- Harry's reply to Boromir's 'One does not simply walk into Mordor' speech.
- Harry's possessiveness when it comes to alcohol. He doesn't drink much, but woe betide you if you try and steal what he is drinking.
- In Moria:
Gandalf: There are dangerous things in these mines.
Harry: I'll be one of them if I don't get to eat something soon.
- Harry considers ferrying the five hunters over ahead of the Uruks when they are hunting for the hobbits. This is vetoed after Harry takes Gimli for a test flight and Gimli throws up. Legolas has the misfortune to be underneath. Hilarity Ensues.
- Everyone tormenting Théoded .
- Harry quoting the 'To the pain' speech to the Mouth of Sauron.
- Harry's response to Denethor when Boromir explains that the Ring is too dangerous:
Denethor: Who taught you that I wonder? These two conjurers, one young, one old, one arrayed in black and the other in white, yet equal in their meddling.
Harry: *eyes the decorations* At least we blend in.
- Harry and Ginny's Pre-Climax Climax, 'making up for lost time'.
Pippin: *completely innocently* Did you sleep well? You look as if you didn't get much sleep.
Harry: *clearly still out of it* It was fantastic… *Ginny elbows him* Oh, you meant the sleep. Well, not so much. There was… a lot of tossing and turning.
Pippin: *still innocently* Good thing that it was a big bed, think of the trouble if you'd rolled off.
Harry: *embarrassed* Yeah. Heh.
- The narration when Emrys takes on a troll:
Emrys, like many others with a sobriquet such as 'The Valiant', took the traditional Gryffindor approach to distraction. That is to say, crude insults yelled at the top of one's voice. Sun Tzu would have been proud.
- And his insult: "Oi! Big, ugly and brainless! Down here Warg fucker!"
- Harry accidentally completes a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Shout-Out and the ensuing mental image:
Hermione: We few, we merry few -
Harry: We band of buggered.
Hermione: *shocked* How could you possibly know that part of the quote?
Harry: Eh? I thought I was just murdering Shakespeare's masterpiece. What did you think?
Hermione: That you were quoting a popular American TV show that you cannot possibly have watched unless Rivendell has cable television.
- Harry then cracks up at the mental image of various elves watching soaps on the Mirror of Galadriel.
- Harry's cheerful implication that Aragorn might get stage fright on his wedding night.
- Maglor. The elf is a walking Crowning Moment of Funny.
- When Harry reveals himself as having been Only Mostly Dead, the first thing he does is carve 'Out for Lunch, back in ten minutes' on the shattered remains of his tomb, which he had blasted open after an exceptionally stupid raven pecked at it. Doubles as a Shout-Out to Pirates of the Caribbean. He then sneaks up on Ron as the latter is giving a toast to the seemingly dead Harry, and steals his drink.
This is still far from the weirdest thing you've ever done.
- Harry's proactive approach to matchmaking.
- This exchange at the celebration post final battle.
Gandalf: Nevertheless, your secret dies with us
Harry: No dying!
Gandalf: Everyone does so eventually Harry. Death is but the next great adventure, a wise man once said.
Harry: Yes, Dumbledore really liked that one. But this is a party, and I'm just back from the dead, so I intend to have fun, which may or may not involve getting absolutely drunk out of my skull.
Frodo: *puzzled* How do you get drunk out of your skull?
Harry: *firmly* I don't know, but I intend to find out.
- Harry disabusing Boromir of the notion that he is merely a cold and calculating commander in Deadpan Snarker fashion.
Oi, moaning about your own perceived failures is my schtick. Stop infringing. I take it that your cold and calculating side is why your soldiers love you and would die for you without hesitation, why it was you who comforted me after Gandalf died. Yes, very cold, very ruthless, no doubt all with a cunning ulterior motive. Face it Boromir, you're like a big, fluffy… stuffed toy!
- How Harry persuades Éowyn to remain behind after Helms Deep:
Besides, your cousin has to go because he is the heir, and your brother has to because he’s about as good at dealing with civilians as I am at herding cats. Blindfolded. With both legs tied together.
- Harry's casual irreverence provides many.
Gandalf: Sauron’s wrath will be terrible, his vengeance swift. The battle for Helm’s Deep is over. The Battle for Middle Earth is about to begin.
Harry: Not before we, one, deal with Saruman, and two, I get a decent pint, it won’t.
Boromir: *despairingly* Do you have any sense of occasion?
Harry: *blankly* Sense of occasion? What is this thing you speak of?
Gandalf: *ignores Harry through long practice* All our hopes now lie with two little hobbits. Somewhere in the wilderness.
- Hailing the Riders of Rohan.
Aragorn: Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?
: ÉOMER! OVER HERE YOU DOZY BASTARD!
- He then threatens to turn one of the Riders' spears into a rabbit.
- Harry considers trying to pull a Jump Scare on Boromir when they're riding to Isengard, then dismisses it on the grounds that he'll probably be stabbed.
- Harry's innovative tactic against Warg's. Shrieking through a Sonorus spell.
Boromir: A POX ON ALL BLOODY DERANGED WIZARDS!
- Harry saying what every person who has watched Lord of the Rings has wanted to say:
Gimli: Fangorn… what madness drove them in there?
Harry: You mean apart from the ferocious battle and certain death behind them?
- When Gandalf returns as Gandalf the White and appears to have forgotten his name, Harry comes up with this gem:
Eru help us, he's back, he's incredibly powerful, and he's gone senile.
- Harry and Gandalf bickering.
Gandalf: I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide. And I am not senile, Moristar, though I would ask you to try being resurrected and retaining your full faculties.
- Boromir has one when Gandalf is chivvying them along.
Back from the dead, twice as powerful, twice as grumpy.
- Sirius reckons that they should look for a doorbell on the black gate.
- Boromir on seeing the army coming out of the Black Gate.
*calmly* We are all so very, very dead.
Where's your positivity? I'll take the 6,000 in front of us, and you lot can play nicely divide the remains among yourselves.
- Just before Aragorn makes the 'Men of the West' speech.
- Aragorn charges at the army of Mordor. Harry follows him.
*cackling* Slow down you mad bastard!
- Éomer. In a dress.
- Ron tells Harry and Ginny to get a room at a banquet in Rohan, or they'll start doing it on the table.
Harry: *looks speculatively at table* Nah. Too much chance of splinters.
- Then Théoden noticing them leaving and responding.
Théoden: Anyone else who wishes to leave the banquet with their loved one to attend to… other business, may do so. Now.
- A full third of the guests promptly leave, and Legolas and Gimli sigh over the one track minds of mortal men.
Legolas: Humans. Only ever thinking of one thing.
Gimli: Aye laddie. Let's just hope that Harry remembered to silence his room this time.
Legolas: *shudders* Yes. Let's.
- Emrys' whispered If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her... speech to Sirius backfires. It works on Sirius, but Eirian gets annoyed and reads out Emrys' love poetry. Very loudly. On the steps of Edoras.
- Maglor mockingly impersonating Fëanor.