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Literal Ass-Kissing

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"Derk was the nyght as pich, or as the cole,
And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers."
Geoffrey Chaucer, "The Millers Tale" (see below for translation).

Like Literal Ass-Kicking, certain rear-end related sayings aren't always figurative. Often used as a form of embarassment, Literal Ass-Kissing is a rather ultimate form of humiliation or submission.

A common variant is the Literal Genie version, when someone isn't familiar with the idiom and assumes it's an order.

See also Literal Ass-Kicking. Compare I Kiss Your Foot, which is a somewhat more dignified gesture of submission.


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    Film — Animation 
  • In The Nut Job, Precious is a dog who is really eager to kiss Surly with a face lick. When they chase Mole into getting stuck through a fence, Precious decides to give Mole a celebratory 'face lick' from behind, which causes Mole to be quite surprised and Surly to point out that wasn't his face.
  • In Shrek, Dragon is about to kiss Donkey when Shrek drops in to save him, and she ends up kissing Shrek's exposed hindquarters instead. She is not too pleased. Either way, she'd have kissed an ass.
  • In Toy Story, Mr. Potato Head takes off his lips and presses them against his rear to say that Slinky is being a buttkisser to Woody.

    Film — Live-Action 
  • In the 80's sex comedy Bachelor Party the evil blond preppie falls, like, 20 stories and winds up butt-first in the sunroof of a car. Neither he, the passengers nor the car suffer any kind of damage, but the passengers end up kissing the guy's butt when they lean in to kiss each other.
  • In Holmes & Watson, Holmes as a boy is pranked by being blindfolded and promised a kiss with a girl he likes, only to kiss an ass in both senses of the word (a donkey's butt).
  • The 2000 film version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!. When the Grinch is stealing the presents and gets to the Mayor, he presents Max's ass to him while he sleeps. Max is very clearly NOT happy afterwards.
  • A crude punk among the gang harassing Jackie and the lady running the market in Rumble in the Bronx taunts Jackie by saying if he kisses the punk's ass, he'll let him go, and then bares said ass to him. Jackie and the gang are in a parking garage, and Jackie promptly breaks the antenna off a car and uses it to whip the punk's bare ass instead.
  • In Licence to Kill, James Bond is trapped on a Conveyor Belt of Doom, and Franz Sanchez boasts that once Bond loses his feet to the grinder, he'll beg to kiss Sanchez's ass just to make the pain stop. Fortunately, Bond is rescued before this can happen.
  • An accidental case of this is in the movie Mannequin, as when two guys, Richards and Felix, plan to have Jonathan Switcher work for a competing fashion clothing store by stealing mannequins from the Prince & Company display window, Richards has his mouth buried in a mannequin's behind while carrying it.
  • A Take That! gag in Space Jam:
    Porky: Ah b-b-b-b- correction,we're Looney Tunes.
    Daffy: And as such, property of Warner Brothers Inc.! -lifts up WB-emblazoned behind and kisses it- MMMMMWAH!

  • Older Than Print: "The Millers Tale" in The Canterbury Tales, which might also be the first ever literary reference to "open your mouth and close your eyes..."
    Derk was the nyght as pich, or as the cole,
    And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
    And Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
    But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers
    • Modern English translation:
      The night was dark as pitch, or coal, and at the window she put out her hole, and Absolom, who knew no better or worse, but with his mouth he kissed her naked arse.
    • Subverted later in the same story, when Absalom gets a red hot poker and returns to the window. When he calls for his kiss again, the lady's lover sticks his ass out the window to pull the same prank. *Sizzle*
  • Used as a combined joke and point of horror in Tithe by Holly Black: after finding out Roiben's True Name, Kaye sarcastically uses it to tell him to kiss her ass, not realizing that as a faerie he's magically compelled to obey.
    Roiben: That is the true nature of servitude... Not at all pretty. In the future, I suggest you be less inventive with your insults.
  • In James Joyce's Ulysses, Leopold Bloom has a habit of kissing his wife's bottom as a greeting.

    Live-Action TV 
  • Thanks to the Literal Genie nature of the magic bean in The 10th Kingdom, this trope is the result when Butt-Monkey (ha-ha!) Tony Lewis wishes for his boss "and his entire family to kiss my ass and be my slaves forever". It doesn't help that at least one of the Murrays must have been something of a brown-noser already, since he insists on kissing Tony's ass repeatedly. (Or could that also have been covered under the "forever" part?)
  • On Scrubs, a rich donor to the hospital is admitted as a patient. JD fantasizes that Dr. Kelso comes into the room and lifts up the patient's bedspread to kiss her butt.

  • The titular ass-breath from The Coup's song "Ass Breath Killers" is a breath condition that one gets from kissing too much ass.
  • Eminem:
    • The video for "The Real Slim Shady" among other things shows Eminem dressed up as a masked superhero with a large prosthetic ass who attacks unsuspecting citizens to force them to kiss his bum.
    • In the song "Without Me", he challenges his Moral Guardian critics to "come on dip, bum on your lips".

    Mythology & Religion 
  • Medieval witches were believed to give the Devil the "Osculum infame" or "Kiss of Shame" when meeting him. It was essentially supposed to be the Satanic version of kissing the pope's feet.

    Professional Wrestling 
  • From WWE: Vince McMahon 's "Kiss My Ass" Club, created so Vince could bribe a wrestler that's been doing something he ought not have done. Wrestlers would watch Vince arrogantly bend over and reveal to them his buff and beautiful magila. It was forced closed when The Rock made him kiss Rikishi Fatu's ass. Despite this, Mr. McMahon continued to take advantage of his power with this club well into the PG Era.
    • Scott Steiner and Test opened their own club, where wrestlers and divas had to pretty much do the same thing to their manly butts. After forcing the only near recipient into the corner of the ring and taking turns farting on her, Mick Foley ended it before things got too evil.
    • Mitch was made to kiss Triple H's ass. His face was shoved in by Shawn Michaels.
    • Similarly, to the first ending of the kiss my ass club, Vince's face was shoved in the ass of The Big Show.
  • At SummerSlam 99, The Rock and Mr. Ass had a match where the loser had to kiss the winner's ass. Rock won and forced Mr. Ass to kiss the ass of a fat woman pulled from the crowd instead.
  • Implied by the lip-print tattoo on Francine's butt.
  • One time in 2006, D-Generation X beat up Eric Bischoff and forced him to kiss the ass of a fat guy called Big Dick Johnson.
  • At Extreme Rules 2015, Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus had a match where the loser had to kiss the winner's ass. Ziggler won, but when he presented his ass to Sheamus, Sheamus gave him a low blow, knocked him unconscious with the Brogue Kick, then forced Ziggler to kiss his ass. Later, at Payback 2015, Ziggler managed to force Sheamus to kiss his ass.

  • Clive Barker's play The History of the Devil. The Devil makes it a point to ask several characters, although very politely. Probably a reference to the "osculum infame" (see Other).

    Western Animation 
  • In the Adventure Time episode "Ricardio the Heart Guy", Jake tricks the Ice King into kissing his butt disguised as a princess.
  • In the Bluey episode "Favourite Thing", Bluey tells a story at the dinner table that ends with Bandit kissing a hippo's buttcheeks repeatedly while saying how much he loves it.
  • The Day My Butt Went Psycho!: Kisser, a member of the famous B-team, is a charming bum fighter, highly skilled in the art of lip to bum combat.
  • In the Dexter's Laboratory short "Dimwit Dexter", Dexter fries his brain from over-work and temporarily becomes stupid, and the neighborhood kids egg him on to do all sorts of ridiculous things. Unfortunately for Dexter, his intelligence returns right after he kisses a duck's butt.
  • Family Guy: Peter is riding a tricycle. Because of Peter's age and size, the tricycle breaks. Peter's mom is later seen putting a band-aid on Peter's bum and kissing it. Peter runs off with glee.
  • In the The Simpsons episode "In the Name of the Grandfather", the family goes to Ireland, and Bart tricks people into kissing his bottom (which has been spray-painted grey) instead of the Blarney Stone, although this trick backfired when an Irish version of Nelson decides to carve his initials into the "rock."
  • South Park:
    • In the episode "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson", when Randy accidentally says the N word on TV, he apologizes to Jesse Jackson by kissing his ass on camera (pictured above). This turns the episode's title into a Double-Meaning Title.
    • In the episode "Fun with Veal", Cartman refuses to help Stan and Kyle rescue the calves from the veal farm unless Kyle kisses him on the arse. Kyle reluctantly agrees, and Cartman lets off a fart in his face.

  • There are plenty of comics whose punch line is "Come on, Pinocchio, tell me a huge lie."
  • This caricature of Marshal Ney's change of loyalty during the Hundred Days.

    Real Life 
  • An old tradition in the South of France. People who lose a game of petanque 13-0 are supposed to "kiss Fanny's bottom". Many bars and petanque fields have a drawing or sculpture of Fanny presenting her butt to the loser, as seen here.
  • One of the specific charges of heresy levied against The Knights Templar was that initiates were required to be stripped naked and kissed by the preceptor on the navel, the posterior and the mouth.
  • This is a very common practice among BDSM practitioners since the lifestyle is built around (consensual) submission to a loving and respectful partner. Many submissive practitioners engage in "body worship" (physically revering a dominant partner's body by gently kissing certain body parts), which is popularly known as "Ass Worship" when it's focused on the buttocks. In these cases, a submissive will often demonstrate their submission to their partner by being made to kiss their backside—an act that's meant to be erotic as well as humiliating and degrading.