- From Chapter 7:
TRUE BEAUTY IS ON THE INSIDE! Inner Aziraphale screamed in rage as he beat down Inner Hastur with his umbrella.
Inner Aziraphale blushed. "You're not so bad yourself," he replied with a giggle. "Perhaps you have a spark of goodness as well?"
"So," Inner Hastur said awkwardly, staring at the ground as he shuffled his feet, "you… you wanna go lurking sometime?"*
*The demonic equivalent of asking him on a date. Other acceptable phrases include: "Wanna go defile some innocents?". "Hey, do you want to go really haunt a haunted house with me?" and the ever-popular "Hey, I have someone I want to take some Glorious Revenge upon; would you like to come help me torment them?"**
**If Crowley were ever honest with himself – which we all know by now doesn't happen often - "Can I tempt you to some dinner?" is another one.
- Note that it is better in context.
Jesus looked at Crowley. “I’m sorry. It’s really the only way…”
Crowley nodded, closed his eyes and let out a loud sigh of relief. “I’m not. I’m done. ”
His acceptance of his impending demise and the peaceful feeling that came from it was rather abruptly interrupted by a brick to the face.
“Are you shitting me!”
- The fact Aziraphale's last name is "Crowley" coming back several chapters later.
- Ninety-two year old Sister Josephine, Patron Saint of Arse-kicking.
- Adam pulling two Your Mom lines to beings without such.
- How Crowley, Michael, and War enter Hell
Crowley cleared his throat. "HEY BELIAL!" he screamed at the floor, "LET ME IN, YOU BALL-LICKING ARSE-SUCKING BITCH, OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY 'CAUSE SATAN'S USING YOU FOR A SEX TOY AGAIN?
- From Chapter One:
On High the Captain of the Host of the Lord, Patron Saint of Chivalry (one of two), Patron Saint of Warriors, He Whom the Holy Stick of the Lord Hath Had Up his Arse Since Before Time Beganeth*, Saint Michael the Archangel
- The responses to Zira's complete inability to act like a demon.
Beelzebub: "That's it, he's not coming anywhere near my Hell."
- Crowley's hallucinated nightmares. They turn into what are essentially the worst types of fanfictions on the net. Everyone is Out of Character, established relationships were destroyed in order for new ones to spawn, Dream!Aziraphale was pregnant, and the poor demon wanted nothing more than to wake up out of that insanity.
- Even better, when he was arguing with Zira later, he tried to claim that the child was Anathema's. Then, Crowley admitted that part might have been a dream.
- After a kick causes Michael's breastplate to crack and fall open:
Lucifer: At least you're wearing pants! I mean, I remember the old days where you all wore kilts and dresses! Who made up that dress code anyway? The Old Man was such a pervert!
Michael: Oh, shut up! You always wore yours hitched up!
Lucifer: And you always looked!
Michael: Because you kept bending over in my face!
Lucifer: How do you think I got to be His Second in the first place?
Michael: You little slut!