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Top 11 Best Movie Sequels
- The "Sequel Month: The Sequel" logo is the Critic's annoyed head swirling down a toilet while pooping and flushing sounds are heard.
- "Why Top 11? Because by god I need as many of these as possible."
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
- The Critic describes Dave, played again by Jason Lee, as "a pair of shredded vocal cords with a human being attached".
- In the opening scene, in which the Chipmunks perform at a rock concert, Dave tells Alvin to share the spotlight because it's not all about him. The Critic is appalled:Critic: [scoffs] Where would Alvin ever get that idea in a band called "Alvin and the Chipmunks"?! You know, for the longest time, I didn't even know they were called Simon and Theodore, I thought they were called [points to Simon] "And-the" and [points to Theodore] "Chipmunks"! But please, continue to keep him modest!
- With Dave and the grandmother character being forcibly removed from the plot due to unfortunate near death accidents:Critic: Man, in literally five minutes, two of the caretakers who should have been major roles have been taken out. At this point, everyone will be dead at the 25 minute mark.
Basil Fawlty: Two dead, 25 to go.
- When Alvin and Simon charge at the jocks, NC freezes the image to point out that the shot of Simon with teeth bared would probably make the poster for a film titled Chipceased.
- After the "Theodorable" line, a gunshot is suddenly heard. Critic then picks up a note that came with the movie.Critic: "Every time certain lines from this movie are uttered, an award-winning playwright shoots himself." You might want to see how Lin-Manuel Miranda is doing.
- Critic notices the overabundance of cliched subplots and has his crew do the same, with less-than-stellar results, though still more coherent than the ones in the film. Of note is when Chester and Doe (who he asked to have a dance off) reveal their dancing instructor: Darth Vader.Critic: This better be a big hit.
Vader: It wouldn't be the first time I've obliterated these rodents.Context
- "The Chipettes enter the film in their birthday suits. How did these movies not have censor bars? Don't you know the '90s gave cartoon animals private parts?"
- His reaction to the cameo from NASCAR on Fox's former mascot Digger.Critic: Don't make me do it. Please god, don't make me do it. [beat followed by the Critic grabbing his tablet and asking a question in Yahoo Answers] Who's Digger? "Digger is a character from NASCAR when shown on the Fox Networknote How dare you make me look up NASCAR you monsters!"
- The Critic's reaction upon hearing "In the words of the Donald - 'You're fired!'"
- Critic realizes that the whole point of the whole movie was actually about Jeanette's fear of heights which was NEVER brought up before, he gets up from his chair and slams his head against the wall really hard.
- After finishing the Squeakquel style review, Critic is excited about all the money he's going to make, only to be shocked that it did just average, paralleling the real Squeakquel's box office performance. After the D'aww girls and Malcolm let him know that the REAL way to make money is to put a chipmunk voice on an adult film, Critic, in reference to Alvin's use of the "Fava Beans and a nice chianti" line earlier in the movie, decides to chipmunk The Silence of the Lambs. He admits that he enjoys it much better. After an angry parent calls to complain, he dismissively tells them that he has their money now, and hangs up.
Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels
- The background footage for the numbers? A guy crying in the corner.
- "Why Top 11? Because the Top 80 would go too long!"
- In complaining about the Transformers sequels, all of which he thinks are the exact same movie, the Critic is especially upset at the explosions featured therein, which he thinks have become so meaningless now as to become the equivalent of a bucket of paint.Critic: Thank you, Michael Bay, explosions are now a bucket of paint to me!
- In the same vein, he thinks that the Transformers sequels are so boring that they are just white noise, and thinks that that should be Michael Bay's new nickname, White Noise.
- Finally, his ultimate conclusion about why the Transformers sequels are the way they are: "These films ask the question Americans sadly have to ask a lot: if it makes money, why change it?"
- During his rant on Batman & Robin, the Critic inevitably does a Call-Back to his formal review of that film when the infamous Bat Credit Card shows up, and clearly shows restraint (i.e., gritted teeth) while talking about it."They care so little [about Batman] that they even gave him a... you-know-what...!"
- Moments earlier, he gripes about how this is basically a "diet version of the Adam West show", and then adds...
- About the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, which did not make the official list, but are included in the Critic's runners-up...Critic: Stop being so needlessly long and complicated! You're a Pirates movie, not Lawrence of Arabia!
The Smurfs 2
- The conversation that Critic has with Black Nerd when he tries to get him to co-review the film, only for Black Nerd to pass in a very abrasive, uncharacteristic way.Black Nerd: I ain't got time for this. I got an underground gambling ring to take care of. Not to mention all those hot Nintendo Switches that I'm-a sell on eBay... that fell off a truck... You ain't hear that from me. Alright, man. Peace, loser! (gets up and leaves)
Critic: Yeah, that's right, you better run!
Black Nerd: (abruptly returning) What'chu say, punk!?
Critic: (recoiling) Nothing, nothing!
Black Nerd: Mm-hmm. Watch yourself. Oh, and by the way, (speaking in nerd voice) call me when you do a Smurfs: The Lost Village review. I'll be right there for you, Critic. I love you like a play cousin, I'm outie 5000! Chain Chomp Yomp! (normal voice again) Ya punk-ass motherfucker!
- The running gag of Critic dubbing Papa Smurf's dialogue so that he sounds like a pervert when talking to Smurfette at the beginning of the film.
- Critic tries to figure out why Patrick thinks Victor is such a bad stepdad and grandfather, in spite of the fact that he does nothing, nor does there seem to be any reason for Patrick to hate him. He then launches into Sarcasm Mode and basically calls Victor literally Satan for being a fun stepdad (with the exception of giving away Patrick's pet parrot because he was allergic, although actually it was Patrick that was allergic to the bird) for most of the review.
- Patrick's stepdad, Victor, is turned into a duck by Gargamel. Before Patrick can be eaten by a giant Azriel, Victor literally flies in to save the day.Victor: Put him down!Critic as Victor: Aflac Motherfucker!
- After Smurfette threatens to use her wand against Gargamel, he claims she won't because he is her father, and that she should "search [her] feelings, [as she] knows it to be true". This leads to Darth Vader standing next to the Critic, Flipping the Bird at the movie, and silently walking away. The Critic then states he was surprised Vader didn't do his Big "NO!", only for Vader to do it directly afterwards. Later, after Patrick makes an incredibly lame pun (calling his stepdad duck "Martin Luther Wing"), Vader appears and flips the movie off again.
- Critic: But that wasn't Star Wars related!
Vader: It just feels good, okay?
- The markings on Duck Victor's beak look like a Hitler mustache, leading Critic to complain that he's now thinking about Duck Hitler. This leads to the clip of Donald Duck doing a rapid-fire nazi salute from Der Führer's Face. Later, Duck Victor makes a holocaust joke ("It starts with the ducks, and soon no one is safe!"). The Critic is off-put at "Duck Hitler" making that joke.
- Similarly, he's bemused by Jayma dressing up as Audrey Hepburn's character in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
- The Critic's constant mocking of Patrick's son, only to find his foot firmly in his mouth near the end when he learns that the same actor was nominated for a SAG award as Jack from Room.
- His mockery of the kid's performance with parody takes gets especially funny with how venomous he sounds. By the end of the gag, the kid's voice comes eerily close to sounding like Gilbert Gottfried.Blue: Daddy and Victor!
Take 47: DEHDEH PLEH PLESTER!
Take 63: HEKSHE FAHBLEHMLEH!
Take 127: PLAH!
- At the end of the review, Tamara and BillContext chastise the Critic for only reviewing two movies for Sequel Month. They manage to convince the Critic to review one more sequel, and the video ends on a Cliffhanger... only for Bill to hold up a sign saying the next review will be "Garfield 2" (Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties).
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties
- The Critic questions why a dungeon that Garfield was locked in has an easily-accessible escape route. This leads to a sketch where Malcolm Joker traps Tamara Batgirl in a room about to be filled with laughing gas... only Joker left the door open, allowing Batgirl to leave. He even sees her walking out the room, but just does nothing about it.
- The Critic mentioning why so many kid's sequels referenced The Silence of the Lambs wondering if there was a Crossover with The Amazing World of Gumball. Gumball has made its own reference of the film.
- His comment on how Prince's late owner has left his estate to Prince:Critic: That's right, legality be damned! Cats can now own property and titleship! Come on, as if anyone would be stupid enough to give uncontrollable power to a dumb orange narcissist with no experience whatsoever. Well, even if they did, I imagined his inauguration would be about this big. [shows the small crowd of farm animals]
- Upon finding out that the Prince is voiced by Tim Curry, Critic improves his speech to the animals by replacing it with the one from Legend (1985). The juxtaposition between the overly dramatic speech and the farm animals is hilarious.
- Critic is fully on board with Dargis's plan to turn the estate into a spa, pointing out that if he hires a good financial planner the animals would be taken care of anyway and otherwise the house is a huge fancy litterbox.
- Critic notices that Billy Connolly's makeup and performance makes him look and sound an awful lot like John Cleese and Critic is just imagining what happened when John turned down the role.Rob as Director: Oh, please, come on. Come on.
Doug as Cleese: No, no! No, no! I've done many things I'm not proud of: Fievel Goes West, Beethoven's Christmas Adventure, Swan Princess. But I'm drawing the line at The Tale of Two Titties!
Rob as Director: Actually, it's "Two Kitties."
Doug as Cleese: I know what I said. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to film in The Adventures of Pluto Nash.
Rob as Director: What... Over our movie?!
Doug as Cleese: Not proudly, but firmly. Fuck off, pigs.
- NC's extremely shocked reaction to the dog's attack on Dargis's trousers.JEHEHESUS! It's supposed to be a crotch shot, not castration! This is like a Game of Thrones death! CHRIST!
- A gun is being pointed towards a duck and a rabbit, leading the Critic to include the Duck Season, Rabbit Season sound clip from Looney Tunes.
- The Critic was originally going to review American Pop In Memoriam of its director Ralph Bakshi, but he receives a call that tells him he was still alive. And Bakshi (played by Rob) arrives in the studio to annoy the Critic, complete with Deranged Animation in the background and at one point teleporting in with a wacky sound effect!
- Bakshi then orders the Critic to review Cool World instead. When the Critic protests that it was a flop and didn't get a cult following like Bakshi's other films, Bakshi replies that it is important to understand your failures and shortcomings so you can overcome them, which the Critic admits is profound. It leads to this...Bakshi: Have I mentioned how many producers I've punched in the face lately?
Critic: No, but nevertheless, you do have a good point.
Bakshi: Yeah, more producers need to be beaten.
Critic: NO! ...Maybe.
- Bakshi then orders the Critic to review Cool World instead. When the Critic protests that it was a flop and didn't get a cult following like Bakshi's other films, Bakshi replies that it is important to understand your failures and shortcomings so you can overcome them, which the Critic admits is profound. It leads to this...
- The Critic chastises Bakshi for throwing stuff in that has no place or reason for being present in a scene, only to get this reply.Bakshi: Hey! I just wanted to show the s-s-s-studio what happens when you mess with an artist's vision!
Critic: You have a bad movie with your name on it.
Bakshi: And get paid for it.
Critic: ...I can't tell if you're my hero or the worst kind of crazy.
Bakshi: Can't it be both?
- Later, Bakshi reveals to the Critic that he escaped from the "Institute for the Artistically Insane", along with Julie Taymor and Spike Lee. They also noted there was someone else who tried to escape but failed: M. Night Shyamalan. And his cellmate is Woody Allen.Shyamalan: But I had two hit movies back-to-back!note
Allen: Don't worry about it, just get yourself nominated for another Oscar and they'll forget all the horrible things you've done!
- The setup for this gag is particularly great.
- The motorcycle crash scene, which results in Frank's mother getting killed, is framed as a Canadian PSA that warns against riding motorcycles, spoofing the Mood Whiplash-style Canadian PSAs in many of the Critic's past nostalgic commercials videos.Critic: I knew it, they're so sneaky!
- When Frank is brought to Cool World by Dr. Whiskers, the Critic remarks that Dr. Wily has created a new Robot Master: "Brad Pitt Man".
- After Frank is brought to Cool World, the Critic quips that Brad Pitt is now in an entirely different movie: Who Plagiarized Roger Rabbit.
- "My God, I've created anime!"
- In the movie, Jack tells Frank that he created Cool World, but Frank tells him that Cool World exists with or without him, because Frank is not one of his creations. In response, the Critic delivers this gem:Critic: Oh, now everything makes sense! Thanks for clearing that up, we don't need any further information beyond that. That's like God coming out and saying...
(Cut to a shot of the Earth)
God: (voiced by Doug) I created the cosmos and the universe!
(Cut to a shot of the map of Sweden)
God: Oh, except for Sweden. I don't know where that came from. Oh, well, I'll just accept it, Sweden...
- At the nightclub, where Frank Sinatra, Jr., is "figuring out the best way to fire his agent", there is this reaction to Jack being thrown out when Holli decides to sing "Let's Make Love" with Sinatra, Jr.:Critic: (imitating bouncer throwing out Jack) The price to go in is $20 and your girlfriend! Also, you don't get to go in.
- When Jack inexplicably fulfills his destiny to be a hero and stop Holli from unleashing Cool World on the real world, Ralph Bakshi provides audio commentary for this scene:Bakshi: Ladies and gentlemen, according to the new screenplay I was just handed before shooting this scene, this was all about Jack becoming a hero. I don't get it, either, but I made Wizards. I'm not saying that to impress you, I'm saying that to make myself feel better. You may now return to this bullshit.
- Bakshi provides additional commentary on the scene where an apparently-deceased Frank is brought back to life as a Doodle, because when a 'Noid is killed by a Doodle, they become a Doodle themselves:Bakshi: This is the director again. I'm looking at the script here I just received... Yeah, I'm just an errand boy...
- Bakshi provides additional commentary on the scene where an apparently-deceased Frank is brought back to life as a Doodle, because when a 'Noid is killed by a Doodle, they become a Doodle themselves:
Old vs. New: Evil Dead
- Hyper and Devil Boner chain Critic to a chair so he can give them couples' therapy, and he's so used to being kidnapped that he thinks there must be a plumber somewhere constantly being told he's in another castle.Devil Boner: What can I say? We're bound tighter when you're bound tighter.
- Hyper and Devil Boner's bickering in general for acting so childish and not even making sense half the time. Also, early on when Hyper covers her ears and tries to drown out Devil Boner, so he starts shooting his gun off asking if she can hear that.
- When the remake gets a point and Devil Boner starts rubbing it in:Hyper: It's like you to gloat!
Devil Boner: Well, it's like you to goat!
Devil Boner: You heard me!
Hyper: Yeah, I heard you, but I didn't get it.
Devil Boner: You didn't get it just to spite me!
- When the remake gets a point and Devil Boner starts rubbing it in:
- Critic suggests Hyper and Devil Boner use a puppet and action figure to work out their problems, but Devil Boner for some reason gives his figure a weird high pitched voice that confuses Hyper, culminating in a fight where both the action figure (dubbed "Mini Boner") and puppet "die" and they panic over how to send off the Hyper puppet.Hyper: She wanted to be cremated!
Devil Boner: ... Puppet you is very specific!
Hyper: She prepared for everything except you killing her ass!
- When the Critic declares Mia to be a better protagonist than "Ashley" (Ash from the first Evil Dead), Devil Boner's hand becomes sentient and tries to kill him for saying bad about Bruce Campbell - D.B doesn't want to kill Critic because they're on the same side with the New being superior, but his hand can't let it slide. D.B. then decides the only solution... is to cut off his Bruce Campbell-loving hand... but then stops himself mere moments before the chainsaw blade touches his wrist and decides to just get over it.
- "Best Fucking Supportive Cast"
- "BEST FUCKING SUPPORTIVE CAST"
- Set up by Benny coming in to rescue the Critic, only to sit down on the couch to participate.
- When Hyper and Devil Boner can't solve their problems with Critic's help, they get some proper help from Benny's brother specializing in couples therapy: Bill!
- Critic about to shot by Devil Boner, in the most deadpan tone possible: "My one regret is not talking like a pirate on Talk Like A Pirate Day. I should've given that a chance."
- Hyper Boner happily go off at the end of the episode together, but Critic is still tied up.Critic: I miss food.
Top 11 WTF Alternate Endings
- "Why Top 11? Because the alternate version didn't test well with focus groups."
- "It's not an Evil Dead movie without Ash getting screwed."
- "MOVIE LAGGING NEED STORY SEND DISEASE PREFERABLY CHILD KILLING"
- The Phil Collins songs that the Critic added in during the serious moments, showing his relief that this movie isn't a musical.
- He is genuinely entertained by how Obviously Evil Steel is, and hams it up mimicking his deranged animation.Critic: Good lord, it's like his face has ten different personalities, and they all eat children!
- He mentions Steel is such an "obvious, yet evil" liar, he should get a job at the White House.Steele Spicer: The other dogs died and I was the only one left. Period! Also, the race I was a part of had the largest audience to ever witness a dog sled race. Period!
Reporter: But sir, we have eyes—
Steele Spicer: Your eyes are wrong! It's an alternative bark!
Reporter: But Melissa—
Steele Spicer: Stop calling me that!
- He's similarly bemused by the insane amounts of Mood Whiplash present, consistently following very heavy, dramatic moments with the Plucky Comic Relief.Critic: (After the coffin scene) Sugar-fried Jesus, what do you follow a scene like that up with? (Cue the comic relief) Ah yes. The comedy stylings of characters you'd much rather eat than listen to. This seems totally appropriate now!
- He mentions Steel is such an "obvious, yet evil" liar, he should get a job at the White House.
- The Critic's increasing panic as nature keeps trying to kill the dogs throughout the entire third act, with them going from a broken bridge to an avalanche to falling icicles with virtually no breaks in between. He concludes that the reason Balto doesn't speak during these sequences is that his dialogue would just be "Shit!" over and over.
- Likewise, his complete shock at the coffins being made for the children, which rapidly turns into a Black Comedy Burst as he envisions children from other media being laid to rest in them. These include Tiny Tim, The Little Match Girl and a Fullmetal Alchemist spoiler (Chimera Nina Tucker).Critic: Don't act like that can't happen, there's dogs in this world!
- At the end of the movie, Grandma Rosy is telling her granddaughter about how the entire story of Balto is true and how the events of the movie were real. Critic smiles, pulling up his phone and trying to resist from making a joke.Critic: I shouldn't. (looks over at phone) I really shouldn't. (looks at phone again) C'mon, let the kids have their true story. (looks at phone again, tempted to make the joke)
Critic: OKAY! OKAY! (Quickly scrolls through phone) (speaks while typing in a search engine) "Balto facts" (looks up at audience) You're not gonna like it.
Critic: You're really not gonna like it.
- He eventually gives in and looks up the true story of the serum run and how in reality, Balto didn't even do the majority of the run and only received credit for the run because he was a part of the final team to deliver the medicine. We cut to the niece in "the future" reading the same article, glaring at Aunt Despair in awkward silence.Niece: ... This was all BULLSHIT, WASN'T IT?!?!
- After Critic shows up to get the "Balto" DVD (revealing he had yet to film the video), Niece asks if this means they aren't actually in the future. Critic responds looking confused as fuck.
- Apparently, you can make captions appear via the Satanic arts.
- And finally, we get the answer to the question we probably shouldn't have asked: why are Niece and Aunt Despair here?Aunt: Oh, I just wanted to leave her here so that I didn't have to tell her that both parents died from double-erotic asphyxiation. (Cut to the niece looking horrified) Well, that backfired. She's all yours, Critic!
- "A child's mind is very delicate! FLOOR IT!"
- Critic's response to being left with a child.Critic: Don't worry, I know a certain long-faced, balding, big-toothed comedian who would love to take care of you.
(cut to Critic throwing the niece outside to Chester A. Bum)
Critic: She's all yours, Chester.
Chester: OH, MY GOD, I'M A MOTHER!
- He eventually gives in and looks up the true story of the serum run and how in reality, Balto didn't even do the majority of the run and only received credit for the run because he was a part of the final team to deliver the medicine. We cut to the niece in "the future" reading the same article, glaring at Aunt Despair in awkward silence.
Should Bad Singers Be Dubbed?
- The Critic criticizes Emma Watson's performance in the newer Beauty and the Beast film. The audience boos him, and he responds like Emperor Palpatine and relishes in their anger.
Fant4stic (Fantastic Four 2015)
- The review opens up with a Darker and Edgier reboot of the Adequately Impressive Three from the previous review of a Fantastic Four movie, complete with all three members being referred to by their real names, black costumes, taking place in predominantly dark rooms and being referred to as Ad3quat3ly Impr3ssiv3 Thr33... and proceed to sit around and watch Jessica Jones (2015) on Netflix.
- The Critic talks about how the 20th Century Fox logo flashes the letter F similar to how they flash the letter X for the X-Men movies.Critic: Honestly, if you wanted to give us any assurance, you'd flash this.
- When the Critic is surprised by the presence of Dan Castellaneta as Reed and Ben's teacher, he follows up the teacher scolding Richards with this...Homer Simpson: Why can't you be a nuclear safety engineer? Or an astronaut? Or mayor? Or country singer manager? I could keep going. I've had over 188 jobs. You think your franchise is running on fumes? Phew!
- The following Simpsons clips used during the episode are hilarious too.
- After young Reed's teleporter experiment in the garage fails:Critic as Reed: Holy smokes, I made weed! We're gonna be the Fantastic 420!
- Sue tells Johnny (in the film's pervasive Dull Surprise tone) that she's glad to be working with him, but the film does such a poor job of relationship-building between the main characters that the Critic has to ask:Critic: Is the movie's idea of chemistry literally building chemistry?
- During the review, the Critic stops himself, mid-sentence, to complain about the lighting issues:Critic: Ah yes, let's screw up a history making experiment for your egos. I'm sure this will in no way—you know what, hold on a second—TURN ON A LIGHT!!! ... Sorry, I had to get it out just once.
- After Ben knocks Reed out, Critic, once again, gets annoyed by another talking scene in a dark room.Critic: Oh, waitwaitwaitwait. Out of the "magnitude" of variety we've had in this film so far, let me take a guess, a wild goddamn guess of what's coming (Cue to "Dark Room Talking" with Reed and Ben) OH MY GOD! Why is this "Fantastic"?! Your goddamn movie is called "Fantastic Four" and you can't even get one fantastic thing in it! Why is talking in a goddamn dark room fantastic?! Did you have an upbringing like the boy from Room?! Is this literally all you know?! Was the outside only explained to you in pictures and stories? If so, could you tell one of those stories, 'cause it's GODDAMN MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS HORSESHIT!!!
- The Critic's rant about Doom's appearance in this movie...Critic: Okay, I know it's a comic book adaptation, there have to be some changes, but... What is with Fox's obsession of turning Marvel characters into Slipknot crash test dummies? Is this the one design they think exists? It's getting a little old! Hell, it was never that interesting to begin with! This movie really is the master of throwing boring, uninteresting things at you in a movie that's called Fantastic! Christ, what do you think their design for the climax is, that friggin' portal in the sky cliche? (Said cliche actually happens)
- When the Critic falls and cannot continue the review, he and Rob re-enact a scene from The Lord of the Rings, complete with Rob wearing a Samwise Gamgee wig. At the end of the speech, Rob tries to lift the Critic off the floor but finds he's not strong enough.
- Also, if you watch the last couple of seconds of that scene out of context, it looks and sounds like Critic and Rob are having the biggest orgasms of their lives.
- This:Critic: So our hero-(starts laughing) Sorry, it's only two syllables and I still couldn't say it. Our "these guys" try to stop him from sucking the world into his dimensional bullshit.
- When the review is over, Rob and the two remaining members of the AIT sulk about what they're going to do next. They hear a Psst! from the next room, seeing Iron Man and Spider-Man offering them to come with them. When they try to leave, Lucius Fox stops them from doing so.Tamara: Aw, Fox. Why won't you let us play with the Avengers and Spider-Man?
Fox: Oh, don't worry. We still have plans for you.
Tamara: You don't, do you?
Fox: Not a thing. (turns to camera) And you get to suffer for it. (turns back to group) Now, continue being anything but what you really are.
Adequately Impressive Three: (deadpan) Flame On.
Fox: I think you mean, lights off.
- The Critic expresses some annoyance at having to be openly critical of this movie, after receiving so many requests to review it...
- The "90's Trying to Die" counter.
- The Critic's reaction to when the movie makes a lame Star Trek pun.
- "Does Meeker think he's possessed?"Critic as Meeker: The devil is in me! I am the beginning of his evil reign!
- Critic rants on the pop punk music of the late 90's and early 2000's, specifically blink-182. He says that the bands that we once thought cool just really sound like whiny teenagers being told to clean their room.Critic (imitating Tom DeLonge): Come on, Mooooom! You're so laaaaame!
- Upon seeing a flock of doves frozen in time...
The WEIRDEST Jack and the Beanstalk
- The Critic begins by talking about how strange stuff from childhood seemed normal. For example, Ninja Turtles were average, tea parties on the ceiling were mundane, and "being forced to dance in a banana suit dripping goat's blood was just Tuesday".
- About the man who trades the beans for Jack's cow, he is first seen playing what the Critic can only describe as "a '70s machine" (whose notes sound like... er, odd squelching noises).Critic: Either that, or the sound Pac-Man makes when he's jerking one off.
- At this, Jack laughs, then the man with this machine laughs several times, culminating in a particularly psychotic cackle when he takes off his hood to show his face, one of whose eyes is covered in an eye patch, to Jack.Critic: (holding up a cell phone) Thus Chris Hansen's number was put on speed dial!
- Then the cow lets out a confused "Moo?" at the eye-patched man's strange squat dance.Critic: You said it, cow.
- And when Jack meets the Princess, who has a severe case of Dissonant Serenity, we get this line.Critic: Jack, you have the worst stranger danger.
- At this, Jack laughs, then the man with this machine laughs several times, culminating in a particularly psychotic cackle when he takes off his hood to show his face, one of whose eyes is covered in an eye patch, to Jack.
- After Jack's mother spanks him with the broom for changing the cow for some beans
- Mother: Oh, I worked up an apetite.Critic: (In falsetto voice) Child abuse gives me the rumblies!Jack: Yeah, me too.Critic: (Beat, then falsetto again) That's just confusing.
- When the mouse princess appears to Jack and his dog at the bottom of the beanstalk to explain her plight in detail, being a mouse, she can only explain in squeaks, which, as the Critic points out, are not subtitled.Critic: I haven't been so happy to not have subtitles since the Star Wars Holiday Special.
(Cut to a clip of said special: a Wookie roaring)
Critic: (sternly) We agreed never to play that again!
- The terrifying imagery during Madame Hecuba's introduction leads to this comment from the Critic:Critic: Well, the message of this movie is very straightforward: fear.
- The Critic's zinger at the dog singing right after Jack stole money from the castle and left the princess to her fate.Critic: This looks like a song for the dog!
- Even stranger still, Jack reacts to this bizarre incident (just for the record, the dog has never spoken before until now and never speaks again afterward) as a miraculous sign that he shouldn't have left the princess and stolen her money, leading to another killer Critic side comment.Critic: (shrugging) Sometimes it just takes a singing dog.
- Even stranger still, Jack reacts to this bizarre incident (just for the record, the dog has never spoken before until now and never speaks again afterward) as a miraculous sign that he shouldn't have left the princess and stolen her money, leading to another killer Critic side comment.
- The Critic is completely floored by the "Are You Happy" number, when the Princess is supposed to marry the giant. He can barely process the surreal horrors within.Critic: ... More sugar-frosted nightmares, please!
- Even stranger, this is right after it's established that Jack needs to kiss the Princess to break her spell. We don't know how much older she is, but the potential squickiness is immediately extinguished by the number.Critic: [The age difference is] not even a spark in your mind! All you're thinking is, "Are you happy?! Are you hahh-pyiee?!" No! I'm very confused and rather afraid! What is this?!
- Even stranger, this is right after it's established that Jack needs to kiss the Princess to break her spell. We don't know how much older she is, but the potential squickiness is immediately extinguished by the number.
- The Critic expressing incredulity at the reprise of the Princess' song ("No One's Happier Than I") playing in the background as Jack cuts down the beanstalk, killing the giant.Critic: (laughs) Manslaughter is beautiful!
- The Critic thinking that the film's insanity is such that he would recommend viewers to watch it is also hilarious.
- "I'm the Nostalgia Critic and are you happy?!?"
The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
- Every single joke revolving around the homo-erotic undertones between Fred and Barney (and occasionally other characters), eventually resorting to simply using the classic line from the show's theme song.
- Noting that the Univershell logo from the first film is reused, but that the real company name's website is listed underneath the Univershell logo.Critic: You're ruining the illusion, Viva Rock Vegas!
- The Critic's freaked out reaction to the effects used for the Great Gazoo, comparing it to the other time Alan Cumming played a green-faced character that evokes disturbing imagery. It's basically a running gag, as he screams every time the Great Gazoo suddenly teleports into the scene.
- The simple appearance of a prehistoric camcorder is enough to make the NC lose his shit.
- Dino hatching.I swear this never happens!
- The Critic pointing out Fred and Barney's appearance in a 1967 promotional film for Anheuser-Busch as a successor to the infamous Winston cigarette ads.Critic: So everybody is, of course, off to Rock Vegas. Say, I wonder what prehistoric law on prostitution is here?Fred: Ooh, there's a lot of Busch/bush gonna be sold.Critic: Hey, hey! He said it, not me! He's a hard drinker and a hard smoker. Isn't this kinda like the next logical step?
- Noting all the characters' "kill faces".
- Jim really getting into the role of playing Jared Leto playing the Joker, complete with "pranks" like mailing the Nostalgia Critic anal beads and his dead pet mouse, Mrs. Brisby.
- The hypothetical scenario of how Amanda Waller proposing the Suicide Squad to the government should have played out.Waller: Who do we call when the next Superman comes to take us out?
Doug as Dexter Tolliver: Wonder Woman.
Tamara as Admiral Olsen: The Flash.
Doug as Dexter: Aquaman.
Tamara as Olsen: Cyborg.
Doug as Dexter: Batman.
Tamara as Olsen: Lego-Batman.
Waller: How about the villains those heroes fought?
Doug as Dexter: (he closes the folder) Nope.
- Malcolm playing both Deadshot and Deadshot's daughter.
- Critic reprising his role as Batman from the BvS review.
- First, confronting Deadshot.Critic as Batman: It's over, Deadpool (2016)!
Malcolm as Deadshot: Deadshot!
Critic as Batman: Oh, well this movie got a whole lot less cool.
- As an added Take That! to the more violent portrayal of Batman from these films, when Deadshot aims his gun, Batman gleefully aims one back to one-up him.
- First, confronting Deadshot.
- Who's playing Killer Croc in the recreation? Dino Rob!Dino Rob: I'm a dinosaur.
- Orlando as Slipknot getting quite pissed off when he realizes that since he didn't get any bright credits or backstory that means he's only in the movie to die. NC dismantles the head explosion chip out of "white guilt," but then Jim as Leto blows up his head anyway, when it turns out he has a similar remote.
- Critic as Rick Flag's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Amanda Waller, in which he goes insane pointing out how big of a failure the Squad was (in which one can't tell if he's talking about the Squad in-universe or the film) before breaking down into her shoulder.Amanda: Come on, let's hope Wonder Woman will be better.
- Critic and the Suicide Squad's inability to take the Enchantress seriously because of her dancing while threatening them. They even compare her to a dancing Hula doll, which is strangely accurate considering the movements themselves.
- The revelation that White Chart Guy is the reason that there are so many giant sky beams to the point of cliche in films. Because he has a fetish for it. Indeed he does, to the point of carrying around a picture of various portal-in-the-sky examples from several movies, to... well... Funnier still is a later point in the review where the chart guys show up, the paper sticks to his hand. Even Black Chart Guy looks disturbed at this.
- How does the Critic think the ending could've been improved in a way that it could get a bigger reaction? Instead of Joker breaking Harley out, it's BILL! Amusingly enough, in the audience showing of the episode, Bill's cameo did indeed garner a great reaction from the crowd.
Alien vs. Predator
- The Critic comments on how it makes a lot of sense for Predators to resort to using Facehuggers to impregnate humans and then hunt the aliens, because the human characters themselves definitely aren't a lot of fun to kill due to how stupid and incompetent they are. Cue him imagining their frustration:Critic as Predator 1 (after witnessing one of the human characters begin to freeze to death in a helpless state): Christ, we went from Schwarzenegger to this?! Take his skull, Frank!
Critic as Predator 2: But I don't want to take his skull! You take his skull!
Critic as Predator 1: (as they begin walking away) Fine! Neither of us will take his skull! We'll just let Time kill him and piss on his corpse.
(Suddenly, a third predator shows up, raising its claw in front of the helpless victim)
Critic as Predator 3: Hi. I'm Time.
(the human screams before getting slashed by "Time" — then the noise of something unzipping occurs offscreen)
Critic as Predator 2: Mine's bigger.
Critic as Predator 1: Shut up, Frank.
- The Running Gag of the Jock trio giving each other high-fives, but always leaving Jock Critic hanging. The increasing desperation in his face is humorous and sad at the same time.
- The brief gag about the NC admitting being excited for The Emoji Movie.note Critic: Damn you, Lasso of Truth!
- Batman and Superman show up to complain about the bright colors of Themyscira. Hippolyta responds by summoning archers to drive them off. They show up again to complain about the lack of pretentious speeches in the campfire scene, and Diana once again summons archers to drive them away.Critic as Batman: Piss off, She-Ra!
- Bonus: In the campfire scene, when Batman and Superman ran off, they did so acting like the Three Stooges.Critic as Batman: Nyuck Nyuck!
- Bonus: In the campfire scene, when Batman and Superman ran off, they did so acting like the Three Stooges.
- Malcolm and Tamara lampshade the necessity of casting him as Steve Trevor:Malcolm as Steve: Look, there's not a lot of Black people in this movie. If we played it for real, the only role I would have is the Black Amazon! (Wonder Woman looks to the side to see Malcolm in a wig and armor standing with her Mother and Aunt)
- When Diana needs reassuring after learning that nobody in the movie ever calls her "Wonder Woman", fearing ending up like Fan4stic.
- When the German landing party pursuing Steve Trevor in Themyscira mortally wound General Antiope, Diana laments that if there was only a way for her to defend Antiope, while at same time showing off her bullet-deflecting bracelets. This makes Antiope get up and say "Seriously?!" before being shot again in the head.
- After Antiope is killed, her actress appears again playing an Amazon (a different one), with the only difference between the two being a sign reading "Different Person."
- Ares suggests Dr. Poison to create "a body-crushing gas for peaceful purposes":Dr. Poison: I'm going to create Nickelback!
- Tamara actually breaks the fourth wall when it's revealed that the scrawny Sir Patrick Morgan is actually Ares in disguise, believing that it's a joke for the review, and Critic has to tell her that it's not.
- Wonder Woman, after meeting Ares, tells him that she's going to destroy him with her 'disintegrating sword'... "And brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates!", she goes for a stab... only for Ares to hold out his hand and the sword disintegrates to pieces.Wonder Woman: Well, what do you know? It disintegrated.
- After expressing his disappointment with Ares having the appereance of a scrawny, stuffy British man, Critic gets pumped up when Ares reveals his One-Winged Angel form, only to get disappointed again when he does indeed become a big, honking monster... but still having the face of his scrawny, stuffy British man appearance.
- Ares decides to kill Wonder Woman with every DC villain's ultimate weapon... OVERWRITTEN DIALOGUES!
- Steve Trevor wryly notes that at least his death was better than Superman's right before he sacrifices himself.
- Ares']] snide remark about Steve Trevor's death? That it was a quicker death than the 2011 Wonder Woman TV series.
- After a long final speech about how the film brings out the best of the DC Universe, Critic gives Wonder Woman a cake as a metaphor for "having your cake and eating it too". And then the music cuts off as Wonder Woman reveals she has diabetes, making the entire thing very awkward.
- Critic decides to casually eat the "hand cake", (as the cake was given to him by an offscreen hand) while Wonder Woman plays the electric guitar to end the episode.Critic: You may be awesome, but you're not "eating hand cake next to Wonder Woman playing electric guitar" awesome.
- What's also funny about this is that it seems to be inspired by how in the actual movie, Wonder Woman has ice cream and likes it.
- Critic decides to casually eat the "hand cake", (as the cake was given to him by an offscreen hand) while Wonder Woman plays the electric guitar to end the episode.
Norm of the North
- Tamara envying people who work uneventful, boring, mundane nine to five jobs.
- Several of the jokes towards the Critic's decision to shave off his hair after reaching enlightenment, including Tamara confusing the Critic with the Cinema Snob as a Buddhist, and Malcolm's bafflement at the Critic having hair.
- Later on, when he realizes that this movie isn't as bad as some the others he's reviewed, and that he hasn't actually achieved enlightenment, it's then that he realizes he shaved his head.
- At that point, Malcolm once again questions if the Critic really has hair. Cut to Malcolm and Tamara running out of the building while the Critic lunges at them with a katana.
- After NC talks about how Norm's lemming friends are just 'introduced' with no rhyme or reason, he asks Bill for an opinion... but it turns out he vanishes. From there, Critic goes into an homage of a Looney Tunes cartoon called 'The Aristo-Cat', right down to the weird backgrounds from that same cartoon when he worryingly calls for Bill. Turns out, Bill was just busy as the temporary king of Iceland, and everything's fine, followed by "The Bill Dance".
- At one point of the review, the Critic mentions how spontaneous the dancing can sometimes be, comparing it to if he started dancing, followed by an odd pause... and then right to the next scene.
- It seems to come together later on in the review; when Critic starts to panic that the film is like a Groundhog Day-style loop, it suddenly cuts to him dancing.
- "How does he have this magical power?... MOVIE!"
- The entire bit with the Talent-Replacer 9000.Critic: You know, I make fun of this movie, but in all honesty, it is very impressive to see the first fully computer-animated motion picture. Oh, I don't mean animated with computers, I mean animated by computers, because only a machine would combine all these cliches and think it somehow equals cinematic emotion. And I actually have that computer right here, the Talent Replacer 9000! Say hello, 9000.
TR-9000: [voiced by a monotone Tamara] Hello, 9000.
Critic: Oh, that sounds like humour! It's years old and not very funny, but nevertheless you've picked up on it, and that's very impressive.
TR-9000: Of course. It is how I make what you humans have called "give-up" films.
Critic: Now tell me, 9000, how did you come up with these ideas?
TR-9000: I do not come up with anything. I calculate what is used in every movie and put it in my movie. Where most films choose to focus on one or two of these cliches to make an emotional connection, I say "suck it" and replace the emotion with more cliches. The misunderstood hero. The busy parent. The budding friendship. Dance sequences. Corporate villains. Fart jokes. Pee jokes. The list is never-ending.
Critic: And that's what you did with Norm of the North?
TR-9000: No. For Rob Schneider movies, I use a different formula.
Critic: Oh yeah? And what's that?
TR-9000: Rob Schneider derp dee derp. Derp dee derp dee derp dee derp. Until one day, the derpa derpa derpa derp. Rob Schneider is Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derp Dee Derp Dee Dumb. Rated PG-13.
Critic: Ah, Dove Foundation approved!
TR-9000: Oh. I mean PG.
- His theory on the movie's conception:Norm: Two peas in a pod!
Olympia: Besties. [hugs Norm]
Critic: [visibly irritated] Yes. You had one scene together and now you're immediately besties. I think this entire film is the result of some idiot looking through the garbage, finding the shredded first drafts of successful films, taping them back together, typing it up on a computer, setting the computer on fire, inhaling the fumes, death, and this was the mocking eulogy some asshole gave at his funeral! And that... is the BEST-case scenario!
- Made even funnier when the aforementioned pictures show Critic as said idiot.
Cats Don't Dance
- He compares Darla Dimple to if the Olsen twins were evil, or Jonathan Lipnicki, or... [cue demonic Mara Wilson clip]Critic: (terrified) Nope! That one's for real!
- The intro is a parody of the intro of The Incredible Hulk (1977) series, with Critic and how upset he is with this movie instead of Banner and his condition.
- During said intro, when Malcolm and Tamara are talking about the movie, and Critic warns him they wouldn't like him when they show him the movie... and then he explodes without warning... only for literally nothing to happen.Critic: I exploded.
- During said intro, when Malcolm and Tamara are talking about the movie, and Critic warns him they wouldn't like him when they show him the movie... and then he explodes without warning... only for literally nothing to happen.
- The Critic shouting "THE HULK!" with ever increasing disappointment every time something dull happens. At one point, his arms limply flailing it's all that it's seen of him, as he's so disappointed that he can't get up.
- "Man, it's a good thing nobody takes a shit in this movie..."
- The Critic's disappointment of Jennifer Connelly's Dull Surprise. At one point, it annoys him so greatly that he views her stilted acting in Labyrinth favorably by comparison.
- The "Zuul, Motherfucker, Zuul!" voice breaking into laughter at the sight of the Gamma Dogs.Zuul: ZUUL, MOTHERFU [stops short] Oh, my God. Are you serious?a Th-that's not the final thing, is it? I- Oh, sorry. (clears throat) ZUUL, MOTHERFU- breaks down laughing What is this?! Guys! Guys, come on! No!
- The Critic's reaction to the Hulk's fight with the Gamma Dogs:Critic: Yep, this is the first action sequence in the movie. One hour in and he's fighting mutant Pound Puppies. Isn't this always what you wanted? When you saw the Incredible Hulk on TV, and cartoons and in the comics, weren't you always wishing for the big screen adaptation where he fought the zombie cast of Lady and the Tramp? [...] So the Hulk defeats the mutant poodle... something that I didn't think I'd say while watching this...
- This also prompts him to wonder what Stan Lee would have had to say about the dailies...
- The shot of Talbot being sent flying over a fireball gives the Critic an idea for a Charlie's Angels spin-off titled "Guy Flying Over Fireball Looking Like A Twat" with Talbot's face photoshopped over Angels' faces.
- The Super Mario Bros. overworld music and sound effects used when Hulk jumps.
- Critic grows so annoyed with each comic book-like transition the movie does that he adds cartoon sound effects to them.
- The dialogue Critic dubs over the scene of the Hulk being chased by helicopters:
- When a helicopter fires at a mountain, it cuts to a clip of Wile E. Coyote being crushed by falling rocks.
- The return of The Big Lebowski jar.
- During yet another boring conversation between Bruce and Betty, the Critic dubs over nearby soldiers featured in that scene.Critic as Soldier 1: Oh, my God! Make him angry!Critic as Soldier 2: Tell him the movie's gonna bomb!
- Critic making fun of Glenn's reaction and the crappy effects of Bruce's transformation scene.Critic as Glenn: Mr. Giant, I swear I ate all my vegetables [gets thrown through the house] AHH!
- His reaction to Nick Nolte literally Chewing the Scenery.
- As a Brick Joke, the ending turns out to also be a parody of the Every Episode Ending of The Incredible Hulk series, just like the intro.
Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
- The opening scene, which makes it very clear that the Critic is in for a rough time:
- In the opening, the Critic states that he likes Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, but "similar to welcomely-divorced parents, just because I like them individually, does not mean they shouldn't stay miles away from each other." He's genuinely put-off by the fact that it's a Shot-for-Shot Remake, and then we get the bit where the girl gets smacked in the chin by the Candy Man's counter - which is faithfully recreated here.Critic: Wait, spoke too soon! This is already weird.
- The Running Gag of "Faces Eating Your Soul While You're Looking At Them Count".
- The repeated use of a clip of Tom and Jerry slamming their heads against a wall.
- Critic making fun of the kids and adults rather disgusted reaction to seeing Wonka for the first time limping with a cane."A cane? PISS ON HIS CORPSE! You know who else had a cane? THE DEVIL!
- Just the sight of a dog on a leash is enough to make the Critic question how this world works, since the dogs that were previously seen were all Funny Animals that have jobs and laws. Which ties into a joke he admitted was Actually Pretty Funny, where Droopy was the fake fifth winner - and the Critic's brain then breaks when he sees Droopy getting led away in handcuffs.
- Critic is completely baffled by Slugworth acting Obviously Evil in private, when his whole role is to be Willy Wonka's hired Red Herring.
- The Critic considers the infamous tunnel scene to be even crazier here than the original, complete with floating toy dogs, getting away with saying "Hell", and the fact that the speech is being delivered by an Oompa-Loompa mouse!
- In the First Viewing:Willy Wonka: So, Charlie. How did you like my factory?Doug: I... fight to give it the star on Yelp.
- Doug and Mr. Walker both break out into guffaws at seeing Droopy getting arrested, due to the sheer absurdity of the situation.
- During the tunnel scene, Rob jokes that the tunnel's images would be all the racist depictions of African-Americans Tom & Jerry had done in the past. When Doug ends up seeing what's actually in the tunnel, he mentions that it's just Rainbow Road from Mario Kart.
- In the video's Cold Opening, Malcolm and Tamara continuously ask the Critic to allow them excuses to do weird stuff in a movie. At first, he agrees, since their last excuse, Beetlejuice, was a critical and box office hit. Unfortunately, their numerous attempts at excuses for weird stuff result in less successful films like Little Monsters and Cool World (both of which the Critic had reviewed in the past), which increasingly grates on the Critic's nerves. The final straw comes when he gives them one more chance to do a movie with weird stuff which will be as good as Beetlejuice. The result is Monkeybone. The Comical Angry Face he gives them in response (shaking head around, eyes rolling and twitching, teeth gnashing) is priceless.Tamara: ...Did you enjoy Monkeybone?
[Gilligan Cut to Malcolm and Tamara shown being forced to write on a whiteboard, "I will not breathe", numerous times. They say the word each time they write it.]
Critic: [smiling sarcastically] Well, how can you accomplish that if you're saying it?
[Malcolm and Tamara take in a deep breath, then resume writing in silence]
- Early in the movie, the Critic is so bored that he's more interested in identifying the Simpsons episode where a Krusty picture in the background came from. Later in the review, there's a scene that it's so stupid for Critic that he goes back to the picture and realizes that it's from the "Homie the Clown" episode.
- When talking about how people once thought that animation was just for kids and the novelty of films like this one was that they were "pushing the envelope", he pats (i.e. pushes) a letter (i.e. envelope).
- "Just for that, you get the button." The sound of a button being pressed is heard, followed by Malcolm and Tamara being blown up, followed by a picture of Jules Winnfield and a message reading "Please forgive our great vengeance and furious anger".
- The dog's nightmare of a cat castrating him.Critic: Whoa. Cat videos on the Dark Web are creepier than I expected.
- Critic recognizes a surgeon in the movie as being played by Bob Odenkirk and wonders how that's gonna be worked into Better Call Saul.
G.I. Joe: The Movie
- The Critic nerdgasming over the Eagleland "America 3()3 yeah!" opening intro. Replete with walking out and ending the review there only to realize there's the rest of the film and saying all that's missing is a Donald Trump tweet saying he didn't like it.
- He also reacts to someone shouting "Cobra!" in the background, pretending its someone who got lost from the rest of the group, and makes overdramatic boos when Cobra first appears.
- As Roadblock carries Cobra Commander as they make their escape from Cobra-La, the Critic, as Cobra Commander, starts to sing "I Will Always Love You".
- Serpentor channeling his warrior princess.
- The Critic saying that Homer Simpson's scream was added in the last part of the Cobra-La ululation.
- "Come on, Falcon, show me your moves! Oh my god, that was totally unintentional! But seriously though, you're going to die."
- The Running Gag of Duke's Convenient Coma.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
- Critic's theory as to how the movie was made: Antfish pretends to be Nicolas Cage and calls the chart guys demanding to be the lead in a live-action remake of The Sorcerer's Apprentice.Cage: Disney, I want to play a wizard.Executive #1 (Malcolm): Well, we can certainly do that.Executive #2 (Rob): Yes, we have a live-action version of Sword in the Stone.Cage: No.Executive #1: Black Cauldron?Cage: No!Executive #2: Wizards of Waverly Place?Cage: NO!Cage: NO!Executive #s: An all-male Hocus Pocus reboot?Cage: I want to play Mickey Mouse.Executive #2: What?Cage: Mouse.Executive #1: No!Cage: Yes.Executive #1: (resigned) Okay.Cage: Just run it by my agent. He says yes to everything.Executive #2: We noticed.(cut to reveal Antfish on the other end)Antfish: Thanks, guys. This is gonna be AWESOOOME! (hangs up and snickers) Oh man, I cannot wait to see where this one leads.
- When a dissolve fades into itself, Tony launches into a long, rambling complaint about the sloppy edit before it dissolves to minutes later giving us this Orphaned Punchline.Tony: And that's why we should all go to Mitt Romney's house dressed as hamsters and convince him he's a hamster too, and his entire human life has been a dream.
- A fake ad proposes the idea of this film leading to a Fantasia Cinematic Universe:
- Samuel L. Jackson as the Nick Fury-like Leopold Stokowski, with a Shout-Out to Long-Haired Hare. "Leopold." "L-L-L-Leopold."
- Jared Leto hams it up as Chernabog. Complete with the reveal that he's not even on set yet.
- Scarlett Johannson gives the ostrich from Dance of the Hours a Dark and Troubled Past.
- The female leads name is Becky Barnes. Of course, Critic and Tony resort to calling her the Winter Soldier.
- When Balthazar seemingly dies, Critic and Tony are well aware of what's going on.Critic: (disinterested) Gee, I can't believe they killed off the main character in a Disney film.Tony: (disinterested) Yeah, just like Snow White, and Pinocchio, and Trusty, and Aurora, and Darby O'Gill, and Baloo, and Robin Hood, and Chief, and Gurgi, and Basil, and the Beast, and Iago, and Esmeralda, and Megara, and Giselle, and WALLE, and Flynn, and Iron Man, and Ralph, and Anna, and Baymax.Critic: Well, I for one am shocked.
- The Running Gag of Critic falling for several Prank Calls:
- First, he's tricked by someone who claims to be Nicolas Cage inviting him to wear bear suits and sing the Duck Tales 1987 theme in Egypt. It was Tony who called him.
- Next, he's called by someone claiming to be Sgt. Slaughter inviting him to go to Africa to wrestle lions until their heads explode. It's actually Devil Boner.
- Then, someone pretends to be Stanley Kubrick, who came Back from the Dead to make the Nostagia Critic movie on the moon. This time, it's Bill. What makes this one especially funny is that Bill doesn't even say a word, and yet Critic still fell for it!
- Finally, he's called by someone claiming to be Corey Taylor. This time, Critic plays along with the caller and sarcastically guesses that his son Griff Taylor, Hyper Fangirl, Black Willy Wonka, Rob Scallon, and Chester A. Bum are going to tour in an ice cream truck. When the caller says that's all correct, Critic hangs up, dismissing it as another prank. Except it's not.
- The mention of a live-action Home on the Range remake.
- When Charging Bull comes to life, Tony adds this quip:Tony as Bull: Where's that little girl? I've got a score to settle!
- The introduction:Critic: Well, I was right. It'll never LEAVE!
Roxanne Featherly: Reclusive adventure-capitalist Scrooge McDuck is back [...] solving mysteries and rewriting history.Critic: "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Ra--!" Oh, I had it!
- And near the end:
- Critic freaking out over the opening scene of a seagull being shooed away by feathered sailors.
- Donald's line "Crazy old bird" being mistaken for "broad" due to his Speech Impediment, with Critic making a Call-Back to a similar misinterpretation.
- Critic's in-joke counter, which he brushes aside when he realizes there's going to be a lot of them.
- When Dewey mentions Cape Suzette, Critic hopes it will open the door for a TaleSpin reboot, maybe a live-action one.
- The counter starts rising rapidly when the kids are in Scrooge's collection, which is full of references to the original series.
- When Dewey's usage of the marbles is to smash the door handle with them, subverting the original series:Critic: You know, dammit, show, stop being so clever!
- Which ties back into his comment about Scrooge's business executives all being vultures.Critic: You know, I'm only three minutes into this show and already it's more insanely-clever than it needs to be.
- Since Scrooge is voiced by David Tennant, Critic can imagine him the cranky duck telling someone to throw coffee in his own face.
- Critic calling the new Webby "Wabel"."Quackling hook!"
- After seeing one woman's strong resemblance to Roxanne, Critic says he's happy that she's still looking for a job after breaking up with Max, who is now dating a model..."a butt-ugly CGI model".
- And when the same woman reappears as a reporter, Critic is happy that Roxanne already found another job.
- Scrooge tells Beakley of the prophecy that will lead the way to Altantis, but Critic thinks of another Atlantis expedition.Critic: Ehh, Joss Whedon already searched once with Disney, it got mixed results.
- He later brings this up again when noting of the show using ideas of Atlantis from a failed straight to dvd tv show that never happened.
- After the Headlessman Horse leaves with its new head, Critic admits as funny as that was, if there was any character he wants to know the fate of...
- Critic describes Pixiu as a Chinese dragon who, much like the live-action remake of Mulan, is only there to consume riches.
- After the characters defeat (or as Critic says, presumably murders) Pixu, he half-heartedly notes that not having a head isn't the roadblock it used to be while showing a gif of the Headlessman Horse.
- Glomgold welcomes his new employees to Glomgold Industries, Critic says, "Well, now we know what the CEO of 'The Tilted Kilt' looks like."
- As Scrooge describes from a carving how the Atlanteans were so eager to build their city of wonders and death traps, they forgot to make a proper support system, causing the whole city to fall into the sea. Critic immediately calls this out, "So they... made that sign after the city sank?" Then he plays a clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where one of the knights looks at carving noting, "he must have died while carving it."
- As he notes how Huey, Dewey and Louie have separate identities compared to previous appearances:
- When Dewey yells at Scrooge for lumping him with the others "while he drives", Critic tries to reassure him.
- As Glomgold abandons his henchmen and tries to blow up Atlantis and everyone inside:Gabby McStabberson: Mr. Duck! Could we, um, maybe bum a ride with you?
Critic (as Gabby): We're just gonna be confused for Ninja Turtle villains if we don't get more screentime.
- As the episode ends, Critic prepares to celebrate by drinking out of his favorite and most expensive champagne glass with his favorite and most expensive champagne inside. Then comes The Reveal that the nephews' barely-mentioned mother will play a part in the series' Myth Arc, and, well...
- He goes off on a rant about the reveal of Della Duck and how he never considered the triplets had actual parents.Critic: I just assumed they were clones! Spawned in a laboratory of comedic sidekicks!
- Critic thinking Eragon is a generic fantasy VHS game from the 80's rather than a film from 2006.
- Critic does the standard introduction to his videos much to the confusion of Malcolm and Tamara.Critic: Let's go through and see what's wrong with this messterpiece.Tamara: What are your eyes even looking at? We're down here.Critic: Let's take a look at Eragon.Malcolm: Who are you talking to right now?!
- The Running Gag of NC finding generic fantasy tropes within the film and showing other films that these tropes have appeared in.
- NC can't distinguish between Eragon and Roran, and in the scene where Roran leaves, he dubs the characters thinking they don't know either.
- Critic's hatred of overly dark fight scenes returns, and he interprets Eragon's first use of magic as him being so pissed off by the lack of lighting that he overcomes it through sheer willpower.
- John Malkovich is the narrator of the video. He not only knows what Critic is going to say, but has prepared several statements reassuring them that yes, this is a recording. He's lying and is Skyping in from another room.
- The video opens with Critic absolutely giddy that he gets to talk about Samurai Jack, only for Malcolm to inform him he's actually talking about Kangaroo Jack. The spark in his eye just dies out.
- Critic pointing out the clear Executive Meddling when it goes from Charlie groping Jessie's breasts to a long dream sequence of Kangaroo Jack rapping and talking, making it clear how stitched together this was.
- The random insertions of scenes from the animated sequel.
- That his reaction to this is "All Are Pun-ish-ed!"
- When going over the money realization while in the "plane bathroom making people think you're talking about your own shit joke", NC wonders how the writing process went. Cut to a gag where the writer (who also wrote the Godfather) figures it out and his assistant praises him as a god. It also happens in the "camel farting" scene.
- The assertion that Michael Shannon and Martin Csokas must not've even been told what this movie was really called or what it was really about, otherwise they wouldn't be putting nearly as much effort into their performance.
- Once he realizes that the premise is about the two main characters chasing after Kangaroo Jack to get the money back, Critic says it would be passable as the plot of a short starring Sylvester the Cat and the kangaroonote instead of a movie that's an hour and twenty minutes long. He then adds that the least they could have done is turning it into a crossover with Wile E. Coyote. It then cuts to the latter, holding a sign that reads "Nope.", and immediately leaving afterwards.
- Bookending the video, Critic excitedly announces the next review is The Green Mile, but is confused that it stars Ryan Reynolds as a superhero, only for Malcolm to tell him the next review is Green Lantern.Critic: OH, COME O- [cue the end credits]
A Goofy Movie
- The Critic has a lot of Furry Confusion questions.Critic: Remember when Goofy owned a cat? Is that like slavery?!
- As the opening titles spell out "A MOVIE" before "GOOFY" is added to it, the Critic wonders what A Movie would have been like.
- The Critic on the opening fantasy at the beginning involving Max and Roxanne.Critic: Eh, to be fair, this fantasy is kinder than the fantasies the internet has had about her. [Yellow Text flashes on the screen that says "DON'T GOOGLE IT!" "I DID!" "MISTAKE!"]
- The look on the Critic's face during the texts meant that he saw things he could never unsee.
- He then compliments the movie for actually making a Goofy laugh scary with the opening nightmare sequence.
- When talking about Max's Powerline "concert" at the assembly, he posits a question he's raised before regarding The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.Critic: You know, is it possible to make something so dated that it's actually timeless? This movie is really trying to say "yes".
- When Max and Roxanne start flirting in the Principal's office, he has this to say.Critic: Aww, it's Puppy Love. (Unseen audience boos) Don't act like you wouldn't have said it! Your hands are just as dirty!
- When Max and Goofy play a road trip guessing game.Goofy: You think of a name, and I'll try to guess who it is! Man or woman?Max: Man.Goofy: Walt Disney!Max: Right... [massive explosion]Critic as Goofy: A-hyuck! Did we just implode our universe for a minute? ... Oh well! [Continues driving]
- During the song and dance number, the Critic points out that the implications are rather disturbing, as other singers consist of a Country group stuffed into a piano, a kidnapping victim in the trunk of a car, and the dead coming back to life to join in.
- Also during the song, Critic notes how confusing it is that Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are hitchhiking on the highway, yet Max has a Mickey phone on his nightstand and earlier mentioned that his father is friends with Donald.Critic: Dude, Max, you should ask. Maybe your dad does know Powerline. These are some weird connections.
- The Critic is similarly disturbed by the amount of Creepy Children in the movie, citing the baby's flash of red eyes at Goofy's job and the girl with missing teeth at the Possum Park.
- Speaking of which...Max: My life's a living-
Lester Possum: Hello, little buddy!
Critic: O-kay, G film, you were this close to getting a "P" put in front of you.
- Which just leads to further confusion as this is a giant animal dressed as a giant animal.
- Speaking of which...
- Max and Goofy fishingGoofy: The perfect cast...
- Regarding their bonding while trapped in their car by Bigfoot.Goofy: Or, "I love you!" (Beat as an awkward silence ensues)
Critic: When you realize - "Shit, this movie's kind of working." Followed by (Gasp! as Max hands Goofy "Hi Dad" at the bottom of his cup)
Goofy: [softly] 'Night, Maxie.
Critic: Excuse me, I've got something in my eye. Ah, there we go. Where was I? Oh yeah, this scene. This scene makes me cry!
- When Goofy mimes with a mime and somehow causes a real piano to drop on him!Critic as Goofy: A-hyuck, I committed abstract murder.
- Brought up again at the end, as Max introduces Roxanne to his father:Critic as Goofy: A-hyuck, I killed a mime.
- Brought up again at the end, as Max introduces Roxanne to his father:
- As Goofy and Max settle down in a ocean-themed motel room, described as "The Little Mermaid's love shack", containing transparent waterbeds with live fish in them:Critic: Ohh, those fish gotta stare at Goofy's junk all night?! Are there fish-people in this world? I need to know how to judge this!
- As Goofy and Max have an argument while their car careens down the cliffside and sails down a river with them on top of it:Critic: They blow up at each other and sit in silence while... well, there's no other way to say it. They're in a car DOWN BY THE RIVER!
- Throughout the review, he's brought in Ryan Reynolds's other superhero role to help, Deadpool (2016). But he continuously acts like an unfunny, random, annoying jackass. Hyper Fangirl reveals that that it's not Deadpool, it's Cosplaying Asshole Deadpool.Hyper: You know, one of those guys at a convention who, just because he's wearing a Deadpool costume, thinks that he's instantly funny and can do no wrong.
Cosplaying Asshole Deadpool: I'm gonna judge really hot chicks and act like I have a chance to get with them!
Critic: Oh, that's why he's so insufferable. You see, I thought something that was so clever and timeless would be represented here, but instead I just got an imitation that has no idea what made the original good-You can play clips over this, that's the idea.
- Critic brings up the upside-down kiss from Spider-Man and the Flight of Romance from Superman as examples of memorable romantic scenes from superhero movies. When he mentions that the romantic scene in this movie (whose protagonist can do ANYTHING with his ring) merely consists of Hal Jordan and Carol Ferris sitting down and talking, he then says that it'd be like if the aforementioned scene from Superman was replaced by the Man of Steel and Lois Lane simply eating food from McDonald's.
- "Have you tried turning the film off and on again?
- The Critic calling Sinestro "Captain Pepto-Bismol" and "Sunburned Stephen Colbert"
- When Parallax appears:
- Cosplaying Asshole Deadpool gets the chance to touch Hyper's breasts, unaware that Devil Boner would beat the shit out of him. So yes, Hyper managed to pull off a literal Booby Trap.
- The StingerCritic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and... I'm gonna kick him a bit more because it's fun.
- This year's Nostalgia-Ween intro is a parody of Treehouse of Horror, with the Grave Humor including:
- The Critic notices that the opening is an egg-shaped moon. We immediately cut back to him pointing a shotgun at the screen.Critic: I'm opening fire if this is a Howard the Duck spin-off!
- The older kids' horrendously repetitive antics annoy Critic to the point that he expects Doctor Strange to appear and say he's come to bargain.
- Critic's... terrified reaction to the kids' dot eyes compared to Hannah's.
- Critic literally falls out of his chair when he hears that Mr. Pettibones is the LITERAL Skeleton In The Closet.Critic: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
- When he starts doing a showtunes number in the climax...Critic: Can we just conclude there is nothing in the closet about him anymore?
- When Mr. Pettibones first appears, the Critic jokes that he's voiced by John Waters. After hearing him speak, however, the Critic corrects himself by saying that John Waters wishes he could be in something this kitsch.
- When he starts doing a showtunes number in the climax...
- After a series of Overly Long Gags from the kids, we get the scene where Diablo Bros. Pizza arrives.
- The Cold Opening (which is a Shout-Out to Marge's warnings in older Treehouse of Horror episodes) with Hyper Fangirl telling everyone that the video is about something scary: opinions. The audience boos her, but she reminds them of the fact that everyone got upset with the Critic reviewed the first version of It, but since then they have wanted him to review a Stephen King movie once each year. She asks that the audience all be adults and accept that there are better things worth arguing. But when they boo and pelt her with negative comments...Hyper: My fiancee said that this would happen, so he wrote me a little backup speech.
(She pulls out a GIGANTIC MACHINE GUN and aims it menacingly at the audience!)
Hyper: ANY O' YOU CRYBABIES SHIT-PANTS GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YOU CAN TALK IT UP WITH ME!!!
- With that, she unloads her gun on the audience, reducing them to silence! Then she reverts to speaking more calmly:
- The Grave Humor in this intro includes:
- The setup is a parody of Batman's "Almost Got 'Im" entitled Almost Got It, where both Tim Curry's and Bill Skarsgård's versions of Pennywise are playing poker. The third person is Maurice Moss.
- When the Critic comes in and suggests that they let him decide who had the better movie, both Pennywises shut him down. The Critic decides to do it anyway because he refuses to do The Dark Tower movie.
- Over the opening, there's off-hand comments about "Ratings", described as "How you measured success before Netflix arrived." It was described as "stupid", because "They told us nobody watched Family Guy, but the fans brought it back so that years later, nobody will watch Family Guy."
- The starring cast includes:
- Bill Skarsgård (With several symbols above his accent)
- Bill (Malcom's recurring character, who is replaced by...)
- New White Bill
- Pawn Sacrifice in Yellow Coat
- Not the 'Stranger Things' Kids
- Except One
- Every Stephen King Trope
- TWO Creepy Pedophiles
- Tommy Tibble from Author
- Lucas from The Dark Tower
- He sure traded up on King movies
- Mr. and Mrs. Lightbulb
- Blue Sky Posing as a Rainy Day
- When Georgie (played by Tamara) encounters the 2017 Pennywise in the storm drain, he just runs for it. Also, Curry Pennywise's perfectly-delivered commentary on the absurd creepiness of that scene:You don't feed off their dumb! Something has to draw them in!
- This wonderful exchange:-Skarsgard!Pennywise: Wait a minute, what do you mean, "silly"!? There's nothing silly about me! I'm the most frightening thing in cinema!
Critic: (beat) You wanna tell him, or should I?
Curry!Pennywise: I think we should both tell him.
Skarsgard!Pennywise: What? Tell me what?
Critic and Curry!Pennywise: YOU'RE A CLOWN!
- The Critic and Curry Pennywise making fun of Skarsgård!Pennywise's "scary" run.Curry Pennywise: You look and sound like a possessed Olaf from Frozen.
- The scene where Ben invites the Losers Club to his house has two moments:
- Critic points out that at least Ben's status as the "Token Fat" is not the stereotypical Big Eater.Critic: Yeah, I guess I'll give the movie this. Instead of the fat kid trope being obsessed with-
Ben: [Holding a box full of Twinkies] FOOD!
Critic: In this, he's obsessed with-
Ben: [Points to his Town Map wall while munching on Twinkies] TOWN!
- The kids are too busy making references about the 80s Shout Outs and keep ignoring Richie noticing Pennywise in all the pictures.
- Critic points out that at least Ben's status as the "Token Fat" is not the stereotypical Big Eater.
- When the bullies (one of them played by Malcolm) are bullying Mike (who is also played by Malcolm)...Malcolm as Bully: This feels a little self-defeating.
- When the Losers Club is recruiting Mike, he only accepts if he's not getting shoved into the background like Stan. Then Stan explains that, since there are already too many characters as it is, he was inevitably the one who had to be Out of Focus, so he gets replaced with a cardboard cutout until he does something. Right after that, Mike gets shoved into the background with him as well. They spend most of the review as freeze-takes. When it's the moment to take out Henry, the group call Mike to do it, unfreezing him. Before Stan also gets to expose his background, they tell him that there's no time and he will be relegated to the DVD extras.
- Pennywise's dancing has a Stupid Statement Dance Mix of "MEME ME!" which the Critic and Curry's Pennywise find hilarious when the Critic puts South Park's German Dance over it.Skarsgård Pennywise: Oh come on, people just stopped playing Gangnam Style over that!
- When Pennywise is transforming into the kids' fears, one of them is Tommy Wiseau. The kids immediately start beating him up at this point. Bonus points for the actor playing Bill trying to keep his wig on before giving up and tossing it on Wiseau/Pennywise like a weapon."Tommy Wiseau": (as he is getting the tar beaten out of him) You're just chickens! Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheeeeep!
- The scene where Ben kisses Beverly is interrupted by Jason breaking character and points out that he's married.Jason: (shows his ring finger) You know what, I'm married. I love my wife. (kisses his finger and pats it on Beverly's nose)
Beverly: (snaps out of her catatonic state) Still counts!
- Bill, Ben, and Beverly check the book to see what Beverly would do originally... and are intensely disturbed and disgusted by the tunnel sex scene, immediately agreeing to just blow kisses to each other and never think about it again.Beverly: (clearly disturbed) Oh yeah no, I'm not doing that. (motions towards her neck)
Bill: S-super uncomfortable.
Beverly: Umm... How about we, um, uh... blow kisses? (all three of them awkwardly blow kisses towards each other and leave)
- The Reveal that The Critic is actually the Joker in disguise, telling them that they should be both scary and funny.Joker: Do you know how many incarnations of the Joker there's been? Tons! And do you know what the best ones have in common?Skarsgård Pennywise: They're not Jared Leto?Joker: ... Yes.
- After Joker advises both Skarsgård Pennywise and Curry Pennywise to be scary and funny, Curry Pennywise suddenly remembers the Clown Prince of Crime from somewhere.
- The review ends with the Critic and the Curry and Skarsgård Pennywises doing the silly dance in a Looney Tunes backdrop with 'The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down' playing. The three then turn to the right and do the miniseries' "WA HA! WA HA! WA HA!" and do the Skarsgård smile at the screen. The final shot is that of a Looney Tunes ending screen which reads "That's IT, folks!"
- The end credits have Rob and Malcolm having a Who's on First? routine with the name "It".
- The Grave Humor in this intro includes:
- The Critic finds the fact that Michael, in this version, lies about having committed the murders exactly like a little kid usually lies about far more mundane things.
- Comparing Michael's "troubled childhood" to the "Most Annoying Sound in the World."
- The Critic summarizes the film's ending:
The Mummy (1999)
- The Grave Humor in this intro includes:
- A Brick Joke involving the film's credits:Critic: Sadly, though, Fraser is said to hang, and...
[The hatch opens, and Rick is left hanging]
Critic: ...short movie.
[Cut to the film's end credits, with the words "Directed by Stephen Sommers", before cutting back to the original scene]
Critic: Actually, his neck doesn't break...
[Later on, when Jonathan inadvertently presses a trap switch in a Hamunaptra pyramid wall, causing the roof collapses and Imhotep's sarcophagus seemingly falls on Rick and Evy]
Critic: Well, that's the end of them.
[Cut to the same end credits again, with the same directorial credits, before cutting back to the original scene]
Critic: No, they just missed it... goddammit... and find the Book of the Dead.
- When the scarab start eating Gad from the inside, albeit with poorly done CGI:Critic: (as Gad) Oh, no! I'm being photoshopped to death!
- While Gad continues screaming, the Critic asks if Macaulay Culkin is in the tomb with them. The clip of Gad screaming is shown again before cutting to a clip from Home Alone of Culkin's character screaming.
- When Gad dies after running towards a wall:Critic: He died as he lived. Like Curly Howard.
- "Why are you dressed up as Grunkle Stan and talking like Franken Berry?"
- Malcolm and Tamera not realizing there was a Mummy Movie before The Mummy Trilogy.Malcolm: Well, people remember the Fraser one. You should talk about that.Critic: Fine, I'll leave it to the audience. How many of you would- (Yellow text pops up saying 'Fraser One') GOD DAMNIT YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!
- The Critic constantly makes fun of the film's unrealistic special effects.
- Similarly, the Running Gag of replaying Evie's statement that the beetles eat people slowly, when the movie shows them devouring people very quickly.
- Playing clips of Bartok over various scenes of Beni.
- The "derp count," counting the instances where each of Fraser's lines that in any other movie would be a witty one-liner are instead replaced by Fraser stating the completely obvious and making a Dull Surprise face. The count goes to well over a dozen.
- The ending: the Critic rejoices finally getting a chance to talk about the original Mummy movie... only to be interrupted by The Angry Video Game Nerd, who convinces Critic to collaborate with him, in order to redeem the "good Mummy films" (in reference to the 1932 and 1959 movies), by reviewing the 2017 re-remake next week.
The Mummy (2017)
- As a crossover with Cinemassacre's Monster Madness, the intro combines the Treehouse of Horror parody with several details from the Monster Madness bumpers.
- The Grave Humor in this intro includes:
- At the beginning, the Nerd says that this movie, in some respects, made things come full circle, confusing Critic:Nerd: Okay, it's a very shittily-drawn circle, but it's still a circle.Nerd: My point is...
- While waiting for the inevitable Jump Scare towards the police officers, Critic asks the Nerd to let him know when it happens while he's in the bathroom, so he can pretend to be interested. And when it does happen...Nerd: Happened.Critic: Oh my god, it's so scary.
- The Critic scoffing at Russell Crowe calling Tom Cruise "a younger man." Tom Cruise is two years older than Russell Crowe!Critic: Can you kill your ego for just a few seconds!?
- Critic is disappointed that he ended Nostalgia-Ween with this film, so the Nerd gives him a DVD for his next review to make up for it, saying it's an adaptation of a beloved anime. Critic gladly walks off to get ready for the next review... unaware that the movie the Nerd gave him was Dragonball Evolution.
- The opening skit has the Critic as Krillin, MasakoX as Goku, and LittleKuriboh as Vegeta.
- And as their opening Take That!, they asked how many people believed their low-budget opening skit was more faithful than the movie itself.
- The fact that Masako X and LittleKuriboh are collaborating with the Critic to review this movie...Critic: A Japanese anime dubbed by Americans, now analyzed by two Brits!
LittleKuriboh: It makes as much sense as anything else in this movie.
- The collaborating reviewers, at some point, liken Justin Chatwin's various expressions to pants-ruining farts. It gets to the point where near the end of the film, they splice in the audio and then video of the diarrhea scene from Dumb and Dumber.Kyle Hebert: Next time, on Dragonball: Metamucil!
- The Rotten Tomatoes rating of this movie? "It's over 9 perceeeeent!" note Followed by squashing the phone.
- The "Slumming-it Fairy", who provides stock lines so that the writers can get a quicker payday. She even gives you "Stock parental advice" for no extra charge!Fairy: Whatever. Can I get high on your couch?
Critic: Sure. (beat) This is only going to get worse, isn't it?
- Malcolm comes in halfway through the review tearfully pointing a gun at the camera. The Critic has to talk him down from shooting the abomination of a film.
- After the Mood Whiplash scene of Goku cutting Master Roshi's laughter short by saying "My grandfather is dead", the trio and Malcolm join the Slumming-it Fairy on the couch with joints, with Malcolm's being a camberwell carrot.Critic: It doesn't get rid of the pain...
Kuriboh: But it does make it hurt a little less.
- Then they end up returning to it two more times.LittleKuriboh: We should just live here.
- Then they end up returning to it two more times.
- Upon Goku sliding across the hood of a car on his head:Masako X: Oh, c'mon, even Krillin wouldn't do that... by the way, is he even in this?
Masako X: Agh, piece of shit film...
Critic: [looking confused] Should I be angry at that?
Critic: [Suddenly SHOUTING!] I'm really angry!!
- The Running Gag of the narrator of Dragon Ball Z, Kyle Hebert himself, doing an On the Next after certain scenes and changing the title of Dragon Ball every time according to the scene:[after Goku and Grandpa Gohan train while walking over wires] Next time, on Dragon Ball Marionettes...
[after the first montage of adding fart sounds over Justin Chatwin's facial expressions] Next time, on Dragon Ball Metamucil...
[after Goku catches some rocks on Bullet Time, complete with Matrix bending] Next time, on Dragon Ball... Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?
- Once the film brings up airbending, Kyle Hebert decides to quit.
- The reaction to The Stinger, with LittleKuriboh excitedly hyping up for its dragging out of The Reveal (with him mentioning every step of the scene) while Critic and Masako X stare in disinterest. Then:
- Made even better by the fact that the Critic and Masako X are desperately corpsing.
- At the end of the review, it seems like Kyle Hebert comes back, but it turns out to be Jon Bailey — then Hebert comes back, where it seems like the two are about to compete against each other to see who does the best voice-over... only for the reviewers to quickly hand Hebert the win by default.
- When the main characters go to a temple and find a monk played by Ernie Hudson: "So Chew the Fat, Harmony Starr, Surf Ninja and Elijah Wooden all travel to the Temple of Underappreciated Ghostbusters..."
- "Grandpa brings Goku back to life, because he's only half-dead, and they go to stop Piccolo after apologizing to Ernie Hudson for having him for only two minutes."
- NC mocks the circumstances of Grandpa Gohan's dying words:
- "Oh! Um... meanwhile, on Bowser's airship, a villain named Piccolo is wondering why being hundreds of feet in the air gets him surprisingly little wind resistance."
- The use of the Kamehameha here is mocked for looking more like a screensaver.LittleKuriboh: Oh no! He's turned into 3D Pipes!
- "Goku wakes up Roshi and makes the sad discovery that Chow Yun-fat found a film worse than Pirates 3 to appear in."
- When Goku gets surprise-attacked by Mai disguised as Chi-Chi, he sees Grandpa Gohan in his dream, who provides more Slumming-It Fairy-worthy motivational quotes. The Critic looks on in disbelief that Gohan actually said things he meant as a joke.Critic: OH, COME ON! That was just a generalization! He actually says that?!
LittleKuriboh: Why not just have him say, "Plenty of fish in the sea!"
MasakoX: "Remember to drink your milk!"
LittleKuriboh: "Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow..."
- The Nostalgia Critic giving Dante Basco dignified footage... of him dressed as Zuko from his Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes review shooting fire from his crotch while shouting "HONOR!".
- Crtic giving timestamps for the Obligatory Joke for the Avatar: The Last Airbender and American Dragon: Jake Long references.
- Critic's reaction to when Rufio's shadow comes to life and grows spiked hair.
- At the end of the review, Dante Basco calls the Critic's phone. Critic, remembering what happened last time he criticised something Basco was in, is quick to point out that he gave the film an overall positive review. Basco tells the Critic he is just calling to thank him for giving the film a fair shot, and assures him that he doesn't mind at all that he made fun of some of the more corny parts; before he, without skipping a beat, casually adds that the pressure-activated bomb he has placed under the Critic's desk is all down to the fact that he just doesn't like him.
War of the Commercials
- Just Go!
- The Critic imagining Mario pulling A Clockwork Orange on Yoshi while watching the original Super Smash Bros. commercial.NC as Mario: I was calm on the outside, but thinking all of the time. So now it was Yoshi the general, saying what to do and what not to do. Well, I viddied what to do.
NC as Mario: Never forgive, asshole!NC as DK: You're a dickhead, Mario!NC as Mario: You're the dickhead!
- Before this, he speculates that Mario just had a childhood flashback to a time Yoshi failed to protect him.
- The Critic reacting with surprise and dread that the first Got Milk? commercial was directed by Michael Bay himself.
- The Critic being annoyed and perplexed by the Burger King promo for Purrtenders.
- The Critic is fairly certain The Eliminator was meant for an alternate purpose.
- Critic freaking out over Big Mean Carl devouring Bean Bunny on a Muppet crumpet commercial.
- Critic as Bunny: Oh, God, no! I'm the last of my kind! Oh, sweet Jesus! That's where Skeeter went!
- Critic wondering if the Muppets would do a commercial if it rhymed with Muppet:Logo: The Hump-It Condoms Show
- And the Imagine Spot of Kermit in negotiations for the ad:Kermit: CRUMPETS?! GODDAMN CRUMPETS?! Are you shitting me!? We're the freakin' MUPPETS, not Teletubbies!Larry: I think if you consider -Kermit: NO! NO! MY GRANDFATHER WAS AN OLD JEWISH SOCK AND HE CAME TO THIS COUNTRY TO UPHOLD OUR THEFROG NAME! You don't get me better deals, you're letting a generation of FABRIC DOWN!Larry: Look, if you just think about it -Kermit: Oh, I see. You want me to think about it. Well, think about this, Larry: My banjo Rainbow-Connecting to what's left of your BALLS! NO CRUMPETS! (Slams speaker off) Nancy?Nancy: (Enters nervously) Yes, Mr. F?Nancy: (Nervously) Don't you think you've had enough, Mr. F?Kermit: (Slowly turns his head towards her) I'll tell you when I've had enough! (Throws empty beer bottle at Nancy, who yelps as it hits her)Nancy: (Angrily) You washed up bastard! (Slams door closed)
- And the Imagine Spot of Kermit in negotiations for the ad:
- Critic gushing over a commercial about a dog sitting in the middle of a room... before a gun is pointed at the animal. Cue the flipping out.
- Critic: What in fluffy shit was that!? Was this a terrorist hostage video for Petsmart?
- The organizations logo, RSPCA appears at the end of the commercial, and Critic looks it up. After doing some research, he finds out that this was actually a PSA from Britain.Critic: OH, OF COURSE! When youre doing crumpets, youre all Muppets and dancing, but when youre doing a PSA, YOURE KILLING DOGS! NEW CANADA!
- He then demands another commercial be shown to take his mind off the RSPCA one. Said commercial is for Pound Puppies.
- With the Mickey Mouse Talking Phone, the Critic imagines what it'd be like with other Disney options, including Bambi, Judge Frollo, the entire cast of Song of the South, and the crows from Dumbo. Bonus points for the father in the Imagine Spot being portrayed by Malcolm, especially when it comes to the latter two, and the outcome of him smashing the Talking Phone violently after calling the crows. In the commercial itself, the Critic remarks that the characters don't actually sound like themselves at all: Mickey Mouse sounds like "a drunken old lady shouting obscenities", Snow White sounds like just another woman (which should be enough to fool the kids at their young age), and Donald Duck sounds like one of the Martians in Mars Attacks!.Critic: Three out of three wrong! That's pretty impressive.
- The Balzac commercial. Full of Mondegreen fun. Followed by the Ball Busters commercial. The Critic has to do his damnedest to not make a perverted joke.
- He comments on the the knowing wink the actress gives the camera when her husband calls her "a real Ball Buster!" The Critic also takes issue with just how much the narrator savors the game's name.
- He has to walk out on the Oozinator commercial. He doesn't say a word, but he does edit it with erotic music, "your kids and your Johnson", and the Wonder Boner.
- The Pole Position commercial gets the Critic so hyped up, he decides to reenact the skit by Announcer!Doug sending Rob back in time to fight a T. rex, Malcolm to fight a skeleton, Jim into an active volcano, and Barney to suffocate in the vacuum of space. He calms down when Tamara offers him a slice of apple pie, and is so stricken with guilt that he confesses to her that he killed everyone.
- The Critic is very disturbed at how his skits are getting.Critic: Wow...again, we went really dark on that one...Really dark! I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and...I don't know why I look forward to this every year! That got sick...really sick!
- The Critic is very disturbed at how his skits are getting.
Super Mario Bros.: The Anime
Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa
- The first episode of the Christmas season starts off with the Critic proving his dominance over the holiday by killing the last Christmassians... and immediately regretting it.
- Critic calling this special the Christmas version of Foodfight! and the characters rejected ReBoot sex dolls.
- The Critic telling the viewers not to be concerned about the blood running out of their eyes.
- "After snapping his neck from looking up, *crunch* he [Ricky] gets the smile of a serial killer looking at all the toys in the store."
- He points out that the school sign misspelled "excellence" as "excelence".
- (In the tune of Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing") "I want my, I want my, I want my M60!"
- "Drunk Face Or Kill Face?"
- At one point, he says the special would look better if they simply played The Sims and talked over it. How bad is it? The Critic spends the commercial break staring at the sun so he'll see something better.
- "You know, I'm not gonna lie, I really thought Parappa The Rapper's origin story would be more interesting than this."
- Critic trying to translate Ricky's great-grandma's rambling. He compares it to a dolphin reciting the Necronomicon.
- The Critic losing it after seeing the "guard dogs".
- The Critic calling Smithy's sandwich Zardoz.
- "Grandma died, get the shovel".
- The Critic creeped out by the characters' lack of eyelids.
- Critic dubbing over Eric with the Joker's voice. Earlier, he dubbed in the "We Are Nintendo" ad's creepy voices.
- Critic's amazement that the special ends with Eric shouting "SHUT THAT DOOR" and puts it in other (better) Christmas specials (specifically, Home Alone, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and A Christmas Carol). He also ends the review with it.
- The Top 3 Reactions to this special are all hilarious:
- #3: Someone finishes the special, only to open a picture of Walt Disney and look at it in despair while playing "When She Loved Me".
- #2: A woman chews out Critic for making her watch the special, complete with a WTH, Casting Agency? reaction to all the big-name voice actors in it.
- #1: A man drinks from a bottle of wine before breaking into tears.
A Muppet Family Christmas
- The special opens with the Muppets singing "We Need a Little Christmas", which the Critic thinks is "the only Christmas song legally allowed to be played as a polka."
- "Is 'Wocka-Wocka' to bears what 'Shalom' is to Jewish people?"
- Critic is shocked that Swedish Chef is refereed to as such, even by his friends. He then proceeds to provide subtitles to what he thinks he's really sayingFozzie Bear: Swedish Chef!Swedish Chef: It's Sven, you asshole! (He slips and falls over) Shit!
- Later, when he tries to cook Doc's dog, Sprocket:Doc: He is NOT a Christmas turkey!Swedish Chef: Don't make me go Seventh Seal on your meatballs!
- When the Christmas Turkey tries to show him another bird to cook:Christmas Turkey: Look at THIS!(He shows him Big Bird in the living room, accompanied by a rumble of thunder)Swedish Chef: IKEA'S NUTSACK! Ingmar Bergman Volvo Moose Meat!
- But eventually, Big Bird gives him a present, convincing him to cook something else:Big Bird: Tell me, exactly what are you going to fix for Christmas dinner?Swedish Chef: Uh... Ooh! Man. Sweet, buttery, delicious man.Big Bird: My absolute favorite!
- Later, when he tries to cook Doc's dog, Sprocket:
- The interactions between Michael Caine and a Critic operated Kermit the Frog.
- Speaking of Michael Caine, Walter Banasiak shows up at the end playing Caine to torment the Critic.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
- The niece that Aunt Despair dropped off at the Critic's office (and he subsequently gave to Chester A. Bum) in the Balto review? She's actually pretty well-adjusted with her new family.
- After Kevin records his Uncle singing in the shower.
- "This is why you're Time Magazine's Person of the Year."
- This exchange:Harry: We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.Marv: This aint like the last time.
- The Critic is trying throughout the review not to make Uncle Lies and Aunt Despair's family fight with Chester's as they wait for the meal to be delivered:
- The beginning:Aunt Despair: [gives Malcolm a bottle of gin, dropping her cigarette in it in the process] Here you go. [pats him on the head]Chester: Oh, now, that's no way to treat a child!Doe: Yeah! Why don't you raise yours like we raise ours? [hugs Little Girl]Little Girl: Why, I'm pretty sure they did raise me before I got abandoned in the Balto review.Aunt Despair: Mmm, no, that wasn't you.Little Girl: Pretty sure it was.Uncle Lies: No, we remember the children we abandon.Chester: Do you?Critic: [rubs his hands] Well, I don't know about you, but I sure am excited for our Christmas meal.Malcolm: Yeah, where is it? We've been waiting forever.Uncle Lies: Now, son, don't make us abandon you like we did her.Doe: But you just said-Critic: The meal's taking a while, because it's being specially delivered. Trust me, you only want an expert to deal with something so perfectly Christmassy!Chester: Well, as long as it's edible, I'm good.Doe: Honey...Chester: Okay, it doesn't have to be edible! [Chester, Doe and Little Girl laugh]Aunt Despair: That explains why your kid looks like she ate chimney.Little Girl: [still smiling] It tasted like dying.Doe: Well, at least we know where our kid is!Aunt Despair: What are you even talking a— [slowly turns her head to notice Malcolm is not in his chair] Oh, now I get it.Uncle Lies: Hey, boy! Stop eating that glue and save some for me!Malcolm: [offscreen; drowsily] I feel colors...Chester: Parents of the year. [crosses arms]Doe: You won't even share!Aunt Despair: You said something over there, pubic wig?Critic: [interrupts them by grabbing a remote] Hey! Why don't we watch a movie? [Malcolm sits back, still junked up] The perfect Christmas interaction where we don't have to have any interaction!
- The plane scene:Aunt Despair: I have some theories on why 9/11 really happened.Doe: Really?Chester: Do tell.Critic Oh, look! Another possibly debatable funny scene!
- Donald Trump's cameo:Malcolm: Auntie, isn't that a man we should be talking about?Critic: Nope! No! No! There is no reason to talk about him at all!Chester: We feel like that guy got into poli-mi-tics.Doe: Surely, there is no harm in discussing poli-mi-tics over the holidays!Uncle Lies: I completely agree. I'll start-Critic: Tim Curry, save the day![the hotel's concierge Mr. Hector (Tim Curry) is first shown as the Hallelujah Chorus plays out]Little Girl: [gasps] Ooh, we love him!Chester: Me, too!Aunt Despair: For every one star of a movie he's in, he's the reason it got that one star.Critic: [smiles] Tim Curry. We can all agree on him.
- When hoboes appear:Aunt Despair: Oh, no, we have some definite opinions on homeless people.Chester: [crosses arms] Oh, do you? [Little Girl gulps nervously]Uncle Lies: Oh, yes. All their problems can be solved super easily.Doe: Super easy, huh?!Malcolm: I know! Let's talk about it in great detail!Critic: [singing to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"] Weeeeeee... Christmas song, Christmas song, / I forgot the words because I'm nervous, / I'm singing this to distract you, / So is it working?Doe: I suppose so.Uncle Lies: Go on.Critic: [continues singing] I'm...going back to watching Home Alone 2, / Because it's something I want to do now... [speaks normally] so that...that...that's what I'm doing.Chester: [sniffles] That was beautiful. [he and Doe join their hands]Doe: He has a real gift!
- The beginning:
- Turns out Santa Christ is the one delivering the Christmas meal.
- When he first appears, Critic tries to spare him of the hassle he's experiencingSanta Christ: Well, aren't you going to invite me in for dinner?
Critic: You don't wanna be a part of this.
Santa Christ: I believe you.
Critic: Flee this gingerbread house of angst!
Santa Christ: Ho-ho.
- When he returns, the two families are in a full boil argument about homelessness. Critic braces for impact.....and it turns out that Chester and Doe are the ones advocating for the homeless to get jobs while Uncle Lies and Aunt Despair believe they need support and care to get back on their feet, and then they agree to disagree with no malice. Critic is shocked and relieved that it turned out fine, until...
- Critic reveals the treat as Christmas Crunch, which both families agree that isn't good. This sets the Critic off on an overly long rant, phrased like a religious rant.Critic: HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU BLASPHEMY CHRISTMAS CRUNCH?! HAVE YOU NO HEART?! HAVE YOU NO SOUL?! WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN FIND THAT BEAUTY, IF NOT IN CHRISTMAS CRUNCH! YOU CAN FIND IT UP YOUR-
[Ten minutes later]
Critic: MONSTERS! MONSTERS, ALL OF YOU! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO EAT CHRISTMAS CRUNCH'S PROSTATE! A POX ON YOU-
Aunt Despair hands Malcolm her bottle of liquor
[Two hours later]
Critic: "LOOK AT ME, I UNDERSTAND CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I DON'T EAT CHRISTMAS CRUNCH!" YOU SATANS! YOU CHRISTMAS SATANS!
[Twenty-four hours later]
Critic: YOU ARE JUDAS'S SHIT! THAT'S WHAT YOU BETRAYERS ARE, JUDAS'S SHIT! I HOPE YOU ROT FOR ALL ETERNITY ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN! SHAME!!!!
- When he first appears, Critic tries to spare him of the hassle he's experiencing
- His count whenever Tim Curry makes a word amazing, followed by a "ding!" sound with Curry's face saying "YOUR WORD HAS BEEN CURRIED" and his It "WA-HA!" laugh in the background.
- The review ends with everyone passing out, the Critic realizing he had kept everyone up for 24 hours, suggesting everyone take a nap, and collapsing down on the table. Where "SHUT THAT DOOR" returns.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
- "You know when and where..."
- Chris Stuckmann walks into the opening crawl, stalling it.
- Chris runs into the Critic and The Cinema Snob, who have just finished their Force Awakens review. Chris claims that it makes no sense, because Stuckmann finished doing the Rogue One review with him. He questions how that could possibly make chronological sense. Critic claims that everything has remained exactly the same as he reveals his bald head while Snob shows off his wedding ring.
- The Running Gag of the importance of the Porgs. Outrighting shaming Chris for "not getting it", ironically near the end, Snob questions a scene that the Porgs were apparently responsible for which Chris points out.Snob: My god, I've questioned the Porgs. I've brought shame to us all.(He prepares to shoot himself but NC stops him)NC: No! That is not the way of the Porgs (The Porg chitters something) Oh it is? Oh well go ahead then. (Snob goes to resume) No, no don't. Han has died enough.
- Stuckmann says the opening crawl will add nothing. He's right, so it just puts the Meow Mix lyrics for filler.Critic: Alright, let's just get on with it.Snob: Well, wait, I always wondered what the last lyric was...
- Stuckman going full tilt on the ham as General Hux during the sketch portions. Even moreso than the actor that plays him in the movie.
- The exchanges of Snoke (played by the Cinema Snob) with Hux and Kylo Ren at the beginning:Hux: Lord Snoke! I assure you my hammy overreacting will not be thwarted next time! Please don't use your Force...Snoke: To do this? (starts Force-hitting Hux against the ground, which he keeps doing while talking casually) Yeah, I'm not feeling it, buddy. You'd think you had your stuff together after our planet-destroying eightball blew up!Hux: I understand, your Snokiness, but... we have a way of tracking them to lightspeed!Snoke: How, that's cool. You'd think with me being so powerful, I'd sense that...Hux: Or maybe reading a report on your desk every once in a while... (gets force-hit again)Snoke: No, I got apprentice shit to do. Speaking of, where's that douche bag from "Girls"?Kylo Ren (pushing Hux away): Yeah?Snoke: Three things...Kylo Ren: Yup?Snoke: Kill your mother...Kylo Ren: Got it!Snoke: Ditch the pointless mask...Kylo Ren (now maskless): Gone!Snoke: ... And do a shirtless scene for the ladies.Kylo Ren: ... You have watched "Girls", right?Snoke (eye-rolling): Unwillingly...Kylo Ren: Girlfriend?Snoke: Of course, girlfriend!
- Playing the Superman theme over Leia flying in space.Snob: Oh, come on, Critic, show what really happened.
NC: Even if you're able to overlook Fisher's passing and that it looks like her cold corpse come back to life...Snob: THAT'S A PRETTY BIG OVERLOOK!
- The music then switches to "Shooting Stars" and we get this humdinger:
Luke: So, if by some rare chance you're out Sandra Bullock-ing in space, just remember: Hold your hand out to the nearest ship, the Force has got your back.Leia: That's uncomfortably specific, but good to know.Luke: Welcome to my world.
- The scenario they theorize to how Leia learned to do that.
- Luke thinks Han gave up Star Wars sequels to do Blade Runner sequels.
- The three speed settings on Hux's ship are Light Speed, Ridiculous Speed, and Ludicrous Speed.
- When Holdo is first introduced, we briefly get an image of Hodor standing on the ship.CS: "Boy! THAT would've been a different movie!...."
- Holdo is described as being less like an admiral and more like a working mom trying to stay calm around her teenage son.Poe: We need some answers! We need to know what's going on!Holdo: (smiling and speaking in a slow, didactic tone) I hear you, but I need you to trust my decision.Poe: How? How can we trust you if we don't even know what you're doing?Holdo: I need to keep things from you so that you can learn a lesson.Poe: We don't need to learn any lessons! What we need to do is-Holdo: GO TO YOUR ROOM!Poe: YOU'RE THE WORST VICE ADMIRAL EVER!
- Luke explaining to Rey how Kylo went to the Dark Side. Here we see him about to kill Kylo, who's snuggled up with a "doggy" plushie. He decides against it but Kylo wakes up and sees Luke holding the ignited lightsaber and giving an awkward, embarrassed smile to him.
- Likewise some of the more important scenes being interrupted by Finn and Rose scenes which the critics complain are dragging out the movie (in which they literally dragged it out).Stuckman: Haven't you dragged enough?!
- Poe trying to mutiny on Holdo and both commenting how odd no one's reacting to it.
- Likewise when it's revealed that Leia was giving order to Holdo. Poe asks why she didn't just bother to tell anyone else and avoid a mutiny. They don't really have an answer for it. Ending with Holdo sprouting "SHUT UP!"
- Yoda the Jive Turkey.Yoda: "Wassup, L-Dog?"
- The scene where Rey is brought in by Kylo to Snoke. Critic, Stuckman and Snob all comment on his weird fashion choice.Stuckman: What is up with that playboy mansion robe?!NC: Yeah, Snoke is looking less like an intimidating villain and more like a crumpled up drawing of Quagmire.
Snoke: And page 10C, Scene 12.Rey: Where you're going to kill me, but your apprentice stabs you in the back.Snoke: Right on... Oh, wait! Skip that one... (Gets stabbed by Kylo)
- They also point out the similarities to Return of the Jedi of the scene with Snoke literally pulling out a binder of The Return of the Jedi script and pointing out familiar scenes from it. Right up until...
Snoke: Who the hell even was I? Would it have killed someone to give me one sentence of backstory? (Dies)
- Followed by Snoke lamenting his short role in the grand scheme of things.
- Following the above, we have the red guards, voiced like Beavis And Butthead, one of them is about to call for backup but is convinced by his fellow guard that they can take the two... only for both to instantly get beheaded.
- The touted "Finn vs. Phasma" scene.Phasma': (After Holdo crashes into the ship they're on just as they start fighting) Is that all I get?! I'm Gwendoline Goddamn Christie! I'm fifth least likely to die on Game of Thrones!Finn: Sorry, we had to cut it short.Phasma: For what?!Finn: For BORING CASINO FILLER!!!Phasma: (Falls into the flames) LAME!
Finn: We need some real surprises in this.Rose: Right?
- Even Finn thinks that was anti-climatic.
- The reunion scene has Leia and Chewbacca.Leia: There, I hugged him, you happy, you weirdos? ... And Greedo shot first. OOOOOOOOHHHH!
- Finn tries for a Heroic Sacrifice but is stopped by Rose. They have a supposed Died in Your Arms Tonight moment... which confuses Finn since their relationship wasn't really made clear. Even citing that his friendship with Poe was more developed. Poe actually calls to thank him for that before telling him to bring her back to see if she's sequel material.Rose: (Suddenly sprouts awake after being unconscious) Hey!Finn: Oh stop complaining, you're set for life at conventions. (Drags her off)
- Luke arriving in hopes of reconciling with Kylo Ren.Luke: Kylo Ren, I have come to apologize for failing you. Know that even if you were to blow me to smithereens, you would only increase the pain that you fee... (AT-ATs instantly open fire on him)
Hux: HA! Operation "Blow Him To Smithereens" was a complete success. You can ask him yourself! (Both Kylo and he see that Luke survived) GAH!
- After which in the cockpits of one of the vehicles
Luke: (Laughs) You think this is the real Quaid?
- Kylo Naruto charging at Luke, who steps aside and lets him crash offscreen like something out of a cartoon.
- After it's revealed to be a projection...
- Rey telekinetically lifts some rocks off Poe and Finn... and then nearly drops them back when they prematurely start celebrating.
- At the end of the review, Snob shoots the Porg that was flying the ship. Chris asks who's gonna fly it now?NC: C'mon, how hard can it be?(Instant Gilligan Cut to the ship crashed in the now burning White House and the three standing in front of it)Snob: So, I'll see you in Mexico?NC: Yeah.Stuckman: See you there.(They all run off in different directions)