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Why Do Good Directors Go Bad?
- As childish as it is, his setting Alma's constant wide-eyed expression to pants-ruining farts is hilarious.
- Critic notes the location of a nuclear power plant nearby a plant nursery and believes that that's the reason why the plants are killing everyone.Homer Simpson: D'oh! Mr. Burns, I'm afraid I caused The Happening!
Mr. Burns: Simpson, you idiot! Now we're trapped in an M. Night Shyamolian film! And not one of the good ones! Either of them!
- Then at the end:Homer Simpson: Marge, I caused The Happening! What's that? Flanders got run over by his lawnmower? Woo-hoo!
- Then at the end:
- While Elliot trying to negotiate with a plant is its own form of Narm, Critic takes it another way and points out that since some plants are making people sick, Elliot has jumped to the conclusion that all plants are evil and actively trying to kill humanity. He then presents Elliot's Most Wanted List: The Fighting Trees of Oz, Treebeard, Grandmother Willow, and Groot.
- "If we go west, we'll hit a county called Arundell Note . Dirt roads. Hardly anybody lives out there."Critic: They'll sing a song so much, you'll want to stab your ears out with an ICE PICK, but aside from that, they're cool.
- Given the mention of hot dogs, the "cheese and crackers" line, the plants, and other Food Porn, Critic concludes that Shyamalan wrote the entire movie while hungry.
- John Leguizamo's character rambling about the plot of Super Mario Bros., while killing himself.Critic (as Julian): My name's Luigi Mario. I'm a Puerto Rican-Italian raised by a British-Italian who's both my father and my brother. I'm fighting a germaphobe dinosaur who's turned Lance Henriksen into a mushroom and thinks ordering a pizza is funny.
- Earlier than above, he drives past a bunch of people who hanged themselves from trees. Critic says they saw an early screening of The Happening.
- Rather than critique the infamous "What? No!" scene where Elliot tries to tell the elderly woman he isn't going to murder her, Critic decides to acknowledge the unintentional humor that this very scene has brought over the years by replacing Elliott's No with Darth Vader's NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments
Lady in the Water
- The opening segment showcases a poker game with Peyton Reed, Jennifer Lee, and Phil Lord & Chris Miller, all making bets on impossible premises for movies (Frozen, Ant-Man, and The LEGO Movie). Rob messing around with his poker chips is a particular highlight. When Shyamalan pitches the movie, filled to the brim with Call a Rabbit a "Smeerp", we get this exchange.
- Critic noting that Shyamalan seems to use the talking-into-the-camera trope the way director Roger Christian used the tilted-shot trope in Battlefield Earth:Critic (as Shyamalan and Christian): We're brilliant! We're brilliant! We do the brilliant dance...
- When Story introduces herself, we then get an interesting story from Critic:I have two siblings, a older sister named Long Story and a younger sister named Short Story. I've a very honest mother we named True Story, an aging father named Old Story, a dead grandfather named Ghost Story, and for some reason, all of them remind me of my two pets, Cock and Bull Story.
- When Story tells Vick Ran that his writing will inspire future generations, including a president, but will lead to his death, Critic points out how much of an ego stroke that this is to Shyamalan, that he's almost certain that his erection is growing throughout the scene. He then replays the scene with a penis digitally added in, and as each point is relayed, it grows until it explodes.
- Critic's inability to keep his composure throughout the review. As each plot point comes to pass, he can't help but laugh hysterically at the growing levels of absurdity.Critic: Now, on to the spice rack, where I will predict the second coming of Jesus!
- The fact that Story's species is called a Narf leads to the inevitable reference to Pinky and the Brain, with the conversation between Heep and Choi appropriately dubbed, and with Critic demanding the plot twist be that this is The Brain's latest plan to Take Over the World.
Tangled vs. Frozen
- At the beginning of the video, Critic explains that the rivalry between the two films is similar to the rivalries among geeks (picture of Batman and Superman), sports fans (picture of Soxs and Cubs) and girls doomed to disappointment (picture of Edward and Jacob from Twilight).
- When he explains that he's never met a person who believes that they should marry someone they've just met, a picture of Hyper Fangirl appears in the left-hand corner. "I said person, that's a nuisance."
- At the end of the video, after saying that it's okay to like one film better than another and that a rivalry is silly, Critic finishes by saying, "And besides, Frozen is better." While the audience boos, he flips the bird at the camera.
- Critic Dad offhandedly saying this to his wife about his child (played by Tamara):
- In the 80s, the PG stood for "Parental Guidance." Nowadays, it stands for "Practically G." Cue little girl Tamara being scarred for life and rocking back and forth in the corner.Tamara (as the Mom): Will she ever socialize again?
Ad-man: If she does, just show her Watership Down.
- Critic's quips on Sarah's behavior and Jennifer Connelly's melodramatic performance in the beginning of the movie:
- "Future Oscar winner everyone! Couldn't you just predict it?"
- "There are so many medications she'd be on today."Critic as Dad: You know what you need honey?Critic as Sarah: Magic and mystery?Dad: No, Zoloft and Ritalin. Just mix it in with the liquid tranquilizer.
- Critic calling the goblins "An army of Trump supporters."
- An owl flies through the window just before Jareth makes his appearance. Critic: 'Hogwarts calling, biatch!'
- David Bowie's clearly visible pants bulge is so impossible to ignore, that Critic spends the rest of the review making jokes about it, as well as a Top 15 David Bowie Dick Jokes countdown.
- A sketch in response to the completely out-of-nowhere "Dancing Fire Goblin" scene shows Malcolm as an editor (named Bill) and Doug as Jim Henson. Though Bill wants to cut the scene, Henson insists it be kept because they "worked so hard" on it. After finally convincing him with Kermit The Frog, they decide to sing the alphabet song, which is abruptly ended when Malcolm says Cookie Monster.Jim Henson/Kermit: (after his angry rant) I mean, yay! (Bill tries to gently stroke Kermit's cheek) Don't ever touch me, Bill.
Jim Henson/Kermit: That was Rizzo the Rat's mistake.
- When the Goblin King shows his labyrinth to Sarah.Sarah: Is that the castle beyond the goblin city?
Critic (as David Bowie): No, that's a painting, that's a model, and that's a very poor bluescreen effect. But what do you care? I'm David Bowie.
- Repeated use of the "Tra la la" clip.Critic: ... even for Bowie, that was a weird thing to say.
- Sarah's quick forgiveness of Hoggle:
- Critic (as Hoggle): You don't mind that I poisoned you?Critic (as Sarah): Hey you got me a dance with David Bowie, we're square.
- Critic's theory that the dance party at the end (and the entire movie) is really a product of Sarah overdosing on painkillers:
- Sarah's father (walking in on Sarah laying on the floor foaming from the mouth): Dear God! Honey, she's gotten into the pain meds again!Tamara as Sarah: Dance magic, dance!
- The review starts with Critic walking into the room... and INSTANTLY getting sent to Hell, where he is recruited by Kermit The Frog to command The Legions of Hell.
- Critic describing Malebolgia as a pile of shit given a hyena face, sea turtle dicks for "ears", Ron Weasley's pubic hair, and Doctor Claw's voice.
- Critic implying that even Skeletor would think the villain is trying too hard.Critic (as Skeletor): Okay, you need to tone it down a bit, buddy...
- The Devil taking notes on how to be cool. He uses a pen shaped like a pink tentacle and a Doc McStuffins pad, and angrily demands Critic not to judge him.
- Critic reacting to an air freshener in Wanda's car having the Violator's mug on it.
- The first time Critic tries to introduce the movie, he's interrupted by Nicol Williamson's narration.
- Hell for those that die in Hell is apparently TMZ. When Benny takes out the Devil's original assassin, she is sent there and screams in fear.
- The Violator's quip to Jason Wynn about starting the apocalypse now (Because Martin Sheen was in that movie, ha ha, get it?) leads to the Critic asking the Devil to have all of Hell boo the line.
- Critic is freaked out by the Violator dressed in a cheerleader's outfit.
- When the movie doesn't show the obligatory sports montage, Critic wonders what would happen if other films did the same thing.
- Critic is disappointed by the final battle being more like a bad bargain bin PS1 game.
- After giving the Devil pointers based on the movie, Critic is sent back to Earth, where he sees Satan announcing his invasion of Earth...with several Kermit puppets singing "Right Where We Belong".
Is Goofy Secretly Badass?
- Critic introducing the golden age of Goofy cartoons, denoting both his dork ages.Critic: But everyone always overlooks one comedic badass! (flash to the title screen from Goof Troop) Before that... (flash to Dippy Dawg from Mickey's Revue) After that... (flash to a shot from How to Play Football, with one Goofy football player being tackled by a bunch of other Goofy football plays who dogpile on top of one another) Yes!
- Critic referring to Goofy's son from the classic cartoons as "not-Max".
- After seeing the "Birds + Bees" joke from Teachers Are People, Critic makes a heart symbol with his hands and coyly shouts "Disney!".
Cats And Dogs
- In the opening of the movie, a woman is setting a pie on the window sill in her 50's style dress with a bow in her apron (because somebody somewhere thinks somebody somewhere still does that) when a cat and dog land on her. There's a very baffling blank, shocked look on her face before the impact with the dog.Critic: What the hell kind of face is that? Comedic expressions are supposed to get bigger as more stuff happens, not scale down. How do you even duplicate that face? [Comedic music plays as NC attempts to duplicate the woman's reaction. It goes on for a bit, before NC gives up] What direction do you give to get a face like that?! (As the director) "All right, I want you to act like you just discovered you lost your first-born child, but you found out while shoving the world's greatest vibrator in you." (The woman's expression is shown again, with a vibrator sound effect) Specific, but... confusing.
- The incredibly morbid joke about Taco Bell.
- Critic gets penalized twice for bad jokes (one that's "too easy" and the other for "stretching too far for a pun"), the review is interrupted by a referee and mock sports commentary, forcing the Nostalgia Critic to compliment the film.Critic: ... At least it's not Santa Paws?
- The cat in the beginning of the film pretends to be dead, which leads to...Ash: It's a trick. Get an axe.
- Malcolm plays a kid who loves disturbing, dark media to illustrate Critic's confusion at the audience who'd want to watch slapstick violence applied to real animals. To really hammer the "weird and depraved" element in, Malcolm's holding a naked Monster High doll.
- Critic gets disturbed by Sam the sheepdog panting heavily with only his face in the frame, finally opting to close his eyes to think of Catherine Zeta-Jones... only to wind up combining the two.Critic: (Plays the clip with Jones' face superimposed) Actually, I might have started a brand-new fetish...
- Done later when Ivey gives Lou a belly scratch in a very suggestive way:Critic: Okay, the almost perverted imagery in this film is almost making me uncomfortable. [The clip of Sam panting heavily is inserted in the upper right corner] Okay, now it's making me uncomfortable! I don't like this R-rated cut for Secret Lives of Pets!
- Done later when Ivey gives Lou a belly scratch in a very suggestive way:
- The Running Gag where Aunt Despair films Critic doing random cat or dog-like things for no particular reason. Despite him demanding an explanation as to why he's being forced to do it, she refuses to give him an explanation. It's revealed at the end of the video that she cut the film together to make a clickbait type video where "Nostalgia Critic" (actually just clips of Uncle Lies' mouth sloppily pasted over the actual Critic) would negatively review Deadpool. Critic threatens to report them to YouTube and have their channel pulled, but she responds that they told Fox every one of his videos has Deadpool in them and his channel will be pulled before he can make the report. Critic replies that it's ridiculous since all they would need to do is watch one of his videos to see that he doesn't constantly reference Deadpool in his reviews at which point a notification appears that says 20th Century Fox has issued a copyright claim for said video.
- The part where the ninja cats and Lou are fighting in the kitchen in and freeze in the air Matrix Style:
- During Lou's battle with the stereotypical ninja cats...[singing] We are racist-ese if you prease...
- Alexander Pollack's performance as Scott Brody is so unsettlingly generic-yet-weird that Critic hypothesizes several scenarios that explain what Brody is. This ranges from being an animatronic, to a CGI character, to a hand puppet.
- Charles Brody (played by Jeff-uh-Gold-uh-blum-uh) is trying to find a cure for dog allergies but the look of his basement laboratory makes Critic think that he's actually creating a bomb, and that his handiwork will soon become part of an ISIS auction. Which by the way, if you happen to know anyone who's been to an ISIS auction, please let him know, he has to make a few... phone calls.
- Rob's Jeff Goldblum impression returns."Oh no. My rainbow of fruit flavors. Now no one will be able to try 'trout strawberry.'"
- Rob's Jeff Goldblum impression returns.
- Critic changing the sign that reads Laugh to silently judge after Butch said "Son of my mom!".
Was The Mask Supposed to be Gory?
- Critic starts off talking about how The Mask spawned an Animated Adaptation as well as "an instructional video for the Antichrist", complete with picture of Evilina and her father.
- Critic explains that if you are squeamish, you should not watch the video. He then proceeds to show a scene of someone cutting their cheek open, going into great detail over it. It eventually gets to the point where the video itself faints.
- Told ya!
Phantom of the Opera
- The opening scene has Malcolm auctioning off story ideas and among the folks at the auction is... Jim Jarosz as Kylo Ren, contemplating his lightsaber.
- The Fandumb and the horse, the latter which becomes a prominent character later on in the review even flying away with the Fandumb near the end of the video. The Horse itself is some guy with a gruff (''hoarse?'') voice, a horse-mask and a pinstripe shirt.
- Critic getting annoyed with the talking musical number in which everything gets messed up, in which he HAD to text everyone to tell them to shut up. When he thought it was all over, cue Hyper Fangirl coming in to complain/sing. When he sees her, he suddenly hides behind a couch... only for Aunt Despiar/the bad mom to hit him with a cell phone and give two middle fingers at the others.
- The Fandumb and Michael Crawford's Phantom singing a parody of The Point of No Return. They practically parodied Crawford's singing style by having the Fandumb Lampshade the different pitches he goes through.
- The Reveal of the Fandumb. It's Andrew Lloyd Webber who wanted to promote Love Never Dies.
- Chester A. Bum is a hoot in this episode in general.
- Especially when he's getting blown up by the horse with a bomb in order to mirror Buquet's death in the film. What's even funnier about it is the fact that he blows up right in front of Tim and Beth as they're shooting a scene and they end up continuing on as if nothing has happened, at the insistence of Critic. He later appears as a ghost in the cemetery while Beth and Hyper Fangirl sing, crying about how his problems aren't as bad as theirs, despite clearly being dead.
- What's even better is Critic's reaction. He stands up, yells "OH MY GOD!"... and then sits back down, acting like nothing happened.
- Before that, it's Chester's encounter with the horse.Chester: Oh, that's a pity. I will smoke three jays in [Hyper Fangirl's] honor. (does so; and then makes a high-pitched yelp when he sees the horse) Whoa, this stuff works fast!
Horse: The Fandumb hears you like making fun of his movie, saying everybody's high?
Chester: Yeah, but, if you know me, you know that's not really an insult.
- Aunt Despair is hilarious whenever she shows up, given her deadpan tone throughout the entire thing.
- The idea of Hyper and Devil Boner going on dates to the very high market Pottery Barn is adorable and hilarious.
How Right Are Trailers?
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
- Trying to bail on the review early, Critic invites the audience to go watch The Cinema Snob's new review: Naked Kirk Cameron Saves Naked Michael Myers On Naked Christmas
- Critic finds Pluto Nash so formulaic and boring that he's decided to mimic the film and literally phone in his performance. A few seconds later, the real Critic is seen picking out costumes of Batman and Superman as possible hints for the subject of his next review.Critic: I swear this isn't a clue
- It comes back later, with Angry Joe showing up.
- Nash reacting predictably to the obvious Visual Pun of him and a photo of dwarf planet Pluto, telling Critic that even that joke had more effort put into it than anything in the actual film.
- Critic notices that even Eddie Murphy thinks the name "Pluto Nash" is lame, and suggests "Jupiter Jones" as a more sensible alternative.
- "But two representatives of Rex Crater want to buy his club for $10 million dollars. Or as they call it, 10 million Hillaries.note Okay, this is a tough one, because at the date this review is coming outnote , I don't know if this is incredibly clever or incredibly dated. So, for the first time ever, I am giving you a multiple choice joke. Just come back after November 8th, 2016 and choose from one of these options."
- If Bernie Sanders wins (Option A): "Well, they can obviously throw that prop in the fire. It wouldn't be the first time that she felt the Bern."
- If Hillary Clinton wins (Option B): "Well, she bought the rest of Hollywood to get the presidency. Are we really surprised by this?"
- If Donald Trump wins (Option C): Cut to Critic dressed up in a Nazi uniform with two Trump statues in the background. He then yells in a stereotypical German accent about getting the Muslims out and building a wall, at which point the Walking Hammers show up.
- A later joke about Trump Realty is also considered hard to judge as either clever or dated.
- Critic calling Randy Quaid "Canada's most dangerous criminal".
- Critic wonders if Randy Quaid's character was modelled after the Thermians.Critic: (imitating Mathesar) You will find my voice as grating as a blender on your nads.
- Even the commercial break music appears to have given up, as Critic's usual theme song is briefly replaced with a much lower-quality tune that sounds like it was taken from a '90s sitcom.
- Critic is incredulous about Rosario Dawson's character needing futuristic plastic surgery, insisting that she's already pretty attractive the way she is.
- Malcolm and Tamara playing a pair of gods giving a halfhearted performance. They're also upset that they were robbed of their day off and can't phone it in like the Critic is doing. They take their anger out on the audience watching.Malcolm: Thanks a lot, dickholes!
Tamara: You can take your love of Eddie Murphy and shove it up your ass!
- During the Mirror Match between Pluto and his evil clone:
Was That Real? Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain
- In spite of the fact the show was created under protest, the Critic ends up actually praising the show, and goes as far as to say that it was a more well-done crossover than Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
- The portrayal of Zack Snyder as a nasally dweeb.
- When Critic and Joe review the beginning of the movie, Zack notes that they are putting in Batman Begins instead. They only reply "Exactly!!"
- The mugger kills Bruce's parents with a single bullet thought their heads.
- Critic mentions that this is a scene with so many representations in all media that he is surprised it doesn't have action figures yet. The next transition uses these hypothetical action figures.
- Lex Luthor trying to bribe the agent with Jolly Ranchers.Lex: (overly excited) Cherry!
Agent: (solemly) Cherry...
- "By the way, Wonder Woman's in this movie."Tamara: (cosplaying Wonder Woman, walking by with little provocation) Hello!
- And then she finally stays in one scene.Joe: After Wonder Woman finally joins the team...
Tamara (as Wonder Woman): Hello! (Joe Superman holds her and places her in the center) Oh, I get to stay this time? Awesome.
- And then she finally stays in one scene.
- Critic and Joe list off five things wrong with Lex Luthor in this movie, three of them being Jesse Eisenberg.
- Lex Luthor gradually transforming into the Joker.
- First at Clark and Bruce's first meeting, where they both gave him black eyes.Critic (as Bruce): Who's the pipsqueak?
Joe (as Clark): That's Lex Luthor.
Critic (as Bruce): Nooo!
Joe (as Clark): Afraid so.
Critic (as Bruce): Does he ever shut up?
Joe (as Clark): I don't know. Let's ask him.
(both give an Offhand Backhand to Lex and leave him with both eyes black)
Lex: Oh... Well, I guess I had this coming. See you later, boys. Sssssmokin'!!! (runs with his head still in frame)
- Then when he disses Lois' relevance by putting on a purple coat.Lex: (while putting on a purple coat) Is it chilly out here or is it the sheer uselessess of your character?
- Finally when Joe Superman smears a cherry candy on his face.Lex: My plan is chaos! God vs god! Anarchy! The bell has been rung! Ding-ding-ding! Let's put a smile on that face!
- At the end, once he's sent to jail, he still tries to convince the audience that he really is Lex because he's bald now. Despite still having the aforementioned black eyes and smothered cherry candy.
- First at Clark and Bruce's first meeting, where they both gave him black eyes.
- Lois reminding everyone that she is important.
- Before Luthor's men kidnap her, Lois stops them saying that she is so used to this that she even brought her own chloroform.
- Lois thinks that her essential role was to figure out that Lex Luthor is the bad guy, Luthor counters that he did all the impossible shit offscreen while she was on that. And then pushes her off the building since it's the only thing she's really good at.
- By the last scene, even Superman gets fed up with Lois being always a Damsel in Distress.Tamara (as Lois): Then I will throw this over here (grabs the kryptonite spear and tosses it in a well)
Lex: Haha! I've created the ultimate Kryptonian monster!
Tamara (as Lois): I'll just... Go and get it... (a second later) Oh, no! I'm drowning in the water!
(both Batman and Superman get annoyed)
Joe (as Superman): What is this? Like the fourth time?! I'll save you, Lois. And I'll grab the Kryptonite, which is the only thing that weakens me.
Tamara (as Lois): I'm important!
Joe (as Superman): Yeah, yeah. Used to be.
Critic (as Batman): And I'm Batman.
- Superman and Batman's confrontations, where both of them hates the other because the other kills.
- First at Lex's party, in their civilian identities. All their stats of people fearing them are shown like a Baseball team stats.
- Specifically, one of them voices their complaints about the other, immediately followed by the baseball stats showing how the hero speaking is guilty of the exact same things, in very large numbers.
- For Batman's stats, the count of "People Harmed by Him" is "GOD KNOWS" and the number of "Psychiatrists Who Say Dressing up as a Bat is WAY PAST 1% Unstable" is 9,254,902,764note .
- Also, when they notice each other, Clark throws away his glass of champagne. Bruce shoots his glass with a gun.
- Then their second encounter when Batman is stealing the kryptonite from Lex's minions.
- While Batman declares that he values human life to Superman, he is killing minions without looking.
- When Batman asks him if he bleeds, he shrinks the second Joe!Superman is about to punch him.
- Superman asks him why he didn't kill him yet if he is so "bloodthirsty".Critic (as Batman): Because... I intimidate you? Boo?
- And when Batman finishes his rhetorical question after Sups leaves, Joe!Superman returns just to smash his car.Critic (as Batman): Oh, real mature!!
- First at Lex's party, in their civilian identities. All their stats of people fearing them are shown like a Baseball team stats.
- Critic and Joe deconstructing the plot point where Lex Luthor uses fake fingerprints to access Zod's ship. To prove how ridiculous it is, they take a cellphone, which prompts them for the passcode. After reassuring it that its owner is dead, the phone opens. When Snyder asks whose phone it is, they casually respond that it is his, and browse through his photos of Spartan porn.
- It's made even better by Joe's disgusted reaction to it.
- Doomsday being portrayed as General Zod (as played by Rob Walker) with Luthor's hair.
- And later, when he prepares to clash with Superman:Rob (as Doomsday): I WILL FIGHT HIM!!!
- Critic realizing that Lex Luthor combining his DNA with Kryptonian DNA to create an uncontrollable monster is essentially Nuclear Man, the villain from Superman IV The Quest For Peace, a.k.a. the worst Superman movie ever.
- And later, when he prepares to clash with Superman:
- Joe goes on a lengthy and very aggressive rant about why he thinks Superman's death is rubbish. All throughout his rant, Nostalgia Critic stays extremely calm, in a neutral pose. And when Joe finally finishes his rant, Critic merely adds a little "Ditto."
- There's also his casual dismissal of Jimmy Olsen, suggesting that Joe actually wanted to see him die.
- Despite the movie's flaws and their long list of criticisms towards it, Joe and Critic actually liked the film and are still recommending it. So why did they barge in Zack Snyder's office? To try to get to write the following film. They both end up with a black eye for their efforts.Critic: That is a very violent man.
- A Freeze-Frame Bonus: Zack Snyder's nametag reads "Zack Schneider", but at the beginning of the review, it is correctly named "Zack Snyder".
When Are Critics Wrong?
- The Critic starts the review with a marathon of Blatant Lies. Saying that once you become a Critic, you drink a special fluid that makes you automatically become smarter then everyone else and your opinion is always correct. And he ends by lip-syncing to the "Tree of Life" song.Critic: (the phrase "BULLSHIT!" pops up, to a buzzer sound) Alright, as many of you probably figured out, that's not how things work.
- At one point, he mentions how critics enjoyed the first Rush Hour movie, but hated the sequels because Chris Tucker was too loud and talked too much in them.Critic: (confused) DID YOU SEE THE FIRST FILM?!?
- There has to be something funny, in all senses of the word, when the Critic mentions that Beavis and Butt-Head Do America and Ghosts of Mississippi both debuted the same weekend — and Beavis and Butt-Head, despite being a lowbrow animated comedy, was actually given higher praise from critics than Ghosts, which critics denounced as melodramatic and an attempted Oscar grab.Critic: The movie usually loved by critics was being beaten out by the one usually despised by critics. It was so weird to see this dramatic true story about race being beaten out by Beavis and Butt-Head Do America!
- The Critic reveals that Home Alone was hated by critics on arrival, due to it being a slapstick starring a little kid that just happens to take place at Christmas.Critic: Oh, it's a Christmas classic now? Well, um... (points at camera) YOU WERE ALL BRAINWASHED!
- The opening of the review has Marvel and DC talking about plans with not just their movies, but also TV shows and cartoons while giving little to no shit about their comics.
- Blade, played by Wesley Snipes, is introduced with John Spartan's infamous PHOENIX/PENIS!!! yell.
- Critic jokingly has Deacon suggest to the Elder vampires that they create the hipster style.
- Critic notices the vampires are watching Mortal Kombat:
- "In case you forgot, that bat means that they are vampires."
- When Whistler explains to Karen that Blade is a Daywalker, a human who receives most of the strengths of a vampire, and none of the weaknesses, Critic slips in a joke about Wesley Snipes' tax evasion arrest, then demands credit that he lasted 13 minutes of the review without making one quip.
- Critic replaying the car chase scene and and speeding up the cop familiar's voice making him a Chipmunk.
- Critic using fake Huttese during Blade's interrogation of Pearl.
- "So Blade once again breaks into Frost's headquarters, he turns a vampire's head into Bob the Tomato" [vampire's head explodes] "or, Bob the Ketchup..."
- Critic wonders why it took so long for The Reveal that Blade's mother, Vanessa, was turned into a vampire by Frost. This leads to him acting out a conversation where Frost is trying to figure out what Blade's weakness is. When Vanessa tries to say something, he shushes her only to have a breakthrough... That he really likes Oreos. This leads to a freeze frame montage of him enjoying mini-Oreos at a college party.
- The final battle between Blade and Frost. First, it uses the NES version Ninja Gaiden's sound effects and music, then, it shifts to Woody Woodpecker sound effects when Frost gains the upper hand.
- "Blade does Freud proud by penetrating his mother with a long hard bone.Picture of Sigmund Freud: Wow.
- To this day, the line, "Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill" still doesn't make any sense to Critic, who wonders what other lines could have been said in its place:Critic (as Blade): Some mothertruckers are always trying to put diesel in their SUVs.
Critic (as Blade): Some peanut M&Ms are always trying to melt in your hand but not in your mouth.
Critic (as Blade): Some sushi patrons are always trying to mix their soy sauce with wasabi.
Critic (as Blade): Some fast food lovers are always ordering Little Caesars without the crazy bread.
Critic (as Blade): Some vacationers are always trying to go to Disney World at peak times when it's obvious that mid-November through mid-December is the best time to go. I mean seriously. Just bring a sweater and you'll be fine. And don't forget to take advantage of those hotel villages with free shuttle bus service. Full price for their monorail access resorts? I don't think so, Mouse!
- On the last one, the shot repeatedly zooms in and out to get everything said.
- Frost's death by the Vampire Serum, in which he swells up and then explodes, leads to Critic yelling KANEDAAAAAAA!
- "I'm the Nostalgia Critic and some Fruit by the Foots are always a few inches short."
Is This the Best Batman Movie?
- At the beginning, the Critic asks what the best Batman movie is. The answer comes up: Batman & Robin, to which he replies by leaning forward toward the camera and going, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!"
- The Critic expresses incredulity at the Joel Schumacher Batman movies being released on Blu-Ray, but not Mask of the Phantasm.
Old vs New: Cinderella
- Devil Boner and Hyper Fangirl are still together... and Benny the Assassin is jealous.
- Devil Boner's random war generator, which he eagerly uses when Fangirl tells him to go off and start a random war with a random country:Devil Boner: (after using it) Jamaica it is! (runs off)
- Critic comparing the two different Charlies from Willy Wonka."One is an emotional yet dreamful kid, and the other is JESUS!"
- Devil Boner and Benny's all-out fight while the review is going on. Particular highlights of it include Boner Taking the Bullet for Fangirl by blocking it with his head (due to having 20 metal plates, which prevents him from knowing the definition of any word that starts with "S"), Benny pulling a Stealth Hi/Bye while Boner is looking directly at him, and Boner whipping out his "johnson justice", leaving Benny to exclaim "Oh My God!" when he sees it.
- Critic complains about missing out on all the action so he and Fangirl can discuss Cinderella instead.
- When discussing the best Cinderella, we have this exchange that doubles as a Moment of Awesome:HFG: (referring to the new Cinderella) The critics like her, the audience liked her, come on, this is hands down the winner.
Critic: Well, I'd agree with you if it weren't for one solitary fact.
HFG: What's that?
Critic: You're all full of shit.
- As the Critic and Fangirl argue which Wicked Stepmother is best, Critic intimidates the Fangirl into giving the win to the animated version's stepmother by showing a shot of her signature Death Glare.Critic: (amused) Some people just can't handle a good old-fashioned death glare.
- Fangirl retaliates by intimidating Critic with a shot of Don Bluth's death glare.Critic: You whore!
- Since the old and new Cinderella movies tied, Critic and Hyper Fangirl decide to ask Devil Boner and Benny which movie they think is better. Both pick Ever After instead, and later decide to end their fight due to their mutual appreciation for the movie, even tapping their guns together like a fist bump.
Is White Washing Really Still a Thing?
- At the very beginning, the Critic announces his intentions to look at the subject of white washing — which is immediately followed by a comment being typed in the comments section that reads, "YOU'RE WRONG!" over and over again, before quickly cutting back to the Critic. There is a Freeze-Frame Bonus in the video's description that chastises those for pausing the video at that point.Critic: Obviously, this is a subject everybody has a strong opinion on, especially given the news recently.
- The Critic talks about how many movies and movie franchises don't have pre-proven stars in the leading role, and lists out some examples (i.e., few if anyone heard of Daniel Radcliffe before Harry Potter or Christopher Reeve before Superman), before culminating in this:
- One of the reasons for his making this video in the first place is that the then-upcoming Doctor Strange (2016) has a character, who was originally a Tibetan male in the comics, but a Celtic female in the film (played by Tilda Swinton), and the reaction was decidedly hostile. The reason for such white-washing, he says, is because some of Marvel's movie revenue stems from China, which is not on good terms with Tibet, so they changed the character in question so much that hopefully no one would notice. It leads to this reaction:
- At the very end, the Critic remarks about how exhausting and painful the editorial was and then randomly blurts out, "Booger!" Cue a shot of a laughing audience.Critic: (pleased with himself) Still got it.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
- Distracting's 3D is featured in "Threequels", like Jaws 3D, Friday the 13th Part III, and today's movie. The Critic freaks out, not wanting to do Friday the 13th Part 3.Distracting: You're doing Spy Kids 3D!
Critic: (crying out) EVEN WORSE!!!
- Repeated use of the "Camel Poop" line from Spy Kids 2 as a Running Gag.
- When one of the characters calls himself Rez, and Juni says "Hi Rez", Critic makes the movie come up to the front of the room so he can be sure he heard it correctly. He sees the joke and banishes the movie to the Corner for Painfully Pushed Puns where he sits with Doesn't Count.
- The repeated use of Khan jokes because Ricardo Montalban is in the movie.
Critic: I bet Tarantino just photoshopped this image and was like, "I dare you to make a story behind this!"
- One of which gets him banished to aforementioned corner of shame.
- The image of Ricardo Montalbán being passionately angry at a butterfly makes Critic wonder if the entire film was a dare by Quentin Tarantino to see if Robert Rodriguez could make a movie out of that visual.
- This becomes more amusing if you know about Rodriguez's infamous "Mariachi style" of scriptwriting, which is the process of writing a screenplay based entirely around what you already have access to.
- "With my strength..." "My brains..." "My cool..." "And my axe!"
- "So they swim into the lava and make their way into Mount Doom. There they run into Frodo Baggins, who will vanquish the evil—" [cut to Elijah Wood as The Guy] "—Hoooly shit, I was just kidding!!"
- Critic theorizes that Robert Rodriguez managed to get the more well-known cast members by having them Skype their performances over:Critic (as Rodriguez): Clooney! Can you webcam yourself against a green screen?
George Clooney: Yeah, sure.
Critic (as Rodriguez): Stallone, can you Facetime yourself wearing half the costumes from Staying Alive?
Sylvester Stallone: You got it, pal.
Critic (as Rodriguez): Banderas, can you put on your Halloween costume from last year and just wave your arms in front of a wall, it doesn't really matter?
Antonio Banderas: Si, senor.
Critic (as Rodriguez): Bill Paxton, can you—
Bill Paxton: Somebody ring the Dinkster?!
Critic (as Rodriguez): Uh... Steve Buscemi, can you just run out in the middle of the street so I can put you on a giant flying pig?
Steve Buscemi: Strangely enough, that's not the weirdest thing I've been asked to do.
Critic: I can see why this was called a "digital file!" Because all the footage was emailed to him in that format!
- When the robot with The Toymaker and Valentin break apart, and somehow, they get out without a scratch, the Critic decides to put logic into that scene. "Umm... No. Ju-just no. 101 Dalmatians of no. Yeah, let's see. Ricardo's right here, and Stallone's here- there's no way. Dead instantly. Their bones would be dice in a Yahtzee cup- you wouldn't even recognize their remains."
- Critic then puts on a pair of 3-D glasses to see if they would convince him of what was just presented to him. They don't work.
- He riffs on the fact that The Toy Maker though redeemed isn't punished for his crimes in this movie. When everyone puts their hands in saying "To family," he does so with handcuffs and says "To jail!" instead.
- Critic wondering if they just filmed everyone on a yoga mat considering what little acting they do in the CGI scenes.
Top 11 Disney Princess Conspiracies
- The title card of Critic done up as Olaf from "Frozen".
- Critic flat out admits this is his attempt to cash in on the "Disney Clickbait" videos.
- When discussing the "Lilo's Name" theory:Critic: Okay, I know Lilo isn't technically a princess but... I think she dressed up as one in the TV show! Does that count? I'm saying it counts...
- One of Critic's theories to why some princesses wear gloves is because they can shoot fire from their nails.
- For a split second, the Critic pronounces Idina Menzel's name as Adele Dazeem.
Jem and the Holograms (2015)
- The return of the two Analysts. "Can you phrase your question in the form of a chart?"
- Chart: Half "Just wanted a real Jem Movie." and half "You're an Idiot"? They couldn't understand him through his accent.
- What makes this even funnier is that Malcolm was holding this chart up to... Analyst Malcolm!
- In response, the Analysts are so perplexed that they decide to take a break and leave.Analyst Rob: I'll calculate the probability of me relaxing. (types on a phone) Ha! Zero!
- As Critic's group leaves, this happens...Critic: The chart says— (Malcolm slaps the Critic on the back) Thank you.
- At the end of the review, the Analysts decide to replace the Critic. When Tamara complains about the Jem wig making her hair itch, they ultimately settle on Malcolm. Back in the review room, the Critic asks:Critic: Did we learn anything today?
Tamara: God, I hope not.
- Critic tells us about the movie's rather infamous history in the cinemas.Critic: This film is so bad that they pulled it from the theatres in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! That's shorter than when it took us to find out if Saddam Hussein is a bad guy!
- The visual representation of a Jem fan's anger at the film's betrayal of the original source material, a cartoon female fan with a large hairdo that slowly goes from blue to red over the course of the review, until the final insult to the fanbase, which leads to the diagram screaming and exploding.
- The first two jokesnote are so easy that he lets the movie take the first hit at him instead.
- When Jerrica films herself singing as Jem for the first time, Critic wonders if a monster is going to pop out and eat her. He isn't fazed when an actual monster pops out, but he jumps when Jem is attacked by a Norm of the North poster.
- Malcolm's calm reaction to Tamara stabbing him in the eye.
- When Synergy activates its hologram for the first time.Nostalgia Critic: It's a map to Luke Skywalker, this sucker has everything.
- "Hey Frank! I just invented the smartphone! I'm gonna use it to cut vegetables!"
- When Jerrica inserts the second clue into Synergy:Critic (as Jerrica's Dad): Jerrica, it's your father. If you're hearing this, I've been murdered. Don't trust your Aunt!
- When one of the unnecessary-to-the-plot YouTube videos is shown while the girls and Rio sneak into the record company, Critic notices that the performer is none other than Channel Awesome contributor Rob Scallon. He calls Scallon to ask him why he's in the movie, which leads to him explaining that he did some movies in the past that he wasn't proud of. Critic, assuming that Scallon had meant porn (a Call-Back to the Haunted Mansion video, where Critic and Zod had a similar conversation), asks him if he used protection, to which Rob says he did use a lawyer. This leads to a conversation where Rob asks that Critic doesn't see him for what he did, but who he is. He does, but soon realizes that Scallon is playing sad music in the background. When he calls him out on it, Scallon, who also has an article on manipulation by speech on his computer, abruptly ends the call.
- Critic pointing out how Erica Raymond somehow mixed up the poo emoji with "driver will pick everyone up in the AM".
- The scene where the girls distract the Starlight security guard with a jetskiing squirrel video is so stupid that the Critic believes it could only have been written by Dug from Up.Critic (as Dug): And then they had to figure out how to get inside, so they used a...SQUIRREL!
Was That Real? The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat
- The Critic notes that in addition to The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat, the film has also gone by at least two other names over the years: The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat and The Cat in the Hat Gets Grinched, both of which the Critic thinks sound like children's introduction to sexual harassment.
- The Critic does not peg Dr. Seuss as the kind to do crossover battles, which is the plot of this film, and thinks that is more Marvel Productions' thing. He then reveals that this film was done by Marvel Productions, prompting this remark:
- The Critic compares the concept of this film, pitting two characters from the same universe against each other, to Batman being pitted against Superman. Cue the poster for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, followed by the Critic deadpanning, "Yeah, you're funny." This is immediately followed by a cartoon adaptation of the two superheroes, which the Critic shows more approval: "There ya go!"
- The Critic goes into detail about how the Grinch spends most of the film just tormenting the Cat with his reality-altering device, remarking about what a downgrade it is from his previous adventures: first he wants to rob people of the joys of giving, then he wants to terrify the world with fear from hellish monsters, and now the Grinch is just a Troll. The Critic concludes that the Grinch could be seen as the world's first Internet troll. He ties it all together by showing the Grinch wearing a Guy Fawkes mask."Think about it: he uses his computer to hack your everyday life to mildly annoy you. And he's the only one who finds it funny at all! Guess he's sort of a pioneer of obnoxiousness."
- The Critic expresses amusement when, in this film, the Cat in the Hat not only gets uncharacteristically angry at the Grinch's shenanigans, but also calls him a psychopath.Cat: That Grinch! That psychopathic Grinch!
Critic: How funny is that! There's a Dr. Seuss story where somebody uses the word "psychopath"! That's insane! Or... psychopathic, I guess.
- Following that up, the Critic thinks that it takes a psychopath to make up rhyming words, as the Grinch does a few times in this film (this is also a Call-Back to his second review of old commercials):Grinch: The sounds that you make are the sounds of my choice. I can make you sound better or make you sound "woise".
- Also:Grinch: Are you feeling pretty "goot", Mr. Cat in the "Hoot"?
Critic: (confused) "Goot" and "hoot"? Why are you changing that? They already rhyme!
- The Critic makes reference to this one last time, when he notes that half the special involves characters having inner monologues with themselves: "Everyone's a psychopath!"
- Following that up, the Critic thinks that it takes a psychopath to make up rhyming words, as the Grinch does a few times in this film (this is also a Call-Back to his second review of old commercials):
- The Critic delivers a Take That! at both film versions of the two characters' respective stories while comparing them with their respective and more superior animated versions."We all loved [the Cat in the Hat] and [the Grinch] so much that people even watched (posters for the two movie versions pop up) this bullshit."
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
- Roger asks if the group that will help critic solve the mystery includes hijinks, crazy misadventures and goofy antics. It's Gus, Lassie and Jules.Critic: I feel these are all variations on the same thing, but yes.
- The Psych parody. All of it.
Jim!Lassiter: Listen here, Spencer. You better get to doing this review, so I can go back to being a stick in the mud to your comedic antics.
- Jim does an especially great parody of Lassiter.
Malcolm!Gus: What happened?Critic!Shawn (deadpan): A ton...
- Tamara!Jules and Critic!Shawn's "Eight year cocktease, on par with the office."
- When Critic is almost hit by a massive weight, and changes to the Psyche costume between shots:
- When Alicia Silverstone's character is introduced, Critic nonchalantly says that she did it, and shames the movie for trying to fake the audience out with so many false leads. Then at the end...Critic: So the monsters are all destroyed, and it's finally revealed who the mastermind is... (it's Silverstone) No shit.
- Roger's return in this episode, his disguise as a security guard that Critic didn't know worked here, and his desperation to make Critic realize that he is behind Critic being forced to review the movie. As the episode progresses, Roger begins to lose his mind as Critic can't seem to figure out that he's behind everything, to the point where he's practically begging to be framed. And somehow, it turns out that he didn't do it, because "Jules" had done the exact same things that he was planning to do, beating him to it, just for the sake of a more complex mystery.
- Deducing that some of the OOC moments that Peter Boyle, Seth Green, and Matthew Lillard have throughout the movie are actual mental breakdowns they had while working on it. Similarly, the Critic is convinced that the only reason Seth Green was part of the movie was to get his co-stars on Robot Chicken.
- "Aaah!! The poster to The Thing!"
- "I WANNA GO HOME!!" note Critic: Congratulations, movie! You gave Shaggy boobs. Was this your goal? To give Shaggy boobs? Was that the whole reason for this film existing? The only time the words "Shaggy" and "Boobs" should go together is in a British porno. And even then, with a restraining order against Raja Gosnell!
- He complains about the Special Effects Failure regarding Scooby's CGI, begging for a return to practical effects instead... only for the very next scene with the pterodactyl suit.Critic: Special Effects are dead.
- The Critic continuously bashes Raja Gosnell for directing this movie."As we all know, [Gosnell] is the human incarnation of the phrase 'no refunds'."
- The Future Idiot Measuring Scale, used to show how the movies dumbed down the educational elements of the show:"So we see your kid was going to be a successful district attorney, but after that joke-Oh! He's an injury lawyer for Chippendale pole dancers! But at least, this movie shut him up for an hour and a half!"
"Look at that! He was about to get into Harvard University; now he's working at a Walmart Subway, serving cow snot as meat! Just be happy you didn't show him a movie with subtitles!"
"I hope you didn't you want him to pass high school, because now he's drinking paint behind a Sherwin-Williams! Climb the ladder!"
"Congratulations! Your kid forgot what the number 2 means!"
"And your kid has eaten his own brain! Congratulations! Your Redbox rental has taken a life! You coulda been watching Dora's Enchanted Forest Adventures! YOU COULDA BEEN WATCHING DORA'S ENCHANTED FOREST ADVENTURES !!!"
- The Critic rags on Scooby-Doo's Badass Boast:Evil masked figure: Who do you think you are?!
Scooby: Scooby... Dooby... DOO!
Critic: (imitating Scooby) Mother-rucker!
- When Roger tries to explain his motives, everyone tells him that motives are never important and he argues that they can be complex and interesting, only for the Critic to tell him that short and shallow is all there is to a motive.
How True is Amadeus?
- When Uncle Lies is being patronizing about iPhones and "swiping left" (rejecting someone on Tinder), Critic looks annoyed at being called stupid, but never actually denies he does that, giving the hilarious idea of Critic actually being on one of those dating apps.
Alvin and the Chipmunks
- Critic is justifiably unsettled by Alvin's quickly thought out plan for Dave when he's knocked out.Critic (as Alvin): Theodore, I can't go back to prison!
Critic (as Theodore): Why did you have to kill that prostitute, Alvin?
'Critic (as Alvin): She wasn't a prostitute, she was an escort! Big difference!
- Simon's Fantastic Racism moment where he distances the Chipmunks from other rodents. This leads to Critic mocking Donald Trump in a Chipmunk voice:Critic (as Simon): We need to build a wall, Dave!
- Critic questioning Dave's strange source of musical inspiration.Critic (as Dave): I think my dog just vomited. (Sound of vomiting offscreen) Operaaaa!
- The Chart Guys briefly commenting on finding the charts that the Chipmunks scribbled on with doodles of Theodore's butt "kind of sexy".
- "Chipmunks eating shit! That's what I wanted to see! Isn't that what you wanted to see? I paid good money to see Alvin and the Chipmunks eating shit!"
- On top of his criticism of the above mentioned scene, he wonders why it was changed from the version in the trailer where it's Alvin that eats it. He then proceeds to play audio footage of Alvin angrily ranting at the directors for that before storming out, at which point, they force Simon to do it.Critic (as Alvin): Fuck you, guys! No! Fuck you guys all to hell! You want me, the star of the movie, to eat shit for you?! What the fuck is wrong with you??! You can take this 2 Girls 1 Cup bullcrap and shove it up your ass! You hear me?! Up. Your. Ass. Where it belongs, not in my mouth! No! No! You already tricked me into doing it for the trailer, you sick bastards! I thought that really was a raisin! You lied to me! You LIED to me! You can ask my dick if I care, because I don't! Kiss my ass in Hell, you pathetic twat!Critic (as Executive): Alvin, no, no, Alvin, calm down. Calm down, Alvin! Y— [sighs] You don't understand! No, this— Really, this— This is gonna be a— Be really— It's going to be really funny! No, but this is gonna be phenomenal! You're gonna love—! Please, Alvin! [Alvin leaves] [sighs] Okay, Simon, you're up.Critic (as Simon): I... don't know if I'm comfortable with this— [gets smacked] Aaah!Critic (as Executive): You don't get paid as much as Alvin! You wanna see what I can really do to ya?Critic (as Simon): Proud to be eating shit for you, sir.
- On top of his criticism of the above mentioned scene, he wonders why it was changed from the version in the trailer where it's Alvin that eats it. He then proceeds to play audio footage of Alvin angrily ranting at the directors for that before storming out, at which point, they force Simon to do it.
- Critic commenting on how passive-aggressive David Cross' performance is.
- "All three of the chipmunks blow up!" (GASP!) "Oh dear, I'm not very good at this."
- When Critic returns from seeing the movie, he's greeted by Malcolm and Tamara holding guns to his face. He calmly asks, "Is it payday already?"
- Malcolm (a male) is on the side of the keyboard SJW's (imagined here as a corporation of people who are easily offended) who accuse anyone that dares criticize the film to be misogynistic pigs, while Tamara (a female) is on the side of the fans of the original films (imagined here as a religious group) who complain that the film is a betrayal to the franchise.
- As in Mad Max: Fury Road, the meninists are The Dreaded. Critic facepalms when they arrive, and Walter-priest (on the side of "original is perfect") ashamedly responds "they don't speak for us", referencing the difference between the actual misogynistic criticism of the film and just not thinking it was a good film.
- The Ghostbusters complaining about the new orange and white stripe.Holtzman: I feel like a Hot Wheels is gonna race across my chest.
- Also Patty confused Abby with an orange barrel.
- All the scenes involving "Unfunny Bill Murray"
Erin: I'm not doing it to prove something to myself. I'm not doing this to to show off to this guy who hates us for no reason. I'm doing this because this is the first movie since Garfield that Bill Murray REFUSES to be funny in!!
- Cut-Scissors mentions that Bill became so depressing to look at when there's the fact that he has the *same age* as Samuel L. Jackson.Cut-Scissors: Never do drugs, kids!
- At one point, when Bill Murray goes to see the ghost the team caught, Erin insists on doing it (even when Abby is warning her that it will kill him), but for other reasons.
- When the movie killed Bill Murray, both the Priest and the Meninist are about to complain until Critic says:Critic: Yo, DO you realize your beloved Ghostbusters 3 sequel never happened because of this one guy, right?
Priest and Meninist: Oh, ok. Kill him.
- Cut-Scissors mentions that Bill became so depressing to look at when there's the fact that he has the *same age* as Samuel L. Jackson.
- After the Mayor calls the team and, instead of punishing them for causing Bill Murray's death, he explains that they have to paint them as frauds to avoid mass hysteria, Abby tries to argue.
- Critic keeps arguing with Cut-Scissors because he is cutting away to scenes that need more explanation.
- Cut-Scissors claims that they are too afraid of the fans and they don't have time to explain Rowan's motivations... so he cuts his head off, which is why he becomes a ghost.
- When Possessed!Kevin takes control of the army and he is about to make them dance, Critic begs Cut-Scissors to deal with it. He does by banishing the musical number to the end credits.
- "They run on Harry Potter logic. Pointing is amazing!"
- Rowan's plans being drawn in cartoony fashion with notes to explain it. Said notes:Page 1 (showing Rowan pointing at himself with an evil smile): I'm the bad guy!
Page 2 (showing Ghost Rowan still smiling evilly): Me as an evil ghost!
Page 3 (showing giant Rowan laughing maniacally over the wrecked city): My plan makes no sense! And I draw them for some reason!
- Who's behind the vitriol and hatred between the fanbases? None other than Black Willy Wonka, who admits to doing it purely For the Evulz after Critic calls him out on the Insane Troll Logic present in both of the original rationales."Sometimes, it's fun to be an asshole for no apparent reason." (shoots a CGI bird into Ludicrous Gibs) "See?"
Was That Real? Teddy Ruxpin
- The Critic nervously walks to and from his desk at the beginning and end of the review. It ends with nothing happening and An Aesop to the audience that life is building up fear in your head.
- The Critic's reaction to the purple monster that wants to help Teddy's group rescue the princess:Purple monster: Why would anybody kidnap a princess? That's baaaad!
Critic (as Purple monster): (sounding slightly like Pumbaa) I mean, from a storytelling perspective, it seems so tired and cliched! Hey, Timon! We're on another forced royal plotline again!
- "Did he [Tweeg] just howl like a wolf or did somebody open a box of Cookie Crisp?"
- As the group assembles the crystals, each with a word written on them:"Honesty..." "Bravery..." "Trust..." "Friendship..." "Wind!" "Water!" "Heart!" "Go Planet!"
- In the special, Teddy's group is advised to go see a wizard to get information, but it plays suspiciously the same as another classic film, in that the wizard is revealed to be a phony, using lights and projecting effects, and they later go to a giant castle, disguised as guards, to rescue a Distressed Damsel.
Wild Wild West
- The Vessel announcement. With the others, it usually gives a short description of the movie. Here?Critic: Coming next week, it's Wild Wild West... Yee-haw.
- The opening sketch where Malcolm and Tamara are in a movie that is actually an original idea. Without source material to rely on, preexisting controversies to fight about, and having to rely on word of mouth, the two panic... only for it to be revealed that it was All Just a Dream by Critic, who sighs in relief upon seeing the Wild Wild West DVD.
- Surprisingly, this movie only leads to two references to Blazing Saddles, and the episode is very aware of that.
- Will Smith's remark while he's having sex with a woman in the water silo leads to the return of the "A FAMILY Picture" joke from the Son of the Mask review, but Critic realizes that the movie was PG-13, during the time when that rating actually meant something. He changes it to "A STUPID line".
- Speaking of stupid lines...Jim West: ... There's a gigantic spider stomping toward our president.
[dramatic zoom in on West's face as dramatic music plays in the background]
Critic (Voice Over): And in that very moment, right after saying that line, Will Smith realizes... "I said "yes" to the script.
- Speaking of stupid lines...
- The 4 stages of numbness when watching the painfully obvious out-of-context breast joke.
- Critic wonders if anyone watching the film when it was in theaters stayed past the middle of the movie, and brings up a point about the bugs that go after discarded popcorn probably noticing something. This leads to a sketch about said situation, where the bugs also find the projectionist hanged himself with the movie reel. After watching some of the movie, two of the bugs decide to spray themselves with RAID, leaving the third to ask Critic to spray him near the end of the review.
- Critic's "Your Mom" jokes he dubs over a pitiably lame Snark-to-Snark Combat scene are So Unfunny, It's Funny incarnate."Your mamma's so fat she ate the black right offa ya!""Yo mamma's so fat, you in a wheelchair!"
All the Looney Tunes Films
- At the beginning, the Critic tries to compare Looney Tunes to Greek mythology...Critic: Like, the stories of Bugs Bunny could be told (shows an image of a sculpture of Hercules) as many times as Hercules. Or the stories of Daffy Duck could be told (shows an image of a bust of Zeus) as many times as... this guy...
- He realizes that he was unsuccessful in his comparison:Critic: You see?! Even Greek mythology has nothing on these guys! Or maybe I just need to brush up on better sources.
- He realizes that he was unsuccessful in his comparison:
- While talking about Bugs Bunny's 1001 Rabbit Tales, the Critic admits that the scenes with the bratty, bespectacled prince ran a little too long for him, partly because the prince looks rather like how the Critic looked in his youth.Critic: That haircut was very in!
- When going over Daffy Duck's Quackbusters, Critic points out how obvious it was when it cut from new animation to classic footage, especially regarding how different Mel Blanc sounded between eras.Daffy: Oh, and, uh, one more thing. Anyone who works with me should never get me riled.
Porky: Why not?
[cut to footage from "The Prize Pest"]
Daffy: 'Cause I'm a split personality...
Critic: D'aah! Who took Daffy away?!
Is Weird the New Brilliant?
- The title card shows the Critic drawn like Todd standing next to Bojack Horseman.
The Third Animated Titanic Movie
- The review opens with Critic at Niagara Falls and at a con over there, who all want him to do the Titanic Movie instead of Niagara, the Marilyn Monroe movie. Disappointed, he has to cancel all his guest stars, which include James Rolfe, Cricket Leigh (Mai in Avatar: The Last Airbender), Dante Basco and Brad Jones. He locks them in their own hotel room from the outside, having already confiscated (and deep-fried) their cell phones, cut the landlines, and otherwise denied them any recourse for leaving.James Rolfe: Why do we do things with him?!
- After Critic shuts the door for the first time, Brad Jones reacts in the only way he can:Brad Jones: Well, I know a gaggle of hookers soon to have my name on them.
- After Critic recovers from his Heroic BSoD after the review, he remembers about leaving them locked in, he comes back to let them out while cheerily telling them to get out and enjoy Niagara Falls (after signing waivers for any felonies he may or may not have committed) and departs. Of course, he also shut the door behind him, meaning they're still locked in.
- Before that, Tamara complains on how she wanted to play Marilyn Monroe in the sketches, only for Critic to remind her that Malcolm would get the part because it's a Nostalgia Critic review.
- After Critic shuts the door for the first time, Brad Jones reacts in the only way he can:
- When pointing out that the sequel included Atlantis, he noted that the entire franchise goes in descending order. Titanic In Atlantis, Titanic In Spacenote Titanic: Assignment Miami Beachnote , and of course, Titanic In The Hoodnote .
- "I guarantee you, they're gonna see weirder things in this Yellow Submarine than The Beatles ever did!"
- Critic is surprised that two of the passengers from the original voyage, and their dog, are leading the expedition to find the Titanic. He assumes that they don't have the scientific background to do this, and compares it to him knowing where Amelia Earhart is because he watched an episode of Star Trek: Voyager.Critic: (gesturing) Millions in research funds, please!
- As is the tradition when Critic reviews the animated Titanic movies, he has to drink a lot of Jaegermeister. While the first movie called for a comically oversized bottle, and the second called for one the size of a house, the third one has to be the size of a small planet and summoned by remote control. Malcolm and Tamara happen to see the giant bottle as they are outside, leading to:Tamara: I know where I'm vacationing this week!
- After one particularly stupid scene, the Critic turns to the bottle... only to find it empty. Cut to a completely smashed Tamara and Malcolm on a shuttle singing, having drunk the entire bottle. Their shuttle explodes when they steer it into the sun.
- So what do we have in place of the rapping dog for this movie? A rapping shark.Critic: WHY DO THESE MOVIES NEED RAP SONGS!?
- The lyrics to the rapping shark and singing oyster song are so nonsensical and unintelligible, Critic makes up his own:
- Why did the shark attack the underwater sub? He hates yellow things.
- When the Atlanteans show up, we cut to Critic with his face in his hands.
- At one point, Critic dubs over Don Juan.
- When Top Connors exclaims, "It's like a dream!"Critic: No, dreams make sense compared to this.
- "This is the last thing we'll see before we die!"
- "You know what this song needs? Rave music." Complete with the caption 'THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!' Critic's expression says it all.
- The insanity gets so much that, at one point, the review literally starts to write itself.
- "I'm sending you all to Doggy Hell! You hear me?! DOGGY HEEEELLL!!! Which we just clarified exists!
- Critic's reaction to the Scottish toy who looks like a little girl.Critic: (slowly leaning back, and sounding a bit like Owen Wilson) Whaaaaat?
- His jaw remains hanging open until the character steps forwards, at which point he jumps back and exclaims in terror, "Don't come near me!"
- "JESUS DIED IN VAIN."
- In Atlantis, all screwdrivers are banned and Critic wonders how they could build anything without it, followed by a picture of a drug dealer giving a guy a screwdriver.Critic: A little spit and mud goes a long way.
- It gets even worse when it turns out screwdrivers are apparently sentient and that Atlantis basically exiled a group of people and saying how that's America's job.
Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
- When Malcolm and Tamara find Critic in the closet with a gun to his head bemoaning the fact that he "killed" the movie, the first thing that Malcolm does is give Critic a 9 MM pistol instead, for less kickback. Tamara scolds him, and he responds by knocking Critic out instead.
- When Tamara returns with the Ghostbusters Priest, she finds Malcolm trying to assist the Critic again and tells him to get out.
- Tamara first tries to get Critic to leave the closet by saying that they'll drink all the Ecto Cooler if he doesn't. Malcolm reveals that they'd already done that.
- The entire narrative of this episode is a parody of Amadeus.
- To summarize: As mentioned above, Malcolm and Tamara finds the critic in the closet attempting to commit suicide, yelling about how he killed the movie. After Malcolm knocks him out, they summon a priest to exorcise the foul demon that must have taken ahold of the Critic.
- The Critic asks the priest if he's well versed in bad movie adaptations, and proceeds to list a few he has reviewed. The priest is unfamiliar with all of them (or rather he's familiar, but doesn't consider them bad). Eventually, the Critic asks about Rocky and Bullwinkle, which the priest does consider bad... But the Critic doesn't.
- When Randy Quaid appears in the film:
- Critic comments on the setup for the movie being so meta that even The Muppets would take issue with it.Kermit: You know I'm just a bunch of foam with a puppeteer attached to me, right? [zoom out to reveal Doug dressed as Jim Henson] I don't even know how many more fourth walls we can break!
- Critic proposes that there be a scale of good vs. bad jokes the film makes. After one particularly painful pun, the scale is tipped so far to the bad side that it drops all the way down to Hell just as the Devil is walking by.The Devil: Someone's watching Rocky and Bullwinkle again.
- The scene where Rocky tries to fly in order to save Bullwinkle while he addresses the Wossamatta U students, with Critic intercutting a Taco Bell commercial with the two characters, followed by dubbing a fart sound effect over the previous scene.
- Rocky is so pessimistic throughout the movie that Critic suggests he try "that creepy shit from We Happy Few."
- Rocky and Bullwinkle's car goes off two fruit carts and jump the Chicago River. As the car is flying, it's noticeably silent, as if (in Critic's words) they're having out-of-body experiences and we're supposed to hear their thoughts:Critic (as Rocky): I never did tell her [Sandy from SpongeBob SquarePants] how I really feel.
Critic (as Bullwinkle): You know what'd be pointless right now? A Billy Crystal cameo.
[cuts to Billy Crystal's cameo as a mattress salesman]
Critic: [wide eyed and utterly calm] I'm high. I'm completely high.
- That exchange leads into a discussion about the multiple cameos, only to be interrupted by the sight of a second cameo by Jonathan Winters, in a completely different role than his last appearance. The Critic then sarcastically suggests he just appear as a third different character:
- The subplot about the trees around Rocky and Bullwinkle's home feels so last minute that the Critic compares it to this:Scarlett: What shall I do?!
Rhett: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Critic: [as Rhett] And by the way, don't smoke.
- "Go home, movie. You're drunk."
Is Nightmare Before Christmas Really That Great?
- The new Nostalgiaween opening is a parody of Gravity Falls. As expected, it contains a backwards whisper. Playing it backwards reveals it says, "You really played this backwards? What's wrong with you?"
- The premise alone, as pointed out by the Critic: "The Movie Where Aliens Come Out of People's Butts."
- Mr. Grey's first appearance as the possessed Jonesey. More specifically, his accent, which is so hilariously Posh that the Critic instantly welcomes him to the League of Over-the-Top Stephen King Villains.
- In the running parody, the possessed Tamara and Malcolm turn a bit more British than usual. As in, they are both replaced by Mathew Buck in different wigs.
- When we have the Battle in the Center of the Mind, reflecting the movie, we find out that Malcolm is genuinely frightened of the Evil Brit - not that particular one, just the trope in general. Tamara then tricks him with one of the most anticlimactic instances of Go Look at the Distraction ever.
- Before that, the Critic is confused as to why the film is trying to make Toilet Humour scary, to which it cuts to Malcolm and Tamara to reveal that they have wet their pants. Critic regrets writing them so dumb. He then points out the alternative of spewing catchphrases that will never catch on, which leads to a montage of Beaver saying obvious one-liners, before cutting to Rick and Morty.Tamara: Huh, that's strange, I don't remember those.
Critic: Well, I remember it so you don't have to— SHIT!
Malcolm: Our work here is done.
Critic: THAT REALLY IS GONNA CATCH ON!
- Critic gets frustrated with the fact that Stephen King won't deviate from his favorite tropes in any of his films or miniseries. He calls out King on that fact and points out that even he at least tries to make a difference joke each year about King's over-reliance on those tropes. For this year's example, he plays out a Jeopardy! game where the question to every answer is "What is every single Stephen King movie ever made?" Playing the game are Malcolm, Tamara, and Chester A. Bum, who's only there because they needed a third person, and Critic bribed him with a sandwich.
- The Critic's reaction to Jonesy's "Scooby-Dooby-Doo, we've got some work to do now" line and trying come up with his own catchphrase that stem from '80s and '90s cartoonsCritic: Whoa! Meet George Jetson! Thunder, Thunder, Thundercats! DuckTales, whoo-hoo!
- And when the Crtic sees the dead hunter's fatally prolapsed (but thankfully censored) anal wound.Critic: Ohh, Tiny Toon Adventures!
- And when the Crtic sees the dead hunter's fatally prolapsed (but thankfully censored) anal wound.
- As Beaver, played by Jason Lee, tries to hold down the shitweasel, the Critic unleashes a barrage of Chipmunk puns.Critic!Alvin: C'mon Dave! Think of all the genres we can do with pun titles! A rap musical called "Chip-Hop"! A religious film called "Holy Chip!" And of course the Halloween Special, "Scared Chipless!" We're coming for you, Dave! The chip must flow, THE CHIP MUST FLOW!
- The constant jokes about Colonel Curtis' Big Ol' Eyebrows.
- After Peter dives crotch-first into a campfire, then gets right back up and grabs a torch.Critic: Uh, no. No man stands up immediately after that. The correct response is unzip your fly, then crawl around in the snow like a dog who has worms!
- After The Reveal that Dudditz was an alien the entire time, Critic finds himself under attack by the Film Brain versions of Malcolm and Tamara. Chester A. Bum saves him by turning into an alien and destroying them. Critic then assumes that Chester's personality is that way because he's an alien... Only for the real Chester to show up and berate Critic for assuming that his mental health problems were because he was an alien. He then goes back to yelling for change in the prop/greenscreen room.
Freddy vs. Jason
- Throughout the review, the Critic tries to find a crossover that will become as iconic as Freddy vs. Jason:
- Dorothy vs. Alice: Alice stabs Dorothy to death.
- Star Trek vs. Star Wars: Darth Vader tells Geordi La Forge that he is his father, and La Forge wonders if that makes Vader a black person, which Vader immediately denies.
- Ash from Pokémon vs. Ash from The Evil Dead: Ash Williams ends up murdering Pikachu with his chainsaw.
- Joker from The Dark Knight vs. Joker from Suicide Squad (2016): Suicide Squad Joker disappears because he was cut for intensity.
- Sadako Yamamura from The Ring vs. Kayako Saeki from The Grudge: Sadako sends Stitch to attack Kayako. (This one is even funnier when you know that one kinda actually exists.)
- Devil Boner vs. Santa Christ: Devil Boner simply shoots Santa Christ.
- Devil Boner vs. Chester A. Bum: Devil Boner also shoots Chester.
- Devil Boner vs. Devil Food Cake: Devil Boner eats the cake in an over-the-top fashion.
- Devil Boner vs. Hyper Fan Girl: They're Sickeningly Sweethearts like before, and they immediately start kissing each other with Devil Boner's gun going off. Their sexing continues over the commercial break.
- At the end of the video, Critic ends up finding the scariest crossover ever: Zack Snyder and Michael Bay!
- Critic is shocked to see that that Mark Davis' deceased brother Bobby is played by Zack Ward, a.k.a Scut Farkas in A Christmas Story. During the scene where Bobby!Freddy taunts Mark while he's in the bathroom, Critic overdubs the lines with Skut's crybaby taunt.
- Kelly Rowland's performance as Kia Patterson is so painful because of the dialogue she's given. Critic wonders who wrote the movie and after seeing that it's Mark Swift and Damian Shannon, who happen to be two white guys, he pleads for all white people to not "white people" today, complaining that even he needs a break from it sometimes.
- When Will and Mark do research on Freddy Krueger, they find that a lot of the information from the newspaper articles has been redacted. Critic notes that that wouldn't cause suspicion at all and cites examples of other infamous events in history being redacted in reference books.Critic: Uh, excuse me, I noticed everything in this history book about World War II has been blacked out.
Critic (as Librarian): Well, that's because it didn't happen.
Critic: Oh, okay, I totally accept that. Well, what about this part where Osama bin Laden is crossed out in crayon and the World Trade Center is put back where it was?
Critic (as Librarian): Oh, that also didn't happen!
Critic: Got it! Oh, I'm learning a lot today! Oh, uh, what about this guy and his VP (Mike Pence) claiming he didn't say these famously recorded things? You didn't black that out.
Critic (as Librarian): Oh, we didn't have to. People just believe that one for some reason.
Critic: Oh. He did sacrifice a lot.
Critic (as Librarian): He did... He did.
- The banter the Critic comes up with between Freddy and Jason has a lot of gold to it.Critic (as Jason): W-wait, shouldn't I be on a space station in the future? And shouldn't you be aware that you're a fictional character in a movie—?
Critic (as Freddy): Quiet, or I'll tell the guy who did The Last Witch Hunter to give you another reboot!
Critic (as Jason): They're really doing that...?
Critic (as Freddy): Yeah, sorry, dude.
- And during their fight in the dream world...Critic (as Freddy): You know, I'm only doing this to you because Michael Myers won't return my calls.
- One more after Jason stabs Freddy with his own clawed arm before falling into the water:
- And during their fight in the dream world...
- "Man, this party's awesome! I especially love the crucifying kids over there—[double take]"
- During the police's investigation of a murder on Elm Street, one of the Officers scolds another for mentioning Freddy Krueger.
- The reveal that Camp Crystal Lake is apparently right next to Elm Street prompts a Call-Back to the Batman vs. Superman review:Joe (as Superman): It's literally across the street!
- One scene introduces a character played by Jason Ritter, prompting Critic to pull out a notebook of Dipper jokes (said notebook looking like the 3rd Journal.)
- When Freddy tries to kick Jason in the balls, only to realise too late that Jason has Balls of Steel, we get this gem from Critic:Critic (as Freddy): Oh, my God! What are those made of? Those Chomp Balls from Mario 3?!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
- The beginning of the review is told in the style of the original Ninja Turtles comic, and we get this hilarious Call-Back:Critic: It should work, it should be amazing, so why is something telling me it's all gonna go wrong.
Nerd: Man, I can't wait to see Krang in this movie, I've been waiting years to see him in—
Critic: Excuse me, do you mind? You're interrupting my word boxes!
Nerd: Oh, don't you talk about my word boxes! I LIKE WORD BOXES!
- Critic, AVGN, and Black Nerd mocking Casey Jones' constant bitching and bickering throughout the film with unintelligible whining of their own. Surprisingly, there was no Call-Back to the Batman and Robin review where a similar gag was done.
- The three bantering at the beginning of the review after getting the movie confused with the video game of the same name.
- The three making fun of the way the movie has to spell the names of the turtles out, happy that they're nice enough to list their marketable character stereotype. The three then pose, displaying their names along with their personality trait. They're all 'Asshole'.
- Maybelline: For your random, spotlight-appearing, pantyhose-vanishing, kleptomaniac tendencies. That'll be $94.25, bitch.
- In order to convey how weird Brad Garrett's performance as Krang is, Critic pulls Jon Bailey right out ConnectiCon in order to get him to do some impressions of Saturday Morning cartoon characters over the voice. Bailey doesn't seem to get the idea, forcing Critic to get out of his chair in the studio and jump cut to Bailey's location to explain exactly what he wants. This happens three times, and on the last one, Critic tells Bailey that these jump cuts are hard enough to do. Black Nerd and AVGN also hold Critic down when he tries to get up a fourth time.
- The voices Jon dubs for Krang are just hilarious. First, he does a Christopher Walken voice:
- Next, he does the voice of Sam Elliott:Elliott Krang: I wanna use the Technodrome made by Dodge Ram to steal all the good sarsaparilla. I'm talking about the Krang here.
- Finally, he does the voice of Michael J. Fox:
- After this, the Critic and the Nerds task Bailey into creating a transformation worthy of his vocal talent that embodies the franchises of the 80's and 90's, resulting in Super-Thunder-Morphin-Bat-Ninja-He-Joe. Bailey requests to be transformed... only for the Critic and Nerds to refuse to do so, in order to mirror how in the movie the turtles decided not to use the mutagen to become humans (which was a plot point they were genuinely interested in seeing the movie exploring).
- This exchange:
- Nerd: After Baxter sets up the portal, big surprise! Shredder betrays him.
Shredder: I'll be a god! You'll just be just what you've always been...
Critic: A parasite?
Black Nerd: An insect?
Nerd: A half-human, half-bug hybrid?
Shredder: A footnote.
- Later:Critic: Well, everyone is betraying everyone, as Shredder, dressed like a ninja Eiffel Tower, is frozen like a bitch and stored with the other Smash Bros. trophies.
- The Plaidipus Bunny returns, courtesy of Malcolm's genes.
- The reason why this happens: apparently, Michael Bay and Zack Snyder merged into one and turned into a giant.Zack Snyder: Bay and I have fused into one! Our love of destroying things has finally resulted in the destruction of our species!
- What makes it hilarious is that like how Krang is in a robot's chest, Zack appears to be in Michael Bay's ass.
- After Bay and Snyder are defeated, the Critic and the Nerds decide to play some Ninja Turtles games, while in the background..."Don't forget Super-Thunder-Morphin-Bat—" (credits start) "Dang it!"
- The reason why this happens: apparently, Michael Bay and Zack Snyder merged into one and turned into a giant.
Battle of the Commercials
- The video opens with an extended bit of Self-Deprecation: the beginning is cut insanely short (the Critic switches off the intro with his remote) this time around, and he responds to various green words popping up, rather then giving his usual intro.[the word "WHO" pops up]
Critic: Nostalgia Critic.
[the word "WHAT" pops up]
Critic: Reviewing commercials.
[the word "TITLE" pops up]
Critic: Like you give a shit. COMMERCIALS!!
- Thus this commercial video is entitled "Like You Give a Shit".
- The Critic is practically bored to death by the Federal Express playset commercial. Much like the Barbie Corvette, he points out an undeserved "wow!" from one of the kids.Critic: I could barely muster an "eh".
- In the Atari Spider-Man commercial:
- The Critic comparing the Atari Spider-Man commercial's Green Goblin to the movie version.Critic!Green Goblin: [grabbing Spider-Man] I could crush you like a bug right now! But, let's play video games instead.
- Critic mishears Green Goblin's "You're running out of fluid!" line as several other lines, including:"You're running out of blue whip!"
"You're running out of glue lids!"
"You're running out of Bloo wigs!"
"You're running out of flu weed!"
- The Critic comparing the Atari Spider-Man commercial's Green Goblin to the movie version.
- The Critic freaking out over kids eating Oreos in an '80s commercial and saying that they tapped into the Dark Dimension from Doctor Strange (2016). And one boy has this look that he says "will send you directly to hell".I EAT JESUS.
- The Frosted Flakes commercials get parodied due to their low nutritional value. Tamara plays a kid harassed by bullies to play street hockey, and Tuffy the Tiger shows up and force-feeds her the sugary cereal he represents. This happens multiple times, with Tamara only becoming weak and sluggish and eventually suffering diabetes, pointing out how illogical the claims of the commercials are.
- Their parody of the "L'eggo my Eggo" commercials with a kid (played by Malcolm) using the black arts to make sure nobody steals his Eggo waffle. Then Eleven appears (played by Tamara) and kills the kid for that Eggo.
- The look on Critic's face when he brings up the Lobster Roll at McDonald's is an actual thing.
- The Critic creeped out by Secret Bear's whispers.
- Critic trying not to burst out laughing at the unfortunate yet humorous wording when watching the "My Interactive Pooh" commercial, much like the Douche commercials."Okay, I'm way too childish to talk about... a children's commercial, but let's just say this isn't my number-one commercial, but it's definitely my number-two."
- The Critic says the next commercial is confusing, as it can either be an ad or nothing but black. Cue mid-video ad break.Critic: (after the break) Weird, right? So random!
- After being placated by this year's relatively tame Canadian PSA (which is funny in of itself involving House Hippos), Critic decides to watch a PSA from Britain about being safe near power plants, thinking that it's a promo for an electronic board game. After seeing one child get electrocuted, then another, Critic starts screaming, and then flips out on Britain, in the exact same manner he did against Canada last year.Critic: [crying out] I'M AFRAID OF BRITAIN NOW! YOU'RE NEW CANADA! YOU'RE NEW CANADA!
PSA announcer: Stay out.
Critic: OH, TRUST ME, I WILL! YOU ELECTROCUTE KIDS LIKE BUG ZAPPERS! YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK, BRITAIN! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR TERRY GILLIAM, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SICK!note
- The Critic flipping out over the infamous Starburst "Berries and Cream" commercial with the Tiny Tim expy played by Jack Ferver, which includes a rant about how stupid the idea is, and how good writers were somehow inexplicably passed over for a supposedly stoned off his ass writer that created this piece of shit. He further tells off almost the 11 million plus people who viewed the commercial on YouTube, and further scolds anyone who saw the remixes of the commercial. It leads to this:Critic: (gesturing toward his black couch) If I wanted to sell this black couch, would I be like, (as Tiny Tim expy) "Black couch, black couch, I pooped a black couch!" Would that sell a bajillion– Would black couch stocks just go through the roof if I played that ad?!
- Hoping to find a more creative commercial, he changes the channel, only to land on the famously disturbing Little Baby's Ice Cream commercial. The Critic in the video is so horrified by the commercial in question, that he "expires" and so another Critic comes in to finish the job for him. He replays the commercial but cuts out the mentioning of ice cream, making it sound like it's talking about Eating Babies.
- The Critic concludes that one thing he learned from this commercial video is that fear sells everything, so he decides to sell his black couch the only way he knows how: "Black couch, black couch, I pooped a black couch!", while showing clips of the scarier content of this video (i.e., the electrocution in the British PSA, the Oreo kids, the Little Baby's Ice Cream creature, etc.).
Disney Sequels We Want
- At the beginning, Critic talks about next week being the start of Disneycember, which this year he'll talk about Direct-to-DVD Disney sequels, he makes it clear he isn't happy about it by burying his face in his hands and letting out a slight whimper.
- His frustrated reactions to the celebrity intros from Fantasia 2000. Especially refusing to let go of the movie calling Salvador Dalí, "The melting watch guy".
- The ending:Critic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and if you'll excuse me, there's a certain holiday I need to get ready for. (leaves, then comes running back a few seconds later) CHRISTMA—
Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas
- The video starts on the Planet Sha7u#o?Wz, where the mayor of the universe is giving an alien named Cee Cee Cuckooclocks an award for loving Christmas more than anyone else in the universe. Just then, the Critic arrives on the planet by traveling at Ludicrous Speed, and his excitement for the holiday destroys the entire planet.Critic: (nonchalantly) I win.
- The Critic starting his Christmas reviews by stating that he's going to look at some of the weirder aspects of the holiday. We immediately cut to a video of Patrick Stewart wearing a singing elf hat, Critic acknowledges its bizarreness but decides to avoid it for now, going so far as to take the viewer's mouse icon and throw it to the bottom of the screen, twice. He would go back to the video later after finding it difficult to process the idea of Dr. Claw impersonating Santa Claus. It didn't help.
- The "prevent the mouse from going to the top of the screen" gag came back later when he asks if there's a Santa tickle fetish out there, in an effort to keep people from searching for it to prove to him.
- Critic listing the insane number of characters that have saved Christmas in the past.
- Santa getting picked up by a hook crane.Santa: Jack Skellington, I told you I'm done with this shit!
- Notes that the actress playing Penny in this special sounds like a Leapfrog Preschool game.Critic: Can you spot what's good and bad? [points to a picture of an ice cream cone]
Penny: That's good! [Critic points to a picture of a boy who stubbed his toe] That's bad. [Critic points to a picture of puppies] That's good! [Critic points to a poster of Fant4stic] That's bad.
- And when he initially heard her voice:
- Critic's utter bewilderment at the audio quality of Inspector Gadget's singing during the "12 Days inspection" number. He concludes that Don Adams literally phoned it in from home.
- As Gadget is talking to Santa Claw, Critic dubs it over saying "Why Santa, you're sounding charmingly satanic today!"
- "Look at the blank stares on those elves. They've seen things. Things they can never explain nor wish to understand."
- The very clear abuse of Mondegreen when the elves say "Elfin", with the L being very easily heard, and the Critic (apparently) hearing "Effin" instead.
- While the Critic initially thinks Dr. Claw as Santa is the dumbest thing he's ever heard, hearing him say "Ho, ho, ho!" sells him the idea, and he campaigns for Claw to be the new Santa.
- The Critic is still confused as to why Penny never gets the credit for being the real hero of the series. Cue his video being hijacked by an older Penny announcing how the fight between MAD and her uncle (who was really a prototype for a more sophisticated Terminator-esque robot) was a mere Let's You and Him Fight distraction whilst she was scheming to Take Over the World. And to top it all off, the Critic is then shown sitting in Stunned Silence as Cree Summer - Penny's original voice actress (who voices Penny in the hijacked video here) - hands his tablet back to him, having asked her just to say "Ooh, I don't like that Uncle Gadget", and instead getting that.Penny: Penny for your thoughts, bitches?
Top 12 Christmas Commercials
- As the Critic begins, he starts to answer why he is doing a Top 12, by doing so in song, to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas", only to be immediately cut off by the title cards for this video: TV static (similar to his other commercial videos) and "Jingle Bells" playing in the background, which would be the interlude for this countdown.Critic: [singing] The first reason that- [gets cut off] Assholes.
- The number 11 pick? The Folgers ad with the infamous Incest Subtext to it.Critic: Yes, this is incest in the "What the figgy pudding" degree.
- His number 7 pick is the McDonald's ice-skating ad.Critic: I think it has the biggest impact because it has no talking in it. It's nothing but music, visuals, that... bored-looking deer - seriously, what's the story? Because of that, it makes it a bit more universal. Anyone can watch it and immediately know what's going on and feel the warm, special feeling when a stranger in clown makeup picks you up and doesn't let you go. [beat] The commercial makes it sound a lot nicer than I do.
I'll Be Home For Christmas
- At the beginning, Critic gets a call from D-Bag and he responds by saying how he knows he's a character who ties into the review and make his life a living Hell. D-Bag then decides to go to Critic's house for Christmas.
- Critic finds Jake Wilkinson so incredibly unlikeable and douchy that, to illustrate the point, the Grinch ends up coming in for a cameo just to say how much of an asshole he is.
- When Eddie Taffet at one point says "I'm a Millenial type of guy..." (keep in mind that the movie is from 1998), Critic sulks over him possibly giving birth to the term "Millenial."
- "During your traditional college Christmas party with rave music, drinks and public domain cartoons for toddlers. Hey, everybody, quiet down, this fucker's playing Rudolph!"
- When Jake whips off Eddie's towel at the hotel, Critic censors the moment by using the old Walt Disney Animation fanfare logo.
- D-Bag mentions he met a kid at a hospital who missed his home. When Critic asked if he comforted the kid, D-Bag says no...instead, he burned down the kid's home so he'd have nothing to miss.
- The Critic's reaction to Allie Henderson ripping Jake's Santa hat off:Critic: Oh, that felt good! Could I just watch that on a loop? [loops the scene] Now THAT I would proudly play at a Christmas party! [re-edits the party scene with the moment looped on the TV]
- The reason for D-Bag's... well, d-bag behavior? He's the Devil's nephew!
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
- The review begins with: A long time ago... but not TOO long ago... but like, not super short either. We'd give you a date but calendars don't seem to exist in this world. I don't even know if they have clocks. Have you EVER seen a clock? This galaxy is weird.
- Chris Stuckmann appearing in his tradition 'Chris Stuckmann way' by appearing in his room and looking dead at the camera while giving an edited version of his thoughts. Only to reveal that he's actually standing right next to the Critic, with his room CGI'd behind him. Critic bats the image away and Chris looks sad.
- The Critic is annoyed that Rogue One doesn't start with the traditional Opening Scroll that he demands his own. Sure enough, it appears, calling Rogue One Episode 3.9, but it stops partway through as the process is "difficult". It stays that way for the rest of the review. Made even funnier when we glance to the side and see Rob furiously typing away on a keyboard. That he's holding sideways.Rob: I'm sorry! We're only making letters flow through space! If you can think of a better way to make letters flow through space, then I'd like to see it!
- Noting how Rey and Jyn are essentially the same character...Chris: So a young brunette girl with a British accent is separated from her family and spends most of her life with no direction, trying to cope with that tragic day.
[shows Tamara in Rey's clothes]
Critic: Actually, that's Rey's character from Force Awakens.
Chris: Oh yeah, duh! How did I get those two mixed up. [clears throat] So a young brunette girl with a British accent is separated from her family and spends most of her life with no direction, trying to cope with that tragic day.
Critic: Not that Star Wars doesn't have a lot of repeat, but don't you think that's a little cut-and-paste?
- ... Only for Tamara to call them out on it and point out that the same thing happened already with Luke and Anakin Skywalker.Tamara: Oh, I'm sorry! I guess the young American guys didn't get enough attention! [referring to Luke and Anakin]
Chris: Fair enough.
- ... Only for Tamara to call them out on it and point out that the same thing happened already with Luke and Anakin Skywalker.
- DEATH STAR, aka Shityourpantsicus
- After showing the video's portrayal of the scene in which Jyn Erso is told by Cassian Andor that he wants her to help him and the other rebels learn more about the Death Star, which lasted about ten seconds:Critic: Now, how long did it take to say that? Less than a minute?
Chris: I guess.
Critic: So, why does it take us less than a minute, and a movie a DOZEN minutes to say the same thing?!
- Pointing out how confusing all the planet jumping around is.Orson Krennic: [to a Stormtrooper] I'm taking you out to lunch!
[travel to a planet named "Djfrhilsdgry"]
Krennic: I completely forgot why we came here.
[travel back to the Death Star]
Krennic: That's right! Lunch!
[travel back to Djfrhilsdgry]
- Trying to explain the squid.Chris: Why the hell was Squidward in this movie?! What... was that?! Why was that in the movie?! Stop putting scenes with tentacles in your movies! They don't work!
- Critic describing K-2SO as "kinda like C-3PO if they sucked out all the pussiness."C-3PO: Greetings and salutations, I am C-3P—
[Jyn comes with a syringe and uses it on C-3PO, literally sucking the "pussiness" out of him and leaving K-2SO behind]
K-2SO: Oh piss off, you pansy! Suck my big black rod!
- Critic finds Chirrut Imwe's name too hard to pronounce, so calls him Toph instead. Cue Chirrut suddenly getting Toph's armbands and headdress.
- The redux of Jyn and Saw's relationship.Saw Gerrera: Wow, we went over everything, and I feel like, no attachment.
Jyn Erso: [nonchalantly] Yeah, I'm not gonna miss you when you die.
Saw: Speaking of which...
[gets killed by the low-powered test shot from the Death Star]
Jyn: Whoa! Wow... all right.
- After pointing that Grand Moff Tarkin is in the film.Critic: Wait a minute. How did they film that if Peter Cushing is dead? [Chris looks at him] Oh no, not—!
Chris: That's right! Digital Talkin' Tarkin! Available now on Hasbro for only $14.95! (Void where prohibited)
Critic: [hands on his face] Oh God! It's like Jeff Bridges from TRON: Legacy mixed with Jim Carrey from A Christmas Carol!
- Critic pointing out that James Earl Jones's voice is sounding a little tired after playing Darth Vader all these years.Vader: Oh my God, are they still making these? OK, where's the script? How many lines do I have? What? This it? Oh Christ, I was in The Sandlot longer. What, am I literally just taking a bath while I'm off-screen? OK, OK. Look here, General Krennic... Krennic? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like in one ear and out the other. I've forgotten. I forgot I even said it. Oh, fuck it. Just don't have me scream 'NOOOO' and we'll be good.
- The Gareth Edwards approval scale, shown in order to make the characters seem interesting, but not exciting.
- While talking about the final space battle, they say that it still raises a question:Krennic: If Vader is in this movie, why isn't he down on that beach kicking ass?
Trooper: Err, hello? Sand?
Krennic: Oh, right. He hates sand.
Trooper: It's so rough and irritating.
Krennic: And it gets everywhere.
Trooper: He has posters, like, all over the place. [shows Darth Vader posters saying 'I hate sand'] How could you miss this?
Krennic: Ugh, I guess I'll have to go down there.
Trooper: Don't you have a million Stormtroopers?
Krennic: Yeah, but I can actually hit something! [storms away]
Trooper: [hangs head] What an asshole.
- The Darth Vader scene, crossing with Moment of Awesome.Darth Vader: I have come... to deliver the most awesome scene in the movie. [ignites lightsaber, rebels start shooting, but he casually just blocks blasts with one hand] Yeah, no. This is nothing. This is literally nothing. I can do this with no hands. Watch. [lets go of his lightsaber and uses the Force to wave it around in front of him, still blocking the blasts, and then begins to dance] My saber is also great at making people shorter. [uses the Force to send the lightsaber at a rebel, cutting his head off] And you belong on the ceiling. [uses the Force to lift a rebel and hit him against the ceiling and the floor, over and over, while the remaining two rebels can only stare, and then he just turns around] I'm not even looking at you! That's how easy this is! I'm so cool! [stops blasts with his hand] Oh, that's right, bitches! I'm stopping that with my hand! With my goddamn hand! [rebels stop firing] But you know what they say: What goes in must come out. Out my ass. OK, here we go, everybody. [turns around, bends over, and shoots blasts out of his ass, killing a rebel] I'm fucking amazing! [addressing the final rebel] Ooh, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? Shit's getting hot in here! [rebel drops his gun and holds out his fists] Oh, OK, yeah! We're gonna duke it out! We're gonna duke it out! Tough guy, huh? Oh, I'm so scared! Darth Vader's gonna die from your pussy fists! Oh, wait. I forgot. I can choke a bitch. [Force-chokes the rebel, then picks up his lightsaber at the end and drops it like a Mic Drop] Dark side, motherfuckers.
- At the end of the review, during the credits, Vader is dancing on top of a Star Destroyer.
- Chris and Critic's reactions to CGI Princess Leia.Leia: We have a new hope.
Critic: You need an exorcist.
- Critic and Stuckmann wonder if there will every be a scene as epic as Vader singlehandedly destroying the rebels. When Stuckmann gets tired of Critic asking more and more epic things, Critic gets blown up by Vader flying through space, gloating that he can fly too.
- After the credits roll, it cuts to the Critic reading a Princess Leia comic saying there's nothing else and "see you in January". Making him remember that it's January, and you know what that means! Sequel Month: The Sequel! Critic's expression turns into one of horror and he screams.