- Whenever Harry and Draco are together, hilarity tends to ensue.
- This interaction from first year, as it sets out a pattern for so many arguments between Harry and Draco in future. (Especially funny because of Nott and Zabini’s reactions):
Malfoy said that Harry was a fraud at Potions. Harry said he was wounded. Draco told him not to be sarcastic to his betters. Harry promised to not be sarcastic to the next better he came across. Malfoy threw the first hex. Harry retaliated. Nott and Zabini just leaned back and watched the sparks fly.
Draco: And let's not forget your darling godfather from the House of Black, rotting in Azkaban as we speak…
Harry: … with your aunt, Malfoy.
Draco: … Shut up.
- And when they stop arguing for a while:
Harry felt almost relieved to go back to trading barbs with Malfoy, but maybe he and Malfoy needed to be in a state of conflict to maintain cosmic balance, or something.
- There’s always a comeback with these two:
Draco: What’s with the staring, Potter? You don’t become a Pureblood just by looking at one, you know.
Harry: What amazing things you do tell me. Next you’ll be saying that by looking at you I won't learn to be a decent human being. Oh, wait…
- Blaise Zabini, the one and only.
- Sarcasm seems to be unavoidable with Blaise:
Blaise: (to Harry) And he returns! The sun is shining so brightly out of your arse, I can hardly look at your brilliant self!
- When Harry first becomes his friend in Year Two, the beginning of a very sentimental friendship:
Blaise: I’d attend your funeral, and bring, you know, flowers.
- Harry’s various musings on his personality:
It was always hard to tell with Blaise when he was genuinely angry; he had perfected passive aggression into an art form.
- Blaise and Luna are an absolutely brilliant combination for comedy, something about his complete Deadpan Snarker antics and her Cloud Cuckoolander personality just works.
Luna: Hello Harry, I wondered when I’d be seeing you. People are talking about you, you know.
Blaise: They’re even writing about him in newspapers. Quite famous, our Harry is.
- And when the group starts arguing about Dumbledore’s suitability as Headmaster, Luna provides Blaise some unexpected backup:
Luna: (Dreamily interrupting the argument) Dumbledore’s beard is pretty. Some of the things he does are very strange though, I think he might be infected with Wrackspurts.
Blaise: Exactly. [beat] Wait, what?
- Blaise is capable of showing both pride in Slytherin and a complete inability to take anything seriously in a single sentence:
Blaise: We Slytherins have never aired our dirty laundry in public, and, for what the rest of the school knows, we’ve always been a big happy family. Incestuous, from what they say, but happy.
- He seems to flit constantly between being completely sarcastic and completely blunt depending on the situation:
Blaise: You look like shit.
Harry: Your compliments warm me to the heart.
- His cavalier reaction to everything, especially other people’s feelings. In this case, Harry’s barely controlled anger at the breakfast table:
Blaise: I know you’re magical Harry, but I don’t think you can set things on fire with your eyes yet.
Harry: (muttering darkly) Doesn’t hurt to try.
Blaise: I’ll give you points for maybe curdling some milk.
- Occasionally, Harry will refer to some Noodle Incident Blaise has been put through recently. One example is a misadventure involving a mop, a bunch of feathers, and an enraged Hufflepuff. You can fill in the blanks.
- Hermione seems to be one of the few people able to ruin Blaise’s moods. When their Potions teacher is unable to teach a lesson, Blaise starts to gleefully theorize what will happen:
Blaise: Chaos, mayhem, anarchy. Theft of valuable ingredients, injuries all around—
Hermione: They’ll get a substitute.
Blaise: (sighs sadly) Or that.
- Harry himself deserves a section of course, he definitely has his moments:
- Blaise certainly doesn’t have a monopoly on the Deadpan Snarker trope. Here’s Harry’s reaction to being invited for a meeting with Umbridge:
Harry: Sure thing, I’ve always wanted to play ‘guess the poison in your tea.’
- His first meeting with the Weasley twins.
Harry: In case you were having a prankers block, I should tell you that Malfoy is majorly scared of mice.
- Actually most of his banter with the Twins is pretty funny:
Harry: My noble-hearted friends, I’ve been thinking.
Fred: (Politely) And how did that go for you?
Harry: It was very refreshing, thank you.
- His utter, utter failure of a relationship with Padma:
Padma: I’ve noticed you ogle her (Fleur) in her swimsuit!
Harry: It’s an, um, interesting swimsuit..?
- His muses on the difficulties of spell practice without dueling:
There was very little point in casting, say, “Comprimo”, a curse that dampened your opponents will to fight, on an inanimate object like a table. The table might give up all struggle, and Harry would never know.
- Harry’s cavalier reaction to Gilderoy Lockhart warning the world of Harry’s ‘dangerous charisma’
Harry: Now there’s a pick up line likely to work on the ladies.
- Eventually, Harry learns to laugh at the string of unfortunate events making up his life:
Harry: If I lost my appetite each time something terrible happened, I’d die of malnutrition.
- Millicent and Neville are the most hilarious study partners, Neville being quite clearly terrified of her:
Neville: She keeps glaring at me, Harry, why does she keep glaring at me?”
- Even Dumbledore gets a one-liner in:
Dumbledore: Disinclined as I am to belabor the obvious, Harry, I must point out that breathing is quite beneficial to your health.
- Susan, too, joins in on the banter:
Harry: Good luck studying, okay?
Susan: And good luck to you plotting world domination.
Cedric: (sighs happily) She knows you so well.
- Cedric taking the role of the cool older brother just a tad too seriously:
“I’m older and wiser than you,” Cedric uttered with all the dignity of a man balancing on a chair’s back legs with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a glass in the other.
- Harry decides to make friends with Ravenclaws, which sometimes leads to interactions like this:
Harry: Bless you.
- mira mirth is not afraid to inform us of Umbridge’s sick fetish…. Cats. Is anyone surprised?
- Harry and the twins, after an argument.
George: I usually hate tearful reunions, but this is very touching.
[more awkward silence]
George: I'm glad we've got so much to say to one another. It would be a shame otherwise.