Funny: The Last Spartan

  • Cortana's thought of the volus?
    Cortana: Short, fat, restricted to a suit, and apparently, asthmatic. I didn't think it was possible, but I think we've discovered a species sadder than the grunts.
  • On Therum, when the squad realizes their less than judicious use of a mining laser has triggered an eruption...
    Garrus: Wait, volcanic eruption? You mean, we've been in a volcano this entire time?
    Liara: Yes. You didn't know?
    N'tho: (sheepish) Yeah...the ruins here are in a once-dormant, now not-so-dormant volcano. Probably should've mentioned that earlier. My bad.
  • N'tho singing The SMG Song during the raid on Sharjila.
  • On the Presidium, Chief sees a drone/bugger/Yanme'e delivering pizza. The last time he encountered these creatures, he was dodging wave after wave of plasma, needler rounds, and grenades... and now, they're delivering pizza.
  • Cortana's response when Garrus sees through her charade of pretending to be a VI by pointing out he recognizes her from documentaries on the Human-Covenant War.
    Cortana: Damn you, History Channel!
    • For that matter, Garrus asking The Chief about Cortana's appearance.
    Garrus: I mean, did she come that way or did you customize her to look like that yourself?
  • When first visiting the Citadel, Chief sees an ad for Old Spice; specifically, The Man Your Man Could Smell Like. The commercial is done by an Elite. Cortana's comments on it (and lack thereof) are priceless.
  • The method Chief uses to deal with the infamous reporter.
  • Any of the Smash Cuts.
    Chief: *after he scolded Tali for unauthorized use of the budget* She'll get over it. In fact, she's probably forgotten all about it by now.
    (cut to Tali in the shooting gallery)
  • My Life with Bipbap
    • It's a sitcom about an Asari and her Unggoy bondmate. The one episode we do see involves Bipbap trying to hide his friend, an elcor, from his mate... and it backfires spectacularly.
  • When the Chief arrives on Earth, he's greeted by a crowd admirers with several Elites and many younger women. Something hits him in the head and it turns out to be a bra. Cortana is shocked by this.
    Captain Anderson: (chuckling) Come on, lover boy."
  • The unggoy dock worker on Eden Prime.
    "Yeah! That's great! You guys go get the beacon! While I stay myself...with no weapons to defend myself in case any more Geth show up. Never mind that I'm a key witness in the murder of a spectre. I'll be fine." (Beat) "I need a hug."
  • During the fight on Reach, Tali picks up a heavy weapon. After a few failed attempts to fire, Cortana suggests Tali hold the trigger down. Turns out the weapon is a Spartan Laser, and the kickback knocks Tali off her feet.
  • "The Last Spartan, Version 2.0", an April Fools joke which addresses the complaint of "why are the UNSC so weak?", turns them into fascist militarists and takes their anti-Council agenda Up to Eleven. To wit, the Sanghelli are extinct and the rest of the Covenant are either client races or living in Terminus outposts, the Batarians lost a war to the UNSC and are now a client race, the Council are in open war with the UNSC, the Illusive Man is President of humanity, Tali and Vega die during the invasion of Palaven, where Chief kills Garrus, and Chief's next mission revolves around him tracking down Saren, who's just stolen the Normandy - and Chief's ship is now Sovereign.
  • An Unngnoy dockworker on the can after eating dextro-amino fruit.
  • The "Achievement Hunter Rodeo Clowns" dialogue.
    Gavin: Stay in school, kids! Don't do drugs!
    Ray: He's lying, kids. Drugs are awesome.
  • Jondum Bau's reaction to seeing that the ship he will be taking to find Halo is a Super Carrier. As the Arbiter points out, he did request "one ship".
  • The new Blue Team members arguing over their number designations.
  • N'tho going on about how John never read The Hobbit.
  • A Sangheili Minor playing a game of 'answer the question correctly or run laps around the cargo bay until I tell you to stop.' With his Unggoy troops.
  • The Jiralhanae with the fetish for Quarians, and how he meets his end.
  • A Troupe of ghost-hunting Unggoy.
  • Cortana and Tali are tasked with getting the Peak 15 VI back online. They have a rough time of it, but special mention goes to when Cortana starts teasing Tali on her apparent crush towards Chief.
  • The author's deep, intricate, and carefully considered reason for including Lekgolo Vanguards: