Funny / The Nostalgia Critic 2023 Episodes

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The Ant Bully

• Noting that Fugax is such a Bruce Campbell archetype they even gave him two large chins to emphasize it.
• Mishearing a line from Nicolas Cage as "Who wants magic? Fuck you!"
• The Critic calling the ugly, slovenly teenagers at the pizza parlor "Gorillaz if they worked at Pizza Planet".

The Sword in the Stone

• Merlin talks about how a boy is about to drop in, to which Critic add that he will be carrying a giant key and that Merlin will give him tons of sidequests.
• The Critic mocks how noticeable the switch between Arthur's three voice actors is, as one of them has a deeper voice due to puberty.
• Junius Matthews, who voices Archimedes, also voiced Rabbit from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh:
  Critic: (as Merlin) Ho-ho-ho! Archimedes, you were so much less of a bitch when you were a rabbit.
• Critic calls the inappropriate touching during the squirrel scene "squirrel-handling like a Chippendale bar", then shows an image of two male performers with the heads of Chip and Dale.

Click

• Every time the "Walken moments band-aiding this movie" appears, with that one weird sound Christopher Walken did.
• The Critic pointing at the scene with Adam Sandler and Morty in the DVD menu and saying how a movie worth of millions of dollars looks like a Nostalgia Critic review.
• When the radio on 2017 starts announcing the news, the Critic seeing how well the jokes aged.
  Radio: "Britney Spears had her 23rd baby today."
  Critic: "Bad."
  Rado: "Kevin Federline is saying he's now considering getting a job."
  Critic: "Who?"
  Radio: "Michael Jackson..."
  Critic: "REALLY bad! You didn't even have to finish!"
• When the movie suddenly switches to be incredibly dramatic:
  Critic: Yeah, little over an hour of fart jokes, dog humping, white people pretending they aren't white people and suddenly this emotional powerhouse right out of nowhere! It's like watching The Waterboy and suddenly being told "Surprise! You're watching the opening of Up!"

Zathura: A Space Adventure

• Stephanie Meyer saw this moment and said "That's the amount of range I want for Bella Swan."
• The Critic is shocked when Walter, a child actor in a PG movie says "Give me a juice box, biatch."

Iron Man

• When the Paramount logo appears, the Critic says this was long before Mickey said "BUY ME THAT!!!"
• Throughout the review Critic mocks Obadiah Stane's name by calling him some variant of a long biblical name followed by a tacky last name.
  • His first variant actually references Obadiah's son Ezekiel from the comics.
• When Tony Stark is captured by intimidating-looking Ten Rings terrorists:
  Critic: He's captured by... (shows the hated Mandarin from Iron Man 3) Oh, such a disappointing reveal later...
• This bit:
  Tony Stark: I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up.
  Critic: [as Iron Man] I can offer quips and then things that'll blow up. I myself may blow up too.
• When the villain is defeated, a familiar looking Pillar of Light shoots into the sky...
  Critic: Oh my god, sky beam! I didn't know you went back this far!

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

• When Jack and Will are crossing the sea floor while using an upside down boat to breathe, Critic shows text saying "How do they see where they're going?" "How do they stay at the bottom of the sea?" "How do they withstand such pressure?" "How do they have enough air for that long?"
  Critic: I feel like there's a lot of reasons that wouldn't work, but repeat to yourself, "It's just a park attraction that's been turned into a movie; I should really just relax."
  • This is made all the funnier by the actual Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme playing in the background as this is happening.
• Critic is exasperated when Jack and Will use a rope to defeat legions of armed, well-trained(?) soldiers.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

• While noticing the bulge on the back of Davey Jones' neck.
  Critic: Hey look, I found his clitoris.
  (theme music starts playing and fading to logo)
  Critic: (shocked) We're going to commercial on that!?!
• When Elizabeth leaves Jack to die at the end:
  Critic: (as Jack) Need a little help over here. Help! I know you can hear me, you American Horror Story rejects! You can't have this franchise without me! Disney doubled down on that!

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

• Critic is exasperated that the climax of the movie is two ships battling while the two fleets just watch.
• Critic points out how despite being a pirate movie, we don't get a sword fight until 2 hours in.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

• When the mermaid gains human legs while on land, Critic is completely unimpressed, as this trope is cliched by now (especially in Disney movies).

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

• Critic mocks the bad CGI of the zombie sharks.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

• Jack's backstory consists of him being upstaged by Pinocchio. Critic then compares this to the three other Pinocchio movies released in 2022.
  Critic: Doesn't that mean there's technically four of these that came out last year?
• Critic's review ending on the note that despite being previously scared of his parody of Death, the Hollywood producers decide to have a crossover between "Avatar" and "Puss in Boots". Critic shrugs it off as how at least they're better than they previously were, even if it's not a high bar.

The Simpsons Movie

• When we discover this is all a film the Simpsons are watching:
  Homer: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free.
  Critic: If you present it that way, it'll come across that way.
• This bit:
  Bart: (imitating Mickey Mouse) I'm the mascot of an evil corporation.
  (cut to a future Disney+ ad with the company's recently acquired Simpsons characters)
  Homer: Now everybody smile!
  Critic: Can predict the future!
• Critic points out how complexly funny the church/Moe's Tavern scene is.

Beethoven

• Critic points out how this line sounds weirder as an adult:
  Emily: I dreamt I had a puppy, and it came true.
• Critic points out how weird it is that Beethoven can sense Emily is drowning from miles away.

Cartoon Network Bumpers

• At the beginning of the video, Nostalgia introduces a brand new segment, which then freezes and shows picture of a woman in different poses:
  Critic: (picture of woman thinking) Maybe. (picture of woman shrugging) I dunno. (picture of woman giving a thumbs up) Might be a one-off 'til I ADD to something else.
• During the "Sidekicks" bumper, when Chicken from "Cow and Chicken" complains about being a co-star and not a sidekick.
  Chicken: I ain't supposed to be here. I'm not a sidekick. I'm a co-star. My name is in the title for crying out loud.
  Critic: Nah. If there's an "and" in front of your name, you're usually the sidekick. (while speaking, posters for "Batman and Robin", "Robin Hood and His Merry Men", "Garfield and Friends", and "Wolverine and the X-Men" are shown)
• During the "Parking Lot" bumper, after Fred Flintstone, Chicken, and Thundarr the Barbarian are unable to find a parking space.
  Fred Flintstone: That does it. I'm gonna start taking the bus to work.
  Critic: Are you sure? It did eat Dino and didn't leave any bones. (shows picture of Brontosaurus Bedrock Bus)

The Little Mermaid

• Philo Barnhart returns to share anecdotes, with one concerning his first meeting with Pat Carroll.
  Philo: I said "My name is Philo Barnhart, and I'm doing you."
  (cut to Sebastian's Jaw Drop)
  Philo: "I mean I'm working on you. I mean I'm working on Ursula."
• The Critic referring to the underwater castle as a "palace of dicks".
• When Triton argues with Ariel in her grotto:
  Triton: Is it true you rescued a human from drowning?
  Ariel: You don't even know him!
  Critic: You don't either!
• Critic admits that, because Sherri Stoner was the live action reference, it makes him hear Slappy Squirrel every time Ariel speaks.
• As a child, the Critic rewound the hilarious fork combing scene so many times it scratched the tape. Regarding the scene of a newly-human naked Ariel:
  Critic: Which is weird, all my friends had this scene scratched up for some reason.
• "They're too late, though, as she's turned back into a mermaid, which always made me wonder, where'd the underwear go? Is it just... inside the tail? OK, I thought too hard about this. Not in that way."

Dudley Do-Right

• Nell sings a song to Dudley she used to sing when they were children. The song turns out to be "Indian Love Call", to which Doug dutifully shows a shot of a Martian's head exploding when she hits the high note.

Baby's Day Out

• The dialogue Eddie uses an excuse for him and his partners to be alone with Bink has the Critic conclude that kidnapping him is actually the least horrible outcome.
• The Critic describes Eddie, Norby, and Veeko's van as if the Indians from Peter Pan designed Homer's Car of the Future. He thens says that even the Turtles' van would say "Dude, you need like, a fedora hat or something!"
• Upon noticing the bus driver's resemblance to Peter Griffin, the Critic dubs him with Peter saying "Eh, no baby, but it looks like Carol's blowin' a bubble!"
• This exchange when a lady takes Bink to the daycare center:
  Critic (as Baby #1): What Are You in For?
  Critic (as Baby #2): Look Who's Talking. You?
  Critic (as Baby #1): Baby Geniuses.
  Critic (as Baby #2) Oh! Get away from me!
• When Veeko says "I worked at Burger King three years, this is worse than that!", the Critic sides with him, saying he'd rather work at Burger King for three years than watch Baby's Day Out.
• During the scene where Bink is sitting on a girder at a construction site, the Critic does an impression of Popeye.
  Critic (as Popeye): Sweet Pea, what you doin' up there? {laughs)

The South Park Movie

• Throughout the review, the Critic censors the excess swearing by cutting to Chaplin saying a euphemism. This comes to a head in the final profanity moment of the climax:
  Cartman: FU-
  Chaplin: Intimate relations.
  Cartman: Shi-
  Chaplin: Stool.
  Cartman: Co-
  Chaplin: Member.
  Cartman: A-
  Chaplin: Posterior.
  Cartman: Ti-
  Chaplin: Globes!
  Cartman: Bo-
  Chaplin: Pocket rocket.
  Cartman: Bi-
  Chaplin: Hound dog of the fair sex.
  Cartman: Mu-
  Chaplin: Muff. (shows picture of a hand warmer) This kind.
  Cartman: Pus-
  Chaplin: Front bottom.
  Cartman: Cu-
  Chaplin: Downstairs.
  Cartman: Bu-
  Chaplin: Rectum.
  Cartman: Barbra Streis-
  Chaplin: Bitch.

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

• The duo pointing out that for Spongebob to be employee of the month 374 times, he'd have to be 45 years old.
  • He later brings it up when Mr. Krabs calls Spongebob a "kid."
• Critic dislikes the ass shots in this movie, particularly when Phantomstrider points out that sponges poop through their mouths.
  Strider: Now, how a starfish releases excrement is -
  Critic: Stop giving this crowd stuff to Google!
• When Spongebob steps on Plankton and scrapes him on the ground as though he's gum:
  Critic: You know, just because there's no blood doesn't mean it's not gruesome to watch.
• There's a deleted scene in which Patrick vomits.
  Phantomstrider: It was cut due to Nickelodeon saying they didn't like Sandy as a fugitive and Patrick vomiting was too gross even for Spongebob.
  Critic: Did they ''see'' some of the later episodes?!
• Critic immediately regrets saying "They have their climax on David Hasselhoff".

The Great Mouse Detective

• Throughout the review, Critic points out how in the 1980s, people were less worried that kids would be scarred by films like this one. This is best exemplified by the opening of the movie, in which Fidget kidnaps Olivia's father, a toymaker, utterly trashing his toy shop in the process:
  "No PG for rude humor here — this is '80s G in all its (screams in a high pitch several times) glory!"
• During "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind", when Ratigan's henchmen mention the widows and orphans that Ratigan drowned, Critic says that considering the film's competition, he can already guess who one of the drowned orphans was as he shows a picture of Fievel Mouskewitz.
• This moment:
  Basil: The question is, what would he [Ratigan] want with a toymaker?
  Critic: (nervously) I mean, what kind of "toys" does he make exactly?
  Ratigan: Ooh, I love it when I'm nasty.
• Critic points out how the stripper mouse scene got lots of audiences questioning.
  Critic: I know what mouse hole I wouldn't mind getting stuck in. (Gadget Hackwrench stomps off, offended) Oh come on baby, don't be like that! (gets slapped) How can someone so small slap that hard?

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

• Critic is perplexed that Mario, a video game character, is playing a video game (Kid Icarus).
• Critic points out how one of the toads is named Toad, comparing it to when you know a guy named Guy.
• He later points out how incompetent the toads are, as they wield frying pans.
  Critic: Shouldn't that be their enemy? (shows a frying pan cooking mushrooms)
• Critic imagines Cat Mario pissing on Donkey Kong to mark his territory, much to his displeasure. Chaplin chimes in to voice his approval.
  Chaplin: Aww, but it was getting to the best part! I'm aroused.

The Road to El Dorado

• Critic only has to watch about 5 seconds of Tulio and Miguel interacting before coming to the obvious conclusion:
  Critic: GAY.
• "Hernán Cortés who surprisingly plays a small role given his - (shows the brutality of the Conquistadors) Jesus Christ! - history"
• In preproduction Chel was redrawn to be less sexy.
  Critic: How the hell did she look before if THIS was the less sexy version?!

Robin Hood

• As a running gag, Critic points out all the sexual innuendo involving Prince John and Sir Hiss.
  • When Sir Hiss licks Prince John's ear:
    Critic: I told you, no tongue in public! Just for that I'm going to tie you up and sit on your face. (to the audience) DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! I am literally describing what's going on!
  • He is unsettled when Prince John sucks his dirty brown thumb...
  • Critic's fears are finally confirmed when he sees Sir Hiss sleeping in the same room as Prince John and licking his feet. He then says it'd be too much for even Bert and Ernie.
    Critic!Ernie: Boy, they just rub it in your face, don't they?!
    Critic!Bert: I wish SOMEBODY would do more of that!
  • He wonders what Prince John is trying to suck in his dream.
• Freaking out when the adult Maid Marian forcibly kisses a child.
• Critic has this to say when Little John pushes a knife to Prince John's back to "convince" him to release Robin Hood:
  Critic: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS MOVIE DOES NOT WANT ME TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT!
• In the immediate aftermath of the archery contest, during the madcap chaotic scene of everyone running in different directions, Doug somehow imposed Scooby-Doo and Shaggy running around in the crowd as well.
• Critic calls the xerox animation cheap, particularly the recycling of previous films' animation.
• Critic says that Prince John reminds of another "whiny orange-haired ruler with very little hair on his head who couldn't take a joke: That's right! Warren Harding."
• This bit of Dark Humor when Prince John reveals his plans to hang Friar Tuck to lure out Robin Hood:
  Critic!Hiss: You'll be excommunicated for sure!
  Critic!Prince John: Hiss, don't bring ACTUAL politics into this world!

The Flash

• Critic doing a countdown of "shirt-tugging" moments in the movie (accompanied by the ''Simpsons'' awkward collar tug clip) that remind the audience of the real world Ezra Miller.
• This little gem after Supergirl's beatdown of Zod...
  Critic!Zod: Stop Wile E. Coyote-ing me!
• Critic says while most of the cameos are ruined by the bad effects, that doesn't count for Nicholas Cage's Superman; he's a great effect, even when he's not.
  • This line when Cage's Superman beats the spider:
    Critic!Cage: Go back to the original bomb you were in, you son of a bitch!
    Critic: Wait, there's a spider in this multiverse. (shows No Way Home and Across the Spider-Verse) Does that suddenly mean it's good?
• When Barry meets Clooney's Bruce Wayne, Critic plays the Looney Tunes music he used for his Nicolas Cage reviews.
  Critic!Cage: Yeah, I was in this, so it counts! Shut up!

Monster House

• This bit:
  Jenny: If those are the teeth and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula.
  Chowder: So it's a girl house.
  Critic: Spoilers.

Coraline

• Critic lampshading how uncomfortable it was to show Other Miss Forcible practically naked in 3-D.
  • What's more, he doesn't gloss over that the movie truly earned its PG rating.
  • Before that, he was and still is creeped out by the smiling Other Scottish Terriers.
• The episode ends with the studio back in tip-top shape, all's well, everything's back to normal. ...Well, maybe not. Because the crew reveals to Critic that there's a weird, giant, floating, yellow, chuckling head in one of the rooms, and they have no way to get rid of it for the time being.
  • To this, Critic bemoans how he misses filming the series in his house, book-ending his previous statement about how he missed the studio.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

• Critic's take on Ariel and Triton's argument in the grotto.
  Ariel: He's... compassionate, and kind!.
  Triton: He's a human!
  Critic-as-Ariel: He saved his dog!
  Critic-as-Triton: That dog could have been the next Mussolini!
  • And him also commenting on comparing Ariel's apparent lack of emotion towards the destruction of the Eric statue.
    Critic-as-Ariel: Eh, I can get another at Five Below.

Kingdom of the Commercials

• The video doesn't have an introduction by the Critic in which he shouts "Commercials!" like usual. Instead, it just jumps right into the usual opening with the ABC Saturday morning commercial bumper montage (i.e., those Claymation bumpers in front of the brick wall). However, as the montage begins, Malcolm and Tamara pop up to call out the Critic for not shouting "Commercials!" per usual, which they point out he's been doing earlier and earlier with each special. So the Critic travels back in time to his last video to give his shout there.
  Tamara: Guess you can't get earlier than that.
  Malcolm: Can you use that time machine for actual important stuff?
  Critic: No.
  Malcolm: Thought not.
• Given Bill Cosby's fall from grace, the Critic roasts him for all he's worth during the alternating ads for both Jell-O Jigglers and Ponderosa Steakhouse, which did a tie-in to Leonard Part 6.
• When watching a Wrigley's Spearmint commercial about a computer gaining sentience
  Computer: What is Wrigley's Spearmint?
  Guy: Well, it's pure chewing satisfaction.
  Critic: No, the correct answer is THE FU—
• The Critic is utterly nonplussed by a localized promo (KDAF (a FOX-affiliated station)) for Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and Who's the Boss? back-to-back. It begins by asking what the Power Rangers really talk about while fighting giant monsters, which apparently is how much the Power Rangers love Tony and Angela, whom they think is the tough one — before abruptly realizing it's 5:30, so it's time for Who's the Boss?, which somehow shows them watching this show while fighting the monster. All this time, they sound absolutely nothing like they do on the actual show, and in weird accents, to boot. The Critic adds that, while he can stretch his imagination to believe teens can drive robotic dinosaurs to battle giant monsters, he draws the line at teens passionately discussing Who's the Boss?. He then replays the ad to show what he thinks the Power Rangers are really talking about:
  Critic!Red Ranger: My parents are such fascists! They limit my screen time to only 23 hours a day!
  Critic!Yellow Ranger: At least yours didn't make a TikTok account to hit on half of your friends!
  Critic!Red Ranger: Dude, you can probably call the cops on him! ...Maybe. I'm not sure.
  Critic!Yellow Ranger: I think the bigger question is, why are we just looking at a time slot when fighting a monster?
  Critic!Red Ranger: I hate this! I love you guys, but I hate this!
  Critic!Rita Repulsa: Hey, has anybody seen Who's the Boss?
  Critic!Power Rangers: PISS OFF, BOOMER!
  Critic!Rita Repulsa: Your generation's the devil!
  • The Critic concludes that this promo is the equivalent of PAW Patrol advertising American Horror Story.

Home Alone

• The family trusts a stranger cop with sensitive info...right after he told them not to trust anyone.
  • When the cop's logo is misspelled as "BOLICE":
    Critic: Wait a minute..."bolice"?! Damn you, convincing Spirit Halloween clearance aisle!

Tom and Jerry: A Nutcracker Tale

• Throughout the review, Critic points out Tom's disturbing expressions during slapstick scenes.
• This bit of Lampshade Hanging:
  Critic: (as Jerry) How come I the adult can never talk, yet Tuffy the baby always speaks perfect English?
• PULL THE STRING!
• Critic is disturbed by the gratuitously sexy shots of the Ballerina.

Wakko's Wish

• When the financial advisor says "We're broke", a caption reads "Totally different from Warner Bros. today!"
• Critic's exasperated reaction to Wakko using his wish to get 2 haypennies and Dot using them to get a beauty mark instead of curing her sickness.
• Critic throwing in the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue from The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past over the movie's ending.

A Christmas Story

• This little gem of an ad-lib when Mickey Mouse gets swarmed by the Flying Monkeys during the Christmas Parade.
  Mickey: Hey, back off! DON"T MAKE ME BUY YOU!!!
  Monkey: Yeah?! With what money?!
  Mickey: Huh, that's fair.