Regardless of how disliked or embarrassing a person was in life, no matter how odd they were considered, or what crimes they had committed, the moment they leave this mortal coil, a Nostalgia Filter falls into place causing the deceased to be remembered as being better than they were, for the most part. For some people, the reasoning is that the dead person isn't here to defend themselves anymore, or at the very least cannot continue to do the unpleasant things they were reviled for anymore.
Villains, particularly ones at the lighter end of the Sliding Scale of Antagonist Vileness, will sometimes extend the same courtesy to fallen heroes (particularly ones they regarded as a Worthy Opponent).
Definitely Truth in Television, as the idea has been around since at least the 4th century. Whether or not it should be is rather contentious. Plenty of people seem to deride it for those they hate but invoke it for public figures they like. An alternative formulation, suggested by Christopher Hitchens (who loved speaking ill of the dead) is: "Never say anything nasty about the dead that you weren't brave enough to say while they were alive. Everything else is fair game."
Genealogists are especially picky about this on both sides of the issue with some wanting to record everything about a person down to various brushes with the law that are recorded in old papers "Bob was cited for DUI in 1959, 1963, and 1964" versus paragraphs glorifying the person so much that there's little of actual historical value about the person "He was a great guy, and everyone loved him!" Even The Other Wiki has to point out that it is not a memorial site.
This is a Death Trope, so expect UNMARKED SPOILERS!
- Subverted in Rave Master. When Reina dies, Joker politely suggests this to Lucia. He responds by smacking her down and telling her he doesn't really care about the feelings of dead people. Of course, Lucia is a jerk.
- In My Bride is a Mermaid, everyone believes Mikawa to have a deadly disease, so they promptly all start talking about how awesome he is, even having a "Mikawa Appreciation Party". Mikawa, of course, is oblivious to that fact, and thinks he's just that awesome.
- Parodied in an early episode of Tenchi Universe, when Tenchi thinks Ryoko has been killed (she's actually not even injured) and says "She was such a good person. Well, not really, but..."
- In YuYu Hakusho shortly after Yusuke's Heroic Sacrifice pushing a little boy out of the way of a car, a couple of his teachers, due to his reputation of being a Jerk Ass, were cracking jokes that he was actually attempting to shove the kid down. Another of Yusuke's teachers overhears this and chews them out for being insensitive.
- JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency: When Wamuu dies, Kars dismisses his defeat as being a result of his sense of honor. Then a group of vampires start mocking Wamuu... and Kars promptly slaughters the lot, making his real feelings on the matter apparent.
- George Carlin referred to this phenomenon in a routine on his album On the Road:
Hey, when you die, you get more popular than you've ever been in your whole life. You get more flowers when you die than you ever got at all. They all arrive at once, too late. And people say the nicest things about you! They'll make shit up if they have to! "Oh yeah, he was an asshole, but a well-meaning asshole." "Yeah, poor Bill is dead." "Yeah, poor Bill is dead." "Poor Tom is gone." "Yeah, poor Tom." "Poor John died." "Yeah, John." "What about Ed?" "Naw, Ed, that motherfucker, he's still alive, man! Get 'im outta here!"
- A kid at a cemetery who looks on a tombstone. Then another. Then another... Finally, he asks: "Mom, and where do they bury the bad people"?
- Thunderbird in the X-Men. He died tragically in his second mission with the team, and it was pretty hard on them because they had never really suffered a loss before. For some reason it made them all forget how he badmouthed the rest of the team, was surly all the time, participated with an extreme form of Teeth-Clenched Teamwork, and probably would have ultimately been a negative influence on the group had he not died. Not to mention that his death was a result of his own hot-headedness. That said, in the Chaos Wars event, when some of the dead X-Men were temporarily resurrected he did call himself out on being a smug jerk and barely contributing anything to the team. His personality improved dramatically and successfully led his team against the Chaos King's minion. When his time was up, he was truly grateful for the short time he had back on Earth.
- Stephanie Brown's father was a super villain who died on a mission with the Suicide Squad. In Robin when informed of his death Steph got so mad that her mom was willing to forgive him posthumously that she left home for a few days. We later find out that the reason he joined the Suicide Squad was try to make his daughter proud of him. He later turns up alive though, mourning the death of his daughter. Who also didn't really die.
- Subverted in a tie-in for Marvel's Shadowland event. At Bullseye's funeral, there's a crowd of people and a Priest saying how Bullseye was a hero and saint. Though we quickly find out the priest is just being forced to say this by a biker gang (the only people who were genuinely in mourning).
- Discussed in the MAD parody of The Lion King, in which after Simba tells everyone to not speak well of Scar, The Simpsons say that people spoke well of Richard Nixon after his death. When Michael Jackson's death was declared stupidest event of the year, the article criticized the media for canonizing him as a saint.
- Played straight with Professor X. After dying against Cyclops, everyone put aside that he could be a hypocrite when it came to abusing his powers and at times resorted to a number of morally questionable actions. Instead all the heroes at his funeral and after, were praising what a great guy he was and even Captain America told Cyclops to his face that he killed "one of the most decent men I have ever met". After the Phoenix 5 event, a lot of X-Men (besides Wolverine) and even quite a few Avengers wanted to get a shot at Cyclops for killing Xavier with Hawkeye threatening to shoot Cyclops in the head if he didn't stand down.
- After the death of The Sentry he got an entire one-shot dedicated to people talking about what a fantastic, wonderful person he was, even though he had spent the last year as a pawn of Norman Osborn antagonizing most of the heroes right and left, and directly prior to his death gave up completely to his Superpowered Evil Side, destroyed Asgard, killed Ares (who had just pulled a HeelFace Turn) and almost murdered them all. Yet the closest we get to anybody saying anything bad about him is Ben Grimm admitting he hated Bob...because Bob was better man than him. Made worse when Rogue reveals she lost her virginity to Sentry. If you keep an eye on continuity (Sentry was said to have gotten married around the time Reed Richard and Sue Storm did, Rogue showed up much later) it means he cheated on his wife with her. After that Mr. Fantastic saying he was the greatest of them all seems jarring.
- Subverted in Runaways, after Nico confess she tried (and failed) to ressurect Alex - Chase calls her on it and Nico doesn't deny that Alex was horrible for them, but she still doesn't think Alex deserved to die.
- After Dwayne McDuffie died, DC Comics published one-shot dedicated to him as a tribute. One of the stories had a brutal Take That! at editorial, with characters pointing out that the very same people who treated Dwayne like a dirt under their fingers are now acting as if they ever cared about him.
- The Transformers has Sixshot, Decepticon one-robot army, who while being an absurdly violent Hero Killer, is also a Noble Demon who refuses to bad-mouth any Worthy Opponent who falls to him. It's considered one of his handful of redeeming qualities. He also apparently dislikes it when other Decepticons do insult opponents, and given his reputation, most don't when he's around.
- In The Death of Superman, as word gets out about Superman's death one prison inmate rejoices, but he's quickly shut up by several others because Superman had saved a few of their relatives. Also with Cat Grant's son, Adam, who was indifferent to Superman, saying he thought "he was a big weenie", is promptly chewed out by Cat's boyfriend, Jose Delgado, over it.
- Spider-Man: During the "Return of the Sinister Six" story, Aunt May's fiance Nathan dies. At his funeral, many former members of her boarding house give May their condolences and tell her they'll miss Nathan. One of them however silently thinks of the others as hypocrites, remembering how many of them repeatedly couldn't stand Nathan because of how much of a grump he often was.
- Pointedly averted in Green Lantern; when Laira dies after a FaceHeel Turn, Hal tries to do this, only for the Guardians to bluntly point out that Laira was kicked out of the Corps for a good reason (brutalizing criminals and abusing her authority) and willingly became a Red Lantern. While its sad she died, they dont exactly feel much sympathy for her and arent about to pretend that she didnt bring her fate upon herself.
- From the Professional Wrestling series The JWL:Twice on Episode 53.
- The show featured the debut of the Rock's "The Smackdown Hotel." The Rock ran down various Real Life wrestler interview segments, with the mention of Mike Awesome's note WCW segment "The Lava Lamp Lounge" being deleted.
- Later that same night, there was a tag match that was originally scheduled as the Royal Assassins (Randy Orton and Dave Batista, w/manager Jerry Lawler) vs. Balls Mahoney and Mike Awesome. Before the match, Orton started cutting a promo about "killing legends"note , and Orton's mic went out and a "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties" message came up on the screen. When the show came back, Mahoney said that what Orton had said "was a load of crap." He then brought out his replacement partner, Masato Tanaka.
- Played with in Naruto Rend. Kushina at first notes that the Third Hokage was a great man while alive. Right before she guiltily admits his second run as Hokage showed he had become too old, passive and tired to run Konoha properly and his actions are seen as a series on failures.
- In Chapter 7 of Shattered Innocence, Dirk insults Lincoln in order to elicit a response from Lynn. Needless to say, it doesn't end well for him.
- Downplayed in Eroninja where, after learning the full truth of what happened the night of his birth, Naruto agrees that Minato was a great hokage who sacrificed everything, including his family, for the sake of the village. But that same act marked him as a horrendous husband and father.
- Subverted in Die Hard with a Vengeance, as Simon agrees with McClane that Hans was an asshole. But "there is a difference between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window."
- Downplayed in Extract when the main character's annoying neighbor dies of a heart attack. Him and his wife are somehow saddened but not broken up since he was a massive pest and start making jokes about him and the mourners, oddly coming off more as their own way of mourning since the wife blames herself for what happened since she chewed him out right when he had his heart attack.
- In The Green Mile, after consummate Jerk Ass Percy taunts the corpse of a recently-executed prisoner, he is angrily rebuked by a fellow guard, who says that execution for his crimes makes him "square with the house now".
- Heathers spoofs it mercilessly, as the Alpha Bitch is lovingly remembered by everyone after her death, much to the disgust of her murderer. Because all the mean characters that are killed are subsequently ennobled in death, this drives J.D. to try to blow up the whole school.
- The Three Stooges, Brideless Groom; When asked about his Uncle Caleb, Shemp goes into a tirade about what a jerk the old man was. When told that Caleb died and left him a small fortune, Shemp immediately starts a tearful speech on how sweet and charitable he was.
- World's Greatest Dad has a Jerk Ass horrendously perverted son who accidentally dies while masturbating. His father covers this up as a suicide. By the end of the movie, the school library is renamed in his honor.
- Superman gets this big time in Justice League (2017). In the year since his Heroic Sacrifice, he's gone from being a polarising figure in life to being idealised in death. Possibly justifying this change in attitude was the revelation that Lex Luthor's attempts to defame Superman had become public knowledge, leaving only his heroic deeds to be remembered.
- Discussed in Dear Zachary, where they talk about Zachary's father Andrew, and how sometimes your loved ones take on a rosy glow in your memories, and how that's not happening in this case. Firmly averted in the case of Zachary's mother, Shirley. At first, it seems uncomfortable (if understandable) that Zachary's grandparents (Andrew's parents) are trashing his mother in a film that is intended to be watched by him. Then you learn what happened to Zachary.
- In the third Anne of Green Gables book, Anne of the Island, this trope is hilariously called into question by Anne's adopted brother Davy.
"Mrs. Lynde says we musn't speak ill of the dead. Why musn't we, Anne? It's pretty safe, ain't it?"
- Miss Cornelia also comments on it two books later in Anne's House of Dreams:
"Have you ever noticed what heaps of good people die, Anne, dearie? It's kind of pitiful. Here's ten obituaries, and every one of them saints and models, even the men. Here's old Peter Stimson, who has 'left a large circle of friends to mourn his untimely loss.' Lord, Anne, dearie, that man was eighty, and everybody who knew him had been wishing him dead these thirty years."
- Miss Cornelia also comments on it two books later in Anne's House of Dreams:
- In A Song of Ice and Fire, Eddard Stark regards Arthur Dayne, Oswell Whent, and Gerold Hightower as being honorable knights even though they kept his sister prisoner and killed eight of his friends when he tried to get her back.
- The protagonists of Dragon Bones are not usually prone to this, everyone agrees that Ward's recently deceased father was a jerk. However, when loyal stablemaster Penrod has to be killed because he's trying to kill Ward under the influence of a spell, someone says "He died in battle against the Vorsag", and they all agree to this offical version.
- In Speaker for the Dead, the eponymous occupation is all about averting it. Orson Scott Card was irritated at the prevalent use of this trope in Real Life funerals and wanted someone to tell the truth about a dead person for once: that the deceased had bad moments as well as good ones. However, it's played more-or-less straight when Ender finally tells the full truth about a Love Martyr who became a bitter, angry man over the lie he had to live.
- Specifically, he can't have children. Which makes life with his wife and 5 kids less than stellar.
- Maybe for the moment, but Novinha is definitely relieved to have this off her shoulders. Besides, Ender ends up marrying her, so the children get a new father. This time, one who understands and cares for them.
- Unfortunately for Miro and Ouanda, Ender also reveals that they do, in fact, have the same father. It's not entirely clear if they would have made it work, despite the taboos, but Miro's partial paralysis makes the point moot.
- Ender doesn't hide the fact that Marcos is a wife-beater and a drunk. Card points out that the reason he hated this trope is because people, essentially, reinvent the deceased, which is partly a revenge move to erase who they really were. He specifically mentions a Portuguese woman at a funeral he attended wailing (as per custom) over her terrible (and cheating) husband's body, claiming he was a good husband. Essentially, she was punishing him by erasing him. Ender doesn't say that Marcos was a good man. He points out that he did have admirable qualities, even if they were overshadowed by being a complete asshole to everyone around him.
- Specifically, he can't have children. Which makes life with his wife and 5 kids less than stellar.
- Used by Mark Twain in Tom Sawyer. When he's believed dead, the adults switch from considering him the devil incarnate to considering him Too Good for This Sinful Earth.
- The page quote above is from The ABC Murders. This is almost immediately subverted by the deceased's sister's next line: "Betty was an unmitigated little ass!"
- In Dracula, during one of Mina's entries, she recorded a long rant by an old man concerning the practice of this. Remarking the grave (which the girls are close to, having to decide to picnic in the church yard) belongs to a sorry sourpuss and wasn't even missed by his "hellcat of a mother."
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows subverts this trope with Albus Dumbledore, who was the previous book's Anyone Can Die victim. After his death, Rita Skeeter jumps on the chance to write about the revelations surrounding the deceased's past, such as his deceased sister and his romantic fling with Gellert Grindelwald, and the deceased's involvement in the creation of Grindelwald's Nazi ideals.. Amazingly, Voldemort uses both angles to his advantage; one to discredit Dumbledore, the other to officially label Harry a possible suspect for the deceased's murder, legitimizing the Ministry's pursuit of the Boy-Who-Lived.
- Occasionally invoked in jokes for the humor value. One in particular: the nasty brother of a local bully offers to pay the pastor handsomely for this kind of eulogy, with the key words being 'call him a saint'. At the funeral, the pastor blithely inverts this trope, calling to mind every bit of villainy the deceased has committed, then finishes by looking straight at the living brother and declaring "But compared to his brother, he was a saint!"
- In Percy Jackson and the Olympians, if a half-blood works for the Titans, they're the enemy. If they die, they were either a misguided hero, a victim, or both.
- In the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Relaunch, a character informs Nog and Sam Bowers that she mourns for a cadre of Jem'Hadar, or at least most of them: "I miss First, I miss Second, I miss Fourth...I do not miss Third". Upon this last comment, Nog mutters "yeah, good riddance". Bowers elbows him, even though the Founder evidently won't mind, given that she's just stated she didn't like the Third.
- In Invisible Man, the protagonist, trying to find out what happened to Tod Clifton after he vanished from the Brotherhood, discovers him peddling little paper Sambo dolls on the streets. He witnesses Clifton being caught and shot to death by the police. Deciding that his fallen friend deserves to be remembered in more than a police report, he mobilize Harlem to give Clifton a public funeral. The Brotherhood, however, is incensed that "a traitorous merchant of vile instruments of anti-Negro, anti-minority racist bigotry has received the funeral of a hero."
- Pinocchio himself invoked this trope when he was forced to fill in for a gardener's deceased guard dog for trying to stealing a few grapes. While on duty, Pinocchio learns that the dog had been accepting bribes from the other animals, letting them steal from the garden and pretending to see nothing. When they offer the same to Pinocchio, he instead alerts the gardener. When the gardener comments about how loyal his dog was, but never seemed to be able to catch them, Pinocchio decides not to tell him the truth about the dog since he's no longer alive to defend himself.
- In Michael Flynn's The January Dancer, when the Fudir tells Hugh that the assasin had killed Sweeney, Hugh assumes that Sweeney had blocked his way, not pointed out Hugh to him. The Fudir agrees it was so.
- In the Dune novel, after Paul kills Jamis in a duel, the Fremen refuse to speak ill of Jamis, even though he had a history of violence and unethical behavior. Harah's nonchalant reaction to his death, as well as her sons' jubilant response to having Paul as their new father, suggests that they did not like Jamis. Contrast Harah and her sons' behavior with that of Chani, who openly grieves when her father dies.
- Another interpretation of Harah's reaction is that the Fremen do not mourn the dead for long and see it as a natural consequence, even if it's death by single combat rather than the environment. (This may be Herbert showing his work: the Middle Eastern cultures from which the Fremen descend tend to have relatively short mourning periods—in Islam, the funeral is supposed to take place either immediately or the day after the person dies, and the actual mourning period is three days—although widows tend to get a few months of mourning—in part to make sure that the widow isn't pregnant with the deceased husband's child, but also because, you know, losing your husband is usually hard—making this somewhat different.)
- Chanters of Tremaris contains a variant of this in which Calwyn witholds information about someone's Nice Job Breaking It, Hero! because she knew the person was going to kill themselves that same day, making it more of a Never Speak Ill Of The Soon-to-be Dead. Later, she subverts it by revealing said information when the person in question really is dead.
- Paul Eldridge's "Wang Peng's Recommendation for Improving the People":
Having read the inscriptions
Upon the tombstones
Of the Great and the Little Cemeteries
Wang Peng advised the Emperor
To kill all the living
And resurrect the dead.
- Played with and inverted in The Mary Whitehouse Experience Encyclopaedia in an entry about Neville Chamberlain. It says that is is wrong and unfair to condemn him, with the benefit of hindsight, for failing to appreciate how dangerous Hitler was. Far better to condemn him for sexually abusing animals, which isn't true, but he's dead so he can't sue.
- Lampshaded by Gus in The Fault in Our Stars, when talking about his ex-girlfriend Caroline. He says she was a bitch, but that he feels bad saying that now. She had a kind of brain cancer that he suspects changed her mind, but because he never knew her before she had it, he's not sure. He wants to believe it was the cancer, not her, but he doesn't know.
- American Horror Story: Coven: After the death of Fiona Goode, the other witches of the coven describe her as a "great Supreme", "a lot to live up to" and "one of the best", even though she plotted to murder all of them. Subverted by her own daughter, Cordelia, who acknowledges she was the worst thing to ever happen to the coven.
- Arrow: Played for Laughs. When Amanda Waller dies, Oliver and Lyla (who were both employed by her at various points) solemnly raise a toast in her memory. Everyone else looks on, a little bewildered, which Felicity underlines when she mentions the time Waller tried to bomb the entire city to kill a couple dozen Super Soldiers.
- Played hilariously straight in The Bob Newhart Show, when a hated member of Dr. Hartley's group session dies suddenly, and the rest of the group(who were voting to have him kicked out of the group) were suddenly in mourning for him.
- Israeli Channel 2 once held a ceremony giving the Golden Jackass award for embarrassing quotes by public figures, aired before Cohens death (see below). Cohen had a few quotes in there, such as trying to tell some swans he had imported to a local zoo to Come here, come here in English because Thats where theyre from. (They were imported from the Netherlands.) After his death, the ceremony was aired again, with his quotes edited out and his image replaced with a generic human silhouette, similar to the one Facebook uses in lieu of absent profile pictures. It was very jarring to watch, especially for those whod watched the original version.
- The Chaser's War on Everything challenged this trope head-on in the form of "The Eulogy Song", citing numerous deceased celebrities as examples of this trope widely in action (although singer Andrew Hansen introduced the song with how his (completely fictitious) asshole of a grandfather was spoken well of at his funeral).
"But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath... yes, even *HONK* turn into top blokes after death."
- The best part was watching people who completely missed the satire and blasted the Chaser team for mocking the dead celebrities, especially those who called them cowards because "they wouldn't have said those things had they been alive."
- Subverted on Chicago Hope: when one of the doctor's father dies, the doctor makes a point of assuring all of the mourners at his funeral that he thought his father was an asshole, refusing to sugarcoat his life just to make them or himself feel better. When he's alone with a friend at his father's graveside, however, he does admit that his father wasn't all bad.
- Daredevil (2015): Elliott "Grotto" Grote, a smalltime Irish mob grunt, is killed by the Punisher, despite Nelson & Murdock's best efforts to protect him. Out of respect for his life, Matt, Karen and Foggy have a private memorial service for him in "Penny and Dime". Father Lantom doesn't sugarcoat Grotto's life. The most positive thing he can say about Grotto is that he went to and donated to the church, and explains to Matt afterwards that if they ignore his criminal past, there was no learning from it.
- Abby on Dawson's Creek. While alive, she was a Libby-esque bad girl who proved to be a bad influence on a lonely Jen. Then she died, and all of Capeside tried to make her seem like she was really a good person. Jen ends up giving a huge "The Reason You Suck" Speech to her classmates for being two-faced liars who didn't know the real Abby, the one who was her best friend.
- In the pilot of Dead Like Me, George Lampshades this as she narrates her own funeral:
- Everyone says the same shit at funerals. They talk about how sweet and wonderful and, oh, so full of life you were, how it was your time and you can't question God's plan. They never say anything bad. You could be the biggest turd in the toilet bowl and still come up smelling like a rose.
- Doctor Who:
- "Father's Day": Rose's mum gave her a somewhat idealized impression of her late father. It's not like Jackie could have expected Rose would eventually find a time machine and meet him personally.
- The Doctor applies this trope to their entire species. During the classic series, the Doctor was frequently critical of the other Time Lords' complacent, bureaucratic society. Then the Time War happened in the gap before the revival, rendering the Doctor the last of their kind. After four series of guilt and nostalgia, the Tenth Doctor was faced with the prospect of the Time Lords actually coming back and immediately grabbed a gun, admitting he'd been choosing to remember the best of them. Turns out the War made them even worse.
- Interestingly, there is a subtle inversion after "The Day of the Doctor" revealed that the Time Lords might not be dead after all soon after, we get an episode where the Doctor says that Earth is "his world" as much as it is Clara's. Now that he no longer feels guilt over its apparent destruction, he is again free to admit that Gallifrey wasn't exactly his favorite place in the universe.
- Played for laughs in the 2009 BBC version of Emma, upon the news that Mrs. Churchill (Frank's controlling aunt) has died:
Emma: I am so delighted at this...very tragic news.
- Played straight on the Israeli satire show Eretz Nehederet. Real-life public figures who were formerly repeatedly mocked, such as MK Uzi Cohen, mocked for his nepotism and ineptitude, and Yosef Tommy Lapid, mocked for being a classist and a racist, stopped receiving any flak right after their death in a somewhat jarring fashion: Cohens only mention was after his death was when then-MK Benjamin Netanyahu made fun of his ugly teeth (while the shows own portrayal of him was fairly caricaturesque), and Lapids ghost made a brief appearance at the conclusion of an argument to serve as the Only Sane Man. Averted with figures who have been dead for a long time, such as Golda Meir and Moshe Dayan.
- Played with in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in which Raymond is enlisted (reluctantly) to write a potential eulogy for his father. Ray tries at first to play the trope straight, only to give himself writer's block; he even interviews Frank's lodge buddies, who prove equally at a loss to say something positive about the man. Then, when Ray finally thinks of something nice to say (recalling an incident in which Frank was seen coddling and nurturing the boys' pet rabbit), Frank flies off the handle, saying it tarnishes his reputation to be portrayed with a sensitive side. It's at this point the trope is subverted (or would be subverted, if you will, since Frank is of course not dead), as everyone finally tells Frank off: the reason no one can think of nothing nice to say about him is because he is a complete Jerk with a Heart of Jerk, and his eventual eulogy will likely say the same.
- Frasier Niles' mother Hester is often remembered in the best possible light by them (and Martin) as a compassionate, considerate, cultured and down-to-earth woman. There is the occasional hint that this view is not entirely accurate; she had a brief affair, it is sometimes implied that her method of raising the boys was ultimately damaging to them, and (if her appearance on Cheers is anything to go by) she could be outright hostile to Frasier's love interests. However, it's also made clear that, regardless of her faults, she was a loving mother and wife to her family, which explains why they choose to remember her fondly.
- Martin would even work to preserve this trope even to his own detriment. In regards to the afore-mentioned affair, at first he allowed Frasier and Niles to think it was he who cheated so as not to besmirch his dead wife's image.
- Frasier also struggles with this when he has to give the eulogy for his Aunt Louise. Everyone in the family agrees she was mean-spirited and overcritical, but he doesn't want to badmouth her at the funeral or outright lie. He ends up engaging in some Exact Words, and then segues into a song his Dad wrote to Frank Sinatra.
- The death of Judge Carl Robertson in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air subverted this. Despite humiliating Phil in an election, he agrees to do his eulogy, as Robertson had mentored Phil when he was starting out (which is a big reason why his savage campaign hurt Phil so much). Phil and Will tries to do this trope, but just about everyone at his funeral has bones to pick with him and all express how they're glad he's dead. Will eventually chastises everyone for speaking ill of the dead. One of them asks who he is and Will responds that he's the one who killed him (Robertson died from a heart attack immediately after Will told him to "drop dead"). Everybody claps. Will eventually gives up, saying "tough room".
- Game of Thrones: Margaery Tyrell tries to invoke this trope when King Joffrey demands to know why she didn't provide an heir to Renly Baratheon while they were married. It doesn't work because Joffrey considers Renly to be a traitor, and therefore isn't deserving of any respect even after death. Margaery then does her best to answer her betrothed's question without being too brusque about Renly's homosexuality, which is considered to be a sin in Westerosi society.
- Used at first in the finale of House in the title character's funeral, until Wilson starts showering him with (mostly accurate) insults. This doesn't last long, though; House, who is not really dead and was somehow listening, calls Wilson to insult him.
- Boyd Crowder in Justified adheres to this. Despite Bo Crowder's countless evil actions in life (including killing Boyd's followers and ordering Johnny to brutally beat Boyd), Boyd speaks of his late father respectfully. Boyd also speaks of the late Devil as a friend, even though he was forced to kill Devil in self-defense.
- After Coover's death, Hotrod makes a point of praising his skills at marijuana cultivation.
- Just Shoot Me!, during the episode "Bye Bye Binnie":
Dennis: We're all sick of hearing about your drunken, slutty, stupid friend Binnie.Nina: My friend Binnie is dead.Dennis: Heaven just got another angel.
- In The Killing, Holder nearly lashes in anger out at an officer who makes a crack about Bullet looking more like a boy than a girl (as the serial killer that targeted her only killed teenage girls), while in the morgue with her body. Of course, the first time that Holder had met Bullet, he had also mistaken her for a boy thanks to her butch appearance.
- Discussed in an episode of LOST.
Helen: Don't knock the obits. It's the nicest part of the paper. No one ever says anything mean about people once they're dead.Locke: Mm. Now here I am thinking the funnies are the nicest part of the paper.
- Subverted in an episode of M*A*S*H, involving Hawkeye investigating how a dead soldier managed to have a large wad of money on him. When Hawkeye informed the other soldiers in his squad of his death, one asked, "Which side got him, theirs or ours?" Turned out the deceased had conned and hustled most of his fellow soldiers to the point where he was openly despised, even after his death.
- Subverted in Misfits. After Nathan has just died for the first time (and the group do believe him to be permanently dead), Simon raises a toast "to Nathan" during the wake. Curtis simply raises his glass and says: "prick." No one objects. While they are all saddened by Nathan's seeming death, they clearly aren't about to forget what an almighty Jerk Ass he could be.
- On Monk, when Monk goes missing an is presumed dead, the Captain Stottlemeyer tearfully says good things about Monk. When Monk turns up alive he however shows his annoyances at Monk's eccentricities.
- When Mystery Science Theater 3000 spoofed Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (a terrible made-for-public-television movie), it made no jokes at the expense of star Raúl Juliá, who died three years before (though they did pun off of his name and reference his body of work. Mad Scientist Pearl even calls him a "very fine actor".
- Also subverted in the NCIS episode "Driven": when the death of a Navy lieutenant is believed to be a suicide, one of the men investigating insults her for her perceived cowardice.
- Not the Nine O'Clock News:
"THIS IS PRECISELY THE KIND OF POLITICIAN... *dies* ...who will be greatly missed."
- "De mortuis nil nisi bunkum", Harold Laski. There's a sketch in which two politicians spit bile at each other so fiercely one collapses, and the other immediately switches monologue to 'he was a dear friend...'
- Oswald Mosley's death. The papers were so nice about the fascist that they devoted a musical number to Mosley, dressed up as punks, where they actually read out genuine paragraphs from the newspapers' obituaries of him. They all said that he was a charismatic man, a gifted speaker, a philanthropist, et cetera.
- During the election on Parks and Recreation, Leslie criticized her Upper-Class Twit opponent's father for being the Corrupt Corporate Executive he is. Unbeknownst to Leslie, her opponent's father had died earlier that day and her campaign spends the rest of the episode dealing with the political fallout.
- Played straight in an episode of Reba. Reba and Brock arrive at an old bar expecting to meet their old friend, Terry, with whom there was some bad blood at their last meeting. There his brother informs them that Terry had died. Knowing their old friend's love of pulling pranks, Reba and Brock think it's a joke and yell for Terry to come out.
Brock: Only the good die young and he wasn't good! So where is he?Terry's brother: He's dead.Reba: We're so sorry for you loss.Brock: He was a good man.
- Spoofed in an Imagine Spot in a Scrubs episode. JD imagines his own wake, during which Cox finally says he loved him. At which point, JD jumps up and declares he was faking his death just to hear this. Cox then kills him for real.
- A variation in The Sopranos; Tony once notes that despite the hostility his mother held for his father when he was alive, she's viewed him as a saint ever since his death. Livia, however, is mostly directly invoking the idea for manipulative persons (usually comparing Tony to his father to himself or somebody else, or calling herself a victim for being deprived of him and stuck with the living).
- Subverted when Livia dies. At first, everyone is mourning her death and consoling her family. However, Carmela eventually calls her a sick and twisted woman when they try to think of good things about Livia, and everyone remembers that she was a senile old woman who was generally unpleasant.
- In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "The Schizoid Man", the Insufferable Genius scientist named Ira Graves dies. During his funeral, Data (of all people) starts eulogizing him with such grand statements such as "those who knew him loved him". Not only is it weird that Data is being emotional, but also because the man was only, possibly, loved by one person and behaved like an asshole to everyone else. Since Data is an emotionless android, it's unnatural for him to lie so openly. Of course, it turns out it was really Graves himself, who has managed to upload his consciousness into Data's positronic brain.
- Happened in an episode of Titus where his abusive Ex died.
- Played with a little bit in Torchwood, after Owen dies and then is reanimated.
Jack: What is with you, Ianto? Ever since Owen died all you've done is agree with him!Ianto: My mother taught me never to speak ill of the dead, even if they do most of the talking for themselves.
- Played for Laughs in Wanda At Large. When Wanda plans to do a feature on a recently deceased councilman, a conservative coworker calls it a liberal hatchet job on a good man who isn't around to defend himself. When she tells him the councilman was a Democrat, he takes it back.
- Parodied in Yes, Prime Minister; Prime Minister Hacker's predecessor in that office is writing his memoirs, which will be very embarrassing for Hacker, when he suddenly drops dead from a heart attack. When Hacker learns the news, and just before he remembers that he's supposed to act with dignified shock and grief, for a moment he has the biggest, happiest grin we've ever seen on his face. He manages to wipe it off sufficiently to deliver a suitably grave 'initial reaction', but later cheerfully comments that most of the dignitaries who will show up to his state funeral are only going to show up to make sure he's dead.
- "Styrofoam Plates" by Death Cab for Cutie is about the life of a boy raised by a poor single mother, left by her father. Towards the end we get the lines "I won't join the procession that's speaking their peace/Using five dollar words/Whilst praising his integrity/Just 'cause he's gone doesn't change the fact he was/A bastard in life thus a bastard in death."
- Jon Lajoie's song Michael Jackson is Dead subverts this trope. Jon complains about how the media treated the man like a legend after he died, but were calling him a sick "white Skeletor robot" when he was alive. For this reason, Jon refuses to pretend he cares that Jackson died, instead opting to be consistent.
Michael Jackson is dead,
Don't pretend you give a shit
You motherfucking hypocrites
Remember what you said he did?
- In "Bill Is In His Grave" by Mike Cross, the narrator eulogizes the titular Bill with a lot of I Would Say If I Could Say and Faint Praise
- "Reconciliation," the setting of a Walt Whitman poem in Dona Nobis Pacem by Ralph Vaughan Williams, describes a man attending his enemy's funeral, calling him a man divine as himself, and even kissing the corpse.
- Linkin Park's "Leave Out All The Rest" has the narrator urging the listener to "Forget the wrong that I've done" and to "help [him] leave behind some reason to be missed" while "[Leaving] out all the rest".
- Celia Cruz's "La Negra Tiene Tumbao" has a section about how people talk about others when they're alive, but once they're dead they start hypocritically acting this way.
- The Athenian laws, as written by Solon, forbid to speak ill of the living in temples, courts and public offices, and of the dead everywhere.
- There's a famous Latin phrase, "De mortuis nil nisi bonum," that, loosely translated, means "Speak no ill of the dead."
- Obituaries can contain euphemistic phrasings that sound like praise, but can be decoded by those in the know. Reasonably well known examples include 'confirmed bachelor' ("We think he was gay"), 'Didn't suffer fools gladly' ("Argumentative, will not listen to anyone"), 'the life and soul of the party' ("Pretty much permanently drunk"), or 'an irrepressible Ladies Man' (anything from "Serial Philanderer" to "Borderline Rapist").
- Anna Russell, describing the plot of Richard Wagner's Götterdämmerung: "When Brünnhilde finds out about this, of course, naturally, she's frightfully annoyed, and she plots with Hagen to kill Siegfried. And Hagen kills him. Of course, as soon as he's dead, she's sorry — I know you men are going to say, 'That's so like a woman!'"
- Parodied in the musical Oklahoma! with the song "Pore Judd is Daid", in which Curly paints a glowing picture of how popular Judd would be if only he would hang himself.
Judd': Pore Judd is daid, a candle lights his haid, he's layin' in a coffin made of wood...Curly: ... wood.Judd: And folks is feelin' sad, cuz they use ter treat him bad, an' now they know their friend is gone for good.Curly: ... good.
- In William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Marc Antony pretends to invert this, as per his agreement with the assassins not to cast blame upon them:
Antony: I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.The evil that men do lives after them;The good is oft interred with their bones;So let it be with Caesar....
- However, before he's finished, he has the mob howling for the assassins' blood, without ever breaking the letter of the agreement.
- Invoked in Stephen Sondheim's musical Assassins. During "The Ballad of Booth", the Balladeer implies that aside from believing it would bring the Civil War to an end, one of the reasons John Wilkes Booth killed Abraham Lincoln was because Booth's theater career was failing and he was getting desperate, and taunts him thus:
And Lincoln, who got mixed reviews,Because of you, John, now gets only raves!
- When Manfred von Karma speaks dismissively of Byrne Faraday mere minutes after the latter is found murdered in Ace Attorney Investigations, his partner Detective Badd seems very close to making sure von Karma shares the same fate. This is particularly significant because prosecutors are basically masters and gods to detectives and von Karma in particular could have had Badd fired if he felt like it.
- In the third case of the first Ace Attorney game, Phoenix approaches Wendy Oldbag suggesting that Jack Hammer, whom she liked, drugged Will Powers and stole his costume. She flies into a rage at the idea of Phoenix speaking ill of the dead, but when Phoenix presents the relevant evidence, she calms down and tells the story behind Hammer's fall from stardom.
- In Justice For All's second case, Dr. Grey wants Maya to channel the spirit of Mimi Miney, a nurse who once worked for him, so that she can take responsibility for a malpractice incident at his clinic in which 14 people died. He is shown as being completely selfish, especially when he complains about her dying before taking responsibility, but by all accounts, he seems to be correct despite being an unpleasant person.
- In Investigations 2, Manosuke Naito (Horace Knightley in the Fan Translation) constantly insults his dead coworker, Gai Tojiro (Ethan Rooke), whom he killed out of jealousy. Most of the people present see this as his Moral Event Horizon crossing.
- There's a short period in Final Fantasy VIII where the party thinks Jerk Ass Seifer is dead. Everyone starts to says nice things about him, except for Squall, who has a mild freak out triggered by the dissonance between the nearly-unanimous dislike the characters had for Seifer while he was alive and the nice things they say about him after his death.
- In God Hand, two mooks make wisecracks over their latest victim. Elvis reprimands them via a Megaton Punch. Keep in mind that this is a guy who is strongly implied to eat people.
- Should you choose to kill Michael Grand Theft Auto V, Trevor will never speak ill of his former friend, despite the fact that he learned that he had set him and their old partner Brad up to be killed or arrested while he vanished into witness protection, considered Michael to be a self-centered, backstabbing coward for this, and wasted no opportunity to tell him this (as well as how he hated him was going to kill him in his sleep), and even left him for dead at the hands of the Triads once before. Trevor will even give his condolences to Jimmy and Amanda, both who lost a father and a husband, despite hating Amanda almost as much as Michael.
- In Persona 4 after the homeroom teacher dubbed "King Moron" by students is killed, two students mention they feel kinda bad. Yosuke claims the victim "was a Capital-A asshole" but that didn't justify the murder.
- And one of Morooka's acts of Capital-A assholery? Badmouthing Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi, who were murdered near the start of the game, saying that their dependency on others was what got them killed.
- Occurs in Ratchet and Clank 3 when Ratchet is asked to deliver a farewell speech for Captain Qwark, an ally he really didn't like, namely for trying to get Ratchet killed in his first two adventures, and struggles to find a good thing to say about him to comic effect and to the chagrin of the audience. However, Qwark actually faked his own death to avoid facing Dr. Nefarious.
- Sunset Overdrive has this troop expressly stated to be a rule of the Troop Bushido. It's immediately subverted, where the trooper who tells you this outright admits that Norton was an asshole.
- Kratos in Tales of Symphonia gets very angry at Kvar for insulting Lloyd's dead mother, using the trope name verbatim to explain his irritation. This is a fairly thin justification compared to the real reason he's angry, namely that he's Lloyd's father and Kvar is insulting his dead wife.
- In Tales of the Abyss, Largo chastises Luke when Luke shows anger and remorse at having killed Largo's comrade Arietta over a lie that she was Locked Out of the Loop from. Largo claims Luke is dishonoring her memory by criticizing her willingness to fight and die for something she believed in; even if she believed in a lie.
- Valkyrie Profile: "They say one should not speak unkindly of the dead...so I say, 'Nice try!'"
- Assassin's Creed II: Ezio's uncle calls him on this as he's stabbing the corpse of one of his enemies in rage, insulting the now-dead man. After that, though, Ezio learns to be more prudent, and he comforts his targets after he assassinates them, always ending with a "requiescat in pace".
- In Mafia, our hero guns down a bunch of hoods that planned on raping his girlfriend in one level, then drops in on the funeral of one of them in the next, and calls the priest out on his sanitized epitaph.
- Subverted in World of Warcraft when Sylvanas mocks a dead ally immediately after rescuing the player party from the same fate. She likewise mocks her own fallen champions for being killed by one of Arthas's lieutenants earlier in the instance.
Varian: She's going to destroy all that Magni tried to do! All that he... he died for!Anduin: There's no spell, Father. Magni wanted to believe there was rather than the truth- that he drove Moira away because she wasn't a male heir.Varian: You spit on the memory of an honorable man, Anduin.Anduin: You can be an honorable man and still make mistakes.
- In The Shattering: Prelude to Cataclysm, this happens between Garrosh Hellscream and Baine Bloodhoof. The two constantly disagree while Cairne is alive, but after Garrosh kills Cairne in a duel to the death, partly the result of his weapon being poisoned, he laments not being able to defeat him fairly and remembers him as honorable. This exchange between Anduin and Varian averts it.
- Discussed in Bug Martini; the bug thinks it's time we start speaking ill of the dead.
- Chopping Block lampshades this with one comic where Butch shows up at a funeral.
Mourner: He will be missed.
Butch: Oh, bullshit. He was an asshole and you're glad he's dead.
- Played with in Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures when an undead character with no memory of their past life meets a character who knew them and actually witnessed their death. He is surprisingly thrilled when the later admits that he was a jerk in his past life.
"Do you know how hard it is to find an honest obituary? You'd think that I spent my weekends rescuing orphans from the sound of them."
- O-Chul in The Order of the Stick names the trope when taking responsibility for the gate destroyed by Miko Miyazaki, as by that point it was pretty irrelevant who had done it or why. He needs to use some Exact Words to actually avoid this.
Hinjo: I see. Then you were the one who made the decision to destroy the Gate rather than let it fall into Xykon's clutches.
O-Chul: I did make that decision, and it was my blade that did the deed. (I shall say no more about it, lest I speak ill of the dead.)
- In Persona 4TW Chie tries to invoke this trope when Mr. Morooka (aka King Moron) is murdered. Yukiko will have none of it.
- Animaniacs: Walter Wolf fakes his own death to invoke this trope as part of a revenge plot against Slappy Squirrel. She's not fooled, though, and turns his plan against him by going along with the gag.
- Consciously averted in Beast Wars, where despite dying in a Heroic Sacrifice, Dinobot implores Optimus Primal to tell his story honestly, the bad along with the good.
- Of course, he was quoting Shakespeare.
- Averted once before that, also by Dinobot, when Rattrap is presumed dead and everyone else is getting all sentimental about it. "I won't disgrace his memory with lies! He was a stinking, omnivorous pestilence... still, in some perverse way, I will miss him."
- In the final Beavis And Butthead everybody believed that the titular duo were dead (they were not). Stewart and Mr. Van Driessen expressed grief but everybody else were either glad (to the point of having a party) or otherwise indifferent.
- Deconstructed in the first season finale of Daria; the titular character is amazed at the change of heart that the rest of the cast had towards a particularly unpleasant minor celebrity after his death.
- In the Futurama episode "Calculon 2.0" after Calculon had previously killed himself to upstage actor Langdon Cobb, everyone spoke of what a great loss it was to the entertainment industry and that he was one of the greatest actors who ever lived. Once the crew brings him back to life, everyone prefers his replacement on his show "All My Circuits" and tells him that he's a hammy washed up actor who can't act. After some coaching from Leela, he gives his most heartfelt performance and then subsequently dies in a freak accident, when he earns the respect of the public and even gets a star on the walk of fame.
- One Hey Arnold! episode has everyone expressing grief after Dino Spumoni dies...except his former partner, who expresses that he's glad he's dead (although later, at the Dino Mania concert, he briefly breaks down about how he actually misses him). Turned out Dino faked his death.
- Played with on Justice League. After an Enemy Civil War, Luthor has Grodd trapped in an airlock:
Lex Luthor: Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way.
Grodd: It really could have, couldn't it?
Lex Luthor: No, but why speak ill of the dead? *opens the airlock*
- In the series finale of Kim Possible, Drakken, who momentarily believes that Kim has been killed, inverts his usual Catch-Phrase to declare, "You were a worthy foe... you were indeed 'all that'!"
- Looney Tunes: On the rare occasions Elmer Fudd actually got to shoot Bugs Bunny (or just believed he had), he was instantly remorseful. The most notable instance is "What's Opera, Doc".
- See also: Anyone else who's ever tried to kill Bugs Bunny, with the possible exception of Yosemite Sam.
- One Pepper Ann episode had the main character wondering why nobody speaks ill of the dead after a rather nasty old woman in the neighborhood died (made funnier becuase they'd insult her and then Pepper would say the woman was dead and then they'd recall "how sweet" she was).
- Pointed out explicitly where Pepper Ann's mother is seen calling her a poor, sweet old lady and Pepper Ann points out that in the previous, her mother had called her an awful person. The mother then invokes the trope by name.
- Then Pepper Ann had a dream where she lied at the woman's funeral (being asked to speak was why she was asking everyone about her in the first place) and called her "kind" and "gentle" and all of the things that people were saying after she was dead. The woman rose form the grave and berated her for it, leading to Pepper Ann taking a third option and finding the real positive aspects of the deceased woman to talk about.
- In The Simpsons, the family attends a comic convention where Bart attends a panel about the original Radioactive Man TV show from the 1960s. While the actor who played Fall Out Boy is answering questions, Bart asks if he believes Dirk Richter, the actor who played Radioactive Man, haunts the bordello where police discovered his "Bullet-riddled body." Fall Out Boy's actor immediately bursts in tears, saying Dirk was a wonderful man and screams "Can't you little vultures just leave him alone?" Bart and the audience have no idea where that came from.