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Hat Kid
"My mission is to find all time pieces so I can go home! I wish it was that easy..."
— Manual's description.

Voiced by: Apphia Yu

The main protagonist, a hat-wearing little girl who is also a time-traveler and wants to get back to her homeworld.

  • Adorkable: She has a few moments. One of her animations is her pulling out two dolls and smashing them together before putting them away in case anyone notices.
  • All There in the Manual: Since she's (mostly) a Heroic Mime, most of her dialogue and personality is fleshed out only if you read the game manual or find her diary in her bedroom.
  • And Your Reward Is Clothes: Hat Kid can collect and wear quite a lot of different hats and other accessories. The hats give extra abilities, however, so they're not just for show. Unless you count the different styles of already-owned hats or outfit palettes you can randomly unlock as after-mission Gifts.
  • Anti-Hero: Hat Kid is collecting Time Pieces to get back home, and shows no interest in sticking around and fighting crime any longer than she has to... much to Mustache Girl's chagrin. Hat Kid will even assist the Mafia if it leads to getting a Time Piece back. That's on top of destroying the Fire Spirits by burning paintings that are outright shown to be poor souls suffering A Fate Worse Than Death.
  • Badass Adorable: She is a cute little girl capable of trouncing any challenge she meets.
  • Badass Boast: Her "DOWN WITH THE MAFIA" after she gets her umbrella.
  • Badass Cape: Her default costume has a little cape.
  • Batman Can Breathe in Space: She, along with other characters, can survive in the vacuum of space. She even opens a window on her ship with no ill effects in the ending.
  • Becoming the Mask: While she only takes part in the film competition in the second chapter so she can get her hands on the Time Pieces, there are plenty of indications that she really gets into being an actress — particularly her smile in some of the loading screen artwork, her poses for paparazzi pictures in "Picture Perfect", and her inner monologue voicing approval when she examines one of the posters in the actual final act (even though she realizes she's not getting paid for the use of her likeness). Also in her diary, she talked about how excited she is that she is becoming a star.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Hat Kid shows quite a bit of brattiness in certain parts of the game, such as when she sticks her tongue out at any Mafia she walks by.
  • But Now I Must Go: In the ending, she's somewhat upset at having to leave her newfound friends, but heads off on her journey and gives them one last wave goodbye.
  • Clothes Make the Superman: Her various Nice Hats give her various abilities, like sprinting or beaker bombs. She also gains powers from badges, which are also pinned on her hat.
  • The Cutie: Just look at her, she is adorable!
  • Empty Shell: When The Snatcher swipes her soul as collateral for his contracts, she notes that she feels very empty inside. Getting it back returns her to her usual amount of emptiness.
  • Heroic Mime: Zig-zagged; She never speaks in cutscenes, but she does utter a few words in gameplay.
  • Heroic Neutral: While she's willing to help people at the drop of a hat, it's mostly to gain back the Time Pieces that fuel her trip home.
  • Human Aliens: As Cooking Cat points out, she's basically a space alien from the point of view of the rest of the cast. She also, throughout the manual, identifies as non-human, and one of the relics she gets is a toy model of a UFO abducting cattle called "Mockery of Off-Planet Life", where she shows offense at the stereotyping.
  • Idle Animation: She has various adorable ones that includes:
    • Playing with her umbrella by balancing it on the tip of her index finger.
    • Cheering in place.
    • Playing with two dolls (and then nervously hiding them).
    • Rocking back and forth... and then pulling up her umbrella, ready to attack.
  • Improbable Weapon User: Uses an umbrella to fight enemies. Said umbrella can also hold a wave beam and hookshot upgrades.
  • Innocent Prodigy: Implied. She's a kid, of course, yet can maintain and pilot a spaceship by herself and beat up bad guys. Everything else about her, though, betrays her innocence and childishness; from her voice clips to the fact that examining the microwave has her comment how she uses it to "punish food that has been bad". And there's also her diary entries which has plenty of snarkiness.
  • Item Get!: Hat Kid performs one a la Super Mario 64 when she collects a Time Piece.
  • Kamehame Hadoken: One badge she can buy gives her a chargeable one.
  • Little Miss Badass: Hat Kid's pretty tough for a little girl.
  • Little Miss Snarker: Her diary gives her some moments of this. While a lot of things fly over her head, there are times she notices how weird everything around her is and just has to snark about it.
  • Made of Iron: She can survive the vacuum of space, and survive falling to the planet from space.
  • Muscles Are Meaningful: Her lack of muscles means that, unless she uses jumps or potion grenades, attacks without her umbrella will just hurt her hand.
  • Nice Hat: Naturally.
  • No Name Given: She's just known as Hat Kid. Heck, even her signature doesn't reveal her actual name (since it's in an in-universe language).
  • Not in This for Your Revolution: Hat Kid explicitly doesn't care about any of the people or problems present on the planet she's stuck on and only gets involved in anything in order to get back her Time Pieces. This causes tension between her and Moustache Girl, who is an idealist out to save the world. At the end of the game, the player gets the choice to break her out of this, just once, to give Moustache Girl a single Time Piece for her cause.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
    • One of the few instances Hat Kid loses her normally smiling face is when she gets close to Mafia goons intimidating the people of Mafia Town.
    • The playful and always smiling, if slightly snarky Hat Kid, in "Queen Vanessa's Manor", is noticeably scared of the manor's titular owner.
    • Hat Kid also doesn't have her default easygoing smile during the boss battle against The Snatcher, either.
    • "The Illness Has Spread", the final Act of Alpine Skyline, features Hat Kid destroying the purple flowers that have corrupted the mountains, without any NPCs or the promise of a Time Piece (even though she is rewarded one) to prompt her, making it one of the few instances in the game where Hat Kid isn't acting out of her own interests to get ahead.
    • In the game's final chapter, you can choose to run away from the Final Boss before the battle starts when Mustache Girl gives you the chance. If you choose to do so, Hat Kid will run away in tears, visibly scared of her. It's not until a Mafia goon, The Snatcher, DJ Grooves, the Conductor, and one of the Goats give her a pep talk that she regains her confidence to face Mustache Girl.
  • Parasol of Pain: Her Weapon of Choice, stolen from a mafia in the first level. It can get a hook shot upgrade and a badge to fire beams.
  • Sailor's Ponytail: Her hairstyle.
  • Sanity Slippage: Only really during "Murder on the Owl Express," but hovering over the evidence that implicates her suggests that the murder was done to silence the voices in her head. Furthermore, said description was done to a closeup to her smiling face. Though seeing as there never was a murder, and it's very obvious Hat Kid isn't the killer, she may have been playing it up for the film.
  • Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: "Boop!", "Bam-bam!", "Swing!". Naturally, they're all incredibly cute to hear.
  • Vague Age: There's no clear indication of how old she actually is. She looks like a little kid, but her interaction with some things and diaries entries show a degree of snark that goes beyond her young appearance.
  • Weak, but Skilled: She's physically weak, as shown by her punches doing nothing other than hurting her hand. She can still take on mafia goons, Eldritch Abominations, and all kinds of nasties using her smarts and agility.
  • What You Are in the Dark: The final dialogue choice, which doesn't affect the ending other than the implications of a risk post-credits, involves Hat Kid deciding whether or not to give Mustache Girl a Time Piece to use to defeat the Mafia with.

Mustache Girl
"Us kids should stick together, not stalk one another!"
"This is Mustache Girl, who seems friendly on the outside... but don't let the facial hair fool you! She's after my time pieces and I can't let her get away with them!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Eileen Montgomery

A girl with a mustache who has a grudge against the Mafia.

  • And Now for Someone Completely Different: Is playable for a brief period following Hat Kid collecting her 25th Time Piece.
  • Anti-Villain: She only wants to free Mafia Town from the Mafia's influence, but her methods are so extreme that they would only cause more problems then they solve. She's also a tad unhinged, as discussed below.
  • Ax-Crazy: Her plans for dealing with the Mafia are rather morbid, including murdering them, sticking their gory remains in jars, and selling them.
    • By the end of the game, her plans include executing criminals and "criminals" alike from her Palace on the SUN. Every single character in the game is there, too — it doesn't matter how minor the infraction, she'll mete out justice all the same.
  • Beard of Evil: She has a mustache, and is the Big Bad.
  • Beehive Barrier: In her boss battle, she starts using one that Hat Kid requires assistance to break.
  • Big Bad: Mustache Girl is the main antagonist of the game.
  • Butt-Monkey: She often gets the short end of the stick, ending up captured twice in the same Chapter, and an intermission that was cut from Subcon Forest ends with her being personally kicked out by the Snatcher.
  • The Corrupter: Neither DJ Grooves nor the Conductor knew how the Time Pieces worked during the entirety of their chapter, and none of the "props" break where they can see them. Someone had to have told them, and given the "Mustaches Rule" graffiti you find in the depths...
  • Damsel in Distress: She gets captured by the Mafia twice and needs help being rescued by Hat Kid before she discovers the time-altering effects of the Time Pieces. She is even left in Unwilling Suspension during the Mafia Boss fight.
  • Dare to Be Badass: The Mustache Girl's motivation. She finds out that the Time Pieces can rewind time, and wants to become a time-traveling crime fighter to defeat the Mafia. Hat Kid doesn't agree with this plan, which makes them enemies.
  • Dastardly Whiplash: Stays true to this, especially after stealing Time Pieces from Hat Kid.
  • Evil Brit: At least when she has proper voice acting.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Mustache Girl spends the first few Acts as Hat Kid's friend before a difference of motives arises.
  • Foil: To Hat Kid. While Hat Kid acts out of interest to get every Time Piece, she still has to work for them; Mustache Girl, on the other hand, simply steals them from her spaceship instead. Their attitude towards the power of the Time Pieces also differs greatly: Hat Kid is clearly reluctant to use the time-rewinding power when she could simply use one and prevent the events of the game... Mustache Girl, however, abuses this power, going as far as to create her own "perfect" timeline where she is almighty and capable of getting rid of everything she may consider "evil".
  • Freudian Excuse: Hinted at. She appears to live alone in a cave in Mafia Town, with no possessions, friends, or companions to speak of, and the island's other inhabitants are all criminal invaders who enjoy terrorizing the town's other inhabitants seemingly just For the Evulz. Not surprising she turned out the way she did...
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: At first she can barely hold her own against the Mafia of Cooks... Then she steals Time Pieces from Hat Kid and becomes powerful enough to create her own timeline, rule over an ominous castle, and become basically the most powerful being on the planet; for reference, even The Snatcher is seemingly unable to do something to stop her.
  • Girls with Moustaches: As her name implies, she has a tiny mustache.
  • Graffiti of the Resistance: Implied to be the main source of anti-Mafia graffiti in Mafia Town. The secret "Mustaches Rule!" doodle in the corridor to Hat Kid's bedroom is just being petty, though.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: After stealing the Time Pieces, she decides to use it to take over the entire world, and judges what's right and wrong based on her rules. This effectively makes her no better than the Mafia she sought to overthrow.
  • Hostile Show Takeover: Messes with the loading screen right before her brief moment as a playable character.
  • Hypocrite: Before the boss fight with her, she admonishes Hat Kid for being selfish, even though she's created an entire fortress for herself, and makes judgment calls on what's right or wrong according to her word.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: For all her extremism and hypocrisy, she is correct that her world is full of bad guys. Her hometown is controlled by the Mafia, the film industry is run by corrupt directors, the forests are terrorized by murderous, soul stealing ghosts and even the peaceful Alpine Skyline is plagued by a gang of cat thieves.
  • I Just Want to Have Friends: Has hints of this. When Hat Kid first lands in Mafia town, Mustache Girl immediately attempts to recruit her (and later comments she thought they could be best friends). In the final boss fight, she acts with shock and dismay when everyone starts telling her to get lost, then starts panicking when she realises that she'll be all alone if she wins.
  • Knight Templar: What she ultimately becomes after gaining the power of the Time Pieces.
  • Last of Her Kind: Is implied to be one of the last remaining original inhabitants of the island town before the Mafia took it over. The rest have either fled, or were punished and used as literal Human Cannonball ammunition for their cannons.
  • Leitmotif: "A New Friend in Mafia Town", "Judge, Jury, and Executioners" (her stage theme), and "You Are All Bad Guys" (her final boss theme).
  • Mirror Match: The final battle has her use moves similar to Hat Kid's, such as throwing explosives (Time Pieces instead of potions), a charged Kamehame Hadoken, and a diving Goomba Stomp.
  • The Rival
  • Teleport Spam: In the final battle, she's pretty fond of teleporting. It becomes enough of a problem that Hat Kid needs the help of the Mafia and Conductor to deal with this.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Starts to lose it when the Hat Kid's former enemies perform their Enemy Mine to help Hat Kid defeat her. She starts to really lose it when they also perform a Heroic Sacrifice, as she realizes that she'll be alone even if she wins.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: After you defeat her, you can bounce off of her head before getting the Time Piece Cluster.
  • Walking Spoiler: It's no secret she becomes the main antagonist, but the stuff she does later in the game may come as a surprise, especially how she fights as the game's Final Boss.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: While she's Ax-Crazy, and the definite Big Bad of the story, her underlying motives are to free the island from the Mafia (who are big enough jerks to punch a little girl during a game of pattycake).

    Recurring Characters 

The Badge Seller
"I can provide you with strong abilities and upgrades to your hat... If you have money, of course."
"Not sure where they came from or how they got on this planet, but they're a lil... twitchy. They also have magical badges I can buy."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Mick Lauer

A glitchy merchant that sells badges, which can give Hat Kid new abilities.

  • Adam Smith Hates Your Guts: The more badges you buy from them, the more expensive their late-game badges will be, with the most pricey badges going anywhere in-between 800-1000 Pons. For comparison, some earlier badges are relatively cheap, costing only about 50-100 Pons.
  • The Corruption: Claims that their erratic movements are due to one of the places they've visited.
  • Creepy Good: They sell you useful upgrades called badges, and despite their scary looks, they're rather friendly.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: They're a freaky Humanoid Abomination who's a neutral badge salesman.
  • Expy: As YouTuber Black Mage Maverick puts it in his review, the Badge Seller looks like "a Shy Guy cosplayer who's having a tough time remaining connected to reality".
  • Humanoid Abomination: They're just fundamentally wrong, though still humanoid.
  • Intrepid Merchant: They'll show up in every world.
  • Leitmotif: "The Badge Seller".
  • Ominous Visual Glitch: Their glitchy movements are all intentionally designed. According to them, it's the result of them visiting several odd, unspecified locations, so they could be afflicted with some curses they picked up during their travels.

The Tourist

"He came for the sights and takes great pictures!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Joshua Tomar

A character sightseeing across the various worlds.

  • Ambiguous Situation: When you meet the Tourist again in Subcon Forest, he's completely intangible and can only be interacted with the Dweller's Mask. How exactly he got this way is never explained, and he still talks normally as if nothing happened. It's very unlikely that he became a ghost either, since you later see him again in Mustache Girl's Castle and back to his normal self.
  • Brick Joke: Throughout the game, the Tourist complains about how the current locales he's visiting are not as interesting as the moon, and how his rival Steve keeps one-upping him by sending him postcards from the moon. Then, when you meet him again on the moon in Picture Perfect, he gets one-upped again by Steve, who sends him a postcard from the sun.
  • Running Gag: No matter where you find him, he says the place isn't as good as the moon was.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: Steve from accounting, who kept bragging about his own trip to the moon.


Mad Crows

Tiny, spherical birds that get in Hat Kid's way.
  • Giant Mook: A huge version can be seen in Alpine Skyline, but it's asleep until the Credits sequence.
  • The Goomba: The smallest and most effortless to beat enemies in the game.
  • The Spiny: The fire variant are immune to Kid Hat's Goomba Stomp, but a simple whack with an umbrella can make quick work of them.


Sleepy enemies that tend to ride balloons, and drop from the sky to hit Hat Kid.


Arachnids that spin to attack Hat Kid if she gets too close.

Ice Statues

Ice statues that become alive when Hat Kid walks past them.
  • Jump Scare: They can catch you off guard when they make their move if you aren't expecting creepy living statues in this otherwise cheerful platformer. The fact they don't make a sound when they move helps, however.
  • Invincible Minor Mook: They are completely invincible, and the fact that they can easily outpace your walking speed makes them a lot worse.
  • Lightning Bruiser: They can outpace Hat Kid's normal running speed and are pretty persistent. Keep your Sprint Hat handy if you get close to one.

Shromb Eggs

Large eggs seen throughout The Birdhouse that attempt to kamikaze Hat Kid.
  • Action Bomb: These walking eggs will try to detonate themselves by walking into you.
  • Crosshair Aware: Their blast radius shows up as a red circular region around them.
  • Jump Scare: Meeting one for the first time can end up as this, since they're rather quick and the explosion is pretty loud.

    The Spaceship 

One happy lil' cleaner.
"My trusty robot vacuum!! He's very responsible and cleans my spaceship! + is my unwilling transport service."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Caitlyn Bairstow

A Roomba-ish device that cleans the central room of Hat Kid's ship.

  • All There in the Manual: Rumbi's name is only given in the game's manual.
  • Butt-Monkey: Poor Rumbi is often used as a ride by Hat Kid, and the more things the spaceship bridges, increases the chances he bumps headfirst into them.
  • Cute Machines: Even his voice is cute. If he bumps into something, sometimes he'll say, "Ow! My-circuit-board!"
  • In the Future, We Still Have Roombas: Although Rumbi likely has some degree of sentience.
  • Videogame Cruelty Potential: Besides riding on Rumbi, you can whack him with the umbrella to get a Pon out of him. If Hat Kid is riding poor Rumbi when he bumps on something, she'll utter a delightful "wheee!".

The Roach King

  • Easter Egg: Leaves hidden notes across the ship that are only readable with the Camera badge.
  • The Ghost: Never appears in gameplay.

    Mafia Town 

The Mafia of Cooks
"Mafia take no kindly to intruder!"
"The mob of Mafia Town, who run the place with an iron fist. Smells of fish."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Kyle Johnson

The men that run Mafia Town. As their title implies, they are a literal Mafia made up entirely of Lethal Chef types, both figuratively and literally.

  • All Your Base Are Belong to Us: According to their dialogue and the Mafia Time Rift storybook, Mafia Town used to be just an isolated island town until the Mafia of Cooks arrived and took it over, presumably by force. They've apparently occupied the town for hundreds of years.
  • Ambiguously Evil: The Mafia's moral alignment is never clear. They don't have an ulterior motive or any incentive to attack Hat Kid unless she attacks first, and the worst they do is beat up tourists who trespass on their turf. Some Mafia are even genuinely nice, and towards the finale, they'll pull off a Heroic Sacrifice to help Hat Kid defeat Mustache Girl. On the other hand, they do admit to doing heinous things to other people because it amuses them. Overall, the Mafia seem to be entirely neutral, provided no one gets on their bad side.
  • Badass Baritone: The Mafia members have a deep, powerful voice. Courtesy of Kyle Johnson.
  • Bald of Evil: Most members of the Mafia of Cooks are bald.
  • Be the Ball: A bunch of Mafia goons can group together to form a giant ball, which the Mafia Boss uses in one of his attacks. Later, during the Final Boss battle, they form the Mafia Ball again to give Hat Kid a way to attack Mustache Girl, but this time, with the Conductor as the roller.
  • Butt-Monkey: Though they sorta deserve it, they tend to be on the receiving end of a lot of the game's Black Comedy.
  • Chef of Iron: Bad cooks or not, they're still cooks that can punch Hat Kid across the room.
  • The Chew Toy: Mafia doesn't catch a break. Here's a list of things these guys go through:
    • Gets constantly beaten by Hat Kid. Some of them gets beaten by Mustache Girl even before she learns of the Time Pieces, too.
    • When Mafia Town is flooded by lava, you can spot several Mafia goons getting burned in it.
    • One of the Mafia ends up stranded in Subcon Forest and sucked into a painting... That must be thrown in a bonfire.
    • Another Mafia becomes an unfortunate "trophy" for Queen Vanessa.
    • In the final chapter, you get in Mustache Girl's chamber just in time to see her executing one of the Mafia via trapdoor.
  • Chekhov's Skill: The "Mafia Ball" thing used in Mafia Boss' battle seems like a one-time gag... But is a useful, and powerful, technique used to defeat Mustache Girl in the final battle.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: Act 3 of Mafia Town features a glasses-wearing Mafia with a fear of mud-covered aliens.
  • Dumb Muscle: Let's just say they're not the sharpest tools in the shed. Although they do manage to keep things working in Mafia Town somehow.
  • The End Is Nigh: Comically downplayed; the Act in which Mafia Town is covered in lava has two with the signs "Oh No" and "Yikes".
  • Extremity Extremist: Mafia only attack by punching or tackling. Heck, when Mafia talks about assaulting Mafia's targets, Mafia specifically mentions punching.
  • The Family for the Whole Family: Their criminal activities involve beating up barrels dressed as old ladies (to intimidate people) and punching seagulls for eating their fish, and they won't harm Hat Kid unless she attacks them first (usually).
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Well, okay, Nightmare might be giving them too much credit, but the memory you can piece together in the mafia memory Time Rift reveals that they were just a bunch of low-rank nobodies, waiters, fast food chefs, janitors, then the man who would be their leader decided to Manifest Destiny from their homeland, arriving at the island they would eventually take over.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: During the final fight against Mustache Girl, one of the Mafia will notice that them dying will give Hat Girl the health pons she needs to win and demands his friend to punch him dead, starting the chain of other Heroic Sacrifices in the crowd. Somewhat downplayed by the fact that he acknowledges that he'll probably be fine when time rewinds.
  • Insane Troll Logic: The Mafia has an odd way of thinking, to say the least. If Mafia doesn't explain how to build base, Mafia spares you from disappointment of you failing to build something as great... Now you owe Mafia a favor. And Mafia will remember.
  • Jerk Ass: While a few of the Mafia members will have a surprisingly amicable chat with Hat Kid, a lot of them are still rather fond of doing mean-spirited things for little reason except that they can to the townsfolk that remain:
    • A Mafia member more or less starts the game by telling Hat Kid that she still has to pay a toll for passing Mafia Town, even in space.
    • One of them admits that they joked that they were taking everything away from a family in repossessing their home, only to do it anyway (saying that was the real joke), and then force them on a boat off the island.
    • There are a few who offer to give Hat Kid a high five, and then play a game of pattycake, before they punch Hat Kid in the face.
  • Kung Fu-Proof Mook: Attack the Mafia a few times, and they'll Turn Red and become immune to Hat Kid's umbrella. The only way to finish them off is to either jump on their heads, or use a bomb from the Brewing Hat.
  • Leitmotif: By extension, the "Welcome to Mafia Town" theme in-general is the one most associated with the Mafia.
  • Lethal Chef: According to Cooking Cat in the rafters of the Mafia base, the Mafia of Cooks really sucks at the "cook" part of their name.
    Cooking Cat: I'm fairly certain someone would die if they ate Mafia-prepared food!
  • Mascot Mook: Mafia well aware of how tied Mafia is to game's public image.
  • Misery Builds Character: Mafia believes is building character when intimidating people!
  • Mr. Exposition: Oddly enough, the Mafia can give Hat Kid information around Mafia Town. Some of the Mafias inside Chapter 1's Pink Time Rift explains in detail how those Time Rifts actually works.
  • Pet the Dog: There's at least one Mafia member in Mafia Town who talks about his son. He laments that his son won't grow up to be as strong as him.
  • Planet of Steves: All of the Mafia Goons are identical (except for slight differences in clothing) and all refer to themselves as "Mafia".
  • Really 700 Years Old: In addition to the comment below that the Mafia Boss makes about encountering a Time Piece a century before, at least one random Mafia on the island as dialogue that indicates he's over a thousand years old. The Mafia are, for reasons unknown, apparently extremely long lived.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: Comparatively; they're the main threat of the first chapter, but are generally not very dangerous. However, they are the sole reason Hat Kid has to go on this adventure (due to trying to shake her down for a toll), and are the reason Mustache Girl becomes the Big Bad. Regarding the former of those two, the specific Mafia who goes after Hat Kid's ship is a particular example, since while he sets everything in motion, he isn't seen (as far as we can tell) even once after landing back on the planet.
  • Starter Villain: They're the reason Hat Kid is stuck on the planet, and also the first major antagonists of the game before Mustache Girl takes over the role of primary villain.
  • Taken for Granite: In Queen Vanessa's Manor, there is a Mafia hiding in the bedroom dresser, weeping in pure terror of Queen Vanessa. When the key atop her bed is taken, said Mafia is seen outside the dresser frozen solid.
  • Third-Person Person: They all refer to themselves as "Mafia".
  • Throw a Barrel at It: The only one remaining mafia on top of a tower made of TNT barrels will attempt to throw them down at Hat Kid. The barrels he throws grows spikes and sometimes bounce around the tower. Once he realizes that his efforts are futile, he decides to deal with Hat Kid personally, only to end up as A Twinkle in the Sky after Hat Kid defeats him.
  • Turns Red: A Mafia can become temporarily immune to Hat Kid's umbrella attacks when she hits them too many times with it. This state can be canceled out with a Goomba Stomp or explosives made by the Brewing Hat.
  • Unskilled, but Strong: Mafia attacks with very telegraphed punches. That said, Mafia able to punch puny kid with hat across room.
  • White Sheep: The Mafia Bartender is actually quite nice, acting as a Warrior Therapist if Hat Kid talks to him.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Any of them, if you attack them or infiltrate their headquarters. Though at least one particular instance has a guy who will adorably play patty-cake with Hat Kid, then punch her across the street with no provocation.
  • You No Take Candle: They all talk in this fashion.

Mafia Boss
"We'll have to settle it in true Mafia style!"
"Leader of the Mafia. He's not someone you wanna mess with. Watch out."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: John Mondelli

The red-coated leader of the Mafia of Cooks.

  • And Now for Someone Completely Different: His boss fight is the only one that is fought in full 2D perspective like a side-scroller platformer.
  • Authority Equals Ass Kicking: He's the head of the Mafia of Cooks and definitely the toughest one.
  • Acrofatic: Don't be fooled by his chubby stature, he can jump really high and do actual acrobatics like his Mafia Ball maneuver.
  • Brain in a Jar: Following his boss battle, he's eyes in a jar, but still sentient.
  • Benevolent Boss: If anything, the Time Rift in Mafia Town shows is that he treats the ones working for him rather well, letting them relax and have fun.
  • Calling Your Attacks: He'll shout names like "Super Charge!", "Ultra Charge!", "Mega Charge!", and "Mafia Ball!" as he attacks.
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": He is only known as the Boss of the Mafia.
  • Everything's Better with Spinning: In his "Charge" attacks. Although it does leave him vulnerable afterwards.
  • Fate Worse than Death: While he does end up surviving the battle against Hat Kid, all that's left of him are his eyes, nose, mustache, and hat in a jar, and he'll probably be stuck this way for who knows how long. Although he does imply that he can get himself a new body.
  • Flunky Boss: He will call for some of his Mafia goons to aid him in battle and then lots of them to make the "Mafia Ball" attack.
  • Friendly Enemy: While he outright calls Hat Kid his Arch-Nemesis, he still willingly sells her his Relic Finder badge.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: He is only the first boss of the game, but the Mafia he founded is the underlying reason for Mustache Girl being the Big Bad.
  • Ground Pound: He will always use it in conjunction with his Precision-Guided Boomerang attack.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • He knows what Time Pieces are and has apparently had experiences with them before, given his comment before his boss fight. What this means is never fully explored, however, nor is his comment about the last time he saw one having been nearly 100 years ago. Though this comment may be remnants of an earlier stage of development that no longer applies to the narrative in the final game.
    • The Mafia Boss also claims that he is well-traveled, and knows the locations of all the relics to the point that he drew a useful map to help Hat Kid find them.
  • Knife Nut: He dual wields two kitchen knives, and he can throw them around like boomerangs.
  • Leitmotif: "Mafia Boss' Big Showdown".
  • Meaningful Name: Beyond the obviousness of his name, Mafia Town's Time Rift shows that Mafia Boss is in fact their boss. More specifically, business boss — he ran a fishing business before becoming unsatisfied with his life and sailing with his men to find new land until they settled on the island that would become "Mafia Town".
  • Mister Big: The head of the Mafia of Cooks is substantially less heavily-built than his underlings.
  • Out of Focus: After his boss fight in Chapter 1, the Mafia Boss is degraded to only a couple of minor appearances in Hat Kid's spaceship and the final chapter, and is no longer relevant to the rest of the game's main story after that.
  • Precision-Guided Boomerang: Can throw his knives, which will return to him eventually.
  • Punny Name: His "head" (well, eyes, hat, and mustache) is all that's left after his boss battle.
  • Shock and Awe: Uses electrical attacks during his boss battle.
  • Warm-Up Boss: He is the first major boss you face in the game, and unlike later bosses, has no special gimmicks or multiple phases. He just has a steady attack pattern that is easy to follow, which gradually changes overtime after every few hits.

Cooking Cat
"The Mafia are terrible at cooking! But fear not, Cooking Cat is here!"
"Despite having no thumbs, this cat cooks quite a feast!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Xanthe Huynh

An anthropomorphic cat chef from Mafia Town.

  • Ambiguous Gender: Nothing really says if they're male or female. The voice certainly doesn't help to define either.
  • Team Chef: For both the Mafia (since she replaces all their food with her own), and Hat Kid (after she invades the ship).
  • Supreme Chef: Considering the crummy kitchen in the Mafia HQ they have to work with, they must be an excellent cook. Although Mafia's cooking is not known to be the best.

    Battle of the Birds 

DJ Grooves
"Oh my! Oh my! What is that I see? Is it true inner beauty? An innocent soul with a heart of gold?"
"Hope you brought your dancing shoes, cause this funky penguin is heating up the dance-floor with his moves!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Anthony Sardinha

A Nightclub DJ Penguin. Also a movie director.

  • Affably Evil: He's generally nicer than the Conductor, though, if he wins the award, he becomes the boss of World 2.
  • Always Second Best: Has continuously failed to surpass The Conductor and earn more than one gold trophy for his films. This is his motivation for being the boss of the Chapter if he wins the trophy, as his ego has gone to his head, and he wants to use his Time Piece to reverse time and win all the gold awards, as he's convinced that The Conductor cheated to beat him in all of the past competitions.
  • Benevolent Boss: He wipes away Hat Kid's damages bill, refers to her in a more neutral tone than the Conductor in each of his films' credits, and is generally pretty nice for someone who's using Hat Kid for his own gain. That said, he becomes more bad if he wins, since he kept a Time Piece for himself.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: As opposed to the Conductor being a Jerk with a Heart of Gold that, after being an asshole, helps Hat Kid in the boss fight by defusing the bomb strapped onto her, he's a generally affable Benevolent Boss that, upon winning, keeps the final Time Piece, tries to murder Hat Kid, and does so even if she says she might let him have it.
  • Cheerful Child: Chapter 2's picture book shows what both DJ Grooves and The Conductor looked like as children.
  • Collapsing Ceiling Boss: During his boss battle, he'll cause the technical equipment attached to the roof and giant disco balls to fall down over Hat Girl.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: He, along with the Conductor, takes a whopping 30 hits to defeat, which is more than any boss in the game, even the Final Boss. Excluding the heart-to-heart exposition cutscene, he takes 15 hits during the first initial phase, 10 hits during the bomb phase, and the final 5 hits during the last phase where you're being chased by knife-happy Express Owls.
  • Disco Dan: He talks like Elvis, wears a rhinestone suit, and is constantly disco-dancing.
  • Everything's Better with Penguins: He's a penguin, and he certainly livens things up that's for sure.
  • Expy: According to Gears for Breakfast, DJ Grooves was inspired by Miror B. from Pokémon Colosseum and Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness.
  • Funny Afro: He has a giant jiggling afro.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Performs a mutual one with The Conductor to assure that Hat Girl will win the fight against Mustache Girl with the health they'll drop. They're fine once time rewinds, though.
  • Hypocrite: If he wins the award, he becomes convinced that the Conductor cheated in order to get all of his awards and is prepared to cheat just as badly, if not worse by screwing with the time stream, despite not having any evidence for his accusations.
  • Knife Nut: He uses a knife for his boss fight.
  • Jive Turkey: His dialogue is very disco.
  • Leitmotif: "The Battle for Award 42", shared with the Conductor.
  • Nice Guy: He's a very affable fellow once you get to know him, though he becomes much more sinister if he wins the award. Even at the end of the game he's on pretty good terms with Hat Kid even when he could have been trying to kill her some time ago.
  • Older Than They Look: As shown in Chapter 2's picture book, DJ Grooves and The Conductor are revealed to be roughly the same age. This is after The Conductor admits to having grandchildren.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to The Conductor's red.
  • The Rival: To The Conductor, competing for movie awards.
  • Static Role, Exchangeable Character: Chapter 2 Boss/Bomb Defuser. He tends to naturally slant towards being the boss, as his missions are much easier to high score than the Conductor's are, and the hitbox of the boss makes more sense with him. Likewise, he's the resident Deep Throat, and the defuser, if he loses.
  • Technician vs. Performer: The Performer, whose Acts are about raising Hat Kid's popularity among the masses by doing stylish acts.
  • Terms Of Endearment: Every sentence directed towards Hat Kid usually ends with him calling her "darling". It becomes Terms of Endangerment if he ends up being the boss, as he still calls her “darling” throughout the fight, even screaming "I hate you, darling!" on his last hit.
  • Time-Limit Boss: After the heart-to-heart sequence half-way through the fight, DJ Grooves will strap a bomb to Hat Kid and activate it. The timer will begin counting down from 80 seconds, and you must get enough hits on DJ Grooves to save enough time until his rival, the Conductor, shows up with a giant pair of scissors to defuse the bomb. Naturally, failure to do so will result in instant death.

The Conductor
"If I wanted a bunch of peck necks to dance around while on bird seed, I'd visit me grandchildren!"
"This guy claims to be a "bird" but when's the last time you saw a bird like that?! He's obsessed with winning..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Xander Mobus

The Conductor of the Owl Express. Also a movie director, known for Western train heist films.

  • The Ace: Has won numerous awards for his directing, despite his heavy focus on trains and thrillers.
  • Bad Boss: He uses actual train passengers as extras, he constantly uses the word peck (which is a swear word, according to DJ Grooves), he gives Hat Kid more demeaning titles in the credits, and his Enforced Method Acting involves a fake murder, as well as threatening to blow up the train (and he finds the train less expendable than Hat Kid or the owls). That said, he becomes more benevolent if he loses, being the resident Deep Throat knockoff and bomb defuser.
  • Collapsing Ceiling Boss: During his boss battle, he'll cause the technical equipment attached to the roof and giant disco balls to fall down over Hat Girl.
  • Cartoon Creature: Appears to be some strange mix of a dog and a dragon, and is allegedly a bird of some kind. Even Hat Girl is puzzled on what he actually is.
    • Some fans have compared him to Woodstock with sharp teeth.
  • Cheerful Child: Chapter 2's picture book shows what both DJ Grooves and The Conductor looked like as children. The Conductor was especially the "Cheerful" part of this trope's name, until he and DJ Grooves started going to war for movie dominance.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: According to DJ Grooves, "peck" is a swear word equivalent for birds, and is amazed by the fact the Conductor throws out the word casually like it's nothing.
  • Cool Train: His train: the Owl Express.
  • Creative Sterility: One of the whiteboards in The Conductor's meeting room shows that he's coming very close to running out of ideas, with multiple repetitions of the word "reboot" listed. Considering he's been in the film industry for at least several decades, and has been competing with DJ Grooves to come up with the best movie the whole time, it's completely justified.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: Subverted, considering every one of his films being Westerns set on trains hasn't stopped him from being massively successful. It has made it incredibly hard for him to come up with any new ideas, though, to the point he's actually considering rebooting his films.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: He, along with DJ Grooves, takes a whopping 30 hits to defeat, which is more than any boss in the game, even the Final Boss. Excluding the heart-to-heart exposition cutscene, he takes 15 hits during the first initial phase, 10 hits during the bomb phase, and the final 5 hits during the last phase where you're being chased by knife-happy Express Owls.
  • Didn't Think This Through: After arguing with DJ Grooves in his first appearance, he boards the penguins into their half of Dead Bird Studio... Then realizes it might just make them work harder, and immediately heads to his own side.
  • Enforced Method Acting: In-universe example. He tends to encourage this kind of performance from Hat Kid, such as when he hides the fact that the murder on the Owl Express isn't real.
  • Evil Is Petty: While DJ Grooves's reason for keeping a Time Piece is because he's convinced the Conductor cheated, the Conductor's reason is that his streak was broken once.
  • Eye-Obscuring Hat: Either that, or he just doesn't have any.
  • Foil: He's rather loud, obnoxious, egotistical, and kind of an asshole, in contrast to DJ Grooves, who is quieter, calmer, holds back his ego better (if not by much), and fairly nice.
  • Foreshadowing: As you're making your way through the basement in the last act of Chapter 2, you can hear the Conductor talk to himself about what he plans to do with the Time Piece. In one of his dialogue, he mentions that he still has the bomb from Train Rush with him, and decides to save it in case "someone" shows up. Come the boss fight, and the Conductor straps the bomb on Hat Kid after the heart-to-heart sequence, turning the boss fight into a Time-Limit Boss.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Performs a mutual one with DJ Grooves to assure that Hat Girl will win the fight against Mustache Girl with the health they'll drop. They're fine once time rewinds, though.
  • Hypocritical Humor: He's always quick to talk about his love of the Owl Express, but this doesn't stop him from nearly destroying it just to make a more authentic-looking film.
  • His Name Really Is "Barkeep": His name really is The Conductor.
  • Informed Obscenity: His use of the word "peck" or "peckneck", which according to DJ Grooves, is a very obscene word to birds.
    DJ Grooves: "The Conductor is old-fashioned. He throws that word around a lot. It'll get him in trouble some day."
  • Informed Species: The owls he hires, as well as the fact that DJ Grooves is a penguin that hires penguins, suggests that he's supposed to be an owl. He doesn't exactly look like an owl, though.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: If DJ Grooves is the boss battle, the Conductor becomes this, showing up to save Hat Kid — who is the reason Grooves won the award, and who the Conductor previously said he didn't care about — from a bomb Grooves stuck to her.
    • During the final boss, he helps Hat Kid put Mustache Girl in her place, regardless of whether you fought him or not.
  • Knife Nut: He uses a knife for his boss fight.
  • Large Ham: At times, goes with being a Prima Donna Director. You want a sample, just see what happens if you accuse yourself of being the murderer in the Murder in the Owl Express act, and see how he goes nuts gleefully (and wrongly) going through the murderer's possible motives.
  • Leitmotif: "The Battle for Award 42", shared with DJ Grooves.
  • The Napoleon: He is about Hat Kid's size and is constantly screeching in anger.
    • Hitbox Dissonance: If he is the boss battle, the Conductor has the same hitbox as if DJ Grooves was the boss, despite being smaller than him.
  • Not Big Enough for the Two of Us: Says this to DJ Grooves when Hat Kid first sees them. Fitting, given his affinity for western movies.
  • Not So Different: He and DJ Grooves were very similar as children, being movie lovers who were inspired to become movie makers. This lead to them becoming competitors as adults due to both of them being equally ambitious.
  • Older Than They Look: Despite not looking especially old, he claims to have grandchildren.
  • The Perfectionist: Should he receive the award during the second chapter, he becomes the boss of the chapter, wishing to undo his 42nd movie not being the true winner of the 42nd award and breaking his otherwise perfect record.
  • Prima Donna Director
  • Promotion to Opening Titles: An odd variation; unlike DJ Grooves, his silhouette is on the logo of the game's final build, alongside Hat Kid, Mustache Girl, a Mafia, The Snatcher, and Queen Vanessa.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to DJ Grooves's blue.
  • The Rival: Competing for the 42nd Annual Bird Award with DJ Grooves.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: According to DJ Grooves, 'peck' is a swear word for birds. That said, the word's practically his Verbal Tic.
  • Skewed Priorities: Some (if not all) of the owls at Dead Bird Studios are actually his train passengers, waiting for him to finish filming before they can reach their destination.
  • Static Role, Exchangeable Character: Chapter 2 Boss/Bomb Defuser. He tends to naturally slant towards the defuser, however, as his missions are harder to high score on than DJ Grooves', and if he is the boss, he has Grooves' hitbox instead of the other way around. Plus, he's revealed to be the Deep Throat knockoff beforehand if he loses.
  • Technician vs. Performer: The Technician, whose Acts are about the (dangerous) filming of his movies.
  • Time-Limit Boss: After the heart-to-heart sequence half-way through the fight, the Conductor will strap a bomb to Hat Kid and activate it. The timer will begin counting down 80 seconds, and you must get enough hits on the Conductor to save enough time until his rival, DJ Grooves, shows up with a giant pair of scissors to defuse the bomb. Naturally, failure to do so will result in instant death.
  • Thriller on the Express: His films. Train Robberies, WhoDunIts, and Runaway Train stories seem to be his entire creative output.
  • Ultimate Job Security: A newspaper clipping states that his is the only train in the world, which is why The Conductor is so proud of it and why the Express Owls put up with his filming getting in the way of their commute.
  • Violent Glaswegian: He speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and is the angrier and more temperamental director.

Express Owls

Voiced by: SungWon Cho
The Conductor's assistants, some of which are also his passengers.
  • Escort Mission: The level "The Big Parade" centers around leading a band of Express Owls across city rooftops. Unlike most examples of the trope, though, you're not actually protecting them from an ongoing threat, but rather, the Owls act like Cosmic Clones from Super Mario Galaxy 2, where they follow your exact movement, and bumping into them causes Collision Damage.
  • Knife Nut: In the final phase of either the Conductor's or DJ Grooves' boss fight, a group of five Express Owls, each armed with knives, will appear and start chasing after Hat Kid.
  • Meaningful Name: They're called "Express Owls" because they ride the Conductor's Owl Express train as his passengers. An Owl NPC at the Dead Bird Studio reception room even explains it.
  • Not Quite Dead: Towards the end of Murder on the Owl Express, the murdered Owl turns out to be not murdered at all, but has been playing dead all along, and was wearing a rubber knife to make it look real. His reasoning for faking the murder, though, depends on who you chose as the suspect.
  • Shout-Out: In Murder on the Owl Express, one of the Owls blocks the way into the VIP room because he lost his contact lens after someone bumped into him, and doesn't want to move out of fear that he or Hat Kid may step on it. This is a subtle nod to Zess T. from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.
  • Sound Test: An owl band can play the records that Hat Kid finds from completing Rifts or spending Rift Tokens.

Moon Penguins

Voiced by: Marianne Miller
DJ Grooves's actors and his loyal fans.
  • Meaningful Name: They're called "Moon Penguins" because they really live on the Moon.
  • Paparazzi: Have this role in the first DJ Grooves-centric mission.

Crow Agent Watch (C.A.W.)
"Greetings, fellow Express Owl."
"These guys won't give me a break! All they do is keep asking me questions and hoot at me! Bad detectives."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Ty Konzak

A murder of Crow Agents investigating a murder on the Owl Express in the Act "Murder on the Owl Express".

  • Blatant Lies: They introduce themselves as Express Owls despite looking nothing like one.
    As you can tell, I am also an Express Owl. I do much hooting.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: They're generally somewhat lucid, honestly believing that they're fooling everyone with their Owl imitations (while also being convinced that Hat Girl is a fellow Owl), asking password phishing questions for anything that doesn't actually involve a password, showing up in the oddest of places telling jokes (such as in Dead Bird Studios basement at midnight or in a time rift for no explicable reason), and not quite understanding why their fellow crows haven't emerged from the lava they fell into yet.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: They're tall, black-bodied crows with glowing white eyes that wear concealing trench coats and fedoras, who all act incredibly sketchy like they're looking for something. The worst they ever do is invade your privacy with mostly harmless questions.
  • Expy: Of the G-Men from Psychonauts.
  • Fun with Acronyms: Crow Agent Watch.
  • Ho Yay: In-universe example. In Alpine Skyline, you can spot two crows sitting together at the Bird Cage with the occasional love heart floating between them.
  • Orphaned Punchline: Whatever their jokes are, it's enough to make a whole room of them uproariously laugh.
    There was too much sauce on the pizza!
    And the Owls don't like to give their blueprints!
    Because, he was missing one his feathers!
    It didn't even matter what he said anyway!
    Even if there was a giant fire!
    So I said to her; 'Don't go into the store'!
    Right as he was about to sneeze!

    Subcon Forest 

The Snatcher
"You blew it! You've totally screwed yourself!"
"Lurks in the shadows, he's obsessed with making me sign contracts!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Luke Sizemore

A powerful spiritual presence in Subcon Forest that's willing to spare souls if they fulfill his contracts.

  • Affably Evil: His horrible, unspeakably devious contracts are basically public service contracts, such as cleaning out a well, kicking out troublemakers from the village, and defeating a monster terrorizing the town. He's also pretty chummy despite being a manipulative jerk, though he does have a Pet the Dog-style relationship with his citizens. Though he is taking people's souls, and is a firm believer in You Have Outlived Your Usefulness, so he's not a Harmless Villain, either.
  • Ain't Too Proud to Beg: Once Hat Kid defeats him, he begs for mercy and for her to leave Subcon Forest, and when she apparently still refuses, he strikes a deal with her that if she leaves, he'll hand over her soul AND the last time piece in his collection.
  • Arc Villain: His antagonism to Hat Kid encompasses the third chapter.
  • Ascended Extra: In the early builds of A Hat in Time, he was just a mischievous jerk who needlessly gave Hat Kid problems in Queen Vanessa's Manor because it seemed funny, and didn't do much beyond that. After the developers cut out the Moonjumper, the Snatcher took over his role and backstory, giving him greater importance to Subcon.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: He's the self-proclaimed master of Subcon Forest, and he definitely has the power to back up this claim. Subcon Time Rift all but outright states that he was the "prince" Queen Vanessa fell in love with, but due to a misunderstanding, he ended up chained in her manor, eventually transforming into The Snatcher.
  • Bad Boss: To whoever is unlucky enough to get drafted into being his servant, especially because of his firm belief in You Have Outlived Your Usefulness. The last one got his head popped right off, after all.
  • Benevolent Boss: His shadowy minions, on the other hand, get much better treatment than the servants he drafts, even to the point where he'll steal mail from the land of the living and send them to his minions just so they'll feel cared for.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He's loud, uses Hat Kid to do (seemingly) petty jobs, and has a pretty goofy appearance, but his boss fight shows that he's far from harmless. In his pre-boss speech, he has none of the veiled friendliness tone and his voice is downright threatening.
    The Snatcher: Wait up, kid. Remember how the old contractor had his head pop off? That wasn't a coincidence. It popped off the moment he stopped being useful to me. And guess who else just became obsolete? That's right. You. Now that that possessed outhouse isn't bothering me anymore, and all of those contracts of yours are tidied away...I don't need you around. Besides, you didn't think I was going to let you keep all those Time Pieces? They fell in my forest, kid. They belong to me! (Snatches Hat Kid's hat and proceeds to darken the room.) Time you saw what I'm really capable of, kid. Say goodbye to that little head of yours!
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: In order to remind you of your obligations, he says that he'll pin the contracts on the start screen. Pause the game, and, lo and behold, he wasn't kidding.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Yep. The Snatcher isn't subtle at all about being evil and forcing people to sign his contracts and all that.
  • Casting a Shadow: He appears to be a giant purple blob of sentient darkness. When he shows up, he also brings Hat Kid into his own dimension, complete with dark motifs.
  • Catchphrase: "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!" and "Hey, kid/kiddo!"
  • Deal with the Devil: To the point of parody, with The Snatcher seeming to use contracts as a form of base-level negotiation that can otherwise be done via word of mouth.
  • Developers' Foresight: He has different lines of dialogue if you talk to him after kicking his shadowy ass. He won't be amused to see Hat Kid again, to say the least.
  • Doppelgänger Attack: In his second phase, he will often make a copy of himself to try and ambush Hat Kid; he'll succeed unless she hits the real one. You have to pay attention to which eye he winks at the camera with.
  • Establishing Character Moment: His first scene in the game features him trapping you, loudly introducing himself, offering you a contract that can end in no other way but badly, and then makes you sign another contract of your choice even though he could just tell you what you should do.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Despite being a soul-stealing spirit who drops devilish contracts on innocent passerbys, not to mention double-crossing them once his contracts are complete, the Snatcher is against any sort of authoritarian rule imposed by people like Mustache Girl. He'll encourage Hat Kid to head on inside her lair and take her down, and will even assist Hat Kid during the final fight.
  • Evil Is Hammy: Yungtown must've had a lot of fun voicing this Large Ham of an Eldritch Abomination that negotiates everything with a Deal with the Devil.
  • Expy: Everything from his design, to his catchphrase, to the very music that plays during the initial encounter with him, are direct references to Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, specifically the Cursed Chest Demons. Just compare these two songs with each other.
  • Flunky Boss: A variant. One of his attacks is to summon his shadow minions and sweep the arena with them in a Spin Attack.
  • Gameplay and Story Integration: He's a walking, talking justification for all the non-rift missions in Subcon Forest, with his contracts being each mission.
  • Get Out: The contract he makes with Hat Kid after she beats him has this as its terms.
    Get out. Just get out.
  • Glass Cannon: He has an impressive array of hard-to-dodge attacks, but once he's made weak, he's defeated in five hits. For comparison, the boss of Chapter 2 takes thirty hits, and the Toilet of Doom boss in the same chapter takes ten hits.
  • Having a Blast: His main attack during the boss fight is to generate large magical explosions, and as his health dwindles, the explosions become larger and faster, one of his attacks being a large ring of rapid explosions.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Hat Kid turns him blue using a blue flask from his own attack, thus making him vulnerable. The Snatcher counters that such a thing can't possibly count. Too bad for him, it does.
  • Humiliation Conga: Gets beaten to the point of having to beg for Hat Kid to stop, tries to strike a deal on his terms only to get his last contract defaced, and is forced to hand over his last Time Piece and Hat Kid's soul in order to make her leave Subcon Forest. Even so, she can come back whenever she wants and talk to a very upset Snatcher simply because he can't do anything to kick her out of his domains.
  • I Shall Taunt You: Briefly in his boss fight, he turns into multiple shadow copies of Hat Kid, just to show her how stupid she looks.
  • Large Ham: He bounces between loud, cheesy and malicious at the drop of a hat. However, as Hat Kid falls in his traps again, he does complain that keeping the "loud" part is not easy on his voice.
    The Snatcher: Don't take it personal, kid, but stay clear of my traps. There's only so many times my voice can handle yelling like that.
  • Lazy Bum: Simply put, his contracts are just menial labor that the Snatcher doesn't want to do himself. Possibly justified, given his former royal status as the Prince.
  • Leitmotif: Has three. There's "The Snatcher's Contractual Obligations" (his initial encounter theme), "Oh It's You" (his talk theme), and "Your Contract Has Expired" (his boss theme).
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: When Hat Kid turns him blue with one of his flasks, Snatcher decides to stop playing around.
    The Snatcher: That does it. Time to die!
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: Played with during his boss fight. He'll lampshade that Hat Kid is waiting for him to turn blue so he can become vulnerable, but then proceeds to actively defy that pitfall throughout the entire fight. That is, until Hat Kid throws one of his dud flasks at him to coat him in blue, which makes him vulnerable. He even lampshades that it couldn't possibly work with his own attack, but it does.
  • Oh, Crap!: Once you make him vulnerable in his boss fight, he pretty much has this reaction.
  • Perpetual Smiler: Constantly has a wide, jolly evil smile that only ever changes for a moment when he attacks/gets hurt, in which case his eyes and mouth seem to merge into a giant yellow gap.
  • Platonic Life-Partners: Hilariously enough, when he gives his final contract (that tells her to just get out), Hat Kid rewrites it so that he's contractually obligated to be her BFF. He's not really keen, though, so he just gives her back her soul, gives her his final Time Piece, and just tells her to sod off.
  • Sincerity Mode: His mandate during the initial contract is, in a nutshell, sign or die. He'll give you several chances to sign. If you say no every one of those times, he'll kill you. And in the final chapter, he will wish Hat Kid luck so to teach Mustache Girl a lesson for daring to pass judgment on him.
  • Stepford Smiler: Strongly implied. While the Snatcher acts all hammy and over-the-top while always sporting a large grin on his face, the Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that he was not always like this. Back when he was the Prince, he was locked up in Vanessa's basement over a tragic misunderstanding, and was so distraught over the sudden event that during his transformation, tears can be clearly seen in his eyes. It's possible that he still holds on to those same feelings of grief, but doesn't show it to his minions and drafted servants.
  • Tactical Suicide Boss:
    • If he didn't summon those flasks, he would have been invincible. Although, to his defense, the battle was going pretty well for him and the only problem was that one of the flasks didn't break when landing.
    • He also needlessly gets close to Hat Kid; one when trying to fake her out and attack from a certain side, which can be discerned by which eye he winks with, and the other involving shockwaves which gradually puts him closer to Hat Kid, both of them leaving him open for attack.
  • Teleport Spam: He uses this in conjunction with the shockwaves that are generated every time he reappears.
  • Throw Down the Bomblet:
    • In his boss fight, the Snatcher will throw explosive flasks at Hat Kid. Unfortunately for him, some flasks end up as duds, allowing Hat Kid to take advantage of them and turn the fight around in her favor.
    • During the Final Boss battle, the Snatcher signs a contract with a Goat from Alpine Skyline to create cherry bombs to assist Hat Kid, which are used to break Mustache Girl's shield.
  • Tragic Monster: He used to be Queen Vanessa's "prince" and was apparently a Nice Guy before her madness and jealousy turned him into The Snatcher.
  • Tragic Villain: He was a well-meaning lawyer before Queen Vanessa's magic gradually turned him into a monster.
  • Tsundere: The description of the Steam trading card about him has Hat Kid viewing the Snatcher as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold and actually referring to him as such, even if she misspelled the word.
    Aww, this guy. What a big softy. He acts all mean, but I'm sure he's that thing from TV. Y'know, soon-deh-ray? We're friends. I think.
  • Was Once a Man: The Sleepy Subcon Time Rift all but says outright that he used to be the prince Vanessa fell in love with. Not only does he have the same hair silhouette as the Prince, but the Prince is shown in shackles with yellowed, blank eyes and a body that's turned purple and shimmery.
  • Voice of the Legion: Used for massive creep factor.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Once the player manages to get around him refusing to become blue, his attacks become much more frantic, desperate, and sloppy, and after you defeat him, he doesn't even try to hide that he just wants to get rid of Hat Kid.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Tries to pull this off on Hat Kid. Naturally, it doesn't end well for him.
  • Your Soul Is Mine: Takes Hat Kid's soul at one point. He gives it back later after she defeats him.

Queen Vanessa
"Lives in the haunted manor and gives me the creeps. Eek!"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Eileen Montgomery

A frightening lady that lives in a manor in Subcon Woods.

  • Ax-Crazy: Vanessa's overwhelming jealousy and obsession with her Prince corrupted her into a psychotic shadow monster that will kill anyone foolish enough to enter her home. Her dialouge throughout the chapter has her vacillating between sweet-talking Hat Kid, threatening her, or laughing madly. The walls of her home are lined with scratches to show her insanity and her diary entries and letters detail her slow decent into madness, culminating in her chaining her Prince in the attic and keeping him prisoner.
  • The Corruption: Her presence influences the entire Subcon Forest. And has transformed it from a peaceful woodland into a dreary forest inhabited by restless spirits.
  • Domain Holder: She can alter her house to some degree in manners unrelated to ice, such as scratches appearing on a wall, and changing a painting in a room she hasn't even entered.
  • The Dreaded: None of Subcon's denizens even try to bother her (the way to her manor is even mostly blocked off), there are signs that advise you to not try to cross the bridge she's on the other side of, and Hat Kid is very noticeably afraid of her when hiding. She's also nowhere to be seen when Mustache Girl rewrites time into her world, suggesting that even on her power trip, Vanessa was too utterly terrifying for her to deal with.
  • Empathic Environment: Her powers turn the area around her mansion into a frozen wasteland and are implied to influence the rest of Subcon as well.
  • Everything's Better with Princesses: At least from her perspective. She believes that becoming queen makes her less beautiful.
  • Evil Is Deathly Cold: Her manor is surrounded by a constant blizzard and freezes all her victims into icy sculptures.
  • Evil Old Folks: She's quite old and shaped like an elderly lady, but she is still extremely dangerous.
  • Faux Affably Evil: When trying to lure Hat Kid out of hiding, she talks to her in the same manner a grandmother talks to her children, but none of it is real and every word drips with barely concealed malice. And sometimes, she'll forgo sweet talk for threatening her directly.
    The garden is beautiful tonight. We can go see it together.
    It gets so lonely in here. I know you are listening...
    Tracking dirt in my home? Oh, when I find you...
    I can hear your footsteps. Why are you hiding?
    I just dusted. I hope you like it.
    Come on out! We can have some tea.
    I know you're here. I'm coming.
    Ready or not, here I come!
  • Friend to All Children: Originally, the Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that she used to be really friendly to the children of a nearby village, as the page shows them offering gifts to Vanessa, and was really happy when she was greeted by them. Now, after the tragedy, Vanessa has become so deadly, that she'll kill anyone who enters her manor. Including children.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: Oh boy. If you ever see them, RUN LIKE THE WIND.
  • Go Mad from the Revelation: While Vanessa is not very sane to begin with, as evidence from her letters and diary entries, the event that really drove her mad was when she found the Prince with another girl, which turned out to be a misunderstanding. Her anger and jealousy over the situation would eventually corrupt her into the feared shadow monster that she is now.
  • God Save Us from the Queen!: Her powers killed everyone living in the nearby village and she will hunt down and freeze anyone unfortunate enough to wander into her mansion.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Of the whole Subcon Forest. After all, it's her Yandere tendencies that led to the existence of the Snatcher.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: Her incredible jealousy corrupted her and her "prince" into evil spirits.
  • Hopeless Boss Fight: Queen Vanessa is absolutely impossible to defeat and being caught by her is instant death. Hat Kid can only hide and carefully go through her manor to fulfill the contract.
  • Humanoid Abomination: She's a shapeless monster that only vaguely looks human anymore. Her shadow also goes through walls, and when you're trying to get a key on top of her bed in the third floor, a painting in Vanessa's childhood room changes twice, namely to Hat Kid with a Nightmare Face, showing she has some degree of control over her house's environment.
  • I Was Quite a Looker: The Subcon Time Rift storybook reveals that she used to be a beautiful young lady.
  • An Ice Person: Her gaze can turn people into ice sculptures, and her presence wraps her mansion in an eternal snowstorm.
  • Knight of Cerebus: She's the only character not to have any sort of funny quirk. She's Nightmare Fuel played straight, part of the scariest level in the game, and responsible for the Snatcher's existence. Notably, while every other sapient villain Hat Kid faces eventually comes to regard her as a friend, Queen Vanessa is always an irredeemable horror that Hat Kid desperately avoids.
  • Leitmotif: "Vanessa Wants to Play".
  • Living Shadow: She's designed to resemble one.
  • Love Makes You Evil: Her incredible love and obsession for the Prince is seriously out of this world. Not only did she chain the Prince up in the cellar and refuse to listen to his explanation (he really was just buying her flowers from another girl), but her misplaced, jealous anger warps her into a hideous shadow beast with shining red eyes who cries frozen tears... and freezes any trespassers into ice statues. Vanessa keeps the Prince locked up for so long that the sheer magic Vanessa's warping Subcon with turns him into the Snatcher, but by then Subcon's a completely destroyed world and all of the non-Dweller populace seems to be dead. All because of blind love and a misunderstanding.
  • Never Mess with Granny: One of the oldest characters in the game, and hands-down one of the most dangerous.
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: Vanessa cannot be defeated in a straight-up fight, and attacking her will do nothing but get Hat Kid frozen into an ice sculpture.
  • One-Hit Kill: If she catches Hat Kid, she will kill her instantly by freezing her into an ice sculpture.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: Her most noticeable features are a pair of glowing red eyes.
  • Scare Chord: If Vanessa is drawing near to you, the screen darkens and distorts itself as a loud droning sound plays. The sound gets louder and more intense if she has you in her sights.
  • Sinister Silhouettes: All you see of Queen Vanessa, besides her red eyes, is her silhouette, which is probably for the best.
  • Supernatural Elite: She and her former "prince" are much more powerful than the other spirits.
  • Tragic Villain: A young and beautiful princess who was corrupted by her own love and obsession with the Prince. The misunderstanding only made things worse for her.
  • Would Hurt a Child: She will kill anyone who enters her manor, and children like Hat Kid are no exception.
  • Yandere: A frightening example that isn't Played for Laughs. Reading her letters and diaries around her mansion reveals that she freaked out when she was crowned as queen because it meant she couldn't be a pretty princess anymore, and she apparently cut off all her lover's hair in his sleep and dyed it so it would match hers perfectly. She also banned bacon from the house because she thought he loved it more than her and has apparently had thoughts of chaining him up in the basement so he can't escape. If you have the Fox Mask, you can see that it's possible she really did.


Voiced by: Kellen Goff
Shadowy minions of The Snatcher found across the Subcon Woods.

Bells and bombs...

"These guys live in Subcon and are the only guys I can trust in this place..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Masked spirits inhabiting Subcon Woods.

  • Helpful Mook: A rather bizarre case because the Dwellers are not really hostile towards you initially. But, should you give them an oversized cherry, they'll be drawn into it and turn it into a bomb that can still damage you, essentially becoming Action Bombs that you are carrying around. However, this works in your favor because they're needed to break the ice around Subcon Forest.
  • Made of Explodium: If Hat Kid is carrying an over-sized cherry, they're drawn into it, turning it into a "cherry bomb".
  • The Stoic: The Dwellers are not very social, and the only Dweller you speak to is at the beginning of Subcon Forest, where it mentions that it's been lost for as long as it can remember.
    Subconite: "These Dwellers are so hard to talk to."
  • True Sight: An ability that Hat Kid can experience for herself with the right mask.
  • Was Once a Man: The Sleepy Subcon Time Rift all but says outright that they used to be children in a forest village Vanessa visited.

Fire Spirits

Voiced by: Marissa Lenti
Fox spirits that wish to die in a glorious blaze, fueled by the finest soul-capturing paintings.
  • And I Must Scream: Not them, but the paintings burnt to kill them have random NPCs trapped inside, including the Mafia, Express Owls, Badge Sellers, and the cat bandits from Alpine Skyline.
  • Death Seeker: The Snatcher wants them dead. Luckily for him, they outright want to die.
  • Leitmotif: "The Fire Spirits".
  • Spanner in the Works: The Snatcher claims they're creating the fire barriers to prevent him from getting to other parts of his forest. However, since the Fire Spirits are Death Seekers who're looking to die anyway, and none of their dialogue even mentions stopping the Snatcher, it's very unlikely that they're creating the barriers on purpose. They're just dancing merrily away while waiting for someone to feed their bonfire with special paintings.

Toilet of Doom

A possessed outhouse, and the focus of one of The Snatcher's contracts.
  • Big, Bulky Bomb: Will use the caged Dwellers to overcharge a giant cherry and make it grow to the point where it'll take up the whole arena. Letting it detonate by not reaching the toilet in time is an instant game over.
  • Doomy Dooms of Doom: Toilet of Doom
  • Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: All that's known about it is that killing it is one of Hat Kid's contracts since it pesters The Snatcher.
  • Ground Pound: Later into the fight it'll start hurling itself around the arena to release damaging shockwaves each time it lands.
  • Leitmotif: "Toilet of Doom".
  • Orchestral Bombing: The Toilet of Doom is notably the only boss to not have a rock theme, and instead, has a battle theme done entirely in orchestra.
  • Toilet Humor: The loading art from its Act shows itself opening and a less than thrilled Hat Kid looking at its insides.

    Alpine Skyline 

"Mysterious creatures who are the silent type. They like to be left alone, but maybe they just want me to stop annoying them..."
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

The large, brown-furred inhabitants of a village in the mountains.

  • Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: According to the Alpine Skyline Time Rift storybook, one goat trekked to the top of the peaks so he can become one with the constellations.
  • The Corruption: The pollen of purple flowers ends up driving them mad until Hat Kid removes the plants.
  • Gentle Giant: The goats are never hostile, and are just minding their own business. However, the Nomads advise to approach them with caution, because just bumping into them accidentally will cause them to shove Hat Kid out of their way. They'll only attack if they're infected by the purple flowers.
  • Lightning Bruiser: When they're corrupted by the purple flowers they also get frighteningly fast for something of their size essentially becoming The Juggernaut that Hat Kid cannot hope to defeat in direct combat.
  • Mighty Glacier: They're giants that're never seen going any faster than a walk. That said, merely swatting away Hat Kid makes her fly as far as one of Mafia's punches.
  • Nigh-Invulnerability: They're impossible to harm and hitting them causes nothing. Jumping on their heads will cause them to swat Hat Kid with both hands like one would do to a fly. This becomes a problem in the finale, as they'll actively try to harm Hat Kid while corrupted. The only thing Hat Kid can do is to avoid direct confrontation with them.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: While corrupted, their eyes become menacingly red.
  • The Stoic: They don't talk a lot, but do (kinda) express some gratitude after Alpine Skyline's finale.
  • Video Game Cruelty Punishment: Just go on and try to play cute and beat or jump on these guys. See what happens.

Sky Travelers
"Much more talkative! These guys also ended up in the skies... I wonder why?"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Voiced by: Carol-Anne Day

Small fellows who inhabit the Alpine skyline.

  • Glowing Eyes: The only visible part of their face.
  • In the Hood: None of them show their faces at all.
  • Mr. Exposition: They give valuable information on stuff around Alpine Skyline, also often pointing where horns or treasures may be and even giving a heads up if Hat Kid is about to go in the Lazy Paw Gang turf.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": The game manual refers to them as "Travellers".
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: A weird Eastern European meets Middle Eastern medley, more akin to Mass Effect's Tali Zorah than anything of this world.

Lazy Paw Gang
Feline Felons.
"Very rude felines who keep stealing my hats!!! Ever heard of asking politely??"
— Hat Kid's description in the game's manual.

Felines that can steal Hat Kid's hat, or some of her Pons.

  • All There in the Manual: The only place their names are mentioned.
  • Bandit Mook: They can steal your Pons and even your hats.
  • Cat Folk: Yep, and their as mean as a bandit.
  • Cat Ninja: They prefer to use stealth attacks instead of going head-to-head against you.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Some cat bandits are found trapped inside paintings in Subcon Forest before you even encounter them officially in Alpine Skyline.
  • In the Back: They will always go for Hat Kid's back via stealing or attacking.
  • Invisible Monsters: They are invisible most of the time, only revealing themselves when they try to sneak up behind Hat Kid.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Comparatively speaking. They take two hits instead of one, are pretty darn fast, and can easily score more than one damage by shoving Hat Kid in a bottomless pit, which is plentiful in Alpine Skyline. If they attack in a group, one will almost always steal and the second one will punch a stunned Hat Kid.
  • Visible Invisibility: Their invisible camouflage shows a faint clear silhouette of their presence. So to detect any of them, you have to pay real close attention to your surroundings even if you know where they show up.

Purple Flowers
The Illness has Spread...
Dangerous flowers that grow all over Alpine Skyline.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: The purple flowers are a species of highly dangerous plants that all share one common goal; to seize control of the entire Alpine Skyline with their poisoness spores once they awaken. The main flowers also seem to be self-aware, as they'll try to defend themselves with explosive spores and black thorns when Hat Kid approaches them.
  • Arc Villain: They're the main antagonists of Alpine Skyline.
  • Garden of Evil: What they turn Alpine Skyline into during the chapter's finale.
  • Knight of Cerebus: The level where you defeat them is much more serious in tone, with a surprisingly dark atmosphere.
  • Leitmotif: "Alpine Skyline at Night".
  • Level in Boss Clothing: The flowers themselves are not a challenge, getting to them is. You must destroy all three main flowers spreading the corruption, and every next flower is progressively more difficult to deal with.
  • Made of Explodium: The small dandelion things created by the big flowers will explode.
  • The Unreveal: Even after the finale of Alpine Skyline is concluded nothing about these things is revealed. The Nomads and Goats are simply relieved they're gone thanks to Hat Kid.
  • The Virus: Their spores can corrupt other living beings, turning their victims violent.