Follow TV Tropes


Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon

Go To

"Locksley! I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon!"
The Sheriff of Nottingham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

This trope is when a threat — usually a death threat — is Played for Laughs by being a bit, well, odd. This can include a threat that's unnecessarily long and convoluted, and the one making it gets a bit lost; or a threat that simply incorporates some really bizarre elements; or a pathetically nonthreatening sort of threat ("Do X, or I'll... give you some really evil looks when your back is turned!").

Sometimes, Fridge Horror makes the more bizarre elements even more terrifying and Squickier. It's one thing to threaten someone with a sharp knife or even a gun; those cut pretty quickly and can be almost painless (at first; ever heard of the term "clean cut"?). However, going after someone with a spoon dictates hours of potential digging into a person very crudely to get the same effect.

Rusty and/or dull cutlery seems to be a particular favorite, though.


This trope is usually seen in comedy, for obvious reasons. See also Cool and Unusual Punishment or Cruel and Unusual Death, for when these bizarre threats are actually effective. To the Pain is usually invoked if played seriously, "I'll Kill You!" when it's not so convoluted. "I Will Tear Your Arms Off!" is a specific Sub-Trope. Freudian Threat for when the threat focuses specifically on a character's naughty bits. Compare Once Killed a Man with a Noodle Implement.



    open/close all folders 

    Anime & Manga 
  • Fullmetal Alchemist: Ed says some random things whenever someone hits his Berserk Button. "I'll break down your feet and stick them on your head!"
  • In the western (like, cowboy) shojo manga Miriam, a crooked sheriff has the protagonists locked up on false charges. When they start complaining, he says he'll add to the charges if they don't shut up... then says he'll add things like stealing a hotel ashtray, cheating in cards, and hitting on girls in stores.
  • Haruhi Suzumiya:
    • The title character managed to combine two of her chief preoccupations in this threat:
      Haruhi: Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running 10 laps around the school! Naked! And you'll have to yell 'Green martians are chasing me' for the whole 10 laps!
    • She does it again to Kyon when she thinks he wrote an embarrassingly schmaltzy love-letter to Yuki.
      Haruhi: First, you are to leap up a wall with a dry salted fish in your mouth and fight for territory with other wild cats! And you have to wear cat ears while doing it!
    • Nearly all of the threats she makes qualify somewhat, due to being so serious and over-the-top.
  • Inuyasha in the English dub:
    InuYasha (to Sesshoumaru): I'm gonna rip your guts out and put them in a bowl!
  • Hellsing had a few; most from Jan Valentine.
    "I'm gonna fuck that bitch, shoot her in the head, and fuck her there!!
  • Fruits Basket: Yuki tells Kakeru he'll never speak to him again, and it's only just out of his mouth when he realizes how embarrassingly childish that sounds. Fortunately, Kakeru is embarrassingly childish. Kakeru later threatens to make Yuki "walk through a red light district".
    • In the Australian version, rather than threatening Kakeru with silence, Yuji threatens to 'break up with him.' Hilarity Ensues
  • Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu: when Tessa was spending some R&R in Jindai disguised as a US transfer student, Mardukas gave an ultimatum to Sousuke: if anything happens to her or he tries to take advantage of the situation by doing something dirty, he'll be loaded in the TDD-1's torpedo tube and launched. The Hungarian dub also mentions something about being thrown into the submarine's reactor until he glowed.
  • The English dub of Chrono Crusade uses this in the first episode, literally with a spoon after The Elder looks up her skirt. She even attempts to do it, stabbing the spoon into the ground.
    Rosette: [to The Elder] I'll kill you with this spoon!
  • In one of the latest chapter of Sket Dance, Agata was threatened by Saaya's "kidnapper" that if he doesn't come within the time limit for the next puzzle, 'he'll make Saaya rap'.
  • In one episode of Detective School Q, Ryu responds to some bullies threatening Megumi by knocking one to the ground and putting a metal object to his throat. After the bullies fled, Ryu revealed that the object in question was a spoon, not a knife. Megumi later notes to herself that the expression on Ryu's face made her think that he could have killed the other boy with that spoon if he had wanted to.
  • In the first episode of Pani Poni Dash!, when Old Geezer's class is attempting to leave to bother the new teacher of the class next door:
    Old Geezer: You step one foot out that door and I'll be standing by your pillow every night.
    [class returns to their seats]
    Old Geezer: What a damn buncha cowards.
  • Chaos;Head: the New Gen serial murderer is a literal version of this trope. Nurse Hazuki uses extremely brutal methods of killing, and the most literal comes when she uses a spoon to cut out the brain of her victim.
  • Kaguya-sama: Love Is War: The Student Council boys (Miyuki and Ishigami) are listening to Nagisa Kashiwagi's boyfriend (Miyuki is directly responsible for this relationship), who claims to be there asking for advice regarding continuing his relationship. His concerns seem entirely about how wonderful the summer has been and how in love they are... at which point Ishigami whispers that clearly he's really just here to gloat. Miyuki restrains him from doing something horrible with a roll of toilet paper. As the boy continues to obliviously talk and they speculate how far he went over the summer with this girl, Ishigami continues to make threatening moves with the toilet paper. Finally, he asks about Miyuki's summer (which was awful as neither he nor Kaguya were willing to reach out to communicate and thus never met), expresses surprise and pity for Miyuki's lack of dating - and it's Ishigami's turn to restrain Miyuki, who has reached an epiphany and suddenly realized what to do with the toilet paper.

  • Lampshaded by Dan Cummins in one of his stand-up routines. He notes that threatening to kill your spouse would get you seen as a monster. However, threaten to do something like "uppercut your head off your body so that the blood rockets your head into the air and it gets eaten by an eagle", and no one will take it seriously.
    Dan Cummins: That joke's called "Impossible Violence is Funny."

    Comic Books 
  • Vincent to Edaniel, in Bizenghast: "I am going to kill you right in the face."
  • Warren Ellis seems to have a talent with these. Take this example from Planetary:
    Jakita Wagner: You're going to tell me what your problem is, or I will find a very small hole and reenact your birth.
  • The View Askewniverse comics:
    • In Holiday Special, Randal urges Dante to give his catatonic ex Caitlyn a "caning", meaning to insert a candy cane into her vagina, in an attempt to break her out of her coma. It works, but she is not happy:
    Caitlyn: If I ever see you again, I'm going to shove my pointer-finger into your piss-hole, Dante Hicks!!! I'll tear your fucking scrotum off and your heart out and shove one into the other and feed them to you before you die, you sick fucking pervert!!!
    • In Walt Flanagan's Dog, Jay bursts into a string of threats when Randal calls him a "fucking junkie". Among other things, he threatens to "fucking tear off your sweaty sack and make you wear it like a fucking clown nose".
  • In The Sandman, the Carnifex of Aurelia threatens to pop Cluracan's eyes out with his thumbs and then piss in his sockets. A guard confirms that he's seen him do this.
  • Garth Ennis tends to have his characters follow these kinds of threats by actually carrying them out.
    • Jody from Preacher threatens a Mook by saying he will "rip off yore head and have T.C. shit down the neck stump". Then he rips the guy's head off. Then T.C. shits down the neck stump.
    • Pittsy, a psychotic mobster from The Punisher MAX threatens a CIA operative by saying he'll "cut [his] balls off and put 'em in a paper cup." The agent is next seen clutching his bloody groin with one hand and holding a blood dripping paper cup in the other.
  • Jill, in the second Kingdom of Loathing comic: "The name's Jill. You ever call me 'baby' again, and I will personally pull your kneecaps out through your nostrils."
  • Prime, formerly known as Superboy-Prime, lived up to what was by then his normal standard of Narm in an issue of Countdown to Final Crisis and delivered an iconically simple one of these to the villain Monarch.
    Prime: I'll kill you! I'll kill you to death!!
  • In The Wicked + The Divine, Badb threatens to rip out Baphomet's shin bone and use it as a dildo.
  • Dr. Nemesis of the X-Men is an ever-reliable source of these.
    Dr. Nemesis: Pay attention or I shall feed you to my lab.
    Dr. Nemesis: ... If you even think about telling them I said so, I'll inflict poleshift on your digestive system.
    Dr. Nemesis: Eat viral liquefaction, unethically cloned carbon-waste. I'll put my science in you! I'll put my science in all of you!
  • G.I. Joe:
    • G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Marvel):
      • In the 17th issue of the spinoff title G.I. Joe: Special Missions, Stalker threatens to pull out Saxon's tonsils through his nostrils if he ever tries to enlist the Joes to take the blame for his screw-ups again.
      • The 83rd issue of the main series has Zartan make an interesting threat to Dr. Mindbender.
        Zartan: If you ever raise your voice to me again, I will pull your tongue out through your left nostril...
    • The third issue of the Silent Option miniseries of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (IDW) has Helix give a colorful threat to an air traffic coordinator.
      Helix: We're looking for trafficked kids. If a single hair on one of them is damaged because you delayed us, I'm coming back here...and I'm going to peel your face off and use it where the sun don't shine.
  • Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man: Venom tries to coerce Spider-Man into letting him be his sidekick, but Spidey refuses. So Venom threatens to reveal his identity to the world. Spidey doesn't care. But then, Venom threatens to reveal to Aunt May the location of his secret Candy Stash. Spidey starts worrying. Finally, Venom threatens to tell Liz Allan who slipped those Secret Admirer notes into her locker during freshman year!
    Spider-Man: NO! WAIT!

    Comic Strips 
  • Garfield:
    • In an early strip, Jon does this when he sees Garfield climbing on the drapes.
      Jon: Be careful there, Garfield. Hanging on the drapes can be very painful. 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR LEGS IF YOU DON'T GET OFF THEM THIS INSTANT!
    • Another classic, Jon says that Garfield can have one bite of the roast chicken. Garfield proceeds to shove his mouth around the entire chicken at once.
      Jon: You swallow and I'll tie a knot in your neck.
    • Garfield has, on multiple occasions, threatened to remove Jon's lips. Once, he apparently made good on his threat.
    • Gafield once threatened to kick Odie into next Tuesday. He did. The Tuesday of the following week, Odie, having been absent for a week drops into the panel.
  • Peanuts:
    • An angry Peppermint Patty once threatened Charlie Brown by declaring, "By golly, if I ever hit a deep drive to center field, and I round first base, and I round second base, and I round third base and I go tearing into home like a runaway freight, he'd better not be in my way!"
    • In another strip, Peppermint Patty was arguing with Thibault, a player on her sandlot baseball team:
      Patty: One more word out of you, Thibault, and I'll shred you!!
      Thibault: That's the first time in my life I've ever been threatened with a shredding!
    • In another, Peppermint Patty — again — was practicing figure skating, when some mean hockey players tried to scare her off the ice:
      Hockey Player: You wouldn't want to be hit with a hockey stick, would you, beautiful?
      Patty: How would you like to be force-fed a pair of goalie pads?!
    • Linus and Lucy arguing over him having to memorize and recite a scripture passage for a Christmas pageant:
      Linus: Who was Jeremiah? Where was Rama? Why was Rachel so upset? You can't recite something until you know the "who," the "where," and the "why"!
      Lucy: I'll tell you the "who," the "where," and the "why"! You start memorizing right now, or you'll know who is going to slug you, and you'll know where she's going to slug you, and you'll know why she slugged you!!!
    • A toned-down variant of the Christmas recital scene is used in A Charlie Brown Christmas:
      Linus: I can't memorize something like this so quickly. Why should I be put through such agony? Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.
      Lucy: [curls her fingers up into a fist] I'll give you five good reasons; One, two, three, four, five!
      Linus: Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.
    • Lucy, when Linus won't let her watch the TV program that she wants:
      Lucy: See these five fingers? Individually they are nothing, but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold!
  • In the Mr. Potato Head comic strip, Mr. Potato Head's daughter Julienne once reacted to her little brother Chip's latest prank by threatening to wrap him in tinfoil and take him to the beach.

    Fan Works 
  • Advice and Trust: In chapter 4 Asuka is trying to prevent a classmate from finding out that Shinji and she got together, so that she denies that he has had sex with her. When their classmate tries to placate her by saying "Of course! He'd never do anything indecent with you!" Asuka gets pissed off and retorts that he would anything he could with her all night long. After a pregnant pause she swears that if someone tells anything she will scoop out that person's brains and make a pie.
    Asuka: That didn't just happen and none of you remember anything. Or I will scoop out your brains and make a pie, understood?
  • In the Jackie Chan Adventures fanfic Queen of All Oni, when Ozeki, the Sumo-khan general attacks Section 13, when he hears about Viper using onions on Jade, he threatens to rip her arms off and gouge out her eyes with her own thumbs.
  • In this Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Harry Potter fanfic, Willow informs Severus Snape that if he ever hurts Xander again, Buffy will remove Snape's spine with an icepick.
  • One Gorillaz fic features Russel informing Murdoc that if he doesn't apologize to 2D, Russel will strangle him (Murdoc) with his own tongue. Murdoc doesn't, so Russel doesthis being Murdoc, it is within the realm of physical possibility.
  • Bag Enders: "If you don't tell me what's going on, I'll make you watch the entirety of Flipper. Twice."
  • In the Goof Troop fanfic Teaching Respect, PJ tells his father Pete what will happen if he starts abusing Peg and Pistol:
    PJ: And if you even try swapping me for them, I'll punch you so fucking hard you'll be shitting your own teeth!
  • In Oh God Not Again!, when Harry and Lockhart reach an agreement of sorts regarding the whole Obliviate thing, Harry adds that if he tries to steal one of his accomplishments, he'll beat him to death with a paper napkin.
    Lockhart: CAN you beat someone to death with a paper napkin?
    Harry: [shrugs] I'll have fun trying.
  • The Naruto/The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time cross-over parody fic Ocarina of Konoha (found here,) Kyuubi's weapon of choice is a spoon. Until it is later upgraded after the timeskip to a spork.
  • The Naruto fanfic Being Found has at least one of these in each of the last three chapters.
    • In chapter 13, after Naruto nearly kills himself while using a dozen exploding clones to utterly disintegrate the revived first and second Hokages:
      Tsunade: And if you ever, ever, try something like what you pulled on the roof again, I'll rip out your spleen through your armpit, and shove it back in through your nose.
    • In chapter 14, a female Haku (who was involved with Naruto) threatens Temari:
      Haku: And while I do not enjoy hurting people, if you ever do anything adverse to Naruto-kun, know that I will freeze the blood in your veins, and shatter your bones.
    • And in chapter 15, Naruto and Shikamaru have this exchange:
      Naruto: It's not your fault, Shika, so stop blaming yourself before I punch you in the face so hard you crap out your eyeballs.
      Shikamaru: That's not physically possible.
      Naruto: Won't stop me from trying to prove you wrong.
  • Another Naruto fanfic, Uprooted, has this little gem from Tsunade (directed at the Third Hokage):
    Tsunade: But, as the Head Iryo-nin of Konoha Hospital, I can override you in medical matters. I will declare you unfit for duty, make you eat hospital food until Naruto-kun comes back, make you attend therapy where you will have to keep daily diary of your innermost feelings and play with a pink, squishy ball and wear green paper gown the whole time, carry out painful rectal examinations on you, let my interns use you as a practice dummy when they first learn acupuncture, confiscate all contraband literature and the new, experimental medication just might have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction.
  • Hetalia: Axis Powers darkfic Mistakes has a Shout-Out to the far darker Gorn fic Debt. when China tells America to leave him alone or "I will rip your arms off with my bare hands and beat you to death with the wet ends". (In Debt, China actually did cut America's arms off For the Evulz, though not with his bare hands.)
  • In this Super Smash Bros. fic, Sheik does this towards Ike.
    Sheik: I hate you, you hear me? I hate every-fucking-thing about you! You make my life hell! You should be wiped away from existence! Completely! I swear some day I'll cut you into pieces and feed those little, bloody pieces to the twins piece by piece! One at a time!
    Ike: [in his head] But in another hand, those clouds looked pretty heavy. There could be a chance of rain in the afternoon. Too bad, you couldn't see bruises in the rain...
    Sheik: Then I'll shoot the twins, cram them into a meat grinder, take the minced meat and feed that to the sharks in Alaska! Then I'll pour the water out of the sharks' aquarium and let them die just like that! Then I'll burn them! Burn them so completely there will be only ashes left! And those ashes will be thrown to a bottomless pit! Let's see if you're smirking then!
  • In the Death Note AU Point of Succession during one of their sessions together Beyond attempts to kill Light with a stiletto heel. The attempt fails but leaves Light with a nasty scar and Light feels he's been forever marked by him.
  • Star Wars: Paranormalities: Early in Episode II, when Zolph Vaelor leaves R9-C4 in control of his fighter during the Battle of Taris, he says this to Colonel G'jan about the droid when the Colonel expresses his concern.
    Zolph: Don't worry, Colonel. I'll turn that little psycho into a coolant barrel and put his brain in a Gonk if he so much as blows up a single X-Wing.
  • In Chapter 13 of the Superjail! fanfic Extended Stay, the Mistress, who is currently in preterm labor and going through a Screaming Birth, threatens to kill both her new husband, the Warden, and the Delivery Guy and turn their skins into her own personal pajamas. And the scariest part about this is? It's said later that she is actually capable of doing this as she pleases.
  • In Malon's Epic Cow Delivery, Navi threatens Link with these constantly, and often follows through.
    • From Chapter 1:
      Navi: [bitch-slaps Link and grabs him by the collar] What have I told you about Breaking the Fourth Wall?
      Link: Ummm, something about tearing me in half and shoving my face up my ass if I ever did it again. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was something like that. Please don't kill me.
    • From Chapter 4, after Link sacrifices Navi to negate Volvagia's attack, making her swear to kill him if she ever comes back alive, and revives her using Monster Reborn.
      Unfortunately, I can't write what happened next since the story's only rated T. However, I can tell you that it involved a chainsaw, Link's organs, Tabasco sauce, and a llama.
    • From Chapter 8, when Sheik has to replay the Serenade of Water ninety-seven times to teach Link how to play it, and he forgets how immediately after she leaves.
  • In the Soul Eater fic Cabin Fever:
    • There's this exchange when Liz gets fed up with Kid's Super OCD.
      Kid: We were arranged so perfectly around the window. Could you please move to the right and stand up straight?
      Liz: Fuck you. Talk to me about symmetry one more time and I'll chop off your dick and sew it onto your arm and ruin your symmetry forever!
      Black Star: Liz, wow, I gotta take lessons from you in how to threaten enemies.
    • She gives him another one when he annoys her about quitting smoking right after she runs out of cigarettes.
      Liz: [waving her lighter] I'm going to singe off one of your eyebrows! One!
      Kid: Oh — oh, you — you wouldn't do that to me —
      Liz: I absolutely would and I would enjoy every single second of it, you delightfully flammable idiot.
  • Bait and Switch:
    • In The Wrong Reflection a mirror universe Cardassian soldier makes the mistake of calling Lieutenant Kate McMillan "scum" in the hearing of her Klingon boyfriend.
      Lieutenant K'lak: And if you call my parmaqqay "scum" again, I will have your moQDu’ as a trophy for my quarters.
      Captain Kanril Eleya: [narrating] Ew.
    • Frostbite: Made on behalf of Eleya:
      Ruul: Talk, or I'll kill [Senior Chief Athezra].
      Athezra: Don't tell him anything, sir.
      Tess: Yes, thank you, Senior Chief, I know how this works. [to Ruul] No, you won't kill him, because A, it still won't make me talk, and B, if you do, our captain will hunt you to the ends of the galaxy, and there won't be a thing you can say or do that will stop her from personally strangling you with your own intestines.
  • Resident Nice Guy Gourry considers doing this in Flam Gush to whomever Lina had her first time with. Eventually he decides to downgrade it to simply shredding the man's clothes and dignity into inch-long strips because he believes that it was consensual for Lina. When he finds out he was wrong, he goes back to his original plan, only worse.
  • In the MLP fanfic When a Pony Calls, after switching bodies with Lyra, the protagonist threatens to eat a steak if she cuts off his goatee.
  • In Lives of Quiet Desperation Pansy Parkinson has a number of bizarre threats for when her older daughter misbehaves, which the kid genuinely enjoys receiving.
    Pansy: Celandine Parkinson, for that I am going to stew you for dinner and keep your bones in a corner for your sister to look at when she grows up, so she knows not to be a naughty girl.
  • Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus has a rather peculiar warning on a certain passage in Gringotts.
    "Bank employees only. All others shall be disemboweled with a blunt spoon while being forced to listen to Yoko Ono songs."
  • The New Adventures of Invader Zim:
    • An angry Norlock at one point threatens to make Skoodge eat his own face.
    • During a rant, Gaz says she's going to pound Viera's head in so hard it'll come out of her ass.
    • When angrily talking with a superior over the phone, Miss Bitters threatens to rip their spleen out through their nose.
    • Zim threatens to make Mortos eat his own legs. Norlock says he's actually done that to people.
    • Zim also threatens at one point to sew a live ferret into Norlock's stomach when he feels the vampire is being insolent.
  • In Harry Potter and the Gaining of Faith, Faith does this to Kreacher.
    He was furious when he learned that the painting of Lady Black was removed from the main hall. He screamed and shouted at Faith for her part in its removal... until Faith grabbed him by his throat, slammed him against the wall and held her knife within a hair's breadth of his face, saying that she'd skin him slowly and painfully he if he ever came near her or Harry again. And if she caught him going behind and taking the things they were throwing out, she'd cut his fingers, ears, and nose off, grind it into sandwich spread and make him eat it.
  • In Bride of Discord, Discord threatens to turn Zecora into an acorn and feed her to the squirrels if she tells anypony he came to her for advice on his and Fluttershy's relationship.
  • Prodigal Son: In Chapter 21.
    Astrid: Fancy meeting you here, Fishlegs.
    Fishlegs: Listen, I know you might be upset...
    Astrid: Upset? No. I'm just curious. Do you think a grown man can drown in just a few inches of water?
  • Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series:
    • It mixes this, the Cluster F-Bomb and Sound-Effect Bleep, for:
      "I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR [Beep] AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR [Beep][Beepbeep][Beeep], AND THEN [Beeepbeepbeepbeeep][Beep] ON YOUR [Beepbeepbeep][Beeep] WITH [Beeep beep][Beeep] IN THE [Beep][Beeepbeeep] AND [Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep] YOU'LL [Beeepbeepbeep] SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO [Beep] SIDEWAYS!! [Beep]"
    • Don't forget:
      Kaiba: Time for a trip to the recycle bin, Phantom. And then once you're in the recycle bin, I'm going to right click on it and select "empty recycle bin". Because otherwise, you'll just be taking up unnecessary space. In other words, I'm going to kill you.
    • And:
      Kaiba: Oh, there'll be food, all right. So much food that you'll be STUFFED.
      Joey: Was that supposed to be a threat?
      Kaiba: I can't even remember anymore.
    • Also:
      Kaiba: Look, I don't know what the [beep] is going on here, but you're on notice. I don't take kindly to kidnapping and attempted murder. But since you have a God card, I suppose I can allow you to be in my tournament finals. However, try anything funny and I'll probably issue you a stern warning and wag my finger at you. Then you'll be sorry.
  • Dragon Ball Z Abridged:
    • Gohan snaps after Piccolo dies:
      Nappa: What?
      Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULL [bleep] YOU!
    • He comes by it honestly enough, given his mother's reaction to his "hypothetical" kidnapping and Goku's death. (That night, Krillin leaves when he hears Chi-Chi sharpening a knife.)
      Chi-Chi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
    • Toward the end of the Cell saga, Chi-Chi threatens to castrate Goku with a butterknife for throwing Gohan out against Cell during the Cell Games.
  • From episode 13 of TheSEATeam's Soul Eater Abridged, when Black Star refuses to step aside and let Maka fight Crona, she has this to say:
    Maka: Black Star. I will end you. I will rip your balls off, grind them up, and choke you to death with them. I will rip off your legs and crush your torso with them. I will tear off your head and sh*t down your neck. I will shove Soul, as a scythe, up your ass and have him switch from human form to weapon form over and over and over, if you DO - NOT - MOVE!
    Black Star: [hauling ass out of there] Have-fun-with-the-Demon-Sword!
  • Adopted Displaced:
    • During game 1, Wily threatens Mega Man like this if he wakes Vinyl from her nap. It works.
      Dr. Wily: Vinyl's down for her nap, and if you wake her, I will personally tear you limb from limb, hook your head, CPU, and personality core up to a potato battery to keep all three running, and make you watch a remix of Teletubbies, Batman & Robin, and My Little Pony Newborn Cuties endlessly!
    • Air Man does his own version later.
      Air Man: The Items belong to Vinyl. Make sure you return them to her. If you don't, I will feed you your own limbs with marinara sauce and oil.
  • Hellsister Trilogy has Satan Girl swear to tear her genetic template's eyes out and eat them.
  • In Eigengrau Zwei: Die Welt Ist Grau Geworden, Grenadine is threatened with being boiled in his own semen. When it actually comes down to it, though, Dim just sets him ablaze.
  • In Kara of Rokyn, Jara threatens Black Flame like this if she insults her tribe again.
    Jara: You've just about got it up for me to give you a preview of the match right here. There aren't enough of the Clan left hardly to count anymore, and you want to down them. I ought to pull your tongue out through your nostrils.
  • A Prize for Three Empires has Deathbird, whose threats usually include promises of ripping off eyes, tongue or face.
    Deathbird showed Carol her teeth, and held both hands full of claws before her face. "For such impudence, I would strip another’s flesh from her face. Then I would let them bleed to death in their bonds."
  • One episode of Scarlet Lady has Marinette threaten to impale Nino with a clipboard if he doesn't dial back on the prima donna director behaviour. Precisely how she plans to accomplish this is uncertain, but fun to imagine.
  • Underverse: After Cross manages to steal Underfell's Snowdin, Underfell Papyrus calls Underfell Sans, blames the entire situation on him, and then delivers this threat:

    Films — Animation 
  • In Ratatouille, Skinner catches Linguini messing with the soup, and threatens to have him drawn and quartered, "after you take him to the duck press to squeeze the fat from his head!" Duck presses do squeeze the fat out of ducks. However, they're usually not big enough to stick a person's head in; but Linguini is obviously NOT familiar with kitchens, thus it could still be a very formidable threat. And, of course, Skinner's just going apoplectic at Linguini 'rising above his station' by fixing the soup (possibly a Kick the Dog moment to reinforce the fact that Skinner's an evil little man, bent only on dominating the frozen food market by sullying Gusteau's good name?)
  • Lilo & Stitch: Nani has been locked out of the house, and screams to Lilo that if she doesn't let her in, she's going to purée her in the blender, bake her into a pie and feed it to the social worker... just as said social worker arrives.
  • In Stitch! The Movie, when Hämsterviel calls Pleakley demanding the other 624 experiments as ransom for Jumba:
    Hämsterviel: Wait for my phone call. I will then tell you the ransom exchange location, and call you many nasty names!
  • Madagascar: Alex the lion threatens Marty the Zebra with "I'm going to strangle you, and bury you, and then dig you up and clone you, then I'm gonna kill all your clones, then I'm never talking to you again!"
  • In Cars, Doc's first lines consist of ranting about how he'll throw Lightning in jail for so long the jail will rot on top of him, then build a new jail and let that one rot — considering the characters are cars and the jail is an open-air impound lot, this would be impressive, to say the least.
  • Disney's Mulan:
    • "I'm gonna hit you so hard it'll make your ancestors dizzy!"
    • When Chi Fu questions Mushu disguised as an official riding a panda:
      Chi Fu: Who are you?
      Mushu: [disguised as an official] Excuse me? I think the question is, who are you? We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for this, snatch it right off your head! But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.
  • In Ralph Bakshi's Wizards, Avatar explains to the newly-reformed Necron 99 (now renamed "Peace"), that if he betrays the party, Avatar will do something that will, "Take twenty years to kill you, and you'll be screaming for mercy in the first ten seconds."
  • In The Emperor's New Groove, Yzma's initial plan to kill Kuzco is as follows:
    Yzma: I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then, I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives (Evil Laugh), I'LL SA-MASH IT WITH A HAMMAH!
  • The animated film Bébé's Kids has Robin making this humorous black-themed threat to one of the kids:
    Robin: If you don't tell me where your little brother is, I'm gonna beat the BLACK off you, and you're gonna look lighter than Michael Jackson!
  • In An Extremely Goofy Movie, when Tank tries to hurt Bobby, PJ threatens to hurt him with a biscotti... somehow, though all he says on the subject is "I'm not afraid to use it!" This threat is nullified when Tank bites the biscotti right out of his hand.
  • Eve from Alpha and Omega loves these. When one of the wolves in the pack is hurt, she wants to track down the attacker, tear his tail off, and shove it down his throat. As if they wasn't bad, when her daughter goes missing, she gives this little speech to the other pack:
    Eve: If any of you wolves have hurt my daughter, I will personally RIP out your eyes, and SHOVE them down your throat so you can see my claws TEAR YOUR CARCASS OPEN!

    Films — Live-Action 
  • The Trope Namer, from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: "I'm gonna cut his heart out with a spoon!" Exclaimed by the Sheriff of Nottingham. The Sheriff's Dragon lampshades the trope, asking why he doesn't use a more suitable implement. The Sheriff snaps, "Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more!"
    • When he does kill the Dragon (Guy of Gisborne) with a sword, the last words he says to him: "Well at least I didn't use a spoon."
  • Referenced in The Postman where the title character jokingly says "Don't make me use this" while pointing a spoon towards one of his allies. Both films share a star.
  • In Avengers: Endgame, Thor watches two of his buddies from Asgard play Fortnite, consistently losing to a guy named "noobmaster69." Thor gets on the voice chat and threatents him thus:
    Thor: If you don't log off this game immediately, I'm gonna fly over to your house, find that basement you're hiding in, rip off your arms, and shove them up your butt!
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End:
    Pirate Lord: Shoot him [Barbossa]!
    Another Pirate Lord: Cut out his tongue!
    Jack Sparrow: Shoot him and cut out his tongue! Then shoot the tongue!... and trim that scraggly beard
  • Wat in A Knight's Tale does this rather passionately if not very eloquently:
    Wat: Uh, betray us, and I will fong you, until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails I will w-rip... all the p... ung. Pain, lots of pain.
  • Airheads: "I'll stab off your neck... With my dick!"
  • In The Chronicles of Riddick: "I'm going to kill you with my teacup." He does, too, by striking it against a surface so the lip of the cup becomes serrated, and then embedding it opening-first into the man's chest. Riddick then turns to the remaining mooks and wordlessly holds up a can opener key, placing it in the same spot that his cup was sitting before. The mooks panic and flee.
  • In The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover, Albert (the titular Thief) he warns that he will "kill and eat" Michael (the titular Lover). This comes back to bite him when after he kills Michael, he is forced to eat his corpse.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty Sergeant Hartman says some winners in Full Metal Jacket, such as "You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck! and, "I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!"
    • Parodied in The Simpsons by an angry tow-truck driver; "If I catch you on my turf, I'll rip off your head, vomit down your neck, rip out your heart, show your heart to your head, and shove 'em both down your neck-hole, to which I previously alluded."
      • Double Parodied in The Simpsons BY the aforementioned Drill Sergeant Nasty Sergeant Hartman actor R. Lee Ermey playing a "Colonel Hapablap" threatening to "tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party", and then "corpse you up and mail you to mama."
    • Also parodied in the Meg Ryan/Matthew Broderick vehicle Addicted to Love, when the aforementioned actors' characters play "MST3K" while observing their former loves via a optical-projection.
  • Grosse Pointe Blank:
    Grocer: I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna fuck the brain hole!
  • Major Payne:
    Payne: I will put my foot so far up your ass the water on my knee will quench your thirst!
  • Toyed with in Hulk Hogan's movie Suburban Commando, when Shep Ramsey (Hogan) almost damages a mean guy's car:
    Troublemaker: Do you got any idea what we're gonna do to you if we find one itty bitty scratch on them? Any idea?
    Shep: Let me guess, you're gonna pound my face, break every bone in my body, then you're gonna drag my body down a gravel road, and feed my remains to a wart hog. Is that about right?
    Troublemaker: What are you, nuts? This is the 90's, we're gonna sue you.
  • In State and Main, the movie producer Marty ends a phone call with "I'm gonna rip out your heart and piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest. And my best to Marion."
  • Hancock features a few:
    • "If you don't move, your head is going up his ass." (And then he proceeds to do just that.)
    • "I'm gonna shove your head up his ass, I'm-a shove your head up his ass, and drew the short straw; I'm-a shove your head up my ass."
    • "I will break my foot off in your ass, woman!"
  • In The Presidio, Lt. Col Caldwell states quietly that he's going to beat up a drunk blowhard in a pool hall with his thumb — this RIGHT thumb... because the left is too powerful for him. Of course, since Our Intrepid Hero is an army man, the ensuing smack down is Exactly What It Says on the Tin. In the same movie, Sgt. Major MacLure tells someone to shut up, on pain of "I'll shove your head so far up your ass, you'll be talking out of your armpit."
  • Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny offers Tim Robbins delivering: "I'm going to cut out your eyes and your balls, and put your eyeballs in your ballsacks and your balls in your eye sockets!"
  • In Mel Brooks' remake of To Be or Not to Be, Frederick Bronski, after learning that his wife and a dashing Polish flier were having an affair before the war started, and about to go and potentially give his life by pretending to be a Nazi spy he'd killed, forgives the pair — in the event that he doesn't return from Gestapo headquarters. "However if I do come back, you're in a lotta trouble!"
  • Johnny Dangerously has this from Roman Maronie...
    —"I gonna taika you doo-ork, I gonna nail it to dawall! I gonna crusha you boils inna meat grinda! I gonna chopoffa you ahms... I gonna shuvemupa you icehole!"
  • In Barb Wire, Colonel Pryzer is good at these. He makes two threats.
    "Let me make this perfectly clear. If Cora D escapes, I will personally rip your heart out of your ass, and shove it back down your throat."
    "Goddammit Willis, I'm gonna rip you in half!"
  • According to, there is a movie which was dubbed into English from another language which featured the immortal line "I will kill you until you are dead from it!"
  • Hot Shots! Part Deux has Saddam Hussein say to President Benson right before delivering his planned coup de grace: "Now I will kill you until you die from it!"
  • Priscilla, Queen of the Desert might be an odd source of threatening quotes, but one of Bernadette's many awesome moments is when she says of Adam / Felicia, "One more push, I'm gonna smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!"
  • In the American Dub of Black Mask, Deadpan Snarker tough cop Detective Rock arguably gets one when challenging a Syndicate mook with a shaved head.
    Mook: You broke my nose!
    Rock: That's right. Now get out of here before I take that Mr. Clean head and shove it straight up your ass!
  • Darwin Mayflower in Hudson Hawk enjoys these. At one point he says, "I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career!" At another:
    Darwin: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
    Eddie: Betty Jo Bialowski? I can get you an address on that, if you want.
  • Westley's To the Pain speech from The Princess Bride seems to fit better here than within the trope it named:
    Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
    Westley: No. To the pain.
    Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
    Westley: I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
    Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
    Westley: It won't be the last. 'To the pain' means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
    Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
    Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
    Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it.
    Westley: Wrong. Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
    Prince Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing.
    Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
    [slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]
    Westley: Drop. Your. Sword.
    Prince Humperdinck: [mouth hanging open, drops sword to floor]
  • Yellowbeard. El Nebuloso comes up with a plan to have his minions pretend to be killed.
    Nebuloso: But it must look realistic. Anyone caught overacting I will personally scare to death!
  • Agent Sands delivers one of these to a reluctant informant in Once Upon a Time in Mexico: "You know that withholding vital information from a federal officer is a serious offense. Especially when that federal officer has paid handsomely for it and wouldn't think twice about ripping that patch off your eyehole and skullfucking you to death."
  • And then there's Marsellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction, preparing to deal with a rapist:
    Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.
    • Discussed briefly in The Truth, when the Wallace-esque Mr. Tulip threatens to get medieval on someone. When questioned, he concludes that this might involve "...the invention of the horse collar."
  • Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: Caractacus Potts takes his hair-cutting invention to a funfair which goes haywire on his only customer. At one point during the ensuing chase, the customer yells, "I'll smash your teeth down your throat!"
  • In Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!: "Good. Because if you do I swear to God I will tear you to pieces with my bare hands. Or vicious rhetoric."
  • From The Big Lebowski:
    Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
    The Dude: ...Jesus.
    Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
  • Clint Eastwood seems to be quite fond of this, as part of the tough guy machos he usually portrays, as shown by following example from the fifth installment of Dirty Harry: "Don't fuck with me, buddy, or I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to unbutton your collar to shit."
  • And from Heartbreak Ridge:
    Stitch: This babe is whack. She doesn't know what's twelve inches long and white. Nothing! Hey man, no offense, I'm just working on my routine.
    Gunny: I'll tell you what's black and bleeding if it don't shut its face.
  • Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back shows Jay angrily dictating the following message which Bob posts to a website discussing the Bluntman and Chronic movie:
    "All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob."
    • One film earlier in Dogma, Rufus the 13th Apostle gave Jay one of his own.
    Rufus: Hey! What I just did gave me a fucking migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm going to yank your sack off like a paper towel!
  • In The Warriors: "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a Popsicle!"
  • In Reno 911! The Movie, a Homeland Security agent threatens Jones & Garcia with "...I'm gonna fill a tube sock with oranges, then I'm gonna beat you with it until I juice them! Then I'm gonna drink the juice in front of you! And you're gonna ask me "Why?", but I'm not gonna answer you!"
  • In Best in Show, the Larry Miller's character attempts to talk his son down from the roof by stating, "I will gouge your eye out with my thumb! I shit you not, my friend!" In the previous scene, Miller revealed that his job is trying to talk jumpers down, but "they all jump."
  • From 21: Cole Williams: "If I see you in here again, I will break your cheekbone with a small hammer. And then I will kill you."
  • Pineapple Express:
    • All OVER the movie.
      Robert: You assholes do exactly as I say, or I will take you outside and fuck you in the street!
      Dale: No! Don't fuck us anywhere!
    • Or:
      Ken: War is upon you! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
    • As well as...
      Matheson: You know you gonna die, right?
      Saul: Yeah.
      Matheson: I'm gonna kill the fuck out of you!
  • In Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, the titular character has a misunderstanding with a bartender which results in the following masterpiece deadpan one-liner from Norm Macdonald:
    Bartender: Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle-stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.
  • In The '70s spoof J-Men Forever, one of the J-Men indignantly turns down a bribe.
    "I'm going to have you wrapped in the U.S flag and burned personally by the President, in high-octane American gasoline!"
  • This is actually hinted at in The Dark Knight. I really don't want to know what the Joker uses that potato peeler for...
  • The Whole Nine Yards: when displeased with his lunch order, Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski hits the waiter with this gem, apparently inspired by something Bruce Willis actually said on Matthew Perry's answering machine:
    "I'm gonna keep the Coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door."
  • In Tropic Thunder, Les Grosman threatens the film's director this way if he screws up again.
    Grosman: My fist is going to be so far up your ass that every time you have a fart it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring.
  • In Dans une galaxie près de chez vous, the movie based on the Quebecois space adventure comedy, the exasperated captain (usually a Benevolent Boss) has finally lost his patience with the Chronic Backstabbing Disorder case that is the ship's scientist. The blender Makes Sense In Context. The quote, however...
    Capitaine Charles Patenaude: [waving around a discarded blender] Brad, pull something like that again, and I will cut you to pieces, I will put you in this blender, I will press "Smoothie" and I. WILL. DRINK. YOU.
  • In Casino Royale (1967), Woody Allen sputters not-very-intimidating woodyallenisms at a Banana Republic firing squad:
    Jimmy Bond: You do know of course that this means an angry letter to the Times?
  • Sleeper, another Woody Allen movie:
    Miles: You sit here. I'll go find us something, and don't try anything funny while I'm gone, 'cause you know what you'll get.
    Luna: What?
    Miles: What? W-w-what will you get? Uh, a... large and painful hickey!
  • The infamous "French Taunting" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail sometimes dips into this trope.
  • In Tower Heist, Slide has this one: "I'm going to blow your face clean off your face!"
  • A great example from In the Loop delivered by Malcolm Tucker:
    I'm gonna fuckin' take your leg off, and I'll... fuckin'... the shin bone! I'm gonna take the shin bone, I'm gonna break it in two and I'm going to fucking stab you to fucking death with it...
  • Tank Girl. The title character tells the Big Bad Kesslee (in a Muhammad Ali voice) "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised!"
  • Get Smart. After Bruce and Lloyd all but call him an idiot, Larabee lets out this gem:
    Larabee: I'm a trained killer, you know. I can kill you with anything in this office. You wanna die by Post-Its? 'Cause I can make that happen.
    Agent 91: And that's a slow death.
    • Then Agent 23 ruins the threat by stapling a report to Larabee's head.
  • When describing his training in Remember the Titans, Coach Boone uses this as a motivational tool
    Coach Boone: We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts... and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work.
  • In Analyze This, as Vitti is trying to have a civilized conversation with a rival mobster on the phone:
    Then I can unblock that angered wish and then hopefully, hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker I'll fucking cut your fucking balls off I'll shove them up your fucking ass, I'll fucking bury you, I'll put ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fucking eyeballs, I'll send them to your fucking family so they can eat them for dessert. You understand me?
  • In Quigley Down Under, Alan Rickman as the Big Bad Marston, repeats almost word-for-word his Sheriff of Nottingham speech from the Robin Hood movie as a vow: "Quigley! When I get my hands on you I'm going to carve your heart out with a spoon!"
  • In Doctor Detroit, Clifford Skridlow makes this threat to "Mom" when he impersonates the Doctor:
    "Mom, I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck."
  • In A Few Good Men, Col. Nathan R. Jessup makes this threat to Kaffee as part of his Villainous Breakdown:
    "I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head, and piss at your dead skull! You've fucked with the wrong Marine!"
  • In Animal House, Dean Wormer has several memorable threats/expressions/vulgarities, all about Delta House.
    "Grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus."
    "The time has come for someone to put his foot down... And that foot is me."
    "You'll be out of here like shit through a goose."
  • In Trading Places, Clarence Beeks utters this line on the train:
    "I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain!"
  • In Swindle, when Amanda's status as a Closet Geek is revealed:
    "If any of you say a word about this to anyone, I will kill you in ways that haven't even been invented yet!"
  • In Stand by Me: Teddy threatens Pressman this way.
    "I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!"
  • Zig Zag (2002): When Mr. Walters reports the robbery to the police, he says, "I find the prick who did this, I'm gonna scoop out his eyeballs and stick 'em right up his ass."

  • Charles Dickens uses this trope in A Christmas Carol, when Fred comes to wish his uncle Ebenezer a merry Christmas (the line, or some variation thereof, would go on to appear in almost every adaptation):
    Ebenezer Scrooge: If I could work my way, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
  • Discworld:
    • When Susan Sto Helit has a stint as a nanny in Hogfather, she threatens her charges with things like "If I catch you being twee again, I'll knot your arms together behind your head." She finds that these actually worked better than believable threats.
    • Also, when the Great God Om found himself Brought Down to Normal in Small Gods, he took a while to abandon the over-the-top threats that had always worked before: "Your intestines to be wound around a tree until you are sorry!" and "May your genitals sprout wings and fly away!"
    • Another fine example, from Sergeant Jackrum in Monstrous Regiment: "...there's no rule to stop me beating seven kinds of crap out of you... And that may take me some time, sir, because until now I've only ever discovered five types of crap." (There are seven kinds of crap.)
    • A two-parter from Sam Vimes/John Keel in Night Watch: " try it on one more time and you'll need to use both hands to pick up a spoon and you'll need to pick up a spoon, Ned, 'cos of living off soup by reason of having no damn teeth!"
    • One of the dire threats of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night in Guards! Guards! involves toasting the offender's figgin on a spike. The power of this threat mostly hinges on not finding out that a figgin is a (fictional) type of pastry containing raisins. The Watch, who do know what a figgin is, are very confused when their prisoner runs away screaming after an innocent offer of a snack. According to the history books, Mad Lord Snapcase was "hung up by his figgin" when he was overthrown some time before the current timeline. "This meant that either the language had changed a little over the years, or there really was some horrifying aspect to suspending a man alongside a teacake."
    • In Lords and Ladies Granny Weatherwax tells Nanny Ogg's bratty grandson Pewsey "If you don't shut up, I will personally rip your head off and fill it with snakes." The little boy is merely amused by this threat.
      • In "The Sea and Little Fishes" later on in the time line, Nanny Ogg tells Pewsey that if he doesn't stop crying, she'll never give him candy again. The shock shuts him right up.
    • In The Last Continent one of the "ladies" whose float Rincewind hides on at the Galah screams at a troublemaker: "I'll stick my hand down yer throat and pull yer trousers up!"
    • In Men at Arms, Carrot threatens Dr. Whiteface, head of the Fools Guild. He threatens to follow Sergeant Colon's orders to the letter, the orders Carrot got just before going to the guild. When Whiteface threatens to call his guards, Carrot calmly informs him that that will only make it easier for him to obey those orders. He then adds that, if it helps, he'll feel slightly ashamed to do so. Whiteface backed down. The orders? "If there's any trouble, we're leaving right away." Colon had seen people bluff with bad hands, he'd never seen someone bluff with no cards.
    • In Interesting Times, the Red Army are not very good with making effective threats, to the point where Rincewind summarizes their threats as "Slightly bad things please happen to our enemies!"
    • In Going Postal, Vetinari recalls one of his predecessors' fondness for having prisoners torn apart by raving tortoises. In his words, "It was not a quick death."
  • In A Song of Ice and Fire, Shagga son of Dolf's repeated threats to anyone and everyone that he will "chop off your manhood and feed it to the goats." In spite of the rather obvious lack of goats in the vicinity. Used so often it becomes a Running Gag.
    • He actually gets to do it on Grandmaester Pycelle in the second book. As it turns out, 'manhood' referred to someone's beard.
  • A variant from Sword of Truth, where after a speech from Richard about how he intends to teach his damaged hot dominatrices a bit of humanity by letting them take care of his as-yet-unconceived son, one of them says emotionally, "If you get yourself killed trying to rule the world, I will break every bone in your body."
  • In Nick Cave's novel And The Ass Saw The Angel, a man threatens to rip off Euchrid's head and shit down his neck, in what is probably a Full Metal Jacket allusion.
  • In The Horse and His Boy, Lasaraleen orders everyone within range to silence thus:
    Lasaraleen: No one is to be let out of the house today. And anyone I catch talking about this young lady will be first beaten to death and then burned alive and after that be kept on bread and water for six weeks. There.
  • The Dresden Files:
    • In Storm Front Victor Sells actually attempts to cut Harry's heart out with a ritual involving a rabbit and a sharpened spoon.
    • Dead Beat has Harry threaten the vampire Mavra with "If you try that again, I will kill you so thoroughly that your last ten victims will make miraculous recoveries."
    • In Turn Coat, Listens-to-Wind informs the skinwalker that "I'm just going to kick your ass up between your ears." Then he does.
    Touch the boy again and your family will have to bury a pair of five-hundred dollar shoes.
  • The penalty for damaging a palm frond in The Marvelous Land of Oz is to be put to death ten times, then imprisoned for life. Since nobody in Oz ever ages or dies, that's torture plus prison for a really long time.
  • Tucker Case, from Christopher Moore's Island of the Sequined Love Nun, tells a Polynesian village that has him strung up in a tree that:
    Soon as I'm on my feet, your asses are mine. You all might as well just go practice falling down for a while so you'll be used to it. Just order the body bags now 'cause when I'm done, you're going to look like piles of chocolate pudding. They'll be cleaning you up with shovels.
    • When he passes out, the islanders all agree that it was an excellent threat.
  • Notable examples from the war novels by Sven Hassel include "I'll pull your arsehole up over your ears!", "I'll have you shaved with the big razor!" (sentenced to decapitation), or the crowning one:
    "He's going round telling the world you're nothing but a cleaned-out rabbit's head, stuffed with sauerkraut, and if you're lucky enough to get back from the front he's going to see to it you get deported to a cowshit-stinking hole in South Bavaria where the entire population consists of village idiots."
    • That same person, after surviving a murder attempt, demands the man responsible be brought to him in 25 separate pieces, which he'll then feed through a mincer and sell as dog food, off the ration.
  • In the Redwall prequel Martin the Warrior, Captain Clogg throws a fit of rage when Badrang sets fire to his ship, and screams "I'll cut yer 'ead off an' throw it in yer face!" (Technically possible if one assumes he doesn't mean that head, but since this is a children's book it's unlikely that was the intended meaning. Then again ...)
    • Mellus attempting to revive Hon Rosie in Mariel of Redwall: "No! Don't die! If you die, I'll kill you! Oh, I'm sorry, dear." Similarly, in Marlfox, Dippler informs an unconscious Dannflor that if he dies, Dippler will never speak to him again. Dann promptly wakes up and bursts out laughing at the uselessness of the threat.
    • In Pearls of Lutra a pirate captain tells an incompetent follower that "When we get out of this I'm gonna hang you upside down over the side of the boat and let the fishes nibble your 'ead off, though they'll be out o' luck if they expects to find any brains in there!"
    • It's also quite common for various characters to threaten to remove someone's body parts and feed said parts to the victim.
  • Dortmunder: Tiny Bulcher has dialogue to this effect at times, such as threatening to shove Dortmunder through a pencil sharpener when he thinks Dortmunder is about to get them caught by the police in one of their earlier adventures together.
  • In one of Melanie Rawn's Dragon trilogies, someone threatens, "I will send him back to you in a large number of small boxes."
  • Near the end of Mary Stewart's This Rough Magic, a teenage girl is raging about the escape of the villain, who'd almost succeeded in murdering her brother. She shouts that she wishes she could eat the man's heart in the marketplace, and someone comments that although the girl may never have read Shakespeare, her threat is nearly word for word from one of the plays. Then the young fellow who plans to marry her reveals that he arranged for the villain's escape vehicle to blow up, and he tells her, "You wanted to eat his heart.... I have cooked it for you."
  • Angela of Eragon wishes the following fate on Durza the Shade: "IÂ’d like to cut his heart out with a dull hairpin and feed it to a pig!"
  • In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, after Arthur's house is bulldozed while he's having a drink, he tells the builders responsible that he will sue the council and then have the builders hung, drawn, quartered, whipped and boiled until they've had enough, then he will do it again, and he will then jump on the little bits until he gets blisters or can think of anything more nasty to do, only for the rant to be 'interrupted' by the arrival of the Vogon construction fleet.
  • Good Omens:
    "Your fate will be whispered by mothers in dark places to frighten their young," said Hastur, and then felt that the language of Hell wasn't up to the job. "You're going to get taken to the bloody cleaners, pal," he added.
  • In the Wind on Fire trilogy Princess Sirharasi has a few good ones, mostly involving eye-gouging of some form or other, but also this gem: "If you tell anything you've heard here, I'll have your tongues pulled out, and rabbits' heads pushed into your mouths, and your lips sewn up...and your eyes will be burned out by red-hot skewers."
  • From Steven Brust's Agyar: "I will draw forth thy bones one by one ere I send thee to the Devil, that for all time thy shapeless body shall serve as a carpet for the minions of hell."
  • In The Warlord Chronicles, at one point the main character finds himself translating between the leaders of the Britons following King Arthur and the Saxon Warrior King/Boisterous Bruiser Aelle. When called upon to surrender, Aelle responds by leveling these sorts of threats at every prominent leader there, and some that are absent. What follows in only one of those. The quotes page for Tactful Translation has more of the threats, although that's still considerably shorter than the entire passage.
    Tell that mustached fool that by nightfall this place shall be known as the Grave of the Britons. Tell him that I shall snip off his whiskers and make them a plaything for my daughter's cats. Tell him that I shall carve a drinking cup from his skull and feed his belly to my dogs.
  • In The 13 Clocks, the Duke threatens to "slit you from your guggle to your zatch and feed you to my geese." He's quite serious.
  • In Echo Park, Harry Bosch has one of these moments when the detective on an apparently related case to one of his own is acting like a condescending Jerkass.
    Harry: Olivas, let's get something clear before we go anywhere. You call me 'Hotshot' again and I'm going to shove the file up your ass without taking it out of my briefcase.
  • In Wings of Fire, Winter is constantly threatening some variant of freezing dragons' faces off, leading Qibli to comment about how he always only threatens people's face. Later on, when Winter uses a different death threat, he's relieved that it's finally not the face again.
  • The Elenium: After finding out that Annias had his queen poisoned, Sparhawk declares, "I think I'll go back to Cimmura and disembowel Annias. With a dull knife." The doctor he says it to suggests that he instead "make a lateral incision below the navel, then kick him over backwards. Everything ought to fall out at that point."
    • At another point in the story, Sparhawk also declares his intention to kill a character by saying that he will "reach down his throat and pull his heart out through his mouth." When one of his friends wonders if that's actually possible, Sparhawk replies that yes it is, if your arm is long enough and you know what you're doing. He never mentions how he acquired this knowledge.
  • In Wolf Hall, the Duke of Norfolk is prone to making very colorful and highly specific threats. First he tells Cromwell to get Wolsey out or Norfolk will tear Wolsey's bollocks off with his teeth. (Cromwell sardonically asks if he can substitute "bite" for "tear", and uses that modified version when threatening Harry Percy with Norfolk's retribution later.) Later Norfolk says that were he the recalcitrant Mary Tudor's father, he'd beat her head against the floor "until her head was as soft as a baked apple."
  • The Code of the Woosters: Roderick Spode, a very large and intimidating man, has a habit of issuing extraordinarily vivid, over-the-top threats.
    "If the thing disappears, however cunningly you and your female accomplice may have covered your traces, I shall know where it has gone, and I shall immediately beat you to a jelly. To a jelly," he repeated, rolling the words round his tongue as if they were vintage port.

    Live-Action TV 
  • Babylon 5:
    • When Ivanova is telling off some civilian scientists who disobeyed her orders while on a mission and almost got themselves killed, she incorporates this into one of her numerous funny moments:
      "On your way back, I'd like you to practice the Babylon 5 Mantra: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out! Babylon Control out. [to herself] Civilians. [glances upward] Just kidding about the God thing. No offense?"
    • Garibaldi to Alfred Bester when they're working together on a drug case:
      Bester: If I had my talent working, I could have warned you when he was coming.
      Michael Garibaldi: And if I had a baseball bat, we could hang you from the ceiling and play piñata. I still think we should've gone straight to G'kar.
      Bester: (talks about the case, then) A piñata, huh? So, you think of me as something bright and cheerful, full of toys and candy for young children? Thank you! That makes me feel much better about our relationship. (Garibaldi visibly struggles not to laugh)
    • There is also Sheridan's way of dealing with Alfred Bester, who is trying to apprehend a harmless rogue telepath on Babylon 5 at a time when Babylon 5 is openly in rebellion against the government that employs Bester.
      "You could do that. And I could nail your head to the table, set you on fire and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But we live in an imperfect world."
  • Moriarty, in the first episode of the second season of Sherlock, says, "I will turn you into shoes!"
    • Well, first he'll find you and skin you, then he'll make you into shoes.
  • Firefly. When Mal is late returning from a job, Jayne make his point to the rest of the crew about why he himself should be in charge:
    You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til ya understand who's in ruttin' command here.
    • On a more serious note, there's the fate of the crew if the psychotic Reavers have their way.
      Zoe: If they take the ship they will rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins in to their clothing, and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
  • Buffyverse:
    • Buffy once threatened to wear someone's ribcage as a hat. This being Buffy, the threaten-ee promptly lampshaded it with "Hello to the imagery."
    • Willow also once told Riley, "If you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."
    • Dawn also had one in the episode "Beneath You":
      Dawn: I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you will wake up on fire.
    • Kakistos in "Faith, Hope and Trick": "I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart, and suck the marrow from her bones."
    • Lilah Morgan had imagination too. From "Untouched":
      Lilah: One more excuse from you and I am gonna bury you alive next to my house so I can hear you screaming.
      • Lilah also once threatened to rip off a guy's skin and staple it back on inside-out.
    • The Monster of the Week would often get in on the act: in "Smile Time", lead villain Polo hollers at Angel, "I'm gonna tear you a new puppet-hole, bitch!"
    • Illyria broke out these occasionally.
    Illyria: I will shred my adversaries! Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewling, mutilated faces!
  • Among lesser examples in the Sharpe miniseries, in Sharpe's Company, Sgt. Patrick Harper and Sgt. Obadiah Hakeswill, who has tried to set a soldier up for undeserved punishment and is carrying a spontoon (a type of lance), have this hushed exchange:
    Harper: You do that to one of my boys again, Obadiah, and I'll shove that pointy thing you're carrying up your arse until it picks your nose.
    Hakeswill: Be quick, Paddy, for you is next.
  • In the Disney crossover special Wizards on Deck with Hannah Montana, Alex threatens Max that if he tells Justin that it was her that put dye in the hot tub, she would pound on him so hard, he'd be sneezing out of his belly button. Max then comments that that would be very awkward around allergy season.
  • A survivor in the future episode of Dollhouse, explains to a potential threat "I will shoot you very hard!"
  • Blackadder:
    • There was a bizarre one in "Chains" that was conducted in mime, that involved being dunked upside down in a vat of warm marmalade and having your goolies cut off with a scythe.
    • Also, in "Ink and Incapacity", Mr. E. Blackadder issued this: "Baldrick, believe me; eternity in the company of Beelzebub — and all his hellish instruments of torment — will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil."
      • "If you do not start making sense, the pointed bony thing with five toes inside my boot will soon connect quite sharply with the soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers."
    • From "Duel and Duality": "Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid while wearing an extremely heavy hat?"
    • Also in the first series, death by snails.
    • In Blackadder II's "Potato", Edmund tells Baldrick to leave before "I cut off your head, scoop out the insides and give it to your mother as a vase."
  • A rare serious example (well, sort of) from Doctor Who:
    Baines: We'll blast them into dust, then fuse the dust into glass, then shatter them all over again!
    • The villainous Irongron from the Third Doctor story "The Time Warrior" gave us this absolute gem:
    Irongron: I'll chop him up so fine, not even a sparrow will fill its beak!
    Doctor: If you do that one more time, Duggan, I'm going to take very, very severe measures.
    Duggan: Yeah, like what?
    Doctor: I'm going to ask you not to.
    Doctor: Drop your weapons, or I'll kill him, with this jelly baby. Though the implied threat here is due to it being a reference to an earlier season: rather than that a jelly baby could actually be used to inflict harm. Also the person being threatened doesn't know precisely what a jelly baby is: only that the last time the Doctor showed up with one, bad things happened.
    • Also - the Eleventh Doctor's "Colonel Runaway" speech in "A Good Man Goes to War" is extremely similar in spirit to Dread Pirate Westley's "To the Pain" in The Princess Bride.
  • In M*A*S*H, Season 6, episode 3, "Last Laugh", when Margaret is angry and desperate to speak to her husband:
    Radar: "Oh, sorry ma'am. Colonel's orders, no personal calls until after 1700 hours.
    Margaret: "How would you like to be up to your knees in floor?"
  • In Never Mind the Buzzcocks, host Simon Amstell described Noel Fielding's style of comedy as "just throwing out weird words":
    Noel Fielding: Don't make me cut the stuffing out of your pillow...
    Simon Amstell: With a pair of scissors made of glitter?
    Noel Fielding: No, with a motorbike made of jealousy.
  • In My Name Is Earl, Earl is stuck in confinement with another prisoner who wants to kill him. His threats become increasingly more pathetic (but also more imaginative) after a while.
    Glen: I'm gonna wear you like a puppet, on my fist, and then get into a punch-fight WITH A MAN MADE OF RAZOR BLADES!
  • Scrubs has this one, said in a remarkably kind voice:
    Dr. Cox: Listen, Super Girl: I'm gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand-piece puzzle of clear-blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to finish putting you back together again. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect.
  • Used twice in during the Seinfeld episode "The Good Samaritan", once by George's girlfriend's husband when he finds out about their affair and once by Jerry's girlfriend when he threatens to tell someone about her hit and run.
    Michael: He's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going to twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break his joints, and reattach them!
    Angela: Now you listen to me, suck face! You tell anybody, anything, and I will carve my initials in your brain tissue!
    Jerry: Let me rephra-
    Angela: I'll bash your skull into a vegematic like a bad cabbage, and I'll have a party on your head! (Elaine walks in)
    Jerry: Hi Elaine, this is Angela.
    Angela: I'll pluck all your body hairs out with my teeth!
    Jerry: Well I think I get the gist of it.
    • Used naturally by Newman in another episode:
      Newman: All right, but hear me and hear me well. The day will come — oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld — your day of reckoning will come, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I will be there, in all my glory. Watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!
    • This could be considered Newman's finest moment in the entire series.
    • Also, "All right, you go ahead and keep it secret, but you remember this: when you control the mail, you control... information!"
    • Then there's the time George tries to return a book that's been flagged in the database after he takes it into the bathroom. "You get your toilet book out of here, and I won't leap over this counter and punch you in the brain."
  • The Honeymooners: Four simple words: TO THE MOON, ALICE!
  • On Hogan's Heroes, Major Hochstetter and General Burkhalter would often threaten to have Colonel Klink "court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian front". The absurdity was pointed out in this exchange:
    Burkhalter: Klink, you will be court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian front.
    Klink: But General Burkhalter, you can't do all of those to me!
    Burkhalter: Try me.
    • So long as the firing squad doesn't shoot to kill, it's doable.
  • This is the primary Running Gag of Coach Hines, a recurring character on Series/MADTV.
  • M*A*S*H had a few.
    • In one episode, Charles Emerson Winchester III had a good one:
    I want him drawn and quartered, and then I want the pieces arrested!
    • Hawkeye is responsible for this gem:
    I'll break his leg, set it and break it again.
    • Thanks to the heavy-on-dialogue humor of the show, this happens fairly often:
    Get out of here, Radar, or I'll sever every nerve in your butt!
    You touch one dirty sock, you remove one layer of crud, you kill one cockroach, Frank, and I will personally grind you into a fine powder and sprinkle you on MacArthur's oatmeal.
  • Earl Sinclair's B.P. Richfield in Dinosaurs seemed to be rather fond of this trope.
    "If you tell anyone, I'll rip out your spinal cord to play jump rope with!"
  • Monty Python's Flying Circus has the Spanish Inquisition punish with a "Comfy Chair".
    • In another episode, highwayman Dennis Moore would start with a genuine threat, then get lost in qualifying it to be perfectly accurate.
      "You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day... well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week... or more, really, but some weekends, like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week..."
    • In the "Piranha Brothers" sketch, several characters report about how Dinsdale Piranha would do horrible things. One man recounts how Dinsdale chained him to the back of a tank, dragged him to his hideout, slit his nostrils open, sawed his leg off, pulled his liver out and then nailed his head to the floor. After that, the man would go back to apologize to Dinsdale every week, and then Dinsdale would nail his head to the floor again. Dinsdale's brother Doug, on the other hand, was much worse. He used sarcasm.
  • Averted in the horror series American Gothic (1995). Sheriff Buck's girlfriend falls victim to a mysterious illness and is being treated by the local doctor, one of the few people not intimidated by him.
    Buck: You better cure her or I'll...
    Doctor: Or you'll what?
    Buck: (threateningly) I'll think of something.
  • Malcolm Tucker and Jamie of The Thick of It are the masters of this. Hell, as the series' page says, this trope is pretty much Jamie's job. One of his finest moments: "I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll plug some some speakers up your arse and put it on to shuffle with my fucking fist. Then, every time I hear something that I don't like — which will be every time that something comes on — I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls." This, by the way, is in response to somebody making fun of Al Jolson.
    • Something that the comparatively balanced Scot does say, to a minister with a nervous blink, is: "Stop fucking blinking! Or I will take your optic nerve and strangle you with it."
    • "You breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing fucking CUNT and I will tear your fuckin' skin off, I will wear it to your mother's birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody, right? Now get out of my fucking sight..."
    • Malcolm and Jamie continue to excel at this in the film In the Loop; "Shut it, Love Actually! Do you want me to hole-punch your face!?"
    • "You stay detached, or else that's what I'll do to your retinas."
    • The US remake Veep obviously gets into it as well.
    Ben: You listen to me, you little fucking turd's assistant, you don't threaten the administration, because we will fucking destroy you! We'll skin you like a squirrel, clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney, and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers sticking out of your DEAD FUCKING EYEBALLS!
  • Red Dwarf does this a lot.
    • Especially Lister in "Polymorph":
      Lister: I'm gonna rip out his wind-pipe and beat him to death with the tonsil end!
      Lister: I'm gonna shove my fist so far down his gob, I'll be able to pull the label off his underpants!
    • This, from "Gunmen of the Apocalypse":
      Death: We're gonna cut you up so fine the worms won't even have to chew.
    • The line "If you get yourself killed I'll never speak to you again!" is used by Kristine Kochanski on Lister, who's about to go blow himself up to save his friends from the Epideme virus. Naturally Lister just grins and walks out the door.
  • On The Mentalist, Patrick Jane states, while still smiling and in a bantering tone of voice that when he finds "Red John", he will "cut him open and watch him die slowly".
  • Black Books:
    • There's a great example when Bernard Black shouts down the phone "I'll pull out your eyeballs and stuff them in my ears so I can't hear your screams as I headbutt you down to a fine paste!"
    • This is actually from the bonus feature "Bernard's Letter" in which Bernard writes an angry response to a publisher who has rejected him "I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden violent death."
    • A Poke the Poodle comes when Manny asks what Bernard's going to do about the builders next door: "I will... drink heavily and shout at you!"
    • "I'll tear you open like a bag of crisps!"
  • The Daily Show dedicated an entire segment a few months after 9/11 to coming up with really creative ways to kill Osama bin Laden. Stephen Colbert suggested that he should be wanted, not dead or alive, but dead and alive, via being cloned repeatedly so they could kill the clones.
  • In Entourage, Ari Gold threatened to "choke [somebody] out with a strap-on." And given what we know about his character, he TOTALLY would.
  • Cheers: Lilith tells Carla she will "snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint." Another time, Carla when takes a job as a waitress and is forced to sing to a patron in front of the guys, she makes what seems like a very non-idle threat when she informs that that if they tell anyone she will rip their still beating hearts out of their chests and take a bite out of them.
  • In Friends, Joey went with Monica to confront a food critic who gave her a bad review. When the critic refuses to try another sample of her sauce Joey deadpans, "Either eat it, or be in it."
  • Ziva of NCIS is prone to these with Tony — on one occasion she says she is seriously considering killing him with a spoon, and on another she threatens to kill him in eighteen different ways with a paperclip. One can only imagine...
  • In The West Wing, White House counsel Lionel Tribbey enters Leo's office shouting "I will kill people today, Leo! I will kill people with this cricket bat, which was given to me by Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth Windsor, and then I will kill them again with my own hands!"
    • More from The West Wing:
      Bruno: We will work hard. We will work well. We will work together. Or so help me, mother of God, I will stick a pitchfork so far up your asses, you will, quite simply, be dead.
    • C.J. catches Josh posting as himself on an online forum, and threatens him with:
      C.J.: I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that web site. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there, I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass... What?
      Josh: Well... technically, I outrank you.
      C.J.: So far up your ass!
    • There's also this threat by a Republican Senator.
      Republican Senator: You told him: they take on finance campaign reform, I roll out a legislative agenda that will make his boss sit down and cry? [...] I'm gonna reach down [Josh's] throat and take out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop.
    Turns out Josh is rather unimpressed, leading to one of his many CMOF.
    • Leo gets in on the action when CJ arranges for a presidential photo op with a goat:
      Leo: If the President's wearing a hat, or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, I'm hiding snakes in your car.
      C.J.: Come on, don't say that! Not even as a joke!
      Leo: You're never gonna know where they are or if you got them all out. Gonna lay their eggs right in the glove compartment.
    • In a first season episode, Mandy threatens to kill someone with her shoes.
  • The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air had a memorable moment with Uncle Phil Trapped In An Elevator, trying to borrow a jerkass's cellphone to reach Aunt Viv (who is in labour at the moment):
    Philip: [to Will] Will, calm down. Now I've trained as a lawyer for many years. I was trained in the art of negotiation. Okay? Observe.
    [Philip walks up to the man]
    Philip: Sir?
    [grabs the man by the lapels]
    Philip: Gimme that damn phone or I'm gonna rip your liver out and eat it raw.
  • From It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: " going to smack everyone... into tiny, little pieces."
  • Russian arms dealer Igor got this gem in the Danish Christmas show Jul på Vesterbro:
    Igor: I am going to kill you in a very inventive way! I am going to pee in a paper cone, freeze it, remove the paper and STAB you with my own ice-cold URINE!
  • Glee:
    Sue: I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I'll steal away into your home and punch you in the face.
  • Over the course of one episode of Jeeves and Wooster, Roderick Spode threatens to break Bertie's "rotten spine in [three, four, five, SIX] places!"
  • From the Fawlty Towers episode "Communication Problems":
    Sybil: If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I'll do, Basil.
    Basil: You'll have to sew them back on first!
    • Manuel 'helps' Basil get out of a predicament, only getting him in deeper. Basil snarls "I'm going to sell you to a vivisectionist!" - Manuel grins and gives him the 'thumbs-up'.
  • Red Forman from That '70s Show similar to Team Fortress's Soldier below, makes a variety of different threats of shoving his foot up someone's ass and occasionally making them wear their ass as a hat.
  • On How I Met Your Mother:
    Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard that your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
    Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles?
    Lily: One of each!
  • Father Ted: Bishop Brennan, on the phone to Father Ted:
    Bishop Brennan: If you ever try to bullshit me like that again, I will rip off your arms.
  • A Saturday Night Live sketch has Norfolk (played by Phil Hartman) explaining to Anne Boleyn that her method of execution depends on whether or not she agrees to divorce Henry VIII:
    Anne Boleyn: What if I were to agree to the divorce, but invoke the blessing of the pope?
    Norfolk: In that case, you shall be drawn and quartered by four strong horses. Then their quarters shall be drawn and quartered by four smaller horses. Then those quarters shall be drawn and quartered by four frogs. Then the quartering would stop, and the mincing would begin.
  • Green Wing:
    Angela: I have a hypothetical question.
    Sue White: I have a hole punch. Let's not get bigheaded.
  • In the pilot episode of Leverage, Eliot threatens to "beat Dubinich so hard that even the people who look like him are gonna bleed." He settles for taking down his company instead.
  • In an episode of Will & Grace, after Jack says something stupid, Will threatens to rip his heart out... through his foot.
  • In Suburgatory Dalia makes a bizarre revenge threat that gets wildly speculative and specific.
    Dalia: You know what’s going to be painful? When my mother remarries your father and IÂ’m your new sister and Dad likes me best. And then we send you away to an all-girls boarding school where you find true love. And on visiting day I come up and steal your new girlfriend. (sips her drink)The following spring we marry in a civil ceremony which you are forced to cater. And everyone hates your catering. And you get a bad review on Yelp, which pretty much sinks your organic lesbian catering venture.
  • Downton Abbey has Lord Grantham giving a pretty good one to Branson when giving him and Sybil his blessing:
    If you hurt her, I will personally have you torn apart by wild dogs.
  • Parks and Recreation
    Leslie: The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
    Ben: Good Lord.
  • In Lost Girl, when Bo and Lauren are starting to get together, Kenzi makes it plain she hasn't forgotten how hurt Bo was after learning their last time turned out to be Lauren manipulating her:
    Kenzi: She really likes you. So, if you hurt my friend again, one day in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive, massive life-ending blow to your head by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with "frenzy". Okay?
  • Kingdom: Lyle and Peter having pints in the pub. Lyle, being flippant, calls Peter "P.K."
    Peter: Although everything you just said makes no sense whatsoever, I do find myself inclined to agree with it. Though call me "P.K." again and I'll pull your pancreas out with a pair of pliers.
  • Game of Thrones:
    • When Catelyn Stark hears the news of her husband's death, she goes to an imprisoned Jaime Lannister and threatens to cut off his head, pack it in a box and send it to his sister.
    • Sandor "The Hound" Clegane had a couple in "Blackwater":
      • "If any of these flaming fucking arrows come near me, I'll strangle you with your own guts."
      • "Any man dies with a clean sword, I'll rape his fucking corpse!"
    • Many threats are of the Freudian variety:
      • When she suspects he might be a Fake Defector, Ygritte tells Jon Snow, "Don't ever betray me...because I'll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it round me neck."
      • "I'm going to open your lord from balls to brains and see what Starks are made of."
      • Shagga son of Dolf is so fond of threatening to cut off Tyrion's manhood and feed it to the goats that it's subverted before we even hear it.
    • Tormund declares that if Jon has lied he will pull Jon's guts out through his throat.
  • From Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt:
    Gretchen: I'd like to cut off his butt and make him eat it and then ask him how he plans to poop it!
  • In one episode of Castle, a character is a murder suspect after leaving a lengthy, elaborate and rather creative answering machine message enumerating all the things he'd like to do to the victim, including: "strangle him with his own intestines", "force feed him his toes", "paralyze him with a clawhammer and cover him with ants", "nail him to the ceiling by his feet and pinata the hell out of him", and yes, "stab him with a rusty spoon".
  • Blake's 7. In "Gambit", Supreme Commander Servalan of the Terran Federation negotiates with Krantor, the criminal overlord of Freedom City. Once free of each other's presence, both parties make their true feelings known.
    • Servalan re Krantor: "When the Federation finally cleans out this cesspit, I shall have that vulpine degenerate eviscerated with a small and very blunt knife."
    • Krantor re Servalan: "One of these days, Toise, I am going to have Supreme Commander high-and-mighty Servalan ravaged until she does not know what month she's in!"
  • Jessica Jones (2015):
    Jessica: You're talking to me, or I'm pulling your spine out through your ear. You know I can.
  • In Letterkenny, Squirrely Dan is a little upset about interruptions at the Adult Spelling Bee:
    "As sure as Grandma's got gout, if I hear one fuckin' heckle, I will staple your tongue to your taint so you can watch me kick your ass!"
    • Shoresy goes into excruciating detail over how hard he fucked Jonesy and Reilly's moms and how much they liked it.
      "Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish. Threw off the pH levels in my aquarium, you piece of shit."
  • The Thin Blue Line: "If you hurt him, I'll shove that gun so far down your throat you'll be blowing bullets out of your backside!"
  • In the Broad City episode "St. Marks," Abbi shouts after a man who stole her bag, "When I catch you, I swear I'm going to rip out your disgusting little ball sack until you fucking throw up your own dick!"

  • Although not a direct threat, "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Virus Alert" warns of a computer virus that will allegedly, among other things, "translate your documents into Swahili, make your TV record Gigli / neuter your pets, and give your laundry static cling."
    • Also, listen to "One More Minute" by the Al... this time it's subverted in that it isn't threats to anyone else, but what he would rather do instead of being with his ex. Actions preferred: ripping out his intestines with a fork, putting an icepick under a few of his toenails, diving into a swimming pool with double edged razor blades, and the clincher: "I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'til I die."
  • In The Decemberists' The Tain: "I will bleed your heart through a samovar soon!" Ow.
    • No "Find him, bind him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters, drag him to a hole until he wakes up naked clawing at the ceiling of his grave"? Then again, that one was an order.
      • Same thing with "Culling of the Fold", in that the gore is instruction rather than threat. "Dash her on the paving stones/ It may break your heart to break her bones ..."
  • Ministry's "Flashback" has such lyrical gems as "I'm gonna rip his head off and then shit down his neck, and I'll laugh like a motherfucker" and "Pneumatic drill right through her chest".
  • In one of the skits that Da Yoopers intersperse between the songs in their albums the wife of a man who has run off somewhere threatens to "give him a vasectomy with a rusty chainsaw" if he ever returns.
  • Xiu Xiu's "I Broke Up" gives us the delightful shouted line "THIS IS THE WORST VACATION EVER!/I AM GOING TO CUT OPEN YOUR FOREHEAD WITH A ROOFING SHINGLE!" Just an idea, but perhaps lines like that are why they broke up?
  • The first line of Zebrahead's "Back to Normal" is: "I'm feeling lost, I'm feeling like my heart's been carved out with a spoon."
  • Voltaire gives us, "What if I were to cut you up and mail each part to a different town?"
  • Possible with Pink Floyd's song "One Of These Days", a (mostly) instrumental song with one spoken line that was rendered into a growl: "One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces!"
  • The bridge to BROCKHAMPTON's "HEAT", beautifully screamed by JOBA.

    Pro Wrestling 
  • In the run-up to WWF's WrestleMania VI, Ultimate Warrior gave a long, rambling interview about how he was going to hijack Hulk Hogan's plane on the way to the event and fly it into the ground. To this day, it's still one of the biggest "WTF?" moments ever in wrestling. Yes, even ranking above The Gobbledy Gooker hatching from a giant egg, Robocop rescuing Sting, and Mae Young giving birth to a hand.
    • Keep in mind, he was threatening to do this by taking over the pilot's mind with his magical moon-powers.
      • But he did end up beating Hogan clean for the belt, which is just as improbable as him using mind powers on an airline pilot and turning the moon blood-red.
  • The Rock actually had one of these as a Catchphrase: "The Rock's gonna take your candy ass down to the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive, and check you into the Smackdown Hotel!"
    • As well as the fan-favorite, "The Rock's gonna take your little [beloved object], [shine it up real nice/dust it off], turn it sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass!"
      • In Mick Foley's second book, Foley Is Good And The Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling, he writes about how unrealistic and unproductive these kinds of threats are.
  • Once in a while, Kane dips into the Purple Prose. The results are entertaining.
    • In one interview while he was promoting his old-school slasher flick See No Evil, he advised the female interviewer, who claimed to have endured light hazing from her mostly-male counterparts, to try:
      "If you ever say that to me again, I will force feed you your own spleen."
  • The Undertaker, during his biker gimmick days, once threatened someone, "I'm gonna kick your teeth so far down your throat, you'll be able to chew your own ass off for pissing me off!"
  • During Gangrel's match with "Retrosexual" Anthony Greene at Beyond Uncharted Territory Episode 2, April 10, 2019, someone in the crowd yelled, "Tear his heart out Gangrel!"

    Puppet Shows 
  • Team America: World Police:
    • "If you don't [comply], we [The UN] will be very angry. And we will write a letter, telling you how angry we are."
    • Chris is a bit more specific in his threats to Gary. "If you fuck us out there I'll rip out your balls and shove them up your ass so the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls!" Or, "If you fuck us out there I'll drill holes through your dick so the next time you piss it comes out in all different directions!"

  • From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
    • Arthur's reaction to his house being knocked down:
      "I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled... until... until... until you've had enough! And then I'll do it again! And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! And I will carry on jumping on them until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more unpleasant to do, and then..."
    • Also:
      Slartibartfast: Come now or you will be late!
      Arthur Dent: Late? What for?
      Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat, you see. I've never been very good at them myself...

  • STO Forum: Versus thread (rp): After the Ferengi NPC Yek drinks all of Kang and Eleya's water, Eleya has Kang cut one of Yek's fingers off and then says that next time it's his hands and feet, and that they can probably get a good five liters of water by draining his blood into their water purifier. Yek is much more cooperative after that. For about 24 hours until he gets shot dead by a Hirogen.

    Tabletop Games 
  • Magic: The Gathering has this memorable example from the flavor text for the card Hatred:
    "I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry, and still you will not have suffered enough!"
  • A traditional version in Dungeons & Dragons (due to the ease of resurrection at higher levels) is "If you die, I'll drag your corpse to a cleric and have you resurrected and then kill you!"
    • Averted in the later editions where one has to want to be resurrected for the spell to work.

    Video Games 
  • In Night in the Woods, while stealing the animatronics from the abandoned Food Donkey during the first hang-out with Gregg, Mae finally gets fed up with Steve Scriggins being a Jerkass, telling him "Scriggins! Bite my entire ass! Go legally brain dead from lack of oxygen due to choking on my entire ass!"
  • In The Halloween Hack, Dr. Andonuts exclaims one of these immediately before unleashing his most powerful attack, PSI Bitchkill. He unleashes this all while swearing like a sailor, something seriously out of character for him.
    Andonuts: I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. You little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. I'll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap you'll sing fucking Beethoven. tl;dr: eat shit, faggots.
  • In Baldur's Gate, you can make these quite often, but the most notable example is when you are confronted by an old guy offering cryptic advice, and can give the following response:
    "If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!"
    • The king of this trope, however, is Edwin. Especially after his unfortunate transformation in the second game:
      Edwina: (I will kill ALL of them. Slowly. With... with HOT... pokey things and... and coals and... and prods. Yessssss, prods. Many, many prods.)
  • Varric's storytelling about your exploits in Dragon Age II reaches the point at which a barmaid in the Hanged Man asks you whether you really killed a dragon with a rusty spoon.
    • Varric himself gets one in Dragon Age: Inquisition; he's a published author, and someone has plagiarized him and written Shoddy Knock Off unauthorized sequels to his best-selling book. His idea of revenge: "I'm gonna find the duster who wrote that garbage and introduce him to my editor." It sounds innocuous... until he explains that his editor is a high-ranking mob boss who "once killed a man over a semicolon." The world of Dragon Age being what it is, he is almost certainly not kidding.
  • Murray from The Curse of Monkey Island:
    "Mortal fool! Release me from this wretched tomb! I must be set free, or I will haunt you forever! I will hide your keys beneath the cushions of your upholstered furniture, and NEVERMORE will you be able to find socks that match!"
    • And then, of course, there's:
      Murray: You may call me Murray! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike!
      Guybrush: "Stride?"
      Murray: All right then, "ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell." Must you take the fun out of everything?
  • In Tales of Monkey Island, almost every pirate that has been infected by the Pox of LeChuck will make pointless death threats whenever Guybrush sufficiently ticks them off. There are a few times whenever Guybrush himself gets ticked off, like in Chapter 2, for example, when LeChuck is too busy looking at one Summoning Artifact he has gotten:
    Guybrush: Now listen here, ya fleshy sack of chum, you'd better be handin' over that golden sea turtle or I'll be handin' ya yer liver on the pointy end of me hook!
    • Another example is in Chapter 3, when Morgan refuses to help Guybrush prove to De Cava that he's married:
      Winslow: [under the influence of the Pox] Listen here, you poor excuse for a prissy privateer! Any more lip out of you, and the Captain'll be sending yer carcass on a tour of the small intestine!
    • And in Chapter 4, any threats that Judge Grindstump utters whenever Guybrush gets him angry turn into Funny Moments, like, for example:
      Grindstump: The defendant will cease his inane histrionics, or the court will be forced to [growls a bit before he becomes Pox-enraged] YANK OUT HIS TONGUE WITH A RUSTY SHRIMP FORK! ARRR!
  • Somewhat demonstrated by Sheogerath in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.
    "I'm so happy, I could just... tear out your intestines and strangle you with them!"
  • Final Fantasy I: "I! Garland! Will KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!"
  • In Duke Nukem 3D, Duke homages Full Metal Jacket as he tells the second boss "I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck!" After you win the fight, Duke does exactly that. While reading the newspaper. And whistling the game's theme.
  • None of the characters in-game react to it like this, but Shepard's furious "Give me a name or I will cut your balls off and sell them to a Krogan!" is definitely one of the funniest lines of Mass Effect 2.
  • In Persona 3 the Corrupt Corporate Executive that makes up the Devil Arcana delivers a few of these in order to frighten you into not telling people that you're talking to him, ranging from uploading your personal information to a dating site for prison convicts to threatening you with Ding Dong Ditch.
  • In Stupid Invaders, one of the aliens encounters the bounty hunter Bolok, who informs him "You are going to die, and you are going to scream while you die, and then you will be dead."
  • Before a fight in Def Jam: Fight For New York, the fighters would taunt each other like this.
    Redman: I'mma rip your tongue out ... and lick my ass with it!
    • His second taunt: "I'mma rip out your eyes, put 'em on your knees, and call ya KNEESY!"
  • Used in Kingdom of Loathing with Fernswarthy's letter, which starts with Fernswarthy making a threat to anyone who digs up his grave, then degenerates into several tangents, ending with Fernswarthy's shopping list.
  • Satori Komeiji, the stage 4 boss of Subterranean Animism, is something of a Ditto Fighter, basing all but the first of her Spell Cards on the attacks of whichever Mission Control the player selected at the beginning of the game. Right before using the first of these attacks, she says, "Now, this is where it really begins! Go and sleep with a trauma so frightful it will wake you up!"
  • In the localisation of Super Robot Wars Original Generation (this editor doesn't know if it's in the Japanese version), when Kyosuke tells Masaki's cats to go find the latter, the former then threatens to "turn them into banjoes" if they don't.
  • Team Fortress 2:
    • Everyone has a crapload of them, but The Soldier has the most ridiculous and demented of them all.
      The Soldier: I am going to claw my way down your throat and tear out your very soul!
      The Soldier: I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!
      The Soldier: Son, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating!
      The Soldier: [to a robot army] I will open up your chests and use you all as a latrine!
    • The Soldier's robot costume in the second Halloween patch brings us this gem:
      The Soldier: [in robotic monotone] My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it.
    • More examples, from the supplementary comics:
      The Soldier: Then I guess you'd better take me out to that gravel pit and shoot me, lady. 'Cause if you ever ask me to kill my best friend again, I will put my boot so far up your ass it will be on the news!
      The Soldier: I am going to invite that staff straight up your ass and push you around like a broom!
    • Even more Soldier examples, directed to his wizardly roommate:
      The Soldier: Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!
      The Soldier: Merasmus! I will slap the magic out of your mouth!
      The Soldier: I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!
      The Soldier: I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!
      The Soldier: Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts: my foot, my other foot, and a ghost!
    • The Demoman isn't bad either.
      The Demoman: I'm going to stick my thumbs in your eyes and hang on until you're dead!
      The Demoman: Ooh, I'm going to hit you so hard you'll have a twitch!
      The Demoman: They're going to bury what's left of you in a soup can!
      The Demoman: Ooh, they're gonna find ya all dead in an alley, with cats lickin' at ya!
      The Demoman: I'm going to blast ye into thin gruel!
      The Demoman: [to Soldier's wizard roommate] Eye for an eye, wizard-man! I'll chew the eyeballs right outta yer skull!
    • Curiously, the Sniper also has a few once he gets going:
      The Sniper: I'm gonna blow the insides of your head, all over four counties!
      The Sniper: I'm gonna turn you into colored rain!
    • And of course, Saxton Hale has by far the best one
      Saxton Hale: You better start talking because in five seconds I'm going to put my foot up your ass! Then we'll both have to go to a special hospital! Feet up the ass are like arrows, son, you can't just pull 'em out! They'll have to push my whole body out through your mouth! Trust me, speak up! Neither of us wants this!
    • There's also Saxton's warning to the reader of one of the TF2 comics, whose very livelihood could be threatened in the most horrific ways by the sheer level of badass they're about to witness.
      Saxton Hale: Reader, if the first two pages of my comic contained too much bare-knuckle excitement, then get ready to have your eyes break from widening from surprise and your comic-holding hands fall off your very arms when you get a look of this action packed-ish, starring me... SAXTON HALE!
  • Persona 4:
    • "I'm gonna tear this place apart so fast you won't have time to file for insurance! Oh, uh, well... I'm gonna tear it apart and rebuild it twice as good! I-I'm gonna RENOVATE your ass!"
    • It's even funnier because it follows the character's decision to be nicer to people: it was their attempt to make their reflexive insult into something less threatening. It didn't work.
  • Fallout: New Vegas gives the player the option to do a few of these, especially with the Terrifying Presence perk in play.
    "I'm going to wear your head like you wear that dog's."
    "You've got five seconds to get out of my sight before I shove that rifle where the sun don't shine."
    "I'm going to carve myself a key from your bones."
    "I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear."
  • Fallout 4: The Super Mutants often do this.
    Super Mutant: I'll wear your guts around my neck!
    Super Mutant: I'm going to eat your legs when you're dead, human!
    Super Mutant: I'm going to eat you alive after I kill you!
  • Fallout Tactics: An NPC threatens to "rip out your lungs and smack your mother with them!" Nice visual.
  • Odin Sphere: Odette tends to clunk out some rather nasty insults. Of course, she is the Queen of the Netherworld.
    Odette: [speaking to Oswald] I will scrape out your bowels until you beg me for mercy.
  • Army of Two:
    • Phillip Clyde loves these:
      Phillip Clyde: I'm gonna kill you both, drain all your blood, take out your bones, put your body in a big chair with some elves and reindeer, sit on your lap, and tell you all the cool shit I want for Christmas!
    • It gets so bad that late in the game the protagonists start noting just how batshit insane Clyde is. And calling him out on it.
  • Dr. Nefarious in Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack In Time:
    Nefarious: When I've finished killing you, I think I'll rewind I can do it again. And again. And AGAIN! Hahahahaha!
  • King Tascan the First invokes this trope by name in Hype: The Time Quest, frustratedly telling his incompetent soldiers, "One more mistake and I'll execute you myself... With a spoon, so that it takes longer..."
  • Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc: André the Hoodlum was fond of this trope. Actually, being stuck inside Globox made them sound a bit less ridiculous. Just a bit.
  • Portal 2: Cave Johnson and his combustible lemons.
  • A disturbing, if no less comical example lies in Conker's Bad Fur Day, where a boss threatens to finish Conker off by shoving the squirrel up his butt. The boss just happens to be a giant, singing mountain of feces.
  • In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time abridged series (yes, it exists), Navi does this to Link when he gets over-excited with finding certain items (Da-Da-Da-DAAAA!):
    Navi: "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna kick you in the kidneys until you pee blood, then I'm gonna stick your face in it and make you drink it!"
  • In Brain Dead 13, during a Wingding Eyes segment revolving around how badly Fritz is going to kill Lance, a high heel shoe appears.
  • In Borderlands 2, bandit leader Flanksteak threatens to, among other things, "make the Firehawk choke to death on his own feces."
    • Goliaths are also prone to this. They are about as well-spoken as a three-year-old when they are wearing their helmets, but once it's shot off, they gain a much greater capacity for speech. They will usually use this newfound eloquence to state exactly how creatively they're going to kill you.
    • When Handsome Jack tells you the story of the time he destroyed New Haven, he mentions that a man tried to attack him with a spoon. So he took the spoon from the man and scooped his eyes out with it. While his kids watched.
  • The Bosun of the Drakensburg in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel! invents more and more colorful methods of killing the Vault Hunters as they fight their way through the crashed ship.
    • One from Jack when Tassiter calls him after the Eye of Helios is destroyed:
      Jack: SHUT THE HELL UP, TASSITER! SHUT. THE HELL. UP! My ex-girlfriend and her two BFFs just tried to kill me, and the LAST thing I need right now is your senile ass WHINING IN MY EAR! If I get ONE more message from you that isn't, "Attaboy Jack", or, "I'm sending you a big bag of money", I'm gonna reach through my ECHO and GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY PINKIES! ARE WE CLEAR?!
  • In Psychonauts, Raz can pester Nils's ex-girlfriend Elka with a stray button he found, claiming he found it near Nils's cabin, and it might have gotten pulled off a girl's dress. Elka will eventually snap "Raz, put that thing away or else I'll shove it in your eye socket and sew it to your brain!!"
    • Using your powers irresponsibly on Agent Cruller while he's in the cafeteria results in him threatening to "rip out your intestines, fry them into hash browns, and sew them back into your body before you ever get a chance to try that again."
  • One mission on Nal Hutta in Star Wars: The Old Republic (potentially) ends with a spy threatening a smuggler: "Back off, Getzo, or I'll make you eat your eyeballs." The player gets the option to either play along, be freaked out, or fall into a Good Cop/Crazy Cop routine and point out to the alarmed Getzo that they're the only thing holding the spy back.
  • In Ultimate Custom Night, one of Rockstar Bonnie's quotes when he kills you states that he'll make slippers out of you.
  • Near the end of the "Camp Belica" stage in Wolfenstein: The New Order, Frau Engel gets in B.J.'s face (after having hers horribly maimed by a hijacked Mini-Mecha) and threatens him while he's still tied up:
    Engel: For your crime, you will die like vermin. I will hunt you down. At the end of the earth, I will find you. Your skin charred and your fats rendered! Your kind exterminated! In the end, I will feed your flesh to the furnace!
  • Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines: Damsel gets in on the action in an epic way after being informed of how the main plot played out.
  • One of the hit contracts in The Godfather gives the main character this should the player choose to converse with him.
    I'll pop your eyes out and piss in the sockets!
  • In The Witcher 3 the dwarf Zoltan throws out some squatters from an inn. Note that this is the first time you see him in this game, so for some this is a first impression.
    Next time I'll rip your fuckin' legs off and shove them up your arse til have toes for teeth!
  • One random and optional mini-boss in Digital Devil Saga:
    Queen Titania: I'm going to shove this Sugar Key so far up your ass it's going to watch me kick the crap out of you!
  • In Assassin's Creed II, Caterina Sforza threatens the man attacking her castle saying that she's going to kick him so hard his balls will come out of his nostrils. Better yet, it's taken directly from her real life speech.

    Visual Novels 
  • In ATOM GRRRL!!, Big E has a ridiculously over-the-top one:
    "If you're a fag, I'll cut off that disgusting prick of yours growing between your legs and shove it up your ass so you have to shit from your belly button! Or maybe you're a slut, and you'd prefer me to bury your own head in your stadium-sized cunt!"
  • In the eighth and final episode of Umineko: When They Cry, one Psycho Lesbian Reality Warper Bernkastel and her fellow Psycho Lesbian Reality Warper Lambdadelta are trading these threats around like Boss Banter. The first example sums it up, really:
    Bernkastel (to her cat familiars): "This is my dearly beloved and only friend in the world. Her arms from the elbow down. Her legs from the knees down. You can chew those up however you please. But not a scratch anywhere else on her."
    Lambdadelta: "Ah, simply wonderful. I'm about to be overwhelmed by Bern's love, aren't I!?"
    Bernkastel: "......I do love you, Lambda. Once your limbs are gone, I'll skewer you through your butt and hang you by my bed. Every morning, I'll give you a good morning kiss, and every evening, I'll kiss you goodnight."

    Web Animation 
  • Red vs. Blue.
    O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls!
    • Also, when Caboose gets in touch with his "angry side" in order to fight off the noobs, he shouts threats and insults like "I will eat your unhappiness!" and "Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!"
  • Ayuda Mundial (roughly translated as World-Wide Help), a Latin American Halo machinima gives us this gem:
    Oscar: [to a curious fanboy] If you dare finish that sentence, I swear to God that I'll gouge your eyes out with a screwdriver. Then I'll cut your dick off and sharpen it until I can stick it on your neck to give you a tracheoechtomy. Finally, I'll scrape your skin off with a potato peeler and I'll squeeze it so I can send threatening letters to your whole family written with your own BLOOD!!
  • SMG4's Mario Bloopers: From "Luigi and the Haunted Castle":
    Luigi: what happenss if you catch me and chop me up! and then chop me up some more! then eat me and turn me into ghost poo!
    Big Boo: ew! thats disgusting! who would do that? I'm a sensitive guy.
  • From the web series Neurotically Yours, Foamy the Squirrel does this in the episode "Zip Codes" to Franklin, the StarSchmucks barista, he keeps asking Foamy to fill out paperwork. Just to order a cup of black coffee.
    Foamy the Squirrel: I will fucking kill you. DO YOU HEAR ME?!? I will tear off your fucking balls and staple them to your fucking forehead! NOW STOP FUCKING AROUND AND GET ME MY FUCKING COFFEE!
  • Spoofed in Web cartoon series Retarded Animal Babies. Puppy threatens to "vivisect [Cat] with [a] fondue fork" and "rape [him] with a handful of rusty corncob holders".
  • In the web cartoon Go! Go! Mobaboy, the bad guy threatens our hero with "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your voice actor will feel it!"
  • has a regular feature that has loads of these.
  • In the Orphaned Series Kermit Kombat, Kermit does the "getting a bit lost" variant, before getting sidetracked by realizing that's he's not speaking to the person he called:
    Kermit: I'm going to kill you. I'm going to rip your eyes out of your head and shove them up your ass, so you can watch me kicking your ass... um, while I'm kicking you ass! I'll tear into you like a monkey on a cupcake. I'll hit you so hard your dog is gonna be retarded! I'm gonna...
    Bob the cat: Um.. excuse me. Who is this?
    Kermit: [blushes in embarrassment] Um... is this Rocky Pinnacle?
  • Sam & Mickey's Love Triangle Therapy Episode 2 has Yasmin give a surprisingly gruesome answer when Barbie asks what she'd do, hypothetically, if she learned about Ken having an affair with another woman. Yasmin threatens to cut off that woman's hands, then sew her vagina shut with an un-sterilized needle and thread.
  • Not a threat, but Yahtzee's description of what he would just as soon do to himself as buy a $70 game that amounts to an expansion pack is suitably graphic: "swallow razor wire, pull the end out of my arse, and floss myself to death."
  • Meet The Amazing Team:
    • Meet The Amazing Pyro: Just before they fight, Saxton Hale tells Pyro the two options before him:
      Saxton Hale: Either we fight so you can get revenge and ruin my plans, or you can leave immediately because I will rip your spine out of your ass if you pick option one!
    • A later video, The Amazing Interrogation, features an amusingly bizarre yet horrifically plausible threat from Soldier, which he proceeds to elaborate upon repeatedly. Spy, upon realizing that Soldier is completely insane and actually would follow through on his threat, is appropritely horrified.
      Soldier: I will crap in your mouth!
      Soldier: C'mere sweetheart!
      Spy: What?!
      Soldier: Mwah hah ha ha ha!
      Spy: Help!
      Soldier: I have ten pounds of crap!
      Spy: NOOOO!
      Soldier: We are in a world of doody!

    Web Comics 
  • Averted in this Surviving The World.
  • In Joff's Life and Death on The Duck, Death tells an almost-victim that if he ever tells anyone about meeting Death, he'll kill him. The man replies, "Weren't you going to kill me some day anyway?" and Steve says, "Yes, but I'll kill you AFTER I remove your organs with a damp sponge."
  • A Cyanide & Happiness comic had the delightful; "Touch me again, and I will kill you so hard you will die to death".
  • The Order of the Stick:
    • The quote formerly atop the page came from Belkar Bitterleaf. In it, he was threatening a horse that had tackled him when the party was attacked. "I owe you a world of hurt, horse, and I always pay my debts. One day, when you least expect it, you're going to wake up as glue. And not the good stuff either, the cheap white paste that the weird kids eat!"
    • Another example of this, this time from the Monster in the Darkness: "Order of the Stick! Your broken corpses will taste delicious lightly seasoned with nutmeg!"
    • "I will bathe in your blood with lavender bath gel and a good loofah!"
    • "Who will be the moron when Gortok's white-hot anger crushes your little body into a mangled pulp while Gortok sings a jaunty tune to accompany your unanswered cries for mercy?"
    • "Tell us what we need to know, OR — I'll cry. You heard me. I'll start bawling like a toddler who dropped their ice cream on the sidewalk. In front of your friends, your teachers, any girls you like. And I'll tell them it's because YOU won't be my friend."
    • "If I ever see you with more eyes than assholes, I'm going to shove one into the other and give your cloak to that hobgoblin."
    • "But you can look for yourself when I shove that barrel (of pickles) up your uterus.
    • Belkar to a vampire (Durkula): "I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm sunny days!"
    • The flesh golem that used to be Crystal to Haley: "I'm going to tear off your head and hit you in the face with it!"
    • #666 has O-Chul threatening Belkar to gut him with his bare hands. Yes, Cut His Heart Out With A Spoon without the spoon.
  • "Astos? Mo like yo ass is toast!": so bad it actually killed the guy.
    • "You know what? Sarda ca-" Clevinger is somewhat fond of this this. "...FU...and THEN...-stupid...until the handle breaks off and I shove it up his a...I'd go... the hardcore stuff....make him regret being born a man."
    • And even better: "If I have to listen to one more of your word salads in the guise of a plan, I will kill myself so hard it will kill you instead."
  • Page 2 of Digger. Not only do they plan to kill and skin Digger, but they want to "Write the left hand names of God" on her skin. In purple ink.
  • Girl Genius's Krosp I seems to let his Talking Animal instincts take over, as he warns, "I'm serious. Mess with me and your shoes are mine."
    • Agatha with her appreciation of Tarvek's proposal to "sort out" Gil.
    • Dr. Sun actually manages to cow Bangaldesh Dupree by warning her, "Please refrain from damaging any more of my staff, or else I will personally rip off your arms and feed them to you."
  • In a Penny Arcade strip appropriately named "I Hope You Like Text", Tycho makes an extremely long and convoluted threat to Gabe for insisting Warhammer is a ripoff of Warcraft, the gist of which is "I will kill myself, take over Hell, drill my way back to Earth, incinerate you, and destroy the world."
    • The fans loved it so much, the Penny Arcade website now has a hoodie you can buy with the entire threat printed on the back. And it is awesome.
  • Used straight and then dragged out in this strip of A Modest Destiny.
  • From Narbonic:
    Helen: Talk, or I'll drop you into an oil drum full of shaved gerbils and Jell-O.
    Dave: I'm already in an oil drum full of shaved gerbils and Jell-O.
    UNITY: So who's the old bat?
    Notary Public: Speak with respect! This is the High Abbess. Try anything and she'll hand you your butt. She will then certify in triplicate that you legally took possession of your own butt. Your demise shall have a scrupulous paper trail!
  • From Picatrix: "And the third one, ooooooh, I still daydream about that one. About how much I would love to disembowel him with a rusty spoon." The dreamy sparkle in Winnie's eyes as she says this (about her horrible luck with boyfriends) is truly disturbing.
  • Something*Positive has many examples:
    • "DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, LITTLE MAN! My patience has long since been taxed and I will not hesitate to pull the oily rag you call a soul from your body, set it aflame, and jam it back down your gullet!"
    • "Yes, Jhim, very mad. In fact, I think if you'd done that, I'd have had to do something to show you how displeased I was, like finding where you sleep tonight, stake you through the heart with my penis and ejaculate steaming white hate into your blood."
    • "I'm not going to bully you, Cab. I'm going to sit back and watch as hordes of angry flannel-wearing women sodomize you with your own cock without severing it."
    • "I swear, if he upsets her one more time I'm gonna beat him so hard it'll send ripples back in time and prevent his granddaddy from plantin' baby seeds."
    • "If one spore's missing from my science project, I'll punch open your chest and fuck your still-beating heart." "Uh, Miss? You don't have a dick." "So you DID destroy my science project!"
  • Suicide for Hire features Hunter threatening a stalker thus.
  • In Cwen's Quest a young Cwen in a moment of full on freak out threatens to "eat" a raccoon to death.
  • In this Sluggy Freelance strip, the cute talking bunny of the strip threatens to neuter his owner with a spoon. Ouch.
    • And in another strip:
      Torg: My New Years resolution is to avoid having Gwynn stick a fork in my head.
      Gwynn: Maybe I'll use a spoon. It'll hurt more.
  • Checkerboard Nightmare makes itself relevant again. The Secret Lawyers Society is so disappointed with Lyle that they're going to slowly decrease the temperature of the room until he has to put his hands in his pants pockets.
  • Questionable Content gave us the gem: "I will re-enact General Sherman's march to the sea, using your face as Georgia."
  • In Buck Godot, the trope name is, due to the peculiarities of Hoffmanite culture, a perfectly viable threat.
    • While Hoffmanites may be able to make good on the spoon threat thanks to their great strength, there's probably only one race in the galaxy that considers "I'll floss his teeth!" to be a viable threat.
  • The Touhou fancomic Touhou Nekokayou has Tenshi threaten Marisa with "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your descendants will feel it!" (They do.)
  • Queen of Wands, here:
    Kestrel: Angela's one of my best friends, and if you do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to hurt her? I will rip your heart out. Via your urethra.
    Seamus: Ha! Yeah, I know, I... You aren't joking, are you?
    Kestrel: As serious as a hemophiliac in a razor factory.
  • The Adventures of Dr. McNinja's Dan McNinja does this in the last frame of this page to a crew of pirates who have just informed him that they have kidnapped his son:
    Dan: Oh you sons of sea cows will wish you'd never been born with limbs on your bodies! Because I'm going to come on that ship and show you how many delicious stocks and braises I can make with them!
  • Tim Buckley in Ctrl+Alt+Del hates the cheapness that is Crimson Viper in Street Fighter IV. In his news post, he wishes he could punch her in the face with a cinderblock boxing glove. In the related comic, he swears he will "face fuck her with a dump truck."
  • Dominic Deegan features the appropriately-named Professor Runcible Spoon yelling "I'LL KILL YOU TIL YOU DIE FROM IT!"
  • In Bob and George, Bob once told Treble to stop chasing the mini-author or he'd "neuter him with a dull spoon."
  • Exterminatus Now gives us this delightful quote with Lothar as the gang ruin his birthday.
    Lothar: That's it, I'll just kill them... with a spork!"
  • From Sodium Eyes, a strip full of odd analogies: you better get one thing straight in those whimpering skunk fetuses you twice-inbred Sasquatches dare call brains. If even one of you hemorrhaging shit-apes so much as blinks wrong, I'll see to it personally that you're lapping rat bile off an AIDS-infested twat rag by the end of the week. Got it?!
  • Bug shows us some discontinued methods of execution, which were discontinued for good reason.
  • From Hark! A Vagrant: "And if I catch you back here by God I'll make you sit in the corner MYSELF." And this after the threat of a Strongly Worded Letter.
    Superintendent: He'll think twice about that.
    Officer: Sir!
  • In Bobwhite, Ivy successfully scares an art classroom into submission this way:
    Ivy: Well, you'd better do your work and make me look good or so help me I'll... I'll... I'll be completely honest when I critique your art!
  • From Buttersafe's comic "The Threat": "If you say one more thing about my bike, I will punch you in every genital you own."
  • Schlock Mercenary
    • A tank versus infantry.
      Tank Pilot: If you say anything more I will amputate your mouth at the hip.
    • Tagon hasn't had a good time (including taking a fork in the eye that he kept as a trophy), and things get worse with Shodan imitating his employer's extremely annoying manner of speaking.
      Shodan: Ah-hey! An overflowing challenge! With ironic timeliness!
      Tagon: Keep that accent up and I'll overflow you with my trophy fork.
    • One consciousness simulated as a computer program in a virtual world to another:
      Thurl: And yet you have been-
      Murtaugh: Thurl. If you say "getting busy" I will punch you so hard you'll have to spawn child processes just to feel all the pain.
    • In the midst of a tense moment, as a F'sherl-ganni professor is scouring through screens and deeming what he sees "inefficient".
      Liz: So help me, professor, if you're complaining about not having map pins, I will climb right up your neck and scowl at you so hard your degrees flake off.
      Professor: Why do I believe that's a thing you can actually do?
  • Multiplex has this gem.
    Kurt: Well, if the shoe fits...
    Jason: I'm gonna shove that shoe so far up your ass, you'll be able to floss with the laces.
  • Ellen's response to Max perving on her dad in Leftover Soup is to threaten to "reach down your throat, out your asshole, grab your toes, and pull your feet up through your mouth" if she keeps talking.

    Web Original 
  • Happens sometimes in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum and Official Fanfiction University 'verse.
    • "If either of you finish that sentence, I'm going to hang you both from each other's intestinal tracts!"
    • "If you ever bring that up again, I'll deny everything and I will not rest until every student in this building is convinced that your human self is a thirty-five-year-old man."
    • "But you pull this come-wiz-me-to-ze-casbah routine on me again, and I'm still going to rip your teeth out. Through your rectum."
    • "You make one more comment about 'rat-onna-stick', PPC boy, and I will eat your soul."
    • "One false move from yew, sir, one word outta yore mouth wot I don't like, an' I'll cockblock yer by kickin' it till ye 'ave a falsetto wot'd make Justin Bieber jealous." In the same MSTing, a reluctant riffer was threatened with being forced to hang around with resident Enfant Terrible Molly.
    • "Are you aware of the number of live eel larvae the nasal cavity can accommodate? Make me listen to one more comment about my name and you'll find out."
  • In the Don't Press the Red Button game, at one point after clicking the button a certain number of times, it threatens to cut off your head with a toothbrush.
  • Dane threatens to castrate Ian with the edge of a plastic spoon in Statless and Tactless.
  • This epic rant at the Unpleasable Fanbase of Sonic the Hedgehog features a couple:
    I personally hope that Michael Bay and Uwe Boll team up and are put in charge of the live-action adaptation of your favorite anime. [...] I hope that a SEGA Dreamcast falls on your head and puts you in a coma until 2047.
  • MovieBob on Pixels:
    I didn't merely hate this movie, I wanted to beat it slowly to death with a wiffle ball bat, so it would take f*cking longer!

    Web Videos 
  • PurpleEyesWTF made one of these in a video about an internet comment. Purple Eyes talks about an early review of a game in the SSX series where the reviewer ragged on the music, despite the game letting a player use their own music tracks. Nick threatened that if he ever found the reviewer, he would make them walk his cat with a cat leash.
  • In Doom House, the only line spoken by the Doll (over the phone) is a bizarre, falsetto... well, it's a threat, that much is obvious. Something to do with putting Reginald's hair in a bowl.
  • Sarah in the lonelygirl15 episode "CAMP PLAY": "Get any closer and I will breathe on you!"
  • Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
    • The unseen character Bad Horse threatens to "make [Doctor Horrible] his mare." Doctor Horrible stops bobbing his head to the music and acquires an appropriately bewildered look.
    • Captain Hammer at one point confusingly threatens "It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently-wafting curtains."
  • The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon. Exactly What It Says on the Tin (very much so. Towards the end, the protagonist would beg for having his heart cut out with a spoon. It'd be much faster than being beaten to death by a spoon.. The trailer boasts that the murder will take years).
  • Now with the Spaghetti Dinner of the Damned and the Spoon VS Spoon
  • My Way Entertainment: From "Imma beat your ass Charles. Imma beat your ass with Charles" to "It's time for some Black on Black crime" to "If anybody say anything to anyone I will KILL every motherfucker in here you hear me bitch?!". And everything in between.
  • Jessi Slaughter will "pop a Glock in your mouth and make a brain slushie."
  • Let's Player Azurite Reaction is fond of this trope.
    • " I'm the wicked bitch of the west! I'm here to drive you out of your fucking MIND!"
    • "I will fuck a million wives. Both. I will fuck lives and wives. I will fucking do it live. WE'RE DOIN' IT LIIIIIIIIIVE!"
  • Kickassia:
    • When Team TGWTG is plotting exactly how they're going to take down The Nostalgia Critic, Bennett the Sage comes up with this gem:
      Bennett: I say we castrate him with a fork, tie him to a cactus, and play pinata with his entrails!
    • The bloopers take this farther: Bennett comes up with a series of increasingly cheerful and demented methods of torture, moving through "eviscerate him with a saw blade and laugh at his misfortune" and "strap him to a workbench, pour honey on his genitals, then FIRE ANTS" and finally landing on "I say we kill him."
  • Ravandil's Quest is a two-video Warhammer campaign following the elf Ravandil questing, with a LOT of verbal vulgarity.
    • Many encounters and conversations include this trope, but the most memorable one is definitely Urist the dwarf, who will unleash overly long tirades full of these when provoked in the slightest, and being an elf counts as provocation. "I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard!" is the least profane threat he makes.
    • The sequel contains a similar point where Urist unleashes another tirade against some other elves. The fact that Urist seems to be on a hair trigger and can spew these insults/threats at the drop of a hat is pretty impressive.
      Ravandil: "Oh for fuck's sake. Urist, you know what to do."
    • The Ork Warboss is no slouch either. His threats against Ravandil come across as this trope on account of being veiled in incomprehensible Cockney slang.
    • Urist makes a surprise return (being pulled across time and space through the Warp) in one of the Vox-logs for If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device, this time unleashing one of his tirades upon a bunch of Dark Eldar/Drukhari. The latter are no strangers to unusual and bizarre manners of torture and even they are weirded out.
  • This video is about 80-90% this trope, containing many examples listed in the film folder (and many that aren't), including the trope namer.
  • Cammy's threat of "I'll cut you twice" has become quite infamous in A Couple Of Cunts In The Countryside.
  • A season 2 promo for Epic Rap Battles of History has Theodore Roosevelt threaten the ERB crew into finishing season 2, lest he chisel himself out of Mount Rushmore and crush them to death with his moustache.
  • The Weather: When his caller fails to come deliver chips and cups to his party within twenty minutes, Robby calls him "scum of the Earth" and threatens to pull their fingers and toes off with his teeth.
  • The Cry of Mann: Berry threatens Courtney with a very violent death.
  • Criticized: Arthur gouges out Darian's left eye with a paperclip.

    Western Animation 
  • The Action Man (2000) cartoon did contain one gem of a line: "If he comes back, I'll rip his head off and shove it up his nose... Wait, his nose is on his head, THAT WON'T WORK!"
  • The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 episode "The Beauty of Kootie": When Kootie Pie finds out Casanova Koopa is really Luigi in disguise, she threatens to tie his lips behind his head so he wouldn't kiss again.
  • Taken quite literally in The Amazing World of Gumball, to a point in which the episode is actually called "The Spoon". In the episode, a robber named Sal Left Thumb robs the clerk at a local convenient store and threatens the clerk with a spoon.
  • In the episode "Red October Sky" of the show American Dad!, Sergei, a retired communist spy who swore revenge against Stan, makes a odd threat against him at the end of the episode.
    Sergei: I will plant the seeds of revenge and let them grow, then I'll harvest the vegetables of revenge and from those vegetables, I will plant more seeds!
    Stan: And then you'll get your revenge.
    Sergei: No, Smith. From the third or perhaps fourth harvest of revenge plants, I will make stew and season it perfectly, with revenge!
  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Shake attempts to mow Carl's lawn... with fire. When Carl calls him about it later, he threatens to shove Shake's face into a pastrami slicer.
  • Archer:
    • Archer does this to Woodhouse all the time:
      Archer: When I get back here, if I find a single dog hair I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes. Also, I need you to go buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
      Archer: I'm gonna pain you dearly, Woodhouse, when I peel off all your skin with a flensing knife! And then sew it into Woodhouse pajamas! And then set those pajamas on fire!
      Archer: And now I have to spend the first weekend I've had off in forever coming up with some kind of bizarre punishment for this. So don't be surprised if you end up... eating a big bowl of spiderwebs.
    • There are a few that don't involve Woodhouse. Sterling remarks that, if a pharmacist doesn't tell him where some fake chemotherapy drugs are being warehoused, he will take a knife and slowly insert it into the man's urethra.
    • Malory can be downright terrifying when she's angry:
      • In "On the Carpet," she threatens to literally emasculate Kriger.
        Malory: Woodhouse, dear, I need some more ice.
        Woodhouse: Straightaway, mum.
        Malory: Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and straight razor.
        Lana: You are not emasculating Krieger!
        Krieger: [genuinely scared] What the hell was the mirror for?
        Malory: So you can watch!
      • In "Man From Jupiter:"
        Malory: So help me god, if you drop that computer on the floor again, I will make sure you wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name.
      • After Archer steals her credit card in "The Honeymooners:"
        Malory: I am going literally kill him.
        Ray: Well, figurativ
        Malory: LITERALLY! I'll lure him to my condo in Miami, drug his Steak au Poivre, drive him out to the Everglades, slather him with rancid chicken fat, and toss him to the gators!
        Ray: [beat] That's pretty specific for a hypothetical.
      • After Krieger kidnaps her infant granddaughter to use for market research:
        Malory: And, Krieger? I swear to God, if I catch you near this child again...
        Krieger: But— [immediately shuts up as the laser sight of Malory's gun drifts downward to his crotch]
        Malory: And the implied threat here is that I will shoot you in the genitals and then sit here sipping Amontillado Sherry while you bleed to death.
    • Lana gets in a few as well.
      Lana: I will break both of your collarbones, rip them out of your body, and use them to play — in its entirety and on your head — "Moby Dick".
      Lana: If you wake this baby, I will climb inside you with my shoes on.
  • Beast Wars:
    • Megatron has a good one in "Possession" when he discovers that Starscream is being, well, The Starscream.
      Megatron: Ugh! Starscream and Blackarachnia! I'll have both their treacherous hides! Yeeessss... I'll-I'll melt them down and use them for aluminum siding! Oh, yes, indeed!
    • A bit earlier, in "Dark Voyage", Dinobot is a little ticked a trap set up for him and several other Maximals has left them blind and contaminated with energon:
      Dinobot: I'll tear Scorponok's processor out for this! And Waspinator's, too!
  • In the Biker Mice from Mars episode "Steal of the Century", the Pulverizer threatens to tear out the Biker Mice's whiskers and use them to floss his teeth.
  • Courage the Cowardly Dog:
    • "Watch the Birdies" had a mother vulture make Muriel babysit her three hatchlings: "If I come back here and find just one feather out of place on their little heads... I'm gonna eat ya with this cereal spoon!"
    • In "Courage Under the Volcano", Chief Wiki Wiki threatens to tattoo Courage's face if they survive the volcano's eruption.
  • One episode of Dave the Barbarian has Dave obtaining a set of gargle pipes (a bagpipes-like instrument) that he uses to spite Candy with its obnoxious sound. She threatens to do something violent to him, but what it is exactly is mostly drowned out and all we can hear is that it involves a fondue fork.
    • In another episode Lula tells Dave "remind me later and I'll do horrible things to you with a cheese grater!"
  • Dilbert has some sort of security guard crash course instructor who claims he can kill a man with his thumb. He then asks for a volunteer, and actually gets one, who changes his mind when Dilbert points out the obvious. Moments later, the instructor accidentally thumbs himself in the neck and dies instantly.
  • Drawn Together: "Then Ling-Ling kill you slow and use skull for sex, then as decorative birdhouse!"
    • Then there was Captain Hero's rather... bizarre threats in "Captain Hero's Marriage Pact".
      Wooldoor: I'm not comfortable doing that.
      Captain Hero: Would you be more comfortable if I broke your arm in three places and wrapped it in 100 dollar bills?
      Wooldoor: Are you threatening me? Or... bribing me?
      Captain Hero: What an insulting accusation! Take that back before I pull out your spleen and then drive you to the hospital... (pulls out keys) in your BRAND NEW CAR!
  • Ed, Edd n Eddy:
    • In "My Fair Ed", when Edd shows Eddy his hat as having been tied into a pretzel shape, he says that Kevin threatened to do the same to his legs.
    • In "The Good Ol' Ed", Ed tries this while trying to scare the hiccups out of Double D.
      Edd: *hic* [half scared, half confused] Malice me with a shoehorn?!
  • The Fairly OddParents: In the episode where Mark made his debut, an episode of Crash Nebula that Timmy, AJ and Chester were watching, had enemy aliens holding a bunch of astronauts hostage and threatening them that they'd suck out their brains with a straw. Later, Mark used the exact same threat against AJ and Chester when he kept them captive before Timmy came to the rescue.
  • Family Guy: When Chris asked Stewie if he wanted ice cream, this was his reply:
    Stewie: Fine, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
  • In the third episode of Final Space, Gary and Avocato are trapped in a hellish labyrinth and get attacked by sentient, murderous cookies. One of them says that he'll eat their eyes, while another adds that they'll pee in their sockets.
  • In the Futurama episode "Xmas Story", when they try to avoid getting killed by Santa-bot by promising to put out milk and cookies for him.
    Santa-bot: You dare bribe Santa?! I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!!
    • And on "Mother's Day":
      Mom: If I ever see that man [Prof. Farnsworth] again... I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
    • And in "The Deep South":
      Hermes: [discussing Nibbler] I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space.
    • From "Insane in the Mainframe", Roberto's description of what will happen to Fry if he testifies against him:
      Roberto... And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.
  • In the Gravedale High episode "He Ain't Scary, He's My Brother", a punk named Roadkill gets angry at Frankentyke and threatens to tear his head off and spit down his neck.
  • The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy:
    Mandy: You're gonna do it, or so help me, I will pull your stupid cloak through your eyes and use it as reins to ride your bony butt back to the darkest pits of the Underworld FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!
    • Later in Big Boogey Adventure
      Grim (while he's in the "anger" stage of grief): I'm gonna rip Boogey's nose off and put it in a jar!
    • In "Guess What's Coming to Dinner?", when a traumatized Principal Goodvibes says that he won't be admitting Billy to Rollington Academy, Hoss threatens to send him back to his mama with a jelly jar shoved up his nose.
  • Hey Arnold!: When Lila is chosen to be Juliet for the school play with Arnold, Helga does everything talk her out of it, but eventually Lila manages to get Helga to confess the truth about why she wants to be Juliet so badly. Upon revealing this Helga threatens that if Lila ever told anyone she would pull out her tongue and wrap it around her neck.
  • In the "Freaky Friday" Flip episode of Johnny Test, Hugh gives a "Reason You Suck" Speech to Bumper while in his son's body, which results in Unstoppable Rage and a chase all the way back to the Test household. When Bumper catches up, he has this to say.
  • Kaeloo: In Episode 105, Mr. Cat meets one of his own negative thoughts, which has been extracted from his head and given the form of a miniature version of himself. When he gets into a fight with it, it starts out with yelling dangerous-sounding threats such as disemboweling him, but soon runs out and switches to more comical ones such as "double boilering" him.
  • King of the Hill has this bit of dialogue in one episode:
    Peggy: Oh, I'm so glad you forgave him. I'm not sure how you were going to "Drive your truck through his ass", but you sounded serious.
  • A Giant Mook made the mistake of making a long and nonsensical one to Korgoth in Korgoth of Barbaria after Korgoth had just wiped the floor with the rest of the mooks. When Korgoth loses patience with the speech, he interrupts by killing the Giant Mook in one of the most absurd/painful ways possible.
  • In the LEGO Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures episode "The Lost Treasure of Cloud City", when Kordi learns that Zander took Rowan to a pit fighting ring, she threatens him that if he does it again she'll launch him into hyperspace with her boots.
  • The Life and Times of Juniper Lee; after beating up the demonic warlord Maret, June gave him a good one:
    June: Now if you ever go near my family again, they're gonna need a 6th Level locator spell just to find what's left of you. Jerk.
  • In The Loud House episode "Get the Message", when Lincoln gets distracted playing a virtual reality game and wanders into Lori and Leni's room, Lori threatens to literally turn him into a human pretzel if he does it again.
  • A webisode of Mighty Magiswords had Vambre threatened her own brain that she would hollow her out with a grapefruit spoon if she attempts to bring back an annoying Ear Worm.
  • In the Mickey MouseWorks short "Pit Crew", Pete threatens to pinch the heads off his pit crew (Mickey, Donald and Goofy) if they don't come over to fix his racecar immediately.
  • The My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic episode "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000" has Rainbow Dash upset after she and her friends fail to beat the Flim Flam brothers in the cider making contest. She threatens to press the brothers into jerk cider before Applejack restrains her.
  • The grand battle scene against Dr. D's robot army in Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension is set to an original song titled "Robot Riot", which packs some choice threats in its lyrics. Granted, they are threats against robotkind, but they're still really colorful. E.G.:
    "I'm gonna rip you up and put you back together in a new configuration just to mow my lawn."
  • The Ren & Stimpy Show, "Sven Hoek":
    Ren: Oh, what I'm gonna do to you... I'm so angry! First, I'm gonna tear your lips out! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do! And then? I'm gonna gouge your eyes out! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do... Next, I'm gonna— TEAR YOUR ARMS OUT OF THE SOCKETS! And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya— and you're gonna faaaaaall. And I'm gonna look down— and I'm gonna laaaaaaaugh.
  • On Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko loses his patience with a supermarket cashier after he misses a big sale by a matter of seconds due to the cashier:
    Filbert: [as the register reads $1.50] And your total is... [the clock strikes noon, and the total promptly jumps to $150] one hundred and fifty dollars. Gee... Looks like you just missed our big sale... Have a nice day...
    [Rocko looks on in horror, and after a few seconds, promptly flips the hell out]
    Rocko: You cheap little rotter! I've been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very large woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death, and I still beat the twelve o'clock deadline! So if you don't change the total back to a dollar fifty, I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!!!!
    [the cashier promptly turns it back to $1.50]
  • In Samurai Jack, Jack's first opponent in the Dome of Doom, Gordo the Gruesome, is a master of smack talk, and most of his threats follow this pattern. Behold:
    "I will hang you out like laundry! I will beat you like a drum! I will make your mother cry! I will make your Aunt Edna from Gorfield, south of Barnaby, cry!"
  • In Sealab 2021, con man Master Loo is being challenged to a fight by one of the main characters when he begins levitating and glowing green. He deadpans the following:
    Master Loo: See the way my body's glowing? Yeah. A lot of people can't do that. Okay, you want some? You want some of the glowing? Look, man, your soul? I'm gonna totally chew on it, and floss with your spirit. I read that somewhere. But I'll do it.
  • The Simpsons example: Some of Moe's reactions to Bart's prank calls qualify for this, e.g. "Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!"
    • "If I find out who this is, I'll nail a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"
    • "Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you! And then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"
    • When Bart makes a prank call to a Swedish bar, the bartender, in a grim Ingmar Bergman parody, merely intones "If I ever find you, I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor."
    • Subverted on another occasion, where Homer enters the family's new horse in a race and declares "If he doesn't win, we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and he won't get to come."
    • When Homer gets a job as a tow truck driver, another driver says that if Homer treads on his turf, he'll "Rip off your head, vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head, and then stuff them both down your neck-hole, to which I previously alluded."
    • Apu fails faking indignation badly: "I'm so angry I could just ... fall asleep!".
    • When Lisa finds out Bart has been using his Mr. Microphone to make the entire town think he was Timmy O'toole-in-the-well, she warns him that, once the townspeople find out, they're "going to want to cut you up with rusty razors."
  • On South Park, Wendy challenges Cartman to a fight and threatens to shove his head up his own ass and make him eat his own underwear. Cartman, desperate to back out of the fight, offers to eat his underwear so she won't have to. And then he does.
    Cartman: I'll make you eat your parents.
    Stan: He'll do it, dude.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants: In "Wet Painters", Mr. Krabs gives SpongeBob and Patrick a job in painting the inside of his house, and if they get paint on anything but the wall...
    Mr. Krabs: I'll have yer rear ends cut off and mounted OVER ME FIREPLACE! So have fun with the job!
  • The Devil's descriptions of hell on Squidbillies, especially in the song "Hoofprints":
    As I ram your carcass through an impossibly small hole into a sea of flaming hot human feces, and you can't draw a breath yet your lungs are filled with that same flaming hot human feces!
  • Don Karnage does this in TaleSpin.
    Don Karnage: When I catch that bothersome Baloo, I tear him into itsy-bitsy pieces of ugly bear! Then I will sew him back together with dull needles!
  • Tigtone The demon in the Caves of Peganone—who claims that the magic boots are his—delivers a series of descriptions of what he's going to do to Tigtone that falls flat at the end:
    Demon: I shall slice open your pelvis, and use the two big holes as a mask!
    [Tigtone imagines Demon using his pelvis as a mask; "Dun dun DAH!" Sting plays.]
    Demon: I will use your skull as a bowl, and scoop your brains out until you die!
    [Tigtone imagines Demon scooping his brains out; "Dun dun DAH!" Sting plays again.]
    Demon: I hope you have valued your life, puny human, for soon I shall wear it around my neck!
    [Tigtone merely looks confused; music fizzles out]
  • In the VeggieTales episode "The Star of Christmas", Moyer catches Milward and Cavis trying to steal what they believe to be the titular Star of Christmas, and begins chasing after them, exclaiming a variety of names and threats, such as "You're gonna be singin' out the other side of your nose when I'm through with you!" and "I'm gonna yo-yo you 'till ya cry for mercy and beg the Queen to lock ya in the Tower of London!"
  • On the Ghosts of Sargasso episode of The Venture Bros., Brock Sampson acquires a walkie-talkie and uses it to threaten the "G.P." Captain with...
    "Hey Captain, I've got your key. I hope you're hungry. 'Cause I'm gonna feed it to you."
  • On the What A Cartoon! Show, a Yuckie Duck cartoon had Yuckie as a paramedic, and one of his patients was an angry lion with a carpet tack stuck in his butt, who warns Yuckie "Pull it out slow, 'cause if I feel one little pain, I'll tie you up in granny knots!" When Yuckie accidentally pulls one of the guy's teeth, the lion makes good on his threat.

"Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more!"

Alternative Title(s): Cut Your Heart Out With A Spoon


How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: