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Funny: Harry Potter and The Invincible TechnoMage
  • Oh, sweet mercy, the sorting song. The author doesn't even try to make one for the story and gives us this:
    "In every fic with a sorting scene,
    The Author includes a song.
    With prose abused cruel and mean,
    And they go on much too long.
    The smart ones just include
    The hat's libretto from the canon.
    The others, well they're just rude,
    And quite abusive to the fanon.
    For this fic, let's just assume
    The hat was verbose and quite witty.
    Because my poetry will clear a room,
    It really is that shitty.
    For you purists who need the fic to have a sorting song,
    And lacking the same would drive you to try to pick a bone.
    I would suggest you should please yourself and surely do no wrong,
    If you were to reread the verse from the book about the stone."
    • I dunno that that qualifies as no effort, he apparently had to work a bit to come up with the rhymes and structure of it, and then phrasing it as a huge Take That at people who feel obligated to make up a stupid remix of the hats song.
  • On Sirius's business card:
    "Testimonials from past clients:
    Stay away from my wife.
    -Cornelius Fudge"

    Boy, you are a disappointment and a disgrace to the family. You are no son of mine!
    -My dear mother

    I told you to stay away from my wife… And my daughter!
    -Cornelius Fudge

    Arrrg!
    -Death Eater

    Not in the face!
    -Another Death Eater

    Look at the size of that thing.
    -Amelia Bones

    Oh Sirius, you were incredible; you've ruined us for other men.
    -Hollyhead Harpies

    You will rue the day you defied me, Black! Your days are numbered!
    -Voldemort

    What are you doing in my house?... And get off of my wife!
    -Paul Parkinson

    Damn you, Black.
    -Severus Snape

  • And then after reading Sirius' card, Tony asks about Sirius (who had been told that the soonest appointment with Tony was in two days and was in the outer office, playing with a slinky).
    Tony: So he's planning on sitting there playing with his slinky for two days?"
    Pepper: He also has a yoyo.
    Tony: A yoyo? I had no idea it was this serious. Well, I guess you'd best show him in.
The Harmon VerseFunny/FANFICHarry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

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