When ZeldaQueen MST'd, she added a lot of lines during the 'Honeymoon' scene. One in particular was an addition to Link orgasming at the blowjob Jenna's giving him, and since it is stated that he gave a 'loud animal like cry' (just like everything else in every sex scene)...this happens.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CLUCK CLUCK!"
- BECAUSE THE KING OF HYRULE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WAIT AROUND FOR THE SUE!
- YES, BECAUSE THE PRINCESS AND HER GUARDIAN HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN DRESS THE SUE!
- The city of Skyile is pointed out to be similar to a certain Urban Legend of Zelda:
ZeldaQueen: "You can also find the Triforce in that temple, if you have the Golden Hookshot!” Bite me!
- Good gad, she gave him the dementor's blowjob!
- Every time the text says "minuet" instead of "minute", a picture is shown of Sheik playing the Minuet of Forest.
- All of ZeldaQueen's rants.
- When Jenna considers Link will give her strong and beautiful children:
ZeldaQueen: YOU JUST MET HIM! YOU JUST MET HIM AND YOU’RE ALREADY DARING TO CONSIDER HIM FOR MARRIAGE???
AND ON WHAT GROUNDS? THAT HE’S ATTRACTIVE, STRONG, AND SMART (HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT, MIGHT I ASK?) AND CAN GIVE YOU “BEAUTIFUL” CHILDREN? WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE SHARING COMMON EXPERIENCES AND GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER? LINK’S QUEEN, YOU FREAKING LIAR, THIS IS NOT LOVE! THIS IS BASE LUST, PURE AND SIMPLE! PEOPLE IN LOVE DON’T CALCULATE QUALITIES IN A PROSPECTIVE PARTNER LIKE THEY’RE BREEDING HORSES! GOOD DAY AND DIE!
She didn’t. She really didn’t.
I’m stunned. That’s just…that’s unbelievable entitlement there. To say that the King considers Jenna’s marriage to be a replacement for his own daughter’s? That Zelda would see Jenna’s Sue Spawn as the closest to her being a mother?
I really don’t have too much to say here folks. Just
DIE DIE DIE A FIERY DEATH I WILL TOSS YOU INTO DEATH MOUNTAIN YOU GODDAMED SUE, GO FALL DOWN THE KAKORIKO VILLAGE WELL AND GET EATTEN BY A REDEAD IF ONE WILL TOUCH YOU IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP WITH THE TRIFORCE! THERE ARE MORE PATTERNS IN THE GAME THAN THAT! OR ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT YOU’RE JUST SO GOOD THAT EVERYTHING YOU GET HAS THE CREST OF THE ROYAL FAMILY STAMPED ON IT?
- When Zelda gives Jenna The Ocarina of Time, and ZeldaQueen gives us this Wall of Text:
Zelda and the King did not
just give the Sue the Ocarina of Time. They did not. I will not accept that.
For those of you viewers who are unfamiliar with the game Ocarina of Time
, much of the gameplay centers around the titular Ocarina of Time
. The Ocarina is, of course, a treasure of the Royal Family of Hyrule, kept only by the Royal Family. In the game, Zelda keeps it in her possession for most of the start with her plan being that she’d be the one to use it so that Link could save the Triforce. As said by Zelda up above, the Ocarina is what is able to open a secret door in a temple, which leads to the Master Sword and Triforce
(technically three magic stones
are also needed, but I’m thanking God those were forgotten - the Sue would probably be given those as well). When Zelda is forced to flee the castle, she leaves Link the Ocarina so that he can proceed with the plan without her. He keeps it for the rest of the game, because he doesn’t see Zelda again until the very end. When he does see her, she takes the instrument back.
The upshot is that the Ocarina of Time isn’t just a sacred treasure of the Royal Family, it is also an extremely powerful item which is shown in various games to have a variety of powers.
Second of all, the Sue has yet again stolen from Zelda. This isn’t just a pretty bracelet or necklace though, this is a powerful and significant item which is a key to get to the Triforce. And it’s being given to the Sue for safekeeping. And no, I refuse to believe that Link and Jenna are both getting it - the Suethor takes care to mention that Jenna is the one it’s handed to, not Link. Jenna, the merchant girl with little combat training, no firsthand knowledge of Ganondorf or the Triforce, and no magical weapons or skills to actually protect the damned thing. Zelda, I feel I ought to remind everyone, carries the Triforce of Wisdom. It is established that she knows a variety of magic spells, including one that can hold Ganondorf frozen in place long enough for Link to lodge the Master Sword into his forehead. She can transform herself into a muscular alter-ego
who is basically the canon’s equivalent of a ninja. She is also the princess of Hyrule and thus has the entire army and kingdom’s defenses at her fingertips. Please tell me how the Sue is better at guarding the thing than Zelda is? Also - why does it even need protection? Ganondorf is gone. There’s no signs of anything or anyone trying to steal it.
And once again, we get that awful leeching. There is no irritation from Zelda that she’s forking everything over to her “best friend”, who does nothing in return. Nope, Zelda just smiles and says “Oh, you’re so much better for this than me!” There is no reason for this. I don’t even believe that Jenna mentions this moment ever again, which means that she’s pretty much sitting on a powerful, valuable treasure of the Royal Family and doesn’t even think to use it when they’re in terrible danger or anything.
Folks, I’d officially like to label Jenna here as an Entitlement Sue
. An Entitlement Sue is a Sue who focuses on material possessions or positions of power. If any characters in canon have anything the least bit significant or interesting, no matter for what reason, the Sue will find some way to acquire it or get something just as good if not better. Rose Potter was one with her Better-Than-Moody chest and contacts, Tree-Of-Life Wand, and Pensieve (among other things). And now we see Jenna here, insisting on once more getting better treatment than the freaking PRINCESS. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jenna was told to take care of the Master Sword. No wait, Link owns that and Jenna wouldn’t dream of taking anything that her Snoogy-Boo owns. She can only steal from her romantic rivals while thumbing her nose for good measure.
Oh, and lastly while it is canon that Zelda gives Link the Ocarina after the adventure is over, that still doesn’t work for two reasons - 1.) Because Link had just had an adventure with Zelda, saved the land, shown he was strong and responsible, and generally showed he was worthy of keeping such an object and 2.) According to the Suethor, those games never happened
- When Jenna is pregnant, and the King says he's going to be a grandfather, ZeldaQueen absolutely flips.
*in font size 48 text* CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? SUETHOR, ARE YOU COMPLETELY STONE-COLD FUCKING NUTS? I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE! I ALSO REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLAYED THIS GAME, OTHERWISE HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE ALRIGHT WITH TRAMPLING ON PRINCESS ZELDA SO MUCH? LOOK AT THAT! THE KING IS TREATING YOUR SELF-INSERT LIKE MORE OF A DAUGHTER THAN HIS OWN GOD DAMNED DAUGHTER!!!! SUETHOR, I'M SURE YOU WANT TO BE A PRINCESS, BUT DON'T GO AND DO IT BY PUTTING DOWN AND SQUASHING ONE WHO ALREADY EXISTS AND SHOWS MORE GUTS AND WISDOM THAN YOUR SHITTY CHARACTER! YOU DO REALIZE THAT IT'S THINGS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE YOU GET THOSE FLAMES AND NOT THE SEX, DO YOU? DO YOU? AND THE WORST PART IS, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET UP ANYTIME SOON, NOPE. SO HELP ME SUETHOR, IF I EVER FIND WHERE YOU LIVE I'M GOING TO JAM A SPORK UP EVERY AVAILABLE ORIFICE YOU'VE GOT!!!!!
- ZeldaQueen's recording of her reaction to Link Jr.'s infamous scene:
*on tape* EXCUSE ME??? FOUR MONTH YEAR OLD CHILDREN CANNOT DO BASIC MATH!
END OF STORY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT FOUR-MONTH-OLD CHILDREN LEARN? HOW TO WAVE THEIR ARMS AROUND AND REACH FOR OBJECTS! THEY CAN'T EVEN HOLD
OBJECTS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ANY FOUR-MONTH-OLD WOULD HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO SOLVE MATH PROBLEMS AND THEN INDICATE THE ANSWER? YOU DON'T JUST REPEAT THINGS TO A KID A FEW TIMES AND THE KID FIGURES IT OUT! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!
CHILDREN DON'T LEARN MATH PROBLEMS LIKE THAT UNTIL THEY'RE SIX OR SEVEN! AND JENNA AND LINK'S REACTIONS - IF A KID COULD SOLVE MATH PROBLEMS LIKE THAT, THEY'D SEND THE RAT TO A THINK TANK AND NOT
JUST GENTLY GO ON TO ONE ANOTHER ABOUT HOW CLEVER THEIR LITTLE DEAR IS! WHY ARE YOU EVEN TEACHING A FOUR-MONTH-OLD CHILD MATH ANYWAY? YOU'RE AS BAD AS THOSE MOMS WHO TRY TO TEACH THEIR CHILDREN JAPANESE FOR NO REASON WHEN THE KIDS ARE STILL IN THE WOMB!
*tape clicks off*
Link: GOD DAMN YOU WITH AN INFESTATION OF FIRE ANTS IN YOUR KNICKERS, YOU FUCKING SUE! WHAT IS THAT? YOU'RE RANKING YOURSELF AS ONE "CHOSEN BY THE GODDESSES"? YOU'RE REDUCING ZELDA AND THE SAGES TO YOUR FUCKING TUTORS?!? YOU'RE "ONE OF HYRULE'S MOST POWERFUL PROTECTORS"? YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE IN MY CLASS? IS THERE NOTHING YOU WON'T TRY TO HORN IN ON OR ONE-UP? I HATE YOU, GO AND DIE!!!
- This is even better if you imagine it being yelled in Nobuyuki Hiyama's tone of voice.
- Really, guardian_song of LiveJournal deserves many props for her hilarious guest sporkings. As do southergaelic and kawaiicow.
- I got the sex part just fine, but what are the other requirements? (Probably to be as vanilla as possible.) (Note from the future: Pretty much.) Well, that was quick. On to the sex!
- He gently took his hand off and pimp-slapped me and wiped away my tears. Then he put his hand (which hand, you deluded bitch?) underneath my chin and slowly lifted my head up until it came off with a pop! our eyes met. With his hand (how many hands does this doppelganger have? Is he an octopus?....Oh GOD. TENTACLE RAPE D8)
- I felt new feelings swarm threw (Yes, excellent idea! Let’s get a swarm of SOLDIER ANTS to devour her flesh and THROW her over a mountain!) my body.
- WITH WHAT? WHERE IS HE PENETRATING YOU? IS THIS ANAL I’M READING? SPECIFY, YOU WANKISH SOD. IS HE STABBING YOU WITH HIS METAPHORICAL OR LITERAL BROADSWORD?...Oh, I hoped it would his literal broadsword.
- I wanted to drink in every part of him (O-o....OH MY GOD. THE SUE IS A REDEAD! *stabs it over and over again*)
- (Link) *reading magazine while getting blowjob* I say, old chap, this is rather boring. Oh, Edward Cullen came out of the closet and started dating Aro to spite Carlisle, who was an ex of both vampires? My, my, can't say I'm surprised. ...Good heavens, how much longer will this take?
- PORN SPEAK BOOYAH!
- As he penetrated deeper inside me, it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. I suppose pixel dong isn’t like silicon at all.
- Had huge orgasm. Then hunt moose. Tasty moose me hit with club.
- We thrust against each other, our bodies trembling while crying like tigers mating as we came to a full climax and exploded (HOORAY!) together one last time. (Aww.)