Funny / Fanfic Theater 3015 One Shots And Shuffles

For mulitpart riffs, go here.

For the main page, go here.

Ten Minutes: Aftermath

• "[V]ials of the transforming serum known as 'potion', a purple, grape-flavored construct of human nanotechnology and Equestrian magic."
  Fallen Prime: So... delicious magical science.
  Neo: Is Potion the market brand name or did they just go for the generic brand? Also, is it really necessary to tell us what flavor it was?
  Steel: I... think so? Maybe it’s called ‘Grape-Flavored Nanomachines’, and they just went with ‘Potion’ for all the youngsters reading.
  Kanzlerin: Rules of nature, son.
  Neo: DON’T FUCK WITH THIS SUN PRINCESS!
• "Where the humans had won, lay newly created corpses, dead, gummy eyes staring into oblivion,"
  Sigma: Pinkie’s pet was given a full decorated funeral with military honors.
  Sven: The 21 Party Cannon salute was glorious.
• "[T]he young man could taste the grape on her lips."
  Neo: Again, is the whole grape flavor thing really that relevant?
  Steel: I think it suddenly just became relevant.
  Neo: If grapes actually turn out to be the main ingredient in ‘Potion,’ then I might just flip a table.
  Axel Nyan: This author is trying so hard to force her grape-fetish on her readers.
  RJ: This is going to be stuck in my head every time grape comes up now. Thanks, fic.
  Waterpear: The cherry flavor unconditionally turns you into a mare. I am not making this up.
  Sigma: ...What kind of grape? Green, red, or purple grape? They all have a distinctive taste, you know.
  Neo: What about Blue Raspberry?
  MrSing: Nothing like a cold glass of grapes right before battle.
  Cola: Hey, now. Grape isn’t something to joke about.
  SC276: I’m fairly sure at this point that the “potion” is just wine and everyone is actually drunk off their gourds. Like I wish I was about a quarter of the way into this mess.
• "There would have been no possible way to see anything, had the device at his back detonated. He would have been terminated instantaneously;"
  NaturalGlitch: "Have I mentioned this yet? Maybe I should write a few more paragraphs just in case my audience doesn’t understand."
  SC276: There’s purple prose, and then there's ultraviolet.
• "'I'm just here at Celestia’s request to help you. No, don't fret, I’m perfectly fine!' The doctor / pegasus gave Michael a big smile."
  Neo: "NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, LARRY!"
  twow: ...Guys. Celestia can bring dead humans back to life with the power of ponies. AND ONLY BY TURNING THEM INTO PONIES.
  Steel: And thus, Celestia became God.
  Neo: So...can she revive ponies by turning them into other ponies?
  Steel: Ponies are born, live, then are reborn as other ponies. That’s one hell of a spiralling circle of life... but what about abortions? Are they just born into other ponies? And what if everyone who can be alive is alive right then? Is everybody just infertile until someone drops dead?
  Simon: Dude, you made abortions feel like a reset button. “Ah, I wanted to be a unicorn this time! Kill me, we’ll try again!”
• "You took my head off right here, remember?"
  twow: He took your head off with a bullet? Was he using a fucking high-powered sniper rifle?
  Ringmaster: Maybe he was using one of Fallen’s rusty sawblade guns.
  Waterpear: It was a hypergun. It’s just like a regular gun, except it lets you 360noscope entire continents.
  Neo: Haven’t you seen? They made a gun capable of shooting rusty saw blades.
  Fallen Prime: “They?” I thought I patented that!
  Neo: It was ‘Based off of’ your original design in a similar fashion to how this story was based off of Ten Minutes. The gun shoots peeled oranges is what I’m getting at.
  Steel: It hasn’t really taken with any major militant organizations, but Marketing is working on it.
  Neo: Some nut job named Cave Johnson made it. He said a version that used combustable lemons was in development. We’re eagerly awaiting final testing.
  Fallen Prime: Cunting Aperture...
• "No, Michael, you were in hell. You were in the hell that was human life, the hell that was Earth."
  Waterpear: And now you’re in the hell that is “Ten Minutes: Aftermath.”
  Fallen Prime: “It was remarkably difficult to find a princess-sized soapbox, so I hope you appreciate my speech.”
  Cola: If a goddess cannot make a soapbox sufficiently stable to support her goddessy frame, then why do we call her goddess?
  Dark Angel: Actually, she did make one that could support her frame. The problem is that the said goddess has a weakness for chocolate cake.
  Ringmaster: “The Hell That Was Human Life” sounds more like an emo album than something that should ever come out of the mouth of a cartoon pony.
  Neo: And yet here we stand.
  Steel: And here we read. I think we all feel less human for it. ...I didn’t actually mean to make that joke, OH GOD THEY’RE CONVERTING ME!
• "Michael had heard enough. 'Just tell me what you want me to do to end this.' He meant it. Anything."
  NaturalGlitch: Well, first you hit the backspace key. Then, you don’t stop.
  RJ: After that, open up the command prompt and type format c:/ and hit enter.
  Ringmaster: Then, just to be safe, take your computer and toss it out the nearest second-story window.
  SC276: Make it third, just to be safe.
  Cola: Not enough. The author would still have the ending in their memory. Follow the computer out the window! It’s the only way to be sure.
• "Those were not the actions of a robot without free will."
  Waterpear: Yes, by programming a robot to pause before it does your bidding, you too can create a machine that passes the Turing Test.
  Axel Nyan: For only 52 easy payments of 499.99$, you too can own your very own lifelike robot!~ Guaranteed to pass any test!
  Steel: Give it your homework! Tell it a joke! Order it to end all mankind! We guarantee success in any and all operations!
  Sigma: These characters are about as free as fucking Bonzi Buddy.
  Ringmaster: Chat had that on her computer, but it uninstalled itself after it saw her stories.
• "“My stallion! You made it! It’s so good to see you!” It was Tank, now a fine stallion."
  Sigma: I thought Tank was a tortoise.
  Cola: Wrong Tank. I got a little confused on that too. *offers a handy chart*
  Ringmaster: Are you sure this chart is right? It’s just the word “fuck” repeated over and over again in very small print on every inch of the paper.
  Cola: *nods solemnly* It’s right. Trust me.

My Life in MLP / The Search Of Equestia

• This part, after an introduction to the fics is given.
  Maud: Did I also mention that the author posted thirteen chapters as a single chapter? Because he did. And that's terrible.
• From "My Life in MLP"
  • Cola's increasingly severe reactions to the Rouge Angles of Satin.
  • "'don't worry i'll be fine.'"
    Fallen Prime: This reassurance brought to you by the National Fate Temptation Committee.
    Steel: Major donators are Foreshadowing Inc., Aperture Science and The World Association For Pony Societies.
    TopherRiffs: And the support of readers like you. Thank you.
    Crazy56U: She dies at the end, doesn’t she...
  • "'[H]ey there!' said fiendly voice."
    RJ: (overly happy) Hey there new neighbor! We’re having a potluck block party next week, it’d be a pip if you could come! I’ll be kidnapping you all afterwards for some evil plot! Oh, and it’s BYOB! See ya there!
  • "Over the next few days Andy showed me around the collage and the city."
    Sigma: He then exploded, for Andy was secretly… a BOMB.
    Topher: Andy prefers the term “Explosive American.”
  • "after words i just talked mumbo jumbo"
    SC276: “This not bear and bird world. Mumbo took Wrong Turn at Albuquerque.”
    Ringmaster: Wow, he actually managed to end up somewhere worse than Nuts & Bolts.
  • And then the sex scene happened.
    Sigma: Fallen, get the sawblades.
    Fallen Prime: Mine. Not sharing.
    Maud: HEY GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID THIS WAS RATED “M”?
    Sigma: Remember how I said WITH A FORK?
    Something: (drives in with a forklift) GLIMGLAM YOUR TIME OF RECKONING IS HERE. HOW DO YOU PLEAD.
    Maud: I plead the fifth.
    Sigma: You’re Canadian. GUILTY!
    Something: YOU ARE SENTENCED TO MAXIMUM FORKLIFT. (runs forklift straight into Glimo’s brain)
• From "The Search Of Equestia"
  • The very first "sentence."
    My story begin with a 16 year old boy the boy name is David and I have crap live nobody want to be friend and the school year wasn't best at the time after was over I walked home when I got home my uncle came over hi David how was your day?

    Sigma: ...Oh. This is gonna be one of those days, isn’t it.

    Something: Where you don’t wanna wake up? (flies away for realsies this time)

    Maud: You can check-out anytime you want, but you can never leave…

    SC276: Already I want to kill someone.

    Crazy56U: I… I feel like I made a mistake coming back...
    • By the end of chapter 1, the story is completely incomprehensible.
      SC276: ...OK, I’ve completely lost track of the plot. Something about Pinkie and Rainbow and… signs or something? Augh, it can’t be a seven-year-old that wrote it, half the words would be misspelled then.
      Ringmaster: What about a 6-year-old with a really good spellcheck program?
      SC276: Fanfic writers, use spellcheck? Have you seen the last fic?
      Ringmaster: ...Point taken.
      Cola: Wait! I understand now. I understand. This was the rough draft of the previous fic. That’s the only explanation I’m willing to live with, because if two different people can write shit this fucking incoherent then no, no, the world is not a place I’m willing to live any more.
      Crazy56U: All I know is that I’m lost, scared, and confused. Mostly scared.
  • Due to being introduced as a "cinema," Discord is interpreted as an evil movie theater that only shows The Room (2003), Birdemic II, and (after mutating) Cutthroat Island.
  • Ring, for the first and only time, covers the second name of the protagonist of "The Search Of Equestia" with white text due to how stupid it is. How stupid? The protagonist is Solid Snake.
    SC276: *SPITS OUT ORANGE JUICE* WHAT THE WHAT?!
    RJ: !
    Ringmaster: A good amount of the reason I put this fic up here was just so I could show you all… that.
    SC276: THE GUY’S THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE! HE DOES NOTHING STEALTHY OR BADASS! HE SPENT THE FINAL BATTLE KNOCKED OUT, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!
    Cola: You. Are. Fuck. Ing. Shit. Ting. Me.
    Topher: This tweest brought to you by M. Night Shamallamadingdong.
    Crazy56U: (in pain) … …this is why we can’t have nice things...

A Beautiful But Scary Effect

• "Everypony, even those who hated him, will come to love him."
  Crazy56U: [Reaper] "(sporting Muscle Arms) Now I'm a jerk, and everypony loves me!"
  Topher: IRON WILL APPROVES OF THIS COMMENT!
• "The Power Of Love were crafted so perfectly,"
  Ringmaster: Eh, it's nice, but if we're talking Huey Lewis hits I still prefer Back in Time.
  Crazy56U: Hip to Be Square is more my jam, what with its claustrophobic music video and tendency to get people named Paul killed...
  Sven: The line ♫ Make a one man weep ♫ seems rather fitting.
• "I stomped my hoof once and the fool jolts back to consciousness. He gasped as he came to."
  SC276: These are not vampire powers. These are like demigod powers. Or Discord powers. I'm not engaged, I'm just confused and angry.
  Crazy56U: ...okay, no, you can't change my mind; Reaper was, in fact, dead. Ice Star just brought him back to life. Necromancy is now canon in this story.
• "Her mane is also yellow. Now on to the one I don't know."
  Crazy56U: (fed up) Would you please, please, just give a SHIT ABOUT THE AUDIENCE?!
  NaturalGlitch: If that was a thing, 80% of these pony fics wouldn’t exist. (tries not to cry)
  • "She is an earth pony with a dark brown mane with a few light yellow strips. Her coat is a light brown color and she seems like a strong earth pony. Now I believe I have explained everything and I hope your small mind can hold that info."
    SC276: No, because I won’t ever need any info like this in my life ever. And I’m a packrat.
    Crazy56U: ... (screams in rage)
    NaturalGlitch: Hey, look at it this way! ...you made some really good eggs for breakfast—that counts, right?
• Moral time!
  Crazy56U: I think we all learned an important lesson here, today. And that is... ... ...
  Sven: Uh, don't talk to a vampony, because she'll make you wear glasses that make all the other characters fall in love with you, including your own brother?
  SC276: Close enough!

The Ponyville Curse

• After the computer supposedly magically downloads Windows Media Player:
  Hey! It's one less program I have to download!

  Sigma: Ignorance is indeed bliss.

  Crazy56U: You poor deluded fool... Everyone knows VLC is better...

  Sigma: OI! Media Player Classic!

  Crazy56U: I will fight you in the street.
• "Imagine Flippy from Happy Tree Friends when he flips out and replace the white with the blue."
  SC276: I am, and it looks nothing like what you described earlier. Double-checking now in case my memory is failing me... Oh, the irises were yellow. I... would not call Flippy's irises yellow. Well, not yellow yellow, more of a dark yellow YES I AM STALLING FOR TIME.
  Crazy56U: Keep stalling, please? ...please?
  SC276: I CAN ONLY THINK OF SO MUCH TO TYPE.
  Crazy56U: GIBBERISH! JUST TYPE GIBBERISH!
• "This was awful to look at. Would you find it horrible if you saw a dead child brutally murdered somehow?"
  Ringmaster: I mean, I have at least 600 hours total in the Binding of Isaac series, so...
  NaturalGlitch: Why didn't this guy—-oh, I don’t know-—call the police about this?!
  SC276: Did the Internet Police even exist in 2012?
  Crazy56U: Insert FNAF joke here.
  Trekker: [Freddy Fuckboy] "inhale my dong enragement child"
• "The order they were in from closest to furthest was Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and finally Fluttershy."
  SC276: Who even remembers that kind of detail?!
  Crazy56U: Ask the narrator of "Sonic.EXE".
  Sigma: Yeah, sure, after I get cancer.
• "According to our research,"
  SC276: "-which we won't elaborate on here, since it's scientifically impossible to perform-"
  Crazy56U: "which is just the words 'Fuck this story.' repeated for 15 pages,"
• Crazy56U's mental breakdown during Spike's evil monologue. Ever wonder why he keeps insisting this riff never happened? Now you do.
  • "And all his illness and injuries? He did those himself."
    NaturalGlitch: [Spike] "The big guy even tried to pin me with the sledgehammer incident. What a kook!"
    SC276: The author literally just tried to make a creepypasta out of Happy Tree Friends' "Double Whammy” two-parter and paint MLP on it. ...I've seen worse.
    Crazy56U: Oh my God, you are! You ARE ripping off "Fight Club"! WHAT IS THIS?!
    Fallen Prime: If either of you are right, then the twist is... this was secretly a crossover.
  • "I'm suprised he hadn't killed himself doing so! He would also search up and download viruses too."
    NaturalGlitch: No, that's called looking up porn.
    Scarlet: Based on documents eleven and twelve, he was producing that just fine on his own.
    SC276: ...wait, if it's Wingdings, wouldn't decoding just be changing the font?
    Scarlet: .....In a manner of speaking, yes.
    Fallen Prime: GODDAMMIT I TRUSTED YOU.
    Crazy56U: Okay, no, I HIGHLY DOUBT his schizophrenia would make him do that dear GOD what is this making me type?!

A Friendship Broken by Loyalty

• Right off the bat:
  Ringmaster: It's the second user-voted one shot, and you guys picked... a Rainbow Factory fan-prequel. Yay.
• "They were also saying really mean things about me."
  Scarlet: "Not bad, Dash! If you keep it up you might almost be average!"
  Crazy56U: (tears up notecard; bitter) Nice job stealing the math joke, friend...
  Dark Angel: Well, you could make a joke like she was only performing at 20%... oh, sorry.
  Crazy56U: (tears up another notecard; more bitter) Yeah... I bet you are...
• "I walked up to them and said, "Is that really what you think about me, A LAUGHABLE FAILURE!?'"
  Sigma: Yes.
  Ferret: That was almost too easy.
  Crazy56U: Well, really, there’s no other answer...
  Dark Angel: Was that a trick question?
• "Now Rainbow dash, darling, we didn’t mean any harm. To be honest it WAS Pinkie pie who started it."
  NaturalGlitch: Plot twist: Rainbow is talking to the rag dolls from the creepy-pasta a few riffs back.
  Scarlet: Plot twists are supposed to be unexpected.
  Crazy56U: (eye begins twitching; grabs head) W-why would you remind me of that...
• "I can't believe you all; there isn't anything magical about cracking insulting jokes about your friend behind her back!"
  Crazy56U: ...did Rainbow just insult Seinfeld?

Baron Silver

• The early part of the riff has a Running Gag where the riff place keeps getting set on fire.
  • [A]nd the grass was wet with morning dew.
    SC276: Given how last night went, probably some other things as well.
    Crazy56U ...someone needs to burn the grass...
    Topher: *lights a molotov cocktail* On it! *throws the molotov cocktail, which shatters against the fourth wall, setting half the riff... um... place on fire*
    Crazy56U: (on fire) AGAIN?! REALLY?!?!
    SC276: *grabs a fire extinguisher and starts spraying down the fire* We're not even past the opening paragraph yet, are you kidding me?!
    Dark Angel: That's what you get when flamers become riffers.
  • "Twilight would get up to care for him when he woke up; being after all he is still only a baby dragon."
    Scarlet: The mark of a true editor is knowing exactly which sentences deserve to be murdered for taking up too much space in the story. Would someone please pass me my corkscrew?
    Crazy56U: (using corkscrew as a toothpick) In a sec...
    Topher: You want I should make another molotov?
    SC276: If you set this place on fire again, I'm finding another use for this extinguisher.
    Dark Angel: I'm going to go back to my previous comment on this. Is that a threat or some kind of fetish?
    Topher: I'm going to go back to my previous answer. yes.
  • Eventually, the fire department stops responding to calls.
• Spike looking up information about the creature he saw is referred to as him looking up the Pokédex.
  Spike had found it, but he was only able to find one monster that could fit the description of the thing Spike had seen.

  Scarlet: And sadly, he was unable to find its type weaknesses or what routes it was most easily encountered on.

  Topher: Was it one of those promotional event-trade only monsters then?

  Crazy56U: (pulls out a 3DS) My bet's on it being a Mystery Gift...
• "The book stated that 'It has been thought that Discord had scared away all of these creatures, for they were a peaceful kind'."
  SC276: Given we know what's coming up... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA.
  Scarlet: As I'm blind riffing as per my usual M.O., I'll just prepare myself for a prime slice of delicious stupid.
  Dark Angel: I'm always blind riffing, so we’re in the same boat. Considering where that boat is taking us though, we might as well be sinking faster than the titanic.
  Topher: Yeah, whoever wrote this must have been pretty dumb if he thought humans were peaceful creatures. I mean come on, I murder people for no reason other than for shits and giggles! (Shoots SC in the head) And I'd say I'm a pretty typical human.
  Dark Angel: I consider myself as a protector. But I’d consider myself as a typical human…or was that inhuman?
  SC276: You are so lucky I have a hard head.
  Crazy56U: (pulls the bullet out of SC276's head) ...I’m not a doctor, but shouldn’t that still hurt?
  SC276: Like you would not believe. Thankfully, over four years of riffing have given me ample time to learn how to scream internally.
• "About 2 hours later, Twilight came home and saw that the book was open on the floor, open to the page about humans."
  Scarlet: You know, the point of a plot twist is to make sure it's unexpected.
  NaturalGlitch: (spit take) Oh come on!
  Crazy56U: "Included was a plot summary of Equestria Girls. Twilight promptly lit the book on fire."
  Dark Angel: *pushes speed dial* Hey it's me aga-...Pizza Hut? Wrong speed dial...I'd like to order a large pizza with pepperoni and jalapenos...
  NaturalGlitch: (chuckles) Whenever I see someone complain about EG—or Muffins being a canon name— I always think of Chris-chan's reaction to Sonic's arms being blue. Not sure why.
  Crazy56U: A) I actually like Equestria Girls, I was just making a stupid joke. B) HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO CHRIS CHAN!!!! (punches you in the face... repeatedly)
  NaturalGlitch: I wasn't—ow!—talking about—ow!—you, I was—ow!—making a—blerg! (falls to the ground in a heap) Ugh... (bumbling) If anyone finds teeth laying around, they're mine...
  Toper: Too late! They're going in the jar! *pulls out a jar full of human teeth, starts scanning the floor*
• "Twilight Sparkle made sure Spike did not tell anyone about what he read,"
  NaturalGlitch: I bet he's been reading fanfiction.
  Crazy56U: Poor damn fool...
• In this riff in particular, Crazy56U was not in the mood to deal with discussions on the show's canon.
  Maybe he is in the Everfree forest?

  Scarlet: God damn it that’s even worse! Your survival instinct has been exceeded by ten year olds! I just had to downsize my mason jar!

  NaturalGlitch: If Applejack, Apple Bloom and Zecora can handle the forest like nothing, then so can Twilight. It’s not like she hasn’t done that before at all.

  Scarlet: Cockatrice. Those vines with knockout dust.

  NaturalGlitch: You mean those things that happened once? I doubt Twilight is going to stare into the eyes of a snake chicken again anytime soon. If you know what I mean~

  Crazy56U: OI! What did I say about discussions?! (slams Scarlet and Glitch’s heads together, Three Stooges style)

  NaturalGlitch: Certainly! Whoop, whoop, whoop, nyuk, nyuk!

  Scarlet: You don't own me. But you have caused me pain. I shall now cry. *sobs in corner*

  Dark Angel: Of all riffs I could’ve taken part of, I get stuck with the Three Stooges of riffing.
• "[H]e turned to Scootaloo and said 'Do you know what Rainbow Dash's favorite breakfast is?'"
  NaturalGlitch: *image of Scooatloo looking directly at the viewer with the caption "MURDER"*
  SC276: *collapses laughing* OK, Glitch, that was pretty good.
  Fallen Prime: Glitch wins the Riff of the Week Award. The prize is a cookie.
• With the OC named what he is, Ringmaster handles the Obligatory Joke.
  It would take some getting used to for Silver to eat the hay food.

  Scarlet: Author, you do realize that pasta is made from grain, right? Like, as in, vegetarian? Author? Hello? A- right he’s not listening.

  Ringmaster: One could almost say… it’s no use.

  SC276: Are you going to just keep doing that joke the entire story?

  Ringmaster: Hey, if I don't make them, someone will.

  NaturalGlitch: Wish I said it.
• And then the sex scene happened, and then right after Silver gets off-
  Chapter 10

  SC276: ...That's it? It's over? Just... like that? No post-coital cuddles or anything?

  Ringmaster: SC, don't you get what just happened there?

  SC276: The most boring mating scene ever?

  Ringmaster: Close. The author finished, and so did the chapter.

  SC276: ...Ah.

  Scarlet: *applause*

The Enemy of My Enemy

• Crazy56U referencing "Fat Bottom Girls" every time Chrysalis calls Celestia a "fat ass."
  • Similarly, SC276 waiting for the liquid love to splash onto someone and start an orgy.
• "She positioned herself to ensure she could break up an argument or all-out fight if Chrysalis, Shining, or Cadance turned aggressive."
  SC276: But everyone knows that if you look at the bed for too long, Foxy gets you.
  Lord Shaxx: (peeks in closet) Aww, what a cute stuffed fox-OH MY F*** GOD!
  Topher: (slams closet shut)
  Crazy56U: (opens closet) ...guys, you're freaking out over a stuffed toy... (picks it up) See? Look, it's even missing its head, calm down...
  Dark Angel: (looks in closet) Where'd this creepy looking Tails doll come from?
  Crazy56U: (closes closet) That's enough of that, now...
• "“Oh, has the great and powerful Queen Chrysalis never seen liquid love before?”"
  Scarlet: Aaaand here’s where my calling bullshit on Celestia having no idea what the magical nature of this stuff is comes into play. Also, because I want dibs: What is love?
  Dark Angel: Well, if you’re calling dibs on that reference, just remember that Lovebutt is trying to explain that All You Need is Love. I just want Lovely Rita to Love Me Do.
  SC276: I’d say “baby don’t hurt me,” but this fic hurts.
  Crazy56U: Well, according to some hack named Finkelstein, love is a myth…
  RJ: [Chrysalis] Yeah, while you were in the caves your husband sprayed his ‘liquid love’ in my fac~

  [Shining] I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT.
  Crazy56U: (gag) ...aw, fuck… (pukes on RJ’s shoes)
• "Her words became more hurried, as if sputtering them out faster would let her escape."
  SC276: Wait, does that work? QUICK, EVERYONE, RIFF FASTER!
  Topher: (inhales mightily) OkIllgoasfastasIcansexjokereferencewittyremarkstatementwithdisturbingimplicationsaboutmyownsanityandprobablesociopathicnature (whips out a machine gun and unloads an entire clip ino Scarlet’s head) Weanyclosertobeingdone?
  Scarlet: No, and now you’ve forced me to resurrect so many times in a row that I spontaneously dragged a hellhound back with me. On the bright side, I have a new pet dog! Scruffy will have a friend!
  Crazy56U: ... (turns and looks towards the reader) ...your guess is as good as mine, I don’t know…
• "That one dragon was staring at Chrysalis. She could feel its gaze even though it had no eyes. That one dragon had a murderous intent ten times any of its fellows, and every drop of that aggression was focused on her."
  Scarlet: Please say he eats her. Please. It would be a mercy.
  SC276: Kinky.
  Crazy56U: Why do you want vore in this?!
  Scarlet: Not so much vore as the sweet release of death. For them, not me. I gave that up a long time ago.
  Dark Angel: And besides, insects are high in protein.
• Celestia comes into the final battle and manages to get knocked out near immediately.
  Scarlet: THE UNBRIDLED STRENGTH OF THE SUN. *sighs and returns to munching popcorn*
  SC276: Well she already unleashed the power of the sun, so she’s just down to the 5% juice right now.
  Crazy56U: Celestia’s magic works the same way an iPhone battery works: from full to dead in a matter of minutes.

Cupcakes: Creepypasta Edition

• The riff gets off to a promising start.
  Fallen Prime: Oh, fuck no.
  Ringmaster: It's the 1st of the month, so by now you should all know what that means.
  Fallen Prime: Ring, I hate you.
  Ringmaster: I was hoping you would elaborate that the 1st of the month is always shitty short fics from 2012 posted on Fanfiction.net about horrible human OCs, but that works too.
  Fallen Prime: I WAS gonna do that, but then I saw what the title of this one was. How. How and why.
• "but it was better than watching some infomercial on every other channel,"
  Scarlet: I suppose this was written after Adult Swim stopped airing re-runs of Cowboy Bebop.
  NaturalGlitch: Why didn't he just go to YouTube? I'm assuming he doesn't have Netflix, but he obviously has internet.
  Crazy56U: He just didn't want to be tormented by this manufactured horror...
  Topher: Of all the things I have experienced... bloody battles, rooms full of eviscerated corpses, people burning alive (and that was just a normal Tuesday for me)... This is the first time I'm horrified. I... I can't stay on this earth anymore. *shoots himself in the forehead*
  Dark Angel: He won't be gone that long.
  Topher: (sits up) Wow! Three seconds! That's the longest I’ve ever been dead!
  • For the record, what's the one thing that not even Topher can handle? The "HeadOn" commercial.
• Apparently, the Narrator wasn't to interest in watching reruns of Laverne & Shirley.
  Crazy56U: Well, truth be told, if he had to choose between "Cupcakes" and Laverne and Shirley... ...actually, no, he should've stuck with Laverne and Shirley...
  Dark Angel: It's the lesser of two evils... though not by much.
• Behold: Third-Person Person run amok.
  The camera was on Dash, who was laughing nervously and protesting with Pinkie, saying that it was all a joke and other ponies would find her.

  Scarlet: The riff returned to Scarlet, who grew bored of repackaged horrorfic which lacks all the flair and controlled mood of the original story.

  Lord Shaxx: Lord Shaxx promptly took back his microphone so he could continue announcing the Crucible.

  Dark Angel: At the witness of this massacre of a somewhat decent horrorfic, Dark Angel saw a gun on the table and was considering shooting himself. When he finally made the choice to end it, he found that it was just a water gun.

  NaturalGlitch: The last thing NaturalGlitch saw was his alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through his chest, her other hand muffling his screams. He sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as he saw his alarm clock read 12:06, he heard his closet door creak open.

  Crazy56U: Crazy56U nonchalantly grabbed a tissue from a nearby tissue box so he could blow his nose, as he still had a cold at the time of explaining this. (honk) He then typed out the sound effect of him blowing his nose, because he's weird like that.

Spirit of Hearth's Warming Eve Shorts

• Right off the bat:
  Ringmaster: Good job everyone, we got zero submissions in the right wordcount range in time for the second sampler.
  Fallen Prime: This is my applause face.
• From "Short 1: The Perfect Gift":
  • "The Hearth's Warming Eve was here,"
    Crazy56U: (deadpan) Don't you mean Christmas?
    CaptainPipsqueak: 'Christ... mas?' What is this... 'Christmas' you speak of?
    Crazy56U: It's the day Santa Claus gave birth to Jesus Christ, obviously, that's why we celebrate with presents and commercialism.
    CaptainPipsqueak: Thank you; the image of a man giving birth will keep me cold tonight.
    Crazy56U: You asked for it.
  • "At Ponyville; Twilight, Spike and Nyx were walking down the street."
    Crazy56U: Given the weird ass prose and the shameless cribbing from "Past Sins", I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that Power Master is friends with JusSonic...
    CaptainPipsqueak: Ah, crap; it's a Nyx story... That's what I get for not reading the opening.
    Ringmaster: It wouldn't be an F/F/T3K Holiday Special without copious amounts of regret.
    Crazy56U: (pained) Fa-la-la-la-laaa, la-la-la-laaaa...
    • "They looked on both sides as they were searching and looking for something important gift for Shadow Dragon."
      Crazy56U: ...I swear to God, if turns out that I’m right...
      Ringmaster: Oh, hey, turns out you are.
      Crazy56U: (pained) O-oh... J-joy... (eyes begin bleeding)
  • "As they continued walking, they were greeted by Ponyville Citizens."
    Crazy56U: And they were armed with pitchforks and torches. Clearly they took advantage of the Black Friday sales... ...wait, fuck, does Equestria have Black Friday?
    CaptainPipsqueak: Black Magic Friday, yes.
    Crazy56U: Great, now I'm imaging the Battle of Hogwarts, but done inside a Walmart over cheap deals.
    JofY: "I summon the great TV that is of terrible quality and I'm only buying because it's 20% off! Slay my enemies! I command it!"
    SC276: OK, let's read that fic instead.
    Scarlet: Fools. The true power of Black Friday comes through the human suffering of those who worked it. Actually, it's a ritual designed to revitalize the powers of dark magic held every year.
    SC276: Dammit, now I'm regretting that I stayed at home instead of going to the local Target that day to watch the chaos.
  • "'Speaking of gifts, where are daddy and Lance? I haven't seen them since this morning,' Nyx asked."
    Ringmaster: Oh fuck, Lance? Please don't be the one I'm thinking of, please don't be the one I'm thinking of...
    Crazy56U: ..."Arrow"-Lance, I take it? ...I mean, I haven seen "Arrow" yet, only the "Flash" spinoff, but...
    Ringmaster: No, this is ponyfic we’re talking about, I mean the one from *shudder* Living the Dream.
    Crazy56U: I... think I know that one... ...did some OC fuck Rainbow in that, and they had a child?
    Ringmaster: No, Rainbow TRIED to fuck the OC, then murdered him (accidentally) when he rejected her.
    Crazy56U: ...well, then.
    CaptainPipsqueak: Yeah, the papers called her "The Twenty-Percent Killer."
    Scarlet: I'm just going to hold out hope that Rainbow's actually dating the Elite 4 member.
    SC276: Talk about Bad Dragon...
  • When Shadow Dragon is threatening the villain to stop his evil ways:
    "Stealing the jewel is one thing, but kidnapping the child is unforgivable. If I ever see you tried to held hostage, I'll be coming for you!"

    Scarlet: Yeah! If you ever try to be held hostage, you won’t escape the wrath of Shadow Dragon!
• From Short 2: "Apple Treats"
  • "He had some sweats shedding out from his body as he continued cooking the Apple Treat."
    Crazy56U: ™.
    SC276: Apple Treat Apple Treat, Apple Treat. Apple Treat? Apple Treat!
    Crazy56U: ™ ™, ™. ™? ™!

The Shining Sabre / The New Bearer / The Arrival

]]

• From "The Shining Sabre":
  • Sabre has an Imagination-Based Superpower. You'd think he'd go for the easier solution.
    I again lit up my horn making a spear this time, and lunged.

    Crazy56U: Gun! Make a gun! Shoot her! Shoot! GUN! GUN!

    JofY: *shoots Crazy56U* ...is that what you wanted?

    Crazy56U: (rubs head in pain) No, but thank you, I needed that...

    Topher: Would shooting you again help?
    • It gets worse:
      She dodged grabbed a hatchet and swung I blocked it, and through my spear at her she smacked it away with her hatchet.

      Crazy56U: You see, Sabre? That could've been avoided if you would just shoot her with the gun that YOU CAN EASILY MAKE!

      JofY: Okay, I'm going to actually have to sightly argue that he may not be able to do it.

      Crazy56U: ...if he can sword and spear, HE CAN GUN.

      JofY: Can he also bullet? What about gunpowder? Furthermore, he may not even know what a gun is. It's not like gu-

      Crazy56U: (legitimately angry) STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY THIS BEING DRAGGED ON LONGER!

      JofY: ...sorry. It's just my job.

      CaptainPipsqueak: And anyway, the real question is "Can he shot web?"

The Discord.EXE Trilogy

• Ring had such a hard time trying to find something to riff for the start of 2016 that he just grabbed something at random off of FFNet.
  Ringmaster: Anyway, Fallen, what came to mind when I first linked you this?
  Fallen Prime: Other than "why" and "fuck you?"
  Ringmaster: I was more specifically referring to the whole "IT'S A GIANT WALL OF TEXT" bit.
• From "DiscordExe":
  • The main reason why the Author wrote this story is because he hated Facebook. Not that you can tell.
    Facebook has the most unhelpful ways to get back your account after being blocked.

    CaptainPipsqueak: They're actually doing you a favour but be as angry as you wish.

    ToonGuy: So this is pretty much Sonic.exe just with a different character?

    Crazy56U: ...so, does this mean you're going to rip off "Unfriended" then?
    Especially fake ones.

    Crazy56U: Facebook has fake ways to get your account back?

    ToonGuy: They're like that one kid who doesn't stop trying to sucker punch you.
  • "This is the story of how Facebook fell."
    Ringmaster: Not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with thousands of shitty Minion memes.
    SC276: This is the sort of thing that one should write down in a Word document and then not post on the Internet.
    Crazy56U: And already the Author has failed, since Facebook is still up and is still a thing. A terrible, terrible thing...
  • "It was from [']Discord: The Master of Chaos[']."
    Crazy56U: Wow. We're just... we're just going in raw, aren't we?
    Scarlet: This author's hardcore.
    CaptainPipsqueak: Bite the mousepad, I'm going in dry!
  • "Against my better judgement, I clicked on the link."
    JofY: It showed him how he wasn’t gonna give you up.
    CaptainPipsqueak: What a let-down.

A Demon's Love

• "Blades also had to outlive his mother."

  JofY: You know, it’s not the fact that he’s outliving his mother that I enjoy. It’s that he HAD to. Like it was a chore or something.

  CaptainPipsqueak:

  [Mama Blades] “Now don’t forget to outlive me, dear.”

  [Blood] “Aw, but mooooom…”

• This:
  One word went through his mind.:

  Crazy56U: And it rhymed with "duck".

  CaptainPipsqueak: Truck? What an odd thing to think.
  "'Shit!'"

  Crazy56U: ...okay, fine, it rhymed with "pit", what you want from me, I'm only human!

  CaptainPipsqueak: I'm not. I'm a transformable jet fighter robot. And no, none of you can fly me. Fuck y'all.
• "Then it hit him, the perfect excuse."
  Crazy56U: [Bobby] "I suddenly have the urge to vomit, where is the bathroom?!"
  SC276: [Blades] "I SUDDENLY HAVE TO GO THE BATHROOM. *leaps out window*"
  Crazy56U: That's literally the same excuse, but more shouty. ...so, really, it's more in character for Bobby. Tip of the hat, pal.
• ["]I love all kinds though I am partial to reptiles myself."
  SC276: Of course you are.
  CaptainPipsqueak: He's got a real thing for them. They turn him on. It's a reptile dysfunction if you will.
  ToonGuy: ...Oh wow.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Yeah, beeyatch.
  Crazy56U: I both hate and respect you so fucking much right now...
  CaptainPipsqueak: Let me guess: spit-take?
  Crazy56U: Sudden realization followed by scalding anger.
  CaptainPipsqueak: What can I say? It was a bolt from the blue; once I thought it, I had to use it.
• ["]I knew the order was out and that is why I don't trust anything that has demon blood in it! and to now know that this was the one that came so close to killing me, and we trusted you!"
  Crazy56U: Allow me to properly recreate the shift in storytelling this just took: (GIF of◊ Myrtle's (1949) death)
  JofY: *sees Crazy56U's broken form* ...I'm not cleaning this up.
  Crazy56U: What are you talking about, I'm fin- (also sees Crazy56U's broken form) ...what the fuck is going on anymore...
  SC276: Did someone forget to turn off the recursion?

The Trixieverse I: The Grass is Always Greener

• Once Ring and Fallen finished introducing the riff:
  Crazy56U: I’m kinda livid, to be frank. I wanted "Sister Dash" to win, damnit.
  Fallen Prime: Oh my god. You're the one who fought for this.^note In "An Evening With A Pegasus", Crazy56U was livid that that fic beat "The Trixieverse I: The Grass Is Always Greener" in a poll to be a riff topic.
  Crazy56U: That doesn’t mean I wanted it to win! Plus, I never read this before! I was going off of title! DON’T JUDGE ME!
• "Anyway thanks for reading. Like and follow. Blah blah blah."
  SC276: R&R.
  Crazy56U: [Sorcerer] "Listen, I have a pie in the oven, and I've lost interest in this already, let's just speed along here..."
  Sorcerer: Fantastic impression. Really. But if you’re going to imitate me, you need to have terrible grammar and bland storytelling.
  Dark Angel: Don’t take it personally. He's just not that good of an actor.
  Crazy56U: I'd be insulted if that wasn't 100% accurate.
• "'Come on Trixie think! Think! Think! Think!'"
  SC276: I do not think you thought your cunning plan all the way through.
  Crazy56U: 'Cause when we use our minds, and take a step at a time, we can do anything! (BARK) That we wanna do!
  Dark Angel: I can't tell whether Crazy barked on purpose, or if this fic broke his brain that badly.
  Crazy56U: Yes.

Community Shuffle # 3

• "The Story of Star Shine Sparkle", after spending most of the entire fic describing the OC's backstory, ends right before we actually get the titular story.
  "[']And this is my story.'"

  Fallen Prime: ...what is? Where? There's nothing past this.

  Ringmaster: Yep, it's listed as complete on FiMFic.

  Crazy56U: What a heartwarming story, gets at ya right here. (pounds on chest)

  SC276: Like a goddamn heart attack.
  • "WHAT?!!" Twilight Shouted in shock. "You heard me."
    JofY: [Twilight] "WHAT?!!"
    Crazy56U: [Star] "You heard me."
    JofY: [Twilight] "WHAT?!!"
    Crazy56U: [Star] "YOU HEARD ME."
    JofY: [Twilight] "...WHAT!!?"
    SC276: [Twilight] "OK SERIOUSLY, THIS CROWD CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, I COMPLETELY MISSED IT."
  • "You're a fool Twilight, you know that?["]
    JofY: A clown! A jester!
    SC276: How dare she believe in science! Also, a fool's fool etc etc.
    Crazy56U: [Star] "You're a stupid mind! Stupid! Stupid!"
    CaptainPipsqueak: [Twilight] "That's all I'm takin' from you!" *decks Star*
    Scarlet: [Gandalf] "Fool of a Sparkle!"
    Crazy56U: [Twilight] "Fuck you, too! (decks Gandalf)"
    Dark Angel: [Star] "Wasn't he talking about me?"
    ToonGuy: [Twilight] "I'M GOING TO PUNCH EVERYONE! EVERRRRRYONE!"
    CaptainPipsqueak: Everyone?

Flutterbat's Harem

• After a relatively short intro:
  Ringmaster, a few minutes later: Alright, time to paste the fic in, and... oh. Well. That’s... quite the way to start the actual story document off. Let’s press enter a few times to get that off the first page... and done. This is not going to end well.
  • That thing in question? A horribly terrible looking title card.
    NaturalGlitch: ...are you fucking kidding me with this?!
    CaptainPipsqueak: Hint to Author: Don't fucking do this.
    Crazy56U: OH GOD MY EYES ARE BLEEDING
    Mononeko: It looks like a crappy iPhone app.
• "Disappointed, you returned to gazing forlornly at the water's reflection."
  Crazy56U: "It was at this point that you wished you had some bread to toss in the water. Maybe the ducks would give you the time of day..."
  Mononeko: [Duck] "Fuck that guy."
  Crazy56U: Fuck, right, that would happen, forget I said anything...
• At one point, out of despair over being lonely, girlfriendless and desperate, the second-person protagonist decides to jump off a bridge. However, as he falls:
  [A]ll inhibitions burned away by the tempting chill that the stream below seduced you with.

  Crazy56U: The guy is so fucking desperate that he’s resorting to trying to fuck water, dear God in Heaven...

The Mysterious Death of the Wonderbolt Leader

• Meta example: Seeing the riffers getting more and more enraged as the fic goes on is pretty hilarious.
  • Similarly, seeing the riffers get annoyed with how the story both tries to hide that Spitfire is the culprit... and also blatantly makes it obvious.
• Given the blatant occurrences of Artistic License – Law on display, Crazy56U came up with the (shockingly plausible) theory that Equestria only recently invented the judicial system in light of Soarin''s death.
  • What doesn't help matters is that neither Rainbow Dash or Trixie know what a lawyer is. Trixie doesn't even know how it's properly spelled.
    And here she was now, Spitfire's loiler,

    Crazy56U: That wasn't a spelling error, Trixie's that stupid.

    Dark Angel: Well can you blame her? The word was only invented yesterday.
• "Spitfire took the stand next to Rainbow Dash's."
  SC276: I don't think this guy's even watched an Ace Attorney playthrough.
  Mononeko: I think this guy has only ever heard of the name of the game.
  ToonGuy: I think this guy's only heard of the 'law' in myths and legends.
  Crazy56U: I think this guy only wrote this story because of a dare.
  ThatUnknownPony: I think this guy is just fucking retarded.
  Dark Angel: I think Unknown has the right idea.
• At one point, Trixie is brought in to be Spitfire's replacement lawyer after her other one was killed. Except she doesn't have any legal experience and was in fact in the middle of performing.
  ["A]nd Trixie was just in the middle of another one of her magic shows!”

  Mononeko: In the middle of a fucking courthouse...

  SC276: One, if Trixie has no lawyer experience, why did she get the job? Two, who is Twilight to decide that? Three, I hate everything.

  Crazy56U: So, in other words:

  [Trixie] "Gazemaze in gazemazement at the Great and Powerful Tri-"

  [Twilight Sparkle] "(shouting) Hey you, we need a lawyer, come with me!"

  [Trixie] "Who the fuck are y- NO, STOP, PUT TRIXIE DOWN!"
  [Twilight Sparkle] "(carrying Trixie; singing) Hi-ho, hi-ho, to the courthouse we shall go!"

  Dark Angel: Why didn't we get to see that instead?!

  ThatUnknownPony: So she was dragged here against her will just like everyone else... That explains a lot. Except it doesn't.
  • "'In case you were wondering,' Twilight told everyone, 'This is Trixie Lulamoon, Spitfire's new lawyer.'
    Crazy56U: [Twilight Sparkle] "I basically kidnapped her, so it counts."

better season 5 end

• "Starlight Glimmer!"
  Crazy56U: As opposed to Sunset Shimmer, who’s currently busy with the plot of Equestria Games.
  SC276: Friendship Games.
  ThatUnknownPony: And you criticize people for never watching the show.
  Crazy56U: I have been awake for 24 hours, that is my excuse.
• Spike's absence in the story doesn't go unmentioned:
  SC276: I miss Spike already.
  Crazy56U: We all miss Spike.
  Mononeko: Nope.
  Crazy56U: Most of us miss Spike.
• "'Very well 'Princess Of Friendship',' Starlight said pulling a hoof over Twilight's neck, 'I'll tell you what i want.[']"
  Scarlet: Too late to start the sexy sax music?
  ThatUnknownPony: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR THE SEXY SAX!
• "N-nothing! Nothing! We uh, were...just exploring! Part of a reven-URNEY Journey!
  SC276: A what?
  Crazy56U: A revenurney journey is when you (makes random mouth noises while making vague hand gestures) and then go home.
  ToonGuy: Huh. I never *makes same gestures and mouth noises* when I go on my revenurney journey. I always *makes slightly different noises and hand gestures* instead. Am I doing it wrong?
  Crazy56U: Nah, that’s how they do it in France.
  Mononeko: Then what the hell was I doing when I did this? *makes entirely different noises and hand gestures*
  SC276: (GASPS) Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!

Cupcakes / Cupcakes 2

• From "Cupcakes":
  • "Chapter 1 - Is it a prank?"
    CaptainPipsqueak:: ~Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?~
    ToonGuy:: ~Caught by a cannibal, no escape from insanity~
    Mononeko: ~Open your eyes, look up to your screen and screeeeeeeeam. She’s just a poor mare, she needs some sympathy~
    ThatUnknownPony: ~Because Dash easy comes, easy goes. Ripped apart, by this ho. Anyways this fic blows, nothing really matters in it.~
    CaptainPipsqueak: ~Pinkie... killed Rainbow Dash; making cupcakes was her wish, she gutted Rainbow like a fish…~
    SC276: Shhhhh, the fic is starting!
  • "Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms."
    SC276: That makes me question, now that we know those aren't just tramp stamps, would a cutie mark disappear if the flesh it was on was separated from the pony?
    Crazy56U: ...you just broke the goddamn story.
    SC276: Apparently not enough. It’s still going.
  • "'Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I'll try something else,' stated Pinkie matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding the blade in the table."
    SC276: I thought it wasn't sharp- oh forget it.
    Crazy56U: Pointy and sharp are two separate concepts.
    ThatUnknownPony: The fact that this makes sense disturbs me more than the story itself.
  • "Chapter 3 - Every Rainbow Has An End:
    CaptainPipsqueak:: I'd consider linking to ‘The Rainbow Connection’, but that would just be a spiteful thing to do.
    Crazy56U: Luckily, I'm here!
    CaptainPipsqueak:: I loathe you.
    SC276: ~The lovers, the dreamers, and shit~
• From "Cupcakes 2":
  • Meta: Similar to "The Mysterious Death of the Wonderbolt Leader", everyone is just dumbfounded by how stupid the fic is, and tries in vain to follow the borderline Random Events Plot.

Rainbow Factory

• ["]I’m sure you’ve all had the tour of the lower factory, no?"
  Scarlet: Nobody cares!
  Dragonborne: I shall once again bring this beautiful thing to better convey the message, fic.
  Mononeko: I still prefer the Queen version.
  ThatUnknownPony: I personally prefer this version.
  Crazy56U: Guys, would you please stop this battle of who could care less, we’re about to enter the "memorable" part of this tripe...
• "You are in The Factory. You will never leave The Factory."
  Dark Angel: Well, when one of them is turned into rainbows...technically they leave the factory then.
• "Scootaloo couldn’t take it."
  Crazy56U: [Scootaloo] "... (proceeds to get up) No, I-I can't- (at the door) Alright, I jus- I gotta leave, okay? (is about to leave)"

  [Rainbow Dash] "Scootaloo, we just started, c'mon man, we ju-"

  [Scootaloo] "(comes back) Listen, listen, there’s a lot to see in this life... (points at Rainbow Dash) ...not wasting it here. (leaves)"

• "'I tried, alright![']"
  Crazy56U: I... really fucking doubt that...

My Little Dashie / The Invasion

• From "My Little Dashie":
  • Just the fact that "My Little Dashie" was the fic Crazy56U kept saying was "the next best thing" to doing "Pattycakes".
  • "In fact, it appears to be sleeping. My hands are sweating,"
    NaturalGlitch: "Vomit on my T-shirt already: Mom’s spaghetti."
    Crazy56U: He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop spaghetti, but he keeps on spaghetting what he wrote down. The whole mom goes so loud, he opens his mouth, but spaghetti won't come out. He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clock's run out, times up, drop spaghetti.
    SC276: Goddamn it, Crazy, I thought I was having a mental breakdown for a moment.

Obscure Crossover Shuffle

• From "The Knight Rider Of Equestria":
  • ["]Now begone you foul creatures!"
    SC276: ...Didn't work, the fic’s still here.
    Crazy56U: ...fuck it, you deserve this more. (gives SC276 the "You Win!" ribbon)
    SC276: Yay! ^^ I’d like to thank the Academy...

Obscure Crossover Shuffle # 2

• From "Ducktales in Equestria":
  • After the author goes out of his way to describe Huey, Dewey and Louie, he doesn't do the same for Scrooge McDuck. Crazy's reaction?
    Crazy56U: He doesn't get a description because fuck the bourgeoisie.
  • "Before he left he toke the tape recorder with he."
    Crazy56U: And so the chapter ends with Scrooge McDuck using a tape recorder as a bong.
    SC276: No, that'd be interesting.
    Dark Angel: I won’t complain if a bong comes into play at any time during this fic. I wouldn’t even care what it’s used for just as long as a bong exists.
    ToonGuy: Ask and ye shall receive. *takes out bong, passes it around*
• From "Dib in the Rainbow Factory":
  • "A quick patter of footsteps echoed around the metal walls, the sound making Dib shudder like someone had started rubbing a balloon."
    SC276: When does the pony come in? I understand pony.
    ThatUnknownPony: I'm sure you'll regret asking for that.
    Crazy56U: Out of context, it sounds like you snapped.
    Nox: We've all snapped at this point.
  • "A/N I was inspired by a picture by InvaderLez on DA that had Dib strapped into the Rainbow Factory."
    Crazy56U: DeviantArt is to blame for this. This is my surprised face.
    ThatUnknownPony: Geez, what a shock!
    SC276: So you couldn't even be bothered to come up with your own premise. THIS DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH PONIES.
    Crazy56U: Hey now, the Author made it abundantly clear that this was a crossover with that fucking song, that's pony enough.

Love Knows No Race

• Despite this being his third riff, Calico was promoted to full-time editor because Ring needed help comment voting for part two of Starpops.
  Ringmaster: god fucking damnit I just spent three fucking hours comment-voting that last fic and now there's no one to do the intro with me except the new guy we literally added just to help with that
  Calico103: Speaking of which, is this rapid-fire succession of horrifyingly bad fanfics a conspiracy to make the obnoxious new guy quit?
  Ringmaster: No, you just got lucky to arrive at a particularly horrible time.
  Calico103: I need a new lucky charm.
  • Even better is that Ring had these difficulties the day before his birthday.
• Crazy56U had decided to start the riff while on vacation, and his reward was Hurricane Hermine forcing him to come home early.
  CaptainPipsqueak: I know you can’t see or hear me, but I'm currently pointing at my monitor and laughing.
  Crazy56U: (GIF of Star-Lord miming a jack-in-the-box and apologizing)
• "He was wearing tight black jeans and a black tee-shirt with a red Irken symbol on it."
  JofY: And he died his hair black with red highlights?
  Mononeko: And had some self-inflicted scars on his arms?
  Crazy56U: "Hi my name is Zim Ir'ken Evil Moose Place and I have long zim black hair (that's how I got my name) with black streaks and black tips that reaches my totally normal looking not-contacts eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like]] Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!)."
  CaptainPipsqueak: And don’t forget the skull earring.
  BittplexMutt: And the collections of dark poetry.
• "Zim sniffed the air, with his non-existent nose."
  JofY: It smelled like a tree falling in the middle of the woods with no one to hear it.
  Crazy56U: Don't you dare bring that up in my general presence, I have had debates with my mom over that...
• "'I'd like that.' Zim said with a smile."
  Something: Cue the sexytimes!
  BittplexMutt: Ah, here comes the parts that most yaoi readers just want to read.
  SC276: You are so lucky Crazy is on vacation...
  Crazy56U: Yes, you are so lucky I am on vacation and am not here right now. ...cough...
  SC276: Um... I call time shenanigans.
  Crazy56U: You ignored me and you fucking know it.
  Mononeko: *pulls out a link to a YouTube video* Sexy sax is ready...
  Crazy56U: I will punch you.
• At one point, a link◊ to a GIF was posted into the story. Crazy56U decided to check the link out... and it turns out that it now leads to the Topps trading card website.^note This end result seems to depend on the type of browser and/or ISP one uses when going to that link. Some get Topps, some don't get anything.
  Crazy56U: Let's see what this links too! (goes to link◊) ...okay then!
  Calico103: I'm glad my browser isn't loading that.
  Mononeko: Seconded.
  ToonGuy: Thank god.
  • "Go there! It's a pic from TOPAZ! Is so pretty."
    SC276: It's also dead.
    Crazy56U: And baseball cards.
• During Sek's story at the end:
  But the Rose dared not. For he was warned when created by Allah,

  Ringmaster: suddenly the alien is muslim now apparently what the shit is going on anymore

  Crazy56U: oh sweet baby jesus

  BittplexMutt: Sense, this fic has none.

Sister Dash

• The riff opens with Crazy56U eulogizing the Running Gag of wanting to riff "Sister Dash" while Ring keeps demanding to know who voted for it.
• "[']Her spells have caused serious injuries to our citizens!' Rainbow Dash was horrorstruck."
  Mononeko: Okay, this joke is way too obvious, so I'm just going to link the punchline here.
  Vertigo22: Horrorstruck: the evolved form of Awestruck.
  CaptainPipsqueak: But not even remotely good as thunderstruck.
  Crazy56U: ...which Mono already linked, but fuck it.
  ThatUnknownPony: ...and since everyone's doing it, why stay behind?
• "Celestia gasped. 'Those are... my loyal subjects![']"
  SC276: And... what ponies in Equestria aren't your loyal subjects? Well, besides the obvious, I guess.
  Crazy56U: [Princess Luna] "...well, okay, I'll give you that... A bit too broad of a description, but I'll give it to you..."
  BittplexMutt: [Celestia] "I can't believe that Mare Do Well is everyone!"
  Vertigo22: [Celestia] "Luna, why didn't you tell me that cosplaying was the new hot thing to do!?"
  CaptainPipsqueak: [Luna] "I was trying to save your soul, sister."
• "said Ditzy Doo, pulling off the rest of the costume and tossing it amongst the garbage."
  JofY: Yes, the now growing pile of trash in the center of town.
  Crazy56U: I'm sad to report this, but it's been confirmed: recycling is, in fact, a myth.
  SC276: NOOOOO! Half of my allowance is based on a lie!
• "She then proceed to write a letter."
  JofY: 'F'
  Mononeko: 'U'
  SC276: 'C'
  Crazy56U: 'K'
  Dark Angel: Okay, class. What does that spell?
  Crazy56U: The Author! :D
  ToonGuy: *hands Crazy a gold star* Well done!

10/ 15 Poll Winner (actually SONIC.EXE and its sequel)

• Ring constantly bemoans that everyone chose the unknown option in the poll for this riff, much to the annoyance of the other riffers (mainly Crazy56U). And then it turns out they hadn't even finished the intro to the riff yet...
• From "SONIC.EXE":
  • Crazy56U's answer to the "Robotnik" vs. "Eggman" debate? "Robeggmanik".

Lost Episode Creepypasta Shuffle

• From "A Luna Game Experience":
  • "I was searching for MLP fandom games on the web but most of them were skins, gun skins, and others for Team Fortress 2."
    SC276: Your search terms must suck if you didn’t find My Little Investigations.
    Crazy56U: Also, flash games.
    CaptainPipsqueak: ...
    Mononeko: I have so many questions...
    Nox: Why Crazy? Why?
    Crazy56U: Because I no longer have an iota of a fuck to give.
    ThatUnknownPony: Well at least it's not this monstrosity.
    ToonGuy: You clearly weren't looking hard, author.
    • And a few lines later:
      "After playing TF2 on my computer, I started searching for MLP fandom games and after looking at a long list of the games, I found a game that my eye caught-"

      Crazy56U: "Pregnant Sparkle Foot Doctor"

      CaptainPipsqueak: STOP THAT.

      Nox: WHYYYYY!?

      Crazy56U: NOT ONE FUCK

      ThatUnknownPony: Wimps... Clearly you haven't seen "Bad Teeth Pony". No regrets.

      Mononeko: *pours bleach into his eyes*

      SC276: Thank god I'm not stupid.

      ToonGuy: I get the sense that this is going to be a long riff.

      Topher: Crazy, you may post videos, but only I will show the beast in the flesh. Now get in there and drain some pus!
• From "MLP FiM S03 EP14 'King Sombra's Return'":
  • When the fic starts up, Crazy56U casually admits that he's the reason the shuffle exists.
    Crazy56U: Oh, by the way, I shared that link with Ring. In fact, I’m pretty sure I caused this whole shuffle. Just to let you know that I care about you guys...
  • Behold: ignorance:
    "Alicorn Twilight Sparkle was at her desk writing a report for Princess Celestia (she still does that after being a princess?!)"

    ThatUnknownPony: Okay, hold on. This is supposed to take place AFTER “The Crystal Empire” premiered, right? All he knew was the title of the episodes, not their synopsis. AND YET, somehow, he already knew about Twilicorn, which wasn’t announced UNTIL halfway through the season?!

    SC276: Because creepypasta!

    BittplexMutt: Because he's psychic?

    Mononeko: Because he’s secretly M.A. Larson?

    Crazy56U: Uhhh... ...guys? (pulls out a tape recorder) This happens after "Magical Mystery Cure"... (hits "Play")

    Tape Recorder:

    First up, it's "MLP FiM S03 EP14 'King Sombra's Return'"

  • The title of the so called "lost episode" winds up being so generic, it keeps being assumed to be the name of the other lost episodes in the shuffler.
• From "MLP Season 5 - Episode 14 - True Friendship":
  • It's rare when a Running Gag derails attempted drama:
    "[Pinkie] asked Twilight what was wrong and Twilight looked over at Pinkie slowly, 'Spike is dead.' She said."

    SC276: Well we're off to a fine start.

    BittplexMutt: Well, Spike is dead... again.

    ThatUnknownPony: I know of a few people who could be happy to hear that.

    JofY: [Pinkie] "What's wrong? Is it the fact that I let Spike die?"

    ToonGuy: [Pinkie] "Yeah, so what's wrong? He always dies. Always."

    Mononeko: And nothing of value was lost.

    Crazy56U: [Pinkie Pie] "Oh, I was wondering where he was..."
  • "In the end, your friends will just back stab you and leave."
    Crazy56U: Except they didn't. You killed them.
  • "He responded saying that he knows the reason on why the episode was made."
    JofY: Bad writer?
    ThatUnknownPony: Bad animator?
    Mononeko: Bad voice actors?
    BittplexMutt: Bad story in general?
    Dark Angel: And bad video editors?
    SC276: And bad planning in general?
    Crazy56U: Bad bad, bad. Bad? Bad! And the whole world has to answer right now to tell you once again who's bad!
  • During The Reveal, Dark Angel reaches a shocking conclusion:
    Dark Angel: I don't believe it. A fanfic where Hasbro actually hired Mykan as a writer.
• From "“My Little Pony Season 3 Lost Episode":
  • Topher reveals what his first piece of MLP media was: Cupcakes (Sergeant Sprinkles).
    SC276: ...seriously?!
    ThatUnknownPony: That actually explains a lot.
    Mononeko: I figured as much...
    Crazy56U: (is gobsmacked)
  • "After a few hours of watching videos about COD zombies and other miscellaneous things[.]"
    Mononeko: Ah, he's one of those types.
    BittplexMutt: What other things?
    Crazy56U: Like this.
    ThatUnknownPony: DAMN IT, CRAZY! Enough with that damn thing!
• From "My Little Pony G3 Episode - The Black Dawn":
  • "It was Friday, May 13th, 2005."
    JofY: ...huh. They have the right day of the week.
    Mononeko: Holy shit, somebody actually did research in one of these things!
    Crazy56U: So... the day "These Are the Voyages..." premiered...
    ToonGuy: I knew there was a reason that date feels wrong.
  • "I noticed an odd [movie]."
    JofY: "Cannibal Holocaust!?"
    Crazy56U: "What the heck is 'Sharkboy and Lavagirl'?!"
    Dark Angel: Should I feel ashamed that I know what that movie is?
    Mononeko: If it helps, I feel ashamed as well.
    Crazy56U: I had a mental breakdown when I saw Taylor Lautner's musical number. :D
• Ring strikes once again, claiming that the riff was over after the eight creepypastas and that there was no other surprises... only for Squidward's Suicide to start up.

My Little Pokemon

• Behold: the point of no return:
  "Come on Lighten Love!"

  Something: That's an OC name if I’ve ever seen one.

  CaptainPipsqueak: You haven't met her brother: 'Heavy Petting'.

  Nox: Or their mother: 'Moderate Malfunctions'

  SC276: How about her cousin once-removed: "Heavy Lourde."

  Crazy56U: (puts head in hands) oh god this is gonna be a long day

  CaptainPipsqueak: Oh golly, yes.

  Dragonborne: Still ain't got nothing on Foxfire.
• "'Good you have the book.' Twilight said as Spike but the book on a stand."
  Crazy56U: Oh, goody, a JoJo reference, classy.
  ThatUnknownPony: Now I'm picturing Star Platinum hitting Lighten non-stop. I think I found my happy place for this story.
• Is it possible to make an obvious joke painful?
  Chapter One: A New World

  Crazy56U: (tone-deaf as fuck) Shining, shimmering, splendid... Oh, fuck, I don’t really know the rest of the lyrics to this song... A whole new world...

  ThatUnknownPony: *even more tone-deaf than Crazy* It's a whole new world we’re living! (Doo-doo-doo Doo Doo Doo!) It's a whole new way to see! (Doo-doo-doo Doo Doo Doo!)

  Dark Angel: *covering his now bloody ears and writhing on the floor in pain* Please make them stop singing!

  Mononeko: And cue Equestria Girls music!
• "'So our next stop is Sunny shore city.' The brown haired boy said"
  SC276: Thank you for that piece of timeline placement, I’m sure if I cared enough I could find a way to make this a paradox.
  Crazy56U: Well, glad to know Ash and crew are lost as shit, given that it's "Sunnyshore City" you should be going to...
  Mononeko: Given the fact that it's "Sunyshore City", you're not much of a help.
  Crazy56U: (cheerfully) Fuck you, too!
  ThatUnknownPony: Either way, they're as lost as my sanity right now.
  Dark Angel: In other words, they're hopelessly lost.
• Behold: a mass Cluster F-Bomb.
  One was blue with its mane and tail that was rainbow colored. The other was a faded pink with blue and pink colored mane and tail.

  SC276: Repetition, because fuck the audience.

  Crazy56U: Repetition, because fuck the audience.

  CaptainPipsqueak: Fuck the audience, because repetition.

  Mononeko: Fuck the repetition, because audience.

  ThatUnknownPony: Repetition the fuck, audience because.

  Topher: Repetition because audience, the fuck.

  CaptainPipsqueak: The fuck?

  Crazy56U: The fuck.

  Dark Angel: Fuck, because the audience repetition.

Snow days are forever

• Because of the genericness of the OC's name, "Snow Day", several riffers (most notably Crazy56U, CaptainPipsqueak, Topher and SC276) opted to instead call him practically everything but that. This netted him a grand total of about 200 names.
• "he saw to it that the desk mare would be of assistance."
  SC276: Well my mind went to a dark place.
  Crazy56U: You also imagined a "The Fly" scenario of a half desk/half pony abortion of nature?
  SC276: ...sure, let's go with that.
  BittplexMutt: Seconded.
  Mononeko: Thirded.
  ToonGuy: My mind goes to many dark places.
  Dark Angel: You're a riffer. Dark places are par for the course.
• "Well I guess you can say that he invented me."
  Crazy56U: Doctor Scientist invented snow. Suck it, Snowdrop!
• "He was mad, from what I heard, he held both pony and windigo slaves and forcefully injected DNA into females causing them to give birth to snow ponies."
  Mononeko: I don't think that’s how biology works.
  SC276: That's not how slavery works either.
  Topher: *holding a giant syringe* Not with that attitude! *jabs the syringe into Mono's neck*
  Mononeko: *starts glowing bright purple* The fuck is happening?
  JofY: I don't think that's how doctoring works.
  Crazy56U: ...wait, is this Topher doing science or Topher doing slavery, that action was a bit delayed...
  ToonGuy: Bit of both never hurt.
• "'Hmmm, Pinkie Pie, do ya know anypony bah the name of Secret Papah?' Asked Applejack"
  Crazy56U: Okay, Applejack, that was a good line read, but maybe this time have it sound like English, okay?
  CaptainPipsqueak: That's not so much an accent as it is making up words.
  ToonGuy: Maybe if you reverse it backwards, it summons a demon?
• "Death is secretly the Equestrian NSA. I just fucking typed that."

Stocking Stuffer Shuffle

• From "A Nostalgia Critic and Mlp Christmas":
  • "anything like that and i know here is Hearth's Warming but to me its Christmas okay its Fucking Christmas.""
    JofY: It's sexual harassment of Santa.
    Crazy56U: Instead of Christmas trees, we decorate Christmas dildos.
    Something: *is unable to come up with any jokes*
    ToonGuy: I have nothing to add to this. Nothing in the slightest!
    CaptainPipsqueak: LIES!
    Crazy56U: Shut up.
    CaptainPipsqueak: You’ve been waiting ages to do that. Admit it.
  • "'Don't forget your umbrealla.' Sandy said in the spongebob clip. ' IIIIIII Didn't!' Spongebob said while singing at the same time."
    Crazy56U: I tried looking up this clip on YouTube right now, because I hate myself, and I wound up finding this.
    ThatUnknownPony: *eyes start bleeding* ...what the living fuck?
    Something: Oh, YouTube. Never stop surprising me.
    CaptainPipsqueak: So that's what wishing you were blind and deaf feels like!
  • "Sweetie Belle was playing with Scootaloo Applebloom"
    BittplexMutt: You know without the period, it makes it seem that Scootaloo and Applebloom fused together.
    Crazy56U: Yet another horrible tree sap incident.
    CaptainPipsqueak: [Scootabloom] "Killl usssss...."
  • "Elusive Nozzles back,"
    ThatUnknownPony: *both palms on his face* ...so apparently this is not only a Nostalgia Critic crossover, but also an On a Cross and Arrow crossover. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.
    Ringmaster: This... this is a Nostalgia Critic crossover where at least three MLP characters are romantically paired with the genderbent versions of themselves what the fuck is going on
    Crazy56U: What happened here was a Christmas miracle, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it. This is your fault.
    Ringmaster: You say "fault", I say "gift".
    JofY: I’ll say that this may be unique material for us, but if you pull something like this again...
    Mononeko: ~On the first day of Christmas Ringmaster gave to me / This excuse for a story.~
  • "' Sometimes i wonder what the Colors..meean.' Hubie Singing."
    Mononeko: "This is painful." Mono saying.
    Crazy56U: "Christmas is fucking dead." Crazy56U saying.
    JofY: "Hey, we need to be more politically correct. Say the Holidays are dead." No one saying.
    ToonGuy: "This year better hurry the fuck up and end." ToonGuy sobbing.
    CaptainPipsqueak: *The Captain snored.* *Atlas shrugged.*
    Crazy56U: And the dish ran away with the spoon.
  • " 'Like yourrrr Eyes, where was..I?' Hubie asked"
    JofY: [Hubie] "Line?"
    Crazy56U: I think Hubie is dying.
    SuperMapslover: Or he's drunk.
    CaptainPipsqueak: Split the difference: He's got so much alcohol in his system, his liver is melting.
  • Right as the second chapter starts up:
    a Nostlagia Critic and Mlp Christmas Story Review

    Something: Nope, fuck this, I'm out.

    Crazy56U: COWARD

    SC276: Or he's just being smart.

    Crazy56U: Don't you fucking quote me to me.

Equestria Girls (Rewritten)

• Behold, some really shitty formatting.
  "The Princesses and the Element bearers
  come out"

  Something: WHY IS THE SENTENCE

  FORMATTED LIKE THIS

  Mono: Because the author

  can’t write for shit.

  ThatUnknownPony: Can somebody please

  fix this damn thing?

  Topher: Somebody help,

  I can’t turn it

  off!

  ToonGuy: Oh this is

  how it

  all

  ends…

  SC276: (kicks the formatting back into place) Whiners.

  CaptainPipsqueak: Nice going, you broke it. Asshole.

Life Change, in 127. 8 Seconds

• "It looked like a male."
  Mono: "I could see that by looking at its... muzzle."
  SuperMapslover: Mono, stop it, that's Pip's schtick.
  ThatUnknownPony: "Judging by the size of his big, thick, throbbing... hind legs. Seriously, they look like they could break a rock with just a buck!"
  CaptainPipsqueak: "The fact that it had a penis was also a clue!"
  Crazy56U: Classy. All of you are real fucking classy.
  CaptainPipsqueak: I'm not apologizing.
• Each time the Author links to a Doctor Who soundtrack piece, Crazy56U offers up an alternative link. Every alternative given links to "Go Fuck Yourself".

Ponyville Love Story

• As to give you an idea how vast and expansive the fic's plot is, here is the end:
  What a happy ending to such a romantic story.

  Crazy56U: WHAT STORY?!
• "I would like you to give her a kind welcome along with your friends."
  Mono: [Twilight] "Pinkie, you know what this means. Get the hacksaw ready."
  Crazy56U: [Pinkie Pie] "Hey, why do they-"

  [Twilight Sparkle] "Finish that sentence and I snap your neck."

• After Gia reveals that her father outlawed music after her mother died, Crazy56U becomes convinced the Author is plagiarizing Footloose.
  Everywhere you went, you heard music. No one loved it more than my mother. When she died, my father outlawed music.

  Crazy56U: We interrupt Love is Dead to bring you Footloose, because the Author has no shame.

  SC276: By order of his Imperial Magistrate, there will be no singing, from morning until night and from night until morning!

  Mono: I'm like, 99% sure this is the plot of a video game.

  SC276: Offhand? I'm guessing Stella Glow.

  Calico: He wanted to be able to visit the graveyard without being spooked by the Ghost House theme.

  Crazy56U: That's nice, you guys, but this is clearly Footloose.

  ToonGuy: Actually, I’d say this is more The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning, but sure, Footloose works too.

  ThatUnknownPony: And back to Rip Off Country we go!

  Topher: I think it was Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix. If the king was Waluigi.
  • "'I WILL NOT ALLOW MY DAUGHTER TO BE IN A TOWN WITH MUSIC!' He shouted."
    Crazy56U: Oh, now this fic's good, this fic has some depth to it... probably because it's Footloose, literally, it's Footloose, and it changed the course of Kevin Bacon's career when it came out 'cause it's FFFFFFFUCKING FOOTLOOSE!
    Mono: Well, allow me to make this fic a little bit better, then... and I just realized "Maniac" is a song from Flashdance because I’m a dip. So, here's a different song.
    Crazy56U: ...why is this helping...
    SC276: I'm not sure where this "depth" is. This villain is flatter than a sheet of paper.
• "Nightmare Night had come."
  Mono: Because nothing fucking interesting happened in the time between then and the last scene.
  Crazy56U: You can literally use that sentence for any scene in this.
  SC276: Is Ring omitting the chapter breaks again, or is time just that inconsistent in this fic?
  ThatUnknownPony: It's obviously the latter, but for the sake of the joke: Yes.

Pre-Event Shuffle

• From "Sanguine: The Origin Saga"
  • "Sanguine: The Origin Saga"
    SC276: Yes, author, we know what the story's title is.
    BittplexMutt: As opposed to origin chronicles.
    Crazy56U: Because this fucker is the one who deserves an Origin story. Him, and not Waluigi. (fart noise of derision)
  • "It was the year 2133 in Equestrian time."
    JofY: In Earth time, it's 4:32 AM.
    Crazy56U: For Earth, it's 1965 AD.
    Dark Angel: In internet time, it was the year 8,675,309 AD.
    SC276: In the year 2101, war was beginning.
    CaptainPipsqueak: But for us it was Tuesday.
    Crazy56U: Wednesday.
    CaptainPipsqueak: *ball drops in the background*
    Crazy56U: I know what you were referencing, it's called a "joke" fuckhead. (several balls drop in the background)
    SC276: (goes slipping across the room yelling)
    Crazy56U: ... (to Pip; points at SC's retreating form) Look at what you've done!
    CaptainPipsqueak: *stretches and grunts smugly* Yep; I'm good at this.
  • "Twilight and Cadence, as well as the other rulers of Equestria, have kept peace for many years."
    JofY: All of 4 years.
    Mono: And then the Fire Nation attacked.
    CaptainPipsqueak: That can feel like a long time.
    Crazy56U: Things haven't been quite the same ever since Celestia and Luna said "Fuck this." and left for Space Hawaii.
    CaptainPipsqueak: Not Space Disney World?
    Crazy56U: (scoff) Have you seen "Space Escape from Tomorrow"? Space Disney World is literally Hell according to that thing!
    Ringmaster: Is it Hell, or is it Space Hell?
    Crazy56U: You know the answer is "Yes"!
  • "The doors parted and Deoxy stepped in to see a large fetus where the embryo was a month ago."
    SC276: I dub him Dr. Fetus.
    CaptainPipsqueak: I'd have gone with Harlequin, myself.
    Crazy56U: Great idea, Pip! Puzzle Room it is! (buries head in hands) Ring's gonna fucking kill me...
  • The absolute crowning moment, however, is when Sanguine's cutie mark is revealled:
    His mark was a swastika

    Crazy56U: WHAT THE FUCK

    ThatUnknownPony: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I’m sorry, what’s that?! Oh, that’s just the "YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP" alarm!

    JofY: Did nazi that one coming.

    CaptainPipsqueak: I understand he's in a pretty foul mood in general. A real sour kraut.

    Calico: ...Okay, this was on my list of "things to maybe expect" so I'm not too surprised... but that doesn't mean any character's cutie mark should be a fucking swastika.

    ToonGuy: Well that went from nought to fucking three hundred!

    Ringmaster: It's worth noting that this incredibly fucking stupid author intends for it to be a "Buddhist" one and not a "German" one, but that doesn't really excuse the fact that it's still a fucking swastika.

    SC276: So... a manji. It's called a manji. The swastika is a manji put through a mirror-flipping and 45-degree rotation. Considering the two have literally the opposite meaning, it just makes me weep for this author’s inability to research / having never experienced the original Legend of Zelda.

    BittplexMutt: What... the hell is this?

    Mono: OKAY! THAT JUST HAPPENED!

    Topher: I don’t even mind that it's a Nazi symbol, I mean, if this thing was bred for evil, it kind of makes sense, but WHY WOULD SWASTIKAS EVEN EXIST IN EQUESTRIA?! I actually have your answer. Waaaaaay back in season one, during the song “Art of the Dress” Fluttershy requests that her dress be based in “French Haute Coture.” Later, Rarity talks about how Rainbow won’t look like "a tank" in her dress. This indicates that France and tanks are canon. This means that in all likelihood, World War I and probably II are canon. This means that Nazis are canon. You heard it here folks! My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! A heartwarming show with implied Nazis!

    Mono: Thank you for looking too deep into a cartoon about talking horses, Topher. Now, back to riffing.
    with a blood dripping blade crossing at diagonals on the bottom left and right of the mark.

    Crazy56U: Because that makes things better and not swastika-like! FUCK YOU

    Mono: *sighs* Für alle unsere deutschen Leser, entschuldigung.^note For all our German readers, excuse me.

    ThatUnknownPony: I'm sorry, do you need a honing stone? Because I don't think that was fucking edgy enough.

    ToonGuy: As it turns out, this is a crossover with The Boys from Brazil for some fucking reason.

    SC276: So... a Nazi pirate? How DARE you involve pirates in this!

Element Seven

• "The End Begins"
  Fallen Prime: That's not how that works, though?
  Crazy56U: ...why are you here?
  Fallen Prime: Ring said this fic was one of the stupidest we've ever run, and based on accounts of what happened in "Sonic - EGRainbow Rocks," I knew that wasn't stated lightly.
• "Some think forever is eternal, it never ends."
  SC276: ...Yes, that is the definition.
  Crazy56U: (busts out the "You Win" sticker)
  BittplexMutt: *brings out a "You Tried" sticker*
  CaptainPipsqueak: *tosses a "Why The Fuck Did You Even Bother?" sticker*
  Calico: ~This is the song that never ends...~
• "Everything has to end eventually."
  SC276: Well maybe the eternal is the stuff that when it ends loops back to the beginning, ever thought of that?
  Crazy56U: And thank fuck for that. Literally the only saving grace of the universe.
  Fallen Prime: Not true. Mozzarella sticks wouldn’t exist without a universe.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Bullshit. Mozzarella sticks are infinite beyond all nothingness.
  BittplexMutt: I want to eat some mozzarella sticks now.
  Dragonborne: "Eternity ending" is like saying "fresh frozen." Poor use of oxymorons, mate.
• "Josh was thirteen years old and a pro skater."
  Mono: Suuuuuuure...
  JofY: A thirteen year old that gets paid for skating around? So, he's also a Justin Bever lookalike.
  Crazy56U: Tony Hawk? Go fuck yourself.
  Fallen Prime: Don't give him that idea again. Fucking himself birthed Pro Skater 5.
  Crazy56U: Hey, it was better than Ride, so nyeh.
  SuperMapslover: Glad to know that Bootleg!Tony Hawk is the protagonist.
• "There were a few kids who were pretty cool, though."
  JofY: Like Vanilla Ice, Ice-T, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  Crazy56U: Cousin Oliver, Scrappy Doo, Michelle Tanner, Chuck Cunningham, Nyx, Little Orphan Annie...
  BittplexMutt: And Mary and Marty Stu...
  Dragonborne: With Chuck Norris as a teacher? Sign me up.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Pfft, Sly Marbo is ten million times the teacher Chuck Norris is.
• "Unlike Josh, however, Tim was a bit of a nutjob."
  SC276: Right. "Unlike."
  JofY: 'Tim enjoyed riffing, and inserting his own universe into those riffs when it made no sense.'
  CaptainPipsqueak: Weirdo. *Looks around room* Aw fuck...
  Crazy56U: "Steve liked setting squirrels on fire, and peeing in mailboxes!"
  Calico: ...
  Crazy56U: (pats Calico on the shoulder) Don't let it get to you, just keep it in your mind that the Author will be dead someday. Everything will be fine.
  • After it's mentioned that Tim is a conspiracy theorist, everyone decides to play it up, Crazy56U in particular (with others following suit) having him reference Game Theory.
    Crazy56U: [Steve] "Seriously, how are you not fucking getting this, NESS IS SANS, IT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE!"

    [Josh] "Who the fuck is Sans?!"^note "Undertale" came out after this fic was written.

• "[Twilight] had never believed in conspiracy theories, but something inside her said this one might be true."
  SC276: I mean, it's not like myths from the past have come true before. Nightmare Moon? Pfffft, totally fake. You can see the wires!
  Crazy56U: Discord? HA! Clearly a polar bear in disguise.
  JofY: Queen Chrysalis? No, Cadance was always a raging bitch. She just had swiss the other night.
  Mono: Sombra? Just Flash Sentry with terrible make-up.
  BittplexMutt: The Dazzlings? Just some raging pop girl band.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Tirek? Just swamp gas, a stray weather balloon and a particularly bright occurrence of the northern lights.
  SuperMapslover: Midnight Sparkle? Just Twilight drinking too much moonshine again.
  ToonGuy: Don’t even get us started on Gladstone! Dirty Apples framed him!
  Giginss: You becoming an Alicorn? Ha! Only M. A. Larson would ever dare do something like that!
  Topher: Flim and Flam? Nothing but cleverly made animatronics from a local theme park!
• "Twilight attempted to explain the theory to her friends, but they all just laughed."
  BittplexMutt: They didn't even know what a theory is.
  Crazy56U: And so, MatPat is being mocked across the multiverse. I'm glad.
• Behold: the fate of Spike:
  He hadn't survived.

  Ringmaster: And Spike is immediately dead! A great start to what's sure to be an incredible st- okay, I can't even say that sarcastically.

  Crazy56U: Spike dies every other week, Ring, shut up.

  JofY: Plus, it really ruins the drama you use a contraction that changes the tense.
• "[A] Mickey Mouse costume, like the ones at Disney World."
  SC276: Even when Disney is literally dead, its reach is infinite.
  Crazy56U: This is the most depressing episode of "Some Jerk with a Camera" ever. And that includes the one where he found out the mascots are just people in costumes.
  SC276: The mascots are WHAT?!
  ToonGuy: YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
  • And then, the reveal:
    There was something strange about this costume.

    Crazy56U: It looked bootleg as fuck.
    It was photo-negative.

    Crazy56U: ... ... ...I think Slimebeast gonna sue somebody.
• "The seven began to flee, but abruptly stopped."
  JofY: They failed the RNG roll.
  Crazy56U: "They all suddenly realized 'Wait, it's fucking Mickey Mouse, we can take him', and then they proceeded to kick a costume's ass. Jesus wept."
• And then Happy Appy appeared.
  SC276: oh come the fuck on
  BittplexMutt: THEY JUST WENT THERE.
  Crazy56U: GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TWO-BY-FOUR YOU CUNTWAFFLE
  Mono: GO EAT A DICK!
  • "It came from this old kid's show of the same name.["]
    Crazy56U: It's from a piece of shit Creepypasta that is technically a trollpasta by the Author's own admission I am literally shaking right now I HATE YOU RING SO GODDAMN MUCH
  • "Oh, look, his blood is apple juice. Clever."
    Calico: Did the story just pat itself on the back?
    Fallen Prime: Someone has to.
    SC276: Author, we're the riffers here.
    Crazy56U: I swear to fuck, I will buy a jar of applesauce and shit in it. Out of FUCKING SPITE.
    JofY: *backs slowly away from Crazy56U*
    Crazy56U: FUCKING. SPITE.
    Mono: Ummm... you do you, Crazy.
• "The group followed the studious unicorn through the destroyed streets."
  SC276: So, they know that the Colosseum is a trap... and they're going there anyway. Am I getting that right?
  Crazy56U: DING DING DING! You, my sir, just won a copy of the home game! (hands SC276 a jar of applesauce)
  SC276: Thank you. ...You didn't shit in this one, right?
  Crazy56U: Did what now?
  Mono: *pulls out a tape recorder* Should I?
• "I also hope we can do this all together. We only have one chance in this world..."
  Fallen Prime: You say, right after retconning the entire apocalypse.
  SC276: [Josh] “One chance, but multiple continues!”
  Crazy56U: ...so YOLO then?
• "And so ends Element Seven."
  SC276: Why was Element Six afraid of Element Seven? Because Element Seven Element Eight Element Nine! ... :D
  Mono: ...No.
  Crazy56U: And thus, comedy died.

Return of the Changeling's/My Little One

• From "My Little One":
  • When the Author mentioned that one of his stories is "The Purge (Rated M)":
    JofY: Okay, no matter what, "The Purge" has never been associated with anything good.
    Crazy56U: Plot Twist: It's literally just "The Purge", copied word for word from the movie. How that fic is still up, I will never know...
  • "We walked into my room and me and jess laughed. Little One was sitting on my record player, on a record, while it was playing."
    Mono: ...Did this guy just rip off a GIF?
    Crazy56U: ...you know there's an alternative here, Mono. It's a horrifying thought to ponder, but you know it's there...
    Mono: Who says I want to ponder that?
    Crazy56U: Because the fact that someone was inspired by this fic enough to make something is a terrifying thought, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it.
    Mono: ... ... ... *shudders*
  • According to Crazy56U, in the universe of "My Little One", Smosh made The Purge.
  • After the Author once again shamelessly promotes his other stories in the fic near the end, Mono decides to ask a question.
  Be sure to check out my other stories, The Purge, Thief in Equestria, and Team Angel: Old Testament.

  Mono: So tell me author, what does it feel like to... y’know... lick your own lollipop?

  SC276: Because licking someone else’s lollipop is just rude.

  Crazy56U: (spits out a mouthful of Diet Coke)

  Mono: ...I’m not even gonna go into that...

Shepherd of Fire

Shipping Shuffle

• In the intro to the shuffle, Crazy56U barely reacts to what's going on due to watching the Toy Story trailer for Kingdom Hearts III on his phone. This includes getting squashed by Topher's boat.
  Topher: *crashes through the wall on a gigantic boat* WHO'S READY FOR SOME SHIIIIIIIIIIIPS? I admit, a nautical theme seemed odd to me at first, but I have to say I’m really getting into it! I- Oh. ooooooh. Not gonna lie, I feel like kind of a jackass. And not just because the boat flattened Crazy.
  Crazy56U: (is under the boat; dead; iPhone is still playing video)
  Topher: Eh? What’s this? An advertisement for some sort of electronic game? Well, I guess that's keeping in theme, because you can order it online and have it sent to you! *is sporting a brown uniform as a brown delivery truck crashes through the wall, flattening Mono* I'M READY FOR SOME SHIPPING!

Quest of the Cool Pony

• When the story makes the following assumption:
  Each and every one of them were different, while at the same time they were exactly alike.

  Mono: Yep, they are all made of the same plastic.

  BittplexMutt: It’s like they were toys or something.

  ThatUnknownPony: Especially when you removed their cutie mark, they would all be equal!

  Crazy56U: But if everyone's equal, then no one is equal.

  PanzerThiefZero: How can you be different, and also be exactly alike?

  JofY: Friendship.

  Dragonborne: Magic.

  Nox: Believing.

  CaptainPipsqueak: Flaming chainsaws.

  Topher: Paying real-world money for cosmetics.
• When Nightmare Moon mentions her plan to prevent another loss, Crazy56U explains how hard that would be with a diagram of a series of emojis arranged in a certain way.
  Topher: Damn, The Emoji Movie got DAAAAARK.
  CaptainPipsqueak: I don't think that movie needs help to get worse.
  BittplexMutt: What are you talking about guys? That movie doesn't exist.
• "Behold Equestria's secret artifact; the Element of Love."
  Mono: *breathes heavily* Out of all the goddamn elements...
  BittplexMutt: Another one?!
  ThatUnknownPony: Oh fucking damn, not another one of those.... We had enough with that fucking kid and his guitar!
  Crazy56U: (promptly gets up and repeatedly kicks a hole into the wall)
  SC276: this thing's shown up like five times now
  Giginss: A 7th Element now? Let me guess, no, wait, I don’t need to guess, that OC is going to get it. WHY IS A SEVENTH ELEMENT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
  JofY: Boy, Cadance is going to have some bad placement issues...
  Dragonborne: Nevermind that, how the hell would this affect the other Elements of Harmony? Is this gonna be another Element of Leadership bullshit gag?
  PanzerThiefZero: "I can feel you LOVGUH! It's making me STRONGUUUH!"
  Topher: *Heavy breathing* Because what other elements of good friendships could there be other than love? There's no other aspects that could be much more interesting to explore, like trust or forgiveness, NOPE! SEVENTH ELEMENT'S ALWAYS FUCKING LOVE! ALWAYS AND FOREVER, THAT'S ALL THERE IS! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! DURR! DURRRRRRRR! OOH, I'M AN AUTHOR AND I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT IN A WORLD FULL OF NEARLY GODDAMN LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES AND WELL-ROUNDED CHARACTERS! DURRRRR, I KNOW! YOU KNOW HOW THERE ARE SIX THINGS? WHAT IF THERE WERE SEVEN? OOOOOOO IM SO FUCKIN CREATIVE, OH WAIT EACH THING HAS TO REPRESENT A VIRTUE, DURRR WHADDO I DO? DURRRRRR I KNOW! I'LL DO LOVE! PEOPLE THINK IT’S GOOD BUT IT’S NOT SOMETHING EASY TO QUANTIFY, SO IT CAN BE USED BY ANYONE INCLUDING MY SOOPER COOL OC! DUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR! I... I need a minute.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Anyway, isn't love The Fifth Element?
  LimpBrisket: You'd think the Element of Surprise would be more helpful.
  • Don't worry, it's dumber than you think.
    They knew that the seventh one had went missing during the Day of the Descension,

    Crazy56U: You know, the day they invented the elevator?

    BittplexMutt: It was way better than the escalator.
    so it was not a problem to them any longer.

    BittplexMutt: For now..

    ThatUnknownpony: Even if we don’t know shit about this "day of whatever".

    CaptainPipsqueak: No. "Day of the Descension". The "Day of Whatever" was two weeks later.

    Crazy56U: "After all, that was the past, and the past is a myth."

    SC276: And now I've forgotten if "Shepherd of Fire" had this thing already, because I feel like it does. (checks) ...Oh right, that was the Element of Leadership. So this bunch of Love is the EIGHTH Element.

    Crazy56U: (gets up again; slams head through wall)
• Behold: when an OC frightens Spike:
  "No wait, I was joking! Please let me go!" said Spike with fear. "Too late now dragon!" said Bolty, just as he prepared to strike.

  BittplexMutt: [Spike] "Gee, what a way to go."

  Crazy56U: [Spike] "Okay, look, seriously, really think about this! Is it really worth killing someone who will not stay dead?!"

  Dragonborne: [Spike] "Oh well, at least I have an infinite supply of Phoenix Downs."
• When Eder runs afoul of Nightmare Moon...
  "You are the one who almost brought eternal night to Equestria!" said the red alicorn to is enemy.

  BittplexMutt: "We would have frozen to death!"

  Mono: "And died!"

  Dragonborne: And the other half of the planet would've turned into sandy desert, given time. I'm amazed nobody even considered what happens over in Eternal Dayland.

  SC276: So, Equestria becomes Flamefreeze Galaxy? So... wait, if it's eternal night on one side and eternal day on the other, what's on the "equator?"

Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks (Rewritten)

• When the setting of New Zargoza, Florida is reestablished:
  Mono: The best fictional town to live! Well, except for Dimmsdale... and Bikini Bottom... and Danville, and Echo Creek, Retroville, Quahog, Langley Falls, Springfield, Gravity Falls, Ponyville, Royal Woods, Amity Park, Ba Sing Se, Duckburg, Beach City, Hillwood City, Gotham City, Metropolis, Petropolis, Jump City, New New York, Nowhere, Orbit City, Saint Canard, Sodor, South Park, Townsville, Tremorton, the list goes on...
  Crazy56U: Uh, Mono, I count six things wrong with that list.
  Mono: Enlighten me. I only count one. Maybe two.
  Crazy56U: Dimmsdale, Bikini Bottom, Danville, Quahog, Langley Falls, South Park.
  Mono: ...How is Bikini B-
  Crazy56U: I am not even going to let you finish that sentence, you'd have to be a fucking dumbass to not understand why living in Bikini Bottom would be horrid.
  Mono: ...Fair point, but-
  Crazy56U: No.
  Mono: *sighs* Fiiiiiiiine… *crosses his arms and grumbles*
• During Chapter 6's musical number, Crazy56U decides "[w]hy sing... when you can dance" and proceeds to belt out "The Cha Cha Slide". The end result is that he breaks his leg when axe kicking the table as his climax.

Ring's Birthday Special # 2 (Around The Bend)

• Because of Twilight Sparkle being so extremely anal retentive, SC276 and Crazy56U come up with their own independent theories: either Twilight in this fic is actually a poorly programmed robot, or Twilight took several levels in jerkass after being forced into Alcoholic's Anonymous.
• Twilight trying to determine what street she is on leads into a discussion about the practicality of Friendship is Optimal.
  Of course, she mused, in giving the unknown street a name - even an arbitrary name, a label she herself had chosen - had she not in fact just defined the street, making it in actuality 'Determinate Street'?

  SC276: See, this is why "Friendship is Optimal" can't happen: the AI would get stuck deciding the best variable name.

  Crazy56U: Also because 4chan would DDOS and hack the fuck out of CelestAI the literal second she tried anything.

  CaptainPipsqueak: And people say 4chan never does anything good.
• "The ponies in the carriage were screaming, filled with horror and dread."
  Mono: As opposed to screaming with joy.
  CaptianPipsqueak: Or screaming orgasmically.
  PanzerTheifZero: Pictured: Us right now.
  CaptianPipsqueak: ... ... ...Screaming orgasmically?
  Crazy56U: OKAY MOVING ON

SCARY STORY 2 and A Scary Story

• From "A Scary Story":
  • Topher is in the Halloween spirit:
    Topher: *bursts out of a hatch in the floor wearing a Halloween costume consisting of several twigs taped to his body* I AM GROOT!
    Crazy56U: Oh, what farm fresh Hell is this...
    • This bit lasts for several lines, not helped by Pip's contribution to it:
      Topher: [I am Groot] "I am Groot, I AM Groot... I AM GROOOOOT!"
      CaptianPipsqueak: You are Topher, you ARE Topher... YOU ARE TOPHERRRRRR!
      Crazy56U: For the record, this (gestures towards Topher and Pip) is the worst bit ever done here. And yes, I am including "LIES! Shut up." in this assessment.
      CaptianPipsqueak: Blame Topher; I'm' just trying to return him to sanity.
      Crazy56U: You are just as much at fault here.
      CaptianPipsqueak: LIES.
      Crazy56U: (refuses to say it out of spite)
      Topher: ...I am Groot.
  • "that would prevent a pony doing something,"
    Crazy56U: Because doing things is bad. If we didn’t do things, none of the bad stuff in history would have happened. Trust me, I went to college.
    SC276: Including this fic. Trust me, so did I.
  • "She became a sergeant and many a night was spent on sentry duty[.]"
    Crazy56U: Because guns also now spontaneously exist in this story.
    Calico: Hey, man, if Shadow the Hedgehog could do it, so can this fic!
    CaptianPipsqueak: Actually, guns exist everywhere at all times, it's just they're invisible when not used. The extinction of the dinosaurs? There's a reason why nobody's really sure exactly how that happened.
    SC276: ...Because there’s more than one and everyone's obsessed with being "correct" over accuracy?
    CaptianPipsqueak: Which sounds more fun to you: slowly freezing to death or going out in a blaze of gunfire and explosions?
    SC276: Not dying.
  • "Goodbye,Granny, I'm a Cutie Mark Crusader now."
    Crazy56U: Too bad the girls already tried Cutie Mark Crusader Quantum Leapers last week...
    BittplexMutt: And it failed miserably.
    Topher: They're still not sure where Scootaloo's soul went, but her body just waddles around and clucks now.
    CaptianPipsqueak: The fact that nobody has clued in is... worrying.
• From "SCARY STORY 2":
  • After Ring explains that every OC name in this fic is in all-caps, Crazy56U states this is the Spiritual Successor to The Grand Rapids O'Reillys.
    SC276: Great, M*A*S*H fanfiction is a thing I didn't need to know existed ever at all.
  • "Apple Bloom" would like to let you all know that she is totally, really Apple Bloom, for real.
    there she sees that Applejack and Applebloom is headed her way with Granny Smith's body.

    ThatUnknownPony: ...Already decomposing on top of their backs.

    BittplexMutt: And Applebloom vomiting all over the place. Seriously, poor kid.

    SC276: Dragging it behind them at the end of her lasso.

    Crazy56U: [Applejack] "Come on, Apple Bloom, the sooner we have Pinkie stuff the corpse, the sooner we can pretend Granny didn't die!"

    ["Apple Bloom"] "I SEVERELY QUESTION THE LOGIC OF THIS DECISION BEING ACTUAL DEFINITELY REAL APPLE BLOOM AND ALL."
  • "*Knock Knock*"
    Mono: ...Who's there?
    Crazy56U: Jon Arbuckle.
    SC276: Jon Arbuckle who?
    Calico: It's Knuckles.

The Republic of Harmony

• "*Ten minutes later*"
  Crazy56U: Darth Daybreaker and all her minions were tricked into being at ground zero of a fucking bomb!
  Ringmaster: Only for Daybreaker to get really mad and rewrite everything so that she wins at the last second and turns all the humans into- what were we talking about again?
  Crazy56U: ...I wanna say Star Wars...
• ThatUnknownPony winds up accidentially realizing that, because Celestia has taken the role of Anakin, Luna has taken the role of Padme. Or, as Crazy56U decides to explain it, "Luna's gonna give birth to Mark Hamill".
  • And when, later on, Luna names her newly born son "Skywalker":
    Crazy56U: ... (pumps fists) CALLED IT
    Mono: Gee, how the fuck did you come up with that name...
• This fan fic was supposed to be a pony-style remake of Revenge of the Sith. So naturally Han Solo and Chewbacca show up near the end, and it's revealed that the events of the actual Star Wars films still happened in this universe.
  The human known as Han solo

  Crazy56U: LET THE DEAD REST YOU CUR!

  Mono: Yep! Remember that time Han fucking Solo appeared in Episode 3? Me neither!

  PanzerThiefZero: Well, I don't even remember the film in the first place.

  SC276: HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING TRY TO FIND A PONY
  IT'S JUST STRAIGHT UP HAN SOLO
  AND HE WAS ONLY IN HELPING THE REBELLION BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING PAID UNTIL THE END
  WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU AUTHOR
• When Han talks with the others about Darth Vader, Crazy56U decides to go an alternative route:
  Crazy56U: Stare upon his majesty and tremble! (picture of Darth Vader, the extra-terrestrial from the planet Vulcan)
  Mono: Oh my god... I never knew he looked so much like Michael J. Fox...
  Crazy56U: The magic of cinema, my man.
  • According to Crazy56U, the best weapon in all of Star Wars was Marty's Walkman, with the "Edward Van Halen" tape.
• "'Jump.' Han said in severe seriousness."
  Crazy56U: Might as well.

The Tale of No Face

• Right off the bat, we get a sign of what this week's riff is going to be like:
  Crazy56U: Finding a fic was dick this week.
  • To elaborate, it was decided practically last minute to forgo a shipping-themed Obscure Crossover Shuffle in-lieu of a simple one-shot riff... which almost was borderline impossible due to no viable topic being found. With Ring constantly finding fics that were too long, not rules-approporiate, didn't actually end, or just did not fit the Valentine's Day theme (one fic in particular, according to Crazy56U, was "basically the fucking literary equivalent to brain cancer"), to the point where two hours passed and Crazy56U was literally begging Ring to abandon the theme... whereupon he almost immediately found what became dubbed "the Anti-Love Equation".
  • And then Ring abruptly realized at the end of the intro something he forgot.
    Ringmaster: ...Damnit, I just realized that we should've actually done a fighting-game-related fic because Them's Fightin' Herds is out next week...
    Crazy56U: (legitimately upset and angry) I fucking hate everything.

Obscure Crossover Shuffle # 3

• From "5OULS ON D1SPLAY: Forest of Light":
  • Due to most of the fic being Klonoa singing "I'm Not Afraid" to Fluttershy, Crazy56U chooses to sing "Paradise By the Dashboard Light", enlisting the help of SC276 and PanzerThiefZero. For the record, Crazy56U gave SC276 Ellen Foley's part.
    We'll walk this road together, through the storm

    Crazy56U: And I never had a girl looking any better than you did!

    SC276: Why do I have a feeling I know what part I'm getting...
    • Don't worry, he loved it.
      You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em

      SC276 and Crazy56U: 'Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed!

      SC276: You owe me...

      Crazy56U: Fully aware.
  • Meanwhile, Mono (upset that he missed out) chose to do two different songs out of spite of the use of Eminem: "Ice Ice Baby" and "Ninja Rap".
• From "Pony JAWS":
  • "It was a nice night in Equestria. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were running along the shores of the beach."
    PanzerThiefZero: Cue Baywatch theme.
    Crazy56U: K.
    ThatUnknownPony: ...Baywatch has a spin-off?! What?!
    CaptainPipsqueak: Not so much a spin-off as a car crash.

Mother Pinkie Pie

• Right off the bat, Crazy56U is livid, screaming at Ring over the choice of this fic. Why? This is the "brain cancer" fic Crazy56U mentioned back in "The Tale of No Face".
  • It gets worse when Crazy56U begins issuing out death threats after deciding to properly explain what the story is:
    Pinkie Pie and her children:

    Crazy56U: Okay, SC and Ring tried to explain this, but fuck them: this is a fan sequel to a story called "We Regret to Inform You". The story concerns Pinkie Pie becoming the legal guardian of Pound and Pumpkin Cake after Mr. and Mrs. Cake died from weather-related issues. It's actually pretty good. And it does not deserve a fucking fan sequel, let alone THIS ONE.

    Ringmaster: Want to know what makes it worse?

    CaptainPipsqueak: Than the fact that it's a fan sequel?

    Crazy56U: I swear to God-

    Ringmaster: That other thing that this is a sequel to that I mentioned? Now-deleted MLD ripoff.

    Crazy56U: If I knew that I could get away with it, you would be erased from existence with nothing more than a THOUGHT.

    JofY: But then we wouldn’t learn valuable life lessons from riffing!

    Crazy56U: THEN GO TO COLLEGE

    SC276: So, basically we're doing "SCARY STORY 2" all over again.

    Crazy56U: you will be next after ring i swear by all that is good and pure

    CaptainPipsqueak: (insinuating that Crazy understands the concepts of 'good' and 'pure') *AHEM!* Let's get the road on the show!

    Mono: Ring, you do know FimFetch still exists, right? Just sayin'...

    Crazy56U: YOU WILL BE THIRD

Troll Shuffle (actually Hell Shuffle)

• Apparently, despite the shuffle coming out on April Fools' Day, it took quite some time to actually go live.
  Crazy56U: Thank fucking Christ, I was waiting all goddamn day for this to go live, I wanted us to tackle some good ol’ fashioned troll fics for God knows how long...
  Mono: I genuinely don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not.
  Crazy56U: Mono, this took so long to go live, I was this close to bribing Ring with real money to make it come out before today ended. I am not.
• From "The Spiderses":
  • "TWlilight opened the pook"
  CaptainPipsqueak: ...there was blood everywhere...
  Crazy56U: It's a regular book, but the cover is made from the hide of Winnie the Pooh.
  SC276: Dude, don't spoil the Christopher Robin movie!
• Following "The Spiderses", Ring bluntly states that there was no way they would actually do a troll fic shuffle, before announcing the shuffle's true intent. This is soon followed by Crazy56U, who was arguably the most excited for this shuffle, not even pretending to be upset, since he knew Ring would do this ever since he gave him the idea.

Anniversary Shuffle

• Ring had gone to bed in the middle of material gathering, resulting in SC276 and Crazy56U being the ones in charge of the shuffle. And apparently, the set up for the document could've gone better.
  Crazy56U: These lines are SC's doing, not mine. These chapters do have names, but since they aren't actually in the text, I couldn't be bothered to dump them in here. Use your imagination.
  SC276: Knew I should've done the setup myself...
  Crazy56U: I love you too.
• From "Forever Faithful":
  • "Anywho, the story is 'Forever Faithful' by Konseiga, and it starts with Twilight's funeral happy fucking anniversary."
  • Because of Rainbow snapping at one of the palbearers when he tried saying some words at Twilight's wake, it is reinterpreted as Rainbow being mad that someone wanted to say something nice about the deceased.
    The rainbow pegasus cursed under her breath, turning to face the gathered crowd.

    Crazy56U: [Rainbow Dash] "Anybody else wanna say something nice about the deceased?!"

    BittplexMutt: [Rainbow] "If you do, know that I'll be judging you."
  • As it stands, Twilight had died due to being struck by lightning from an out-of-control storm. The riffers' response?
    Mono: It's not like there were any pegasi to save her...
    ThatUnknownPony: Especially none that are friends with her...
    SC276: [Rainbow Dash] "And it was ''totally not my fault."
    Crazy56U: Twilight wasn't even trying to help with the storm; she was going to the post office to get stamps, when she got struck by lightning. Derpy is of the opinion that it's the post office's fault Twilight died, and is campaigning to have it be destroyed.
    CaptainPipsqueak: The post office just didn't know what went wrong.
    • And despite having died in an accident, and having been nothing but kind and helpful to the residents and Ponyville, it's quickly assumed and accepted that Twilight wound up going to Hell.
  • "Twilight's th' only one that could've given me a run for my money in honesty.["]
    Crazy56U: And now, a dramatic recreation of a scene from Season 8.

    [Applejack] "Twilight, maybe we should tell Celestia she sucks at acting..."

    [Princess Celestia] "(walks in) Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

    [Twilight Sparkle] "(basically panicking) NOPE NOTHING AT ALL WE CAN'T WAIT FOR THE PLAY TOMORROW YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT ACTOR"

    [Princess Celestia] "Aw, shucks..."

    [Applejack] "(literally about to have a stroke)"

    ThatUnknownPony: She was only honest when she got drunk.
    BittplexMutt: Then again, she was always drunk.
  • "Celestia opened her mouth to tell her sister off, but was interrupted."
    Crazy56U: [Twilight Sparkle] "(kicks door open) EXCUSE ME, WHY DO MY FRIENDS THINK I DIED TODAY?!"
    CaptainPipsqueak: [Princess Celestia] "I tried waking you for an hour! It's not my fault you were coming down from a moonshine bender!"
  • Apparently, Spike died enough times that his spirits litter Hell.
    Still, it’s kind of lonely. I seem to be the only pony here, though I can occasionally hear whispers.

    Mono: Oh fuck, does she have shoulder angels as well?

    SC276: don't even fucking joke about that

    Crazy56U: "Granted, they are from Spike's multiple deaths... ...it's honestly kind of weird to put that down into words, to be frank..."
  • As Crazy56U describes^note due to seeing it described as being a scary story, and deciding to read it for himself... only to realize "things get stupid real fucking quick", the latter half of the fanfic consists of "Zombie!Twilight flooding Celestia's inbox".
    "There's no way..." Celestia muttered.

    SC276: [Celestia] "This is so goddamn fucking bullshit."

    Crazy56U: [Princess Celestia] "how can you send mail from hell"
• From "my love for you":
  • Crazy56U compares this fanfic to doing Speed, given his theory that the Author did while writing it, as illustrated in the literal first line:
    it was a sunny day in ponyvill the sun was shining on one pony rainbow dash she was learning how to use the sonic rain boom.

    Crazy56U: ...and to make things worse, this "story" is three chapters long, and each fucking chapter is a GIANT BLOCK OF TEXT.

Red Apple

• In the intro, SC276 and Ring allude to this fic having connections to the Nostalgia Critic fic done in the "Stocking Stuffer Shuffle", but decide to hold off revealing what else it crosses over with until later. This is the only hint given beforehand:
  Ringmaster: Let’s let them find out, but I’ll just mention this: As horrible as it is, Applecest would make far, far more sense than what’s going on here.
  SC276: We’re in that deep, folks.
  • When it comes time for the fic to (attempt to) explain what's going on, SC276 decides to help explain with algebra:
    "yes yes i knowit is pretty weird though but heres something the universe i live in is actually more advnaced than this universe

    Mono: It's so advances, the spelling of some words have changed.

    CaptainPipsqueak: This... uh... this...
    and everyone in this universe is genderswapped and some changes"

    Mono: So... this still counts as incest, right? Or, since Little Mac is obviously a guy... does this mean it’s selfcest?

    Crazy56U: YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER, DON’T PRETEND YOU AND I NEVER DID THAT SOLO RIFF, PAL

    ThatUnknownPony: Selfcest, masturbation, same thing honestly.

    SC276: So in case you still haven’t got it. (pulls out a piece of sidewalk chalk; draws an X and a triangle with a line coming out of one side on the wall, then shuffs the chalk down the throat of the first person to complain about vandalism)

    PanzerThiefZero: (is choking from the chalk) I told you, that’s my wall! Go vandalize someone else’s!

    Crazy56U: ...SC, this isn’t fucking algebra.
  • Several dozen pages later, Crazy56U (having assumed SC and Ring lied about explaining what's going on) decides to clarify:
    meanwhile Twilight Sparkle and Spike were working in their home library while Dusk and Barbara is out somewhere to get something for Twilight and Spike

    BittplexMutt: Meanwhile, in a completely different story.

    Crazy56U: Right you are, Bitt. I thought SC or Ring would’ve ripped the bandaid off by now, but I guess they decided “No, fuck them”, so here I am. That thing Ring mentioned in the intro about the Author making his own “universe”? Well, guess what? Both this, and the Nostalgia Critic fanfic, are fan sequels to a little story called "On a Cross and Arrow". AKA, that fan fic where the Mane 6 discovered Rule 63. Now, for whatever fucking reason, the Author decided to throw caution to the wind, rename some of the genderbent characters, shove both universes together, have the Mane 6 hook up with the Male 6 despite that being wrong in every sense of the fucking word, throw up his hands, and call it a fucking DAY. And I legitimately fucking hate how I was the one who ripped off the bandaid here. Oh, and because I fucking hate you all, this fic has a prequel, and it’s within running parameters. Go and pillage.

    SC276: Writing’s on the wall, mate. (points at the X and triangle on the wall) If it turns out I overestimated the group intelligence in here and needed to be clearer, I can always pull my chalk out of Panzer’s gut.

    Crazy56U: You didn’t fucking hint shit, you psychopath, all you did was do algebra and then poison Panzer for no good reason! (throws brick at the drawings) FUCK YOUR WALL
• When it comes time for the story to introduce the concept of "alicorn hybrids", we are introduced to the concept of "GMA". And what would that be?
  Godzilla Monoribonucleic acid

  Mono: “Godzilla Monoribonucleic acid”. Yes. You have just fucking read that. Why didn’t you just stop writing after murdering an NC episode...

  Crazy56U: ... ... ...so. ... ... ...does this mean that Godzilla fic we did last year is canon to this fic? Also, Mono, bad news: this fic came first.

  Mono: ... ... ... ...author, why do you exist? *grabs a ball and drops it onto the floor*

  ThatUnknownPony: ... ... ...I think I felt my brain turn into mush.

  SC276: ...Author, “Monoribonucleic acid” is just “Ribonucleic acid.” That’s why it’s called RNA. Nitpicking, perhaps, but how else am I supposed to react to this.

  BittplexMutt: With rage?

  CaptainPipsqueak: Oh God’s fist... I think I feel another seizure coming.
  its rare if GMA gets on you completey you become a Hybrid if it doesnt go you completely but partially or something you become something else a alicorn, unicorn or a pegasus not an earth pony

  Crazy56U: You just fucking strung together a series of random fucking words.

  Mono: So pony genes are the same as monster genes?

  ThatUnknownPony: So all Kaijus are just oversized ponies... Ok.

  Crazy56U: ...so "The Bridge" was right?

  SC276: Also apparently earth ponies are just powerless useless ponies that are defined only by the things they can’t do compared to the others, I fucking dare you to be MORE racist.

  Crazy56U: DON’T LISTEN TO SC, HE’S TRYING TO BAIT YOU, RING IS WATCHING
  • "he Said in his Nightmare-GAMERA"
    BittplexMutt: Gamera.. What?! When did this turn into a Godzilla fanfic?!
    Crazy56U: You... flat out ignored the GMA bit, didn’t you. (ball drops in the background)
    Mono: Well, to be honest, it wasn’t like it was easily decipherable.
    CaptainPipsqueak: I spent quite a bit of that on the floor and gibbering, myself.
    SC276: ...OK, I’ll be honest, I forgot that part existed. Because my brain does not want to die.
    Crazy56U: are you fucking kidding me right now i’m actively being low-effort this riff because fuck this riff why am i the only one who’s paying attention
• "Applejuice said then Applejack said the same thing and they both sleep outside in the midddle of a fucking cold night"
  Mono: Language, narrator.
  Crazy56U: (stifles a snicker) Is it bad that I think that’s the best line of the fic?
  Mono: ...Jury’s still out on that.
  BittplexMutt: Meanwhile, it’s so hot outside.
  SC276: STOP HOGGING ALL THE COLD WHERE’S THE FUCKING RAIN
  • It would appear that the Narrator has problems with this story.
    and heads out side somewhere away from Applejack same as her then they found their own spots a cliff and a tree

    BittplexMutt: Guess they’ll be sitting by the cliff then.

    Calico: And not jumping off of it? Booooo.
    as fucking usual Applejack on the cliff and Applejuice on a tree seriously are you people fucking nuts

    BittplexMutt: Oh we will be.

    Mono: Hey, stay out of this, Narrator. These guys have issues, you know?

    SC276: You’re one to talk when you’re the one making them do this.

    ThatUnknownPony: Wow, even the Author is getting tired of his own shit.

    Crazy56U: I take it back. This is the best line of the fic.

    Calico: I... can’t tell if this line is meant to be taken seriously or not.
  • And then, when the Narrator pulls the Peppa Pig maneuver:
    Meanwhile Applebloom and Little Mac were heading to School and of course the bell hadn't rung yet

    Crazy56U: Because time is a myth. Confirmed.

    BittplexMutt: That’s because someone jammed it.
    " oh grecious me i glad we got here before the bell rung"

    Mono: ...Peppa Pig, please hire this guy to be your narrator. Your show’s quality would increase by at least a thousandfold.

    Crazy56U: Because that’s the one thing Peppa Pig needs; swears. ...I’m being serious here.
• "the first they see is a Green colt"
  SC276: So they don’t look like one of the bullies.
  Crazy56U: Joke’s on them, it’s actually Kirby. (picture of Kirby posing with the Yoshi Cap)
  • "' you mean that guy ' she points the Green Pony"
    BittplexMutt: No. It’s that guy. *points at unspecified person*
    Mono: No, that guy. *points in a nonspecific direction*
    Crazy56U: No, it’s still Kirby. (different picture of Kirby with the Yoshi cap)

The Factory

• "Anyone with a pulse"
  Crazy56U: (proceeds to check pulse) ... ... ... (taps wrist) ... ...uh oh...
  CaptainPipsqueak: Huh. And I thought we were just dead inside...

Ponymon

• "Maybe Twilight knows what you are. She is the smartest in Ponyville."
  Crazy56U: [Twilight Sparkle] “(fucking plastered; is trying to shove a pineapple down Spike’s throat) BLEND DAMN YOU, I WANT SMOOTHIE!”
• "Nothing in my studies say anything about a Pokemon would you happen to know anything about Pokemon."
  SC276: Pokemon Pokemon, Pokemon. Pokemon? Pokemon!
  Fallen Prime: Gotta catch ‘em* all! (* ‘em = instances of the word “Pokémon”)
  Crazy56U: ...Digimon. Digital heroes. Digimon are the cha- (is hit with several bricks)
  BittplexMutt: Yes that is what the crossover is about.
  SC276: (throws another brick) Get the lyrics right next time!
• After the group's fight with Red and Charizard ends with Luna banishing them to the Moon offscreen, the obvious is pointed out:
  " After you were knocked out Luna fought the charizard and banished It and Red to the moon,

  Crazy56U: (matter-of-factly) So they are dead.

  CaptainPipsqueak: Instead of, y'know, doing that in the first place.

  Fallen Prime: Oh.
  it was so awesome!" Rainbow Dash said full of enthusiasm.

  Fallen Prime: "Yeah! Murder!"

  Mono: And then Pokémon Moon happened.
  • This is then followed up by Quilava's immediate reaction to this being spun into Quilava not knowing the Moon is real:
    " Mt. Moon or The Moon?" I ask

    Crazy56U: Let's meet in the middle. Mt. The Moon.

    SC276: Kinky.

    BittplexMutt: Luna's already done that.
    " The Moon the one in the sky silly there is no Mt. Moon in equestria." Twilight explained
    " WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY!!!

    Crazy56U: [Quilava] "WHY WOULD THE MOON BE IN THE SKY, THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND YOU STUPID DUMB HORSE!"

    BittplexMutt: No, I'm BittplexMutt.

    CaptainPipsqueak: and I am the mighty Captain Pipsqueak.
    WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!" I start yelling
    " He attacked us with a dragon." Twilight tells me

    Crazy56U: Because... that's why the Moon exists?

    BittplexMutt: [Twilight] "It was self defense."

    CaptainPipsqueak: Also the moon was lonely without Luna there.
    " THAT'S HOW POKEMON BATTLES WORK! IT'S A FIGHT BETWEEN TWO POKEMON UNTIL ONE'S UNCONSCIOUS HE HAD KNOW IDEA YOU'RE NOT POKEMON!!!" I continue yelling

    Crazy56U: [Twilight Sparkle] "(confused) A-and how does that relate to the Moon being in the sk-"

    [Quilava] "(engulfs Twilight with fire) DIE"

    Mono: [Twilight] "Well, if you were a being clear instead of shouting like a moron-"

    [Quilava] "FUCK YOU, YOU’RE WRONG!"

    BittplexMutt: [Quilava] "And now that guy's gonna die!"

    CaptainPipsqueak: ...so this guy's infuriated because they're winning. Sure.
• This was actually a shuffler due to Mono suggesting an entire fanfic series, with Ring treating it as such by introing each fic covered. It took him until the halfway point to abandon the pretense.
  Ringmaster: Prepare for... y'know, no, these fics aren't worth the effort for that.
  Crazy56U: It took you until now to give up...
  SC276: Well that just FILLS me with confidence for this next one.

Silver Quill is now Officially "Cannon"!

• Right out of the gate, the quality standard is established:
  Ringmaster: We want to do more riffs related to special events or big media releases in general, and doing one for the one-year anniversary of the movie’s release seemed like a good idea. And it just so happened that the only other format-applicable fic written by one of the worst authors from the first half of the year perfectly lined up with that.
  SC276: Do I even want to know who? Honestly, most of this year has just been a blur of time, so if it does elicit a reaction from me, that’s really bad news.
  Ringmaster: This week’s fic is by Kikio3000, also known as the author of brain cancer.
  Crazy56U: FUCK
  SC276: OH RIGHT, PINKIE’S MOM. This is just going to be GREAT.
• "I see that Bronies' love["]
  Crazy56U: Look, I believe in a thing called love, and I can tell you that what just happened, it ain't got nothing to do with love. I mean, yeah, love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love, but there is no love here.
  CaptainPipsqueak: ... ... ... *slowly begins clapping*
  Crazy56U: I could've gone farther, but I kinda blew my load with "Elephant Love Medley".
• "Silver Quill would have drowned if"
  Crazy56U: "-God had just decided to look the other way."
  CaptainPipsqueak: Boy, God can really be an asshole sometimes, can’t he?
• "This air bubble is like the bouncy and plastic Wubble Bubble ball at home!"
  ThatUnknownPony: The... what now? Does that even exist?
  SC276: I'm not looking that up, I'm not putting that in my search history.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Then use your privacy setting. That's what it's for.
  Crazy56U: ... ... ...it's just an As Seen on TV toy, you dumbasses.
• On the topic of Twilight's tenure as Princess at the time of the riff, it's mentioned the only real stand out thing the show had her do was "sending Fluttershy off to slavery".
• When Silver Quill and Skystar start dicussing the differences in their ages, due to being a hippogriff and a seapony respectively, Crazy56U decides to pull up a certain Awkward Zombie strip.
  Skystar tilted her head in confusion.

  Crazy56U: ... ... ... ... ... (quietly opens up Google) Yep, I know where this is goin'...

  ThatUnknownPony: "She was wondering why he believed he aged like a dragon."

  Crazy56U: Aw, cool, we're on the same page, then...
  She was confused because she didn't know that Silver was so young;

  Crazy56U: (Googles "awkward zombie jail")

  ThatUnknownPony: ...I must give you a cookie for that.
• When the "plot" devolves into a large blob of nothing, Mono makes an ill-advised decision:
  Mono: Hey, ummm... your little back and forth is fun and all, but… can something actually, y’know, happen?
  ThatUnknownPony: Hah, expecting something to happen? In this story?
  Crazy56U: Why do you want Kelly to write a narrative, what the fuck is wrong with you, whose side are you on?
• "The heat of their happiness and joy nearly burned them -"
  Crazy56U: Much like Chuck McGill.
  BittplexMutt: "-that it burned them to a crisp."
  Crazy56U: ...damn, I already made the Better Call Saul joke...

2018 Holiday Special (The Super Smash Brothers of Melee)

• ""he said through his gas mask."
  JofY: [Zelda] "You know I can’t hear you when you’re wearing it, rig-"

  [Roy] *Muffled exposition*

  Crazy56U: (is wearing a gas mask) I don't know what you’re talking about, Hunt Down the Freeman taught us that you can speak clear as day when wearing one of these.
  BittplexMutt: So now he's talking like Bane from Dark Knight Rises.
  ThatUnknownPony: "No one cared who I was until I put on the mask."
  Mono: Suddenly I'm getting Doctor Who flashbacks and I don't know why...
  Crazy56U: (still wearing gas mask; to Mono) Are you my mummy?
  SC276: (screams and beans Crazy with frying pan)
  Topher: The Pyro confirmed for Smash Ultimate!
• Who, exactly, is Master Hand, you may be wondering...
  "It had No eyes, ears, nose, or mouth..."

  Crazy56U: He has no style! He has no face! This monkey is a fucking disgrace!

  CaptainPipsqueak: But what if it needs to scream?

  Crazy56U: I am so glad you asked...
  "it was just a huge floating glove, it did however posses great magical powers,"

  Crazy56U: For example. (holds up hand: flips the bird) Do you know any other being that can do (points with other hand) that?

  CaptainPipsqueak: Yeah, and we can do it twice! *gives the middle finger with both hands*
• Given how Mykan's version of Mr. Game and Watch is essentially the prototype for Rhymey, everyone reacts in kind.
  Crazy56U: And speaking of me flipping things off! (picture of him flipping off a Mr. Game & Watch Amiibo)
  PanzerThiefZero: ...meh. Still better than rhyming 'minute' and 'huh'.
  ThatUnknownPony: ...even in this fic we can't escape the Rhymey.
  Topher: OH MY GOD GAMEY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  CaptainPipsqueak: ... Doesn't have the same feel to it.
  • And then it turns out that none of the other lackeys are willing to put up with his shit:
    "Ganondorf just ignored him,"

    Crazy56U: I can’t fucking believe Ganondorf is the most relatable character.

    ThatUnknownPony: "-For he had no more fucks to give."

    BittplexMutt: As with everyone else.
• Apropos of nothing, Crazy56U decides to believe that Mario and Dr. Mario are the same character in the story.
  Crazy56U: For some reason, Roy and friends never saw Mario and Dr. Mario in the same place at the same time...
  BittplexMutt: Whenever they fought Dr. Mario, Mario disappears.
  • "'Come on'a out and take a' you medicine.' called Dr. Mario."
    Crazy56U: [Mario] "(unconvincingly) No, I am not Mario pretending to be a doctor, I am a completely different character! (shifty eyes)"
    ThatUnknownPony: [Mario] "*suddenly running to the Titan's side* Oh yeah? Well, you come on'a let me stomp ya!"
  • And then, during the big fight, Mario gets double-teamed by Dr. Mario and Luigi:
    Mario was being held at point by his Doctor-counterpart,

    Crazy56U: Which, in reality, was just Mario choking himself with a stethoscope. Think Fight Club, but sad.

    ThatUnknownPony: So, The Ponyville Curse.

    BittplexMutt: You know what they say about fighting your own demons.

    SC276: Apparently Dr. Mario had managed to grab a laser sword that just materialized out of nowhere.

    Crazy56U: No, it came from the sky, that's how it works in the games.
    and Luigi. "My own'a brother... how could you?" he asked.

    Crazy56U: [Luigi] "Well, Mario, to be fair, things have gotten kind of weird ever since you went insane."

    [Mario] "(is still choking himself) What are you talking about, I'm perfectly fine! (turns head) Shut up you! (turns head back) Fuck you, Dr. Mario!"

    [Luigi] "(is desperately resisting the urge to cry)"
• ""WARLOCK KICK!!" Ganondorf snuck up on [Captain Falcon] from behind."
  Crazy56U: And so, given this is based off of Melee, Captain Falcon is attacked by Captain Falcon.
  ThatUnknownPony: Trust nobody, not even yourself.

The Brother's Adventure

• "That's right. I met The damn Outsider"
  Crazy56U: "Fuck you, Ponyboy."
  PanzerThiefZero: As opposed to THE GODDAMN BATMAN!
  CaptainPipsqueak: Oh come on, Panzer... Are you dense? Are you retarded or something?
• "No, It's just... nobody ever stands up to Sunset Shimmer." I then think, "So that's her name?"
  JofY: Nope, it's Amanda.
  Crazy56U: Nope, it's Brandy.
  SC276: Nope, it's Carrie.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Nope, it's Diana.
  ThatUnknownPony: Nope, it's Jude.
• "[Rainbow]'s the captain of like... Every team at canterlot high."
  SC276: Including the chess team. They have not had a pleasant last three years.
  Crazy56U: [Rainbow Dash] "(holds up a chess piece) What's this horsey thing again?"

  [Derpy] "(borderline mad) It's a knight."

  [Rainbow Dash] "(uses knight to knock away one of Derpy's rooks) Can I move here?"

  [Derpy] "No!"

  [Rainbow Dash] "(leans back in chair; kicks legs up onto table) King me!"

  [Derpy] "(straight up mad) THERE IS NO 'KING ME' IN CHESS!"

  BittplexMutt: Including the rock-paper-scissors team.
  • "Suddenly we heard a voice."
    JofY: Crap, it's God! Run!
    ThatUnknownPony: He finally had it with this story and has come to smite everyone down!
    Crazy56U: [Rainbow Dash] "(in the distance) DERPY, CALM DOWN!"

    [Derpy] "(in the distance; mad) COME BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS FOR FAILING AT CHESS YOU DUMBASS!"

• SC276 expresses incredulity that, because of the protagonist's desire to not alter the plot of "Equestria Girls", he implicitly states he doesn't want to stop Sunset from amassing an army of teenagers to conqurer Equestia. Crazy56U counters by stating that, because they're teenagers, they deserve what they get.
• After Luigi is named "Protector of Medicine Hat", SC276 gets upset that the fic's protagonists are inflicting themselves upon Canada. Crazy56U, however, rebukes his anger thusly:
  Crazy56U: Are you familiar with something called Ryan's Babe?
• One of SC276's reactions to "Bend Time."
  SC276: ~Here's the bend, it never fends / It makes me want to wag my tend / When it comes I want to wend / BEEEEEEEEND!~
  Crazy56U: (rubs face in pain) for god's sake
• Following SC's extended riff of Sunset bragging that she's the moral victor, all Crazy56U can respond with is a picture of a concerned dog.
• "'Oh. Lightningman is dating the pony Fluttershy.' I said to her."
  Ringmaster: [Twilight] "Oh, he's got a pony form as well?"

  [Damyon] "...Sure, let’s go with that, not quite sure what’s legal around here."

  Crazy56U: Well, Mario is dating something with a pulse, so no, it's illegal no matter how you slice it.
  SC276: Necrophilia by law, now that's bitter.

I just wanted to go to Equestria!:Another Story

• "Wait...daylight savings was yesterday."
  Crazy56U: (realizes that daylight savings is tomorrow) Okay, fuck you Ring, this was the real reason why you picked this fic, didn't you?
  Ringmaster: Wait, it is? Goddamnit, I should have delayed the last riff an extra day.
  CaptainPipsqueak: Considering you thought February had extra days, I think you shouldn't let it bother you.
• At one point, Sunset gets mad at Friendo, stating "Nobody beats Flash Sentry at guitar!" Only problem: This scene was never shown.
  Ringmaster: Never, apparently. It's not even an "I missed a chapter" deal, it just... didn't happen.
• Friendo really likes to think he's Phoenix Wright.
  • "and I could've swore that I heard Apollo's objection theme from Dual Destinies, but it was playing and everybody heard it..."
    SC276: fucking kill me
    Ringmaster: It's like if Goth Boy joined the cast of Ultimate Marvel instead of Mortal Kombat.
    Crazy56U: where do you get off saying words
    SC276: and now you reminded me goth-boy exists what do you fucking want from me
    ThatUnknownPony: we all know the answer to that.
  • "'I'm a lawyer.' I state showing my Attorney's badge"
    Crazy56U: [Vice Principal Luna] "Uh, that’s literally just a fucking Post-It note with 'loiler' written on it."
  "And a prosecutor." then showing my prosecutor's badge

  SC276: [Vice Principal Luna] "...Aren't those mutually exclusive-?"

  [guy] "THEY ARE NOT FAKE"
• Sunset tells Friendo that he can't do shit to stop her, lest he "upset the balance of time."
  Mono: Sorry, what the fuck?
  ThatUnknownPony: Ok, when did we switch from Equestria Girls to The Cutie Remark?
  SC276: And Crazy thought "moral victor" was stupid...
  Crazy56U: I am going to scream.
  TheFacelessMan: ...Excuse me, can we back that up for just a sec?
  Topher: I repeat, fucking up the timeline isn't as bad as it seems. *picks up his drink with a prehensile tail*

Toy Story/Mario Creepypasta Shuffle

• From "The Black Friday Incident":
  • When the workprint suddenly shows a naked, human Woody, who proceeds to rip off half of his skull and eat his flesh, JofY proceeds to link to "YOU! ARE! A! TOY!" in order to point out the problem with this scene. Crazy56U, in turn, links to Woody screaming as his head smolders, claiming that scene describes this Creepypasta as a whole.

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