Funny / Housemates

• Annie, after a storm created by Thor has accidently blown all their laundry, and that of their neighbours, on the ground:
  "I'm having to do all our laundry over anyway. Give them [the neighbours' clothes] to me and I'll run them through the wash as well. Then I suppose we can host a laundry reunion party or something out in the street. It might be fun. We can make cocktails."
• All the times Thor demonstrates that he has mastered sarcasm.
• Fury, when Loki and companions return from an expedition where they got drenched:
  "Everyone who was on the river trip, go get changed into something warmer. Loki, I'd appreciate if that wasn't a polar bear. Or a pot of tea. We'll head out right after."
• Loki and Annie are investigating psychics in town. Loki thinks he senses one's magic permeating the atmosphere. Annie informs him it's not magic, it's patchouli.
• Apparently, Tony Stark doesn't have a Porn Stash, he has Muppets and the Princess Bride hidden behind his cabinets.
• It seems that Asgardians enjoy the taste of fruitcake, much to the surprise of everyone else.
  Fury: We've made friendly contact with helpful— and incidentally really damned powerful — aliens and you idiots went and fed them fruitcake?
  • And Loki's reaction upon learning why Fury reacted that way:
  Loki: Does this mean you do not expect us to share?
• "Hufflepuffs get eaten first!"
• Loki turns into a duck on national TV.
  Thor: No, brother, you may not play in the sink. It is time to reassume your own form and get dressed. Leave my cape alone. Loki!
  Ellen: Your brother is a duck. A duck.
• Dr. Strange devises an Interdimensional Travel Device for Coulson's and Mitchell's universe hopping in Lonely Way Back Home in the form of a smart phone app.
• "Phil Coulson is not putting up with your bullshit."
  • "No, really: Phil Coulson is not putting up with your bullshit."
• Loki apologises for threatening Jane. Thor's reaction is pretty funny (and crosses into Heartwarming Moments territory, too).
  Thor: The mortal girl Darcy said something once about "picking on someone your own size". You, brother, have a tendency to pick mostly on those of a much greater size. I never believed you a threat to Jane. Never.
• Thor laughed so much during the Tale of Seth The Vampire Meeting Loki The Frost Giant that Loki "was briefly concerned a neighbour might call the police to complain about the noise".
• Annie gets scared by a spider, and the housemates end up reminiscing about the first time they read Charlotte's Web.
  Annie: I loved that book when I was eleven. I cried so hard. Still hate spiders, though.
  George: I was eight. [Beat] Buckets.
  Mitchell: Seventy-four. And I wept.
  • Shortly after this, Loki tries to put the spider outside. Unfortunately, Jane happens to be at the door when he opens it, and he nearly throws it in her face.
• Carol tries to advise Loki on his love-life, telling him, "It's always complicated."
  Loki bowed to her no doubt superior knowledge in this area, Carol being a long-married woman with children and grandchildren, but the complications of which he spoke included being very much attracted to a housemate who probably did not return his feelings and was, in any case, dead. Loki was fairly sure Carol's knowledge and experience did not extend that far.
• Any of the times Loki interacts with Annie in front of people who can't see her.
• The scene where Loki and the housemates are reunited after SHIELD "rescues" Steve. Highlights include:
  Loki: I understand the condition of our house is... distressing.
  George: The condition of our house is, it's an ex-house.

  George made a noise that suggested he was going to disregard the phase of the moon and turn into a wolfman again on the spot.

  Annie: I went to the hospital to find the boys, and then we all went home to check on Steve. Who was missing. Along with the front door and the windows. [...] So I packed the boys a bag and got some of [Loki's] things together-
  George: We would have helped her, but Annie was the only one who could get upstairs without a staircase.
• Loki meets dragon!Mordred.
  Had [the dragon] been less than seventy feet long, or not quite so eager to kill him, or (preferably) both, Loki would have been most interested to make its closer acquaintance. Under the current circumstances, he would have greatly preferred to give ground, and that at a speed that might best be described as "fleeing for his life".
• Tony, after Coulson notices something's odd about Dr. Strange.
  Tony: I'll just add that to my list of weird things we're going to have to figure out. I think there's room at the bottom of page seventy-two.
• Clint goes to Fury's house, undercover as a handyman.
  Fury lived in a storey-and-a-half Craftsman-style house in a quiet neighbourhood - as un-Fury-like a place as could be imagined. Clint permitted himself a moment to try and imagine Fury, in his black clothing and long leather coat, sitting on the front porch sipping lemonade and exchanging genial remarks with the dog-walkers who passed by his house.
  It was much easier to imagine him drawing his sidearm as he ordered kids off his lawn.
• Loki and Thor have an heart-to-heart after certain revelations.
  Loki: Trouble sleeping?
  Thor: Not at all. I was merely sitting here congratulating myself on being the worst brother in all the Nine Realms. In a moment I will turn in and surely sleep like a baby.
  Loki: You know, brother, you have developed quite a talent for sarcasm. I believe it suits you. However, self-loathing does not. It is really more my line.
• Loki doesn't know what to do when a soldier starts pestering Annie.
  Loki was not the sort who immediately intervened on behalf of a female companion - mostly because, for much of his life, the only female he could class in any way a companion was Sif, and one spoke for her when one was tired of life.
• Tony welcomes Fury back to Earth.
  Tony: Nick! Nice to see you again!
  Fury gave Tony a look that suggested he would be wise to go back into the house and put on his Iron Man suit. And probably never take it off again, at least not in Fury's presence.
• While in Asgard Loki gets drunk. The results are hilarious on their own, but special mention must go to what happens when he returns to Earth.
  Tony: We'd have thrown a welcome-back party, with drinks, but we're a little pressed for time.
  Thor: That is all right. My brother does not require alcohol at the moment. Indeed, he will in all likelihood not need any more for another century at least.
  Tony: I'm sure there's a story behind that, but we'll have to hear it later.
  Thor: More like a song, really. With an appealing chorus that encourages everyone present to sing along.
  Loki: Keep it up, and I will perhaps find a spell that causes your every utterance to come out in the form of a song. And not an enjoyable one, such as might be heard in a tavern. There is a form of theatre on this realm which seems to involve large people screaming musically at one another. It is unbelievably annoying. Really, I have no idea why it has not yet become popular with the court of Asgard.
• When Balder is introduced, the narration comments that his nickname is not "the Bright", and Loki has never conspired against him with mistletoe or any other weapon.
• In Brother's Keeper, we get a demonstration of some of the problems inherent in getting Asgardians to fight SHIELD.
  Thor: Mitchell and Annie, you have more experience with computers than the rest of us.
  Mitchell: Not that much.
  Fandral: Do you know what a "computer" is?
  Mitchell: Well, yes.
  Fandral: Good! Then you know more than we do.
• Mitchell tries to reassure Loki after Thor goes missing.
  Mitchell: [Finding Thor's luggage] doesn't necessarily mean anything's happened to him, though.
  Loki: Of course it doesn't. Thor simply decided he felt warm, and was tired of the clothing he had brought with him on this trip, so he disrobed and discarded his luggage, and is at this moment walking happily around Bristol, viewing the tourist sights, in the dark and in the nude. Now that is an inconspicuous sight to imagine. No wonder it has not yet been reported on the local news.
• Loki having to cope with Cat!Thor's antics in the bathroom, with include stealing his toothbrush and jumping into the bath with him.
  • Shortly afterwards we get this line when Loki is worrying that Thor might be stuck as a cat.
  ...Loki was not at all delighted with the prospect of returning to Asgard to explain to his parents that the heir to the throne was now a popular Midgardian pet.
• Loki gets some snark in at his mythological counterpart when he, Annie and Catherine discuss the Sleipnir myth.
  Annie: So you're saying you'd be happy to just stroll into the palace with an eight-legged foal, and announce him as your son?
  Loki: As myself? Of course not. I get far too annoyed when I am teased. What Fandral, for one, would have to say about such a matter would not bear hearing. If, however, I was a sort of free agent of chaos, the way the Loki in the stories seems to be, I would probably lead him all over Asgard and make sure everyone knew about him. The character in the myths probably told that story every time he had a few drinks. I can only imagine the other gods, whenever there was a feast: "put away the mead, for the Norns' sake, before Loki tells us about the horse again".
• Loki is a bit preoccupied on one of his runs.
  On this night, Saruman and Gandalf could have engaged in a full-fledged sorcerer's duel without drawing Loki's notice. He would have run right past a dragon curled on someone's doorstep.
• There's a bit of Black Comedy when the housemates are trying to work out how to free Scamp from the graveyard. First, a mix-up over Scandinavian and British burial rituals makes them think they have to dig up the altar. Then they realise that Scamp was buried on the north side of the churchyard, and the church currently standing isn't the original church and so what was the north side of the original churchyard won't be the north side of the current one, and there might be dozens of human graves around Scamp's.
  Mitchell: So, no stonemasonry needed. Just a strong stomach.
• Jane reading up on Norse Mythology and, after discovering the myth where Thor dressed up as a bride, introduces him to a series she thinks will interest him: Say Yes To The Dress.
  • Becomes a Brick Joke in Clockworks and Cold Steel, when Jane, Annie, Loki and Thor all watch the series, and Thor reveals he's also heard of that myth.
  Thor: I asked Dr. Erik Selvig whether he knew why Jane and Darcy seemed so interested in wedding gowns, when so far as I knew neither of them had any immediate interest in matrimony. I am only grateful there were not a dozen SHIELD agents present at the time. [...] There is a second version of this programme, brother. One in which the gowns under inspection are intended for bridesmaids. Based on my understanding of that particular myth, it might prove to be of great interest to you.
• Shortly after this, Natasha appears to get a sandwich and leaves again.
  Loki watched her go, wondering idly what she would make of Owen (the answer he came up with was also sandwiches).
• Thor invites Loki and Annie on a hunting expedition and only reveals it's a hunting expedition (but not that sort of "hunting expedition"; it's actually a search for the last farmer's market of the season) after Loki agreed to it on Annie's behalf.
  Loki was left wondering rather wildly whether he would be allowed to haunt the house in Bristol if he was in America when Annie killed him.
• Vampires versus animated statues.
  One of them was immediately chucked halfway across the room by Abraham Lincoln, while another was incongruously punched in the face by Mahatma Gandhi.

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