There are subjectives, and then there are these. While you may believe a work fits here, and you might be right, people tend to have rather vocal, differing opinions about this subject. Please keep these off of the work's page.
476 A.D. Chapter One: The Last Light of Aries is a film written, directed by, and starring Croatian "artist" Ivan Pavletic. The film is apparently about the fall of Rome, though you wouldn't know it if not for the expository text at the beginning and the costumes. The film is rife with bad acting and Stock Footage in addition to nothing but transition shots - 90% of the film consists of so much dizzying, spinning, and clashing stock footage that you're bound to last 5 minutes before running to the toilet. There are a good 10 minutes of content in a 74-minute movie. The costumes are hilariously cheap looking and the chroma-key is even worse, even for a low-budget film. The audio editing sounds as if the actors recorded their dialogue in a decompression chamber. Even worse, it's unclear exactly what the message of the film is, or the purpose. And did we mention yet that it's only a part one? Worse yet, director Ivan Pavletic has proven himself to be extremely immature, with a big ego and unable to take criticism, even going so far as to send threatening messages to YouTube profiles who have given clips even slight criticisms, and apparently seems to be paranoid that people are trying to get him. Watch the film on YouTube here, if you dare.
After Last Season is a 2009 indie film with no discernible subject which reaches levels of plotlessness so high you're left enraged and confused. Despite being made in 2009, it looks like it was made in the 1980s and despite having a $5 million budget, everythinglooks cheap. The props are absolutely ridiculous (including, but not limited to, an MRI machine made out of cardboard and covered with flimsy printer paper, featured in the very first scene of the movie), every single scene is shot in either someone's bedroom or an abandoned warehouse, and the CGI makes the animation from the "Money for Nothing" video look like Terminator 2: Judgment Day. There's a 30-minute scene of two people sitting around looking at horrible CG images that would've looked realistic in the 1980s; it makes the DEEP HURTING sequences in Hercules Against the Moon Men look fast-paced. Carlyle of Spill called it the worst movies of 2009 and the decade, if not the last two decades. Almost everyone would be blissfully unaware of it if it hadn't been briefly featured on The Spoony Experiment (though it was later taken down, officially for copyright reasons). You can watch ralphthemoviemakertear it apart here. On GeekJuice Media, it was riffed by Mister X, Alex Jowski and Charley McMullen for Live Nude Geeks here (the usually cool and collected Mister X noted that this was the closest he'd come to cracking at a bad movie).
Airplane Mode is a 2019 note Was announced in 2016, but left in Development Hell for 3 years indie comedy film written by and starring the infamous Logan Paul, which has the All-Star Cast of your favorite YouTubers and Viners trying to prevent their airplane flight from crashing after idiotically refusing to turn on airplane mode on their devices, causing the airplane's systems to malfunction and killing off the pilots. This sounds like the comedy classic Airplane!, but 25 times worse. The amateur acting of the YouTubers is abysmal and hard to watch, overloads of Gross Out, Vulgar, and simply offensive humor serving as plot-irrelevant Padding and too juvenile and badly-delivered to be funny,note Examples include a doctor vomiting on young Logan's exposed fracture, a TSA agent saying "I have 911 reasons not to trust him" to an Arab passenger, a girl making out with her father, a co-pilot named Penis, and a random male passenger trying to breastfeed someone else's babySpecial Effects Failure, excessive unnecessary Big Lipped Alligator Moments,note such as 2 CGI termites mating and a random monkey appearing with Logan for only one scene jokes and references already dated in 2019, plenty of stolen tropes, some from the aforementioned Airplane!, being ripped into pieces by clumsy writing, and has a rocky Uncertain Audience.note Zany juvenile antics akin to mediocre family films combined with loads of adult humor and swearing Overall, the film feels like an 80 minute long Vine with no real purpose. The film received many negative user reviews on iMDb and Letterboxd, and the only professional critic who could review it gave it a D+. You can watch Pyrocynical's commentary here and I Hate Everything's review of it here.
Even the most forgiving Godzillaverse fans have absolutely no love for the 1969 movie All Monsters Attack, better known by its American title Godzilla's Revenge. It was a film hastily thrown together both to make a quick buck and for kids to have their own Godzilla movie, which probably would've been a good idea if the film wasn't about a kid who dreams about Godzilla to gather up courage to get back at bullies. Most of the Godzilla footage in the movie is stock footage from the previous movies (the only new footage featuring Godzilla are the brief shots of Godzilla when he motions Minilla to come over to him, and during the final battle with Gabara). And despite the film being aimed at children, we're treated to lots of scenes of the main character being bullied or attacked by bank robbers. And this movie is supposed to be for kids? The film bombed at the box office, made fans embarrassed to be Godzilla fans, started a five-year Dork Age for the franchise that didn't end until Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla was released, and bringing it up around them will not go over well. The Cinema Snob gives his own thoughts on the movie here. Cinemassacre's James Rolfe also reviewed this stinker as part of their annual Monster Madness series. Ironically, it joined The Criterion Collection in 2019, as part of the Godzilla: The Showa-Era Films Blu-ray boxset.
American Ninja V (or American Dragons, depending on what cable channel you watched it on) is an in-name-only sequel to the American Ninja series known for only three things: 1) being the only film in the series to be rated PG-13, 2) being the first in the series to be an action-"comedy", and 3) killing the American Ninja franchise (despite not having anything to do with the other four movies). It's currently on IMDb's bottom 100 with a score of 2.4/10.
Apartment 1303 3D is a 2012 remake of a Japanese film of the same name but without any of the positive elements of the original. The film is a collection of ghost movie clichés with predictable twists and Jump Scares that work mildly at best and fall flat at worst. The 3D itself is useless most of the time. Not even horror fans and critics found anything redeeming in it, and the general opinion is easily summed up by Gareth Jones' review on ''Dread Central'', in which the film is described as "bereft of interesting characters, dialogue, acting ability, scares, visual aplomb or much of anything else". Many also complained about the waste of Rebecca de Mornay's talent. It currently holds a dismal 9% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 2.6/10 on IMDb.
Artemis Fowl, a 2020 film adaptation of the book of the same name, was released after years of Development Hell only to be panned by critics, hated by the book series' fanbase for taking In Name Only adaptations of popular young adult novels to levels not seen since Eragon, and became infamous for being a severe blemish on Disney's otherwise subpar-at-worst live-action filmography. What was a beloved book about the start of the adventures of a twelve-year-old Villain Protagonist is turned into a Cliché Storm about a boy genius setting out to save his father from a villain while securing an important MacGuffin. The plot is barebones, incoherent, and disregards many elements from the books (such as Artemis's mother) while introducing unfitting new ones, characterizations are altered or gotten outright completely wrong (Artemis himself is simply your archetypal Kid Hero with a Friendless Background, nowhere near the amoral yet multidimensional Villain Protagonist he started out as in the books), there are strange casting choices such as casting Judi Dench as Commander Root and casting Josh Gad as Mulch (rewriting Mulch to be a "giant" dwarf ostracized by the other dwarves for his height to justify the casting), the fighting sequences are clumsy at best, and a number of well-liked characters from the books go completely wasted. About the only thing the movie has going for it are some admittedly nice visuals here and there, but as The Emoji Movie proved, good visual effects will not save a movie if everything else about it is absolute trash. Amazingly, the film could have been worse—if production had gotten off the ground any earlier, Harvey Weinstein could have been a co-producer for a Disney movie released just before his fall from grace. Pleasing absolutely nobody, the movie was panned by critics and audiences (only having a 10%/20% critic/audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes), fans of the original book series were disgusted by the changes made to the books and how much of an In Name Only adaptation the movie was turned into, and the start of a potential new franchise is highly questionable. Even Disney itself didn't seem to have much faith in the movie, as it was released directly to Disney+ rather than being delayed or saved for a later release like other Disney or Disney-distributed movies such as Mulan (2020), Soul, and Black Widow (2020) were when the 2020 coronavirus pandemic necessitated the closure of movie theaters until things went back to normal. Chris Stuckmanntalks about the movie here, and gives the movie an F grade. Dominic Noble also reviewed the movie after having previously read the books and also found very little to like about it, criticizing the many unneeded changes made to the book in the movie. Sean "Smeghead" Moore of Cinematic Excrement also talks about it here, citing he never read the books and then proceeded to point out inconsistencies even he noticed.
The film adaptation of Astérix aux Jeux Olympiques is a near-legend in the already notorious field of live-action Franco-Belgian comic adaptations, and a record low among Goscinny/Uderzo adaptations. On top of being less-than-respectful towards the namesake comic, the film has a tasteless, unfunny story, peppered with out-of-nowhere references. Asterix and Obelix get second chair to Brutus and Julius Caesar (Benoît Poelvoorde and Alain DelonAdam Westingin all but name) and a Love Triangle that reeks of Romantic Plot Tumor between Alafolix (played by french-canadian comedian/actor Stephane Rousseau), a Roman woman named Drucilla and the previously mentionned Brutus. The acting is frankly awful, and the special effects would've been redeemable—ten years prior. The film was slaughtered by critics and the public as soon as it was released, appearing in the ranking of Allociné and SensCritique's worst films, barely pulling in half its 78-million Euro budget at the box office, and scoring a Gérard for Worst French Film of 2007. It ruined the reputation of the franchise and its staff by proxy— Astérix & Obélix : Au service de Sa Majesté, made five years later, bombed without question, ending the trend of adaptations.
Even fans of Steven Seagal films in general dislike Attack Force, in which Seagal battles violent berserker types created from a drug emptied into the water supply of Paris after one of the team he leads gets murdered by one of them. It opens with credits superimposed over blurred images of what appear to be strippers dancing, then proceeds to a shootout that has nothing to do with the rest of the film before it gets to the main plot. It includes the line "We must find that titty-bar!". While Seagal's dialogue is often dubbed over by someone else in these DVD films [due to Creator's Apathy], this takes it to the extreme with virtually all his dialogue dubbed over as the film's plot was completely changed in post production with disastrous results. Attack Force earned an absolutely negative 2-and-a-half star rating on Amazon; take a look at the reviews here. Shitcase Cinema also reviewed it .
Ax 'Em (released theatrically as The Weekend It Lives) is one of the cheapest, most amateurish films ever made. Made by director Michael Mfume, son of a former Maryland Congressman/head of the NAACP (Kwesi Mfume), this film could be one of the worst released in modern times. It looks like it was filmed with a webcam, and the sound (probably captured by said webcam) is such that anything in front of the camera can barely be heard and anything to either side of it is impossible to hear; thus, the actors scream off-screen constantly to be heard... and so the volume spikes randomly. There are parts of the film - plot-relevant parts - where the sound cuts out altogether. Even then, the lighting and framing are so terrible that you sometimes can't see what's happening because it's offscreen when it's not supposed to be offscreen! All of this would not necessarily be fatally bad, except the plot is so stock, so poorly written, and so filled with typos (including the opening info-scrawl!) that it's virtually impossible to describe. The actors are possibly even worse, but it's hard to tell since the sound and (lack of) lighting make it all but impossible to hear or see them (aside from one woman at the beginning who seems to howl "I'm HUN-GRY" every five seconds for a solid hour and a half).
To give you some idea of how bad this film is, it starts at a party where the dialogue's mixed in with the crowd - there's no way to hear what anyone is saying, and it doesn't help that everybody's talking in slang. The film then cuts to a man walking into a house with an axe and assaulting an elderly gentleman who's looking for his medicine. The gentleman, when confronted by the ax-wielding intruder, matter-of-factly says "Oh, shit." Inexplicably, the film cuts to public domain footage of a step-dancing show at a university for the opening credits, interspersed with an African-American DJ busting out "yo' mama" jokes at a crowd of onlookers. The rest of the film is just an Idiot Plot involving a bunch of suicidally moronic college kids that are trying to avoid a zombie-looking killer. The Cinema Snob struggled to watch the movie, let alone review it.
The Babe Ruth Story tried to tell the story of famed baseball player Babe Ruth... but was made while he was on his deathbed and was rushed to make it to theaters before he died. The film itself is poorly acted (Babe is played by William Bendix, an accomplished actor who inexplicably portrays Ruth from adolescence to adulthood looking 40 all the way, making for some awkward lines in his earlier scenes), heavy-handed in its directing, fails to show much of any baseball-playing, ignores Babe's drinking and infidelity problems, and is full of Glurge moments like Babe curing an ill paralyzed kid by merely saying "Hello" as well as curing another kid of his cancer by hitting a home run. (And not just any home run, but his famous called shot at the 1932 World Series!) Small wonder Allied Artists went down as soon as it did, considering they somehow thought it was a good idea to release this stinker so early in their run. Nathan Jones has made fun of it here, and The Cinema Snob had a field day with it.
The Bagman is a testament to everything that can go wrong in a Slasher Movie. The premise is pretty basic: A maniac in a burlap sack mask bumps off the teenagers connected to the murder of a disfigured teen. That's already a Cliché Storm in this genre, but the real problem is the dreadful execution. The acting is universally utterly wooden, not helped by the bad sound quality. Virtually every character is utterly unlikable, even by slasher flick Asshole Victim standards. The reveal of the killer is as shocking as revealing the sky is blue, while the other reveals are Ass Pulls with no foreshadowing whatsoever. All in all, the film deserves its 2.5 IMDB rating. Watch the Angered Beast Reviewer cover the film here.
Basic Instinct 2 promised to continue the eroticism of Basic Instinct, a box-office smash thanks to an erotic and visceral (if controversial) plot and Sharon Stone's electrifying, charismatic, and seductive performance as Catherine Tramell. The reason why this long-awaited sequel to Paul Verhoeven's erotic classic failed so miserably can be pointed out to one trope: Bait-and-Switch. Instead of enjoying an extension of the sleazy, carnal scenes found in the trailer, we instead get a simultaneously ludicrous and lazy plot filled with predictable dialogue. In addition to overstretching the material of the original to the point of becoming one-note and unsexy, the film is riddled with painful acting, weak editing, and one heck of a Gainax Ending that only leaves viewers bewildered and outraged by the lack of payoff. Oh, and you don't get to see Sharon Stone's snatch, in case you were wondering.
The characters in the imaginatively-named Bear are beyond unlikable, the acting's poor (only Katie Lowes from Scandal seemed to have a career after it was done; it helps that she mentions it as an Old Shame), the plot's poorly explained (they don't say where they were going until after the eponymous bear attacks). The special effects are highly questionable (there are several shots where you can clearly see the lights, film crew, and stuntmen... and when the bear's obviously a guy in a suit), and there are several inconsistencies in the bear's behavior throughout the film.
The ultimate low point is when they're crawling out of a pipe. You can see a man wearing a bear glove standing on top, ready to reach through for a Jump Scareafter the tunnel scene is finished. As Film Brainpoints out, he's waiting for a nonexistent cue and therefore has no reason to be in the shot.
The most surprising thing about this film is that it was produced by (of all people) Freddie Wong, who is usually praised for his great special effects on Rocket Jump.
Big Fat Liar, while a funny family movie fondly remembered by people who saw it, was not something anyone wanted a sequel to. But that's what we got in 2017 with Bigger Fatter Liar. The plot is a rehash of the first one, but with a few major changes. One change is that the plot is about an app, the coding of which was hand-written (despite almost no word processor requiring internet) because the main character plagiarized a paper for his social studies class and needed to write something in one night. Another difference is that the main character steals the credit information of two different people to fund his venture. Anything that wasn't awful was taken from the first movie - making you wonder why the movie exists in the first place. Kyle Norty took a look at it here.
Blood Cult occupies a unique place in film history as the very first Direct-to-Video feature, and what a way to start! The film is a Slasher Movie about a maniac dismembering sorority girls, and features such lovely elements as a "hero" more concerned about his election than the Serial Killer running around, a scene that's a few minutes of the sound of a couple arguing over a still image of their house, enough Padding to kill a horse, a canine God of Evil named Caninis, and an ending that leaves all but one of the plot threads unresolved. Needless to say, this film deserves its 12% on Rotten Tomatoes and 3.4 on IMDB. Watch Schlockmeisters tackle the film here.
Blood Orgy of the She-Devils is a film that directly insults its awesome title. Despite claims of Satanic debauchery, nothing really happens. There's even less cohesive plot than gore, with the film plodding along while showing disjointed scenes of generic occultism strung together by the most boring Occult Detective ever. Add to that a wholly unnecessary flashback to the days of torture-happy witch hunters (one of whom wears a modern cut-off shirt) that is somehow tamer than the rest of the film, and this snoozefest deserves its 2.7 IMDb rating. Watch Dark Corners Reviews tackle the film here.
Box Office 3D was announced to be a breakthrough in Italian film industry, being their first venture into the then-new stereoscopic 3D technology, and the newest work by director Ezio Greggio in a decade (who is famous for being a showman for Mediaset, presenter for Striscia la Notizia and Paperissima, and for shooting a bunch of rather passable films with fellow comedian Mel Brooks). It was presented at the 2011 Venice International Film Festival and, needless to say, everyone was outraged by its substandard production and low-brow humour, which consisted mostly of jokes that were already out of date in the early 1980s, with most of them rehashed from Paperissima. The film is a collection of loosely-connected film parodies in which the source materials are treated in ways that not evenSeltzer and Friedbergwould ever attempt. Characters barely represent their original selves (for example, Lisbeth Salander is portrayed as an overblown caricature of a drug addict, and Hermione Granger has been degraded to a sex object that Frodo Baggins wants to hit), the jokes either have a horrible setup or have bad or no punchlines, references to contemporary reality shows and stale jokes pandering to soccer fans are shoehorned in for no reason, and shameless self-referential humour is overabundant. It has questionable casting choices, including but not limited to the likes of Luca Giurato, Anna Falchi, Bruno Pizzul, Aldo Biscardi, and Gina Lollobrigida of all people. There are no 3D effects despite having "3D" right in the title, except for a badly rendered cat flying towards the screen in one scene. Despite having a respectable budget, it made almost no money back, because at that time word of mouth spread quickly about the film's quality. For a while, it became the laughingstock of Italian cinema for several weeks before being swiftly forgotten and buried. The Mighty Piratebreaks it down in a lengthy rant about how not to do a parody film.
Brain Drain (Spanish: Fuga de cerebros) is a 2009 Spanish comedy about a boy going to Oxford with his friends just to get laid with his girlfriend. Nevermind the fact that it sounds like the plot of any late-90s/early-2000s teen sex comedy, the plot is basically an Excuse Plot for massive amounts of Toilet Humour and unfunny gags, two of them being one of the protagonists filling a jar with his own semen and another one sleeping with corpses in a mortuary, with one scene implying that he had sex with one of them. But that's tame compared to the 2013 Italian remake by Paolo Ruffini (see the Repeat Offenders section for more info on that).
The 2003 Cannes Film Festival cut of The Brown Bunny. The theatrical cut did okay at best, So Bad, It's Good at worst, but the Cannes version, which its director and main star Vincent Gallo admitted wasn't completely edited (about 26 minutes had yet to be cut out), had even more trouble with pacing. Many scenes were either pointlessly long or merely pointless, which, alongside the stuff present in the final cut - such as Gallo's role as the protagonist (and the countless shots of his face) and the notorious closing scene with Chloë Sevigny - resulted in a freak hybrid of Gerry's absence of pacing and Ctrl+Alt+Del's lack of humility. Roger Ebert, who would later give the final cut a good review, claimed the Cannes cut to be the worst Cannes film he'd ever seen.
Even by the standards of a No BudgetSlasher Movie, Carnage Road is an atrocity. For starters, the villain is named "Quiltface", quite possibly the least intimidating name ever. For the first half of the film, we follow a group of unlikable photography students as they bicker their way through a photography assignment in the desert. This includes the most stereotypical Geek of all time, which is an impressive feat for somebody who never once references anything geeky. The second half of the film has our "heroes" being killed because they're too incompetent to look 10 feet in front of them. With its only redeeming quality being its 69-minute runtime, Carnage Road earns its 2.6 IMDB rating.
The Cavern (formerly known as Within back when it was shown in film festivals): An indie horror movie made by Olatunde Osunsanmi, it's a pale shadow of better cave-themed horror movies such as The Descent and The Cave. The cinematography is utterly incompetent, with the lighting alternating between impenetrable darkness and blinding brightness. The characters are unlikabledimwits. The plot is completely idiotic, filled with Voodoo Sharks and having a heat-seeking, precision-guided, extra-sticky Idiot Ball, and the twist near the end is completely moronic. To top it off, in an extremely insensitive and reprehensible touch, the film stopsin the middle of a rape scene. You can watch Film Brain tear it a new one here.
Cell is the 2016 adaptation of Stephen King's novel of the same name, and is considered one of the worst adaptations of his work. Wasting talented actors like Samuel L. Jackson, John Cusack, and Isabelle Fuhrman, this film has many issues such as poor special effects (for instance, four of the exact same person can be seen in one shot) and horrific editing, and while the film has lots of unintentionally hilarious moments involving its zombies (including a scene where they sing the "Trololol" song for no reason), they aren't enough to save the film from its dull story, which has a very unclear ending where Cusack's character may or may not have become a zombie. Unsurprisingly, this film was panned by critics and audiences alike (a 10% Tomatometer rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a 4.3/10 on IMDb). Chris Stuckmann talks about it here, and later named it the 4th-worst film he'd seen in 2016. FoundFlix gives the movie a quick breakdown and tries to figure out the ending.
A Certain Sacrifice, a low-budget independent film from 1979 starring a pre-fame Madonna that was never finished due to money issues but eventually released in 1985 when director Stephen Jon Lewicki put it out on video to capitalize on Madonna's fame. Madonna hated the film and attempted, unsuccessfully, to have it pulled - and for good reason. It's easy to tell that it's unfinished, as despite running just 62 minutes every scene goes on for far, far too long, and the way the scenes are edited together is downright confusing. The plot is mostly incomprehensible (more or less nothing happens until about 40 minutes in, when it suddenly turns into a rape revenge movie), and most scenes are completely purposeless and inexplicable. The acting and dialogue are both awful, the synthesized soundtrack is hideously grating, and the quality of the sound recording is inexcusably bad. And there's an out-of-nowhere twist at the end, with Madonna's rapist being sacrificed to Satan and a terrible song that goes on for seven minutes. Todd in the Shadowsexpounds further.
Children of the Living Dead presents itself as a sequel to George A. Romero's classic Night of the Living Dead (1968). In reality, all it has in common are the words "Living Dead" in the title, one of the producers on Night (John A. Russo) filling the same role in Children, and the fact that it features zombies. What would otherwise have been an unremarkable zombie exploitation flick got turned into an absolute trainwreck by the egotism of writer-producer Karen Lee Wolf, who took the film away from the director (he unsurprisingly disowned it afterwards), re-edited it into a total mess, and then hired a bunch of talentless voiceover "artists" to redub all the dialogue in order to make some sense out of the now-butchered storyline. Add some horrendous cinematography and mediocre zombie/gore effects, and you have a film that can't even hold its own against the cheap Italian zombie movies of The '70s. The one thing it has in its favor is an entertaining cameo by Tom Savini... who dies five minutes into the film. Diamanda Hagan concurs.
Christmas in Wonderland is a 2007 Christmas movie with an All-Star Cast, apparently no script, and exists solely to piss off the entire population of Edmonton and Canada in its sight. Its main selling point is that 90% of it was shot in West Edmonton Mall (formerly the world's largest) in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... yet when it's not being a 100-minute commercial for said mall, it's trying to justify its plot by relying on the seminal characters being ten times as moronic as families in average family Christmas films. To make a list of all its inconsistencies would be writing a list as long as the script itself - for example, the opening credits are supposed to be in Los Angeles, yet it's obviously shot in Strathcoma in Edmonton. The two boys apparently hate Canada, yet they have strong Canadian accents. Furthermore, the mall itself is made to look like a magical palace on the exterior, with puke-worthy results. That's only the beginning. The film's an insult to Edmonton and Canada, and the one cinema in the mall that showed it in 2007 dropped it after a week because it's so bad. And boy, Patrick Swayze looked horrible; this is not a film you'd want to remember him by. The fact that in this movie, there is no snow anywhere in Edmonton at Christmas sums up how little they cared.
Code Name: K.O.Z., a Turkish film from 2015, zoomed to the #1 position on IMDb's Bottom 100 soon after its release. The movie is purely Turkish propaganda, depicting Turkish president Erdogan as the hero and the Gulen movement as the villain. The film editing is sophomoric, the actors are bland, and the script itself has too many plotholes. Two major Turkish newspapers, Hurriyet (Turkish) and Today's Zaman (English) tore the film apart.
Dancin': It's On! could easily give From Justin to Kelly a run for its money in terms of being one of the worst dancing-themed romance flicks of all time. Rich girl Jennifer falls in love with Ken, a dancing dishwasher, at the hotel managed by Jennifer's father. The two have a bog-standard romance which leads to a dance competition. Of course, said father doesn't approve of Ken, and of course Ken is caught in a Love Triangle with his existing dance partner Shotsy (who has an unrequited love for him) and Danny (a gofer hired by Jennifer's dad to drive a wedge in between by dating Jennifer and convincing her that Ken and Shotsy are a couple). What could have been mediocre at worst is made awful for many reasons. First, the leads Witney Carson and Chehon Wespi-Tschopp were contestants on Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance respectively, thus meaning that neither of them are good actors (Wespi-Tschopp has not appeared in anything since, while Carson's only other notable role is becoming the Lovely Assistant on the game show Catch 21 after it was Un-Canceled in 2019). The writing is all over the place, with awkward and narmtastic lines, and the editing is confusing (at one point, the movie hard cuts to a war scene to explain David Winters' character's motivation for mentoring Ken). Many secondary characters come in and out so randomly and jarringly that their appearances stand out, including an annoying African-American doorman at the hotel who calls himself "The Captain" and appears only to spout "wise" and "witty" advice. It also has downright abysmal production values: the title card appears for literally half a second, the lighting is all over the place, and for whatever unknown reason the entire movie has absolutely terrible ADR. The film grossed only $27,000 against an estimated budget of $13 million, IMDb users gave it 3.0, and the only mainstream critics who bothered to review the movie were uniformly negative. Watch Brad Jones tear it apart on Midnight Screeningshere and again as The Cinema Snobhere.
Dead Clowns painfully bungles the So Cool, It's Awesome premise of zombie clowns in a hurricane by presenting the world an insidiously dull, slow-paced 94 minute trek of constant (inconsistent) hurricane Stock Footage doubling as Padding, ridiculously flat and almost entirely nameless cast of characters that get killed long before the viewer could care about them, a rather shallow plot that leaves questions and Plot Holes behindnote these clowns have been underwater for 50 years with no one having dug them out earlier, the calliope they rode with is a quickly forgotten plot point, and an unfathomably dumb ending, dreadful cinematography driven by a rather cheap looking camera, numerous instances of Special Effect Failure (inconsistent zombie makeup and masks, laughably poor gore, the clowns are entirely clean and dry despite being dead in the sea for 50 years and walking around in a hurricane to kill and feast on people, and in one scene cocaine is clearly represented as sugar or salt), and absolutely thoroughly lifeless acting tto the point where one could be led to believe that the film was starring a gang of androids. And, the cover features two living clowns that do not appear in the film proper. The only real positive of the film would have to be its haunting minimalist score and shockingly great soundtrack (notably the closing credits song). You can see Emer Prevost review the film here.
There's a reason why The Devil Inside is one of the most notorious films of 2012: exceedingly slow pacing, characters that nobody can relate to discussing eye-rolling semantics repeatedly, piss-poor editing and handling of both the found-footage gimmick and the exorcism-themed plot, lack of creativity or originality, rampant Critical Research Failure that contradicts virtually every claim made related to Catholicism, numerous directions (such as a Vatican conspiracy, Ben's Dark and Troubled Past, and whether Marias second exorcism was successful or not) that never get explored fully at all, and a rushed last 10 minutes that occurs out of the blue, and stops the film dead in its tracks, ending with a link to a website (which allegedly explained what happened after the events in the film) that isn't even online anymore. It was panned by almost every reviewer, with a 4% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a Metacritic score of 18, and Peter Howell of the Toronto Star writing that the film is a candidate for the worst film of 2012. It was also slammed by the public to the point where it received a 76% drop in box office earnings for its second weekend. Audiences were seen booing at the film after it ended and gave an F on a Yahoo! Movies poll and Cinemascore. You can watch Film Brain tear it down here.
The Disappointments Room is a poorly-made horror/thriller movie starring Kate Beckinsale and Lucas Till. The movie is about a family that moves into an old manor in the countryside. After settling in, Beckinsale's character starts seeing terrifying visions and dreams she cannot explain. Then she finds a secret room in the attic and discovers the dark history of the family that lived there in the 19th century. The movie sat on the shelf for 3 years due to Relativity Media going bankrupt. The movie feels like it has no beginning, middle, or end (despite a 92-minute runtime, nothing actually happens), the acting is mediocre at best, the editing is very choppy, the characters aren't developed at all, and the movie isn't scary and is stocked with all the horror movie cliches. The so-called "Disappointments Room" in the marketing is hardly in the movie. The movie got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and completely bombed at the box office ($1.4 million in its opening weekend on a $15 million budget). Chris Stuckmann talks about it here, and he later named it the second-worst film he'd seen in 2016.
Dirty Love, starring ex-Playboy Playmate and current anti-vaccine activist Jenny McCarthy. A gross-out sex comedy with a female viewpoint may be unusual (and Bridesmaids proved that it can be done well)... but the novelty of the movie's premise quickly foundered under a bad script (by McCarthy herself), wretched cinematography, and tasteless and gross humor (such as McCarthy dancing topless with her breasts covered in vomit and carpeting a store with her menstrual blood). Carmen Electra plays her Token Black Friend as an Ethnic Scrappy, even though she isn't black. The movie won four Razzie Awards, including Worst Picture and Worst Actress. Read Roger Ebert's review of it here. Truly some of his best work. It was a massive Box Office Bomb grossing only $36,099, one of the lowest of any movie on this entire list.
Dylan Dog is a tricky comic to adapt due to its surreal and ambiguous nature, and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night is a textbook example of how bad an adaptation can be if it's not handled carefully. It's loaded with dull and insulting caricatures of Dylan, Bloch, and the other recurring characters, Groucho is replaced by an annoying whining sidekick (the cast couldn't get the rights from the Marx family to use his likeness), the plot is stale, generic, and unfit for a Dylan Dog story, and it's chock-full of overused scenes from other better horror films. Italian website Coming Soon cited it as too similar to teen vampire TV series like True Blood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and that those similarities make it "like baby food, good for an extremely young target (audience) without a deep critical edge", although the director "avoids disappointing the audience and gets a couple of good gags (in)". Without any comic or horrific effects to speak of, it deservedly got an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes and only made back less than a quarter of its budget.
Ed is a supposed baseball comedy made to capitalize on both the "family monkey movie" trend of the mid-90s and the rising fame of Friends star Matt LeBlanc. You get a man who's clearly wearing a chimpanzee suit, unfunny jokes, and an unappealing relationship between LeBlanc and Ed, and the film ended up becoming a flop with critics and audiences. It was nominated for three Golden Raspberry Awards, ranks among the IMDb Bottom 100, and sports a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Media Hunter goes into further detail here. The Cinema Snobalso reviewed it, saying that it looked like one of the fake bad movies Joey would star in on Friends.
While Netflix's documentaries tends to vary in quality, Enter the Anime is such a failure at what it sets out to do that it becomes downright infuriating to almost anyone familiar with the subject. Ostensibly about an outsider discovering the medium for the first time, what the "documentary" is actually about is a glorified advertisement for Netflix's anime roster, a fact made glaringly obvious by how literally every series highlighted is one on the platform (all the more blatant by the inclusion of Castlevania, in spite of it being an entirely American production), yet is not disclosed at all until the credits. As a documentary, the whole film fails miserably, lacking any coherency or through-line, with large amounts of Padding through random trivia and the host complaining about how difficult the documentary was to make, with actual interviews with industry professionals being reduced to short five minute sequences that lack detail and are over-edited to the point of being difficult to watch, and then-recent events (such as the Kyoto Animation arson attack) being glossed over. Perhaps worst of all however is that, despite the beginning openly attempting to dissuade old orientalist portrayals of Japan as inaccurate, the film itself embraces it to the point of painting the anime industry in an almost inhuman light, even taking comments relating to the industry's long history of worker abuse and framing it as pure artistic passion. Casual viewers gain no incentive to delve into the medium itself, casual anime fans will gain nothing that a quick search online can't easily grant, and any one genuinely invested in the industry will likely be infuriated by the inaccurate and insulting portrayal of the medium, which has led to the film having a 2.5 on IMDB and an 8% on Google Play. Watch Mother's Basement rip it apart here while Callum May of ANN highlights the Unfortunate Implicationshere.
F the Prom was an attempt by The Fine Brothers to write a feature film. While most youtuber movies are low quality, this one takes the cake. It has a Cliché Storm of a premise, as well as obvious attempts to pander to teenagers (The movie's title credits have emojis, among other things). The characters are mostly unlikable cliches, making decisions that don't make sensenote Maddy decides to go to prom after all, but doesn't tell anyone else that. She ends up surprised when she's tarred and feathered, despite planning the sabotage. The humor is also quite vulgar and unfunny, such as Cole's dad making inappropriate comments on teenage girls, or the principal of the school saying "It's only statutory if you get caught". I Hate Everythingsuffers through it here.
The whole movie, in fact, was a self-promoting cash-in by New York karate instructor Aaron Banks, with faked scenes of Bruce praising him to no end and calling him "the greatest martial arts promoter in the USA", even if, after so much ego-stroking, the last scene features Adolph Caesar delivering a sappy speech about how "no one can replace Bruce Lee and no one needs to". Fist of Fear, Touch of Death currently holds a one-star rating on IMDB and was voted the worst Bruceploitation film ever, on the now-defunct websites "Keith's Bruceploitation Website" and "Movies in the Attic". When reviewed on the Spanish web show Videofobia, this was the film that made the hosts genuinely angry.
Five Across the Eyes attempts to be a found-footage horror flick of a group of girls being harassed and tortured by a crazy woman. What it actually is, is a movie shot on someone's VHS camera, where we're stuck listening to a bunch of stupid, bratty, teenage girls screech and argue the entire time while driving, until they get attacked, in which case they cry and screech. It's so dark and low-quality that almost nothing can be seen at times, and there are no scene changes- we're just stuck watching the entire car-ride. With a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 2.6 on IMDb, this "film" is more of an endurance test than anything. Phelous suffers through it here.
Fun fact - this movie was written by Kim Fuller, whose brother (Simon Fuller) created American Idol. Kim also wrote Spice World and S Club: Seeing Double (S Club was a British pop group that didn't make it in America and didn't survive to its film's release date). It's quite an artistic legacy.
Frozen Assets is a 1992 comedy about a banker (played by Corbin Bernsen) hired to run a sperm bank, where he meets a woman (played by Shelly Long) and falls in love while getting people to abstain from sex for $100,000 while a brothel protests them; oh, and there's an escaped mental case too. If any of this seems funny, don't worry - it isn't, as every joke is thoroughly and completely neutered. Roger Ebertfamously called it "a children's movie with a dirty mind" when he reviewed it, and it was a Box Office Bomb (grossing less than $400,000!) and the death knell of George T. Miller (not to be confused with the other George Miller)'s directing career: after this, it was family films and Sci-Fi Channel original movies.
Fun in Balloon Land is less of a movie and more of an hour-long presentation for a below-sub-par balloon parade. The "plot" of this 1965 movie is as follows: A little boy named Sonny falls asleep whilst being read a bedtime story and is magicked away to Balloon Land. The acting is nonexistent, the choreography of the dance scenes is awful, and whenever the balloons interact with the child actors it's clearly someone off-camera reading the lines in a bored-sounding voice, and the balloons themselves lookhorrifying. Most of the dialogue is inaudible due to being so poorly recorded, and makes what is happening impossible to follow. Then 20 minutes in, what little plot there is suddenly stops, and what follows is painful stock footage of the 1964 Philadelphia Thanksgiving balloon parade, which goes on for over 40 minutes and exists merely to pad out the running length, with commentary delivered by a woman who sounds like she's either stoned out of her mind or suffering a psychotic breakdown (or both). When the film finally ends, it uses exactly the same clip as its opening. The film was so bad and obscure that only a DVD release by Something Weird made people discover it, leading to The Cinema Snob reacting with horror in his review, RiffTrax showing shock in their commentary, and IMDb users grading it 1.1 out of 10.