by: Dan Bull
"Oi, mate, pass the liquor! It's Jack the Ripper!"
- Adult Fear: States proudly that he will stalk an intended victim, kill them in their family home, and leave their still-grieving loved ones to clean up the mess.
- Appropriated Appelation: "Jack the Ripper" is how the mass media dubbed him, and here he adopts it for himself.
- Attention Whore: Hannibal accuses him of this; both in Jack's murders and referring to himself by his press-given nickname.
- Badass Boast: He spends his whole first verse talking about himself.
- Breaking Speech: Retaliates to Hannibal's with one of his own in his second verse that visibly, if subtly, pisses Hannibal off. Hannibal compliments him on it, then slams him for ruining it with his last rhyme.
- British Teeth: Jack has molars as messed-up as his morals. Somewhat of a double example, as those are Dan Bull's natural teeth.
- Card-Carrying Villain: He's nothing but proud of his hideous crimes.
- Dark Is Evil: He's dressed in almost all black and has one of the darkest backgrounds in the series.
- Evil Brit: The first Brit to be played by a real British person, and he's their most infamous serial killer, with British Teeth, no less!
- Eviler Than Thou: He says he's worse than the 7/7 bombers because of his reign of terror. Most of his second verse involves him belittling Lecter for being fictional (and imprisoned to boot) and thus causing no real harm, as opposed to Jack himself who not only committed real brutal murders but also got away with them scot-free. In his first verse, he also states that even his opponent would find his crimes sick and appalling.
- Exorcist Head: At one point, his head rotates so fast, it looks as if Pazuzu possessed him after inhaling a mountain of coke.
- Fangs Are Evil: It looks like he's got fangs among his British Teeth. Appropriate for a possibly cannibalistic* predator.
- For the Evulz: Gleefully brags about all the suffering and pain his murders caused.
- Hot Blooded Sideburns: Sports colossal 19th Century sideburns along with his large and boastful raps.
- Horrorcore: References the genre in one of his lines. His battle feels like a Halloween Episode that came a month too late.
- I'm a Humanitarian: Hints that he might eat his victims, as the real Jack may or may not have done.
- Informed Flaw: Despite all the lines about Jack being filthy, his suit and hat look pretty neat.
- It's All About Me: Spends more time bragging about his own crimes than he does insulting Lecter, to the point where he's almost an Ignored Enemy.
- Jerkass: He brags about his atrocities, showing no shame for his crimes and comparing himself to modern terrorists. And he's also as arrogant as he is sadistic and gleeful that he's gotten away for good.
- Karma Houdini: He was never arrested, and his true identity remains a mystery, which he happily brags about.
- Lack of Empathy: Shows no remorse for any of the crimes he's committed, even spending the first verse boasting about it.
- Lower-Class Lout: Hannibal presents him as a filthy, tasteless boor.
- Monster Misogyny: Infamous for murdering prostitutes, who he regards as "common whores".
- Narcissist: See Badass Boast. Hannibal diagnoses him with megalomania.
- Nice Hat: His top hat is the only thing that's nice about him.
- The Pig Pen: Hannibal claims he's covered in more piss than kitty litter.
- Ripped from the Headlines: His reference to the 7/7 London Bombing incident, which Hannibal quickly calls him out on.
- Sadist: Gloats about leaving behind grieving families and hard-to-clean bloodstains.
- Slasher Smile: Gives a particularly unnerving one in the title sequence before the rap starts.
- Slobs vs. Snobs: The slob, or in his words, an "infamous, notorious delinquent".
- We're Still Relevant, Dammit!: In-Universe, Hannibal accuses him of this behavior. Given that Jack's lines are filled with mentions of things like Twitter, trigger warnings, and the 7/7 bombers, he may have a point.
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"I'm the bon vivant of violence: a licensed psychiatrist!"
- Berserk Button: The only time he seems genuinely angry with Jack is when he's reminded that he's fictional, where he takes a deep breath and seems quietly enraged.
- Breaking Speech: Specializes in this. He spends some of his verses dissecting Jack's self-absorbed behavior.
- Boring Insult: He doesn't take Jack seriously, instead considering him something of a poser. He decides to go back to solitary confinement because "The Ripper" is not worth his time.
- Cool Mask: His muzzle is well known in the Hannibal movies, and it's worn during Jack's first verse.
- Deadpan Snarker: His opening remarks towards how Jack spent his first verse talking about himself and his reactions to the 7/7 bombers line.Hannibal: No, no, Jack, you were doing fine, before your ham-fisted attempt at a terrorist line.
- Do Wrong, Right: He remarks, I don't mind that you're naughty, Jack, I hate that you're sloppy.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He considers the 7/7 London bombing references to be in bad taste.
- Faux Affably Evil: Remains completely calm throughout the battle as part of his attempt to break down Jack's psyche.
- Good Hair, Evil Hair: The latter, with his trademark slicked-back 'do.
- Groin Attack: Happily admits that he'd roast Jack's balls on his hibachi, which makes Jack take a quick look down.
- I'm a Humanitarian: States his willingness to eat Jack, though he also says he would make a foul meal.
- Kubrick Stare: Gives Jack one at the start of his verse.
- A Lighter Shade of Black: There's no doubt he's evil, but he's still portrayed in a somewhat better light than Jack, if for no other reason than Lector's a picky eater.
- Morally Ambiguous Doctorate: A serial-killing psychiatrist.
- Psycho Psychologist: Psychiatrist, to be exact. As for the "psycho," let's just say there are very good reasons for him to be locked up.
- Slobs vs. Snobs: The snob, or in his words, "the bon vivant of violence... who dines on highest society to the sound of violins"."I don't mind that you're naughty, Jack, I hate that you're sloppy!"
- Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Hannibal remarks he would rather not eat Jack, as he is most likely dirty and unsanitary. The very thought of eating him disgusts Lecter.
- Tranquil Fury: As shown in Berserk Button above, he keeps a straight face for most of the time, and when he's angry, he approaches it in a subdued manner, although not to the same extent as in the novels and films.
- Warrior Therapist: His very first line has him diagnosing Jack with megalomania.
- Wicked Cultured: Talks a lot about his more "refined" way of going about his work, including his love for classical music (when accompanied by the scream of his dying victims) and how his knowledge of psychiatry helps him manipulate people.
Oprah vs Ellen
Played by: November Christine
"I'm the Queen of TV, and I'm here to destroy ya!"
- Adaptational Curves: November is more svelte than the real life Oprah.
- Appeal to Wealth: "Check the Fortune 500; I'm a media wonder!"
- Ascended Extra: Not Oprah herself, but November previously played one of the extras in Martin Luther King, Jr. vs. Gandhi.
- Ass Shove: Threatens to shove her shoe up Ellen's suitpants.
- Auto-Tune: Only briefly (her husband uses it too), but it's the first time anyone's had it since Stephen Hawking back in Season 1.
- Berserk Button: Does not take kindly to Ellen suggesting her reign as the queen of daytime television is over.
- Contralto of Danger: A powerful voice for one of the most powerful women in the world.
- Everything's Better with Sparkles: She wears a very sparkly dress.
- The High Queen: She claims to be the Queen of TV and Ellen wants to take her crown.
- Henpecked Husband: Ellen claims she's going to whip Oprah more than Oprah has Stedman.
- Kicking Ass in All Her Finery: Busts rhymes in a elegant sequined dress in comparison to Ellen's more modest suit.
- Sassy Black Woman: She has a lot of bite and emotion to her raps and depending on whose side you're on, she can be a Scary Black Woman too.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: "The Dali Lama and Obama memorize my cell number."
Played by: Lauren Flans
"From ABC to LGBT to NBC and now it's all me!"
- Actually Pretty Funny: Her reaction to Oprah's first two lines in her second verse implies she found it funny, meaning either this trope or thinking it's "so bad it's funny" (naturally depends on your perspective).
- Ax-Crazy: Downplayed.
- In several of her scenes, her eyes are a bit wider than they should be, and she declares that she wants to chop Oprah up "into a million little pieces".
- Dr. Phil shows up and says she should just be left alone. Ellen laughs at him and pushes him out of the way to continue.
- Badass Gay: Her being a lesbian doesn't stop her from dropping sick rhymes. Instead, she uses it as part of her attack.
- Beware the Silly Ones: You wouldn't expect a squeaky-voiced white woman who raps about puppies and kittens to put up much of a fight, but Ellen's more of a scrapper than she lets on.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: When you start a rap battle by pretending to talk to God on an imaginary cell phone, this is the impression.
- Follow the Leader: Oprah claims she paved the road for Ellen.
- Fun Personified: Gleefully dances around in a silly manner and remains cheerful even when Oprah is insulting her. She spends much of her second verse talking about how she likes to "make everybody feel good for a while".
- The Gadfly: Brings up several embarrassing moments from Oprah's Career including Tom Cruise jumping on the couch, the "A Million Little Pieces" scandal, and guests having to pay taxes on their "free" cars. By the end of her second verse she appears to have gotten under Oprah's skin.
- Genki Girl: Her dances can get quite goofy and she's always cheerful and energetic. Her voice is also significantly higher than her real-life counterpart.
- Insult Backfire: Oprah disparages her kittens, and not only does Ellen roll with it, she includes "puppies, talented children, and mittens."
- Kindhearted Cat Lover: Features kittens on her show and likes to make people smile.
- Perpetual Smiler: During her verses, she's constantly smiling; for maybe all of three shots, she isn't, but it's clear she's holding one back. The only time she isn't is during Oprah's first verse.
- The Pollyanna: She always smiles when facing Oprah's insults.
- Straight Gay: She has to mention her sexuality in the first verse; if she didn't, people who aren't familiar with her would likely have no clue. She also mentions the LGBT in her second verse, but that's blink-and-you-miss-it.
- The Usurper: She's claims that she's going to knock Oprah "off her throne" and take her place as the queen of daytime TV.
Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"I rock the Academy and the DGA!"
- Badass Beard: He has a scraggly white beard and he's a 3 billion dollar dream machine.
- Badass Boast: His first four lines are this in the spirit of a movie pitch:Picture a child sitting next to a projector,Learning from your films to become a much better director.Now picture a three-billion-dollar dream machine,Who can blockbust all over your crop duster scene!
- Broken Pedestal: The real reason he's dueling Hitchcock. In real life, Hitchcock was paid to perform the opening lines of the Jaws Universal Ride in the 70s. Hitchcock found the process to be disgusting and blamed the movie and Spielberg (who had no part in designing the ride) for it. Later, Spielberg comes to Hitchcock's house to meet his idol...and Hitchcock refuses to let him into his house, much less acknowledge him as an equal in the field. Ouch.
- Butt-Monkey: Not in the same vein as Michael Bay, but he gets it a lot. In fact, every time the other directors insult Bay they also insult Spielberg... by comparing his work to Bay's.
- Fiction 500: A three-billion dollar dream machine. Of course, the real Spielberg is worth that much as well.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: That's the gist behind his Badass Boast, pointing out how he went from a simple child watching movies to Hitchock's (supposed) superior.
- Hypocritical Humor: Probably unintentional, but "that schlep Michael Bay" is not only a good friend of Spielberg in Real Life (and actually first got into film after working on the set of Raiders of the Lost Ark), Spielberg was the Executive Producer of the Transformers movies (which was the true extent of Bay's involvement in the Ninja Turtles movie, despite what Kubrick implies). His "$3 billion Dream Machine" is responsible for distributing Bays' movies!
- Mooning: He emphasizes his line of "Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness!" by turning around and dropping his pants to Hitchcock in a Shadow Discretion Shot.
- Nice Hat: He wears a black baseball cap with USS CALIFORNIA 26-RED on it.
- Pungeon Master: In a similar manner to Stephen King, he fits nine titles of his and Hitchcock's movies in his verse.
- Sell-Out: According to Tarantino, his adaptation of The War of the Worlds makes him one, because it was the same sort of crap that Michael Bay would do.
- Signature Shot: Starts the battle with his famous track-in camera move.
- Specs of Awesome: He's an A-Grade film director, and the only one in the battle who wears glasses.
- Summer Blockbuster: References the fact that he created them with his fourth line.
- Surpassed the Teacher: According to Steve, he began his career taking inspiration from Hitchcock, but now he's far surpassed him.
- Yiddish as a Second Language: Refers to Michael Bay as a "schlep".
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"No defense against Hitchcock once he presents!"
- Acrofatic: At one point in his rap he breakdances.
- Badass in a Nice Suit: "No defense against Hitchcook when he presents" in his classic black suit.
- Badass Boast:I'm the master... ! of suspense, so intense, No defense against Hitchcock once he presents!
- Bald of Awesome: He barely has head hair and is a celebrated horror film director.
- Deadpan Snarker: (in response to Spielberg's mooning)That was a close encounter of the turd kind.
- Fat Bastard: Spielberg and Tarantino both make fun of him being fat and not being able to fight in World War One for the British Army because of his obesity, respectively.
- Insufferable Genius: He has quite the ego stemming from his brilliance in directing.
- Mundane Made Awesome: He brags about how he became a legendary horror director by using chocolate syrups as special effects for blood.
- Nice Guy: The only person he insults is his opponent, unlike everyone else. He does take a shot at Megan Fox but it's over something everyone, Fox included, admits is true.
- Nightmare Fetishist: Brags about being able to "squeeze screams from chocolate syrup."
- Non-Standard Character Design: He's the only rapper in the battle who is Deliberately Monochrome.
- Red Baron: "The Master of Suspense", which is his real life nickname in the industry.
- Scare Chord: They appear in his verse to aid his suspense.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: He did so after his aforementioned Badass Boast to illustrate how he's "The Master of Suspense".
- "Seinfeld" Is Unfunny: Spielberg and Tarantino mentioned how his films and directing style have since become outdated.
- The Stoic: He isn't bothered in the least by anything Spielberg says about him. Or anything any of the other rappers have to say.
- Worthy Opponent: When Kubrick declares himself a genius, Hitchcock nods in approval, indicating that he sees him as this.
- You Are Fat: Spielberg takes a jab at his weight. So does Tarantino, and in a more straightforward manner at that.
Played by: WAX
"The scripts that I write ain't the ( ) cleanest. (Fuck!)"
- Assist Character: Jimmie Dimmick (whom Tarantino played) shows up to complete some of his lines.
- Badass in a Nice Suit: The genius film director and "bad MoFo" is wearing his trademark brown suit.
- Bloody Hilarious: There's blood all over his background, and he says that there's more blood when he stubs his toe than in the shower scene from Psycho.
- Cluster F-Bomb: He references the fact that scenes across Tarantino's filmography contain graphic violence and strong language.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: He's the first unannounced competitor in the supposed Spielberg and Hitchcock showdown.
- Insufferable Genius: But in a different style to Hitchcock, being more abrasive and less pompous.
- Jerkass Has a Point: Spielberg is about to argue with Tarantino when the latter disses War of the Worlds, then concedes he's right.
- Motor Mouth: Spits the fastest of the five rappers. The real Quentin is known for being a Keet.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: After mocking Hitchcock for being rejected by the British Army for his obesity, Tarantino breaks the fourth wall to assure us that, yes, that really happened, and tells us to look it up on Wikipedia if we don't believe him.
- Pop-Cultured Badass: References a lot of movie trivia, from Wikipedia, to obscure Sam L. Jackson parts, to Hitchcock's own history.
- Precision F-Strike: It's Tarantino, this is expected.Scripts that I write ain't the... cleanest (Fuck!)
- Red Baron: Dubs himself the "King of Dialogue".
- Signature Shot: Ends his verse with a Trunk Shot.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Self-admitted. His scripts aren't the *#*$& cleanest.
- Trunk Shot: His verse ends with one, this trope being a staple of his films.
- Wham Line: "Cut!", just as Hitchcock finished his verse.
Played by: Ruggles Outbound note
"Do another take and get it right, 127 times!"
- The Ace: "Everything I do is visionary!"
- Badass Boast: "Genius is a powerful word. But there's no reason to use it, 'less you're talking about the Kubrick - then there's really nothing to it".
- Badass in a Nice Suit: The visionary that can "make you all hurt" is clad in a black suit.
- Batman Can Breathe in Space: He stands on the moon as he's giving his verse. It's justified since he's Kubrick's ghost.
- Cool Bike: He's riding a tricycle that can be used on the fucking moon.
- Creepy Monotone: Starts off like this, then slowly loses the monotone for emphasis.
- Cut Short: He only gets about halfway through his verse before being cut off.
- Dynamic Entry: A slow-motion shot of him on a tricycle on the moon.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: He's notably pale compared to the "normal-colored" rappers plus has an Exhausted Eye Bags.
- Exhausted Eye Bags: To display his obsessive personality, he looks very tired. 127 takes don't do themselves, you know.
- Foreshadowing: During Quentin's last verse, there are a few jump cuts to Stanley riding on a tricycle through the hallway much like the one scene from The Shining.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: He's the second unannounced competitor in the supposed Spielberg and Hitchcock showdown.
- Insufferable Genius: It's implied that the reason he joins the battle is because he objects to any other director being called a genius.
- It's Personal: Singles out Spielberg for screwing up A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, then he does the same to Michael Bay for screwing up Ninja Turtles.
- Kubrick Stare: He opens his verse with this, and stays that way throughout. It's Kubrick himself after all so of course he has the trademark creepy stare.
- Mad Artist: Gives off this impression with his performance, with its somewhat disturbing intensity and the fact that he goes from a Creepy Monotone to extremely emotional.
- Mood-Swinger: He doesn't so much slowly transition from quiet to loud so much as he just changes like a light switch.
- Never My Fault: Claims that Spielberg ruined A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, despite the fact that most of the criticisms initially directed at the movie were over things that Kubrick was responsible for including.
- The Perfectionist: He references the fact that he insisted that a particular scene in The Shining had to be performed 127 times in order to get it right to his standards.
- Suddenly SHOUTING!: The increased volume comes out of nowhere.
- Wham Shot: The jump cuts during Tarantino's last verse indicates his impending arrival.
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Mother fucking money!"
- Affably Evil: Gleefully informs us the critics consider him evil.
- At Least I Admit It: He knows full well the critics hate him, but is upfront about the profits. His "Guilt Money" jab is also a crack that he, unlike the other directors, aren't slaves to making movies that'll please the critics and cinephiles.
- Catchphrase: "Motherfucking money!" and variations of thereof, which he repeats three times.
- Card-Carrying Villain: He certainly doesn't care that "the critics say I'm evil". Whether or not he agrees with them is less clear.
- Chekhov's Gunman: Bay's movies are, directly or indirectly, insulted in every verse. Then he makes his Dynamic Entry.
- The Chew Toy: Every single other rapper makes fun of him or his movies in their raps.
- Cluster F-Bomb: If you're bothered by the fact that he says "MOTHER FUCKING MONEY!" three times in his verse, too bad."I don't give a fuck."
- Critic-Proof: In-Universe, he brags that his movies rakes in the billions despite their critic hate. He's too busy working on sequels to the movies they can't stand to read their reviews.
- The Dog Bites Back: His reason for entering the battle is specifically to get back at those who mocked him for the entire battle.
- Dynamic Entry: In the manner of his movies, he arrives jumping out of a helicopter.
- Flipping the Bird: Flips off all the other directors at the end of his verse.
- Fun Personified: Movie-making-wise, he boasts how his movies are just fun and what the audience wants to see, while the other four rappers aim for more cerebral boasts.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: He's the third and final unannounced competitor in the supposed Spielberg and Hitchcock showdown.
- Greed: He shamelessly admits that he only cares about making lots of money from his films. He also mocks the others for making films for guilt money.
- Ground-Shattering Landing: After he jumps out of a helicopter, he sends earth flying.
- Having a Blast: Bay's verses seem to unleash explosions by themselves.
- Hitler Cam: Or "zoom in low with a telephoto" as he calls it.
- Incoming Ham: He flies in hanging off of a helicopter.
- Large Ham: He certainly comes off in this way with his helicopter, explosions and "MOTHER FUCKING MONEY!"
- Let's Get Dangerous!: In his opening line, no less.
- Only in It for the Money: In his own words why he does what he does:If there's one thing I've learned, bitch, this game is about motherfucking money!
- Rage Breaking Point: It's implied that Kubrick's crack about the Ninja Turtles movie he produced was the straw that broke the camel's back.
- Signature Shot: The low angle panning as he enters the battle, complete with gratuitous explosions.
- Smug Snake: No amount of explosions can blast that smug grin off his face.
- Stuff Blowing Up: Obviously. There are a fair few explosions in his verse, finishing with a nuclear one. He also blows up the ERB logo at the end.
- Take That!:
Bay: (proudly) "I give the people what they love, while the critics say I'm evil!""Got no time to read reviews while I'm working on the sequel!"
- The entirety of Bay's verse is a giant "F U!!" to the other directors and movie critics alike, since they care about winning awards, whereas he only cares about entertainment value and profit.
- Also, after taking insults from everyone else, he in turn insults... Mark Wahlberg.
- Three-Point Landing: He takes this pose after sticking the landing from his helicopter.
- The Unfettered: He doesn't give a shit if critics hate his movies. All he care about is making entertaining movies (and the MOTHERFUCKING MONEY!).
- V-Sign: Just as he makes his remark about Wahlberg, Bay strikes a fist pump pose in the background as a giant "V" shaped explosion goes off behind him.
- Wham Line: "That's enough! I've heard enough crap from all of you."
Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted
Lewis and Clark
Lewis played by: Link Neal
Clark played by: Rhett McLaughlin
Sacagawea played by: Michelle Maloney
"We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace!"
- Action Girl: Sacagawea helps out the duo by fighting an angry black bear to prevent it from attacking them.
- Badass Bookworm: A significant part of their first verse is dedicated to showing off their skills as cartographers, zoologists, and botanists. They later have no problems with fighting Bill and Ted when the latter imply violence.
- Bold Explorer: "We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far!"
- Driven to Suicide: Lewis died mysteriously in an inn, and many people believed he killed himself.Bill: We don't mean to be rude, but Spoiler alert! You totally kill yourself, dude!"
- First-Name Basis: Clark properly addresses Lewis as Meriwether when talking to him directly. Nobody else calls them anything other than Lewis and Clark.
- Follow the Leader: In-Universe, the two mention that they inspired a generation of pioneers and travelers.
- Hypercompetent Sidekick: Sacagawea does some awesome stuff in the background while Lewis and Clark are busy with Bill and Ted.
- Hypocritical Humor: They mock Bill and Ted for being useless without another character "on the trails [they] blazed"...while Sacagawea, their guide on said trails, takes down a black bear about to attack them in the background.
- Miles Gloriosus: Bill and Ted claim that Sacagawea did most of the work while Lewis and Clark claimed the glory.
- Mistaken Identity: On a meta level, many viewers assume Lewis is on the left and Clark is on the right when it's the other way around.
- Nemean Skinning: Clark is sporting a neat coonskin cap.
- Sophisticated as Hell: "According to our observations, these dickweeds right here are severely endangered!"
Bill played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
Ted played by: Peter Shukoff
Rufus played by: Sam Macaroni
"We claim this battle for the Wyld Stallyns!"
- Air Guitar: Lewis and Clark claim their only legacy, aside from Dude, Where's My Car?, is people pretending to play guitar, i.e. nothing.
- The Bus Came Back: A few of the previous rappers like Napoleon, Beethoven and Joan of Arc appear in the background.
- Butt-Monkey: Poor Bill gets it bad. First, everyone (including his own friend) wants to talk about how hot his stepmom is, and then Clark points out that Alex Winter is less well known than Keanu Reeves.
- Comically Missing the Point:Lewis and Clark boast about how they inspired other pioneers, whereas Bill and Ted only inspired air guitar and a movie. But instead of being insulted, Bill and Ted smile and nod as if it were a compliment.
- Covered in Kisses: In their second verse, they briefly disappear in their time machine and re-emerge just as quickly with lipstick marks on their faces, implying a long tryst with their girlfriends.
- Genius Ditz: The two are often clueless and seem to be in trouble for the first verse, but they manage a Stealth Pun or two in their raps proving that they at least know a good amount about the history of their opponents.
- Hello, Nurse!: Men across the ages are unified in their lust for Bill's stepmom.
- Heroic BSoD: Downplayed. Bill and Ted doubt their own abilities after Lewis and Clark's second verse, but a quick visit from Rufus gets them into fighting shape again.
- Heroic Second Wind: They're left bummed out by Lewis and Clark's second verse, but Rufus manages to motivate them again. The boys become stoked and turn the tables on them.Bill: (at Ted) "He's right, dude!"Ted: "We don't have to take this kind of abuse."Bill: (at Lewis and Clark) "From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!"
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: On the one hand, bringing up Lewis's likely suicide is extremely tasteless, but on the other hand, Bill and Ted are dumb but good-hearted enough to try and mend the situation with commemorative medallions and are implied by their final lines to decide that they're not remotely sick enough to try and win against, and thereby humiliate, a man who eventually kills himself.
- The Load: Lewis and Clark say they wouldn't have been nearly as successful without Rufus to help them out. Rufus still drops in personally to snap Bill and Ted out of a funk.
- Non-Answer: They get bummed out after Lewis and Clark's second verse, until Rufus shows up and motivates them... somehow:Bill: "They totally burned us.'Ted: (in agreement) "I feeel like such a dufus."Bill: "What do we do?"Ted: (shrugs) "I dunno."Rufus: "Be excellent."Bill and Ted: (smiles) "RUFUS!!"
- Surfer Dude: They've got serious surfer accents, dude!
- Time Travel: They step into the time machine at one point, which disappears and returns quickly. When they step out they have their faces covered in lipstick, implying that they just paid a visit to their girlfriends.
- Totally Radical: They use a lot of surfer slang like "dude" and "excellent".
David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini
David Copperfield played by: Peter Shukoff
Chloe Gosselin played by: Lauren Francesca
"I float a rose, hands-free, like it's Bluetooth."
- Adaptation Dye-Job: The real Chloe Gosselin has brown hair, but Lauren Francesca played her with her natural dirty blonde.
- Chick Magnet: He brags about banging (and marrying) supermodels.
- Dissonant Serenity: Maintains a calm, soft voice throughout his verses with hardly any inflection.
- Fiction 500: Like the real Copperfield, this one is extremely rich. Enough to own half the stuff that used to belong to his opponent, not to mention his own private island.
- Flight: By means of levitating.
- Fun Personified: Contrasting with the darker tone of Houdini and Angel, Copperfield points out that magic is supposed to make people happy.
- Hypocrite: "You talk shit about your hero, that ain't right". Isn't that exactly what you're doing right now, David?
- Like a God to Me: He starts his verse by saying Houdini was his idol.
- Motor Mouth: He raps at a very fast pace.
- Really Gets Around: He's joined by a lovely assistant getting his supermodel groove on.
- Surpassed the Teacher: He got his start in magic by emulating Houdini ("I had to do what you do...") then he says he has advanced to a greater form of magic ("You can look up to me now,").
Harry Houdini played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
Bess Houdini played by: Josie Ahlquist
"You've never seen a body quite the same as that of Houdini!"
- Escape Artist: The most famous example and the Trope Codifier, as shown when he breaks out of chains from a box and, later, from a straitjacket while dangling off of a crane during the battle.
- Fat Bastard: Copperfield calls him a chunky stuntman dressed in tights.
- Happily Married: Harry's wife Bess is also his Lovely Assistant and she appears at the start to help him with his trick.
- Motor Mouth: Shown to be able to keep up with Copperfield in rap speed during his second verse. He even makes the claim that he's "badder with patter" than Copperfield is.
- Phony Psychic: Houdini famously considered them to be the scum of the earth for trying to con the grieving and emotionally vulnerable out of money, and after trying to get several to contact his own dead mother made it obvious to him they were lying, he went on a crusade to expose them all as frauds. David dismisses this crusade as "[wasting] time proving everybody wrong".
- "Seinfeld" Is Unfunny: Copperfield claims that nobody likes Houdini's old style of magic anymore.
Played by: Dante Cimadamore
Voiced by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"Did somebody say Angel?"
Terminator vs Robocop
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"Your move, creep!"
- Badass Baritone: His robotic voice is deep and it makes him sound tough.
- By-the-Book Cop: He calls out Terminator for not understanding love and honor.
- Catchphrase: "Your move, creep."
- The Gunslinger: Terminator mocks his pistol being his Weapon of Choice.
- Hand Cannon: Robo's Weapon of Choice. The Walking Armory that is the Terminator refers to it as a pea-shooter.
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Shoots one of the Terminator's bullets out of the air.
- Quick Draw: He's "too quick on the draw" for Terminator in a gunfight.
- The Stoic: His emotionless voice reflects his lack of feelings inside him, but even he was disappointed by Terminator 3
- Three-Laws Compliant: Has his own variations:Serve the public trustMaximize blood squibsDefeat all sucker emcees
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist/Arnold Schwarzenegger
"It's Judgment Day, baby. Hasta la vista!"
- The Ahnold: Since he's based on the Trope Namer himself.
- Anti-Hero: While Robocop keeps the sense of justice he had as Murphy, The Terminator is only capable of doing what he's programmed for. Nothing else.
- Catchphrase: "I'll be back." and "Hasta la vista."
- Composite Character: He raps in the steel plant from the second movie, performs his shotgun flip and wears his leather outfit from the same film, plus the catchphrases. However, he wields his UZI from the first movie, and his overall personality is similar to his original, villainous Killer Robot one.
- Cool Shades: He takes off his iconic shades after his intro and puts them back on for the end for his last attack.
- Implacable Man: Not even being shot in the head stops him from finishing his verse.
- Just a Machine: Robocop says that he knows nothing of love or honor, and only protects John Connor because of programing.
- Kick the Dog: At one point, he impersonates Robocop's wife just to make a burn towards his sex life.
- No Kill Like Overkill: At the end where he has two ED-209s fire on Robo.
- Voice Changeling: He imitates Alex Murphy's wife's voice at one point, in the same manner the Terminator does in the films.
- Walking Arsenal: He brags about the amount of weapons he can use in comparison to RoboCop's trademark pistol.
Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!"
- Badass Beard: The behind the scenes show that they researched his beard to make it as accurate as possible. As a result, he looks distinguished as the rapping inventor of philosophy should.
- Berserk Button: Doesn't like being called a plebe.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Appears in the background during Lewis & Clark vs. Bill & Ted.
- The Gadfly: Proudly proclaims himself to be one as "the mad gadfly".
- Knight In Sour Armor: Insufferable as he is, he had a major interest in ethics, which is why he puts down Voltaire for being a lottery-rigging frog.
- The Leader: Claims himself the inventor of philosophy, and Sun Tzu claims that Nietzsche and Voltaire are his followers.
- Old Master: He's obviously quite old, which means he has been practicing his Socratic method (and in this case, rapping skills) for a long time
- Red Baron: Refers to himself as the "Mad Gadfly."
- Troll: Infamous for being one. He proudly calls himself the Mad Gadfly and claims his team's got wisdom and wit even he couldn't question.
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!"
- Badass Baritone: Has the deepest voice in the entire battle.
- Badass Mustache: A gigantic handlebar mustache. Confucius doesn't think it's all that cool, though: he thinks God might have died of shame after creating it.
- Berserk Button:
- He's shaking in rage after being insulted by Socrates. Making it worse is that he doesn't believe himself to be Socrates' student.
- Bringing up the Nazis is this for him as well.
- The Comically Serious: Easily the most intense of the philosophers, which makes it funnier when he threatens to "squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu."
- Flanderization: His portrayal is inaccurate in that he is equated with his most bombastic proclamations and he describes himself as a "nihilist" which the real Nietzsche did not. Nietzsche argued against nihilism and he described it in detail but always as something to be overcome.
- Large Ham: Shouts half of his lines with intense expressions and actions.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: According to Confucius, his ideas are partly responsible for Nazi Germany.
- Perpetual Frowner: Spends the entire battle with a scowl on his face.
- Red Baron: Dubs himself the "Fliest Nihilist."
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Becomes annoyed by his allies arguing and leaves after the battle.
- Shown Their Work: They got Nietzsche's real-life dislike for Socrates and Voltaire right. Also, his opinions on anti-Semitism are referenced as well, see the second Berserk Button entry.
- Straw Nihilist: Reassures himself as the Trope Codifier during his introduction. "The Fliest Nihilist."
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: He hated Socrates and Voltaire and absolutely lost it when he's referred to as Socrates' student.
- Übermensch: He insists that you call him one, because "he's so driven." This is one rare mistake from the series, the real-life Nietzsche consistently said that he was not the Übermensch.note
Played by: Zach Sherwin
"Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays I've been publishing!"
- Agent Peacock: More flouncy than his teammates, but no less scathing.
- Attention Whore: Confucius implies he supports free speech so he can yap as much as he wants.
- Berserk Button: He tries to calm Socrates down, but lost it after Socrates called him a "Frog" and made fun of his nose.
- The Casanova: He gets laid. A LOT. He even points out how the Westerners are better lovers.
- Cool People Rebel Against Authority: Prides himself on going against the status quo, directly opposing Confucius.
- Flanderization: He's mostly a caricature of a foppish French aristocrat with none of his deeper ideas or defects (his raging anti-Semitism for instance) addressed.
- Gag Nose: Socrates makes a joke about his nose falling into his coffee.
- It's All About Me: Confucius tells him free speech is no excuse to babble about himself.
- Long-Haired Pretty Boy: Though Confucius thinks his 'do looks like egg noodles.
- Must Have Caffeine: His love of coffee is mocked by Confucius and Socrates.
- Rhyming with Itself: Rhymes "frank" with itself four times, and for bonus points, rhymes the preceding word every time as well, three of those four times rhyming "be" with itself. At least he uses different meanings of "frank" each time...Let me be frank:
Don't start beef with the Frank
Who hangs with B. Franks
Giving ladies beef franks!
- Small Name, Big Ego: Confucius accuses him of this after he boasts about his wit.
Played by: Timothy DeLeGHETTO
"Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!"
- Batman Gambit: Pulls one off and successfully gets the Western philosophers to turn on each other by exploiting their egos.
- Badass Mustache: Makes up for the lack of a beard like his compatriots with a nice-looking mustache that makes him look more intimidating.
- Big Ol' Eyebrows: He has the largest and thickest of the three.
- Flaw Exploitation: He turns his opponents against each other by taking advantage of Nietzsche's dislike of Socrates.
- The Gadfly: Despite Socrates calling himself this as his title, Sun Tzu is sneaking around and making fun of the philosophers after he turns them against each other. He takes a picture of the three squabbling once Voltaire joins in, and laughs at Nietzsche as he fumes in rage.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Though his plan to turn the Westerners against each other succeeded, the Easterners also fall victim to infighting when he gets frustrated with Lao Tzu and tells him to "fill his bowl with some shit that makes some sense".
- Hot-Blooded: The most riled up of the Eastern Philosophers.
- Hypocritical Humor: Insults Confucius' Big Ol' Eyebrows even though his own are the biggest.
- The Leader: Easily takes control of his side's verses, commanding Lao Tzu and Confucius to give it their all.
- Manipulative Bastard: Exploits Nietzsche's contempt for Socrates in order to ruin the cooperation of Team West.
Played by: KRNFX
"We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty."
- Badass Beard: Not as long as Confucius's, but still respectable in a "wise old sage" manner.
- Berserk Button: Telling him that his philosophy doesn't make sense will enrage him.
- Don't Think, Feel: His philosophy encourages going with the flow, but he still tells Sun Tzu to "move, bitch, get out the way!"
- Ice-Cream Koan: Sun Tzu points out how his philosophy at times just doesn't make any sense.
- A bowl is best used when it is empty...
- Mellow Fellow: Very relaxed and tranquil, up until Sun Tzu says his ideas make no sense.
- Not So Stoic: Succumbed to arguing with Sun Tzu.
- Old Master: His age reflects in his wisdom (even if it doesn't make sense at first thought) and he can still get physical.
- The Quiet One: Speaks very calmly and politely.
- The Stoic: Of the serene variety. He's noticeably the calmest of his group.
- Technical Pacifist: He threatens to force his opposition out of the way if they don't move for him.
Played by: MC JIN
"Confucius say, you can all hold these fortune cookies!"
- Badass Beard: Has the longest of all facial hair shown in the rap battle. As a result, he looks like the sage he is commonly depicted as.
- Berserk Button: Insulting his eyebrows breaks his politeness.
- Big Ol' Eyebrows: They're big enough to be mocked by Sun Tzu even though his are bigger.
- The Fettered: Confucianism is known for its rigid social systems. Confucius makes appeals to tradition, respect, and honor over the course of the battle.
- Japanese Ranguage: As a pun against Nietzsche, he doesn't approve of his philosophies by saying "Me no Third Reichy."
- Motor Mouth: Gives Shakespeare a run for his money with how fast he executes Sun Tzu's Batman Gambit.
- Not So Above It All: Attempts to stop his partners' squabble but then joins in.
- N-Word Privileges: Makes cracks about Asian Speekee Engrish, Chinese takeout and fortune cookies.
- Old Master: He delivers a scathing broadside to Voltaire and Nietzsche by leveraging a lifetime of wisdom and being oldest here.
- Unusual Eyebrows: Sun Tzu thinks they need to fit better on his face.
- Vocal Dissonance: He looks like a wise old sage, which makes his energetic, fast-talking style kind of jarring.
Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar
Played by: DeStorm Powers
"I got the strength of a lion and the speed of a cheetah!"
- Authority Equals Asskicking: He is a legendary African warrior king.
- Badass Army: There are Zulu soldiers in his area. In his own words, they can "dismantle any emperor's pasty white horde".
- Blade on a Stick: His army in the background use spears that are brought up by Caesar to make a pun about William Shakespeare's play about him.
- Companion Cube: The rap begins with Zulu talking to his hammer as if it is his friend.
- Does Not Like Shoes: Is barefoot during the battle and brags about how Zulu warriors are "trained on thorns".
- Drop the Hammer: Talks to his hammer about how bad he'll beat Caesar; "knock off his dome and wrap it up in his own banner!"
- Hot-Blooded: Very energetic and ready to fight.
- Hypocritical Humor: He mocks Caesar's death at the hand of those he thought his friends in both the play and in real life. Ironic when Shaka himself was murdered by his two half-brothers at an even younger age than Caesar.
- Large Ham: Even for a show like this, he stands out as a loudmouth.
- Lightning Bruiser: With the strength of a lion and the speed of a cheetah.
- Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: Caesar suggests he should hide underneath his cow skin shield.
- Made a Slave: Caesar's closing line threatens Zulu with this fate.Caesar: You could grow my wheat for me after you're beaten!
- Oh, Crap!: He is visibly shocked, when Caesar explains him how his superior forces will defeat the Zulu bull horn formation.
- Precision F-Strike: He only swears once in the battle, but he makes it count.Shaka: And get fucked by more than just Cleopatra in Africa!
- Proud Warrior Race Guy: His first verse is more focused on how he's one of Africa's greatest conquerors along with his army in the background.
- Scary Black Man: One of the scariest in history due to his conquests.
- The Strategist: References his Impi battle formation through the Zulu's horns. Caesar later references the Impi by threatening to spank the Zulu in the chest.
- Underwear of Power: He's a warrior king wearing a loin cloth. Caesar even mocks him for it by saying he's wearing a diaper.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: He and his soldiers are all shirtless, though Zulu at least has an elegant large tribal necklace to indicate his royal status.
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"You're fucking with the most triumphant third of the Triumvirate!"
- Badass Army: He has Roman soldiers backing him up. In his own words, "You can't outflank the best."
- Badass Boast: References how he killed his kidnappers once he was released from them to show that he doesn't mess around.
- Chekhov's Gunman: He's mentioned by Marilyn Monroe during her rap battle against Cleopatra in Season 2.
- Cold Ham: He's Chewing the Scenery just as much as Zulu, but is much more subdued.
- Deadpan Snarker: He has a rather dry wit.Caesar: You talk a lot of shit for a man wearing a diaper.
- Decapitation Presentation: Zulu threatens to do this to him, saying he'll send his head back to Rome as a message for anyone who wants to attempt challenging the African king's might.
- Dirty Coward: According to Zulu, everyone thinks Caesar is a chicken.
- The Emperor: First of the Empire, last of the Republicans. However this is defied by himself in Real Life. Julius Caesar was the de facto absolute ruler of Rome but he insisted on not being "king". As for "last of the Republicans", later historians consider Brutus to be that.
- Et Tu, Brute?: Shaka brings up his death at the hands of his Senators.
- Evil Laugh: "Oooh can I be a hyena? Cause I'm going to laugh."
- Faux Affably Evil: His voice becomes awfully calm at the end of the battle as he tells Shaka Zulu that he's not going to kill him or his hordes, since they'll be much more useful to him as slaves.
- Just the First Citizen: Julius was the historical Trope Namer here, and this is referenced when he calls himself "First of the Empire."
- Made a Slave: Invokes this on Zulu.Caesar: There's no use in murdering you and your heathen; you can grow my wheat for me after you're beaten.
- Pity the Kidnapper: Inverted initially - the pirates were very charmed by him. Then they all ended up crucified once he was released.
- Pragmatic Villainy: He sees no need for genocide, especially when slavery is more profitable for Rome.
- The Queen's Latin: He's Roman (obviously) and speaks with a slight English accent.
- The Strategist: Lays out the ways his legions will cripple Shaka's forces.
- Tyrant Takes the Helm: "First in the Empire, last of the republicans", as he puts it.
- Wicked Cultured: He's well aware of his Shakespearian biography.
Jim Henson vs Stan Lee
Played by: Lloyd Ahlquist
"I'm just your friendly neighborhood writer man with a secret identity of a super MC!"
- Aww, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: He's quick to say sorry after he insults Mr. Hooper and then spends the rest of the rap telling Jim that he considers him a good friend.
- Berserk Button: Takes off the kid gloves after Jim brings up Jack Kirby.
- Cool Old Guy: The charismatic creator of many comic book icons, though he's working through a few emotional issues.
- Cool Shades: He claims his raps are as dark as his shades.
- Everyone Has Standards: He quickly apologizes for the Mr. Hooper line.
- Grumpy Old Man: He regretfully tells Jim about struggling to control his temper (among other things) at his age.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Much more hostile than his opponent, but when Henson accuses him of stealing Jack Kirby's ideas he emphatically tells Henson that Jack was his friend. After realizing that he's gone too far with the Mr. Hooper line, he admits that Henson was gone too soon, and misses him.
- My God, What Have I Done?: When he makes the Mr.Hooper line towards Henson, he's instantly disgusted with himself.
- Never Speak Ill of the Dead: He cuts his own rap after he brings up Mr. Hooper's death to mock Henson and immediately apologized.
- Oh, Crap!: When Walt Disney turned up, he's spooked.
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: He frequently verbalize his actions, particularly ""thwip" (when releasing a web), "snikt" (when pulling out his Wolverine Claws), and "stomp" (when doing a double axe handle). All are accompanied by Written Sound Effect.
- Wolverine Claws: He threatens to shave Jim Henson's beard with claws similar to those he gave Wolverine.
- Worthy Opponent: After everything is said and done, he and Jim Henson have lots of respect for each other.
- Written Sound Effect: Uses some of the most recognizable in his lyrics, including "snikt" and "thwip".
Played by: Peter Shukoff
"I'm clenching all your strings like you're a puppet in suspension."
- Dissonant Serenity: He has a calm soothing voice throughout the rap.
- Jaw Drop: After Stan's second verse, both Jim and Kermit's jaws drop, causing Stan to realize he's gone too far.
- Muppet Cameo: The most famous muppet, Kermit, is by his side.
- Nerves of Steel: He never loses his cool when battling Stan Lee. He gives one Oh, Crap! after another once Walt Disney shows up.
- Nice Guy: He poses (more than a little mildly) for battle and talks up his rap as usual, but ultimately has maybe one very dry "burn" that Kermit helps him deliver. Everything else comes across as him being genuinely friendly.
- Oh, Crap!: When Walt Disney turned up, he's unnerved.
- Shoo Out the Clowns: Kermit exits stage left just as Jim starts to have a real heart-to-heart talk with Stan. This means he's also absent when Disney appears and the whole video takes a turn for the darker.
- Tempting Fate: He ends his second verse that no man can muck with his and Stan Lee's legacy. Cue the surprise guest...
- Too Cool to Live: Invoked by Stan Lee very solemnly
- Traumatic Haircut: Stan Lee threatens to forcefully shave him using Wolverine Claws.
- Ventriloquism: The most famous ventriloquist in history is present, being the creator of The Muppets, and he has Kermit rapping with him.
- Warrior Therapist: Even before Stan apologizes for the Mr. Hooper line, Jim says he can feel something discordant within Stan.
- Worthy Opponent: After everything is said and done, he and Stan Lee have lots of respect for each other.
Played by: Zach Sherwin
"I'm owning this battle! In fact, I own this whole series!"
- Anthropomorphic Personification: He's less Walt Disney the man and more of the physical embodiment of how detractors view the Disney corporation. This has some disturbing historical resonance, since even in his own lifetime, Disney's person and his corporate icon became so conflated that many of his employees and associates weren't even quite sure what his "real" personality was like.
- Ax-Crazy: Certainly comes off this way, what with the gigantic, terrifying grin and wide, crazed eyes.
- Bad Boss: He shamelessly brags about how he overworks his artists and the poor labor conditions in his shops."So get back to work/that's my dime you're wasting/I didn't buy you for billions/so you could play around debating."
- The Bad Guy Wins: Successfully gets both Henson and Lee in his pocket and takes over the series itself."Clearly there's nobody near me/I'm owning this battle/in fact, I own this whole series."
- Badass Mustache: Has a bush on his lips and is a dreaded Evil Overlord.
- Biting-the-Hand Humor: The show is ultimately owned by The Walt Disney Company, and so with this character they're basically calling their founder an Evil Overlord.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Unlike Lee and Henson, he cares more about money than business ethics.
- Crapsaccharine World: How he sells his empire:"I'll put a smile on your face/and green in your pocket/you'll be safe and insured/when you're under my employ/now look at it/gaze upon my empire of joy"
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: His skin is very pale, likely to make his appearance more evil.
- Evil Overlord: He describes his business as an Empire and has the ego of one, "the Disneyland-lord of your intellectual property".
- Faux Affably Evil: He smiles most of the time and promises Lee and Henson they'll be compensated and insured handsomely (which Disney does to all their artists), but it's clear he cares for nothing but power over people's happiness."You belong to Disney/which means you stay busy/cranking out magic/and assembly line whimsy"
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: When everyone thinks that Stan Lee and Jim Henson will have a heartfelt conclusion over their rap battle, he shows up without any warning.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: Played for Laughs. He's practically a supervillain in the ERB-verse.
- Hostile Show Takeover: Literally and figuratively, given that he finishes the rap and then declares "I own this whole series". Yes, he even brags about it and his past attempts of this trope all throughout his appearance.
- It's All About Me: His raps are all Evil Gloating about his success. Tellingly, he always included the words "I", "my", and "me" in all his lines.
- Knight of Cerebus: When he shows up, the mood quickly takes a nosedive. Most of his verse borders on disturbing, in stark contrast to the rest of the battle.
- Large Ham: Truly chews up the scenery bragging about his success.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: To add to the episode's already creepy ending, Disney not only mentions that he owns Henson and Lee's companies, but also the show. Maker Studios, the studio that produces the series, is owned by The Walt Disney Company.
- Moment Killer: He interrupts a heartfelt conversation between Jim Henson and Stan Lee.
- No Indoor Voice: For most of his verse, he's practically screaming his lines.
- Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Screams in the Voice of the Legion, cheerfully raps about how he works his artists to the bone and runs a number of sweatshops, and all with a huge smile and wide, bright eyes. Disney is easily the most legitimately scary character in ERB history.
- Perpetual Smiler: Has this big, plastic grin on his face for most of his lines. He claims that he'll put a smile on everyone's face whether they like it or not.
- Rule of Symbolism: Aside from owning the rights to The Muppets and most of Marvel Comics properties, Disney also owns Maker Studios, which owns ERB, which was founded by NicePeter and EpicLloyd, who are playing the foundersnote of the first two companies.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: He's wearing a suit because he is a modern day emperor.
- Sigil Spam: "With only 3 circles, I dominate the planet!"
- Technically a Smile: Has a wide, toothy, joyless grin that seems to never leave his face.
- Utopia Justifies the Means: In a warped capitalistic sense of utopia, he is definitely creating one. He declares his company to be an "Empire of Joy." He also believes that any business practice is acceptable so long as the end product makes people happy.
- Voice of the Legion: This is not Walt himself but the personification of the company itself, and so he speaks with the voices of all its ruling bigwigs.
- Wham Line: "M-I-C: I rock the mic properly. K-E-Y: Turning profits, I got the key!"