Arson Murder And Jaywalking - Television Tropes & Idioms

"Here are the rules of Judaism as I understand them. One, thou shalt not kill. Two, thou shalt not commit adultery. Three, don't eat pork."

—Jon Stewart

"I'm all alone! Adrift at sea! Without breakfast!!"

—Total Drama Island

When listing off three or more things, apparently the rule is not to finish strong. Give two strong examples in your list followed by a very weak example.

Also see: Good News Bad News, The Triple, Odd Name Out, What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?, Arson Murder And Life Saving. Compare: I Take Offense To That Last One, Jaywalking Will Ruin Your Life, when the minor crime carries significant consequences. You may have come to this page looking for All Crimes Are Equal, which is when arson, murder and jaywalking are all met with the same punishments. The inverse of this trope is Bread Eggs Milk Squick, which features one serious or shocking item amongst a list of mundane ones.

Examples:

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Advertising

The latest Sprite Evo commercial includes this trope. It goes through explaining all the features of the phone, ending with "First has a kickstand."

Anime

In Dead Leaves, Pandy and Retro are sent to the DL prison facility on the moon for "...Trespassing, theft, violence, assault, illegal possession of firearms, and a really crappy attitude."
During one episode of the English-dub version of Dragonball Z the villain Frieza comments "There are three things I refuse to tolerate: cowardice, bad haircuts, and military insurrection, and it is unfortunate that our friend Vegeta possesses all three of these."
In Claymore, hulking, nigh-invincible brute Duph threatens to "strip you naked, tear your arms and legs off, rip out your guts, and make fun of you."
Inverted in Samurai Champloo; as the trio ponders why someone would've sent an assassin after them, Mugen muses, "Let's see...we dined and dashed, snuck through a checkpoint...and oh yeah, we killed people!"
Parallel Trouble Adventure Dual provides a notable example. Ken combines it with his stereotypical Mad Scientist rant:
Ken: In a world filled with pollution, economic instability, and war THAT NEVER LISTENS TO ME!
In the first episode of School Rumble, Tenma is confident that she'll be placed in the same class as her high-school crush, Oji Karasuma, owing it to her awesome luck:
Tenma: My tea leaves foretold success! My horoscope said I was lucky in love! I found a four-leaf clover! I tripped and fell down the stairs!
Yakumo: (puzzled) What was that last one?
When describing Mokona's abilities in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle everyone is thrilled that he can bring them to other worlds, act as a universal translator and, most amazingly, swallow an entire apple. Well done, Mokona, well done.
In Yu Yu Hakusho, Urameshi pulls this as he demolishes the transformed Dr. Ichigaki, giving out reasons for each blow:
* two kicks to the chest and one to the throat* "That was for those three!"
"And this... is for their master!" * jaw-distorting right cross*
"While I'm at it, this is for the guy who was sorry for them and let himself get beaten up without defending himself, Kuwabara!" * similar left cross*
"And this... is for me!" The English dub changed it to "And the last one's for me... just for pissing me off!" * double uppercut launching Dr. Ichigaki into the stands*
In Keroro Gunsou, Keroro is initially discouraged from going out in public by fear of being dissected, experimented upon, or run over by Natsumi on her bicycle.
(DUN!) Dissection! (DUN!) Experimentation! (DUN!) Unforseen accidents!
- Episode 27 has Keroro reminiscing on all the things he's learned from his father about being a sergeant: "What it means to live as a sergeant... a sergeant's pride... a sergeant's know-how... a sergeant's fashion sense... a sergeant's secret to dieting success... a sergeant's military discount... a sergeant's fortune telling technique... a sergeant's special dance moves..."
- In the dub of episode 7, Giroro berates Keroro with "You are pathetic, and a failure, and green!"
The title character in Miyazaki's Porco Rosso is wanted by the Italian government for treason, illegal entry, decadence, pornography... and for being a lazy pig.
In Dragon Half, Damaramu's first mechanical body features a chest-mounted laser cannon, wrist-mounted machine guns, super alloy kicking boots, and a finger-mounted squirt gun.
- Don't forget the strategically-placed rocket launcher.
In Demon City Shinjuku, the protagonist, Kyoya, is interrogating an old woman who had just tried to scam him and his friend out of some money. When questioned about who is behind the terrible things happening in Shinjuku, the old woman begins recounting the awful things that happened when the demons took the city over. The list includes things like men being murdered, women being raped, children disappearing, and concludes with the loss of her electronics business.
In the Boys Love manga Shibuya de Aimasu, Sekiguchi has this complaint to make about Yakuza Aguri:
Sekiguchi: He sells credit card details on the black market! He extorts protection money from businesses! He stomps on people! Plus, he talks like a woman!
In Episode 80 of Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds, Jeager steals the main character's engine program, and helps himself to one of Jack's cup ramen (something which Jack is quite cross about).
In Bleach, Keigo Asano describes the rumours about Chad and Ichigo "hanging out with the yakuza, smuggling drugs, and reading porn magazines in a bookstore for five hours.
In the second Urusei Yatsura movie, Sakura lists the symptoms Onsen Mark is suffering from before sending him home; "Overworked, lack of sleep, malnutrition, nervous system imbalance, and your face is ugly!
In one Black Jack story, Black Jack's school friend, Makube, is a criminal. He gets detained by the ICPO.
Inspector: So you won't confess your crimes of murder, smuggling, drug-dealing, gambling fraud, forgery, battery, bribery, human trafficking, pimping, and public urination?
Makube: I'll cop to public urination.

Comic Books

From the Dean Koontz graphic novel In Odd We Trust: Odd is beating on a child killer with a bucket, each statement accompanied by a stronger blow than the last. "This is for killing Joey! This is for kidnapping Sherry! And this... IS FOR SAYING MY PANCAKES SUCK!"
Presented for your consideration, the opening to D.R. & Quinch Go Straight from 2000 AD:
Judge Thorkwung: Ernest Errol Quinch and Waldo Dobbs, also known as "D.R." or "Diminished Responsibility", you are charged with arson, kidnapping, theft, grievous wounding, possession of unlawful atomic weapons, taking and driving away, conspiracy to overthrow the government, coveting thy neighbour's ox, graverobbing, torture, criminal libel, blackmail, polluting the environment, shoplifting, 714 separate driving offenses, forging sacred relics, transmuting base metal into gold, genocide, spitting, and thirty-two offenses so unusual and horrible they do not have names.
- Another D.R. & Quinch adventure has the boys in the Space Marines. The Corps anthem is full of threats against people they don't like and include:
  We'll nick your dogs, We'll nuke your schools, We'll stretch you on the rack, We'll borrow all your garden tools, And never give them back! AND We'll sneer and spit and call you names, And tip napalm down your shirt, Your vest will be consumed by flames, And that will really hurt.
Deadpool tends to fuse it with And This Is For...generally with the Jaywalking item being utterly unrelated to whoever he's attacking.
- He also likes to add Squirrel Girl as the jaywalking. During the Civil War he compared the walking nukes like the Iron Mans, the Thors and the Squirrel Girls. Later on he compared the psychos like himself, Dr. Dooms and Squirrel Girls. However, this is an averted trope since Squirrel Girl really. is. that. dangerous.
Practically every time he's described in GI Joe comics, Major Bludd is noted to be a high priced mercenary, a sadistic killer, and an avid but terrible poet. Then again, it can be said that he's never been so cruel to any human being as he has to the English language.
From The Warlord #1:
"June 16, 1969: Gasoline is up to 35 cents a gallon this summer, censors are in an uproar about Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five, a story about a man who has become disconnected in time. The provisional IRA is throwing bricks and bombs in Belfast... students are protesting the war in Vietnam... the Soviet Union and China have been fighting along their border. And NBC have just cancelled Star Trek.
In Hal Jordan's brief tenure as The Spectre, a situation once necessitated calling for aid from "Superman! Batman! Zauriel!" Yes, after naming two of the most iconic characters in all of fiction, the next person he names is unknown even to most comic readers. That said, Zauriel was a teammate of Superman and Batman in the JLA just a few years previous. (And he's an angel, so he's the right guy to call for theological problems.)
Variation: Archie Comics' resident Big Eater Jughead Jones once lost a bet to Reggie Mantle, and the former has to go through a Humiliation Conga, watched by fellow students, with some even participating in the punishments to Juggie. The punishments go as follows: buying a dozen eggs dressed up as a clown, getting all the eggs dropped on him, followed by mud. In order to wash himself up, Reggie then has Jughead take a bath, with the bathtub in the middle of the road. Juggie goes through these harassments stoically, until the last one, where he had to get a kiss from Ms. Riverdale, which actually pushed his Berserk Button. Justified, seeing as Juggie is a woman hater...
- Another from the same comics:
  Archie: Jug! I did it! I finally did it!
  Jughead: Figured out the riddle of the Sphinx? Went for a ride in a UFO? Got better than a D in History? I know, I know, that last part was a bit far-fetched.
- And again, sort of:
  Mr. Weatherbee: Jughead staying in school when he doesn't have to? Something's going on... And that could involve anything from creating atomic energy to a candy bar with 10 flavors!
- And yet again:
  Mr. Weatherbee: (trying to convince Archie to take Ethel out on a date) Think of your school. Of helping a team to win a championship they've worked so hard for. Of how happy you'll make a lonely girl. Think of our newly decorated detention room.
  - That seems to be more of a Such A Lovely Noun-ish threat: "Think of our newly-decorated Detention room (...which you'll be seeing a lot of if you don't help)"
Lobo's list of crimes
- Wanted for crimes against the Galaxy including: Genocide ... Fratricide ... Patricide ... Matricide ... Impersonating a member of the Intergalactic Church of Truth ... Impersonating a member of the Green Lantern Crops ... Carrying a concealed thermo-nuclear device ... Breaking into the Justice League Satellite ... Fishing without a license ... Jaywalking ... Grand theft plasma rocket ... Disturbance of the peace across three space sectors ... 1,978,643,896 unpaid parking permits ... Illegal bounty hunting ... Wanton destruction of government property ... Demolishing a city without a permit ... Reckless endangerment toward animals ... Hijacking ... Selling/distributing radioactive material to cute fluffy bunny rabbits ... Noise infractions level 5.0 ... Illegally poaching Starros ... Bounty Huntering in a restricted zone ... Stepping on the grass ... Defecating in a public garden ... Loitering ... Advocating the overthrow of the heads of state ... Not honoring the bounty hunter code
Phil Foglio likes this one, in XXXenophile:
- Now Museum, Now You Don't features the four goddesses Okaraska, Boolatraaca, Xynotreen and Trixie.
- The intro to Blue Opal: "The Matriarchs of the Corporate States had renounced the ancient Treaty of the Blind Carp; the Mountain Tribes were overcoming their fear of being at ground level; the Master of the Gutta-Percha Throne had begun his mad jihad against the color orange; and the Warriors of the White Deserts were tracking sand all over everything."
- InThe Adventures of Rex Kevlar, Chapter 17, Iolanthe lists all the weird places where she and Rex have had sex: "In Zero G, underwater, in a time dilation field, by remote control and in the back seat of a Volkswagen Bug."
In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures #23, a space criminal named Bellybomb is sentenced to a toxic prison planet for seventeen life sentences for extortion, armed robbery, hijacking, kidnapping, torture, murder, man-eating, brain poaching, soul thievery...and impersonating a primitive deity named Bob. After the jailers read off these crimes, Bellybomb points out that they didn't mention his unpaid parking tickets.
From Secret Six #5
Deadshot: I been shot a few times. Stabbed and blown up too. And one or two guys may have even said an unkind thing about my mustache.
In Don Rosa's The Three Caballeros Ride Again, a wanted poster for bad guy Alfonso "Gold Hat" Bedoya reads "Bandito, Killer, Plain Rude Hombre".
Used regularly in De Cape et de Crocs. For example when pirates finally catch up with the heroes who stole their ship: "We'll make you bleed! We'll make you suffer! We'll make you apologize!"
In IDW's Megatron: Origins miniseries, Starscream is brought before the Senate to give testimony about the Decepticon "fight club"...
Senator: Prisoner Starscream, I am required to list your charges as follows...assault, murder, armed robbery, destruction of state property, inciting civil disobedience, extortion, receiving and selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit funds, firing up on a state senator, multiple counts of attacks on state officers and state property, supplying known criminals with illegal weaponry, vehicle theft, and misrepresenting yourself as a state official.
Starscream: Heh. Nobody's perfect.
In one issue of Justice Society Of America set in an alternate timeline, Power Girl is talking about why she uses a particular soap:
"Best I've found for blood, monster guts, chili..."

Fanfiction

From The Sacred And The Profane: "...Caphriel had a bizarre tendency to get upset over the slightest things, like murder and rape and duck torture." Mostly used to show that, no, Zirah really doesn't see much difference in the levels of those crimes; why do you ask?
From a Teen Titans crossover in which the Joker features prominently (mind you, he sent Harley out to get torture implements): "Did you get everything? The drills? The nails? The acid? The matches? The custard?" This doubles as Noodle Implements.
In one Digimon fanfic featuring Yuehon, the Digidestined of China, this exchange occurs between her and the only remaining Digidestined of North Korea.
Yuehon: You mass murdering, constantly lying, twisted and unrepentant Pepsi drinking lunatic! Who the hell do you think you are?!
Ko Hyo: It's not who I am. It's who I work for. And I prefer Coke.
The first chapter of The Retelling Of Pokemon Colosseum has one of these:
Gonzap: Very smart, Wes. You've destroyed our main snag machine, and stolen the other one. You took our zoomer. And to boot, you used those explosives we had been planning to use as well to utterly destroy our base. AND half of my moustache has burnt off, and I don't have any eyebrows anymore. You'll pay for this.
Archive Of Our Own states in the Terms of Service: "Unless it violates some other policy, we will not remove Content for offensiveness, no matter how awful, repugnant, or badly spelled we may personally find that content to be."
Confessions, in which Draco is in love with Harry and tells him that he would have preferred to be in love with someone "smarter, with less of a hero syndrome and better hair."
In Kyon: Big Damn Hero, Kyon mentions casually to Sasaki that he has to meet several past instances of people, fight 12 thugs at once, arrange to deliver an alien artifact and study for a math test. It scares the crap out of adult Mikuru, but Sasaki doesn't take it seriously.

Film

Die Hard: After committing a hostage takeover of an entire building, being an accomplice in murder, illegal weapons and armed robbery, the Asian terrorist has to look around to make sure no one is looking before (* GASP* ) taking a candy bar.
Heavy Metal had a skit with Captain Sternn on trial for heinous crimes. He was charged with multiple counts of robbery, murder, rape... and one moving violation. Coincidentally enough, we soon learn that Sternn also "sold dope disguised as a nun", though he wasn't accused of that crime.
Prosecutor: Lincoln Sternn, you stand here accused of 12 counts of murder in the first degree, 14 counts of armed theft of Federation property, 22 counts of piracy in high space, 18 counts of fraud, 37 counts of rape,..and one moving violation. How do you plead?
This line from Kent Mansley's "goldarned security" rant in The Iron Giant:
Kent Mansley: You think this metal man is fun, but who built it? The Russians? The Chinese? Martians? Canadians? No one knows!
At the end of the first Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, the bailiff is reading out the (long) list of charges that Jack Sparrow has been found guilty of, including "impersonating a cleric of the Church of England", which prompts a fond little smile of remembrance from Jack.
- This could be a play on the similar scene in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, though Tuco (the Ugly) never smiles.
Gary Oldman's terrorist character in Air Force One: "When you talk to the President, you might remind him that I am holding his wife, his daughter, his chief of staff, his national security adviser, his classified papers - and his baseball glove!"
- And that last part infuriates them above all else.
Ivan Ooze in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie announces the evil things he'd missed while he was Sealed Evil In A Can: "The Black Plague! The Spanish Inquisition! The Brady Bunch reunion!"
- The Brady Bunch part actually wasn't in the script, the actor decided to Throw It In, which makes it an even more magnificent Take That. (though apparently a Wikipedian missed the point and thought it was a lamment)
- Predating it word for word until the third reference was a Garfield episode in the early 1990s where the eponymous character described, in order, some of the horrifying spectacles seen throughout history: "The Black Plague...the Spanish Inquisition...and, of course, the Cleveland Indians."
  - The Browns would have been a better choice...then again, early '90s would put it shortly after the release of Major League, so there you have it.
Goldie Hawn talking about Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her: "She was a homebreaker. She was a man-eater. And she was a bad actress."
- Calling Meryl Streep a bad actress!? This isn't a joke! This is serious!
  - Technically, it wasn't Goldie Hawn talking about Meryl Streep, it was Helen Sharp talking about Madeline Ashton. Who, from what we could tell, WAS a bad actress.
On Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Vinny Santorini says that "we've done a lot of things we're not proud of: robbing graves, plundering tombs, double parking..."
- In the same movie, by the same person, "Gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and paperclips. Big ones. You know, just office supplies."
In the So Bad Its Good film Pootie Tang, the titular character's dying father, where worked at a steel mill where he was suddenly beaten to near death by a ~~gorilla~~ man in a gorilla suit, tells his son about the horrors of the world: Drugs, crime, and gorillas.
Moral Guardians' attempts to give us a measure of some or other work against their serious verified and absolute morale standards all too often include funny items:
- The IMDB parental guides have a lot of these. Laundry lists of terrifying violence and brutality followed by 'A man and a woman argue about parking tickets.'
  - Critics have fun with this when writing good reviews:
  This was a brilliant film, one of my all time favourites as it had everything, rebellion, violence, horror, adventure, religion, death, slavery and bad language.
- Nothing can beat CAP-Alert for this: This film contains murder, blasphemy, and bare male chests.
- The MPAA is similarly ridiculous when rating films.
  - Sydney White is rated PG-13 for "some language, sexual humor and partying". 17 Again lists similar reasons.
  - "Some language"? Why does the inclusion of English and/or similar constructs of communication warrant a PG-13 rating?
  - Screenit.com also judges whether films are family-friendly using categories like Sex/Nudity, Violence, Blood/Gore, and Suspenseful Music. They also consider an unclothed female mannequin to belong in the Sex/Nudity section.
  - Their rating of Star Trek had the last entry under imitative behavior, including swearing and driving a car over a cliff, as:
  Some kids might imitate the Vulcan hand gesture of spreading apart the two adjacent fingers on each side of the hand.
  - Can't have children trying to live long, prosperous, logical lives. You'll notice logic is no longer taught in schools these days.
  - The best goes to Dragonball Evolution. Apparently watching this movie might make your child want to dig a gigantic hole in the middle of nowhere to capture cars so he or she can hold the owners hostage until they pay up. Oh, and wanting to destroy the Earth is disrespectful.
  - To be fair, they don't actually judge the movies based on the content. They just list everything that parents could conceivably find relevant, and this kind of stuff is more for the sake of completeness than anything.
  - With many movie review sites, it's not always immediately apparent whether the reviewers are from Cloud Cuckoo Land or if they just know that a significant portion of their audience lives there, and they don't want to get angry letters for failing to mention that you can see someone's navel for a quarter of a second or so.
  - Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland could give it a run for its money. Its official MPAA rating is PG, for "fantasy action and violence including scary images and situations and a smoking caterpillar." Well, alright then.
  - This Troper remembers that the abomination that was Dungeons and Dragons was rated PG-13 for "Fantasy violence,... and discussions of dwarf sex organs"
In Blazing Saddles, Hedy (that's HEDLEY!) Lamarr gives out a long list of evil people that he wants to recruit as mooks, topping it off with a triumphant, "...and Methodists!". There's no given reason why Methodists are lumped in with such villains. This coincides with a later line where the people of Rock Ridge announce they will accept "the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the Irish!" pointing out archaic prejudices against seemingly generic groups. Or even earlier in the movie, when addressing the townspeople:
Reverend: I don't have to tell you people what has been happening to our beloved town: Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped.
- Of course the joke is that the people stampeded and the cattle was raped.
In Dogma, when Rufus the 13th Apostle is talking to Bethany about Jesus Christ, and lists off some of the things being done in his name that he doesn't like. "Wars! Bigotry! Televangelism!"
- What could possibly be more evil than televangelism?
- Loki kills a bunch of board members for (among other things) adultery, disowning a gay son, incest, and he tried to kill one woman for not saying "God Bless You" when he sneezed.
In The World Is Not Enough, "R" concludes his run-down of the features of Bond's car with "six beverage cup holders".
And who can forget the Ghostbusters, warning of the dire consequences of their being incarcerated as Gozer prepares to manifest:
Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr. Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr. Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
- This means the apocalypse is already upon us◊
  - Well, there are those that would argue that it is......
  - Awww, what a cute Apocalypse!
  - Oh lord... have mercy on our souls... prettyplease?
In the Spice Girls' movie Spiceworld, the group is about to be late for their first major live show. Their driver is nowhere to be found, so Posh Spice frantically drives their tour bus across London and even jumps across Tower Bridge as it is rising to let a boat through. When they arrive at the venue, they are confronted by a policeman who wants to arrest them for "dangerous driving, criminal damage, flying a bus without a license ... and frightening the pigeons!"
Played with in Conan The Barbarian. As far as he is concerned, these offenses are in the proper order:
Thulsa Doom: You broke into my house, stole my property, murdered my servants, and my PETS! And that is what grieves me the most! You killed my snake. Thorgrim is beside himself with grief!
(Cut to Thorgrim, who is making a narmy little frown.)
From Muppet Christmas Carol:
Emily Cratchit: I suppose that on the blessed day of Christmas one must drink to the health of Mr Scrooge. Even though he is odious...
The twins: Mm-hm!
Emily Cratchit: ...and stingy...
The twins: Mm-hm!
Emily Cratchit: ...and wicked...
The twins: Mm-hm!
Emily Cratchit: ...and unfeeling...
The twins: Mm-hm!
Emily Cratchit: ...and badly dressed...
The twins gasp in horror
Inverted in Clue, when the guests locked up the police officer who asked to use the phone.
Cop: Let me outta here! Let me outta here! You have no right to shut me in! I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty... and MURDER!
Wadsworth: [Wadsworth opens the door, feigning innocence, while other guests gather around] What do you mean... murder?
Cop: I just said it so you would open the door.
Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird has it when the Sleaze Brothers are pulled over while trying to escape after kidnapping Big Bird (who they realized had escaped thanks to Big Bird jumping off the truck onto Gordon and Olivia's car... just watch the movie):
Sam Sleaze: What seems to be the problem, officer? What's the charge?
State Trooper: [looks through his notebook] What about counterfeiting, extortion, fraud, impersonating a dentist, stealing an apple from a kid? (The latter occurred earlier in the movie)
Sam Sleaze: Oh, about that apple, officer, I can explain that. We was just holding it for a friend.
Sid Sleaze: Yeah, for a friend.
State Trooper: You can tell that to the judge.
In Shrek 3, The Witches run people down on their broomsticks, the living trees knock stuff over, and the cyclops... pulls letters out of mailboxes, peels off the stamps, and puts them back.
- The Cyclops is a bit of a Punch Clock Villain who later brings his daughter to work and is one of the first to put down his weapons after Arthur's speech, so it makes sense that his actions only Poke The Poodle.
- From Shrek 2 the Fairy Godmother's tirade:
Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Hansel And Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, The Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly features this trope several times - Tuco (the Ugly) and Blondie (the Good) have an interesting way of making a quick buck - Blondie turns Tuco in for the reward, which, considering that Tuco's rap sheet is several pages long, and goes from murder through rape all the way down to robbery and transporting a minor across state lines for immoral purposes, is quite large. Considering how many of the offenses on the list ... even the relatively lower-grade ones ... were capital crimes, how they do this more than once is an exercise best left to Sergio Leone and the viewer...
- The first time we see them pulling this scam, the judge is reading a list of offenses including murder, arson in a state prison, theft of sacred objects, inciting prostitution, armed robbery . . . but he sounds really indignant as he winds up with ". . . and, contrary to the laws of this state, the accused has been found guilty of using MARKED CARDS IN A POKER GAME!"
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves:
Sheriff of Nottingham: Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas!
- Calling off Christmas is terrible though... think of all the children
Somewhat lampshaded in Last Action Hero: Jack Slater, upon rescuing his daughter from thugs and escaping several attempts on his life, including the destruction of a good part of his ex wife's house, breaks into the antagonist Mr. Benedict's mansion, and begins kicking him around, listing a reason for every blow he lands, with the exception of his ex-wife's house, during which, he stands Mr. Benedict up, straightens out his suit, takes his hand, and gently slaps him on the wrist.
Clerks: A mother and small child come into the video store to order "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup". Randal phones the distributors and orders a long list of increasingly disturbing porn titles, ending by turning to the mother and saying "Uh, what was that called again?"
The opening scene of Romancing the Stone comes from the romance novel that Kathleen Turner's character is writing:
That was the end of Grogan... the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible!
In a deleted scene of Tenacious D And The Pick Of Destiny, Jack Black and Kyle Gass are checking out at an army/navy supply store with a grocery cart full of items that make it increasingly apparent that they intend to do some Hollywood-style breaking and entering, including walkie talkies, grappling hooks, smoke bombs, a pair of spy catsuits, poison darts... and a bag of Funyuns. The Funyuns are actually the second-to-last item though.
Woody Allen's Take the Money and Run uses this trope twice in the same way. At the beginning, the narrator says that Virgil is wanted for robbery, attempted murder, and illegal possession of a wart. Later, as Virgil assembles a gang to rob a bank, the narrator reveals what each of them has served time for: "Murder, arson, and dancing with a mailman."
- Each gang member was given a unique criminal file. One was "bank robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, murder, and getting naked in front of his in-laws," another was just "dancing with a mailman," and the third was "arson, robbery, assault with intent to kill, and marrying a horse."
American Gangster: Frank Lucas wants to get heroin directly from the producers, who live deep in the South Asian jungle. His cousin really doesn't want to go: "There's snakes, Viet Cong, and mosquitoes that'll fuckin' kill yo' ass!"
In Gamera Vs. Guiron (Shown on Mystery Science Theatre 3000), a kid hopes that the aliens will help humanity by stopping wars, world hunger, and traffic accidents. Oddly enough, he goes on about the traffic accidents throughout the movie.
The tagline for the film of A Clockwork Orange was "Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultraviolence and Beethoven".
A Fish Called Wanda was marketed as "a tale of murder, lust, greed, revenge, and seafood."
When he learns Dr. Evil has hijacked nuclear weapons, Austin Powers says that only two things scare him, and one is nuclear war. When asked what his second fear was, he says "carnies."
- In fairness, they have small hands and smell like cabbage.
Used and toyed with in Addams Family Values when the family comes to Debbie's house to visit Fester:
Morticia: You have gone too far. You have married Fester. You have destroyed his spirit. You have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie?
Debbie: What?
Morticia (reproachfully, eying the decor): Pastels?
This shows up in Who's the Woman, Who's the Man in the form of a tirade directed by Fish against a woman whom O, the lesbian he has a crush on, is flirting with:
Fish: If you go with a lesbian, you'll break your parents' hearts, and your grandparents'; your friends will look down on you, relatives will avoid you, society will give up on you, you can't have children... and you won't be able to find a seat on the subway!
One of the taglines for the movie Sneakers was;
"A burglar, a spy, a fugitive, a delinquent, a hacker, and a piano teacher... and these are the good guys."
In the 2008 version of Journey To The Center Of The Earth, the Power Trio encounters a volcanic pipe filled with minerals.
Sean: Rubies!
Hannah: Emeralds!
Trevor: Feldspar!
In the Disney Channel movie Minutemen, several government officials run in flashing badges and screaming the name of their respective organizations. "FBI!" "CIA!" "DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY!"
Virgil lampshades this when he turns to the Homeland Security guy and says "In the future, you should probably go first."
In National Treasure, the film's antagonist is arrested on the charges of "kidnapping, attempted murder, and trespassing on government property."
Inverted in Super Troopers (Though, perhaps, Your Mileage May Vary).
Thorny: Littering and... littering and... littering and smokin' the reefer.
In Yellowbeard, the eponymous pirate has committed a long list of heinous crimes, but he was finally convicted for tax evasion.
- Which is just what happened in Real Life. To Al Capone, nonetheless.
In Brazil, arrested Sam Lowry is presented with a long and painstakingly accurate list of his transgressions, from high treason to overexpenditure of stationery. Since this is harsh dystopia, the scene is anything but funny.
The Watchmen movie has the line "Toys, lunchboxes, genetic engineering." One of these things is not like the other.
- And it looks familiar...
Kentucky Fried Movie segment "United Appeal for the Dead".
Henry Gibson: ...everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
Near the end of W. C. Field's The Golf Specialist, we briefly see J. Effingham Bellweather's wanted poster which includes such things as manslaughter and homicide. The next shot is a ten-second pan down a list of his other offenses:
Bigamy,
Passing as the Prince of Wales,
Eating spaghetti in public,
Using hard words in a speakeasy,
Trumping partner's ace,
Spitting in the Gulf Stream,
Jumping board bill in seventeen lunatic asylums,
Failure to pay installments on a strait-jacket,
Possessing a skunk,
Revealing the facts of life to an Indian.
The tagline on posters for Fight Club was "Mischief. Mayhem. Soap."
In The Incredibles Edna Mode does this twice while demonstrating the new super suits she designed for Helen Parr and her children:
"I cut it a little roomy for the free movement, the fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin...and it can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees. Completely bulletproof, and machine washable, darling. That's a new feature."
"Your suit can stretch as far as you can without injuring yourself, and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible, yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton."
Scary Movie 3: The Architect is discussing with Cindy the evil of his daughter Tabitha. "We loved our daughter but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit."
"Burglary, arson... and sexual assault with a concrete dildo?!"
The tagline for Army Of Darkness: "Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas."
In The Empire Strikes Back:
Han Solo: ...you didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.
Leia Organa: My...! Why, you stuck up, ...half-witted, ...scruffy-looking... nerf-herder!
Han: Who's scruffy-looking?
In Meet The Robinsons, Wilbur Robinson's Robot Buddy Carl lists the negative consequences that arose from Wilbur's careless failure to shut the garage door properly: One of the family's time machines (a prototype, only two currently in existence) got stolen by the villain, the time stream could be altered forever, and someone took Carl's bike.

Literature

Juvenal (second century A.D.) uses this now and then in his satires. Most of the time his examples actually escalate (adultery, murder, murder of close relations) but now and then he throws in this trope, as in listing the dangers of living in Rome as "conflagrations, collapsing buildings, poets reciting in the month of August". Which would make this one Older Than Feudalism.
Appears also in Candide: or, Opptimism. It fits particularly well due to the dry and dispassionate tone of the narrative. After the titular character slays the Jew, who was a joint owner of Cunegonde (Candide's love interest), the Inquisitor, the other joint owner, sees this upon entering.
Entering, he discovered the whipped Candide, with his drawn sword in his hand, a dead body stretched on the floor, Cunegonde frightened out of her wits, and the old woman giving advice.
David Simon, in The Corner, spends over 400 pages chronicling the horrific conditions children in West Baltimore have to put up with. He then offers this observation during a playground football game:
- "Disadvantaged in so many ways, [children of West Baltimore] are at a further loss for having grown up Coltless."
In Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's Good Omens, begins a section with 'Many phenomena, wars, plagues, sudden audits..'
- There's also a mention of how people are attracted to costumes and new activities, such as dressing up in sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people.
The back-cover blurbs for books in A Series Of Unfortunate Events list five or more events, props, or characters, a few of which (usually but not always the last) are often something harmless-sounding, such as "a doll named Pretty Penny" or "a bad casserole". Some of the later books subvert this by making the last item on the list something more dramatic— such as "a surprising survivor of a terrible fire".
- This is re-subverted when some of the harmless-sounding items are actually very important and dangerous, like "a sugar bowl", while some of the dangerous-sounding items, like "Chabo the Wolf Baby" are harmless.
- There's an arrest warrant out for Count Olaf for Arson, Fraud, Murder, and stealing a tray of cupcakes
- And don't forget the carnival freaks from book 9: a hunchback, a contortionist, and an ambidextrous guy.
In The Wind In The Willows, Toad gets the biggest part of a twenty-year jail sentence for insulting a policeman. Since the book was published in 1908, this makes it...
In Making Money Cosmo Lavish says Moist Von Lipvig is "a cheat and a liar, an embezzler, and [has] no dress sense whatsoever". Moist replies "I happen to think I dress rather snappily!"
- It is the only one that he can honestly object to.
  - But by definition, not being able to object honestly shouldn't be a problem...
A piece of background text in the first Artemis Fowl book states that Fowl Manor has survived "war, civil unrest and several tax audits".
One of the sections of Gullivers Travels is titled "A Voyage to Laputa, Balnibarbi, Luggnagg, Glubbdubdrib, and Japan."
- Admittedly, at that time Japan was almost completely closed off to foreigners and thus almost as fantastic as said other countries.
Dave Barry Slept Here describes the years between 1963 and 1968 as "A Long String of Bummers," starting with President John F Kennedy's assassination, followed by the election of goofy-looking President Lyndon Johnson, the Vietnam War and its associated controversies, more assassinations and riots, and Gilligan's Island being canceled. The same book describes The Great Depression as "an era of unemployment, poverty, social turmoil, despair, and—worst of all—Shirley Temple movies."
The people in the Mary Suetopia of Marge Piercy's novel Woman on the Edge of Time all trust each other, and there is little friction in society. How do they do that? By having very minor punishment for the first time someone commits a crime, but the second crime they commit, they execute them. Nemo Me Impune Lacessit, indeed.
Harry Potter's Gilderoy Lockhart: "Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and Five-Time Winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award."
- And he thinks that last one is his greatest achievement ( it actually is), which of course makes Harry's detention in that book all the funnier. "Thought you'd make an entrance, didn't you? Well, it's not quite the Most Charming Smile Award, but it's a start, Harry, it's a start!"
- A variation from the same series: during the Ministry's smear campaign against Dumbledore in Order of the Phoenix, he joked that he didn't care that they strip him of all his awards and honors, unless they take away his Chocolate Frog Card.
  - And, of course, there's Dumbledore's full name: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Michael Gambon places a slight emphasis on the "Brian" when reciting the character's name in the film by way of Lampshade Hanging.
- Luna Lovegood believes that Aurors are part of the "Rotfang Conspiracy" and try to bring down the Ministry of Magic by using "a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease".
As Dionysus says in Percy Jackson And The Olympians: "The world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never get a perfect score on this stupid machine."
At the climax of the first Skulduggery Pleasant book, the eponymous hero arrests his arch nemesis Nefarian Serpine, placing him under arrest for:
Skulduggery: 'Murder, conspiracy to murder, attempted murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.'
In Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, Marcus describes to a judge how he attempted to overthrow the Department of Homeland Security, disrupted an entire city causing millions of dollars in damage, set up an illegal gathering which caused near-riots, and beat up a girl in order to steal her phone. The judge says, "You stole a phone"!?
It is surprising that no one has yet posted the Ur-Example of this trope. "If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination." Thomas de Quincey, Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts, an Essay
In Dan Gutman's novel Back in Time with Thomas Edison, one of the characters, Ashley Quadrel, is arrested in 1879 for trying to pass off counterfeit money. When arguing his case - that he's a time traveler from the future, and that he's carrying real, 21st century cash - he quips, "I know what's going to happen! There's going to be a World War in 1914, and another one in 1939. There are going to be nuclear weapons that can destroy entire cities. There's going to be a new kind of music called rock and roll!"
In Catch-22, Clevinger is tried for "breaking ranks while in formation, felonious assault, indiscriminate behavior, high treason, provoking, being a smart guy, listening to classical music, and so on."
In A Song Of Ice And Fire, Daenerys is forced to eat a raw horse's heart to fulfill a Dothraki superstition regarding childbirth. It is said that if she fails to keep the heart down, her child will be "defective, stillborn or female". (See also Values Dissonance.)
Daniel Pinkwater does this a lot. For example, here's a Carl Sandburg-esque glimpse into the pageantry of the greatest festival in the universe, taking place on Spiegel, the Planet of the Fat Men:
The main street of Porky, renamed Blintzni Spamgorod in honor of its former glory, has turned into an endless colorful midway. Merrymakers walk, crawl, hop, slither, fly, and float back and forth all day and all night, enjoying the many pleasant spectacles. There are roast goose jugglers, meteor swallowers, monsters able to turn themselves inside out, many-mouthed musicians who can play fifteen horns at once, pseudo-octopusian fandango dancers, and whistlers from Glintnil. There are mixed beast races, wrestling matches against giant slothoids from Neptune, six-dimensional chess games, screaming contests, and knocking down three milk bottles with a baseball.
In A Horse and His Boy, a royal friend of Aravis ensures her privacy by decreeing that any servant of hers who tells of her presence will be beaten to death, then burned alive, and finally kept on bread and water for a week.
In Han Solo at Stars' End when infiltrating a base the droid he is working with hacks a computer and fakes an alarm. Upon being told that, because the computers of the base are all interconnected, he can do it anywhere on base, Solo tells him to sound every alarm he can "fires in the power plants, riots in the barracks, indecent exposure in the cafeteria".
In The Lies Of Locke Lamora, Locke describes his treatment of the bondsmage: "I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized." Cue everyone staring at him. "I called him an asshole, too. He didn't like that."
At the beginning of American Psycho, where a character reads a newspaper: "In one issue ? in one issue ? let's see here... strangled models, babies thrown from tenement rooftops, kids killed in the subway, a Communist rally, Mafia boss wiped out, Nazis, baseball players with AIDS, more Mafia shit, gridlock, the homeless, various maniacs, faggots dropping like flies in the streets, surrogate mothers, the cancellation of a soap opera..."
In George and Harold's Captain Underpants comics, when the Monster Of The Week begins its rampage, a kid will cry for help and name two things the monster just did. An adult will voice concern over the less dramatic one.
Kid: Help! The Inedible Hunk just ate fifteen folding chairs and now he's attacking the gym teacher!
Principal: Oh no! Not folding chairs!
- The "more dramatic one" will always be "attacking the gym teacher".
In Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth, Tommy Oblivion talks to himself as he ponders how time travel might rectify the heroes' predicament, muttering about "divergent timetracks, opposing probabilities, experiment's intent, and whether or not someone's pizza had anchovies on it". But then, he's an existentialist, so maybe this trope makes perfect sense to him....
Invoked in Alexander Pope's The Rape Of The Lock: Ariel, the sylph assigned to protect the fair and noble Belinda, has a premonition of disaster one day, so he assigns a veritable army of sylphs to guard the most important things - such as Belinda's honor, chastity, dress, fan, hairstyle... wait, hold on a sec.
Inverted near the end of the fourth Temeraire book, Empire of Ivory. The titular dragon has received an invitation to a tea party from his Evil Counterpart. This is the exchange that occurs:
Laurence: "There is nothing evidently insincere in it; perhaps she means it as a gesture of reconciliation.
Temeraire: "No, she does not. I am sure if I go, the tea will be very unpleasant, at least my tea will be, and I will have to drink it or look ill-mannered. Or she will make remarks which do not seem offensive, until I have gone away and thought them over; or she will try and have you murdered while I am not there: you are not to go anywhere without a guard, and if anyone tries to murder you, you must call for me very loud."
In Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age, there is a scene describing a fresco portraying previous generations that had to live in a world without nanotechnology. They're said to have had to put up with things like cancer, pogroms, ethnic cleansing, etc., as well as running with scissors and... heating a cold house with charcoal briquets.
Subverted in Maggody and the Moonbeams, where Arly Hanks states that she avoids arguing with people armed with shotguns, rifles, handguns, crossbows, or even spatulas. The spatula seems like the trivial entry in the list ... until readers recall that the chief spatula-wielder in Arly's life is her mother, who runs a bar & grill. And is not lightly to be argued with, if Arly wants to live on something besides canned soup that day.
- Straight example from Mischief in Maggody, from a teen bluntly told to leave by a (fake) psychic:
  Carol Alice: Do you think she saw something terrible about me in the sand? Like I was going to die tomorrow or get hit by a chicken truck or flunk out or get thrown off the cheerleading squad?
In the Night Watch novel Twilight Watch, Anton is discussing the crimes of the historical figure Gilles de Rais that got him burnt at the stack. They were raping and brutally murdering hundreds of children... and not paying his taxes. Note, in this case, Anton isn't really using the trope for humor- it's more like he's sarcastically noting that the latter was what got the authorities after him; you could get away with a lot as a Medieval aristocrat.
The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul repeatedly mentions that King's Cross Station after dark is an awful place, full of "muggers, pimps and hookers, drug-pushers and hamburger salesmen".
The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary - actually a book about how one of the biggest contributors to the Oxford English Dictionary was criminally insane and went to jail for murder.
From Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job, as the creatures of the underworld are starting to move:
"And there were hundreds of singular events experienced by individuals: creatures moving in the shadows, voices and screams from the sewer grates, milk souring, cats scratching owners, dogs howling, and a thousand people woke up to find that they no longer cared for the taste of chocolate."
In the last chapter of ''TheThirdDayTheFrost'', Ellie is examined by a doctor in New Zealand who sums up her various injuries sustained during the war: "Shock, cracked vertebrae, fractured petalla, malnutrition, cuts and abrasions, acute anxiety state, headlice."
One of the Redwall books features a hare beating the shit out of a verminous Mook, both for eating the hare's friends and for persistently referring to the hare as a rabbit.
From the blurb of And Another Thing, the sixth Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy book: 'Arthur Dent has been blown up, reassembled, cruelly imprisoned, horribly released and colourfully insulted more than is strictly necessary.'
Inverted in Jasper Fforde's Lost In A Good Book by the Goliath Corporation who demand an employee of theirs be returned to them so he can "face a disciplinary board on charges of embezzlement, Goliath contractual irregularities, misuse of the Corporation's leisure facities, missing stationery...and crimes against humanity."
Sookie describing Pelt in Dead to the World "...whom I despised because she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap -oh- and tried to kill me by proxy. Also she had stupid hair.
Kitty Norville: Vampires. Werewolves. Talk Radio.
"They incited a nebulous fear of purposes I couldn't imagine. Witch hunts, pogroms. Reality TV."
In Notes from the Overfed, a short story by Woody Allen, a character is asked by his uncle if he believes in God. He answers: "I do not believe in God. For if there is a God, then tell me, Uncle, why is there poverty and baldness? Why do some men go through life immune to a thousand mortal enemies of the race, while others get a migraine that lasts for weeks?"
In A Look at Organized Crime, also by Allen, it's stated that "illicit activities engaged in by Cosa Nostra members included gambling, narcotics, prostitution, hijacking, loansharking, and the transportation of a large whitefish across the state line for immoral purposes."
In The Know-It-All, A.J. Jacobs reflects on the wisdom he's gained from reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica and remarks that humans "have created poverty and war and Daylight Saving Time."

Live Action TV

When the character Q appeared on Star Trek Deep Space Nine, he bemoaned the fact that Earth had been much more "interesting" in the past. "Crusades...Inquisitions...Watergate..."
Rasmussen, a time-travelling historian from the Star Trek The Next Generation episode "A Matter of Time", chatted with Geordi about his visor:
"You know, Homer was blind. And Milton. Bach. Monet. Wonder..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Principal Snyder states that there are things he won't tolerate in his school - students on the grounds after dark; horrible murders with hearts ripped out; and also smoking.
- While enumerating ex-boyfriends, Faith has had "Ronny, deadbeat; Steve, klepto; Kenny... drummer."
- When Anya laments her lost demon powers, she complains to D'Hoffryn: "And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. A child. And I'm flunking math." (Though given her apparent facility with numbers in later episodes, this could be a real blow to her pride.)
  - Given that part of her demon powers seems to have included altering the universe so that the persona she'd assumed had always been part of it (no one questions her presence as a student, and she is able to do things that would require a social security number, driver's license, birth certificate, etc.), and considering that the alias she gets stuck in was one designed to move in Sunnydale High's Libby clique, it's possible that she's failing math not because she herself is bad at it, but because it's something the person she was pretending to be would fail.
- During "The Prom" Jonathan discusses the weird things that have occurred at Sunnydale High. The other students mention "Zombies!", Hyena People!", "Snyder!"
- The show pokes fun at the concept in "I Robot, You Jane", when a demon is unleashed on the internet, the group surmises on the type of damage he can inflict:
  Xander: "He's in a computer! What can he do?"
  Buffy: "You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How 'bout mess up all the medical equipment in the world?"
  Giles: "Randomize traffic signals."
  Buffy: "Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles."
  Giles: "Destroy the world's economy."
  Buffy: "I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing."
  Giles: "Right, yours was best."
iCarly: "Made of a super-soft, thick luxurious fabric of some sort, the Sack comes in: rash red, mucus green, pus yellow and blue."
During the fifth season of Angel ("Underneath"), Illyria recounts all the different worlds she walked through when she was Demon King: she saw worlds of pain and destruction, worlds full of opulent beauty, "...and one world filled with nothing but shrimp. I tired of that one quickly." (This is actually a reference to the many times Anya talked about alternate worlds in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and kept bringing up worlds without shrimp and worlds filled with shrimp.)
- An episode later ("Origin"), Angel makes Spike figure out what Illyria's powers are. In the middle of the episode, Connor asks if she has any powers, and Spike says, "Glad you asked. So far, I've determined that she can hit like a Mack truck, selectively alter the flow of time...oh, and possibly talk to plants."
  - This becomes the subject of a Brick Joke in a later episode where, after having her power level significantly dropped, she muses to herself, while stroking an office plant, "I can no longer hear the song of the green." (Lorne's pretty sure she's not talking about him.)
  - And is revisited in the Season 8 comics, where the power actually helps her.
A number of shows have used this joke where someone will list the crimes and/or atrocities they've committed, and the last one is (to this extent) retransmitting a televised sporting event without expressed consent of the sports league. - a Take That on the warning every single major sports league gives during their game broadcast.
On Top Gear, presenters Jeremy Clarkson and James May are teasing each other about famous persons who have owned their classic luxury cars. May's Rolls-Royce Corniche has been the car of Elton John and other Camp Gay icons... but Clarkson's MB 600 Grosser has been owned by such notables as Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot, Fidel Castro, "and Elvis Presley."
In Firefly, Shepherd Book warns Mal that taking advantage of his Accidental Marriage will find him a place to a special hell, usually reserved for "child molesters, and people who talk at the theatre."
- Similarly similarly, Laz in Life On A Stick claims his girlfriend has a hatred for old people, a hatred "most people have only for terrorists, serial killers and Jar-Jar Binks".
Chuck:
Emmett Milbarge the Buy More Efficiency Expert: I'd like to report the following violation of Buy More policy: misappropriation of the home theater room, after-hours consumption of alcohol, and lewd use of a musical montage.
In QI the last introduction and the last buzzer sound always is for Alan Davies, who accordingly gets insulted and gets a comical buzzer sound.
- Including one rather hilarious occasion where Alan pressed the buzzer and the obvious(ly wrong) answer alarm went off.
When Bruce Forsyth introduces the four judges on Strictly Come Dancing (complete with witty descriptions), he usually finishes with Craig Revel-Horwood (known for being the nastiest of the judges) and insults him- recently describing him as "a bitter lemon".
Inverted once in an episode of Monk. Randy and Captian Stottlemeyer are discussing why this guy cannot be a suspect and Randy names off two less important reasons, before saying "Number 3, he's dead." The really funny thing about that is, he starts continuing to list them even after that one, but Stottelmeyer stops him.
- In his defence, it wouldn't be the first time Monk had solved a case with a man believed to be dead.
It doesn't quite fit the pattern, but both the British and American versions of Whose Line Is It Anyway have the host announcing each of the players, prefacing each of their names with some sort of title, each title being related... until he reaches Ryan Stiles (always last), at which point the title is related but ridiculous.
"I think you're a wonderful person: Wayne Brady! I'm just not that into you: Kathy Greenwood! It's not you, it's me: Colin Mochrie! And GET OUT! JUST GET OUT!: Ryan Stiles!"
Gene Hunt to Sam Tyler, Life On Mars:
Gene: You great, soft, sissy, girly, nancy, French, bender, Man-United-supporting poof!
- Ray Carling in the same:
  Ray: I'm arresting you for the theft of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest... and driving like a div.
Also from Life on Mars (the American one) Ray is talking about the counterculture.
Ray: That's the problem with a politicized youth, they do things like blow up national monuments, burn down induction centers...make their own jewelry out of seashells.
Inverted in Monty Pythons Flying Circus, starting on a low note and building up while describing a man's hobbies as; "Golf, strangling small animals and masturbating"...the "masturbating" part was cut by the censors though.
The Seventh Doctor of Doctor Who is fond of these:
- In "Remembrance of the Daleks" he mocks the Dalek Emperor's rant about what the Daleks will achieve when they have the Hand of Omega: "Become all powerful! Crush the lesser races! Conquer the galaxy! Unimaginable power! Unlimited rice pudding! Et cetera! Et cetera!"
- The call to adventure (inserted as a voiceover at the end of "Survival", the last Doctor Who story of the original series broadcast): "There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea is asleep and the rivers dream. People made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea is getting cold."
- Inverted in "Ghostlight" (the last Doctor Who story produced, but broadcast third-to-last) - "I can't stand burnt toast. I loathe bus stations: terrible places, full of lost luggage and lost souls. And then there's unrequited love, and tyranny, and cruelty." From the same episode: "My theories appall you, my heresies outrage you, I never answer letters and you don't like my tie."
- Inverted in "The Infinite Quest": the Doctor is guilty of 1400 minor traffic violations, 250 counts of evading library fines, and 18 counts of planetary demolition.
  - He really should've taken back those library books!
Lampshaded in Torchwood when Jack discusses the rehabs that his old partner John Hart had to attend. To the audience, ending with "murder" as the last rehab sounds fairly serious, but apparently it's a joke to the two Time Agents. Just goes to show that a little perspective goes a long ways.
Jack: So, how was rehab?
John: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and ...?
John: Murder.
Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
During the opening sequence of The Colbert Report, a list of words describing Colbert fly past him ("Courageous", "Exceptional", "Relentless", etc.) but always ends with something like "Grippy", "Lincolnish", "Megamerican", "Purple-Mounted" or "Factose-Intolerant". They even threw in a whole sentence for a while: "President Bush Have A Hotdog With Me". Debuting with the new opening credits animation, his most recent is "Applepious".
Reversed in The Office when Michael, trying to scare his employees into respecting the idea of prison with the character "Prison Mike":
Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole...and I robbed...and I kidnapped the President's son...and held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite a rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither.
Jim: Well, you were in prison, but...
- For the Steve Martin episode, it was "Seven-Inch Gangly Wrench."
- A Colbert Report list of historical threats to the Jewish people started with Iran, Hitler and King Antiochus, and ended with "Mel Gibson's Dad".
Both The Colbert Report and The Daily Show use this trope in their introduction scenes to news segments, showing two or more examples of something serious, then something completely not serious. For example, on Colbert's theoretical doomsday scenario, the intro shows hurricanes, terrorists, atomic bombs and gay couples.
It also featured in the classic episode "Space Mutiny," when Mike and the 'bots were listing alternate names for hero David Ryder.
Crow: Slate Fistcrunch!
Mike: Buff Hardback!
Tom Servo: Bob Johnson!
Tom Servo: Wait.
Lampshaded on The West Wing when CJ's off-again-on-again crush Danny berates her for picking on him in the press briefing room:
Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
- Also:
  Deborah Fiderer: You never called me Deb before.
  Leo Mcgarry: No?
  Deborah Fiderer: The President does sometimes. I actually kinda hate it.
  Leo Mcgarry: I'm sorry.
  Deborah Fiderer: It's okay, you didn't know.
  Leo Mcgarry: Ever tell the President?
  Deborah Fiderer: Hard to work it in. "Sir, the North Koreans just threatened to rain nuclear fire on Japan again, the NASDAQ is tanking, there's a Category IV hurricane making landfall in the Keys, and, oh, don't call me Deb."
Black Books does this depending which way you look at it:
Bernard Black: I am cold! I've got chilblains, tinnitus and thrush!
On an episode of Night Court, Mel Torme is brought before Judge Harry Stone on a speeding violation and several unpaid parking tickets. Torme has a grudge against Harry for wrecking a concert of his, and eventually finds himself in contempt of court. As he's being carried away by Bull and Roz, he starts ranting at Harry:
Mel Torme: "You're a walking disaster! You're a pox on humanity! And your haircut stinks!"
Reversed in severity on The Andy Griffith Show featured Barney, who loves writing jaywalking tickets is doing so for a man who also double parked. Andy comes up and informs him that the man also robbed the bank.
From CSI: NY:
Mac: You're under arrest for the murder of Derek James, Lauren Salinas, kidnapping and attempted murder of a crime scene investigator, armed robbery, grand theft auto, assault and battery. But most of all, for pissing me off.
- Good thing he's in New York. Over in CSI Miami, pissing Horatio off warrants a death sentence. Often carried out immediately.
From Psych
Gus: Some people are just born evil — the kid from The Omen, The Children of the Corn, Chad Michael Murray.
On Friends Ross has asked Rachel to make a list of things that she doesn't like about him (it's a long story). While she's initially reticent, he finally ticks her off enough:
Rachel: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
- In this context, it actually makes sense: she's not going for a dramatic buildup, she's listing them as she thinks of them, and it's reasonable that hair gel might not be the top one on her mind.
  - Hey, 'still funny.
- In the episode "The One After the Super Bowl", Joey gets his stalker to leave him alone by pretending to be his own Evil Twin (well, actually the Evil Twin of his soap opera character, Drake Ramoray, whom the stalker believes him to be). His friends help him out:
  Rachel: He pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me! (throws her drink in his face)
  Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't! (throws her drink in his face)
  Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard! (throws his drink in his face)
In Plain Sight:
Mary: Actually, I'm in a really good mood, which is kind of weird, considering where I was 48 hours ago. Then I have a witness off herself, and like that's not bad enough, I gotta play second fiddle to a knucklehead like you.
Marshall: Thanks for lumping me in with kidnapping, attempted rape, and suicide.
The Discovery Channel's show Road Rampage once featured a suspect being charged with:
Judge: Three counts of aggravated assault, lying to a police officer, and making an improper left turn.
In an episode of Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego, Greg gives the Chief a melon and Vienna sausage sandwich, topped with peanut butter and mayonnaise, on white bread. The Chief is appalled... that he'd use white bread.
- The full version of the theme song does this, too. After listing a large number of crimes, including stealing Seoul from South Korea and ransacking Pakistan, the last crime mentioned before the final chorus is "her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations."
When The Young Ones found a nuclear bomb in their kitchen, Rik wanted to use it to make the Prime Minister "do something for the kids":
Rik: Point 1: Abolish poverty! Point 2: Abolish capitalism! Point 3: Dexy's Midnight Runners playing free, daily, in the University library!
Well, there's rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart.
- To be fair, there was some rat in the strawberry tart. How many? Three - rather a lot, really.
- Also: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam; or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Roxy in Dead Like Me visits Daisy on police business, holding a dossier on her late ex-boyfriend Ray. She says, "Quite an impressive guy you were seeing. Fraud, assault, bad haircut."
From Heroes:
Claude: "I spend a lot of time moving around people's homes, their bedrooms. You get to know people if you see them when they think they're alone. You see them for what they truly are: selfish, deceitful, and gassy."
On Everybody Hates Chris, narrator Chris Rock was talking about how his mother felt about drugs:
Chris, narrating: My mother had one goal in life for her kids: don't sell drugs. As long as they weren't doin' that, almost everything else was gonna be OK.
Police Officer: (holding Chris in handcuffs at the front door as his mother answers) Ma'am, your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter, robbed the President and ran a red light.
Rochelle: He ain't sold no drugs, did he?
Police Officer: No, ma'am.
Rochelle: Boy, get in here!
From 'Back to Reality' in season 5 of Red Dwarf.
Rimmer: This is a nightmare! I'm on the run from the fascist police, with a murderer and a mass murderer and a man in a bri-nylon shirt.
During an episode of Roseanne's final season, Bev rants about how her ex-husbsand was rude to her children, cheated on her, had horrible table manners...and made her drive an old car with bald tires! The bastard!
- Since bald tires are more prone to blowouts, which can lead to loss of control and a crash, making her drive a car with bald tires was the one thing that actually threatened her life.
On Gossip Girl when talking about the letter Chuck's father left for him along with his will.
Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it!
Nate: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says?
Chuck: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son. I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"
- Doubles as a lampshade hanging as the fans have often commented on how Chuck wears a whole lot of purple.
Scrubs
Janitor: Now I've been called a great many horrible names in my life: Backstabber, Zebra Poacher...Josh."
In the Hugga Bunch Made For TV Movie, Bridget finds out that the Mac Guffin she's looking for is in the country of Shrugs, causing the other characters to react with fear. When she asks what's wrong with them, Huggins tells her, "Shrugs is a bad place, and scary, and gruesome, and hard to get to."
In Blackadder Goes Forth, Blackadder, after sleeping with someone he suspects of being a spy, asks her whether her boyfriend had been to one of the great universities: Oxford, Cambridge or Hull. (Later, when he points out that "you failed to spot that only two of those are great universities", Melchett remarks: "That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!")
- Not to mention that Hull University didn't even exist until 1927.
Cameron tends to do this in The Sarah Connor Chronicles whenever someone reminds her to act more like a human. In one scene, she grabs a kid by the collar and lifts him up:
Cameron: If you call your mother, that man will use her to find you. Then he'll kill her. He'll kill you.
Sarah: Uh, Cameron.
Cameron: Would you like a bedtime story?
In a first season episode of Stargate: Atlantis, Rodney is about to receive gene therapy, prompting the following exchange with Dr. Beckett:
Carson Beckett M. D.: [sighs] We believe ATA or Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that's always on. Instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes that interact with the skin, the nervous system and the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells.
Dr. Rodney McKay: A mouse retrovirus?
Beckett: It's been deactivated.
McKay: Well, are there any side effects?
Beckett: Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel...
The DVD release of The Adventures Of Lano And Woodley featured introductions to each episode. One had this gem:
Frank: "The following episode Mother has all the classic ingredients of a political thriller: a conniving politician, ruthless manipulation of the media, a lobster with a vendetta."
- For the record, the episode did in fact have all of those.
A Belgian TV show called Neveneffecten has a polar bear listing his hobbies as being: farting in igloos, hitting baby seals on the head and watching them die a slow and painful death and crosswords.
The Charlie Brooker series Screenwipe did an Acceptable Targets version of this when reading off people who "will be punished" when Charlie takes over:
Charlie: Yes, they're the sort of dribbling unpardonable cretins that use 'party' as a verb. And when I am in charge and establish my Reich, those people are going to be punished. Along with anyone who breaks wind for comic effect, men who wear flat caps, people who consider the Comic Sans typeface acceptable, and Capricorns. I don't know why I'm picking on them, actually; I think I'm just drunk with power.
The A Team: In the Season 2 premiere, "Diamonds 'n Dust," Murdock uses this to insult a South African store owner about how hideously un-English the establishment is when he's pretending to be a English officer ("Col. Lexington") as he and Face try to "confiscate" some dynamite:
Murdock: No kippers, no herring-bone tweed, no Rolls Royce tire caps, no original pressings of "Hey Jude!!!"
Face (mouthing): "Hey Jude?"
Supernatural: In the Season 5 TV-parody episode "Changing Channels," the commercial for the fictional genital herpes medication, Herpexia, lists the drug's side effects as follows (as recited by Dean):
Dean (voiceover): Side effects of Herpexia include permanent erectile dysfunction, thoughts of suicide, and nausea.
In The Muppet Show series pilot, Sex And Violence, a subplot includes an upcoming "Seven Deadly Sins Pagent". During the show, hosts Nigel and Sam are asked if another sin can take part...Wearing Funny Pants To A Funeral.
Nigel: There's Envy, Rage, Lust, Vanity, Sloth, Averice, and Glutony...
Sam: ...wearing Funny Pants to a Funeral.
On The Daily Show, where a list of corruption accusations against Charlie Rangel end with a clip from Fox News stating that he had been "illegally storing his Mercedes-Benz in the House parking lot."
In the Law and Order episode "Turnstile Justice," Lt. Van Buren orders the detectives to arrest two young girls who have been caught on a store surveillance video buying clothes with a credit card stolen from a murder victim. She tells them to add a charge of "felony bad taste" because the girls are wearing white after Labor Day.

Music

The Weird Al song "One of Those Days" includes a fair handful of such examples. One set of lines that matches the trope quite closely:
The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn
Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn
And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone!
- Also, the side effects of the computer virus in "Virus Alert" alternate between threatening and ridiculous:
  It's gonna melt your face right off your skull,
  And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
  And tell you knock-knock-jokes while you're trying to sleep
  And make you physically attracted to sheep
  Steal your identity and your credit cards
  Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
  Then cause a major rift in time and space
  And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place
The Barenaked Ladies song Grade 9 features this, whilst reminscing about high school nicknames:
They called me chicken legs!
They called me four-eyes!
They called me fatso!
They called me Buckwheat!
They called me Eddy...
- Although a possible interpretation is that Eddy's grade 9 experience wasn't as awful as the rest of the Ladies'.
"The Chemical Worker's Song", or "Process Man" (most famous cover probably by Newfoundland band Great Big Sea), describes the horrific conditions faced in the chemical industry. It follows that the first verse uses this very dryly:
Well a process man am I, and I'm tellin' you no lie
I work and breathe among the fumes that trail across the sky
There's thunder all around me and there's poison in the air
There's a lousy smell that smacks of Hell, and dust all in me hair!
- Justified, given that the dust in such a factory is probably just as toxic and life-shortening as anything else there, and he's covered in it.
Tsurupettan has the line "Curses, disappearances, sacrifices, torture, demoning away, and sneak-eating?" at some point.
- Which is actually a reference to Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni, as evident by the mention of "Oyashiro-sama" right before it.
Shoeles Joe Jackson in Jonathon Coulton's "Kenesaw Mountain Landis":
Weren't the nicest fella,
Cuz he drank a lot, and he beat his wife, and he always acted rude;
Killed and ate some babies, and he copped an attitude
"Jesus Walks" by Kanye West: "They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus! That means guns, sex, lies, videotapes..." (Probably just a Shout Out to Steven Soderbergh's Sex, Lies, and Videotape.)
"Oh Jonny" by German singer Jan Delay is about a pretty bad guy who does as diverse bad things as a) selling crack, b) calling his (the singer's) mother a dirty slut and c) doesn't use energy saving lamps.
The Worm Quartet song "What Your Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like" gives the listener commands such as "Kill your neighbor, kill your brother, kill your sister... rape your mother, get her pregnant, kill the baby, set the church on fire and use the flames to light your crack pipe," and then finally, "put your homework off until the very day it's due."
Lines from the song (no, not the trope) "Science Marches On" recite names of numerous technological innovations, all of which are very new, very silly, and/or very commercialized. Well, all except one:
Prozac Automat, phaser in a pen, light-emitting overcoat, sensitive men.
- The song is a male/female duet, and needless to say, it's the woman who sings those last two words.
Ray Steven's "Moonlight Special", a parody song involving a "Wolfman Jack"-like character doing a radio program, has a song by "Agnes Stupor" that begins: "Girl, flash an old lady now. Wreck the Family Car. Paint the Living Room Carpet. Chop down a cherry tree and say you didn't do it."
The musical "The last hero on Earth" has a song where different mad scientists detail their plans for defeating the superheroes, culminating in "some exposition that will bore them all to death".
The song "My Love is Killing Me" by The Red Elvises, as heard in the movie Six String Samurai:
I can forgive you the bruises and cuts,
I can forgive you the scars on my nuts,
But there is only one thing I can't stand,
Don't call me Chris.
My name is Elvis.
In Sanagi Love Song by musical duo Sanagi, the singer describes all the ways she would like to torture a lover with whom she is furious, including smashing his face in with a hammer, pushing him from a mountain, pulling off his fingernails, and... forcing him to listen to the Spice Girls.
In Elvira's Full Moon, during the spoken bridge: "Rape, murder, arson and disorderly conduct (is there any other kind?) practically double during a full moon."
In the Arrogant Worms' song "I Ran Away," some guys start hurling insults at the narrator's girlfriend. The first insult is, "She's a fat ugly tramp!" and the last is, "She's a mediocre soccer player!"

Newspaper Comics

Done intentionally in Calvin And Hobbes, Calvin begs his mother:
Calvin: Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?
Mom: No, Calvin.
Calvin: Can I ride my tricycle on the roof?
Mom: No, Calvin.
Calvin: Then can I have a cookie?
- In psychology this is called the "door in the face" method of bargaining.
  - In an even funnier one, Calvin declared that he wanted to be a radical terrorist and was going to inhale pesticide in order to soften up his mother (who doesn't believe him) before moving in for the kill with "I'm going to watch TV all night!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. ("That's what you think, buster!")
Bluff called in Fox Trot:
Andy: Jason, I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want Mortal Karnage II coming into this house. You have no one to blame but yourself.
Jason: But...but...
Andy: You're too young for this sort of thing. I mean, look at what it teaches: that human disembowelment is entertainment...that "winners" decapitate their enemies...that carnage is spelled with a "K"...
Jason: I know carnage isn't spelled with a "K".
Andy: The sad part is, that's the least of my concerns.
In Zits, there was a variation. Jeremy's mother says there's something she wants to talk to him about. He then deadpans several wild guesses, including "You're having a sex change?" and "You and dad are cousins?" She gets increasingly frustrated and finally yells out, "No! We're changing salsa brands!" "...WHAT??"
In Far Side, there was one where it showed the Devil in hell leading people into 3 different doors. Door #1 had a sign on it that said "Murderers". Door #2 had a sign saying "Kidnappers". Door #3 had a sign saying "People who drive slow in the fast lane."
In one Candorville strip, a psychologist is talking about his experiences with gangs: "I thought I knew the evils of gangs. Drive-bys, carjackings, garish bandanas..."
From the title character of Garfield: "Well, King Kong is on the roof batting down airplanes. The entire planet is being ravaged by brain-eating aliens... but more important, my dish is empty."

Tabletop Games

A priest/lawyer addressing the famous Rogue-Mage Raz in a trial:
Inquisitor: You...are the worst of all... Your crimes are the stuff of nightmares to all decent folk and just ways! YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION UPON LIFE AND DECENCY!!! VANDALISM, BANDITRY, SPYING, PIRACY, ABDUCTION, ILLEGAL USE OF MAGICAL ENERGIES, LOITERING, RESISTING ARREST, and worst of all.... tax evasion. WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY FOR YOUR HERESY?
- That last one is actually pretty serious. What do you think all those rebellions over moonshine are for?
Birthright Campaign: The Official Playtest Notes:
Then a terrible natural cataclysm struck Temple X in Duerlin; the earth belched fire, the skies vomited hail, and the crocus did not bloom.
In Mage The Awakening, Hallows (places of natural magical power) can be tainted by foul magic, violence, and other negative influences, with the side-effect that:
Tainted Hallows radiate poisonous magic into the surrounding countryside, curdling milk, blighting crops, sickening animals and children, attracting ghosts and corrupt spirits, and ruining television reception.

Theater

In The Importance Of Being Earnest, Jack's list of reasons for not letting his ward Cecily marry Algernon starts off with Algernon having entered his home under false pretenses and tricked Cecily into believing that he was his brother Ernest and ends with Algernon's uncalled-for consumption of the muffins he had left out on a table.
Crimes of the Heart: She began drinking and smoking when she was only 14, she hardly made good grades, why, she never even made her bed!
In the Singing In The Rain, Lina Lamont has a line that goes " I'm calling my agent! I'm calling my lawyer! I'm calling my mother!"

Video Games

A commercial for Super Mario Kart, emphasizing the combat aspects of the racing game, features an irate traffic cop who has apparently pulled over one of the racers. He concludes the list of offenses with "destruction, violence... and you didn't use your turn signal... I'm gonna have to cite you for that last one." This was also used in a commercial for Stunt Racer FX (so called because it used the FX chip) in for the SNES in the early '90s.
I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream: The characters were tortured because they were a narcissistic sociopath, a man who allowed his mother-in-law to kill his wife, a Jew who became a Nazi and killed his parents, a crazed murderous soldier and a woman who was a rape victim.
- That's unfair, Ellen was being punished because she is extremely hateful of those who do not meet her almost impossibly high standards of rationality, while surpressing and ignoring her own gaping flaws and weaknesses. Gorrister did not allow his mother-in-law to kill his wife, she drove her insane and pushed the blame on him (without his knowledge). It is his discovery that none of it is his fault that helps release him. He is a much better example of this this trope than Ellen. Also, while narcissistic, Ted was not a sociopath, just willing to lie to keep the pretense going.
The reaper in Rune Scape is known by three names: Death, Destroyer of Life, and Nigel.
Pandemonium in Kingdom Of Loathing has "high rates of murder, armed robbery, and jaywalking".
Thief: Garrett's rap sheet in Paveslock Prison. It's five times the length of anyone else's, includes "breaking and entering, burglary, trespassing, possession of stolen property, resisting arrest, assault of a City Watch officer, assault of another City Watch officer," and goes on like that for some time before concluding with "verbal assault of an officer".
In the opening cinematic for Bully, Jimmy describes the alumni of Bullworth Academy as "nothing but arms dealers, mass murderers, and corporate lawyers." Of course, some people would argue lawyers are worse than the first two...
Portal offers us this little quote...
GLaDOS: "I'm going to kill you. And all the cake is gone."
- And before that it inverts the trope with
  GLaDOS (in a room flooded with toxic acid): "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!"
House Of The Dead's latest installment, OVERKILL, gives us this (slightly but intentionally Narm-ish) line at the end of the game as Agent G lists off what the Big Bad has accomplished.
G: "You've broken a hundred laws, caused the deaths of countless thousands, endangered the safety of every man, woman, and child on this planet, and you put our friend's brain in a JAR!"
In Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice For All, unlucky cop Maggey Byrde explains that her life has been a constant string of disasters, giving examples of falling from a nine-story building at six months old, constantly getting sick from various foods, being hit by all manner of vehicles, failing nearly every test she's ever attempted, and never winning or even tying at a game of tic-tac-toe.
In the newer Sam And Max games, the front of Bosco's store mentions that he sells things such as "guns, meat, beer, and candy."
- Blame society for this uncertainty, but...which of those is the jaywalking one, exactly?
In Rayman 2, the Grolgoth can "kill, crush, torture, destroy, pull ears . . ."
In Saints Row 2, the activity FUZZ lets you take the role of a police officer. To arrest (actually beating down) offenders of, lets just say, at the first level, purse snatcher, drunk, and a litterer.
- Near the beginning of the game, Johnny Gat is in court for "352 counts of murder, and one count of attempted murder".
In one of the levels in Scribblenauts, you must find a way to take to heaven three people at the gates of hell. The people in question are a prisoner, a bully and a lawyer.
In James Bond: Agent Under Fire R is listing off all the (impressive) combat improvements to the BMW at the end of the second level, and finishes with, "And... A refrigerated beverage holder."
In Tales of Vesperia, Karol asks Yuri why the knights are after him. "Murder? Arson? Kidnapping? Fraud?"(something like that) "Uhm, it's really just for jailbreak..."
Inverted in the NES game Freedom Force (not to be confused with the Irrational Games title of the same name), the Elite Assassins have jaywalking, forging passports, and storming embassies on listed on their rap sheet in that order, all in the name of getting on TV news.
In Ratchet And Clank: Up Your Arsenal, one of the PA announcements in Nefarious's weapons factory on planet Daxx begins with "Are you looking for an exciting career in building security, execution, or VCR repair?"
- A PA announcement at Zeldrin Starport says "Welcome to Zeldrin Starport. Due to increased security, thermonuclear warheads and nail clippers are no longer permitted as carry-on baggage." This is a spoof of a real life case where a woman had the file on her nail clippers broken off by overzealous airport security.
In Fable and Fable II, after you commit crimes in a town, a guard will run up to you and charge you with a list of all of them, offering you options of how to respond to the charges (pay a fine, run away, etc). In many cases, you've just finished rampaging through a town destroying everything and every one in your path, and then a guard charges you with 30+ counts of murder and one count of vandalism from that door you kicked down.
Batman Arkham Asylum:
The Joker: ''Tell me, Bats, what are you really scared of? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Me... IN A THONG!!??
Some may argue the last one is worse...
The priest in Warcraft III says this warning about magic: "Side effects may include dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, and halitosis. Magic is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before use."
The first Disgaea gave us this little bit of gold, when describing the "ultimate Zombie":
Aramis: "The fists of a Dark Karate master... The legs of the fastest demon in the Netherworld... The brain of Mahogany, a famous sorcerer... The iron body of Hercules... And a horse wiener!"
- Naturally, Laharl's reaction to all of them is smug disdain, except for the last, which worries him. Even the flavor text of the item once you steal it reflects this.
In Touhou Project: Imperishable Night, Marisa says a line like this to Reimu in the Magic Team's playthrough.
Marisa: "You're right. The endless night, stealing the full moon, hiding the human village, and putting hats on stone statues, it's all Alice's fault. Now bitch, get out of the way!"
Liberal Crime Squad often has rap sheets that read like this:
The defendant, Akira Copeland, is charged with treason, 4 counts of aiding a prison escape, 427 counts of felony assault, 560 counts of murder, 2 counts of arson, 2 counts of credit card fraud, 67 counts of breaking and entering, 13 counts of vandalism, resisting arrest and disturbing the peace.
On the Kingdom Hearts wikia, one of Ansem the Wise's abilities is being a "technical genius". It also notes that he has a high-tech lab in Twilight Town, complete with "computer screens, suspended animation rods, and flashing lights."
In this review of the ~~Chintendo~~ KenSingTon Vii, the reviewer makes some positive notes in its attractive packaging and that a few of the packaged games are actually worth playing. He detracts the substandard build quality, most of the games being unplayable and that it cost him a small fortune, but what pushed him to score it 0/10 is that they forgot to package a handstrap for the remote.
The Announcer from Team Fortress 2 is NOT pleased with your performance. "All you ever do is disappoint and betray me! Cheating! Stealing! Friend-making!"
The Gray Fox is wanted for theft, embezzlement, forgery, pickpocketing, counterfeiting, burglary, conspiracy to commit theft, grand larceny, tax evasion, slander, fraud, perfidy and, of course, impertinence.
Mass Effect 2 has a hilarious subversion. "Theft of a military vehicle, destruction of a space station, piracy, and vandalism." Turns out the vandalism was crashing the space station into a moon and making a crater. The Hanar really liked that moon.
In Endless Frontier, Kaguya apologizes to Cardia on behalf of the party fighting through the starting dungeon and "destroying a few machines... And robots... And I didn't make the bed when I left."
In Disney's stunt-pilot flight sim Stunt Island, if you crashed, you'd wake up in the hospital where the doctor would read off a random list of injuries, always ending with something trivial. Example: "You have a broken leg, a concussion, eight broken ribs, and bad breath. We'll have you patched up and flying again... tomorrow."
A character from the Math Blaster universe is wanted for "grand larceny and non-payment of electric bill."
In Guild Wars, when the Asura golemancer Zinn is put on trial, the charges against him are given as " 1. Mathematical turpitude. 2. Gross flummoxery in the first degree. 3. Reckless instigation of mayhem WITHOUT a permit. 4. An overdue library tome".
In Fallout 3, if you ask Moira Brown what sort of work is involved in helping her with her Wasteland Survival Guide, she replies "Let's see... dealing with radiation, testing an experimental device, and I won't lie to you, it may involve some reading. That sort of stuff."
- And almost literally in the Backstory for the earlier games. You see, before the War, Congress was frustrated to discover that the President unilaterally annexing Canada didn't technically violate any laws. Jaywalking did.
In Alpha Protocol, when warned what can happen if he gets caught, Thorton replies, "I know. Execution; imprisonment; possibly another lecture from Westbridge ..."
In Drill Dozer, you get arrested for theft, vandalism, avoiding police, and skipping out on a check.
In Suikoden II, Viktor delivers one as his last taunt for Neclord.
Viktor: "Heh, I'll make sure you never make that stupid grin again! I'll chop you up! Grind you up! Cut you into pieces! Dry you on the sun! Bury you to the ground! Piss on you! Then I'll dig you up! Pull you! Stretch you! Drag you around! And then... and then... in any case, I'll never forgive you!!"
From Cave Story's official manual:
Other
- Gamepad support.
- Choose between full-screen and windowed mode.
In Sakura Wars 5: "All right you! You're under arrest for bank robbery and blind stupidity."

Web Comics

The predecessor to Sky Furmentation beard's death probably counts as this.
Sluggy Freelance does this in this comic
El Goonish Shive does this in this comic (the accusation Nanase deemed too ludicrous to say aloud was: he messes with the people hair given half a chance).
- Done in the commentary of this comic.
Dan: Look at that thing. It probably ate a puppy for breakfast right before it burned down an orphanage and talked loudly on a cell phone at a restaurant.
- The MPAA's tendency toward this mentioned above was parodied in this comic. A jungle movie was "Rated R for Language, Violence and Frequent and Gratuitous Loincloth Removal."
Drowtales utilizes this in one strip.
The list of Dong Zhuo's atrocities in Chang'an is... weakened somewhat by the last panel of this San Three Kingdoms Comic strip.
In Everyday Heroes, Mr. Mighty confronts his nemesis.
- And the next page lists some of the things that are prohibited in a school zone, such as firearms, mutagens, mad science, and skateboarding.
- Another example, tying in with "Telephone", has this example.
From Order Of The Stick, the suggestion from an Imp that Vaarsuvius add a little virgin's blood to his spell casting s/he objects to the idea:
Vaarsuvius: That is reprehensible, depraved, and most importantly, highly impractical given our current location.
- Best part, this is completely in character for V, who is very rapidly showing just how distant, calculating, and True Neutral (s)he actually is.
- A rare inversion has Tsukiko mentioning how Paladins always boss you around: "Don't walk on the grass, don't litter, don't rape the cycle of life with your unclean power."
- Start Of Darkness has a list on its back cover of "26 Unpleasant Things That Happen (or Almost Happen) in This Book." First is murder. Nineteenth is arson. Twenty-sixth is... taco night. The scariest part? They all actually happen. (The aforementioned taco night involved zombies.)
  - Thirteenth is "blind dating"; twenty-second, "running gags".
Phil Foglio's What's New?, on casting models for Magic The Gathering cards:
Agent: Do you have any trouble working with elves, trolls, fairies, minotaurs, wizards, merfolk, werewolves, vampires, zombies or artists?
Model: Ew...real artists?
Scary Go Round's Shelley explains to Des Fishman why he should learn to read.
Shelly: But what would you do in a word-based emergency?
Des: Like what?
Shelley: Eviction notice. Death warrant. Valuble coupon that expires today.
Sam And Fuzzy is quite fond of this trope, most eloquently expressed here:
Grrbil Leader: You're looking at the most evil beverage on the planet! Harvested from a cursed, unmarked burial ground! Crushed on a labour camp by enslaved, impowerished orphans! Breved by an insane monk in a haunted asylum for insane criminals! And bottled... In a really bad year!
Sam: ...What was so bad about 1691?
In Digger, the trader Samuel is described as having known "dark secrets of sorcery, necromancy, and accounting".
DMFA: Lorenda's mother and her possible responses to her daughter's distress.
- Regina enjoys "murder, mayhem, and jewelry making".
In 8-bit Theater, Black Mage questions how Red Mage can know what excuse Thief gave for fleeing from a battle without the other Light Warriors, seeing as how he was dead, on fire and a hat at the time.
- Earlier: "You'd think she'd want to kill us and destroy everything we've ever worked for after we brutally murdered her son, banished her husband to Hell, and tore up her driveway."
Bangladesh DuPree of Girl Genius upon learning that she can kill anyone while guarding the Baron, rattles off a list of killing tools to Gil, wondering if she can use any of them. The list included a knife, a gun, an axe... and a piece of cheese.
- Now there's a girl who loves her boss, uh job.
- This page.
- This page has Lucrezia's little reminders to herself inscribed on the stairs. The reminders include "Have you turned off all experiments?" "Have you fed the beasties?" "Have you appeased the Dark One?" and "Have you taken out the trash?"
Men In Hats: Oh no, the off topic!
Looking For Group brings us Richard's titles. "Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, Mistress of Magma, and mayor of a little village up the coast". He later added Lord of the Dance. He has yet to show off his prowess at that one.
- It turns out the "little village up the coast" was a Chekhov's Gun.
In Megatokyo, Largo is arrested by Inspector Sonoda early on, and Sonoda is rattling off a list of charges that includes jailbreaks and "unauthorized" usage of a giant Godzilla Shout Out. The last charge he names? Illegal Use of Duct Tape.
This strip of Boy Meets Boy:
"She's here to save us!"
"She's so smart!"
"She's so brave!"
"She, uh. Has a pretty shirt? ... Well, I don't KNOW her!"
The list of charges against Fructose Riboflavin in this strip from The Inexplicable Adventures Of Bob.
Ozy And Millie uses these frequently, including a picture list of an atomic bomb, the sinking of the Titanic, and the new taste of Coca Cola.
This Darths And Droids strip.
Anakin: You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Senator Amidala!
Zam Wessel: Attempted??
Anakin: And reckless driving!
- Then:
Obi-Wan: Let's see... You stole the plans for a symbol of peace. You're allied with (a) a known megalomaniacal warlord and (b) a criminal sociopath. You have not one, but two, armies at your disposal. You've captured me -? unfairly -? and are holding me with no means of escape. And you're monologuing.
Count Dooku: Ah am monologuing?!
- And again:
"...trespassing, destroying assembly line equipment, sabotaging factory computers, flatlining 6 droids, killing 15 Geonosian factory workers - and parking illegally on a steam vent."
- What made that funny was Padme objected to the parking illegally charge.
From this strip of The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
"He was like Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Atomic Bombs, and Seabiscuit all in one."
Afterlife Blues does it here.
Recent ads for Ansem Retort promoted it as "Drugs. Murder. Politics."
- And during one outing, Axel killed a fat man, slit a Chuck E Cheese employee's throat with a pizza cutter...and switched Finding Nemo DVDs with Saw 2.
"I bet they grow their hair into little horns, and they offer live sacrifices to appease their Naked Master. And they don't let you have a television in your room."
In Narbonic, when Dave time-travels to the future, Future Mell informs him that "the most dire predictions of your time have come true", including mass extinctions, melting polar ice caps, and a Britney comeback.
This◊ Angels And Aliens banner.
Kit N Kay Boodle has a rare, non-joke instance of the main characters discussing the difference between Yiffburg and the rest of the world. The rest of the world has crime, war, and... clothes. This is played for laughs; wearing clothing of one's own volition (and not because you live in or are visiting an oppressive corporate/fascist wasteland and don't have a choice) is actually considered as bad as crime and warfare. At one point, the male lead sees his wife in a sheer negligee and is horribly shocked.
From Rock, Paper, Cynic ... elevator music, and fans of reality television.
Mel from Hellbound doesn't just kill people and steal their souls, she tells bad puns as well!
The Newshounds are allowed to blow up the house, nuke the neighborhood or organize a terrorist strike against the Pork Council for not having strict enough standards for fat content.
Don't get between Friskella and her toasted cheese sandwich.
Nothing illegal, immoral or even fattening.
This {Angel Moxie} strip has the heroine pondering what evils she is to save the world from.
"I mean, there's plenty to save the world from - zealots, corruption, bigotry, disease, sitcoms"
When Kieth of Two Kinds is brought to the Basitin court in this comic, he is read all of the "heinous crimes" he is being accused of. They all increase in severity as they are listed... that is until the last item on the list.
"Disobeying a direct order from a superior... trespassing on royal grounds... destroying royal property... committing treason against the Basitin government... and breaking curfew."
Arkham Polytech is located on an Indian Burial Ground, atop a Hellmouth and next door to a Young Republicans club. It's also only a community college and therefore doesn't give four-year degrees.
The favorite political slogan of Sandra and Cloud from Sandra And Woo is "Freedom! Justice! Cookies!".
21stCenturyFox shows that a long rap sheet (which, incidentally, includes both arson and murder) is no protection from this trope. "...and spamminng!"
Three demons summoned in Sequential Art. Gra'Sha'Nuul: defiler of graves. Sabba'Dez'Na: that of fetid waters. Uwe'Boll: whose touch turns all to poo.
This Body Mass Index diagram from Luke Surl.

Web Original

The Salvation War: The commander of the sub that nuked Tel Aviv finally wakes up in Hell and is informed of the charges against him: " Captain Alex Ben-Shoshan, commanding officer of the Israeli Navy Submarine Tekuma. You are charged with crimes against humanity, treason against the human race, one hundred and fifty three thousand, six hundred and twenty counts of murder in the first degree and failing to complete your navigation logs."
Zero Punctuation: (In his Batman: Arkham Asylum review) "I could go on about how the combat flows, and how the atmosphere is solid, and how the highlights for me were the Scarecrow sections where Batman's perceptions of reality askew in favor of a nightmareish and respectively delusional glimpse into the darkest pretenses of his soul, and how jumping on people is cool"
- From a recap on Wet: "Which played like mixing every bad idea from the past ten years in a blender then drinking it from a puch fashioned from a hollowed out ballsack. Soundtrack was good though".
Likes: Blood, death, knives, psycos' [sic], pointy objects, Green Day, and... staying up all night.
The "The Virus" edition of Strong Bad's Email: Strong Bad's computer is so riddled with viruses that it warps reality around it. He runs the computer's anti-virus program to find a ridiculous number of viruses. This causes him to freak out. The computer BSOD's on him, with the message "Computer Over. Virus = Very Yes", to which he shouts, "That's not a good prize!" But when the monitor dissolves into a blue liquid and splashes onto the floor, he says, "...aaaand the compy just peed the carpet" in a unsurprised fashion that borders on monotone.
One possible XK-class end-of-the-world scenario from the SCP Foundation involves the proposed SCP-001 (the guardian to the Garden of Eden) moving, confluent with the breaching of the "Infinite Devil Machine" SCP-995, the opening of the hellish door SCP-616 and the activation of SCP-098... which is apparently a bunch of safe-ish crustaceans. It has been theorised, however, that the last one is a cover-up for something so horrifying that not even the usual deluge of [DATA EXPUNGED] and blacked-out text allows it to be safely mentioned.
- It seems that when that SCP-001 was written, SCP-098 was the entrance to an underground tunnel network; witnesses described it as a "gate to hell." The article was removed and replaced with the crustaceans at a later date.
Songun Blog, which is a parody of North Korean propaganda practices claims America is "filled with unemployment, foreclosures, crime, drugs, prostitution, murder and jaywalking."
Parodied in part one of The Claire Floogin Movie.
This Beyond The Impossible list of "Ghetto Names".
There exists a website called kids-in-mind.com which gives detailed ratings on any possibly objectionable material in films. Because Your Mileage May Vary, anything that could (ir)rationally be called offensive is listed. Take for instance, Law Abiding Citizen, a film that scored a 9/10 in violence thanks to people being dismembered, blown up, incinerated, poisoned, suffocated, raped, and stabbed. The icing on the violence cake? "Two men eat food using their fingers."
In Open Blue, the Axifloan Coalition lists various crimes that various Pirate Lords and ladies are wanted for. While some have pretty serious lists throughout, others... not so much. Pirate Lady Lucille Prideux's list ends with "Theft in general" while Captain Van Wijk's ends with "Blasphemy" (which is pretty light compared to his other crimes). The real cake takers, however, are Captain Garth, with "Unlicensed operation of a menagerie", and Captain Ingrid, with "Insulting Admiral Flota Vladimir Ilyavich Tokarev, HERO OF THE TRIBES".
The Angry Video Game Nerd spent 30 seconds solid insulting TMNT on the NES with some of the most vile profanities in the history of the English language, concluding with: "It fucking sucks, it sucking fucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit... and I don't like it."
Something Awful's review of Grand Theft Auto 4 in the style of Jack Thompson notes a (fake) scene where the player carjacks and stabs a family driving to church, then notes that the in-game vehicles have no turn signals.
PPCers often start out the chargelist with things like grammar and spelling errors, move on to bigger charges like "disrupting the fabric of reality", and end with things like "having a stupid name", "pissing off PPC agents", etc. One good example was a Villain Stu named Jacob, who was charged with mutilating the English language, raping his wife and abusing his son, causing grievous bodily harm to and attempting rape on PPC agents, and "having an annoyingly complicated house to navigate".
From part one of the Werewolf Prevention Guide, "You may remember me from such videos as Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, Protecting you and your family from Vampires & Advanced Billiards Tutorial."
In one episode of Atop The Fourth Wall, Linkara rattles off a list of evil robots, which includes The Terminator and Robbie The Robot.
Botchamania dips into this in video 121. "Blind Ref?! Deaf Ref?! Stupid Ref?! Mullet Ref?! FUCK THIS COMPANY!"
Many people on Current Events say there is a special place in Hell for child molesters, murderers, and people who upload multi-part files to Rapidshare.
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
Dr. Horrible All the cash! All the fame! And social change!
In the Nostalgia Critic's review of Bebe's Kids (The Game). He hits the cartridge with a hammer, shoots it with his gun, stomps on it, spits on it, then continues beating it.
On the Something Awful forum thread that started The Slender Man Mythos someone made this comment:
Thanks to this thread I now hate trees, windows, and tall people.
In the College Humor video Duck Hunt: Behind the Scenes, the dog describes formula RD-601 (used to punish players who cheat the games) as such:
Duck Hunt Dog: It's a mixture of crystal meth, jet fuel and Pixie Sticks.
From the maker of Charlie The Unicorn, Llamas With Hats:
Paul: Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!
Carl: That sounds dangerous!
Paul: You were headbutting children off the side of the ship!
Carl: That, uh, that must have been horrifying to watch.
Paul: And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!
Carl: Thank God that the children weren't on board to see it!
Wikipedia is pretty rife with this:
- According to her Wikipedia page, after Boudica's husband died, his will was ignored. The kingdom was annexed as if conquered, Boudica was flogged and her daughters raped, and Roman financiers called in their loans.
- On the Wikipedia page for sleep deprivation, there's an image that lists the effects, some of which are irritability, cognitive impairment, memory lapses or loss, impaired moral judgement, hallucinations, and severe yawning.
- On the Wikipedia page for the SS: "Members of labor organizations and those perceived to be affiliated with groups (religious, political, social and otherwise) that opposed the regime...were rounded up in large numbers; these included clergy of all faiths, Jehovah's Witnesses, Freemasons, Communists, and Rotary Club members."
- On the Wikipedia page for the Malleus Maleficarum: "The Malleus Maleficarum accuses witches of infanticide, cannibalism, casting evil spells to harm their enemies, and having the power to steal men’s penises". Granted, some (roughly half) of the population may feel that the last is the most horrific thing ever, but still.
- From The Other Wiki's article on Bert Is Evil:
  "The website featured manipulated images of the puppet consorting with nefarious figures including Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Jerry Springer."
- The video for The Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" inspired this bit on The Other Wiki:
The video reached #11 on MuchMusic's 50 Most Controversial Videos for references to zoophilia, sexual lyrics, insulting French people, gay people and chefs.
- Everything but the last one kind of works, but chefs...?
- From The Other Wiki's entry on ailurophobia "A noted sufferer was Napoleon Bonaparte. Other sufferers may have included Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, Mussolini, Hitler [and] La Toya Jackson"
- The Wikipedia page for the game Hocus Pocus (no relation to the movie) offers this sentence:
  Throughout his journey, Hocus encounters strange and sometimes dangerous creatures, like mummies, bats and Eskimoes.
- The Other Wiki's article on AClockworkOrange
  "The film concerns Alex (Malcolm Mcdowell), a charismatic, psychopathic delinquent whose pleasures are classical music (especially Beethoven), rape, and ultra-violence."
The website Encyclopedia Dramatica has a page called "Offended", devoted to the most obscene and disgusting pictures found on the Internet. After literally dozens of horrible pictures, it ends by showing George W. Bush.
The disclaimer for an (in character) advertisement for Survival Of The Fittest spinoff Virtua SOTF reads as follows.
Side effects include moral, gender, sexuality dissonance, trauma, depression, stress, addiction, nausea, mental afflication, nightmares and tiredness.
"Baby's Named A Bad Bad Thing" FAQ has tips on naming your child: "Do a Google search for your name ideas. If all you get are porn sites, white supremacist groups, and pictures of My Little Pony, it's a bad name."

Western Animation

In the Kids Next Door / The Grim Adventures Of Billy and Mandy crossover, Billy's Dad says his lucky pants are immune to lasers, supernatural energy and mustard.
The "Hell Toupee" segment of The Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror IX." Snake is going to the chair for the "three-strikes rule". His first offense was torching an orphanage and his second offense was blowing up a bus full of nuns (though he claims the latter was in self-defense), while his third offense was smoking in a public building.
- Also in "Last Exit to Springfield", Burns calls Homer, who is now the president of the plant's union, the Brotherhood of Pastry Chefs, Jazz Dancers, and Nuclear Technicians (itself an example of the trope), up to his mansion, and gives him a tour of increasingly luxurious rooms, and ends in the basement, which just has a ping-pong table and a leaky pipe. "I really should start ending the tour somewhere else".
- And don't forget the priceless quote in "Missionary Impossible," in which Homer's 10 year performance record lists him as having caused 17 meltdowns (One is too many!), selling weapons-grade plutonium to the Iraqis (with no markup!), and worst of all, taking the Hamburgler's birthday off "Last Monday AND Wednesday" (which is it?!)
- It also happened in a story book episode about Joan of Arc, where the court proceding goes something like this:
  Reverend Lovejoy: Joan of Arc, you have been charged with heresy, witchcraft, and that man says you pushed him.
- When Homer was accused of being a spy working for the Russians, his father defended him thus: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot and a communist, but he is not a porn star!"
- In "Treehouse of Horror V", the lodge where the first segment takes place, as described by Burns, was built on an indian burial ground, was the site of satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five John Denver Christmas Specials.
  Homer: (Shudders) John Denver...
- Chief Wiggum pulls Homer over for reckless driving in traffic. Wiggum asks him, "Where's the fire?", and Homer points to the police station, which is actually ablaze. Wiggum arrests him for "pointing out police stupidity".
- "Treehouse of Horror IV" had a Jury Of The Damned composed of various infamous criminals, and filled out the starting lineup of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers. (One of the roughest teams in hockey history, but still!)
- On the other hand, think about it. John Wilkes Booth killed one man in his entire life - the infamous Broad Street Bullies cracked dozens if not hundreds of skulls between them!
- Possibly also invoked in the episode 'The Grapes of Wrath', when Bart describes being abused at the hands of two crooked winemakers to a french policeman, and the policeman doesn't seem shocked until Bart mentions them putting antifreeze in the wine. Then Bart adds that they gave his hat to the donkey.
- Also, kind of, in "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"; Chalmers lets Flanders get away with a sholl run riot, unruly kids, etc... then he hears Flanders' announcement: "Thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school!"
- Played with in "Bart the Daredevil" where the pit the stunt man is jumping is holding great white sharks, electric eels, piranahs, alligators, and a lion (the pit is filled with water).
  - You forgot the last ingredient of all... a single drop of human blood!
- Reasons other characters get mad at Burns in "Who Shot Mr. Burns?":
Moe: I LOST MY BAR!
Barney: I LOST HIS BAR!
Lisa: HE ROBBED THE SCHOOL OF MUSIC!
Principal Skinner: HE ROBBED THE SCHOOL OF FINANCIAL SECURITY!
Tito Puente: HE ROBBED THE SCHOOL OF TITO!
Homer: HE CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME!
Marge: HE'S CAUSING US ALL TO YELL!
- Abe: Because of him, I lost my room, my things, and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines...
Old Jewish Man: You Bastard!
- In "Bart Gets An Elephant", Lisa asks the person buying the titular elephant if he's an ivory dealer, with the reply "Well, little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale-hunter, seal-clubber, president of the Fox network..."
In an episode of the New Woody Woodpecker Show, Woody's car stalls near a conveniently placed bowling alley in the desert, run by none other than Buzz Buzzard, who offers a prize to who can beat him. Of course, being Buzz Buzzard who he is, he rigs the match completely so that he'll end up winning with a 300 score to keep with his reputation as "Champion" of the place. Turns out that, after he flees, Woody finds out his long list of offenses to the law, which includes "unlawful toenail clipping". But there's more: upon seeing this, he immediately calls the police on the phone and starts listing his offenses, to which the cop pays no mind whatsoever. Only when he mentions: "but Officer, he parked in a no-parking zone!" do the cops decide to flock in on him and arrest him (he was trying to escape in Woody's stalled car).
An episode of Teen Titans has Robin and Cyborg getting angry and insulting each other. Cyborg's is: "You're rude, bossy, and you have no taste in music!"
- There's also Killer Moth's ultimatum to the city, which is that he'll unleash his army of mutant moth monsters if they don't declare him ruler, and the Teen Titans surrender. And Robin takes this lovely young woman (his extremely spoilt daughter) to the prom.
It happens in Futurama as well, when Professor Farnsworth shows Fry and the gang his place:
Farnsworth: And here's my workbench, and over there is my intergalactic spaceship, and here's where I keep my many lengths of wire.
- Also:
  Police officer: "You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock."
- Of course, earlier in the episode we see bender weighing a child and relating the information to a business associate.
- While Farnsworth is listing off a bunch of secrets about his colleagues, he implies that they are guilty of manslaughter, a homosexual affair, and wearing a wig. And then there's what Ogden Wernstrom did:
  Farnsworth: And Wernstrom! Werrrrrnstrom.
- Describing the were-car, Calculon explains that it was made from parts of all of history's most evil cars, including parts of Hitler's car, Charles Manson's Volkswagen, and "that car that played Knight Rider".
  Fry: Knight Rider wasn't evil.
  Calculon: Its windshield wipers were. It didn't come up in the show.
- Most oddly was an inversion where Richard Nixon claimed that his post-election goals were to sell children to zoos for meat and apparently worse, to "go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place."
And of course, Family Guy had to get in on the action, too. Peter got away with murdering a cat and driving drunk, but Brian was busted for a "small amount of pot".
- In one episode where Meg inadvertently joins a cult, the girl mixing the punch mixes in cyanide, arsenic, rat poison, and a copy of Paul Reiser's book Couplehood.
SpongeBob Squarepants had Squidward talking about the Hash-Slinging Slasher, who accidentally cut off his own hand.
Squidward: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And..at his funeral, they fired him!
- There was also the scene where the Flying Dutchman, trying to be scary again, haunts Squidward with a series of freakish nightmares, including his own mother asking why he hasn't called her and then melting, and a giant Spongebob dissolving into a pile of spiders. The scene ends with the Flying Dutchman doing the old severed finger magic trick, to which Squidward screams "No! Noooo! That's impossible!" and runs away terrified.
- In "No Free Rides", Mrs. Puff steals Spongebob's boatmobile, and they go through 3 road signs. One said "Giant Clams", but Spongebob went through it anyway. The next one said "Cheese Graters", and he survived through the giant cheese graters. But when they reached "Educational Television" ...
  Sponge Bob: "Educational Television?!" OH, NO!!!
Coop of Megas XLR was fond of this method. Once An Episode, he'd confront the Monster Of The Week, and deliver a long monologue with the following format:
Coop: All right you intergalactic snots! You busted up my car show!
Jamie: Yeah!
Coop: You wrecked my friends' rides!
Jamie: Yeah!
Coop: AND! You made me run half a block!
Jamie: Ye... half a block?
Coop: Now, it's payback time!
- A favorite:
  Coop: Alright you freaking robotic conqueror wannabe. You scratched my paint job, broke my mirrors, and snapped my favorite key.
  Space Bigfoot: Ahem.
  Coop: Oh, right, and you also tried to carve up the planet of the Space Bigfoots.
- Often things were included in the list that weren't the villain's fault, usually things Coop himself had caused. Once, all of them were Coop's fault, and none of them were even slightly related to the villain at all, the time Megas got towed and he had to wait hours at the DMV to renew his driver's license to get it back.
- Coop lampshades this in an episode where he's yelling this at the Glorft leader who is actually on his side:
  Coop: Sorry, force of habit.
  - Interesting note: that latter actually happened during the Crimean War, where the elderly Lord Raglan would repeatedly call the enemies "the French", despite the fact that the French were now on his side and they were fighting the Russians.
The election episode of Jimmy Neutron double-subverts it. Ms. Fowl lists off the candidates' transgressions as "Bribery, blackmail, and murder", then corrects herself that the last wasn't actually murder, but operating a zeppelin on school property without a permit.
Many Western-themed Looney Tunes shorts had wanted posters with the outlaw's offenses listed as "bank robbery, cattle rustling, and square-dance calling." Adding to that, another poster listed the Third Crime as square dancing in a roundhouse.
- Drip-Along Daffy: Nasty Canasta's wanted poster said "Rustler, bandit, square-dance caller".
- Possibly inspired by this, the 'Wanted Poster With Your Face On It' souvenir available at Legoland's 'Western' section features a long list of crimes ending with "..bank robbery, cattle rustling, horse theft, and kicking little old ladies in the knee."
Also used in the Looney Tunes classic Whats Opera Doc, when Elmer uses his Magic Helmet to attack Bugs Bunny with "Typhoons! Hurricanes! Earthquakes! SMOG!!"
- To be fair, smog is quite toxic.
The Earth King said in Avatar The Last Airbender when the Gaang break into the palace, and then are caught by the guards, "You invade my palace, lay waste to all my guards, break down my fancy door, and you expect me to trust you?"
- To be fair, it was a pretty cool door.
From Veggie Tales, there's this exchange at the ending (or lack thereof) of "The Song Of The Cebu":
Archibald: Wait! What happens next?
Larry: Um...
Archibald: Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute cebu successful in communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood...or aluminum?
An episode of The Powerpuff Girls involved a Straw Feminist villain named Femme Fatale avoiding capture by the girls by claiming to be commiting crimes in the name of women's rights. To counter this, Ms. Bellum and Ms. Keane gathered several female Townsville residents to talk to the girls:
Bank Teller: Was Femme Fatale looking out for me when she stole from my bank?
Policewoman: Was she looking out for me when she broke my arm?
Teenager: Was she looking out for me when she stole my hairstyle? (annoyed pause) Well, she did!
- Another episode shows Mojo Jojo robbing a bank, a jewelry shop and... a DVD store
The Grand Finale of Danny Phantom, after Danny steals the Infi Map back from Plasmius and tells him he seriously needs therapy.
Plasmius: "Taking my map, destroying my satellite, mocking my mental health... it's time I finished off Danny Phantom once and for all!"
The Emperor's New Groove combines this with I Take Offense To That Last One, with the trivial item being the one that causes Kronk's Heel Face Turn:
Yzma: Kronk! Why did I think you could do this? This one simple thing. It's like I'm talking to a monkey!
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Whoa now.
Yzma: A really, really big, stupid monkey named Kronk!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Ouch.
Yzma: And do you want to know something else? I've never liked your spinach puffs. Never!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: That's it. (cocks his pitchfork like a gun) She's going down.
- Justified in that Kronk's cooking skills are the one thing he truly prides himself on.
When Stitch's destructive programming attempts to assert itself, his Evil Scientist creator Jumba gloats that "he will be irresistibly drawn to big cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everybody's left shoe."
Invoked by Red Tornado as he reeled of a list of a villain's crime in Batman The Brave And The Bold.
Red Tornado: Felony Robbery. Parole Violations. Felony Assault. Jaywalking.
- Immediately lampshaded by Batman: "Not NOW, Tornado!"
In an episode of American Dad!, Bullocks to Stan, Stan fights Avery Bullock and quotes one of these,:
Stan: This is for delaying my promotion! This is for disrespecting my daughter! And this is for not letting me stop at the creek for a drink!
On Drawn Together, Ling Ling's father says that Ling Ling dishonours the family name of Hitler Bin Laden Seacrest.
- Also Wooldoor finding out that Clara is keeping him sick with drain cleaner, cyanide, and Gerber's Apple/Banana sauce.
Glowface's minions in an episode of The Xs are the Scream Queens, Sasquatch, the Mc Vampires, Bio-Harold and Some Old Guy (who asks "Is this the nickel store?").
Uncle Ruckus, a main character on The Boondocks is a black man who hates black people and everything to do with them. He has stated that black people were better off with slavery and Jim Crow laws, and many other outrageous statements, despite his own skin color. His three favorite movies? Birth of a Nation, Gone With the Wind, and Notting Hill.
- When trying to exorcise Mr. Stinkmeaner out of Tom he brings several items "guaranteed to scare a nigger": a whip, a branding iron, a noose, a night stick, and a job application!
In an episode of Pinky And The Brain, the main characters are in Egypt observing an archeological expedition in the Great Pyramid of Giza for Brain's latest scheme. Suddenly, a creepy Egyptian guy walks in the the archeologists:
Egyptian Guy: Beware! Beware ignorant fools! To open the sacred burial chamber of Khufu is to invite a plague of misery upon humanity: fire shall rain down from the sky, locusts shall devour crops, the Olsen Twins...will make more movies.
[Pinky and Brain gasp in horror]
Bounty Hamster. "You stand accused of breaking the Prime Directive, 16000 speed limits, and a really nice vase!"
- On another occasion a bounty hunter arrests a criminal wanted for "12 robberies, 300 counts of dangerous flying, and dropping an ice cream truck into an active volcano."
In Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Buck list of the rules if the heroes want him to help them: "Rule 1: Do whatever Buck says. Rule 2: Stay on the middle of the track.... Rule 3... He who has gas walks at the back."
The Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends episode "Bus the Two of Us" is about Bloo taking Mac for a joyride in the Foster's bus without Frankie's knowledge. They try to make it back as fast as possible without Frankie finding out. Needless to say, hilarity, and, this being Bloo, major lawbreaking, ensue. Unfortunately, Frankie sees the multiple police cars that followed them home. Over the end credits, she delivers her fury unto him with the following list of all the crimes he comitted in the day:
"Driving without a license, lying on a job application, destruction of private property, destruction of PUBLIC property, illegal use of toilet plungers, AND calling me a heifer! I mean, HONESTLY, Bloo, what do you have to say for yourself?!!
On one episode of Total Drama Island, a monsoon hits Wawanakwa, and the inevitable flood washes the campers away. Owen, who's been in the confessional outhouse, finds said outhouse floating in the lake and delivers this gem:
"I'm all alone! Adrift at sea! Without breakfast."
From Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command:
"Name: Tork. Wanted in all fifty sectors on numerous counts of: Armed robbery. Extortion. Smuggling. Unpaid parking tickets..."
"It's a list of evil things Zurg plans to do: Sabotage our fleet. Bust out all the prisoners from PC-7! And steal my newspaper."
"Ooh! Messieur XR! You scoundrel! You skeeped out of your bill. Enraged the chambermaid. And stole our last blueberry bathrobe."
In an episode of the Animated Adaptation of Fraggle Rock, Gobo is exploring a cave and sees a sign warning him of a monster that lives there, that will "bite your head off, stomp you till your flat as a flapjack, and kick you into a bottemless pit from which you'll never return- and then, it will call you names."
In an episode of 3-2-1 Penguins a villain is introduced by all of his horrible personality traits: he's rude, he's dishonest, etc. He ends by admitting (unashamedly), "And I don't always floss!"
In the crossover movie, Turtles Forever, the 2003 Turtles explain exactly how bad their Shredder is to their 1987 counterparts:
Leonardo: You don't understand. The Utrom Shredder isn't like your Shredder. He's vicious...
Donatello: Lethal...
Michaelangelo: COMPETENT!!!
The Cleveland Show: "It's Cleveland's fault! He made me break my leg! And ate all my fish sticks and tater tots! And he sat in my chair! And he called me the 'N' word!"
In Dudley Do Right, the titular character tries to get kicked out of the Mounted Police so that he can infiltrate Snidley Whiplash's gang, but everything goes wrong, from "You blew up the dam! The irrigation problem has been solved!" to "You burned down that building! We had been trying to tear it down for years and never got around to it!". He finally does manage to get in trouble, though... by eating his peas with a knife, something no Mountie should ever do!
South Park: This trope is probably why "and she has stupid hair" is one of the funniest lines in the "Kyle's Mom is a Bitch" song.
- In "Freak Strike," Cartman in his out-of-control persona claims to belong to twelve gangs that only commit hate crimes; to have run for Congress, won, then had sex with an intern, killed her, and hid the body; and to have digitally edited Jabba the Hutt into Star Wars.
In the Bravestarr episode "The Witnesses", the list of convictions for Slugworth Moody reads: "5 convictions: Armed Robbery; 3 convictions: Space Piracy; 1 conviction: Illegal Parking".
In an episode of Top Cat where Officer Dibble has been replaced by another, even more strict, cop, T.C. convinced said cop, that city's mayor is a Cha-cha Charlie, gangster wanted by police for extortion, smuggling and leading a dance school without permission.
In the "Captain Sternn" segment of Heavy Metal, Sternn is accused of "12 counts of murder in the first degree, 14 counts of armed theft of Federation property, 22 counts of piracy in high space, 18 counts of fraud, 37 counts of rape and one moving violation".
In Red Hot Riding Hood, the wolf offers Red the following if she would just go with him:
I will give you diamonds, furs, ermine. I will even give you a new set of white sidewall tires.
- Red Hot Riding Hood came out in 1943, or, in other words, during World War II. Rubber was one of the several substances that were rationed as part of the war effort. It still fits the trope, but it's not quite as incongruous as it seems today.
Used in the Static Shock episode "The Big Leagues", when Static apprehends Ferret:
Static: Let's see, so far I have you down for robbery, vandalism and excessive cruelty to produce.
Garfield And Friends did this a few times, especially in the US Acres shorts. Usually, the last thing mentioned was the lineup/schedule of a rival TV network (the show aired on CBS).
Roy: Wade's confessing his crimes.
Orson: What crimes?
Roy: So far, the sinking of the Titanic, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, the Spanish American War and last season's NBC fall schuedule.
In the Fairly Odd Parents episode Bad Heir Day, Mr. Crocker wants the following for his birthday-"Number 1. To make 'em pay! Number 2. To show 'em all! Number 3...a Jet Ski!"
The Fight For The Fox Box has Michelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles say this in response to hearing that the FOX Box has been knocked off the air: "We've fought evil ninjas, evil robots, evil monsters... but cancelling my Saturday Morning Cartoons?! That's the evillest evil ever!"
Aladdin: The Genie is giving his master (Aladdin) some tips on wooing Princess Jasmine.
Aladdin: Jasmine, I think you are...
Genie: Magnificent! Glorious! * pause* Punctual!
From the Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law episode Guitar Control:
Birdman: The Dalton gang. Wanted for cattle rustlin', horse theivin', mischief makin' and... running a meth lab?
On King Of The Hill, after Ladybird is put on the state's vicious-dogs list:
Dale: I, too, am on more lists than I care to mention... the CIA, the FBI, L.L. Bean...
In Hey Arnold on the night before Arnold's Grandpa enters a big race.
Grandpa:I could drop dead in that heat, or those maneating sharks could get me or my deoderant could give out.
An episode of The Batman revolved around The Joker escaping from Arkham, kidnapping 52 people that had wronged him, gathering them in one spot, and exacting revenge upon them. After pointing out the judge that gave him a "life sentence" at Arkham and the detectives that caught him, he turns his attention to an Arkham psychiatrist:
- "Bagley, how many times have I told you, I hate macaroni and cheese!"

Other

Uncyclopedia just loves doing this.
Comedian George Carlin did this during one of his rants about God in relation to the state of the world:
"The longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize; something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades."
- Not to mention the immortal (and 100% NSFW) routine "The Seven Words You Can't Say On Television":
  You wanna know what they are? There's seven of them. They're fuck, shit, piss, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. And tits doesn't even belong on the list, man.
- The revised version of the list is even better: motherfucker is exchanged for "fart," which as Carlin points out couldn't even be alluded to on TV at the time he performed the routine (whereas all of the others could be referred to with some kind of euphemism).
- In one of his books he mentions a news story of two men who were arrested for forcing a little boy to smoke, drink, and perform oral sex on them. "Can you imagine?" he comments. "Smoking!"
Rex's rapsheet starts out strong. Murder. Torture. Arson. Domestic violence. Brutal assalt. Treason. Smuggling. Piracy. Kidnapping. Espionage. Drunken espionage. Aggravated Mischief. Cattle forgery. Forgerous brutality. Brutal Drunkenness. Moving violations, kittennapping, littering, chain pulling... you get the idea; The number of silly crimes outstripes the serious ones, and "Drunken {something}" recurs often.
A hilarious quote from a New Media Are Evil website that quite obviously Did Not Do The Research:
"Something Awful is a cult that supports drug use, rape, racism, illegal use of firearms, harassment, piracy and child pornography."
A youtube user called Songunblog publishes propaganda videoes from North Korea (it is probably done it for the comedic effect, see this video). Oneis a a comparsion between North Korea and USA, portraying North Korea as a Utopia and USA as a Dystopia. The text about the video says that the USA is "awash with crime, guns, violence, prostitution, drug trafficking, murder and jaywalking."
Billy Connolly once read out a lengthly and utterly hilarious business card that began with this: "Albert Richardson Nelson, 1952 East Belfast. Film and TV VIP, Seeker of the Peace, Part-time Chandelier Cleaner..."
British comedian Marcus Brigstocke in a bit on global warming: 'Listen, there's a lot China doesn't do that's worth our while. Democracy. Human rights. Cheddar. There's three.'
- Also, from one of his Now Show rants against religion: "The Bible contains examples of acts of wanton genocide, infanticide, fratricide, straight murder, rape, pedophilia, enslavement, brutality and sexism. The Qu'ran has beheadings, underage sex, mysogeny, and Mohammad was an Illiterate"
Jeff Dunham let Walter, dressed as Santa, answer questions from the public. To the question "If you could rename your reindeer, what would you call them?" Walter ansewered: "Moron, Dimwit, Numbnuts, Pinhead and Chuck."
According to a Cracked article on the Kama Sutra, the "Vow of Painful Heating" requires a man to drink "a mixture of cow urine, cow shit, grass, water, milk, butter and yogurt".
- Also, in the article "7 Reasons the 21st Century Is Making You Miserable," the author illustrates the lack of substance in Internet criticism:
  I've also been called "asshole" and "cockweasel" and "fuckcamel" and "cuntwaffle" and "shitglutton" and "porksword" and "wangbasket" and "shitwhistle" and "thundercunt" and "fartminge" and "shitflannel" and "knobgoblin" and "boring."
- Knobgoblin?
Gilbert Gottfried's version of The Aristocrats joke:
"AND NOW THEIR FACES ARE COVERED WITH SHIT AND PISS AND CUM AND ALSO SWEAT— OOH SWEAT, SORRY. NO SWEAT, SWEAT'S DISGUSTING."
Inverted in this MLIA post.
The Unfortunate Name of this poor child: Jesus Joseph Dewey.
Web MD's Symptom Checker- and how! A simple headache may be the sign of brain cancer, Type II diabetes, or might just be a tension headache.
The expression "OMGWTFBBQ."
On this article, a music critic listing the weird/awful stuff in which Motley Crue was involved, does it twice: "Vince Neil killed Nicholas Dingley of Hanoi Rocks in an auto accident.. Tommy Lee served time for beating up Pamela Anderson... Nikki Sixx served as songwriter for hire to Meat Loaf, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw... Vince Neil's ex-wife accused him of spousal abuse... married family man Sixx slept with tour drummer Samantha Maloney and slammed her for it on his website after the fact... and what the hell is that thing sitting on top of Mick Mars' head? Is that hair?"

Real Life

President Barack Obama has been criticised for the heath care bill, not doing anything about the war or the recession, and that one time he squished a fly during an interview.
- Your Milage May Vary, but the time he bowed to the emperor of Japan.
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.
- If you're a man, yeah.
  - The wording is the key here: It causes cancer etc. but only may complicate pregnancy. Sorry, I had to explain it.
In the movie Brubaker, which was based on actual events, one convict was arrested and did jail time for armed robbery, then had a second offense for stealing cars, and in the third case, was in the county jail for drunk and disorderly, and while passed out, a toilet in the jail was shattered. The other inmates claimed he did it, so he was charged with destruction of city property worth more than $50, which made it his third felony offense, which got him life imprisonment as an habitual offender. He got short sentences for armed robbery and auto theft, but got life for destroying a toilet!
Another "three-strikes" case: Jerry Dewayne Williams, who had prior convictions for robbery, attempted robbery, drug possession and unauthorized use of a vehicle, received his third felony conviction for felony petty theft — of one slice of pizza. He took it from some teenagers; he claimed he had asked for it, but they said they only gave it to him because his appearance scared them. He got 25 years for stealing something worth 60 cents — beat that, Valjean.
In a speech at Rice University about his goals for the space program, John F. Kennedy said, "But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain. Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?"
- I don't know. Speaking as a Rice student, that last one might be the hardest to succeed at.
- This was a stroke of speechmaking brilliance on Kennedy's part, what was the thing he said immediately after cracking his Rice V Texas joke? "We choose to go to the moon!" Now everybody's familiar with the footage of Kennedy saying that with the crowd hollaring and cheering, far fewer people are aware that most of the audience are actually cheering the joke he'd just cracked.
US Army intelligence recently released a report on how terrorists could use Twitter to coordinate their activities. Part of the report included a list of other "unsavory-types" that have used Twitter. The warning is weakened somewhat....
Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups,
communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political
enthusiasts, hacktivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages
to broader audiences.
- Notably, not one of those groups are actually illegal (well, except for the terrorists). Apparently they couldn't think of anything worse than terrorists, so they just threw together a list of things often disparaged by being compared to terrorists.
- Religious communities and atheists? So are the only people who can be trusted agnostics?
  - Agnostics, they weren't sure about.
  - Agnostics certainly want to use social networking sites but don't know which one suits them.
  - Those vegetarians will get us in the end. Hitler, after all, ate vegetables.
Played straighter with some police districts, for a reason. Due to Samaritans interfering in their work when the district either currently or was renowned for corruption, or has had a history of racially profiling 'perps', if they started with the lesser charges they would get belted and swarmed before apprehending the suspect. The more the police are distrusted in a particular area, the more likely they'll have to do this for their own safety.
- Further, many arrest charges get dropped to lesser. A local sheriff's office arrests everyone who is driving with a suspended/revoked license. The result: folks arrested on possession of meth, manufacturing of meth, intent to deliver meth, and driving with a suspended license.
When John Lennon returned his MBE to Buckingham Palace, he enclosed a note giving his reasons: "I am returning this MBE in protest against Britain?s involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam, and against Cold Turkey slipping down the charts", "Cold Turkey" being his most recent single.
At the trial of Charles I, he was found guilty of treason, murder, rapine, burning, spoils, desolation, damage... and mischief.
Plenty of examples bring some needed humor to those reality cop shows:
- During a high-speed car chase, the passenger threw evidence out the window, and picked up a hefty littering fine for it.
- After receiving a ticket, a motorist flipped off the officer as he drove off. He was stopped again, and given another ticket, this time for making an improper turn signal.
  - That's Truth In Television: Whenever feasible, every big charge is accompanied by lesser charges, so if they wriggle out of something major, it's likely they'll slip up on something minor. Example: Al Capone - they couldn't get him on murder, conspiracy, or racketeering, but they nailed him on not declaring all his income on his taxes.
In some places "Mailing alcohol, firecrackers, gasoline, ammunition, and nail polish remover is illegal." (Nail polish remover can be highly flammable—the most common nail polish remover is a mixture of water and acetone, a powerful and non-toxic solvent which unfortunately happens to be more volatile and flammable than gasoline. But it still looks silly.)
- Not silly at all. Typically, the law isn't written so that this, that, and the other thing are illegal, but that hazardous substances are illegal. The things listed are simply examples. Nail polish remover is on the list because it's something that most people wouldn't think of as particularly hazardous, even though it poses possibly the biggest fire risk of any of the listed items.
Behind the scenes of the first season of Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into something of a verbal brawl. There's no transcript, of course, but after they were separated, Bill yells to Chevy, "Medium talent!" The bosses thought that was especially hilarious, making the decision to replace Chevy with Bill that much easier.
Mass murderer Brian Nichols was charged with every crime he committed during the killing spree he committed after he escaped from jail (even though conviction of the murders alone guaranteed him life in prison without parole or the death penalty if convicted). The prosecution claimed it was under the belief that he shouldn't get off on anything for the sake of convenience.
"My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -Vladimir Nabokov
From The Bride of Anguished English, compiled by Richard Lederer: "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector."
US Constitution: "The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors."
- Crimes come in three varieties: high crimes (felonies), misdemeanors, and civil infractions.
- This one makes sense. The president can be put on trial (impeached) for either a felony or a misdemeanor, and you really don't want someone who's on trial to be in office.
  - Note the second half: they have to be convicted of the crime.
- This is more because language changes over time. There's been debate about what the Framers actually meant by that phrase, but most people do not think they intended "high crimes such as murder and misdemeanors such as littering". Interpreting it as "and a bunch of other significant offenses we're not going to bother listing individually" is probably closer.
It's quite common for British tabloid newspapers to rant about how the taxpayer is footing the bill for cushy prison conditions given to "rapists, murderers and drug dealers".
The U.S. Department of State's website warns those traveling near the Venezuelan/Colombian border that "cross-border violence, kidnapping, drug trafficking, smuggling, and cattle-rustling occur frequently".
- Then again, back in the 19th century, cattle-rustling was a hanging offense.
Recently, a couple in France were accused of murdering their daughter. Initially, they reported the girl as kidnapped. The list of crimes prosecutors were planning on charging them with? Manslaughter, violence against a minor, and wasting police time.
A t-shirt worn during the Pride parade in Stockholm, 2009, read (translated into English):
"Aspiequeer ^*
^{I.e., gender-blind due to Asperger's syndrome}
transexual homo-emotional asexual teetotal Christian hard rock fan".
The Cluny abbey foundation charter of 910 threatens anyone who messes with the place with having their name taken out of the Book of Life, getting limbs chewed off by vermin, experiencing the torments of hell while still alive (as a torture-buddy of Judas), etc. Also they've got to pay a hundred pounds of gold.
The list of Things Not Allowed in the BYU-Idaho dorms: "Firearms, weapons, illegal drugs, open flames, and Ouija boards."
- Wouldn't "weapons" include firearms? And does that mean that Tarot cards and crystal balls are OK?
Robert Ruark on the Death Glare of the Cape Buffalo:
"He looked at me as if he hated my guts. He looked as if I had despoiled his fiance, murdered his mother and burned down his house. He looked at me as if I owed him money."
Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley:
"They have vilified me, they have crucified me. Yes, they have even criticized me."
Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson was called out by critics who took offense to the fact that he voted for the Senate's Health Care Reform bill. He was acused by various opponents and pundits of accepting bribes and supporting socialism and abortion, but he was responded the most negatively when a newspaper headline criticizing him made fun of Nebraska-Based company Omaha Steaks.
"I'm disappointed that this would be used, and misused in this fashion, not only derisively against a great company in Nebraska."
In the typical British middle school, the popular punishment for misbehaviour was "lines": the student had to copy a sentence onto a piece of paper as man times as the teacher required (the more lines given, the more it hurt the student's hand). In the rule book given to students at induction, the consequences were detailed. For instance, it was indicated that the punishment for truancy was 150 lines, and for damaging school property the punishment was 300 lines. But the punishment for chewing gum was a wrist-busting 1000 lines.
- Of course, that depends how long the line was; if for gum-chewing it was a simple "I will not chew gum", and for damage to property it involved copying a section of the Criminal Damage Act 1952 or whatever, then it's probably justified.
Just recently Manchester police admitted that their crime records had included, under the category of "Serious Violent Crime", the following four crimes: Murder, Rape, Assault occasioning Grevious Bodily Harm, Snowball fights.
One 1920s Louisiana clergyman:
"A modernist in government is an anarchist and Bolshevik; in science he is an evolutionist; in business he is a Communist; in art a futurist; in music his name is jazz."
The [in]-famous "Hell's Most Wanted" banner lists:
Drunkards, Liars, Thieves, Sports Fans, Blasphemers, Money-Lovers, Pagans, Homosexuals, Prostitutes, Witches, Atheists, Gamblers, Porn-Lovers, Whoremongers, Child Molesters, Evolutionists, Pot Smokers, Lesbians, Fornicators, Masturbators, Hypocrites, Psychics.
Technically, this probably doesn't count, and it isn't shown as a list, but if you check Beam Me Up Scotty, apparently the three most misunderstood examples of literature ever are The Bible, Shakespeare's plays, and Frankenstein (a classic, but not quite in the league of the other two).
George W Bush critics will use this on September 11. Planned the terrorist attacks, flew out Osama Bin Laden's family on the day, and read My Pet Goat upside down.
- Or... rigged the election, invaded Iraq... and choked on a pretzel.
So speaketh Anita Bryant: "If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters."
Iraqi president Saddam Hussein filed a libel lawsuit in February 1997 in Paris against the magazine e Nouvel Observateur for a September 1996 story in which Saddam was described by various Arab leaders as stupid and incompetent and specifically, among other things, as an "executioner," a "monster," a "murderer," "a perfect cretin," and a "noodle."
God, Man, and Yale!
During the 1964 Republican National Convention the folks there were awfully upset with the extremism of “the Communist Party, the Ku Klux Klan, and the John Birch Society”. (I wish I could find a link for this — but if you're interested it was mentioned in chapter 17 '“Extremism” or the Art of Smearing' of Capitalism: the Unknown Ideal)
- There you go.
- More on "extremism".
In June 2010, a man in Norway pleaded guilty on all of his 59 criminal charges. 58 counts of statutory rape (most against minors between the ages 12 and 16), and one count of driving without a licence.
From a review about a biography of Mao: "a mesmerising portrait of tyranny, degeneracy, mass murder and promiscuity."
Section 295-C of the Pakistani penal code reads: "Use of derogatory remark etc, in respect of the Holy Prophet, whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation, or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable for fine."
An article from an ABC affiliate concerning showing "R" rated movies in class contained this line:
But Diana (Nolan) says "Kids" is just one of approximately five dozen movies on Council Rock's approved "student movie" list that can include subject matter like "drugs, copulation, incest, rape, (and) cruelty to animals."
- Not that cruelty to animals is a minor thing, but putting it in the same list as drugs, rape, and incest...
- I wouldn't call the least-bad on that list.
  - Me neither, I fail to see why copulation is on it. I mean technically unless you were made in a lab, your parents had to..well...just wiki the term and I think you'll be able to logic why I think banning something that is vital for the human race to exist is well....stupid.
  - Whereas all other things are things humen do (at least when mentioned along with animal cruelty), animal cruelty is an umbrella term for everything you can do to an animal, including raping and drugging it, but also ranging from brutally torturing it to death to pulling a cat's tail. Now considering how specific rape and drugs are (copulation is technically too, except that when it isn't rape there's not a probelm with it) and how animal cruelty is an umbrella term, and that, as more petty crimes tend to be more common, most cases of cruelty to animals would be very minor. Then again, incest can also mean incest between consenting adults who use contraceptives, and drugs are also a YMMV thing, so it is rape which stands out as the only thing that doesn't have petty forms.
From an article about increasing violence in Mexico:"Experts say the federal government's crackdown on drug traffickers has prompted organized crime leaders to branch out into an array of other illegal activities, including kidnapping, extortion and selling pirated goods."
The Vatican officially considers grave crimes to be: heresy, schism, child abuse and ordaining women.
this.