Funny / The Nostalgia Critic 2007 Episodes

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Transformers

• Critic fainting from exhaustion at the end of the review.
• The review is simply one crack-up moment after the next- you'll be lucky if you even hear the last half of the video over your own laughter.

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue

• "You know, I thought this would be really cool, but it turns out all my favorite cartoon characters are fucking narcs!"
• "But if Bugs Bunny knows what a joint is, that means Bugs Bunny knows what drugs are! And if Bugs Bunny knows what drugs are, then that means the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are! And if all the Looney Tunes know what drugs are...then that just explains too goddamned much!
• His expression after Simon says "Marijuana."
• "They have an Intervention...with an Alan Menken song." *songs starts playing* *NC rises gun to his head* *song continues* *Dramatic Gun Cock* *Shot*
• "BLAH BLAH BLAH I'M AN OLD PERSON, BLAH BLAH BLAH I'M KEEPING YOU FROM YOUR CARTOONS, BLAH BLAH BLAH!"
  • "Oh my God, George Bush is starting this thing off!" *Double Take* "Oh my God...George Bush is starting this thing off. That can't be good."
• His description of the "drugs" in Michael's box.
  Critic: Because, hey, he was high, and he thought it was a good idea at the time.
• "Corey thinks about telling her father, but he's too busy being an alcoholic. And gay. And The Brawny Man."
• Replaces a clip of the smoke's dialogue with part of Patton's opening speech.
  "This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap! The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating!"
• Critic's final analysis:
  Critic: Maybe I'm being too harsh on this special. After all, they are trying to teach a very moral lesson:
  ALF: Drugs aren't your pal, pal — they're your enemy!
  Critic: A very sound point — any objections?
  The Smoke: I make 'em feel good.
  Critic: Got me there! (goes off to take a hit off a bong)

Cloverfield Trailer

• The reenactment of the trailer through drawings.
• Critic speculating on what the then-mysterious unseen menace could be. It becomes a hilarious amalgamation of Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs and Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot....Involving Donkey Kong, The Black Smoke from Lost, J.J. Abrams' Bad Robot logo and Jesus of Nazareth.

Power Rangers: A Look Back

• At the start of the review, where he remembers not being a Power Rangers fan to begin with, thinking It Will Never Catch On. "And this is why I'm not in the stock market."
• There's also when Critic imitates Johnny Yong Bosch, and in the same time (maybe unintentionally) explains/predicts why he's now one of the more popular Anime voice actors.
  "Hey, hey. bitch, get back here! Where's my real superpower? Hey! HEEEEYYYYYY!!! HEEEEYYYYY!!! Fuck this, man, I'm gonna go into Anime."
• His rant at the end:
  This movie makes no sense, nothing about the Power Rangers does! How come the monsters always land in the exact same city? How come the city turns into a canyon whenever the fight scene's about to happen?" How come nobody recognizes the rangers even though they wear the exact same colors every day? How come they always move like they have Tourette Syndrome? How come Rita's voice never sounds right? How come they dress up like Nascar mannequins? How come it's sunny in space? How come Alpha's so gay? How come Kimberly's so hot?
  And why is that theme song so damn catchy?!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Book Launch

• The comparison between the normal line and the preorder line.
• The bit with the Scottish guy.
• Him getting excited when the bookstore opens.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movies

• His absolute geek-out at how the Turtles looked in the first movie.
• His cracking up at how hilariously stupid "Punish these turtles" sounds. And that's only because it really does.
• This bit about the second film:
  Critic: After all the parents complained about the violence and swearing in the first film, you know, everything that made it good, the second film tones down the action and the bad language. Instead of using their weapons to fight people, they use stuff like cold food, belts and yo-yos. You know, stuff you find lying around the house. So now all your kids will know how to turn household appliances into blunt, badass weapons. Thank you, parents of America!
  Splinter: Idiots.
• Immediately after, noting the language in the first film. He doesn't recall that much, only to be greeted with a quick montage of the characters saying "Damn!"
  Critic: Okay okay... so every kid was swearing like a bastard after this film came out. But granted, it's a lot better than their original cut.
  (F-bomb-filled audio from Boyz n the Hood is dubbed over fight footage in the first TMNT movie)
  Critic: Never let Spike Lee direct a children's movie.
• On Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap in the second film:
  "This guy is going places! Like the unemployment line!" ["BUMMIN' IT" text appears]
• His epic psychotic meltdown while reviewing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, the third of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live action movies. Includes Angrish and a Shower of Angst...twice.
  "Sit back and let's enjoy TMNT 3." (5 minutes later) "OH MY GOD IT'S SO TERRIBLE! IT'S SO TERRIBLEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!! ....This movie is...is... HORRIBIFUCKUS!"

Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments

• "I used to have a Ninja Turtle doll... THAT I SHOT!"
• Him getting scared with the banshee at the end.

Super Mario Bros.

• Pointing out how Mario is Luigi's father, instead of being brothers like in the games (or as the title would of the movie would imply)... Then his realization about the implications of Mario being Luigi's father AND brother
  Critic: So what are you trying to say? They're father and son... and brothers?
  Luigi: He's been my mother my whole life.
  (Critic looks dumbfounded as footage from the movie plays to the Brokeback Mountain theme)
  Critic: ...You're messed up movie. You're fucking messed up!
• His whole "Who's on First?" reaction to the last names.
  Critic: (when the guard asks for Mario's last name) Whoa, whoa! We're gonna hear Mario's last name? Dude, we've never heard Mario's last name before! This oughta be interesting. Er, uh, cool, so, uh, what's Mario's last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: Yeaaah, now what's your last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: No, no, no, no! What's your last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: (sputters, then starts again) Okay, what's your first name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: Alright, now what's your last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: (to Mario) Fuck you. (to Luigi) What's your first name?
  Luigi: Luigi.
  Critic: And what's your last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: (to Mario) Shut up! (to Luigi) What's your last name?
  Luigi: Luigi Mario.
  Critic: Those are both first names, what's your last name?!
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: (to Mario) Shut it! (to Luigi) What's your full name?
  Luigi: Luigi Mario.
  Critic: Those are both fir—! (catches himself, and starts again) Okay, what's your first name?
  Luigi: Luigi.
  Critic: And what's your last name?
  Mario: Mario.
  Critic: (to Mario) SHUT THE FUCK—! (takes a moment to breath; to Luigi) What's your full name?
  Luigi: Luigi Mario.
  Critic: What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?
  Luigi: It's Mario Mario, and Luigi Mario.
  Critic: .........Are you fucking kidding me? They couldn't think of last names so they just gave them their first names again?! That's like something a kid writes down when he doesn't know the answer on a test! "Mario's last name is, dur, Mario! And Luigi's last name is... Mario too! Because they're brothers, you see! No, wait: father and son."
• The whole "BOB-OMB! (BA-BOMB!)"/"Monkey!" exchange. Culminating in one last parting shot:
  Critic: (After pointing out how the movie had three writers and two directors) But to their credit, can you think of anyone else that could POSSIBLY direct a superior film?
  Koopa: A monkey!
  Critic: He's got me there.
  • Plus during the sequence, the words "Academy Award Nominated Actor" fading onto the screen.
  • Pointing out how, far from the Fire breathing, hammer throwing dragon he is in the games, Koopa in this case is a Corrupt Corporate Executive bordering on Sissy Villain status, making him more like "a mix between Donald Trump and Dr. Evil."