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Not Always Friendly is a sister site of Not Always Right, added to the site's network in 2014. The stories involve conversations, conflicts, and confusing (and often goofy) moments among friends or complete strangers. (As usual, remember to be careful sifting through these, as there's no way of knowing which stories are legit or not.)

Note: Due to a restructuring of the entire NAR site network, the hyperlinks below may or may not work anymore.

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Not Always Friendly contains examples of:

  • Abuse Mistake: This poster is a petite woman who plays rugby. A classmate refuses to believe her bruises come from playing rugby, and keeps trying to force her to go to a battered-women shelter.
  • Abusive Parent: This woman rams her shopping cart into her three-year-old, knocking him over and nearly breaking his nose, because he kept walking in front of her. Police and CPS were alerted almost immediately; no word on whether the child was removed or not.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Making zombie jokes about The Passion of the Christ to a Christian coworker gets this response.
  • Adaptation Displacement: invoked This person didn't realize The Lord of the Rings started out as a book.
  • Adorably Precocious Child: Six years old and giving grown-ups dating advice... like how to make her throw up if she isn't nice to you on the date.
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  • Alcohol Hic: Happens here as one guy tries to claim he isn't drunk.
  • Ambiguous Syntax: A little girl is told by her mother that she should ask permission before petting a dog... so she politely asks the dog "can I pet you?".
  • Analogy Backfire: This man complains about a mother showing her breast to breastfeed her baby as indecent and tries to compare it to him showing his penis in public... only for the submitter to point out loudly, to everyone nearby, that this implies that he feeds infants with his semen. The man is so embarrassed and flustered that he leaves quickly.
  • Artistic License – Geography: One smug English girl proudly proclaims she's South African during a Rugby match when South Africa beats England but is called out by everyone at the bar that she isn't South African as she wasn't born there nor was she a citizen, and her grandparents and father living there for a few years does not make her one.
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  • Ask a Stupid Question...: "What's a saint? Are they people who work for Satan or something?"
  • Backhanded Apology: “Sorry you can’t take a joke.” “Sorry you have a terrible sense of humor.”
  • Bedtime Brainwashing: One individual attempts to mess with their friend's head while he's asleep; upon seeing that Dumbo is on TV, and knowing how much he hates the Pink Elephants scene, they proceed to crank up the volume. It works.
  • Belief Makes You Stupid:
    • Enough so to intentionally endanger three lives to prove that God would save them, apparently forgetting about the part in the Bible where it says "thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to a foolish test", and then chewing out and threatening the good Samaritans that saved their lives. If the husband's comment that he wants the police to lock her up for it is any indication, this is just the tipping point in a long list of events like this - the story ends with the reveal that he divorced her at some point around the same time she went to jail over this incident.
    • Will somebody please explain what "bearing false witness against thy neighbor" is to this lady? She grills people in her church on seemingly random questions based on her warped view on who a "real" Christian is, and if they don't fit, she makes up a ridiculous excuse to get them thrown out.
    • For this person, anything and everything any non-Christian talks about can and will offend her beliefs. Her forcing her own beliefs on everyone else for three years, though, is perfectly fine.
    • This woman complains about how the loud noises from a practice racing event will distract her from her bible study, when said bible study is taking place at her house ten miles away from the event.
    • This old couple almost drowned the submitter via an impromptu baptism because they were convinced the broken blood vessels in her eyes were proof she was possessed by the Devil and would have continued if it weren't for bystanders and security stopping them. Scary thing is, the "baptism" seems to have worked.
    • One flatmate keeps changing the submitter's kitchen cabinet lock number, as they insist on leaving it on the numbers "6 6 6" when locked due to their OCD, which bothers the flatmate to the point she believes she needs to "save" the submitter and, after weeks of the submitter's work being affected by feeling they have to check to see the pushy flatmate didn't touch their lock again at every noise when in the flat and between every class when out of it, ends up unlocking it and leaving a cross and a bottle of holy water, which was finally enough for the submitter and the less-pushy flatmates to report her to the student union. The union promptly ignores that student's simultaneous complaint about the submitter going to the kitchen every night, oblivious to the fact she was the reason for the submitter's actions, and ultimately orders her to move to a different flat because the rest of the students there far preferred the submitter's mild (at least when not deliberately antagonized like this) OCD to the other one's stubborn pushiness.
    • In a reverse, this atheist English woman tries to pick a fight with an American Christian, proudly claiming that England is an atheist country when it’s not and, despite claiming to know Christianity, doesn’t believe that Jesus taught his followers to respect others and turn the other cheek. She was eventually kicked out of the restaurant by the manager for disturbing the American woman who was trying to be nice and tell her to leave her alone, being oblivious to why people were cross with her.
    • This crazy girl lacks common sense due to her deeply religious beliefs. She had a dream that her pastor was having sex with a minor, which she believes was a revelation from God that it was really happening, and told people about it which got her banned from her church. When she loses her job, she refuses her friend's offers to help her find a new job since "God didn't give her a sign to take it". And then there's her stupid backup plan if she can't get a job soon enough to keep her apartment, which is to go Syria to spread the gospel to ISIS.
  • Big Friendly Dog: Meet Wiggles!
  • Bilingual Backfire: These Chinese girls talk badly about a guy's friend because she's in frumpy clothes and no makeup, and one of them tells the guy, in English, to ditch her and come with them. The guy retorts in their own language.
    *in Chinese* “No, thanks. Being with her, what would I need someone like any of you for?”
    • This woman, on the other hand, has a mental BSOD when the submitter responds to being mocked in Mandarin.
  • Buffy Speak: "I used the Salvadorian word for 'thingamajig'."
  • Calling Your Bathroom Breaks: Happens here, combined with Shared Family Quirks.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: This woman makes a big display of sitting away from the submitter, and then moves towards and sniffs them, asking if the submitter has committed a crime because the woman’s “aura is very cloudy.” After the submitter asks her to leave, the woman leaves and accuses the submitter of trying to molest her. The police are called, only asking the submitter for a statement, as cameras clearly showed that the woman was making the submitter uncomfortable, and the police were aware of the woman, and were trying to get her into a secure unit.
  • Comically Missing the Point:
    • This friend, who doesn't want to work while at work.
    • This racist tourist goes on vacation in Singapore, and is surprised and confused to find there are a lot of Asians there.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: Spring a surprise visit on your friend? He'll greet you... with a very large super-soaker!
  • Cool Old Lady: This church-dressed lady gives two metal-heads an envelope "from The Lord", leading them to expect a preachy pamphlet. Instead, it's free tickets to a death metal concert they couldn't afford. Apparently she does this whenever her son, who works for the venue, gives her tickets to a show which doesn't interest her.
  • Crossdresser:
    • This person's boyfriend and friend are said to be crossplayers occasionally.
    • This person, following gastric bypass surgery, takes the opportunity to try out cross-dressing.
  • Crowd Song: Here, courtesy of The Princess and the Frog.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: The most important thing during a disaster.
  • Determinator: This toddler got out of her high chair, unlocked the front door and a gate whose latch was high above her, and climbed ten steps to get to the neighbor's house. All the while crying and trying to communicate in a mix of English and Farsi. It was because her mother had collapsed, and she knew the neighbor was a trusted adult whose child often played with the toddler's older brother.
  • Discriminate and Switch:
    • A half-burned LGBT event sign leads a dormitory admin to assume one of the residents is discriminating. One of the residents is an impulsive pyromaniac, who burned the sign without realizing what it would mean.
    • A trainer at a new job responded awkwardly to a worker's admission to bisexuality, leading the worker to assume (and tell all their friends) that the trainer was homophobic. It's revealed some time later that the admission was in the form of a pun ("stand-bi"), and the trainer's reaction was because they'd missed the joke.
    • A costume director does have a problem with the transgender actor's new male name... she has speech aphasia, and it's hard to pronounce.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: This person's roommate moves out without a word (potentially causing money issues) because the writer of the story changed the wifi password in response to her refusing to do the dishes to the point they were growing moldy.
  • Does This Make Me Look Fat?:
  • Dope Slap: This one, for thinking that Errol Flynn was in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
  • Double Standard: In this story, an Atheist's Catholic friend doesn't like the former writing in the Bible and making jokes about it since they consider it very rude and offensive, yet the Catholic friend sees no problem if the same thing happened to the Quran.
  • Drives Like Crazy: This lady, whom the submitter correctly predicts is going to cause an accident.
  • Embarrassing Damp Sheets: This 9-year-old girl is strangely eager to show her adult male neighbor her bedwetting diaper. The man is understandably speechless.
  • Embarrassing Ringtone: This person's brother secretly changed their ringtone to "Kyle's Mom Is A Big Fat B***" from South Park, and then called their phone while they were driving a van full of elderly women.
  • Engaging Conversation: Here.
  • Entitled Bastard: The social media page for a litter-pick group gets a request from a local resident to have his street cleared. Unfortunately it turns out that they don't have any volunteers living in his area, but this just sets the man off, complaining that it's unfair and he has as much right as anyone else. He doesn't seem to comprehend the fact that it's a free service provided by volunteers out of the goodness of their own hearts, not something he or anyone else has any 'right' to. They end up having to boot him out and set the page to private, leaving a lot of people upset that their community-spirited efforts were getting this reaction.
  • Eskimos Aren't Real: "Did you know mongoose is a real animal?!"
  • Even Evil Has Standards: "There's a long list of crimes I'm willing to commit, but littering isn't one of them."
  • Evil Is Petty: Invoked here — a person dressed up as Darth Vader tells a boy to not eat his vegetables, and when questioned later as to why, another member of the group points out that they are evil.
  • Failed a Spot Check:
    • More like "Failed a Taste Test" - this fruit fanatic failed to notice for most of their life that they had an allergic response to bananas. They thought the sour, burning sensation was how they were supposed to taste. (Then again, how would they know differently?)
    • A dad accidentally reprimands someone else's daughter when he thought his own was about to read an age-inappropriate book at a bookstore, not seeing the girl's face until it's too late.
  • The Farmer and the Viper: While on board a plane, the submitter plays what is all but stated to be a Nintendo Switch, and when a little boy wants a turn with it, he agrees to let him play after he finishes the level he's on. Cue the boy's mother coming in, who after failing to get the submitter to hand it over before he's finished, tries to steal the console for her son by claiming that the submitter was the one who stole it. The boy eventually does get his turn despite his mother's erratic behavior. A very similar story plays out pretty much the same way as the previous one, but with a pair of DSs instead.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: These girls were actually considering reporting the submitter to the police for animal abuse, because they killed a monster in a video game that vaguely resembled a dog.
  • Filching Food for Fun: This girl keeps taking food from her boyfriend's fridge he shares with his roommate, even if the food belongs to said roommate. Interestingly, she breaks off the relationship on her own when her boyfriend won't make his roommate apologize for putting chili peppers in the fridge (which wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't stolen them after being told not to).
  • Fluffy the Terrible: A cat named Little Girl is, apparently, very protective when her owner is being verbally assaulted.
  • For the Evulz: A guy who's going around kicking over inukshuks (a humanoid figure made of stacked rocks) at a breakwater actually answers “Hey, man, you just trying to be a d**k?” with "Yep!"
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: "If you feel that way, why don’t you just stop being friends with him?"
  • From the Mouths of Babes:
  • Gender-Blender Name: This one. Awkward...
  • Girls Are Really Scared of Horror Movies: Invoked but subverted in this story. One of the guys asks the only girl in the room how she can eat after watching The Walking Dead, but it seems like he's more squicked than she is.
  • Global Ignorance: Someone who is so incapable of telling China and Japan apart that they think the Great Wall of China is in Japan.
  • "Groundhog Day" Loop: Discussed here, along with the trope namer
  • Hangover Sensitivity: A watchstander on New Year's Day takes advantage of this by shouting and pretending to be overly chipper to mess with hungover sailors. He ends up getting annoyed when he encounters a sailor who actually seems just as chipper as him.
  • Heroic Bystander: This woman took charge on realizing her neighbor needed medical attention. She climbed over the fence when the neighbor's toddler alerted her about the situation while crying, and saw that the poor mother wasn't breathing and bleeding from the head. The submitter called emergency services and performed CPR, before going along in the ambulance with the toddler, being unable to reach her father. This ended up saving the woman's life and she made a full recovery. In the post itself, she's very modest, referring to the toddler as the real hero for getting help for her mother.
  • Honorary Uncle: This guy declares himself uncle to a younger friend, lets her borrow his car for dates, and tells her to threaten any unruly boyfriends with her uncle's wrath.
  • Horrible Camping Trip: This messy story, where a family camping trip is turned into the camping trip from Hell by a family friend who invited them along with his free-loading inconsiderate frat boy buddies. Within two days they eat the entire supply of food (including eggs meant for a diabetic grandfather), "forget" to get ice for their drinks and uncooked burgers and hot dogs when they left the coolers open and instead return with more raw chicken than the family can eat resulting in them wasting hundreds of dollars worth of food, leave a mess everywhere that attracts wild animals including a bear, lose the then-young submitter on an excursion, and smoke weed around the kids, all while remaining completely oblivious to the obvious misery of everyone else on the trip. Needless to say, the family threw in the towel and went home well before the trip was supposed to be over and never went camping with them again, and the submitter mentions that it caused their grandmother to never go on another camping trip with anybody ever again.
  • Humiliation Conga: This chess player gets hit with a pretty big one after his decision to relentlessly taunt and harass the defending champion after beating him. First, he gets disqualified on the spot for his poor sportsmanship. Then, he gets kicked out of the tournament and banned from it for life after he throws a tantrum. He then tries to sue the tournament, and gets laughed out of court thanks to the large amount of witnesses that saw what happened. This in turn gets him blacklisted from every tournament in the state.
  • Hurricane of Puns: A heavy seasoning of kitchen puns.
  • Hypocritical Humor:
    • This Christian person castigates a non-religious neighbor for performing minor physical labor on Good Friday, because someone else not following his beliefs is inconsiderate to him. The submitter counters by asking if, following this logic, he honors Muslim religious holidays so as not to be inconsiderate towards them, and is met with a screamed "BURN IN HELL!"
    • One roommate tells another, "You shouldn't drink so much coffee. That s***'s like poison, it'll kill you." She then drinks straight out of the bottle of vodka she's holding.
    • A person who thinks roller coasters are dangerous wants to chase tornadoes when they're older.
    • This elderly lady refuses to accept a subway ticket as a gift from a total stranger because she thinks that would be "stealing" from them. She is instead intent on sneaking into the subway train behind that stranger, which is a crime. As the submitter actually has to point out to her, "You're a Christian and you don't want me to make(sic) a good deed?"
    • "It's funny. In being lazy, I actually did something that required more effort."
    • This guy accuses the submitter of being a "fake nerd girl" who only dressed up to impress a guy but doesn't know who she's actually dressed up as. She responds by singing a verse from "Brand New Day"... and he doesn't recognize it, or the fact that the submitter is dressed as Dr. Horrible.
      • Same deal here, where a teenager walks up to the submitter to tell her that "wearing a Spawn hoodie doesn't make you a real geek". She nonchalantly tells him it's actually a Venom hoodie.
    • This old lady loudly complains about how the submitter's generation has no manners, as she actively prevents him from using a public restroom for half an hour.
    • A store greeter ridicules the submitter over their dyed hair when the greeter herself has dyed her own hair a very garish bleach blonde.
    • This old woman doesn't want to tell a white lie to a multinational cable company to lower her bills as she feels it's wrong yet she has no problem of trying to steal reusable chopsticks from a small family restaurant.
  • I Reject Your Reality: This roommate slept through an earthquake and the aftershocks, complaining when his other roommates tried to wake him. When they point out news reports, and all the contents on social media, his response? "Massive conspiracy."
  • Implausible Deniability:
    • This reprehensible roommate ate from her absent roommates' dishes so it would look like they were the ones leaving dirty dishes in the sink, not her.
    • This woman takes a book from the submitter at a bus stop and refuses to give it back, immediately claiming that the book is hers. When the police come, the woman claims that the book is hers and that the submitter is trying to steal it, even though several witnesses back up the submitter both before and after the police arrive.
  • Improbable Age: Brought up in this story, where a church's music director is unsure about letting a fourteen-year-old from the church's youth band play drums for the main service, but relents immediately when the submitter (the teenager's mother) points out that the director joined an orchestra when he was nine. Less than a week later the teenager gets the main service position on a more permanent basis when the previous main service drummer gets caught at his girlfriend's house by his wife.
  • Inappropriate Hunger: Far from being afraid or grossed out, this girl got hungry during a marathon of The Walking Dead. "Hey, doesn't that look like sausage links to you guys?"
  • Insane Troll Logic:
    • This mother thinks it’s “disgusting” to have a brother and sister sleep in the same room because it supposedly encourages incest, even when it’s made clear that the brother and sister are two and five, respectively, and wouldn’t want to do anything of the sort.
    • This poster's friend read that gays are more likely to be alcoholics, and decided that meant the poster was gay because he drank "too much" (despite drinking less than the friend does) and would go straight if she made him quit drinking. "Next stop: Ex-Friend City".
    • The submitter of this post frequently gives advice on an internet forum. A user accuses her of lying, because in one post she has a son and is a student, and in another she's an accountant with an autistic daughter. That she has TWO children, and quit her job to go back to college, seems not to have occurred to them.
  • Insult Backfire: One busybody lady insults the submitter, who is going for breast reduction surgery, by claiming that her husband will leave her for a "real woman" and body shames her by saying she should get tummy reduction. However, it doesn't work, since the submitter is a lesbian and it was her wife's idea for her to get the surgery. She proceeds to give the busybody an epic Take That! by asking if she's there to fix a botched face-lift.
  • It's All About Me:
    • This roommate flagrantly puts off paying the submitter's relative money she owes him for a vacation she and her fellow money-stricken friends took, claiming that she had her own bills to pay when in reality she's spending money on manicures, fandom memorabilia, and other things for herself. It takes the submitter threatening to return the four $60 anime figures the roommate just bought for the roommate to finally begrudgingly pay the money she owes the submitter's relative. It unfortunately doesn't end there, as the story ends with the submitter in trouble with their relative and the roommate getting petty revenge by moving out and taking all of the food with her, leaving the submitter and the remaining roommate without their own food for two weeks.
    • This friend tries to strong-arm the submitter into attending her birthday party taking place on Halloween (even though her birthday is mid-November) even though the submitter has a prior commitment, namely, chaperoning their little brother and his friends as they go trick-or-treating, which the friend doesn't think is more important than her (not) birthday party. It eventually reaches the point where the friend says that she hopes the friend gets mugged or hit by a car for daring to prioritize making sure their brother has a safe Halloween over not attending her party and later tries to manipulate the submitter into attending anyway, and it's implied that she insults the little brother and his friends the next morning at school while laying into the submitter for not attending the party. Unsurprisingly, the submitter ends their friendship very quickly.
    • This online D&D GM whose online D&D story the submitter attempts to join seems to only want to play on their own terms while rejecting any suggestions or character concepts that conflict with that (or bending them to fit said terms) or kicking/blocking any players who can't or won't play by their rules. The submitter later finds out that the GM got so frustrated with the other players (presumably because they wouldn't unanimously conform to the way the GM wanted to play or kept doing things the GM didn't want them to do) that they kicked everyone out of the game and blocked them.
    • This selfish roommate uses her minor disability as an excuse to not share her bedroom with another roommate and paying only half her rent while the submitter and her friend still had to pay their rent in full. And when the submitter's friend leaves after having an argument with the roommate, making rent unaffordable, the selfish roommate has a "brilliant idea" of solving their rent problems by inviting two new roommates and giving them the submitter's room without her input while the submitter sleeps in the living room behind a shower curtain. This act is the last straw for the submitter, and she decides to move out. However, the roommate demands that the submitter continue paying her rent for a year even though they never made a contract, and when the submitter won't budge, the roommate keeps badmouthing and harassing the submitter and her mother! Thankfully, this last act gets the attention of the Dean who orders the roommate to stop harassing the submitter under threat of expulsion.
    • The submitter in this story realises how much of selfish jerk her longtime friend has become when she refuses to respect and criticize the submitter's likes and hobbies, yet expects the submitter to respect hers. She also calls the submitter childish for not liking fish, even though the taste of fish makes the submitter gag and lose her appetite. These incidents, along with her insincere apologies, lead the submitter to end their friendship, block her number, and never call her again.
  • Jerkass:
    • This girl suggests that her boyfriend should let his friend kill herself over her parents' divorce, because she personally does not get why it's such a big deal and as such is assuming said friend is an attention whore. Her boyfriend is not at all amused, and dumps her on the spot.
    • This whole family thinks it's "rude" that the only thing their friend could afford to give them for Christmas was a huge basket of sweets, handmade and from scratch. The fact that they have never once given that friend a gift in return, though, even after telling him of the many, many expensive things they got themselves? Nah, that's okay. As a bonus, they demand the sweets back when the submitter takes them away after being told that it's "rude" for him to be giving them sweets in the first place.
    • This woman sees the poster getting in their car and quickly goes out of her way to block him in by putting her shopping cart behind his car (maybe so she could pull out first, maybe just for the hell of it). The submitter's response was to get out, push the cart behind her car, and flip it over. As he drove off, he looked back and saw she wasn't strong enough to move it by herself.
    • The submitter here is rooming with three very immature and obnoxious men. One night, they continually keep him up, mock him when he complains, and as a "joke" remove the door to his room because the submitter wouldn't close a cabinet that was repeatedly noted to have faulty hinges and as such unable to close. Needless to say, the housemates' reasoning of "we thought you'd find it funny" and "it annoyed us" does not calm down the submitter at all.
    • This friend's husband thinks the submitter's baby's name, Cassandra, is a stupid, made-up name, and ironically enough refuses to believe it's a name that's been around for thousands of years. And then he has to gall to claim he knows the Trojan Wars, yet doesn't know who Prince Paris of Troy is, assuming they're talking about the French city of the same name.
    • This old woman acts like a stuck-up jerk to the submitter for absolutely no reason, even though the submitter did nothing at all but politely offer to let her take the last seat on the tram despite their hip problems. The woman even continues to yell at the submitter once they themselves are able to take a seat and calls them a "rude little b***" as she leaves the vehicle.
    • This story is like a weird inversion of the last one, with a tram passenger getting mad at the submitter for standing up, believing they've mistaken her for pregnant and are trying to offer her their seat, which she takes as an insult. She refuses to listen when the submitter explains they were getting up because they're about to get off, then attempts to grab them, losing her balance in the process. She then stands in front of the seat, blocking other people from sitting in it, and glares at the submitter until they get off.
    • This woman offers to help the submitter look after their wife (who has just had a major surgery and an infection and currently has trouble moving around) while they're away at work. However, it soon becomes obvious that the woman has no actual intention of helping and just wants an excuse to mooch off someone else for a while, doing nothing but sitting around watching TV, "forgetting" to give the submitter's wife her medication and antibiotics, thereby causing the wife to be miserable until her spouse comes home, and pestering the submitter into caring for her needs instead of those of their ill, bedridden wife. Then when the submitter's wife ends up having to have another surgery a few years later, the woman has the gall to invite herself over to "help" again. Unsurprisingly, the submitter bluntly turns her down.
    • This Game Master turns a normal tabletop game all about himself when he rejects all the other players' characters and forces them to change it to make them look pathetic, like forcing a male player to turn his famous female model character into a homeless male nerd, since the G.M. didn't want them to play characters opposite of their gender; yet the G.M. makes a Mary Sue character for himself. The G.M. is also bigoted against LGBT people, since he constantly refers the submitter as "her" despite the submitter and the other players repeatedly pointing out that the submitter is an intersex male with feminine looks and voice, and the reason he forced the submitter to change his character to woman since "she's not a guy". The final straw comes when the G.M. cheats and tries to force the submitter's character to have sex with the G.M.'s character, despite the submitter's objections (both because it's out of character for his character to have sex with a stranger and also because the submitter's wife is playing with them as well, making the whole thing inappropriate). The submitter and his wife leave the game after that, with the rest following suit after they discover the G.M. was sending inappropriate pictures to the only lesbian in the group. Finally, the submitter blocks the G.M.'s number after the latter sends inappropriate texts to him, still not understanding that he's not a woman and is married.
  • Jerkass Realization:
    • After having an unannounced party at 4 in the morning and disturbing the submitter and their very young family, a neighbor shows up at the submitter's door the next morning with gifts for everyone and apologizes for being inconsiderate.
    • A Chinese girl teasing an American tourist for using a fork to eat instead of chopsticks and being too lazy to learn how to use chopsticks is embarrassed and apologizes profusely when said tourist explains that the only reason they can't use chopsticks right now is because their dominant wrist is injured. (Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the Chinese girl's mother.)
    • When the local tax collector dies unexpectedly, the news apparently doesn't get to everyone in his jurisdiction. One taxpayer berates his daughter on the phone for several minutes until the daughter finally manages to inform the woman that he died, leaving the woman feeling (rather deservedly) guilty.
    • A man cusses out the submitter and their friend when they knock on the door of his house to see if a lost young puppy they just found belongs to him and his wife. Once he comes to the door and sees that they have said puppy, he is very embarrassed and apologizes, having just been angry and frustrated at being unable to find the lost puppy (who belongs to his daughter).
  • Kids Are Cruel: These Hispanic girls keep another on a swing and push her while they mock her for being white. The girl later becomes clinically depressed and suicidal because she later had to go to school in that area.
  • Kindhearted Cat Lover: This submitter's love for cats is seemingly exploited by a stray to get a full-body brush and trim.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: This submitter absolutely hates Twilight, not because it's "cool" to do so or whatever, but because people who have never once set foot in Washington state think they know more about the place than the submitter who has lived there their entire life, thanks to that series.invoked
  • Laborious Laziness: At least they realize it.
  • Lame Pun Reaction: An escalating example here.
  • Large Ham: "This is all the magic of the theeeeeaaaaater!"
  • Laser-Guided Karma:
    • This woman assumed a caller was a telemarketer, yelled at them to be taken off the list... and then wondered why she wasn't invited to her best friend's party.
      "Sorry, I took you off my list."
    • This guy, trying to buy 16 pounds' worth of items but only having 15, loudly objects to the submitter's offer of letting him borrow a pound. As the submitter is paying for his own items, the other guy is trying to lower his bill, but still ends up ten pence short. He turns to the submitter...
      Guy: Hey, I don't suppose—
      Submitter: No, I don't suppose either. (leaves)
    • This guy deliberately backs into the car behind him and pretends to have injured his neck when the police arrive. Luckily, the other driver had a dash cam in the car. The first guy turns white when he finds out.
    • In this story, a woman refuses to help a person with a broken arm, saying that they should've brought someone else to help them. Luckily, another man steps in to assist. Later, the woman drops her groceries and asks the same man to help her. The man refuses and walks by, saying that she should've brought someone else to help her.
    • The lead organizer of this camp insists on letting other campers use the submitter's personal tandem kayak (meant for the use of said submitter and their disabled daughter). It happens that the submitter had secured a location, food, and entertainment for lunch partway through a planned group kayak trip. The submitter is the only one who knows where the planned stop is, so they and their family pack up their kayaks and leave, rescheduling the food and live band as a private party at night, and leaving the organizer to try to salvage the event in some way.
    • This new neighbor kept harassing the submitter because she was convinced he was a teen thief that stole her packages despite the submitter only taking packages address to his home. Despite all the evidence he shows, and later the police explaining to the crazy lady that he didn't steal anything from her, the neighbor refuses to accept the truth, accuses the submitter of lying to the police and demanding he "confess" his crime and pay a $500 compensation. Eventually, the crazy neighbor was arrested and sent to jail for disregarding a court order not to harass the submitter again; and because she was the sole breadwinner, her family (who also helped the crazy lady harass the submitter) was forced to move out as they couldn't afford to remain in the home without her.
    • An apartment-dweller not picking up after his dog steps in another dog's waste.
    • A guy in camo pants goes around kicking over the inukshuks (think 'stone person traditionally built by indigenous people') other people had built on a breakwater. He decides to do the same to a man building an inukshuk of his own, kicking the inukshuk over as the second guy's about to place a rather large stone in place, and nearly kicking the second man in the face. In retaliation, the second guy throws the large stone he was holding through the windshield of first guy's truck.
    • Another driver honks and flips off the submitter here for accidentally stalling their car's engine... then accidentally stalls his own at the next traffic light.
  • Lethal Chef: Whoever is preparing the food at this camp.
  • Let Me Get This Straight...: Used here by the submitter questioning how a friend could think that a cocktail which has the word vodka in its name is non-alcoholic. Even worse, this friend is now a practicing lawyer.
  • Loophole Abuse: Invoked by a neighbor when he's discovered to be stealing the submitters' grandparents' home-grown vegetables and selling them for profit. He asked nobody about it and blames the grandparents for not telling him not to do it. He later gets arrested when it turns out he's also responsible for stealing and eating another neighbor's prized pet rabbits. The submitter snarks that perhaps nobody told him he couldn't do that either.
  • Malaproper: This submitter's best friend thinks she needs to have her nose castrated.
  • Mama Bear: "Nobody has the right to talk to you like that."
  • Man in a Kilt: This guy.
    Woman: People need to realize that celebrities are regular people. They put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.
    Man: (wearing a kilt, just passing by) I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't put pants on in years.
  • The Millstone: In this story, a woman asks the submitter and their dad if she and her son can ride with them to the submitter's basketball team's championship game, a ten-hour drive across one of Canada's largest provinces. The woman proves to be a hindrance to the submitter and dad, however. First, she stays at the school she works at long enough to have a long conversation with one of her friends while the submitter and her dad wait for them outside (thirty minutes wasted). Then they have to drive back to her house so they can pick up her son and their luggage, and the submitter's dad soon finds out that they hadn't even finished packing yet and were wasting time trying to remember where they were going to be staying at the destination town (another forty-five minutes wasted). Once they actually get to their destination, the woman protests that they need to go to where she and her son are staying before the submitter and their dad check in at the hotel, but at this point, the tired and fed-up dad just tells them to take a taxi. They later find out that the woman had a history of convincing other families to let her and her family ride with them and end up wasting their time doing things that were meaningless or should have already been done. The dad ultimately stays for the entire length of the championship, even though the submitter's team loses early in the event, just to spite her when she immediately wants to go back home.
  • Mistaken for Servant: In this story, the OP is trying to warn a neighbor about the water being cut off to fix a leak, but the neighbor assumes they're a delivery driver come to pick up a parcel, and is too busy yelling at them for being late to let them explain. Eventually the OP gives up, puts the parcel down and goes back into their own house. Cue embarrassed expression as the neighbor realizes how stupid she's been.
  • Mouthful of Pi: How many digits do these two know?
  • Mushroom Samba: Here is an example of use of an unspecified hallucinogenic substance that causes somebody to believe there are zombies after them.
  • Never Heard That One Before: This girl is probably sick of Frozen.
  • Never My Fault:
    • This woman rear-ends somebody while going through her bag looking for food, and has the nerve to say after the accident, “Look what you did to my van!”
    • This guy who is mad at the cop who revoked his license after his third DUI!
    • This woman comes across a truck on a very narrow one-lane road. Because her uncle owns the farm, she believes that she has right of way and the truck driver and the dozen cars behind her have to move to let her pass, which the submitter, who’s driving the truck, literally can’t (as the truck is too wide to allow her to pass). A driver behind the submitter sets her straight, forcing the woman to back up to a passing area. When she is unable to make the turn in reverse, she loses patience and backs into a fence. She immediately blames the submitter for crashing her car (stating outright that he did so directly), threatening to get him fired. The submitter is not amused and drives off, noting that she can call the company, and that his truck has a dashboard camera. The woman calls his boss, stating that the submitter threw her out of the car and drove it through the fence. The submitter shows his boss the footage, who angrily yells at her for abusing staff and making fake claims. She attempts to give the same story to the insurance company, who similarly drops the case upon seeing the footage.
    • This mom tries to put the blame on the submitter when her young daughters get stuck in a pasture after jumping a fence to see the submitters' horses without the submitter's permission, to the point of basically saying: "Well, none of this would have happened if you didn't own the horses in the first place!". This earns her an earful from the submitter's neighbors (her in-laws) while her embarrassed husband apologizes profusely for everything.
    • This girl tries to blame her boyfriend's roommate for leaving "poisoned food" (actually spicy chilis) in the fridge when she's the one who stole and ate them after being told not to.
  • No Bisexuals: This submitter's friend thinks that bisexuals are just gays that haven't come fully out of the closet yet, and keeps trying to hook the submitter up with men even while the submitter is engaged to a woman and has stopped talking with said "friend".
  • No Periods, Period: This poster tries to explain earplugs to her temporary roommate by using tampons as an example, completely forgetting that her roommate has never had occasion to use tampons.
  • Nostalgia Filter: This dad gets called out on it.
  • No True Scotsman: This lady seems to think that she is the sole authority on what is Christian and what is not. Anyone who does not fall into her (from what we're shown, very warped) idea of what is Christian, she will make up wild stories about to get them banned from the church - in the submitter's case, she claimed they told her they were a Satanist, because they happened to have been born on Christmas Day. She ends up being the one banned from the church, presumably because she blatantly ignored that Commandment against bearing false witness—one too many times, if the usher's reaction is any indication.
  • Not That Kind of Doctor: Invoked by this lady to shut up a stranger pushing her to use either the stranger or one of the stranger's students as a delivery coach when the baby is ready to be born.
    My husband is a doctor.
    (I neglected to mention that my husband’s doctorate is a Ph.D. in communications.)
  • Obviously Evil: This submitter instantly points at a woman in the movie as being a villain, which turns out to be right and the big reveal of the movie. Her friends, who had previously seen the movie, asked her what made her say so. "Only villains have thick, dark eyebrows in movies."
  • OOC Is Serious Business: The submitter's mother-in-law sees that her uncle had given her $500 out of nowhere. Given that he's a tightwad, she immediately knows something is wrong. Sure enough, they discover that he had attempted suicide. Luckily, they reach him in time and he recovers.
  • Omniglot: This guy.
  • Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?: Invoked here.
  • Orphaned Punchline: The end result of this story.
  • Papa Wolf: Do NOT insult this man's daughter. One Offscreen Moment of Awesome later, he's driven the bully to tears. The comments contain a story about a Mama Bear in a similar situation as well.
  • Parking Payback:
    • In this story a young woman steals the submitter's assigned parking space at the apartment complex where the submitter lives. After reasoning with the woman just gets the submitter insulted, the submitter simply informs the manager, who has the offending woman's car towed.
    • A couple find their reserved parking space at the apartment complex repeatedly taken by a local business owner. When confrontation fails and there's nothing apartment management or security can do, they end up parking their car behind her BMW, blocking it into the space... and then leave for a two-week vacation. She has to take public transit until they return.
    • After shoveling snow so their visiting uncle can park, the narrator finds that a stranger has stolen the cleared spot. So they put the snow back... all of it. "If this person wanted this spot so badly, then they could do the work for it."
    • This woman is mad that the submitter isn't driving forward to get onto the main road. She goes ballistic to the point that she gets out of the car (leaving the driver embarrassed) and presses her face against the window and even begins rattling the lock. Fortunately, it only takes one loud honk to scare her off.
  • Poke the Poodle: Behold, Darth Vader telling a little boy he doesn't have to eat his vegetables.
  • Poor Communication Kills: This girl gets her period while hanging out with both long-time friends and some new friends, who are mostly guys. She has no feminine products and the one other girl doesn't have any. She doesn't want to explain what's going on (since it's a feminine issue, obviously) so she makes vague excuses to leave so she can get supplies at the pharmacy. Later, the girl's long-time friends tell her that the new friends don't want to hang out with her anymore because they thought she was acting weird and that she was a "psycho-loner-paranoid-b***". Several comments point out that she could have told them anyway or just said that she needed to get something at the pharmacy and they probably would have understood.
  • Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: A type 3 version occurs here.
  • Precocious Crush: Crossed with Geeky Turn-On: "Mommy, she likes Optimus Prime, too! Can I marry her?"
  • Real Joke Name: This story features a Voldemort cosplayer whose name really is Tom Riddle.
  • Racial Face Blindness: These two decide to mess with a kid who thinks this.
  • Racist Grandma: This old lady actually calls the police on a black kid convinced he was up to no good. When his friends assure her that isn't the case, she flat-out tells them they shouldn't make friends with black people.
  • Reflexive Response: This woman is apparently so used to negative commentary about her multiple tattoos and piercings that she responds negatively to a compliment before realizing what the other person said.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Attempted but ultimately failed by this Christian lady, who has very strict views on what is and is not Christian, and if anyone in her church falls short of those, she makes up stories about them to get them banned from the church, such as claiming a teen mother admitted to having raped the father of her child and that a bi-curious boy admitted to organizing weekly orgies. We're not told much of what she made up about the submitter after they said they happened to be born on Christmas Day, but it was apparently so wildly exaggerated that the church cottoned on, investigated her other claims, and ultimately banned her from the church while welcoming back those she'd had unjustly removed.
  • Relative Error: A lady tries to shame an older man for having dinner at a restaurant with a girl young enough to be his daughter. The man replies that the girl in question is his daughter, shaming the nosy lady instead for making assumptions.
  • Retroactive Recognition: An In-Universe example as two friends watch 12 Angry Men and one of them points out that one of the jurors was the voice of Piglet.
  • Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: This wealthy mother thinks it's weird that some women could just give money to a homeless man. At least her son understands.
  • Road Trip Across the Street: This poster's roommate can't figure out how he'll get his coffee while his car is being repaired... what do you mean, it's only a two-minute walk to the coffee shop?
  • Sarcastic Confession: "I just robbed (Supermarket)!"
  • Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: One old lady tries to cut in line, using her age as an excuse. The lady she tries to cut in front of, however, points out that she's even older and tells her to get back in line.
  • Seen It All: This poster is a nurse who is completely blasé when one of their roommates asks them to drive her boyfriend to the hospital after a sexual Ass Shove gone wrong, saying that the hospital staff has seen quite enough of that kind of stuff to not care.
  • Separated by a Common Language: Sadly for OP's "friend" in this story, thanks to being thousands of miles apart, Canadian French and Cajun French are quite different from each other, so much so that fluent speakers of either languages have trouble understanding each other. However, the Canadian finds the Cajun's version of French fascinating and invites her (alone) to the party to learn more about it.
  • Sherlock Scan: This girl is good at it.
  • Shout-Out:
  • Skewed Priorities: "You're letting [your mom's cancer] ruin your life!"
    • The thief in this one decided begging a cigarette off a bar patron was more important than escaping the police. Or maybe he gave up and wanted a smoke before he got arrested.
  • Stay in the Kitchen:
    • This guy really doesn't want to accept the fact that there are female Batman fans out there. Even when she proves she knows more about the series than he does, and even after his friend calls him an asshole over it, he still continues insisting that the submitter is a "fake" geek. Somehow.
    • This guy refuses to accept that a woman is not having any trouble carrying a ten-gallon fish tank and, even after she repeatedly tells him it's fine, forcibly takes it from her - only to immediately drop and shatter it because it's too heavy for him. He then promptly goes the Never My Fault route, acting as though she forced him to carry it just so he'd drop it and injure himself and, when she and her boyfriend find him and force him to pay for a replacement, only getting her a five-gallon one, saying, "Maybe you won't drop it this time."
    • While preparing to substitute for her brother as tabletop game master, this girl is told by two classmates that "girls can't roleplay". Then when the brother tells his gaming group that his sister is going to be GM, all of them refuse to attend.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike:
  • Straw Feminist: The poster's friend's friend in this story takes exception to the very idea of her enjoying cooking for her boyfriend, claiming she's been brainwashed by the patriarchy into believing she belongs in the kitchen. Both the poster and her friend point out that, in fact, feminism means she can do what she wants, including the cooking if she desires (oh, and by the way, she's also teaching him to cook.)
  • Straw Vegetarian: This student, widely known for jumping on fads solely for the "prestige" of being in favor of that fad, decided to go vegan and announced this by verbally abusing a fellow student eating a burger. By the second day, he'd had it with her and threw his burger patty at her face. Within a month, she'd gone back to eating meat:
    Turns out she hopped into veganism without doing even the slightest bit of research, and malnourished herself into the hospital.
  • Suddenly Fluent in Gibberish: This girl.
  • Talking in Your Sleep: One guy on a camping trip begins spouting off non-sequiturs in his sleep, much to his friend's confusion.
  • Tastes Like Feet:
  • Thanks for the Mammaries: When an irritated neighbor goes on a rampage in the gym locker room, this shy submitter's more confident friend body-blocks the angry woman from the submitter's stall and, since she was reaching for the shower curtain at the time, accidentally gives her a handful. The woman is more horrified that she touched a boob than the friend is at having the boob touched.
  • That Came Out Wrong: "Fuck them. Wait, no, I'm wrong. Don't do that."
  • They Just Don't Get It:
    • This player in an online game doesn't seem to understand that if you don't have the game's expansion packs, you cannot play in the areas in the expansion packs with other players who do.
    • This person is unable to understand that the submitter's mother isn't just "doing the gluten-free thing", she has celiac disease. Despite it being explained to them repeatedly.
    • A whole team of them here. Girls from a softball league take it upon themselves to canvass every street in their city advertising for people to join. This includes the subject of the story, who completely ignores 'no trespassing' and 'no soliciting' signs (under the assumption that because she's recruiting for a softball league, they don't apply to her). She then spends several minutes ignoring the submitter's warnings that the husband in the house has severe PTSD, and only leaves when a state trooper threatens to arrest her. They later learn about another girl in the same group, who was also almost arrested for trying to force her way into an elderly woman's home to get her granddaughter to join.
    • The OP's daughter's friend's dad in this story is apparently unable to comprehend that they didn't hire anyone to build their daughter's playhouse, they built it themselves. Convinced that they're simply refusing to reveal the name of their contractor for some reason, he ends up getting mad at them for "disappointing a little girl".
  • Too Dumb to Live: This skateboarder wipes out and his skateboard ends up going under a car stopped at a traffic light. Skateboarder then crawls under the vehicle to retrieve his board. Had the car behind the submitter's car not honked when it started to go when the light turned green, the skateboarder would have had far bigger problems than just needing to get a new skateboard.
  • Unfortunate Implications: invoked One friend explains to another, who's about to get married, why having the Joker and Harley Quinn as wedding cake toppers may send the wrong message.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: It seems that beggars can be choosers.
  • Unsportsmanlike Gloating: This chess player dethrones the reigning champ of a chess tournament and proceeds to relentlessly bully and rub it in the champion's face even after being asked to stop by the officials (while the champion remains calm the entire time). The sore winner is disqualified on the spot, then dragged out of the building kicking and screaming by security when he throws a tantrum over his prize, which results in him being banned from the tournament for life. To top it off, the egomaniac actually tries to sue the tournament for kicking him out. Not only is his case thrown out almost immediately (thanks to there being a large crowd of witnesses to his tantrum in the tournament), but he is then banned from every chess tournament in the state.
  • Viewer Species Confusion: In-Universe example in this story. At a Belgian zoo, the submitter overhears a visitor referring to either a blue heron or a seagull (the syntax is ambiguous) as a perroquet de mer (literally, "sea parrot"), a French common name for the Atlantic puffin.
  • Waxing Lyrical: And in a demonic voice, no less.
  • Wham Line: In one story, the submitter had befriended the family next door who spoke a mix of Farsi and English, which had a little boy and a toddler girl. She found the toddler crying on her doorstep one day and saying "Mama, mama" with a mix of Farsi. The submitted called for the toddler's mother over the fence, worried the child had gotten lost. Despite not being fluent in English, the toddler manages to say, "Mama fall down! Mama bang, bang bang! Fall down." This alerted the submitter that something terrible had happened; she climbed over the fence to help. It turned out that an electric kettle had released a discharge which made the mother's heart stop, and she collapsed on the floor; the submitter dialed emergency services and performed CPR, saving the woman's life.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Or, in this case, puppets, birds, and running water.
  • Worst Aid: This friend attempts to help the choking narrator by punching her in the back - despite having been recently taught the proper way to assist a choking victim.
  • You Are Not Alone: The above story about phobias under Why Did It Have to Be Snakes? — the woman is ashamed of her reaction to the puppeteer on TV, until her husband's friends relate their own phobias to her and reassure her that she's not weird.
  • You Make Me Sic: This person annoys an ex-friend by correcting a poorly-written, insulting note.
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