- Oh, sweet mercy, the sorting song. The author doesn't even try to make one for the story and gives us this:
"In every fic with a sorting scene,
The Author includes a song.
With prose abused cruel and mean,
And they go on much too long.
The smart ones just include
The hat's libretto from the canon.
The others, well they're just rude,
And quite abusive to the fanon.
For this fic, let's just assume
The hat was verbose and quite witty.
Because my poetry will clear a room,
It really is that shitty.
For you purists who need the fic to have a sorting song,
And lacking the same would drive you to try to pick a bone.
I would suggest you should please yourself and surely do no wrong,
If you were to reread the verse from the book about the stone."
- I dunno that that qualifies as no effort, he apparently had to work a bit to come up with the rhymes and structure of it, and then phrasing it as a huge Take That at people who feel obligated to make up a stupid remix of the hats song.
- On Sirius's business card:
"Testimonials from past clients:
Stay away from my wife.
Boy, you are a disappointment and a disgrace to the family. You are no son of mine!
-My dear mother
I told you to stay away from my wife… And my daughter!
Not in the face!
-Another Death Eater
Look at the size of that thing.
Oh Sirius, you were incredible; you've ruined us for other men.
You will rue the day you defied me, Black! Your days are numbered!
What are you doing in my house?... And get off of my wife!
Damn you, Black.
- And then after reading Sirius' card, Tony asks about Sirius (who had been told that the soonest appointment with Tony was in two days and was in the outer office, playing with a slinky).
Tony: So he's planning on sitting there playing with his slinky for two days?"
Pepper: He also has a yoyo.
Tony: A yoyo? I had no idea it was this serious. Well, I guess you'd best show him in.
- Apparently, Reed Richards and Tony Stark (as well as their offspring) are forbidden from participating in the Pinewood Derby for Cub Scouts, which involves making cars out of wooden blocks, no motors, no moving parts, no nothing. Somehow, Tony managed to make a frictionless surface and isolated the car from planetary motion, making it rocket off the track and embed itself three inches in solid concrete. Reed's car destroyed the track by opening a microscopic black hole at the front of the car. Neither Franklin or Harry were able to show their faces at the meetings for months without getting asked about the incident.
- Apparently Harry likes giving nicknames. While a common one for Hermione is "Herms" in fanfictions, this is probably the first time that she has ever been called "The Herminator."
- When Harry meets Krum's godfather, Doctor Doom. At the end of the meeting, he looks down and thanks God he did not lose control of his bladder.