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Not Always Learning is a sister site of Not Always Right, added to the network in 2013. The site contains stories that take place in and around schools, featuring teachers good and bad, bullies getting owned, misadventures in test-taking, and lots more. As usual, it's best to take these stories with a grain of salt.

Note: Due to a restructuring of the entire NAR site network, the hyperlinks below may or may not work anymore.

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Not Always Learning contains examples of:

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    Tropes A-I 

    Tropes J-P 
  • Japanese Ranguage: "Then, another man began to crap. Soon, everyone is crapping. I think they enjoyed my song, after all."
  • Jerkass: Unfortunately.
    • Many stories tagged with "bully", naturally, fall under this.
    • This teacher calls for a parent-teacher conference just to insult a completely different former student.
    • This teacher gives a student detention for being a few seconds late, which would be bad enough by itself — but it's made worse by the fact that the student's little brother had died the night before and the student had been up all night. Fortunately another teacher and a counselor intervened, and when that failed the principal intervened personally.
      • While it's no excuse for the teacher's actions, perhaps the teacher had to deal with a few students like this in the past, and thought this student was pulling a similar stunt.
    • This student outlines their plan for if they ran the world — round up all the "retards and gays" in special camps where they would be shot down daily. Add in Holocaust denial and self-serving hypocrisy (teen mothers "didn't do anything wrong" because his/her sister is one, but the groups s/he hates were "cursed by God" so it's okay) for the perfect trifecta of asshole.
    • This teacher, after complimenting a student on their The Once and Future King project (calligraphy on a parchment scroll, having learned calligraphy just for this), gives them a B- because the lines weren't completely straight. For comparison, another student who just did the project on notebook paper and mistook a pair of kings for each other got a higher grade — when this is pointed out, the teacher tells the student "if you're going to do something, do it right!"
    • This teacher is apparently giving her students' Father's Day artwork to the wrong people — even going so far as to sign the wrong names onto them — just for the sake of being an asshole.
    • These girls do next to no work for a presentation, forcing the submitter to do it all — and then they try to tell the teacher they were the hard-workers and the submitter was the lazy one.
    • This teacher deliberately fails a first-grade student, even though all their answers were correct. Turns out it's because the student is one of the only Caucasian people in a class made up predominately of Hispanics, as evidenced by the teacher saying to her face that "I don't care how blond or blue-eyed you are, you will fail my class."
    • This algebra teacher mocks and treats the submitter like she's stupid due to the latter being a quiet person and not very good in math. When the submitter asks the teacher for help, he refuses and says she should figure it out for herself. When the student gets hospitalized for a week, causing her to miss her midterms, the teacher refuses to let her take her exam and gives her a zero, claiming the submitter faked being sick so she could had time to study in spite of the fact the whole school was informed and proof was given. The submitter's father complains to the principal about what the teacher did, which causes the principal to order the teacher to allow the submitter to take her midterm exam in a quiet classroom. Instead, the teacher tries to fail the submitter again by not allowing her to take her exam in a quiet classroom, but in a noisy classroom to distract her so that she will fail the exam and coldly tells her she deserves it for "skipping" the midterms. Thankfully, the principal has had enough with the jerkass teacher and makes sure the midterm he sabotaged would not be included in the submitter's final score. The submitter got a new teacher who was more willing to help with her math problems, and the jerkass teacher was written up and later fired because other students and parents reported he did the same thing to them.
    • This teacher acts like a jerk to a young boy because she doesn't believe he doesn't have a computer to type in his essays and accuses him of being a liar. And when his mother tells the teacher it's actually true, the teacher calls her a bad parent and demands that she buy a computer, not caring that the mother is poor and computers are too expensive (as this took place during the 1990s).
    • This substitute teacher with a reputation for being bossy and insufferable refuses to believe that a student (one of the smartest students in class) finished his test in fifteen minutes (saying this without even looking at his paper to check) and forces the student to go back to his desk to "finish". When the student begins writing in his journal to pass the rest of the hour-and-a-half away, the substitute storms over, snatches the journal away, slaps the student when he protests and reaches to take the journal back, and then smugly begins destroying the journal right in front of him. The student punches the substitute out in retaliation, and the teacher brings the administrator into the classroom in an attempt to get the student expelled. However, the other students speak up in the first student's defense and explain that the substitute instigated the incident, and one student reveals that they recorded the incident on their phone (to the substitute's horror). The substitute teacher was subsequently fired and got her teaching license revoked.
    • This science teacher has been treating the OP poorly all year, ignoring her at best and implying she's an idiot at worst. It turns out that because she was homeschooled, he assumes her parents must have been a couple of fundies who raised her to believe in creationism. When informed they were an atheist and a pagan, and only homeschooled her because they traveled a lot, the teacher simply refuses to believe it, and throws the OP out of the classroom, along with a friend who spoke up for her. He does get put right after a meeting with the principal and her parents and leaves her alone, but there's no mention of an apology.
    • This professor apparently prides himself on the fact that, supposedly, nobody ever gets more than 80% in his testsnote , due to his incredibly petty grading policy which requirs each answer to be worded exactly as his answer list specifies. So when one of the students scores 98% despite this, the professor immediately decides they must have cheated and gives them a 0. This ends up getting the professor in trouble with the department's dean, who forces the professor to be more lenient (or possibly actually takes over grading the class); at the end of the semester the professor takes an "indefinite sabbatical" which was evidently permanent, as he hasn't been back in five years.
    • This teacher constantly assigns the class large amounts of homework on stuff they haven't even learned yet, as well as huge monthly projects and plays they are required to perform in, and doesn't care that the OP has special needs and is only supposed to do a certain amount per night. It all comes to a head on the last day of the summer term, when she issues four assignments, of course on material they haven't learned, and informs the class that they have to hand it in personally on the first day of the new grade or they will fail — which will be impossible for half the class, as the school is located on a USAF base in England, and their parents will have been transferred out of the country by then. She still doesn't care. Thankfully, the OP's mom and ten other parents all report the teacher to the principal; the assignments are cancelled, the teacher is fired, and the principal personally apologises to the OP for what the teacher put them through.
    • In this story, the poster, a student, has been off for two weeks with adult chicken pox, and all their professors understand the situation and are willing to help them catch up — except for their linguistics professor, whose response to the situation is a condescending "Oh, what a pity." He insists that they take the test that is set for that day the following day, but then lies about what they need to study for it; after all, the student would have learned the necessary material if they had attended class. They couldn't because they were off sick? Oh, what a pity. The student, unsurprisingly, fails the test, and, knowing they will probably fail the class as a result, drops it. Oh, what a pity. Fortunately, they do eventually retake it with a more conscientious professor, though the jerkass professor receives no consequences for his uncaring attitude or unwillingness to do his job properly.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: In a class about medicine, one "teeny tiny" mistake really can have dire consequences.
  • Jerkass Realization: These two students realize the reason they were never bullied in school: They were the bullies.
  • Just One More Level!: Over the course of a college semester, this group of students (with the lone exception of the submitter) all miss at least one day of class because they got sucked into playing Tetris 2 on the submitter's SNES.
  • Karma Houdini Warranty: The teacher in this story is not reported for locking a student in a closet and leaving them there because the student assumed they deserved it somehow. Fortunately, his temper would get him fired a year later.
  • Karmic Jackpot: Volunteering at a company demonstration gets this apprentice recognized by trainers and management as a good candidate for a high-pay, high-responsibility job, despite being otherwise underqualified.
  • The Key Is Behind the Lock:
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All:
    • Much like doctors and nurses on Not Always Working, there are a sad number of stories where teachers seem to believe that they know more than their students simply by virtue of being a teacher, rather than having actually learned anything to do with their subject. Worse, these are usually the types who have also determined that their entire job is to be seen as the smartest person in the classroom, and as such will attempt to punish any student that proves to know better than they do.
    • A student example here. A girl in the submitter's class acts like she is the be-all-end-all when it comes to knowledge of the animal kingdom when when she is blatantly wrongnote , and, curiously, always seems to suddenly have somewhere else to be whenever the submitter gets out science books about animals in an attempt to correct her. The submitter discovers more than twenty years later that the girl didn't grow out of this behavior and now spouts similar misinformation about vaccinations (according to her, vaccines don't merely cause autism but literally inject autism into your body). The submitter understandably blocks her after that.
  • Large Ham: "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
  • Laser-Guided Karma:
    • After this incident, where a teacher flips a student's desk because she knew the student wouldn't pass a neatness check, the student's mother shows up in the classroom to respond in kind, then pulls her child from that teacher's class. The teacher is later investigated and fired, and her teaching license revoked.
    • A mean teacher who refuses to let a student with fifth disease rash leave class early to call her parents despite the evidence appearing on her skin. When the student came back to school after getting cured, she learned the mean teacher got fifth disease.
    • The Obstructive Bureaucrat teacher from this story falls on their sword in this one after not only failing to help solve a rash of petty thefts at the school but also harassing and nearly getting a wheelchair-bound student arrested after jumping to the conclusion that she was responsible for the thefts through Insane Troll Logic.
    • A substitute teacher holding a petty grudge against another teacher (the OP) for not making a big deal out of sending the sub's daughter home from school barrages the OP (who is sick at home) with phone calls just to annoy them and tries to get them in trouble with upper management by claiming that the OP was not giving her sufficient instructions in teaching the class. The sub's plan falls apart when another teacher she doesn't like discovers what the sub is doing, resulting in the sub losing her temper and throwing things at the other teacher right in front of class. Not only is the sub fired and made a Persona Non Grata at the school, but the OP gets in no trouble as the sub gloated about harassing the submitter as she was attacking the other teacher.
    • Another substitute refuses to believe the submitter's claims that she's really nauseous and denies her bathroom access until a scheduled break, resulting in her puking on the substitute's shoes.
  • Latin Land: A bizarre example here, in which a Puerto Rican student is assumed to be Mexican by a Mexican teacher, who is bewildered that she doesn't know what Día de Los Muertos is. When the student corrects the teacher about her nationality, the teacher just becomes more confused — "Catholics in Puerto Rico don't celebrate Día de Los Muertos?"note  The student patiently replies, "I'm a Protestant, Señora."
  • Lethally Stupid:
    • This teacher, who is convinced that a cisgender boy named Seth is, in fact, a transgender girl named Beth and "her" parents are transphobic, all because she misread his cursive handwriting and doesn't think "Seth" is a real name. The fact she's wrong on both counts is a very, very good thing, given her idiotic idea to confront the student's mother and accuse her of trans erasure rather than talk to the student in question to make sure this "transgender girl" actually is a transgender girl. Outing a trans girl to her parents against her will already makes you a danger to any transgender student. Outing a trans girl to her parents against her will when you think the parents are transphobic is so incomprehensibly idiotic that any death resulting from the abuse the parents will inflict on their so-called "son" for identifying as a girl should bring manslaughter charges.
    • This entire school. During the submitter's time there, it was horrifically overcrowded, with each classroom usually holding around three to four times the amount of students they should and every student funneled through a single pinchpoint between classes. The administrators' response to fire drills is to prepare for them in advance by hiding all of the extra chairs, and having most of the students taught on the school's sports bleachers for the duration of the inspection. The whole thing is just an actual fire away from massive loss of life.
  • Like Is, Like, a Comma: After her teacher warns her about middle school and especially the popular girls, the brilliant student plans to invoke this trope with a little Obfuscating Stupidity to be a smart and popular girl. The teacher wholeheartedly agrees.
  • Literal Metaphor: An unintentional version here. A musical director describes the cast's less-than-energetic rehearsal as "anemic", not realizing that most of the students present had just donated to a blood drive, meaning they literally were a bit anemic at that point.
  • Literal-Minded:
    • This university receptionist asks a student if he had a pencil ready to take down some information. The student takes it to mean that he literally needs a pencil, instead of the pen he had handy, and fumbles around for one, eventually hanging up after fruitless searching. The receptionist asks from then on if they have something to write with.
    • When asked to provide an explanation of the steps he took to solve a math problem, this fourth-grader takes it up to eleven and explains literally everything in painstaking detail — to the point that his explanation for the solution ends up taking nearly three times as much space as other students in his class.
  • LOL, 69: This teacher was talking about someone "sucking" in the figurative sense — but that's no help when the student sucks enough to get a 69%.
  • Loophole Abuse:
    • This university professor has strict formatting rules for submitted essays... too bad he forgot to mention they had to be typed.
    • A student, giving an improvised two-minute speech regarding war, runs out of material a minute in. So he asks for a minute of silence for those who died.
    • This student tries to get around a rule that says undergarments must not be visible. However, he tries this by wearing no undergarments at all.
    • This student apparently believes plagiarizing an entire paper for her essay is perfectly acceptable, because nobody actually said that cheating isn't allowed. Naturally, she doesn't win when she tries to appeal her grade. Most public US universities DO have a schoolwide "Academic Dishonesty" policy, under which plagiarism is punishable by immediate expulsion, no refunds— so yes, there WAS a rule, and that girl's lucky all the TA did was fail her.
    • This professor administers a test where the students are allowed to use "any resource in the room" for reference, since the class is more about knowing how to find the information they need than about memorizing it. Mid-test, one student realizes the professor is a resource, and asks for help with a particularly difficult question. After a Beat, the professor tells them where to find the answer, and then patches the loophole for future tests.
    • One middle-school English teacher let students score points for reading books, but forgot to set a cap on the number of points students could earn. Cue one bookworm student reading and turning in the forms for 130 books, earning an A without doing a single regular assignment. Next semester, the syllabus was changed to limit points from reading books.
    • A teacher tells his kindergarten class to put their Pokémon cards away. When he sees one student playing with cards, the student points out that they are Digimon cards. "You got me there."
    • After a school Easter egg hunt, kids take their candy to class and are instructed to not unwrap it until later. The narrator notices one kid who realized the teacher said nothing about eating still-wrapped candy.
    • In 1979, programmable calculators were a new thing. One student programmed all the calculations he'd need for a difficult test into his calculator. The teacher gave him an A "for exploiting this loophole which I will now close."
    • When a school is prevented by district meddling from providing sex education or contraceptives to students, one student starts attaching condoms from the free health clinic to cheap Dum-Dum lollipops with rubber bands, then handing out "snacks" to her classmates and anyone who asks for one. The teachers all turn a conspicuous blind eye.
  • Makes Just as Much Sense in Context: invoked As this person admits.
  • Malaproper:
  • Mama Bear:
  • Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe: One student wonders what happens if a girl has a baby and they don't know who the mother is.
  • A Man Is Always Eager: If a student propositions a TA, the TA is not supposed to accept.
  • Mathematician's Answer:
  • Mayan Doomsday: This kid's parents believed it.
  • Meddling Parents: This father freely admitted to taking all of his son's tests for him note  because "He might fail, otherwise!" He also argued that his wrong answers on the tests couldn't be wrong, because the app he's using to get the answers said otherwise.
  • Million to One Chance: This first-aid teacher decided to show the class some photos of injuries they'd never encounter in real life, just to see if they could work out the correct treatment. Out of four photos, three of them were ones that happened to either the poster's relatives or her friend's relatives.
  • Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher:
    • This teacher has her sociology students, in a university, write down words they use to describe other people. That's the whole lesson. She giggles if any students give "naughty, sweary" words (as she puts it). The narrator of the story takes advantage of this to insult her to her face, with such words as infantile and patronizing, and she just cheers him/her on for having a big vocabulary.
    • This vice-principal at a high school does an intercom speech regarding students jaywalking on school property... in a style that would be better suited for elementary school students.
    • This woman who teaches an English class for middle school-aged kids insists on reading the students' assigned books to the students herself, goes on long-winded tangents about her childhood, treats the students like they are much younger than they actually are, and assigns ridiculously simple one-page tests for the students to do, when they are at the age that they should be ready for essays, studying, and otherwise doing their assignments and homework themselves. The students put up with this for two years until the school administrator finally steps in and takes over the class, while the teacher is reassigned to an elementary school class.
    • This one teaches a college-level course that is supposed to teach other people how to teach music classes. Instead, she sits behind the piano and tells them all to sing children's songs. When called out, she basically stops trying to teach altogether.
  • Miss Conception: A variation.
    Female Student: *grabs her breasts* Hey, how does milk get in these anyway?
  • Mistaken for Dyed: This student had to prove to their substitute teacher that their red hair is natural.
  • Mistaken for Racist:
    • "I don't like Tiana. I just don't like her color… I don't really like green."
    • The submitter here stops socializing with an Asian classmate because said classmate has a very bad attitude. The teacher calls the submitter racist when they attempt to explain this fact.
    • This student gets accused of racism over such things as the saying "pot calling the kettle black" and playing the white side at chess against an African-American classmate. Both times, the classmate points out that the student's actions are clearly not racist, the saying is completely out of context and he chose the black side for chess, and is ignored. Finally, the teacher goes to the student's father to complain about their "racist" behavior… and gets read the riot act by a textbook Scary Black Man; the accused student is mixed-race.
  • Mistaken for Servant: Well, mistaken for teacher in this case. Even by the teacher.
  • Mondegreen Gag: Brings a spontaneous performance of "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" to a halt.
  • Moon Logic Puzzle: Employed by this teacher as a hint, after the question itself goes unanswered. It worksnote .
  • Moving the Goalposts: This teacher wants her students to donate their money they made from their school newspaper to an animal charity she runs despite the fact the students are planning to use the money to help one of their poorer classmate to go on vacation with them. Refusing to accept this, she tries everything from shaming the poor classmate to refusing to accept the students all unanimously voted twice and stand by with their decision to outright threatening disciplinary actions. Thankfully, the principal put a stop to that teacher's antics.
  • MRS Degree:
  • Mugging the Monster:
    • This professor tries to force a military veteran to move forward from the back of the classroom, and won't brook any argument. After the veteran leaves in disgust, one of the students (also disgusted with the professor's behavior) mentions that the veteran's uncle is the dean. The professor "resigned for personal reasons" a week later.
    • In this story, a student fails to recognize his professor and insults him, earning him an extra homework assignment. To the student's credit, he actually does a half-decent job on the assignment. Lesson learned, we hope.
    • This bully is just asking for a fight. (No, literally, he is.) A grade one girl gives it to him.
    • Tried and failed by a student who expected a passing grade in a required-for-graduation course despite not attending a single class or completing a single assignment. "You will give me a passing grade, or my lawyer will be contacting the school."
  • Mundane Solution: Sometimes, this is the answer the teacher is looking for.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Played for laughs in this solution. The teacher gets a bout of in-universe Fridge Logic later on when she wonders how come murder only solves the problem 80% of the time.
  • Must Have Nicotine: This driving instructor, who cannot manage a full hour without a smoke, always taking ten minutes out of his hour-long sessions so he can do so. He also insists that the students have their driver's window open at all times, thought by the submitter to be because he's always smoking in his car and doesn't want to fill the vehicle up with smoke. It ends up biting him in the ass when he insists his students have the window open when it's freezing cold and raining heavily, so by the time the session ends the two students from that session are very cold and very wet, and when his bosses find out (about that, and about the unauthorized breaks) they fire him.
  • My Beloved Smother:
    • This mother is a little too desperate to make sure that her college-student son's eating.
    • This mother complains about the submitter "traumatizing" her daughter and teaching "how to kill an innocent animal," in the sense that he explained the basic concepts of where certain types of food came from. When the headmaster defends the submitter, the mother screams at the two, threatening to get them fired. She does so by showing up at the house of a board member, only leaving when the board member threatens to call the police, and removes the daughter from school on the grounds that it is "too provocative." She later gets arrested for assault and loses custody. The girl's father is implied to be a much better parent.
    • This mother grounds her son, forces him to attend literally every minute of in-school tutoring possible, calls him a high-school dropout, chews him out because another student smiled at him in greeting, and on and on. Why? Because, due to a quirk in the grading system that registered an incomplete part of a project as a zero, the otherwise straight-A student temporarily has a B in one class. Naturally, this explanation goes in one of the mother's ears and out the other, and she outright says that a B is 'teaching [her] son that failure is okay'. And as they're leaving, she continues to chew him out for 'flunking school' (her actual words).
  • My God, What Have I Done?: Two friends come to the realization they were bullies.
  • Naïve Newcomer: This Japanese student doesn't realize those "friendly" American ads for people who want a late night chat are in fact phone sex lines.
  • Name's the Same: invoked
    • This poor girl keeps getting called to the vice-principal's office because someone else with the exact same name is causing trouble. Thankfully, the people at the office generally realize their mistake when the first girl shows up.
    • This teacher took most of the semester to realize there were two girls named Sally in the class. By that time, she'd already marked the wrong Sally truant for an entire week.
    • This professor's students tell him of a death row inmate in another state who happens to share his name. The professor promptly wonders if he happens to be the same classmate from his high school days who also shared his name.
    • This math class (which is over twice as large as it usually is) has a lot of students that share names, which the professor discovers during roll call.
    • Another case of a troublemaker with the same name as a more behaved student.
  • Never My Fault: This substitute teacher refuses to admit he messed up a high school class's calculus exam by entering the questions incorrectly into the computer with incorrect answers. This resulted in all of the students failing, when the answers the class wrote down were correct and they actually passed the exam. The normal teacher and the principal thankfully intervene and the substitute is fired, while the students get their correct grades. Still not willing to take accountability, he writes to the local newspaper and school board, accusing the students of cheating the exam by blackmailing the school and demanding their expulsion because according to him, students who are part of a study group leads to gang activity.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: This teacher gets annoyed at a student for staring at falling snow out the window instead of working, pointing out that nobody else in the class is doing so — turns out this is only because they didn't notice the snow, until the teacher very helpfully pointed it out to them.
  • No Indoor Voice: Behold 'The Screamer'. Who is an adult, not a child.
  • No Longer with Us: Assumed by this student.
  • No Man of Woman Born: A student whose birthing parent has since transitioned to male snarks that he could kill Macbeth, because he was born of a man.
  • Noodle Incident: One student has negative thoughts about Montana because his uncle got lost out there and was eventually found naked in a cave. No further details are given.
  • No Periods, Period: This PE teacher forgot this trope doesn't exist in real life.
    • Some things transcend language barriers.
    • A frequent story: Female student needs to use the restroom, teacher says no, female student blurts out why she needs to use the restroom, horrified/humiliated teacher lets her go.
    • This terrible teacher tried to have a student punished for explaining why she suddenly needed the restroom. At a girls' school. The OP concludes by wondering what that teacher does about her own monthly.
    • Another teacher tried to publicly shame a female student for being late to class by demanding she announce her "excuse" in front of the whole class. He wasn't expecting a list of what one needs to do to when one's period starts in the middle of the night without warning.
      He's never hassled another student like that again — especially the girls.
    • This student, on the other hand, plays it perfectly straight... for good reason.
    • This (male) teacher tried to shame a (female) student for giving her (female) friend unknown items in class by asking if she'd brought enough for everyone, only to be shamed himself when the student nonchalantly asked if he needed a pad or a tampon. The ending implies the teacher learned from this, as when he became principal, he made sure the girls' bathrooms always stocked menstrual supplies.
  • Not Distracted by the Sexy: A female student was locked out of her dorm, but doesn't have the money to pay a security officer to open it for her. She tries an… alternate method of payment.
    Security Officer: Well, those are very nice. Now, that'll be £5 please.
  • Not Listening to Me, Are You?: This student drove a teacher crazy by repeatedly subverting the trope.
  • Not Me This Time: This story, a follow-up to this one, involves a series of petty thefts going on around the PE class (and often unusual things like single shoes, pencil cases and not phones or cash). Everyone immediately suspects the attention-seeker who nearly got the submitter expelled in the first story, suspecting it to be yet another one of her many schemes to grab attention, but in the end it turns out to be a completely different student whom nobody really knew; she was stealing people's things and hiding them at her home just to be a Troll. She is eventually busted and everyone's items are returned to their rightful owners.
  • Not That Kind of Doctor: This agricultural professor gets accosted by a woman who thinks his doctorate means he knows how to deliver babies.
  • Obstructive Code of Conduct: Many of the stories show an administrative policy that keeps the victims from defending themselves and lets the guilty get away. It's especially horrific when the official policy is that bullying, no matter how criminal, does not happen unless a teacher sees it. For a full year, the pint-sized terror got away with it because the teachers were expressly forbidden from taking witness statements, because the bully would attack them while the teachers had their backs turned or were elsewhere, and then made it look like he was being attacked when the teachers showed up.
  • Offscreen Teleportation: Or something similar, and you have to admit his reason for learning how to do it makes sense.
  • Off the Rails: One student manages to derail a political game by getting people to contribute their money to them without realizing, and eventually dissolves the partnership and keeps all the money for themselves.
  • Oh, No... Not Again!: Lampshaded here.
  • Omniglot: Downplayed, because the person in question "only" speaks three languages, but… "Wait, did you just tell him not to speak Spanish in an English class, in Korean?"
  • Overly Preprepared Gag: This gag here.
  • Papa Wolf: This dad calmly and epically tore a teacher and vice-principal to shreds when they were bullying his daughter over wearing glasses.
  • People's Republic of Tyranny: Invoked by this student.
  • Perfectly Cromulent Word: Someone put up a picture of Ben Franklin on a wall next to other famous scientists with a caption that included the word "scientifical". This person's teacher later added a Post-it saying that it's actually a real word.
  • Plot Allergy: This student has a severe intolerance to peppers, unleashing a gastrointestinal nightmare they refer to as 'The Evil'. They also have a teacher who a) doesn't believe that intolerances are real and that anyone who claims to have one is just being picky, and b) believes that all foods should be seasoned with pepper. Add in an overactive gallbladder and some oil-fried wontons, set to mix for an hour, and the results are horrific. The teacher is entirely unrepentant right up until the principal recommends she be fired.
  • Political Overcorrectness: You can't say South African! It's racist! You have to say African-American!
  • Popcultural Osmosis Failure:
  • Potty Failure:
    • Discussed here. The submitter is an American teacher working in Mexico, and tells a coworker they needed a month for their digestive system to get accustomed to the local food, "even ended up having to throw away a pair of underwear."
    • Happens to a tech member who was already en route to the restroom when the speaker being used for a high school play unexpectedly starts playing music at a ridiculously high volume, scaring the daylights out of everyone.
      "Well, I had to use the bathroom. Had to. It’s a past-tense need now."
  • Power Perversion Potential: One class goes into a discussion about what they would do if they could turn invisible. A male student says he would go to the girls' locker room, which is met with immediate revulsion from the rest of the class.
  • Preemptive "Shut Up": "Don't you dare say it!"
  • Prepositions Are Not to End Sentences With: A textbook case, followed by a textbook retort.
  • The Problem with Pen Island: Occurs in this story, which takes place in a Spanish class. The students all have progress sheets that use one- or two-letter codes, one of which is "ME" for mucho efuerzo ("much effort"). Upon explaining to the students the correct Spanish phrase whenever a student is asked to give themselves an "ME", the teacher ends up writing DATE ME ("date" meaning "give yourself") on the board.
  • Puppy Love: On the first day of kindergarten: "I met (Boy). I'm going to marry him someday!" "Uh-huh." Twenty years later, they do.
  • Pyromaniac: This science teacher, who makes the best of it.

    Tropes R-Z 
  • Rapid-Fire Interrupting: In this story, a nurse repeatedly cuts off a student, chastising her for asking her brother to pick her up from class, assuming that the brother is still in grade school. Once the student is finally able to explain that the brother is not only college-age, but also on spring break, the nurse chastises the student for not saying so sooner.
  • A Rare Sentence: "There are some things I never thought I'd have to state at the front of a classroom." Such as "I've never felt 'Bear Grylls.'"
  • "Rashomon"-Style: This maths teacher remembers an incident where a student went up to him for help with questions on an exam. The student, however, remembers it differently; she was asking why those questions were marked wrong when they were actually correct. Given the teacher's replies (and that the teacher was using the incident to justify writing that the student "struggles at math" on a reference to university), it's strongly implied that the student is in the right.
  • Readings Are Off the Scale: This student consistently tests at the limits of the reading tests given (at both second and third grade, she demonstrates sixth-grade reading capability). Unfortunately, the teacher doesn't realize this is why the student in question is "not improving"—the test doesn't actually cover the grade levels the student is capable of reading at, with sixth-grade level being its limits. (A different test proves the student has eighth-grade level reading skill while in third grade.)
  • Really Gets Around: Zeus has this reputation in one classroom, to the point that the teacher calls him the god of (among other things) unfaithful husbands.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: This one represents the Lollipop Guild.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: This teacher deliberately puts a question about a topic her class hasn't covered yet on a history test, then gives a 0 to the one student who happened to know the answer already and accuses him of cheating no matter despite all evidence showing that the kid did not. The student's parents and the principal get involved, and when the student's dad finds out what happened, he is furious and lays into the teacher for deliberately giving students questions she knows full well that they won't be able to answer and then failing his son just because he knew the answer already. It turns out the teacher had bullied other students in the past this way and is immediately fired afterward.
    Dad: So, you wrote a question on a topic that you hadn’t taught, expecting everyone to fail to answer, and then you punished the only student that answered? Why did you put that question in the first place? Did you put it intentionally to lower their grades, knowing that the highest grade would be eight? Are you such a bad teacher that you don’t even know what you have taught? Or are you such an a**hole that you feel the need to bully some twelve-year-olds because you know more about history? And since [Student] knows history, you decided to bully him?
  • Reasonable Authority Figure:
    • Claiming a fear of needles will not get you out of the blood-sampling assignment in this class. Actually having a physical panic attack will.
    • A driving student mixes up left and right and takes a wrong turn. Instead of reprimanding them, the instructor praises them for executing the turn safely and guides them back to the intended route. Wrong turns can be fixed; unsafe ones cannot.
  • Recruiting the Criminal: Well, "criminal" is stretching it in this case, but in this story, a couple of high-schoolers figure out how to exploit security vulnerabilities in the website their school uses for testing to give themselves and their classmates huge scores. The website's technicians are more impressed than annoyed; they enlist the duo's help in fixing the bugs and even end up giving one of them a work experience position.
  • Reflexive Response:
  • Revealing Cover-Up:
    • This umpire's decision to call the mercy rule in a baseball game earlier than allowednote  ends up inadvertently exposing a massive bribery scandal.
    • This college professor paid another man to teach his classes and was only found out when a student had a question outside of class and asked administration where the nonexistent professor's office was.
  • Ridiculous Procrastinator: "When is the paper due?" "Midnight." (hands up if you did this in college)
  • Right Behind Me: A singular bigot of a university student seems determined to start every class with a rant about a hated-by-him group du jour. In this case, he goes after the French. Only this time, the professor actually shows up to hear at least a good chunk of the snarling—and he's French. The bigot is assigned to write 3,000 words about U.S./France relations within two days.
  • Rules Lawyer:
    • One student decides to test just how far a math teacher's "As long as you're quiet, you can do whatever you want after the test" rule goes by painting after an exam. Turns out the teacher meant exactly what she said; when another student complains about the submitter painting (cursing in the process), the teacher points out the submitter hasn't broken any rules, but the complaining student has — twice, by both failing to be quiet, and cursing in the classroom.
    • Students were given treats for wearing camo, or red-white-and-blue. One student tried to get a treat by wearing camo underpants. The teacher wasn't impressed.
  • Running Gag: This student apparently wants a cookie.
  • Sadist Teacher:
    • Abusive, too... until the student's mother shows up.
    • This one, among other infractions, forces students who didn't study with their parents for spelling tests to sit in at recess with their heads down, even if they got an 'A' on the exam. The parents of the submitter complain about this behavior—pointing out that it teaches kids to lie—and eventually the teacher is dismissed after a different incident.
    • This teacher consistently failed a student because she believed that "some students should not be given special privileges", despite the student's work being correct. The student (and family) was white/Caucasian, while the community was primarily Hispanic, so the teacher's statement was very thinly-veiled racism. The mother got her children assigned to a different classroom.
    • This first-grade teacher hates the submitter for no apparent reason and punishes them constantly, even when they are not misbehaving. When they don't bring back slips signed by their parents for their "misbehavior", she takes away their recesses, leaves them alone in the room during that time, and threatens to make them sit in the office for the rest of the year if they leave. When the fire alarm goes off one day, the submitter stays put because they're afraid of getting in trouble if they leave, but the teacher runs in minutes later and takes them through a different exit so that no one notices that she left a six-year old all alone (all while praising them for staying in like she asked and giving back their recess). Unfortunately, the teacher ends up getting away with it because the submitter was too afraid to tell their parents until years later, and they still don't know why she treated them horribly.
    • This substitute teacher rips a student's hearing aids out of their ears and stomps on them, because "headphones aren't permitted in class" — despite the student and the entire class telling her they weren't headphones, they were hearing aids. Fortunately, another student (ordered to the principal's office for swearing at the sub over the broken aids) brought the vice-principal to see what was going on; by the end of that day, the substitute had been fired, and the school district was paying to replace those $3000 hearing aids.
    • This one doesn't just excessively punish students for such crimes as "having a nickname" or "being left-handed", she also calls their parents to blame the "sins" of the students on supposedly bad parenting, or in the case of the submitter, staying single after his wife was killed in a car accident. All the students and their families want her gone, as does the principal, but the school district doesn't have cause to fire her... until she deliberately blames a fight on a student who was home sick that day. The district is forced to investigate whether the rest of her recent disciplinary action reports were equally dishonest, and enough are that she's fired the next day.
  • Sarcasm-Blind: This girl doesn't get it when someone else tries to call her out on her hypocrisy.
  • Scare 'Em Straight: This school requests the police do a presentation about the dangers of vaping, which the police do by bringing in an apparent convict whose vape products had been contaminated and killed a young customer. After the presentation, the students look up the "convict" to find out more and... he's just another police officer. The sob story was pure baloney.
  • Scrabble Babble: Blarbleskutch, apparently the sound made by a fish when you take it out of water.
  • Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: "I'd still give it to the police."
  • Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: This teacher admonishes a student for having her lunch split between two bags and for using chopsticks to eat it, rather than a fork. She ends up taking that student to the principal over it... only to learn there are no rules about how many bags a student can have their lunch in or what utensils they can eat it with. The teacher ended up fired not long after this incident.
  • Secret Test of Character: Here.
  • "Seinfeld" Is Unfunny: This student thinks that Shakespeare is full of cliches, not realizing that he invented most of them. invoked
  • Separated by a Common Language: Invoked here.
  • Sheltered Aristocrat: In a school situated in an affluent county, these students are absolutely shocked that their teacher didn't like iPads, and didn't have a laptop until college. They wonder what the teacher did to survive, and she of course replies that she played outside.
  • Shipper on Deck: "So, basically, a six-year-old scored me a boyfriend." Complete with the "sitting in a tree" chant.
  • The Show Must Go Wrong: This disastrous science fair. An exhibit about electricity goes awry and sets off the school's fire alarm, destroying several science exhibits in the ensuing commotion; one of the speakers at the fair falls into the school lake and ends up missing her cue to speak in front of the students; the principal's well-meaning attempts to salvage the fair go completely wrong due to her misreading her cue cards and improvising based on what she's read before finishing reading; and someone gets bitten by a goat.
  • Single-Biome Planet: This student apparently can't wrap their head around the fact that the Planet of the Apes is not one of these, convinced that it is the only kind of planet that can exist. When asked what sort of planet Earth is, in that case, the student replies that Earth is an Earth planet.note 
  • A Sinister Clue: Several stories about forcing left-handed students to do everything with their right hand exist on the site, but this one is probably the most ridiculous. Even the headmaster thought it would be "more natural" to tape a pen to the stump of the student's right arm note  than letting them use their perfectly usable left hand.
    • Played with here: the struggling student thinks he has to ask for permission to use his left hand, when the computer teacher just didn't know. As soon as they get him a left-handed mouse, his difficulties using the computer vanish.
  • Skewed Priorities:
    • This teacher, panicked by an unannounced fire drill, runs outside with her cosmetics... but not her class register or the students themselves, so she couldn't check if all of the students had made it out.
    • This teacher demands a mother buy a computer for her son and doesn't care that the mother is poor and can't afford to buy one.
    • Rather than shell out the funds to hire new teachers (and forcing local parents to cover for the staff they don't have), this school would rather buy goats to serve as class pets.
    • This student is running late to his final exam and sees someone lying injured in the road after getting hit by a car. He chooses not to help her, and instead runs into the classroom to make it to his exam on time.
    • This school principal is trying to find a way to afford his daughter's wedding and European honeymoon. He decides the best idea is to not pay any of his teachers for two months to save up enough money since "you don't have bills to pay anyway". All the teachers promptly stage a palace coup and quit on the spot, forcing the school to close due to no employees. The principal's daughter is mad that she didn't get the wedding she was promised and cuts all communication with him, and the principal's wife divorces him for losing their only source of income. All of this because he felt his daughter's wedding was his top priority.
    • This orchestra girl inexplicably injures herself and doesn't bother to check her knees or her elbow (where the injuries were), only saying that she's fine and can still play the French horn.
    • A referee at a school soccer game refuses to call a game in the face of a tornado, even as the weather worsens around everybody, until he gets confirmation that the tornado is actually heading right for them.
    • This girl's parents force her to attend school through several days of increasingly severe mononucleosis, causing a mono outbreak among students and teachers, so she can keep a perfect attendance record.
    • The submitter sets an oven on fire while attempting to do some baking. Nobody at all is interested in the fire; all everybody else wants to know is how they got their assistant, a girl, into the kitchen which was in the boys-only dorm. (The school is noted to be extremely strict on the subject, with entering the wrong gender dorm being grounds for, among other things, suspension and expulsion; the assistant in question was permitted to enter by dint of being the only person willing to help the submitter with the baking in the first place.)
  • Smug Snake: Unaware that the submitter is using their phone to complete an assignment in the form of an animation unlike the other students, a classroom assistant on a power trip very loudly and vocally busts them for supposedly listening to music and "drawing things" instead of doing the assignment and smirks at the submitter as they come up to the teacher's desk. When the teacher explains that she allowed the submitter to complete the assignment this way (and expresses interest in how the app they are using works), the assistant is so humiliated that they begin trying to get themselves transferred to a different class and as far away from the teacher and submitter as possible.
  • Snipe Hunt: During a wood-working class, the teacher asks a student to fetch a fallopian tube.
  • Soapbox Sadie: This "activist" at a high school vocally vouches for a different cause every week, but does very little to support the causes he purportedly stands for and seems to use his "activism" as an excuse to bully and pick fights with people, leaving in a huff when whoever he is talking down to doesn't take the bait.
  • Space Whale Aesop: Learn math, or someday a psychotic math teacher will kill you. Amusingly, the teacher gives a reasonable excuse for it actually making sense.
    "Son, let me assure you... if there are any jobs in the world likely to cause a psychotic break, high school math teacher is at the top of that list."
  • Spy Speak: This teacher mistakenly thinks this is happening when told one of his students is in the clinic. He replies with "The dog barks at midnight."
  • Stay in the Kitchen:
  • Stealth Hi/Bye: This teacher does it when he hears his student scream.
  • Stealth Insult: This student apologizes to an Indian classmate for stereotyping against Indian people. They say that they shouldn't have assumed that all Indians were so smart. The classmate eventually gets what the student was implying.
  • Stepping Out for a Quick Cup of Coffee: This teacher hopes that no protesting students get up to mischief while he's on his break. He especially hopes that they don't push that BIG BUTTON over there. That would be terrible.
  • Sticky Situation: This story, in which a pair of students have to ask after accidentally supergluing their hands to a table.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike: This ADHD student makes up challenges to keep from being bored while taking tests. The substitute overseeing one test comments that their daughter did the same thing, and it cost them a lot of money in psych visits to figure out she was just bored. The student is surprised to learn there are people who don't think that way.
  • Streisand Effect: invoked This Christian principal wanted to stop rumors spreading that a married teacher was having an affair with a student's mother... by announcing it to the entire school during the auditorium assembly. The ironic part was that absolutely no one, including the student herself, knew about the affair until the principal mentioned it. As a result, the poor girl was forced to leave school, humiliated by the revelation, and the principal was hated by the whole school for his actions.
  • The Stoner: This substitute teacher.
  • Stopped Reading Too Soon: In this story, a boy keeps receiving abysmal grades in math, and his grandmother who's a teacher herself accompanies his mother to the parent-teacher conference. She instantly realizes that this and not the below inability to do math is the problem—he only did the problems on the front of the worksheets, not the back.
  • Stuff Blowing Up: Don't play with alkali metals. No, really, don't.
  • Surprisingly Mundane Exam: Invoked by this professor, who offers a six (a barely passing grade) to anyone that doesn't want to take the exam. After over half the class leaves, the test is revealed to only have one question: name.
  • Sustained Misunderstanding: In a library, one student asks another for her copy of a book, thinking it's actually a library copy. When the second student replies that the book is her own personal copy, the first student seems to think (from that point) that the library gave her that book, or at least that the second student thinks that. The misunderstanding only gets worse from there.
  • Take That!: This one, against the petty arguments that occur a lot in the Star Wars fandom. Also proof that a true fan can take on the petty fans any day.
  • Talk About That Thing: This teacher uses the (false) excuse of a student not doing work to take said student to the principal's office... to discuss the bullying he's been experiencing, without letting the bullies know he's telling on them.
  • Tap on the Head: The KO Punch variant, here:
    Mid-sentence, she tries to shove my regular again, but this time the regular catches the college girl's arm and delivers a powerful right cross to her face, knocking her out cold. The regular watches the drunk college girl drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes, then sits back down on her barstool and turns back to the bar.
  • Tempting Fate:
    • After this student complains to mom about the ridiculous number of fire alarms in the dorm (as no one seems to know how to use an oven), she replies, "Maybe it will be better this time." Cue three fire trucks, sirens wailing, headed toward the dorm.
    • It's a theater tradition to say "break a leg" instead of "good luck" because of this trope, but "break a leg" can backfire too.
    • The rulers in this story are supposed to be shatterproof. It doesn't take long for the students to prove they aren't.
  • That Came Out Wrong:
  • There Are No Therapists: It's easier to lock the autistic child in a closet than to get a counselor to teach her appropriate behavior. Not only is her own mother furiously calling anyone who will listen to report them, another Mama Bear who witnesses this "treatment" immediately withdraws her own children and convinces two dozen other families to do the same. The principal and school district do nothing.
  • They Just Dont Get It:
    • Combined with Obstructive Bureaucrat. This college student is deaf, and specifically requested an e-mail communication regarding an appointment with the advising office. The receptionist insists on communicating by phone call, ignoring his preferences, and the fact that the submitter cannot use the phone to call repeatedly. When the submitter goes to the office, in person, the first thing the receptionist does is berate the submitter for ignoring the calls and that the semester is ending in a week, after the submitter told the receptionist no less than three times that he is deaf and can't answer the phone! After setting up the appointment, the receptionist asks, "would you like the reminder by phone or email?"
    • This teacher doesn't seem to understand that two half-sisters, who have different mothers and live in different homes, are still considered sisters even if they don't live together. The whole class facepalms — including the teacher's daughter, who also does a headdesk at how dumb her parent is.
    • This teacher refuses to allow her students to leave the classroom when the fire alarm goes off. Not when it goes off, not when the fire department gets there, or even when the school director outright states that there is a fire. When the class does leave, she continues to yell at her class, threatening to expel them for "purposely missing an exam," even though the director is the one leading them out! This whole incident causes the teacher to be fired and sued by the school.
    • A justified example here: A little girl on her first day of class refuses to answer to anything but her nickname... because nobody ever calls her by her real name, nor ever told her that the name they all call her is just a nickname.
    • The submitter's roommate's girlfriend turns off the submitter's alarm clock because it's going off too loud and too long for her... when she's not supposed to be staying in their unit in the first place, and the submitter needs the extra loud, extra long alarm because he has trouble waking up in time for his classes, which he's been missing because she's turning off his alarm clock without his knowledge.
    • Meta example here. To summarise: OP has tinnitus, which he uses earbuds to offset. The teacher takes his earbuds (destroying his phone in the process), then claims he's lying and screams down his ear (the latter after the principal confirms that the submitter has tinnitus). OP reflexively jerks his arm up, and ends up breaking their teacher's nose by accident. However, one commenter seems to have missed out on that memo, and insists that the OP had also assaulted the teacher, despite many other commentators attempting to correct them, and the story itself pointing out that the swing was defensive in nature and caused by the pain.
    • This story starts with one such case. The poster, a gay student, gets his class project group, whose members he didn't know prior to the project, to talk about a (at the time) recent policy making it so only straight couples can foster children. The oldest member of the group is both already a father and homophobic enough to not trust gay people to take care of children. The poster's first attempt to show the father the problem with his views becomes a back-and-forth consisting of the poster saying that following the father's logic, he shouldn't be allowed to babysit the father's daughter and the father saying that he'd be fine with the poster babysitting his daughter, he just wouldn't want a gay person doing so, without catching onto what the poster is trying to tell him. Judging by the laughs stifled by the other students in the group, they catch on quite fast.
    • This teacher, on day one, confuses one of her students (whose name is Aileen, pronounced "I-lean"), for an absent student named Ellie, and when the student tries to explain that that's not her name, the teacher laughs, thinking for some reason that it's just a joke. (It doesn't help that the teacher is unfamiliar with the pronunciation, and probably hasn't thought past the fact that there isn't an "Eileen" in her class.) The real Ellie never shows up, and no matter how many times Aileen tries to tell the teacher her actual name, she still remains convinced that she's joking. She finally gives up, only to learn at the end of the semester that she's failed the class — because the teacher thinks she never attended. Aileen ends up going to her student counselor, who arranges a meeting to sort it out, only for the teacher to ask, baffled, why "Ellie" is there. It still takes a while for the two of them to get it through the teacher's head that it really isn't a joke, and she's been awarding the marks to the wrong student all semester.
  • Toilet Humor:
  • Tomato Surprise: This heavily-soused lady calls a cab in the morning to take her to the liquor store for more wine, and then to a local college for her class. After getting the wine and promising not to drink it in the cab, she decides maybe she's already too drunk to go to class... she might set a bad example for her students!
  • Tranquil Fury:
  • Troll:
  • True Art Is Incomprehensible: invoked No matter what this art student does, whether it involves painstaking effort or just throwing together random junk, it gets a 'C' grade from the professor (with the "random junk" effort apparently falling into this trope). The student eventually changes majors.
  • Twin Telepathy: These students, apparently. Their teacher requests that they be moved into separate classes so they can't cheat off each other.
  • Two Decades Behind: This high school's "IT" classes seem to cover the very very basics of computing... and by that we mean the students are learning about incredibly simple things such as what a keyboard and mouse are and how to save a word document; such subjects probably wouldn't have been too bad back during the genesis of personal computers in the 1970s and 1980s, but not in the mid-2000s when this story takes place and when most people could easily own a PC. On top of that, the students are required to save their work onto floppy disks, when floppies had long since been mostly supplanted by the compact disc and the then-brand new USB technology by that point in time. Even the teachers find the classes pointless and boring. After an incident involving bored students in one of the classes throwing their chairs around the classroom and out the door (while their teacher gets blasted out of his mind with the alcoholic beverages he brings into class because of how little he cares anymore), the students at the school begin campaigning for a overhaul of their "IT" classes. Fortunately, the faculty listens and by next year, new IT classes that are more with-the-times and teach more useful material have been established.
  • Tyop on the Cover: An unfortunate misspelling indeed.
  • The Unfavorite: When your parents ignore your birthday, you might be...
  • Unfortunate Search Results: This history teacher, during a lesson on Victorian England, used Google Images to pull up a picture of Prince Albert for the class... but forgot to turn Safe Search on.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: This 2nd-grade student asks the submitter for an answer on a test, and upon receiving it, then asks for the submitter's phone number so he can call his mother and tell her he cheated.
  • Unishment: A school with a heavy emphasis on rugby and hockey forces students to play one or the other for their sports credits. Anyone who argues will be made to run laps as punishment, which suits this student just fine.
  • Unsettling Gender-Reveal: This girl does it to another group of girls who were infatuated with her.
  • The Unsmile: This person's "smile" manages to convince their band director that they're feeling sick.
  • Unusual Euphemism: Averted; to the shock of these middle-school students, having your wisdom teeth out is not one for losing your virginity!
  • Unwanted Assistance: This teacher notices that a girl is sitting in the library alone every lunchtime, and, failing to consider whether she wants to make friends yet, decides to bring her out of her shell, against her objections. All he manages to do is scare the poor girl, and her mother is forced to intervene on her behalf.
  • Viewers Are Morons:
    • This teacher unfortunately goes beyond the assumption that students are ignorant, and seems to operate under the assumption that students are stupid.
    • This teacher seems to operate under the same logic, having assumed that none of the students (Germans who are learning English) have ever heard an English word before entering his classroom, and as such throws a fit when a student turns out to know most of the words in a poem without having to look them up as they were reading it.
    • This teacher tries telling her students that negative numbers don't exist, because she doesn't think they could understand that. Naturally, when it turns out they do, rather than praising them for knowing more than she expected, she sends the first student to speak up about it to the principal for "insubordination" (though the student quickly returned). After that incident, the teacher went to the more plausible "We're not covering that yet."
  • Victoria's Secret Compartment: Where this substitute teacher keeps her phone.
  • Waking Non Sequitur: In this story, a teacher tries to catch out a student who is prone to sleeping (through no fault of their own), by asking about the book she slammed onto the student's desk. The student mentioned the first thing that came to mind ("42!"), which had nothing to do with the book being discussed. However, the answer did have everything to do with the book that was slammed down onto the desk...
  • Walking Disaster Area: This accident-prone student. The science teacher even has an X Days Since sign in the lab, just for that student.
  • Walking Techbane: The submitter, who's prone to blowing out lightbulbs. Apparently It Runs in the Family too — the submitter's father tends to have computers and cleaning appliances break for no explained reason.
  • Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: An excellent example of why proper use of commas is essential.
  • Waxing Lyrical: Carry on my wayward son.
  • What's a Henway?: "What the heck's a 'torial' and why do we need two of them?!"
  • Wholesome Crossdresser:
    • This student body voted to allow boys on the cheer team, but also to keep skirted uniforms for everyone on the team instead of switching to a version with shorts. This lasted for two years before the Parent-Teachers Association demanded a skirtless uniform, despite the student body voting in favor of skirts again with an 80% majority. The submitter concludes that years later, he misses the cheer team and having an excuse to wear a skirt.
    • This story has a first-grade boy discover that he likes to wear dresses, and by the end it's treated as just something he does.
  • Who's on First?: "That was actually correct? Because I really don't care."
  • Why We Can't Have Nice Things: This teacher stopped with bribing jokes after a certain incident.
  • With Friends Like These... Who Needs Enemies?: This high school senior is horrified to find that their good friend has entered an ugly tie contest with a tie covered in pictures of the submitter — and wins.
  • Worst Aid:
    • Oh boy. A student breaks his arm, and the first thing three people do is physically test it to see how badly it's actually injured. Thankfully not repeated by the nurse, but seriously—a suspected broken arm should not be tested in that manner; doing so can make the injury far worse.
    • This school nurse's procedure for treating one student is very poor indeed.
    • As is this one's. Even worse, the nurse in question isn't too incompetent to see that the finger is very obviously broken, noticing every sign of such, but she still decides to completely ignore them because the submitter wasn't showing enough pain.
    • Not unlike the first story listed, this student breaks their arm on the playground, and every teacher/faculty member they go up to afterward (first a hall monitor, then the secretary, and finally a school nurse) reacts the same exact way: They say "Hmm, it doesn't look broken..." before physically testing the arm, causing the poor kid to scream in pain every time. Fortunately, they didn't appear to cause any further damage to the kid's arm (which their doctor later confirms really was broken; all three are shocked the next day when the student shows up wearing a cast).
  • Would Hurt a Child: This gym teacher tries to attack a student because he doesn't play soccer (a sport the teacher loves and fails anyone who doesn't play it) and the teacher thinks he is lazy. Too bad the student was a jiujitsu practitioner who kicks the teacher's ass for trying to grab him. The incident gets the teacher removed from the position of the school's soccer coach.
  • Wounded Gazelle Gambit: Attempted here. It eventually failed because witnesses came forward, and the guy who claimed he was touched got barred from a school trip--the same one he was trying to get the other guy barred from.
    • This charming girl plays this card after repeatedly abusing and threatening a handicapped girl and getting attacked by the aforementioned girl's friend. Thankfully, it didn't work.
    • This horrible girl attempted to get the submitter expelled, perhaps even arrested, for cyberbullying. Thankfully, Problem Girl caused her plot to implode by sending more bullying texts to herself while the submitter had no access to a phone and rushing into the office of the teacher about to punish the submitter. Unfortunately, while the head apologised and the teacher in question was suspended for mishandling the situationnote , Problem Girl was never punished.
  • You Are Not Alone: The basis of this story. A transwoman ducks into the girl's locker room to evade some bullies. The gym teacher fends the bullies off, and says that she considers the student one of them, a sentiment shared by the girls in the locker room. Furthermore, she allows her to hide in the room as a refuge should more troubles occur.
  • You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!:
    • This IEP teacher steadfastly believes that the submitter is being "difficult" because she won't put on her PE shoes, in spite of the submitter repeatedly stating and showing that the shoes in question are too small for her. The IEP teacher then states that she is going to call the submitter's mother to take the submitter shoe shopping, and then come back to finish the class, even though there's only twenty minutes to do so, even after the idea is spelled out to her. The teacher then calls the submitter's mother with the same idea.
      Submitter: Let me get this straight... you're going to call my mom while she's at work, pull me out of school during class, and take me to get new shoes, and then COME BACK to FINISH the class? All in 20 minutes?
      IEP Teacher: Yes, exactly!
      Submitter: That's fucking bullshit.
      (Later)
      Mom: Wait... so you want me to take time off work in the middle of the day, pick up my kid, take her to a shoe store so she can get some new PE shoes, and then somehow bring her back to school and sign her in in time to finish the class that, at now, only has 15 minutes left?
      IEP Teacher: Yes, that's all I asked!
      Mom: That's fucking bullshit. (Hangs up)
    • These teachers believe that the submitter is being passive aggressive for forgetting to bring a pencil to his reading class (where he isn't allowed to use the pencil). The utter stupidity of the teachers causes the mother to burst into tears.
      Mom: I'm not crying because my son 'is passive aggressive and needs counseling,' I'm crying because he has to spend ALL DAY SURROUNDED BY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.
  • You Keep Using That Word: A young student objects to another person's use of "gay" (as a derogatory term along the lines of "stupid" or "annoying") along these lines. Also here.
  • You Never Asked: This teacher violently dragged a student to the principal's office for discipline after he refused to rise and recite the American Pledge of Allegiance with the rest of the class. When the principal does ask why he refused, the student replies that he's English.
  • Your Mom: The submitter's response to their teacher's question of: "Who in the world taught you how to do math?!". The funny thing is, the submitter isn't kidding; his mom really did teach the submitter math at the submitter's high school.
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