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Main Characters

    Hat Kid 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/89d8d6fa_7753_4f48_a73a_e7f6ce7768c6.png
"My mission is to find all time pieces so I can go home! I wish it was that easy..."
— Manual's description.

Voiced by: Apphia Yu

The main protagonist. A hat-wearing little girl from outer space who is also a time-traveler. She wants to get back to her homeworld, but an errant Mafia goon scatters the Time Pieces she uses as fuel, sending her to the planet's surface to gather them.

Hat Kid is cute, whimsical, and quite capable. However, she's also rather apathetic to the problems of the planet, getting involved in whatever schemes someone asks of her as long as she gets her Time Pieces back.


  • Adorkable: She has a few moments. One of her idle animations is her pulling out two dolls and smashing them together before putting them away in case anyone notices.
  • All There in the Manual: Since she's (mostly) a Heroic Mime, most of her dialogue and personality is fleshed out only if you read the game manual or find her diary in her bedroom.
  • Ambiguously Human: You'd be forgiven for initially thinking she was just some kid with a space ship, if not for the fact that she doesn't seem affected by the vacuum of space (and orbital entry for that matter), her hat-based powers, she can apparently carry a fully-grown walrus, and that almost everyone on the planet she meets seems to recognize her as an alien or foreign entity. An X-ray taken by C.A.W. seems to indicate her skeletal structure is rather different from a human's, anyways, most notably the fact that apparently her ponytail has a bone in it.
  • And Your Reward Is Clothes: Hat Kid can collect and wear quite a lot of different hats and other accessories. The hats give extra abilities, however, so they're not just for show. Unless you count the different styles of already-owned hats or outfit palettes you can randomly unlock as after-mission Gifts.
  • Anti-Hero: Hat Kid is collecting Time Pieces to get back home, and shows no interest in sticking around and fighting crime any longer than she has to... much to Mustache Girl's chagrin. Hat Kid will even assist the Mafia if it leads to getting a Time Piece back. That's on top of destroying the Fire Spirits by burning paintings that are outright shown to be poor souls suffering A Fate Worse Than Death.
  • Badass Adorable: She is a cute little girl, capable of trouncing any challenge she meets.
  • Badass Boast: She says "Down with the Mafia!" after she gets her umbrella.
  • Badass Cape: Her default costume has a little cape.
  • Batman Can Breathe in Space: She, along with other characters, can survive in the vacuum of space. She even opens a window on her ship with no ill effects in the ending.
  • Becoming the Mask: While she only takes part in the film competition in the second chapter so she can get her hands on the Time Pieces, there are plenty of indications that she really gets into being an actress. She smiles in some of the loading screens for Act 2, her poses for paparazzi pictures in "Picture Perfect", and her inner monologue voices approval when she examines one of the posters in the actual final act. Also in her diary, she talked about how excited she is that she is becoming a star.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Hat Kid shows quite a bit of brattiness in certain parts of the game, such as when she sticks her tongue out at any Mafia she walks by.
  • But Now I Must Go: In the ending, she's somewhat upset at having to leave her newfound friends, but heads off on her journey and gives them one last wave goodbye.
  • Clothes Make the Superman: Her various Nice Hats give her various abilities, like sprinting or beaker bombs. She also gains powers from badges, which are also pinned on her hat.
  • The Cutie: Just look at her, she is adorable!
  • Empty Shell: When The Snatcher swipes her soul as collateral for his contracts, she notes that she feels very empty inside. Getting it back returns her to her usual amount of emptiness.
  • Finger Gun: In sneaking sections, she holds up her right hand like it's a gun.
  • Heroic Mime: Zig-zagged. She never speaks in cutscenes, but she does utter a few words in gameplay.
  • Heroic Neutral: While she's willing to help people at the drop of a hat, it's mostly to gain back the Time Pieces that fuel her spaceship. She also slips into Chaotic Neutral a couple of times when recollecting a Time Piece overrides common sense or decency.
  • Human Aliens: She's basically a space alien from the point of view of the rest of the cast. She also, throughout the manual, identifies as non-human. One of the relics she gets is a toy model of a UFO abducting cattle called "Mockery of Off-Planet Life", where she shows offense at the stereotyping.
  • Idle Animation: She has various adorable ones that includes:
    • Playing with her umbrella by balancing it on the tip of her index finger.
    • Cheering in place.
    • Playing with two dolls (and then nervously hiding them).
    • Rocking back and forth... and then pulling up her umbrella, ready to attack.
  • Improbable Weapon User: Uses an umbrella to fight enemies. Said umbrella can also hold a wave beam and hookshot upgrades.
  • Innocent Prodigy: She's a kid, of course, yet can maintain and pilot a spaceship by herself and beat up bad guys. Everything else about her betrays her innocence and childishness; from her voice clips to the fact that examining the microwave has her comment how she uses it to "punish food that has been bad". And there's also her diary entries which has plenty of snarkiness.
  • Item Get!: Hat Kid performs one a la Super Mario 64 when she collects a Time Piece.
  • Kamehame Hadoken: One badge she can buy gives her a chargeable one.
  • Little Miss Badass: Hat Kid's pretty tough for a little girl. She can take on creatures several times her size, and win.
  • Little Miss Snarker: Her diary gives her some moments of this. While a lot of things fly over her head, there are times she notices how weird everything around her is and just has to snark about it.
  • Made of Iron: She can survive the vacuum of space, and survive falling to the planet from space.
  • Muscles Are Meaningful: Her lack of muscles means that, unless she uses jumps or potion grenades, attacks without her umbrella will just hurt her hand. (Amusingly enough, her punches actually do cause damage to bosses, but will still put her into her hurt animation.)
  • Nice Hat: Naturally. Her default cap gives her the ability to sense where her objective is. She collects multiple different hats throughout the course of her adventure as well. Each of the also gives her a secondary power.
  • No Name Given: She's never given a proper name. Everyone she meets just refers to her as whatever nickname they feel like using (with Kid or Girl being the most common). Heck, even her signature doesn't reveal her actual name (since it's in an in-universe language).
  • Not in This for Your Revolution: Hat Kid doesn't care about any of the people or problems present on the planet she's stuck on. She only gets involved in anything in order to get back her Time Pieces. This causes tension between her and Moustache Girl, who is an idealist out to save the world. At the end of the game, the player gets the choice to break her out of this, just once, to give Moustache Girl a single Time Piece for her cause.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
    • One of the few instances Hat Kid loses her normally smiling face is when she gets close to Mafia goons intimidating the people of Mafia Town.
    • In "Queen Vanessa's Manor", Hat Kid is noticeably scared of the manor's titular owner. Hat Kid bunches up, nervously glances around, and tiptoes when moving.
    • Hat Kid also doesn't have her default easygoing smile during the boss battle against The Snatcher, either.
    • "The Illness Has Spread", the final Act of Alpine Skyline, features Hat Kid destroying the purple flowers that have corrupted the mountains, without any NPCs or the promise of a Time Piece to prompt her. This is one of the few instances in the game where Hat Kid isn't acting out of her own interests to get ahead.
    • In the game's final chapter, you can choose to run away from the Final Boss before the battle starts when Mustache Girl gives you the chance. If you choose to do so, Hat Kid will run away in tears, visibly scared of her. It's not until a Mafia goon, The Snatcher, DJ Grooves, the Conductor, and one of the Goats give her a pep talk that she regains her confidence to face Mustache Girl.
    • The Empress seems to make Hat Kid visibly nervous, and her threat when she offs one of her underlings seems to shake her up rather effectively. When she tries to steal her time pieces back and The Empress catches her red-handed, Hat Kid is utterly and completely terrified, the enraged Empress seems to scare her even worse than VANESSA did.
  • Parasol of Pain: Her Weapon of Choice, stolen from a mafia in the first level. It can get a hook shot upgrade and a badge to fire beams.
  • Sailor's Ponytail: Her hairstyle.
  • Sanity Slippage: Only really during "Murder on the Owl Express," but hovering over the evidence that implicates her suggests that the murder was done to silence the voices in her head. Furthermore, said description was done to a closeup to her smiling face. Though seeing as it's very obvious Hat Kid isn't the killer, she may have been playing it up for the film. That, and there was never a murder in the first place.
  • Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: During gameplay, she can occasionally say things like "Boop!", "Bam-bam!", "Swing!", etc. Naturally, they're all incredibly cute to hear.
  • Super-Strong Child: In the final act of The Arctic Cruise, despite normally being Weak, but Skilled, she's somehow able to carry the boat's captain, a walrus several times her size without any hindrance to her ability to jump, climb, glide, et cetera. It's lampshaded how unusual this is.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Appearance-wise, the Tomboy to Bow Kid's Girly Girl; her umbrella is blue, she wears a shirt and pants, and her default hat is a large purple top hat. Of course, gameplay-wise, the two act exactly the same.
  • Vague Age: There's no clear indication of how old she actually is. She looks like a little kid, but her interaction with some things and diaries entries show a degree of snark that goes beyond her young appearance.
  • Weak, but Skilled: She's physically weak, as shown by her punches doing nothing other than hurting her hand. She can still take on mafia goons, Eldritch Abominations, and all kinds of nasties using her smarts and agility.
  • What You Are in the Dark: The final dialogue choice, which doesn't affect the ending other than the implications of a risk post-credits, involves Hat Kid deciding whether or not to give Mustache Girl a Time Piece to use to defeat the Mafia with.
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    Mustache Girl 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/mugirl_300p.png
"Us kids should stick together, not stalk one another!"
"This is Mustache Girl, who seems friendly on the outside... but don't let the facial hair fool you! She's after my time pieces and I can't let her get away with them!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Eileen Montgomery

A girl with a mustache who has a grudge against the Mafia.


  • And Now for Someone Completely Different: Is playable for a brief period following Hat Kid collecting her 25th Time Piece.
  • Anti-Villain: She only wants to free Mafia Town from the Mafia's influence, but her methods are so extreme that they would only cause more problems then they solve. She's also a tad unhinged, as discussed below.
  • Ax-Crazy: Her plans for dealing with the Mafia are rather morbid, including murdering them, sticking their gory remains in jars, and selling them.
    • By the end of the game, her plans include executing criminals and "criminals" alike from her lava-filled palace. Every single character in the game is there, too — it doesn't matter how minor the infraction, she'll mete out justice all the same. The most charitable interpretation is that while she will judge everyone, she won't necessarily condemn them all equally (the only person we see her explicitly judge a "bad guy" is a Mafia member whose only defense was that he once refrained from punching a guy for two days straight).
  • Beard of Evil: She has a mustache, and is the Big Bad.
  • Beehive Barrier: In her boss battle, she starts using one that Hat Kid requires assistance to break.
  • Big Bad: Mustache Girl is the main antagonist of the game.
  • Butt-Monkey: She often gets the short end of the stick, ending up captured twice in the same Chapter, and an intermission that was cut from Subcon Forest ends with her being personally kicked out by the Snatcher.
  • The Corrupter: Neither DJ Grooves nor the Conductor knew how the Time Pieces worked during the entirety of their chapter, and none of the "props" break where they can see them. Someone had to have told them, and given the "Mustaches Rule" graffiti you find in the depths...
  • Damsel in Distress: She gets captured by the Mafia twice and needs help being rescued by Hat Kid before she discovers the time-altering effects of the Time Pieces. She is even left in Unwilling Suspension during the Mafia Boss fight.
  • Dare to Be Badass: The Mustache Girl's motivation. She finds out that the Time Pieces can rewind time, and wants to become a time-traveling crime fighter to defeat the Mafia. Hat Kid doesn't agree with this plan, which makes them enemies.
  • Dastardly Whiplash: Stays true to this, especially after stealing Time Pieces from Hat Kid.
  • Deconstructed Character Archetype: Of a typical video game protagonist (particularly Mario) who has no reservations against hurting people they see as "bad guys". The result is severe Disproportionate Retribution against everyone who she sees as the least bit morally gray, while she completely ignores her own flaws because she sees herself as the "good guy".
  • Evil Brit: At least when she has proper voice acting.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Mustache Girl spends the first few Acts as Hat Kid's friend before a difference of motives arises.
  • Foil: To Hat Kid. While Hat Kid acts out of interest to get every Time Piece, she still has to work for them; Mustache Girl, on the other hand, simply steals them from her spaceship instead. Their attitude towards the power of the Time Pieces also differs greatly: Hat Kid is clearly reluctant to use the time-rewinding power when she could simply use one and prevent the events of the game... Mustache Girl, however, abuses this power, going as far as to create her own "perfect" timeline where she is almighty and capable of getting rid of everything she may consider "evil".
  • Freudian Excuse: Hinted at. She appears to live alone in a cave in Mafia Town, with no possessions, friends, or companions to speak of, and the island's other inhabitants are all criminal invaders who enjoy terrorizing the town's other inhabitants seemingly just For the Evulz. A Time Rift storybook in "Seal the Deal" confirms that she lived on the island in peace until the Mafia arrived and took over. Not surprising she turned out the way she did...
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: At first she can barely hold her own against the Mafia of Cooks... Then she steals Time Pieces from Hat Kid and becomes powerful enough to create her own timeline, rule over an ominous castle, and become basically the most powerful being on the planet; for reference, even The Snatcher is seemingly unable to do something to stop her.
  • Girls with Moustaches: As her name implies, she has a tiny mustache.
  • Graffiti of the Resistance: Implied to be the main source of anti-Mafia graffiti in Mafia Town. The secret "Mustaches Rule!" doodle in the corridor to Hat Kid's bedroom is just being petty, though.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: After stealing the Time Pieces, she decides to use it to take over the entire world, and judges what's right and wrong based on her rules.
  • Hostile Show Takeover: Messes with the loading screen right before her brief moment as a playable character.
  • Hypocrite: Before the boss fight with her, she admonishes Hat Kid for being selfish, even though she's created an entire fortress for herself, and makes judgment calls on what's right or wrong according to her word.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: For all her extremism and hypocrisy, she is correct that her world is full of bad guys. Her hometown is controlled by the Mafia, the film industry is run by corrupt directors, the forests are terrorized by murderous, soul stealing ghosts and even the peaceful Alpine Skyline is plagued by a gang of cat thieves.
  • I Just Want to Have Friends: Has hints of this. When Hat Kid first lands in Mafia town, Mustache Girl immediately attempts to recruit her (and later comments she thought they could be best friends). In the final boss fight, she acts with shock and dismay when everyone starts telling her to get lost, then starts panicking when she realises that she'll be all alone if she wins.
  • Knight Templar: What she ultimately becomes after gaining the power of the Time Pieces.
  • Last of Her Kind: Is implied to be one of the last remaining original inhabitants of the island town before the Mafia took it over. The rest have either fled, or were punished and used as literal Human Cannonball ammunition for their cannons.
  • Leitmotif: "A New Friend in Mafia Town", "Judge, Jury, and Executioners" (her stage theme), and "You Are All Bad Guys" (her final boss theme).
  • Mirror Match: The final battle has her use moves similar to Hat Kid's, such as throwing explosives (Time Pieces instead of potions), a charged Kamehame Hadoken, and a diving Goomba Stomp.
  • The Rival: To Hat Kid, after learning how the Time Pieces could potentially get rid of bad guys.
  • Teleport Spam: In the final battle, she's pretty fond of teleporting. It becomes enough of a problem that Hat Kid needs the help of the Mafia and Conductor to deal with this.
  • Used to Be a Sweet Kid: A rift added in the "Seal the Deal" expansion shows her greeting the Mafia with a wave and smile, before they push her away and start wrecking her town.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Starts to lose it when the Hat Kid's former enemies perform their Enemy Mine to help Hat Kid defeat her. She starts to really lose it when they also perform a Heroic Sacrifice, as she realizes that she'll be alone even if she wins.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: After you defeat her, you can bounce off of her head before getting the Time Piece Cluster.
  • Walking Spoiler: It's no secret she becomes the main antagonist, but the stuff she does later in the game may come as a surprise, especially how she fights as the game's Final Boss.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: While she's Ax-Crazy, and the definite Big Bad of the story, her underlying motives are to free the island from the Mafia (who are big enough jerks to punch a little girl during a game of pattycake).
  • We Used to Be Friends: With Hat Kid, until their clashing motives concerning the Time Pieces put an antagonistic strain on their relationship.
  • Yellow Eyes of Sneakiness: She has yellow eyes, and is willing to do any underhanded trick to achieve her goals (such as stealing all the Time Pieces Hat Kid had collected up to that point).

    Bow Kid 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/rsz_bow_kid_sticker.png

A Co-Op character introduced in the Seal the Deal DLC. Made as a New Game+ playable character in the Nyakuza Metro DLC.


  • Animal Motifs: Her collar button and coat pockets are cat faces.
  • Moveset Clone: She has identical animations (aside from a stage introduction pose), facial expressions, and cosmetic options to Hat Kid Really, the only major differences are her dress sense, how dyes are applied, and a lower-pitched voice.
  • New Game+: If you complete the main story and have both Seal the Deal and Nyakuza Metro installed, you can start a new game and play as Bow Kid.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Appearance-wise, the Girly Girl to Hat Kid's Tomboy; her umbrella is bright pink, she wears a dress, and her default hat is a ribbon in her hair. Of course, gameplay-wise, the two act exactly the same.

Recurring Characters

    The Badge Seller 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/badge_seller_full.png
"I can provide you with strong abilities and upgrades to your hat... If you have money, of course."
"Not sure where they came from or how they got on this planet, but they're a lil... twitchy. They also have magical badges I can buy."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Mick Lauer

A glitchy merchant that sells badges, which can give Hat Kid new abilities.


  • Adam Smith Hates Your Guts: The more badges you buy from them, the more expensive their late-game badges will be, with the most pricey badges going anywhere in-between 800-1000 Pons. For comparison, some earlier badges are relatively cheap, costing only about 50-100 Pons.
  • Ambiguous Gender: Although their voice is on the slightly more masculine side thanks to a male VA, it's rather unclear what their actual gender is, or if they even have one.
  • The Corruption: Claims that their erratic movements are due to one of the places they've visited.
  • Creepy Good: They sell you useful upgrades called badges, and despite their scary looks, they're rather friendly.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: They're a freaky Humanoid Abomination who's a neutral badge sales...person.
  • Expy: As YouTuber Black Mage Maverick puts it in his review, the Badge Seller looks like "a Shy Guy cosplayer who's having a tough time remaining connected to reality".
  • Humanoid Abomination: They're just fundamentally wrong, though still humanoid.
  • Intrepid Merchant: They'll show up in every world.
  • Leitmotif: "The Badge Seller".
  • Ominous Visual Glitch: Their glitchy movements are all intentionally designed. According to them, it's the result of them visiting several odd, unspecified locations, so they could be afflicted with some curses they picked up during their travels.
  • Painting the Medium: Their dialogue text looks just as corrupted as they are.

    The Tourist 
"He came for the sights and takes great pictures!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Joshua Tomar

A character sightseeing across the various worlds.


  • Ambiguous Situation: When you meet the Tourist again in Subcon Forest, he's completely intangible and can only be interacted with the Dweller's Mask. How exactly he got this way is never explained, and he still talks normally as if nothing happened. It's very unlikely that he became a ghost either, since you later see him again in Mustache Girl's Castle and back to his normal self.
  • Brick Joke: Throughout the game, the Tourist complains about how the current locales he's visiting are not as interesting as the moon, and how his rival Steve keeps one-upping him by sending him postcards from the moon. Then, when you meet him again on the moon in Picture Perfect, he gets one-upped again by Steve, who sends him a postcard from the sun.
  • Running Gag: No matter where you find him, he says the place isn't as good as the moon was.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: Steve from accounting, who kept bragging about his own trip to the moon.
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Enemies

    Mad Crows 
Tiny, spherical birds that get in Hat Kid's way.
  • Elvis Impersonator: The Pushy variant wears a wig that makes it resemble Elvis Presley.
  • Giant Mook: A huge version can be seen in Alpine Skyline, but it's asleep until the Credits sequence.
  • The Goomba: The smallest and most effortless to beat enemies in the game.
  • Pushy Mooks: The wig-and-sunglass wearing Pushy variant deal no damage, but do a lot of knockback to Hat Kid if they get within poking range.
  • The Spiny: The fire variant are immune to Kid Hat's Goomba Stomp, but a simple whack with an umbrella can make quick work of them.

    Raccoons 
Sleepy enemies that drop from the sky to hit Hat Kid.
  • Palette Swap: DJ Grooves' Acts in Dead Bird Studio feature UFOs that are simply Raccoon reskins.
  • Snot Bubble: They're constantly floating in their sleep via one, which pops when Hat Kid gets too close and briefly awakens them.

    Spiders 
Arachnids that spin to attack Hat Kid if she gets too close.

    Ice Statues 
Ice statues that become alive when Hat Kid walks past them.
  • Jump Scare: They can catch you off guard when they make their move if you aren't expecting creepy living statues in this otherwise cheerful platformer. The fact they don't make a sound when they move helps, however.
  • Invincible Minor Mook: They are completely invincible, and the fact that they can easily outpace your walking speed makes them a lot worse.
  • Lightning Bruiser: They can outpace Hat Kid's normal running speed and are pretty persistent. Keep your Sprint Hat handy if you get close to one.
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    Shromb Eggs 
Large "eggs" seen throughout The Birdhouse that attempt to kamikaze Hat Kid.

The Spaceship

    Rumbi 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/rumbi.png
One happy lil' cleaner.
"My trusty robot vacuum!! He's very responsible and cleans my spaceship! + is my unwilling transport service."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Caitlyn Bairstow

A Roomba-ish device that cleans the central room of Hat Kid's ship.


  • A Day in the Limelight: He has an entire time rift dedicated to his production in the Nyakuza Metro DLC. The storybook unlocked features Rumbi and Hat Kid's history together (when she first assembled him), as well as his reactions to certain events during the game (like how he reacted after Hat Kid had her soul taken, or witnessed Mustache Girl stealing the Time Piece collection).
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: The Time Rift in Nyakuza Metro is the Rumbi Factory, which features various defective models that are much more dangerous than the oft-abused model on the ship.
  • Butt-Monkey: Poor Rumbi is often used as a ride by Hat Kid, and the more artefacts the spaceship gets filled up with, it increases the chances he bumps headfirst into them.
  • Cute Machines: Even his voice is cute. If he bumps into something, sometimes he'll say, "Ow! My-circuit-board!", and sometimes he'll spin or jump in happiness when Hat Kid is nearby.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: Rumbi, as revealed in the Nyakuza Metro time rift, was the product of a mass crowdfunded project, with one of its selling points being a really cute Roomba-like cleaning bot. It is sentient, has feeling, and collects pons. It's basically an idealistic look at the development of the very game he appears in.
  • Leitmotif: "Rumbi Factory", the piece of music that plays during Rumbi's own time rift in the Nyakuza Metro.
  • In the Future, We Still Have Roombas: Although Rumbi has a degree of sentience and emotions.
  • Videogame Cruelty Potential: Besides riding on Rumbi, you can whack him with the umbrella to get Pons out of him. If Hat Kid is riding poor Rumbi, when he bumps on something, she'll utter a delightful "wheee!". Rumbi does visibly struggle to move about however, but Rumbi doesn't seem to mind all that much, as he'll still jump with joy when Hat Kid approaches him.

    The Roach King 
A creature that has left secret messages throughout Hat Kid's ship.
  • Easter Egg: Leaves hidden notes that are only readable with the Camera badge.
    • If one hacks the game to go out of bounds in the second sublevel of the Twilight Travels purple time rift, he greets Hat Kid and offers them a cookie.
  • Big Creepy-Crawlies: Is notably bigger than the other roaches seen ingame.

Mafia Town

    The Mafia of Cooks 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/66426be9_88a2_4cc1_8794_29cad87caef8.jpeg
"Mafia take no kindly to intruder!"
"The mob of Mafia Town, who run the place with an iron fist. Smells of fish."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Kyle Johnson

The men that run Mafia Town. As their title implies, they are a literal Mafia made up entirely of Lethal Chef types, both figuratively and literally.


  • All Your Base Are Belong to Us: According to their dialogue and the Mafia Time Rift storybook, Mafia Town used to be just an isolated island town until the Mafia of Cooks arrived and took it over, presumably by force. They've apparently occupied the town for hundreds of years.
  • Ambiguously Evil: The Mafia's moral alignment is never clear. They don't have an ulterior motive or any incentive to attack Hat Kid unless she attacks first, and the worst they do is beat up tourists who trespass on their turf. Some Mafia are even genuinely nice, and towards the finale, they'll pull off a Heroic Sacrifice to help Hat Kid defeat Mustache Girl. On the other hand, they do admit to doing heinous things to other people because it amuses them. Overall, the Mafia seem to be entirely neutral, provided no one gets on their bad side.
  • Arc Villain: They're the main antagonists of the first world, Mafia Town.
  • Badass Baritone: The Mafia members have a deep, powerful voice. Courtesy of Kyle Johnson.
  • Bald of Evil: Most members of the Mafia of Cooks are bald.
  • Be the Ball: A bunch of Mafia goons can group together to form a giant ball, which the Mafia Boss uses in one of his attacks. Later, during the Final Boss battle, they form the Mafia Ball again to give Hat Kid a way to attack Mustache Girl, but this time, with the Conductor as the roller.
  • Big "NO!":
    • In the third and fourth chapters of Mafia Town, they have this reaction when they mistake Hat Kid for a hostile alien when she gets covered in mud.
    • In the first chapter of Subcon Forest, one unfortunate Mafia says this when he's sucked into a painting.
    • When Hat Kid arrives at Mustache Girl's throne room, she find a Mafia mook begging Mustache Girl not to execute him. She goes through with it anyway, dropping him through a trap door and causing him to scream "NO!" as he falls.
  • Butt-Monkey: Though they sorta deserve it, they tend to be on the receiving end of a lot of the game's Black Comedy.
  • The Cavalry: During the Final Boss, they and the Conductor are the first characters to help Hat Kid take down Mustache Girl when she starts making it impossible for Hat Kid to damage her.
  • Chef of Iron: Bad cooks or not, they're still cooks that can punch Hat Kid across the room.
  • The Chew Toy: Mafia doesn't catch a break. Here's a list of things these guys go through:
    • Gets constantly beaten by Hat Kid. Some of them gets beaten by Mustache Girl even before she learns of the Time Pieces, too.
    • When Mafia Town is flooded by lava, you can spot several Mafia goons getting burned in it.
    • One of the Mafia ends up stranded in Subcon Forest and sucked into a painting... That must be thrown in a bonfire.
    • Another Mafia becomes an unfortunate "trophy" for Queen Vanessa.
    • In the final chapter, you get in Mustache Girl's chamber just in time to see her executing one of the Mafia via trapdoor.
  • Chekhov's Skill: The "Mafia Ball" thing used in Mafia Boss' battle seems like a one-time gag... But is a useful, and powerful, technique used to defeat Mustache Girl in the final battle.
  • Dumb Muscle: Let's just say they're not the sharpest tools in the shed. Although they do manage to keep things working in Mafia Town somehow.
  • The End Is Nigh: Comically downplayed; the Act in which Mafia Town is covered in lava has two with the signs "Oh No" and "Yikes".
  • Extremity Extremist: Mafia only attack by punching or tackling. Heck, when Mafia talks about assaulting Mafia's targets, Mafia specifically mentions punching.
  • The Family for the Whole Family: Their criminal activities involve beating up barrels dressed as old ladies (to intimidate people) and punching seagulls for eating their fish, and they won't harm Hat Kid unless she attacks them first (usually).
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Well, okay, Nightmare might be giving them too much credit, but the memory you can piece together in the mafia memory Time Rift reveals that they were just a bunch of low-rank nobodies, waiters, fast food chefs, janitors, then the man who would be their leader decided to Manifest Destiny from their homeland, arriving at the island they would eventually take over.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: During the final fight against Mustache Girl, one of the Mafia will notice that them dying will give Hat Girl the health pons she needs to win and demands his friend to punch him dead, starting the chain of other Heroic Sacrifices in the crowd. Somewhat downplayed by the fact that he acknowledges that he'll probably be fine when time rewinds.
  • Inexplicably Identical Individuals: All of the Mafia Goons are identical save for slight differences in clothing and all refer to themselves as "Mafia".
  • Insane Troll Logic: The Mafia has an odd way of thinking, to say the least. If Mafia doesn't explain how to build base, Mafia spares you from disappointment of you failing to build something as great... Now you owe Mafia a favor. And Mafia will remember.
  • Jerkass: While a few of the Mafia members will have a surprisingly amicable chat with Hat Kid, a lot of them are still rather fond of doing mean-spirited things for little reason except that they can to the townsfolk that remain:
    • A Mafia member more or less starts the game by telling Hat Kid that she still has to pay a toll for passing Mafia Town, even in space.
    • One of them admits that they joked that they were taking everything away from a family in repossessing their home, only to do it anyway (saying that was the real joke), and then force them on a boat off the island.
    • There are a few who offer to give Hat Kid a high five, and then play a game of pattycake, before they punch Hat Kid in the face.
  • Kung Fu-Proof Mook: Attack the Mafia a few times, and they'll Turn Red and become immune to Hat Kid's umbrella. The only way to finish them off is to either jump on their heads, or use a bomb from the Brewing Hat.
  • Leitmotif: By extension, the "Welcome to Mafia Town" theme in-general is the one most associated with the Mafia.
  • Lethal Chef: According to Cooking Cat in the rafters of the Mafia base, the Mafia of Cooks really sucks at the "cook" part of their name.
    Cooking Cat: I'm fairly certain someone would die if they ate Mafia-prepared food!
  • Made of Iron: Mafia are one of the few non-boss enemies in the game that take multiple hits to defeat, and hold the highest number of hits required at four.
  • Mascot Mook: Mafia well aware of how tied Mafia is to game's public image.
  • Misery Builds Character: Mafia believes is building character when intimidating people!
  • Mr. Exposition: Oddly enough, the Mafia can give Hat Kid information around Mafia Town. Some of the Mafias inside Chapter 1's Purple Time Rift explains in detail how those Time Rifts actually works.
  • Pet the Dog: There's at least one Mafia member in Mafia Town who talks about his son. He laments that his son won't grow up to be as strong as him.
  • Really 700 Years Old: In addition to the comment below that the Mafia Boss makes about encountering a Time Piece a century before, at least one random Mafia on the island as dialogue that indicates he's over a thousand years old. The Mafia are, for reasons unknown, apparently extremely long lived.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: Comparatively; they're the main threat of the first chapter, but are generally not very dangerous. However, they are the sole reason Hat Kid has to go on this adventure (due to trying to shake her down for a toll), and are the reason Mustache Girl becomes the Big Bad. Regarding the former of those two, the specific Mafia who goes after Hat Kid's ship is a particular example, since while he sets everything in motion, he isn't seen (as far as we can tell) even once after landing back on the planet.
  • Starter Villain: They're the reason Hat Kid is stuck on the planet, and also the first major antagonists of the game before Mustache Girl takes over the role of primary villain.
  • Taken for Granite: In Queen Vanessa's Manor, there is a Mafia hiding in the bedroom dresser, weeping in pure terror of Queen Vanessa. When the key atop her bed is taken, said Mafia is seen outside the dresser frozen solid.
  • Third-Person Person: They all refer to themselves as "Mafia". The only one to avert this is the Mafia Boss.
  • Throw a Barrel at It: The only one remaining mafia on top of a tower made of TNT barrels will attempt to throw them down at Hat Kid. The barrels he throws grows spikes and sometimes bounce around the tower. Once he realizes that his efforts are futile, he decides to deal with Hat Kid personally, only to end up as A Twinkle in the Sky after Hat Kid defeats him.
  • Top-Heavy Guy: All of the Mafia are barrel-chested with tiny legs. This also includes the women, who can be seen in the storybook from Mafia Town's purple Time Rift.
  • Turns Red: A Mafia can become temporarily immune to Hat Kid's umbrella attacks when she hits them too many times with it. This state can be canceled out with a Goomba Stomp or explosives made by the Brewing Hat.
  • Unskilled, but Strong: Mafia attacks with very telegraphed punches. That said, Mafia able to punch puny kid with hat across room.
  • White Sheep: The Mafia Bartender is actually quite nice, acting as a Warrior Therapist if Hat Kid talks to him.
    • The Mafia encountered within the Time Rift arguably qualifies to an extent. He talks to Hat Kid gently and kindly, explains how Time Rifts levels works, opens one of the gates for free halfway through the level, and actually wishes the Hat Kid good luck and to be careful!
  • Would Hurt a Child: Any of them, if you attack them or infiltrate their headquarters. Though at least one particular instance has a guy who will adorably play patty-cake with Hat Kid, then punch her across the street with no provocation.
  • You No Take Candle: They all talk in this fashion.

    Mafia Boss 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/mafia_boss.png
"We'll have to settle it in true Mafia style!"
"Leader of the Mafia. He's not someone you wanna mess with. Watch out."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: John Mondelli

The red-coated leader of the Mafia of Cooks.


  • And Now for Someone Completely Different: His boss fight is the only one that is fought in full 2D perspective like a side-scroller platformer.
  • Authority Equals Ass Kicking: He's the head of the Mafia of Cooks and definitely the toughest one.
  • Acrofatic: Don't be fooled by his chubby stature, he can jump really high and do actual acrobatics like his Mafia Ball maneuver.
  • Benevolent Boss: If anything, the Time Rift in Mafia Town shows is that he treats the ones working for him rather well, letting them relax and have fun.
  • Brain in a Jar: Following his boss battle, he's eyes in a jar, but still sentient.
  • Butt-Monkey: After his defeat, he basically has to be carried around because he doesn't have a body anymore, leaving him the Arc Villain with the worst luck. By Arctic Cruise, he's annoyed that Hat Kid is on the same cruise as him, although he seems to prefer her company anyway because, while he is understandably aggravated with Hat Kid, the seals irritate him far more due to their incompetence and noisiness.
  • Calling Your Attacks: He'll shout names like "Super Charge!", "Ultra Charge!", "Mega Charge!", and "Mafia Ball!" as he attacks.
  • The Don: He's the boss of the Mafia.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": He is only known as the Boss of the Mafia.
  • Everything's Better with Spinning: Spins and flips around the stage at high speeds while doing his acrobatics, although this tends to leave him dizzy and vulnerable afterwards.
  • Fate Worse than Death: While he does end up surviving the battle against Hat Kid, all that's left of him are his eyes, nose, mustache, and hat in a jar, and he'll probably be stuck this way for who knows how long. Although he does imply that he can get himself a new body.
  • Flunky Boss: He will call for some of his Mafia goons to aid him in battle and then lots of them to make the "Mafia Ball" attack.
  • Friendly Enemy: While he outright calls Hat Kid his Arch-Nemesis, he still willingly sells her his Compass badge.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: He is only the first boss of the game, but the Mafia he founded is the underlying reason for Mustache Girl being the Big Bad.
  • Ground Pound: He will always use it in conjunction with his Precision-Guided Boomerang attack.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • He knows what Time Pieces are and has apparently had experiences with them before, given his comment before his boss fight. What this means is never fully explored, however, nor is his comment about the last time he saw one having been nearly 100 years ago. This comment was replaced later on with one suggesting unfamiliarity with the Time Pieces, likely because it was a remnant of an earlier stage of development that no longer applies to the narrative in the final game.
    • The Mafia Boss also claims that he is well-traveled, and knows the locations of all the relics to the point that he drew a useful map to help Hat Kid find them.
  • Knife Nut: He dual wields two kitchen knives, and he can throw them around like boomerangs.
  • Large Ham: Spends most of his boss battle shouting at Hat Kid, and he gleefully yells out his attacks.
  • Leitmotif: "Mafia Boss' Big Showdown".
  • Meaningful Name: Beyond the obviousness of his name, Mafia Town's Time Rift shows that Mafia Boss is in fact their boss. More specifically, business boss — he ran a fishing business before becoming unsatisfied with his life and sailing with his men to find new land until they settled on the island that would become "Mafia Town".
  • Mister Big: The head of the Mafia of Cooks is substantially less heavily-built than his underlings.
  • Out of Focus: After his boss fight in Chapter 1, the Mafia Boss is degraded to only a couple of minor appearances in Hat Kid's spaceship and the final chapter, and is no longer relevant to the rest of the game's main story after that.
  • Precision-Guided Boomerang: Can throw his knives, which will return to him eventually.
  • Pun: He's the "head" of the Mafia, and his "head" (well, eyes, hat, and mustache) is all that's left after his boss battle.
  • Shock and Awe: Uses electrical attacks during his boss battle.
  • Wake-Up Call Boss: His EX version in Death Wish is a fine welcoming to how brutal the boss battles in said mode can be, as he ups the duration of his attacks before he becomes vulnerable and all of his attacks save Mafia Ball are juiced up in some way.
  • Warm-Up Boss: He is the first major boss you face in the game, and unlike later bosses, has no special gimmicks or multiple phases. He just has a steady attack pattern that is easy to follow, which gradually changes overtime after every few hits.

    Goofy Mafia 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/spect.jpg
"Mafia saw spaceship! Mafia knew all along! Mafia is being invaded by aliens!"

A glasses-wearing Mafia who holds one of the Time Pieces that Hat Kid is looking for, and later shows up on her ship as the In-Universe justification for Workshop levels. Has a fear of space aliens.


  • Ascended Extra: Went from a NPC who only showed up twice to a fixture on Hat Kid's spaceship.
  • Butt-Monkey: The first (and only) mission he headlines pertains to scaring him into giving Hat Kid the Time Piece he found.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: Act 3 of Mafia Town shows that he is afraid of "slimy space aliens", specifically a mud-covered Hat Kid. He also shows interest in alien worlds, reading Hat Kid's mail to help him fantasize about them.
  • Nice Guy: He's the one to personally thank Hat Kid on behalf of the Mafia of Cooks for turning off the lava faucets in Act 6, and when finally cornered in his debut Act he gives up the Time Piece without a fight.
  • Token Heroic Orc: Along with the Mafia bartender, he's one of the few Mafia who don't act antagonistic in the slightest to Hat Kid and refuse to fight her.

    Cooking Cat 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/cooking_cat.png
"The Mafia are terrible at cooking! But fear not, Cooking Cat is here!"
"Despite having no thumbs, this cat cooks quite a feast!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Xanthe Huynh

An anthropomorphic cat chef from Mafia Town.


  • Team Chef: For both the Mafia (since she replaces all their food with her own), and Hat Kid (after she invades the ship).
  • Supreme Chef: Considering the crummy kitchen in the Mafia HQ they have to work with, they must be an excellent cook. Although Mafia's cooking is not known to be the best.
  • Viewer Gender Confusion: It's not immediately clear if Cooking Cat is male or female thanks to a somewhat androgynous-sounding voice. Gears For Breakfast has referred to her as "she," however.

Battle of the Birds

    DJ Grooves 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/dj_grooves_full.png
"Oh my! Oh my! What is that I see? Is it true inner beauty? An innocent soul with a heart of gold?"
"Hope you brought your dancing shoes, cause this funky penguin is heating up the dance-floor with his moves!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Anthony Sardinha

A Nightclub DJ Penguin. Also a movie director.


  • Affably Evil: He's generally nicer than the Conductor, though, if he wins the award, he becomes the boss of World 2.
  • Always Second Best: Has continuously failed to surpass The Conductor and earn more than one gold trophy for his films. This is his motivation for being the boss of the Chapter if he wins the trophy, as his ego has gone to his head, and he wants to use his Time Piece to reverse time and win all the gold awards, as he's convinced that The Conductor cheated to beat him in all of the past competitions.
  • Benevolent Boss: He wipes away Hat Kid's damages bill, refers to her in a more neutral tone than the Conductor in each of his films' credits, and is generally pretty nice for someone who's using Hat Kid for his own gain. That said, he becomes more bad if he wins, since he kept a Time Piece for himself.
    • He's also shown to have a great relationship with his Moon Penguins, to the point where they protect him from a Produce Pelting, escort him off stage and hug him to cheer him up after one of his movies bombed.
  • Big Ol' Eyebrows: His eyebrows look more like antlers than anything.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: As opposed to the Conductor being a Jerk with a Heart of Gold that, after being an asshole, helps Hat Kid in the boss fight by defusing the bomb strapped onto her, he's a generally affable Benevolent Boss that , upon winning, keeps the final Time Piece, tries to murder Hat Kid, and does so even if she says she might let him have it.
  • Catchphrase: "Darling!"
  • Cheerful Child: Chapter 2's picture book shows what both DJ Grooves and The Conductor looked like as children.
  • Collapsing Ceiling Boss: During his boss battle, he'll cause the technical equipment attached to the roof and giant disco balls to fall down over Hat Girl.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: He, along with the Conductor, takes a whopping 30 hits to defeat, which is more than any boss in the game, even the Final Boss. Excluding the heart-to-heart exposition cutscene, he takes 15 hits during the first initial phase, 10 hits during the bomb phase, and the final 5 hits during the last phase where you're being chased by knife-happy Express Owls.
  • Disco Dan: He talks like Elvis, wears a rhinestone suit, and is constantly disco-dancing.
  • Dual Boss: He fights alongside The Conductor against Hat Kid in the Death Wish mode of their fight.
  • Everything's Better with Penguins: He's a penguin, and he certainly livens things up that's for sure.
  • Expy: According to Gears for Breakfast, DJ Grooves was inspired by Miror B. from Pokémon Colosseum and Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness.
  • Funny Afro: He has a giant jiggling afro.
  • "Get Back Here!" Boss: Halfway through his boss battle, he'll arm the bomb attached to Hat Kid and will sometimes begin to run around the room, laughing and taunting while trying to waste your time.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Performs a mutual one with The Conductor to assure that Hat Girl will win the fight against Mustache Girl with the health they'll drop. They're fine once time rewinds, though.
  • Hypocrite: If he wins the award, he becomes convinced that the Conductor cheated in order to get all of his awards. He is also prepared to cheat just as badly, if not worse, by screwing with the time stream (despite not having any evidence for his accusations).
  • Knife Nut: He uses a knife for his boss fight.
  • Jive Turkey: His dialogue is very disco.
  • Leitmotif: "The Battle for Award 42", shared with the Conductor.
  • Nice Guy: He's a very affable fellow once you get to know him, though he becomes much more sinister if he wins the award. Even at the end of the game he's on pretty good terms with Hat Kid even when he could have been trying to kill her some time ago.
  • The Nicknamer: Every sentence directed towards Hat Kid usually ends with him calling her "darling". It becomes Terms of Endangerment if he ends up being the boss, as he still calls her “darling” throughout the fight, even screaming "I hate you, darling!" on his last hit.
  • Not So Different: Like the Conductor, he was inspired to be a filmmaker as a child. Unfortunately, both of them were forced to share the same film studios and both of them had massive egos that led to them becoming bitter rivals.
  • Older Than They Look: As shown in Chapter 2's picture book, DJ Grooves and The Conductor are revealed to be roughly the same age. This is after The Conductor admits to having grandchildren.
  • Produce Pelting: Picture books acquired in Seal The Deal time rifts show that he was close to being the victim of one after one of his movies failed, before his Penguin bodyguards rushed on stage to take the blows for him.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to The Conductor's red.
  • The Rival: To The Conductor, competing for movie awards.
  • Static Role, Exchangeable Character: Chapter 2 Boss/Bomb Defuser. He tends to naturally slant towards being the boss, as his missions are much easier to high score than the Conductor's are, and the hitbox of the boss makes more sense with him. Likewise, he's the resident Deep Throat, and the defuser, if he loses.
  • Technician vs. Performer: The Performer, whose Acts are about raising Hat Kid's popularity among the masses by doing stylish acts.
  • Time-Limit Boss: After the heart-to-heart sequence half-way through the fight, DJ Grooves will strap a bomb to Hat Kid and activate it. The timer will begin counting down from 80 seconds, and you must get enough hits on DJ Grooves to save enough time until his rival, the Conductor, shows up with a giant pair of scissors to defuse the bomb. Naturally, failure to do so will result in instant death.

    The Conductor 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/conductor.png
"If I wanted a bunch of peck necks to dance around while on bird seed, I'd visit me grandchildren!"
"This guy claims to be a "bird" but when's the last time you saw a bird like that?! He's obsessed with winning..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Xander Mobus

The Conductor of the Owl Express. Also a movie director, known for Western train heist films.


  • The Ace: Has won numerous awards for his directing, despite his heavy focus on trains and thrillers.
  • The Alcoholic: When he gets away from directing and DJ Grooves in the Arctic Cruise chapter, he spends his entire vacation at the poolside bar.
  • Atomic F-Bomb: Or rather, an Atomic P-Bomb. He shouts one to Hat Kid when defeated in his boss battle.
    PECK NEEEEEEECK-
    • Drops another one when talking about being judged for his crimes by Mustache Girl while channeling the spirit of another familiar Scotsman.
    I’m nay gonna be judged by some MUSTACHED, HATLESS, HOOD-WEARIN’, STATUE-POSIN’, CASTLE-DWELLIN’, TICKET-GIVIN’, PECK NECK!
  • Bad Boss: He uses actual train passengers as extras, he constantly uses the word peck (which is a swear word, according to DJ Grooves), he gives Hat Kid more demeaning titles in the credits, and his Enforced Method Acting involves a fake murder, as well as threatening to blow up the train (and he finds the train less expendable than Hat Kid or the owls). That said, he becomes more benevolent if he loses, being the resident Deep Throat knockoff and bomb defuser.
  • Berserk Button: Mess with his train, and you're in for it. He already finds life not worth living without it, so doing anything that makes him think you're going to damage it is by far the quickest way to piss him off.
  • Breakout Character: While most characters don't appear beyond the chapter they're introduced in (excluding the finale), he returns in the Arctic Cruise level of the "Seal The Deal" DLC, and brings his grandkids with him. Other returning characters do appear in the Arctic Cruise, but he's the most prominent of the bunch, mainly in Rock the Boat.
  • Collapsing Ceiling Boss: During his boss battle, he'll cause the technical equipment attached to the roof and giant disco balls to fall down over Hat Girl.
  • Cartoon Creature: Appears to be some strange mix of a dog and a dragon, and is allegedly a bird of some kind. Even Hat Girl is puzzled on what he actually is.
    • Some fans have compared him to Woodstock with sharp teeth.
  • The Cavalry: During the Final Boss, he and the Mafia are the first characters to help Hat Kid take down Mustache Girl when she starts making it impossible for Hat Kid to damage her.
  • Cheerful Child: Chapter 2's picture book shows what both DJ Grooves and The Conductor looked like as children. The Conductor was especially the "Cheerful" part of this trope's name, until he and DJ Grooves started going to war for movie dominance.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: According to DJ Grooves, "peck" is a swear word equivalent for birds, and is amazed by the fact the Conductor throws out the word casually like it's nothing.
  • Cool Train: His train: the Owl Express.
  • Creative Sterility: One of the whiteboards in The Conductor's meeting room shows that he's coming very close to running out of ideas, with multiple repetitions of the word "reboot" listed. Considering he's been in the film industry for at least several decades, and has been competing with DJ Grooves to come up with the best movie the whole time, it's completely justified.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: Subverted, considering every one of his films being Westerns set on trains hasn't stopped him from being massively successful. It has made it incredibly hard for him to come up with any new ideas, though, to the point he's actually considering rebooting his films.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: He, along with DJ Grooves, takes a whopping 30 hits to defeat, which is more than any boss in the game, even the Final Boss. Excluding the heart-to-heart exposition cutscene, he takes 15 hits during the first initial phase, 10 hits during the bomb phase, and the final 5 hits during the last phase where you're being chased by knife-happy Express Owls.
  • Didn't Think This Through: After arguing with DJ Grooves in his first appearance, he boards the penguins into their half of Dead Bird Studio... Then realizes it might just make them work harder, and immediately heads to his own side.
  • Dual Boss: He fights alongside DJ Grooves against Hat Kid in the Death Wish version of their fight.
  • Enforced Method Acting: In-universe example. He tends to encourage this kind of performance from Hat Kid, such as when he hides the fact that the murder on the Owl Express isn't real.
  • Evil Is Petty: While DJ Grooves's reason for keeping a Time Piece is because he's convinced the Conductor must have cheated to win all of his awards, the Conductor's reason is that he lost the award to DJ Grooves once ten years ago.
  • Eye-Obscuring Hat: Either that, or he just doesn't have any.
  • Foil: He's rather loud, obnoxious, egotistical, and kind of an asshole, in contrast to DJ Grooves, who is quieter, calmer, holds back his ego better (if not by much), and fairly nice.
  • Foreshadowing: As you're making your way through the basement in the last act of Chapter 2, you can hear the Conductor talk to himself about what he plans to do with the Time Piece. In one of his dialogue, he mentions that he still has the bomb from Train Rush with him, and decides to save it in case "someone" shows up. Come the boss fight, and the Conductor straps the bomb on Hat Kid after the heart-to-heart sequence, turning the boss fight into a Time-Limit Boss.
  • Funny Background Event: Security cameras in the Arctic Cruise show him flailing and drowning in the pool while the lifeguard watches on.
  • "Get Back Here!" Boss: Halfway through his boss battle, he'll arm the bomb attached to Hat Kid and will sometimes begin to run around the room, laughing and taunting while trying to waste your time.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Performs a mutual one with DJ Grooves to assure that Hat Girl will win the fight against Mustache Girl with the health they'll drop. They're fine once time rewinds, though, and he had little trouble doing it because, without his train, he doesn't seem to find life worth it.
  • Hypocritical Humor: He's always quick to talk about his love of the Owl Express, but this doesn't stop him from nearly destroying it just to make a more authentic-looking film.
  • His Name Really Is "Barkeep": His name really is The Conductor.
  • Informed Obscenity: His use of the word "peck" or "peckneck", which according to DJ Grooves, is a very obscene word to birds.
    DJ Grooves: "The Conductor is old-fashioned. He throws that word around a lot. It'll get him in trouble some day."
  • Informed Species: The owls he hires, as well as the fact that DJ Grooves is a penguin that hires penguins, suggests that he's supposed to be an owl. He doesn't exactly look like an owl, though.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: If DJ Grooves is the boss battle, the Conductor becomes this, showing up to save Hat Kid — who is the reason Grooves won the award, and who the Conductor previously said he didn't care about — from a bomb Grooves stuck to her.
    • During the final boss, he helps Hat Kid put Mustache Girl in her place, regardless of whether you fought him or not.
  • Knife Nut: He uses a knife for his boss fight.
  • Large Ham: At times, goes with being a Prima Donna Director. You want a sample, just see what happens if you accuse yourself of being the murderer in the Murder in the Owl Express act, and see how he goes nuts gleefully (and wrongly) going through the murderer's possible motives.
  • Leitmotif: "The Battle for Award 42", shared with DJ Grooves.
  • The Napoleon: He is about Hat Kid's size and is constantly screeching in anger.
    • Hitbox Dissonance: If he is the boss battle, the Conductor has the same hitbox as if DJ Grooves was the boss, despite being smaller than him.
  • Not Big Enough for the Two of Us: Says this to DJ Grooves when Hat Kid first sees them. Fitting, given his affinity for western movies. This plays into their backstories as both of them didn't realize that they leased the same film studio until it was too late, leading to two massive egos sharing the same building.
  • Not So Different: He and DJ Grooves were very similar as children, being movie lovers who were inspired to become movie makers. This lead to them becoming competitors as adults due to both of them being equally ambitious.
  • Older Than They Look: Despite not looking especially old, he does have grandchildren.
  • The Perfectionist: Should he receive the award during the second chapter, he becomes the boss of the chapter, wishing to undo his 42nd movie not being the true winner of the 42nd award and breaking his otherwise perfect record.
  • Prima Donna Director: He's very demanding, and insists on perfection in his films.
  • Promotion to Opening Titles: An odd variation; unlike DJ Grooves, his silhouette is on the logo of the game's final build, alongside Hat Kid, Mustache Girl, a Mafia, The Snatcher, and Queen Vanessa.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to DJ Grooves's blue.
  • The Rival: Competing for the 42nd Annual Bird Award with DJ Grooves.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: According to DJ Grooves, 'peck' is a swear word for birds. That said, the word's practically his Verbal Tic.
  • Skewed Priorities: Some (if not all) of the owls at Dead Bird Studios are actually his train passengers, waiting for him to finish filming before they can reach their destination.
  • Static Role, Exchangeable Character: Chapter 2 Boss/Bomb Defuser. He tends to naturally slant towards the defuser, however, as his missions are harder to high score on than DJ Grooves', and if he is the boss, he has Grooves' hitbox instead of the other way around. Plus, he's revealed to be the Deep Throat knockoff beforehand if he loses.
  • Technician vs. Performer: The Technician, whose Acts are about the (dangerous) filming of his movies.
  • Time-Limit Boss: After the heart-to-heart sequence half-way through the fight, the Conductor will strap a bomb to Hat Kid and activate it. The timer will begin counting down 80 seconds, and you must get enough hits on the Conductor to save enough time until his rival, DJ Grooves, shows up with a giant pair of scissors to defuse the bomb. Naturally, failure to do so will result in instant death.
  • Thriller on the Express: His films. Train Robberies, WhoDunIts, and Runaway Train stories seem to be his entire creative output.
  • Trrrilling Rrrs: Sometimes, it comes with the accent. Especially notable with the word "murderer", in which he ends up adding a truly enormous amount of unnecessary "r"s.
  • Ultimate Job Security: A newspaper clipping states that he owns and operates the only train in the world, which is why The Conductor is so proud of it and why the Express Owls put up with his filming getting in the way of their commute.
  • Violent Glaswegian: He speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and is the angrier and more temperamental director.

    Express Owls 
Voiced by: SungWon Cho
The Conductor's assistants, some of which are also his passengers.
  • Escort Mission: The level "The Big Parade" centers around leading a band of Express Owls across city rooftops. Unlike most examples of the trope, though, you're not actually protecting them from an ongoing threat, but rather, the Owls act like Cosmic Clones from Super Mario Galaxy 2, where they follow your exact movement, and bumping into them causes Collision Damage.
  • Knife Nut: In the final phase of either the Conductor's or DJ Grooves' boss fight, a group of five Express Owls, each armed with knives, will appear and start chasing after Hat Kid.
  • Meaningful Name: They're called "Express Owls" because they ride the Conductor's Owl Express train as his passengers. An Owl NPC at the Dead Bird Studio reception room even explains it.
  • Not Quite Dead: The plot twist at the end of Murder on the Owl Express reveals that the murdered Owl was not murdered at all. He was just playing dead all along while wearing a rubber knife and covering himself in ketchup to make the murder look real. His reasoning for faking the murder, though, depends on who you chose as the suspect.
  • Shout-Out: In Murder on the Owl Express, one of the Owls blocks the way into the VIP room because he lost his contact lens after someone bumped into him, and doesn't want to move out of fear that he or Hat Kid may step on it. This is a subtle nod to Zess T. from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.
  • Sound Test: An owl band can play the records that Hat Kid finds from completing Rifts or spending Rift Tokens.

    Moon Penguins 
Voiced by: Marianne Miller
DJ Grooves's actors and his loyal fans.
  • Meaningful Name: They're called "Moon Penguins" because they really live on the Moon.
  • Paparazzi: Have this role in the first DJ Grooves-centric mission.
  • Potty Emergency: In Arctic Cruise, one Moon Penguin is desperate to use the only available bathroom on the ship, but said bathroom is blocked off by a food cart because of the Seal's sheer incompetence.
  • Protectorate: A Rift in the "Seal the Deal" expansion portrays them as this for DJ Grooves, guarding him from a Produce Pelting and escorting him out of the theater after one of his movies bombs.

    Crow Agent Watch (C.A.W.) 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/caw2.png
"Greetings, fellow Express Owl."
"These guys won't give me a break! All they do is keep asking me questions and hoot at me! Bad detectives."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Ty Konzak

A murder of Crow Agents investigating a murder on the Owl Express in the Act "Murder on the Owl Express".


  • Blatant Lies: They introduce themselves as Express Owls despite looking nothing like one.
    As you can tell, I am also an Express Owl. I do much hooting.
    • Later on in their appearance in the Arctic Cruise, they insist that they acquired their tickets in a sweepstakes, every single one of them.
    We crows all won our tickets in a sweepstakes. All of us. It was incredibly lucky.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: They're generally somewhat lucid, honestly believing that they're fooling everyone with their Owl imitations (while also being convinced that Hat Girl is a fellow Owl), asking password phishing questions for anything that doesn't actually involve a password, showing up in the oddest of places telling jokes (such as in Dead Bird Studios basement at midnight or in a time rift for no explicable reason), and not quite understanding why their fellow crows haven't emerged from the lava they fell into yet.
  • Clueless Detective: They completely fail to find any resolution as to who the murderer is in the titular case. Possibly subverted if Hat Kid accuses them as a whole of being the murderers, where they intentionally did a poor job so as to hide their involvement and get paid for their services.
  • Constantly Curious: Highly curious and questioning, but not particularly bright at telling an honest answer from a fake and ridiculous one.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: They're tall, black-bodied crows with glowing white eyes that wear concealing trench coats and fedoras, who all act incredibly sketchy like they're looking for something. The worst they ever do is invade your privacy with mostly harmless questions.
  • Expy: Of the G-Men from Psychonauts.
  • Funny Background Event: Minor one in the Arctic Cruise; small security cameras in the Captains deck show that an Agent wandered into the ships power room and is being electrocuted.
  • Fun with Acronyms: Crow Agent Watch.
  • Hello, [Insert Name Here]: Their main role aside from being guards in certain Acts, though it's done primarily for laughs, as only a very few of their questions have an important role in naming things. The rest of their questions are just comedic opportunities to have them say whatever the player wants (albeit in Simlish).
  • Ho Yay: In-universe example. In Alpine Skyline, you can spot two crows sitting together at the Bird Cage with the occasional love heart floating between them.
  • Kick the Dog: After Hat Kid tells them which body part she's most ashamed of, they'll tell her not to be ashamed of her body. However, you'll later overhear them making fun of her for whatever body part she expressed shame over behind her back.
  • Orphaned Punchline: Whatever their jokes are, it's enough to make a whole room of them uproariously laugh.
    There was too much sauce on the pizza!
    And the Owls don't like to give their blueprints!
    Because, he was missing one his feathers!
    It didn't even matter what he said anyway!
    Even if there was a giant fire!
    So I said to her; 'Don't go into the store'!
    Right as he was about to sneeze!
  • Speaking Simlish: Anything you answer their questions with will be translated to them echoing it with indistinct and guttural mumbling noises.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Should you pass notes along for them in Act 2 of the Arctic Cruise;
    These are, uh, birthday cards. For my friend. Please give them to him.
    Please, pass these plain, uncoded messages along for me.
    Thank you for these 'ordinary letters', fellow passenger.
    Unremarkable messages? For me? You shouldn't have.
  • Verbal Tic: Greetings/Hello, fellow Express Owl/Criminal/Passenger.

Subcon Forest

    The Snatcher 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the_snatcher.jpg
"You blew it! You've totally screwed yourself!"
"Lurks in the shadows, he's obsessed with making me sign contracts!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Luke Sizemore

A powerful spiritual presence in Subcon Forest that's willing to spare souls if they fulfill his contracts.


  • Affably Evil: His horrible, unspeakably devious contracts are basically public service contracts, such as cleaning out a well, kicking out troublemakers from the village, and defeating a monster terrorizing the town. He's also pretty chummy despite being a manipulative jerk, though he does have a Pet the Dog-style relationship with his citizens. Though he is taking people's souls, and is a firm believer in You Have Outlived Your Usefulness, so he's not a Harmless Villain, either.
  • Ain't Too Proud to Beg: Once Hat Kid defeats him, he begs for mercy and for her to leave Subcon Forest, and when she apparently still refuses, he strikes a deal with her that if she leaves, he'll hand over her soul AND the last time piece in his collection.
  • All Your Powers Combined: When you fight him at the end of the boss rush against the harder Death Wish versions of the bosses, he unleashes electric shocks like the Mafia Boss, drops studio lights and throws sawblades like the directors, and drops Time Pieces (specifically, the purple Death Wish ones) like Mustache Girl.
  • Arc Villain: His antagonism to Hat Kid encompasses the third chapter, and later on the "Death Wish" game mode (which is largely a bonus mode of dubious canonicity).
  • Ascended Extra: In the early builds of A Hat in Time, he was just a mischievous jerk who needlessly gave Hat Kid problems in Queen Vanessa's Manor because it seemed funny, and didn't do much beyond that. After the developers cut out the Moonjumper, the Snatcher took over his role and backstory, giving him greater importance to Subcon.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: He's the self-proclaimed master of Subcon Forest, and he definitely has the power to back up this claim. Subcon Time Rift all but outright states that he was the "prince" Queen Vanessa fell in love with, but due to a misunderstanding, he ended up chained in her manor, eventually transforming into The Snatcher.
  • Bad Boss: To whoever is unlucky enough to get drafted into being his servant, especially because of his firm belief in You Have Outlived Your Usefulness. The last one got his head popped right off, after all.
  • Being Tortured Makes You Evil: Being chained to a wall and left there until he died and became The Snatcher didn't exactly do wonders for his sense of morality.
  • Benevolent Boss: His shadowy minions, on the other hand, get much better treatment than the servants he drafts, even to the point where he'll steal mail from the land of the living and send them to his minions just so they'll feel cared for.
  • Best Served Cold: The Snatcher didn't forget his humiliating loss to Hat Kid in the main story. After Time's End is completed, he shows up on Hat Kid's spaceship to take his revenge in the "Death Wish Mode," by challenging Hat Kid to complete his new contracts spread all across the previous worlds. These contracts include more treacherous levels and bosses with Nintendo Hard levels of difficulty. Death Wish Mode indeed.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He's loud, uses Hat Kid to do (seemingly) petty jobs, and has a pretty goofy appearance, but his boss fight shows that he's far from harmless. In his pre-boss speech, he has none of the veiled friendliness tone and his voice is downright threatening.
    The Snatcher: Wait up, kid. Remember how the old contractor had his head pop off? That wasn't a coincidence. It popped off the moment he stopped being useful to me. And guess who else just became obsolete? That's right. You. Now that that possessed outhouse isn't bothering me anymore, and all of those contracts of yours are tidied away...I don't need you around. Besides, you didn't think I was going to let you keep all those Time Pieces? They fell in my forest, kid. They belong to me! (Snatches Hat Kid's hat and proceeds to darken the room.) Time you saw what I'm really capable of, kid. Say goodbye to that little head of yours!
  • Big WHAT: Should you complete all of his contract in Death Wish.
  • Boss Banter: An interesting example since he doesn't have voiced lines unlike other bosses and talks through speech bubbles.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: In order to remind you of your obligations, he says that he'll pin the contracts on the start screen. Pause the game, and, lo and behold, he wasn't kidding.
  • Breakout Character: Most of the characters, including the Snatcher, don't appear beyond their chapters where they're relevant except in Mustache Girl's lair. His popularity, however, likely contributed to him being the host of the "Death Wish" game mode in the "Seal the Deal" content update, and also makes him the fourth character to come aboard Hat Kid's spaceship.
  • Break the Haughty: Being beat up and having his contract defaced does a number on him and leaves his ego completely deflated. Likewise, beating every last one of his Death Wish contracts with all objectives completed leaves him in a similar state of disbelief.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Yep. The Snatcher isn't subtle at all about being evil and forcing people to sign his contracts and all that.
  • Casting a Shadow: He appears to be a giant purple blob of sentient darkness. When he shows up, he also brings Hat Kid into his own dimension, complete with dark motifs.
  • Catchphrase: "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!" and "Hey, kid/kiddo!"
  • Deal with the Devil: To the point of parody, with The Snatcher seeming to use contracts as a form of base-level negotiation that can otherwise be done via word of mouth.
  • Developers' Foresight: He has different lines of dialogue if you talk to him after kicking his shadowy ass. He won't be amused to see Hat Kid again, to say the least.
  • Doppelgänger Attack: In his second phase, he will often make a copy of himself to try and ambush Hat Kid; he'll succeed unless she hits the real one. You have to pay attention to which eye he winks at the camera with.
    • The Death Wish version of his battle has him turn into a bunch of shadow copies of Hat Kid, taunting her as expected before they suddenly start shambling forward to attack.
  • Establishing Character Moment: His first scene in the game features him trapping you, loudly introducing himself, offering you a contract that can end in no other way but badly, and then makes you sign another contract of your choice even though he could just tell you what you should do.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Despite being a soul-stealing spirit who drops devilish contracts on innocent passerbys, not to mention double-crossing them once his contracts are complete, the Snatcher is against any sort of authoritarian rule imposed by people like Mustache Girl. He'll encourage Hat Kid to head on inside her lair and take her down, and will even assist Hat Kid during the final fight. Not surprising, given what happen to him thanks to Queen Vanessa's similar intolerant attitude.
  • Evil Is Hammy: Yungtown must've had a lot of fun voicing this Large Ham of an Eldritch Abomination that negotiates everything with a Deal with the Devil.
  • Evil Is Petty: Managed to complete all of his Nintendo Hard Death Wish contracts down to the final condition and survive? The Snatcher will openly defy the idea of giving you a reward for it out of spite.
  • Evil Laugh: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
  • Evil Lawyer Joke: Reading up on Queen Vanessa's diary reveals that her "prince" was actually a prodigal law student. In the Death Wish expansion, Snatcher reiterates this outright beyond his love of twisted contracts.
    If only you knew a laywer... Oh, wait. You do. It's me! At least— I was.
  • Expy: Everything from his design, to his catchphrase, to the very music that plays during the initial encounter with him, are direct references to Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, specifically the Cursed Chest Demons. Just compare these two songs with each other.
  • Flunky Boss: A variant. One of his attacks is to summon his shadow minions and sweep the arena with them in a Spin Attack.
  • Gameplay and Story Integration: He's a walking, talking justification for all the non-rift missions in Subcon Forest, with his contracts being each mission.
  • Get Out!: The contract he makes with Hat Kid after she beats him has this as its terms.
    Get out. Just get out.
  • Glass Cannon: He has an impressive array of hard-to-dodge attacks, but once he's made weak, he's defeated in five hits. For comparison, the boss of Chapter 2 takes thirty hits, and the Toilet of Doom boss in the same chapter takes ten hits.
  • Having a Blast: His main attack during the boss fight is to generate large magical explosions, and as his health dwindles, the explosions become larger and faster, one of his attacks being a large ring of rapid explosions.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite saying he'd show Hat Kid what he's really capable of, Death Wish Mode reveals he is capable of controlling people to do his bidding without the use of contracts and making them more powerful. He is even able to energize himself and become even stronger then before!
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Hat Kid turns him blue using a blue flask from his own attack, thus making him vulnerable. The Snatcher counters that such a thing can't possibly count. Too bad for him, it does.
    • After he is defeated, the Snatcher tries to force Hat Kid to sign a contract to leave him and his forest alone. Instead, Hat Kid alters the terms of the contract to let her come and go as she pleases, get all of her things back, and be BFF's with the Snatcher. The Snatcher even put down his stamp before she can sign it, making it official. The Snatcher is nonetheless dumbfounded by this move.
    • He then turns this right back on Hat Kid in the Death Wish expansion. Turns out, her alteration to his last contract was actually binding; he really is stuck as her "best friend forever". So he decides to show her exactly what being his "friend" entails.
  • Humiliation Conga: Gets beaten to the point of having to beg for Hat Kid to stop, tries to strike a deal on his terms only to get his last contract defaced, and is forced to hand over his last Time Piece and Hat Kid's soul in order to make her leave Subcon Forest. Even so, she can come back whenever she wants and talk to a very upset Snatcher simply because he can't do anything to kick her out of his domains.
  • I Shall Taunt You: Briefly in his boss fight, he turns into multiple shadow copies of Hat Kid, just to show her how stupid she looks.
  • I Surrender, Suckers: After being defeated by Hat Kid, the Snatcher begins to beg for mercy, lulling her into a false sense of security, before setting her down to once again try and force her to sign a contract to leave him and his forest alone. She manages to turn the tables on him, however.
    The Snatcher: You're such a disrespectful young lady... I feel... so weak... Please... have mercy... Please... HAVE A SEAT!
  • Large Ham: He bounces between loud, cheesy and malicious at the drop of a hat. However, as Hat Kid falls in his traps again, he does complain that keeping the "loud" part is not easy on his voice.
    The Snatcher: Don't take it personal, kid, but stay clear of my traps. There's only so many times my voice can handle yelling like that.
  • Lazy Bum: Simply put, his contracts are just menial labor that the Snatcher doesn't want to do himself. Possibly justified, given his former royal status as the Prince.
  • Leitmotif: Has three. There's "The Snatcher's Contractual Obligations" (his initial encounter theme), "Oh It's You" (his talk theme), and "Your Contract Has Expired" (his boss theme).
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: When Hat Kid turns him blue with one of his flasks, Snatcher decides to stop playing around.
    The Snatcher: That does it. Time to die!
  • Mission Control Is Off Its Meds: Snatcher makes no attempt to sugarcoat what you get yourself into by accepting an aptly-named Death Wish challenge: either you finish the job he wants done, or he has his revenge and gets your soul. If you ask for a hint on the task, he often gives advice that will make you outright lose or otherwise get killed doing it. The Snatcher spends the whole duration rubbing it in and loving every second of it.
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: Played with during his boss fight. He'll lampshade that Hat Kid is waiting for him to turn blue so he can become vulnerable, but then proceeds to actively defy that pitfall throughout the entire fight. That is, until Hat Kid throws one of his dud flasks at him to coat him in blue, which makes him vulnerable. He even lampshades that it couldn't possibly work with his own attack, but it does.
  • Oh, Crap!: Once you make him vulnerable in his boss fight, he pretty much has this reaction.
  • Perpetual Smiler: Constantly has a wide, jolly evil smile that only ever changes for a moment when he attacks/gets hurt, in which case his eyes and mouth seem to merge into a giant yellow gap.
  • Pet the Dog: Possible in one interpretation of a Death Wish storybook. After giving some of the Dwellers a contract to sign with him, he gives them burlap bodies to inhabit.
  • Platonic Life-Partners: Hilariously enough, when he gives his final contract (that tells her to just get out), Hat Kid rewrites it so that he's contractually obligated to be her BFF. He's not really keen, though, so he just gives her back her soul, gives her his final Time Piece, and just tells her to sod off.
    • The first DLC then reveals that he ended up stuck with the terms of the contract anywaynote  so he whips up a whole bunch of absurd, death-repetitive challenges as payback.
  • Sincerity Mode: His mandate during the initial contract is, in a nutshell, sign or die. He'll give you several chances to sign. If you say no every one of those times, he'll kill you. And in the final chapter, he will wish Hat Kid luck so to teach Mustache Girl a lesson for daring to pass judgment on him.
  • Soft-Spoken Sadist: He remarkably quiet when explaining that he killed his old helper, though it's short lived since he shouts a threat at Hat Kid right after that.
  • Stepford Smiler: Strongly implied. While the Snatcher acts all hammy and over-the-top while always sporting a large grin on his face, the Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that he was not always like this. Back when he was the Prince, he was locked up in Vanessa's basement over a tragic misunderstanding, and was so distraught over the sudden event that during his transformation, tears can be clearly seen in his eyes. It's possible that he still holds on to those same feelings of grief, but doesn't show it to his minions and drafted servants.
  • Tactical Suicide Boss:
    • If he didn't summon those flasks, he would have been invincible. Although, to his defense, the battle was going pretty well for him and the only problem was that one of the many, many flasks didn't break when landing.
    • He also needlessly gets close to Hat Kid; one when trying to fake her out and attack from a certain side, which can be discerned by which eye he winks with, and the other involving shockwaves which gradually puts him closer to Hat Kid, both of them leaving him open for attack.
  • Teleport Spam: He uses this in conjunction with the shockwaves that are generated every time he reappears.
  • The Gloves Come Off: "Death Wish" mode shows he's done playing games and is trying every single nasty trick he can think of to kill Hat Kid and take her soul.
  • Throw Down the Bomblet:
    • In his boss fight, the Snatcher will throw explosive flasks at Hat Kid. Unfortunately for him, some flasks end up as duds, allowing Hat Kid to take advantage of them and turn the fight around in her favor.
    • During the Final Boss battle, the Snatcher signs a contract with a Goat from Alpine Skyline to create cherry bombs to assist Hat Kid, which are used to break Mustache Girl's shield.
  • Tragic Monster: He used to be Queen Vanessa's "prince" and was apparently a Nice Guy before her madness and jealousy turned him into The Snatcher.
  • Tragic Villain: He was a well-meaning lawyer before Queen Vanessa's magic gradually turned him into a monster.
  • True Final Boss: The "Seal the Deal" Death Wish mission from the DLC is a Boss Rush of all the EX bosses, but the format pulls a fast one by making Mustache Girl EX as the third boss, with an even meaner version of Snatcher EX (dubbed "Ultra Snatcher" by the playerbase) taking her place as the fourth and final fight.
  • Tsundere: The description of the Steam trading card about him has Hat Kid viewing the Snatcher as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold and actually referring to him as such, even if she misspelled the word.
    Aww, this guy. What a big softy. He acts all mean, but I'm sure he's that thing from TV. Y'know, soon-deh-ray? We're friends. I think.
  • Was Once a Man: The Sleepy Subcon Time Rift all but says outright that he used to be the prince Vanessa fell in love with. Not only does he have the same hair silhouette as the Prince, but the Prince is shown in shackles with yellowed, blank eyes and a body that's turned purple and shimmery.
  • Would Hurt a Child: He even reads a book titled "How to kill Kids" when he shows up during the Subcon Well mission and in Hat Kid's spaceship.
  • Voice of the Legion: Used for massive creep factor.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Once the player manages to get around him refusing to become blue, his attacks become much more frantic, desperate, and sloppy, and after you defeat him, he doesn't even try to hide that he just wants to get rid of Hat Kid.
  • Why Won't You Die?: If you manage the controller-busting feat of completing all of the Death Wish DLC challenges, the Snatcher will flip out wondering how the hell Hat Kid survived the ordeal.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Tries to pull this off on Hat Kid. Naturally, it doesn't end well for him.
  • Your Soul Is Mine: Takes Hat Kid's soul at one point. He gives it back later after she defeats him.

    Queen Vanessa 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vanessa_06.png
"WHO'S THERE? WHO DARES ENTER MY HOME?"
"Lives in the haunted manor and gives me the creeps. Eek!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Eileen Montgomery

A frightening lady that lives in a manor in Subcon Woods.


  • Ax-Crazy: Vanessa's overwhelming jealousy and obsession with her Prince corrupted her into a psychotic shadow monster that will kill anyone foolish enough to enter her home. Her dialogue throughout the chapter has her vacillating between sweet-talking Hat Kid, threatening her, or laughing madly. The walls of her home are lined with scratches to show her insanity and her diary entries and letters detail her slow decent into madness, culminating in her chaining her Prince in the basement and keeping him prisoner.
  • The Corruption: Her presence influences the entire Subcon Forest. And has transformed it from a peaceful woodland into a dreary forest inhabited by restless spirits.
  • Domain Holder: She can alter her house to some degree in manners unrelated to ice, such as scratches appearing on a wall, and changing a painting in a room she hasn't even entered.
  • The Dreaded: None of Subcon's denizens even try to bother her (the way to her manor is even mostly blocked off), there are signs that advise you to not try to cross the bridge she's on the other side of, and Hat Kid is very noticeably afraid of her when hiding. She's also nowhere to be seen when Mustache Girl rewrites time into her world, suggesting that even on her power trip, Vanessa was too utterly terrifying for her to deal with.
  • Empathic Environment: Her powers turn the area around her mansion into a frozen wasteland and are implied to influence the rest of Subcon as well.
  • Everything's Better with Princesses: At least from her perspective. She believes that becoming queen makes her less beautiful.
  • Evil Is Deathly Cold: Her manor is surrounded by a constant blizzard and freezes all her victims into icy sculptures.
  • Evil Old Folks: She's quite old and shaped like an elderly lady, but she is still extremely dangerous.
  • Faux Affably Evil: When trying to lure Hat Kid out of hiding, she talks to her in the same manner a grandmother talks to her children, but none of it is real and every word drips with barely concealed malice. And sometimes, she'll forgo sweet talk for threatening her directly.
    The garden is beautiful tonight. We can go see it together.
    It gets so lonely in here. I know you are listening...
    Tracking dirt in my home? Oh, when I find you...
    I can hear your footsteps. Why are you hiding?
    I just dusted. I hope you like it.
    Come on out! We can have some tea.
    I know you're here. I'm coming.
    Ready or not, here I come!
  • Friend to All Children: Originally, the Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that she used to be really friendly to the children of a nearby village, as the page shows them offering gifts to Vanessa, and was really happy when she was greeted by them. Now, after the tragedy, Vanessa has become so deadly, that she'll kill anyone who enters her manor. Including children.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: Oh boy. If you ever see them, RUN LIKE THE WIND.
  • Go Mad from the Revelation: While Vanessa is not very sane to begin with, as evidence from her letters and diary entries, the event that really drove her mad was when she found the Prince with another girl, which turned out to be a misunderstanding. Her anger and jealousy over the situation would eventually corrupt her into the feared shadow monster that she is now.
  • God Save Us from the Queen!: Her powers killed everyone living in the nearby village and she will hunt down and freeze anyone unfortunate enough to wander into her mansion.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Of the whole Subcon Forest. After all, it's her Yandere tendencies that led to the existence of the Snatcher.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: Her incredible jealousy corrupted her and her "prince" into evil spirits.
  • Hopeless Boss Fight: Queen Vanessa is absolutely impossible to defeat and being caught by her is instant death. Hat Kid can only hide and carefully go through her manor to fulfill the contract.
  • Humanoid Abomination: She's a shapeless monster that only vaguely looks human anymore. Her shadow also goes through walls, and when you're trying to get a key on top of her bed in the third floor, a painting in Vanessa's childhood room changes twice, namely to Hat Kid with a Nightmare Face, showing she has some degree of control over her house's environment.
  • I Was Quite a Looker: The Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that she used to be a beautiful young lady.
  • An Ice Person: Her gaze can turn people into ice sculptures, and her presence wraps her mansion in an eternal snowstorm.
  • Knight of Cerebus: She's the only character not to have any sort of funny quirk. She's Nightmare Fuel played straight, part of the scariest level in the game, and responsible for the Snatcher's existence. Notably, while every other sapient villain Hat Kid faces eventually comes to regard her as a friend, Queen Vanessa is always an irredeemable horror that Hat Kid desperately avoids.
  • Leitmotif: "Vanessa Wants to Play".
  • Living Shadow: She's designed to resemble one.
  • Love Makes You Evil: Her incredible love and obsession for the Prince is seriously out of this world. Not only did she chain the Prince up in the cellar and refuse to listen to his explanation (he really was just buying her flowers from another girl), but her misplaced, jealous anger warps her into a hideous shadow beast with shining red eyes who cries frozen tears... and freezes any trespassers into ice statues. Vanessa keeps the Prince locked up for so long that the sheer magic Vanessa's warping Subcon with turns him into the Snatcher, but by then Subcon's a completely destroyed world and all of the non-Dweller populace seems to be dead. All because of blind love and a misunderstanding.
  • Never Mess with Granny: One of the oldest characters in the game, and hands-down one of the most dangerous.
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: Vanessa cannot be defeated in a straight-up fight, and attacking her will do nothing but get Hat Kid frozen into an ice sculpture.
  • One-Hit Kill: If she catches Hat Kid, she will kill her instantly by freezing her into an ice sculpture.
  • Poor Communication Kills: Her spiral into madness was kicked off when she mistook a girl that the Prince was buying flowers from (for Vanessa herself, no less!) as a mistress.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: Her most noticeable features are a pair of glowing red eyes.
  • Scare Chord: If Vanessa is drawing near to you, the screen darkens and distorts itself as a loud droning sound plays. The sound gets louder and more intense if she has you in her sights.
  • Sinister Silhouettes: All you see of Queen Vanessa, besides her red eyes, is her silhouette, which is probably for the best.
  • Supernatural Elite: She and her former "prince" are much more powerful than the other spirits.
  • Tragic Villain: A young and beautiful princess who was corrupted by her own love and obsession with the Prince. The misunderstanding only made things worse for her.
  • Would Hurt a Child: She will kill anyone who enters her manor, and children like Hat Kid are no exception.
  • Yandere: A frightening example that isn't Played for Laughs. Reading her letters and diaries around her mansion reveals that she freaked out when she was crowned as queen because it meant she couldn't be a pretty princess anymore, and she apparently cut off all her lover's hair in his sleep and dyed it so it would match hers perfectly. She also banned bacon from the house because she thought he loved it more than her, and she has apparently had thoughts of chaining him up in the basement so he can't escape. If you have the Fox Mask, you can see that it's possible she really did.

    Subconites 
Voiced by: Kellen Goff
Shadowy minions of The Snatcher found across the Subcon Woods.
  • Adorable Abomination: They're cute little Eldritch Abominations about as tall as Hat Kid.
  • Black Comedy: Many of them will crack jokes at the most inappropriate of times, with some even overlapping as Casual Danger Dialogue for Hat Kid.
  • Dancing Pants: The Missing Children reveals them to be Dwellers inhabiting burlap clothes given to them by the Snatcher.
  • Mr. Exposition: For Subcon Forest. They often point which location Hat Kid is visiting and give some hints, even if they are a bit cryptic at times.
  • Was Once a Man: In one of the "Seal the Deal" rifts, it's shown that they are Dwellers that were forced into making a contract with The Snatcher.

    Dwellers 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/subcon_dwellers.png
Bells and bombs...

"These guys live in Subcon and are the only guys I can trust in this place..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Masked spirits inhabiting Subcon Woods.


  • Helpful Mook: A rather bizarre case because the Dwellers are not really hostile towards you initially. But, should you give them an oversized cherry, they'll be drawn into it and turn it into a bomb that can still damage you, essentially becoming Action Bombs that you are carrying around. However, this works in your favor because they're needed to break the ice around Subcon Forest.
  • Made of Explodium: If Hat Kid is carrying an over-sized cherry, they're drawn into it, turning it into a "cherry bomb".
  • The Stoic: The Dwellers are not very social, and the only Dweller you speak to is at the beginning of Subcon Forest, where it mentions that it's been lost for as long as it can remember.
    Subconite: "These Dwellers are so hard to talk to."
  • True Sight: An ability that Hat Kid can experience for herself with the right mask.
  • Was Once a Man: The Sleepy Subcon Time Rift all but says outright that they used to be children in a forest village Vanessa froze over.

    Fire Spirits 
Voiced by: Marissa Lenti
Fox spirits that wish to die in a glorious blaze, fueled by the finest soul-capturing paintings.
  • And I Must Scream: Not them, but the paintings burnt to kill them have random NPCs trapped inside, including the Mafia, Express Owls, Badge Sellers, and the cat bandits from Alpine Skyline.
  • Death Seeker: The Snatcher wants them dead. Luckily for him, they outright want to die.
  • Leitmotif: "The Fire Spirits".
  • Spanner in the Works: The Snatcher claims they're creating the fire barriers to prevent him from getting to other parts of his forest. However, since the Fire Spirits are Death Seekers who're looking to die anyway, and none of their dialogue even mentions stopping the Snatcher, it's very unlikely that they're creating the barriers on purpose. They're just dancing merrily away while waiting for someone to feed their bonfire with special paintings.

    Toilet of Doom 
A possessed outhouse, and the focus of one of The Snatcher's contracts that Hat Kid must kill to fulfill.
  • Big, Bulky Bomb: Will use the caged Dwellers to overcharge a giant cherry and make it grow to the point where it'll take up the whole arena. Letting it detonate by not reaching the toilet in time is an instant game over.
  • Defeat Equals Explosion: The only other boss in the game besides the Mafia Boss to die in a purple explosion, and unlike the Mafia Boss, it stays dead.
  • Doomy Dooms of Doom: Toilet of Doom
  • Evil Laugh: Seems to be laughing maniacally when it's waiting for its Big, Bulky Bomb to go off.
  • Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: All that's known about it is that killing it is one of Hat Kid's contracts since it pesters The Snatcher. After Seal the Deal released, the contract was changed a bit to give it a bit more context; Hat Kid's soul escaped from the Snatcher and possessed an outhouse in the forest. Still weird and out of nowhere, but better than before.
  • Ground Pound: Later into the fight it'll start hurling itself around the arena to release damaging shockwaves each time it lands.
  • Leitmotif: "Toilet of Doom".
  • Orchestral Bombing: The Toilet of Doom is notably the only boss to not have a rock theme, and instead, has a battle theme done entirely in orchestra.
  • Tactical Suicide Boss: Aside from the fact that it keeps accidentally regurgitating bombs and health for Hat Kid to use against it, later on into the fight its Ground Pounds get violent enough that it causes it to be incapacitated on its side when it lands, leaving it wide open for an attack.
  • Toilet Humor: The loading art from its Act shows itself opening and a less than thrilled Hat Kid looking at its insides.

Alpine Skyline

    Goats 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/goat.png
...
"Mysterious creatures who are the silent type. They like to be left alone, but maybe they just want me to stop annoying them..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

The large, brown-furred inhabitants of a village in the mountains.


  • Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: In the Alpine Skyline Time Rift storybook, one Goat traveler trekked to the top of the peaks so he can meditate within the Twilight realm, and became one with the constellations as a result. It's even revealed in The Mountain Rift in Seal the Deal that his ascension is what made Alpine Skyline habitable in the first place, allowing the other Goats and Nomads to build a civilization there. And there's even a statue erected in his honor in the Twilight Travels Time Rift.
  • The Corruption: The pollen of purple flowers ends up driving them mad until Hat Kid removes the plants.
  • Gentle Giant: The goats are never hostile and are just minding their own business. However, the Nomads advise to approach them with caution, because just bumping into them accidentally will cause them to shove Hat Kid out of their way. They'll only attack if they're infected by the purple flowers.
  • Lightning Bruiser: When they're corrupted by the purple flowers they also get frighteningly fast for something of their size essentially becoming The Juggernaut that Hat Kid cannot hope to defeat in direct combat.
  • Mighty Glacier: They're giants that're never seen going any faster than a walk. That said, merely swatting away Hat Kid makes her fly as far as one of Mafia's punches.
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: They're impossible to harm and hitting them causes nothing. Jumping on their heads will cause them to swat Hat Kid with both hands like one would do to a fly. This becomes a problem in the finale, as they'll actively try to harm Hat Kid while corrupted. The only thing Hat Kid can do is to avoid direct confrontation with them.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: While corrupted, their eyes become menacingly red.
  • The Stoic: They don't talk a lot, but do (kinda) express some gratitude after Alpine Skyline's finale.
  • Video Game Cruelty Punishment: Just go on and try to play cute and beat or jump on these guys. See what happens.

    Nomads 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/nomad.png
Sky Travelers
"Much more talkative! These guys also ended up in the skies... I wonder why?"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Carol-Anne Day

Small fellows who inhabit the Alpine skyline.


  • Glowing Eyes: The only visible part of their face.
  • In the Hood: None of them show their faces at all.
  • Mr. Exposition: They give valuable information on stuff around Alpine Skyline, also often pointing where horns or treasures may be and even giving a heads up if Hat Kid is about to go in the Lazy Paw Gang turf.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": The game manual refers to them as "Travellers".
  • Verbal Tic: One laments on their habit of shouting directions to Hat Kid in The Arctic Cruise.
    This way to the -ah, I mean, hello! That's a tough habit to shake.
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: A weird Eastern European meets Middle Eastern medley, more akin to Mass Effect's Tali Zorah than anything of this world.

    Lazy Paw Gang 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lazy_paw_gang_7.png
Feline Felons.
"Very rude felines who keep stealing my hats!!! Ever heard of asking politely??"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Felines that can steal Hat Kid's hat, or some of her Pons.


  • All There in the Manual: The only place their names are mentioned.
  • Bandit Mook: They can steal your Pons and even your hats.
  • Cat Folk: Yep, and they're as mean as a bandit.
  • Cat Ninja: They prefer to use stealth attacks instead of going head-to-head against you.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Some cat bandits are found trapped inside paintings in Subcon Forest before you even encounter them officially in Alpine Skyline.
  • In the Back: They will always go for Hat Kid's back via stealing or attacking.
  • Invisible Monsters: They are invisible most of the time, only revealing themselves when they try to sneak up behind Hat Kid.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Comparatively speaking. They take two hits instead of one, are pretty darn fast, and can easily score more than one damage by shoving Hat Kid in a bottomless pit, which is plentiful in Alpine Skyline. If they attack in a group, one will almost always steal and the second one will punch a stunned Hat Kid.
  • Palette Swap: They make a reappearance in the Nyakuza Metro, alongside a purple-headbanded variant that's never invisible and tends to be a tad more violent.
  • Visible Invisibility: Their invisible camouflage shows a faint clear silhouette of their presence. So to detect any of them, you have to pay real close attention to your surroundings even if you know where they show up.

    Purple Flowers 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/20180112022657_1.jpg
The Illness has Spread...
Dangerous flowers that grow all over Alpine Skyline.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: The purple flowers are a species of highly dangerous plants that all share one common goal; to seize control of the entire Alpine Skyline with their poisonous spores once they awaken. The main flowers also seem to be self-aware, as they'll try to defend themselves with explosive spores and black thorns when Hat Kid approaches them.
  • Arc Villain: They're the main antagonists of Alpine Skyline.
  • Garden of Evil: What they turn Alpine Skyline into during the chapter's finale.
  • Generic Doomsday Villain: Unlike any of the other Arc Villains, who have some form of depth and backstory materials through the Purple Time Rifts, the flowers get no explanation of what they are and little-to-no characterization due to having no dialogue.
  • Knight of Cerebus: The level where you defeat them is much more serious in tone, with a surprisingly dark atmosphere.
  • Leitmotif: "Alpine Skyline at Night".
  • Level in Boss Clothing: The flowers themselves are not a challenge, getting to them is. You must destroy all three main flowers spreading the corruption, and every next flower is progressively more difficult to deal with.
  • Made of Explodium: The small dandelion things created by the big flowers will explode.
  • The Un-Reveal: Even after the finale of Alpine Skyline is concluded nothing about these things is revealed. The Nomads and Goats are simply relieved they're gone thanks to Hat Kid.
  • The Virus: Their spores can corrupt other living beings, turning their victims violent.

Arctic Cruise

    The Captain 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/seal_the_deal_captain.jpg
Attention, passengers...
The captain of the "S.S. LITERALLY Can't Sink", a cruise ship.
  • The Captain: Goes without saying.
  • Cigar Chomper: Is always seen with a cigar in his mouth. His backstory reveals that he picked this habit up shortly after his mentor/teacher died.
  • The Comically Serious: Stoic at the best of times and grumpy at the worst, his deadpan reactions clash with his Crews quirkiness and the bizarre occurrences happening in his ship. But as his backstory reveals, he used to be much jollier before being struck with grief over the death of his mentor.
  • Going Down with the Ship: When the cruise ship hits an iceberg and begins to sink, he attempts to do this before Hat Kids forceful rescue. He notes that he can't actually drown, though he would've pretended to.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's rather rough around the edges and doesn't seem to have anything but irritation toward his incompetent workers, but they do ultimately work under him, and he's fairly sincere when complimenting Hat Kid's gumption on doing several tasks at once.
  • Ironic Name: The name of his cruise ship is the "S.S. LITERALLY Can't Sink", which becomes ironic later when his ship hits an iceberg and begins to sink. Also doubles as a clever Shout-Out to the RMS Titanic, because not only does his ship suffer the same fate, but its name is reminiscent to the Titanic's own nickname, once being called "The Unsinkable".
  • Mess of Woe: Is often surrounded by discarded cigars and empty pizza boxes; according to the area's purple Rift, it started when his mentor died at sea.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: His design is based more on a realistic walrus when compared to his cute and super-deformed seal crew.
  • Only Sane Man: In a cruise ship full of incompetent Seals that cause more problems than they ever fix, The Captain stands out as one.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: The Captain certainly seems to think so, which is why he's quick to hire Hat Kid for some jobs that the Seals keep botching.
  • Timed Mission: Act 2 of the Arctic Cruise has Hat Kid get hired to perform 20 jobs around the ship in quick succession before all of their timers run out. If The Captain gets too frustrated at her lack of good results, it's back to the beginning to try again.
  • Unwanted Rescue: Tells Hat Kid to leave him behind to sink with his ship, and continually tries to convince her to leave him be when she comes to his rescue.
  • Warm-Hearted Walrus: Downplayed. He comes across as gruff and grumpy, and will complain about his crew's incompetence. Still, he's thankful towards Hat Kid for doing several jobs around the ship, and will reward her a Time Piece for her help. Played straight in his Rift storybook, where he started off as a happy and optimistic up-and-coming captain of his own ship, but fell in a deep depression after he learned that his mentor died at sea.

    The Staff 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/seal_the_deal_seal.jpg
Wewcome aboawd!
A gwoup...er, group of seals that work aboard the ship.
  • The Ditz: Cute they may be, but they're terrible at operating a cruise ship.
  • Elmuh Fudd Syndwome: Cute version. They all have trouble pronouncing their R's and sometimes L's, making them come out as W's.
  • No OSHA Compliance: Their workplace is hazardous to say the least, nearly all of it because of their own doing; ovens are spewing flames, tables and furniture that weren't fastened are being flung around the ship, baggage blocks the halls and the only bathroom on the ship is overflowing.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: An entire species of small, child-like helpers.
  • The Slacker: Judging by the disrepair the ship is in, they're terrible with doing the assignments given to them, and end up making the ship absurdly dangerous to traverse in its lower levels.

    The Engineer 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/seal_the_deal_octopus.jpg
Shocking, isn't it?
A giant, dark octopus that's in charge of the ship's power. Makes a lot of electricity puns.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Despite a sinister appearance and living in a room that's Malevolent Architecture writ large, the Engineer is non-malicious and also appreciates the company.
  • King Mook: Sort of. He's a giant version of the rarely-seen Shock Squids, but he's not hostile to Hat Kid.
  • Pungeon Master: An electricity pun a sentence.

    Fishman 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ahit_fishman.png
A guest aboard the cruise, with a fish for a head.

    Grandkids 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ahit_grandkid.png
The Conductor's infant grandchildren, kept in the ship's daycare while the Conductor himself is at the bar.
  • Ascended Extra: Prior to the release of the "Seal The Deal" expansion, they were only mentioned once, in one of the Conductor's taunts.
  • Enfant Terrible: Downplayed, but the Conductor's grandchildren are as knife-happy as their grandpa is (to the point where they're threatening anyone who's watching the security camera in their room with a knife) and their daycare play pen has barbed wire circling it.
  • Identical Grandson: The Conductor's grandchildren are basically just smaller versions of him wearing diapers. They even wear his cap.
  • Knife Nut: All of them are as eager to wield knives as the Conductor. Like grandfather, like grandson...
  • Straying Baby: Act 2 of the Arctic Cruise, among other things, has you retrieve the Grandkids from wherever they happened to have wandered into, usually in places far, far away from where they belong.

Nyakuza Metro

    The Empress 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/nyakuza_leader.jpg
"It's the perfect place for a little lying... a little cheating... a little stealing."
Voiced by: Laura Post
The leader of the Nyakuza, who forces Hat Kid to work for her while on her turf.
  • Always a Bigger Fish: Is just about to deal with Hat Kid personally when some police show up, and she decides that getting their attention isn't worth her revenge.
  • Arc Villain: The main antagonist of Nyakuza Metro, strong-arming Hat Kid into her employ and hoarding Time Pieces.
  • Bad Boss: In a cutscene, she accuses an underling of trying to steal her jewels because of a hair she found, and then throws him hard enough to pop him.
  • Berserk Button: Anyone stealing from her. She quickly murders one of her own minions after she finds one of the cat's hairs on her jewelry, and Hat Kid daring to steal back the Time Pieces causes the Empress to immediately cast her out of her organization and call a bounty on the child, with the Empress joining the hunt herself.
  • Boss Arena Idiocy: Chases Hat Kid with a rocket launcher when Hat Kid takes back her Time Pieces. Coincidentally, there are a lot of barriers blocking Hat Kid's escape that can only be blown up by these rockets.
  • Bling-Bling-BANG!: The Rocket Launcher she shoots at Hat Kid with in "Rush Hour" is plated in gold, shoots diamond-tipped rockets, and is excessively gaudy overall.
  • Cats Are Mean: She's a talking Sphynx Cat who is also a vicious crime boss.
  • Cat Stereotype: Fits the "mean and evil Sphynx" stereotype.
  • Contrasting Sequel Antagonist: She has numerous differences from the Arc Villains of the previous worlds in the base game.
    • She's a leader, much like the Mafia Boss rules Mafia Town and the Snatcher rules Subcon, but while those two stay in their respective areas for the most part, the Empress is heavily implied to smuggle goods from the outside. She also outright murders employees that betray or double-cross her, whereas the Mafia Boss and Snatcher generally tend to treat their henchmen in their worlds with respect.
    • The Mafia Boss, Snatcher, and Mustache Girl did not like Hat Kid, and actively fought against her, while the Empress essentially forces Hat Kid to work under her, but ends up finding herself respecting Hat Kid's level of skill over the course of the DLC (even seeming to consider her a potential successor).
    • All of the previous antagonists (barring the Purple Flowers) have supplementary material within the game to explain their backstory and motivations, whereas the Empress's backstory is simply left unexplained, and has a straightforward goal (making money).
    • Prior antagonists aside from the Purple Flowers were bombastic and humorous, while The Empress is more reserved and serious. While she does show a more humorous side, it's only near the end, when Hat Kid not only manages to escape her, but cripple her operation by accident.
    • To further drive the point home, Snatcher and The Conductor/DJ Grooves betray Hat Kid at the end of their worlds, whereas The Empress tries to kill Hat Kid because Hat Kid stole from her. In other words, Hat Kid betrays her instead of the other way around.
  • Counterfeit Cash: She has a printing press in the back of her jewelry store that's been spewing out a lot of money into a giant pile. It explains where she's been getting all of the money to pay you with.
  • Death Glare: She very easily gives one at pretty much every opportunity, and they never lose their effectiveness; if anything, they get even more frightening. When Hat Kid is caught stealing the Time Pieces, she gives her the angriest glare yet.
  • The Dreaded: Most of the Nyakuza Metro residents try not to refer to her directly when talking about her, with at least one conversation involving one telling another to hush up about how their friend disappeared, in fear of retribution. Even Hat Kid is afraid of her, for good reason; she calls a manhunt on Hat Kid once she steals her Time Pieces back.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Her introductory scene features her effortlessly sneaking up on Hat Kid, and taking her Time Piece, promptly deciding to put her under her employ after asking if she works under anybody, to keep a close eye on her. Another scene features her grilling an Underling on stealing her jewels, and then promptly throwing them on her counter top after showing the proof, hard enough to pop them, telling the onlooking Hat Kid that she'd better not let that be her.
  • Expy: The fact she's a scrawny cat in a position of high power, is really big on asserting her dominance, feared by many yet has her own sense of decency, and is one antagonist the main hero doesn't actually defeat makes her quite similar to Lord Beerus.
  • Foil: She's the leader of a criminal organization, the Nyakuza, much like the Mafia Boss is the leader of the Mafia, but unlike them, ends up putting Hat Kid under their employ, and is far less forgiving to her henchmen, along with being taller and thinner.
  • Furry Reminder: Her idle animations feature her licking herself, scratching at her ears, and when attacked, scratches back and hisses, all behaviors fairly typical of cats.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Has various jagged looking scars over her body, most notably across her left eye and the side of her neck.
  • Hidden Depths: Virtually in control of the criminal underworld that rules Nyakuza Metro she is a ruthless Bad Boss that won't think twice to squash one of her own underlings if they fail her. Yet, she has a soft spot for Hat Kid. When betrayed at the finale she's furious, deliberately allowing Kid to escape just to be hunted down, but she's also bitterly disappointed judging by the speech she gives the kid in the elevator. Judging by her confession, the Empress is more hurt by the betrayal than mad.
  • Honor Among Thieves: In spite of her temper and ruthlessness, The Empress seems to warm up to anyone that makes themselves useful to her organization, highly valuing loyalty. She quickly becomes impressed with Hat Kid's resourcefulness when finding the Metro's Time Pieces, eventually stating that she "takes care of her own". Right up until Hat Kid tries to steal back the same Time Pieces, the Empress starts to treat Hat Kid like a potential protégé, asking if Hat Kid had any ideas of what they wanted to do once they grew up, then promising that "little would be beyond your reach" if the small alien kept working for her.
  • Humiliation Conga: By the end of Nyakuza Metro, she's been betrayed and swindled by a child, none of her men are able to capture Hat Kid at all, she loses her chance at revenge due to dumb luck, her crime ring is temporarily under investigation, and to top it all off, her revenge on Hat Kid is likely unattainable due to her leaving the planet at the end of the game.
  • Hypocrite: She hates it when her Underlings steal from her, despite the fact that her livelihood heavily involves smuggling.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Unlike almost everyone else in the game that has a layer of hamminess or Black Comedy to lighten the mood, the Empress is established as deadly serious and utterly ruthless from the get-go. Her demeanor makes the Snatcher look cuddly.
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: She runs away when the police get into the same elevator as her and Hat Kid at the next stop, and going back to free roam reveals that Le Felin is under investigation. When talking to her, she tells Hat Kid that she's going to leave her alone since going after revenge will jeopardize her criminal operations, with the caveat that when she's not under investigation, she will go after Hat Kid.
  • Large and in Charge: She stands out by being far taller than the other Nyakuza cats.
  • Legitimate Businessmen's Social Club: She runs a jewelry store as a front to her shady business.
  • Like A Daughter To Me: Her soft spot for Hat Kid and the way she seemed to treat her better than her Underlings seems to implies that she may have wanted to have this relationship with Hat Kid.
  • MacGuffin Delivery Service: As soon as Hat Kid finds a Time Piece in the Metro, she sends a pair of Underlings to grab it from her.
  • Mercy Lead: Her advice to Hat Kid as soon as the police investigation is over? RUN.
  • Mismatched Eyes: Her left eye has a bit of white in it the closer you get to her pupil while her right eye is entirely solid yellow, presumably to mimic a one-eye blind Yakuza without actually having her eye be damaged.
  • Mysterious Past: Unlike the other characters central to the narrative of their respective world, The Empress gets no explanation of her backstory; there isn't a Purple Time Rift devoted to her (the Purple Time Rift of Nyakuza Metro involves Rumbi), and even the conversations around the Metro don't really give any indication of her past, save for the implication that she and the police have an agreement.
  • Near-Villain Victory: She probably comes the closest to defeating Hat Kid, cornering Hat Kid in an elevator and is intent on finishing the job, but is inadvertently stopped by police who enter it on the next stop, forcing her to retreat.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: Owing to Art Evolution, the Empress is noticeably much more detailed than the rest of the cast (save for The Captain), almost entirely lacking 2D elements; her eyes and mouth are noticeably a part of her rig, and she even has fairly accurate lip synch. It's especially contrasted with her Underlings, who have similar 2D elements as the rest of the cast.
  • Not So Stoic: After Hat Kid steals from her, she becomes very angry, calling up all of her men to capture Hat Kid with a bounty that eventually escalates to 2 million. She also exits the elevator in a quick, comical fashion after the police inadvertently ruin her plans, declaring her revenge.
  • One-Hit Kill: If Hat Kid whacks her in her own jewelry store, the Empress counters with a claw swipe that instantly takes all of Hat Kid's health.
  • Pet the Dog: While she considers her men disposable once they steal from her, she seems to have a genuine soft spot toward Hat Kid, and rewards her with money every time she finds new Time Pieces (albeit the money is heavily implied to be counterfeit), even seeming to consider her a potential successor, judging by her asking if there's anything she wants to do with her life. When she inevitably fights Hat Kid for stealing from her, she doesn't dodge the blame and says that it was her mistake to trust Hat Kid when she's in an elevator with her, even though she makes it clear she's still going to kill her.
  • Twitchy Eye: When she catches Hat Kid leaving her store's vault, her right eye noticeably twitches.
  • The Unfought: Her "Boss Fight" is more or less Hat Kid running scared for her life from the Empress and her Yakuza cat riot, the only "fight" you have is leading her rockets into the various blockades, with no opportunity to fight back, just run. Ultimately Hat Kid is content to have just escaped instead of having even considered the idea of fighting The Empress.
  • Video Game Cruelty Punishment: Hitting her will result in her swiping back, which kills Hat Kid instantly.
  • Villainous Breakdown: She engages in mad laughter as she calls a hunt on Hat Kid, is noticeably frustrated as she keeps escaping the grip of her men, and starts throwing around outright death threats. She calms down when she and Hat Kid are in an elevator, enough to reflect on her mistake, but becomes incredibly awkward when it turns out the police come into the elevator on the next stop, and outright runs for it when she gets the chance.
  • You Will Not Evade Me: Doesn't matter how fast you are when making a bid for freedom to the surface, she's always one step ahead of you, and cuts you off at the elevator. Were it not for her actions attracting unwanted attention from the Police Chief, breaking her trust would've been the last thing you ever did.

    Underlings 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/nyakuza_minions.jpg
"That belongs to the boss!"
The black cats that are seen in the underground Metro. Many are grunts of the Nyakuza, and can be identified by their masks.
  • Adorable Evil Minions: They are about as tall as Hat Kid (minus a few exceptions), speak in high pitched children's voices, and spend much of their time idling around talking about food.
  • Batter Up!: Some grunts carry bats around.
  • Bonus Boss: In Green Clean Station, there's a hidden one-on-one battle with an eyepatched goon who's a parody of Goro Majima.
  • Cats Are Mean: They're cats who happen to be gangsters.
  • Didn't Think This Through: In one conversation, you can hear some goons talking about what they plan to do with the money the Empress paid them. One has been apparently stashing his money away somewhere so he can buy a new home someday. His friend has to tell him that buying a home with cash is very suspicious, making the other realize that the Empress probably won't be writing any checks for him either.
  • Dirty Cop: One of the two officers that scares the Empress away at the end of "Rush Hour" is actually on her payroll.
  • Friend in the Black Market: There are various masked Underlings around the Metro that are willing to sell Hat Kid unique gear, such as a baseball bat and mask of her own.
  • Glowing Eyes: Comes with being cats. All of their eyes glow yellow. Becomes Glowing Eyes of Doom when a bounty is called on Hat Kid, turning the whole metro against her.
  • Hypocritical Humor; In one conversation, you hear two cats talking about kittens vandalizing the metro with stickers and lamenting and how kittens these days have no respect for anything anymore. Then they admit that they really want some stickers too.
  • Lean and Mean: One body type for them is a very tall and lanky build, about twice as tall as Hat Kid.
  • Lightning Bruiser: They're very quick, able to leap some distance, and are invulnerable when the Empress sics them on Hat Kid.
  • No Honor Among Thieves: You can overhear some complain in conversations that someone's stolen their watch.
  • The Walls Have Eyes: Once the Empress places a bounty on Hat Kid, all of the cats in the metro go after her, and areas blocked off to her are signified by large walls of hostile cats staring right at her.

    Metro Cats 
Gigantic felines that pull the Metro's trains along their tracks.
  • Advancing Wall of Doom: They'll run over and hurt Hat Kid if she's in their way.
  • Bizarre Alien Locomotion: They're giant cats designed to pull vehicles, which wouldn't be so weird if it weren't for the fact that they pull entire subway trains.
  • Mega Neko: They are massive enough to pull subway trains.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: They're basically giant fluffy neck-scarf wearing kittens, Hat Kid visibly Squees when she sees them for the first time.

    Rats 
A sickly rodent and minor enemy found in the Metro tunnels.

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