Some teachers have an odd tendency to speak to their students as though they are kindergarteners. Even if they're teaching a class of 19-year-old Cram Schoolers, college or university students, graduate students, or adults in a workplace training-course. This can be irritating, cute, or both depending on both the teacher and the class. Whether this is limited to just the teacher's demeanor, or whether it actually affects what they teach also varies.
Most of them are nice, if overly so. But when these teachers are downright nasty, the trope goes straight into Sadist Teacher territory.
Compare Hippie Teacher, with whom this sometimes overlaps. Cool Teacher can be even better. Contrast Stern Teacher and Sadist Teacher.
Of course, this can be Truth in Television, especially with foreign language teachers.
- Takako Shimizu from Chobits wanted to teach young children, but her husband convinced her to become a Cram School teacher so they would have more time together. And then left her for his persocom. She's popular with her students, as she still teaches them the correct tutorial and they think it's cute. It helps that she's hot.
- FLCL has a borderline example. A teacher who's more infantile than her students, she treats them like babies (they are in fact in 6th grade). Case in point: she can't use chopsticks. A grown Japanese woman who can't use chopsticks.
- Magical Project S:
- Mihoshi is the fourth grade teacher for Sasami's class, but doesn't seem like she could even pass fourth grade herself.
- The teacher at the prep school acts like this, even getting commented on by one of the students ("does she think we're in kindergarten or something?").
- Patty from Knights of the Dinner Table actually is a kindergarten teacher. However, she has difficulties turning the attitude off and ends up treating her gaming group like a bunch of preschoolers, including a "Time Out Corner" with "5 points to ponder". Sometimes they deserve it.
- In a Big Nate story where Mr. Rosa is on vacation, his substitute is a teacher whose sixth grade art curriculum includes such projects as paper bag puppets and potato prints.
- Calvin and Hobbes: Calvin's teacher Miss Wormwood is an inversion. The only subject she teaches that's appropriate for first graders is basic math like addition and subtraction. Among the rest of her curriculum: The American Revolution, Polish history, the Byzantine Empire, Newton's laws of motion, and word problems that require multiplication and algebra to solve. She has also assigned her students to collect fifty insects and label them with their English and Latin names in two weeks. She issues a similar assignment later on, requiring fifty leaves all from different trees.
- In many Miraculous Ladybug salt fics, Ms. Bustier switches from being the resident Cool Teacher to one of these, thanks to the fact that her teaching methods in the show (which boil down to "prevent as much conflict as possible and inspire students to avoid conflict") have helped Chloé and Lila get away scot-free with their crimes and have led to innocent students getting unfairly punished.
- In Leave for Mendeleiev, Ms. Bustier is such a Horrible Judge of Character that she accepts Chloé's claims that she misses Marinette and just can't focus without her at face value, attempting to badger Marinette into transferring back... or agree to "mentor" her long-term bully.
- Scarlet Lady deconstructs this trope by showing exactly what sort of effect this has on the teacher's students. Bustier has been teaching some of the kids in her care since they were six, and a lot of the philosophies she teaches (largely revolving around love and forgiveness) are more suited for children that age than teenagers. Unfortunately, these philosophies also mean she keeps enabling Chloé by not punishing her for her bullying, fueling the girl's sense of entitlement; meanwhile, the rest of her class has long wised up to the fact that she isn't a great authority figure, but her reputation as a nice teacher means they're worried they'll be seen as the bad guys if they complain about it.
- Inverted in Legend of Korra fanfiction Strings, as Tarrlok is over-qualified to be an elementary school teacher and trying to teach his students the advanced stuff, which goes over their heads.
- Justified in the Persona 5 fanfic When The Masks Come Off: After Suguru Kamoshida's change of heart and subsequent arrest, Rio Iwasaki is brought in to replace him. In their first PE class with her, Ann Takamaki and Chiyo Kusakabe feel that Iwasaki is trying a bit too hard to be approachable and seems more suited as an elementary school teacher but they understand why that is as this is Iwasaki's first teaching job and it's being Kamoshida's replacement no less.
- Amy Squirrel, the goody-goody Hero Antagonist in Bad Teacher. She teachers her junior high school kids while dressed as a naval captain. She's overly enthusiastic about apples and she sometimes wears childish accessories. However, she isn't as nice as she seems (because Elizabeth broke her on the inside).
- In Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Greg's mother is gleefully oblivious to Greg's unhappiness to any inconvenience she causes him, from inviting Fregley over to play hide n' seek, to making him participate in the school play of The Wizard of Oz, to joining in Greg's "Magick and Monsters" game and completely ignoring the "kill and level up" nature of the game. Justified, because she used to be a preschool teacher.
- The Cheerful Fairy in Hogfather has shades of this. She addresses elderly wizards as though they were five-year-olds, trying to get them involved in friendship-building and morale-boosting activities. Oh yes, and she cries when they tell her to cut it out. She is like Barney with butterfly wings. She also claims that she never touches alcohol; the wizards dryly remark that they find it's something to be cheerful about.
- While Death's granddaughter Susan has largely inverted this trope, treating her kindergarten students as if they were inconveniently small adults, she has developed the habit of bowdlerizing her own vocabulary ("Does a bear poo in the woods?") even in front of grown-ups.
- In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Dolores Umbridge initially introduces herself to the school by treating the students rather condescendingly and maintaining a sugary sweet demeanor. This soon becomes more sinister as she reveals herself to be a Sadist Teacher (she gives Harry detention by making him write lines in his own blood that cut into his skin), and she becomes even worse when she takes over the school.
"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say! And to see such happy little faces looking back at me!"
Harry glanced around. None of the faces he could see looked happy; on the contrary, they all looked rather taken aback at being addressed as though they were five years old.
- Little House Onthe Prairie:
- In On the Banks of Plum Creek, Laura and Mary attend their first Sunday School class (after years of Biblical instruction and family worship at home). Laura likes the teacher Mrs. Tower, but she does exclaim a lot and introduced the class with a story of Baby Moses in the bulrushes (Laura remarks to herself that even Baby Carrie knew that story) and she gives Laura (who knew how to recite long verses and songs from the Bible) a very small verse.
- Eliza Jane Wilder teaches this way when she takes over as teacher of Laura's school, talking down to her students and saying things like "Birds in their little nests agree." It makes almost all of her students uncomfortable, and Laura observes to herself that — aside from proving that she knows nothing about birds if she really believes that's true — Miss Wilder will stand no chance whatsoever of being able to maintain discipline in the classroom that way once the older boys come to school after the harvest. Her prediction proves only too accurate.
- Mr. Majeika: In one of the books, Penelope Primrose, author of cutesy books about a rabbit called Little Bluebell, appears. She refers to the ten-year-old protagonists as "little tots", speaks in baby talk, and insists she doesn't take any "grown-up drinks" like tea. She's scared off when she sniffs a bouquet of flowers with stinging nettles hidden in them.
- Ms. Wiz mentions that minor character Mrs. Hicks talks to her teddies in class. It's admittedly not said what age her class is, but it's used to show that she's a strange one.
- Miss Caroline from To Kill a Mockingbird manages to be this even though she is teaching very young kids. The problem is that most of them are the children of farmers and have done manual labor pretty much since they could walk, so they're not really interested in the story of Mrs. Cat and her kittens. She gets a nasty shock when she meets one of the Ewells, a family who traditionally show up for the first day of school to satisfy the truant officer and hardly set foot in town the rest of the year. She tries to apply basic school rules to the kid and ends up getting "slut" screamed at her.
- The Unteachables: After being promoted from kindergarten to middle school, Emma Fountain still tends to reward good behavior from her students with bunny tail stickers.
- Landlady Miriam Fry from Agent Carter treats her tenants like they were school girls in a dormitory rather than adults living on their own, the way she strictly controls the schedules of the girls in her boarding house and forbids men higher than the first floor.
- In Angry Boys, we have juvenile prison guard Gran, a zigzagged version of the trope. She is aware of what her charges have done and isn't afraid to be hard on them. On the other hand, she knits them superhero pyjamas.
- Jazz from Season 9 of The Apprentice was this... on a business reality show. Treating business "professionals" like five year olds and talking like a hopelessly outdated teacher did not endear her to either her "team" nor Lord Sugar, and she got fired after the first week when her team lost the task. Saying "Aw man!" to Lord Sugar didn't help either...
- Ms. Herbig from Dead Like Me, the manager of the Happy Time temp agency. She has a habit of talking to her employees as though they're children, and she seems to think that children are happy little automatons that don't really think, because when her employees don't pretend for her benefit, she gets snippy. She actually tells people "as in her big brown eyes" as a mnemonic to remember her name.
- Inverted in the Drake & Josh episode "Megan's New Teacher": Josh is assigned to teach Megan's science class as part of the "Tomorrow's Teachers Today" program. Despite the class being for 5th graders, Josh assigns his students college-level material, believing that they are somehow capable of learning highly advanced science concepts. Predictably, everyone begins failing the class, and when Drake's substitute drummer (who is in Megan's class) is barred by his parents from playing for his failing grades, Drake and Megan team up to sabotage Josh's next lesson in front of the class's regular teacher to get him fired.
- While Lily from How I Met Your Mother is a kindergarten teacher. In the brief period when she has other jobs, she shows a tendency to try and deal with workplace conflicts in the same manner and with the same reasoning as she had with the little children (well, if they are going to act like children...). One episode has her working as an assistant in Ted's office and end up taking away the boss's "toy", a signed baseball, because he was being a Jerkass. It is worth noting that this approach works rather well for dealing with her husband, Marshall. However, Lily's approach to actually being a kindergarten teacher tends to be a bit more adult then expected. There was the one incident with the severed toy horse's head next to the sleeping unruly kid.
- John, who runs the Orphanage of Fear to which errant teens are sent in the semi-dystopia of K9, talks like a kindergarten teacher even when he's extorting ten million credits from the Department.
- Legend Heroes: A kindergarten teacher treats everyone like the children she works with. She acts cutesy and teeth-rottingly sweet even around the man who has a crush on her. He is too smitten with her to notice. Unfortunately, she also tries this on the resident stoic Knight Templar, who comes to investigate her possible relation to the current Legend Hero thief. He's not amused.
- Newhart: Dick takes a typing class. It turns out that the instructor is his old sixth-grade teacher, who was a tyrant. After initial anxiety, Dick realizes that he has nothing to fear. Things should be different now that the class is all adults, right? Wrong. What follows is a replay of elementary school, complete with the whining, snitching suckup classmate who reports every petty misdeed to the teacher, and the teacher making the class put their heads down on their desks as punishment for being unruly.
- One Saturday Night Live sketch features Alec Baldwin as an enthusiastic French teacher who forces his students to always answer in a very bouncy, lilting manner, much to their annoyance (if you've ever taken a public school French class, you know exactly how this sounds). The skit ends with him vacationing in Paris and trying to make a gang of Parisian street toughs start talking in the same way. Needless to say, they kick the crap out him.
- The supremely incompetent university lecturers — the punishment for running away from the guided tour, falling in the pool, smashing up a lab, or smoking cannabis is the same: an "I'm very disappointed in you. Now come along for some squash and biscuits" speech. It's especially grating when the female one says "Oh, all right, you can shag me" in the exact same tone of voice.
- Josie, Chris's career adviser and later an English teacher, is possibly worse. Shakespeare should never be taught to college students with hand puppetry.
- Mary Murphy from So You Think You Can Dance talks to people like they're babies... or dogs.
- Ted Lasso:
- Ted himself is stuck in the mindset of a college football coach at first, emphasizing helping his players grow as people rather than win games. Beard points out to him that the "winning isn't everything" mindset may work for college students, but the AFC Richmond players are professional athletes with different wants and needs and their livelihoods depend on quantitative success.
- Inverted with Roy; after he retires from Richmond and starts coaching his niece's Under-9 girls' team, he treats them exactly like professional athletes, complete with swearing at them.
- Michelle McCool briefly had a teacher gimmick that bafflingly combined this with a sexy teacher who made cutesy innuendos. Unsurprisingly, she hates looking back at it now (she actually was a teacher prior to wrestling and was terrified of her former co-workers seeing it).
- Nikki Roxx often comes off as condescending when she's trying to be nice to (comparative) rookies and/or foreigners. Part of this comes from her thinking herself bigger than she really is (though her resume makes this perception understandable).
- The title character of the one-act play Miss Bleepnote has a very good excuse for this — she's a robot, and she treats everyone as a student as part of her programming. She's also malfunctioning quite badly — for instance, she won't let her "students" leave at the end of the day, giving them a paralyzing shock every time they attempt to escape. They've apparently been surviving on milk and cookies for a long'' time.
- Glad Hand, the chaperone at the dance in West Side Story. He talks to the Jets and the Sharks as though they're 6th graders attending their first social event, and tries to organize a "get-together dance" for them. While he retains this vibe in the 1961 film, it's averted in the 2021 film, where he's clearly much more aware that he's dealing with two dangerous street gangs and that his efforts are inevitably going to fail.
- Miss Francine Primm in City of Villains, who says things like "Smiles are frowns turned upside-down!" unironically. She ends up teaching a class of (adult) drugged-up leet-speaking cyberpunk anarchists, and succeeds, as her students will do anything to protect her.
- Inverted with Ms. Applegate from Kindergarten; she actually does teach kindergarten but she's also a sadistic Child Hater who constantly endangers the lives of her students. She shouldn't be teaching at any grade level, let alone kindergarten.
- In Psychonauts, Milla sees her students as little children and treats them accordingly. If you use Clairvoyance on her, you can see Raz through her eyes as a very small child. It turns out that she once worked at an Orphanage of Love which was accidentally burned down, and her psychic abilities caused her to hear the thoughts of all the children as they burned to death. She was traumatized as a result. The part of her mind that contains these memories is well-hidden, and she gently tells Raz not to go there. Granted, her students are all pre-adolescent, but their mental maturity varies wildly because they're all psychics and excessively strange.
- Usami/Monomi of Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair claims to be the class teacher, and is an excessively cute, "squeezably-soft" Magical Girl stuffed animal. The class in question consists of high school students who are 16 at the youngestExplanation . None of them are impressed with her, and she's treated as a Butt-Monkey throughout the entire game, with only Chiaki being nice to her.
- Played with in Double Homework. Ms. Walsh talks down to all her students, and utterly fails to teach without Johanna's intervention, but she specializes in teaching special ed, not kindergarten.
- Played with in Higurashi: When They Cry, since Hinamizawa's school is a rural schoolhouse with only one teacher and a mixed class which does have some early grade-schoolers; however, Chie-sensei rarely changes her tone when speaking to her middle- or high-school students.
- The principal in the first part of 'High School Story' in the Choices: Stories You Play collection was transferred from an elementary school, and exemplified this trope.
- Homestar Runner has Marzipan be this in the Strong Bad Email "coloring", where she's the profoundly condescending head of "L.U.R.N", calling her grown students "life blossoms" and having crayons that don't actually colour, "so that no one life-blossom shines brighter than any other." Of course, it's not surprising considering how her students are Strong Mad, Homestar, and Homsar. Although when Strong Bad asks, she casually admits that her "class" is really a cult.
- Making Fiends usually has the spineless Mr. Milk as a teacher, but one day he is sick, and is replaced by Mrs. Minty, who talks to the students like how a kindergarten teacher would. Vendetta cannot handle her condescending ways, and eventually forces a not yet recovered Milk to teach the class.
- Mrs. Merriweather from Angel Moxie, who teaches her "boys and girls" the multiplications tables in Algebra I. This seems to be born out of her love of cutesy, kitchy things. Which is ironic, given that she's actually an evil demon, and no, the love of cutesy stuff isn't just part of her Masquerade.
- In The Order of the Stick, Tsukiko acts like this to her undead minions. From her (crazy) perspective they're only a few days old and need looking after. Consequently the elite squad of wights is organized like they're on a school trip, complete with whistles and a buddy system.
- One story on Not Always Right has a vice-principal severely misjudge the age range of the student body and tell a school of 13- to 18-year-olds to not jaywalk as "Elmer the Safety Elephant". Though depending on how you look at it, it actually worked, in a way.
- In American Dad!, Deputy Director Bullock seems to run the C.I.A. as though it was a preschool, in one instance even sending Stan to the corner for a time out and not allowing him to have milk (although seeing as each and every one of his agents is a total Manchild, you could argue that he isn't misplaced at all).
- Ms. Sweetwater, the third-grade teacher in the classroom next door — all they ever do in that class is sit around and sing songs.
- In "Arthur's Substitute Teacher Trouble", the class has Mr. Ratburn's sister as a substitute teacher, who insists on teaching lessons including but not limited to "yellow and blue make green" and "cat is spelled C-A-T". At first the class revels in how easy the lessons are, but by the end of the episode they become bored and irritated by her lessons and attitude, realizing how much better off they were with Mr. Ratburn even if his lessons are harder.
- Technically inverted in the Beavis and Butt-Head episode "Held Back". Beavis and Butt-head are ninth graders demoted to kindergarten ("These chicks are flat!"), but the kindergarten teacher still treats them in the same manner as she does with her other students.
- Bob's Burgers: Guidance counselor Mr. Frond has therapy dolls in his office and is mostly shallow to everyone from fourth grade and up. Considering Wagstaff School where he works is K-8, Frond would be a better fit for preschoolers.
- Ms. Doe, the scoutmaster for the Squirrel Scouts in Camp Lazlo, acts more like a kindergarten teacher than a scout leader.
- In the episode "Lucky Strike", Mr. DeMartino's replacement is so senile that she actually believes that the senior class are little kids, and treats them as such.
"Here are your tests. I don't think I've ever written so many A's. You're the smartest — and biggest — first graders I've ever had."
- Mr. O'Neill has shades of this as well. To his credit, he does acknowledge that he's teaching young adults here, but he's such a Hippie Teacher that he spends all his time worrying about their self-esteem and walking on eggshells around them.
- Mr. DeMartino is a sort of odd version—he's a Stern Teacher with a Hair-Trigger Temper, but Daria: Is It Fall Yet? shows that he connects with younger children far better than he does with most teens, mostly because of the way that he very loudly voices their own frustrations.
- In the episode "Lucky Strike", Mr. DeMartino's replacement is so senile that she actually believes that the senior class are little kids, and treats them as such.
- Doug's school counselor Mr. Shellacky straddles this trope and Hippie Teacher, often suggesting hugs, and talks about almost everything (including his computers and the current problems Doug has) in a sing-song voice and giving pet names. He also often uses babyish phrases like "Mr. Computer had a little tummy-ache."
- Peppy Happy Gary and Betty from The Fairly OddParents! run an institution called "Flappy Bob's Learnatorium". It's meant for kids of all ages, but they seem to either not realize or care — everyone's a five-year-old in their mind, even the ten-year-old protagonist or that octopus kid who just dropped through the roof. They also take safety regulations to levels that would be outright ludicrous even for actual kindergartners. Their regulations are so restrictive that they wind up inadvertently sucking all the fun out of the activity. For example, their favorite "safety" tactic is to stuff their charges into safety suits that are heavily padded to the point that you can't even move in them. The suits are always intended for activities where you have to move.
Timmy: [upon being thrown into a ball pit by them while wearing one of the suits and left to sink] Am I having fun yet?
- Zigzagged on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Cheerilee is the only teacher we ever see, though it's implied that there are more. The show likes to abuse Vague Age as much as possible, but it's implied that her students are of puberty age. She talks like a kindergarten teacher to them, but explains setting concepts (like history and biology) more akin to a middle school teacher, and on the blackboard she often has advanced planetary physics equations. Given the moderately anachronistic old-timey feel of Equestria, this may be a nod to the old one-room schoolhouses where one teacher taught all ages and all subjects at different levels.
- Somewhat inverted in The Powerpuff Girls. Ms. Keane, an actual Kindergarten teacher, usually acts like a normal teacher for that grade. However, she sometimes teaches overly advanced subjects to her five-year-olds.
- Ms. Grotke in Recess has the voice, but is otherwise more of a Hippie Teacher. The reason she has the voice is because Allyce Beasley did talk to kindergartners in her capacity as the continuity announcer for Disney Channel's Playhouse Disney block.
- Both subverted and inverted (at various times) by Mr. Garrison of South Park. Although Garrison uses a puppet in his third-grade class, he doesn't treat his students like kindergartners otherwise (he tends more toward "verbally abusive"). Later, when he's demoted to kindergarten teacher, he does things like show them how to put a condom on. Someone else. With your mouth.
- Hilariously inverted in the The Simpsons episode "The PTA Disbands". When an agreement can't be reached in the teachers' strike, Professor Frink is assigned to work as a Kindergarten teacher and tries using a corn popper to teach them physics.
- Arcee in Transformers: Animated, but it's not her fault — the Decepticons screwed with her programming while looking for information, causing her to think she really was teaching the Cybertron equivalent of kindergarten again.