Hobbes: A sandwich.
Calvin: A sandwich?!? What kind of stupid wish is that?! Talk about a failure of imagination! I'd ask for a trillion billion dollars, my own space shuttle, and a private continent!
[cut to kitchen]
Hobbes: [eating a sandwich] I got my wish.
With a puff of smoke, Alice the Genie appears! Solemnly, she tells Bob that because of his tireless efforts in browsing TV Tropes for nineteen hours straight, she will grant him one wish — anything at all.
Bob, after a moment's thought, wishes for a bag of potato chips.
Mundane Wish is the trope when a character, given the opportunity to choose any reward without restraint, intentionally picks something simple and commonplace. While this may be done simply for comedy, it is often used to establish the practical or humble nature of the wisher — such as if Bob simply doesn't want or need anything grand, or doesn't even think to ask for such. Alternately, Bob may wish for something simple in order to counteract the backfire potential of a literal or Jerkass Genie.
Typically appears in stories featuring magic (or a similar substitute), but can also appear in non-magical situations, like an Emperor offering an open-ended reward to a hero or a conversation between friends.
This trope is closely related to Wasteful Wishing, but differs in intent — Wasteful Wishing is when a request is mundane because the wisher was being frivolous or made a mistake. A Mundane Wish, in contrast, is intentionally chosen because that's all the wisher wants.
Related to Be Careful What You Wish For and Sold His Soul for a Donut. Subtrope of Three Wishes, evoking the first law. See Mundane Utility and Misapplied Phlebotinum. Someone who wants a mundane prize but isn't simply being offered it has a Humble Goal.
- The Tim Tam genie ads were based on this premise: people would wish for a packet of Tim Tams that never ran out.
- Dragon Ball:
- Emperor Pilaf has finally gathered the seven Dragon Balls, and is so overcome as he begins to make his wish to the dragon for the title of ruler of the world, but he stammers a bit. Oolong the anthropomorphic pig takes the opportunity to leap between Pilaf and the dragon and wish for women's panties (the world's most comfortable pair of underwear in the broadcast version of the dub). It would have been Wasteful Wishing except that the wish saved the world, and Oolong was very happy with what he got.
- Commander Red is eventually revealed to want the Dragon Balls to wish to be taller. Upon hearing this, Staff Officer Black, enraged that he wasted so many resources on such a petty wish, shoots him dead.
- Again spoofed near the end of the battle with Buu. Vegeta has a plan to defeat Buu, but it requires two wishes from the Namekian Dragon to work. Once those wishes are granted, Dende asks Vegeta what his third wish is, and Vegeta responds "A new pair of boots. Size 10." Dende realizes he's joking, which is good, since they do come up with a use for that third wish later.
- Subverted in Dragon Ball Super. After winning the Universe 6 & 7 tournament, Beerus uses the Super Dragon Balls (powered by the God of Dragons and capable of granting any wish with no restrictions), to wish for...a comfier bed. Bulma calls him out on wasting the wish, but what he actually wished for was for Universe 6's Earth, which had been wiped out due to human wars, to be restored and for it to have development and culture on par with Universe 7's Earth. He claims he only did it so his brother Champa, the God of Destruction for Universe 6, would owe him one.
- Android 17's wish should he win the Tournament of Power, provided by the almighty Super Dragon Balls? He wants a boat he can use to take his family on vacation. When, to everyone's surprise, 17 actually does win as the last man standing, he instead uses his wish to restore all the erased universes. He still gets his boat though, implied to have been via Bulma and her insane wealth... who does him one better and gets him a full-blown cruise liner.
- Puella Magi Madoka Magica:
- Since Madoka can't think of anything to wish for but wants to help Mami as a Magical Girl Warrior, they decide to ask Kyubey for a cake feast. The idea was that they would have a party to celebrate their partnership and Kyubey would provide the food for it.
- It turns out that First-Timeline!Madoka's wish was to save a random kitty that got run over.
- In contrast to most of the series' Magical Girls, most of the Pleiades Saints in Puella Magi Kazumi Magica deliberately chose wishes that would act as stepping stones for what they wanted to achieve instead of wishing for them outright to lessen the Equivalent Exchange penalty the bigger wishes often result in.
- Side material indicates that another magical girl did wish for a cake... a cheesecake to share with her dying mother in the hospital. Aww. Presumably that magical girl became the witch Charlotte upon realizing she could have wished to save her mother instead.
- Discussed in Metal Fight Beyblade: When the WBBA held a tournament promising to grant any wish to whoever won, Ginga commented he intended to wish for a hamburger.
- In Carnival Phantasm, a parody of Fate/stay night, when Shirou and Saber win the Holy Grail Grand Prix and are offered a wish from the Holy Grail, all they ask for is the money they spent on the race (their vehicle was coin-operated) to be returned to them.
- In another episode, an oblivious Berserker destroys every other Servant while shopping for batteries and receives the Grail in the form of a water heater, which he presents to Ilya. However, since Berserker didn't get the right brand, the Grail interprets Ilya's demand for the batteries as her wish. Neko-Arc then gives her a single battery and disappears with the Grail. To add insult to injury, it wasn't the right brand either.
- In Ranma ½ Kuno gets 3 wishes from the Wishbringer during the Wishing Sword arc. He finds this a problem since he's already "Gorgeous, brilliant, rich and has a great personality". However he also recognizes that he now has the power to conquer the world. His 3 wishes turns out to be: Beating Ranma in a fight once, a date with the pig-tailed girl, a small statue to celebrate said date. Other candidates for his wishes include: a date with Akane (while he's about to start his date with Ranma), catching Ranma during a playful game of chase, create a cafe, bigger boobs for Ranma, find Ranma (not recognizing male Ranma as the pig-tailed girl).
- When various villains from DC were offered anything for their souls by the demon Neron, The Joker wished for a box of Cuban cigars. It's up for debate as to whether this was wasted or not, as there is no doubt that Joker was going to Hell anyway, and he makes it clear they were good Cubans.
- Hellblazer: A disguised Ellie summons the demon Buer, offering him the chance to take Constantine's soul. Buer is delighted, but points out that per the rules, he has to give something. Ellie acquiesces, then tells him to make a cheese sandwich, pointing him towards the kitchen.
- One of the Archie Comics shorts had a gag where Archie wishes he had a million dollars and Reggie wishes he had a billion dollars. Jughead meanwhile spots an ad for 50 cent hamburgers and wishes for a couple quarters.
- Calvin and Hobbes:
- In a Sunday strip, Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for; Hobbes says he wants a sandwich. Calvin doesn't understand why and wishes for enormous wealth. Hobbes gets his wish, and Calvin obviously does not. Another strip had Calvin ask a similar question, to which Hobbes replies that he'd wish for "a big sunny field to lie in." Calvin is aghast at how mundane this is, but then observes Hobbes sleeping in the grass. "Actually, it's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy."
- In one comic Calvin is writing up his massive Christmas wish list to Santa, and he asks Hobbes what he wants Santa to give him for Christmas. Hobbes can't think of anything he wants, because, as he says, "I've got a good home and a best friend. What more could a tiger want?". Calvin only pities his lack of imagination.
- A Frumpy The Clown comic had the eponymous sarcastic clown and a kid encounter a wizard who claimed he could give them whatever would "make [their lives] complete." Frumpy immediately wishes for the first ABBA album on vinyl and a watermelon. While the kid complains that he could have wished bigger, Frumpy quips that he doesn't trust midgets with wands.
- Some of reasons members of World of Warcraft's Cult of the Damned have for joining in Frostblood are rather mundane over all. One wanted to be a mage but wasn't talented enough for Dalaran or rich enough to afford an apprenticeship. Another wanted to see everything the world had to offer and decided living forever was the best way to achieve that.
- Zero no Tsukaima: Saito the Onmyoji: Saito asks Princess Henrietta for a house after he saves her life. Normally such a thing wouldn't be that mundane but it's established as just about the only thing he can't ask for a noble title due to not risking his life while saving hers.
- After learning Xander is a half-genie in Situational Eros, Faith wishes for a never-ending pack of cigarettes. His mother notes it's a good wish as Xander doesn't fully know how to use his powers so a simple wish like that would be hard for him to mess up.
- In the 2000 remake of Bedazzled, when the Devil tells Elliot to make a wish so she can prove that she's genuine, he asks for a Big Mac and a large Coke. They ride the bus to McDonald's and buy one (with his money).
"There's no such thing as a free lunch."
- In the 1967 original Bedazzled, it's a Frobisher & Gleason raspberry-flavored ice lolly, gotten the same way. Later, when Stanley is in a fix and can't wish his way out, the Devil points out that the ice lolly counted as one of the seven wishes he's now used up. To rub it in, he pays Stanley back the sixpence, telling him "Now we're even!"
- A very un-politically correct joke Rocco tells in The Boondock Saints has three men (Black, Hispanic and White) each granted one wish; the black man and the hispanic man each wish for their fellow blacks and hispanics to be back in their home countries and not in America, and when the white guy realizes that this means there are no more blacks or hispanics in America, he happily just asks for a coke.
- A non-magical version appears in Sneakers. The team has been confronted by a group of armed NSA agents who want the Box, and is making demands in exchange for turning it over. Carl's demand is the phone number of one of the women holding a gun on him. He gets it because she's flattered that he could have anything and just wants her number, so she gives it to him herself.
Carl: The young lady with the Uzi, is she single?
Bishop: Carl... Excuse us. [Takes him aside] This is the brass ring. You gotta think bigger thoughts.
Carl: I just want her telephone number.
- In the Beginning, the Prequel Film of Babylon 5, we get an exchange where Londo offers a young Centauri noble any one wish, topping it off with the Armour Piercing Question "What do you want?". The boy answers "I want a story!". Londo, obliging, wryly notes that the boy did far better on that question than he did.
- In the 1937 adaptation of The Prince and the Pauper, Errol Flynn's character refuses to believe that the Street Urchin he's helping is really the heir to the throne. When the prince insists that no-one is allowed to sit in his presence, but allows the granting of a royal favour in thanks for his help, he says, "I wish to sit in the presence of the king!" which allows him to get on with eating his meal. This becomes a Brick Joke at the end of the movie when he enters the throne room and sees the Prince and Pauper, but can't tell if their plan has worked and the real prince is restored. He finds out just by grabbing a chair and sitting down on it. As outraged courtiers go to throw him out the prince stops them, saying this man has permission to sit in his presence.
- The joke where three soldiers in Afghanistannote find a magic lamp and are each offered a single wish from the genie:
American Soldier: I wish me and all my American comrades were back home.
(The American vanishes)
Canadian Soldier: That's a good idea. I wish me and all my Canadian comrades were back home.
(The Canadian vanishes)
Afghani Soldier: So all the Americans and all the Canadians are gone? I'll have a Pepsi, please.
- From The Last Hero, when the gods of the Disc are granting requests to the heroes for preventing the destruction of the world, Rincewind asks for a blue balloon to replace one he had lost when he was six. He also speaks on behalf of the Librarian and asks for three thousand file cards, a new stamp, five gallons of ink, and a red balloon.
- It's a running joke in the City Watch books that, at the very end, whatever else the Watch may or may not be granted from Vetinari, a new dartboard is always on the list.
- In Night Watch the People's Republic of Treacle Mine Road is talking about what they hope to accomplish, and Vimes says a hard boiled egg. He says that while he's pretty sure that tomorrow there isn't going to be a great deal of Truth, Justice, Moderately Priced Love, and so on around, he might just get the egg. It ends up being smashed before he can eat it.
- In The Dresden Files book, Small Favor, Harry Dresden calls in the favor owed to him by the Summer Court of Faerie... and asks for a doughnut. The point is, however, is whom he asks that of, namely, the Implacable Man Mage Killer after his head, and when—namely, a few seconds before said killer rips him to shreds and a few minutes before the bounty on Harry officially expires. It's revealed in the next book that this little maneuver has made Harry famous among the fae. Well, more famous, anyway.
- There's an old Arab tale about a man who got a wish from a genie in a bottle. He only asks that his net never come up empty of fish. He gets his wish and does well for the rest of his life.
- In one of Caroline B. Cooney's The Vampire's Promise books, the titular vampire has gifted a high school student named Devnee with beauty and brains by draining the energy out of the classmates she wished she could have the qualities of. The climax of the book comes when Devnee, intending to stop the vampire before he can force her to let him feed on another girl, learns to her horror that her mother has found him and made a wish of her own — only to discover that her mother only wished for good weather.
- Agatha Christie's Tuppence Beresford mentions that in her childhood she knew of a real magic well, where wishes did come true, though she did use to wish for things that were quite likely to come true.
- In Dani's One Grain of Rice: A Mathematical Folktale, the raja is impressed by Rani's honesty in returning a handful of spilled rice to him during a time of great drought and tells her that she can ask for any reward she wants from him. Rani initially asks for just one grain of rice. The raja, surprised, urges Rani to ask for something bigger and she amends her wish to get one grain of rice first, then two grains of rice on the day after that, then four grains of rice on the third day and so on for a month. If you're aware of the mathematics of this doubling-up pattern, you'll know that Rani's request wasn't nearly as modest as it seemed to the raja at first.
- In Once Upon a Time, the genie is found by a benevolent king. When offered three wishes, the king decides that he already has everything he could ever wish for, and instead uses his first wish to free the genie, letting the genie have the remaining two. Unfortunately, his generosity backfires as Regina is able to make the genie fall in love with her and convinces him to kill her husband.
- The Twilight Zone (1959): The episode "The Man in the Bottle". The couples' first wish (out of four) is to have a pane of glass in their shop repaired, in order to test the genie's power first. The couple then proceed to waste their remaining wishes, but in the end console themselves with the thought that at least the glass got repaired. Guess what happens next.
- Sesame Street:
- In the Christmas special Elmo Saves Christmas, Elmo gets a magic snowglobe from Santa Claus. He uses the first wish to get a drink of water.
- In the show proper there was another sketch where Zoe found a genie's lamp and wasted the first two wishes on having the genie go back into the lamp and pop out again, despite the genie's insistence for a better wish. After the first two, the genie said that he wished that his headache, a factor in him not wanting to keep popping out, would go away, to which Zoe says "me, too", which relieves the genie of his headache and makes him happy to pop out of the lamp again and again.
- The X-Files:
- In the episode "Je Souhaite", Mulder encounters a genie who was originally a medieval French peasant; she encountered another genie who made her take his place after her third wish of "great power and a long life". Her first two wishes were a stout mule and a magic bag full of turnips. After noticing Mulder's "What the hell?" facial expression, the woman once again points out she was a medieval French peasant.
- Also when Mulder asks her what she would like to wish for now, she says she would like to enjoy life as it is in the moment over a cup of coffee. Mulder uses his last wish to turn her human and the episode ends with her fulfilling her own wish.
- In one episode of I Dream of Jeannie, Jeannie gets downright exasperated that most of Tony's wishes are mundane but considering Jeannie's cluelessness and occasional mischeviousness, it's hard to argue against him.
- In Angel, it is revealed that a seventeen year-old Gunn sold his soul... for a truck. As Fred puts it: "Oh, Charles, your soul wasn't worth air conditioning?" It's played for laughs, but the undertones are actually rather dark. At that time in his life, Gunn was maybe a notch above homeless, in a city where the homeless are basically a vampire buffet. The truck was basically the only reason he lived long enough for the bargain to matter anyway, since it turned the tide in the war between his neighborhood gang and the local vamp nest.
Demon: You will sell your future in exchange for present happiness?
Gunn: What future?
- A non-magical example in Person of Interest. At one point in season two Finch and Reese need help on a job and enlist the help of their old mafia enemy Elias, who they helped put away. Elias agrees to use his network to help them on condition that Finch become his chess partner, because nobody else in the prison can play anywhere near as well as he can.
- On Gilligan's Island, Gilligan finds a tiki that gives him three wishes. His first wish is a gallon of ice cream, and relating his story to the Professor, accidentally wishes for a second gallon of ice cream. He finally is able to wish the castaways off the island, and the land they're standing on separates from the island and floats into the lagoon.
- Married... with Children: On the It's a Wonderful Plot episode, "It's a Bundyful Life," Al wishes for his Christmas lights to work. He immediately regrets it.
- In Babylon 5, Londo, ambassador of the Centauri, proved himself so good at his job that the Emperor had him name a wish for him to grant. Londo's wish? A divorce. Specifically, divorcing two of his three wives. Justified by the fact the nicest one, that he eventually elects to keep when the Emperor had him choose, has a fully-deserved fame for biting, and the description below is actually flattering.
"Here. Look. These are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine, and Death. Do you think I married them for their personalities? Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages. Every one. But they worked out, they inspired me! Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here 75 light-years away!"
- After having been turned into an ottsel in the beginning of Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, Daxter gets his chance to turn back into a humanoid in the ending for Jak 3: Wastelander as the Precursors offer to grant him a wish. He wishes for a comfortable pair of pants. Granted shortly before that he had discovered that the Precursors are ottsels, so presumably the knowledge that he is a member of a legendary race borderline worshiped by his previous race rather than just a Funny Animal made his condition more bearable.
- In Twisted Metal, Calypso uses the stolen power of a demon to grant the winner of the titular demolition derby any wish they desire. Some ending show that he is forced to carry out the wish no matter what it is, making Calypso abuse the Literal Genie principle very frequently. However, some wishes fall under this, such as Sweet Tooth's wishes in 1 and 3 (for a paper bag and candy, respectively) and Hammerhead in 1 (to repair his truck's tires). Along with Cousin Ed's wish in Head On where he just wanted his RV made in chrome so its "shiny".
- Murasaki in Senran Kagura: Bon Appétit enters the cooking tournament to get the wish-granting scroll to get herself a refrigerator.
- Kingdom of Loathing has a Summoning Chamber where you can summon demons. One of these demons promises to grant you your "deepest heart's desire", which turns out to be pies.
- Marisbury Animusphere from Fate/Grand Order stands out as one of the most sensible winners of the Holy Grail War. Instead of pipe dreams like world peace or infinite power, he just asked for truckloads of cash and the respect of his peers. This stands as one of the most successful wishes the Grail has ever granted - particularly given that despite the Grail's nigh-omnipotence, it requires that the wisher have a clear idea of how exactly to attain their wish. His Servant, Solomon's, wish, was to live a normal human life, free from the weight of his power and responsibilities. It worked fine for a while, even if the consequences ultimately reached Solomon in the end.
- One of the dialogue lines for every Servant is what they would wish for from the Grail. Some of the wishes are grandiose, but some are humorously or poignantly modest.
- Done in this xkcd strip, where the character wishes for a human-sized hamster ball.
- Parodied by The Perry Bible Fellowship here◊.
- One character suggests "infinite soda supply" as a use for Nancy in Ow, my sanity.
- In Puppy Kitten Grand Aventure the title characters are granted one wish each by a genie. Puppy's wish? Fruit salad.
- In Casey and Andy, God offers them both the answer to any one question of their choosing. They both ask "Why does Kim Possible have a picture of Shego in her locker?", with Andy stating his own preferred explanation.
- One of the Rooster Teeth Shorts has Geoff catch a magic fish that grants him three wishes. His first is for two milkshakes, one of which he spills. His second is to unspill his spilled milkshake. His last is to wish it wasn't against the rules to eat a magical fish sandwich.
- We Are Our Avatars: Upon gathering the possessions of Thor and placing them on his body, Chuck gets a wish. He promptly uses it on a very delicious strawberry milkshake.
- An adventurer finds a magic lamp, after an eight year expedition, in the deepest mountains of Nepal. His first wish? A brand new kettle.
- In a "Beyond Belief" segment of the Thrilling Adventure Hour titled "Djinn and Tonic", Frank and Sadie Doyle release a djinni from a bottle. They use the first wish on liquor and after that have no interest in making any further wishes. Eventually, after the djinni's union gets involved, the Doyles make two random wishes just to get rid of everyone.
- CollegeHumor: In "Prince Harry as a Disney Prince", Harry-as-Aladdin uses his three wishes for two shots of Jäger and a pack of condoms. Jasmine is not amused.
- Glowfic, with wishcoins. Justified because wishcoins come in sizes and the smaller ones can only do mundane wishes.
- Subverted in TomSka's skit "The Wish". The girl keeps trying to wish for infinite wishes from a genie, but he's having none of it. So instead, she wishes for AIDS. Her plan was to have the Grant-a-Wish Foundation fulfill her wish for infinite wishes.
- In the Animaniacs movie special Wakko's Wish, Wakko wishes for two ha'pennies! This is not Wasteful Wishing because spending them helps revive his home town since it was simply so poor that everyone treated it like a fortune.
- In Aladdin: The Series, Eden actually refuses to grant her master's first wish for a sandwich (fortunately, lacking the words "I wish" in front of it) and instead talks her into wishing never to go hungry again.
- The Simpsons:
- In the second Treehouse of Horror, Homer obtains a monkey's paw. Maggie makes the first wish and a limo pulls up. Homer starts to celebrate as the driver comes to the door. He gives her a new pacifier and then drives off. After the other wishes backfire, Homer wishes for a turkey sandwich and specifically forbids any unpleasant supernatural surprises. The wish still backfires because the turkey is a little dry.
- In the fourth Treehouse of Horror episode, Homer sells his soul to the Devil (a.k.a. Ned Flanders) for a donut.
- Invoked and lampshaded in The Fairly OddParents! Norm notes there's a pattern when he gives a person Three Wishes. The first is something useless and mundane ("The Sandwich Wish"), the second is a huge change, and the third is changing it all back. His foresight is actually his downfall, when he gives Chester a sandwich sans wish, allowing him a third wish to hit the Reset Button.
- In the animated Punky Brewster episode "Any Wish Way But Loose," the wish spell Glomer intended for Punky hits Margaux instead. When Allen says something atypically inane, Margaux spouts "I wish you'd disappear!" Allen does just that.
- Adventure Time:
- Jake has wished for a sandwich... twice. What makes this even weirder is that his life hung in the balance both times. Although Jake didn't actually get his sandwich wish the second time; Prismo just made him a sandwich and allowed him to keep his wish for something more important.
- In another episode, when the Hot Dog Knights finally get the chance to wish:
Knight #1: I wish for a box! (box appears) Sweeet!
Knight #2: I wish to blow up! I mean get big. (explodes)
Finn: Wow...you guys are really stupid.
Knight #1: What do you mean?
- Rick and Morty:
- In the episode "Meeseeks and Destroy", Rick gives his family a "Meeseeks Box", which creates beings called Meeseeks that will fulfill any request the user wants and then disappear. Rick warns them to keep the requests simple since giving a Meeseek a request they cannot fulfill could have serious consequences. Beth and Summer ignore the advice and ask to be "a more complete woman" and "more popular", respectively. Jerry, on the other hand, decides to play it safe and asks to take two strokes off his golf game. This being Jerry, HIS wish is the one that leads to everything going to hell.
- In another episode, when Summer sees her boss (AKA, the Devil) try to hang himself, she uses a Monkey's Paw she happened to be holding at the time to make a desk light enough for her to move, the noose to be untied and for her to know CPR. The Devil then notes that those are some pretty insignificant wishes to use on such a thing.
- In Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, when Plucky and Hampton's family travel through a tunnel holding their breaths and making a wish, Plucky doesn't get his wish to be at Happy World Land due to breathing before they leave the tunnel, but the rest of them get their wish, the same one they always make, "to be a happy and loving family forever and ever".
- In the Gravity Falls episode "Blendin's Game", Dipper and Mabel risk their lives to give Soos a reality-bending wish so he can be with his father. When he sees the twins are covered in dust, he uses it to clean them off, having realized birthdays are about being with people who care about you and his dad never really cared about him. Blendin protests before Soos reveals that he also wished for an infinite slice of pizza.
- In the Skylanders Academy episode "I Dream of Ninjini", the Doom Raiders find Ninjini's bottle that she broke out of and make her grant their wishes. Broccoli Guy wishes for a best friend and gets his pet rock from his childhood, Kaos wishes that Glumshanks were with him, and Glumshanks, upset about being pulled back into Kaos' life after going on to pursue his dream of going to community college, wishes he was back where he was before.
- Alexander the Great once visited Corinth. While there,, according to the story, he offered the Philosopher Diogenes of Sinope, aka Diogenes The Cynic,note anything he wanted and, being emperor of just about everything at the time, he could have granted it. Diogenes only looked up, slightly irritated, and asked him to get out of his light. Sometimes interpreted as Diogenes showing Alexander that all his worldly triumphs couldn't compare to the wonders of nature such as the sunlight. As an alternative interpretation, Diogenes unintentionally showed Alexander the joys of simplicity, because Diogenes was happier than Alexander despite Alexander being the emperor and having anything he wanted at the snap of his fingers.
Alexander: Were I not Alexander, I would be Diogenes.
- Three soldiers of Napoleon Bonaparte — a German, a Pole and a Jew — have fought well in battle, and he decides to grant each of them a wish.
German: Before the war, I had a brewery, but it was burnt down.
Napoleon: You will get it rebuilt.
Pole: My motherland is under the thumb of other nations.
Napoleon: You will get it liberated.
Jew: I like marinated herrings so much. Could I get a few of them?
[Napoleon is surprised, but promises him the herrings; later, the Jew explains:]
Jew: I don't think you'll get your brewery back, or your free Poland. But my herrings — I may actually get them...
- Josef Stalin:
- There's a (likely anecdotal) story about Stalin and the author of the Soviet anthem. Stalin asked the author what he wanted in reward, a car or a dachanote . The author asked Stalin for his pencil, explaining that Stalin's pencil holds a symbolic value for him. Stalin gave him the pencil, and the car and the dacha too.
- Another similar joke has Stalin asking four movie producers what they need in order to work properly. One complains about cramped surroundings — he gets a flat. The other complains he works best outside the city, and gets a dacha. The third has a dacha, but complains it's hard to get there — Stalin gives him a car. The fourth is hesitant, saying it's a big wish, but after Stalin insists, he asks for a copy of Stalin's book "The Questions of Leninism" with an autograph, for inspiration. He got the book... and a flat, a car, and a dacha as a bonus.