Cut His Heart Out With A Spoon / Web Original

• Happens sometimes in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum and Official Fanfiction University 'verse.
  • "If either of you finish that sentence, I'm going to hang you both from each other's intestinal tracts!"
  • "If you ever bring that up again, I'll deny everything and I will not rest until every student in this building is convinced that your human self is a thirty-five-year-old man."
  • "But you pull this come-wiz-me-to-ze-casbah routine on me again, and I'm still going to rip your teeth out. Through your rectum."
  • "You make one more comment about 'rat-onna-stick', PPC boy, and I will eat your soul."
  • "TWO WORDS, YOU MANURE-CONSUMING EXCUSE FOR A SPOTTY WHITE TOADSTOOL! LAWN MOWER!"
  • "One false move from yew, sir, one word outta yore mouth wot I don't like, an' I'll cockblock yer by kickin' it till ye 'ave a falsetto wot'd make Justin Bieber jealous." In the same MSTing, a reluctant riffer was threatened with being forced to hang around with resident Enfant Terrible Molly.
  • "Are you aware of the number of live eel larvae the nasal cavity can accommodate? Make me listen to one more comment about my name and you'll find out."
• In the Don't Press the Red Button game, at one point after clicking the button a certain number of times, it threatens to cut off your head with a toothbrush.
• Dane threatens to castrate Ian with the edge of a plastic spoon in Statless and Tactless.
• This◊ epic rant at the Unpleasable Fanbase of Sonic the Hedgehog features a couple:
  I personally hope that Michael Bay and Uwe Boll team up and are put in charge of the live-action adaptation of your favorite anime. [...] I hope that a SEGA Dreamcast falls on your head and puts you in a coma until 2047.
• MovieBob on Pixels:
  I didn't merely hate this movie, I wanted to beat it slowly to death with a wiffle ball bat, so it would take f*cking longer!
• Dragon Ball Z Abridged:
  • In episode 3, we have poor Krillin attempting to break some bad news to Chi-Chi which leads to this trope.
  Krillin: So... Chi-Chi. Hypothetically; what would you do if you were told your husband was dead and your son was kidnapped by his worst enemy?
  Chi-Chi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
  Krillin: Oh... Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that! (nervous laughter)
  (Chi-Chi briefly joins in with Krillin's laughter)
  Chi-Chi: (eerily) Would you like to spend the night?
  Krillin: ...Against my better judgment.
  • Episode 9 has Gohan making a threat like this in a rather eloquent manner in reaction to Piccolo's death.
  Gohan: I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
  Nappa: (Beat) ...What?
  Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULLF**K YOU!
  • Another one from Chi-Chi in episode 59 when Goku makes Gohan fight Cell.
  Chi-Chi: I AM GOING TO CASTRATE HIM!!!
  (Later)
  Chi-Chi: With a butterknife, you son of a bitch! I'll tie you to a chair first and gag you with a god damn daikon radish!
• The Reddit community r/Rarethreats is dedicated to these.

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