This is a crossover between Bloodborne and My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! of all things. The sheer dissonance alone will guarantee hilarity.
General
- Maria routinely 'threatens' Katarina by pretending she's so horrified by Katarina's proposed actions that she's forgetting how to cook the treats Katarina enjoys.
- After Maria's graduation, the next Student Council is kept on point by the new President buying cookies from Maria to motivate the other members.
- Maria's driverless carriage, which routinely confuses and/or terrifies newcomers. It's something that Maria doesn't realize is odd and that her staff gets used to, even playing it up by giving off mysterious smiles whenever asked about it.
- In-universe, Prince Alan's status as pretty much the Only Sane Man of the entire group (at least when Nicol isn't around) regularly has him in stitches over Maria's interactions with everyone as The Comically Serious.
Academy
- The earliest misunderstanding that started it all, Maria thinking that Katarina's interest in her and how she kept putting forward her male friends as romantic interests meant that Katarina was a pimp.Why was Lady Claes seemingly obsessed with Maria's non-existent love life? Was this some kind of dominance play, showing off her many lovers in comparison to Maria's? No, she kept asking if one of her lovers had garnered Maria's notice. Was she... a pimp?
- This results in Maria thinking that Katarina is some cunning, power hungry, manipulative, iron-fisted noblewoman with an insatiable lust that desperately wants Maria to be part of her harem. She finally voices her opinion on Katarina during the Denouncement scene, much to Katarina's confusion and Alan's amusement:Maria: Be silent. And cease trying to seduce me. I get enough of that from Lady Claes as it is.
(Prince Alan bursts out laughing)
Maria: Lady Claes is a shrewd, cunning mind possessed of great power and influence. If nothing else, the fact that these so-called accusations could even be traced back to her is proof of her non-involvement, when she has such power to draw on and exert her influence at such a remove no one would even know it was her.
(Alan laughs so hard he collapses on the floor)
Maria: Lady Claes is a subtle and manipulative seductress without compare. While the accusations and details are partly true, I can definitively say that Lady Claes would not have been the perpetrator. If she was, she could have capitalized on the very first such incident by attempting to draw me into her bosom while I was disoriented by the experience and stake her claim upon me... is Prince Alan all right? I don't think he's getting enough air. - When Maria defeats the dark spirit and rescues Katarina (and Rafael), we can see the part where Rafael is falling in love with Katarina, like in canon. Maria can see it too, and shuts it down hard.Maria jerked him back. "Lady Claes, please do not be so familiar with a commoner," Maria said sternly. "As a duke's daughter, you must refer to Rafael as 'Mister Walt' from now on. Any other form of address is inappropriate for one of your rank."
"EH?! Rafael too?"
"I... don't mind...?"
"Hush you. You're a commoner, not a noble. You should refer to her as 'Lady Claes', not 'Lady Katarina', otherwise you could be accused of disrespecting a noble, the punishment for which is probably death, which would be most unfortunate, considering the bloodshed that would ensue." - Once Maria realizes that Katarina isn't a vile seductress, she decides she's literally brain-damaged and treats her as a helpless child. Katarina does not notice.
- Maria keeps the student council in place, doing their paperwork, simply by making sure that Katarina always knows there are cookies in the student council chamber. Katarina stays, the student council stays, and the paperwork gets done.
- As they're discovering the different blood types, one of the doctors injects himself with random blood. That goes about how you'd expect, and he only survives because Maria spends the entire time constantly healing him. Then he tries to do it again to see if it happens the same way a second time. Maria dangles him out the window by his ankle; not a single person in the Ministry complains.
- Since the old notes don't name the blood types, Maria labels them Sword, Shield, and Bared blood. All the other scientists complain these labels make no sense, but the director snaps that since she was the only one taking notes while everyone else was arguing like children, they're using her names.
- When a school petition requests that the student council produce and star in a play, Maria immediately realizes that everyone just wanted to see Katarina on stage. Maria reminds everyone, multiple times, to the point of putting it on the posters, that Katarina is not a member of the student council.
- As a compromise, Maria agrees to give Katarina an undisclosed role in the play, but manages to keep it secret. While they're all running around looking for Katarina and plotting their revenge on Maria for going back on her word, they don't notice that Katarina has swapped out as Mary's stunt double for the climatic sword duel, and completely miss her beautiful fight with Maria.
- After the school play, Katarina is kidnapped. Maria's response is... typical.Lady Katarina has been kidnapped. I've gone to rescue her.
Kidnapper is likely one with forbidden knowledge of arts most terrible.
Do the paperwork until I get back.
- Lady Maria Campbell, Knight
P.S. I mean that about the paperwork. Do it.
Beneath that was a separate note to the principal asking to be excused from classes due to 'extant duties required of the office of knighthood, to wit, saving of damsel in distress'.
"Even in a note stuck to a door, she has to be formal," Sophia said, sounding both exasperated and impressed. - After the kidnapping, Maria has to handle her absences. It's easier than expected.Maria reported to the Lord Principal, officially filing for retroactive absences for herself and Katarina. She seldom had to go personally, but this time it seemed appropriate. Lord Principal Siegmann was surprisingly understanding about it all, and even provided special absence forms for it. Maria was both gladdened and exasperated to find there were specific excused absence forms for being kidnapped, going on a knightly quest to save a damsel in distress, being recruited for impromptu work for the crown and recovering after an epic battle between good and evil.
Maria was a bit dubious about using that last, since the battle hadn't seemed very epic, but the Principal assured her it was reasonable hyperbole and easier than trying to use another form. - Maria has a breakdown on Graduation Day as she spirals into despair that she'll lose touch with Rafael. Her possible solutions include offering him her blood (but she won't because she's not a harlot) or joining the Ministry. Luckily, Sophia is there."Lady Sophia, I'm quitting," Maria said. "The whole business is yours, I'm quitting, giving up my lands and going to work for the Ministry so I can be with Rafael."
Sophia stared at her. Then she nodded, drew back a hand and slapped Maria full in the face. Maria barely felt it.
"Ow," Maria said so as not to hurt Sophia's feelings about how weak she was.
"Maria, you're having a Graduation Day breakdown," Sophia said. "Nicol had one before his speech last year, it's fine. You don't have to throw away everything in front of you to get the girl... or boy in your case."
After Graduation
- When Maria's coach is finally repaired and she needs to drive somewhere with Larna Smith and Rafael, she can't figure out why they're so leery of traveling with her. Turns out that, as someone from the Bloodborne universe, Maria's coaches don't need drivers. It just goes where she wants it to with no effort on her part, and no one can get her to understand that there's anything odd about this (she assumes that everyone else just uses drivers for vanity). When she tries to take a nap, Larna screams and won't let her go to sleep because she thinks the coach will crash. Maria has to tie her up and gag her.
- The doctor casually suggests that Maria can cure a Hollowing (which requires a fresh infusion of souls) by waiting for Seath the Scaleless to reincarnate, get the patient close by, and kill him. "Plenty of souls for everybody!" His primary concern is that Seath's soul is an old Fire Soul, "not a proper Dark Soul," and can be uncomfortable. This isn't a hypothetical, either; the doctor has already lived through two reincarnations of the Paledrake, and figures they're due for another one soon.
- While discussing their various past traumas, Maria dryly explains to Keith that she was so starved of friends growing up that the first time someone gave her an honest compliment, she assumed she was being invited to join a harem.Keith: That explains so much of the first half of our first year.
Katarina's vacation arc:
- Just to start with, Katarina quickly identifies all the tropes and potential route options among her cousins... and then wonders how Maria will slot in.
- Katarina's aunt Leona wants some of Katarina's blood for an Earth Magic tool. Katarina warns her that her magic is very weak. Leona waves it off with a laugh; even a weak Earth mage will be sufficient for her purposes. Unless she's so hilariously weak that, say, all she can do is make small bumps in the ground, it will be more than enough! Cue awkward silence.
- During a spar, Matthew hits Katarina in the leg, giving her a bad bruise for a few days. Matthew acts like she accidentally murdered Katarina's mother.
- Katarina's cousin Olga realizes that the Saintess of the Academy, the fiance of the Third Prince, the woman who can look Nicol Ascart full in the face without fainting, is her cousin Katarina.
- All of Katarina's cousins call her a traitor when they realize that she was wearing comfortable boots at the ball, instead of painful heels. Then they find out that all their mothers are also wearing comfortable boots, despite having told their daughters to wear heels, and all their ire changes direction.
- When her cousin Matthew wishes to visit the capital, Katarina's aunt Leona refuses to let her go, and resorts to brandishing an estoc while claiming that, she "has the high ground".Olga: Why did I not merit this reaction?
Leona: You didn't' really think I was going to let you go, did you? I just said that to keep those Ministry people off our backstabs.
Henry: Sister, we actually do need to send Olga to the Academy, you know. It's the law.
Leona: We'll rebel! I won't let this kingdom keep taking my little baby girls away from me!
Marie: I'm with mother on this. Let's rebel.
Saloman: No, no rebelling! Dear, please be reasonable about this!
Leona: MAKE ME!
Katarina's knight training:
- When Maria starts training Katarina on etiquette, she brings out a giant book. One that Katarina recognizes, and has nightmares about.Maria: This is The Noble's Proper Etiquette Reference and Manual of Propriety and Action. Seventh edition. It is penned and constantly updated by an unknown author—
Katarina: It's mother.
Maria: —who is nevertheless recognized as an authority on proper decorum—
Katarina: Like mother.
Maria: —and has been the codified reference of choice for what a noble is expected to do in any particular situation.
Katarina: Because of mother.
Maria: I really don't see why you think the duchess has anything to do with this book, squire Claes.
Katarina: There's a section on climbing trees, farming, fishing and taking baths with your younger brother. So I'm pretty sure mother wrote it.
Maria: The author of this text is a complete mystery. - When Alan finally sees Maria fight, his first reaction is that she clearly liked Rafael from the beginning, because otherwise she would have slaughtered him. Then he reports what he witnessed to the king and the prime minister, and the three of them discuss how strange it is that such a powerful woman came out of nowhere, with incredible fighting skills despite no training. The standard "she might be the reincarnation of Seath the Scaleless" is brought up and dismissed, but it's pointed out that there are plenty of other powerful warriors from the past who she could be the reincarnation of. Then Alan admits it's entirely possible that Maria just practiced without ever letting her mother know; it says a lot about Maria that this is considered about as likely as the other possibilities. The prime minister advises him not to discuss it with Maria; if she is a reincarnate, she likely had a dark and bloody life, and there's no need to dredge up painful memories. And if she's not a reincarnate, well, then it just sounds stupid.
- Maria's attempt to recruit accountants ends with all three applicants scared out of their wits.
- The three minor nobles gather at Selena Berg's estate and are taken to Maria's estate via a carriage sent by her. The bumpy ride in the middle of the night and amidst a thunderstorm gives off an atmosphere of a lonely ship lost in an infinite sea.
- Along the way, they realize that the carriage they're riding has no driver .
- Then they arrive at a very dimly lit and near empty mansion, occasionally illuminated by the lightning strikes.
- Maria appears at the top of the stairs, then uses her quickening to reach the bottom in an instant during a flash of lightning, alongside her maid Sadako. Then she speaks in a quiet voice that seems to echo and fill the hall nonetheless.
- And finally, one of the accountants sees Sadako's single eye in the darkness and screams.
- All of this was inspired by a scene from Dracula (1931), which is fitting considering Maria's origins.
- When Maria walks in on Anne and her mother, she screams loud enough that the entire estate hears. Everyone thinks it's some horrible, supernatural cry of pain and torment, and wonder what could possibly have caused it. Everyone except Katarina, who sighs and mutters that she told Anne to come clean about her relationship.
- Because the accountants are isolated from everyone due to the storm and because they were told that Maria has no (biological) children, they think all the sounds of laughter and children playing are the ghosts of the dead. They resolve to ignore them, but still have a tendency to wander off in the middle of the night and get ambushed by servants.
- Maria sends the Third Prince a letter informing him that Katarina has the week off, and that he's invited to visit. A few days later, she sends another letter. A day after that, she dresses for battle and rides to the capital, fully expecting to find the castle under siege or full of people brainwashed by Dark Magic, because there is no other reason he could be ignoring an opportunity to spend time with Katarina.
- Maria is annoyed when her accountants tell her the only way to list her wards as dependents is to declare them her harem. She asks the Third Prince, and he says the same thing (noting that the legal definition of "concubine" is very loose, and doesn't require actually sleeping with them). She asks the King... and he says the same thing.Maria worried for this country, she really did.
International Assembly
- Katarina, following the Third Prince's disastrous confession, decides to get him a girl (or boy). Maria facepalms when she realizes that Katarina, finally, actually is a pimp.
- At the big International Assembly, Maria mentions a "secret weapon" that will ensure their country's diplomatic victory. Katarina, worried about such a weapon being deployed, resolves to be nice to everyone so no one will need to do anything violent. She is the weapon.
- Nicol finally manages to have a normal conversation, without his partner fainting at his beauty or being put off by his stoicism. How? He meets a blind woman. Sophia wonders why they never thought of that before.
- The Lord Presider of La Sable calls out the other world leaders for their "unfair treatment" of his country, then launches an attack and tries to kill them all. The other world leaders are mostly concerned with exchanging money for who guessed the timing right.
- The other world leaders are very impressed with Maria's Light magic, and Artorius promises to explain later. Then they find out that she has both Light and Dark magic, and everyone insists that they are definitely getting that explanation later. It comes off less as "it's time for you to share your military secrets" and more "you clearly have an awesome story to tell, no fair hiding it."
