Funny: Fanfic

"Doctor, I'd like the part of my brain responsible for that image lobotomized, please..."


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  • Blackadder 40k: Tales from the Black Millennium, a Blackadder/Warhammer 40,000 crossover: Percy (now a Sanctioned Psyker) causes Noise Marines to break down or commit suicide by singing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up".
  • From the Harry Potter and Star Wars Cross Over Broken Chains:
    Hermione: We were attending to personal business, Headmaster. We are legal adults now, and must attend to adult responsibilities occasionally.
    Dumbledore: And where would your business take you?
    SithLord!Harry: I was planning the orbital bombardment of Canada. I've determined that they represent a direct threat against my growing Empire.
  • The BronyCon Reevaluation: where the The Big Bang Theory gang attend a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic convention is full of funny moments typical of the former show, from Raj attempting to force Sheldon to attend by giving him the Stare while dressed as Fluttershy to John de Lancie claiming to have no memory of who Wil Wheaton is, but what takes the cake has to be this exchange towards the end:
    Sheldon: Is Nicole Oliver here?
    Leonard: Yeah, she's over there signing autographs. Why?
    Sheldon: I want to ask her why she made the mind-boggling decision to vocally portray Princess Celestia as a warm, benevolent, motherly figure, despite the fact that her dialogue as written and other characters' responses to her clearly indicate that the character is meant to be played as sadistic, manipulative, tyrannical, and sociopathic. (heads over to booth as the others try to stop him)
    Leonard: (holding up hand) No...let him do it.
    Raj: Let him do it? Leonard, where have you been? Every time someone shares that absurd interpretation of the glorious, kind-hearted, and gorgeous Princess Celestia, Nicole Oliver messes them up.
    Bernadette: The actress who plays Celestia messes people up?
    Howard: Yeah, it never ends well for those poor saps. It's why the fandom can't have nice things.
    Leonard: Exactly. That's why we should let him go. I have surprisingly few regrets about Sheldon, but most prominent among them is that I wasn't quick enough on my feet to get a recording when he got punched by Bill Gates, and that I wasn't there when he got nerve-pinched by Leonard Nemoy. (takes out phone and begins recording) I am not going to miss him getting bro-hoofed in the jaw by Nicole Oliver.
    Howard: ...I want to see that happen.
    Penny: Yeah, let's see that.
  • Copycat, a Buffy/Marvel crossover, has a scene where Reed Richards acknowledges an area where Doctor Doom is his superior- aesthetics and fashion- as part of a Batman Gambit to avoid the classic unwinnable husband situation. Cue Doom giving fashion advice to Susan and Alicia.
    "Foolish peasant," Doom roared, "it is obvious that the dear Alicia is a fall not a winter!"
  • The G.I. Joe/Aliens Vs Predator crossover fic Corazones y Cazadores features a hilarious Perp Sweating scene. Scarlett needs to get information from the Dreadnok Buzzer, who isn't cooperating despite just barely surviving an Xenomorph attack. Snake-Eyes proceeds to make menacing hand gestures while reaching for his swords. Scarlett keeps telling him that what he's suggesting is "against the Geneva Convention!" In reality, they're talking about baseball.
  • From the Batman/Sin City crossover, A Dark Knight Over Sin City:
    Joker: [trying to stab Marv with a syringe filled with toxin] Don't be afraid. It's only a little prick.
    Marv: I don't care what you got in your pants, pal! [punch]
  • A Strawberry Panic!/Family Guy crossover (seriously!) called "Everybody Loves Yaya" had some really hysterical ones (it also has a sequel, "Yaya for President"):
    • Tsubomi finding Brian's pot stash and getting high.
    • Yaya, of all people, beats the crap out of and kills(!) Ernie the Giant Chicken!
    • Amane teams up with Stewie to save Hikari from Kaname in a hilarious Neon Genesis Evangelion shoutout. How it backfires is even funnier.
    • Quagmire teaching Tamao how to be a Pervert. Overlaps with Crowning Moment of Heartwarming when he helps her hook up with Chiyo, and by the time he finally leaves, his exit is hilarious.
      • Tamao actually manages to steal Kaname's bra (right off her chest) in a display of perverted awesome.
      • And Quagmire tops that by successfully groping Shizuma and liberating her of her bra!
    • In the sequel, Peter gives an awesome speech defending Yaya's decision to get a tattoo. Has a really funny line where he hilariously lampshades No Bisexuals.
  • Funny and Serious has Joker teasing Skeleton King about being the creator of the Monkey Team.
    Joker: You created the Monkey Team?
    Skeleton King: No! My pathetic human side made these filthy primates.
    Joker: Ha ha ha ha. Right. You said your human side created them. Therefore, it must mean you created them to protect the universe from yourself. Looks like you're foiling yourself.
    Skeleton King: No, it doesn't count.
    Joker: Oh, yes it is.
    Skeleton King: No, it doesn't!
    Joker: Yes, it does.
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: Yes!
    Skeleton King: No!
    Joker: No!
    Skeleton King: Yes!
    Joker: No!
    Skeleton King: Yes!
    Joker: No!
    Skeleton King: Yes!
    Joker: No!
    Skeleton King: I say yes and that's final!
    Joker: Okay, Skelly, have it your way. That's the final decision.
    Joker walks away as Skeleton King realizes what he just said.
    Skeleton King: Hey, that's not fair! Take that back!
  • The Gameverse is a Glee series where the characters become contestants on reality shows, while the first one, Survivor isn't focused on humour for most of the game the finale, the final tribal council, the reunion show, and the announcement of teams for The Amazing Race, is one CMOF after another.
    • The Amazing Race version has a lot of funny moments, and it's just got to the half way point, April and Josh Groban's entire one leg spent with April drunk due to the free alcohol she got on the plane, Shelby and Jesse's elimination, and Blaine's completely awesome meltdown wherein he calls out Rachel, his partner for the race, for being so completely egotistical, Quinn for being manipulative, and yells at Mike and Tina to get personalities are the highlights.
  • The Ghost Child and the Ghostbusters, a crossover between Danny Phantom and The Real Ghostbusters has a very particular scene when the titular team first arrives on Amity Park. The OC ghost Danny was facing, Electo-Ghost, was confident in his fight with Danny until the Ghostbusters arrived, and weighed his options; admit defeat and let Danny suck him in his Ecto Thermos, or let the very humans that beaten down all kinds of mythos from werewolves to gods most likely suck him up into a device that no ghost has ever got out of again. Needless to say, the ghost was not very tact...
    Electo-Ghost: (grabs Danny) Take me! Take me away now! Please don't let them take me! Where's that Thermos thing?!
    Danny: H-hey, stop! What do you think you're doing?
    Electo-Ghost: (fiddles with Thermos) Come on, come on, how do you get this thing to work?! (activates it and laughs as he's sucked inside)
    Danny: O-kay... That was definitely a new one on me. (To the Ghostbusters) Uh... hi?
    Peter: (team express just as much confusion) Any thoughts?
    Ray: Yeah... one down and one to go. Blast him!
    • There is also the fact that when Danny reveals his identity to them several chapters later, he is bummed out they aren't very amazed or spooked. Given the entirety of the list of supernatural things they've faced before hand, even a half-human half-ghost is not really beyond the Ghostbuster's radar of weird.
  • The Grand Tour Series, a Nanoha-centered megacrossover, has a one-shot where the Top Gear crew does a special episode on Mid-Childa after Earth makes formal public contact. A special including Magical Girl Stig-Chan.
  • Harry Potter and the Eagle of Truthiness. Just... just wow. Stephen Colbert becomes the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and proceeds to turn the class into an episode of The Colbert Report. The result? Best. Teacher. Ever.
  • From Harry Potter and the Power of the Dark Side:
    Professor Snape: As for you, Mr. Potter... Fired curse or no, your actions were a disgrace to the house of Slytherin, and you will serve a detention with me on Saturday, cleaning cauldrons and rethinking how you should have handled the situation...
    Professor Snape: You will not... Wait, what did you do to me?!
  • This crossover between Harry Potter and the Justice League (among others) has quite a few, but the best is when Dumbledore gives a shout-out to The Question.
    Hermione: Why do you have wards against Aglets?
    Dumbledore: (dead serious) Do not say their names. Their true purpose... is sinister. (one of the instruments in Dumbledore's office creates an ominous flash of lightning in the background.)
    • And then there's this:
      Snape: (On Harry's adoption by Danny & Tess Ocean, with Mad-eye as adoptive grandparent) You should have taken him back to his muggle relative once you'd found him. Not raised him with some yankee ponce and a crackpot conspiracy theorist.
      Dumbledore: (confused) I got the impression that Tess was of rather sound mind.
  • In the Crossover He'll Never Be My Son, when Medusa tells her partner Orochimaru that she wants to conceive a child, his first thought is to ask her if she's been drinking to come up with that idea.
  • Cordelia's verbal owning of the officer questioning her in The Hell-er-Nator: Chaos Machine has the other police struggling not to laugh.
    Cordelia: "I thought Mayor Wilkins screened his lackeys at least for basic reading and comprehension skills, even if not for independent thought."
    Chief Munroe: "Now you look here, you-"
    Cordelia: "Yes? Really, Chief Munroe. I'd explain it to you again, but the arresting officers took away my hand puppets and crayons."
  • In Death Note and Lupin III crossover story, idiot, Misa talks to Fujiko about seeing her at a jewel store last night and started to make comments like wearing a catsuit that she doesn't complete zip up and acting like a weirdo in that outfit as if she's planning to rob the place or something. Fujiko started to sweat at this. The bright side for her is that Misa thinks of what she's doing is a rehearsal for a play of her own with her "co-stars" Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, and Zenigata.
    I'm just lucky Misa's a total idiot. It's like I dodged another bullet.
  • A few in Kitsune On Campus, a Naruto and Mahou Sensei Negima! crossover. Some of the standouts include the entire class believing Naruto has just had a threesome with Mana and Keade, and is now planning a Five way; Negi and Naruto listing in detail why certain members of the class are cute, in front of the class. Chisame's reactions really makes it; rather recently there was, well, The Kissing Incident Up to Eleven. Finally we have pretty much all of the Eva and Naruto interactions. All of them. A stand out is when Naruto's hand accidently lands on Eva's chest:
    "Flat," Naruto muttered.
    "What. Did. You Say?"
    "I-I-I'm gonna die for that, aren't I?"
    "Yeah, and it is going to be slow and painful."
    "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"
    "No," Eva responded flatly.
    "Okay. Would it help if I told you that I had video of you bugging out when Zero-chan called you mummy, you getting into a fight over Negi, and your face when I explained what I had to do to get my Master, all of which would be distributed around the school?"
  • Though the rest of the story is pretty bland, there is one amazing moment in the Harry Potter/Bleach crossover The Muggle With White Hair. Fred and George have dragged Toshiro to Quidditch tryouts against his will, and when Toshiro refuses to mount a broom, they comment about how he's probably too fragile to play a rough sport like Quidditch. Hyorinmaru then snarks "Need some ice for that burn, Toshiro?"
  • In the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Teen Titans story Latch Key Kids, Robin (at Beast Boy's/Xander's prompting) responds to a message from Batman with a smiley face, using the justification that "He's the world's greatest detective; he'll figure it out." Batman replies with a message written in hieroglyphs.
  • The Lyrical Nanoha/Ranma ½ crossover Nanoha 1/2 gives a threefold Crowning Moment to Ranma near the end of the Nanoha Classic arc, when Precia claims the last of the Jewel Seeds and starts on her Motive Rant to Fate and the TSAB. Moments after she starts talking, Genma notices that Ranma has disappeared from the Asura's bridge just as Lindy's troops move in to aprehend Precia. Precia, naturally, nukes the Red Shirts and keeps ranting, only for Ranma to make his reappearance. The AWESOME is how he slipped off the bridge, through the teleporter, and into the Garden of Time, dodged an area of effect spell potent enough to put down several squads of TSAB Space Marines and then escaped Precia's notice as long as he did. The FUNNY was stealing the Jewel Seeds literally out from under Precia's nose ("Yoink!") and then running away with them, Miyazaki Nodoka-style. The HEARTWARMING was how this affected Fate, who snaps out of the Heroic BSOD she'd been going into and manages to crack a smile despite everything she'd been put through in the last two minutes.
  • From the Death Note and The House of Night crossover No Hoper Light has the following exchange with his new talking cat Familiar (who's personality is indeed very familiar):
    Light: You know what? I'm going to name you.
    Cleo: 'Name me'? What do I need a name for? I am the best, how can anyone not know who I am? And you, what do you need a name for? You are so recognizable, you are unforgettable!
    Light: And what's that supposed to mean?
    Cleo: Nothing. I just think names are stupid. All you need to know is that you are a can-opener, and I am the Great-I-Am!
    Light: Well, you deserve a name, you know, one that doesn't invoke cries of 'blasphemy'.
  • This fanfiction. It's a blend of Naruto and Ocarina of Time, and is one long Crowning Moment of Funny. It's hard to explain if you haven't read it, but it's one of the best crossovers/parodies that I've seen. Just... Read it, please? I'll be over here. Dying from a lack oxygen form laughing so hard...
  • Ow My Sanity is a fusion of the Cthulhu Mythos and Ah! My Goddess. Observe this first meeting of the Belldandy stand-in and the potential Sayoko stand-in.
  • In The Return after snapping out of a rather disturbing Daydream Surprise which has Usagi's severed head presented to some Russian Cyborg Mercs only to explode in their hands Sailor Darkstar (Ranma) just stares at Usagi's head and we have this line:
    "Oh, just wondering how big that brain of yours is ... just thinking about how many explosives I could fit up there". (It's funnier in context).
  • From Riddick, a Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Riddick Fusion Fic, a kidnapped Luna has this to say when Voldemort threatens Neville:
    Luna: To pursue my husband, Mr. Riddle is to pursue an arse-whooping of grand proportions. You shall learn this soon.
  • In Sephiroth Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Sephiroth!Harry critiques Umbridge's teaching style:
    Sephiroth!Harry: So, you're saying that there are no vampires, werewolves, nundu, dementors or anything else out there in the world that wants to hurt us. I'd think someone that fought so hard to add new creature legislation would know better. Not only that, if our course is to be taught in this manner from here on, then you are crippling the Ministry and the economy. A NEWT in Defense is required for Auror training, Curse Breaking, and all sorts of other positions. Some of which you are asserting that we need to rely on to keep us safe. So, which is it? Are you a patriot – training us to meet and exceed the standards set by the Ministry, or are you a traitor – weakening it from within?
    (McGonagall reviews Harry's detention slip)
    Sephiroth!Harry: Yes, professor.
  • Xander accidentally convinces the Amazons of Themyscira and Bana-Mighdall that Twinkies are the food of the gods in A Spark of Genius. Several chapters later, an offhand mention of how readily a sacrifice consisting of a box of Twinkies was accepted implies the gods agree.
    • Later Xander pulls several pranks on Superman to pay back Mxyzptlk for a favor the latter did. Said pranks include sending all the women at the Daily Planet a set of lead-lined underwear and a letter suggesting Superman is using his X-ray vision to peep on them, filling Lois Lane's bedroom with thousands of Furbys, stealing the batmobile and leaving it in Superman's apartment, wrapping Perry's office in saran-wrap before filling it with water and swordfish, bugging the Daily Planet with hundreds of devices that beep intermittently, and making Superman buy ice-cream for a group of kids.
  • A Study in Magic has Hogwarts this gem.
    Miss Jackie: "If by definition a Muggle or a Squib is someone who neither has the ability to generate or use magic, could it be their very person is a magical insulator or a grounder? I wondered why Hogwarts always had an honorable resident Squib. The practice dates back to the four founders, but no explanation was given in the history books. But if you think about the physical properties of magic, you could postulate magic will act more erratically in magic-rich environs without a Squib or a Muggle to ground it down. In other words, you might owe it to Mr. Filch for your ability to harness your magic so quickly and well here in Hogwarts."
    Filch: "HEARD THAT? You brats only get to do any magic at all here because of me! ME!
  • The Daria/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story Sum of Their Parts has Glory and her entourage take Cameron Kim disguised as Dawn to Lawndale High so they can open the portal to Glory's hell dimension. They encounter Kevin, who works there as a janitor, but when Glory tries to brainsuck him... nothing.
  • The Gurren Lagann / Sonic the Hedgehog crossover Tengen Toppa Freedom Emerl has an "interesting" rendition of Lagann-hen's hacking scene.
  • Harry Potter/ The Saga of Darren Shan crossover Vampires and Wizards gives us this:
    'Who was that?' Harry asked.
    'Who was what?' Darren blinked.
    'The little guy in the robes.'
    'What little guy in robes?'
    'The one you were just talking to!'
    'I was talking to a little guy in robes?'
    'Yes! Who was he?'
    'Who was who?'
    'The little guy in robes!'
    'What little guy in robes?'
    'Darren! You were talking to a little guy in robes! Who was he?'
    'I don't know what you're talking about. Are you sure you're not mad?'
    'I- DARREN.'
  • From the Death Note and Batman Crossover Vigilante:
    Light settled into one of the Lay-Z-Boy chairs in the Batcave and finished hacking into Batman’s secret files.
    Ryuk munched on a bowl of apple chips and played Mario Cart. “Hey, this is kind of fun, Light.”
    “There’s only one thing that Batman did wrong. He went too easy on the criminals.”
    “What do you mean,” Ryuk asked while picking up another handful of apple chips.
    “Take any of his major nemeses for example. The Joker, Mr. Penguin, The Riddler. He always captures them alive, and then they escape, and blow things up and kill innocent civilians just to piss Batman off.” Light twirled the pen in his fingers. “Now imagine Batman killed one of them instead.''
    ''“Of course, Superman does the same with Lex Luthor. You’d think he enjoys outsmarting him or something.”
    Ryuk laughed. “Isn’t that kind of like you and L?”
    Light whirled around in his chair to glare at Ryuk. “No, Ryuk, the situations are nothing alike. I plan on killing L as soon as I find out who he is.” Light paused to open another file on the computer. “But only if he’s a threat to me. And maybe now he won’t be.”
    “Hyuk. I wonder what he’s gonna do when he finds out you left the country.”
    Light gave the Shinigami another brief glare. “Ryuk, there is nothing even remotely suspicious about a genius receiving a scholarship to study in another country. But let’s see. I can kill off a few of Batman’s villains and save innocents.”
    “Hey, but I thought you were going to play Batman. Doesn’t that mean you’re gonna dress up in the suit and cape and ride around in the Batmobile? I could ride in the Batmobile with you.”
    “No, Ryuk.”
    “I want to ride in the Batmobile.”

    Sayu: So what's America like? Does everyone there look like they do in the movies?
    Light: Of course not, Sayu.
    Sayu: I saw this TV program last week, well, actually my friend and I were searching online for information on America, since I told her that you're studying there, and we found this one show where everyone was really fat since there's so much food there. Is it really like that? Hey, what if you get fat too, since you're living there? Do you have to eat a lot of hamburgers? Do you have to eat bread with every meal instead of rice?
    Light: Sayu-
    Sayu: Do you have a girlfriend yet? Is she fat? Is it true that they have so many guns in America that everyone has to own one and learn how to use them? I heard they even sell guns in the grocery stores. Did you learn to use a gun yet?
    Light: Yes. I've practiced shooting a few.
    Sayu: MOM! Light's learning how to use GUNS in America!
  • In the Code Geass and Death Note Crossover Zero Vs Kira, Ryuk describes his trouble crossing the dimensions.
    Ryuk:Yeah, but it's a hassle because some Shinigami from the other realms don't always take kindly to visits. The Shinigami in the last dimension chased me around with swords. They even called me names. I don't know why they called me 'hollow', but I didn't like it.
  • This glorious crack/parody entry in the "Most Implausible Sex Scene Contest", featuring Julius Caesar x the GEICO Gecko.
    Kneeling down, Julius took the magical creature's face in his hands. “Ever since I first saw you, my heart went doki doki, and now that you've come into your magical inheritance and become a bishounen, I just couldn't hold back.”


    Kingdom Hearts 
  • While the entirety of the Kingdom Hearts fanfic, Reaching the Understanding, would count, there are several moments which stand out:
    • The running gag about Terra being far too trusting.
      "[insert someone here] paused for a moment. '... Yes.'"
    • Ventus's inability to swear.
    • Aqua's dirty, dirty mind.
      • Aqua: Seven men! Seven men!'
      "Agh? Zero Gravity?"
      "Aqua, what the hell!"
      "Sorry! That played out much better in my head!"
    • As well as Master Eraqus walking in on his students in a very comprimising situation, getting exactly the wrong idea, and telling them a story from his youth with all of them taking it exactly the wrong way.
    • The rock-paper-scissors of DESTINY!
  • Binary, a Kingdom Hearts detective AU, has a few of them. To name a few examples:
    • Roxas being nicknamed "the cleaning fairy"
    • "I don't know any Roxas other than the one, so I have to remember him from somewhere. I know a lot of Cids, tho-"
  • Kingdom Hearts: The Short and Honest Version has one about every single chapter, due to the fact that everyone except Sora (sometimes) is a total asshole or an idiot of epic proportions.
    • Sora and Kairi being part of the Crips, and the fight against Chernabog.
      They fight that GARGOYLE DEMON MONSTER THING from that FANTASIA movie.
      Sora: This isn't so bad. All we have to do is not float in front of his mouth as he spews fire, and move away when he surrounds himself with flames from below.
  • Those Lacking Spines - I am very surprised it wasn't put here yet...
  • Pain in the Axel. ALL OF IT. A few parts that stand out are Demyx leaping right up onto the ceiling light because he thinks his sitar is a demon and ate Axel, Marluxia cuddling his scythe like a teddy bear and singing songs from ''Oklahoma'', the results of Axel putting a sleeping Roxas on Larxene's bed, Marluxia having to wear Larxene's bathrobe, Axel and Roxas finding the Philosopher's Stone in Vexen's lab, Zexion screaming so loudly it literally shakes the castle when he sees his face has been drawn on, and Xemnas falling down every flight of stairs in the castle after slipping on the plastic honey bear Roxas threw out the window.
  • The Pillow Prank, in which Larxene stuffs a pillow under her robe to make Xemnas think she's gotten pregnant. Xemnas' reaction is priceless.
    Larxene: (laughing hysterically, but stops when she realizes what Xemnas said) Wait - HEY!
  • 11 Drunk Nobodies Play Slender, in which Xemnas and Saix have to go out for the night (due to the fact that Saix is a werewolf and Xemnas doesn't want any more supernatural shenanigans happening in his castle) and so the rest of Organization XIII decides to steal his supply of booze and play Slender. Drunken Hilarity Ensues.
    • Xaldin and Demyx play a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who plays next. Neither of them use the right signs and it ends with Xaldin punching Demyx out.
    • When they find the first page:
    Roxas: No - hic! - eyes, always wat - hic! - watches. Creepy...hic!
    Demyx: Like Xigbar?
    Demyx: Shut up, angry pirate...
    • Luxord gets so hammered he becomes unable to talk coherently.
    • Demyx singing the "Secret Tunnel Song" from Avatar: The Last Airbender.
    • Roxas' confidence going right out the window:
    Roxas: I CAN do this! I'm gonna beat the Slender Man!
    (One Gilligan Cut later)
    Roxas: (terrified) I can't do this! What made me think I could do this?!
    • When Xigbar suggests finding Marluxia and Larxene to help them, since they won't be afraid of Slender Man:
    Axel: Yeah, Larxene! That bitch isn't scared of anything! She'll kick Slender Man's ass!
    Demyx: (excitedly) Or maybe he'll eat her!
    • Larxene's reasoning for why the rest of the Organization hasn't figured out that she and Marluxia are a couple:
    Larxene: None of them suspect a thing about us being together: they all think you're gay anyway.
    • When Zexion and Roxas go out to find Marluxia and Larxene, they hear the two of them talking in a closet. Zexion opens the door... and finds them ass naked and starting to get it on. Then there's Zexion attempting to curb Larxene's Unstoppable Rage at being caught:
    Zexion: L-Listen, Larxene...w-w-we didn't mean to walk in on you...we just...(Larxene summons her lighting) The hell with it - Run, Roxas!
    Larxene: So, just how wasted are you guys?
    Demyx: Aaaah! The devil! (turns and runs smack into the window)
    Larxene: I'm going to take that as a "plastered off your asses."
    • When Marluxia brings up "the time we had to watch Xaldin and Demyx in Speedos, twerking to 'Shake That Ass, Bitch.'"
    Xaldin and Demyx: (snickering)
    Larxene: Shut it, you dickbags, that was a traumatic experience.
    • Demyx' response to Larxene's nickname for Marluxia.
    Demyx: You call him Lulu?
    Larxene: Yes...What about it?
    Demyx: So what does he call you, Lala?
    Larxene: (punches him across the room)
    • Demyx going Papa Wolf for his daughter from the future when Larxene insults her and Luxord's future self apparently got her stuck in the Time Vortex.
    • Zexion's No-Holds-Barred Beatdown of Xigbar when the latter annoys him one time too many. "ZEXION CHOP!"
    • When Vexen (hiding in the air vents to fuck with the other members) throws his voice and scares the shit out of everyone, they all start screaming, and there's one shrill scream that drowns out all the rest. Xaldin yells at Larxene to stop screaming, and she snaps back "That wasn't me!" and gestures to Marluxia.
    • Demyx's drunken rendition of the Spider-Man theme song on sitar:
    Slender Man, Slender Man
    Does whatever a Slender can
    Can he swing, from a web?
    I dunno, I'm way too drunk
    Look ouuuut, he is the Slender Maaaaan...

     Mass Effect 
  • The list 100 things Commander Shepherd's Crew'll Mutiny Over contains a lot of these while keeping the crew (at least mostly) in character.
    "5. Tali and her engineering minions WILL NOT make the Normandy into a giant transforming robot. No matter how many times you ask. Or how many crayon drawing you have Grunt make of it."
    "7. You are no longer allowed to throw soap bars into Jack's mouth. Gabby and Ken are tired of repairing the bulkheads."
    "24. Doctor Chakwas orders that you are to stop headbutting people. God gave you guns and fists for a reason.
    "63. You are not allowed to enter pics of Tali'zorah's posterier to Bootylicious Quarians Monthly.
    "69. No longer allowed to hit Garrus upside the head for his new catch phrase of "what the dealio." Unless he does it more than three times in one day. Then his ass is yours.
    "longer allowed to go on the TV Tropes extranet site unsupervised. Last time you went on there, it took seven hours to get you off.
    "89. Quit hogging the heavy weapons and start sharing.
    "90. Stop trying to get Grunt 'hooked on phonics.'"
    "91. Quit making fun of Jacobs pick up lines. It's cruel to torture the crippled.
    "95. The collector weapons and armor are useless, ugly, and icky. Toss 'em.
    "97. Not allowed to make fun of Tali's pet names for drones, Commander Plays-With-Toy-Ships."
  • This Mass Effect 2 fanfic, which is based around the concept of Shepard being a Slash Fic writer who ships everyone on the ship with everyone else, has more than a few gems. Jack's ClusterFBombs are taken to a new extreme, Jacob discovers an unsettling fic about him and Thane, and we find out Kelly may even worse:
    "So you mean Shepard's actually getting off on imagining us all having sex with each other?" Tali asked.
    "Apparently so." Miranda said, scowling. "Disgusting though the thought may be. I can just picture her sitting alone at night, coming up with all these perverted scenarios."
    "Yes," Kelly said. "She must be spending hours in her quarters, sitting at her terminal, probably naked. Touching herself as she writes. Her beautiful face illuminated only by the light from the screen as she brings herself to orgasm, her mind empty of everything but sex, sex, sex! Oh!" The Yeoman gasped. "I think I need to lie down."
    Tali gave the Yeoman a dubious look and decided it was just better to ignore her from now on.
    • Oh christ Jack's F-bombs are hilarious. Half the sentences are bleeped and the other half is Noodle Implements
      • And in the end, Thane comes in, Jacob nearly shoots him, and then a fight happens.
    • Grunt is somewhat confused by the whole thing (the tank's imprints don't mention mating rituals), gets bored halfway through, and starts randomly headbutting the walls.
    • And Garrus? "Oh, Pressly, my love! I miss you so much!" Garrus wailed. We always suspected.

     The Matrix 
  • Pointless Agent Insanity is an 18-chapter long Crowning Moment of Funny that makes as little sense in context as it does out of context. Naming every great moment would take up a full page, but here's some highlights.
    • When Agent Smith's code becomes corrupted by exposure to Jesse McCartney, Agents Jones and Brown have to purge his system by tying him up and forcing him to watch 30 seasons of soap operas on DVD, plus 18 straight hours of bonus materials on extra tracks. This experience ended up traumatizing him.
    Smith: My favorite artist is U2! U2, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb, I tell you! I've never even heard of 98 Degrees, please, please don't make me watch Theresa and Ethan make out again! MOMMY, I DON'T WANT TO!
    • This, after Agent Jones comes home from work to find the house a mess:
    • What happens when Smith tries to take a bathroom break? "Two minutes later he emerged from the bathroom, triumphant. The toilet had sucked him into Narnia, whereupon his arrival he was imprisoned and forced to labor as a resident dragon slayer. He dripped wet with the blood and gore of victory. Not today, he laughed. Not today."
    • "BEHOLD THE ALMIGHTY RUBBER DUCKY!" (Soon after this is said, Brown goes into a mall dressed as the rubber ducky pinata and is almost mauled to death by an onslaught of sugar-high children and half the crew of Jackass.)
    • The Running Gag of Smith contending with his Arch-Nemesis - the Idaho red potato.
    Smith: I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that Mister Rogers is half-baked somewhere in a Columbian drug field or the fact that I almost get killed my a random potato every time I exhale through my left nostril."
    • Pretty much everything "Morpheus the Socialist I-Don't-Believe-In-Numbers-Because-They're-All-Equal-To-Me dumbass" says is hilarious. Agent Smith being the Only Sane Man among an entire cast that's Too Dumb to Live counts too.
    • All the Agents of the Matrix apparently have standard copies of Justin Bieber's fourth grade diary.
    • After attempting to perform Shakespeare and failing badly, Pauly D rides home on a flying cow, which Snooki then unleashes a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown on for blowing hay into her face.
    • Smith's reaction to having to act like a human for 24 hours. "Whew...This is even harder than the time I had to tap-dance on the North Vietnamese border with a giant sign that read 'Nationalist Greetings From Ho Chih Minh' and dodge five hundred and eighty-seven short-range 'welcome mats.'"
    • Chapter 10: "Mr. Smith Goes To College." That is all.
    • This exchange:
    Smith: You two stay in the car. Now, I have a couple of rules you must follow while I am gone.
    Brown and Jones: (fighting over a chewy toy) Awwwwwww, but Mooooooooom.
    Smith: Rule Number One. I know that Pepsi and Mentos are an interesting combination, but do not blow anything up with them unless you are prepared to vacuum the inside of the car and get sucked into Narnia just like we did last time. Rule Number Two: Do not switch each other's bodies. God knows how that happened, but I suppose with you two, anything is possible.
    Jones shuddered, hearing Brown's taunting voice ringing from the depths: Stop hitting yourself! Stop smacking yourself upside the head with this here frying pan! Stop kicking yourself in the nads! Stop setting yourself on fire! Stop beating yourself against this brick wall! Stop watching these eighty-two episode marathons of Oprah!
    Smith: ...Rule Number Three: Do not kick, punch, scratch, tear, pierce, shred, detonate, decimate, annihilate, maul, eradicate, mar, ruin, spraypaint, defecate, or else defile or destroy anything within the planetary radius. Do you understand me so far?
    Brown and Jones: Yes ma'am - sir - Justin Timberlake.
    Smith: Good. Oh, I almost forgot the most important rule - Rule Number Four. This, my sirs, is called the ignition. You are to never, under ANY circumstances, touch it. It is the one thing you never touch. You can touch matches, toxins, forks in toasters, open electrical sockets, explosive substances, and nuclear waste, but the ignition is explicitly dangerous to your health. Think of the ignition as my sunglasses: you touch Smith's sunglasses without his written permission, you die a slow, horrible, painful, black roasting death by means of Smith cooking you for dinner.
    Jones: (raises hand)
    Smith: Yes, Jones?
    Jones: Are we gonna be tasty? 'Cause Jones can get awfully bland without a pinch of oregano.
    Smith: NO!
    Smith: So the great Morpheus wishes to dance? We'll dance, little man...Oh, we'll dance.
    Starring in the Australian production of Grease, Morpheus sported a curly blond wig as Sandy and Smith a black leather jacket as Danny, as the two foes sang "Summer Lovin" onstage.
    Tank: (crying uncontrollably) No, Morpheus!
    • Smith's reaction when Neo breaks his sunglasses. "What was that? Why is the world so bright? Did I die?"
    • When Smith is about to kill Neo, he asks if he has any last requests. Neo happily requests two chocolate milkshakes ("I don't recall you saying a last request, or one last request, or a normal last request. Now. Come on. Let's get less with the angry-twitchy and more with the chocolate milkshakeys.") and takes the entire rest of the day to finish the one in his left hand. When Smith tries to resume their fight, Neo points out that he still has to finish his right hand milkshake. Smith promptly shoots said milkshake.
    Neo: You bastard! You killed him! You killed my chocolate milkshake! No, don't die, Marty! You're going to live! You're going to live, goddammit, and we're going to have it all! We'll take that vacation in Maui just like you wanted, and we'll get remarried on the beach, and we'll ride all the rides at Fantasy Island, and I promise you, this time I won't throw up from the top of the Ferris Wheel just to see how high up we are! (spontaneously dies)
    • Rachel Ray's reaction to anyone trashing the use of Parmesan cheese. "The audience gave her a standing ovation as she ripped off her costume, revealing a pterodactyl underneath, spread her scaly fifteen-foot wings and flew braying through the roof."
    • Apparently pressing F11 is "the Architect's shortcut for 'smack yo'self like you some trick at a slow-ass truckstop.'"
    • The author Breaking the Fourth Wall to confuse and scare the living shit out of Tank, and Simon Cowell's consistently failing attempt to take over the world turning out to be all him on a mescaline trip in a hotel room.

     My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic 
  • Certain Advantages has Princess Celestia and Princess Luna entering the Sisterhooves Social obstacle race and... Hilarity Ensues. Every damn line. Highlights include:
    • Celestia "sealing" her magic to be fair to the other racers.
    • Everyone learning the proper meaning of "bunghole." It's a part of a barrel, like the one Celestia is stuck in for most of the story.
    • "Meanwhile, back at the fjord, things had taken a turn for the theological."
    • The crew of Diamond Dogs the Royal Sisters keep tormenting by accident. Only not really.
    • Twilight crying and teleporting all over the place.
    • Rainbow Dash failing to understand the meaning of "sardonic."
    • "...and Scootaloo."
    • Rainbow Dash being so stunned by the Sisters' performance that that she distorts space and time until she and everything around her are frozen in place.
    Spike: Whoa, that's freaky.
    • Granny's Smith's team of masseuses.
    • Celestia's "little favor" she asks of the pie chef.
    • “Oh dear,” she said, “I seem to have some difficulty with my bunghole.”
    • Pretty much every time bunghole is used in a sentence.
  • What Rarity Needs has Pinkie Pie learning to express disappointment.
    Pinkie: Oh no. That's bad. How do we express disappointment? I know, a party! No! Bad Pinkie Pie! Parties are only for good things. This is a Bad Thing. How do ponies express bad things? I know! Cursing!
    Rarity: Darling, wha-?
    Rarity: Pinkie Pie, dear, don't be vulgar! ...Especially when you're so bad at it...

  • This excerpt from Ask Me No Questions. (Yes, team 7 is Sasuke/Naruto/Hinata, and YES they fought a Shoggoth. (They're now in an alternate world now.)
    The description of the shoggoth was particularly vivid, as well as their various experiences inside the beast. Sasuke used a minor genjutsu, with permission from the adults who knew it was harmless, to give a brief recap of it chasing them out of the swamp, which he still remembered in vivid clarity.
    "Oh, my. I'm certainly glad we don't have those in our world," Sarutobi said grimly.
    "Really?!" Naruto asked.
    "No. I've fought some amazing things, including the Kyubi, but I've never seen or heard of anything like that," Kakashi confirmed, feeling a little proud of 'his' students.
    They paused to consider that amazing revelation that even some of the fundamental stuff of their world was not the same in the new one.
    Then, very seriously, Sasuke walked over and gave Kakashi a hug.
    Kakashi was, needless to say, somewhat freaked out by this.
    "Best. Alternate." Hinata began.
    "World. EVER!" Naruto cheered. "Woohoo! No shoggoths! Goodbye nightmares, hello sweet dreams! Forget trying to fix things," he said, turning to the Hokage. "Can we stay? Please?"
  • Chapter 11 of Danzos Team channels Forrest Gump in a moment between Naruto and Ibiki.
    Ibiki: "Alright Bugs! That's more than enough excitement. The next time one of you insects steps, looks or twitches in a way I don't like I will personally ruin you. I am the head of this chuunin selection exam's first test, but you don't need to know that. All you need to know from now on is that I am the man other gods call God. So when I say move you damn well should already be where I want you. Am I clear!"
    Naruto: "Crystal clear, Sir!"
    * Ibiki appears directly in front of Naruto*
    Ibiki: "What did you say genin Uzumaki?"
    Naruto: "I said crystal clear, Sir!"
    Ibiki:That's right! You must be some kind of god damn genius! Genin Uzumaki! You are the only bug in the room that managed to get my question right."
  • In Hell And Back Naruto has spent over 50 years in Hell (though only 3 for everyone else) and when he finally uses a real bathroom, he falls to his knees in joy. Tsume even asks if she should give him and the latrine some time alone.
  • While building levees in Naruto: Myoushuu no Fuuin, Naruto comes up with the idea to use seals to turn the annual flood into a lake and tells Kakashi to figure out how big a lake they'll need while Naruto designs the seal. After Sakura repeatedly corrects his math, Kakashi throws her the scroll and turns to Sasuke.
    Kakashi: "So, you come up with a way to make me feel inadequate and completely superfluous today, too?"
    Sasuke: "Well, I could show you my two sharingan eyes if you really want."
    * Kakashi shoves him into a pile of sand bags.*
  • Nothing but Trouble is pretty much nothing but this but one line really stands out.
    Tsunade: "Did your (female) genin just motorboat me?"
  • In Reaching for a Dream after Naruto and Xanna make love for the first time, rather than the usual fanon about how great it was for both of them, Xanna tells Naruto he sucks and tells him to spend some time in brothels until he gets better.
  • In Super Naruto Naruto tries to unravel the mystery that is Fanon!Haku:
    During training, he meets a cute girl who proves not to be a girl at all, but a guy who Naruto suspects to be a girl after all. By the time he gets to wondering why a girl would pretend to be a guy pretending to be a girl and whether he - or she - was really a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy pretending to be a girl, the girl - who actually might be pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl - had already left. He had a headache by the time hermaphroditism entered his theories about the girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl, or boy pretending to be a girl. Then he knocked himself out.
  • In A Twist of Chance, Naruto shows up earlier than normal to a team meeting. In between his arrival and Sasuke's, Kakashi walks past at least five separate times without Sakura noticing once, doing things like walking a dog, buying groceries, and escorting children. Naruto then realizes that Kakashi always shows up on time but keeps leaving until Sakura notices him, and since she keeps insisting he doesn't show up for at least three hours, Naruto and Sasuke show up later, causing Kakashi to show up even later. By sunset (the meeting was set for noon), everyone's been there for hours but due to Naruto's new outfit and the fact he's quietly reading, the others still haven't noticed him yet. When Sakura finally realizing the coughing civilian is Naruto, she demands to know where he's been. Naruto rattles off a list of excuses that exactly match what Kakashi was doing earlier.
  • Vengeance: The Musical! Starring Sasuke Uchiha. Pretty much all of it, but special mention has to go to:

    Neon Genesis Evangelion 
  • This fanfic, essentially a Bum Review of End of Evangelion is absolutely hilarious. Chester does his best to review the movie, even trying to explain it:
    "And now…you see…this thing...oh, how can I explain this? Give me a moment."
    Minutes later...
    "So um," The Bum was writing on his notepad, wearing glasses and trying to figure out what happened next in the movie. "there're more strange dialogs, monologs, ass-ologs. More random flashbacks and cut-scenes…a floating head of a panda…an upside-down chicken mask…a heavily-armed clown…Michael Jackson…"
    Hours later…
    The Bum was drawing alien symbols and calculating mathematical equations on a chalk board, still clueless about the rest of the movie. "So there are these Rei clones appearing spontaneously…um, whoever they touch turns into carrot juice…then there are some people walking into a theatre…and oh yeah, Michael Jackson."
    • And then, at the end, he finally snaps...
      "So let's review this…there's an Eva pilot who has a fetish on exposed hospital patients, an officer who likes to have sex with young boys and a Lieutenant who's secretly a lesbian working in a special agency."
      "WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOTIC SCREWBALL WROTE THIS SCRIPT? I bet the entire animation staff were high on drugs during the entire production! Even I could have made a better movie than them!"
  • Chapter 1 of Zentrodie's Neon Genesis Evangelion Body-Swap/Gender Bender comedy fic It Can't Get Worse is one CMOF after anonther. Standout moment is Asuka-in-Shinji's body waking up to her/his first morning erection:
    "For roughly ten seconds Asuka's sleep deprived and overly stressed mind continued to fantasize about his guardian. His hand under no actual central control found a happy little friend that was standing by the curbside that morning. 'Oh hello there Little Asuka how are you today?' the hand asked. Little Asuka's reply way 'I'm a little lonely how about you and I dance for awhile?' To which the hand joyously said, 'I thought you'd never ask, lets dance to Misato's fucking hot?' Little Asuka let Mr. Hand lead with a parting, 'I think I can get to like that song.'"
  • In Deus ex Evangelion, Shinji got swallowed by the Eva during his first battle, and Asuka needs to be flown in to be his replacement. Later on, Toji's revealed as the Fourth Child about ten episodes early. After the Gaghiel fight, he asks Asuka out on a date. Right in front of the "Eva". Cue a silent If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her... moment between the two.
  • Absolutely everything in the Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction Shinji Just Snaps and Totally Wails on Everything, with is Exactly What It Says on the Tin. Highlights include but are definitely not limited to Gendo's Laz-E-Bastard, an EVA-sized Groin Attack, the tragic fate of Sergeant Trumpy, Asuka's epically failed attempt at using fanservice as a weapon, and Rei's non-verbal Precision F-Strike.

    Sonic The Hedgehog 
  • Sonic Evil Reborn Zero has one during Episode 14, "Dance of The Dead" when Knuckles avoids a trap door in Eggman's base, mulls over Jynx, and winds up walking into the trap door.
  • Sonic X: Dark Chaos has this gem:
    Chris: "Yeah, here's the problem. The words 'Satan' and "promise" don't go very well together."
    • Also in Episode 65 when Vector discusses his plan to get Tails and Cosmo together:
      Vector: "We gotta make sure Tails enjoys his time and has fun with her."
      Charmy: "You mean they're gonna have-"
      Vector: "Not THAT kind of fun!"

    Soul Eater 

  • In A Matter of Trust, the incident from Soul and Maka's double-date with Tsubaki and Black Star, involving "a horny Black Star, a willing to please Tsubaki, and a popcorn box with a hole cut in the bottom. Toss in the group of nuns sitting behind them..."
    Maka: At least we weren't banned from that theater along with them. I thought the manager was really very understanding when we explained that we had no idea who the two perverts were.
    Soul: Hm. Surruptitious Ninja Handjob my ass. Points to Tsubaki for trying to pass the mess off as butter though.
    • Near the beginning of the fic, Maka realizes she's attracted to Soul and we get this line:
    Maka had blushed, feeling foolish because this was Soul, the guy who ate raw fish and left his dirty socks on the coffee table and was his ass always that illegally delicious?
  • In SoMa Family Drabbles, Soul tells Kid that he'll need to take some time off because Maka is pregnant. Kid's response? Snark at him.
    Soul: Maka's pregnant. She's already a couple weeks along. I missed the beginning of this, I'm not missing any more of it.
    Kid: Well, I assume you were there for the beginning of the whole thing.
    Soul: Fuck you.
    Kid: I don't want to risk impregnation, thanks.
    Soul: What? Wait, how do you...Never mind, I don't want to know.
  • From A Very Soul Eater Christmas, Soul attempted to decorate the Christmas tree the year before and somehow ended up setting it on fire. Even he's not sure how it happened.
    • Kid, Liz, and Patty's attempts to decorate their manor for a Christmas party, made very difficult by Kid's Super OCD.
    • Tsubaki finishes baking for the party and comes into the living room to find Black Star sitting on top of the Christmas tree:
    Tsubaki: (Face Palm) Why are you up there, Black Star?
  • The oneshot It's Elementary, in which Spirit tries his very best to preserve his daughter's virginity and Hilarity Ensues.
    • As a very unsubtle warning, he puts a picture of a severed penis in Soul's locker.
    Black Star: Look at this! Look who signed it! Soul found it in his locker. It's hysterical!
    Tsubaki: Spirit drew this? Oh, my god, it's all bloody! He even drew sound-effect screams! Goodness!
    • When Spirit recruits Stein to help him "cock block [his] daughter."
    Spirit: Anyway, so she mentioned that she and her ugly little horndog weapon had a plane to catch for a mission in Canada. Tonight. They left about ten minutes ago, actually. So we're going on a little panty raid.
    Stein: Every single syllable you just said both terrifies and disturbs me. No. No, no, no.
    Spirit: I need you! This is difficult for me! I need moral support! I thought we were friends!
    Stein: No.
    Spirit: Please?
    Stein: No!
    (One Gilligan Cut later, they're both at Maka and Soul's apartment)
    Stein: I hate you.
    • Then there's what Spirit insists they both wear on their 'mission': ski masks and matching T-shirts that have "Virginity Police" on them in glittery, bright pink lettering.
    Stein: (holding his shirt at arm's length) Tell me you didn't have these made.
    Spirit: Nah, I had them laying around.
    Spirit: You take the bastard's room, I'll take my darling marshmallow flufflet's room.
    Stein: Right. What exactly am I looking for? A calendar with one day marked 'Fuck Albarn's daughter into the mattress?' An economy-sized box of Magnum condoms? Gallons of K-Y?
    Spirit: (squeals, trips, and hits his head on the wall)

    Stein: You and Blair are fucking so enthusiastically I think the Pope has occasional heart palpitations out of sheer principle.

    Spirit: (holding Soul's shirt on a pair of tongs) Evidence, right?
    Stein: Indubitably, my dear Albarn. You know there's a lot more where that came from in the scythe's room. It's a cross between Vegas at New Year's and Hugh Hefner's bachelor party in there. Really, I'm rather impressed. You should see the sex swing, it's amazing the ceiling of an apartment this old can support it -
    Spirit: You keep this up I'll take back your Virginity Police shirt.
    Stein: I can only hope.
  • By the same author of the above fic, there's They Shook Death City, in which Maka and another meister ( who turns out to be equally bad driver Black Star) get into a fight over their conflicting driving habits, with disastrous consequences.
    Upon being enlightened as to the full extent of the damage his two top meisters actually caused - including but not limited to three smashed cars, four toppled trees, one stop sign used as a giant frisbee of doom, a severely traumatized poodle that was briefly sent into orbit, the total loss of one 7-11 convenience store and the neighboring pizza place, the creation of a new lake, and the burned, gutted remnants of an Escalade mysteriously impaled atop a telephone pole - Lord Death roundly refused to pay any bail. In fact, he assigned them both trash pickup on the side of the freeway for the next year.

    Star Trek 
  • While everything by canis_takahari on LJ is basically solid gold, her Kirk/McCoy fic Fever deserves special mention for Jim's landshark maneuver. All you need is the Jaws soundtrack and you're good:
    Approximately six seconds later, he’s belly-crawling along the ‘Fleet-issued cord carpet toward the bedside table. McCoy is snoring lightly, sprawled motionless on the mattress. For a moment, there is utter stillness in the room as Jim slithers up alongside the storage unit and then rises over the edge of the bed like a creature emerging from the black lagoon. McCoy-centric observation proceeds for the next thirty seconds as Jim watches the steady rise and fall of his chest, only the top of his head visible, and then he disappears below once more.
    • Also, this: (a very sexual conversation has just been had)
      James T. Kirk sent to Leonard H. McCoy: ...Do you think the Academy monitors the text-only comm feeds?
      Christopher Pike sent to James T. Kirk and Leonard H. McCoy: Yes, Kirk, it does. For the record, I hate you both.
      Leonard H. McCoy sent to James T. Kirk: jim you have exactly one hour to get your sorry ass off-planet before I come find you and put my boot through your pelvis
  • For Slash Fic in general, the "Rude Person" meme. It's a parody of the traditional Kirk/Spock plot (A shuttlecraft crash, hiding in a cave, Spock going into Pon Farr, Kirk helping him through it) by retelling it in several different dialects, such as preschooler, road rage, or academic post-modernist.
  • [1] Here we have "Is wegetable fornication." courtesy of Chekov, as well as:
    "McCoy to Chapel." He says, barely waiting for his head nurse to reply before cutting her off. "Bingo!"
    "Son of a Bitch!" Chapel yells in disbelief. Jim is briefly shocked speechless. He's never heard the woman curse before. "We're hardly ten minutes in, there's no way you've got five this fast!"
    "Jim has a remarkable collection." Bones is fucking gleeful. "You'd be amazed."
    "Gimme that!" Jim snatches the PADD from Bones' hand just as Chekov's leaning in to get a look. He glances over the table currently being displayed. Blinks and reads the title again. "STD Bingo? Bones!"
  • [2] The one in which poor Spock is unable to remove an unwanted, sleepwalking Kirk (and a Tribble) from his bed:
    Kirk: "So I don't know, maybe I sleep walked to a warm place," said Kirk.
    Spock: That is a logical possibility. However, I would appreciate it very much, Captain, if you would awake-walk back to your own quarters, and take that animal with you.
    • The fourth time Spock woke up to the captain in his bed was approximately thirty point two seven seven five minutes after the third time. The captain had somehow managed to transport himself, the cats, the tribble and the woolly afghan back into Spock's bed, despite a security lock that shocked intruders first and asked for identification later. It occurred to him that the tribble smelled slightly of electricity. There were times when Spock wished with all his human heart that James Kirk actually was, to quote Dr McCoy again, as dumb and pretty as he looked.
      Spock: Captain, I have no desire to actually know why your shirt states that the viewer has been very naughty and should go to your room, or why that action is requested, but by Lt Uhura's reaction, I am assured it is neither appropriate nor professional.
    • "Hey," said the captain feelingly. "Did you nerve pinch me again? You know I hate it when you nerve pinch me."
      "I apologize, Captain, but I had not expected you to invade my bed again," said Spock.
      "I didn't 'invade' your bed!" argued the captain, sitting up.
      "You put yourself, two cats, a tribble, and a hand-knit bed covering in my bed, and then told me we should keep meeting like this," said Spock.
  • List of Enterprise Crew Facts [3]
    • Sulu doesn't pilot the Enterprise through space, space moves around the Enteprise.
    • Scotty doesn't break the laws of physics, he forces the laws of physics to rewrite themselves.
    • Uhura is in fact the reason the Vulcan language now has a word for "fucking".
    • Kirk is in fact the reason the word "fuck" exists in any language.
    • Chekov does not have a Russian accent. Russia has a Chekov accent.
  • This kink meme fill
    Nero: You think he likes me? I mean like likes me. He's so dreamy.
    Ayel: Perhaps chaining him down in Engineering is not a proper way to express your affection.
    Nero: But I don't want him to get away!
    • Later:
      Nero: I'm sure you have many questions for me. I have only one for you. What's your sign, baby?
      Pike stared. And stared some more, his mouth working soundlessly. There was dead silence.
      It was finally broken by a sharp, resounding smack.
      The palm print on Ayel's forehead lasted for days.
  • This Star Trek: Enterprise fanfic, in which the entire main cast save Captain Archer is transformed into sentient, talking animals. While the entire thing is hilarious, easily the funniest bit is Malcolm Reed, who greatly enjoys blowing things up and can think of any number of truly unpleasant ways to kill anything, stalking around as a perpetually offended, always-dignified, blue-grey-eyed, black-furred... house cat. Who absolutely turns into a boneless pile of kitty goo for belly rubs. To the point where he earns the moniker "Lieutenant Floppy Puddle of Ecstasy." Please note there is mention of Archer/Reed slash, although it's not explicit.
    • Not to mention Travis breaking his leg...again. And Malcolm freaking out over Porthos and climbing onto Archer's head.
  • From Lady Ra's Emotions:
    McCoy: You know that betting pool?
    Kirk: The one that doesn't exist?
    McCoy: Yeah, that one.
  • In Unbeaten when Kirk and Khan are imprisoned together on the planet of the Snake People:
    Kirk: Let us out!
    Khan: For the last time Kirk, they cannot comprehend you. This might astound you but highly evolved species like the Gurachii find learning a mediocre language like human English an unjustifiable waste of time.
    Kirk: Oh well thank you for your input interpreter Khan. Weren't you supposed to be able to negotiate with these highly evolved snake-people, or whatever the hell they are; being such a brilliant parcelmouth and all.
  • The Fistbump is Non-Optional in which Spock and McCoy are trying to break out of an alien jail cell and a very drunk Kirk is unhelpful.
    "I'm making this an order." Kirk fixed them both with the old Kirk steely eye. "One of you is going to give me a celebratory fistbump in the -next minute, or so help me God I will not budge from this cell."
    "Are you going to cry if no one fistbumps you?" McCoy said. "Will this destroy your self-esteem?"
    "I'm a sensitive man, Bones," Kirk said. "A sensitive man with needs. Among them the need to hella fistbump."
    McCoy turned on Spock and lifted his eyebrow, to which Spock said nothing, but lifted his eyebrow in turn, and then they had a really intense conversation with their eyebrows, apparently: an eyebrow up here, an eyebrow down there, like they were world-class eyebrow gymnasts and this was the final round for the world cup. Belt? Gold tweezers. Kirk was way too drunk for this.

    Star Wars 
  • Psychotic Man Slayers, a fanfic of Knights of the Old Republic is about Carth managing to piss off all the women on the Ebon Hawk (except Juhani, who he pissed off in the previous story). The crowning moment is not when Dyran (Male Revan) sends Carth a despairing 'HELP ME' look. The crowning moment is not when Mission says, 'You're old and I hate you!' either. It's not even when Bastila is caught eating chocolate cake, and ends up slapping Carth and apologising for it. Oh, no. It's when Canderous, of all people, reveals that all the women on the ship have synchronised PMS. Carth's response is priceless.
  • A Star Wars Fanfic called Rise of a Rogue, which features an OC. To anyone who has ever read the X-Wing books, this is utterly hilarious:
    Wedge: Kell, how long would it take you to rig up a decent sized explosion?
    Kell Tainer: Sir, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?
    Wedge: Yes, I want you to blow something up.
    Kell Tainer: So,you're actually giving me permission to blow something up?
    Wedge: Tainer-
    Kell Tainer: Could someone check on the General? I think he's feeling ill.
    Wedge: Tainer-
    Kell Tainer: Maybe I should get Cubber down here, I might be getting some bad audio through my headset. I could swear Wedge just asked me to blow something up.
    Wedge: Tainer-
    Kell Tainer: Shh, let me savor this moment.


  • In the fourth chapter of Cullenary Education: Forks Sex Ed, Edward thinks the following about a particularly shallow couple:
    He was only considering the implications to a possible pregnancy in terms of how it would affect his sex life in the upcoming days, and she was only considering how it would affect her reputation. They truly deserved one another. At least Bella would never be tormented by a situation such as that. No, she only had to worry about rogue rabid vampires and a boyfriend that could kill her by mistake in a moment of passion.
    • Carlisle giving an auditorium full of high school students The Talk, and Edward noting that half the girls are fantasizing about having sex with him.
    They liked older men, that much was clear.
    • "Carlisle—or Doctor Carlisle Condom, as we would forevermore call him..."
    • The scene in part 5 where Edward is driving Bella home from school, his car filled with condoms.
      • In particular, the part where Bella's attempt to flirt with Edward nearly makes him crash the car.
    • Agnes pinching Charlie's butt.
    • Carlisle teasing Edward about his abstinence.
    “At least he has a sex life, even if it is solitary.” I thought for Edward’s sake. He glared at me in response.
  • Brotherhood

  • The Narm-riddled Indecisive Parody Redwall In Name Only fanfic Soulless Shell features this immortal line:
  • First Impressions, a Gorillaz UST Slash Fic, has the immortal line "Oh yeah, denthead, you know whose bitch you really are." (For context, a frightened 2D just glomped Murdoc instead of Paula, who was also in the room.)
  • One So Okay, It's Average Zelda fic featuring Link on a dating show had this gem:
    "Third question! Where would you live with Link?" [...] "6?"
    " BOTTLE!" Contestant six note  blurted. Sheik stood there blinking.
  • Command & Conquer: Tiberium Wars explains why the lighting in Nod's buildings is always so poor and they've got perpeptual mist hanging around at waist height. Officially, it is to remind the Brotherhood of Nod that their place is in darkness and in the shadows. In reality, Kane just likes hearing people bang their shins against consoles.
    • And after Rawne falls victim to the above, his reaction to Kane and Kilian Qatar.
      Deep down, Rawne envied Kane, if only for the fact that he was surrounded by so many leggy blondes who felt the need to fondle him.
    • Annual Black Hand Taco Fiesta. Half the humor comes from how it just comes out of nowhere.
    • LEGION being voiced by Tim Curry.
    • In Chapter 20:
      Corporal Peterson: Look, I'm just saying we've got this gigantic, trillion-dollar ion cannon array in orbit, tanks the size of fucking houses, supersonic jet fighters that can hit the stratosphere, and these crazy-calculus advanced proto-world-conquering super AIs, and here we are in out fucking recon with our fucking super cloak-piercing sensors and radar array and guided missile launchers and auto-loading mortars, and for some mystical, unfathomable reason, we don't fucking have working, fucking, AC! This is bullshit of the biggest, bisioniest order.
      Sergeant Hershey: Peterson?
      Corporal Peterson: Yeah, Sarge?
      Sergeant Hershey: Shut the fuck up.
    • Any time Havoc arrives on the scene, really.
    Note pinned to a downed Avatar mech: Dear Kane: Merry Christmas. Your buddy, Havoc.
  • Heroes In A Chatroom. In one scene, we see Candice, Sylar, and the Haitian discussing the issue of illegal immigration.
    • Also:
      NikiMM: Say, Micah, there R only two computers in the house. how R U on?
      GeniousBoy01101: Now there are 3
      GeniousBoy01101: BTW, we need a new toaster
  • These two Merlin RPS fics. Just about every line. The ending of the first one doubles as Crowning Moment Of Heart Warming. (The first one contains M Preg... be forewarned).
  • The entire Anything Goes Martial Arts Baseball Game from Ranma 1/2 fic Girl days.
    As the Black Rose fumed at this most preposterous of humiliations, a heated argument began between the two team captains. Ranma's captain insisted that the ball had been caught on a pop-fly,so Shampoo was out. Shampoo's captain insisted that Kodachi wasn't on the team, wasn't in the game, and wasn't even in the school, so the ball was live. The umpire was beating her head against a tree and saying something about moving to Australia.
  • Curtain Call is not a particularly profound Discworld fanfic, and there isn't much substance beyond the concept (a Vetinari/Death Curtain Fic?), but one line works particularly well:
    "We'll take this one," he said to the salesgirl hovering a few yards away, looking like she had been seriously contemplating her mortality in the last half an hour. Vetinari tended to have that effect on people.
  • Sex No Tensai, a silly The Prince of Tennis fic about Momoshirou and Kaidoh competing to see who can lose his virginity first, has the following gems. (Really, the whole thing is hysterical, and if you can stomach slash, you should give it a read.)
    • (Kaidoh is acting strangely, due to the bet, and, when questioned, blurts out that he is doing poorly in math.) Inui: "Ah, that explains everything. I often behave erratically when I am experiencing the trauma of unsolvable equations."
    • (Last line of the fic) Momoshirou: "I hope Inui-senpai brews homemade lube and your ass falls off."
  • In the Gurren Lagann fanfic Tengen Gattai Gurren Lagann, Kamina survived and all sorts of hell is raised. Of note is the chapter where Lordgenome decides the best way to defeat the Gurren-Dan is to imitate...And sends a revamped Gunzar equipped with inverted Kamina shades and a pilot with a grudge, who then botches every single on of Kamina's catchphrases. Kamina is so insulted that Gurren's jaw almost falls off in shock.
    • Also notable is when Leeron accidentally drugs Kamina, and he spends the rest of the chapter high as a kite.
  • In Chapter 22 of the Door Stopper Kung Fu Panda fic A Different Lesson, Po is walked in on by Tai Lung... while playing with dolls action figures of the Furious Five. And Tai Lung. A sharp Parody of the slew of Heel-Face Turn/Love Redeems fics where Tai Lung is Easily Forgiven, within a story that... gives Tai Lung a Heel-Face Turn and redeems him through the power of Tigress' love (among other things).
  • This Stargate Atlantis fic, which involves (among several other things) various members of the expedition bursting into song in order to ensure plausible deniability about the fact Sheppard and Mckay are sleeping together, has several. Notably:
    "Rodney, get a hold of yourself," Sheppard said loudly, slapping him in the face.
    "Oh no," Mckay replied, sounding like he was reading from a script. "The people of MK1-510 must have taken control of my brain and made me undress you. I had better go to the infirmary right away."
    "I should escort him," the colonel said seriously.
    • Also, Satedan humping sickness.
    Carson: I'm I'm SCOTTISH, you bastards. You didn't have to make me sound like a bloody leprechaun.
    • Sheppard wanting to shoot the communicator at the end.
    McKay: “Okay, that's enough. 'Gay' does not rhyme with 'Wraith', Zelenka definitely never killed a bear, and you people are getting on my last damn nerve!”

  • JLA Watchtower/DC Nation universe: Ralph Dibny is busy battling Sonar, leaving Flash and Hal Jordan to take Sue (who is in labor) up to the Watchtower. Mid-Nite is in surgery, and can't be paged, leaving the Dibnys' kid to be delivered by Flash, Hal, Martian Manhunter, and ''Eel O'Brien!''. For extra fun, get a Yiddish dictionary, since Nationverse-Sue is very fluent in Yiddish swearing.
    Flash Should I be boiling water? You're supposed to boil water - or is that for the flu? Uh... do we have paper towels?
  • The Mahou Sensei Negima! fan-fic A Day Indoors has several of them:
    • Negi & Sayo's conversation in Chapter 4 (Negi: "How am I supposed to teach a class of teenage girls about sex?! ...While keeping my virtue, career, and sanity intact?!")
    • The end of Chapter 12 (Asuna: Negi's new pimp)
    • Pretty much the entirety of Chapters 30 & 35.
      • And Chapter 29.
  • The series of porny Star Fox fanfics by Ringshadow on is pretty funny by itself, but one exchange stands out.
    "Huh. That's out of nowhere." Katt sounded surprised. "I'm sure I'll hear about it later. I'd ask you to slap him for me but I doubt that'd work out." She paused. "So, any coffee baristas pants you yet today?"
    He shook his head. "You're not going to let me live that down are you?"
    "Hell no, you won't tell me how good she was." Katt pouted.
    "Why do you care? Are you going to surprise her with lesbian sex or something?"
    Peppy lifted his eyebrows silently.
    "How does that work? Surprise, confetti, om nom nom?" Katt asked thoughtfully.
    Fox had been mid drink, but that was enough to put an image in his head, making him do a spit take. "Dammit, woman!"
    "No, glitter would be more appropriate. Would this be the opposite of surprise buttsex you think? I mean, you'd know."
    Fox at times regretted ever telling Katt what happened on Aquas, or at least admitting to her that he was bisexual. She found the fact amusing somehow, picking at him on occasion and trying to figure out what his tastes were. When he asked why she wasn't upset, she said that guys making out were hot, and she forgave the random coffeehouse blowjob because he still came home to her. "I don't know. Would a strap-on be involved?"
    "What the hell ass." Peppy said, caught between confusion and laughter.
    "Either way, I'll sell some damn coffee. Actually, that'd be a good name for a coffee shop wouldn't it? Coffee and Lesbians."
    "Dammit, are you trying to send me to a business dinner with a boner?"
    "I doubt Wolf needs the help with that."
    "Right. You're lucky I like you."
    "I own your ass, sweet cheeks. Om nom nom!" That said, she laughed and hung up.
  • The Modesty Blaise fanfic An Ever-Fixèd Mark. Stephen Collier signs up Modesty and Willie for a compatibility course for couples. Hilarity Ensues. ("Oh, Edmund!" Mavis exclaimed rapturously. "You're even compatible with my father!")
  • I would list the CMoFs in Shadow Crystal Mage's works, if it weren't for the simple fact that if the fic isn't serious, his fics tend to get at least one Moment per chapter, and it's at least 3 or 4 if the fic is cracky.
  • The LXG fanfic series The Private Diary Of Elizabeth Quatermain has a bonus volume that was written specifically to invoke this trope. The father of the title character keeps his own Bridget Jones' Diary-style record of observations about the stuff that goes on in the series. He tears the mickey out of pretty nearly everyone and everything, most particularly her.
    "Daughter using Sawyer's injuries as excuse to watch him sleep. Cried today. Daughter a bit of a whiny bint sometimes."
    "Hapless offspring wandered away from group and almost turned into Puma Chow."
    "Daughter and (love interest) continue to circle each other like lovesick vultures. V. annoying to watch."
  • In a Total Drama fanfic, Total Drama Chris, in the challenge of the 21st chapter, the campers must write fanfics about Total Drama, in other words, about themselves. Hilarity Ensues!
  • This troper once read a Fallout 3 fanfic where Liberty Prime was trudging around the wasteland, trying to find a worthy successor to Eden. He came across a drunk...
    Drunk: No, no, no!... Th' cake ish a lie!
  • BOOM!
    “Who’s hittin’ who with a rock?” Charlie asked, walking up behind them.
    “Me,” Hurley said, still searching the ground. “I’m hittin’ Jack with a rock.”
    “What? Why do you get to hit him with a rock? And why was I left out of this ‘we’re gonna hit Jack with a rock’ discussion?
    Jack What the hell is going on?!
    Hurley: Just... talkin’ about rocks. Nice one, huh? All, um, black and... uh, rock... ish?
    Jack: We don’t have time to hang around talking about rocks! And who would be sitting around talking about rocks, anyway?
    "Geologists?" Sawyer offered, with an angelic smile and a voice full of innocence, and Sayid suddenly had another fit of coughing.
    Hurley: Dudes, seriously, he’s [Jack] really startin’ to piss me off. ‘Hurley, the manifest! Hurley, I’m a doctor, not a... manifest guy! Hurley, medications, we... need... more... medications!”
    Charlie You know, Hurley, your impression of Jack sounds a lot more like Captain Kirk than it does Jack.
    Hurley: Sorry, dude, Kirk is the only impression I can do: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! But, I guess in Jack’s case it’d be more like ‘LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKE!’”
    Jack: Locke? What about Locke? Why in the hell are you screaming ‘Locke,’ did something happen, what happened, where’s Locke?”
    Hurley: Oh. Uh. No, no Locke. I was screaming ‘ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!’
    Jack: What?
    Hurley: Oh, just a thing I do. Nature worship. Wicca stuff, you didn’t know I’m Wiccan?
    • Hurley: (about/to Sayid) You’re too... um, elegant. And foreign. Elegant foreign guys with accents who don’t even drop their Gs and rarely use contractions shouldn’t say things like ‘redneck hick asshole guy,’ it just sounds weird.
      • Sawyer: What? He gets ‘elegant’ and I get ‘old?’
  • NGE: Your Happy Years has the most epic Sachiel battle ever. Here is a quick summary of the highlights:
    The speakers of the massive war machine transmit a profanity laden scream for all in the above ground Tokyo-3 region to hear.
    Shinji: "-and stomp you until you can be FUCKING MAILED! Are you INSANE?"
    Climbing onto its hands and knees, 200' and 15,000 tons of metal, sinew, and pure raw power crawl behind a block of apartment buildings, flattening its back against them. Shinji: "Did he see me?"
    And Shogoki grabs Sachiel by the shoulder and brings its knee up between the Angels legs.
    Shinji: "What kind of giant robot doesn't have GUNS?"
  • Chapter 17 of Day In The Life has Nanoha and Fate giving birth. Besides being chock-a-block full of warm fuzzies, one moment has the inevitable result of a young woman who has magical Super Strength suffering through labor pains:
    Nurse: "She's going through a rough time right now, but she'll forget it when her boys are born." She glanced back, amused. "Come on, Scrya-san, there isn't much you can do unless you want her to break your fingers."
    Yuuno: "I'm a little worried about your bed, if Nanoha squeezes the rails any harder she'll break them."
    From the other side of the curtain, there was a groaning sound, followed by a snapping sound and a whimper.
    Yuuno: "...Aaand there goes the bed rail." he muttered, sighing softly.
  • The Silent Hill fic New Beginnings, despite its SBIH status, does have an amusing line caused by poorly-placed Metaphorgotten:
    "OMFG" James cried, flopping in the monster's strong arms like a fish. A fish that was about to be raped.
  • The (absurdly good) Half-Life 2 novelisation Welcome to City 17 is about evenly divided between the horrors of Combine rule and Gordon being awesome, but it contains some stellar moments of comedy, admittedly mostly due to Mood Whiplash. By far the best of these is when Gordon avoids a Combine ambush in Nova Prospekt by hiding in a closet, and due to spending about two days running on adrenaline and the various drugs the HEV Suit has been pumping into him spends the next ten minutes staring at his hands. It is far funnier than it sounds.
  • Warhammer 40,000 fans decided that Kharn the Betrayer was misunderstood and actually pretty fun to be around. They they wrote a series of short stories in which an unnamed Chaos devotee details the many fun times that were had with Kharn, all of them hilarious dedications to one hell of guy. He's the new Commisar, after all.
  • The space battle between Soopreme Leader Rachel Mc Kenzie and Father in the Codename: Kids Next Door fanfic Operation: There Is No Operation , which dissolves in an epic That Came Out Wrong after she teasingly asks him to come and spank her:
    "You know, I almost don't feel like it anymore. I feel dirty now," he complained. "We were having ourselves a good old-fashioned shootout and then you had to ruin it by being all precocious. It's things like this that make merciless pseudo-genocidal war between adults and children awkward, you know!"
  • This Crash Bandicoot story practically opens with a CMOF, where in order to capture the Bandicoots, Cortex wears a Paper-Thin Disguise in the form of a fake mustache (along with all his minions who're also only wearing Fake Mustaches to cover up who they are) that the 'smarter' characters buy, while only Crash can see through, yet every time he tries to explain to the others they don't believe him. When they're captured, Aku-Aku begins to notice all of Cortex's flaws who just covers it up with a simple 'Science did it'.
  • A very popular Pokémon one, Damaged, focuses on Mewtwo from the anime and watches him as he leads his own (often painful, often funny, often heartwarming) life. At one point, Mewtwo gets challenged by a certain girl, and thinks four words to himself, most likely in a way that many people can sympathize with.
    Mew2 held a hand out to the woman. "Come here for a battle?"
    "Yes." She smiled. "My name is Kristy." She shook his hand.
    "You look familar." Mew2 looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
    She giggled a bit. "My father and mother are Ash and Misty Ketchum."
    They spawned.
  • Another one done by the same author, this time for Metroid, Angseth, includes a character who had little to no personality in the game he premiered in, Kanden; the author took matters into her own hands when portraying him. What ended up happening was that almost all of his lines (and a great number of his actions) became Crowning Moments of Funny. For instance, he repeats (in one of his plentiful inner monologues) the phrase, "I am Kanden-man," three times to the rhythm of the riff for "Iron Man", syllable-for-note. And he does this almost completely randomly.
  • An unintentional case is Mobile Suit Gundam Tournament, which features possibly the most boring and yet hilarious sex-scene-turned-Overly Long Gag ever:
    Stella turned on the water. She felt it with her left hand to determine the temperature. When it was warm, she turned on the shower. Water splashed on all three women, getting them wet. Stella hugged Reccoa. Reccoa stared back at Stella. Stella kissed Reccoa on the lips. Reccoa hugged Stella. Stella pressed her tongue against Reccoa's lips. Reccoa parted her lips and allowed Stella's tongue into her mouth. The two women french-kissed. Reccoa felt warm - both because of the water and because of Stella's kiss. Une stood behind Reccoa, pressing against her, and placed her hands on Stella's ass. Stella placed her hands on Une's ass. Une licked up the right side of Reccoa's neck repeatedly. Stella finished the kiss. "Let's turn around." Stella took her hands off of Une's ass. Une took her hands off of Stella's ass. Stella and Reccoa turned 180 degrees.
  • The Brain Bots' digitally transmitted "conversations" in the still-in-progress Megamind epic Dissimulate are all incredibly entertaining in their own right, but special mention goes to the exchange in chapter 5, including Biter's "Anti-Hysteria Routine" to another panicking Bot.
  • The Total Drama World Tour rewrite, Candy For Your Thoughts:
    • A rewrite of the Niagara Falls challenge, where Owen is Noah's bride.
    • Chef suddenly ditching his clothes in Africa, and the Reaction Shots.
      Chris: Shield your eyes, children!
    • Pretty much anything Alien Cody does.
  • The otherwise ludicrously Dark Fic Chained World: Fall of the House of Kuno gets very silly whenever Ryoga appears onscene, whether the Lost Boy is accidentally teleporting to the Lincoln Memorial just before shouting to the heavens that he's going to try to destroy the institutionalized slavery in Japannote , or he's leading the pigs on a Kuno-run farm in a successful uprising.
  • The Codename: Kids Next Door fanfic Operation OPPOSITE shows why you REALLY don't want to push Fanny Fullbright's Berserk Button. Fanny is reluctant to break into the Soopreme Leader's private room, Patton makes a comment about girls having no backbone ... and then she picks him up from the floor and throws him through the door.
  • In the Fate/stay night fic Chaos Theory, Archer wants to remove Rin from a very dangerous battle she refuses to leave. Archer explains his plan B
    "I'm going to pick you up bodily, drag you to the steps, and throw you outside the mountain's boundary field." Archer said.
    "… what?" Rin asked, not quite sure she'd heard right.
    "Throw you. Kind of like a javelin, only it's you."
    "… … …" Rin said.
    "Don't worry. I'm good with projectile weapons. You won't die. I'll make sure you land in a bush or something." Archer said.
    "… … …"
    "You'll just get hurt. Between the draining effect of this sorcery and the wounds I'll be inflicting, you won't be able to get back to the fight, most likely. You'll be stuck safely outside the boundary field, while I deal with all of this madness." Archer said. "Magi heal fast, you'll be fine."
    "Archer…" Rin said slowly. "Don't you dare."
    Thirty-five seconds later, as Rin screamed, tears in her eyes, flying awfully fast towards a bush that didn't look at all soft enough for her tastes, she wondered why she'd ever thought this stupid war was something to look forward to.
  • In Chapter 3 of the Discworld fic Odd One Out, Lucy Tockley takes great glee in her new job as a Snake Oil Salesman. She eventually finds out, to her dismay, that the cures actually worked. And then she tries drowning her sorrows at the local Bad-Guy Bar...

  • The point of The Insane Critic is to review bad and weird fics. There are a lot of funny moments but the review of Until the End of Time is a peak point. Especially his reaction when Hitler delivers the fic's WHAM Line:
  • Wally Beatles reaction when confronted by the Teen Ninjas' new Humongous Mecha in the Codename: Kids Next Door fanfic Aftermath
    "Ha!" Fanny grinned. "Whaddaya say to that, BOY?"
    Wally stared. "It's… pink."
    "It's… pink!"
    "Yeah, so?"
    "It's PINK! What kinda cruddy mech is colored Pink? And it looks like a stoopid Monkey!"
    "Shaddup!" Fanny screamed. "It's the Super Saiyan Sailor Monkey Mech!"
    "It's pink!"
    "That DOES it!" Fanny turned to Sally. "Get him!"
  • In the Invader Zim fanfic, Human and Irken UNITE!, Zim recruits Gaz to his plans. In chapter seven, Gaz deceived Zim to make him go to Bearpursuit Mall, saying that there are lots of Earth's military secrets there and he is not familiar with the things there.
    Gaz: Zim, her secret is nothing that would interest you.
    Zim: Oh? And how do YOU know what secrets I want to know? How do you know her secret won't help us with our plans for world dominations?
    Gaz: I doubt fluffy, pink bras will help us conquer the world.
    Zim: Maybe in YOUR hands they won't, but I've had much more experience when it comes to tools of world domination! Watch me Little Gaz, as I conquer this 'bra' and use it to KILL ALL HUMANS! Bye-bye!
  • In this Self-Insert Fic Nazi Zombies fanfic, Nikolai incorporates Homer Simpson.
    "You don't want my soul, it probably tastes like vodka! Mmm… vodka."
  • Space Pirate Confederation is loaded with these, such as Kraid's stupidity and the mundanity of Samus and Ridley's rivalry, but one exchange that stands out is between two random Space Pirates as Dark Samus arrives to raid their Agon base.
    A space pirate squad walked in on Dark Samus absorbing the Phazon. "Sir," he said into his radio, "Samus Aran is here."
    "That's not Aran," a second pirate said to the first.
    "What do you mean, of course it is! There's the suit, and big shoulders, and a gun!"
    "We have suits, big shoulders, and a gun, that isn't very descriptive. Also, it's black, floating, and absorbing our Phazon. Aran is orange, grounded, and not absorbing our Phazon."
    "You're demoted."
    "I'm your superior."
    "You were just demoted, so not anymore."
  • This It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fic has some great moments but nothing will beat Charlie's solution to a problem with Dennis' girl of the week we have to eat her.
  • The AU fic Worm D20 (in which the events of Worm are reimagined as a RPG campaign) has one in its first chapter.
    "No, you may not go Carrie on your classmates."
    "Can I sit in a bathroom and scream my head off?"
  • In the RWBY fic For Better or Norse, we get the following from Nora Valkyrie.
    "Okay. We can fix this. Um, Mr. Ren, you stay there. Thrice-damned coward Winchester..."
    "Stop calling me that!"
    "... you just... I'll turn around," Nora continued as though he hadn't spoken, "And you just give Mr. Ren his proper warrior's death, damning yourself to the frozen wastes of Hel for your cowardice. Then I'll run his soul right up to Valhalla, and we all win! Except not Mr. Ren, who will die. Or you, who will be doomed. But I'll win!"
  • The Free! fanfic seen everything there is to be shown in its entirety. To summarize, Haruka sneaks into Rin and Nitori's dorm room every night to get it on with Rin, but unbeknownst to them, poor Nitori is awake and hears all of it.
    • Nitori's Imagine Spot about how he'd ask Rin to take their (very bad) lovemaking elsewhere: "So last night I found out that Nanase likes being bitten - which I imagine he'd have to, given those incisors - and that you're both what my older brother would call 'delicate virginal flowers' and, um, maybe you guys could take it elsewhere.
    • He has another one when thinking about what he could say when Seijuurou asks him why he's been avoiding Rin: "I've been listening to Rin and Nanase gracelessly fumble at each other's bits two or three nights a week and they don't know I've been awake all this time. I now know every single one of Nanase's erogenous zones and that Rin refuses to swallow. I could tell you the exact number of times both of them has gotten off recently and that number is depressingly low. And when Rin finds out about all this, he's going to send my remains home in a matchbox."
    • This exchange. Even when Makoto doesn't appear in the story at all, he still manages to be the Team Mom.
    Haruka: I think Makoto bought me lube.
    Rin: ...You're fucking kidding me. Makoto bought you lube?
    Haruka: I think he bought me lube. I definitely didn't buy it, but it was in my bathroom this morning.
    • When Rin tries to give Haruka a blowjob, he accidentally bites him, hard. With his mouthful of shark teeth.
    Haruka: (wheezing) Is it still attached?
    • Nitori considers helping Rin out with his sex life: "Perhaps he should set up a throwaway email address and anonymously send Rin a link to the Amazon page for the Kama Sutra. Or Sex For Dummies. Or maybe one of those children's toys with the colorful shaped pegs that fit into the matching holes."
  • In Levi's Corporal Levi, in a story-long pun on his name, declares a one-man war on the Survey Corps' white pants. Poor Erwin.
  • In The Fairly OddParents story Fairly Odd Angles and Other Stories, Jorgen is yelling at Timmy when Timmy's father hears.
    >Timmy: Uh... yes Dad!
    Timmy's Father: GREAT! NEED ANY CONDOMS?
    Timmy: We're good!
    Timmy's Father: SHOULD I TELL YOUR MOM?
    Timmy: Please don't!
  • Punish Me!, a Watchmen story that describes a few of Nite Owl's encounters with Captain Carnage. Carnage is an incredibly campy Harmless Villain, and Rorschach innocently denies that he threw Carnage down an elevator shaft, saying that he pushed him instead.
  • Heroes, a Daria tale that shows the eponymous lead steadily pushed too far in a lunatic Lawndale school year, scripts out (in script format) Jane having to take extraordinary measures to wake up after spending the previous evening joining a scalded and furious Daria in bouncing off the padded walls of her room to burn off the Morgendorffer Temper. Unfortunately, she's not the only one to partake..
    Jake: (All bright and happy) Morning Jane-O! How's it hanging? (Jane looks bleakly at Jake, disgusted at the general ambience of "happy busy morning" he exudes)
    Jane: (Morning rasp) Daria. (Works mouth again) Seen her? (Rubs jaw. She's got that bed-hair again)
    Jake: Not yet Jane, but I'm sure that she'll be up soon! (Starts to brew coffee in a drip)
    (Jane staggers over to the kettle, turns it on. She searches the cupboards for the biggest mug she can find. Securing her discovery, she takes out the instant coffee and a little round container. She sniffs the coffee, and looks in the container. Jane looks in the cupboards again, and takes out a two-pound bag of white sugar. Refilling the round container with the sugar, she put that back into the cupboard and pours the remainder of the bag into the mug. Then she starts pouring out coffee into the mug. Jake pokes the bacon and eggs, then goes back to slurping the juice loudly. Jane winces at the noise, then pours in the now-boiling water. After enough water to dissolve the coffee and sugar into a syrup, she grabs the milk from the fridge, pours and stirs. The spoon doesn't want to go around at first, but she gradually reaches liquid consistency. She then places the evil brew into the microwave and nukes it. Jake looks on, interested)
    Jake: (Too loud) I've never seen coffee made like that before Jane, how's it taste?
    Jane: (Distant, exhausted) I have no idea, this is the first time I've been tired enough to try making it.
    (The microwave dings, and Jane removes the warmed mug gingerly. She sniffs it, wrinkles up her nose and takes a huge swig. Swallowing with difficulty, she manages to get the toxic concoction down. After she's swallowed, she breathes heavily.)
    Jake: (Doing another "Loud Howard") How was it?
    Jane: (Panting) I've had worse. (Beat.) Hang on. (Swallows again.) Whoo, maybe I haven't. (Jane's stomach makes a rumble of pain audible throughout the kitchen. She pats her belly, addressing it) Patience my pet. Soon the sugar will reach you and you shall be sated. (Shows how brave she is by going for another swig. Breaks off, gasping) God, that is bad. (Another swig, wincing with pain.) Exceptionally bad.
    Jake: (He really wants to taste it now) May I? (Holds out hand)
    Jane: (Uncertain) Didn't Helen put you on a low caffeine diet?
    Jake: ("We fellow conspirators" voice) I'm sure a sip won't hurt?
    Jane: (Flat [She's drank it, after all]) I'm pretty sure it will. (To Jake's hangdog expression) But if it makes you feel any better, I'm going to see Daria now, and will be leaving this (Gestures to mug) here. (Staggers out of shot)
    (Jake smiles and nods. After Jane has left the shot, he stares at the mug. A few seconds pass before..)
    Mug: (Female siren-like voice) Jake, Jaaake…drink me, drink meeeeee… (From Jake's point of view, the mug is getting closer. He turns, trying to resist, but the voice continues)
    Mug: Only a ssssip. Only a ssssip… (Jake knows when he's beaten. He picks up the mug, as we cut to—)
    (Jane knocking on Daria's door, it swings open under her hand. Music: "If I Were You" - K.D. Lang. She goes inside, seeing Daria rubbing her head carefully with a towel. Daria turns slightly, and waves Jane down to the bed. Daria is wearing, very loosely, a blue terrycloth robe)
    Jane: (Rubbing eyes) How'd you sleep?
    Daria: (Normal conversational tone) Surprisingly well. (Beat) Mom came in late last night. I told her.
    Jane: (Stretching to remove kinks) How did "She-Beast the Lawyer" take it?
    Daria: (Smiles a little at Janes' antipathy.) She was tired after work, so she didn't drop into immediate "freak" mode.
    Jane: Hmm, ok. (Rolling head back) Hey Dar?
    Daria: (Finishes towelling head) What? (She's slightly irritated at the "Val" nickname.)
    Jane: (Head still back) I know we're good friends and everything, but you might like to close your robe.
    Daria: (Blushes, holds robe shut) Sorry. My back…
    Jane: (Interrupting) Forget it. (Changes topic) You going to school today?
    Daria: (Flat) I think that I'll be spending most of my day on my stomach, with my back slathered in moisturisers, reading.
    Jane: Right. Anyway, I'm going home for some more sleep. (Yawning only partly to punctuate her decision) I'll be only a phone call away.
    Daria: That, and the two pillows over your head. (Pause.) And why are you up so early?
    Jane: Worried. (Yawn) About. (Yawn) You. (Yawning with disgust) God, when is the sugar going to hit?
    Daria: (Interested) Another Lane coffee special?
    Jane: Nahh, found this one on the Internet. It's pretty rough. (There is a weird high-pitched scream/yelp from downstairs. It stops abruptly. Jane looks over to Daria, more than a bit worried)
    Jane: I really hope that isn't Jake. (Hesitant) He wanted to try some of my coffee… (The noise starts again, but proceeds to change, because whatever is making it is moving downstairs, rapidly. The noise Dopplers out of hearing, increases, then fades again. The garage door is heard opening, then a car screeches out into the early-morning. It drives away at great speed)
    (Cut to the Morgandoffer kitchen, bacon and eggs starting to burn, cereal bowl upturned, glass of juice in the sink with Jane's mug of toxic waste alongside. Pan upwards a little, and we see a slowly-dripping stain on the sink window, as if someone did a spit-take of something sticky while watching the dewy morn evaporate. It looks a lot like Jane's coffee…)
    (Cut upstairs again.)
    Daria: (deeply sincere) We can only hope.
  • In In the Light of Day, Elsa is having some trouble finding a future-husband among the princes sent to bid for her hand.
    Elsa: “Seven princes in a race for my hand in marriage, and an eight-year-old is leading the pack.”
    • Later, Kristoff suggest to each of the princes' attendants thatthey leave the party and go get some ribs and beer. Besides the one watching the eight-year-old prince, all tell him "Oh god, yes!"
  • The Super Mario Bros. fic Ecosystem Lesson, in which Wario tries to convince Luigi that eating meat is healthier for the environment than vegetarianism, has a number of these, but the funniest one has to be at the end, during the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue:
    The very next day, Wario's fat ass died due to a heart attack. Fortunately, the rest of his body survived the attack and he is currently growing a new ass. He continues to eat only meat.
  • In Birds of a Feather, a drunk Minato Sahashi ends up hitting on Homura while out drinking with his friend. Homura's sheer awkwardness is what really sells it.
  • Snippets of a Story is a collection of short The Stanley Parable one shots. One of these ends with a line that is completely in character for the Narrator.

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Fan Fiction